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Yeah, yeah, what's going on? This is Eric Dizzy. Thank y'all

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so much for listening to this episode. I want to start this episode off

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with a song that's been a heavy
rotation. I'm ray one call away.

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Thank you Brooklyn for pulling up and
chatting with me. I really love talking

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to you and h This episode is
dedicated to my cousin the Kia as she

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reached out to me and was like, I really do miss you record it?

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Can you record some time in the
future. Well, here you go,

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candle you while you lady lunch and
another backup phone cars. Thank you

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Sally's Girl. Are you full?
I was a missing you lows just my

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fold thing and I the whole shoot
I want to send me still. That's

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all throughout the whole. I don't
know what this roll is. Can't get

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back back back back bay? You
trusted in me. Can't it get back

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back back back bad? Your trust
was in me? Uh oh. All

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he do was gonna calm on my
way, on my way, on my

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way, on my way, on
my way, on my bad, on

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my way, on my way,
by my way, on my way,

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on my way, on my way, on my way, on my way,

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on my way, on my way. If you I don't know get

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I'm a lot pilat. I don't
know all the but whatever you take and

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try a rest of my Brady times
one of who you gonn out climb back

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and it didn't come down, down, down down. That's my full day.

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I know she wasna send me still
at home. It's about the Holy

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I don't know what this roll is. Can't it get back back, back

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back back? He trusted in me. I feel like I might be micahol

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Let me, it's okay. I
got programs to check it out. Somebody.

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Somebody used to always comment on ignor
Philosophy's page, why are you eating

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in the mic well bit, because
I'm giving you two episodes a week and

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I'm hungry as fuck. Jesus Christ, Jesus God, damn that I that

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I don't miss I don't miss I
don't miss me trying my hardest to get

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content out consistently and the motherfucker complaining
about the content. Shut your gass up,

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because it's a lot. It's kind
of like, it's kind of like

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at the end of the day.
This is exactly what it's like if gig

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at the end of the day,
after you did everything you possibly could to

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make her day great. I'm sure
this has happened. Go ahead, those

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nuggets wasn't even hitting for real?
Oh, Like, why am I going

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to bed so late? Like if
she just complaining about all of the shit

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that you really try to I'm trying, yeah, yeah, but are you

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Oh my goodness, I'm not ready
for that talking back? Yeah, because

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she can't even talk and she's already
trying to talk back a little bit.

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I don't know if she I don't
know. She might be talking back,

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but I don't know if she's gonna
be like disrespectful. I feel like Olivia

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is gonna be the one and be
like I'm gonna have to punch you.

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I feel like that's the one that's
gonna Yeah, And I'm and I'm ready

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for it. And I'm and I'm
and I'm you know, parenting so far

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has been lit because I'm seeing you
know so much, so much of you

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know, who Sierra was as a
kid, and that's what that's what I'm

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enjoying, Like, oh you little
shit. That's why I literally been telling

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Johnny Day yesterday. Like Gianna was
sitting there eating her breakfast or something.

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She's so I'm like, isn't it
crazy to see like me and you got

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together and made a little us,
and I see so much of me and

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so much of you, like but
then her own personality, I'm like,

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that is so crazy. I was, I was. I was really particular

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before. I was extremely particular before. But I think the influx of podcasts

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has made me realize that niggas don't
take this as serious as I did.

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And maybe I scared niggas off by
taking it as serious as I did.

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I had a really high standard.
This might be trauma, but I felt

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like and I feel like my art
is a reflection of me. My work

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is a reflection of me. And
even now when I'm working on these shows

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and I'm working on I feel like
whenever they give me critique back, it's

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like a personal stab at who I
am. And I'm trying my best not

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to write because I'm like, who
are you talking to? Like turn a

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compression down? Who are you talking
to? Turn the threshold? But wait?

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Who are you talking to? Though? And I'm like, bro,

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where did you get that? Like? Have you always been like this?

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And it's making me look at when
anybody has ever tried to help me,

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correct me, guide me. Did
I meet them with the same resistance about

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to ask? And most more than
likely I did in every aspect, in

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every single aspect, dating, nigga, work, nigga, nigga, nigga,

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everything, nigga, every fucker.
I'm like, bru, get it

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together, because right, how did
you realize that? Though? When I

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was like, I can't say shit
back because I might lose this motherfucking job.

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You have to do some self reflecting
or these light's gonna cut off,

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and when you have to sit there
in your thoughts because you can't just lash

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out because it's consequences. The consequence
ain't just losing a relationship. The consequence

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is losing this safety net that you're
you're trying to you know what I'm saying,

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right, and you got people and
and you got I have people rooting

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for me on the other end of
this. As always, I've always had

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people rooting for me. So I
don't want to beas the aggressive black guy

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because that's some trauma that I have
to deal with. And I was trying

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to figure out, like where did
that come from? And I think it's

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because I always felt like niggas was
trying to play me because when I was

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growing up, my mom has this
weird We're not going to talk about parents,

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I promise, but I am my
mom and my aunt. I got

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some trauma shit going on, right. Their dad and their mom then was

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not the was not the best parents
by a long shot. There was rumors

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that my grandfather was not the father
of my aunt, who was the oldest

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of my mom, my MoMA,
my aunt. So because of that,

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his siblings, all girls, used
to say, Kenny's kids, we ain't

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got nothing to do with them.
So they used to show favoritism to his

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siblings kids and their kids. Okay, so growing up I used to hear

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them make remarks about my mom and
my aunt. So when they would get

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her, so they would treat us
differently. This is from Knee. They

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would treat us differently, and then
I would have to deal with my mom

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feeling sad about that. So then
now I'm like, oh, well,

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everyone that's not in this room is
talking about me. Because every when I

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was little, I used to walk
into rooms and I would feel like y'all

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were just talking about me, and
every instant. There was one time in

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high school this is I remember going
to my home girl Asia house, and

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were all sitting around kicking it.
I used to go over there all the

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time with Thin and bring away.
He used over there all the time.

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And some new bitch came in the
crib, and I'm cracking jokes because I'm

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I can joke the way that I
know how to crack. I know everybody

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right here right, She said,
Oh, you don't want the smart mouthday

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was talking about so that that at
so I think too many instances of that.

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Yeah, it was another instance where
Uh, my cousin got too fucked

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up and she shouldn't have got sucked
up because I'm gonna share this. She

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got too fucked up. Oh so
this will mean see her first get together.

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I'm bringing her around. We're playing
a drinking game. Bad, bad

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mistake. I don't know why family
would trauma love to drink. Let's let's

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play a game. No matter what
you throw down, you got a drink.

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Oh shit, yeah, Kings were
playing Kings, she said, uh

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she said, uh. Yeah.
When we used to go to S and

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so house, she used to have
boys come over when she wasn't supposed to.

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It was an older cousins, so
she used to put us in the

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closet. I think it was hot
dogs to practice sucking dick what. So

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me and her best friend like,
yo, you should probably chill because what

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you're describing can get somebody arrest,
So chill. She was like, see,

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here you go. That's why nobody
like you are your mama, because

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i's it. Wait what, oh
bet, let's go. Yeah. I

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knew it every single every time.
So now I'm dealing with that. Yeah.

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And then I'm in workspaces where I'm
sending text messages no one's applying.

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I'm saying things no one's applying.
Then somebody else would say something and then

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everybody would reply. Oh. But
I had to tell myself, you can't

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go crazy because you're gonna suck this
up. So I'm like, okay,

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let me identify this because I need
to understand the source. And then they

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made me realize why I love see
her and her family so much because they've

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never called me an asshole. They've
never called me arrogant, they've never called

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me anything outside of Eric, They've
never They just accept who it is,

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who I am. They just accept
it ain't no Because when things got really

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rough for them, that same aggression
that I normally have towards y'all. It

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went to protect y'all. So it's
not necessarily I'm trying to be a dick

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on purpose. This is how I
protect myself. And I realized that over

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the course of time, I've heard
a lot of people trying to protect myself

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and they didn't see it like that. So when I saw old girl,

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that butter, I'm like, yo, she avoided me. I know she

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did. And I was a cat
from fake ass book Club Tall. She

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looked like a fucking model, no
better person to walk around better with cat.

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I'm walking around with this beautiful motherfucker
and everybody's avoiding me. Yeah,

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they probably like, that's what you
And that's just my homie because I didn't

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have anybody to go with. Bookie
was DJ and there, so he wasn't

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there, right, Kenan didn't show
up, and my homie Carlos had a

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DJ gig. But other than that, there would be nobody else from there.

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So I'm walking around with her and
she was avoiding me. And so

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when we finally crossed paths, I'm
made sure that we crossed paths. I

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touched her and I'm like, yo, how are you doing? She was

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like she gave me the head nothing, So I was like, damn,

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I fucked that up. And that's
why I put in there. If there

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was anything that I could redo,
she would be the one that I would

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be like, Yo, I really
didn't mean for you to be as hurt

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as you are behind me trying to
protect myself. Did you feel like that

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just wasn't a moment to say there? You feel like it's just too late?

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Uh no, because every every apology
from a nigga sounds the same.

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And I realized that, like,
and it didn't seem like she was really

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in a space to receive it anyway. Yeah, but when I got home

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myself like your space, okay,
because if you was as mature as you,

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if you was as mature as you
said you was, or you are

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you you put off, then you
will understand that I was going through or

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have been going through. You know. Yeah, my mom's texting me,

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Yeah, how's she doing? He's
talking about Gianna's being very emotional, not

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crying, but emotional like why would
you tell me that? How long are

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you gonna be recorded? Oh my
god? Like see mom guilt, our

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hour, our mom, Oh my
goodness, that just didn't fucked up my

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head space a little bit. That's
why I don't say my kids to my

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mamma, because I'll be damn if
I'm enjoying myself and you do that because

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you didn't know one back in the
day when you used to drop us off.

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Nobody could text you back in the
day, the lady. That's so

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true. No, nigga, I
was emotional, was a motherfucker and you

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ain't know it. You won't even
tell you how to do whatever you're doing.

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Cup in the hair. Yeah,
having a good time, making to

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spend a night in people house you
ain't sposed to be at. I've been

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thinking about that, like, my
kids got to be with me all the

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00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:20,519
time, because I remember how I
felt being dropped off. I didn't get

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dropped off. You did it,
No, you. My mom was overbearing

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00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:28,279
always. I know. I didn't
get to spend a night at friends who

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lives there. They got brothers.
She was very protective for good reason though,

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No, And I understand it now. Yeah, I definitely understand it

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00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:41,679
now because niggas just creeps. But
then it's like that you're trying to give

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00:13:41,679 --> 00:13:46,200
me mom, you on purpose.
Yeah, that's what I feel like,

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00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,519
because it's like, why you know
I'm trying to do something. Why would

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00:13:48,519 --> 00:13:52,559
you take me out of their headspace
right by telling me that her daddy's there,

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00:13:54,159 --> 00:13:58,159
you're there, handle it? Why
are you talking to me? And

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00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:03,840
that? And that's when I would
say, why are you talking to me?

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00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:07,080
And then that's when my mom waa
get mad. But I have to

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00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:11,279
tell my mom. I know that
the dynamic of this is mom son.

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00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:16,919
At the end of the day,
it's Tanya and Eric. You're a mom

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00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:20,279
and I'm a dad, and my
kids come first. My kids come before

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00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:22,559
you, my wife come before all
of y'all. I don't know how you're

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gonna take that. Watch your mouth
and your conduct when it's about any of

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00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:33,720
this. Like, I don't like
when. I don't like when I don't

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00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:37,200
understand it. Though, I don't
like that when people come around and I'm

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00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:41,440
I'm a I'm with Dorian. He
went to daycare right when he turned one.

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00:14:43,559 --> 00:14:46,919
The girls are seventeen months and it's
three fifty a week to take them

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00:14:46,919 --> 00:14:50,200
to daycare, plus the two hundred
oh however much it is for Dorian,

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I ain't got it. So I'm
with the girls all the time. So

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00:14:56,679 --> 00:15:01,919
consequently they're daddy's girls. But I
don't want people to come around and say,

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00:15:01,919 --> 00:15:05,799
oh, they want their daddy,
because who else the fuck they gonna

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00:15:05,799 --> 00:15:13,960
want? Right, It's me like
like black people always gotta say something to

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00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:18,960
belittle something that is very significant.
Yes, Like why you gotta say that

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00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,679
because now they now you're saying that
as if it's a bad thing, right,

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00:15:22,879 --> 00:15:26,840
because if I wasn't here, right, it's the catch twenty two.

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00:15:26,879 --> 00:15:33,360
Ain't no catch twenty two. You
gonna cast these hands because who are you

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00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:37,360
talking to? Yeah, I don't
like that. I think a lot of

203
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:41,759
black people are just so used to
their trauma, like they just they don't

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00:15:41,799 --> 00:15:45,679
even realize when they say certain ship
that it's just like, I don't know,

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00:15:45,799 --> 00:15:48,240
it's toxic. It's very Hello everybody. My name is Eric, and

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I am in here with now Hello
everybody, Hello everybody. I am Eric.

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00:15:54,200 --> 00:16:00,720
I am the host of whatever recording
today here with Brooklyn. Hello everybody

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00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:04,360
aka Keith and Jessica from black WOODOW. I've realized that I've I will always

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be that. Yeah, I wanted
to record. Obviously we are recording,

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00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:15,519
but I wanted to record and talk
about a few things I haven't talked about.

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00:16:15,519 --> 00:16:18,000
The la trip. I haven't told
y'all what I'm working on. I

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00:16:18,039 --> 00:16:21,279
haven't told y'all anything, and I
don't even know if y'all care. But

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00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:25,159
I want to talk to Brooklyn,
so you're gonna listen. But yeah,

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00:16:25,799 --> 00:16:27,960
a lot of a lot of the
times, I don't think that black people

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00:16:29,039 --> 00:16:32,320
really I don't think black people realize
that a lot of the things that we

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00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:37,200
do say that we do and or
say, and or eat and or believe,

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00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:42,519
it's all just toxic that was passed
down from toxic people, and it's

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00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:49,120
not conducive to growth. And when
you're when you're when you're trying to grow,

219
00:16:49,279 --> 00:16:52,440
Let's say you're trying to diet,
Thanksgiving come around, you're still in

220
00:16:52,519 --> 00:16:56,960
that diet. It ain't no congratulations
never, it's never. It's you still

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00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:00,879
my uncle's are you're still not drinking? No, nigga, it is.

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00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:04,799
It's always a problem. It's always
a problem. Yeah, I've realized that

223
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:10,240
bettering yourself seems comes off as a
little bougie. Yeah you know what.

224
00:17:11,039 --> 00:17:14,839
Yeah, the fact that you said
that. So my cousin China, that's

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00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:18,200
who I went to the podcast.
I feel like I haven't seen her in

226
00:17:18,319 --> 00:17:22,720
years. I know, she she
kind of stays in her own bubble,

227
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:26,000
in her own zone, respectfully,
respectfully, respectfully. It just got to

228
00:17:26,039 --> 00:17:30,720
that point where I can stay respectfully
because I was thinking, like, oh,

229
00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:33,039
you know, now we had a
fallen out, but we kind of

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00:17:33,039 --> 00:17:37,640
weren't as close. We grew up
together, but we weren't as close in

231
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:41,359
the past few years. So we
just really kind of builded our relationship back

232
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:45,079
up in the past maybe two or
three years, right, And when we

233
00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:48,119
went to this podcast and they were
to be somebody, Yeah, no,

234
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:56,440
for sure, Megan Ashley and they
were talking about how sometimes you're alone,

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00:17:57,000 --> 00:18:00,200
but you're never lonely because you got
God or whatever not or whatever. But

236
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:04,000
I don't want to go too much
into that, but they were saying,

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00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:08,480
sometimes you need those spaces where you
are alone. God I removed you from

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00:18:08,519 --> 00:18:12,000
that, you know, so you
can better yourself, so you can figure

239
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,680
out x y Z, Like you
didn't need to be in that space.

240
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,839
And she had told me when we
kind of had our falling out, like

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00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:22,359
that's where she was at, like, yeah, she still wanted to do

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00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:25,279
x y Z after she had Jade
and she had her young but it's like,

243
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:27,599
you can't do that that's not the
space you supposed to be in right

244
00:18:27,599 --> 00:18:32,319
now. So I'm gonna forcibly remove
you out of there since you're not listening

245
00:18:32,359 --> 00:18:37,359
to me telling you. So I
took it personal, like oh, you

246
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:40,920
know, I'm like, oh,
she's she she knowing her church thing,

247
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,720
y'all. She she had god lead
woman, she had the deacon's wife.

248
00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:47,640
She you know, she don't want
to be around us. She don't like

249
00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:49,200
to do the things we do.
She boogie, she thinks she better than

250
00:18:49,279 --> 00:18:56,240
us. She is, she's not. But that's my that's my trauma.

251
00:18:56,640 --> 00:19:00,039
She was. That's my trauma.
She wasn't want to bet herself. And

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00:19:00,319 --> 00:19:02,839
that's what I'm saying when you said
the bougie thing, So it's like it

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00:19:03,039 --> 00:19:04,640
just clicked for me. I'm like, trya. You told me like that's

254
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:11,240
what you had to do for yourself, and I heard you. I really

255
00:19:11,279 --> 00:19:17,240
didn't understand it until they put it
in that perspective, like sometimes you gotta

256
00:19:17,279 --> 00:19:21,920
be removed from the bullshit for yourself, no matter what that looks like to

257
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:26,319
anybody else. I'm just now getting
into space like that where I can comfortably

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00:19:26,559 --> 00:19:29,240
do stuff and be like it is
what it is, how you feel about

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00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:33,200
it because it's not about you.
Yeah, I think I think part of

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00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:37,559
my issue is that I've I've been
there too long. You've definitely always been

261
00:19:37,599 --> 00:19:41,880
there, but I didn't. I
never That's not a bad thing, and

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00:19:41,279 --> 00:19:48,400
I never really knew how to verbalize
it like that. Like I feel really

263
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:52,880
estranged from my family, Like they
don't even invite me to shit no more

264
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:56,480
unless it's my aunt. The same
people that grew up talking about does that

265
00:19:56,519 --> 00:20:02,000
bother? You see? So it's
not well, it is because it's like,

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00:20:02,759 --> 00:20:06,039
well, why don't you just come
over here on this side of the

267
00:20:06,079 --> 00:20:08,279
fence? Why I keep asking me
to go over there? I don't do

268
00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:12,000
any of those things. But none
of those things that y'all are doing is

269
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:17,680
helpful to y'all. It's actually really
toxic and it's not making any of y'all

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00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:21,799
better. It's actually just coping things
that y'all don't want to deal with.

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00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:23,440
I don't want to drink. I
don't want to get with y'all every time

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00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:26,400
and drink and not talk about anything. Yeah. I think we was at

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00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:32,920
Butter and Me Tony sticks and Bookie
was like Bookie was like, he said,

274
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:34,640
Man, the two niggas that I
talked to the most that I have

275
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:38,960
the best conversations with are finally in
the same room where finally together because it's

276
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:44,880
he works Tony sticks all the time. But we're never since the closing of

277
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,839
Epic, we're never in the same
spots together. It would be like a

278
00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:52,720
vibe on Wednesday where we would all
be in the same room. But I

279
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:59,240
was like, man, yeah,
like potting has given me relationships with people,

280
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:03,039
especially man, that I never really
had with my family. And I

281
00:21:03,119 --> 00:21:06,799
said, I don't even really talk
to my family like that. And then

282
00:21:06,839 --> 00:21:10,079
I said, but what does that
mean, right? If I can't have

283
00:21:10,279 --> 00:21:15,359
if I can't hold a conversation with
my family that's not nostalgic based, I

284
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:21,640
don't want to talk about growing up, Yeah, playing high and see Kenny

285
00:21:21,759 --> 00:21:23,200
Lady this, or I don't.
I don't give none of that. Ship.

286
00:21:23,839 --> 00:21:26,319
I've done done. I've done some
dope ass ship that I don't want

287
00:21:26,319 --> 00:21:30,160
to get. I'm trying to get, but I have to shrink myself because

288
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:33,000
I don't want to come off Brackadosius. I don't want to come off bouji.

289
00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:36,440
I don't want to come for real
because if you start, if you

290
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:40,720
start listening off all of the things
that you've accomplished in front of people who

291
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:44,000
still looking for love. Even though
they might be in a relationship and they

292
00:21:44,079 --> 00:21:47,799
still looking for love, They're still
looking for acceptance or self they still have

293
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:51,400
body image issues, they still have
all of these things going on, and

294
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:53,319
here you go, Oh, I'm
losing weight. I got a new job,

295
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:56,400
I got a boyfriend, and my
boyfriend a happy. We got a

296
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:57,200
kid. A kid is beautiful,
the kid is happy. This this,

297
00:21:57,279 --> 00:22:00,119
this is like, bitch, you
gonna come right here bragging because that's how

298
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:03,000
I feel, damn. And I
don't want to feel like that. Yeah,

299
00:22:03,039 --> 00:22:06,839
because we ain't get to the career
yet. I'm working with East now.

300
00:22:07,079 --> 00:22:08,720
Yeah, I don't even want to
get I don't but I don't want

301
00:22:08,759 --> 00:22:12,079
to. I remember asking my cousin, like, yo, so what do

302
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:15,039
you do? He work at Allison's. I was like, man, I'm

303
00:22:15,039 --> 00:22:19,759
really because that's if you from Indianapolis. Yeah, my girdpa worked there.

304
00:22:19,799 --> 00:22:23,599
You either work at Allison's or a
hospital. You can retire from the motherfucker's

305
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,640
roch. Yeah. So I'm like, man, you work at Man,

306
00:22:26,759 --> 00:22:30,000
I'm I'm really proud of you.
What do you do? He was like,

307
00:22:30,039 --> 00:22:34,440
I'm a fucking contract analyst for this
this all over the world said,

308
00:22:36,279 --> 00:22:41,720
damn, that's sound important to motherfucker. It's like it is. I was

309
00:22:41,839 --> 00:22:44,680
like, I'm proud of you,
bro, and like I was like,

310
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:48,359
what does the rest of my family
do? I don't know what your niggas

311
00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:53,599
do. Did you get more information? Oh? That was just a from

312
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:57,000
him? From him, No,
that was just a because then you start

313
00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:07,640
going to the ship that on logistics
and this man a microphone. But gatlet

314
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:11,440
this sham on me. Let's hear
some bragging. I want to hear some

315
00:23:11,519 --> 00:23:19,839
bragging, because you deserve the bread. I was. I was recording with

316
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:26,359
Scotty and Sylvia recently ask Sylvia Scottie
is a labor like me, and I've

317
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:32,680
never really I'm not a I'm not
a what is that horsecope? I was

318
00:23:32,759 --> 00:23:34,640
having astrology. I'm not the type
of guy. But she was like,

319
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:37,880
every time that she has to talk
about herself in a positive light, she

320
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:44,519
shrinks. And I feel like that
when people ask about the La trip.

