Hi everyone, and welcome back to the other podcast episode. My name is
Alisha Gogin, the host of the Globe Secrets podcast, where I help you
expand your mind and become more self aware so that you can glow up into
the best version of yourself. I was kind of winded there, to be
honest, when I was doing that. Oh my gosh, Hello, how
are we doing? It is another Monday, and I'm hoping that you guys
liked last week's episode. It's not live yet because I'm filming back to back,
but I hope you guys enjoyed it. And if you did listen or
watch, if you're on YouTube, then you know that this episode was coming.
So this episode is going to be a mix of a few things.
It's going to be about giving you guys advice aka SLASH what I would do,
things I would tell myself, and how I would reframe things SLASH helping
you guys kind of dissolve your limiting beliefs. So on Instagram, which you
should follow me on Instagram, my personal is Alicia Gogin and the podcast one
is just the Globe Secrets Podcast. It'll be linked down below and everything I
post a lot of quotes on the podcast Instagram, so when you get updates
and things like that, but I will ask Q and A's on the podcast
Instagram. Actually though sometimes I'll do it on my main and I think I
did this one on my main Yeah I did. Anyways, it doesn't really
matter. I feel like most of you guys follow me. But I asked
you guys, what is some current negative dialogue that you've been having that you
are really wanting to drop or like let go? And you guys submitted a
lot, so I'm gonna try and do my best to read them out.
And I'm, like I said, I'm just gonna give you guys advice maybe
what I would do or how I would think about it. This that it's
gonna be like a key key type of episode, but it's not like we're
gonna be chatting about I don't know, like makeup products and things like that.
It's gonna be like a serious ki key if you don't know what Kiki
is, just like I don't know, a chatty, gossipy girly session men
kiki as well. Anyways, it's going to be like that because obviously there's
going to be a lot of different questions but I think a lot of these
questions are very I don't know, like a lot of people have them,
and there will be time stamps. Now, before I quickly get into it,
I just want to disclaim, because I'm a content creator, this is
just my advice. You can take it, you can leave it. I
do my best to try and be as open and I don't know, like
optimistic about how I give advice. If I do, I understand that a
lot of you guys are needing advice, and I don't want to demonize that
by being like, ooh, this is just my advice. You should just
trust yourself fully completely, Like I understand that sometimes you need guidance and you
just want to hear from somebody. So I try and, like I don't
know, be responsible when it comes to things like that. But obviously,
like I'm human and I have my own ways of viewing the world, So
I'm also going to give advice kind of like big sister energy. So some
of the things, I don't know, whatever, I guess we'll just see.
So obviously on the podcast, we've been talking a lot about inner conversations,
inner dialogue, self talk, all the same stuff, affirmations, things
that we think and who we identify as and how that really does. It
either dictates our mood, it dictates our manifestations, it dictates our action towards
our goals. However you want to think about it, and I really think
it's one of the most important things that we continue to work on. Okay,
so let's get into the first This is not I guess they're not really
questions. They're just limiting beliefs like inner talk that y'all are having and you
don't really want to be having. So someone said, I'm ruminating on the
past slash regrets over the past choices that I have made. So this person
is just dwelling thinking about mistakes and what I would say to myself, Like
I would actually say this to myself, and I have many times. I
don't ruminate really on the past anymore because the past is the past. But
that's what I tell myself, so that's what I would. I don't know,
tell you the past is the past. Okay, I know you know
that, but like, let's just think about it again. The past is
the past. We cannot change it. We can't change it. So what
we need to stop doing is wasting the present and even the dreamer part of
us. To be able to dream for the future, we need to stop
wasting that, which is what matters on ruminating on something we literally can't change.
Now, something that can be helpful is to look at what you did
in a different light. It's not to suppress it, it's not to deny
it. It's not to pretend it didn't exist or what you did didn't exist.
But you know, if you did something in the past that you don't
really like fully, like, something I will tell myself is, okay,
I acted out of this way. And honestly this is not about blaming also
and not taking accountability. But realistically, when I do things in my past
that are like kind of mistakes, it was because I didn't know better.
I either didn't have critical thinking skills. I you know, I acted out
of impulse. I was probably acting on of some wounded part of me.
Whatever. It's not whatever, but it's just like, forgive yourself for maybe
some of the things that you did in survival mode. Now. I have
an episode on that if you have not watched so link below, But just
reminding yourself the past is in the past. You can't change it, and
something you can probably do know, would be instead of using all your brain
power to think about things that are so not relevant, they're not use your
brain power to think about things that are favorable. So start ruminating about the
damn future. Okay, which is like the wrong wording essentially, because ruminating
is technically like going back and bringing things back. Dream about the future.
Okay, do you have goals? What are you doing? Where's your focus?
Why is your focus always on the past? Okay? This is not
about not thinking about it if you don't want it, But I just don't
think that it's that helpful. So that's all I'm gonna say about that.
I could give you every single opinion and viewpoint of Oh, but you can
feel your feelings and your emotions, and maybe you need to go back to
a certain part of your childhood to maybe like heal this part as to why
you're probably going back like that might be a thing, I don't know.
