Yeah, yeah, what's going on? This is Eric Dizzy. Thank y'all
so much for listening to this episode. I want to start this episode off
with a song that's been a heavy rotation. I'm ray one call away.
Thank you Brooklyn for pulling up and chatting with me. I really love talking
to you and h This episode is dedicated to my cousin the Kia as she
reached out to me and was like, I really do miss you record it?
Can you record some time in the future. Well, here you go,
candle you while you lady lunch and another backup phone cars. Thank you
Sally's Girl. Are you full? I was a missing you lows just my
fold thing and I the whole shoot I want to send me still. That's
all throughout the whole. I don't know what this roll is. Can't get
back back back back bay? You trusted in me. Can't it get back
back back back bad? Your trust was in me? Uh oh. All
he do was gonna calm on my way, on my way, on my
way, on my way, on my way, on my bad, on
my way, on my way, by my way, on my way,
on my way, on my way, on my way, on my way,
on my way, on my way. If you I don't know get
I'm a lot pilat. I don't know all the but whatever you take and
try a rest of my Brady times one of who you gonn out climb back
and it didn't come down, down, down down. That's my full day.
I know she wasna send me still at home. It's about the Holy
I don't know what this roll is. Can't it get back back, back
back back? He trusted in me. I feel like I might be micahol
Let me, it's okay. I got programs to check it out. Somebody.
Somebody used to always comment on ignor Philosophy's page, why are you eating
in the mic well bit, because I'm giving you two episodes a week and
I'm hungry as fuck. Jesus Christ, Jesus God, damn that I that
I don't miss I don't miss I don't miss me trying my hardest to get
content out consistently and the motherfucker complaining about the content. Shut your gass up,
because it's a lot. It's kind of like, it's kind of like
at the end of the day. This is exactly what it's like if gig
at the end of the day, after you did everything you possibly could to
make her day great. I'm sure this has happened. Go ahead, those
nuggets wasn't even hitting for real? Oh, Like, why am I going
to bed so late? Like if she just complaining about all of the shit
that you really try to I'm trying, yeah, yeah, but are you
Oh my goodness, I'm not ready for that talking back? Yeah, because
she can't even talk and she's already trying to talk back a little bit.
I don't know if she I don't know. She might be talking back,
but I don't know if she's gonna be like disrespectful. I feel like Olivia
is gonna be the one and be like I'm gonna have to punch you.
I feel like that's the one that's gonna Yeah, And I'm and I'm ready
for it. And I'm and I'm and I'm you know, parenting so far
has been lit because I'm seeing you know so much, so much of you
know, who Sierra was as a kid, and that's what that's what I'm
enjoying, Like, oh you little shit. That's why I literally been telling
Johnny Day yesterday. Like Gianna was sitting there eating her breakfast or something.
She's so I'm like, isn't it crazy to see like me and you got
together and made a little us, and I see so much of me and
so much of you, like but then her own personality, I'm like,
that is so crazy. I was, I was. I was really particular
before. I was extremely particular before. But I think the influx of podcasts
has made me realize that niggas don't take this as serious as I did.
And maybe I scared niggas off by taking it as serious as I did.
I had a really high standard. This might be trauma, but I felt
like and I feel like my art is a reflection of me. My work
is a reflection of me. And even now when I'm working on these shows
and I'm working on I feel like whenever they give me critique back, it's
like a personal stab at who I am. And I'm trying my best not
to write because I'm like, who are you talking to? Like turn a
compression down? Who are you talking to? Turn the threshold? But wait?
Who are you talking to? Though? And I'm like, bro,
where did you get that? Like? Have you always been like this?
And it's making me look at when anybody has ever tried to help me,
correct me, guide me. Did I meet them with the same resistance about
to ask? And most more than likely I did in every aspect, in
every single aspect, dating, nigga, work, nigga, nigga, nigga,
everything, nigga, every fucker. I'm like, bru, get it
together, because right, how did you realize that? Though? When I
was like, I can't say shit back because I might lose this motherfucking job.
You have to do some self reflecting or these light's gonna cut off,
and when you have to sit there in your thoughts because you can't just lash
out because it's consequences. The consequence ain't just losing a relationship. The consequence
is losing this safety net that you're you're trying to you know what I'm saying,
right, and you got people and and you got I have people rooting
for me on the other end of this. As always, I've always had
people rooting for me. So I don't want to beas the aggressive black guy
because that's some trauma that I have to deal with. And I was trying
to figure out, like where did that come from? And I think it's
because I always felt like niggas was trying to play me because when I was
growing up, my mom has this weird We're not going to talk about parents,
I promise, but I am my mom and my aunt. I got
some trauma shit going on, right. Their dad and their mom then was
not the was not the best parents by a long shot. There was rumors
that my grandfather was not the father of my aunt, who was the oldest
of my mom, my MoMA, my aunt. So because of that,
his siblings, all girls, used to say, Kenny's kids, we ain't
got nothing to do with them. So they used to show favoritism to his
siblings kids and their kids. Okay, so growing up I used to hear
them make remarks about my mom and my aunt. So when they would get
her, so they would treat us differently. This is from Knee. They
would treat us differently, and then I would have to deal with my mom
feeling sad about that. So then now I'm like, oh, well,
everyone that's not in this room is talking about me. Because every when I
was little, I used to walk into rooms and I would feel like y'all
were just talking about me, and every instant. There was one time in
high school this is I remember going to my home girl Asia house, and
were all sitting around kicking it. I used to go over there all the
time with Thin and bring away. He used over there all the time.
And some new bitch came in the crib, and I'm cracking jokes because I'm
I can joke the way that I know how to crack. I know everybody
right here right, She said, Oh, you don't want the smart mouthday
was talking about so that that at so I think too many instances of that.
Yeah, it was another instance where Uh, my cousin got too fucked
up and she shouldn't have got sucked up because I'm gonna share this. She
got too fucked up. Oh so this will mean see her first get together.
I'm bringing her around. We're playing a drinking game. Bad, bad
mistake. I don't know why family would trauma love to drink. Let's let's
play a game. No matter what you throw down, you got a drink.
Oh shit, yeah, Kings were playing Kings, she said, uh
she said, uh. Yeah. When we used to go to S and
so house, she used to have boys come over when she wasn't supposed to.
It was an older cousins, so she used to put us in the
closet. I think it was hot dogs to practice sucking dick what. So
me and her best friend like, yo, you should probably chill because what
you're describing can get somebody arrest, So chill. She was like, see,
here you go. That's why nobody like you are your mama, because
i's it. Wait what, oh bet, let's go. Yeah. I
knew it every single every time. So now I'm dealing with that. Yeah.
And then I'm in workspaces where I'm sending text messages no one's applying.
I'm saying things no one's applying. Then somebody else would say something and then
everybody would reply. Oh. But I had to tell myself, you can't
go crazy because you're gonna suck this up. So I'm like, okay,
let me identify this because I need to understand the source. And then they
made me realize why I love see her and her family so much because they've
never called me an asshole. They've never called me arrogant, they've never called
me anything outside of Eric, They've never They just accept who it is,
who I am. They just accept it ain't no Because when things got really
rough for them, that same aggression that I normally have towards y'all. It
went to protect y'all. So it's not necessarily I'm trying to be a dick
on purpose. This is how I protect myself. And I realized that over
the course of time, I've heard a lot of people trying to protect myself
and they didn't see it like that. So when I saw old girl,
that butter, I'm like, yo, she avoided me. I know she
did. And I was a cat from fake ass book Club Tall. She
looked like a fucking model, no better person to walk around better with cat.
I'm walking around with this beautiful motherfucker and everybody's avoiding me. Yeah,
they probably like, that's what you And that's just my homie because I didn't
have anybody to go with. Bookie was DJ and there, so he wasn't
there, right, Kenan didn't show up, and my homie Carlos had a
DJ gig. But other than that, there would be nobody else from there.
So I'm walking around with her and she was avoiding me. And so
when we finally crossed paths, I'm made sure that we crossed paths. I
touched her and I'm like, yo, how are you doing? She was
like she gave me the head nothing, So I was like, damn,
I fucked that up. And that's why I put in there. If there
was anything that I could redo, she would be the one that I would
be like, Yo, I really didn't mean for you to be as hurt
as you are behind me trying to protect myself. Did you feel like that
just wasn't a moment to say there? You feel like it's just too late?
Uh no, because every every apology from a nigga sounds the same.
And I realized that, like, and it didn't seem like she was really
in a space to receive it anyway. Yeah, but when I got home
myself like your space, okay, because if you was as mature as you,
if you was as mature as you said you was, or you are
you you put off, then you will understand that I was going through or
have been going through. You know. Yeah, my mom's texting me,
Yeah, how's she doing? He's talking about Gianna's being very emotional, not
crying, but emotional like why would you tell me that? How long are
you gonna be recorded? Oh my god? Like see mom guilt, our
hour, our mom, Oh my goodness, that just didn't fucked up my
head space a little bit. That's why I don't say my kids to my
mamma, because I'll be damn if I'm enjoying myself and you do that because
you didn't know one back in the day when you used to drop us off.
Nobody could text you back in the day, the lady. That's so
true. No, nigga, I was emotional, was a motherfucker and you
ain't know it. You won't even tell you how to do whatever you're doing.
Cup in the hair. Yeah, having a good time, making to
spend a night in people house you ain't sposed to be at. I've been
thinking about that, like, my kids got to be with me all the
time, because I remember how I felt being dropped off. I didn't get
dropped off. You did it, No, you. My mom was overbearing
always. I know. I didn't get to spend a night at friends who
lives there. They got brothers. She was very protective for good reason though,
No, And I understand it now. Yeah, I definitely understand it
now because niggas just creeps. But then it's like that you're trying to give
me mom, you on purpose. Yeah, that's what I feel like,
because it's like, why you know I'm trying to do something. Why would
you take me out of their headspace right by telling me that her daddy's there,
you're there, handle it? Why are you talking to me? And
that? And that's when I would say, why are you talking to me?
And then that's when my mom waa get mad. But I have to
tell my mom. I know that the dynamic of this is mom son.
At the end of the day, it's Tanya and Eric. You're a mom
and I'm a dad, and my kids come first. My kids come before
you, my wife come before all of y'all. I don't know how you're
gonna take that. Watch your mouth and your conduct when it's about any of
this. Like, I don't like when. I don't like when I don't
understand it. Though, I don't like that when people come around and I'm
I'm a I'm with Dorian. He went to daycare right when he turned one.
The girls are seventeen months and it's three fifty a week to take them
to daycare, plus the two hundred oh however much it is for Dorian,
I ain't got it. So I'm with the girls all the time. So
consequently they're daddy's girls. But I don't want people to come around and say,
oh, they want their daddy, because who else the fuck they gonna
want? Right, It's me like like black people always gotta say something to
belittle something that is very significant. Yes, Like why you gotta say that
because now they now you're saying that as if it's a bad thing, right,
because if I wasn't here, right, it's the catch twenty two.
Ain't no catch twenty two. You gonna cast these hands because who are you
talking to? Yeah, I don't like that. I think a lot of
black people are just so used to their trauma, like they just they don't
even realize when they say certain ship that it's just like, I don't know,
it's toxic. It's very Hello everybody. My name is Eric, and
I am in here with now Hello everybody, Hello everybody. I am Eric.
I am the host of whatever recording today here with Brooklyn. Hello everybody
aka Keith and Jessica from black WOODOW. I've realized that I've I will always
be that. Yeah, I wanted to record. Obviously we are recording,
but I wanted to record and talk about a few things I haven't talked about.
The la trip. I haven't told y'all what I'm working on. I
haven't told y'all anything, and I don't even know if y'all care. But
I want to talk to Brooklyn, so you're gonna listen. But yeah,
a lot of a lot of the times, I don't think that black people
really I don't think black people realize that a lot of the things that we
do say that we do and or say, and or eat and or believe,
it's all just toxic that was passed down from toxic people, and it's
not conducive to growth. And when you're when you're when you're trying to grow,
Let's say you're trying to diet, Thanksgiving come around, you're still in
that diet. It ain't no congratulations never, it's never. It's you still
my uncle's are you're still not drinking? No, nigga, it is.
It's always a problem. It's always a problem. Yeah, I've realized that
bettering yourself seems comes off as a little bougie. Yeah you know what.
Yeah, the fact that you said that. So my cousin China, that's
who I went to the podcast. I feel like I haven't seen her in
years. I know, she she kind of stays in her own bubble,
in her own zone, respectfully, respectfully, respectfully. It just got to
that point where I can stay respectfully because I was thinking, like, oh,
you know, now we had a fallen out, but we kind of
weren't as close. We grew up together, but we weren't as close in
the past few years. So we just really kind of builded our relationship back
up in the past maybe two or three years, right, And when we
went to this podcast and they were to be somebody, Yeah, no,
for sure, Megan Ashley and they were talking about how sometimes you're alone,
but you're never lonely because you got God or whatever not or whatever. But
I don't want to go too much into that, but they were saying,
sometimes you need those spaces where you are alone. God I removed you from
that, you know, so you can better yourself, so you can figure
out x y Z, Like you didn't need to be in that space.
