WEBVTT

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Karen. Yes, over the last
three plus years, we've had a ton

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of fun exploring soul led topics and
that's not going to stop anytime soon as

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far as we're concerned. But sometimes, well see, sometimes you have to

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take a pause examine life's tough moments, and for that things have to get

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a little bit more serious. I
mean, we're not going to change who

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we are, but we want to
take this topic very seriously because it is

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a very serious topic. See today
we're talking about how overcoming childhood trauma influences

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our soul's evolution. Wow. Yes, it's a deep topic, is serious.

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So the question that I have is
why do some of us have to

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go through this in order to evolve
or do we even need to go through

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this to evolve at all? And
how do you overcome it in a way

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that satisfies our need to grow as
five D individuals? And some people would

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say that our spirits choose to live
through that trauma. That's where I'm headed

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to. So today we're diving in
deep on this episode of The Skeptic Benephysicians.

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My name is Will and I'm Karen, And unlike moulderin Scully, want

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to believe so we've embarked in a
journey of discovery. We've talked to people

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deeply entrenched in the spiritual and metaphysical
world. We've thrown ourselves into weird and

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wonderful experiences. I even joined a
coven of witches and wait, you joined

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a coven yep, all on the
interest of finding something, anything, that

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will prove that there's something beyond this
physical, three dimensional world we all live

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in. This is the skeptic metaphysicians. Hey there, I'm Will and I'm

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Karen. And if you're still with
us, then that means that you understand

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the importance of this discussion we're about
to have. Our guest is Susan Gold.

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That she navigated a ferociously challenging upbringing
while bravely moving forward as an adult

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to face ingrained, outdated and patriarchal
programming head on. She now shares a

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unique perspective in viewing life challenges as
occasions for transformation. Does that sound familiar

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with Karen? It? Sure it
does. Now. Through her book Toxic

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Family, Transforming Childhood Trauma into Adult
Freedom, Susan turns the standard paradigm on

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its head, courageously leading others through
her own journey of abuse, addiction,

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and surviving narcissism, all while creating
a distinctly empowering personal and professional life.

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Thrilled to welcome Susan Gold to the
show. Susan, thanks for being here.

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Hey, well, Karen, really
nice to be here, and I

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feel privileged. I've been listening and
love your content. Thank you. We

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are honored that you have been listening
to us. We really appreciate it.

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And it's always a thrilled to have
someone that listens to the show on the

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show because now you know already what
you're in for, so you've been warned.

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All right now. I introduced the
topic in a more serious note because

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this is a pretty serious conversation that
we're about to have, and nothing more

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serious in talking about past childhood trauma. And I don't know that we could

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broach the topic as completely as we
could without at least touching on your experience.

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So can you tell us what was
your childhood like? Oh? It

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was straight up hell a laugh.
Yeah. Yeah, we'd like to be

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transparent here, So could you be
a little bit less cryptic? Yeah?

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I used to look up to the
stars and say, hey, what's going

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on? There's a big mistake,
get me out of here. And I

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had a very different trajectory than my
three brothers and sister. We all grew

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up in the same home, but
we have a very different experience of it.

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I was very awake and from a
very young age. I mean I

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remember at eighteen months, I was
in the plate pen way too long,

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tears streaming down my face. And
finally when I was heard, it was

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not with love that I was received, and these episodes would repeat. I

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was the peace bringer and peace maker. My parents God loved them, had

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a brutal marriage, and they came
from brutality and abuse. It runs way

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back in the lineage and there's no
mistake, and it's often the case.

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So they were abused children coming in
creating their own family as abused children,

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now adult children raising more abused children. While I am yeah, So then

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that calls into question the whole thing
about generational healing that needs to be done.

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Once from what I'm gathering, and
I've not had the pleasure of reading

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your book just yet, but I
hope to at some point in the future,

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it sounds like you have found a
way to overcome these tragedies with these

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childhood traumas that you have that hopefully
will break the cycle of generational trauma.

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So why do you think you were
able to make that change when none of

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your ancestors were able to before you. Well, I'll tell you what.

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I have been in southern California for
way too long, and the hui that

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I believe is this is my mission, this is my purpose. I mean,

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like you, I had a very
star studded career and had the opportunity

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to work with people that are household
names, but that was not my mission.

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My mission. My purpose is to
bring up this taboo topic of our

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toxic family systems and their lineage and
clear it. We're carrying around some men

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bags that don't even belong to us, most of us, and it's time

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to drop it and lighten up.
Now, next time when I come in,

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I think I'm going to check the
fine print a little more closely on

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that contract that I agreed to.
But once I could really understand it,

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and it's been decades of walking through
some pretty tough stuff, but once I

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could see it from this perspective of
you have an opportunity to clear a lot

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of crap that doesn't even belong and
shift the paradigm, and I see it

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happening. I mean, most people
don't understand why I have a smile on

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my face. And when you were
introducing me in saying it was going to

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be a serious show, I'm like, come on, well I'm here.