But you also don't have to do any of that, and you can just
decide to focus on something that makes you feel little bit better. And that's
just the advice I'm gonna give today. In this episode, specifically, next
someone said, this is what she's thinking I am so out of shape,
getting back feels impossible since I hate the gym, but I'm running though,
I honestly would change your affirmation thought when you're saying these things too, instead
of the gym is hard or I hate the gym to something that's obviously a
little bit more motivating, like I'm somebody who's getting back and learning how to
enjoy movement again, or I'm figuring out I'm on this journey of figuring out
what works for me. Because obviously you're saying like you don't like the gym,
but you're trying to run though, But that in itself still like sorry,
not trying, she says, but I'm running though. It almost like
I'm reading it like that and maybe it's not, but to me it gives
the energy of like, oh, I hate the gym, but at least
I'm doing this thing over here, But like, I want you to look
at it more like, Okay, I'm on this journey of figuring it out.
I don't know if I really love running. I'm gonna do it because
I want to move my body, and I know I don't really enjoy the
gym, but I'm gonna continue to move on but also you can just maybe
stop demonizing the gym with words. Also, trust me, I've had to
do that as well. Like the gym is not that hard. It's literally
what we tell ourselves. So what I do for my life days all the
time is I always tell myself, like I know inherently it's gonna be a
little bit harder. I'm gonna have to use my strength. I'm gonna have
to have some sort of energy. It's not about that. But it's like
I don't have to be so dramatic about it, you know, like it's
not that hard. I can do it. I can do it. And
the more you tell yourself you can do it, you'll have that new thought,
that new neural pathway in your brain where yes, the automatic thought when
you think of the gym is okay. It's not like it's not like chillin'
watching Netflix or Summer House. But I can do it. It's not that
deep. It's gonna take not too long. I'm in, I'm out,
and I'm gonna feel amazing. Another thing is when it comes to movement,
though, for sure, like figure out what works for you. You might
not fully enjoy it, but you like some things more than you like others.
I love hot yoga and I love weight training, so that's what I
do. I don't force myself to do all these other things. I do
what I want, so that allows me to be consistent. So you know,
obviously there's gonna be an element of you actually enjoying something, because if
you completely hate it, no matter how you look at it, then obviously
you're not really gonna do it. But there's so many forms of exercise that
you can do. There's so many things, and I think that we are
sometimes limited because we think in order to be fit, in order to be
healthy, in order to have the dream body, we need to be in
the gym, like on a treadmill or something. No, you don't,
now you don't if you follow me on Instagram. I posted on my stories
my steps because I always take hawk grow walks. I just call them Howcrow
walks, and it tracks my steps without me trying. I don't check.
I don't try and hit a goal, nothing like that. But I like
to see sometimes very rarely, but I want to see, and I'm hitting
like minimum ten k steps a day, and that's just because I really enjoy
walking, and that for sure is a big part of why my body is
fit. Yes, my body is also toned, and I have muscle from
going to the gym. But even the gym, I don't even do a
lot anymore. I do damn near two compound movements. I make sure that
I'm following my weight to my reps, which it's like in my mind.
I barely need to look at anything, and I get in and I go.
I don't make it complicated. I don't make it a big thing.
I don't make it long. That's that. And I found for yoga.
I really like Bickram Yoga twenty six poses the same damn poses every single time.
I don't have to think. I know it's gonna be hot, I
know it's gonna be a challenge. Not every single day is going to be
the same when I go, but I know it's expecting. I like it,
and it's just that and that keeps me consistent. So find what works
for you. But definitely changing the wording on some of the things that you're
saying is gonna be really helpful. Someone said one of their internal thoughts is
the fear of failing, just always thinking that, I guess one thing that's
helpful to remind yourself of which is the truth is that as long as you're
trying, you're not failing. And I can guarantee you're probably trying. You're
probably trying in some sense of the way. Maybe it's not up to your
standard what you think because you I'm not saying you actually think this, but
you know, maybe you think you need to be one hundred percent perfect,
You need to know every answer, you have to do it flawless. Is
that or like you're not doing it? But that's not reality, that's an
illusion. So if there's some ounce of you that's trying, whether you're looking
up a podcast or YouTube video or reading a book or having a conversation or
booking that class or trying in any sense, hold on to that and remind
yourself just by you doing that, you are not failing. The only time
you're failing is if you do not try, even for a second. And
even that, I don't really want y'all to be looking at it like that,
because then you know, maybe you haven't been trying, and that's fine,
but it's like whatever, you're not failing. And to me, as
long as you are trying, it's just it counts and it has to count
when you have that type of mindset. I personally respect myself more when I
at least try then to just give up because I don't think that I'm gonna
even do it perfectly or that I'm going to fail. So I think it's
about like revaluing things as well. Now probably you might have like picked that
up somewhere, which we tend to always pick these things up, whether it's
parents or schooling systems and things like that. But you know, when you
start to value other things, then you treat yourself differently. When you start
to treat other people differently, you will treat yourself definitely too, or like
vice versa whatever. But for me, I started, I don't know,
there's just some beauty sometimes in when I see people just trying their best,
trying their best instead of you know, always trying to find the faults and
things because everyone's gonna have a fault. No one's perfect anyways, so drop
it, drop it. But when you get like past that and you understand
whatever, people have faults and flaws and this, that, then you don't
even really look at it like that. But then you start to see like,
oh, it's actually like it's nice when you see someone trying or you
see yourself trying, and I think that you should focus a little bit more
on the times that you do try and affirm that to be a very good
thing, because it is. Next someone said getting accepted into nursing and ultrasound
programs and being afraid that I can't do it. So this kind of,
you know, piggybacks off of the one I just talked about, So I
would kind of give that same advice, but I would just try doing your
best to I can't do it thing turning into I can do it mindset.
