1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,519 Every Christmas, my family booby trapped the chimney. I never knew why until 2 00:00:07,559 --> 00:00:14,560 one year we finally caught something coming down. That year, my trap did 3 00:00:14,599 --> 00:00:20,280 not work. They never worked. The week before Christmas, we'd gone shopping 4 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:24,600 as a family, burst to a craft store for the kids and then a 5 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:30,480 hardware store for the grown ups. Walking the color of Lyles Mariah Carey in 6 00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:36,399 the background, I had excitedly bought a pack of orange HB pencils, flat 7 00:00:36,479 --> 00:00:41,439 on either end. They made me think of the scaffolding the builders had put 8 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:48,960 up around school one year, full of endless possibilities. Along with the pencils, 9 00:00:49,359 --> 00:00:53,320 I bought a bag of rubber bands to bind them together. In my 10 00:00:53,439 --> 00:00:59,520 imagination, I conceived of a truly fantastic catapult that would pelt the invaders with 11 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:04,480 marble and thumbtacks. Come Christmas Eve, my sister and I sat at one 12 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:10,599 table and went to work making our own traps with the materials we had selected. 13 00:01:11,719 --> 00:01:15,480 I had my pencils, and my sister, a few years younger than 14 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:23,000 me, was busy making something out of pipe cleaners and play dough. I 15 00:01:23,079 --> 00:01:27,159 remember scoffing out of work and thinking whatever she had in mind wouldn't even work 16 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:34,280 on a table beside us. Our mother made her own traps. I always 17 00:01:34,319 --> 00:01:40,959 remember thinking that the grown ups put no real imagination into their creations, but 18 00:01:41,079 --> 00:01:47,000 every year the sight of them would turn my stomach. Nonetheless, Mom like 19 00:01:47,079 --> 00:01:51,760 broken light bulbs hung on ropes, and this year she prepared another five or 20 00:01:51,799 --> 00:01:56,799 six to be nailed on the inside of the chimney. She also fashioned some 21 00:01:56,879 --> 00:02:01,079 heavy wooden planks with dozens of rusty nails and bent, jagged knives driven into 22 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:07,799 them. She always made the same things, and would stand at her table 23 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:13,039 every year, furiously soaring or hammering, with sweat pouring down her forehead. 24 00:02:14,879 --> 00:02:19,520 Dad did his work in the garage. He had a welders torch in there, 25 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:24,000 and something called a lathe, and all sorts of other interesting tools. 26 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:30,800 His traps were almost always made of rusted metal and razor sharp edges, creaking 27 00:02:30,879 --> 00:02:38,319 hinges, and quivering springs that made even my childish fingers weary. When he 28 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:44,280 finally emerged from his workshop this year, he revealed a funny looking contraption that 29 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:47,400 looked to me like some kind of cannon with a large hair canister attached, 30 00:02:49,319 --> 00:02:53,639 the sort of thing I'd seen on a diver's back. When a pressure plate 31 00:02:53,719 --> 00:02:58,280 was triggered, a sharp looking metal spear came shooting three feet out of the 32 00:02:58,319 --> 00:03:04,759 barrel in a heart stopping explosion. Dad grinned with pride when we all jumped 33 00:03:04,759 --> 00:03:09,719 back during the test fire. Then he spent thirty minutes swearing angrily as he 34 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:15,560 tried to reload the spike. After that he set about hiding it in the 35 00:03:15,599 --> 00:03:21,919 fireplace. This in forore digging a hole, and there was a brief moment 36 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:25,080 as he knelt there, covered in soot, where he reached his hand out 37 00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:30,680 toward me and called me Alex, asking me to grab the gas canister and 38 00:03:30,719 --> 00:03:35,639 bring it over. Before I could even try and do what he asked, 39 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:40,759 Mom intervened and did it instead. Of course, she could not pick it 40 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:46,639 up, so she had to sort of raw walk it over. Dad was 41 00:03:46,719 --> 00:03:55,599 quiet the entire time that happened. Whenever someone mentioned my older brother, people 42 00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:02,759 went quiet. He could have picked up the gas canister easily. He had 43 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:09,080 always been big, even bigger than Dad. He talk after Grandpa, who 44 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:14,360 was a giant at five six. In later years, my pee teacher would 45 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:18,560 lament I never got those genes. My sister and I both took after our 46 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:26,839 father, who, while big, was no giant after all. This was 47 00:04:26,839 --> 00:04:30,720 done after the loose rock and the ash was put back in place, after 48 00:04:30,759 --> 00:04:36,000 the pressure plate and the trip wires were hidden or disguised as standard Christmas decorations. 49 00:04:36,639 --> 00:04:41,360 After the bear traps were draped with all clothes or empty boxes, and 50 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:47,079 Mom's knife covered planks were placed beneath meticulously crafted false floors. My sister and 51 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:51,720 I gave Mom and Dad our traps and they were placed carefully in the middle 52 00:04:51,800 --> 00:05:00,639 of the ambush. I loved this moment. I don't know why. I 53 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:06,600 think looking back, it was the feeling of being a unit, a family. 