Karen. Yes, over the last three plus years, we've had a ton
of fun exploring soul led topics and that's not going to stop anytime soon as
far as we're concerned. But sometimes, well see, sometimes you have to
take a pause examine life's tough moments, and for that things have to get
a little bit more serious. I mean, we're not going to change who
we are, but we want to take this topic very seriously because it is
a very serious topic. See today we're talking about how overcoming childhood trauma influences
our soul's evolution. Wow. Yes, it's a deep topic, is serious.
So the question that I have is why do some of us have to
go through this in order to evolve or do we even need to go through
this to evolve at all? And how do you overcome it in a way
that satisfies our need to grow as five D individuals? And some people would
say that our spirits choose to live through that trauma. That's where I'm headed
to. So today we're diving in deep on this episode of The Skeptic Benephysicians.
My name is Will and I'm Karen, And unlike moulderin Scully, want
to believe so we've embarked in a journey of discovery. We've talked to people
deeply entrenched in the spiritual and metaphysical world. We've thrown ourselves into weird and
wonderful experiences. I even joined a coven of witches and wait, you joined
a coven yep, all on the interest of finding something, anything, that
will prove that there's something beyond this physical, three dimensional world we all live
in. This is the skeptic metaphysicians. Hey there, I'm Will and I'm
Karen. And if you're still with us, then that means that you understand
the importance of this discussion we're about to have. Our guest is Susan Gold.
That she navigated a ferociously challenging upbringing while bravely moving forward as an adult
to face ingrained, outdated and patriarchal programming head on. She now shares a
unique perspective in viewing life challenges as occasions for transformation. Does that sound familiar
with Karen? It? Sure it does. Now. Through her book Toxic
Family, Transforming Childhood Trauma into Adult Freedom, Susan turns the standard paradigm on
its head, courageously leading others through her own journey of abuse, addiction,
and surviving narcissism, all while creating a distinctly empowering personal and professional life.
Thrilled to welcome Susan Gold to the show. Susan, thanks for being here.
Hey, well, Karen, really nice to be here, and I
feel privileged. I've been listening and love your content. Thank you. We
are honored that you have been listening to us. We really appreciate it.
And it's always a thrilled to have someone that listens to the show on the
show because now you know already what you're in for, so you've been warned.
All right now. I introduced the topic in a more serious note because
this is a pretty serious conversation that we're about to have, and nothing more
serious in talking about past childhood trauma. And I don't know that we could
broach the topic as completely as we could without at least touching on your experience.
So can you tell us what was your childhood like? Oh? It
was straight up hell a laugh. Yeah. Yeah, we'd like to be
transparent here, So could you be a little bit less cryptic? Yeah?
I used to look up to the stars and say, hey, what's going
on? There's a big mistake, get me out of here. And I
had a very different trajectory than my three brothers and sister. We all grew
up in the same home, but we have a very different experience of it.
I was very awake and from a very young age. I mean I
remember at eighteen months, I was in the plate pen way too long,
tears streaming down my face. And finally when I was heard, it was
not with love that I was received, and these episodes would repeat. I
was the peace bringer and peace maker. My parents God loved them, had
a brutal marriage, and they came from brutality and abuse. It runs way
back in the lineage and there's no mistake, and it's often the case.
So they were abused children coming in creating their own family as abused children,
now adult children raising more abused children. While I am yeah, So then
that calls into question the whole thing about generational healing that needs to be done.
Once from what I'm gathering, and I've not had the pleasure of reading
your book just yet, but I hope to at some point in the future,
it sounds like you have found a way to overcome these tragedies with these
childhood traumas that you have that hopefully will break the cycle of generational trauma.
So why do you think you were able to make that change when none of
your ancestors were able to before you. Well, I'll tell you what.
I have been in southern California for way too long, and the hui that
I believe is this is my mission, this is my purpose. I mean,
like you, I had a very star studded career and had the opportunity
to work with people that are household names, but that was not my mission.