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Well it's a serious topic, but
we are trying to have fun with it

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because it's just who we are.
We can't change who we are. And

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it sounds like you are right along
with us. You are part of our

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soul family. And the topic is
so challenging that really sometimes the only way

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to approach it is with a sense
of humor, because otherwise it is quite

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tragic. Well, I didn't really
even understand it. I mean, yes,

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it was horrific. My mother was
in a relationship with basically a Peter

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Pan who drank to soothe his woes
and his familial disappointments. He was a

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constant philanderer and he was a genius
astrophysicist. I'm talking about it like he's

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dead. He's not. He's still
with us. And he was a lot

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of fun, like he would take
us on adventures and we were very close

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to the edge when we were with
my father and my mother had five kids

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to take care of. She was
under thirty years old. She had put

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him through school, the PhD,
and her turn for higher education was to

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come because she was brilliant. I
mean, she was equally as brilliant as

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my father. But her turn didn't
come, and she was saddled and she

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was angry, and she soothed with
food, which is not unusual. So

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here I have an alcoholic dad and
a mom who's soothing with food. And

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back then they prescribed diet pills which
were straight speed, so the platform for

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hell was not very even and stable, and my role was to get in

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between it and try to sue it
and settle it and comb it. And

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I was highly empathic, and I
know you talk about that a lot on

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the show. I could go into
any room and pick up the toe and

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the tenor the temperament, the mood. And I was also telepathic until it

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became too dangerous. I mean I
would get complete thoughts and then spit it

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out because it just came flying out
of my mouth. And the adults didn't

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really like that very much, so
I had to tone that down. And

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I was also a super manifestor.
I would watch Barbara Walters on my bean

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bag chair in the basement, and
I wanted to go to New York and

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I wanted to be like Barbara Walters. That's what kept me going. I

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was going to get out of this
system and I was going to make something

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of myself. And I did leave
when I was seventeen, the morning after

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high school graduation quarter at eight in
the morning, the car was packed and

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I was pretty much out. And
by nineteen I was in Greenwich Village.

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I had negotiated an internship in arts
management and left school to work in the

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city and living my dream and went
right back after school started working at ICM,

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which is a large global talent agency. Wasn't un making enough money and

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picked up a side hustle training people
as an exercise trainer because it's another piece

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of my story. And Barbara Walters
became my client. Yes, oh my

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gosh, Oh that's fantastic. She
was amazing. She would have loved you,

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both of you. Yeah. She
was totally with it and as intuitive

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as heck, and that's why she
was such a good interviewer. And one

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day I rang her doorvel at seven
am. She's like, Susan, get

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in here, what's going on with
you and I had been sexually harassed in

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the workplace. This stuff in my
family, the abuse of every type that

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was slathered over every crevice that I
swear would not repeat, did not leave

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me with a lot of self esteem
and self worth. And it also left

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me with very porous boundaries. And
it also left me prone to addiction.

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And I saw the flags come up, and I was addressing them, but

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she said, after I told about
the abuse in the office and what had

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happened, she said, I'm coming
to work with you this morning. We're

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going to confront this guy together.
Barbara Walter said that, Barbara, it's

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okay. I think I got this
and I can friended. My boss that

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day promptly fired me. Wait wait, wait, wait wait. You had

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Barbara Walters willing to go fight your
battles for you, and you say yeah,

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but then bring it, Barbara,
A dang. She then offered me

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an assistantship with her then fiance,
who was running a very big film distribution

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company. But I was like,
yeah, I can't be an assistant anymore

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after this, so I went it
alone, and I decided to match celebrities

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with brands, and Donnie Deuight choose
an entrepreneur and television house. He's a

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bit of an nikon. He was
running his dad's ad agency that and he

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said, we really want Andy Warhol
to endorse the Pontiac Dealers. It's a

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TV camera on camera commercial spot.
Do you think you can get him?

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I'm like, let me try,
because I'm just out of it. Abusive

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relationship where the man held the purse
strings, I'm embarrassed to say. And

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also not even ninety days, living
like in New York City on my own,

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and I'm going to make this happen. Nobody would answer the phone at

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the factory, so I took the
subway down there and knocked on the door.