54 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:15,079 We helped. I was still scared of the dark, and my sister 55 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:19,279 had barely mastered the toilet, but we were helping, and good God. 56 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:26,920 Ever since Alex had gone, I'd wanted to help so bad. The shape 57 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:30,839 of my older brother was a vague one. I loved him, but I 58 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:38,439 didn't really know him. Couldn't have given my age instead. I grew up 59 00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:43,160 in a world where Mum and Dad cried a lot and fought even more than 60 00:05:43,199 --> 00:05:48,920 sometimes they themselves would admit they fought over nothing at all. They fought because 61 00:05:48,959 --> 00:05:55,959 it hurt because even after my sister had been born, they still couldn't bring 62 00:05:56,000 --> 00:06:00,240 themselves to touch Alex's room, or to even really ignore knowledge that it existed 63 00:06:00,759 --> 00:06:09,279 without it causing a painful, sullen silence. So for that brief moment where 64 00:06:09,319 --> 00:06:14,680 we stood surveying the fireplace in the living room, it felt like our version 65 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:21,040 of the perfect happy family. After that, it was bedtime for my sister 66 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:27,319 and I. We liked our special Christmas beds. I liked that they were 67 00:06:27,319 --> 00:06:30,560 cozy and special, and that Mum would put the telly on and turn the 68 00:06:30,639 --> 00:06:34,199 volume all the way up, and no one cared if we ate too much 69 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:40,040 candy or even watched films we weren't allowed to watch. So long as we 70 00:06:40,079 --> 00:06:45,399 stayed in the basement, it was fine. We had all these blankets and 71 00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:49,040 pillows so we could make thoughts, and no one came down to check if 72 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:56,480 we were asleep and good time. Despite all the excitement, though we usually 73 00:06:56,519 --> 00:07:00,040 never made it past midnight. There was only so much much our little bodies 74 00:07:00,079 --> 00:07:06,720 could handle. Mom and Dad, though they stayed up. I thought that 75 00:07:06,839 --> 00:07:13,639 was normal. You don't know how much your parents sacrificed until you become one 76 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:18,519 yourself. Never appreciated what it meant for my dad mid forties by this point, 77 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:24,240 to stand upright and stay awake all night, or for my mom to 78 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:29,920 do the same, the two of them all night, shaking each other awake 79 00:07:30,199 --> 00:07:35,319 when the other one started to flag. That was the year I lost the 80 00:07:35,399 --> 00:07:42,680 privilege of ignorance. Isn't it funny had the best and worst moments of your 81 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:47,240 life often overlap. Maybe it's just a light bulb effect. I don't know. 82 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:53,439 That night, my sister and I went down to the basement, climbed 83 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:59,319 into our blanket fort and watched the never ending story. She fell asleep ten 84 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:03,639 minutes in. I stayed up and watched every second of it. I can 85 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:09,040 still see all that in my mind, as clear as day. Feels like 86 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:13,879 one of the happiest and purest moments of my life. Falling asleep on the 87 00:08:13,879 --> 00:08:18,399 credits, gently dreaming of what it might be like to have my own dragon 88 00:08:18,519 --> 00:08:24,079 to fly over school. I think that was it, the last time I 89 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:30,600 was just a child. I think most of us have memories like that, 90 00:08:30,759 --> 00:08:37,679 don't we, The moment in time when we stopped being kids. Next thing 91 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:41,240 I remember, I was coming too, bathed in a cold gray light, 92 00:08:43,559 --> 00:08:50,440 eyes heavy, head woozy. Something was wrong and I could feel it. 93 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:54,840 It was quiet, cold, with the draft, and my sister was nowhere 94 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:58,200 to be seen. It took me a moment to realize that the lights were 95 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:03,600 off along with the TV, and I was seeing the basement only by the 96 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:13,440 glow of the upstairs hallway. That was unusual. Mom and Dad always locked 97 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:18,720 the basement door and barred it from the other side. Tonight, who was 98 00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:24,120 wide open, and something about the world up there seemed sinister to my childish 99 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:31,159 eyes. I don't know how to describe it exactly. I'd woken up and 100 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:37,600 something was wrong. I sat upright and slinked out of bed, in the 101 00:09:37,679 --> 00:09:43,240 hope that any moment i'd see a better, happier world coming down those stairs. 102 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:50,440 Mom and Dad sister in arms, telling me Christmas was here. They'd 103 00:09:50,559 --> 00:09:56,000 just let me sleep in. Maybe and it even snowed. Maybe that was 104 00:09:56,000 --> 00:10:03,919 why the light seemed so odd, pale and diffused. God, I wanted 105 00:10:03,919 --> 00:10:09,000 a white Christmas so badly. It was all over the telly in movies and 106 00:10:09,039 --> 00:10:13,279 magazines, But all it ever seemed to do around us at that time of 107 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:18,559 year was rain in a fine, wet drizzle. Black windows come night, 108 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:24,799 heavy winds, cuddles that reflected street lamps. My only memory of my grandmother 109 00:10:24,399 --> 00:10:28,240 was her singing, Rain, Rain, go away, come back another day. 110 00:10:30,559 --> 00:10:35,120 Nothing else, not a face, just the sound of her singing that 111 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:41,879 old nursery rhyme Like Alex. She was another person I knew, largely through 112 00:10:41,919 --> 00:10:46,960 the grief she left behind in others. I climbed the basement stairs my hands 113 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:52,720 and feet, following some hidden instinct to be quiet. Years of sneaking around 114 00:10:52,799 --> 00:10:58,000 to listen to Mom and Dad's fevered arguments had taught me to always put my 115 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:01,120 weight on the edge of my steps. Whenever I spied them mid fight. 