And she had told me when we kind of had our falling out, like
that's where she was at, like, yeah, she still wanted to do
x y Z after she had Jade and she had her young but it's like,
you can't do that that's not the space you supposed to be in right
now. So I'm gonna forcibly remove you out of there since you're not listening
to me telling you. So I took it personal, like oh, you
know, I'm like, oh, she's she she knowing her church thing,
y'all. She she had god lead woman, she had the deacon's wife.
She you know, she don't want to be around us. She don't like
to do the things we do. She boogie, she thinks she better than
us. She is, she's not. But that's my that's my trauma.
She was. That's my trauma. She wasn't want to bet herself. And
that's what I'm saying when you said the bougie thing, So it's like it
just clicked for me. I'm like, trya. You told me like that's
what you had to do for yourself, and I heard you. I really
didn't understand it until they put it in that perspective, like sometimes you gotta
be removed from the bullshit for yourself, no matter what that looks like to
anybody else. I'm just now getting into space like that where I can comfortably
do stuff and be like it is what it is, how you feel about
it because it's not about you. Yeah, I think I think part of
my issue is that I've I've been there too long. You've definitely always been
there, but I didn't. I never That's not a bad thing, and
I never really knew how to verbalize it like that. Like I feel really
estranged from my family, Like they don't even invite me to shit no more
unless it's my aunt. The same people that grew up talking about does that
bother? You see? So it's not well, it is because it's like,
well, why don't you just come over here on this side of the
fence? Why I keep asking me to go over there? I don't do
any of those things. But none of those things that y'all are doing is
helpful to y'all. It's actually really toxic and it's not making any of y'all
better. It's actually just coping things that y'all don't want to deal with.
I don't want to drink. I don't want to get with y'all every time
and drink and not talk about anything. Yeah. I think we was at
Butter and Me Tony sticks and Bookie was like Bookie was like, he said,
Man, the two niggas that I talked to the most that I have
the best conversations with are finally in the same room where finally together because it's
he works Tony sticks all the time. But we're never since the closing of
Epic, we're never in the same spots together. It would be like a
vibe on Wednesday where we would all be in the same room. But I
was like, man, yeah, like potting has given me relationships with people,
especially man, that I never really had with my family. And I
said, I don't even really talk to my family like that. And then
I said, but what does that mean, right? If I can't have
if I can't hold a conversation with my family that's not nostalgic based, I
don't want to talk about growing up, Yeah, playing high and see Kenny
Lady this, or I don't. I don't give none of that. Ship.
I've done done. I've done some dope ass ship that I don't want
to get. I'm trying to get, but I have to shrink myself because
I don't want to come off Brackadosius. I don't want to come off bouji.
I don't want to come for real because if you start, if you
start listening off all of the things that you've accomplished in front of people who
still looking for love. Even though they might be in a relationship and they
still looking for love, They're still looking for acceptance or self they still have
body image issues, they still have all of these things going on, and
here you go, Oh, I'm losing weight. I got a new job,
I got a boyfriend, and my boyfriend a happy. We got a
kid. A kid is beautiful, the kid is happy. This this,
this is like, bitch, you gonna come right here bragging because that's how
I feel, damn. And I don't want to feel like that. Yeah,
because we ain't get to the career yet. I'm working with East now.
Yeah, I don't even want to get I don't but I don't want
to. I remember asking my cousin, like, yo, so what do
you do? He work at Allison's. I was like, man, I'm
really because that's if you from Indianapolis. Yeah, my girdpa worked there.
You either work at Allison's or a hospital. You can retire from the motherfucker's
roch. Yeah. So I'm like, man, you work at Man,
I'm I'm really proud of you. What do you do? He was like,
I'm a fucking contract analyst for this this all over the world said,
damn, that's sound important to motherfucker. It's like it is. I was
like, I'm proud of you, bro, and like I was like,
what does the rest of my family do? I don't know what your niggas
do. Did you get more information? Oh? That was just a from
him? From him, No, that was just a because then you start
going to the ship that on logistics and this man a microphone. But gatlet
this sham on me. Let's hear some bragging. I want to hear some
bragging, because you deserve the bread. I was. I was recording with
Scotty and Sylvia recently ask Sylvia Scottie is a labor like me, and I've
never really I'm not a I'm not a what is that horsecope? I was
having astrology. I'm not the type of guy. But she was like,
every time that she has to talk about herself in a positive light, she
shrinks. And I feel like that when people ask about the La trip.
So in June, well, no back up. Easter Ray has a radio
a record company called Radio Radio. Radio Radio is BUTNONI is the president of
Radio Me have a known name. Met at the podcast movement when I went
in twenty sixteen, and he told me, then, when I got a
situation for you, i'll let you know I remember that name. And this
is when Insecure was super hot. This was all these type of things,
and he had stopped replying to my messages. I think the second season,
the second season, maybe every season had four five. I just rewatched it,
so maybe maybe the second and third season. He stopped replying until it
was over. So I was like, damn, what did I do?
Yeah, because again trauma, it's my fault. Did I say something?
Dada da? He just popped up and was like, yeah, I'm back
on Instagram. I'm back. He ain't posted nothing, so he was like
I'm back. Then he they had started a podcast division and radio, and
one thing led to another. He linked me with Jifa, who is the
head of podcasting at radio, and it's like, yeah, we got an
idea for a show. Can you turn it around tonight? Why? Yes,
I can turn it around. It was like this sounds this sounds way
better than what we expected. We'll be in touch. The next day they
was like, we got another one turn around tonight. Yes, I can.
She was like, uh, I said, this don't sound as good
as the first one. What happened? M What do you mean? Her
host don't sound as enthused as she was the first time. So I don't
know how to make this sound good because the energy is not there as it
was the first. Funny you say that Easta gave her some pointers. She
didn't like the pointers, and she did her own thing, and so now
she's gonna be kicked up the show. I said, Oh, said,
but it's funny that you said that. Would you be interested in working on
another show that we might be? They were, they were thinking about launching.
We need to fly you out for that. I said, uh,
yeah, turn of my wife, Turn of my wife. Let me tell
my wife my wife. And she was like, a hey, what about
on a Tuesday? You know what I mean, It be a Tuesday.
We we'll give you a hotel, we'll give you a flight. Can you
come, my wife? Everything was a go. They sent the hotel confirmation,
they sent the flight confirmation. It was like, oh, this is
really happening. Okay, so I'll go out there. I didn't watch nothing
on the plane, Yes I did. I watched White Man Can't jump on
the plane, which is cool, and it was cool. It was cool.
But then the plane landed and I was like, oh, I now
have to do something. I'm here for a reason, and I felt like
I felt like everything that I was doing with ignorant philosophy. Black Widow had
led up to this point. Get to the hotel. Nice hotel, Get
to the room. I cried a little bit, maybe a few drops,
because it was like I was right, Yeah, I was right. I
said I I told everybody, Yo, you gotta bust your ass to do
it. You gotta be very you gotta be perfectionist, because there is no
little league to none of the ship right if you're gonna do it, investing
the best sit that you can. If you can't invest the best shit,
lease it because you can go on zounds at least all of the equipment that
you want. You do not have to go flat out and spend a ship
ton of money, but you want you want to compete. Cool next day,
get a get a driver. They drive me from around the airport to
the hills. Driver and driving up the hill was it was crazy as fuck.
Get there. I'm one of the first people there. So it's a
nice ass Airbnb with a nice ass view or whatever sunset. I'm like,
man, so I'm trying my hardest not to be in my head. So
I'm like, let me get out, let me I see motherfucker's moving shit.
Let me grab some bags. I'm introducing myself to everybody because I don't
know who's here. I don't know who's who. I don't know who's important,
who's not important. All I know is Jifa, Okay, and Benoni.
So May shows up. May is the coordinator of all of this ship.
She's an executive producer of the pot. So she we introduced ourselves and
then Benoni walking in, Giffa walk in. But then it's makeup artists there,
it's wardrobe stylist. There is motherfucking videographers. Theres's photographers there, Nigga,
it's producers. It's so many different mother. I'm like, I was
doing all of this right, fagnant philosophy. I was set up, the
camera was set up, the lights, I was making sure Nigga's war certain.
I was doing all of these things. And to see it all broken
down, it's a million little pieces. It was like, oh, okay,
so we're not in a little League anymore. So No, So Scotty
and Sylvia are downstairs, there's this energy like everybody was kind of like they're
downstairs, like the reason why we're here is downstairs, so let's not do
anything too. So I don't I never I never even heard of Silvia before
this, but I knew who Scotty was because of her showing with Joe Budden
on Revolt. Scotty b Yeah, she's beautiful one beautiful online. Right,
So I'm like, I don't know what to expect walk in the kitchen when
I tell you that this beautiful motherfucker. She's about five ten. I don't
want to say what I think she weighs because there's a lot of hips and
ass, but she yeah, she's stallion. I was like, oh my
god, yea, And I was kind of like I wanted to introduce myself.
But she looks exactly how she looks online. She sounds exactly how she
looks online. I was like, oh okay, but everybody was still moving
around like they were afraid of I know, I know how I know how
to move around some women. So they get they get dressed, they come
upstairs. I said, I brought these mics I set the mics up,
and I'm still feeling like this is too this is coming off too easy.
But because I've been doing it for years and years. I'm talking about right,
Keenan and Keenan boogie and died on their way. I got thirty minutes
to set up the camera, lights, microphones and everything. So now it's
just I gotta set these up. So when I did it, I was
like, I feel like there's something else I should be doing. The gimm
ain't sit down. They're recording. Everybody's still on edge. Sylvia is funny.
She's trying to lighten the mood up, and I'm laughing. I'm not
supposed to be laughing because they're recording. So then she started saying, see
Eric feeled me, and they like, dude. That was that happened once.
But then afterwards we went out to eat. Who went out to eat
me? But no need Scottie, Sylvia as producer, may Chifa, we
all wanted to eat. And then I went home the next day. But
the next day is when EASA came. But no, but still that was
an amazing experience. It was because again it was confirmation that I was right.
It was confirmation that I was good enough. It was confirmation that.
And what I learned the most is that no regardless of how loud you are
about your aspirations, once those aspirations come to fruition, the congratulations from other
people, it never feels like you think it's gonna feel in a bad way,
like not like it's a bunch of coming and it's like overwhelming. It's
like it doesn't matter, like people being like and and nobody wasn't out as
my nigga, Carlos Dji nobody nobody. He came over here. It was
like he had to just come get some speakers in it. Before he left.
He was like, yo, bro, I'm really proud of you.
He was like, you do you living in life? He said, you
live in the exact life you said you wanted to live. You're working with
the exact people you said you want. He said, I'm so proud of
you. And I was like, yeo, a man, And I sat
down. I was like, he's the first person to say that. But
I can't be mad at other people because he's we all have we let me
not say we. I have a certain group of people that I talked to
every day or every other day, I realized that not everybody have that.
But there are certain people that I talked to you every day, and he's
one of them, so he if anybody would understand, it would be him.
But yeah, it's like it's a job now. Yeah, it's a
job now that I got to show up to every week until December, the
end of December. But do you feel like when you said it's like a
confirmation, do you feel like you were able to breathe a little easier,
Like yeah, because it's like right now in this podcast space, I feel
well. Then in the podcast space, I felt like I was just like
floating abyss. There was no certainty about if I was going in the right
direction. There was no certainty that I would be able to take care of
my family with it. Like ignor philosophy was something that I invested a lot
of time in and then Black Widow came and then I started investing even more
time into that, but it never the money that came from it, or
the lack of money that came from it never allowed me to focus on it
full time. So it was always that thing of I feel like I'm wasting
my time because my time is being monetarily compensated to take care of myself,
my family and or the things that I need to take care of. But
now do you feel like that it could have like this is bringing maybe the
joy back into doing it, because I feel like you got to the point
where you was doing it, but it was you was like wearing all those
different hats. I don't enjoy wearing all these hats. No, it doesn't
bring the joy back into it. No, No, because now I'm just
engineering, which I enjoy a lot. But if I had to like schedule
niggas and then start dealing with niggas excuses and start dealing with niggas not showing
up or not delivering when they do show up, or the response of the
episode not being of equal value of the time that I spent trying to record
episode, Like we would be recording people recording for like three or four hours
and yeah, yeah, Black Widow record for three to four or five six
hours at a time. Yeah, And then I get online and not see
not one repost, not no Facebook comments, not no tweets, not no,
And I'm like, Okay, this is not to me monetarily, and
it's not coming into me comment wise, yeah. So if if I'm going
off of that, the gratification of just completing the task, I'm getting that
from doing it with other people. So and now I gotta worry about tweets.