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Fred, Andy's business manager, Yeah, okay, I get you come

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back tomorrow at the same time.
I'll let you talk to Andy. So

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I'm sitting in the foyer like and
that empathic ability, that intuitiveness, who

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did that? Come back up in
spades. The doors flew open, the

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studio's fought dark, and Fred sticks
his head out and goes, Andy will

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see you now. And I thought, oh my god, I'm going to

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walk into another minefield. What's going
to happen to me now? And and

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I go and this spotlight. This
pin spotlight is coming down on this platinum

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hair, going seventeen different directions.
And there he is with this colored pencils

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scribbling. I shouldn't say scribble because
oh my god, it's probably worth like

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million. Now those are very,
very valuable scribbles. Yeah, and it's

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three pugs. He had those dogs
with the swished up faces like they were

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running around the studio. So I'm
in there vamping, telling him why I'm

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here about this commercial, and Haley
cares about it the dogs. He's not

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even making eye contact with me,
but I can feel his isolation. I

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can feel his knee for attention,
I can feel his desire to connect,

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and he's holding the pugs in his
arms, and finally, like this was

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the longest I don't know, maybe
it was three minutes, but it felt

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like thirty, he finally looked me
in the eye and he goes, now,

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really, why should I do this? And I said, because you

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can have the dogs in the shot
with you, and he said, okay,

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I'll do it. Wow. Wow. So that ability really helped launch

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my career, and I became known
for matching celebrities to brands, and that

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was a huge skill set that led
me into producing and this wonderful career.

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But the whole time that this is
happening, I'm dealing with these issues that

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are coming up being raised in this
system, and it was not easy and

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it was not for the fan of
heart, and it felt unjust here.

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I was like in my mid twenties, going, dude, I never had

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a childhood fluff. This sucks,
you know. But then like laking up

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to realize, yeah, I've got
a responsibility, I've got a parent myself.

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It didn't happen the way that I
wished it would, but there's got

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to be reason and purpose, and
ultimately I found there really was. Well,

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I'm glad that you brought that up. You brought that full circle very

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very nicely, just like a producer
would do, so I'm not completely shocked.

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But before we dive into it,
because that's really the crux of the

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conversation here, we need to take
a break because I know that we're going

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to dive now into the nitty of
what we're talking about, So let's take

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a quick break so that we get
that out of the way. When we

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come back, we'll dive into what
it all means. Right after these messages

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Welcome to the Skeptic Metaphysicians. We
are talking to Susan Gold, who is

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gosh magical and it's actually so magical. Somehow she has made the words evaporate

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out of your head. Yes,
no, I'm trying to find the words

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because, like we talked the very
beginning of the show, it is a

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tough topic. But we're diving into
it with a little bit of humor and

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a little bit of good vibes and
good thoughts because that's really what this topic

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needs. And I think if you
see Susan and you listen to her,

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and you hear the tone of her
voice and her inflection and her mannerisms,

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you can see how she has taken
this past and isn't living by the past.

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She's created a beautiful life for herself
and it's fully expressing that. And

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so that to me is so hopeful
and so joyful and it can be done.

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So she's going to tell us how, no doubt about it. And

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so, but what I'm really really
interested in not just how, because that's

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really important, but also why why
did you have to go through that in

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order to get to the point where
you are right now? Well before we

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even dive into that. Will.
I would love to hear you say the

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title of your show three times fast. You can do it. Go skeptic

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beteposicians, skeptic physicians, skeptic metephysicians. The second when it flubbed a little

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bit, skeptic metaphysicians, physicians,
metaphysicians. There you go. Nice job.

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Karen has way more better addiction than
I do. But the name of

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the show is meant to be one
to take your time with because it provides

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that type of gravity. So if
you're saying it too fast, you're saying

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it wrong. I keep that in
mind when I start from umting the skeptic

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metaphysicians. You need to have that
at the end of it. I need

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to record that at some point in
the broadcaster. Okay, But back to

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the serious question. Yes, so
why did I come in to experience this?

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Well, it's not unusual for light
workers, as they say, to

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come from these types of circumstances,
really tough, brutal stuff. And I

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don't think it's my first round,
and I don't think it's the first round

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for my lineage either. I mean, I'm from a line of warriors.

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These people are tough and I have
respect for every one of them. I

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was dropped in the perfect family position
with perfect parents, and they are brave

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and I appreciate the roles that they
played to force me forward. And I

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feel like I came in with a
layer of gauze missing because I was very

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cognizant. I knew there was a
different way. I knew there was something

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wrong when I sat in the pew
and they told me I need a broker

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to talk to God. I'm like, I need a broker to talk to

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God. And a lot of the
guilt and shame that I would hear,

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I was like, this doesn't make
any sense, and why my parents were

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brutalizing each other and us? Was
this necessary? Like I've always come from

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a place of love. I always
believe in redemption, and I have incredible

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resilience, and I do believe there
is purpose, and I think it got

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clearer as I went wrong. I
addressed the addiction first and the remnants of

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my childhood. The clinical depression came
next, which was a ten year battle,

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and I learned what that was and
I always had. I mean,

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my first suicide attempt I was six
years old. I pulled a knife out

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of the carving block in the kitchen
and thought, if I could only just

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lance this through my little heart,
all this would be over. Oh my

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god, Wow, that's awful.
But I'll tell you what, I've come

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full circle. I know how to
handle it. I was going through the

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tail end of a nasty divorce from
somebody that I absolutely loved, who really

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is living a tough life. I
wouldn't want to be in his body,

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but I learned I got suicidal at
the end. I turned it all inward

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and set up a friend for every
day of the week and checked in and

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if I was suicidal, I would
call the next person on the list and

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say, hey, I'm suicidal,
I need to talk, I need help.