So anytime you catch yourself saying I can't do it, I don't know if
I can do it, I can do it, I can do it,
I am going to try to do it, and I'm going to try and
do it because I value trying over not doing a single thing, and I
am powerful and I am great, even if I don't fully know the answer,
or if I do quote unquote fail, which is really not a fail
whatever at least I tried, I'm trying. I can try to do it.
Really, just changing your wording and a lot of these things and looping
that really helps. It's helped me. I feel like, how do you
learn things in your life? You saturate your mind and you think it a
lot, whether you even know it or not. Thinking about how many songs
you know word for word. You didn't have to sit down and look at
the lyrics. You continuously played that song because you're obsessed with it, and
eventually that became a natural thought process. Okay, that is the same thing
as thinking good thoughts or bad thoughts. So be very aware of the things
that you're telling yourself. Someone said, a part of me says that I'm
not actually going to be able to reach my goal. So you can try
to get to the root of this by asking yourself the question of, well,
where did this come from? Where did I first pick up this belief
that I'm not actually going to be able to reach my goals? Did I
fail? Do I have high expectations on myself or other people telling me things?
Have I done something like? What is it I think? Sometimes that's
good information for you to know, because then your logical mind has an easier
time being able to switch to a healthier thought because you have a why as
to why you're no longer thinking that bad thought anymore, or that negative thought.
Or not that unhelpful thought, at least for me, because some people
will say, oh, you don't have to dig up your past and you
don't need to know these things and whatever, like stop living in the story.
And I get that, and you to a certain point, I get
that you kind of have to stop living that story. But for those those
who are very logical, it's really hard for you to take anything as fact
until you see like why so having an explanation for yourself has always helped me,
Like, Okay, I'm telling myself that I can't hit my goals because
somebody told me in the past. Okay, so that's actually not my actual
natural thought pattern. It was somebody else's. It's not my truth. But
sometimes you don't know that. Sometimes you're picking up and you're moving through life
with beliefs that you don't even understand that were never yours. They were never
yours. Somebody told you that it was impressed on you when you're very young.
But you just go through life just subconsciously believing that, Like a lot
of people don't know. So I don't know where you're on in your journey
of that. If you're not, if you haven't really gone done that inner
work, it can be helpful. I talk a lot about that in my
book The Ultimate Globe Guide. It is a guide of really uncovering your inner
critic, understanding why you self sabotage, lots of shadow work prompts. It
is a journal guide as well. In the second half of the book first
half, I give you a lot of my story and how I got out
of my own way, So that can be helpful. But if you know
why, like where this is coming from, and you know that it's bullshit,
sometimes it's just as simple, not that simple, but it is as
simple as reminding yourself your truth every single time you think that or you say
that out loud. So saturation again, Actually I can hit my goals.
Actually there's no other option. And when I mean no other option, I
don't mean like you have to do it perfectly. But it's like, what
are you gonna do instead not hit your goals? No, you're gonna wake
up every day and you're gonna try. In some sense, you think about
your goals all the time, Like you're not just gonna sit and stand still.
You're not gonna do that. We don't do that over here. So
sometimes it's just about looping that someone said they have trouble stopping the nihilist doom
spiral. So I've never really fully experienced nihilism. I'm gonna quickly read it
out. I'm not going to go tune death because I don't know, Like
this is not my expertise, but I kind of do understand this mindset.
That's why I feel like maybe I can give a piece of advice because I've
had an adjacent mindset to this, I think, which I don't even know
what it's called, but anyways, Existential nihilism begins with the notion that the
world is without meaning or purpose. Given this circumstance, existence itself, all
action, suffering, and feeling is ultimately senseless and emptiness. So this reminds
me of the mindset of just like why do I like, what's the point
even trying nothing's gonna work, or coming to the conclusion that everyone is right
and everyone is wrong at the same damn time, or like that's like some
of the things that I think about all the time of like literally, like
the way I think is and believe is like your thoughts create, and like
you create a lot of your life, and like what you think will like
be projected out and like everyone is operating out of their beliefs, and like
why certain things work for some people but don't the others their belief behind believing
that it works place ebos things like that, Like my mind is like that's
how I believe in how I move through the world. Which it's fine for
me. I like it obviously, or I don't know whatever, but it
kind of reminds me of that mindset. And but sometimes I'll get into this
spiral of being like, oh, okay, well, for if my thoughts
create, then how did I create this? Or how did this person create
this thing over here? Then how did this happen over here? If your
thoughts created, I will go into these spirals and I'll try and figure out
the answer and this that, And what I have learned is you will always
always find something that contradicts something else. You will always find a different way
of viewing things. You will always find a root cause of this that,
and the third you will find a new belief system. You will see somebody
do it this way, and then you'll see somebody do it the opposite way,
and they'll get the same results. And then you're like, how did
they da da da da. You will go into the spiral. You will
always find something. And I think it's just as simple sometimes as reminding yourself
that, like, yeah, you will never stop, like it will never
end the same way when you think about the universe, it doesn't have an
ending. You can't even like comprehend the ending of that. It's just like
continuously on. So with all that said, I would rather not spend my
one life on this earth going into the spiral of abyss when I'm not gonna
find the answer and I have to decide what the answer is going to be.