321
00:23:44,599 --> 00:23:52,039
So in June, well, no
back up. Easter Ray has a radio

322
00:23:52,039 --> 00:23:59,519
a record company called Radio Radio.
Radio Radio is BUTNONI is the president of

323
00:23:59,599 --> 00:24:02,359
Radio Me have a known name.
Met at the podcast movement when I went

324
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:06,799
in twenty sixteen, and he told
me, then, when I got a

325
00:24:06,799 --> 00:24:12,200
situation for you, i'll let you
know I remember that name. And this

326
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:15,119
is when Insecure was super hot.
This was all these type of things,

327
00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:19,759
and he had stopped replying to my
messages. I think the second season,

328
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:23,759
the second season, maybe every season
had four five. I just rewatched it,

329
00:24:25,039 --> 00:24:27,279
so maybe maybe the second and third
season. He stopped replying until it

330
00:24:27,319 --> 00:24:30,400
was over. So I was like, damn, what did I do?

331
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:37,400
Yeah, because again trauma, it's
my fault. Did I say something?

332
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:41,039
Dada da? He just popped up
and was like, yeah, I'm back

333
00:24:41,279 --> 00:24:44,039
on Instagram. I'm back. He
ain't posted nothing, so he was like

334
00:24:44,039 --> 00:24:48,880
I'm back. Then he they had
started a podcast division and radio, and

335
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:55,759
one thing led to another. He
linked me with Jifa, who is the

336
00:24:55,799 --> 00:25:00,160
head of podcasting at radio, and
it's like, yeah, we got an

337
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:06,319
idea for a show. Can you
turn it around tonight? Why? Yes,

338
00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:10,359
I can turn it around. It
was like this sounds this sounds way

339
00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:14,319
better than what we expected. We'll
be in touch. The next day they

340
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:18,480
was like, we got another one
turn around tonight. Yes, I can.

341
00:25:18,759 --> 00:25:22,279
She was like, uh, I
said, this don't sound as good

342
00:25:22,319 --> 00:25:30,119
as the first one. What happened? M What do you mean? Her

343
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:33,279
host don't sound as enthused as she
was the first time. So I don't

344
00:25:33,319 --> 00:25:37,119
know how to make this sound good
because the energy is not there as it

345
00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:41,000
was the first. Funny you say
that Easta gave her some pointers. She

346
00:25:41,039 --> 00:25:42,759
didn't like the pointers, and she
did her own thing, and so now

347
00:25:42,799 --> 00:25:45,880
she's gonna be kicked up the show. I said, Oh, said,

348
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:49,000
but it's funny that you said that. Would you be interested in working on

349
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:52,759
another show that we might be?
They were, they were thinking about launching.

350
00:25:52,559 --> 00:25:56,319
We need to fly you out for
that. I said, uh,

351
00:25:56,640 --> 00:26:00,480
yeah, turn of my wife,
Turn of my wife. Let me tell

352
00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:04,599
my wife my wife. And she
was like, a hey, what about

353
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:07,160
on a Tuesday? You know what
I mean, It be a Tuesday.

354
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:11,200
We we'll give you a hotel,
we'll give you a flight. Can you

355
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:19,119
come, my wife? Everything was
a go. They sent the hotel confirmation,

356
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:22,680
they sent the flight confirmation. It
was like, oh, this is

357
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:30,160
really happening. Okay, so I'll
go out there. I didn't watch nothing

358
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:32,359
on the plane, Yes I did. I watched White Man Can't jump on

359
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:36,680
the plane, which is cool,
and it was cool. It was cool.

360
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:42,160
But then the plane landed and I
was like, oh, I now

361
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:47,200
have to do something. I'm here
for a reason, and I felt like

362
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:51,720
I felt like everything that I was
doing with ignorant philosophy. Black Widow had

363
00:26:51,799 --> 00:26:57,279
led up to this point. Get
to the hotel. Nice hotel, Get

364
00:26:57,319 --> 00:27:00,960
to the room. I cried a
little bit, maybe a few drops,

365
00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:03,799
because it was like I was right, Yeah, I was right. I

366
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:07,440
said I I told everybody, Yo, you gotta bust your ass to do

367
00:27:07,519 --> 00:27:10,960
it. You gotta be very you
gotta be perfectionist, because there is no

368
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:15,839
little league to none of the ship
right if you're gonna do it, investing

369
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:18,119
the best sit that you can.
If you can't invest the best shit,

370
00:27:18,519 --> 00:27:22,200
lease it because you can go on
zounds at least all of the equipment that

371
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:26,279
you want. You do not have
to go flat out and spend a ship

372
00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:32,559
ton of money, but you want
you want to compete. Cool next day,

373
00:27:32,839 --> 00:27:37,039
get a get a driver. They
drive me from around the airport to

374
00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:41,960
the hills. Driver and driving up
the hill was it was crazy as fuck.

375
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:45,759
Get there. I'm one of the
first people there. So it's a

376
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:52,039
nice ass Airbnb with a nice ass
view or whatever sunset. I'm like,

377
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:56,400
man, so I'm trying my hardest
not to be in my head. So

378
00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:59,720
I'm like, let me get out, let me I see motherfucker's moving shit.

379
00:27:59,799 --> 00:28:02,880
Let me grab some bags. I'm
introducing myself to everybody because I don't

380
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:06,160
know who's here. I don't know
who's who. I don't know who's important,

381
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:10,039
who's not important. All I know
is Jifa, Okay, and Benoni.

382
00:28:11,559 --> 00:28:15,039
So May shows up. May is
the coordinator of all of this ship.

383
00:28:15,119 --> 00:28:19,119
She's an executive producer of the pot. So she we introduced ourselves and

384
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:22,839
then Benoni walking in, Giffa walk
in. But then it's makeup artists there,

385
00:28:23,039 --> 00:28:29,400
it's wardrobe stylist. There is motherfucking
videographers. Theres's photographers there, Nigga,

386
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:33,680
it's producers. It's so many different
mother. I'm like, I was

387
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:37,720
doing all of this right, fagnant
philosophy. I was set up, the

388
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:41,039
camera was set up, the lights, I was making sure Nigga's war certain.

389
00:28:41,119 --> 00:28:42,799
I was doing all of these things. And to see it all broken

390
00:28:42,799 --> 00:28:48,319
down, it's a million little pieces. It was like, oh, okay,

391
00:28:48,359 --> 00:28:55,359
so we're not in a little League
anymore. So No, So Scotty

392
00:28:55,440 --> 00:29:02,480
and Sylvia are downstairs, there's this
energy like everybody was kind of like they're

393
00:29:02,519 --> 00:29:07,480
downstairs, like the reason why we're
here is downstairs, so let's not do

394
00:29:07,519 --> 00:29:11,319
anything too. So I don't I
never I never even heard of Silvia before

395
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:17,599
this, but I knew who Scotty
was because of her showing with Joe Budden

396
00:29:17,599 --> 00:29:23,799
on Revolt. Scotty b Yeah,
she's beautiful one beautiful online. Right,

397
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:30,720
So I'm like, I don't know
what to expect walk in the kitchen when

398
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:37,880
I tell you that this beautiful motherfucker. She's about five ten. I don't

399
00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:40,839
want to say what I think she
weighs because there's a lot of hips and

400
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:47,640
ass, but she yeah, she's
stallion. I was like, oh my

401
00:29:47,759 --> 00:29:51,799
god, yea, And I was
kind of like I wanted to introduce myself.

402
00:29:51,839 --> 00:29:55,480
But she looks exactly how she looks
online. She sounds exactly how she

403
00:29:55,519 --> 00:29:59,519
looks online. I was like,
oh okay, but everybody was still moving

404
00:29:59,599 --> 00:30:04,039
around like they were afraid of I
know, I know how I know how

405
00:30:04,079 --> 00:30:07,839
to move around some women. So
they get they get dressed, they come

406
00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:10,400
upstairs. I said, I brought
these mics I set the mics up,

407
00:30:11,559 --> 00:30:15,359
and I'm still feeling like this is
too this is coming off too easy.

408
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:19,319
But because I've been doing it for
years and years. I'm talking about right,

409
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:23,599
Keenan and Keenan boogie and died on
their way. I got thirty minutes

410
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:29,440
to set up the camera, lights, microphones and everything. So now it's

411
00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:30,240
just I gotta set these up.
So when I did it, I was

412
00:30:30,279 --> 00:30:34,000
like, I feel like there's something
else I should be doing. The gimm

413
00:30:34,039 --> 00:30:41,000
ain't sit down. They're recording.
Everybody's still on edge. Sylvia is funny.

414
00:30:41,039 --> 00:30:42,920
She's trying to lighten the mood up, and I'm laughing. I'm not

415
00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:47,799
supposed to be laughing because they're recording. So then she started saying, see

416
00:30:48,279 --> 00:30:53,160
Eric feeled me, and they like, dude. That was that happened once.

417
00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:57,799
But then afterwards we went out to
eat. Who went out to eat

418
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:03,119
me? But no need Scottie,
Sylvia as producer, may Chifa, we

419
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:07,000
all wanted to eat. And then
I went home the next day. But

420
00:31:07,039 --> 00:31:12,720
the next day is when EASA came. But no, but still that was

421
00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:18,680
an amazing experience. It was because
again it was confirmation that I was right.

422
00:31:19,119 --> 00:31:23,920
It was confirmation that I was good
enough. It was confirmation that.

423
00:31:25,599 --> 00:31:32,319
And what I learned the most is
that no regardless of how loud you are

424
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:42,000
about your aspirations, once those aspirations
come to fruition, the congratulations from other

425
00:31:42,079 --> 00:31:48,000
people, it never feels like you
think it's gonna feel in a bad way,

426
00:31:48,839 --> 00:31:51,400
like not like it's a bunch of
coming and it's like overwhelming. It's

427
00:31:51,440 --> 00:32:00,400
like it doesn't matter, like people
being like and and nobody wasn't out as

428
00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:06,119
my nigga, Carlos Dji nobody nobody. He came over here. It was

429
00:32:06,279 --> 00:32:07,880
like he had to just come get
some speakers in it. Before he left.

430
00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:09,559
He was like, yo, bro, I'm really proud of you.

431
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:13,039
He was like, you do you
living in life? He said, you

432
00:32:13,119 --> 00:32:15,640
live in the exact life you said
you wanted to live. You're working with

433
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:17,839
the exact people you said you want. He said, I'm so proud of

434
00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:21,880
you. And I was like,
yeo, a man, And I sat

435
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:27,960
down. I was like, he's
the first person to say that. But

436
00:32:28,319 --> 00:32:32,519
I can't be mad at other people
because he's we all have we let me

437
00:32:32,599 --> 00:32:37,839
not say we. I have a
certain group of people that I talked to

438
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:40,440
every day or every other day,
I realized that not everybody have that.

439
00:32:42,039 --> 00:32:43,960
But there are certain people that I
talked to you every day, and he's

440
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,200
one of them, so he if
anybody would understand, it would be him.

441
00:32:46,359 --> 00:32:52,000
But yeah, it's like it's a
job now. Yeah, it's a

442
00:32:52,079 --> 00:32:54,079
job now that I got to show
up to every week until December, the

443
00:32:54,160 --> 00:33:00,240
end of December. But do you
feel like when you said it's like a

444
00:33:00,319 --> 00:33:05,079
confirmation, do you feel like you
were able to breathe a little easier,

445
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:13,400
Like yeah, because it's like right
now in this podcast space, I feel

446
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:15,400
well. Then in the podcast space, I felt like I was just like

447
00:33:15,519 --> 00:33:21,200
floating abyss. There was no certainty
about if I was going in the right

448
00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:25,599
direction. There was no certainty that
I would be able to take care of

449
00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:30,839
my family with it. Like ignor
philosophy was something that I invested a lot

450
00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:36,240
of time in and then Black Widow
came and then I started investing even more

451
00:33:36,279 --> 00:33:40,079
time into that, but it never
the money that came from it, or

452
00:33:40,119 --> 00:33:45,000
the lack of money that came from
it never allowed me to focus on it

453
00:33:45,119 --> 00:33:49,920
full time. So it was always
that thing of I feel like I'm wasting

454
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:54,440
my time because my time is being
monetarily compensated to take care of myself,

455
00:33:54,519 --> 00:33:59,000
my family and or the things that
I need to take care of. But

456
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:06,839
now do you feel like that it
could have like this is bringing maybe the

457
00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:08,239
joy back into doing it, because
I feel like you got to the point

458
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:12,920
where you was doing it, but
it was you was like wearing all those

459
00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:16,480
different hats. I don't enjoy wearing
all these hats. No, it doesn't

460
00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:22,280
bring the joy back into it.
No, No, because now I'm just

461
00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:27,119
engineering, which I enjoy a lot. But if I had to like schedule

462
00:34:27,239 --> 00:34:31,199
niggas and then start dealing with niggas
excuses and start dealing with niggas not showing

463
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:35,679
up or not delivering when they do
show up, or the response of the

464
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:40,280
episode not being of equal value of
the time that I spent trying to record

465
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:45,840
episode, Like we would be recording
people recording for like three or four hours

466
00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:47,800
and yeah, yeah, Black Widow
record for three to four or five six

467
00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:52,199
hours at a time. Yeah,
And then I get online and not see

468
00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:57,440
not one repost, not no Facebook
comments, not no tweets, not no,

469
00:34:57,719 --> 00:35:00,079
And I'm like, Okay, this
is not to me monetarily, and

470
00:35:00,119 --> 00:35:05,480
it's not coming into me comment wise, yeah. So if if I'm going

471
00:35:05,559 --> 00:35:08,840
off of that, the gratification of
just completing the task, I'm getting that

472
00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:13,039
from doing it with other people.
So and now I gotta worry about tweets.

473
00:35:13,079 --> 00:35:15,960
I gotta worry about getting niggas on
schedules. No, they send it

474
00:35:15,079 --> 00:35:16,800
to me, I do it,
I send it back. I get to

475
00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:20,800
go do what I want to do. Because I was I was investing a

476
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:22,719
lot of time, Yeah, a
lot, a lot of time, and

477
00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:27,119
I was in a lot of pain. Like I couldn't stand up, I

478
00:35:27,159 --> 00:35:29,800
couldn't walk down the block, I
couldn't do a lot of ship that wasn't

479
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:31,159
so much pain. I couldn't sit
for a long period of time. Oh

480
00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:34,239
no, that's why how to start
going to work to the gym every day.

481
00:35:35,159 --> 00:35:44,639
But I realized that I was allowing
I was allowing podcasting to not dictate

482
00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:49,199
my life, but often but I
felt like, what else am I gonna

483
00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:52,039
do? That's kind of what I
felt like, Like, nig you spent

484
00:35:52,159 --> 00:35:54,960
so much time doing this shit and
you finally got a wave that you could

485
00:35:55,039 --> 00:35:58,519
ride, so you got to try
to make this wave as big as you

486
00:35:58,599 --> 00:36:00,760
possibly can. But then it just
like I don't know, then you had

487
00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:05,639
a kid, so that made it
slow down. Ebony moved, so that

488
00:36:05,719 --> 00:36:07,239
made it slow down. And when
I got Shira shied this bitch moved to

489
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:12,159
the Virgin Islands. I'm like,
God, damn, what the fuck?

490
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:16,559
So everybody was like doing their own
thing, respectfully, everybody was doing their

491
00:36:16,599 --> 00:36:20,360
own thing. Then I met Shandrea
and I felt like, oh, we

492
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:24,239
could do this. And then that's
when I Scotty Shame. So I was

493
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:29,039
like, oh, right, when
I've met a writer that was an actor

494
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:35,159
who had a pool of actors and
a pool of writers. No, So

495
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:37,920
now it's like if she hit me
and be like, yo, I need

496
00:36:38,079 --> 00:36:42,880
to record because I need to,
you know, work on this relationship with

497
00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:45,840
somebody, then I'll do it.
If Britney Taylor called and say, yo,

498
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:49,639
I want to use a new something
new for like, if somebody called

499
00:36:49,679 --> 00:36:52,800
me and say can't we do something
like when you were like, yo,

500
00:36:52,880 --> 00:36:54,800
what are we doing? All right, let's record. But then it's like,

501
00:36:57,039 --> 00:37:00,239
if we do something scripted, it's
gonna take a lot of time and

502
00:37:00,239 --> 00:37:01,760
I'm gonna be stressing over it and
i'na have to put it out and then

503
00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:05,719
make graphics for it for Instagram and
I don't really want to do all of

504
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:12,159
that, right because none of that
ship brought to no real benefit at this

505
00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:15,800
point and now that I'm no,
it's not, it's not a real benefit

506
00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:19,679
from it. And I did leaded
Instagram off my phone for like a couple

507
00:37:19,679 --> 00:37:22,440
of weeks, and I thought that
when I got back on it, somebody

508
00:37:22,679 --> 00:37:24,599
I would have at least one message
saying y'all wanted you bringing the show back

509
00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:29,880
or this this. I don't nothing, no comments, no nothing. It's

510
00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:32,719
like, I don't know. And
again I don't know if it's because of

511
00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:37,039
the energy that I put out,
like don't don't talk to me, And

512
00:37:37,119 --> 00:37:39,559
it could be that because I do
have that you know how to do,

513
00:37:42,159 --> 00:37:45,800
but I didn't know, But I
don't know. I just I would just

514
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:51,079
much rather not because I take it, I take it too serious and I

515
00:37:51,199 --> 00:37:52,840
take it and I like I said, like I said at the beginning of

516
00:37:52,880 --> 00:38:00,039
the show, like the critiques become
personal? Yeah? Are they are?

517
00:38:00,079 --> 00:38:07,360
They? Is it more personal coming
from friends? Like because you said the

518
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:12,280
congratulations wasn't it wasn't what you thought
it would be. It was like it

519
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:16,199
wasn't good. I thought motherfuckers was
gonna come nigga and just like, because

520
00:38:16,199 --> 00:38:20,880
I remember when I said something,
you was like, I didn't think you

521
00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:23,480
were even gonna say anything. What
Drake say. Certain people need to have

522
00:38:23,559 --> 00:38:28,000
any proud of me. That's a
Drake line. Yeah, you was one

523
00:38:28,039 --> 00:38:35,280
of them. And I was like, man, this it's been a week.

524
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:38,079
She got a couple more days and
that was it. But other than

525
00:38:38,159 --> 00:38:44,360
you, it really, I really, other than you, frand wise really

526
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:47,440
nothing really matter because you was there
right boom, as soon as I say

527
00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:54,199
okay, as soon as as soon
as podcasting started, Insecure started, and

528
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:57,280
then right when the Insecure started,
it was like, I want to work

529
00:38:57,320 --> 00:39:01,960
with her. So nobody really understands
that because if like people don't know that

530
00:39:02,199 --> 00:39:07,559
Drenttainment and Easter Ray their videos were
always in the episodes. There was some

531
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:13,760
iteration of them, always Black Widow
and if you don't if you if you

532
00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:19,360
didn't know it, sonically, I'm
telling you now every single episode had some

533
00:39:19,599 --> 00:39:25,320
iteration of them in there. So
to be working alongside the company as they

534
00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:31,679
get into their scripted bag, when
Pinoni and Fruit was the study guide of

535
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:37,000
what it's going to sound like,
how long it's going to be now when

536
00:39:37,039 --> 00:39:39,199
they create podcasts, I get to
be there and be like, yo,

537
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:45,000
let's add this, let's do this, so that feels great. The strike

538
00:39:45,119 --> 00:39:47,000
is sucking it up, the writer
strike and all of that. Sorry,

539
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:54,119
sorry for the gap. My brother
DJ pulled up for some photography because I

540
00:39:54,159 --> 00:40:01,920
don't know when the next time on
record. Because if I think that when

541
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:09,360
you devote so much time two numbers, like everybody is a number to me,

542
00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:14,719
if that makes sense, like,
no, you need that one when

543
00:40:15,159 --> 00:40:20,000
when you when you work off of
metrics. So when Ignorant Philosophy first started,

544
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:22,039
when I first uploaded, it was
like three hundred, three hundred,

545
00:40:22,119 --> 00:40:29,400
three hundred plays, and then when
I added Dynasty Roger and Ebony and Jackie,

546
00:40:29,519 --> 00:40:30,880
and then it jumped up to whatever. And then I would do it

547
00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:36,239
with my keep my homie, Marquis
and Louther and then it would just jump

548
00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:39,639
up and jump up. Then we
had at a boogie. Then it got

549
00:40:39,719 --> 00:40:45,719
to another thing. In Black Widow
came and it was like when you see

550
00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:51,239
the numbers, but then those numbers
don't have names, faces, locations or

551
00:40:51,280 --> 00:40:55,519
anything like that, then you will
start to wonder if the numbers are real

552
00:40:57,000 --> 00:41:01,159
because the numbers aren't communicating with you
so like. But then I had to

553
00:41:01,199 --> 00:41:06,039
start realizing, like I listened to
Joe Budden, but I never I never

554
00:41:06,119 --> 00:41:09,519
tweet them, I never kind of
anything. I never like anything. But

555
00:41:09,639 --> 00:41:13,519
I'm a Patriot member. But even
then, I don't comment on everything.

556
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:16,920
I watch everything, I don't comment
on everything. I don't hit, I'm

557
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:21,360
not interacting. So it took me
being a fan of somebody to be like,

558
00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:25,000
I'm just consuming what you give me, and I'm gonna keep consuming because

559
00:41:25,079 --> 00:41:28,599
I like it. But then when
I would lose a Patriot, I remember

560
00:41:28,599 --> 00:41:30,920
it. I was like, fuck, I needed that five dollars, like

561
00:41:30,119 --> 00:41:32,760
because I was, I was,
I needed it. I was in a

562
00:41:32,960 --> 00:41:38,199
place of desperation. Okay, so
I needed the numbers and I needed the

563
00:41:38,239 --> 00:41:43,880
affirmation. I needed one or the
other, either you tell me or you

564
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:49,800
pay me. But that was but
that wasn't fair to the fans, and

565
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:53,519
I think, I think I do
apologize for that, but that I didn't

566
00:41:53,559 --> 00:41:59,199
know anything else because I feel like
I'm putting numbers on the board and I

567
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:01,079
was telling somebody too, like shit, it don't matter how are you go,

568
00:42:01,639 --> 00:42:06,639
it don't matter how good your content
is. If somebody don't see if

569
00:42:06,679 --> 00:42:10,159
the fans don't collect if you don't
there's a language you need to speak on

570
00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:15,519
the internet to have an audience.
For sure, I don't speak that language.

571
00:42:16,639 --> 00:42:20,519
I don't speak and I've learned that
I don't speak that language. I've

572
00:42:20,559 --> 00:42:25,639
accepted that I don't speak that language. So when things didn't pan out the

573
00:42:25,679 --> 00:42:28,400
way that I wanted it too,
I just feel I was just like,

574
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:31,159
I should probably work for somebody,
so I don't talk how to speak to

575
00:42:31,239 --> 00:42:34,880
nobody. So now that I work
for somebody and I got to speak to

576
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:39,320
nobody, I find that I don't
talk as much and I don't desire to

577
00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:44,800
speak as much. So how does
that work outside of work? Like with

578
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:53,239
friends, with your friendships, I
don't know. I don't know. I

579
00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:57,480
don't know. When I was at
Butter, like I like events like Butter,

580
00:42:57,960 --> 00:42:59,559
you should have told me about that. I want to win. I

581
00:42:59,639 --> 00:43:05,360
wanted to go. You have a
lot of friends outside of me, I

582
00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:10,159
feel like I feel like a lot
of people I hang out with. Okay,

583
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:16,920
oh okay, I don't I don't
know about it. Because when I

584
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:20,880
when I when I went right,
when I walked in, Cat was walking

585
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:23,039
in. That was unplanned. I
was like, perfect, we're walking around

586
00:43:23,039 --> 00:43:27,760
at together. Then Boogie showed up, Tony Stick showed up, Parids showed

587
00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:30,920
up. I'm seeing all these I'm
seeing all my friends. I'm like Rossa

588
00:43:30,119 --> 00:43:32,599
Roder. I saw justin Bland.
I saw all these people, like great,

589
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:37,079
yeah, this is this is I
would pay a hundred dollars for this.