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And I've learned a lot and pass
that along and it's kept other people

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on the planet. There is benefit
in what I've gone through and how I've

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learned to handle it, because this
is all opportunity for growth and to break

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the change. So we don't keep
recycling this abuse. It's unnecessary. It's

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unnecessary. Well, what I think
is incredible is how you do speak with

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love about everything. I mean,
you're talking about people who abused you severely,

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and you're talking about them being strong
and your ex husband, and it's

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this loving expression or description of these
people who did things that so many people

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would not be able to be so
loving about. And I think you can

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just tell that that's how you live
your life. Well, some people think

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it's strange, but I also believe
this is part of my mission. And

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please understand, especially listeners out there, if you're in a toxic relationship,

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if you're going through some kind of
familiar abuse. I needed to work through

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it. There was a three year
period where I had to completely disengage from

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my mother completely, and I held
boundaries and when I do see my family,

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I am on a grounded place and
I do have support in place and

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tools in place, and I have
a reality check. So there is a

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process that I went through and still
use and go through. And I didn't

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do it by myself. I mean
so many modalities, and the somatic ones

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were probably particularly healing when it came
to trauma and abuse. And by somatic

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I mean meditation, running or going
into the body and exploring that pocket of

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trauma that's in there. That took
me so long because when I started,

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I barely knew the emotions of happy, mad, sad, glad. I

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was shut down. You know.
My first therapist was like in there with

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that stuff, and I was like, really, just give me a list.

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I don't have time for this stuff. I got to figure out how

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to produce this next segment. I've
got to figure out how to pay my

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rent next month, so we can
just stop down with this emotional stuff.

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But that's what I've come to understand
is so key and the surrender of living

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from the outside in, which is
the training that I received. Achieve on

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the outside. I mean, make
it look good and do it, doesn't

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matter the cost to self. Well, really, going through my divorce,

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and I call my ex husband my
greatest guru because he was as a teacher.

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He really taught me how to authentically
find that piece of light in my

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heart that is so worthy and that
I do matter, that I'm not just

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a dirty Kleenex. I have courage, I have grace, I have incredible

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abundance, amazing opportunities to manifest.
I'm a connector. I can bring soothing

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and healing to others as a result
of what I've experienced, and I can

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take care of myself. And that
was like, that was the perfect storm

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lesson he really showed me that beauty. And you bring up an excellent point

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that I'm glad you brought up,
because if you didn't, I was going

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to. I did see on your
bio the fact that you call him your

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greatest guru. And sometimes people are
brought to us to help us learn things

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in a very weird way. And
by what I mean by that is not

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every guru is a Gandhi sitting on
the top of a mountain meditating. Sometimes

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the toughest lessons come from tough people, tough characters, tough personalities. And

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as much as I hate this fact
that I've learned over the past, I

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don't know how many three years doing
the show. Growth is messy and difficult.

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The biggest growth comes from the biggest
challenges. So I would say those

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of us that had such difficult traumatic
childhood growing up, we have been forced

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to chisel ourselves and grow in such
profound ways. And it feels like that's

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exactly what you experienced. My biggest
regret, my biggest like, why,

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God, why is exactly that?
Why Why can't I learn without having to

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go through all the crap that we
have to go through? And I know

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the answer, and I don't like
it, so I would love for you

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to show me a different way.
Susan. Yeah, I've been there,

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believe me. I wanted to crush
that rock good time and the injustice.

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Right, it seems I'm there and
unjust. I mean here I was.

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I had brought my home from my
family, maintained it. I was living

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in a partial conversion in our garage
while my X was in the master.

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It was insanity, but that was
all to show me what I was surrendering

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to, how I was valuing myself. And once you're able to really open

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your heart, get rid of all
those layers of duct tape and glue and

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tar that we put over our hearts, just by our societal systems that are

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finally crumbling in front of us.
But once we're able to do that and

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take a look at it, Wow, look at the gift this guy is

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bringing me. And I can't get
out of it. I'm locked in here.

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It was a year door to door
till I could write him that six

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figure check and he could be on
to his next victim. And thank God,

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because it finally broke my denial.
I always want to see the best

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in the other person. I want
to bring the best and that spiritual axiom

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point one finger out, three fingers, come back at you. Fluff that.