I have to decide to believe in something. And I don't actually mean
like if you're like this nihilist person, you have to believe in something,
but I think even just the sense of deciding that I don't want to always
live life with this lens, so let me pick something that's a little bit
more favorable to me now. I think sometimes it's hard for people to do
this because it's like, so I'm gonna choose being happier, choose this mindset
over here, while people are over here saying that they that you have to
do like this, or people are suffering over here, or I know all
this information over here, how can I possibly live? Da da? And
I think this takes a lot of maturity, and it takes a lot of
wisdom. I guess I don't know. This is what I'm telling myself of
like understanding that there is a reality where you can exist with things being dual,
and understanding that there's both positive and negative in this world and that yes,
there's a lot of suffering, but there is also a lot of happiness.
And it doesn't mean that you are a bad person or a wrong person
because you are not taking in every single emotion, every single belief system,
every single everything at all times. You can't. But sometimes we shame ourselves
or we shame other people for not doing that. And personally, this is
just what I think somebody who is mature understands that there is a lot of
duality and there's a lot of contradictions in everything, and to save you some
peace, choose something and throughout your lifetime that will change and what you believe
maybe or what you stand for. It doesn't mean that you can't stand for
things, but you just can't do it all. And if that sounds whatever
it sounds like to you, then so be it, But I am okay
with moving through life understanding that some people will not understand me. Some people
will not like me, some people will not think like me, and they
can't see it like me, and I have to be okay with that the
same way I have to be okay sometimes with negative emotion on days where I'm
not feeling the best, I have to accept it. But what we do
is we push against it, we resist it. We use our logical brains
to try and think ourselves in or out of something all the time. You
will never you will never win by doing that. So I don't know.
Hopefully that resonated in some sense of the matter. Sometimes you just have to
choose peace, whatever that looks like for you, and not feel so bad
about it. This is not about you being a bad person because you are
choosing peace. When you find you are constantly spiraling, shut your computer if
you need to shut down that conversation and do something for a moment in time
and you'll feel better. Okay, that was a rant. Next one,
someone thinks I am not as beautiful and worthy as other women and there will
always be better. So there's two things that come to mind when I think
about this. Essentially limiting belief because we know that it is. So there's
only competition if you believe that there's compon petition. So you could just like
wipe it all out by saying there's no competition, like you could move through
life genuinely reminding yourself there's no competition. It's done, there's none, there's
none. But also something that's helped. And some people might think that this
is like not really the right way to think about it, but this is
I'm telling you, because this is I'm being real and this did help me.
I would tell myself sometimes when I would have this thought that you know,
I don't even need because obviously you want to think you through your most
beautiful girl, But if you can't, then thinking about it like this can
help. You don't need to be the prettiest girl in the room. You
really don't. And for me, I think about this in terms of men
or other people. We tend to think about it like this, or just
being liked in general. The people who care about a girl being the prettiest
girl in the room, or people who care about that stuff so much,
those are probably not even people that I want to have around in my life
or be dating. So why am I concerned and thinking these this way when
that's not even the type of environment or lifestyle or people I even want to
be moving around who care about that? So and it really does kind of
reflect back to yourself though, because I remember when I would think a lot
about this and I would care a lot about it. Is because I cared
about it, So like you have to drop the caring about it so much,
and you will find you won't be thinking like, oh, I'm not
as beautiful or worthy like people like care about this kind of stuff. But
obviously, how you think that you're beautiful and worthy is telling yourself that you
are. And I know it can be hard because you're comparing yourself to other
people, But you if this honestly comes back to the last thing I just
said, If you try and do that, you'll be comparing yourself into the
day you die. You will, I promise you that you will. Do
you know how many people who are out there? Do you know how many
beautiful women that are out there? Okay, do you know how many successful
people? You are willing to compare yourself all day to these people? Why
it doesn't matter? And this is how I look at it and how I
look at it in terms of love. Also, the way that I like
to be loved is I want to be loved, And I'll use example of
a man. I want my man to love me for me and know even
if there are women out there who are supermodels and beautiful and stunning, it
doesn't matter to him. It doesn't matter because it's me. I'm unique.
He likes exactly the way that I look. He loves my personality, my
mindset, the way that I love, the way that I show up for
him, for family, for whatever that, So it doesn't even matter.
That's the type of person I want to date and marry, but also that's
the type of people that I want to be moving around as well, like
friends. Wise, it doesn't matter, It shouldn't matter, None of it
matters. So dropping the focus on that it really comes down to you first,
and it really just comes back to deciding that, Yep, you're good
enough. There's always going to be somebody who's prettier in your eyes anyways,
And sometimes you can get to a point where you don't even think that,
Like I really am at a point where I don't think about it like that,
but that mindset did help me at one point, So that's why I'm
saying it. Someone else struggles with always feeling like I don't get enough done
throughout the day. This kind of brings it back to the last two things
I've been saying. You have to remind yourself that there will always be something
to get done. It's like, sometimes are logical minds like they're smart,
but sometimes they're not that smart. There is always going to be another thing
to do, another place to go, another person to talk to, another
thing to feel, another thing to do. Okay, so you got to
kind of remind yourself about that when you find you're in this mindset of trying
to get everything done. Energy, It's fine, Relax, it's And this
is another thing also is if you keep thinking that, then that will just
continue to be your reality. You will live out nothing is ever getting done
when quite frankly, there's a lot of things that you're probably getting done.