116 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:07,720 Mum would be standing somewhere, looking thin and sad, arms crossed, with 117 00:11:07,799 --> 00:11:11,440 the smell of cigarette strung in the air. I thought of this as I 118 00:11:11,519 --> 00:11:16,559 reached the top, pausing to sniff the air, wondering if I might smell 119 00:11:16,679 --> 00:11:24,000 smoke coming from somewhere further in the house. Instead, I picked out a 120 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:30,159 gentle whiff of something burned, not dissimilar to the smell of party poppers or 121 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:35,799 old fireworks, certainly nothing like old cigarettes. And there was something else in 122 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:45,879 there too, something behind that black and sooty odor, something metallic, almost 123 00:11:45,919 --> 00:11:54,799 sweet. Eventually I looked, lifting my head over the final step and peering 124 00:11:54,919 --> 00:12:01,360 left and right down the hallway that stretched either side. For a long time, 125 00:12:01,879 --> 00:12:05,279 there was nothing, and I stayed in place, frozen by indecision. 126 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:11,960 But then, somewhere to my right, near the kitchen doorway, the cold 127 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:18,200 morning light that filtered through seemed to shift and move. Someone was in there, 128 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:24,200 surely moving around and casting shadows. Of course, it could be Mum 129 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:31,399 or Dad, I told myself, but I still did not move. Whoever 130 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:39,919 it was, they were silent, deathly. So when I finally got the 131 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:45,279 courage to move, who was to go in the opposite direction? Not yet 132 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:50,679 ten years old, but even a child as an animal's instincts and mine were 133 00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:56,120 telling me to avoid anyone who was that quiet. So I crawled towards the 134 00:12:56,120 --> 00:13:01,799 living room, letting the old carpet absorb the sound of my movement. When 135 00:13:01,799 --> 00:13:05,639 I looked inside, I struggled to make sense of what I was seeing. 136 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:11,440 It was like a bomb had gone off. The sofa was torn to shreds, 137 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:18,519 the coffee table lay in pieces. All of our Christmas decorations lay crushed 138 00:13:18,919 --> 00:13:24,240 beneath broken floorboards and ripped up carpet. The bear traps stood upright, their 139 00:13:24,279 --> 00:13:31,159 teeth locked, their jaws snapped shut. Dad's piston was in two bits, 140 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:35,480 the oxygen canister embedded in one wall, the barrel bent and lying on the 141 00:13:35,519 --> 00:13:43,519 floor. The sight of our traps destroyed set something off in me. I 142 00:13:43,559 --> 00:13:48,320 hadn't thought of it until that moment, but they had always been an integral 143 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:52,840 part of our Christmas decorations, a little different to the usual fare, sure, 144 00:13:54,639 --> 00:14:01,279 but every bit as important to us as anyone else's homemade decorations. Everywhere 145 00:14:01,279 --> 00:14:05,919 I looked, there was another little bit of our history lying in a broken 146 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:11,799 heap, and it broke my little heart because I so desperately wanted to fix 147 00:14:11,879 --> 00:14:15,960 them, to return the living room to the pristine state it had been in 148 00:14:16,399 --> 00:14:22,480 the night before, when we'd been a happy family. I wondered if maybe 149 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:28,799 Dad's little invention had gone wrong somehow one year he nearly burned the house down. 150 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:35,159 So it wasn't strange to think that dangerous looking piston was responsible for all 151 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:41,960 that destruction or that pressure building up. Still no sign of my family, 152 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:48,720 though, didn't look like they'd been caught in anything either. No blood back 153 00:14:48,759 --> 00:14:52,240 in the hallway, I looked at the light cast by the kitchen door. 154 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:56,600 There was no further movement, but I didn't trust the stillness in the air. 155 00:14:58,919 --> 00:15:05,200 Wrong, all wrong. Best chance now was the try upstairs, saying 156 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:09,399 goes as before. Really, it involved making my way to the front door, 157 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:15,559 where the stairs leading up or near, and then slowly and carefully climbing 158 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:20,320 them on all fours. I knew these steps very well and disappeared up them 159 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:28,399 as stealthily as anyone could hope to. My bedroom was empty, so was 160 00:15:28,519 --> 00:15:33,639 my sister's. She had a big window, so I got a good look 161 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:37,440 at the world outside and saw the sun was well on its way to rising. 