Hey, everybody, welcome back to Coming Out Pod. Pride is winding down,
but I would not let you. I would not send you off into
the world without doing a wrap up Pride month episode. So that's what this
is. But first, as always, a queer root shout out. This
was suggested also by a listener, but I've sort of I've tweaked it a
little shout out to you if your queer root in any way is the movie
Terminator two. Now, this was suggested as you may have guessed specifically Linda
Hamilton and Terminator two, who first of all, her arms are like well
known. The whole movie is like her in a tank top, like shooting
guns, like smoking a cigarette, wearing sunglasses, very sexy, very queer
coded. But also I was obsessed with Edward Furlong in Terminator two, little
androgynous teenage boy. I wrote him fan letters in middle school, so I
feel like he's a good queer root. And then, last, but not
least, maybe you just like the the body of a totally chiseled built dude.
Arnold Schwarzenegger famously naked in the beginning of Terminator two. He's naked,
so I'm sure that did something for a lot of us. So Terminator two
really firing on all cylinders regardless of what you're into. Shout out to you
if anything in that film was your queer root. Y'all. Okay, today
I am here with Elliot Maya who uh who goes by Leo? So you're
gonna hear me call Elliot Leo. That was you would have figured that out,
but just a heads up, Hello Leo, welcome, Hi Hello.
I have to pause you real fast. I have never felt more called out.
And then the queer room you just did. You just named like not
my queer root, but just three definitely at least like partially pivotal figures of
like yeah, I on all cylinders every character you just listed. I was
like, yeah, I yeah. That makes me so happy when the guest
relates to a queer root. So Leo is a writer, primari late television
writer, a lot of animation which is so goddamn cool, and a gamer
among other among many other things. But I met Leo. We met in
uh and you've heard me mention this group before a COVID conscious creators like virtual
space that happens about once a month. My guest, Sarah Mossman, was
also we met in that group as well. So yeah, so this is
gonna be another episode where we talk about COVID. Don't you dare turn it
off? Don't you dare turn it off. We're gonna talk about a lot
of fun queer shit as well. But yeah, for those who have followed
this pod for a long time, you know that I am still very COVID
conscious. I've talked about this a lot on this podcast in passing, but
I've also had guests who have specifically addressed it. And if you're newer to
this podcast, episode two sixty two gives a really good like like COVID one
oh one, like beginners sort of. Uh. It was the first episode
I ever did about COVID with my friend Diana. Uh. And it literally
that episode starts with like a five minute crash course and like here's all the
stuff to know. So if you're interested, that's episode two sixty two.
Uh. But we're gonna get to all of that stuff first, We're gonna
we're gonna talk about Leo. Uh, Leo for the people, how do
you identify? Yes, so I'll like I'm Elliott or Leo. I like
Leo the best. It's kind of the more fun name I use they them
and a sprinkle of he him and like a fruity Victorian dandy boy way,
like not like in a man man way, but in a like Oscar why
I would be eating this up sort of way, Like that's my energy.
I identify as queer or what I like to call more like buffet gay,
like basically thank you, Like basically like when you're at a hometown buffet for
whatever god awful reason, kind of a little bit of everything right you can't
just like having just one plate of one thing would be absurd in that setting.
And that's sort of how I approach it, a kind of like I'm
into anything that catches my eye, like very much like uh appreciator of like
male bird energy of like if you're big and loud and like, do you
get a little dance for me? And I like it, Like I'm here,
distract me, entertained me, I'm simulated. I'm down for it.
So like if you got me a glitter on, yes, I'm a peacock
lover. You know absolutely okay that those are some great you are a writer,
Those are some really good descriptions. I really enjoyed all of that okay,
fantastic, So Willow where things start for you? I know nothing about
your background. We just met that one time and like we have friends in
common, but I know nothing about you. So yeah, let's spell it.