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I want to break that one into
pieces. You know what did you

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00:24:59.079 --> 00:25:03.319
just say? Fluff that I did? Love that. Thank you, Thank

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you for keeping us on a PG
reading on Apple podcasts. Appreciate that we

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want to get to everybody. I'm
gonna get t shirts that say fluff that,

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I'm gonna try to start a trend. But anyway, I just it's

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been full circle. There's so many
clients that come to me in such pain

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because they're stuck in that run.
They need reciprocity, They need the victimizer

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to see what they did. They
need to prove it. And I'm like,

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you can carry that as long as
you want, and you're gonna stay

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on that wheel of hell. You
can jump off at anytime. Appreciate that

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you're not in their or suit and
understand that is your key to freedom.

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And that's why there's freedom in the
title of my book. And that's what

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I'm bringing to the planet. Read
that's awesome, And that's how you talk

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about these people being gurus and it's
not like they're like, let me give

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you this lesson it's you're like,
Okay, I'm dealing with the situation and

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you're getting the lessons within yourself,
the knowledge within yourself, learning the power

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and the strength that you do have
to cope, and that's where the lessons

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are. You're like, oh,
Okay, this person did this, but

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look at how I grew because of
that. I figured out how to make

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money on the side. I figured
out how to get out of the situation.

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And that is that those lessons you're
getting from this person, but not

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from him, from yourself, Like
they're pulling these lessons out of you inadvertently,

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right, No, absolutely inadvertently,
that's exactly, And they don't.

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I'm sure he doesn't realize that you
call him, or maybe he knows.

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He knows now, but the fact
you call him a guru, I don't

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think he would consider himself that.
And what's the cliche, whatever doesn't break

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you makes you stronger. I mean, that's pretty much the epitome of what

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we're talking about here. But she's
saying it, next time we come in,

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Yeah, next time we come in, I want a KUSI. Yeah.

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Well, it makes you think think
about those folks that I mean,

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when we talk about childhood, trauma. I would say, no matter how

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small, quote unquote, people believe
your trauma to be any trauma is massive

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trauma to yourself. So just because
I went through years and years thinking oh,

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I had a great childhood, until
I really dove into it and went,

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oh, crap, I had a
pretty idyllic childhood in certain respects,

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but the trauma came in other ways
that to me changed me, changed my

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personality, made me someone that didn't
want to be until I looked at myself

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in the mirror and realized it.
That's when I started going, wait,

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wait, wait, wait, where
did all this come from? And then

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started to look into it and realizing
my child my childhood was way way more

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traumatic than I expected it, and
I thought it was and I remembered it

356
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was until I dove into it and
really thought about it as an adult,

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going back with adult sensibilities and went, dangn okay, now I understand in

358
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and now I know what I need
to work on. So it is the

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reason why I'm saying all this is
because if you're listening to this and you

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think to yourself, that doesn't really
pertain to me, perhaps it doesn't,

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And I applaud you and I hope
to God it doesn't. However, I

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would urge you to go back and
really take a look, because no matter

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how small you feel your trauma might
be, it's really big inside and you

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need to work through it. And
I think books like the one that you

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have written, Susan, go a
long, long way towards helping humanity.

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So thank you for the service that
you're providing. Well, thank you,

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because a lot of times I think, what are you nuts? Like throwing

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your family under the bus. My
original title is Magical Illumination transform in Childhood

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Trauma into Adopt Freedom. And my
publisher she's a New York Times bestselling publisher.

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She's also a former producing partner of
mine, and she's absolute genius.

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Two weeks before we were ready to
publish, she had her associate call and

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say, oh, by the way, we'd like to change your title to

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talk Sick Family. I was like, oh my god, because I too,

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I didn't want to throw my family
under the bus. I do authentically

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have relationships with them. I'm connected
with them and appreciate them, as I

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said previously, but honestly, the
denial is strong. I mean, none

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00:29:18.720 --> 00:29:22.279
of my high school friends knew when
they found out with somebody. I didn't

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understand when somebody tagged you on Facebook
and you respond back the podcast posts.

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So that's the way everybody in my
small town found out about my book,

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which oh my gosh, wow,
nobody my college boyfriend didn't know. I

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knew there was something wrong with my
upbringing, but I didn't understand the extent

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of it because I didn't have anything
to compare it to. Yeah, until

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I saw the things playing out in
my own adulthood, and like you will,

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thank God, we're brave enough to
step up and say, hey,

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something's busted. Let me take a
look at this. Yeah, And it's

386
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critically important because it's the act of
doing that. It's the act realizing it

387
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and making taking steps to change it. That is the soul's evolution. So

388
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now we're bringing it all back right. That is I believe the reason why

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we experience the trauma that we experience
so that we can evolve and become.