590
00:43:37,559 --> 00:43:40,199
Put at my niggas in one spot. I would pay for this.

591
00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:43,519
I get to walk around because if
I go to may Man and probably I

592
00:43:43,519 --> 00:43:45,559
gotta be quiet, I gotta watch
the show. I can't interact with my

593
00:43:45,639 --> 00:43:49,280
niggas. So I don't want to
go to that because if I'm going to

594
00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:51,920
pay you money, I want to
be able to kick it with my niggas.

595
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:58,880
But it's hard. It's hard to
I don't know as a parent,

596
00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:01,079
as a as a parent, first, it's really hard to figure out,

597
00:44:02,599 --> 00:44:07,800
Uh, when do I when?
When? When should I go out?

598
00:44:08,639 --> 00:44:12,679
When should I do these things?
Yeah? Right now, I'm in a

599
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:15,920
On August sixth, I looked at
the mirror and I was like, you

600
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:20,679
look like a piece of shit.
Damn, that was very specific. Why

601
00:44:20,679 --> 00:44:22,719
don't you remember the date? Because
August seventh, I'll call it day one.

602
00:44:23,119 --> 00:44:28,159
Okay, I said, you're gonna
have You're gonna have to You're gonna

603
00:44:28,199 --> 00:44:31,440
have to stop making excuses if you
ever want to get to the next level.

604
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:36,719
And I didn't. It was like, and I was a conversation that

605
00:44:36,719 --> 00:44:40,079
I had myself, like why are
you accepting you're back hurting? Why are

606
00:44:40,119 --> 00:44:45,039
you accepting this gut? Why are
you accepting your muscles just leaving? Why

607
00:44:45,079 --> 00:44:50,400
are you Why are you accepting these
things? Why? Why? I just

608
00:44:50,599 --> 00:44:52,920
was like, why are you accepting
all of these things? You're not You're

609
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:57,159
not You're not one hundred percent happy
with the way you look, So why

610
00:44:57,199 --> 00:45:00,519
are you not busting your ass to
look different? Okay? You did?

611
00:45:00,599 --> 00:45:04,599
You did the mirror talk needs to
write mirror talk. Yeah. For the

612
00:45:04,679 --> 00:45:07,719
lack of better yeah, for the
lack of better terms. Because I was

613
00:45:07,760 --> 00:45:12,159
just like, man, I feel
old. So is that now? Like

614
00:45:13,599 --> 00:45:15,239
is that your thing? Well,
that's always been your thing, but like

615
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:19,000
as a parent, now I feel
like you have to have something for yourself.

616
00:45:19,519 --> 00:45:22,760
The gym. Yeah, yeah,
Okay, I go, So I

617
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:25,239
go. I'll wake up at three
fifty three forty three fifty excuse me,

618
00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:30,639
get to the gym about four fifteen, fourteen, four fifteen. Stayed there

619
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:37,760
to five fifteen come back home.
But the only reason that I that's the

620
00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:39,360
only time that I feel comfortable going, because I don't want to go.

621
00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:42,760
Once a year I get off of
work, then leave her with all three

622
00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:45,000
kids. Right then I don't want
to go right when I go to sleep

623
00:45:45,039 --> 00:45:46,960
because well if they wake up right
and she got to wake up and that's

624
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:52,159
so considerate. Yeah, consider I'd
had to be. Yeah, I felt

625
00:45:52,159 --> 00:45:57,519
like I had to be that,
But as a as a at right now,

626
00:45:57,559 --> 00:46:04,960
I just don't see the knee and
hanging out because why really, yeah,

627
00:46:05,159 --> 00:46:07,559
like why, I got a lot
of I got a lot of work

628
00:46:07,599 --> 00:46:12,000
to do. I gotta work on
Scottie and Sylvia. Then I gotta work

629
00:46:12,039 --> 00:46:15,159
on another project that I can't talk
about right now, and then I have

630
00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:17,360
to go to the gym, and
then I have to fucking wash clothes,

631
00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:24,320
mop the floor every fucking day,
fucking fold to clothes, fucking vacuum every

632
00:46:24,360 --> 00:46:28,880
fucking day. I have to do
so many different things that, yeah,

633
00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:32,119
I don't want to go. So
it is the gym kind of your outlet,

634
00:46:32,760 --> 00:46:37,800
your only outlet. Uh, I
don't. I don't need an outlet.

635
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:40,760
You don't need an outlet. I
had an outlet for years and I

636
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:45,480
was broke. You know what,
I feel like you always kind of you

637
00:46:45,599 --> 00:46:50,719
haven't been a I don't want to
say not social because were you in the

638
00:46:50,800 --> 00:46:53,079
circle of people that you like to
be around, your social But you haven't

639
00:46:53,159 --> 00:46:58,719
to me being a superb not like
I go out. You don't be outside

640
00:46:58,760 --> 00:47:05,679
like I'll be outside, never been
outside yatside, Like that's my outlet,

641
00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:08,320
that's my outlet. Yes, dressing
up and going out, Yes, that's

642
00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:12,679
good. Yeah, but you but
you're in a different space now, you're

643
00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:15,800
you're in a you are you outside
differently than you used to be out?

644
00:47:16,119 --> 00:47:22,880
Yes? My outside definitely does look
different respectful, definitely, definitely respectfully.

645
00:47:23,360 --> 00:47:28,159
But you and Johnny go out together. Yes, that's that's the thing most

646
00:47:28,199 --> 00:47:30,400
of the time. Yeah, a
lot of times it's like if we can't

647
00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:31,880
do it together, I don't want
to do it. Yeah, because who

648
00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:36,159
I'm talking? Yeah, while I'm
while am I outside like that? Yeah?

649
00:47:36,679 --> 00:47:38,679
Without my blue Now that I have, now that I have kids,

650
00:47:38,719 --> 00:47:44,000
I'm like, man niggas with kids, was outside a lot definitely, Like

651
00:47:44,079 --> 00:47:46,559
what was y'all key? Yeah?
And you and you single as hell?

652
00:47:46,679 --> 00:47:52,360
What was your kids? What they
have grandma. But I don't get the

653
00:47:52,480 --> 00:47:55,039
luxury though, so I don't have
a I don't have nobody. I can

654
00:47:55,079 --> 00:48:00,199
just drop my kids out too,
So no, no, I do at

655
00:48:00,239 --> 00:48:05,519
that. Got that her sister be
like, all right, now she got

656
00:48:05,599 --> 00:48:07,920
four kids, so she'd be like, hey, I'm trying to add a

657
00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:12,440
trial called question as motherfucker trying to
have me with seven kids. It's crazy.

658
00:48:12,599 --> 00:48:15,519
Well, you know Johnna's mom my
mom was first, so shout out

659
00:48:15,519 --> 00:48:20,960
to that she's her first grandchild.
Oh yeah, that's not Johnny's mom first.

660
00:48:21,079 --> 00:48:28,360
No, nah, she liked the
fifth six. Oh right, she

661
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:34,519
almost booked up our week kids.
Sh He's mom was getting sick. Dare

662
00:48:34,599 --> 00:48:43,639
you get a shot? Na?
Not the going out thing like we was

663
00:48:43,719 --> 00:48:49,000
out. Yeah, Me and dj
Me, dj Me, Mike, Buggie

664
00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:57,400
and Dave. We're out every weekend
for three years consecutively. I was doing

665
00:48:57,480 --> 00:49:00,440
Buddies every weekend. And then when
Buddies is over, I was at Epic

666
00:49:00,840 --> 00:49:07,280
every weekend. Yeahs like a lifetime
ago, many moons ago, many moons

667
00:49:07,320 --> 00:49:13,000
ago, many high nights, many
drunken nights ago. Crazy, yes,

668
00:49:13,360 --> 00:49:19,679
and that's all now. It's like
because you know, like when you m

669
00:49:20,280 --> 00:49:22,280
I don't want to. I don't
want to say this the way I'm about

670
00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:30,719
to say. Addicts always have friends. M Addicts always have friends. Alcoholics

671
00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:35,000
always have friends. They're always in
the group. It's always a pack of

672
00:49:35,079 --> 00:49:42,440
them, niggas like wolves, always
a pack of drunks. That I was

673
00:49:42,519 --> 00:49:45,840
with a pack, it was a
pack of us that, you know,

674
00:49:45,960 --> 00:49:50,800
all of the excuses that we made
coincide with each other's excuses, all of

675
00:49:50,880 --> 00:49:53,760
our sorrows kind of a lined up. And then once you start taking some

676
00:49:53,840 --> 00:49:58,599
of that out, it's like,
I don't feel like that anymore. Yeah,

677
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:00,880
So now you now you're not a
part of the conversation. Now you

678
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:05,920
seem judging. Now I am judging
because why are you drunk on a Wednesday?

679
00:50:07,239 --> 00:50:12,280
Now I am? I am judging
because no, because at some point

680
00:50:12,360 --> 00:50:15,559
I have to hold myself accountable.
But if we're friends, I gotta also

681
00:50:15,599 --> 00:50:17,880
hold you accountable. All Right,
you said you're gonna do this, and

682
00:50:17,960 --> 00:50:22,639
you ain't do this. So either
you want me to stop telling you about

683
00:50:22,679 --> 00:50:25,199
this, or I can't. I
can't be around you because I'm going to

684
00:50:25,280 --> 00:50:29,559
be reminded that you said you wanted
to do something right and you ain't that

685
00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:34,639
right, and you keep making excuses
on why you can't be that, and

686
00:50:34,719 --> 00:50:38,159
niggas don't like Niggas don't like telling
me shit telling he sending me, DJ

687
00:50:38,320 --> 00:50:42,760
sending me for his podcast. I'm
like, hey man, this just sucked.

688
00:50:44,119 --> 00:50:45,679
We we gotta do yeah, this, this, this, this,

689
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:49,719
yeah, the next one. All
right, it's getting better. What I

690
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:52,760
gotta do? Name it this boom
boom boom. Every time I say something,

691
00:50:52,840 --> 00:50:57,519
it's not a where it's outside of
him. Every time I say something

692
00:50:57,519 --> 00:50:59,760
to somebody else, well, they
ain't got to be perfect. Why are

693
00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:02,079
you no, No, nigga,
why are you bringing it to me?

694
00:51:04,039 --> 00:51:06,920
I'm the one nigga you ain't supposed
to bring this ship too. I'm the

695
00:51:07,039 --> 00:51:10,599
nigga. If you ask me what
do you think, I'm going to tell

696
00:51:10,639 --> 00:51:15,679
you that I think it's not good, because why else are you asking me

697
00:51:15,800 --> 00:51:17,360
what do I think? Because in
your mind you know it's not good,

698
00:51:19,679 --> 00:51:22,360
but you want me to affirm you
that it is not. It's something that

699
00:51:22,519 --> 00:51:29,719
is not I'm I'm dealing with my
own trauma with audible and fucking radio.

700
00:51:29,760 --> 00:51:32,360
I'm dealing with my own ship,
and I'm coming back to you with the

701
00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:37,719
knowledge. I'm telling him, I'll
do it for free. Just listen to

702
00:51:37,840 --> 00:51:39,840
me. I'll do it for free. But he's gonna roll with cheeko.

703
00:51:40,519 --> 00:51:44,559
I need you to pull it up
on Sunday. I'll be there. These

704
00:51:44,599 --> 00:51:47,320
are the type of relationships you need
to have because they know he's gonna be

705
00:51:47,559 --> 00:51:52,840
straight with me. But I feel
like a lot of niggas just feel like

706
00:51:52,880 --> 00:51:57,639
I'm being a dick ye. But
no, it's friendship, it's accountability,

707
00:51:57,880 --> 00:52:01,400
it's a but if somebody's not ready
to be held accountable, they're always gonna

708
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:07,000
feel attacked. Oh doesn't work.
But I feel like I feel like,

709
00:52:07,719 --> 00:52:10,039
are we even in a space where
niggas where you can hold people accountable?

710
00:52:10,119 --> 00:52:16,079
Because I feel whenever I there is
no right way to say you're fucking up.

711
00:52:16,719 --> 00:52:23,760
Yeah, And a lot of the
times it's gonna come across like you

712
00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:28,599
have to be emotionally mature, and
a lot of people ain't. Well.

713
00:52:28,800 --> 00:52:32,639
I think it's because a lot of
the times niggas has judged a lot of

714
00:52:32,679 --> 00:52:36,840
the times, niggas used to being
judged by their mom or they daddy,

715
00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:42,440
so they used to being critiqued and
the critique that the critique, the critique

716
00:52:42,519 --> 00:52:47,039
ain't always asked for you mba be
like you wearing that shirt? Oh my

717
00:52:47,159 --> 00:52:57,400
god, I was. But sometimes
sometimes that sometimes that the us the unsolicited

718
00:52:58,360 --> 00:53:04,000
shit yeah fuck you up. Yeah. But if I'm asking you specifically,

719
00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:08,199
nah, I just feel like I
just feel like niggas ain't that makes sense?

720
00:53:08,320 --> 00:53:12,679
That makes sense? Yeah, And
then now I'm at a space where

721
00:53:12,679 --> 00:53:15,760
I feel like, damn, I'm
always reaching out to people. Like if

722
00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:17,599
I'm hearing from people, it's like, hey, man, you cross my

723
00:53:17,679 --> 00:53:23,880
mind. Yeah, then everything you
like be swift hit me up yesterday it

724
00:53:24,000 --> 00:53:25,239
was like, man, I ain't
talk to you in a minute. You

725
00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:29,119
don't all right? Just checking in
on you, and I was like,

726
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:32,199
broh, I wanted to be like
you the only nigga that has hit me

727
00:53:32,360 --> 00:53:37,000
up this, But I'm not gonna
play with you. You gonna quit having

728
00:53:37,039 --> 00:53:39,639
people think now I'll check up on
you. You don't check up on me.

729
00:53:42,239 --> 00:53:47,039
Talked about let me look at my
phone, the lies, the receipts,

730
00:53:50,119 --> 00:53:53,360
the receipts. Look, I'm really
trying to look ain't. No,

731
00:53:53,639 --> 00:53:58,360
Hey, how are you? If
anything is me saying no, don't do

732
00:53:58,519 --> 00:54:07,159
that, I can't try to search
it is. I just checked up on

733
00:54:07,280 --> 00:54:13,280
you on the seventh of what this
month? What was the next thing you

734
00:54:13,360 --> 00:54:17,639
said? Let's record? I said, but so what you're trying to say,

735
00:54:19,360 --> 00:54:22,119
I'm not trying to say nothing?
No, Why why did you say

736
00:54:22,159 --> 00:54:25,679
that specifically? That's what you said? Next? Hey, I want to

737
00:54:25,760 --> 00:54:29,039
record? No, I said,
Hey, I hope you had a great

738
00:54:29,079 --> 00:54:32,280
holiday weekend. Hope everything is good. And what I say, girl,

739
00:54:32,440 --> 00:54:38,360
you on you're so rude. What's
the next question, I'm gonna check on

740
00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:43,679
you? And I asked Supercord that's
fine, but none of you. But

741
00:54:43,880 --> 00:54:46,800
when you with but when you in
your bubble, when you and Johnny and

742
00:54:46,880 --> 00:54:51,239
g and y'all bubble, Yeah,
and you're working on you and y'all doing

743
00:54:51,320 --> 00:54:55,159
y'all saying, you kind of realize
that everybody else is in their own Yeah.

744
00:54:55,280 --> 00:55:00,480
So I don't take it personal because
everybody I know has kids, has

745
00:55:00,639 --> 00:55:04,599
responsibilities, has jobs. Nigga's just
moving, Niggas just trying to get their

746
00:55:04,599 --> 00:55:08,079
relationship in order. So maybe all
of that time that I was dedicating trying

747
00:55:08,119 --> 00:55:15,880
to talk to people, So what
do you feel like? Kind of what?

748
00:55:15,239 --> 00:55:20,000
What? How does a friend play
the position right now in your life?

749
00:55:20,840 --> 00:55:24,599
I don't know how do they play
in yours. That's a good question,

750
00:55:25,360 --> 00:55:29,400
you guys. Did I did?
I thought you was gonna have an

751
00:55:29,440 --> 00:55:35,599
answer because I don't need I guess, just pull up. Just pull up

752
00:55:36,159 --> 00:55:39,119
really with the with the three kids
and the wife. Just pull up.

753
00:55:39,840 --> 00:55:43,800
Yeah. No, I don't want
you to just pull up, pull up

754
00:55:44,199 --> 00:55:47,280
over your house. Yeah, even
before we move, don't just pull up.

755
00:55:47,639 --> 00:55:51,119
No, I'm not not just unwarranted, but like, hey, I'm

756
00:55:51,199 --> 00:55:54,480
in in your area. Mm hmm
no, m maybe not. I don't

757
00:55:54,480 --> 00:55:59,360
know, I think, but I
think creating is the only thing that I

758
00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:02,840
have that will allow me to see
my friends really without that. Yeah,

759
00:56:04,199 --> 00:56:07,920
like if it's I could do Black
Widow and see you Brittany, Shindrea,

760
00:56:08,719 --> 00:56:14,199
Boogie Byron, I can see all
of the people that I know and have

761
00:56:14,320 --> 00:56:17,039
a conversation before we record record,
and then they'd be like all right,

762
00:56:17,119 --> 00:56:23,840
cool, you know, because it's
at this point, what what do we

763
00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:29,920
need to see each other and talk
about them? That's kind of sad a

764
00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:32,079
little bit. It is, it
is, but it's just I'm not saying

765
00:56:32,119 --> 00:56:36,960
it to be mean, but it's
no, but it's what do we I

766
00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:43,119
don't have to answer this way because
me me Keenan boogie fucking Mike Sam,

767
00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:46,599
Like we don't spend a lot of
time together and that might have just been

768
00:56:46,639 --> 00:56:52,559
what it was. And I'm and
I think a lot of the times we'll

769
00:56:52,679 --> 00:56:57,519
try to will flow into another season
and try to drag the summer clothes into

770
00:56:57,519 --> 00:57:01,880
the fall and then don't feel good. That shit don't look good, It

771
00:57:01,880 --> 00:57:06,639
don't feel good, and it don't
fit. Yeah, just not even a

772
00:57:06,679 --> 00:57:09,800
good fit. And I feel that
way. I feel that way now with

773
00:57:09,920 --> 00:57:15,559
family and some friends, Like it's
just like, how am I supposed to

774
00:57:15,639 --> 00:57:20,239
navigate? I'm trying to go somewhere
I've never been, right, so I

775
00:57:20,320 --> 00:57:23,360
have to become somebody I've never been
and the things I've never done, but

776
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:28,760
you didn't accept me when I was
that way. I'm way worse than that.

777
00:57:30,199 --> 00:57:35,039
I'm way worse than that. I'm
way more animal pass than than I

778
00:57:35,280 --> 00:57:39,280
was. I'm way I'm way I'm
way more than I ever was. Yeah,

779
00:57:39,960 --> 00:57:43,519
And I feel like that, especially
as a parent, because now I

780
00:57:43,599 --> 00:57:50,599
gotta protect the surroundings around my children. So I'm now protecting my piece and

781
00:57:50,800 --> 00:57:53,599
protecting the piece of people who can't
speak, because I'll be damn if you

782
00:57:53,679 --> 00:58:00,280
give them some traumas maybe, yeah, like dropping my kids off to taking

783
00:58:00,320 --> 00:58:04,360
my kids to family functions. No, ain't not going upstairs. Yeah,

784
00:58:04,480 --> 00:58:07,559
no we're not right here. I'm
on daddy's lap because if you can't talk

785
00:58:07,639 --> 00:58:12,280
how you want to talk about my
kids right here, then maybe we shouldn't

786
00:58:12,280 --> 00:58:17,199
know. We shouldn't talk. If
if you can't stop smoking, then maybe

787
00:58:17,239 --> 00:58:22,119
we shouldn't be in because why are
you smelling cigarettes? Why are you doing

788
00:58:22,239 --> 00:58:30,199
any Your life sucks. I don't
want my children and the right Yeah,

789
00:58:30,239 --> 00:58:31,639
why are you living like that?
Yeah? I saw a bitch on on

790
00:58:31,800 --> 00:58:37,199
Benford, Nigga with the windows up. I said, oh windows, the

791
00:58:38,000 --> 00:58:40,800
baby, she was going through it. Yeah, you got you gotta be

792
00:58:40,880 --> 00:58:44,320
you gotta be going through it to
be in there, just you and the

793
00:58:44,400 --> 00:58:52,440
nicotine, just vibing. What fucking
hot box and the motherfucking Prius with new

794
00:58:52,519 --> 00:59:01,440
ports crazy crazy. Yeah, I'm
so aware of of who I allow around.

795
00:59:04,960 --> 00:59:08,039
You know, you know like you
used to you used to not eat

796
00:59:08,440 --> 00:59:13,840
a lot of stuff. Yeah,
you used to be really picky using your

797
00:59:13,880 --> 00:59:17,159
appetite, used to be really trash
all of that. You know how you

798
00:59:17,280 --> 00:59:21,239
are with gig and and we've never
had this conversation. So this is how

799
00:59:21,280 --> 00:59:25,880
I know your answer. Let me
know if I'm right. You're checking labels

800
00:59:25,920 --> 00:59:34,480
for gig. Now, let's get
too much sugar. Now, Either it's

801
00:59:36,239 --> 00:59:38,079
either you're looking at it from the
health standpoint or I don't want my kid

802
00:59:38,119 --> 00:59:45,719
both the waters by the time,
you're being very cautious. I'm that way

803
00:59:45,840 --> 00:59:50,039
about myself now. I never cared
about myself like that. So now I'm

804
00:59:50,159 --> 00:59:52,159
like, oh, well, why
are not looking after myself like I'm looking

805
00:59:52,199 --> 00:59:58,320
at for them? Oh nah,
I don't want my kid around that.

806
00:59:58,559 --> 01:00:00,639
I can't be around it. They
can't drink that. I ain't drinking that.

807
01:00:00,719 --> 01:00:05,639
I ain't got there yet. I
got three. Yeah, yeah,

808
01:00:05,679 --> 01:00:15,039
I'm extra cautions. I'm extract It's
because you have to. I'm I'm in

809
01:00:15,119 --> 01:00:19,920
love with them. So when you're
in love with somebody, you want the

810
01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:23,800
best, yes for them. Yes. And I never knew love like that

811
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:29,280
because I never had love like that. I always seem always felt like a

812
01:00:29,400 --> 01:00:35,280
byproduct. I wasn't playing, so
I was a by product or two people

813
01:00:35,360 --> 01:00:39,320
fucking that didn't like each other.
Yea. But to feel that as a

814
01:00:39,480 --> 01:00:45,000
child, I feel everything. Yeah. Yeah, that's how I was able

815
01:00:45,039 --> 01:00:49,000
to create the things that I feel, and it's no fault of theirs,

816
01:00:49,239 --> 01:00:53,199
right, you know what I'm saying. I was emotional, so and I

817
01:00:53,280 --> 01:00:57,599
had to realize that too, Like
it's not the way that I feel about

818
01:00:57,719 --> 01:01:02,280
a situation or the emotion that I
have about something that's not it's not their

819
01:01:02,360 --> 01:01:06,400
fault for me feeling like that.
So I can't come in with this aggression.