162 00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:43,679 Early morning light and heavy fog made everything look washed out and faded, 163 00:15:45,799 --> 00:15:52,039 eerie too, like the world was holding his breath in a way it was. 164 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:58,960 My parents' bedroom looked empty too at a glance, and I almost moved 165 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:04,600 on without notice the strange and heavy shadow beneath their bed. I'm glad I 166 00:16:04,639 --> 00:16:11,519 didn't. I lingered and looked a little harder. Something about the light down 167 00:16:11,559 --> 00:16:18,120 there convinced me it wasn't empty, not like normal, And before I had 168 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:22,840 any time for my imagination to start conjuring up nightmares, my sister's face appeared 169 00:16:22,879 --> 00:16:29,679 from the gloom. I nearly yelped from joy, but the expression she wore 170 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:34,879 was as serious as they come. Not just afraid or concerned, but almost 171 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:41,720 sick. Pale with wide eyes, it was like she couldn't quite register my 172 00:16:41,799 --> 00:16:48,120 presence. So I slinked forward and reached out, touching her hand. She 173 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:55,679 flinched and receded further into the darkness. Something was wrong, so I crawled 174 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:59,919 in beside her and checked her for injuries, do my best not to alarm 175 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:04,480 her father. She looked fine, so all I could do was take her 176 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:08,759 in my arms and try my best to coax her out of a shock. 177 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:18,279 When I finally whispered a question, it felt far too loud, even though 178 00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:22,359 the only real sound was the smacking of my lips. She recalled a little 179 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:26,960 when I spoke, making me feel like I'd broken the most precious silence of 180 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:36,799 our lives. But I had to ask. I had to know where his 181 00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:42,240 mom and dad. She merely shook her head, So I asked again, 182 00:17:42,759 --> 00:17:48,319 this time, try my best to stay even quieter, but it seemed like 183 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:55,440 any sound was going to alarm her. Where are they? In the end, 184 00:17:55,799 --> 00:18:00,039 she replied only so that I would stop asking. She pulled away as 185 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:06,720 she did so. She loved me, but well she was an animal with 186 00:18:06,759 --> 00:18:11,720 a hiding place, and I was at risk of ruining it. He took 187 00:18:11,839 --> 00:18:17,519 them up. There was the only thing she'd said, all pointing at the 188 00:18:17,599 --> 00:18:25,119 roof. Those five words chilled me to the core. They carried some subtle 189 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:30,680 implication that our parents were dead. I didn't like this thought. It made 190 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:37,039 my skinitch, made the space we'd crawled into feel too small and uncomfortable. 191 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:42,920 A hot sensation began to well up in my throat, threatening tears. Was 192 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:48,680 she really saying we were alone? I didn't want that. I didn't want 193 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:53,000 to be alone. I wanted them to come back and sweep us up in 194 00:18:53,039 --> 00:19:00,400 their arms. Without really knowing why, I refused the believer. I shook 195 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:04,279 my head and crawled out from under the bed, hoping to go off and 196 00:19:04,319 --> 00:19:10,319 find them. I looked back briefly to see if she followed, but she 197 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:15,160 remained, seeming all too ready to leave me to go off to my fate. 198 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:19,440 She disappeared into the shadows, and I was left with only the slim 199 00:19:19,519 --> 00:19:26,640 comfort that she might at least be safe there, out of sight, out 200 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:33,440 of mind, crawling out of her parents bedroom, I realized I had very 201 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:38,160 few options left. There was the phone on the downstairs landing by the front 202 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:42,480 door. It was that, or maybe I could run down the lane and 203 00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:48,680 out to the nearest house, which was maybe a quarter mile away, not 204 00:19:48,799 --> 00:19:52,519 far under normal circumstances. But did I really want to go sprinting out the 205 00:19:52,519 --> 00:19:56,839 front door, hoping to God that whatever it marched through all those traps like 206 00:19:56,920 --> 00:20:03,079 nothing wouldn't see me running out in the open. Better to get help to 207 00:20:03,079 --> 00:20:07,880 come to us, Better to reach the phone. I thought of Grandpa, 208 00:20:08,519 --> 00:20:15,359 Mom's dad, a hulking man who generally terrified us all, A cantankerous old 209 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:21,160 widower who had a bad habit of telling us things Mom said we shouldn't know, 210 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:25,240 like how it was our grandmother's fault we had to be scared of the 211 00:20:25,319 --> 00:20:30,799 chimney at Christmas. I didn't like him. He smelt of mildew and soil, 212 00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:37,319 A hulking giant who told us awful stories of growing up with a part 213 00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:41,559 time job in a slaughterhouse that made me want to cry. But right then 214 00:20:42,559 --> 00:20:48,720 I couldn't think of a better man to ask for help. I made it 215 00:20:48,799 --> 00:20:52,759 down the stairs as quietly as I descended them. I lifted the phone gingerly 216 00:20:52,799 --> 00:20:57,599 from the receiver, like it was ready to explode. I didn't know what 217 00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:03,519 might make a noise, if anything. Didn't know if the table would rock 218 00:21:03,599 --> 00:21:07,200 from a wobbly leg, if the plastic would click from hitting something, or 219 00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:11,680 the dull tone would be a little too loud. When you're trying to be 220 00:21:11,759 --> 00:21:18,960 quiet, everything feels dangerous every moment, every object. It's all just another 221 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:25,440 way to get caught out. One of the reasons I thought of Grandpa was 222 00:21:25,519 --> 00:21:29,880 he was on speed dial. I pressed the three and listened to the ring 223 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:34,400 tone. I was tense at the sound, muted as it was, and 224 00:21:34,519 --> 00:21:41,279 waited eagerly for this part to be over. The whole time, I couldn't 225 00:21:41,319 --> 00:21:45,000 take my eyes off the hallway that turned towards the basement and the kitchen. 