Yeah. I feel like I feel like my coming out storry is kind
of like anti climactic is not the right word, but I think it's like
a what's the right word, A chronological, it's a it's not the right
It feels like Tarantino directed my coming out story. Like it's like not quite
in the right place. We're kind of like you don't know that till the
end, like wait a second, that was normal there? What happened?
But I think the basic of it is like I started realizing that I was
like not like the other girls in many ways when I was like around nine
years old, which is also unfortunately the same time I started puberty. Like
I don't remember a time when I was not pubescent, which is like horrendous,
Oh my gosh, Okay, okay, I was like so the opposite
where I started like super late Pubert Day so jealous and I'm sure this grass
is always greener, but I was always just like wow, would have not
been nice to like run in middle school, not have like tits hitting me
in the eye. You know, yes, Okay, I gotcha, I
gotcha, gotcha. Yeah. So I was like definitely an early developer,
as my grandmother would call it. Unfortunately I don't like I hate that for
other reasons. But I around that time, you know, all the puberty
hormones moving fast, fast and loose. At nine, I was like really
obsessed with like anime and manga and there's anything that, like in early two
thousands anime is going to have. It is like an absurd amount of fan
service. I mean, like tits ass booty pane shots for no reason.
Yeah, and I'm at nine, like yeah, I'm like, yeah,
I'm I'm good with this. Yeah. Like my point of like a quote
unquot you know, my low is like not quite a feminist moment of like
you know, this is bad for storytelling, but also like good for me
individually. So you know, you know, no, I feel I get
it. I get it, okay, Okay. And where did you grow
up? Where are you from? Yeah? So I'm born and mostly raised
in like California and like sun Arizona, but I grew up in do you
know where Temecula is yeah, okay, I've never been, but isn't it
No, oh, is it not pretty? Do I remember? I thought
it was like wine country? It is. I think I'm just biased.
It's wine country. The winer rais are biased. I think it's like hell
on Earth. But it's also I think where in textbooks that when the term
white flight is used to describe like the demographic shift, Temecula is literally the
case study of it got of like white people being like, oh no,
there's like people who aren't me in the city. Let's move somewhere new,
Like, oh, Temecula, that sounds nice and exotic, let's start here.
Line like that's that's where I grew up. So since you know the
stereotype of like one in a class of like thirty kids, it's like me
the only black kid and my brother the only black and like for a while
until I think my it's as like around sixteen, there were like more people
of color in the area, but a lot of it was like I went
to high school and middle school at like largely situations where it was just just
me, and I'm like that all obviously like adds a different flavor to my
coming out because there's also the race aspects that there's a gender flavors you know
as well, But like, yeah, that's where I started. We had
our first of many of Lauren realizing her white privilege RUMs where I'm like,
Temecula, isn't that beautiful one country? And You're like, of course that's
what I've heard of it and what I think of it. So like,
yeah, okay, good reframing. Thank you, a masterful pivot by you
as well, But yeah, it just was like, what an off?
Yeah, I was not having a good time, but I will give it
a bit of grace here, and that Smecula definitely has its own issues outside
of my family, but a big part of my issue with it was my
family. So I grew up in a very very Christian household. Like,
okay, are you familiar with Jehovah's Witnesses? Oh yeah, okay, yeah,
that religion is it bears a lot of the tenets of also like a
cult. It's not technically one, so I won't say it is, but
there's a lot of similarities there, and one of them is the whole name
and shame tactic and the whole like if you get the fellowship, you get
cut off from your entire family, and you are not allowed to be spoken
to by anyone in the faith. So you can including like if I was
a child, like a high schooler, like if I got a fellowship,
my mom would not speak to me, Andy would get kicked out of the
house, or they would like know what it's like getting made invisible, And
so of course people they have a high like return rate because like if you've
been stood from the outside world, like a lot of us were growing up,
then all you know is your congregation. And then when you try to
leave that, it's like the social contraction of like you've not been taught how
to be quote unquote normal in society, you've not made bonds outside of it.