820
01:01:07,559 --> 01:01:10,880
I'm trying to forgive myself for even
putting that on people. Yeah,

821
01:01:10,880 --> 01:01:15,000
I'm trying to use my self awareness. I'm only aware because of my children.

822
01:01:16,239 --> 01:01:23,400
Liked to do it, Dad to
do it. Three three, my

823
01:01:23,480 --> 01:01:29,480
grandma made my I went to Gary
and my grandma made She was like,

824
01:01:29,559 --> 01:01:34,000
y're hungry. I got I got
this weird emotional thing going on with my

825
01:01:34,039 --> 01:01:37,880
grandparents. My dad's parents just got
this thing like I don't know if you'll

826
01:01:37,880 --> 01:01:40,920
suck with me like that? What? Well, I don't talk to him

827
01:01:40,960 --> 01:01:46,280
ever. Okay, So yeah,
how you love me? Check up on

828
01:01:46,360 --> 01:01:50,800
me. I'm always checking up on
you. I'm always checking up on my

829
01:01:50,880 --> 01:01:53,400
daddy. I'm always checking up.
I'm the kid, but I'm the one

830
01:01:53,519 --> 01:01:58,599
checking up. Okay, to go
to Gary. You feel that even now,

831
01:01:59,000 --> 01:02:00,800
you're still like, y'all don't really
fuck with me. Damn, I

832
01:02:00,840 --> 01:02:05,800
don't care as much because I fuck
with you, So you ain't gonna fuck

833
01:02:05,840 --> 01:02:08,599
with me. But until you tell
me, I make this as uncomfortable as

834
01:02:08,639 --> 01:02:15,800
possible because I want to be around
you because you're gonna die something, Okay,

835
01:02:15,480 --> 01:02:20,280
what we're gonna act like niggas ain't
gonna okay, No, you're right,

836
01:02:21,559 --> 01:02:28,360
Nigga niggas times. It's almost up, Nigga season, Niggas season finale

837
01:02:28,400 --> 01:02:32,639
about to drip, you know what, Eric, So I want to make

838
01:02:32,760 --> 01:02:38,280
sure that you see my face,
that you know that regardless of regardless if

839
01:02:38,280 --> 01:02:40,440
you felt like you showed up or
not, I'm sure up for you.

840
01:02:40,639 --> 01:02:45,599
Yeah, because when I talk to
my grandparents, I see so much of

841
01:02:45,639 --> 01:02:50,239
myself. I'm like, because when
you when you know only one side,

842
01:02:51,159 --> 01:02:53,360
a lot of shit is unanswered.
Yeah. Yeah, so what I'm talking

843
01:02:53,400 --> 01:02:57,599
to him like, that's where I
get that far. I'm just starting.

844
01:02:57,719 --> 01:03:00,639
So I want to be around it. And I also want my children.

845
01:03:00,360 --> 01:03:04,760
My Emily looks just like my granddad. I got a picture they looked exactly

846
01:03:04,880 --> 01:03:07,400
like. She's like, oh my
god, I'm like I never even knew

847
01:03:07,440 --> 01:03:09,719
that. Yeah. So yeah,
I want to anyway she I was.

848
01:03:09,840 --> 01:03:13,840
She was like, yeah hungry.
I was like, yeah, we just

849
01:03:13,880 --> 01:03:17,159
woke up. Come back in the
kitchen. She ope, meal, sausage,

850
01:03:17,800 --> 01:03:22,280
sliced apples. So I said,
oh, yo, yo yo.

851
01:03:22,440 --> 01:03:27,239
Love languages acts of service. Yeah, I never knew that because I'm not

852
01:03:27,360 --> 01:03:30,599
in the vicinity for you to do
that, right. So I'm thinking in

853
01:03:30,679 --> 01:03:32,079
my head that you don't fuck with
me, but the only way you know

854
01:03:32,159 --> 01:03:36,599
how to love is to do this. So then I felt bad, like

855
01:03:36,679 --> 01:03:38,440
all of the years that I wasted
not could have been in your presence for

856
01:03:38,519 --> 01:03:42,039
you to show me that you loved
me right, and I wasn't there,

857
01:03:42,239 --> 01:03:44,920
And I made it very awkward for
you because I may let you know that

858
01:03:45,000 --> 01:03:50,440
I felt unloved. I was like, damn, there you go. Wow,

859
01:03:50,639 --> 01:03:57,039
you're trauma. But I mean I
didn't how I was I supposed to

860
01:03:57,119 --> 01:04:00,280
navigate with these and most of that
y'all gave me right. So yeah,

861
01:04:00,679 --> 01:04:06,119
yeah, you gave them to me. Here, have them back. If

862
01:04:06,159 --> 01:04:09,320
you didn't want if you didn't want
to deal with them, you shouldn't gave

863
01:04:09,360 --> 01:04:13,000
them to me. Do you feel
like with you saying that? Realizing that

864
01:04:13,280 --> 01:04:16,079
is her love language like, do
you think you you have to meet people

865
01:04:16,880 --> 01:04:21,599
where their love language is or I'm
still trying to figure it out. Okay,

866
01:04:23,159 --> 01:04:27,639
how do you feel about that?
I do meet? Yeah, you

867
01:04:27,719 --> 01:04:31,880
gotta Like if I had a friend
in a situation like that where somebody's love

868
01:04:31,960 --> 01:04:35,920
language was like acts of service and
giving, I think is a giving or

869
01:04:35,960 --> 01:04:41,280
receiving gifts or something like that,
but their partners wasn't. It was like

870
01:04:41,440 --> 01:04:45,719
quality time and so it's like they
feel like they're showing them love. I'm

871
01:04:45,760 --> 01:04:48,960
giving you these gifts I'm doing you
know, this is the way I know

872
01:04:49,039 --> 01:04:53,920
how to give love, but that's
not the way I receive it. I

873
01:04:53,920 --> 01:04:57,519
don't even see it. Yeah.
So it's like if I'm telling you,

874
01:04:58,800 --> 01:05:00,119
you gotta, you gotta meet me
like I get it. This is how

875
01:05:00,159 --> 01:05:03,639
you give love, but this is
not how I receive it. Yeah,

876
01:05:03,679 --> 01:05:13,280
I think. I think I'm trying
my best to figure out my children's love

877
01:05:13,360 --> 01:05:15,880
language because I don't want them to
grow and be like that. It didn't,

878
01:05:16,280 --> 01:05:21,800
Yeah, because they all different.
So one might be Olivia is affectionate.

879
01:05:23,400 --> 01:05:28,599
She wanted to come home, and
she wanted Okay, Emily is her

880
01:05:28,639 --> 01:05:32,320
own world, so she don't necessarily
care to be like that. Yeah,

881
01:05:32,639 --> 01:05:34,960
so I'm trying to figure out,
Okay, well how do I show you

882
01:05:35,079 --> 01:05:39,360
that I love you? Because I
can't just smother you because you're gonna be

883
01:05:39,440 --> 01:05:42,199
like, get off of me.
Yeah. But then Dorian, I think

884
01:05:42,280 --> 01:05:47,880
he is gifts. That makes sense
because he likes soys and ship. Let's

885
01:05:47,880 --> 01:05:51,719
go to the store. Yeah you
got money? No you do? You

886
01:05:51,880 --> 01:05:55,280
got money? I'll be asking him
you got money? No you do?

887
01:05:57,000 --> 01:06:00,920
But yeah, but I'm trying to
figure it out because I don't want I'm

888
01:06:00,960 --> 01:06:04,880
just hyper aware of you are super
aware, don't. Don't you think that's

889
01:06:05,440 --> 01:06:10,400
a gift now? For sure?
Yeah? At first I felt it just

890
01:06:10,480 --> 01:06:15,599
felt like I just felt like I
was so observant of people's emotions and I

891
01:06:15,639 --> 01:06:18,000
didn't feel like people were that observing
the mind. So it felt like a

892
01:06:18,119 --> 01:06:23,519
very They probably weren't. I'm realizing
that a lot of people aren't. But

893
01:06:23,599 --> 01:06:27,360
it's not personal. It's not personal. Yeah, that's the thing, No

894
01:06:27,639 --> 01:06:30,880
taking everything personal. Yeah, I
feel Do you feel like some of your

895
01:06:30,920 --> 01:06:41,480
old friendships or people that you hang
out with do you feel like they do

896
01:06:41,559 --> 01:06:44,800
they Do you feel like they love
you for real? Or do they or

897
01:06:45,559 --> 01:06:49,440
not necessarily in a sense like they're
doing it intentionally. But sometimes I feel

898
01:06:49,480 --> 01:06:54,480
like we're around people because of time
known or time spent in the past,

899
01:06:54,599 --> 01:06:57,360
so we feel like this, we
feel like this time equity means that I

900
01:06:57,440 --> 01:07:01,000
have to continue this until something happens
to right to knock this off. But

901
01:07:01,360 --> 01:07:04,360
the reason why I feel like I
feel so connected to you is because there

902
01:07:04,440 --> 01:07:06,840
were times where it was like we
were trying to buy it, like,

903
01:07:06,920 --> 01:07:11,599
oh, I understand who you are, I understand why you move the way

904
01:07:11,639 --> 01:07:15,599
that you move. But then when
you try to have that with other people,

905
01:07:15,840 --> 01:07:19,039
you realize that it doesn't it's missing
quait. No, it doesn't mean

906
01:07:19,119 --> 01:07:23,079
yeah yeah, So I'll be trying
be thinking like, man, if you

907
01:07:24,159 --> 01:07:28,800
feel like if you understand a person
at they core time situations, nothing's gonna

908
01:07:29,480 --> 01:07:33,039
right affect their relationship, I guess. But if like you said, if

909
01:07:33,079 --> 01:07:39,880
you if your friendship is based the
foundation is based off certain circumstances, then

910
01:07:39,960 --> 01:07:45,440
it's like, yeah, time life
experience is definitely gonna push you all away.

911
01:07:45,719 --> 01:07:50,559
I definitely have friendships like that,
in particular being Kylie. We just

912
01:07:50,639 --> 01:07:56,559
got that close to you and some
my skin ship, but I think it

913
01:07:56,719 --> 01:08:02,639
was a she took how my life
was changed changing personal. Yeah, she's

914
01:08:02,840 --> 01:08:06,159
she's an email person. Yeah I'm
an email person too, though, Like

915
01:08:08,000 --> 01:08:10,960
that's where we kind of connect.
We're kind of very similar in the aspect,

916
01:08:11,000 --> 01:08:14,559
but it's like my life looked different. She was still single, I

917
01:08:14,679 --> 01:08:16,640
was in a relationship. Then you
had a kid, then I had a

918
01:08:16,760 --> 01:08:23,680
kid. So it's like we don't
connect on that ye with me, I'm

919
01:08:23,680 --> 01:08:29,680
breastfeeding. So I think we both
had to do a lot of self reflecting

920
01:08:30,079 --> 01:08:35,600
and understand both both parts, Like
because it's like you're feeling like maybe I'm

921
01:08:35,680 --> 01:08:40,920
leaving you, you know my life, my life is on a different level.

922
01:08:40,960 --> 01:08:43,920
Maybe I'm leaving you, and I'm
feeling like you making me feel alone,

923
01:08:44,039 --> 01:08:46,600
Like are we really friends or was
it just because I was single too?

924
01:08:47,159 --> 01:08:53,319
So we both feeling these things taken
in personal and it's really like that

925
01:08:53,880 --> 01:09:01,760
is a very interesting thing because I
feel like men men are ends. M

926
01:09:02,000 --> 01:09:12,439
h. Your brother is your brother, regardless if I feel like that's my

927
01:09:12,560 --> 01:09:16,439
nigga, that's my nigga. I
feel like women, on the other hand,

928
01:09:17,439 --> 01:09:21,319
they have to have they kind of
have to re free define their friendships

929
01:09:21,479 --> 01:09:27,439
once the man is introduced, once
the kid is introduced once the new career

930
01:09:27,560 --> 01:09:31,159
is introduced. But I feel like
a man. Men don't go through that.

931
01:09:32,399 --> 01:09:35,760
Agree, dogs, that's my dog. Yah, pull up, let's

932
01:09:35,760 --> 01:09:39,800
go do this like niggas a pull
up. Niggas a pull up to the

933
01:09:39,880 --> 01:09:44,600
crib with your whole family and they're
crazy, chaos and everything. Niggas is

934
01:09:44,720 --> 01:09:47,439
playing with the kids, eating pieces
with the kids. Niggas is doing women

935
01:09:47,479 --> 01:09:51,399
ain't doing that. And let's just
a namey. But I could be wrong,

936
01:09:51,720 --> 01:09:56,199
but I don't. I don't feel
like. I feel like when Keenan

937
01:09:56,279 --> 01:09:59,520
come over, the nigga makes it, makes it his duty to go.

938
01:09:59,680 --> 01:10:01,039
He don't even coming here first,
he goes to the kid room first.

939
01:10:01,079 --> 01:10:08,039
What y'all in here doing. I
think women's relationships are women's that ain't no

940
01:10:08,079 --> 01:10:17,800
word whatever. Women are a little
more selfish, possession, possessive, definitely.

941
01:10:17,920 --> 01:10:20,560
So it's like I'm coming over.
I'm not coming over to kick with

942
01:10:20,640 --> 01:10:24,920
your friends. I'm coming over to
tell you about my bullshit. Like I'm

943
01:10:25,000 --> 01:10:28,600
coming over the dump on you.
Yeah, so you can't dump on me

944
01:10:29,279 --> 01:10:35,720
with these kids in your life and
you got all this. It's my life

945
01:10:35,760 --> 01:10:44,000
has followed apart yours can't be at
the same time. Women just kind of

946
01:10:44,520 --> 01:10:46,479
okay, it's my turning ump y'all
turn it up, okay, just it's

947
01:10:46,520 --> 01:10:49,760
a dumping thing. And then when
your life is changing and you can't really

948
01:10:49,840 --> 01:10:54,880
dump on your friend, it's like, damn, are you really friends?

949
01:10:55,159 --> 01:10:59,119
Yeah? Useless? Yeah, I
don't think nigga's dump like that. No,

950
01:10:59,399 --> 01:11:01,399
that's all I'm saying. Yeah,
niggas don't dump like that. Because

951
01:11:03,000 --> 01:11:08,760
my cousin came over here and dump
and the way that he painted it for

952
01:11:09,359 --> 01:11:13,560
he was over here for about four
hours, for three hours and forty minutes,

953
01:11:14,119 --> 01:11:19,840
he painted it one way. He
said, one thing that made everything

954
01:11:20,000 --> 01:11:25,199
flip. And I said, you
being a bitch. Oh shit, what

955
01:11:25,319 --> 01:11:28,560
are you talking about? You're reading
this all? You about to fuck something

956
01:11:28,680 --> 01:11:31,600
up. You are reading this completely
wrong. Go apologize and get your shit

957
01:11:31,720 --> 01:11:36,239
together. What do you say?
You're right? Okay? I said,

958
01:11:36,239 --> 01:11:42,239
bro, are you reading this all? Because I said, your journey is

959
01:11:42,279 --> 01:11:46,600
your journey? Long story short.
He's trying to evolve because he feels like

960
01:11:46,640 --> 01:11:51,600
he needs to evolve to keep the
woman that he got in him evolving.

961
01:11:51,920 --> 01:11:58,039
He felt like he needed to change
certain things between their in their relationship to

962
01:11:58,199 --> 01:12:01,359
where he felt like she was and
receiving that, so he was holding it

963
01:12:01,439 --> 01:12:05,000
against her. And I said,
well, when did you decide to do

964
01:12:05,119 --> 01:12:09,000
this? Right? When did y'all
start having you know, tips in the

965
01:12:09,079 --> 01:12:14,720
relationship by five months? When did
you come to the coming of age thing?

966
01:12:15,079 --> 01:12:16,800
About five months? I said,
So, you mean to tell me

967
01:12:17,000 --> 01:12:21,840
that when you decided to change,
you held her to a different standard and

968
01:12:23,039 --> 01:12:27,680
you felt like things changed, Yes, said, things didn't change? You

969
01:12:27,920 --> 01:12:32,880
change change? Well, no,
you change. And whoever you talked to

970
01:12:33,039 --> 01:12:38,680
before me that didn't I was the
last person you talked to. So whoever

971
01:12:38,760 --> 01:12:41,760
you talked to before me that didn't
tell you that, don't talk to them.

972
01:12:42,680 --> 01:12:47,000
Don't talk to them because they're gonna
fuck your relationship up. Because you

973
01:12:47,119 --> 01:12:51,880
all you have to be very mindful
of who you dump on. Two.

974
01:12:53,159 --> 01:12:59,159
Yeah, because they might sabotage your
ship. Yeah, because you're painting a

975
01:12:59,319 --> 01:13:02,359
complete your painting a picture to make
it seem you're painting the picture with your

976
01:13:02,399 --> 01:13:08,159
brushes. And if somebody can't hear
your your ship objectively, yea, and

977
01:13:08,319 --> 01:13:12,319
think from the other standpoint, and
then you gotta listen to me tell you

978
01:13:12,359 --> 01:13:15,479
a boy, the other standpoint,
I just like them, Well maybe you're

979
01:13:15,520 --> 01:13:21,279
wrong then yeah, But men like
when when men dump, it's kind of

980
01:13:21,319 --> 01:13:30,319
like tell me, tell me what
you would do in this situation. Most

981
01:13:30,399 --> 01:13:33,000
times it's like when women dump,
it's like, don't tell me nothing,

982
01:13:34,399 --> 01:13:38,600
just let me get my shit off. And I'm like that I can't do

983
01:13:38,720 --> 01:13:41,079
that. Yeah, my mom waa
getting mad out of time, like,

984
01:13:41,159 --> 01:13:46,720
hey man, you want a solution
and you want to vent right, yeah,

985
01:13:46,920 --> 01:13:49,439
because I don't want to do that
at all. But I realized.

986
01:13:49,520 --> 01:13:51,880
I realized that I can't listen to
a lot of music because it's just it's

987
01:13:51,920 --> 01:13:58,079
just it's like that complaining and dumping
and I want to hear that. Yeah,

988
01:13:58,119 --> 01:14:01,800
I can't listen to New Drake.
I'm not space bro. Yeah Drake

989
01:14:01,960 --> 01:14:05,960
just definitely Bro. You bro,
toxic bro. We almost forty bro Right,

990
01:14:06,279 --> 01:14:10,720
Relax, you gotta yeah, you
gotta get a girl settle down.

991
01:14:11,039 --> 01:14:14,840
Yes, get it down, as
to step mama, please yes. And

992
01:14:15,159 --> 01:14:19,680
now I look at niggas that can't
do that away, m you meantime,

993
01:14:19,720 --> 01:14:23,239
you can't get it together. Every
bitch in the world I want to do

994
01:14:23,279 --> 01:14:25,880
with you. You mean tell me
that you can't. You can't get it

995
01:14:25,880 --> 01:14:29,479
together? That was you yeah,
it's you. Yeah, maybe the trauma

996
01:14:29,560 --> 01:14:31,720
winning. It's beating your ass,
is beating the fuck out of you,

997
01:14:31,920 --> 01:14:36,600
and you you just nah, I'm
special Yea, No you're not. Yeah.

998
01:14:38,800 --> 01:14:43,359
And and if somebody loved you enough, they would ignore your trauma.

999
01:14:43,920 --> 01:14:45,239
They will work, they will work
with you through your trauma. There you

1000
01:14:45,319 --> 01:14:48,199
go, not ignore it. Yeah, but you don't want you don't want

1001
01:14:48,359 --> 01:14:51,039
You don't want that. You don't
want that, you don't want nobody bringing

1002
01:14:51,039 --> 01:14:57,399
your trauma to the forefront. Or
I don't know, I don't understand people.

1003
01:14:57,800 --> 01:15:00,239
Yeah, I don't get it together, don't get it. Why are

1004
01:15:00,239 --> 01:15:04,119
you out here by yourself? Like, why are you out here by yourself?

1005
01:15:04,239 --> 01:15:09,680
Yeah? For like, niggas went
through a pandemic by this. If

1006
01:15:09,720 --> 01:15:15,920
that didn't scare you, right to
get you somebody, somebody, somebody that

1007
01:15:15,439 --> 01:15:20,079
nigga the world was terrified. Oh
my god. Niggas was scared to go

1008
01:15:20,199 --> 01:15:26,600
to the grocery store. Niggas was
putting sanitizer on their groceries. They grocery

1009
01:15:26,720 --> 01:15:30,239
bags, they hands, they steering
wheels. Niggas was driving with masks.

1010
01:15:30,359 --> 01:15:33,720
One niggas was taking it close up
the doors childs. But they weren't buying

1011
01:15:33,800 --> 01:15:44,359
soap that still the hole of soap
was just crazy but crazy, yeah,

1012
01:15:44,680 --> 01:15:50,560
crazy, But being that pandemic taught
me that if the world was to end

1013
01:15:51,079 --> 01:15:59,239
right now and you died in your
house by yourself, what that satisfuck,

1014
01:16:00,600 --> 01:16:08,600
that's very sad. And you can't
stop being a bitch long enough for somebody

1015
01:16:08,800 --> 01:16:13,399
to get to know you and why
you are that way to love you?

1016
01:16:14,079 --> 01:16:16,920
What do you what? Why do
you think that is what? It's the

1017
01:16:17,000 --> 01:16:20,239
same thing now I was doing.
I was I was hurting people where I

1018
01:16:20,359 --> 01:16:25,279
was protecting myself. But what what
made it kind of click for you?

1019
01:16:26,439 --> 01:16:32,520
Like, oh shit, I'm kind
of self sabotaging. Mhm mm hmm.

1020
01:16:35,920 --> 01:16:39,640
Would you feel like he was close
to lose? Because I feel like that's

1021
01:16:39,640 --> 01:16:43,560
what clicked for me. And when
you was driving home in that rain,

1022
01:16:43,880 --> 01:16:48,880
Ye, you're about to ruin this. That's a good man, Savanna.

1023
01:16:50,720 --> 01:16:59,880
That that's when waiting. I've never
seen a bunch of women complaining about niggas.

1024
01:17:00,359 --> 01:17:02,000
Her mama was like, that's a
good man to be like, you

1025
01:17:02,079 --> 01:17:06,399
about to suck it up? Really? Yeah, I don't know. I

1026
01:17:06,520 --> 01:17:13,000
think I think just I think Dorian, Okay, Dorian had a lot to

1027
01:17:13,079 --> 01:17:16,920
do with it because I wanted to. I wanted to be a great father.