I gotta worry about getting niggas on schedules. No, they send it
to me, I do it, I send it back. I get to
go do what I want to do. Because I was I was investing a
lot of time, Yeah, a lot, a lot of time, and
I was in a lot of pain. Like I couldn't stand up, I
couldn't walk down the block, I couldn't do a lot of ship that wasn't
so much pain. I couldn't sit for a long period of time. Oh
no, that's why how to start going to work to the gym every day.
But I realized that I was allowing I was allowing podcasting to not dictate
my life, but often but I felt like, what else am I gonna
do? That's kind of what I felt like, Like, nig you spent
so much time doing this shit and you finally got a wave that you could
ride, so you got to try to make this wave as big as you
possibly can. But then it just like I don't know, then you had
a kid, so that made it slow down. Ebony moved, so that
made it slow down. And when I got Shira shied this bitch moved to
the Virgin Islands. I'm like, God, damn, what the fuck?
So everybody was like doing their own thing, respectfully, everybody was doing their
own thing. Then I met Shandrea and I felt like, oh, we
could do this. And then that's when I Scotty Shame. So I was
like, oh, right, when I've met a writer that was an actor
who had a pool of actors and a pool of writers. No, So
now it's like if she hit me and be like, yo, I need
to record because I need to, you know, work on this relationship with
somebody, then I'll do it. If Britney Taylor called and say, yo,
I want to use a new something new for like, if somebody called
me and say can't we do something like when you were like, yo,
what are we doing? All right, let's record. But then it's like,
if we do something scripted, it's gonna take a lot of time and
I'm gonna be stressing over it and i'na have to put it out and then
make graphics for it for Instagram and I don't really want to do all of
that, right because none of that ship brought to no real benefit at this
point and now that I'm no, it's not, it's not a real benefit
from it. And I did leaded Instagram off my phone for like a couple
of weeks, and I thought that when I got back on it, somebody
I would have at least one message saying y'all wanted you bringing the show back
or this this. I don't nothing, no comments, no nothing. It's
like, I don't know. And again I don't know if it's because of
the energy that I put out, like don't don't talk to me, And
it could be that because I do have that you know how to do,
but I didn't know, But I don't know. I just I would just
much rather not because I take it, I take it too serious and I
take it and I like I said, like I said at the beginning of
the show, like the critiques become personal? Yeah? Are they are?
They? Is it more personal coming from friends? Like because you said the
congratulations wasn't it wasn't what you thought it would be. It was like it
wasn't good. I thought motherfuckers was gonna come nigga and just like, because
I remember when I said something, you was like, I didn't think you
were even gonna say anything. What Drake say. Certain people need to have
any proud of me. That's a Drake line. Yeah, you was one
of them. And I was like, man, this it's been a week.
She got a couple more days and that was it. But other than
you, it really, I really, other than you, frand wise really
nothing really matter because you was there right boom, as soon as I say
okay, as soon as as soon as podcasting started, Insecure started, and
then right when the Insecure started, it was like, I want to work
with her. So nobody really understands that because if like people don't know that
Drenttainment and Easter Ray their videos were always in the episodes. There was some
iteration of them, always Black Widow and if you don't if you if you
didn't know it, sonically, I'm telling you now every single episode had some
iteration of them in there. So to be working alongside the company as they
get into their scripted bag, when Pinoni and Fruit was the study guide of
what it's going to sound like, how long it's going to be now when
they create podcasts, I get to be there and be like, yo,
let's add this, let's do this, so that feels great. The strike
is sucking it up, the writer strike and all of that. Sorry,
sorry for the gap. My brother DJ pulled up for some photography because I
don't know when the next time on record. Because if I think that when
you devote so much time two numbers, like everybody is a number to me,
if that makes sense, like, no, you need that one when
when you when you work off of metrics. So when Ignorant Philosophy first started,
when I first uploaded, it was like three hundred, three hundred,
three hundred plays, and then when I added Dynasty Roger and Ebony and Jackie,
and then it jumped up to whatever. And then I would do it
with my keep my homie, Marquis and Louther and then it would just jump
up and jump up. Then we had at a boogie. Then it got
to another thing. In Black Widow came and it was like when you see
the numbers, but then those numbers don't have names, faces, locations or
anything like that, then you will start to wonder if the numbers are real
because the numbers aren't communicating with you so like. But then I had to
start realizing, like I listened to Joe Budden, but I never I never
tweet them, I never kind of anything. I never like anything. But
I'm a Patriot member. But even then, I don't comment on everything.
I watch everything, I don't comment on everything. I don't hit, I'm
not interacting. So it took me being a fan of somebody to be like,
I'm just consuming what you give me, and I'm gonna keep consuming because
I like it. But then when I would lose a Patriot, I remember
it. I was like, fuck, I needed that five dollars, like
because I was, I was, I needed it. I was in a
place of desperation. Okay, so I needed the numbers and I needed the
affirmation. I needed one or the other, either you tell me or you
pay me. But that was but that wasn't fair to the fans, and
I think, I think I do apologize for that, but that I didn't
know anything else because I feel like I'm putting numbers on the board and I
was telling somebody too, like shit, it don't matter how are you go,
it don't matter how good your content is. If somebody don't see if
the fans don't collect if you don't there's a language you need to speak on
the internet to have an audience. For sure, I don't speak that language.
I don't speak and I've learned that I don't speak that language. I've
accepted that I don't speak that language. So when things didn't pan out the
way that I wanted it too, I just feel I was just like,
I should probably work for somebody, so I don't talk how to speak to
nobody. So now that I work for somebody and I got to speak to
nobody, I find that I don't talk as much and I don't desire to
speak as much. So how does that work outside of work? Like with
friends, with your friendships, I don't know. I don't know. I
don't know. When I was at Butter, like I like events like Butter,
you should have told me about that. I want to win. I
wanted to go. You have a lot of friends outside of me, I
feel like I feel like a lot of people I hang out with. Okay,
oh okay, I don't I don't know about it. Because when I
when I when I went right, when I walked in, Cat was walking
in. That was unplanned. I was like, perfect, we're walking around
at together. Then Boogie showed up, Tony Stick showed up, Parids showed
up. I'm seeing all these I'm seeing all my friends. I'm like Rossa
Roder. I saw justin Bland. I saw all these people, like great,
yeah, this is this is I would pay a hundred dollars for this.
Put at my niggas in one spot. I would pay for this.
I get to walk around because if I go to may Man and probably I
gotta be quiet, I gotta watch the show. I can't interact with my
niggas. So I don't want to go to that because if I'm going to
pay you money, I want to be able to kick it with my niggas.
But it's hard. It's hard to I don't know as a parent,
as a as a parent, first, it's really hard to figure out,
Uh, when do I when? When? When should I go out?
When should I do these things? Yeah? Right now, I'm in a
On August sixth, I looked at the mirror and I was like, you
look like a piece of shit. Damn, that was very specific. Why
don't you remember the date? Because August seventh, I'll call it day one.
Okay, I said, you're gonna have You're gonna have to You're gonna
have to stop making excuses if you ever want to get to the next level.
And I didn't. It was like, and I was a conversation that
I had myself, like why are you accepting you're back hurting? Why are
you accepting this gut? Why are you accepting your muscles just leaving? Why
are you Why are you accepting these things? Why? Why? I just
was like, why are you accepting all of these things? You're not You're
not You're not one hundred percent happy with the way you look, So why
are you not busting your ass to look different? Okay? You did?
You did the mirror talk needs to write mirror talk. Yeah. For the
lack of better yeah, for the lack of better terms. Because I was
just like, man, I feel old. So is that now? Like
is that your thing? Well, that's always been your thing, but like
as a parent, now I feel like you have to have something for yourself.
The gym. Yeah, yeah, Okay, I go, So I
go. I'll wake up at three fifty three forty three fifty excuse me,
get to the gym about four fifteen, fourteen, four fifteen. Stayed there
to five fifteen come back home. But the only reason that I that's the
only time that I feel comfortable going, because I don't want to go.
Once a year I get off of work, then leave her with all three
kids. Right then I don't want to go right when I go to sleep
because well if they wake up right and she got to wake up and that's
so considerate. Yeah, consider I'd had to be. Yeah, I felt
like I had to be that, But as a as a at right now,
I just don't see the knee and hanging out because why really, yeah,
like why, I got a lot of I got a lot of work
to do. I gotta work on Scottie and Sylvia. Then I gotta work
on another project that I can't talk about right now, and then I have
to go to the gym, and then I have to fucking wash clothes,
mop the floor every fucking day, fucking fold to clothes, fucking vacuum every
fucking day. I have to do so many different things that, yeah,
I don't want to go. So it is the gym kind of your outlet,
your only outlet. Uh, I don't. I don't need an outlet.
You don't need an outlet. I had an outlet for years and I
was broke. You know what, I feel like you always kind of you
haven't been a I don't want to say not social because were you in the
circle of people that you like to be around, your social But you haven't
to me being a superb not like I go out. You don't be outside
like I'll be outside, never been outside yatside, Like that's my outlet,
that's my outlet. Yes, dressing up and going out, Yes, that's
good. Yeah, but you but you're in a different space now, you're
you're in a you are you outside differently than you used to be out?
Yes? My outside definitely does look different respectful, definitely, definitely respectfully.
But you and Johnny go out together. Yes, that's that's the thing most
of the time. Yeah, a lot of times it's like if we can't
do it together, I don't want to do it. Yeah, because who
I'm talking? Yeah, while I'm while am I outside like that? Yeah?
Without my blue Now that I have, now that I have kids,
I'm like, man niggas with kids, was outside a lot definitely, Like
what was y'all key? Yeah? And you and you single as hell?
What was your kids? What they have grandma. But I don't get the
luxury though, so I don't have a I don't have nobody. I can
just drop my kids out too, So no, no, I do at
that. Got that her sister be like, all right, now she got
four kids, so she'd be like, hey, I'm trying to add a
trial called question as motherfucker trying to have me with seven kids. It's crazy.
Well, you know Johnna's mom my mom was first, so shout out
to that she's her first grandchild. Oh yeah, that's not Johnny's mom first.
No, nah, she liked the fifth six. Oh right, she
almost booked up our week kids. Sh He's mom was getting sick. Dare
you get a shot? Na? Not the going out thing like we was
out. Yeah, Me and dj Me, dj Me, Mike, Buggie
and Dave. We're out every weekend for three years consecutively. I was doing
Buddies every weekend. And then when Buddies is over, I was at Epic
every weekend. Yeahs like a lifetime ago, many moons ago, many moons
ago, many high nights, many drunken nights ago. Crazy, yes,
and that's all now. It's like because you know, like when you m
I don't want to. I don't want to say this the way I'm about
to say. Addicts always have friends. M Addicts always have friends. Alcoholics
always have friends. They're always in the group. It's always a pack of
them, niggas like wolves, always a pack of drunks. That I was
with a pack, it was a pack of us that, you know,
all of the excuses that we made coincide with each other's excuses, all of
our sorrows kind of a lined up. And then once you start taking some
of that out, it's like, I don't feel like that anymore. Yeah,
So now you now you're not a part of the conversation. Now you
seem judging. Now I am judging because why are you drunk on a Wednesday?
Now I am? I am judging because no, because at some point
I have to hold myself accountable. But if we're friends, I gotta also
hold you accountable. All Right, you said you're gonna do this, and
you ain't do this. So either you want me to stop telling you about
this, or I can't. I can't be around you because I'm going to
be reminded that you said you wanted to do something right and you ain't that
right, and you keep making excuses on why you can't be that, and
niggas don't like Niggas don't like telling me shit telling he sending me, DJ
sending me for his podcast. I'm like, hey man, this just sucked.
We we gotta do yeah, this, this, this, this,
yeah, the next one. All right, it's getting better. What I
gotta do? Name it this boom boom boom. Every time I say something,
it's not a where it's outside of him. Every time I say something
to somebody else, well, they ain't got to be perfect. Why are
you no, No, nigga, why are you bringing it to me?
I'm the one nigga you ain't supposed to bring this ship too. I'm the
nigga. If you ask me what do you think, I'm going to tell
you that I think it's not good, because why else are you asking me
what do I think? Because in your mind you know it's not good,
but you want me to affirm you that it is not. It's something that
is not I'm I'm dealing with my own trauma with audible and fucking radio.
I'm dealing with my own ship, and I'm coming back to you with the
knowledge. I'm telling him, I'll do it for free. Just listen to
me. I'll do it for free. But he's gonna roll with cheeko.
I need you to pull it up on Sunday. I'll be there. These
are the type of relationships you need to have because they know he's gonna be
straight with me. But I feel like a lot of niggas just feel like
I'm being a dick ye. But no, it's friendship, it's accountability,
it's a but if somebody's not ready to be held accountable, they're always gonna
feel attacked. Oh doesn't work. But I feel like I feel like,
are we even in a space where niggas where you can hold people accountable?