226 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:52,079 Occasionally a muffled creak or groan would emanate from somewhere inside, and my skin 227 00:21:52,079 --> 00:21:57,119 would crawl. I'd never known a longer, more unsettling weight in my entire 228 00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:06,279 life. When it was finally over, there came no relief. Grandpa didn't 229 00:22:06,279 --> 00:22:11,799 answer the phone with the tact old men usually don't. I hadn't expected the 230 00:22:11,839 --> 00:22:17,079 sound of his voice to be so damn loud. Hullo, Alice, is 231 00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:22,279 that you? It was probably just the atmosphere, but it sounded like the 232 00:22:22,279 --> 00:22:27,359 old bugger was bellowing the words in the very room. I was in terrified 233 00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:30,720 of how that noise might carry. I slug the phone down and the receiver 234 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:37,279 and cringed at the sound of the internal bell ringing with the force. If 235 00:22:37,319 --> 00:22:40,759 there really was some one in that house, they must have heard that. 236 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:45,880 I wasted no time in waiting. I ran, not crawled, up the 237 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:51,079 stairs, still trying to be as quiet as I could, but putting a 238 00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:56,440 good emphasis on speed. As I climbed, I wondered if maybe I was 239 00:22:56,480 --> 00:23:03,200 overreacting. But no. From the kitchen came the sound of breaking glass and 240 00:23:03,279 --> 00:23:07,599 clattering metal, like some one had torn a cutlery drawer right out of the 241 00:23:07,599 --> 00:23:12,279 cupboard and hurled it against the wall. Whatever had been in there was moving 242 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:18,559 faster than it had any right to. Every footfalls closed the unseen distance, 243 00:23:18,079 --> 00:23:22,200 turning the corner and reaching the front door and stairs, just in time for 244 00:23:22,279 --> 00:23:29,240 me to disappear over the top step and drop to the floor. The fear 245 00:23:29,279 --> 00:23:34,720 that gripped me was electric all the paranoia I'd been feeling up until this point 246 00:23:34,759 --> 00:23:41,400 felt thin and plastic in comparison the way that as a kid you might run 247 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:48,039 back from the bathroom convinced that something evil lurked in the shadows, when really, 248 00:23:48,799 --> 00:23:53,039 deep down you knew there was nothing. But this was a deep and 249 00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:59,799 grueling fear. I could hear something smashing the phone and little table to smithereens, 250 00:24:00,759 --> 00:24:04,759 and I had just been standing there. A visceral fear coursed through my 251 00:24:04,799 --> 00:24:10,160 body as I crawled on my stomach as fast as I could towards the nearest 252 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:15,680 door, which happened to be my own bedroom. It made my vision pulsate 253 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:19,519 and my stomach twist and churn, urging me to crawl on my belly faster 254 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:29,720 and faster like a soldier dodging gunfire. Once inside, I briefly considered hiding 255 00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:33,720 under the bed like my sister, but something about that didn't feel safe enough. 256 00:24:34,799 --> 00:24:40,960 I wanted something a door, a wall, anything that I could put 257 00:24:41,039 --> 00:24:47,880 between me and whatever had made that noise. The clauset I decided that made 258 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:52,279 sense. It was full of old chunk I could squeeze between, and a 259 00:24:52,319 --> 00:24:57,519 small hatch that led into the attic. All of this flashed through my mind 260 00:24:57,559 --> 00:25:02,240 in a split second, and I veered towards the closet door, just in 261 00:25:02,319 --> 00:25:07,880 time to hear the first step coming up the stairs. God, whatever it 262 00:25:07,039 --> 00:25:14,440 was, it was heavy. I could hear the wood creek and the banister 263 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:18,920 crack and splinter as it forced its way up. I was breathing so hard 264 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:23,759 now, I was nearly whimpering with each movement coming down, close to losing 265 00:25:23,839 --> 00:25:30,079 control over my muscles and my bladder. I felt like the finest piece of 266 00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:34,240 twine was holding me all together, my body, my mind, my sanity, 267 00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:40,960 all of it, waiting for that final thread to break, and for 268 00:25:41,039 --> 00:25:45,759 it all to come undone at once, collapsing into a heap as I messed 269 00:25:45,799 --> 00:25:52,440 myself, choking on desperate sobs and tears. I don't quite know how I 270 00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:56,839 made it to the closet in such silence. I managed to open the door 271 00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:00,640 and crawl inside without making a noise, and then watched in terror through the 272 00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:07,240 slits in the door as I waited for God knows what to happen. Whatever 273 00:26:07,279 --> 00:26:11,480 it was it was out there in the hallway, landing, sniffing the air. 274 00:26:12,839 --> 00:26:18,079 I expected some sort of animal by this point a twisted reindeer. For 275 00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:23,279 some reason, probably the season and the sound of its hefty snorts reinforced that. 276 00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:29,240 But when it finally poked its head through the open doorway to look for 277 00:26:29,319 --> 00:26:36,319 me, I saw something that was perplexingly human, or at least had been 278 00:26:37,559 --> 00:26:44,160 hard to say as a family. Even now, we don't talk about it, 279 00:26:45,279 --> 00:26:48,640 Not before that day, not after, not any of the extended family 280 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:55,559 reunions where all the branches of my line come together and discuss tactics for dealing 281 00:26:55,599 --> 00:27:03,319 with the curse. It, whatever it is, seems to deliberately play on 282 00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:08,279 