My mission. My purpose is to bring up this taboo topic of our
toxic family systems and their lineage and clear it. We're carrying around some men
bags that don't even belong to us, most of us, and it's time
to drop it and lighten up. Now, next time when I come in,
I think I'm going to check the fine print a little more closely on
that contract that I agreed to. But once I could really understand it,
and it's been decades of walking through some pretty tough stuff, but once I
could see it from this perspective of you have an opportunity to clear a lot
of crap that doesn't even belong and shift the paradigm, and I see it
happening. I mean, most people don't understand why I have a smile on
my face. And when you were introducing me in saying it was going to
be a serious show, I'm like, come on, well I'm here.
Well it's a serious topic, but we are trying to have fun with it
because it's just who we are. We can't change who we are. And
it sounds like you are right along with us. You are part of our
soul family. And the topic is so challenging that really sometimes the only way
to approach it is with a sense of humor, because otherwise it is quite
tragic. Well, I didn't really even understand it. I mean, yes,
it was horrific. My mother was in a relationship with basically a Peter
Pan who drank to soothe his woes and his familial disappointments. He was a
constant philanderer and he was a genius astrophysicist. I'm talking about it like he's
dead. He's not. He's still with us. And he was a lot
of fun, like he would take us on adventures and we were very close
to the edge when we were with my father and my mother had five kids
to take care of. She was under thirty years old. She had put
him through school, the PhD, and her turn for higher education was to
come because she was brilliant. I mean, she was equally as brilliant as
my father. But her turn didn't come, and she was saddled and she
was angry, and she soothed with food, which is not unusual. So
here I have an alcoholic dad and a mom who's soothing with food. And
back then they prescribed diet pills which were straight speed, so the platform for
hell was not very even and stable, and my role was to get in
between it and try to sue it and settle it and comb it. And
I was highly empathic, and I know you talk about that a lot on
the show. I could go into any room and pick up the toe and
the tenor the temperament, the mood. And I was also telepathic until it
became too dangerous. I mean I would get complete thoughts and then spit it
out because it just came flying out of my mouth. And the adults didn't
really like that very much, so I had to tone that down. And
I was also a super manifestor. I would watch Barbara Walters on my bean
bag chair in the basement, and I wanted to go to New York and
I wanted to be like Barbara Walters. That's what kept me going. I
was going to get out of this system and I was going to make something
of myself. And I did leave when I was seventeen, the morning after
high school graduation quarter at eight in the morning, the car was packed and
I was pretty much out. And by nineteen I was in Greenwich Village.
I had negotiated an internship in arts management and left school to work in the
city and living my dream and went right back after school started working at ICM,
which is a large global talent agency. Wasn't un making enough money and
picked up a side hustle training people as an exercise trainer because it's another piece
of my story. And Barbara Walters became my client. Yes, oh my
gosh, Oh that's fantastic. She was amazing. She would have loved you,
both of you. Yeah. She was totally with it and as intuitive
as heck, and that's why she was such a good interviewer. And one
day I rang her doorvel at seven am. She's like, Susan, get
in here, what's going on with you and I had been sexually harassed in
the workplace. This stuff in my family, the abuse of every type that
was slathered over every crevice that I swear would not repeat, did not leave
me with a lot of self esteem and self worth. And it also left
me with very porous boundaries. And it also left me prone to addiction.
And I saw the flags come up, and I was addressing them, but
she said, after I told about the abuse in the office and what had
happened, she said, I'm coming to work with you this morning. We're
going to confront this guy together. Barbara Walter said that, Barbara, it's
okay. I think I got this and I can friended. My boss that
day promptly fired me. Wait wait, wait, wait wait. You had
Barbara Walters willing to go fight your battles for you, and you say yeah,
but then bring it, Barbara, A dang. She then offered me
an assistantship with her then fiance, who was running a very big film distribution
company. But I was like, yeah, I can't be an assistant anymore
after this, so I went it alone, and I decided to match celebrities
with brands, and Donnie Deuight choose an entrepreneur and television house. He's a
bit of an nikon. He was running his dad's ad agency that and he
said, we really want Andy Warhol to endorse the Pontiac Dealers. It's a
TV camera on camera commercial spot. Do you think you can get him?
I'm like, let me try, because I'm just out of it. Abusive
relationship where the man held the purse strings, I'm embarrassed to say. And
also not even ninety days, living like in New York City on my own,
and I'm going to make this happen. Nobody would answer the phone at
the factory, so I took the subway down there and knocked on the door.