Because I feel whenever I there is no right way to say you're fucking up.
Yeah, And a lot of the times it's gonna come across like you
have to be emotionally mature, and a lot of people ain't. Well.
I think it's because a lot of the times niggas has judged a lot of
the times, niggas used to being judged by their mom or they daddy,
so they used to being critiqued and the critique that the critique, the critique
ain't always asked for you mba be like you wearing that shirt? Oh my
god, I was. But sometimes sometimes that sometimes that the us the unsolicited
shit yeah fuck you up. Yeah. But if I'm asking you specifically,
nah, I just feel like I just feel like niggas ain't that makes sense?
That makes sense? Yeah, And then now I'm at a space where
I feel like, damn, I'm always reaching out to people. Like if
I'm hearing from people, it's like, hey, man, you cross my
mind. Yeah, then everything you like be swift hit me up yesterday it
was like, man, I ain't talk to you in a minute. You
don't all right? Just checking in on you, and I was like,
broh, I wanted to be like you the only nigga that has hit me
up this, But I'm not gonna play with you. You gonna quit having
people think now I'll check up on you. You don't check up on me.
Talked about let me look at my phone, the lies, the receipts,
the receipts. Look, I'm really trying to look ain't. No,
Hey, how are you? If anything is me saying no, don't do
that, I can't try to search it is. I just checked up on
you on the seventh of what this month? What was the next thing you
said? Let's record? I said, but so what you're trying to say,
I'm not trying to say nothing? No, Why why did you say
that specifically? That's what you said? Next? Hey, I want to
record? No, I said, Hey, I hope you had a great
holiday weekend. Hope everything is good. And what I say, girl,
you on you're so rude. What's the next question, I'm gonna check on
you? And I asked Supercord that's fine, but none of you. But
when you with but when you in your bubble, when you and Johnny and
g and y'all bubble, Yeah, and you're working on you and y'all doing
y'all saying, you kind of realize that everybody else is in their own Yeah.
So I don't take it personal because everybody I know has kids, has
responsibilities, has jobs. Nigga's just moving, Niggas just trying to get their
relationship in order. So maybe all of that time that I was dedicating trying
to talk to people, So what do you feel like? Kind of what?
What? How does a friend play the position right now in your life?
I don't know how do they play in yours. That's a good question,
you guys. Did I did? I thought you was gonna have an
answer because I don't need I guess, just pull up. Just pull up
really with the with the three kids and the wife. Just pull up.
Yeah. No, I don't want you to just pull up, pull up
over your house. Yeah, even before we move, don't just pull up.
No, I'm not not just unwarranted, but like, hey, I'm
in in your area. Mm hmm no, m maybe not. I don't
know, I think, but I think creating is the only thing that I
have that will allow me to see my friends really without that. Yeah,
like if it's I could do Black Widow and see you Brittany, Shindrea,
Boogie Byron, I can see all of the people that I know and have
a conversation before we record record, and then they'd be like all right,
cool, you know, because it's at this point, what what do we
need to see each other and talk about them? That's kind of sad a
little bit. It is, it is, but it's just I'm not saying
it to be mean, but it's no, but it's what do we I
don't have to answer this way because me me Keenan boogie fucking Mike Sam,
Like we don't spend a lot of time together and that might have just been
what it was. And I'm and I think a lot of the times we'll
try to will flow into another season and try to drag the summer clothes into
the fall and then don't feel good. That shit don't look good, It
don't feel good, and it don't fit. Yeah, just not even a
good fit. And I feel that way. I feel that way now with
family and some friends, Like it's just like, how am I supposed to
navigate? I'm trying to go somewhere I've never been, right, so I
have to become somebody I've never been and the things I've never done, but
you didn't accept me when I was that way. I'm way worse than that.
I'm way worse than that. I'm way more animal pass than than I
was. I'm way I'm way I'm way more than I ever was. Yeah,
And I feel like that, especially as a parent, because now I
gotta protect the surroundings around my children. So I'm now protecting my piece and
protecting the piece of people who can't speak, because I'll be damn if you
give them some traumas maybe, yeah, like dropping my kids off to taking
my kids to family functions. No, ain't not going upstairs. Yeah,
no we're not right here. I'm on daddy's lap because if you can't talk
how you want to talk about my kids right here, then maybe we shouldn't
know. We shouldn't talk. If if you can't stop smoking, then maybe
we shouldn't be in because why are you smelling cigarettes? Why are you doing
any Your life sucks. I don't want my children and the right Yeah,
why are you living like that? Yeah? I saw a bitch on on
Benford, Nigga with the windows up. I said, oh windows, the
baby, she was going through it. Yeah, you got you gotta be
you gotta be going through it to be in there, just you and the
nicotine, just vibing. What fucking hot box and the motherfucking Prius with new
ports crazy crazy. Yeah, I'm so aware of of who I allow around.
You know, you know like you used to you used to not eat
a lot of stuff. Yeah, you used to be really picky using your
appetite, used to be really trash all of that. You know how you
are with gig and and we've never had this conversation. So this is how
I know your answer. Let me know if I'm right. You're checking labels
for gig. Now, let's get too much sugar. Now, Either it's
either you're looking at it from the health standpoint or I don't want my kid
both the waters by the time, you're being very cautious. I'm that way
about myself now. I never cared about myself like that. So now I'm
like, oh, well, why are not looking after myself like I'm looking
at for them? Oh nah, I don't want my kid around that.
I can't be around it. They can't drink that. I ain't drinking that.
I ain't got there yet. I got three. Yeah, yeah,
I'm extra cautions. I'm extract It's because you have to. I'm I'm in
love with them. So when you're in love with somebody, you want the
best, yes for them. Yes. And I never knew love like that
because I never had love like that. I always seem always felt like a
byproduct. I wasn't playing, so I was a by product or two people
fucking that didn't like each other. Yea. But to feel that as a
child, I feel everything. Yeah. Yeah, that's how I was able
to create the things that I feel, and it's no fault of theirs,
right, you know what I'm saying. I was emotional, so and I
had to realize that too, Like it's not the way that I feel about
a situation or the emotion that I have about something that's not it's not their
fault for me feeling like that. So I can't come in with this aggression.
I'm trying to forgive myself for even putting that on people. Yeah,
I'm trying to use my self awareness. I'm only aware because of my children.
Liked to do it, Dad to do it. Three three, my
grandma made my I went to Gary and my grandma made She was like,
y're hungry. I got I got this weird emotional thing going on with my
grandparents. My dad's parents just got this thing like I don't know if you'll
suck with me like that? What? Well, I don't talk to him
ever. Okay, So yeah, how you love me? Check up on
me. I'm always checking up on you. I'm always checking up on my
daddy. I'm always checking up. I'm the kid, but I'm the one
checking up. Okay, to go to Gary. You feel that even now,
you're still like, y'all don't really fuck with me. Damn, I
don't care as much because I fuck with you, So you ain't gonna fuck
with me. But until you tell me, I make this as uncomfortable as
possible because I want to be around you because you're gonna die something, Okay,
what we're gonna act like niggas ain't gonna okay, No, you're right,
Nigga niggas times. It's almost up, Nigga season, Niggas season finale
about to drip, you know what, Eric, So I want to make
sure that you see my face, that you know that regardless of regardless if
you felt like you showed up or not, I'm sure up for you.
Yeah, because when I talk to my grandparents, I see so much of
myself. I'm like, because when you when you know only one side,
a lot of shit is unanswered. Yeah. Yeah, so what I'm talking
to him like, that's where I get that far. I'm just starting.
So I want to be around it. And I also want my children.
My Emily looks just like my granddad. I got a picture they looked exactly
like. She's like, oh my god, I'm like I never even knew
that. Yeah. So yeah, I want to anyway she I was.
She was like, yeah hungry. I was like, yeah, we just
woke up. Come back in the kitchen. She ope, meal, sausage,
sliced apples. So I said, oh, yo, yo yo.
Love languages acts of service. Yeah, I never knew that because I'm not
in the vicinity for you to do that, right. So I'm thinking in
my head that you don't fuck with me, but the only way you know
how to love is to do this. So then I felt bad, like
all of the years that I wasted not could have been in your presence for
you to show me that you loved me right, and I wasn't there,
And I made it very awkward for you because I may let you know that
I felt unloved. I was like, damn, there you go. Wow,
you're trauma. But I mean I didn't how I was I supposed to
navigate with these and most of that y'all gave me right. So yeah,
yeah, you gave them to me. Here, have them back. If
you didn't want if you didn't want to deal with them, you shouldn't gave
them to me. Do you feel like with you saying that? Realizing that
is her love language like, do you think you you have to meet people
where their love language is or I'm still trying to figure it out. Okay,
how do you feel about that? I do meet? Yeah, you
gotta Like if I had a friend in a situation like that where somebody's love
language was like acts of service and giving, I think is a giving or
receiving gifts or something like that, but their partners wasn't. It was like
quality time and so it's like they feel like they're showing them love. I'm
giving you these gifts I'm doing you know, this is the way I know
how to give love, but that's not the way I receive it. I
don't even see it. Yeah. So it's like if I'm telling you,
you gotta, you gotta meet me like I get it. This is how
you give love, but this is not how I receive it. Yeah,
I think. I think I'm trying my best to figure out my children's love
language because I don't want them to grow and be like that. It didn't,
Yeah, because they all different. So one might be Olivia is affectionate.
She wanted to come home, and she wanted Okay, Emily is her
own world, so she don't necessarily care to be like that. Yeah,
so I'm trying to figure out, Okay, well how do I show you
that I love you? Because I can't just smother you because you're gonna be
like, get off of me. Yeah. But then Dorian, I think
he is gifts. That makes sense because he likes soys and ship. Let's
go to the store. Yeah you got money? No you do? You
got money? I'll be asking him you got money? No you do?
But yeah, but I'm trying to figure it out because I don't want I'm
just hyper aware of you are super aware, don't. Don't you think that's
a gift now? For sure? Yeah? At first I felt it just
felt like I just felt like I was so observant of people's emotions and I
didn't feel like people were that observing the mind. So it felt like a
very They probably weren't. I'm realizing that a lot of people aren't. But
it's not personal. It's not personal. Yeah, that's the thing, No
taking everything personal. Yeah, I feel Do you feel like some of your
old friendships or people that you hang out with do you feel like they do
they Do you feel like they love you for real? Or do they or
not necessarily in a sense like they're doing it intentionally. But sometimes I feel
like we're around people because of time known or time spent in the past,
so we feel like this, we feel like this time equity means that I
have to continue this until something happens to right to knock this off. But
the reason why I feel like I feel so connected to you is because there
were times where it was like we were trying to buy it, like,
oh, I understand who you are, I understand why you move the way
that you move. But then when you try to have that with other people,
you realize that it doesn't it's missing quait. No, it doesn't mean
yeah yeah, So I'll be trying be thinking like, man, if you
feel like if you understand a person at they core time situations, nothing's gonna
right affect their relationship, I guess. But if like you said, if
you if your friendship is based the foundation is based off certain circumstances, then
it's like, yeah, time life experience is definitely gonna push you all away.
I definitely have friendships like that, in particular being Kylie. We just
got that close to you and some my skin ship, but I think it
was a she took how my life was changed changing personal. Yeah, she's
she's an email person. Yeah I'm an email person too, though, Like
that's where we kind of connect. We're kind of very similar in the aspect,
but it's like my life looked different. She was still single, I
was in a relationship. Then you had a kid, then I had a
kid. So it's like we don't connect on that ye with me, I'm
breastfeeding. So I think we both had to do a lot of self reflecting
and understand both both parts, Like because it's like you're feeling like maybe I'm
leaving you, you know my life, my life is on a different level.
Maybe I'm leaving you, and I'm feeling like you making me feel alone,
Like are we really friends or was it just because I was single too?
So we both feeling these things taken in personal and it's really like that
is a very interesting thing because I feel like men men are ends. M
h. Your brother is your brother, regardless if I feel like that's my
nigga, that's my nigga. I feel like women, on the other hand,
they have to have they kind of have to re free define their friendships
once the man is introduced, once the kid is introduced once the new career
is introduced. But I feel like a man. Men don't go through that.
Agree, dogs, that's my dog. Yah, pull up, let's
go do this like niggas a pull up. Niggas a pull up to the
crib with your whole family and they're crazy, chaos and everything. Niggas is
playing with the kids, eating pieces with the kids. Niggas is doing women
ain't doing that. And let's just a namey. But I could be wrong,
but I don't. I don't feel like. I feel like when Keenan
come over, the nigga makes it, makes it his duty to go.
He don't even coming here first, he goes to the kid room first.
What y'all in here doing. I think women's relationships are women's that ain't no
word whatever. Women are a little more selfish, possession, possessive, definitely.