our expectations. Talking about it makes you sound mad, even if it is 283 00:27:08,319 --> 00:27:12,799 with other members of the family. I don't know how else to put it. 284 00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:18,880 You feel silly, make the problem feel silly by extension, like you 285 00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:25,000 don't need to take it as seriously. Of course, the curse is not 286 00:27:25,079 --> 00:27:30,160 some random force. It has a sense of humor, I want to say, 287 00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:37,720 taunting, cruel. Certainly it hurts to admit this, but everything it 288 00:27:37,799 --> 00:27:42,559 does. All of the dead, and there are plenty of them, For 289 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:47,279 my grandmother had a lot of children, and they all went off and had 290 00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:52,519 children too, so much so there were eleven households at the last reunion, 291 00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:56,720 giving it plenty of victims to choose from. But all of it, all 292 00:27:56,759 --> 00:28:03,799 the pain and misery on the roof, climbing down the chimney, leaving safely 293 00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:07,680 if it was hit by a single one of our traps. It was a 294 00:28:07,799 --> 00:28:15,759 damn game. They were tricks. It was playing tricks on us, and 295 00:28:15,799 --> 00:28:19,319 it always had been. And these tricks were part of a game that had 296 00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:26,839 rules. And why we had to have the chimney because if we didn't it 297 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:32,440 would behave unpredictably And that's why the thing poked his head through my door, 298 00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:38,440 wearing a Santa hat and a white beard. I hate this, by the 299 00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:44,200 way, hate going over how the worst night of my life was some kind 300 00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:49,920 of joke to it, but yeah, that's what it was. It wore 301 00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:55,880 a Santa hat and a beard, and in truth it made for a pretty 302 00:28:56,000 --> 00:29:02,680 terrifying image, especially to a ten year old. Lord wasn't human. Was 303 00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:07,599 an animal either. Looked like a rotten corpse, something you'd find withered and 304 00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:14,039 preserved out in the Alaskan tundra, only for some scientists to say some caveman 305 00:29:14,119 --> 00:29:18,799 from the pleistin scene it may have been some kind of dead thing. Actually 306 00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:23,160 it was leaking a foul, gray fluid from its lipless mouth, crowned by 307 00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:30,119 yellow teeth, and its cheap nylon beard was matted with the stuff. God, 308 00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:36,480 I can almost smell it just talking about it. This school came and 309 00:29:36,519 --> 00:29:41,440 went in seconds. It didn't know which room I'd gone in, so it 310 00:29:41,519 --> 00:29:45,119 made only a brief sweep of mine before leaving to go take a proper look 311 00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:51,200 elsewhere. A part of me considered shouting out to help my sister, but 312 00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:56,400 well, I couldn't have moved my arms to do that if I wanted to. 313 00:29:57,119 --> 00:30:02,880 Instead, I thought of it was almost definitely going to take a closer 314 00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:07,359 look at this room once it didn't find me elsewhere. Maybe it'd found my 315 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:12,799 sister first, but I didn't really want to think about that. Instead, 316 00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:18,880 I kept imagining it returning to this place and stomping around, opening drawers, 317 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:25,000 looking under the bed, and surely it would turn its head at one point 318 00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:30,160 towards my closet, see the slatted door and realize exactly where I'd been hiding 319 00:30:30,359 --> 00:30:37,680 all along. I had to move on from this place, and looking up, 320 00:30:37,119 --> 00:30:41,440 I remembered the entry to the attic accessible from the very top shelf. 321 00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:48,960 This was my best chance, my only chance, really. I began to 322 00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:53,240 climb. Only this wasn't the graceful and quiet sneaking I'd been relying on so 323 00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:59,440 far. Unlike the stairs, I hadn't made a habit of going this way 324 00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:04,559 silently. I made it two shelves before I knocked an all transformer toy off, 325 00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:11,440 where it hit the ground with a plastic clack. Another time, another 326 00:31:11,519 --> 00:31:17,480 place, the noise would have barely registered, but to me and that thing 327 00:31:17,759 --> 00:31:26,599 outside, it might as well have been a gunshot. As quickly as the 328 00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:30,640 head had disappeared, that monster came roaring into my room, and I began 329 00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:36,000 to climb with quivering arms. I came close to flailing out of control. 330 00:31:37,359 --> 00:31:41,319 I didn't look back. I reached the top, pushed the hatch open, 331 00:31:41,599 --> 00:31:45,839 and pulled myself through, just in time to hear the closet door torn off 332 00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:52,519 its hinges. Once through, I couldn't stop myself turning around briefly, and 333 00:31:52,559 --> 00:32:00,400 that thing was right there, grinning at me. It saw me, It 334 00:32:00,519 --> 00:32:08,079 knew where I was. There was no hiding now, only running. This 335 00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:15,759 time I really did lose control of my bladder when one of its clawed hands 336 00:32:15,799 --> 00:32:21,160 wrapped around the hatch, I realized I had to keep going, keep running, 337 00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:24,640 keep moving. I didn't know my way around the attic, but that 338 00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:30,359 didn't matter right now. I had to keep going, keep putting distance, 339 00:32:30,799 --> 00:32:37,559 any distance between me and it. Unfortunately, the way wasn't very clear. 