1028
01:17:17,600 --> 01:17:19,239
I wanted to be a great father. And in order to be a

1029
01:17:19,279 --> 01:17:24,560
great father, you gotta listen.
You gotta shut the fuck up sometimes,

1030
01:17:25,439 --> 01:17:27,800
And I think that's why. That's
when I was like, I don't want

1031
01:17:27,840 --> 01:17:30,319
to record anymore. Yeah, I
feel like I was talking too much and

1032
01:17:30,399 --> 01:17:38,079
I felt like I wasn't listening it
enough. So I think I think the

1033
01:17:38,199 --> 01:17:42,560
isolation of the pandemic kind of made
me realize, like I think I love

1034
01:17:42,640 --> 01:17:45,640
my wife, okay, kind of
like that. Okay, yeah, but

1035
01:17:45,760 --> 01:17:50,560
I think I think too, Like
when you start thinking about trust and what

1036
01:17:50,680 --> 01:17:58,960
trust really means, like I trust
you, like for real, when you

1037
01:17:59,039 --> 01:18:05,640
start thinking about people and their demons, and demons don't come with gates,

1038
01:18:08,239 --> 01:18:13,239
so trauma don't come with gates.
So you run the risk of losing everything

1039
01:18:13,640 --> 01:18:18,560
that you love for the sake of
temporary whatever. And that's very scary.

1040
01:18:18,800 --> 01:18:21,880
Yes, So I don't want to
be around these niggas. I don't want

1041
01:18:21,920 --> 01:18:26,760
to. I'm not even entertaining nothing. Don't come over here with none of

1042
01:18:26,880 --> 01:18:34,439
that. I'm good, like even
like like threesomes. Oh okay, that

1043
01:18:34,680 --> 01:18:40,079
thought is scary now m hm.
At first it was like, yeah,

1044
01:18:40,119 --> 01:18:45,039
you're sure whatever. Yeah, But
then I like the thoughts of I don't

1045
01:18:45,159 --> 01:18:54,079
know who this person is enough to
invite you into this and trust that you

1046
01:18:54,439 --> 01:18:59,199
and what you got going on can
fuck up all of this, all of

1047
01:18:59,279 --> 01:19:01,279
this for what, right, Because
I ain't about to be sucking for that

1048
01:19:01,359 --> 01:19:10,960
long. I don't know that.
Yeah, I guess I'm sleepy, so

1049
01:19:11,119 --> 01:19:15,000
I'm not about to be I ain't
about to be for what. No,

1050
01:19:15,520 --> 01:19:18,239
I can't No, that's true though, Yeah, just just just that thought.

1051
01:19:18,640 --> 01:19:21,800
Yeah, I know, I don't
know if you're trying to sabotage this

1052
01:19:23,279 --> 01:19:26,279
right or I don't even know how
much I can really trust you because I

1053
01:19:26,279 --> 01:19:28,720
don't have any equity with you.
I ain't that crazy, though, I

1054
01:19:28,920 --> 01:19:31,720
like, I mean, parenting is
such a big aspect of my life.

1055
01:19:31,760 --> 01:19:36,960
I know it is of yours too. It's like how that kind of I

1056
01:19:38,039 --> 01:19:42,520
don't know. That's love. It's
like an umbrella. The parenting changes your

1057
01:19:42,520 --> 01:19:45,960
perspective and everything else. It's love. It is it's love because I don't

1058
01:19:45,960 --> 01:19:50,000
want to do anything. It's sabotage. The greatest love. Well, I

1059
01:19:50,119 --> 01:19:53,279
just think about a lot of women
that I know that had kids, that

1060
01:19:53,399 --> 01:19:59,600
was inviting me over. M h. I ain't no creepy ass nigga.

1061
01:20:00,239 --> 01:20:02,840
But did you let me go into
your bathroom that's right next to your daughter's

1062
01:20:02,880 --> 01:20:09,319
room. Yeah, to wash wipe
my dick off? So and three in

1063
01:20:09,359 --> 01:20:12,279
the morning. Yeah, you and
you kind of drink. You kind of

1064
01:20:12,319 --> 01:20:16,039
drunk a little bit. It's crazy. I would never Yeah, I'm watching

1065
01:20:16,119 --> 01:20:24,399
you, but I got a bowl, so right here, wash right here,

1066
01:20:24,560 --> 01:20:28,359
right here. No, we're fucking
downstairs. They even coming up.

1067
01:20:28,399 --> 01:20:34,760
You would you better? She's not
better to stay come in here, don't

1068
01:20:35,000 --> 01:20:41,479
you'd be like my doors unlocked.
M When I think about yeah, you

1069
01:20:41,560 --> 01:20:45,800
know, I be like, man, that was that was very dangerous.

1070
01:20:45,960 --> 01:20:53,840
Yeah, but that's probably all they
knew. Like they didn't. They didn't

1071
01:20:53,840 --> 01:20:58,399
look at it as they was being
dangerous or they was that too. Yeah,

1072
01:20:59,359 --> 01:21:06,279
I love my too much. Your
loneliness and your horniness superseded the protection.

1073
01:21:08,159 --> 01:21:12,119
Yeah, no, not right,
because only fans is like ten dollars

1074
01:21:12,279 --> 01:21:14,800
for certain bitches. It's three nine
and nine for something. It's ten nine

1075
01:21:14,800 --> 01:21:26,239
and nine for something. It's what
I will beat. I thought, well,

1076
01:21:26,359 --> 01:21:30,800
beat ahead before I invite you into
this motherfucker, because I can look,

1077
01:21:32,920 --> 01:21:40,119
I was thinking about this other day. Okay, food or dash food,

1078
01:21:41,279 --> 01:21:45,359
the way I eat, plus how
you eat, it's gonna be at

1079
01:21:45,399 --> 01:21:51,399
least fifty sixty. Yeah, all
right, cool gas baby, it's gonna

1080
01:21:51,399 --> 01:21:56,119
add up real quick. Fifteen at
least twenty twenty. So we're already at

1081
01:21:57,439 --> 01:22:03,640
fifteen eight. Gonna get you a
quarter tank liquor, rather be patrone got

1082
01:22:03,720 --> 01:22:10,359
amigos, Henny du say. It's
gonna be at least twenty twenty five dollars.

1083
01:22:10,760 --> 01:22:15,880
So I'm looking at one hundred dollars
for a night, for fifteen minutes.

1084
01:22:15,359 --> 01:22:19,359
Because I'm not about to be here
all night. I can spend one

1085
01:22:19,439 --> 01:22:28,720
hundred dollars on only fans and go
crazy. I can go crazy. Put

1086
01:22:28,760 --> 01:22:30,399
this in the car, Put this
in the car. Put this in the

1087
01:22:30,439 --> 01:22:31,880
car. Now, I got a
plethora. Beat it. It's not a

1088
01:22:31,960 --> 01:22:39,159
plethora. But that's that's where I'm
thinking, because I'm not I'm not invested

1089
01:22:39,199 --> 01:22:41,960
in this anymore. Yeah, So
when now, when it's time to do

1090
01:22:42,039 --> 01:22:45,000
black Wood, I'm like, man, I ain't even really because my mind,

1091
01:22:45,199 --> 01:22:47,920
in my mind, even this is
stupid. Why are you doing it?

1092
01:22:49,720 --> 01:22:53,800
This ain't gonna work out for you
I've been thinking about that with a

1093
01:22:53,880 --> 01:22:56,079
lot of people, like this ain't
gonna work out for really. Yeah,

1094
01:22:56,880 --> 01:23:00,399
I was talking to him about my
podcast. It's not even about sex is

1095
01:23:00,439 --> 01:23:03,960
it's about you're about to waste your
time. So tell me what you want

1096
01:23:04,079 --> 01:23:08,600
out of this, right, Yeah, we're gonna start a pot because I

1097
01:23:08,680 --> 01:23:11,520
got a brand, Perry got a
brand, Tony Stex got a brand,

1098
01:23:11,760 --> 01:23:15,279
Listen got a brand. I said, oh, well, potting isn't going

1099
01:23:15,319 --> 01:23:18,840
to bring you any money, So
all the y'all invest into potting and then

1100
01:23:18,960 --> 01:23:25,680
y'all advertise individual brands within this so
that y'all bring more awareness to y'all brands

1101
01:23:25,720 --> 01:23:28,479
and make money from the brands and
not trying to make money in the podcast.

1102
01:23:28,640 --> 01:23:32,199
Yeah, you're right, yeah,
because we did it wrong for a

1103
01:23:32,279 --> 01:23:35,960
long time, so you ain't got
I'm very aware. I'm very aware.

1104
01:23:36,079 --> 01:23:40,800
Yeah, no one's invested more than
me. Yeah, yeah, so I'm

1105
01:23:40,840 --> 01:23:44,199
gonna I'm trying to help y'all out. I can tell that no one's invested

1106
01:23:44,239 --> 01:23:46,680
more than me because y'all sit still
don't sound as good as this and don't

1107
01:23:46,960 --> 01:23:51,560
and won't it won't. But That's
where I'm at with my because he could

1108
01:23:51,560 --> 01:23:57,199
have been like, man, you
always you always do. Yes, that's

1109
01:23:57,239 --> 01:24:00,359
why you asked me, right,
but even with relationship, should I be

1110
01:24:00,399 --> 01:24:02,199
like, Yeah, this ain't gonna
go We just ain't gona wor kind m

1111
01:24:02,399 --> 01:24:06,399
hm, why do you say that
I could just see it. M I've

1112
01:24:06,399 --> 01:24:10,079
already done been in this situation before. I'm just sorry to see you.

1113
01:24:10,239 --> 01:24:15,760
That just made so clear. What
the name talk to you? Off care

1114
01:24:17,760 --> 01:24:21,800
record that effort. But when I
say that, I'd be like, I

1115
01:24:21,920 --> 01:24:27,720
come off away. But but I
don't want to. I don't want you

1116
01:24:27,920 --> 01:24:33,319
to feel like I don't want you
to feel like this can be anything other

1117
01:24:33,399 --> 01:24:38,640
than what it is. Yeah,
friends, professional, Yeah, whatever they're

1118
01:24:38,640 --> 01:24:41,840
like, and we should we should
do it. We should do I'm not

1119
01:24:41,880 --> 01:24:45,039
about to record bro boundaries. I'm
not about to set all of this shit

1120
01:24:45,199 --> 01:24:48,479
up. Didn't break all of this
shit down, didn't mix it right then,

1121
01:24:48,560 --> 01:24:51,720
I'm not I don't feel like doing
all Yeah, you're just gonna let

1122
01:24:51,760 --> 01:24:59,039
it just go sit there? I
would much rather because I'm too I care

1123
01:24:59,119 --> 01:25:02,079
too much. Yeah, I care
too much about allogies. Yeah, and

1124
01:25:02,119 --> 01:25:09,159
I'm still trying to figure out how
to care for myself, my kids and

1125
01:25:09,239 --> 01:25:12,760
my friends and my wife. How
do you feel like that balance is going

1126
01:25:12,880 --> 01:25:16,199
for you? I'm feeling, oh, family, yeah, because it's it's

1127
01:25:16,239 --> 01:25:23,359
just my wife and my kids.
Everybody else is so no self care.

1128
01:25:23,640 --> 01:25:26,800
What does that look like? It's
not existent besides the gym, gym every

1129
01:25:26,880 --> 01:25:30,079
day, every day. But you're
saying you're family, So clearly that's not

1130
01:25:30,319 --> 01:25:33,720
enough. Oh, balancing at all. I'm failing at it. But I'm

1131
01:25:33,760 --> 01:25:38,560
okay with feeling why because I don't
need I don't. I don't. I

1132
01:25:38,640 --> 01:25:42,880
don't need it to survive whatever.
I'm not whatever. I can't focus on

1133
01:25:43,039 --> 01:25:45,560
that. I failed that. It's
okay because if it was that important,

1134
01:25:45,560 --> 01:25:48,319
I would have tried to manage it
better. My health like, okay,

1135
01:25:48,520 --> 01:25:53,159
as a black man, my blood
pressure was high and that bothered me.

1136
01:25:54,079 --> 01:25:56,800
But I didn't know that your blood
pressure can could be high because of pain.

1137
01:25:57,359 --> 01:25:59,800
Yeah, I didn't know that.
Yeah. So I'm telling them,

1138
01:25:59,800 --> 01:26:02,159
like I'm in pain. They're like, yeah, but didn't matter. My

1139
01:26:02,199 --> 01:26:04,439
ship was like one forty over or
something. Yeah, So I was like,

1140
01:26:04,520 --> 01:26:08,920
hey, yeah, so then let
me get rid of this pain,

1141
01:26:09,239 --> 01:26:15,600
get rid of the pain, my
ship back to one great bat. I'm

1142
01:26:15,720 --> 01:26:19,000
keeping it at this, No more
pain, but now in order to keep

1143
01:26:19,039 --> 01:26:23,760
it that way, because I'm very
very aware of high blood pressure because my

1144
01:26:23,800 --> 01:26:27,399
daddy got it. Okay, Mama
got it, Grandma got it, Grandaddy

1145
01:26:27,399 --> 01:26:30,520
got it, everybody got it.
But I'm also realizing that none of y'all

1146
01:26:30,560 --> 01:26:33,199
niggas work out. Y'all not eating
the way I'm eating. Y'all not eating

1147
01:26:33,199 --> 01:26:36,479
the way that I'm eating. I'm
jumping rope for twenty minutes. I'm doing

1148
01:26:36,600 --> 01:26:43,359
things differently, right, So I'm
very very aware of that. But in

1149
01:26:43,600 --> 01:26:46,560
order for me to be in order
for me to do that, I gotta

1150
01:26:46,560 --> 01:26:48,920
wake up at a certain time.
So they mean that I can't stay out

1151
01:26:48,920 --> 01:26:54,039
at a certain time, So that
eliminates Yeah, anybody wants to hang out

1152
01:26:54,039 --> 01:27:00,319
after nine okay or eight earlier?
Okay? Yeah, So any thing that

1153
01:27:00,439 --> 01:27:02,439
anything that interfering with that, because
like I said, I still gotta be

1154
01:27:02,479 --> 01:27:06,439
a parent, right and I still
gotta do these projects. So so family

1155
01:27:06,560 --> 01:27:12,479
events, Hey, driveway out to
I can't you sure? I don't want

1156
01:27:12,520 --> 01:27:16,439
to do you feel like though,
because I understand what you're saying. If

1157
01:27:16,439 --> 01:27:19,520
I didn't put the time and then
it wasn't that important, do you feel

1158
01:27:19,560 --> 01:27:26,319
like missing like the little things like
that count toil the family events, if

1159
01:27:26,520 --> 01:27:30,600
like, do y'all take I gave
y'all my life, but for I gave

1160
01:27:30,800 --> 01:27:35,920
y'all most of my life. Okay, what about the kids? I gave

1161
01:27:36,119 --> 01:27:43,239
y'all most of my life and I
felt this way. Okay, okay,

1162
01:27:43,560 --> 01:27:47,399
y'all got that. I'm not giving
y'all no more time. Whatever time I

1163
01:27:47,479 --> 01:27:51,840
gave y'all, Donna has to call
me and say come over here, and

1164
01:27:51,920 --> 01:27:59,119
then I'll come. Do you feel
like that's fair to them? I gave

1165
01:27:59,239 --> 01:28:03,199
y'all most of my life. The
trauma that you have, Brooklyn, comes

1166
01:28:03,239 --> 01:28:08,600
from who family. It don't come
from me, It don't come from Johnny,

1167
01:28:08,680 --> 01:28:11,760
it don't come from nobody. It
comes from your mama, your grandma,

1168
01:28:11,960 --> 01:28:15,760
your grandfather, your auntie whoever she
was dating, your daddy, you

1169
01:28:15,920 --> 01:28:20,119
whoever. It comes from all of
these people. I'm not giving y'all time

1170
01:28:20,279 --> 01:28:24,600
with me to make me feels I
gotta shrink when I'm around y'all. I

1171
01:28:24,720 --> 01:28:28,800
can't be this big butterfly that I
have grown to be. I had to

1172
01:28:28,920 --> 01:28:32,640
outgrow all of the trauma that you
put on me. My kids are soaking

1173
01:28:32,760 --> 01:28:36,239
up the looks you're giving me.
When I'm not looking the energy you're given

1174
01:28:36,239 --> 01:28:40,119
me, when i'm the foods you're
cooking that I don't want to eat,

1175
01:28:40,520 --> 01:28:44,760
the standards that you haven't raised since
I was here, I don't want to

1176
01:28:44,800 --> 01:28:48,199
be around that. So if you
take it as a yes, we all

1177
01:28:48,239 --> 01:28:51,560
grow people, but none of your
friends look like me and none of my

1178
01:28:51,640 --> 01:28:56,960
friends look like you. And that's
for a very specific reason, because we

1179
01:28:57,039 --> 01:29:00,680
don't deserve to be in the same
cage with each other, aardless of us

1180
01:29:00,720 --> 01:29:03,359
growing up together, regardless of But
even when I think about that, all

1181
01:29:03,399 --> 01:29:06,039
we did growing up was played the
game and play hide and seek. That's

1182
01:29:06,119 --> 01:29:10,520
all we did. We never had
any valuable conversations. We never had any

1183
01:29:10,600 --> 01:29:14,560
meaningful conversations with When I think back
on my childhood, I don't think about

1184
01:29:14,600 --> 01:29:16,399
the time that you made me feel
like I could do anything in the world.

1185
01:29:17,079 --> 01:29:20,720
I think we have I understand what
you're saying, but I think we

1186
01:29:20,840 --> 01:29:27,119
have opposite outlooks based off our trauma. Did they anybody to make you feel

1187
01:29:27,119 --> 01:29:30,560
like can you do anything in the
world? Yes? They did. Yes,

1188
01:29:30,640 --> 01:29:31,960
so you let your kid hang around
with them. But is it a

1189
01:29:32,039 --> 01:29:35,760
lot of them? It is a
lot of them. But as much as

1190
01:29:35,840 --> 01:29:41,479
they did, they never made me
feel like an outsider. I still always

1191
01:29:41,720 --> 01:29:48,479
felt like an outsider. And I
haven't done anything to build those relationships for

1192
01:29:48,600 --> 01:29:53,640
her with them, But I want
that for her because I don't want her

1193
01:29:53,640 --> 01:29:57,439
to feel how I felt. I
think yours is the same. You don't

1194
01:29:57,479 --> 01:30:00,640
want your kids to have the trauma
from that. Do you know what I'm

1195
01:30:00,680 --> 01:30:03,479
saying? That makes sense? Yeah? But if you felt that strongly about

1196
01:30:03,520 --> 01:30:06,840
these people, why am I not? What are you talking about? If

1197
01:30:06,880 --> 01:30:10,479
they made you feel that good,
then you wouldn't have You wouldn't have amanded

1198
01:30:10,520 --> 01:30:13,880
them. God is still working on
the ear, still a work in progress.

1199
01:30:14,000 --> 01:30:17,520
What you want God to do?
I don't know. He told me

1200
01:30:17,720 --> 01:30:20,800
yet. But if you felt that
good about him, then why aren't you?

1201
01:30:20,840 --> 01:30:27,079
I'm asking him later when I get
in the car. Uh, they'll

1202
01:30:27,119 --> 01:30:30,399
do on Instagram? The God when
he went to heaven, he walked to

1203
01:30:30,479 --> 01:30:38,800
heaven. No God snip. He
said, yes, tell my cousin.

1204
01:30:38,880 --> 01:30:43,399
I said, Hi, he's not
your cousin. Yes he is. What

1205
01:30:43,560 --> 01:30:46,279
that he stand for? Christ?
No, you gotta send me that.

1206
01:30:47,880 --> 01:30:54,279
He's so funny? What that stand
for? Yeah? He's funny. But

1207
01:30:54,399 --> 01:30:59,640
now if you if you felt that
that connection with him? Then why why

1208
01:30:59,800 --> 01:31:03,760
was it? These are new realizations, so you but I hope they accept

1209
01:31:03,800 --> 01:31:09,960
you. They will then what's the
what are you waiting on? Niggas is

1210
01:31:10,079 --> 01:31:15,079
dying? I know, no,
for real, for real, I just

1211
01:31:15,439 --> 01:31:20,800
had to stop taking that personal what
like feeling? Uh? What did I

1212
01:31:20,920 --> 01:31:26,800
just say? They never made me
feel like outside of right, but I

1213
01:31:26,880 --> 01:31:30,960
still felt like that that was that
was like my own feelings. Why did

1214
01:31:30,000 --> 01:31:35,319
you feel like that? I wasn't
really around them a lot growing up,

1215
01:31:36,079 --> 01:31:42,399
right? That was my mama,
Right when I got to a certain age,

1216
01:31:42,680 --> 01:31:45,479
I want to say in high school, maybe thirteen fourteen, right,

1217
01:31:45,239 --> 01:31:49,920
she was like, I feel like
you're old enough to decide if you want

1218
01:31:50,079 --> 01:31:56,159
to. I don't know these niggas
now that relationship, right, So it's

1219
01:31:56,199 --> 01:32:00,479
like awkward trying to build that relationship
then, So it's always been where I

1220
01:32:00,520 --> 01:32:02,960
think because I missed. That's kind
of how I feel about ancestry dot Com,

1221
01:32:04,680 --> 01:32:10,039
okay, because niggas is going on
it, going on the website to

1222
01:32:10,199 --> 01:32:13,079
find family, and I'm like,
even if you found out that she got

1223
01:32:13,159 --> 01:32:16,079
a auntie in Vermont, right,
what's you gonna do with that? You

1224
01:32:16,119 --> 01:32:24,640
don't know kill, she could punch
kids. Punch kids. Yeah, because

1225
01:32:24,680 --> 01:32:28,279
what you what you think they're trauma
with did to her, you will react

1226
01:32:28,319 --> 01:32:31,119
differently. I'm not about to look
for nobody. That's true. I'm cool.

1227
01:32:31,399 --> 01:32:34,439
That's true. I'm cool. Yeah, because the more ship I'm find

1228
01:32:34,720 --> 01:32:38,479
my sister did, ancestry, my
auntie did, the more ship did?

1229
01:32:38,520 --> 01:32:42,600
They tell me? I don't want
to know nothing. My family was disgusting

1230
01:32:42,640 --> 01:32:45,680
in the past, Bro, he
was doing something trifling. Shit started realizing,

1231
01:32:45,720 --> 01:32:49,239
like you started realizing, like,
oh, bitch has been lying about

1232
01:32:49,239 --> 01:32:55,600
who the daddy was for decades,
decades. Black families and night trauma,

1233
01:32:57,159 --> 01:33:02,199
Like, Nah, your daddy's lived
up the streets entire life, mister Cecil,

1234
01:33:02,279 --> 01:33:09,880
with your daddy and missus Cecil got
two kids up the street that y'all

1235
01:33:09,960 --> 01:33:13,640
used to play with all the time. I wonder why I was in the

1236
01:33:13,680 --> 01:33:25,159
same moves y'all related, y'all got
this step just love for real. Yeah,

1237
01:33:25,199 --> 01:33:27,560
people be like, yeah, i'mbout
to go find find out where I'm

1238
01:33:27,600 --> 01:33:30,760
from. Trying to do that.
It's never good. Yeah, I've never

1239
01:33:30,840 --> 01:33:33,079
heard of success story like oh,
I just found out that I got six

1240
01:33:33,239 --> 01:33:38,520
h and they accepted me, like
go to the family and then what right

1241
01:33:39,239 --> 01:33:44,720
the report came from being kids.
Yeah, I don't want to build a

1242
01:33:44,760 --> 01:33:48,399
relationship with you. I got friends
with it. I'm just calling these people.