Fred, Andy's business manager, Yeah, okay, I get you come
back tomorrow at the same time. I'll let you talk to Andy. So
I'm sitting in the foyer like and that empathic ability, that intuitiveness, who
did that? Come back up in spades. The doors flew open, the
studio's fought dark, and Fred sticks his head out and goes, Andy will
see you now. And I thought, oh my god, I'm going to
walk into another minefield. What's going to happen to me now? And and
I go and this spotlight. This pin spotlight is coming down on this platinum
hair, going seventeen different directions. And there he is with this colored pencils
scribbling. I shouldn't say scribble because oh my god, it's probably worth like
million. Now those are very, very valuable scribbles. Yeah, and it's
three pugs. He had those dogs with the swished up faces like they were
running around the studio. So I'm in there vamping, telling him why I'm
here about this commercial, and Haley cares about it the dogs. He's not
even making eye contact with me, but I can feel his isolation. I
can feel his knee for attention, I can feel his desire to connect,
and he's holding the pugs in his arms, and finally, like this was
the longest I don't know, maybe it was three minutes, but it felt
like thirty, he finally looked me in the eye and he goes, now,
really, why should I do this? And I said, because you
can have the dogs in the shot with you, and he said, okay,
I'll do it. Wow. Wow. So that ability really helped launch
my career, and I became known for matching celebrities to brands, and that
was a huge skill set that led me into producing and this wonderful career.
But the whole time that this is happening, I'm dealing with these issues that
are coming up being raised in this system, and it was not easy and
it was not for the fan of heart, and it felt unjust here.
I was like in my mid twenties, going, dude, I never had
a childhood fluff. This sucks, you know. But then like laking up
to realize, yeah, I've got a responsibility, I've got a parent myself.
It didn't happen the way that I wished it would, but there's got
to be reason and purpose, and ultimately I found there really was. Well,
I'm glad that you brought that up. You brought that full circle very
very nicely, just like a producer would do, so I'm not completely shocked.
But before we dive into it, because that's really the crux of the
conversation here, we need to take a break because I know that we're going
to dive now into the nitty of what we're talking about, So let's take
a quick break so that we get that out of the way. When we
come back, we'll dive into what it all means. Right after these messages
Welcome to the Skeptic Metaphysicians. We are talking to Susan Gold, who is
gosh magical and it's actually so magical. Somehow she has made the words evaporate
out of your head. Yes, no, I'm trying to find the words
because, like we talked the very beginning of the show, it is a
tough topic. But we're diving into it with a little bit of humor and
a little bit of good vibes and good thoughts because that's really what this topic
needs. And I think if you see Susan and you listen to her,
and you hear the tone of her voice and her inflection and her mannerisms,
you can see how she has taken this past and isn't living by the past.
She's created a beautiful life for herself and it's fully expressing that. And
so that to me is so hopeful and so joyful and it can be done.
So she's going to tell us how, no doubt about it. And
so, but what I'm really really interested in not just how, because that's
really important, but also why why did you have to go through that in
order to get to the point where you are right now? Well before we
even dive into that. Will. I would love to hear you say the
title of your show three times fast. You can do it. Go skeptic
beteposicians, skeptic physicians, skeptic metephysicians. The second when it flubbed a little
bit, skeptic metaphysicians, physicians, metaphysicians. There you go. Nice job.
Karen has way more better addiction than I do. But the name of
the show is meant to be one to take your time with because it provides
that type of gravity. So if you're saying it too fast, you're saying
it wrong. I keep that in mind when I start from umting the skeptic
metaphysicians. You need to have that at the end of it. I need
to record that at some point in the broadcaster. Okay, But back to
the serious question. Yes, so why did I come in to experience this?
Well, it's not unusual for light workers, as they say, to
come from these types of circumstances, really tough, brutal stuff. And I
don't think it's my first round, and I don't think it's the first round
for my lineage either. I mean, I'm from a line of warriors.