So focusing on the things that you're getting done, there's always going to be
something else. And life is really what you think. So if you think
that there's not gonna be enough time, or you're not getting things done,
or there's never whatever, yeah, that will be your reality until you change
that. Someone said, I keep putting myself down. I can't get out
of bed constantly sleeping too tired to okay, so two things, and it
seems like the energy of this message was very like defeated energy. So one,
I would maybe suggest you just practicing what it would be like to put
yourself up instead of put yourself down. And I understand why you're putting yourself
down because you feel like crap things, you're not really doing much whatever it
is, I get it, but you've probably been putting yourself down for so
long. Let's just try to have one piece of inner dialogue that you could
maybe be using in the next week where you're just gonna focus on one thing
that's gonna put you up, like a little tiny bit, like you know
what, Yeah, everything's kind of a mess right now, but at least
I got up and I had a glass of water, or I made my
bed, and if you haven't, then maybe start making your bed like something
small like that, or I listened to a podcast episode something. Just try
and see how you feel by doing just one tiny thing, because right now
what you're doing is probably focusing on literally every single waking moment of your life
right now of I'm not doing this, I'm falling off, I can't do
it this at And the third now, another thing is why is it that
you can't get up? There's probably a reason, and I would suggest maybe
trying to think about that reason instead of just being like, oh, well,
I'm in this cycle. I don't know why, but I'm in it,
and I'm feeling like crap about the fact that I'm in it. And
this is like no shade, but it's like, let's have some introspection.
What's going on, what happened before you went down into this spiral, what
are you thinking, what are you feeling, what's going on in your life?
Like they're there's a reason. So I think that's all I'm gonna say
about that, because I don't know exactly what you're doing, but hopefully that
helps next thing feel like giving up on college and my job. But those
are things that I fought for for such a long time. So I don't
really have too much content or content context about this. So I'll give you
my best advice with this when it comes to you saying that you fought a
long time for this. Sometimes things change, sometimes you change sometimes your interests
change. I don't know if this is like your it's like you fought for
it because you liked it, but you no longer like it now energy or
you just fought for something that you literally like never like I don't really know,
but having a mindset of like, it's totally okay if you don't like
this thing anymore. I know it can be harder said than done, because
you're saying, you know, I went to college and or going to college
and you have your job. It's not as easy just dropping it. That's
fine. But in that process, then maybe spend some time time thinking about
what you do want. What do you want? You know, what you
don't want feels like crap? Well what feels better? Think and dream a
little bit, have some goals, have a vision for yourself, and toy
with that idea. You don't have to change a single thing right now.
Sometimes all you need is like a second to just be like, Okay,
let me entertain the thought of changing something in my life. I don't have
to leave my job, I don't have to leave college right now. But
let me dream for a second and think, well, what do I want
to do? You can do that, but sometimes it just like we tell
ourselves like we're in these shackles. It's like, oh my god, I'm
stuck doing something that I can't sorry that I don't want to do it.
Okay, well you can change it. It doesn't mean you change it right
the second, but like think about what you do want and you're allowed to
change next. Someone just said avoided an attachment and that they push people away.
So okay, this is just kind of the energy in the mindset that
I'm in right now in my life and kind of the advice that I've been
giving you guys. But sometimes we really need to just stop identifying with the
thing that we're telling ourselves that we are or the thing like the label of
things sometimes like if you are struggling, I don't know, because I just
feel like I hear a lot and I've talked about this too, but I
hear the same wording a lot from people, and it's very clear when they're
identifying as somebody who is an avoidant, is anxious? Is this that?
And you can tell that it does. It's like a direct correlation to why
they're not getting things in their life, whether it's like better relationships or different
actions like habits in their life. It's like very apparent. I'm not saying
that this person does. But so that's my first thing is, let's maybe
let's just try to not identify as somebody who's avoidant or anxious attached. We
can acknowledge that that's maybe, you know, one of our attachment styles and
we've gone through that and like whatever, but we don't like that doesn't need
to be our entire story, the same way in your child healing needs to
be your entire story, and shadow work and like healing trauma and all the
kind of stuff. Like for me, I very much so love talking about
that kind of stuff, but I do not go through my day identifying as
this person who's just like constantly healing and constantly whatever. And that's coming from
somebody who's written a book, who does this for a living, who talks
about it all the time. I'm still very very aware that I have to
be careful with the thoughts and identity that I am living in because I know
where that will lead me. So I would toy with the idea of calling
yourself something else, if anything, when it comes to you in relation to
I'm sure some sort of relational issue where that's friends or like romantic right now,
instead of saying, oh, I'm just this avoidant and I struggle relationship
D da da, you could tell yourself that you're learning how to break the
pattern. You are on the journey of it. You maybe were anxious or
an avoidant, but you're no longer that anymore, or you're no longer identifying
as that, or like, you know, you can really acknowledge that you
maybe were once this person, but you're you're deciding that you're no longer identifying
as that and bringing in a new energy and a new vibe into your relationships.