340 00:32:37,839 --> 00:32:42,640 My family, like most, had jammed a lot of old junk into the 341 00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:46,839 attic, and first when I turned and saw the piles of old boxes, 342 00:32:47,279 --> 00:32:52,119 I nearly panicked at the claustrophobic maze that faced me. But when I had 343 00:32:52,119 --> 00:32:57,400 to get my hands and niece to crawl through the only way forward, I 344 00:32:57,440 --> 00:33:00,799 came to hope that maybe it meant that that thing wouldn't be able to follow. 345 00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:07,119 This hope spurned me on. But I was only halfway through the tunnel 346 00:33:07,279 --> 00:33:13,400 of old plastic and cardboard when there came the overpowering stench of rotten meat, 347 00:33:14,119 --> 00:33:20,839 letting me know that that thing was closer than I dared to imagine. Then 348 00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:34,599 what little light there was went away and something grabbed my ankle. I screamed, 349 00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:39,240 this was the moment where I was meant to wake up. This was 350 00:33:39,279 --> 00:33:45,240 the moment when something was meant to happen to stop the terror. I pulled 351 00:33:45,279 --> 00:33:50,160 at the boxes around me, and they came tumbling down, spilling old furniture 352 00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:53,079 and photos, and I grabbed at them too, hoping for some kind of 353 00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:59,759 leverage. But this thing was big, and it hauled me out like a 354 00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:06,160 plucking a rabbit out of its warren. Briefly, it held me upside down 355 00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:13,440 and surveyed me, and I stared into black, sunken eyes and a gaunt 356 00:34:13,519 --> 00:34:20,519 face covered in lesions and pocks. With a smirk, he grabbed something from 357 00:34:20,559 --> 00:34:24,559 over its shoulder, put it on the floor, and before I even realized 358 00:34:24,599 --> 00:34:30,280 what was happening, it had stuffed me into a sack and thrown me over 359 00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:37,239 its shoulder. The world became a blur. I felt my mind close in 360 00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:40,480 on itself, and the world narrowed to a point as I thought to stop, 361 00:34:40,519 --> 00:34:45,880 my thoughts racing with images of what might happen to me, Of being 362 00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:51,800 dragged into its home, with that wretched mouth would open wide to swallow me 363 00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:58,199 whole, Of being killed or budgered or tortured. I don't know if you 364 00:34:58,239 --> 00:35:01,639 can really imagine what it was like for me as a kid to curl up 365 00:35:01,639 --> 00:35:07,119 in that dark space and contemplate my own mortality to come face to face with 366 00:35:07,199 --> 00:35:15,159 my own death or worse. But it broke me irreparably and completely. To 367 00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:21,119 this day, I am broken because of it, because of that moment, 368 00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:25,280 so much so that when it dropped me down with a heavy thump on the 369 00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:31,519 fireplace mantle, I did not even move or try to escape. I already 370 00:35:31,599 --> 00:35:37,480 knew where it was taking me, of course, up the chimney, where 371 00:35:37,519 --> 00:35:45,159 else, And it was too late. The fight was lost. If anything, 372 00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:49,119 At this point, I wanted it to be over with. I wanted 373 00:35:49,199 --> 00:35:54,280 to be with Mom and Dad. Instead, the moment stretched on and on. 374 00:35:55,360 --> 00:36:00,920 Seconds turned to minutes, and I waited with held breath for this nightmare 375 00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:08,000 to move on, But it didn't. It must have been making preparations for 376 00:36:09,159 --> 00:36:19,440 something, but what and how long? Eventually I opened my eyes. Thin 377 00:36:19,559 --> 00:36:22,639 light made its way through the coarse fabric of the sack enough for me to 378 00:36:22,679 --> 00:36:29,159 make out a vague outline of the destroyed living room. But the opening of 379 00:36:29,159 --> 00:36:34,719 the sack had also fallen slightly, and a small aperture was visible with a 380 00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:40,000 cord that bound it wasn't quite pulled tight enough, And there, like some 381 00:36:40,119 --> 00:36:47,719 strange reminder, was a broken HB pencil, A tiny, little piece of 382 00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:57,760 my trap. One night, one sleep, that was all that had separated 383 00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:01,840 me from this nightmare. Just the day before, we'd been happy, or 384 00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:07,840 something close to it, and I remembered that not only had this thing taken 385 00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:13,039 me away, it had also taken my mother, my father, and even 386 00:37:13,079 --> 00:37:16,599 Alex, who I knew only through ancient memories, and a room my mother 387 00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:22,480 didn't like letting me into. And there was a damn good chance it was 388 00:37:22,519 --> 00:37:28,679 going to get my sister to all of it gone, leaving behind an empty 389 00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:34,280 house with broken things that no one else would care about. Not the tree, 390 00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:38,440 not the presence, not any of it. I felt something wash up 391 00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:45,119 from within me, an anger, a petulant, childish tantrum. I was 392 00:37:45,159 --> 00:37:53,159 screwed anyway, right, I had lost everything, So why not? I 393 00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:58,079 reached out, grabbed a pencil, and, poking my head out of the 394 00:37:58,159 --> 00:38:01,199 sack, saw that thing enter the room, with my sister held by her 395 00:38:01,199 --> 00:38:07,400 ankle in one of his misshapen fists. She was bawling