So it's like I'm coming over. I'm not coming over to kick with
your friends. I'm coming over to tell you about my bullshit. Like I'm
coming over the dump on you. Yeah, so you can't dump on me
with these kids in your life and you got all this. It's my life
has followed apart yours can't be at the same time. Women just kind of
okay, it's my turning ump y'all turn it up, okay, just it's
a dumping thing. And then when your life is changing and you can't really
dump on your friend, it's like, damn, are you really friends?
Yeah? Useless? Yeah, I don't think nigga's dump like that. No,
that's all I'm saying. Yeah, niggas don't dump like that. Because
my cousin came over here and dump and the way that he painted it for
he was over here for about four hours, for three hours and forty minutes,
he painted it one way. He said, one thing that made everything
flip. And I said, you being a bitch. Oh shit, what
are you talking about? You're reading this all? You about to fuck something
up. You are reading this completely wrong. Go apologize and get your shit
together. What do you say? You're right? Okay? I said,
bro, are you reading this all? Because I said, your journey is
your journey? Long story short. He's trying to evolve because he feels like
he needs to evolve to keep the woman that he got in him evolving.
He felt like he needed to change certain things between their in their relationship to
where he felt like she was and receiving that, so he was holding it
against her. And I said, well, when did you decide to do
this? Right? When did y'all start having you know, tips in the
relationship by five months? When did you come to the coming of age thing?
About five months? I said, So, you mean to tell me
that when you decided to change, you held her to a different standard and
you felt like things changed, Yes, said, things didn't change? You
change change? Well, no, you change. And whoever you talked to
before me that didn't I was the last person you talked to. So whoever
you talked to before me that didn't tell you that, don't talk to them.
Don't talk to them because they're gonna fuck your relationship up. Because you
all you have to be very mindful of who you dump on. Two.
Yeah, because they might sabotage your ship. Yeah, because you're painting a
complete your painting a picture to make it seem you're painting the picture with your
brushes. And if somebody can't hear your your ship objectively, yea, and
think from the other standpoint, and then you gotta listen to me tell you
a boy, the other standpoint, I just like them, Well maybe you're
wrong then yeah, But men like when when men dump, it's kind of
like tell me, tell me what you would do in this situation. Most
times it's like when women dump, it's like, don't tell me nothing,
just let me get my shit off. And I'm like that I can't do
that. Yeah, my mom waa getting mad out of time, like,
hey man, you want a solution and you want to vent right, yeah,
because I don't want to do that at all. But I realized.
I realized that I can't listen to a lot of music because it's just it's
just it's like that complaining and dumping and I want to hear that. Yeah,
I can't listen to New Drake. I'm not space bro. Yeah Drake
just definitely Bro. You bro, toxic bro. We almost forty bro Right,
Relax, you gotta yeah, you gotta get a girl settle down.
Yes, get it down, as to step mama, please yes. And
now I look at niggas that can't do that away, m you meantime,
you can't get it together. Every bitch in the world I want to do
with you. You mean tell me that you can't. You can't get it
together? That was you yeah, it's you. Yeah, maybe the trauma
winning. It's beating your ass, is beating the fuck out of you,
and you you just nah, I'm special Yea, No you're not. Yeah.
And and if somebody loved you enough, they would ignore your trauma.
They will work, they will work with you through your trauma. There you
go, not ignore it. Yeah, but you don't want you don't want
You don't want that. You don't want that, you don't want nobody bringing
your trauma to the forefront. Or I don't know, I don't understand people.
Yeah, I don't get it together, don't get it. Why are
you out here by yourself? Like, why are you out here by yourself?
Yeah? For like, niggas went through a pandemic by this. If
that didn't scare you, right to get you somebody, somebody, somebody that
nigga the world was terrified. Oh my god. Niggas was scared to go
to the grocery store. Niggas was putting sanitizer on their groceries. They grocery
bags, they hands, they steering wheels. Niggas was driving with masks.
One niggas was taking it close up the doors childs. But they weren't buying
soap that still the hole of soap was just crazy but crazy, yeah,
crazy, But being that pandemic taught me that if the world was to end
right now and you died in your house by yourself, what that satisfuck,
that's very sad. And you can't stop being a bitch long enough for somebody
to get to know you and why you are that way to love you?
What do you what? Why do you think that is what? It's the
same thing now I was doing. I was I was hurting people where I
was protecting myself. But what what made it kind of click for you?
Like, oh shit, I'm kind of self sabotaging. Mhm mm hmm.
Would you feel like he was close to lose? Because I feel like that's
what clicked for me. And when you was driving home in that rain,
Ye, you're about to ruin this. That's a good man, Savanna.
That that's when waiting. I've never seen a bunch of women complaining about niggas.
Her mama was like, that's a good man to be like, you
about to suck it up? Really? Yeah, I don't know. I
think I think just I think Dorian, Okay, Dorian had a lot to
do with it because I wanted to. I wanted to be a great father.
I wanted to be a great father. And in order to be a
great father, you gotta listen. You gotta shut the fuck up sometimes,
And I think that's why. That's when I was like, I don't want
to record anymore. Yeah, I feel like I was talking too much and
I felt like I wasn't listening it enough. So I think I think the
isolation of the pandemic kind of made me realize, like I think I love
my wife, okay, kind of like that. Okay, yeah, but
I think I think too, Like when you start thinking about trust and what
trust really means, like I trust you, like for real, when you
start thinking about people and their demons, and demons don't come with gates,
so trauma don't come with gates. So you run the risk of losing everything
that you love for the sake of temporary whatever. And that's very scary.
Yes, So I don't want to be around these niggas. I don't want
to. I'm not even entertaining nothing. Don't come over here with none of
that. I'm good, like even like like threesomes. Oh okay, that
thought is scary now m hm. At first it was like, yeah,
you're sure whatever. Yeah, But then I like the thoughts of I don't
know who this person is enough to invite you into this and trust that you
and what you got going on can fuck up all of this, all of
this for what, right, Because I ain't about to be sucking for that
long. I don't know that. Yeah, I guess I'm sleepy, so
I'm not about to be I ain't about to be for what. No,
I can't No, that's true though, Yeah, just just just that thought.
Yeah, I know, I don't know if you're trying to sabotage this
right or I don't even know how much I can really trust you because I
don't have any equity with you. I ain't that crazy, though, I
like, I mean, parenting is such a big aspect of my life.
I know it is of yours too. It's like how that kind of I
don't know. That's love. It's like an umbrella. The parenting changes your
perspective and everything else. It's love. It is it's love because I don't
want to do anything. It's sabotage. The greatest love. Well, I
just think about a lot of women that I know that had kids, that
was inviting me over. M h. I ain't no creepy ass nigga.
But did you let me go into your bathroom that's right next to your daughter's
room. Yeah, to wash wipe my dick off? So and three in
the morning. Yeah, you and you kind of drink. You kind of
drunk a little bit. It's crazy. I would never Yeah, I'm watching
you, but I got a bowl, so right here, wash right here,
right here. No, we're fucking downstairs. They even coming up.
You would you better? She's not better to stay come in here, don't
you'd be like my doors unlocked. M When I think about yeah, you
know, I be like, man, that was that was very dangerous.
Yeah, but that's probably all they knew. Like they didn't. They didn't
look at it as they was being dangerous or they was that too. Yeah,
I love my too much. Your loneliness and your horniness superseded the protection.
Yeah, no, not right, because only fans is like ten dollars
for certain bitches. It's three nine and nine for something. It's ten nine
and nine for something. It's what I will beat. I thought, well,
beat ahead before I invite you into this motherfucker, because I can look,
I was thinking about this other day. Okay, food or dash food,
the way I eat, plus how you eat, it's gonna be at
least fifty sixty. Yeah, all right, cool gas baby, it's gonna
add up real quick. Fifteen at least twenty twenty. So we're already at
fifteen eight. Gonna get you a quarter tank liquor, rather be patrone got
amigos, Henny du say. It's gonna be at least twenty twenty five dollars.
So I'm looking at one hundred dollars for a night, for fifteen minutes.
Because I'm not about to be here all night. I can spend one
hundred dollars on only fans and go crazy. I can go crazy. Put
this in the car, Put this in the car. Put this in the
car. Now, I got a plethora. Beat it. It's not a
plethora. But that's that's where I'm thinking, because I'm not I'm not invested
in this anymore. Yeah, So when now, when it's time to do
black Wood, I'm like, man, I ain't even really because my mind,
in my mind, even this is stupid. Why are you doing it?
This ain't gonna work out for you I've been thinking about that with a
lot of people, like this ain't gonna work out for really. Yeah,
I was talking to him about my podcast. It's not even about sex is
it's about you're about to waste your time. So tell me what you want
out of this, right, Yeah, we're gonna start a pot because I
got a brand, Perry got a brand, Tony Stex got a brand,
Listen got a brand. I said, oh, well, potting isn't going
to bring you any money, So all the y'all invest into potting and then
y'all advertise individual brands within this so that y'all bring more awareness to y'all brands
and make money from the brands and not trying to make money in the podcast.
Yeah, you're right, yeah, because we did it wrong for a
long time, so you ain't got I'm very aware. I'm very aware.
Yeah, no one's invested more than me. Yeah, yeah, so I'm
gonna I'm trying to help y'all out. I can tell that no one's invested
more than me because y'all sit still don't sound as good as this and don't
and won't it won't. But That's where I'm at with my because he could
have been like, man, you always you always do. Yes, that's
why you asked me, right, but even with relationship, should I be
like, Yeah, this ain't gonna go We just ain't gona wor kind m
hm, why do you say that I could just see it. M I've
already done been in this situation before. I'm just sorry to see you.
That just made so clear. What the name talk to you? Off care
record that effort. But when I say that, I'd be like, I
come off away. But but I don't want to. I don't want you
to feel like I don't want you to feel like this can be anything other
than what it is. Yeah, friends, professional, Yeah, whatever they're
like, and we should we should do it. We should do I'm not
about to record bro boundaries. I'm not about to set all of this shit
up. Didn't break all of this shit down, didn't mix it right then,
I'm not I don't feel like doing all Yeah, you're just gonna let
it just go sit there? I would much rather because I'm too I care
too much. Yeah, I care too much about allogies. Yeah, and
I'm still trying to figure out how to care for myself, my kids and
my friends and my wife. How do you feel like that balance is going
for you? I'm feeling, oh, family, yeah, because it's it's
just my wife and my kids. Everybody else is so no self care.
What does that look like? It's not existent besides the gym, gym every
day, every day. But you're saying you're family, So clearly that's not
enough. Oh, balancing at all. I'm failing at it. But I'm
okay with feeling why because I don't need I don't. I don't. I
don't need it to survive whatever. I'm not whatever. I can't focus on
that. I failed that. It's okay because if it was that important,
I would have tried to manage it better. My health like, okay,
as a black man, my blood pressure was high and that bothered me.
But I didn't know that your blood pressure can could be high because of pain.
Yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah. So I'm telling them,
like I'm in pain. They're like, yeah, but didn't matter. My
ship was like one forty over or something. Yeah, So I was like,
hey, yeah, so then let me get rid of this pain,
get rid of the pain, my ship back to one great bat. I'm
keeping it at this, No more pain, but now in order to keep
it that way, because I'm very very aware of high blood pressure because my
daddy got it. Okay, Mama got it, Grandma got it, Grandaddy
got it, everybody got it. But I'm also realizing that none of y'all
niggas work out. Y'all not eating the way I'm eating. Y'all not eating
the way that I'm eating. I'm jumping rope for twenty minutes. I'm doing
things differently, right, So I'm very very aware of that. But in
order for me to be in order for me to do that, I gotta
wake up at a certain time. So they mean that I can't stay out
at a certain time, So that eliminates Yeah, anybody wants to hang out
after nine okay or eight earlier? Okay? Yeah, So any thing that
anything that interfering with that, because like I said, I still gotta be
a parent, right and I still gotta do these projects. So so family
events, Hey, driveway out to I can't you sure? I don't want
to do you feel like though, because I understand what you're saying. If
I didn't put the time and then it wasn't that important, do you feel
like missing like the little things like that count toil the family events, if
like, do y'all take I gave y'all my life, but for I gave
y'all most of my life. Okay, what about the kids? I gave
y'all most of my life and I felt this way. Okay, okay,
y'all got that. I'm not giving y'all no more time. Whatever time I
gave y'all, Donna has to call me and say come over here, and
then I'll come. Do you feel like that's fair to them? I gave
y'all most of my life. The trauma that you have, Brooklyn, comes
from who family. It don't come from me, It don't come from Johnny,
it don't come from nobody. It comes from your mama, your grandma,
your grandfather, your auntie whoever she was dating, your daddy, you
whoever. It comes from all of these people. I'm not giving y'all time
with me to make me feels I gotta shrink when I'm around y'all. I
can't be this big butterfly that I have grown to be. I had to
outgrow all of the trauma that you put on me. My kids are soaking
up the looks you're giving me. When I'm not looking the energy you're given
me, when i'm the foods you're cooking that I don't want to eat,
the standards that you haven't raised since I was here, I don't want to
be around that. So if you take it as a yes, we all
grow people, but none of your friends look like me and none of my
friends look like you. And that's for a very specific reason, because we
don't deserve to be in the same cage with each other, aardless of us
growing up together, regardless of But even when I think about that, all
we did growing up was played the game and play hide and seek. That's
all we did. We never had any valuable conversations. We never had any
meaningful conversations with When I think back on my childhood, I don't think about
the time that you made me feel like I could do anything in the world.