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I can tell you I'm a way
better person now than I was three years

391
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ago, four years ago, way
way better person now, and that is

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because of the trauma that I explored
and decided to change. So that gauntlet

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that we have gone through is the
evolution that we're meant to go through in

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this lifetime in order to help others
understand that this is the same type of

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thing that they have to go through
themselves. But then here's my question to

396
00:30:37.759 --> 00:30:41.559
you. Will. You're saying you're
better because you understood the trauma and you've

397
00:30:41.599 --> 00:30:45.799
dealt with it, and that's your
purpose for this evolution. But what if

398
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you hadn't had that trauma? Well, what was the point of the trauma?

399
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If was it to give you something
that you had to work to get

400
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rid of and start back where you
were before you got the trauma. It

401
00:30:56.359 --> 00:31:00.759
can get confusing. It's like it's
like when I said chiseling away at something,

402
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It is adding all this stuff so
that the process of you finding yourself

403
00:31:04.559 --> 00:31:08.759
inside of it is what gains you
the wisdom to move forward in your next

404
00:31:08.759 --> 00:31:12.880
iteration, right, but my thoughts
are the way the changes you wanted to

405
00:31:12.960 --> 00:31:18.039
make were changes that you became because
of the trauma. That makes sense,

406
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Yes, And like Susan, I
wish I had read the fine print in

407
00:31:22.319 --> 00:31:25.359
my contract when it far I came
on board because yes, these are all

408
00:31:25.400 --> 00:31:27.799
things that we've decided before at least
That's what the message is for getting right

409
00:31:27.799 --> 00:31:30.839
that this, these are all things
we've decided before we are incarnated, that

410
00:31:30.880 --> 00:31:34.960
we're going to go through this so
that we can find our way back to

411
00:31:36.200 --> 00:31:41.559
center by overcoming these traumas or these
challenges, because they make us stronger at

412
00:31:41.599 --> 00:31:44.839
the end of the day and make
us better people at the end of the

413
00:31:44.880 --> 00:31:48.200
day. Imagine if you didn't have
any growth, right, happens at the

414
00:31:48.279 --> 00:31:52.559
edge of your comfort zone. Imagine
if you didn't get uncomfortable at all,

415
00:31:52.599 --> 00:31:56.519
you'd be the same person. You
wouldn't grow. Growth also happens with love,

416
00:31:57.319 --> 00:32:01.880
yes, but perhaps the fastest way
forward. I think that depends on

417
00:32:01.920 --> 00:32:06.839
the person. Yes. See,
a lot of people think we have this

418
00:32:06.839 --> 00:32:09.240
podcast we have the same mindset.
We don't. We agree on a lot

419
00:32:09.240 --> 00:32:12.960
of things, but we also disagree
on several things. But it keeps it

420
00:32:13.000 --> 00:32:15.559
interesting. But the most important thing
is is to provide space for each other

421
00:32:15.599 --> 00:32:19.880
to believe in what they believe in
and support that person. Because we are

422
00:32:19.920 --> 00:32:23.920
individuals, we understand that everyone's reality
is different. So we've learned a lot.

423
00:32:23.680 --> 00:32:30.440
Last Oh yeah, all right,
So Susan, tell us about your

424
00:32:30.440 --> 00:32:32.200
book. We touched on it a
little bit but now I think it's time

425
00:32:32.559 --> 00:32:40.319
that we've really introduced a topic.
Really well, why would someone benefit from

426
00:32:40.359 --> 00:32:45.519
reading your book other than the obvious. It's like being a fly on the

427
00:32:45.519 --> 00:32:50.000
wall and they're going to read something
that resonates, something's going to jar,

428
00:32:50.319 --> 00:32:53.799
some kind of memory emotion. I've
been told my book is an activation,

429
00:32:54.839 --> 00:33:00.200
Like you could just have this book
sit on yourself and somehow your life is

430
00:33:00.200 --> 00:33:04.599
going to change because your heart is
going to open. So the book is

431
00:33:04.640 --> 00:33:07.519
my story, it's my own experience, no one else's. My family members

432
00:33:07.640 --> 00:33:10.720
couldn't be a part of it because
I had to write it from my own

433
00:33:10.759 --> 00:33:15.359
experience and it is my own trajectory. And then there's tools in the back

434
00:33:15.480 --> 00:33:20.319
that have helped me move through all
this, because I'd really like you to

435
00:33:20.480 --> 00:33:24.960
experience what it's like to feel better
as you move through this, more comfortable

436
00:33:25.079 --> 00:33:30.079
in your skin, more abundant,
more free, less afraid. Okay,

437
00:33:30.160 --> 00:33:34.119
And that is so wonderful and so
brave, because some of the people have

438
00:33:34.160 --> 00:33:37.720
gone through views, the last thing
they feel comfortable doing is outing their families.