hysterically, and I 396 00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:15,239 hoped that with this final action I might somehow save her. I crawled out 397 00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:20,760 of the bag, launched myself at it, and jammed the broken pencil into 398 00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:28,840 its booted foot. Immediately it dropped my sister and I stayed where I was 399 00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:32,559 on the floor, sobbing, head bowed, waiting for the rest to come. 400 00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:45,639 Only nothing did. Instead, that thing had sighed a bone deep, 401 00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:51,400 weary sigh the kind apparent let out when they realize that toddler has been quiet 402 00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:55,480 for too long. With a voice like gravel. It spoke in a harsh 403 00:38:55,639 --> 00:39:02,199 Germanic accent, spitting some of the words from Queen its broken teeth, so 404 00:39:02,599 --> 00:39:08,599 close this year, good trap, little one, but I will not fall 405 00:39:08,679 --> 00:39:15,760 for this one. Twice, with one of its clawed hands, it pulled 406 00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:22,400 the pencil out of his foot and stumped away, and I passed out before 407 00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:30,039 I had the chance to hear the rest. It was our grandfather who eventually 408 00:39:30,079 --> 00:39:35,519 found us, both huddled together on the living room floor. The next month 409 00:39:35,599 --> 00:39:39,559 or so was a blur. A lot changed. We were taken into my 410 00:39:39,599 --> 00:39:45,800 grandfather's care and we had to bury our parents, not to mention moving out 411 00:39:45,159 --> 00:39:51,039 sorting the home. Our contribution to this wasn't much, of course, we 412 00:39:51,039 --> 00:39:54,199 were kids, but we still had to go back and get some of our 413 00:39:54,239 --> 00:40:00,280 things. I don't remember much of it, to be honest. My grandfather 414 00:40:00,679 --> 00:40:05,880 years later, would sit me down and give me an account of the night 415 00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:10,199 as best he could. My father's piston trap had gone wrong and blown half 416 00:40:10,239 --> 00:40:16,039 the living room to smithereens bad luck on any day for this time. It 417 00:40:16,119 --> 00:40:21,920 had happened the year that that thing came to visit us, and with no 418 00:40:22,039 --> 00:40:25,760 traps left, it had a clean run into the house where it wrought its 419 00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:31,440 havoc. Only has to be a nick, my grandfather said, with a 420 00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:37,559 stoic shrug, or gesturing a cut on his palm. Your father over complicated 421 00:40:37,559 --> 00:40:43,920 things. I told him this after the time he caused the fire too much. 422 00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:49,280 Trap has to work in principle, not practical. No need for compressors 423 00:40:49,320 --> 00:40:53,239 or pistons. That is why your piston. Yeah, sent it away. 424 00:40:54,360 --> 00:41:00,320 You may trap, trap, hurt it, it go away. Those rules 425 00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:05,159 we follow rules. Give it chimney to come down. Play it a game. 426 00:41:05,599 --> 00:41:13,920 We win or it wins. Either way, it has it's fun, 427 00:41:15,079 --> 00:41:20,199 he spiked the last words. Can't blame him. No part of that was 428 00:41:20,280 --> 00:41:25,239 fun for us, But at least Grandpa was honest with us. He explained 429 00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:30,599 the curse as best he knew it. The rules the traps introduced us to 430 00:41:30,639 --> 00:41:36,360 our extended family from Germany, and we learned that the game is played with 431 00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:40,199 at least one household from the family every year, and it helps the stay 432 00:41:40,239 --> 00:41:47,800 in touch and talk about what did or God forbid did not work. As 433 00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:53,519 for its origin, well, our grandmother took that to a grave. Unfortunately 434 00:41:54,639 --> 00:42:00,679 Grandpa didn't know it, nor did anyone else. Might have been something from 435 00:42:00,679 --> 00:42:05,840 a childhood, maybe a deal with something she found in the woods. Who 436 00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:12,400 knows, it doesn't matter. He was a miserable man who raised us as 437 00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:16,719 best he could. But I could at least understand why he was so cantankerous 438 00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:22,440 and difficult. He'd fallen in love with a woman and gotten a pregnant before 439 00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:29,440 the first Christmas, having no idea what lay in wait, and then when 440 00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:35,039 he found out the bizarre truth, he stuck it out year after year, 441 00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:42,679 one painful loss after another. I admire him for it, admired the way 442 00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:47,440 he didn't let anything get to him, at least not in front of us, 443 00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:52,960 because I do remember some things about waking up that day, about him 444 00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:59,239 finding us. I remember that the monster, having lost its game, had 445 00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:04,840 returned up parents to us, only it was a little too late for them. 446 00:43:06,559 --> 00:43:10,480 I remember wet sacks beneath the chimney, blood leaking from the fabric. 447 00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:17,559 My parents were cremated for good reason. Whatever it had done to them, 448 00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:23,719 well, that thing is a sick and twisted creature, that's for sure. 449 00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:30,920 I can only assume that's why. After returning the sacks, it had taken 450 00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:35,880 little tags and tied them around the top, gifting our parents back to us, 451 00:43:36,519 --> 00:43:43,519 even after it had budgeted them, until only ribbons remained. Merry Christmas, 452 00:43:43,559 --> 00:43:49,880 little ones, the tag read, and so many more to come.