These people are tough and I have respect for every one of them. I
was dropped in the perfect family position with perfect parents, and they are brave
and I appreciate the roles that they played to force me forward. And I
feel like I came in with a layer of gauze missing because I was very
cognizant. I knew there was a different way. I knew there was something
wrong when I sat in the pew and they told me I need a broker
to talk to God. I'm like, I need a broker to talk to
God. And a lot of the guilt and shame that I would hear,
I was like, this doesn't make any sense, and why my parents were
brutalizing each other and us? Was this necessary? Like I've always come from
a place of love. I always believe in redemption, and I have incredible
resilience, and I do believe there is purpose, and I think it got
clearer as I went wrong. I addressed the addiction first and the remnants of
my childhood. The clinical depression came next, which was a ten year battle,
and I learned what that was and I always had. I mean,
my first suicide attempt I was six years old. I pulled a knife out
of the carving block in the kitchen and thought, if I could only just
lance this through my little heart, all this would be over. Oh my
god, Wow, that's awful. But I'll tell you what, I've come
full circle. I know how to handle it. I was going through the
tail end of a nasty divorce from somebody that I absolutely loved, who really
is living a tough life. I wouldn't want to be in his body,
but I learned I got suicidal at the end. I turned it all inward
and set up a friend for every day of the week and checked in and
if I was suicidal, I would call the next person on the list and
say, hey, I'm suicidal, I need to talk, I need help.
And I've learned a lot and pass that along and it's kept other people
on the planet. There is benefit in what I've gone through and how I've
learned to handle it, because this is all opportunity for growth and to break
the change. So we don't keep recycling this abuse. It's unnecessary. It's
unnecessary. Well, what I think is incredible is how you do speak with
love about everything. I mean, you're talking about people who abused you severely,
and you're talking about them being strong and your ex husband, and it's
this loving expression or description of these people who did things that so many people
would not be able to be so loving about. And I think you can
just tell that that's how you live your life. Well, some people think
it's strange, but I also believe this is part of my mission. And
please understand, especially listeners out there, if you're in a toxic relationship,
if you're going through some kind of familiar abuse. I needed to work through
it. There was a three year period where I had to completely disengage from
my mother completely, and I held boundaries and when I do see my family,
I am on a grounded place and I do have support in place and
tools in place, and I have a reality check. So there is a
process that I went through and still use and go through. And I didn't
do it by myself. I mean so many modalities, and the somatic ones
were probably particularly healing when it came to trauma and abuse. And by somatic
I mean meditation, running or going into the body and exploring that pocket of
trauma that's in there. That took me so long because when I started,
I barely knew the emotions of happy, mad, sad, glad. I
was shut down. You know. My first therapist was like in there with
that stuff, and I was like, really, just give me a list.
I don't have time for this stuff. I got to figure out how
to produce this next segment. I've got to figure out how to pay my
rent next month, so we can just stop down with this emotional stuff.
But that's what I've come to understand is so key and the surrender of living
from the outside in, which is the training that I received. Achieve on
the outside. I mean, make it look good and do it, doesn't
matter the cost to self. Well, really, going through my divorce,
and I call my ex husband my greatest guru because he was as a teacher.
He really taught me how to authentically find that piece of light in my
heart that is so worthy and that I do matter, that I'm not just
a dirty Kleenex. I have courage, I have grace, I have incredible
abundance, amazing opportunities to manifest. I'm a connector. I can bring soothing
and healing to others as a result of what I've experienced, and I can
take care of myself. And that was like, that was the perfect storm
lesson he really showed me that beauty. And you bring up an excellent point
that I'm glad you brought up, because if you didn't, I was going
to. I did see on your bio the fact that you call him your
greatest guru. And sometimes people are brought to us to help us learn things
in a very weird way. And by what I mean by that is not
every guru is a Gandhi sitting on the top of a mountain meditating. Sometimes
the toughest lessons come from tough people, tough characters, tough personalities. And
as much as I hate this fact that I've learned over the past, I
don't know how many three years doing the show. Growth is messy and difficult.