I think we have I understand what you're saying, but I think we
have opposite outlooks based off our trauma. Did they anybody to make you feel
like can you do anything in the world? Yes? They did. Yes,
so you let your kid hang around with them. But is it a
lot of them? It is a lot of them. But as much as
they did, they never made me feel like an outsider. I still always
felt like an outsider. And I haven't done anything to build those relationships for
her with them, But I want that for her because I don't want her
to feel how I felt. I think yours is the same. You don't
want your kids to have the trauma from that. Do you know what I'm
saying? That makes sense? Yeah? But if you felt that strongly about
these people, why am I not? What are you talking about? If
they made you feel that good, then you wouldn't have You wouldn't have amanded
them. God is still working on the ear, still a work in progress.
What you want God to do? I don't know. He told me
yet. But if you felt that good about him, then why aren't you?
I'm asking him later when I get in the car. Uh, they'll
do on Instagram? The God when he went to heaven, he walked to
heaven. No God snip. He said, yes, tell my cousin.
I said, Hi, he's not your cousin. Yes he is. What
that he stand for? Christ? No, you gotta send me that.
He's so funny? What that stand for? Yeah? He's funny. But
now if you if you felt that that connection with him? Then why why
was it? These are new realizations, so you but I hope they accept
you. They will then what's the what are you waiting on? Niggas is
dying? I know, no, for real, for real, I just
had to stop taking that personal what like feeling? Uh? What did I
just say? They never made me feel like outside of right, but I
still felt like that that was that was like my own feelings. Why did
you feel like that? I wasn't really around them a lot growing up,
right? That was my mama, Right when I got to a certain age,
I want to say in high school, maybe thirteen fourteen, right,
she was like, I feel like you're old enough to decide if you want
to. I don't know these niggas now that relationship, right, So it's
like awkward trying to build that relationship then, So it's always been where I
think because I missed. That's kind of how I feel about ancestry dot Com,
okay, because niggas is going on it, going on the website to
find family, and I'm like, even if you found out that she got
a auntie in Vermont, right, what's you gonna do with that? You
don't know kill, she could punch kids. Punch kids. Yeah, because
what you what you think they're trauma with did to her, you will react
differently. I'm not about to look for nobody. That's true. I'm cool.
That's true. I'm cool. Yeah, because the more ship I'm find
my sister did, ancestry, my auntie did, the more ship did?
They tell me? I don't want to know nothing. My family was disgusting
in the past, Bro, he was doing something trifling. Shit started realizing,
like you started realizing, like, oh, bitch has been lying about
who the daddy was for decades, decades. Black families and night trauma,
Like, Nah, your daddy's lived up the streets entire life, mister Cecil,
with your daddy and missus Cecil got two kids up the street that y'all
used to play with all the time. I wonder why I was in the
same moves y'all related, y'all got this step just love for real. Yeah,
people be like, yeah, i'mbout to go find find out where I'm
from. Trying to do that. It's never good. Yeah, I've never
heard of success story like oh, I just found out that I got six
h and they accepted me, like go to the family and then what right
the report came from being kids. Yeah, I don't want to build a
relationship with you. I got friends with it. I'm just calling these people.
Wanted to be here, right because why friends? Our friends are the
family. You chose some of them, some of them. Some of them
have come a marriage. Like niggas get a girl, I gotta be around
this bitch. Yeah, I don't like how I put some nigga don't like
this girl. Yeah, she annoying him. Bro, it'd be like that
she ain't even letting you grow for real. You don't realize that she's stunning
your growth. Then sometimes we even in relationship, I know, we all
over the place. We can answer, but sometimes we're like, Bro,
you don't see that she's shrinking you. You don't see that you stopped doing
and maybe you maybe you, maybe you only did some of these things because
you were lost and she's putting you back together. But then sometimes I've been
thinking in my head, trauma. Maybe she doesn't really love you, and
she's changing you because you're easily changing you. We was changing you. We
knew you was changed. We always made you do what we wanted you to
do. And she's doing that because she needs love. She got she got
a clock. Damn, she got a clock. She gotta have a kid.
So so my thing is like, do they really love you? Are
they accept are they just just putting up with you because they don't want anybody's
self Because some people is loneliness supersedes Yeah, I'm like, y'all don't even
like each other. I feel like that. But I feel like that with
like with relationships, it's a friendship. Yeah, And if I need to
be honest with my friend, hey, you gotta do this, we should
do this together. And it's gonna be hard, it's gonna be awkward.
It's gonna be hard to tell your friend that you love that you ain't doing
something right right, And it's gonna be hard to receive that from your friends
when they tell you. But I think a lot of the times y'all ain't
really friends, and I'll never learned how to communicate with each other. And
both of y'all are happy, and y'all have been unhappy for a very long
time. It's been stagnant. Yeah, But but you don't know. But
you don't have the courage to tell anybody that you don't like what they're doing.
Not just your partner, your mama or your daddy, your sister.
You always allow people to do things to you that you don't like. M
so that's normal to you. And then one day you'd be like, I
don't want to do this no more. Yeah, And I'm not I'm not
that type of person. I'm too vocal. I'm always vocal. Yeah,
because yeah, that you are. I don't want to be that. But
I feel like a lot of my friends or people that I know, they're
trying to figure it out. So I just give them the space. And
and you know, people got kids too, and lives and ship lives to
be live. Yeah. Yeah, because it's like because when we at the
at Boogie's wedding, I just like, damn, look at them. Look
at these people that I know, right, I know I hadn't seen you
in a I for like in a minute. Somebody who checks up on people,
Huh, that's crazy. It goes both ways. I know, Okay,
I'll be checking in, But then I'd be like, I don't want
I don't want grand to get mad. I have to think about that because
because my comfortability with you might make our comfortability with each other might make our
partners uncomfortable, so I had to be very mindful of that. I feel
like I think that too. That's good, I hope. I think we
both overthink a lot of stuff. That's because I told you. That's why
I'm kind of waited before I reached out to kind of give you congratulations.
That still don't make any sense. Why don't it? Because if you had
posted on your if you had posted on your timeline that you had passed that
nursing test that you've been talking about since we met, and you know,
I saw it and I didn't say nothing, you'd feel a way about it.
I would, I would, but I would probably have to do some
self talk and be like, it's not personal. Initially, I would think
they're like, Okay, he got a life, he got this going on,
got that going on. It's only a certain amount of time. Definitely.
Yeah, it's definitely a time. Almost. I was almost there.
Okay, I understand. But but the order I get, the more I
realize, like friendships, friendships, they just not mentioned last forever. Oh
I don't agree. What friend have you had for forever? I haven't,
right, So what are you talking about? Well, that don't mean I
can't agree. I don't changed my feelings on things. So you feel like
friends a supposed to last year forever. I feel like you can have friendship
soulmates. Yes, and y'all might not talk all the time, you know
what I'm saying, but it's still like anytime y'all get together, anytime y'all
do speak, it's always like it's no awkwardness, it's not you know what
I'm saying, Like, I feel like that about us. And I have
a good girlfriend from my like that was my best friend and we don't talk
that often, but anytime we do get together, it's like it feels like
no time has passed. I feel like you have you get a few of
those in your life. M hm. That is that word friend? Yeah?
I don't think that word is friend. What is the word associated?
No, that's not an associate? Then what is a friend? Who is
Who are your close friend right now? I don't have a lot of people
that I who was your close friend right now? Kylie and my cousins,
you're kind of China, So you don't have any close friends? Can you
just got back cool with Kylie? So you have cousins? Yeah? Honestly
have any close friends honestly families right now? Is he was doing it for
you right now? Yeah? I think my close friend is Carlos j Ai,
and I feel like our families intertwined. Okay, so I'll go to
his house and bring all of my kids. Okay, all of his kids
are there, and then we're all My wife is with his wife, met
him with the kids in the base. When we playing the games, we
all eating, we all socializing, and then we leave. But I feel
like I feel like that's a friend. Hey man, I'm in the buying
right now, man, Yeah, and then I'll seeing you some money.
Yeah, then you send it back or that type of ship. Right.
I don't feel like I have that with a lot of people. Ye right,
But that's he's not my cousin. And we've and we've been cool since
we met. So what I'm saying, I feel like you you have.
I feel like we used a friend. I would think we use the word
friend too loosely, and I think friend is something very very specific, but
there needs to be a word before a friend. That's a word between friend
and associated associate. It just feels because it could be acquaintance. I feel
like some people are acquaintance, impersonal maybe and then I don't care for real
because it's too much of this ship like friends friends to me is similar to
what you said, Like, I feel like, no matter the circumstances,
this is somebody that you, well, I always trust. I guess trust
is a big part. Even if even if we aren't speaking, are not
on good terms, I should still be able to trust that that I'm not.
I don't know that my business isn't in the street like people that I
that I don't talk to to this day. I'm not gonna put your business
out there because you trusted me at one point, and I trusted you,
like I don't tell anybody anything that I don't want the world to know.
Okay, what issue? Because I've been burned too many times? Understandable and
why I'm telling you the fucking needs to know this ship for you're seeing that
I know you have curby enthusiasm. He was like, I'm never divorcing my
wife. He was like, why she knows too much shit? You know
who I don't like, You know who I hate? You know who I
despise. You spill all that I ain't telling. No, we together forever.
Damn. But I mean that makes sense, but I'm not. Yeah
that's my friend. Yeah, your partner's your friend, right yet? Yeah?
But you get one? Yeah that's good. Do you ever think friend
like that? You wanted one? But did you ever think he was gonna
have one? Now that you know who you have to be? Yeah?
Did you ever? Did you? Were you ever in this headspace to have
a boyfriend before? No? No, And I don't think women. I
don't think women go back and be like, man, I don't even know
what I was, right. I wasn't even stressing you about my bad because
I wasn't even ready for that, right, I thought I didn't until I
got in a relationship. I didn't realize how much of the problem I actually
was. I feel like a lot of women really is like you always thinking,
oh, it's this situation, Oh it's this person. Like if it
keeps being this situation, this person, it seemed like the common denominator is
you. Yeah, you can do some self reflect A lot of the times
when I would meet women in the past, I didn't know how to tell
them that. It just didn't feel like it was supposed to work. But
I like, yeah, yeah, pussy good too, but that I mean,
it's like, and you got a nice house, but this don't feel
like nothing. I don't feel it. And people take that, and this
is probably gonna sound crazy, people take that too personal because that, I
mean, that is personal. But at the same time, that's not.
It don't have to necessarily be a reflection of who you are as a person.
Like I feel like people can take rejection like that as like, oh,
you're rejecting me, so I'm a failure. I'm not necessarily rejecting you.
Right, my body did right. It is what it is. No,
it's not that simple. It's not how do you tell a girl you
meet a girl? You meet a girl January at whatever you meet her in
January, whether it's Instagram or the Jokah bar, you meet her boom,
y'all fucking January because anybody making you weaight, you got sauce, So you
fuck her and the sexes and the sex and the sex is good, but
and the vibes is cool. But then a certain amount of time passed and
you know that this has to become something or end. But I don't want
it to become something. But it's really good and I do not want it
to end, but I know that now we're at a point to where if
it goes past, this resentment starts because you should have made a decision by
now tell me and you can think about it. What is the best way
to tell a woman that you don't feel it without being the bad guy?
Nope, I rephrase that. Is there anyway that you can tell this woman
that, although you and I have spent great times together, Although you and
I have great memories together, Although you and I have explored the city of
Indianapolis from the top to the bottom, and we have great this, this,
and this, I don't feel the way I feel I should feel about
a woman that I'm going to date. Because it's a long question. Men,
when we get into relationships, it's marriage period. If I say I'm
with you, you almost socials same as a wife. We together all the
time, same as a wife. My decisions I have to make based off
of what you like. Same as a wife. The commitment is the same.
The only thing that's different is the last name and what we do with
the future. But in our minds, once we get together, the timer
starts. Okay, now we're together, a certain amount of time. So
if we're together three years from now, we've got to talk talk about marriage,
kids, this, this, and that. Niggas is holding off on
that, right because the responsibility of that start as soon as we say it's
efficient. Women don't think like that. Women be like, all right,
let's just commit, and you'd be like, nah, but there is no
way for me. I never thought about it like that. How do you
tell that was a lot? It is? Because there is no answer.
Yeah, you can't tell her that without her is thinking that you wasted my
mother fucking time. Yeah, because I was in a situation like that.