1243
01:33:48,399 --> 01:33:51,439
Wanted to be here, right because
why friends? Our friends are the

1244
01:33:51,439 --> 01:33:59,399
family. You chose some of them, some of them. Some of them

1245
01:33:59,520 --> 01:34:01,880
have come a marriage. Like niggas
get a girl, I gotta be around

1246
01:34:01,920 --> 01:34:05,560
this bitch. Yeah, I don't
like how I put some nigga don't like

1247
01:34:05,640 --> 01:34:10,520
this girl. Yeah, she annoying
him. Bro, it'd be like that

1248
01:34:10,880 --> 01:34:15,399
she ain't even letting you grow for
real. You don't realize that she's stunning

1249
01:34:15,399 --> 01:34:18,000
your growth. Then sometimes we even
in relationship, I know, we all

1250
01:34:18,000 --> 01:34:20,159
over the place. We can answer, but sometimes we're like, Bro,

1251
01:34:20,279 --> 01:34:24,640
you don't see that she's shrinking you. You don't see that you stopped doing

1252
01:34:25,680 --> 01:34:29,880
and maybe you maybe you, maybe
you only did some of these things because

1253
01:34:29,960 --> 01:34:34,079
you were lost and she's putting you
back together. But then sometimes I've been

1254
01:34:34,119 --> 01:34:40,039
thinking in my head, trauma.
Maybe she doesn't really love you, and

1255
01:34:40,159 --> 01:34:45,960
she's changing you because you're easily changing
you. We was changing you. We

1256
01:34:45,119 --> 01:34:47,359
knew you was changed. We always
made you do what we wanted you to

1257
01:34:47,439 --> 01:34:51,239
do. And she's doing that because
she needs love. She got she got

1258
01:34:51,279 --> 01:34:55,119
a clock. Damn, she got
a clock. She gotta have a kid.

1259
01:34:55,199 --> 01:35:00,560
So so my thing is like,
do they really love you? Are

1260
01:35:00,600 --> 01:35:03,000
they accept are they just just putting
up with you because they don't want anybody's

1261
01:35:03,000 --> 01:35:09,319
self Because some people is loneliness supersedes
Yeah, I'm like, y'all don't even

1262
01:35:09,399 --> 01:35:13,319
like each other. I feel like
that. But I feel like that with

1263
01:35:13,840 --> 01:35:19,560
like with relationships, it's a friendship. Yeah, And if I need to

1264
01:35:19,600 --> 01:35:25,119
be honest with my friend, hey, you gotta do this, we should

1265
01:35:25,119 --> 01:35:27,239
do this together. And it's gonna
be hard, it's gonna be awkward.

1266
01:35:27,399 --> 01:35:30,680
It's gonna be hard to tell your
friend that you love that you ain't doing

1267
01:35:30,720 --> 01:35:33,119
something right right, And it's gonna
be hard to receive that from your friends

1268
01:35:33,479 --> 01:35:38,800
when they tell you. But I
think a lot of the times y'all ain't

1269
01:35:38,840 --> 01:35:43,119
really friends, and I'll never learned
how to communicate with each other. And

1270
01:35:43,680 --> 01:35:46,399
both of y'all are happy, and
y'all have been unhappy for a very long

1271
01:35:46,479 --> 01:35:49,840
time. It's been stagnant. Yeah, But but you don't know. But

1272
01:35:49,960 --> 01:35:53,560
you don't have the courage to tell
anybody that you don't like what they're doing.

1273
01:35:54,720 --> 01:35:56,920
Not just your partner, your mama
or your daddy, your sister.

1274
01:35:57,039 --> 01:36:00,079
You always allow people to do things
to you that you don't like. M

1275
01:36:00,119 --> 01:36:03,680
so that's normal to you. And
then one day you'd be like, I

1276
01:36:03,680 --> 01:36:06,720
don't want to do this no more. Yeah, And I'm not I'm not

1277
01:36:06,840 --> 01:36:11,119
that type of person. I'm too
vocal. I'm always vocal. Yeah,

1278
01:36:11,479 --> 01:36:14,720
because yeah, that you are.
I don't want to be that. But

1279
01:36:15,039 --> 01:36:20,960
I feel like a lot of my
friends or people that I know, they're

1280
01:36:20,960 --> 01:36:25,279
trying to figure it out. So
I just give them the space. And

1281
01:36:25,680 --> 01:36:29,439
and you know, people got kids
too, and lives and ship lives to

1282
01:36:29,439 --> 01:36:34,399
be live. Yeah. Yeah,
because it's like because when we at the

1283
01:36:34,680 --> 01:36:38,319
at Boogie's wedding, I just like, damn, look at them. Look

1284
01:36:38,319 --> 01:36:42,079
at these people that I know,
right, I know I hadn't seen you

1285
01:36:42,199 --> 01:36:45,319
in a I for like in a
minute. Somebody who checks up on people,

1286
01:36:45,439 --> 01:36:51,960
Huh, that's crazy. It goes
both ways. I know, Okay,

1287
01:36:53,319 --> 01:36:55,760
I'll be checking in, But then
I'd be like, I don't want

1288
01:36:55,760 --> 01:37:00,680
I don't want grand to get mad. I have to think about that because

1289
01:37:00,760 --> 01:37:05,039
because my comfortability with you might make
our comfortability with each other might make our

1290
01:37:05,119 --> 01:37:11,159
partners uncomfortable, so I had to
be very mindful of that. I feel

1291
01:37:11,199 --> 01:37:15,319
like I think that too. That's
good, I hope. I think we

1292
01:37:15,439 --> 01:37:19,319
both overthink a lot of stuff.
That's because I told you. That's why

1293
01:37:19,760 --> 01:37:24,840
I'm kind of waited before I reached
out to kind of give you congratulations.

1294
01:37:25,520 --> 01:37:30,000
That still don't make any sense.
Why don't it? Because if you had

1295
01:37:30,039 --> 01:37:33,760
posted on your if you had posted
on your timeline that you had passed that

1296
01:37:34,279 --> 01:37:39,479
nursing test that you've been talking about
since we met, and you know,

1297
01:37:39,640 --> 01:37:43,359
I saw it and I didn't say
nothing, you'd feel a way about it.

1298
01:37:45,079 --> 01:37:49,359
I would, I would, but
I would probably have to do some

1299
01:37:49,439 --> 01:37:54,560
self talk and be like, it's
not personal. Initially, I would think

1300
01:37:54,560 --> 01:37:56,399
they're like, Okay, he got
a life, he got this going on,

1301
01:37:56,600 --> 01:38:00,119
got that going on. It's only
a certain amount of time. Definitely.

1302
01:38:00,439 --> 01:38:03,840
Yeah, it's definitely a time.
Almost. I was almost there.

1303
01:38:05,000 --> 01:38:09,479
Okay, I understand. But but
the order I get, the more I

1304
01:38:09,560 --> 01:38:24,319
realize, like friendships, friendships,
they just not mentioned last forever. Oh

1305
01:38:25,600 --> 01:38:30,760
I don't agree. What friend have
you had for forever? I haven't,

1306
01:38:30,359 --> 01:38:32,600
right, So what are you talking
about? Well, that don't mean I

1307
01:38:32,680 --> 01:38:36,279
can't agree. I don't changed my
feelings on things. So you feel like

1308
01:38:36,399 --> 01:38:41,279
friends a supposed to last year forever. I feel like you can have friendship

1309
01:38:41,399 --> 01:38:46,399
soulmates. Yes, and y'all might
not talk all the time, you know

1310
01:38:46,439 --> 01:38:49,880
what I'm saying, but it's still
like anytime y'all get together, anytime y'all

1311
01:38:49,880 --> 01:38:55,720
do speak, it's always like it's
no awkwardness, it's not you know what

1312
01:38:55,800 --> 01:38:58,520
I'm saying, Like, I feel
like that about us. And I have

1313
01:38:58,680 --> 01:39:01,880
a good girlfriend from my like that
was my best friend and we don't talk

1314
01:39:01,920 --> 01:39:04,399
that often, but anytime we do
get together, it's like it feels like

1315
01:39:04,520 --> 01:39:09,520
no time has passed. I feel
like you have you get a few of

1316
01:39:09,600 --> 01:39:15,760
those in your life. M hm. That is that word friend? Yeah?

1317
01:39:16,800 --> 01:39:19,840
I don't think that word is friend. What is the word associated?

1318
01:39:20,199 --> 01:39:25,359
No, that's not an associate?
Then what is a friend? Who is

1319
01:39:25,439 --> 01:39:28,359
Who are your close friend right now? I don't have a lot of people

1320
01:39:28,439 --> 01:39:31,479
that I who was your close friend
right now? Kylie and my cousins,

1321
01:39:31,800 --> 01:39:35,720
you're kind of China, So you
don't have any close friends? Can you

1322
01:39:35,800 --> 01:39:42,000
just got back cool with Kylie?
So you have cousins? Yeah? Honestly

1323
01:39:42,279 --> 01:39:46,359
have any close friends honestly families right
now? Is he was doing it for

1324
01:39:46,439 --> 01:39:50,039
you right now? Yeah? I
think my close friend is Carlos j Ai,

1325
01:39:50,359 --> 01:39:58,000
and I feel like our families intertwined. Okay, so I'll go to

1326
01:39:58,079 --> 01:40:00,640
his house and bring all of my
kids. Okay, all of his kids

1327
01:40:00,640 --> 01:40:03,199
are there, and then we're all
My wife is with his wife, met

1328
01:40:03,319 --> 01:40:05,680
him with the kids in the base. When we playing the games, we

1329
01:40:05,800 --> 01:40:10,159
all eating, we all socializing,
and then we leave. But I feel

1330
01:40:10,199 --> 01:40:14,600
like I feel like that's a friend. Hey man, I'm in the buying

1331
01:40:14,720 --> 01:40:15,880
right now, man, Yeah,
and then I'll seeing you some money.

1332
01:40:16,119 --> 01:40:19,039
Yeah, then you send it back
or that type of ship. Right.

1333
01:40:19,199 --> 01:40:23,439
I don't feel like I have that
with a lot of people. Ye right,

1334
01:40:24,079 --> 01:40:28,199
But that's he's not my cousin.
And we've and we've been cool since

1335
01:40:28,199 --> 01:40:30,640
we met. So what I'm saying, I feel like you you have.

1336
01:40:31,239 --> 01:40:34,159
I feel like we used a friend. I would think we use the word

1337
01:40:34,279 --> 01:40:42,600
friend too loosely, and I think
friend is something very very specific, but

1338
01:40:42,680 --> 01:40:46,600
there needs to be a word before
a friend. That's a word between friend

1339
01:40:46,640 --> 01:40:53,399
and associated associate. It just feels
because it could be acquaintance. I feel

1340
01:40:53,399 --> 01:41:03,920
like some people are acquaintance, impersonal
maybe and then I don't care for real

1341
01:41:04,159 --> 01:41:12,479
because it's too much of this ship
like friends friends to me is similar to

1342
01:41:12,600 --> 01:41:16,039
what you said, Like, I
feel like, no matter the circumstances,

1343
01:41:16,119 --> 01:41:21,680
this is somebody that you, well, I always trust. I guess trust

1344
01:41:21,800 --> 01:41:27,399
is a big part. Even if
even if we aren't speaking, are not

1345
01:41:27,520 --> 01:41:33,960
on good terms, I should still
be able to trust that that I'm not.

1346
01:41:34,479 --> 01:41:38,920
I don't know that my business isn't
in the street like people that I

1347
01:41:39,159 --> 01:41:42,319
that I don't talk to to this
day. I'm not gonna put your business

1348
01:41:42,359 --> 01:41:44,720
out there because you trusted me at
one point, and I trusted you,

1349
01:41:44,920 --> 01:41:46,720
like I don't tell anybody anything that
I don't want the world to know.

1350
01:41:48,159 --> 01:41:54,319
Okay, what issue? Because I've
been burned too many times? Understandable and

1351
01:41:54,439 --> 01:41:59,119
why I'm telling you the fucking needs
to know this ship for you're seeing that

1352
01:41:59,439 --> 01:42:03,359
I know you have curby enthusiasm.
He was like, I'm never divorcing my

1353
01:42:03,439 --> 01:42:06,119
wife. He was like, why
she knows too much shit? You know

1354
01:42:06,199 --> 01:42:09,239
who I don't like, You know
who I hate? You know who I

1355
01:42:09,319 --> 01:42:12,319
despise. You spill all that I
ain't telling. No, we together forever.

1356
01:42:13,199 --> 01:42:15,720
Damn. But I mean that makes
sense, but I'm not. Yeah

1357
01:42:15,760 --> 01:42:21,920
that's my friend. Yeah, your
partner's your friend, right yet? Yeah?

1358
01:42:23,039 --> 01:42:26,960
But you get one? Yeah that's
good. Do you ever think friend

1359
01:42:27,039 --> 01:42:30,359
like that? You wanted one?
But did you ever think he was gonna

1360
01:42:30,359 --> 01:42:33,479
have one? Now that you know
who you have to be? Yeah?

1361
01:42:33,760 --> 01:42:36,760
Did you ever? Did you?
Were you ever in this headspace to have

1362
01:42:36,840 --> 01:42:43,880
a boyfriend before? No? No, And I don't think women. I

1363
01:42:43,960 --> 01:42:45,760
don't think women go back and be
like, man, I don't even know

1364
01:42:45,840 --> 01:42:48,920
what I was, right. I
wasn't even stressing you about my bad because

1365
01:42:48,960 --> 01:42:53,680
I wasn't even ready for that,
right, I thought I didn't until I

1366
01:42:53,840 --> 01:42:56,840
got in a relationship. I didn't
realize how much of the problem I actually

1367
01:42:57,039 --> 01:43:00,680
was. I feel like a lot
of women really is like you always thinking,

1368
01:43:00,199 --> 01:43:03,159
oh, it's this situation, Oh
it's this person. Like if it

1369
01:43:03,279 --> 01:43:06,439
keeps being this situation, this person, it seemed like the common denominator is

1370
01:43:06,520 --> 01:43:11,000
you. Yeah, you can do
some self reflect A lot of the times

1371
01:43:11,039 --> 01:43:15,000
when I would meet women in the
past, I didn't know how to tell

1372
01:43:15,079 --> 01:43:17,159
them that. It just didn't feel
like it was supposed to work. But

1373
01:43:17,279 --> 01:43:20,479
I like, yeah, yeah,
pussy good too, but that I mean,

1374
01:43:20,560 --> 01:43:25,319
it's like, and you got a
nice house, but this don't feel

1375
01:43:25,359 --> 01:43:28,560
like nothing. I don't feel it. And people take that, and this

1376
01:43:28,600 --> 01:43:30,279
is probably gonna sound crazy, people
take that too personal because that, I

1377
01:43:30,359 --> 01:43:32,880
mean, that is personal. But
at the same time, that's not.

1378
01:43:34,479 --> 01:43:38,600
It don't have to necessarily be a
reflection of who you are as a person.

1379
01:43:39,159 --> 01:43:42,039
Like I feel like people can take
rejection like that as like, oh,

1380
01:43:42,520 --> 01:43:45,520
you're rejecting me, so I'm a
failure. I'm not necessarily rejecting you.

1381
01:43:45,920 --> 01:43:50,039
Right, my body did right.
It is what it is. No,

1382
01:43:50,199 --> 01:43:54,479
it's not that simple. It's not
how do you tell a girl you

1383
01:43:54,600 --> 01:44:00,359
meet a girl? You meet a
girl January at whatever you meet her in

1384
01:44:00,439 --> 01:44:04,199
January, whether it's Instagram or the
Jokah bar, you meet her boom,

1385
01:44:04,560 --> 01:44:09,720
y'all fucking January because anybody making you
weaight, you got sauce, So you

1386
01:44:09,880 --> 01:44:14,640
fuck her and the sexes and the
sex and the sex is good, but

1387
01:44:14,800 --> 01:44:19,159
and the vibes is cool. But
then a certain amount of time passed and

1388
01:44:19,279 --> 01:44:26,399
you know that this has to become
something or end. But I don't want

1389
01:44:26,439 --> 01:44:30,119
it to become something. But it's
really good and I do not want it

1390
01:44:30,159 --> 01:44:32,479
to end, but I know that
now we're at a point to where if

1391
01:44:32,520 --> 01:44:38,319
it goes past, this resentment starts
because you should have made a decision by

1392
01:44:38,399 --> 01:44:44,319
now tell me and you can think
about it. What is the best way

1393
01:44:44,880 --> 01:44:48,279
to tell a woman that you don't
feel it without being the bad guy?

1394
01:44:49,399 --> 01:44:57,159
Nope, I rephrase that. Is
there anyway that you can tell this woman

1395
01:44:57,920 --> 01:45:02,079
that, although you and I have
spent great times together, Although you and

1396
01:45:02,199 --> 01:45:06,079
I have great memories together, Although
you and I have explored the city of

1397
01:45:06,159 --> 01:45:10,520
Indianapolis from the top to the bottom, and we have great this, this,

1398
01:45:10,640 --> 01:45:15,960
and this, I don't feel the
way I feel I should feel about

1399
01:45:16,000 --> 01:45:21,560
a woman that I'm going to date. Because it's a long question. Men,

1400
01:45:23,039 --> 01:45:28,359
when we get into relationships, it's
marriage period. If I say I'm

1401
01:45:28,439 --> 01:45:32,840
with you, you almost socials same
as a wife. We together all the

1402
01:45:32,880 --> 01:45:36,560
time, same as a wife.
My decisions I have to make based off

1403
01:45:36,600 --> 01:45:40,920
of what you like. Same as
a wife. The commitment is the same.

1404
01:45:41,600 --> 01:45:44,159
The only thing that's different is the
last name and what we do with

1405
01:45:44,239 --> 01:45:46,439
the future. But in our minds, once we get together, the timer

1406
01:45:46,520 --> 01:45:49,039
starts. Okay, now we're together, a certain amount of time. So

1407
01:45:49,800 --> 01:45:54,079
if we're together three years from now, we've got to talk talk about marriage,

1408
01:45:54,199 --> 01:45:56,520
kids, this, this, and
that. Niggas is holding off on

1409
01:45:56,600 --> 01:46:00,880
that, right because the responsibility of
that start as soon as we say it's

1410
01:46:00,880 --> 01:46:04,680
efficient. Women don't think like that. Women be like, all right,

1411
01:46:05,439 --> 01:46:10,479
let's just commit, and you'd be
like, nah, but there is no

1412
01:46:10,560 --> 01:46:12,640
way for me. I never thought
about it like that. How do you

1413
01:46:12,720 --> 01:46:16,560
tell that was a lot? It
is? Because there is no answer.

1414
01:46:16,720 --> 01:46:20,239
Yeah, you can't tell her that
without her is thinking that you wasted my

1415
01:46:20,359 --> 01:46:24,920
mother fucking time. Yeah, because
I was in a situation like that.

1416
01:46:25,720 --> 01:46:30,239
It's always like that, fucking just
fucking from Yeah, from its supposed to

1417
01:46:30,239 --> 01:46:38,159
be good. I want a relationship
with nah. And I also feel like

1418
01:46:38,279 --> 01:46:41,680
it's it's about how you started too. Yeah, if we started it all

1419
01:46:41,760 --> 01:46:46,159
based off of sex, that's how
that's a fact. Yeah, i've only

1420
01:46:46,199 --> 01:46:50,800
seen you after nine Yeah. Ever, yeah, I've only seen you after

1421
01:46:50,880 --> 01:46:55,840
nine Yeah. Sometimes and then you
want a relationship, Yeah, that's how

1422
01:46:55,920 --> 01:46:58,239
I said. Sometimes women don't make
it make sense and they hear it too.

1423
01:46:59,239 --> 01:47:06,239
I feel like it's oh shit,
how much time? Again? He

1424
01:47:06,359 --> 01:47:11,039
said. I don't feel like it's
a challenge because women usually challenge me.

1425
01:47:11,720 --> 01:47:15,600
You know what I'm saying, I
don't want to challenge. I don't want

1426
01:47:15,640 --> 01:47:20,720
to challenge rules, real world challenge. I don't want that. I don't

1427
01:47:20,760 --> 01:47:26,720
even want it to be difficult,
because then you fighting me, you're fighting

1428
01:47:26,760 --> 01:47:30,720
me, you're putting up this wall. I get what he's saying. I'm

1429
01:47:30,760 --> 01:47:42,079
competing. Yeah, I'm competing.
Yeah, if she tells you I like

1430
01:47:42,279 --> 01:47:46,960
fucking. If somebody straight up,
somebody straightforward, that's different. But sometimes

1431
01:47:47,439 --> 01:47:51,880
a person's emotional. Sometimes sometimes a
woman lets you in her. Sometimes you

1432
01:47:53,279 --> 01:47:57,399
it's like hot, it's like Hogwarts, Okay, to get to Hogwarts.

1433
01:47:59,239 --> 01:48:02,000
An it's the it was a three
and three fourth something. You gotta run

1434
01:48:02,000 --> 01:48:05,920
into the wall. You gotta run
into the wall sometimes and then if you

1435
01:48:05,960 --> 01:48:11,720
didn't hit at the right time,
that shit closed. Black man. Oh

1436
01:48:11,840 --> 01:48:15,840
that was good. There's a certain
there's a certain window a bit you might

1437
01:48:15,000 --> 01:48:18,800
let you in. Yeah, the
wind blew differently, and she saw you

1438
01:48:19,319 --> 01:48:24,920
the cologne hitter. All right,
nigga, you got thirty tap niggah.

1439
01:48:25,319 --> 01:48:29,479
So and you can feel that.
Yeah, she ain't got no friends like

1440
01:48:29,680 --> 01:48:34,600
you. She ain't letting people in
like you know. Some women you could

1441
01:48:34,640 --> 01:48:38,840
tell you don't let niggas get in
here like that. I can feel it.

1442
01:48:39,039 --> 01:48:43,039
Yeah. Then that's when you start
to appreciate it differently because not everybody

1443
01:48:43,079 --> 01:48:45,920
gets to come in this motherfucker Okay, okay, okay, sometimes you can

1444
01:48:45,960 --> 01:48:49,920
feel man bit everybody up been in
here. Yeah, ain't special. Yeah,

1445
01:48:50,359 --> 01:48:54,239
so stop trying to make this something
you was. Just you just felt

1446
01:48:54,279 --> 01:48:58,319
this with somebody. I noticed because
you just told me about it. Yeah,

1447
01:48:58,680 --> 01:49:01,640
I know who you some women to
let you know. But I ain't

1448
01:49:01,680 --> 01:49:08,520
fuck like this in a minute.
I don't fuck like that like you don't

1449
01:49:09,000 --> 01:49:15,880
know. Okay, so you allow
me in your space. Yeah, then

1450
01:49:15,880 --> 01:49:19,840
then she'll ask you. This ain't
gotta be nothing right now, but let

1451
01:49:19,920 --> 01:49:25,199
me know. Yeah, and until
you figure it out, I think,

1452
01:49:25,880 --> 01:49:31,640
because emotional maturity and vulnerability are two
things that have to kind of be present

1453
01:49:32,560 --> 01:49:40,119
for that to go over right right, people don't have both of you if

1454
01:49:40,199 --> 01:49:51,479
one. Yeah, the the what
I think I think people, I think

1455
01:49:51,520 --> 01:50:00,760
I think that I think women commitment, it's too much of the goal.