You don't have a job, you have no money, you have nothing,
and so you get to go home. And so I'm lucky that I
got out of that. But part of me getting out of that was realizing
I was queer pretty early and being like these bitches hate me. They don't
even know who I am yet, and I just like from a young age
because I knew when I was around nine, I was like, I'm not
straight in someway, I don't even know what those words really mean you.
But I'm like, I know that's not me, you know, and so
I would just like your oh yeah in it. My mother's entire side of
the family are all Job's witnesses. Yeah. So it's like I don't have
a single like blood, you know, what is it called, like distant
relative or like I keep want to say second and third party, that's not
the right term, but like, you know, not my immediate family.
I don't have anyone my mom's side, Yes, thank you. I'm not
like I don't know a third part, like I'm a voting or something.
I don't know, I know, I mean, okay, I'll start one
more bit of tea. They're basically libertarians if they could vote, but they're
not allowed to vote. So part of the religions aren't supposed to vote.
Nope, no voting, No birthdays, no holidays, birthdays. I didn't
know, no voting. Yeah, no voting quote unquote being not part of
this world, and being part of this world means like having anything to do
with politics, you know, quote unquote aberrant sexuality, Yeah, anything like
that. So like all the things that I was hitting, I'm like,
I'm very politically opinionated and was like not straight, was not since gender,
and I was kind of like, oh, I gotta get the hell out
of here, like pretty early, which I think saves me from getting caught
up in it. I think I was more like I would love some direction
in my life, but like not this direction. How to get out of
here? So that's how I escape that. Oh my god, I mean
we're laughing, but I cannot imagine this as a child, Like this must
have been so oppressive, like just Jesus, Okay, I mean, yeah,
no pun intended, but yeah Jesus. But yeah, that was sort
of where I was, Like that was my like little emotional Petrie dish,
my social Petrie dish. And I was like one of the few kids in
my congregation allowed to go to public school because my mother like fought for it,
essentially only in public school. Yeah, so they're just witnesses schools.
No, they're all homeschooled. Oh they're supposed to be. I didn't know
any of this. Yeah, wow. So it's very geared towards retention because
like it's also when I joke around, it's like an old people's religion of
like a lot of the aspirations for it are things that are much more appealing
to people who are like later in years, So there's very little to retain
children and young people and young adults, which they need. So the answer
to that was if we reduced their contact with other children outside of the faith,
they have nowhere to go and desire. So yeah, it's a whole
like system of like keep you at home, don't leave our site until you're
old enough to like want to be here and be inclicated enough. So yeah,
but I was like, I know this can't work for me because I
know your God hates me, so I'm like, what am I doing here?
So I was just sort of often about that hatred like in the church,
like that you are observing that by nine, So they're like talking outwardly
about it. Yes, liked talking outwardly and in meetings when people would Basically
the way that that meeting session is sort of like church mixed with like astocratic
seminar where you raise your hand to like read a passage from the Bible or
give an answer because they they're asking like questions to the people congress. It's
very interesting version of church. It's more Yeah, it's study group it's a
Bible study group, but like you do it like six days a week,
and at that time before like they had things changed later, well, it
was more like I spent three days a week, about two to three hours
each time in like congregation official meetings, and then outside of that two days
a week we had Bible study, and then on the weekend we did two
to four hours of like quote unquote field service, which is like walking door
to door and like preaching the word. And I'm like nine to high school,
so you can imagine the social awfulness of that where I'm like, I
don't my works fear was always like I'm going to knock on the door and
someone I know is going to be there, you know. Oh gosh,
I didn't even think of that. Yeah, that's oh geez okay, oh
boy, okay, okay. So this is the background for everything. Yes,
So this is the context background for all of it. And so I
was like, oh yeah, So I think it kind of framed my view
of like queerness because I was like, oh, okay, from age nine,
I'm like, oh God hates me. Cool. But in a way
I was sort of like I'm born at rock bottom. I can only go
up from here, so I might as well have a good time here,
right, thought, that's a great optimistic way of looking exactly. And also
you know, I was like I don't want to be in the space.