Maybe or I don't know, I think the same thing as when women
and meat included. I used to say this mineral trash, mineral trash,
blah blah blah. How about we just stop saying that, Like, how
about we just stop saying it, even if you think that it's not like
doing a lot or maybe I don't know, but we just don't really need
to say that. It's just I don't see how that's helpful in any single
way. Honestly, we can acknowledge that maybe there were men in our lives
that didn't treat us well, or you know we're fuck boys or this that,
But I I am telling you that verbiage never got me in the state
of dating that I'm in now in my life. And I'm not saying that
mindset was the thing that you know, created the relationships that I had,
But it definitely did. Because I always had the story in the back of
my mind about mineral trash or fuck boys and guys don't come in and situationships
like all. That verbiage was really reflected in my dating life for sure because
I was looking through that lens. There was no other option for me to
only date these guys that had some of these traits. Because I was looking
through that lens. Take off the lens, look through a lens of men
know how to commit, they want to commit. Men are not all trash.
There are men who want the same things as you, which is family
and love, real love. They want to work on things the same way
you probably do. There's men out there that do not want to walk away
from things. There's men out there that do not want to avoid things.
They want to show up. There's men out there like that. And even
if you haven't seen that, keep telling yourself that because I promise you.
You will attract them in why because you're looking through that lens. I'm telling
you the lens that you're currently looking through. Listen. Okay, that's all
I'm gonna say, or I'm going to go on another rent. So anyways,
that is my advice on that. Okay. Someone said that they think
really critically about themselves and feel like they're unworthy the week before their period.
So I'll just keep this very simple. You know, it's your period.
Honestly, sometimes it's as simple as that. Just remind yourself when you're thinking
like that, it's just your period. It's not your truth. Okay,
But if you really struggle with symptoms like very heavy mood swings, I would
suggest maybe looking into your cycle and your hormones more to see how you can
support yourself in the way of learning about cycle sinking or maybe getting your hormones
tested. I don't know your situation. I don't know if you're on birth
control this that, but if it's to the point where it's really really bad,
I think it doesn't hurt to support yourself on a physical level as well,
along with using your mental capacity. You know, obviously it's important for
us to think really good thoughts, and I think that our thoughts really do
create a lot of things. And even when it comes to my hand pain,
I talk about it in my book My Chronic Illness. Everything. A
lot of that was psychosomatic, but it was also just I was stressed all
the time. I was worrying about everything. It's a mind body connection.
Yes, So on one hand, thinking good thoughts really can heal so much
more than we even think. And it's not pseudoscience, it's not bullshit.
It is literally facts. It is real, okay, and it's only really
as real as you believe. But also when you experience it, you will
know it's real. But that doesn't mean you have to completely ignore what is
going on. If you feel like it's too hard to ignore, or maybe
it has something to do with your health, like you never want to,
you know, completely ignore your health or things like that. I just would
never do that. There's no point. You can support yourself the best you
can, so focusing on supporting your cycle could be helpful because once your hormones
are decently balanced, you don't have like the worst symptoms in the world.
I have a very consistent cycle, which I'll link some cycles sinking videos and
episodes down below if you want. There's a lot of them on my main
channel. I have a very consistent cycle, but it wasn't always like that.
And also I was on birth control, and you know, it took
me a while to get where I'm at, is what I'm saying. But
like even where I'm at right now, sometimes I do like have mood swings
in this that, but they're not that deep. But even when I have
them, it's very much so like no problem, like you're just on your
perier, like you're gonna be fine. But it did lessen a lot more
the more I got healthy. I'm not saying you're not healthy, but mentally,
physically, hormonally, everything taking care of myself, more moving my body,
simple things. It doesn't have to be this big thing, doesn't have
to be these big supplements. A lot changed for me. That one said.
I'm struggling with believing my inner child is there, but I cannot reach
it and it doesn't trust me anymore. So listen, I don't really understand
exactly what this question was. And mind you, you guys don't have a
lot of ability to like send in a full question. So I'm not saying
that this person doesn't know, like does not articulate or whatever. But I
just wanted to bring this in because I caught something she was saying, like
she struggles to believe that her inner child is there, which I've heard people
say like I can't get in touch with my inner child this, that,
And she's saying like I can't reach it. But then she said, it
doesn't trust me anymore. Okay, hold on that story, because how do
you know that? So you're telling yourself the story of my inner child doesn't
like me. I mean, my inner child doesn't trust me just because you
can't get in touch with it. I wouldn't tell myself that because we don't
know what the truth is. But I don't think that that's the best thing
because the reason why I'm saying that is because for you to tell yourself that
your inner child doesn't trust you and doesn't want to like I don't know,
come online, it's almost like you're in this energy of like powerlessness, like
I don't there's no way I can get in touch with myself. I'm just
like locked up, like there's a block, like I can't do it.
So don't tell yourself that because you really if you've never even really connected with
your inner child, that's actually not the truth, Like you don't even know
that because you have. And what I actually think could be beneficial for you
is for you to tell yourself a more favorable story, which you will most
likely find you'll then be able to find ways to connect to your inner child.
So instead of saying, oh, my inner child doesn't trust me,
I'm blocked, I can't get in touch with myself, or this that you
can tell yourself. I am able to get in touch with myself. I
am on the journey of being able to find ways that I can connect with
myself. But you're not saying you just can't, like you can. Again,
you can't tell yourself that because you haven't even done it, so you
don't even really know. But also I think it relieves a lot of pressure.