The biggest growth comes from the biggest challenges. So I would say those
of us that had such difficult traumatic childhood growing up, we have been forced
to chisel ourselves and grow in such profound ways. And it feels like that's
exactly what you experienced. My biggest regret, my biggest like, why,
God, why is exactly that? Why Why can't I learn without having to
go through all the crap that we have to go through? And I know
the answer, and I don't like it, so I would love for you
to show me a different way. Susan. Yeah, I've been there,
believe me. I wanted to crush that rock good time and the injustice.
Right, it seems I'm there and unjust. I mean here I was.
I had brought my home from my family, maintained it. I was living
in a partial conversion in our garage while my X was in the master.
It was insanity, but that was all to show me what I was surrendering
to, how I was valuing myself. And once you're able to really open
your heart, get rid of all those layers of duct tape and glue and
tar that we put over our hearts, just by our societal systems that are
finally crumbling in front of us. But once we're able to do that and
take a look at it, Wow, look at the gift this guy is
bringing me. And I can't get out of it. I'm locked in here.
It was a year door to door till I could write him that six
figure check and he could be on to his next victim. And thank God,
because it finally broke my denial. I always want to see the best
in the other person. I want to bring the best and that spiritual axiom
point one finger out, three fingers, come back at you. Fluff that.
I want to break that one into pieces. You know what did you
just say? Fluff that I did? Love that. Thank you, Thank
you for keeping us on a PG reading on Apple podcasts. Appreciate that we
want to get to everybody. I'm gonna get t shirts that say fluff that,
I'm gonna try to start a trend. But anyway, I just it's
been full circle. There's so many clients that come to me in such pain
because they're stuck in that run. They need reciprocity, They need the victimizer
to see what they did. They need to prove it. And I'm like,
you can carry that as long as you want, and you're gonna stay
on that wheel of hell. You can jump off at anytime. Appreciate that
you're not in their or suit and understand that is your key to freedom.
And that's why there's freedom in the title of my book. And that's what
I'm bringing to the planet. Read that's awesome, And that's how you talk
about these people being gurus and it's not like they're like, let me give
you this lesson it's you're like, Okay, I'm dealing with the situation and
you're getting the lessons within yourself, the knowledge within yourself, learning the power
and the strength that you do have to cope, and that's where the lessons
are. You're like, oh, Okay, this person did this, but
look at how I grew because of that. I figured out how to make
money on the side. I figured out how to get out of the situation.
And that is that those lessons you're getting from this person, but not
from him, from yourself, Like they're pulling these lessons out of you inadvertently,
right, No, absolutely inadvertently, that's exactly, And they don't.
I'm sure he doesn't realize that you call him, or maybe he knows.
He knows now, but the fact you call him a guru, I don't
think he would consider himself that. And what's the cliche, whatever doesn't break
you makes you stronger. I mean, that's pretty much the epitome of what
we're talking about here. But she's saying it, next time we come in,
Yeah, next time we come in, I want a KUSI. Yeah.
Well, it makes you think think about those folks that I mean,
when we talk about childhood, trauma. I would say, no matter how
small, quote unquote, people believe your trauma to be any trauma is massive
trauma to yourself. So just because I went through years and years thinking oh,
I had a great childhood, until I really dove into it and went,
oh, crap, I had a pretty idyllic childhood in certain respects,
but the trauma came in other ways that to me changed me, changed my
personality, made me someone that didn't want to be until I looked at myself
in the mirror and realized it. That's when I started going, wait,
wait, wait, wait, where did all this come from? And then
started to look into it and realizing my child my childhood was way way more
traumatic than I expected it, and I thought it was and I remembered it
was until I dove into it and really thought about it as an adult,
going back with adult sensibilities and went, dangn okay, now I understand in
and now I know what I need to work on. So it is the
reason why I'm saying all this is because if you're listening to this and you
think to yourself, that doesn't really pertain to me, perhaps it doesn't,
And I applaud you and I hope to God it doesn't. However, I
would urge you to go back and really take a look, because no matter
how small you feel your trauma might be, it's really big inside and you
need to work through it. And I think books like the one that you
have written, Susan, go a long, long way towards helping humanity.
So thank you for the service that you're providing. Well, thank you,
because a lot of times I think, what are you nuts? Like throwing
your family under the bus. My original title is Magical Illumination transform in Childhood
Trauma into Adopt Freedom. And my publisher she's a New York Times bestselling publisher.