But also this that religious context sort of ruled my life like an iron face
exactly, Like how do you guess out of something like that, especially if
you're young, Like yeah, okay, yeah, basically my only answer was
college because what's a part of the edicts of the of the faith are not
making more money than you quote unquote need and living like a very small and
humble life. So like there, you know, my mother was the again.
Luckily she was enough of an outlier to give me enough space to escape
and my brother to escape. But he was a brother who's three years older
than me. He will play parts in the story. But my mom was
like a work is a workaholic. So she was very much like I had
to work hard because she was a single mother. So she's like, I
have to make all of the money now because I'm not getting child support from
my dad. I got to do a little more of like a real world
understanding. And she was like, you guys need education because I don't have
money. For you. You guys have to go get good jobs, and
to get a good job, you need a good education. So like,
actually my children will be in fact going to college. So yeah, I
was like, oh thank god I had to pay for it myself. But
I you know, like that that was the goal. I was like,
I knew at least I was not going to have to fight her on that
part. So I spent from like age like nine or like middle school age.
I was like, Okay, my only goal right now is get to
college, because I literally can't even imagine life outside of that. So I
my story is less of like I mean, I think a lot of people
do know young and then it's kind of like I got to come out and
then some people are con I had no idea and everyone else knew, and
mine was sort of that in between of like I knew like most of it.
I was like, I know, i'd like girls. I don't know
all the gender things yet, but I know. I'm like I got called
tomboy a lot, and but I did know. I was like, I
like that being called that better than like girl. I hate being in dresses.
When I was forced into femininity, it was like the most amphorrant thing
to me, which I think is hilarious now. It's like I love like
makeup and earrings now, but like not giving the choice to do the other
half of the other parts of me made me hate everything else. Yep.
Well, okay, so you paid your own way to college, like so
not quite a little bit. That was my intention. So like from a
young age, I also was like I would bring Duffel bags to school to
collect the recycling and take the recycling home and like cash it myself at home,
like I was feeling for my call from my high school and my middle
school, like just like saving up as much as I could. Like I
was like fine, yeah, I know. I was like, yeah,
are terrible. Yeah, I was like, shut up, I'll take your
money, like get out of here. So yeah, I was like really
working towards that because I think in a very real sense, I truly could
not imagine a future while I was in that space. It was just so
just a dominant part of my life, and I was like I won't begin
to live until I'm out of here. The only way I knew how to
get out of here, and the same myself is like getting to school.
So while I was in high school. I was like I got my first
job at twelve, being a signing spinner on like the street for like Verizon
or something. And so that's kind of the backstep of my high school experience.
Like the emotional part of my coming out was like I was one of
those people who like had a crush on Like if you became like my best
friend and you were like a girl, I probably had a crush on you.
Sorry, if if you're listening to this somehow on accident and you're finding
out now, like here you go. But I don't think it was I
don't think it was like a secret either. I think like I talked by
like the end of my high school years, I was kind of talking around
queerness in like a largely like straight, straight, straight ish group, and
like no one was saying the words, but like I kind of understood stood
that they knew I was not like fully straight, and I kind of like
stayed in that place with them. But also it's strange because like this was,
like I graduated high school in twenty fourteen. I'm a little baby.
Yeah, at the same age you and me, we could be twins,
I'm gonna say, but like, uh, yeah, that was sort of
the backdrop of that, but like twenty you know, twenty ten's and then
in middle school before that, we're still very much in the like being gay,
is it really like it's a joke, right, like a very like
saying slurs like whatever was very much like funny. So like we're all and
I'm like me toxic, I'm part of the problem. I'm saying the same
words. Even yeah, so many of us who are doing that. Yeah,
yeah, even though it's hilarious now I'm like, oh, my friend
group had to have been like, I mean, if if you want to
say it, like sure, it's weird telling the joke in front of you,
but like sure, yeah you're not saying things. We're gonna just keep
saying it. So I'm gonna just like people suck and they're like, uh,
this part of your journey. We'll go on. Yeah yeah sure.