It's always like that, fucking just fucking from Yeah, from its supposed to
be good. I want a relationship with nah. And I also feel like
it's it's about how you started too. Yeah, if we started it all
based off of sex, that's how that's a fact. Yeah, i've only
seen you after nine Yeah. Ever, yeah, I've only seen you after
nine Yeah. Sometimes and then you want a relationship, Yeah, that's how
I said. Sometimes women don't make it make sense and they hear it too.
I feel like it's oh shit, how much time? Again? He
said. I don't feel like it's a challenge because women usually challenge me.
You know what I'm saying, I don't want to challenge. I don't want
to challenge rules, real world challenge. I don't want that. I don't
even want it to be difficult, because then you fighting me, you're fighting
me, you're putting up this wall. I get what he's saying. I'm
competing. Yeah, I'm competing. Yeah, if she tells you I like
fucking. If somebody straight up, somebody straightforward, that's different. But sometimes
a person's emotional. Sometimes sometimes a woman lets you in her. Sometimes you
it's like hot, it's like Hogwarts, Okay, to get to Hogwarts.
An it's the it was a three and three fourth something. You gotta run
into the wall. You gotta run into the wall sometimes and then if you
didn't hit at the right time, that shit closed. Black man. Oh
that was good. There's a certain there's a certain window a bit you might
let you in. Yeah, the wind blew differently, and she saw you
the cologne hitter. All right, nigga, you got thirty tap niggah.
So and you can feel that. Yeah, she ain't got no friends like
you. She ain't letting people in like you know. Some women you could
tell you don't let niggas get in here like that. I can feel it.
Yeah. Then that's when you start to appreciate it differently because not everybody
gets to come in this motherfucker Okay, okay, okay, sometimes you can
feel man bit everybody up been in here. Yeah, ain't special. Yeah,
so stop trying to make this something you was. Just you just felt
this with somebody. I noticed because you just told me about it. Yeah,
I know who you some women to let you know. But I ain't
fuck like this in a minute. I don't fuck like that like you don't
know. Okay, so you allow me in your space. Yeah, then
then she'll ask you. This ain't gotta be nothing right now, but let
me know. Yeah, and until you figure it out, I think,
because emotional maturity and vulnerability are two things that have to kind of be present
for that to go over right right, people don't have both of you if
one. Yeah, the the what I think I think people, I think
I think that I think women commitment, it's too much of the goal.
Yeah, and not the man. Yeah, the man needs to be learning
the man, what the man like, what the man wants, what the
man this and that because right now. It just seemed like you just want
a relationship. Yeah that makes sense, that's true, And I could be
interchangeable. Yeah, and I don't like that. Yeah, and I don't
want that. Damn. I guess I'll think about stuff a little more.
Y'are not the simple? Okay? What the complex? Think? You?
Some niggas? Some niggas is sometimes sometimes men can see something. Do you
think that only takes it takes a certain woman. You don't think like that
for every woman you're dealing with, which mean, get closer. I don't
know, I'm not purse. What was you about to say? I don't
lost ma Trina talk? Do you you said? Do you think man think
that way about women? Is that that's only somebody you picture yourself being committed
to that thought process? No, that's everybody? Oh really? Yes?
Okay, because because I guess you gotta kind of ration out with it.
Yeah, yeah, yes, because if are you? Are you worth it's
gonna sound really bad. You might be worth me sticking my dickie and raw
ah that sounds awful, But you were not worth my commitment and that that
sounds but yeah, this don't mean nothing. Who that hurts? Twenty two
year old me. She felt that raw min love baby, because I feel
like a lot of the times, sex is all that some people can offer.
And once you not fucking and the rest of the world you have to
you know, co existed the rest of the world. You realize that's true.
This ain't gonna work. Yeah, this ain't good because we have to
work outside of the bedroom. Yeah. And then and and friendships, we
gotta work inside of the club. Yeah, we gotta work at We have
to be able to be friends in the daytime. Can we go to the
park together? Can we have a kid's birthday party? Yeah? Outside a
little liquor. Yeah. And a lot of the times we came a lot
of the times. Case. So I'm not even to try it. I
ain't aboun to try to force it because then you then you get let down.
Yeah, you start to see a different side of people that you was
like, man, you suck, and then that they suck. They just
only friends in a certain capacities, right, friends, you know what I
mean. Wow, it's a lot of growth, growth, a lot of
growth, a lot of growth. And I feel like too, when you
know somebody for real, for real, when you take the time to get
to know somebody, you can protect yourself from them, and based off of
how you protect yourself from them, how they respond to you protecting yourself from
them, tells you a lot. Yeah, Like I can't be around you
because you're this way what you mean right? All right? Because some people
will bully you into being your friend or being around they'll good trip you.
Yeah you're gonna abandon me like everybody else. Yes, yeah, you're toxic.
Yeah, you need to work on those issues. I feel like we've
said everything we need to say, and this is I can't do this every
week. Yeah, no, I can't do this. This is I can't
do this every week. I don't know how I do this every week?
Two episodes a week. I don't know how you gonna I don't know.
Not enough listening, not enough listening. And I feel like too, you
know, when we was doing egging the philosophy, we're talking about a lot
of pop culture stuff. Yeah, and now that I'm an adult, we
were doing for real. I feel like a lot of that ship is fake
and I feel like we spend a lot of time focusing on things that aren't
real, don't matter, Like there was a like, not enough emphasis was
put on gun Play giving Rick Ross a chain while Rick Ross was still in
the bed. Maybe I don't know nothing about this. Some people don't know
what I'm talking about. You know what I'm talking about? DJ? Is
this recent, maybe like a couple of months. Gunplay didn't go fund me.
I did see that, and then he bought a chain and gave it
to Rick Ross and they wanted their money back. Yeah, all right,
the gulf. In my mind, it was like a Black Marrior episode.
The only way that DJ get into my house and I'm still in the bed
is if somebody let him in off of a like favor, okay, or
they he lied and said we supposed to record or something. There will be
no instance to where I'm still in the bed with any man in my room.
Ever. Ever, so the fact that you in my room and it
looks like Rick Roster just woke up, you got a chain, you fully
dressed, there's a camera person, It's a whole thing. I felt like
he was trying to get his get back in Rick Ross's good graces. He
needed to go fund me because he maybe founding some money that he wasn't supposed
to be. So I'm looking at things like that, but everybody else is
talking about the other aspect of it, and I was just like, I
don't I see I see all of this shit as that. I see all
of this shit as a black mirror type of episode, Like none of this
shit is real. All of this shit is fake. The numbers are fake,
the celebrities are fake. Everything is fake. And we are trying to
compete with the fakeness. Yeah, we're trying to compete with robots. We're
trying to compete with organizations that they don't care about numbers, they don't care
about your influence, they don't care about none of that shit. It's all
I don't know. It just it just feels like when when TikTok said,
yeah, we make people go viral all the time, so they keep using
the app. Yeah, So I was like, damn, that makes sense.
You make motherfucker do a video, they get a million, they're gonna
spend the rest of their life trying to get another million. Yeah, doing
the same, keep chasing it, so you get everybody a taste of enough
everybody because you go to everybody page and what they what they top penpost is
the one with the most views on it. Every single one everything. I'm
like, bro, what's this? This is crazy? It is so everybody.
And I'm thankful that ignorant philosophy didn't go because we would have still had
to keep doing it despite Boogie changing, Despike keen and changing, despite dynasty
changing, despite me changing, like what, I'm glad it didn't go VI,
despite you growing. It happened was supposed to. I know, but
I know. I'm happy for that. But in hindsight, that's what everybody
wanted to go viral to make it make to make to have to have to
do this, to have to do this. I don't want to do that
to have to I don't want do that every week. Yeah, that's a
lot like niggas is making dance videos and and hold. So now you gotta
do this every day? Yeah you got about Now it's a Now it's a
rat race. And now I was in the microphone camera. Now you have
to compete. It's exchanging your time for money, but there is no money.
Yeah that's the thing. You can have a million followers and no money.
Yeah, you can have two million followers and no money just because defeat
what for nothing for us to for likeness and it doesn't equate to anything at
all. And you're chasing this, and with chasing it comes a false sense
of security. Yes, and now you're losing everything behind that. You're losing
your family, you're losing all of these type of things because you got to
spend so much time. I know people that's like, yeah, I want
to get into podcasting. Why oh, because I got a passionate Fuck that
passion? Why what what's the next step? I just wanted to all right,
well, because you are not going to compete with our heart. Our
heart was doing some ship to where Nigga. They had games on the phone
that if you played the game, it would count as a podcast stream for
a certain podcast. So when you you got an ad pop up, if
this shit popped up on a joint, it was a play for the joint.
You got a million people with this app on a file, and that
shit pop up every time they play a game. My kid play a game.
You can't even buy the game to make the ads go away. Some
certain games you can't buy it. So when that shit pop up, that
shit counts a play. And some of these podcasts are getting plays based off
of that. You gotta listen to it another you can't compete with that.
Yeah, you're not even thinking about that. Yeah, so how do you
think? What do you? What do you? This is This is the
money thing. This ain't about passion. This ain't about the culture. This
ain't about nothing. The culture. Ain't even the culture for me for podcasting,
ain't even about the culture. This nigga Charlemagne started on the network and
gave people that never had a podcast podcast. Why didn't you go to people
who had podcasts and give them and give them a platform for the podcast.
You get the white haired podcasts for what. No one listens to him except
trainings. No one listens to him. But you didn't go to You didn't
go to the niggas that's putting in blood, sweat and tears. And you
got everybody that I know that was potted when I potted, feel the same
way. I haven't heard anything that inspires me. Nothing sounds great, everything
sounds rushed. Every it just sounds like a money grab, because that's what
it is. Then you now you got the streaming services. They don't know
where the money coming from. Niggas is trying to get like all of this
shit. That's good. Yes, it's it's all fake, and niggas is
chasing their tails to be a part of this and it's not even worth nothing.
They don't even know, like even singing like back. And then I'm
like, man, I'm so happy I didn't make it with rapping. Yeah
what I'm what I'm supposed to do? Tour. I don't like sell records.
You ain't selling shit any crazy, Yeah, none of this. All
of this shit is fake. All of it is fake. Yeah, just
a little up. It's not it's not. Don't look at it like that.
Look at it like this. If you want to entertain, entertain yeah,
you can go outside and tap dance on thirty eighth Street. Make the
same amount of money that your favorite singer made on Spotify last week, the
same thing they're getting point zero zero one cent for each stream You're going down
there, like eighty thousand streams in a month, nigga, you ain't making
nothing, yea. Rihanna had the most streams and she made maybe less than
a million dollars. She the most streams period on Spotify. She made less
than a million dollars. From In my mind, I'm thinking, what the
fuck are we trying to do? Right? What are we trying to But
it's not, it's not. It's not something to be sad about. It's
just once you understand the game, okay, then play it accordingly, learn
how what do you want from it? Right? And get it because just
just recording, uploading and hoping that you go viral, that's dead. And
you might go viral, but you ain't got ads, so it don't matter.
You can't hold all you can go. You can't have a podcast do
a million plays and you ain't got no adds in it, and that million
plays don't mean nothing we're gonna do with that, And people don't understand that.
And that's the sad part about trying to get talk to people about podcasting
because I'm coming from across the bridge. A man, don't do it like
that. Yeah, man, you just sound negative. Okay, Okay,
I try, Yeah, because you're gonna you're just gonna spend a lot of
time. And right now I'm happy that I'm able to just do a part
of it and get enough money to take care of my family. Yeah,
and enjoy myself. Good toy, I'm not I'm not. I'm glad you're
in that space. What why did you laugh? Because it sounded very sincere.
I really am. I feel like you've been in such a a bubble
with trying to make it all makes sense, and you carry so much weight
on your shoulders, then I'm glad you're able to just I wish some niggas
would have carry that weight with me. It's okay. I don't know what
to say, so when niggas would like putting me on no right. I
tried to let you carry some weight, and you proved to me that you
couldn't carry the weight over here is wig heavier. They got people that they
got, they got deadlines, they got to meet right. You couldn't even
show up here on time. When I got to La, That's what I
realized. Oh, they are not playing, they are not playing this.
Nigga has seven red cameras capturing these motherfuckers. Seven's ray camera, see very
very he has seven of them bitches with Lenson's all of them bitches, with
lights for all of them bitches, with switches for all of them to get
switch through all their mother money. Just money in there. That's ain't no
little leagues and done of this shop. And you ain't about to compete with
these companies. Who got an endless amount of money. You're not about to
compete. Find your niche, you find your crew, and find a way
to I don't even know. I don't know. I can go on about
it forever and I won't. But I feel like a lot of people listen,
listen to ignorant philosophy that might do clothes. I be like, man,
stop trying to be Caviclin fucking make clothes for somebody, and just get
the check. Just get the check. Stop trying to make clothes for everybody.
Find you a contract, Just find a contract that can supplement your lifestyle.