She's also a former producing partner of mine, and she's absolute genius.
Two weeks before we were ready to publish, she had her associate call and
say, oh, by the way, we'd like to change your title to
talk Sick Family. I was like, oh my god, because I too,
I didn't want to throw my family under the bus. I do authentically
have relationships with them. I'm connected with them and appreciate them, as I
said previously, but honestly, the denial is strong. I mean, none
of my high school friends knew when they found out with somebody. I didn't
understand when somebody tagged you on Facebook and you respond back the podcast posts.
So that's the way everybody in my small town found out about my book,
which oh my gosh, wow, nobody my college boyfriend didn't know. I
knew there was something wrong with my upbringing, but I didn't understand the extent
of it because I didn't have anything to compare it to. Yeah, until
I saw the things playing out in my own adulthood, and like you will,
thank God, we're brave enough to step up and say, hey,
something's busted. Let me take a look at this. Yeah, And it's
critically important because it's the act of doing that. It's the act realizing it
and making taking steps to change it. That is the soul's evolution. So
now we're bringing it all back right. That is I believe the reason why
we experience the trauma that we experience so that we can evolve and become.
I can tell you I'm a way better person now than I was three years
ago, four years ago, way way better person now, and that is
because of the trauma that I explored and decided to change. So that gauntlet
that we have gone through is the evolution that we're meant to go through in
this lifetime in order to help others understand that this is the same type of
thing that they have to go through themselves. But then here's my question to
you. Will. You're saying you're better because you understood the trauma and you've
dealt with it, and that's your purpose for this evolution. But what if
you hadn't had that trauma? Well, what was the point of the trauma?
If was it to give you something that you had to work to get
rid of and start back where you were before you got the trauma. It
can get confusing. It's like it's like when I said chiseling away at something,
It is adding all this stuff so that the process of you finding yourself
inside of it is what gains you the wisdom to move forward in your next
iteration, right, but my thoughts are the way the changes you wanted to
make were changes that you became because of the trauma. That makes sense,
Yes, And like Susan, I wish I had read the fine print in
my contract when it far I came on board because yes, these are all
things that we've decided before at least That's what the message is for getting right
that this, these are all things we've decided before we are incarnated, that
we're going to go through this so that we can find our way back to
center by overcoming these traumas or these challenges, because they make us stronger at
the end of the day and make us better people at the end of the
day. Imagine if you didn't have any growth, right, happens at the
edge of your comfort zone. Imagine if you didn't get uncomfortable at all,
you'd be the same person. You wouldn't grow. Growth also happens with love,
yes, but perhaps the fastest way forward. I think that depends on
the person. Yes. See, a lot of people think we have this
podcast we have the same mindset. We don't. We agree on a lot
of things, but we also disagree on several things. But it keeps it
interesting. But the most important thing is is to provide space for each other
to believe in what they believe in and support that person. Because we are
individuals, we understand that everyone's reality is different. So we've learned a lot.
Last Oh yeah, all right, So Susan, tell us about your
book. We touched on it a little bit but now I think it's time
that we've really introduced a topic. Really well, why would someone benefit from
reading your book other than the obvious. It's like being a fly on the
wall and they're going to read something that resonates, something's going to jar,
some kind of memory emotion. I've been told my book is an activation,
Like you could just have this book sit on yourself and somehow your life is
going to change because your heart is going to open. So the book is
my story, it's my own experience, no one else's. My family members
couldn't be a part of it because I had to write it from my own
experience and it is my own trajectory. And then there's tools in the back
that have helped me move through all this, because I'd really like you to
experience what it's like to feel better as you move through this, more comfortable
in your skin, more abundant, more free, less afraid. Okay,
And that is so wonderful and so brave, because some of the people have
gone through views, the last thing they feel comfortable doing is outing their families.
So the fact that you did this in service to help people is just
incredible. So thank you for that. Absolutely, absolutely which the curiosity.
What was the reaction from your friends and your family when they read the book.
Yeah, so my friends were surprised because this is not what I portray
to them at all. Was very compartmentalized, and it was chameleon like no
one would ever know. And this went on for a long time. My
family knew I was writing a book, but they didn't know the topic and
no one asked. So if they didn't ask, I wasn't going to tell.