So it was still like I would not call it at all, like a
like safe space for me. It was not not discussed so yet me and
my like I hate the word lady friends, but me and my lady friends
were like, I'm not weird, but like genuine friendships. I really did
care about them. And I was not like seeing them as like sexual objects
or anything. I was like, I care for you. I also am
like I could be. It was more like I could be attract I really
like so much, you know. Yeah, I felt like I would feel
guilty about a lot of my friendships because I was like, you're my friend,
but I do like think you're hat I have a question. Yeah,
So I felt like that was like like being like deceitful, you know,
like, which is so shitty because it's like you shouldn't. You don't what
to You're not gonna tell them that would make everything weird. So it's like
you feel like you're being deceitful, but what are you supposed to do about
like you can't? Yeah, I I related to this a lot, right,
very stressful looking back. I was just like always like date to day,
they're gonna like find out I'm like some kind of gay monster, like
lusting after their bodies, you know. But I think for me that feeling
was also alleviated by the fact that I did also like men. So I
also had a crash. I'm like a couple of the guys in our group,
So I kind of was like, Okay, I think it's even you
know, it's not like me like being weird, like I spread it out
and let everyone started getting a bit of this math. Yes it's it's I'm
all about equity and equality. I yes, yes, the original pioneer of
DEI with me in the middle school in high school. But that was my
sort of like friend holding pattern. But I unfortunately was another gay stereotype.
I was a gay bully in high school. Interesting, okay, oh yeah,
Chris, if you're out there, I'm so so sorry. But like,
essentially, there was this guy in my high school named Chris, and
I won't say the last name, but his name is Chris, sweet sweet
guy. And he was one of those people who I know it's not correct,
but people felt very entitled to be like, oh, you're not performing
masculine quote unquote right, you're gay, right, like you must be gay.
And he was one of the people who was like, what, like,
no, I'm I'm like not even thinking about that. In hindsight,
I'm kind of like that was how was the answer though? Right there,
Chris, you weren't thinking about it's like kind of you know, but like
he he was, uh you know, kind of was getting like sort of
kind of bullied, but very like subtly and like I don't even think he
registered it for until I told him it was happening. Like I was like,
you understand, people are bullying you, but like I like fixated on
this, on this poor guy because he was doing the thing that I wish
I could do, which I know who I am. Yeah yeah, Like
I was like, I know who I am on the inside, but I
am all but like gagged and tied, both like at school and in my
social life. Also part of the thing too was around my senior or sophomore
year, one of the other JW fam one of their new family moves and
I believe and their son went to my school, and now school was no
longer safe because anything he saw would be reported. So I was like,
I don't even have this anymore. You know, I don't know who talks
to who, I don't know what the friendship level is like, so I
was like I can't even safely express this the way that I was starting to
want to, because the repercussions were like you know I can, yeah.
Yeah. It was like, yeah, there's a spy, but I don't
know where and who he is, you know, at any time, I
can be undone and like the Jake is up, you know, I didn't
want to deal with that, and like that would have been like kicked out
of the home or like my door would have been removed from the hands,
like crazy things would have happened. And I was just like, like my
family was also a family that was sort of like I was told a lot
things like I don't have to feed you. That's what I choose to do,
so very much a very like transactional conditional setting of like if you're not
a follower of God, then you don't belong in this house. And so
I was kind of like, well, I need a place to live so
I can go to school. So I guess I got a lot, you
know, yeah yeah, And so I'm like, but I'm seeing this guy
sweet again, sweetest guy ever, sweet eye Chris, like basically and he
did end up coming out later. But this guy who I was like,
I'm clocking. I'm like, oh, you're gay as hell like me too,
but like I was so look, I was jealous. I was deeply
jealous of envious because I'm like, you are gay publicly and you don't even
know and you don't have to carry the burden of this. Like I was
like, oh, I'm I'm living, I'm you know. That was my
maturity of like I'm seeing in you what I wish I had and you don't
even know. And I was like, I'm going to, like I want
to like cause problems for you basically, So I started to bully him,
like he was mostly just getting like teas behind his back, and I made
it overt, like I was the one who was starting to make it overt.