And yeah, niggas trying to make clothes for everybody, Like, no,
it's not gonna work like that. Sometimes people just be doing stuff though
with no room rationale to why. Just want to be your part, just
want to say, oh, yeah, I got this going on. But
what am I? I guess it's not. It's not my duty to tell
them, Yeah it's not. But what about your friends? What about your
Because I feel like I feel like too, like all of this shit costs
you much to do. M like part didn't cost you much to do.
You gotta pay for the equipment, you gotta pay for somebody to edit it,
or you gotta pay for the constation. I understand what you're doing,
because you just don't. You ain't just about to jump into it and not
and just know what to do. Clothes, you gotta pay for the equipment,
the clothes. Fucking I don't know. It's just it's just too much
money wasted. So why not, why not understand what the fuck you're doing?
Yeah, so like going to school, like even that, that's expensive
for you not to know what you're doing, right, because niggas did that
all the time. Did you get a new job? Yeah, another new
job. I think it's probably a doctor's office. Oh no, yeah,
I'm still there. Okay, yeah so even that right now, you gotta
drive you like, let me just sebody asks down before you blame about to
quit right like this place? Right you notice me? Yeah? I got
to take care of my baby, you know, play things. Yeah,
I don't thank you for coming over today, Thank you for I would.
I don't want to record any more to do a script that after this?
Okay, no, no, no, no, no no, Yeah,
I'm tired. Yeah, I'm definitely gonna go take it at I'm taking it
at kid to sleep right now? So wh I got carte quiet clock work
like they ass up seven o'clock, seven thirty. Get up in the morning,
Yeah, get up. Yeah, she up at six thirty sixty.
Don't she going to be eight eight thirty? That's beautiful? Yeah? What'd
you get her up? Because you got are gonna work? Yeah? She
got a day care. Mm hmm. We talk about daycare? Why not
so expensive? Listen? How much did they care for you? I had
somebody, Oh, don't go to jail watching shout out to CCD. You
never hooked me up with that. Okay, we'll talk later. I need
that. They gotta go. They gotta go. They need social skills.
Yeah. Is it working for her? Yes, definitely, because she was
just mostly around us. And I'm glad I did it before I started working
their job because the adjustment for both of us it was hard, mean her
being going, yeah, like she would. It got to the point where
in the first two weeks we had to do a trial run. I would
have to pick her up half days because she wouldn't eat. She didn't trust
them, she didn't know them. She wouldn't eat, and they said that's
comments sometimes strike. So I had to do half days. I would pick
her up at lunch so she would eat with me, just until she got
a little bit more comfortable to be there all day. And she does great
now, like she loves it. She's I can tell she's picking good and
bad stuff up from daycare. But it's like, I can see your growth.
I'm actually glad I made this decision to go. I just ready for
them to go. You're just ready for them to go. Yeah, I
can't work. Yeah, how are you doing that? I have a choice,
I'm doing it. How does that look? Uh? A lot of
Miss Rachel, Miss Rachel, of Miss Rachel. I just started Miss Rachel.
Yeah. Miss Rachel's good. She is. Miss Rachel keeps some occupied
and they career I have. I told I want to take everything out of
their room and just put like Matt's in the corner. And I know it
sounds very inhumane, but I saw a video online where these twins were inner
room and their beds were aligned on one side of the wall and they toys
on the other side. When they wanted to go play, they would go
play, and there's time for that. They would go back to their bed
and the structure. But I'm like, bro I can't be physically with him
all day. I gotta work and even I don't want to be physically with
him all day watch TV. Then I feel bad for but that was mis
racial, so I feel cool. They learn they learned to sign language,
boy ships, they learning shit, so I feel it. Yeah, please,
you know what I'm saying. So I don't feel as bad. But
I got you to do, which makes me have way more empathy or sympathy
for single mothers. Yes, I'm like, bro, I can't imagine this
bad. Oh I had three like bitch baby brouh. I'm tired shout out
to you no, because why didn't that make y'all be like I need to
fix myself because I'm by myself. That's true. I'm not about to do
myself, that's true. I'm about to get a bit over here quick for
real. And I feel like I feel like I keep saying videos on my
timeline where mothers are complaining about being single mothers, and I'm thinking in my
head, yea, I should just make a group and cold mother together,
be together, live together, parents together, well, split rent, split
responsibilities to picking the kids up because it's two of y'all. Now, why
do this shit by yourself? Who said you have to do it by yourself?
Why are we living by ourselves struggling by ourselves? You got a friend.
Women be having friends where they single and they single and they live separately.
Why are you living separately? Y'all? Y'all both renting, so just
rent together. But if y'all ain't friends to live together, then you're not
really friends. Because if we if if he say, bro, I got
I got five hundred, you got five, Let's get a place. If
I if I'm not struggling that bad to where I'm like, I can't live
with you. You ain't got to that point yet. Yeah, until you
hit rock bottom and be like, all right, let's do it, because
then you put your differences aside. I know he messy or he know I'm
messy, or whatever the case. You know, I can't even this.
You ain't hit rock bottom. Yeah, we got some guyline. And the
thing about niggas is we'll fight each other and they'll move on. No,
no, no, we're just gonna fight women. Women. They'll be catty
because ain't nobody getting punched. I've been punched before. Shut me right on
the I don't want to that's men always have that fear. Oh he might
beat me up. I don't know, he might beat me up. It
might be it's a thing. I'm not gonna play him because they can go
there. Women don't have that. But I feel like, yeah, all
this struggling and ship nigga's doing by theyself. Why are you living by yourself?
Why do you why are you doing all of this ship by yourself?
I know my mom was like, I said, yeah, we're gonna get
a it's the cart. I'm not going to the grocer store. I'm not
doing that shit a nonymore. That's stupid me pushing a cart around this motherfucker.
When there's somebody who works there. They know where everything is. I'm
buying the same thing. You can deliver it before it by seven to nine,
I'll be home, bring it to me. I'll pay somebody to cut
the grass from this time. I'm not doing none of these things. I
wish I could pay somebody do my laundry all time. But if you buy
yourself and you're struggling, fucking move in with somebody you and your kids see
you. I was like, our kids can't share rooms as boys and girls
nigga. That was common. And again I shared the room with my sister
and that was perfect. We didn't have a choice. Split the room a
half. That's your half, that's your half. Learn how to deal with
it. The fact that the body got their own room. Now it's crazy,
it's too much option. But the whole, No, we're not about
to Yeah, that's but that's my that's my thinking about potting, YouTube series
music. Why are y'all all doing this shit individually? What makes what point
does this make? See everybody? They ain't invested enough? Okay, because
if he got it, if he got the camera, and I'm an actor
and I'm trying to get seen and he's trying to get seen, why are
you posting on your Why if I'm a model, if I look good,
shout out to uh what's that? Isy's a close friend name Kenny Kenny.
Kenny Kenny takes pictures of the same girl all the time, all the fucking
time. She's beautiful. He takes the pictures of her all the time.
And I said, why do you take pictures? Because that's my friend and
she's pretty. I don't have to find nobody she pull up. So I'm
constantly working. I'm constantly editing because I constantly have amused to shoot. But
niggas be like, I ain't shot nothing in months? Why because ain't nobody
paid me? You don't love it enough? Okay, But that's how I
feel about everything. Yeah, you it's not. None of this ship is
community based. You don't feel like everybody out everybody self, and I don't
like that. Niggas be out here struggling by theyself. And I don't like
that niggas be because not everybody has a Johnny or Sierra whoever. They just
by they fucking self all the fucking time, and they thoughts in their head
all they fucking time, eating by theyself. Yea, all the fucking nigga
Get somebody. The house feels differently when it's somebody listening to music upstairs and
you know somebody is there, right, it just feels different. You come
into an empty house and no dog, They get no candles, one,
no lightstone or nothing, and smelled like how it smelled when you left.
I don't like that. That's lonely. That's lonely. Yeah, it's here
split. That was awful, clicking about myself and washing the dishes and buying
a bro what what at least what she cooked. I'm gonna watch the dishes.
It's an unwritten rule. Whoever cooks, don't watch the dishes. That
by yourself. Ship doing the shit by yourself shit, That shit is trashy
teen teen. A lot of niggas is not trying to be on nobody's team
because I don't like I don't. I'm vent right now. We could be
what everybody want because you know why, because I don't want to hear you
tell me how many points you scored? Why you gotta tell me I know
how much points you score. Niggas always oh I did this or I that
ain't my job. I don't like them niggas because the only way we're gonna
get a hit is if you do some shit that you ain't gotta that you
ain't gotta do, and I just ain't gotta do a little extra. Everybody
putting a little extra that we did a whole lot, right, but everybody,
I ain't doing that. Ain't you go to work and be like they
always trying to ask me some extra shit? So what think of your insurance?
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, so what because if you lost this motherfucker
you're gonna be shitty. Yeah, you gotta do extra work everywhere you go.
Yeah, everybody's short staff or everybody. Just do some extra shit.
And I feel like a lot of the times niggas trauma them from it putting
more effort in because why do you think I'm about to do all of that?
Who do you think he's talking to? Go do that? Go fucking
do that shit. I would have to tell myself that, like, bro,
why are you even asking questions? Just fucking do the audio shit?
Why are you even whatever they asking you to do? It don't matter they
paying you, so shut up and do it. Shut up and dribble.
It is a way, though, to approach people, but not disrespectful.
It is. But I'm gonna have to see you. But if I can't
see you, then there's no need for me to go back and forth with
you. All right? What what? What mean? Because you have the
authority to give me fired, so I don't need to go back and forth.
I don't like disrespect dude, No one does. Why this job though?
Look we don't agree. When have you ever made money comfortably? I
have hold on, but you quit. That's why I think about it.
It's all gonna come with some shit, like, man, I don't feel
like doing it, do always come with some shit? Yeah, because the
jail. Maybe that was good money, but it was the jail. It
was the jail. So that's that's that is back there saying chain. No.
Man, if you listen to this shit, I don't know what you're
gonna take from it, because at all. But now I just stop being
stopped doing shit by yourself. Stop bullshit by yourself. That show endure,
Yeah, that's ship by yourself. Yeah, because everybody thinks that they can
and everybody no one wants to admit that they're not good enough to do it
about it. That's again being vulnerable, yeah, but it's more so being
vulnerable with thyself. Yeah, so you gotta be vulnerable with that. I
can't do this no more. Yeah, that's the takeaway. Keep a robe
with yourself, that's my takeaway. That's hard. Keep it robe with yourself.
How you talking to yourself, bitch like I talk to my friends.
Sound like Victoria mon Nay. I love her. We had her on the
show. Really you're so sweet. Oh she's so sweet. But yeah,
that's what I was like when I was like, man, you look like
shit. Bro. Yeah, bro, when I'll be back to clip,
but I'll be like, what are you? What are you even tripping for?
Like I want? But I want? How this is this? You
fucking this shit that call me your stupid assing. That's how you gotta talk
to yourself. If you talk to yourself like that, it ain't gonna affect
you. If somebody else talks to you liked it. Yeah, that so
a certain extent respect because you gotta be you gotta talk nice to yourself.
Nah's gonna be sucking up. Yeah, talk talking talking. I take advantage
of myself for real. I don't listening to myself like I'm doing that no
more. Yeah, yeah, thank you for pulling up man. I really
do appreciate this. I'll see you in a year. Shut up. I
knew us gonna say some bullshit. See you in the year's time. Player.
I don't know who I would want to record with. I don't even
feel like recording. It's not gonna be a year probably not sssar. You
gonna make a conscious effort to do that was my segaway from the podcast that
I saw on Friday, And be more intentional with everything that's good so that
is my goal. Hold me accountable. I know you will. I think
I think that when you try to be intentional with things, you start to
realize just how how much how unintentional people are. Yeah, like, you
gotta make sense of the mess. And when you like, sometimes when people
ask me questions, or when you ask you questions, they get angry because
not because you're ask them the question, but because they gotta make sense of
what you ask them, because they never thought about it. Just do it,
because I wouldn't be to like for the longest I was if waydn't clean
it out of the garage, just like if should everywhere like we like we
just put it out there and just walked away. So I'm putting it out
on the order And I was like, then this is this ship didn't take
as long as I thought it would. And I think that's the way I
feel about life, Like this should ain't as hard as I made it out
to be. It could be. It could be a lot simpler if you
just aren't intentional. Yes, yeah, yes for sure. Okay, I'm
a great I'm going to clean eats. Shout out to clean eats. Oh
they don't pay me, but but shout out se y'all because they have meal
preps and freezers and just going there and just figure out what you want to
eat. And I've been doing that. It's a store, yes, right
up, it's right here. Okay, yeah, yeah, doing that real
meat. Okay. I didn't know if it was like a plant based tight
like all plant based like by meat. No, no, no, that's
all good. But yeah, man, I'll see you, so just say
so, just leave it alone, thank you, all right. I love
you man, I love you too,