This is just something I think. I think it relieves a lot of
pressure when you stop having this energy of trying to force getting to your feelings
or getting deep down to somewhere, and you'll find a natural sense of almost
like your inner child wanting to actually come online because there's no resistance. That's
just kind of what's helped me. I don't like sit there and like force
myself to feel or like force whatever. A lot of the times when I'm
connecting to my inner child, it is very natural. Why because my inner
child is coming online when I don't feel good, or when I feel like
crap about myself, or i feel like I'm doubting myself or I'm doubting what
I have, whatever, those are perfect times for you to subtly get in
touch with your inner child if you want. Sometimes I don't do it if
I have an unfavorable thought. Sometimes I'm like, okay, Alicia, like
enough, like it's not your truth. Okay. But sometimes if I'm feeling
a certain way or I'm ruminating, I can go Okay, this is a
chance. Okay, listen, I'm gonna put everything down. Put everything down.
What do you need? Okay, because that's really what your in a
child sometimes needs. Like I look at it as Okay, my inner child
is online right now, she's crying. What do you need? Do you
need me to let it out? Do you need me to cry? Do
you need me to be a mad? Do I have to like let out
this anger, this frustration? Am I trying to suppress? You? Have
I been trying to, and you keep knocking at the door and being like
hello, Hello, like simple things like that. I'm not like sitting down
forcing myself. So I hope that helped. Someone said their internal dialogue is
anything I start, I will not be able to finish. Well, that
will be true because that's what you believe. So that's one thing. Yep,
you're right about that. So now that we know that we're right about
something that we don't want to be right about, what else can we do?
I think the best thing here is to tell yourself something a little tiny
bit different, which might be something like anything I start, I finish.
But sometimes that might be too much for somebody to say. But if you
can go there, do it. Anything I start, I finish. But
also anything I start doesn't always have to be finished. Everything I start doesn't
always have to be perfect. Everything I freaking start doesn't always have to be
a one hundred percent I knocked out of the park. I know exactly what
I'm doing, or I drive this home until the day I die. Okay,
things change, you evolve. You don't have to be perfect with everything.
Some things don't require you to have you having the finished product, or
like you finishing every single thing. I used to just always think about that,
like when it came to like the gym and stuff like you, I
don't know, You're just always gonna want to move your body in different ways.
You're gonna have seasons of life that are different. I was just maybe
going back to the episode of what was it called how to Live Life on
Easy Mode. I think I talked about the law of rhythm in that episode.
I think that could help for that mindset of like all or nothing perfectionism.
But just understand this one thing. If you believe that that anything you
start you will not fit, that will be your reality. So ask yourself
if you really want to be right about that. Okay, next internal dialogue
situation, someone said, thinking people assume the worst about me when I set
boundaries or speak my truth. So sometimes and I know because just the things
that I've gone through, or you tend to pick up these beliefs from experience
in your past. So either somebody either directly or indirectly taught you or showed
you that speaking up will result in a consequence that you don't want. So
sometimes knowing that about yourself and knowing where that came from and things like that
is helpful again for you to tell yourself in the moment when you have that
thought, like, Okay, no, that's actually not the truth, though
it was the truth when my dad or my mom told me if I spoke
out or if I said something that I would get in trouble. But that's
how I was taught that that's not like the entirety of the universe or how
I can move through life. And sometimes like I don't know, there was
definitely a part of my family where there wasn't that much ability to be able
to speak truth or emotions because we just didn't have the tools too and we
didn't know how. But that doesn't mean like sometimes we like I would bring
that into my relationships, but it was simply because I just didn't learn how
to communicate my needs or my emotions. But I was looking at it as
if I speak my needs and emotions like people aren't gonna like me or people
or if I set boundaries, like people are gonna like respond in a bad
way. But it wasn't that. It was more I was uncomfortable because I
didn't know how to set boundaries, so I don't know, like where you're
falling on the spectrum. Maybe it's both, but reminding yourself that you know
you setting boundaries and speaking your truth. If that does have any sort of
like backlash in a way, that person is not for you. And most
likely maybe you learned when you're younger to not speak up or set boundaries.
But most likely that was around somebody who wasn't really that healthy, right I
think about myself with my dad, I was not allowed to speak and like
show my emotions, cry about anything. I had to be quiet, Sit
down, be quiet, your kid. But that was because he did not
know how to be with my emotions. As a child, he was very
strict. His own emotions were suppressed. He's living out his own story,
so he wasn't comfortable. He didn't know how to I'm not condoning it at
all. I'm just saying that was the truth. So I learned to suppress
my own emotions because of somebody who didn't know how to be with their own
aka somebody that wasn't really emotionally healthy. So now that I'm in my adult
life, when I need to express my emotions, it's actually allowed, it's
actually right. Essentially, I just didn't know and I wasn't taught that it
was right. Now you might have to learn how to speak your emotions and
set boundaries and things like that. It's obviously very dependent on who you're around,
who you're trying to set boundaries with. But I think something that's just
helped me is reminding myself I'm not wrong for doing these things is actually the
right thing to do. And if I'm uncomfortable a lot of the times's just
because I haven't tried it, and you're not going to feel that comfortable right
at first, but that's fine, doesn't mean that you're wrong. And also
if somebody is not okay with me setting clear boundaries and speaking my truth,
they're not for me. Obviously, we're not walking through life and being friends
or being relationships with people who we can't speak our truth. That's a fake
relationship in my my head, in my life, and I don't want that.
I'm good. I'd rather be single than to not be who I am.