439
00:33:37.720 --> 00:33:40.680
So the fact that you did this
in service to help people is just

440
00:33:40.720 --> 00:33:49.000
incredible. So thank you for that. Absolutely, absolutely which the curiosity.

441
00:33:50.000 --> 00:33:53.039
What was the reaction from your friends
and your family when they read the book.

442
00:33:53.440 --> 00:33:58.799
Yeah, so my friends were surprised
because this is not what I portray

443
00:33:59.000 --> 00:34:01.759
to them at all. Was very
compartmentalized, and it was chameleon like no

444
00:34:01.799 --> 00:34:06.319
one would ever know. And this
went on for a long time. My

445
00:34:06.519 --> 00:34:09.119
family knew I was writing a book, but they didn't know the topic and

446
00:34:09.159 --> 00:34:13.800
no one asked. So if they
didn't ask, I wasn't going to tell.

447
00:34:13.840 --> 00:34:16.079
And then it was close to the
time of the book coming out,

448
00:34:16.159 --> 00:34:21.760
the title changed. I went into
fear mode and I confided in my sister,

449
00:34:21.800 --> 00:34:22.559
and my sister read the book.
She said, you know what,

450
00:34:22.800 --> 00:34:25.559
after I got through the childhood part, the rest of it was riveting.

451
00:34:28.920 --> 00:34:34.719
She feels like she came from a
very privileged background. She she just our

452
00:34:35.280 --> 00:34:39.360
experiences couldn't be more diametrically prows.
Now I'm going to share about my oldest

453
00:34:39.400 --> 00:34:45.840
brother. He and I have the
most abuse between us, and I did

454
00:34:45.840 --> 00:34:52.760
a lot of work around that abuse
in my early twenties and did confront him

455
00:34:52.840 --> 00:34:55.840
and he said, that didn't happen. But if it did happen, here's

456
00:34:55.880 --> 00:35:01.960
why it happened. And sadly,
most of his childhood is a blackout.

457
00:35:02.880 --> 00:35:09.519
So that's a traumatic response. And
when I have been around my older brother,

458
00:35:10.679 --> 00:35:15.480
my son said, why you always
you're so different around him. You

459
00:35:15.599 --> 00:35:21.360
tense up, you shy away,
You're cowering. So the book came out

460
00:35:21.440 --> 00:35:25.400
and he read it, and I
got a call from him, and it

461
00:35:25.519 --> 00:35:30.119
was like I heard a voice of
a nine year old boy, and he

462
00:35:30.320 --> 00:35:37.440
said, I am so so sorry
I was not a better brother to you.

463
00:35:37.360 --> 00:35:43.480
I don't remember this, but I
am sorry, and I am so

464
00:35:43.800 --> 00:35:49.480
proud of the way that you have
walked through this and who you are today,

465
00:35:50.840 --> 00:35:55.960
and that is worth the experience that
I've taken on, and that is

466
00:35:57.039 --> 00:36:05.639
worth his valor and his courage.
And I love him. You have touched

467
00:36:05.679 --> 00:36:08.239
such deep nerve inside me that I'm
having a hard time containing myself right now.

468
00:36:08.320 --> 00:36:15.280
I'm saying that. Wow. My
childhood was also almost a complete blackout.

469
00:36:15.559 --> 00:36:21.440
I don't remember anything, only very
vague flashes until I was well into

470
00:36:21.519 --> 00:36:24.719
my double digits for obvious reasons we
don't need to get into here. But

471
00:36:24.880 --> 00:36:37.519
I also traumatized my brother, and
to this day, we love each other.

472
00:36:37.559 --> 00:36:40.039
We do we and we and every
time we were together. It's an

473
00:36:40.039 --> 00:36:46.559
incredible experience. But god, I
was I was terrible. I was a

474
00:36:50.159 --> 00:36:53.360
He held onto that for a very
long time, to the point where how

475
00:36:53.400 --> 00:36:58.320
long it was it here in two
years maybe three two years ago we finally

476
00:36:58.360 --> 00:37:02.559
just sat down and talked it through. And yes, it was my turn

477
00:37:02.599 --> 00:37:07.079
to apologize to him, because I
didn't mean to be that shitty of a

478
00:37:07.199 --> 00:37:14.079
brother. I was just going through
my own stuff that he wasn't really conscious

479
00:37:14.119 --> 00:37:16.119
for because he was too young when
all this stuff was happening. So it

480
00:37:16.199 --> 00:37:22.440
was a really difficult thing. And
that's why my question has always been,

481
00:37:22.920 --> 00:37:32.000
why why do we have to go
through that? Why don't we have to

482
00:37:32.039 --> 00:37:46.199
hurt the people we love who this
is unexpectance. Anyway, I thank you

483
00:37:46.440 --> 00:37:51.960
for bringing that story up, because
this has probably been the most impact I've

484
00:37:52.000 --> 00:37:53.559
felt doing the show in a very
long time. So thank you for that.