And then it was close to the time of the book coming out,
the title changed. I went into fear mode and I confided in my sister,
and my sister read the book. She said, you know what,
after I got through the childhood part, the rest of it was riveting.
She feels like she came from a very privileged background. She she just our
experiences couldn't be more diametrically prows. Now I'm going to share about my oldest
brother. He and I have the most abuse between us, and I did
a lot of work around that abuse in my early twenties and did confront him
and he said, that didn't happen. But if it did happen, here's
why it happened. And sadly, most of his childhood is a blackout.
So that's a traumatic response. And when I have been around my older brother,
my son said, why you always you're so different around him. You
tense up, you shy away, You're cowering. So the book came out
and he read it, and I got a call from him, and it
was like I heard a voice of a nine year old boy, and he
said, I am so so sorry I was not a better brother to you.
I don't remember this, but I am sorry, and I am so
proud of the way that you have walked through this and who you are today,
and that is worth the experience that I've taken on, and that is
worth his valor and his courage. And I love him. You have touched
such deep nerve inside me that I'm having a hard time containing myself right now.
I'm saying that. Wow. My childhood was also almost a complete blackout.
I don't remember anything, only very vague flashes until I was well into
my double digits for obvious reasons we don't need to get into here. But
I also traumatized my brother, and to this day, we love each other.
We do we and we and every time we were together. It's an
incredible experience. But god, I was I was terrible. I was a
He held onto that for a very long time, to the point where how
long it was it here in two years maybe three two years ago we finally
just sat down and talked it through. And yes, it was my turn
to apologize to him, because I didn't mean to be that shitty of a
brother. I was just going through my own stuff that he wasn't really conscious
for because he was too young when all this stuff was happening. So it
was a really difficult thing. And that's why my question has always been,
why why do we have to go through that? Why don't we have to
hurt the people we love who this is unexpectance. Anyway, I thank you
for bringing that story up, because this has probably been the most impact I've
felt doing the show in a very long time. So thank you for that.
Well, I love you so much. Yeah, I love you so
much. I'm so proud of you. And that's why we're here to transform
all of that, to act it out, to experience it, to walk
through it, and then transform it. And that's the end of that.
In your family line, and that's the end of that in my family line
and so on and so on, and I'm telling you it's not just the
three of our souls that you've touched by your bravery. You've healed so many
today and that's why we're here. Well, I sincerely thank you for coming
on the show and bringing this up. I this was not at all what
I expected to have at all, but I think it was important for some
reason. When we do a pre taping conversations, we always talk about how
we've got an idea of where the conversation is going to go, but ultimately
the universe takes us in the direction that wants to take us, and this
is the direction that you ever said is time for. So thank you for
holding space for this happening for me to embarrass myself quite so found the show.
But is there anything that we haven't touched on, Susan that you want
to make sure that you get out to the audience just so if anybody feels
move, everything's at Susangold dot as one to one coaching, mentorship, free
courses, it's all there. Thank you that I was going to definitely go
into that. We're going to add direct links in our show notes so that
you can connect with Susan at your convenience. All you need to do is
go to skepticmtaposition dot com. You'll see all the links lady in there.
And then, of course her book Toxic Family Transforming Childhood Trauma into Adult Freedom
is out now and available for you to pick up. Because if you if
this conversation moved you like it moved me, then you know that's a book
you have to have in your library. Susan, thank you so much for
coming on the show. It's been a pleasure meeting you speaking with you,
and I hope that we get a chance to continue the conversation in the future.
Moments me too, Thank you, Thank you, will, Thank you,
Karen, and best of luck in your new environs. Thank you and
a huge thank you to you. We know that there are tons of options
out there, and having you decide to come along on our journey of discovery
with us is an absolute honor for us. We hope you've enjoyed this conversation
as much as we have. If you did and you feel called to give
back, we invite you to visit our website at Skepticmanaphysician dot com, where
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I to bring you these wonderful conversations and teachings in more and more robust ways.
Well that's all for now, but we'll see you on the next episode
of The Skeptic Metaphysician. Until then, take care,