1456
01:50:02,279 --> 01:50:06,960
Yeah, and not the man.
Yeah, the man needs to be learning

1457
01:50:08,000 --> 01:50:10,239
the man, what the man like, what the man wants, what the

1458
01:50:10,279 --> 01:50:12,760
man this and that because right now. It just seemed like you just want

1459
01:50:12,760 --> 01:50:15,439
a relationship. Yeah that makes sense, that's true, And I could be

1460
01:50:15,560 --> 01:50:18,840
interchangeable. Yeah, and I don't
like that. Yeah, and I don't

1461
01:50:18,840 --> 01:50:23,039
want that. Damn. I guess
I'll think about stuff a little more.

1462
01:50:28,720 --> 01:50:31,399
Y'are not the simple? Okay?
What the complex? Think? You?

1463
01:50:31,880 --> 01:50:40,319
Some niggas? Some niggas is sometimes
sometimes men can see something. Do you

1464
01:50:40,399 --> 01:50:43,920
think that only takes it takes a
certain woman. You don't think like that

1465
01:50:44,079 --> 01:50:47,760
for every woman you're dealing with,
which mean, get closer. I don't

1466
01:50:47,760 --> 01:50:53,840
know, I'm not purse. What
was you about to say? I don't

1467
01:50:53,960 --> 01:50:56,520
lost ma Trina talk? Do you
you said? Do you think man think

1468
01:50:56,600 --> 01:51:01,159
that way about women? Is that
that's only somebody you picture yourself being committed

1469
01:51:01,199 --> 01:51:06,560
to that thought process? No,
that's everybody? Oh really? Yes?

1470
01:51:08,079 --> 01:51:12,279
Okay, because because I guess you
gotta kind of ration out with it.

1471
01:51:12,680 --> 01:51:18,319
Yeah, yeah, yes, because
if are you? Are you worth it's

1472
01:51:18,319 --> 01:51:25,800
gonna sound really bad. You might
be worth me sticking my dickie and raw

1473
01:51:26,199 --> 01:51:34,359
ah that sounds awful, But you
were not worth my commitment and that that

1474
01:51:34,479 --> 01:51:40,880
sounds but yeah, this don't mean
nothing. Who that hurts? Twenty two

1475
01:51:40,960 --> 01:51:48,239
year old me. She felt that
raw min love baby, because I feel

1476
01:51:48,279 --> 01:51:54,680
like a lot of the times,
sex is all that some people can offer.

1477
01:51:57,039 --> 01:52:00,640
And once you not fucking and the
rest of the world you have to

1478
01:52:00,720 --> 01:52:04,720
you know, co existed the rest
of the world. You realize that's true.

1479
01:52:04,800 --> 01:52:10,039
This ain't gonna work. Yeah,
this ain't good because we have to

1480
01:52:10,079 --> 01:52:14,239
work outside of the bedroom. Yeah. And then and and friendships, we

1481
01:52:14,239 --> 01:52:16,479
gotta work inside of the club.
Yeah, we gotta work at We have

1482
01:52:16,600 --> 01:52:19,600
to be able to be friends in
the daytime. Can we go to the

1483
01:52:19,640 --> 01:52:23,319
park together? Can we have a
kid's birthday party? Yeah? Outside a

1484
01:52:23,359 --> 01:52:25,680
little liquor. Yeah. And a
lot of the times we came a lot

1485
01:52:25,760 --> 01:52:29,239
of the times. Case. So
I'm not even to try it. I

1486
01:52:29,279 --> 01:52:32,359
ain't aboun to try to force it
because then you then you get let down.

1487
01:52:32,680 --> 01:52:34,640
Yeah, you start to see a
different side of people that you was

1488
01:52:34,680 --> 01:52:39,159
like, man, you suck,
and then that they suck. They just

1489
01:52:39,880 --> 01:52:43,439
only friends in a certain capacities,
right, friends, you know what I

1490
01:52:43,520 --> 01:52:49,319
mean. Wow, it's a lot
of growth, growth, a lot of

1491
01:52:49,359 --> 01:52:53,520
growth, a lot of growth.
And I feel like too, when you

1492
01:52:53,640 --> 01:52:57,680
know somebody for real, for real, when you take the time to get

1493
01:52:57,720 --> 01:53:04,039
to know somebody, you can protect
yourself from them, and based off of

1494
01:53:04,119 --> 01:53:10,439
how you protect yourself from them,
how they respond to you protecting yourself from

1495
01:53:10,439 --> 01:53:14,239
them, tells you a lot.
Yeah, Like I can't be around you

1496
01:53:14,319 --> 01:53:20,760
because you're this way what you mean
right? All right? Because some people

1497
01:53:20,760 --> 01:53:25,760
will bully you into being your friend
or being around they'll good trip you.

1498
01:53:26,000 --> 01:53:30,920
Yeah you're gonna abandon me like everybody
else. Yes, yeah, you're toxic.

1499
01:53:30,239 --> 01:53:34,520
Yeah, you need to work on
those issues. I feel like we've

1500
01:53:34,520 --> 01:53:43,239
said everything we need to say,
and this is I can't do this every

1501
01:53:43,279 --> 01:53:45,560
week. Yeah, no, I
can't do this. This is I can't

1502
01:53:45,560 --> 01:53:48,760
do this every week. I don't
know how I do this every week?

1503
01:53:49,279 --> 01:53:56,079
Two episodes a week. I don't
know how you gonna I don't know.

1504
01:53:56,479 --> 01:54:00,880
Not enough listening, not enough listening. And I feel like too, you

1505
01:54:00,960 --> 01:54:03,600
know, when we was doing egging
the philosophy, we're talking about a lot

1506
01:54:03,640 --> 01:54:11,279
of pop culture stuff. Yeah,
and now that I'm an adult, we

1507
01:54:11,399 --> 01:54:14,960
were doing for real. I feel
like a lot of that ship is fake

1508
01:54:15,359 --> 01:54:19,359
and I feel like we spend a
lot of time focusing on things that aren't

1509
01:54:19,439 --> 01:54:26,439
real, don't matter, Like there
was a like, not enough emphasis was

1510
01:54:26,520 --> 01:54:32,520
put on gun Play giving Rick Ross
a chain while Rick Ross was still in

1511
01:54:32,560 --> 01:54:36,800
the bed. Maybe I don't know
nothing about this. Some people don't know

1512
01:54:36,800 --> 01:54:39,920
what I'm talking about. You know
what I'm talking about? DJ? Is

1513
01:54:40,000 --> 01:54:44,079
this recent, maybe like a couple
of months. Gunplay didn't go fund me.

1514
01:54:44,600 --> 01:54:47,760
I did see that, and then
he bought a chain and gave it

1515
01:54:47,800 --> 01:54:51,000
to Rick Ross and they wanted their
money back. Yeah, all right,

1516
01:54:53,439 --> 01:54:57,039
the gulf. In my mind,
it was like a Black Marrior episode.

1517
01:54:57,680 --> 01:55:01,399
The only way that DJ get into
my house and I'm still in the bed

1518
01:55:02,119 --> 01:55:09,960
is if somebody let him in off
of a like favor, okay, or

1519
01:55:10,479 --> 01:55:14,239
they he lied and said we supposed
to record or something. There will be

1520
01:55:14,359 --> 01:55:16,800
no instance to where I'm still in
the bed with any man in my room.

1521
01:55:17,920 --> 01:55:24,279
Ever. Ever, so the fact
that you in my room and it

1522
01:55:24,359 --> 01:55:28,520
looks like Rick Roster just woke up, you got a chain, you fully

1523
01:55:28,640 --> 01:55:32,079
dressed, there's a camera person,
It's a whole thing. I felt like

1524
01:55:32,199 --> 01:55:39,199
he was trying to get his get
back in Rick Ross's good graces. He

1525
01:55:39,279 --> 01:55:42,720
needed to go fund me because he
maybe founding some money that he wasn't supposed

1526
01:55:42,720 --> 01:55:46,960
to be. So I'm looking at
things like that, but everybody else is

1527
01:55:47,000 --> 01:55:49,640
talking about the other aspect of it, and I was just like, I

1528
01:55:49,680 --> 01:55:55,840
don't I see I see all of
this shit as that. I see all

1529
01:55:55,880 --> 01:55:59,239
of this shit as a black mirror
type of episode, Like none of this

1530
01:55:59,279 --> 01:56:01,760
shit is real. All of this
shit is fake. The numbers are fake,

1531
01:56:02,199 --> 01:56:09,279
the celebrities are fake. Everything is
fake. And we are trying to

1532
01:56:09,359 --> 01:56:12,600
compete with the fakeness. Yeah,
we're trying to compete with robots. We're

1533
01:56:12,600 --> 01:56:15,880
trying to compete with organizations that they
don't care about numbers, they don't care

1534
01:56:15,920 --> 01:56:18,600
about your influence, they don't care
about none of that shit. It's all

1535
01:56:21,079 --> 01:56:25,479
I don't know. It just it
just feels like when when TikTok said,

1536
01:56:25,560 --> 01:56:29,119
yeah, we make people go viral
all the time, so they keep using

1537
01:56:29,159 --> 01:56:32,039
the app. Yeah, So I
was like, damn, that makes sense.

1538
01:56:32,399 --> 01:56:35,880
You make motherfucker do a video,
they get a million, they're gonna

1539
01:56:35,880 --> 01:56:39,640
spend the rest of their life trying
to get another million. Yeah, doing

1540
01:56:39,680 --> 01:56:43,640
the same, keep chasing it,
so you get everybody a taste of enough

1541
01:56:43,720 --> 01:56:46,800
everybody because you go to everybody page
and what they what they top penpost is

1542
01:56:47,079 --> 01:56:54,439
the one with the most views on
it. Every single one everything. I'm

1543
01:56:54,479 --> 01:56:57,079
like, bro, what's this?
This is crazy? It is so everybody.

1544
01:56:57,600 --> 01:57:01,079
And I'm thankful that ignorant philosophy didn't
go because we would have still had

1545
01:57:01,119 --> 01:57:06,560
to keep doing it despite Boogie changing, Despike keen and changing, despite dynasty

1546
01:57:06,680 --> 01:57:10,960
changing, despite me changing, like
what, I'm glad it didn't go VI,

1547
01:57:11,439 --> 01:57:15,600
despite you growing. It happened was
supposed to. I know, but

1548
01:57:15,840 --> 01:57:19,119
I know. I'm happy for that. But in hindsight, that's what everybody

1549
01:57:19,159 --> 01:57:24,000
wanted to go viral to make it
make to make to have to have to

1550
01:57:24,159 --> 01:57:26,760
do this, to have to do
this. I don't want to do that

1551
01:57:27,439 --> 01:57:30,119
to have to I don't want do
that every week. Yeah, that's a

1552
01:57:30,199 --> 01:57:35,520
lot like niggas is making dance videos
and and hold. So now you gotta

1553
01:57:35,520 --> 01:57:39,520
do this every day? Yeah you
got about Now it's a Now it's a

1554
01:57:39,640 --> 01:57:43,159
rat race. And now I was
in the microphone camera. Now you have

1555
01:57:43,239 --> 01:57:46,039
to compete. It's exchanging your time
for money, but there is no money.

1556
01:57:46,439 --> 01:57:49,199
Yeah that's the thing. You can
have a million followers and no money.

1557
01:57:49,800 --> 01:57:54,000
Yeah, you can have two million
followers and no money just because defeat

1558
01:57:55,479 --> 01:58:00,399
what for nothing for us to for
likeness and it doesn't equate to anything at

1559
01:58:00,439 --> 01:58:04,239
all. And you're chasing this,
and with chasing it comes a false sense

1560
01:58:04,359 --> 01:58:09,279
of security. Yes, and now
you're losing everything behind that. You're losing

1561
01:58:09,319 --> 01:58:11,720
your family, you're losing all of
these type of things because you got to

1562
01:58:11,760 --> 01:58:14,399
spend so much time. I know
people that's like, yeah, I want

1563
01:58:14,399 --> 01:58:19,079
to get into podcasting. Why oh, because I got a passionate Fuck that

1564
01:58:19,199 --> 01:58:28,000
passion? Why what what's the next
step? I just wanted to all right,

1565
01:58:28,119 --> 01:58:32,079
well, because you are not going
to compete with our heart. Our

1566
01:58:32,159 --> 01:58:36,920
heart was doing some ship to where
Nigga. They had games on the phone

1567
01:58:38,640 --> 01:58:43,039
that if you played the game,
it would count as a podcast stream for

1568
01:58:43,159 --> 01:58:45,720
a certain podcast. So when you
you got an ad pop up, if

1569
01:58:45,760 --> 01:58:48,119
this shit popped up on a joint, it was a play for the joint.

1570
01:58:48,399 --> 01:58:50,640
You got a million people with this
app on a file, and that

1571
01:58:50,680 --> 01:58:54,720
shit pop up every time they play
a game. My kid play a game.

1572
01:58:55,039 --> 01:58:58,319
You can't even buy the game to
make the ads go away. Some

1573
01:58:58,640 --> 01:59:01,520
certain games you can't buy it.
So when that shit pop up, that

1574
01:59:01,520 --> 01:59:05,600
shit counts a play. And some
of these podcasts are getting plays based off

1575
01:59:05,640 --> 01:59:10,199
of that. You gotta listen to
it another you can't compete with that.

1576
01:59:10,399 --> 01:59:13,600
Yeah, you're not even thinking about
that. Yeah, so how do you

1577
01:59:13,720 --> 01:59:16,079
think? What do you? What
do you? This is This is the

1578
01:59:16,159 --> 01:59:20,039
money thing. This ain't about passion. This ain't about the culture. This

1579
01:59:20,199 --> 01:59:25,840
ain't about nothing. The culture.
Ain't even the culture for me for podcasting,

1580
01:59:25,880 --> 01:59:30,199
ain't even about the culture. This
nigga Charlemagne started on the network and

1581
01:59:30,319 --> 01:59:33,319
gave people that never had a podcast
podcast. Why didn't you go to people

1582
01:59:33,359 --> 01:59:38,119
who had podcasts and give them and
give them a platform for the podcast.

1583
01:59:38,439 --> 01:59:44,760
You get the white haired podcasts for
what. No one listens to him except

1584
01:59:44,840 --> 01:59:49,199
trainings. No one listens to him. But you didn't go to You didn't

1585
01:59:49,239 --> 01:59:55,039
go to the niggas that's putting in
blood, sweat and tears. And you

1586
01:59:55,159 --> 01:59:58,319
got everybody that I know that was
potted when I potted, feel the same

1587
01:59:58,399 --> 02:00:02,439
way. I haven't heard anything that
inspires me. Nothing sounds great, everything

1588
02:00:02,560 --> 02:00:06,399
sounds rushed. Every it just sounds
like a money grab, because that's what

1589
02:00:06,520 --> 02:00:10,880
it is. Then you now you
got the streaming services. They don't know

1590
02:00:10,880 --> 02:00:14,840
where the money coming from. Niggas
is trying to get like all of this

1591
02:00:14,880 --> 02:00:17,720
shit. That's good. Yes,
it's it's all fake, and niggas is

1592
02:00:19,079 --> 02:00:24,399
chasing their tails to be a part
of this and it's not even worth nothing.

1593
02:00:25,239 --> 02:00:27,560
They don't even know, like even
singing like back. And then I'm

1594
02:00:27,560 --> 02:00:30,399
like, man, I'm so happy
I didn't make it with rapping. Yeah

1595
02:00:30,039 --> 02:00:35,319
what I'm what I'm supposed to do? Tour. I don't like sell records.

1596
02:00:35,760 --> 02:00:41,840
You ain't selling shit any crazy,
Yeah, none of this. All

1597
02:00:41,880 --> 02:00:45,359
of this shit is fake. All
of it is fake. Yeah, just

1598
02:00:45,520 --> 02:00:49,159
a little up. It's not it's
not. Don't look at it like that.

1599
02:00:49,520 --> 02:00:55,319
Look at it like this. If
you want to entertain, entertain yeah,

1600
02:00:55,760 --> 02:01:00,279
you can go outside and tap dance
on thirty eighth Street. Make the

1601
02:01:00,319 --> 02:01:04,479
same amount of money that your favorite
singer made on Spotify last week, the

1602
02:01:04,640 --> 02:01:12,640
same thing they're getting point zero zero
one cent for each stream You're going down

1603
02:01:12,720 --> 02:01:15,119
there, like eighty thousand streams in
a month, nigga, you ain't making

1604
02:01:15,239 --> 02:01:20,119
nothing, yea. Rihanna had the
most streams and she made maybe less than

1605
02:01:20,279 --> 02:01:25,920
a million dollars. She the most
streams period on Spotify. She made less

1606
02:01:26,000 --> 02:01:29,520
than a million dollars. From In
my mind, I'm thinking, what the

1607
02:01:29,800 --> 02:01:34,479
fuck are we trying to do?
Right? What are we trying to But

1608
02:01:34,560 --> 02:01:38,760
it's not, it's not. It's
not something to be sad about. It's

1609
02:01:38,800 --> 02:01:43,600
just once you understand the game,
okay, then play it accordingly, learn

1610
02:01:43,680 --> 02:01:46,560
how what do you want from it? Right? And get it because just

1611
02:01:47,199 --> 02:01:51,960
just recording, uploading and hoping that
you go viral, that's dead. And

1612
02:01:53,119 --> 02:01:57,039
you might go viral, but you
ain't got ads, so it don't matter.

1613
02:01:57,439 --> 02:02:00,920
You can't hold all you can go. You can't have a podcast do

1614
02:02:00,039 --> 02:02:02,479
a million plays and you ain't got
no adds in it, and that million

1615
02:02:02,560 --> 02:02:09,119
plays don't mean nothing we're gonna do
with that, And people don't understand that.

1616
02:02:10,520 --> 02:02:13,319
And that's the sad part about trying
to get talk to people about podcasting

1617
02:02:13,399 --> 02:02:16,800
because I'm coming from across the bridge. A man, don't do it like

1618
02:02:16,880 --> 02:02:27,119
that. Yeah, man, you
just sound negative. Okay, Okay,

1619
02:02:27,840 --> 02:02:30,399
I try, Yeah, because you're
gonna you're just gonna spend a lot of

1620
02:02:30,439 --> 02:02:33,880
time. And right now I'm happy
that I'm able to just do a part

1621
02:02:33,960 --> 02:02:38,319
of it and get enough money to
take care of my family. Yeah,

1622
02:02:39,079 --> 02:02:44,960
and enjoy myself. Good toy,
I'm not I'm not. I'm glad you're

1623
02:02:45,000 --> 02:02:51,600
in that space. What why did
you laugh? Because it sounded very sincere.

1624
02:02:56,840 --> 02:03:00,920
I really am. I feel like
you've been in such a a bubble

1625
02:03:01,239 --> 02:03:06,399
with trying to make it all makes
sense, and you carry so much weight

1626
02:03:06,520 --> 02:03:12,760
on your shoulders, then I'm glad
you're able to just I wish some niggas

1627
02:03:12,760 --> 02:03:16,960
would have carry that weight with me. It's okay. I don't know what

1628
02:03:17,079 --> 02:03:25,119
to say, so when niggas would
like putting me on no right. I

1629
02:03:25,279 --> 02:03:28,399
tried to let you carry some weight, and you proved to me that you

1630
02:03:28,439 --> 02:03:32,159
couldn't carry the weight over here is
wig heavier. They got people that they

1631
02:03:32,279 --> 02:03:36,319
got, they got deadlines, they
got to meet right. You couldn't even

1632
02:03:36,359 --> 02:03:41,840
show up here on time. When
I got to La, That's what I

1633
02:03:41,960 --> 02:03:45,960
realized. Oh, they are not
playing, they are not playing this.

1634
02:03:45,119 --> 02:03:55,640
Nigga has seven red cameras capturing these
motherfuckers. Seven's ray camera, see very

1635
02:03:55,960 --> 02:04:00,560
very he has seven of them bitches
with Lenson's all of them bitches, with

1636
02:04:00,760 --> 02:04:04,199
lights for all of them bitches,
with switches for all of them to get

1637
02:04:04,239 --> 02:04:12,000
switch through all their mother money.
Just money in there. That's ain't no

1638
02:04:12,159 --> 02:04:15,359
little leagues and done of this shop. And you ain't about to compete with

1639
02:04:15,520 --> 02:04:19,439
these companies. Who got an endless
amount of money. You're not about to

1640
02:04:19,479 --> 02:04:24,840
compete. Find your niche, you
find your crew, and find a way

1641
02:04:24,920 --> 02:04:28,640
to I don't even know. I
don't know. I can go on about

1642
02:04:28,680 --> 02:04:32,399
it forever and I won't. But
I feel like a lot of people listen,

1643
02:04:32,479 --> 02:04:38,520
listen to ignorant philosophy that might do
clothes. I be like, man,

1644
02:04:38,640 --> 02:04:45,119
stop trying to be Caviclin fucking make
clothes for somebody, and just get

1645
02:04:45,199 --> 02:04:47,840
the check. Just get the check. Stop trying to make clothes for everybody.

1646
02:04:48,319 --> 02:04:55,319
Find you a contract, Just find
a contract that can supplement your lifestyle.

1647
02:04:55,720 --> 02:05:00,079
And yeah, niggas trying to make
clothes for everybody, Like, no,

1648
02:05:00,199 --> 02:05:02,640
it's not gonna work like that.
Sometimes people just be doing stuff though

1649
02:05:03,279 --> 02:05:08,520
with no room rationale to why.
Just want to be your part, just

1650
02:05:08,600 --> 02:05:13,000
want to say, oh, yeah, I got this going on. But

1651
02:05:13,199 --> 02:05:16,479
what am I? I guess it's
not. It's not my duty to tell

1652
02:05:16,520 --> 02:05:24,359
them, Yeah it's not. But
what about your friends? What about your

1653
02:05:24,479 --> 02:05:30,159
Because I feel like I feel like
too, like all of this shit costs

1654
02:05:30,199 --> 02:05:33,159
you much to do. M like
part didn't cost you much to do.

1655
02:05:33,880 --> 02:05:36,239
You gotta pay for the equipment,
you gotta pay for somebody to edit it,

1656
02:05:36,800 --> 02:05:39,880
or you gotta pay for the constation. I understand what you're doing,

1657
02:05:39,920 --> 02:05:42,119
because you just don't. You ain't
just about to jump into it and not

1658
02:05:42,319 --> 02:05:46,840
and just know what to do.
Clothes, you gotta pay for the equipment,

1659
02:05:46,920 --> 02:05:50,920
the clothes. Fucking I don't know. It's just it's just too much

1660
02:05:50,960 --> 02:05:56,479
money wasted. So why not,
why not understand what the fuck you're doing?

1661
02:05:56,800 --> 02:06:00,439
Yeah, so like going to school, like even that, that's expensive

1662
02:06:00,920 --> 02:06:02,720
for you not to know what you're
doing, right, because niggas did that

1663
02:06:02,720 --> 02:06:06,840
all the time. Did you get
a new job? Yeah, another new

1664
02:06:06,960 --> 02:06:14,039
job. I think it's probably a
doctor's office. Oh no, yeah,

1665
02:06:14,079 --> 02:06:17,920
I'm still there. Okay, yeah
so even that right now, you gotta

1666
02:06:17,960 --> 02:06:23,680
drive you like, let me just
sebody asks down before you blame about to

1667
02:06:23,760 --> 02:06:29,279
quit right like this place? Right
you notice me? Yeah? I got

1668
02:06:29,399 --> 02:06:32,520
to take care of my baby,
you know, play things. Yeah,

1669
02:06:33,119 --> 02:06:36,600
I don't thank you for coming over
today, Thank you for I would.