I'd rather have no friends than to be around people where I feel like
I can't say, you know my truth or whatever. And obviously there is
a spectrum. You don't have to be speaking your truth damn near every second
everyone has their own beliefs, like you don't have you know what I mean,
but like I don't know. So I hope that helped you. Okay,
I'm gonna try and speed through the next few because there's a lot more
than I thought. But someone said I overthink too much, and sometimes it's
hard for me to let go of what's bothering me. Stop telling yourself that
you overthink so much. Let's just erase it and say something else. I
don't care what you need to tell yourself, but we are no longer identified
with somebody who's an overthinker. I get it. It's helpful. Sometimes the
same way is helpful to think about, Oh, I'm anxious, attached,
I'm avoidan he's this, that person's that, this that, But sometimes it
actually doesn't help. So we're not gonna do that even thinking about being somebody
or affirming to yourself that you are somebody who knows how to let things go
or you're learning how to let things go. And honestly, when you stop
telling yourself that you're such an overthinker, you will find you tend to let
things go a little bit more because you're not overthinking so much, because you're
not living out that identity. I hope that makes sense. Next, my
family is on the verge of bankruptcy, so I'm really trying to step out
of the state of lack. So I only know what I know, and
I only am picking up on energy and wording. Okay, I want you
to not like fight your reality. I don't know we're going with this with
the whole like I'm trying to snap out into the state, like state of
lack because what we hear about all the time, right, I talk about
it too, don't be in lack thinking from lack this that. But sometimes
we're like so afraid to like think in lack that we sometimes like completely try
and be delusional about what's going on in reality because we don't want to think
about lack. It's fine, You're gonna like it's fine. You can acknowledge
what's happening in your life. It is real, it is real, what's
happening. It is okay. If you don't feel the best all the time,
of course, you're not going to feel like the most abundant person when
you are literally going through something like that. So let's just breathe. Okay,
it is fine, And what tends to happen. When you have that
that mindset of just kind of like releasing resistance. Okay, it's okay,
we're gonna be fine. Is that you will have the mindset of more of
okay, maybe I can do it, no problem, this can be fixed.
You'll start to have more of an optimistic mind when you have when you
really that resistance, you kind of will Sometimes we're afraid to do that because
we think we're just gonna spiral, but I tend to find that that's not
actually. But also what you can do is because you want to probably think
better thoughts. Is like, Okay, just because you're going through, your
family is going through this doesn't mean that this is going to be written into
your future unless you do it. Unless you do it. You want to
take this story and run with it in your future, go for it.
But you don't have to. And it's coming from somebody sorry that has had
a story that wasn't the best and I could have let that be my life
and I didn't. I completely did not. I said no, thank you.
I don't want this to be my life. It could be your life
over here, love you from afar whatever we're talking about. But yeah,
that's not going to be for me, So hopefully that helped. Someone said
they have the fear of gaining weight and losing value. That's the thought process,
the fear of gaining weight and losing value from gaining weight. And then
though they said in brackets, absolutely false, of course, right, absolutely
false, So continue to persist in that mindset. Someone said, not believing
in my own efforts because I failed the last time and other times when I
tried to change. You need to start using positive evidence. That's like positive
So let's stop basing what we can do today based off of what we couldn't
do past tense or things we fail at. So think about some of the
things that you have excelled at and think about that consistently. Use that as
a practice. We don't need to be measuring success based off of things that
didn't go well. I understand why. It's your brain doing its thing,
but it's just it's really at the end of the day, it's not helpful
to continuously try to create out of a place of things not working out.
Just say, focus on the positive evidence. And I'm sure a lot of
the advice that was in this episode helped you with that one Okay. The
last one they said trying to be or feel on the same level as executives
with twenty plus years or more experience. So I'm assuming it's obviously a job
situation, which I think a lot of people can relate. It's comparison at
the end of the day. Okay, especially for this one. First of
all, become a student, especially when you're in the workforce. It's kind
of different when it comes to like comparison with like looks and stuff, but
workforce become the students. It's okay, you don't You're not an executive,
so why are you assuming that you need to be thinking moving being like a
twenty plus experience executive. Now, this is not to get it confused with
identifying as somebody who believes that they can be that and that they're learning and
whatever. Like, you don't have to look down on yourself because I talk
about identifying as being the person that you want to be. But the executive
that is that has what twenty plus years of experience. I don't know how
old you are, like how much experience that you have, but girl,
just become the student. It's fine, learn and that will help you feel
like, Okay, No, I'm not putting myself down and I'm still learning,
but I'm trying. If these twenty plus years executives for whatever reason,
expect you to be acting, moving being executing like them, they should not
be an executive. Okay, So you need to change the story of maybe
how you think that they think, because we have a story about how people
view us and what people think about us and everything. So sometimes it's about
changing the story that you're placing onto these people. Now, sometimes that story
might be true, which then it's like, Okay, we're You're weird for
having a limiting belief on me or like telling me that I have to be
exactly like you and we're not even in the same lane. So that's weird,
you know what I mean. But a lot of times we have these
stories that we place on someone else based off of other things that we've experienced
or what we assume or what we expect. So stop expecting that from yourself
in that way, just be the student. So I think that is going
to be everything for this episode. I hope you got something out of it.
Please let me know if you liked it. And if you did like
this episode, I would so love if you guys gave me a star review
on Spotify. I think you can do it on Apple as well. One
of you guys just left a five star review and you guys said you love
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know. If it's a she, I'm assuming. I don't know, but
it was really sweet and I see those. That's the reason why I'm bringing
it up is I do see them, so thank you so much. And
the ratings for my podcast just help it get out to more people. So
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