485
00:37:57.800 --> 00:38:01.079
Well, I love you so much. Yeah, I love you so

486
00:38:01.239 --> 00:38:06.880
much. I'm so proud of you. And that's why we're here to transform

487
00:38:07.000 --> 00:38:09.679
all of that, to act it
out, to experience it, to walk

488
00:38:09.719 --> 00:38:14.400
through it, and then transform it. And that's the end of that.

489
00:38:14.800 --> 00:38:19.639
In your family line, and that's
the end of that in my family line

490
00:38:19.880 --> 00:38:23.199
and so on and so on,
and I'm telling you it's not just the

491
00:38:23.239 --> 00:38:30.559
three of our souls that you've touched
by your bravery. You've healed so many

492
00:38:30.079 --> 00:38:36.280
today and that's why we're here.
Well, I sincerely thank you for coming

493
00:38:36.280 --> 00:38:38.840
on the show and bringing this up. I this was not at all what

494
00:38:38.880 --> 00:38:44.400
I expected to have at all,
but I think it was important for some

495
00:38:44.440 --> 00:38:47.880
reason. When we do a pre
taping conversations, we always talk about how

496
00:38:47.880 --> 00:38:51.920
we've got an idea of where the
conversation is going to go, but ultimately

497
00:38:51.920 --> 00:38:53.519
the universe takes us in the direction
that wants to take us, and this

498
00:38:53.599 --> 00:38:58.639
is the direction that you ever said
is time for. So thank you for

499
00:38:58.719 --> 00:39:04.920
holding space for this happening for me
to embarrass myself quite so found the show.

500
00:39:06.199 --> 00:39:08.559
But is there anything that we haven't
touched on, Susan that you want

501
00:39:08.599 --> 00:39:13.280
to make sure that you get out
to the audience just so if anybody feels

502
00:39:13.280 --> 00:39:16.119
move, everything's at Susangold dot as
one to one coaching, mentorship, free

503
00:39:16.119 --> 00:39:21.000
courses, it's all there. Thank
you that I was going to definitely go

504
00:39:21.480 --> 00:39:23.639
into that. We're going to add
direct links in our show notes so that

505
00:39:23.679 --> 00:39:28.079
you can connect with Susan at your
convenience. All you need to do is

506
00:39:28.119 --> 00:39:31.159
go to skepticmtaposition dot com. You'll
see all the links lady in there.

507
00:39:31.800 --> 00:39:37.239
And then, of course her book
Toxic Family Transforming Childhood Trauma into Adult Freedom

508
00:39:37.480 --> 00:39:42.679
is out now and available for you
to pick up. Because if you if

509
00:39:42.719 --> 00:39:45.320
this conversation moved you like it moved
me, then you know that's a book

510
00:39:45.360 --> 00:39:49.519
you have to have in your library. Susan, thank you so much for

511
00:39:49.559 --> 00:39:52.760
coming on the show. It's been
a pleasure meeting you speaking with you,

512
00:39:52.840 --> 00:39:54.719
and I hope that we get a
chance to continue the conversation in the future.

513
00:39:54.719 --> 00:39:59.159
Moments me too, Thank you,
Thank you, will, Thank you,

514
00:39:59.280 --> 00:40:02.840
Karen, and best of luck in
your new environs. Thank you and

515
00:40:02.920 --> 00:40:07.960
a huge thank you to you.
We know that there are tons of options

516
00:40:07.039 --> 00:40:10.440
out there, and having you decide
to come along on our journey of discovery

517
00:40:10.440 --> 00:40:15.760
with us is an absolute honor for
us. We hope you've enjoyed this conversation

518
00:40:15.800 --> 00:40:17.639
as much as we have. If
you did and you feel called to give

519
00:40:17.760 --> 00:40:22.840
back, we invite you to visit
our website at Skepticmanaphysician dot com, where

520
00:40:22.840 --> 00:40:25.880
you can donate to the show or
subscribe as a member through our buy me

521
00:40:25.960 --> 00:40:30.920
a Coffee campaign. Your support will
go a long way towards allowing Karen and

522
00:40:30.920 --> 00:40:36.320
I to bring you these wonderful conversations
and teachings in more and more robust ways.

523
00:40:36.880 --> 00:40:38.760
Well that's all for now, but
we'll see you on the next episode

524
00:40:38.760 --> 00:40:43.360
of The Skeptic Metaphysician. Until then, take care,