1670
02:06:38,039 --> 02:06:42,600
I don't want to record any more
to do a script that after this?

1671
02:06:43,479 --> 02:06:45,239
Okay, no, no, no, no, no no, Yeah,

1672
02:06:45,520 --> 02:06:48,279
I'm tired. Yeah, I'm definitely
gonna go take it at I'm taking it

1673
02:06:48,359 --> 02:06:54,800
at kid to sleep right now?
So wh I got carte quiet clock work

1674
02:06:55,119 --> 02:06:58,800
like they ass up seven o'clock,
seven thirty. Get up in the morning,

1675
02:06:58,960 --> 02:07:00,840
Yeah, get up. Yeah,
she up at six thirty sixty.

1676
02:07:01,000 --> 02:07:06,800
Don't she going to be eight eight
thirty? That's beautiful? Yeah? What'd

1677
02:07:06,800 --> 02:07:09,640
you get her up? Because you
got are gonna work? Yeah? She

1678
02:07:09,680 --> 02:07:14,359
got a day care. Mm hmm. We talk about daycare? Why not

1679
02:07:14,439 --> 02:07:19,600
so expensive? Listen? How much
did they care for you? I had

1680
02:07:20,720 --> 02:07:31,640
somebody, Oh, don't go to
jail watching shout out to CCD. You

1681
02:07:31,720 --> 02:07:35,359
never hooked me up with that.
Okay, we'll talk later. I need

1682
02:07:35,479 --> 02:07:41,239
that. They gotta go. They
gotta go. They need social skills.

1683
02:07:41,520 --> 02:07:46,800
Yeah. Is it working for her? Yes, definitely, because she was

1684
02:07:46,880 --> 02:07:50,199
just mostly around us. And I'm
glad I did it before I started working

1685
02:07:50,279 --> 02:07:59,439
their job because the adjustment for both
of us it was hard, mean her

1686
02:07:59,560 --> 02:08:01,920
being going, yeah, like she
would. It got to the point where

1687
02:08:03,000 --> 02:08:05,479
in the first two weeks we had
to do a trial run. I would

1688
02:08:05,520 --> 02:08:09,560
have to pick her up half days
because she wouldn't eat. She didn't trust

1689
02:08:09,600 --> 02:08:11,560
them, she didn't know them.
She wouldn't eat, and they said that's

1690
02:08:11,680 --> 02:08:16,039
comments sometimes strike. So I had
to do half days. I would pick

1691
02:08:16,039 --> 02:08:18,680
her up at lunch so she would
eat with me, just until she got

1692
02:08:18,720 --> 02:08:22,239
a little bit more comfortable to be
there all day. And she does great

1693
02:08:22,279 --> 02:08:28,000
now, like she loves it.
She's I can tell she's picking good and

1694
02:08:28,159 --> 02:08:33,359
bad stuff up from daycare. But
it's like, I can see your growth.

1695
02:08:33,520 --> 02:08:37,359
I'm actually glad I made this decision
to go. I just ready for

1696
02:08:37,439 --> 02:08:39,279
them to go. You're just ready
for them to go. Yeah, I

1697
02:08:39,319 --> 02:08:46,159
can't work. Yeah, how are
you doing that? I have a choice,

1698
02:08:46,960 --> 02:08:50,560
I'm doing it. How does that
look? Uh? A lot of

1699
02:08:50,600 --> 02:08:54,239
Miss Rachel, Miss Rachel, of
Miss Rachel. I just started Miss Rachel.

1700
02:08:54,399 --> 02:08:58,720
Yeah. Miss Rachel's good. She
is. Miss Rachel keeps some occupied

1701
02:08:58,720 --> 02:09:03,199
and they career I have. I
told I want to take everything out of

1702
02:09:03,239 --> 02:09:07,239
their room and just put like Matt's
in the corner. And I know it

1703
02:09:07,319 --> 02:09:11,439
sounds very inhumane, but I saw
a video online where these twins were inner

1704
02:09:11,520 --> 02:09:15,479
room and their beds were aligned on
one side of the wall and they toys

1705
02:09:15,520 --> 02:09:16,880
on the other side. When they
wanted to go play, they would go

1706
02:09:16,960 --> 02:09:20,039
play, and there's time for that. They would go back to their bed

1707
02:09:20,640 --> 02:09:26,000
and the structure. But I'm like, bro I can't be physically with him

1708
02:09:26,039 --> 02:09:30,520
all day. I gotta work and
even I don't want to be physically with

1709
02:09:30,720 --> 02:09:35,119
him all day watch TV. Then
I feel bad for but that was mis

1710
02:09:35,199 --> 02:09:37,880
racial, so I feel cool.
They learn they learned to sign language,

1711
02:09:37,960 --> 02:09:45,000
boy ships, they learning shit,
so I feel it. Yeah, please,

1712
02:09:46,319 --> 02:09:48,319
you know what I'm saying. So
I don't feel as bad. But

1713
02:09:48,880 --> 02:09:52,680
I got you to do, which
makes me have way more empathy or sympathy

1714
02:09:52,760 --> 02:09:56,439
for single mothers. Yes, I'm
like, bro, I can't imagine this

1715
02:09:56,720 --> 02:10:01,720
bad. Oh I had three like
bitch baby brouh. I'm tired shout out

1716
02:10:01,760 --> 02:10:05,600
to you no, because why didn't
that make y'all be like I need to

1717
02:10:05,640 --> 02:10:09,319
fix myself because I'm by myself.
That's true. I'm not about to do

1718
02:10:09,600 --> 02:10:16,119
myself, that's true. I'm about
to get a bit over here quick for

1719
02:10:16,199 --> 02:10:20,119
real. And I feel like I
feel like I keep saying videos on my

1720
02:10:20,319 --> 02:10:24,159
timeline where mothers are complaining about being
single mothers, and I'm thinking in my

1721
02:10:24,239 --> 02:10:28,359
head, yea, I should just
make a group and cold mother together,

1722
02:10:30,000 --> 02:10:35,359
be together, live together, parents
together, well, split rent, split

1723
02:10:35,439 --> 02:10:39,720
responsibilities to picking the kids up because
it's two of y'all. Now, why

1724
02:10:39,760 --> 02:10:41,239
do this shit by yourself? Who
said you have to do it by yourself?

1725
02:10:43,000 --> 02:10:46,439
Why are we living by ourselves struggling
by ourselves? You got a friend.

1726
02:10:48,000 --> 02:10:50,960
Women be having friends where they single
and they single and they live separately.

1727
02:10:52,279 --> 02:10:56,199
Why are you living separately? Y'all? Y'all both renting, so just

1728
02:10:56,359 --> 02:11:00,680
rent together. But if y'all ain't
friends to live together, then you're not

1729
02:11:00,800 --> 02:11:03,079
really friends. Because if we if
if he say, bro, I got

1730
02:11:03,119 --> 02:11:07,479
I got five hundred, you got
five, Let's get a place. If

1731
02:11:07,560 --> 02:11:11,199
I if I'm not struggling that bad
to where I'm like, I can't live

1732
02:11:11,239 --> 02:11:16,359
with you. You ain't got to
that point yet. Yeah, until you

1733
02:11:16,479 --> 02:11:18,880
hit rock bottom and be like,
all right, let's do it, because

1734
02:11:18,880 --> 02:11:22,680
then you put your differences aside.
I know he messy or he know I'm

1735
02:11:22,680 --> 02:11:24,479
messy, or whatever the case.
You know, I can't even this.

1736
02:11:26,960 --> 02:11:30,359
You ain't hit rock bottom. Yeah, we got some guyline. And the

1737
02:11:30,399 --> 02:11:35,159
thing about niggas is we'll fight each
other and they'll move on. No,

1738
02:11:35,239 --> 02:11:41,600
no, no, we're just gonna
fight women. Women. They'll be catty

1739
02:11:41,920 --> 02:11:46,680
because ain't nobody getting punched. I've
been punched before. Shut me right on

1740
02:11:46,800 --> 02:11:50,680
the I don't want to that's men
always have that fear. Oh he might

1741
02:11:50,720 --> 02:11:52,760
beat me up. I don't know, he might beat me up. It

1742
02:11:52,880 --> 02:11:56,960
might be it's a thing. I'm
not gonna play him because they can go

1743
02:11:56,039 --> 02:12:01,119
there. Women don't have that.
But I feel like, yeah, all

1744
02:12:01,199 --> 02:12:03,119
this struggling and ship nigga's doing by
theyself. Why are you living by yourself?

1745
02:12:03,479 --> 02:12:05,880
Why do you why are you doing
all of this ship by yourself?

1746
02:12:07,800 --> 02:12:09,399
I know my mom was like,
I said, yeah, we're gonna get

1747
02:12:09,399 --> 02:12:13,800
a it's the cart. I'm not
going to the grocer store. I'm not

1748
02:12:13,880 --> 02:12:18,920
doing that shit a nonymore. That's
stupid me pushing a cart around this motherfucker.

1749
02:12:18,000 --> 02:12:22,079
When there's somebody who works there.
They know where everything is. I'm

1750
02:12:22,119 --> 02:12:24,840
buying the same thing. You can
deliver it before it by seven to nine,

1751
02:12:26,079 --> 02:12:28,640
I'll be home, bring it to
me. I'll pay somebody to cut

1752
02:12:28,680 --> 02:12:31,840
the grass from this time. I'm
not doing none of these things. I

1753
02:12:31,880 --> 02:12:37,319
wish I could pay somebody do my
laundry all time. But if you buy

1754
02:12:37,399 --> 02:12:43,199
yourself and you're struggling, fucking move
in with somebody you and your kids see

1755
02:12:43,199 --> 02:12:46,920
you. I was like, our
kids can't share rooms as boys and girls

1756
02:12:46,720 --> 02:12:50,800
nigga. That was common. And
again I shared the room with my sister

1757
02:12:52,000 --> 02:12:54,680
and that was perfect. We didn't
have a choice. Split the room a

1758
02:12:54,720 --> 02:12:58,720
half. That's your half, that's
your half. Learn how to deal with

1759
02:12:58,840 --> 02:13:01,439
it. The fact that the body
got their own room. Now it's crazy,

1760
02:13:01,359 --> 02:13:05,239
it's too much option. But the
whole, No, we're not about

1761
02:13:05,279 --> 02:13:13,119
to Yeah, that's but that's my
that's my thinking about potting, YouTube series

1762
02:13:13,279 --> 02:13:16,000
music. Why are y'all all doing
this shit individually? What makes what point

1763
02:13:16,079 --> 02:13:24,279
does this make? See everybody?
They ain't invested enough? Okay, because

1764
02:13:24,279 --> 02:13:26,640
if he got it, if he
got the camera, and I'm an actor

1765
02:13:28,079 --> 02:13:31,039
and I'm trying to get seen and
he's trying to get seen, why are

1766
02:13:31,119 --> 02:13:33,600
you posting on your Why if I'm
a model, if I look good,

1767
02:13:35,279 --> 02:13:41,960
shout out to uh what's that?
Isy's a close friend name Kenny Kenny.

1768
02:13:43,439 --> 02:13:48,880
Kenny Kenny takes pictures of the same
girl all the time, all the fucking

1769
02:13:48,920 --> 02:13:50,319
time. She's beautiful. He takes
the pictures of her all the time.

1770
02:13:52,039 --> 02:13:54,600
And I said, why do you
take pictures? Because that's my friend and

1771
02:13:54,680 --> 02:13:58,119
she's pretty. I don't have to
find nobody she pull up. So I'm

1772
02:13:58,359 --> 02:14:03,199
constantly working. I'm constantly editing because
I constantly have amused to shoot. But

1773
02:14:03,319 --> 02:14:05,000
niggas be like, I ain't shot
nothing in months? Why because ain't nobody

1774
02:14:05,039 --> 02:14:09,039
paid me? You don't love it
enough? Okay, But that's how I

1775
02:14:09,079 --> 02:14:13,960
feel about everything. Yeah, you
it's not. None of this ship is

1776
02:14:15,039 --> 02:14:18,199
community based. You don't feel like
everybody out everybody self, and I don't

1777
02:14:18,239 --> 02:14:22,000
like that. Niggas be out here
struggling by theyself. And I don't like

1778
02:14:22,079 --> 02:14:24,520
that niggas be because not everybody has
a Johnny or Sierra whoever. They just

1779
02:14:26,239 --> 02:14:28,760
by they fucking self all the fucking
time, and they thoughts in their head

1780
02:14:28,840 --> 02:14:33,479
all they fucking time, eating by
theyself. Yea, all the fucking nigga

1781
02:14:33,760 --> 02:14:37,760
Get somebody. The house feels differently
when it's somebody listening to music upstairs and

1782
02:14:37,800 --> 02:14:41,199
you know somebody is there, right, it just feels different. You come

1783
02:14:41,199 --> 02:14:43,800
into an empty house and no dog, They get no candles, one,

1784
02:14:43,800 --> 02:14:48,439
no lightstone or nothing, and smelled
like how it smelled when you left.

1785
02:14:48,439 --> 02:14:54,199
I don't like that. That's lonely. That's lonely. Yeah, it's here

1786
02:14:54,279 --> 02:15:01,239
split. That was awful, clicking
about myself and washing the dishes and buying

1787
02:15:01,279 --> 02:15:07,159
a bro what what at least what
she cooked. I'm gonna watch the dishes.

1788
02:15:07,479 --> 02:15:11,279
It's an unwritten rule. Whoever cooks, don't watch the dishes. That

1789
02:15:11,600 --> 02:15:15,800
by yourself. Ship doing the shit
by yourself shit, That shit is trashy

1790
02:15:16,279 --> 02:15:20,119
teen teen. A lot of niggas
is not trying to be on nobody's team

1791
02:15:20,960 --> 02:15:24,359
because I don't like I don't.
I'm vent right now. We could be

1792
02:15:24,359 --> 02:15:30,279
what everybody want because you know why, because I don't want to hear you

1793
02:15:30,479 --> 02:15:33,840
tell me how many points you scored? Why you gotta tell me I know

1794
02:15:33,960 --> 02:15:39,199
how much points you score. Niggas
always oh I did this or I that

1795
02:15:39,279 --> 02:15:43,800
ain't my job. I don't like
them niggas because the only way we're gonna

1796
02:15:43,800 --> 02:15:46,920
get a hit is if you do
some shit that you ain't gotta that you

1797
02:15:46,000 --> 02:15:50,439
ain't gotta do, and I just
ain't gotta do a little extra. Everybody

1798
02:15:50,479 --> 02:15:54,199
putting a little extra that we did
a whole lot, right, but everybody,

1799
02:15:54,199 --> 02:15:56,439
I ain't doing that. Ain't you
go to work and be like they

1800
02:15:56,520 --> 02:16:01,920
always trying to ask me some extra
shit? So what think of your insurance?

1801
02:16:01,520 --> 02:16:07,880
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, so
what because if you lost this motherfucker

1802
02:16:07,880 --> 02:16:11,119
you're gonna be shitty. Yeah,
you gotta do extra work everywhere you go.

1803
02:16:11,399 --> 02:16:16,840
Yeah, everybody's short staff or everybody. Just do some extra shit.

1804
02:16:16,880 --> 02:16:22,760
And I feel like a lot of
the times niggas trauma them from it putting

1805
02:16:22,880 --> 02:16:24,439
more effort in because why do you
think I'm about to do all of that?

1806
02:16:26,399 --> 02:16:37,840
Who do you think he's talking to? Go do that? Go fucking

1807
02:16:37,959 --> 02:16:41,600
do that shit. I would have
to tell myself that, like, bro,

1808
02:16:41,200 --> 02:16:43,520
why are you even asking questions?
Just fucking do the audio shit?

1809
02:16:43,879 --> 02:16:46,639
Why are you even whatever they asking
you to do? It don't matter they

1810
02:16:46,719 --> 02:16:50,040
paying you, so shut up and
do it. Shut up and dribble.

1811
02:16:50,159 --> 02:16:54,680
It is a way, though,
to approach people, but not disrespectful.

1812
02:16:54,040 --> 02:16:58,520
It is. But I'm gonna have
to see you. But if I can't

1813
02:16:58,520 --> 02:17:01,479
see you, then there's no need
for me to go back and forth with

1814
02:17:01,559 --> 02:17:05,159
you. All right? What what? What mean? Because you have the

1815
02:17:05,239 --> 02:17:09,440
authority to give me fired, so
I don't need to go back and forth.

1816
02:17:09,559 --> 02:17:13,319
I don't like disrespect dude, No
one does. Why this job though?

1817
02:17:16,280 --> 02:17:20,840
Look we don't agree. When have
you ever made money comfortably? I

1818
02:17:22,000 --> 02:17:26,040
have hold on, but you quit. That's why I think about it.

1819
02:17:28,479 --> 02:17:30,280
It's all gonna come with some shit, like, man, I don't feel

1820
02:17:30,280 --> 02:17:33,879
like doing it, do always come
with some shit? Yeah, because the

1821
02:17:33,959 --> 02:17:39,280
jail. Maybe that was good money, but it was the jail. It

1822
02:17:39,360 --> 02:17:45,799
was the jail. So that's that's
that is back there saying chain. No.

1823
02:17:46,120 --> 02:17:48,600
Man, if you listen to this
shit, I don't know what you're

1824
02:17:48,600 --> 02:17:56,000
gonna take from it, because at
all. But now I just stop being

1825
02:17:56,120 --> 02:18:01,280
stopped doing shit by yourself. Stop
bullshit by yourself. That show endure,

1826
02:18:01,879 --> 02:18:05,520
Yeah, that's ship by yourself.
Yeah, because everybody thinks that they can

1827
02:18:05,479 --> 02:18:09,079
and everybody no one wants to admit
that they're not good enough to do it

1828
02:18:09,079 --> 02:18:13,440
about it. That's again being vulnerable, yeah, but it's more so being

1829
02:18:13,520 --> 02:18:16,879
vulnerable with thyself. Yeah, so
you gotta be vulnerable with that. I

1830
02:18:16,920 --> 02:18:20,280
can't do this no more. Yeah, that's the takeaway. Keep a robe

1831
02:18:20,319 --> 02:18:24,440
with yourself, that's my takeaway.
That's hard. Keep it robe with yourself.

1832
02:18:24,520 --> 02:18:28,319
How you talking to yourself, bitch
like I talk to my friends.

1833
02:18:28,680 --> 02:18:31,959
Sound like Victoria mon Nay. I
love her. We had her on the

1834
02:18:33,000 --> 02:18:37,000
show. Really you're so sweet.
Oh she's so sweet. But yeah,

1835
02:18:37,040 --> 02:18:39,920
that's what I was like when I
was like, man, you look like

1836
02:18:41,040 --> 02:18:45,760
shit. Bro. Yeah, bro, when I'll be back to clip,

1837
02:18:45,799 --> 02:18:46,479
but I'll be like, what are
you? What are you even tripping for?

1838
02:18:48,239 --> 02:18:52,040
Like I want? But I want? How this is this? You

1839
02:18:52,159 --> 02:18:56,040
fucking this shit that call me your
stupid assing. That's how you gotta talk

1840
02:18:56,079 --> 02:19:00,879
to yourself. If you talk to
yourself like that, it ain't gonna affect

1841
02:19:00,879 --> 02:19:03,680
you. If somebody else talks to
you liked it. Yeah, that so

1842
02:19:03,760 --> 02:19:09,879
a certain extent respect because you gotta
be you gotta talk nice to yourself.

1843
02:19:11,000 --> 02:19:15,360
Nah's gonna be sucking up. Yeah, talk talking talking. I take advantage

1844
02:19:15,360 --> 02:19:18,440
of myself for real. I don't
listening to myself like I'm doing that no

1845
02:19:18,559 --> 02:19:24,040
more. Yeah, yeah, thank
you for pulling up man. I really

1846
02:19:24,079 --> 02:19:28,520
do appreciate this. I'll see you
in a year. Shut up. I

1847
02:19:28,600 --> 02:19:33,159
knew us gonna say some bullshit.
See you in the year's time. Player.

1848
02:19:33,760 --> 02:19:35,959
I don't know who I would want
to record with. I don't even

1849
02:19:35,000 --> 02:19:39,959
feel like recording. It's not gonna
be a year probably not sssar. You

1850
02:19:39,000 --> 02:19:43,200
gonna make a conscious effort to do
that was my segaway from the podcast that

1851
02:19:43,200 --> 02:19:48,879
I saw on Friday, And be
more intentional with everything that's good so that

1852
02:19:50,079 --> 02:19:54,000
is my goal. Hold me accountable. I know you will. I think

1853
02:19:54,120 --> 02:19:58,120
I think that when you try to
be intentional with things, you start to

1854
02:19:58,200 --> 02:20:05,440
realize just how how much how unintentional
people are. Yeah, like, you

1855
02:20:05,520 --> 02:20:09,600
gotta make sense of the mess.
And when you like, sometimes when people

1856
02:20:09,680 --> 02:20:13,040
ask me questions, or when you
ask you questions, they get angry because

1857
02:20:13,120 --> 02:20:16,920
not because you're ask them the question, but because they gotta make sense of

1858
02:20:16,959 --> 02:20:20,479
what you ask them, because they
never thought about it. Just do it,

1859
02:20:22,760 --> 02:20:24,399
because I wouldn't be to like for
the longest I was if waydn't clean

1860
02:20:24,440 --> 02:20:28,440
it out of the garage, just
like if should everywhere like we like we

1861
02:20:28,559 --> 02:20:31,079
just put it out there and just
walked away. So I'm putting it out

1862
02:20:31,079 --> 02:20:33,639
on the order And I was like, then this is this ship didn't take

1863
02:20:33,639 --> 02:20:37,040
as long as I thought it would. And I think that's the way I

1864
02:20:37,120 --> 02:20:39,479
feel about life, Like this should
ain't as hard as I made it out

1865
02:20:39,479 --> 02:20:43,319
to be. It could be.
It could be a lot simpler if you

1866
02:20:43,440 --> 02:20:48,799
just aren't intentional. Yes, yeah, yes for sure. Okay, I'm

1867
02:20:48,840 --> 02:20:54,479
a great I'm going to clean eats. Shout out to clean eats. Oh

1868
02:20:54,360 --> 02:21:01,319
they don't pay me, but but
shout out se y'all because they have meal

1869
02:21:01,399 --> 02:21:05,920
preps and freezers and just going there
and just figure out what you want to

1870
02:21:05,920 --> 02:21:07,639
eat. And I've been doing that. It's a store, yes, right

1871
02:21:07,719 --> 02:21:11,399
up, it's right here. Okay, yeah, yeah, doing that real

1872
02:21:11,440 --> 02:21:16,600
meat. Okay. I didn't know
if it was like a plant based tight

1873
02:21:18,120 --> 02:21:22,840
like all plant based like by meat. No, no, no, that's

1874
02:21:22,840 --> 02:21:26,319
all good. But yeah, man, I'll see you, so just say

1875
02:21:26,399 --> 02:21:30,520
so, just leave it alone,
thank you, all right. I love

1876
02:21:30,600 --> 02:21:31,440
you man, I love you too,