But also because you know, down the line surprise like gender change,
like anything, even starting now at this point, like my attraction to men
was always sort of aborted or like never satisfactory. One I was like not,
I was afraid of men in like many ways, but also I was
like me at the time, I was not pulling men either, so I
was kind of like, Okay, they're kind of not a non entity.
And the men I was pulling vaguely were like weirdos and men who saw me
not just as like a woman, but as a like vulnerable, like underage
woman, you know. So it was you know, the triple whammy,
the like holy trinity of like bad vibes, you know. So and what
all I wanted looking back now, I wanted men to be attract queer men
to be attracted to me, to validate and see my queer masculinity is side
so interesting? Okay, Yeah, so like my some of my hardest crushes,
and I think also my first boyfriend in middle school, which lasted for
like I want to say, all the month. But that first boyfriend,
also very like queer, ended up being also coming out and I was just
I was clalking them. I was like, I'm seeing you. I'm attracted
to you because of your queerness, but you can't see who I am on
the inside yet because I have not my internal self and my excerior yourself were
very much not in alignment at the time. Like I was performing femininity one
second and trying to like hard pivot into like what I understood to be like
masculinity, but also could never really do that because of my household and when
I was allowed to purchase, like I was not allowed to make. Yeah,
because all the stuff you're describing would be so much on its own,
but add the layer of a very specific religion that is very hardcore, and
then at the other specific of being like one of a handful of black kids
surrounded by white like gentrifire people. So it's just like you have it from
literally every angle like that. Yeah, brute, I had it from jump.
I was just sort of like I And also, funny thing quick aside
is I did not put a lot of this together until like last year,
like I didn't really realize that it was like yeah, yeah, I was
just like, oh, that's I've been basically in like basically PTSD energy since
I was like ten years old. So I was like, I had no
concept of what normal was until someone very gently was sort of like, hey,
I love you, so I want to tell you this. Your upbringing
is not normal, like people don't grow up her things like and it's not
your fault, but like your parents are normal, your old community is at
normal, like you should not use them as a rout brick. And I
was like, oh, you know what my life makes like that that's a
bad place to be in. Like of course I've got all kinds of like
fun constants of issues, right, I was like that it makes more sense.
I'm not I'm not inherently broken or whatever. I just grew up in
the like the worst version of like the like abuse lottery that was possible.
I got a fully yeazzy like whammy whammy, like I got it. I
won it all. So like, so you get you got yourself into college?
Yes, so I got something into college ironically with Chris's help. So
basically I started bullying up away and then we but I was bullying him,
but also I was attracted to him like horrifically because he was a queer like
man, you know, he didn't know, so I wound up being his
like with that. We didn't we did not ever like engage physically, but
there was fives towards the end, but it was like I basically something like
in an attempt to bully him privately or Okay, I was a terrible bully
too because I was bullying him, and I made him get me a job,
and then it made him take me to the job and he worked there
too, So we ended up being I tried to bully him, I ended
up becoming his like queer confidant and like helped him make me come out to
himself. And I was living like curiously through him as he began his like
first for raisins like gay cruising and like seeing men. And meanwhile I'm also
deeply jealous, Like I'm also I'm like, what a fun time you had
it. I'm still like still kind of half a bully, but also come
about, I'm like deeply uraniem like I both like you and I want to
be I want your experience, and I'm like, don't understand why I can't
have it. I don't even know if it is a way to get it.
And so I'm deeply sad and alone, but also like you're the closest
I have to appear, so like we're gonna talk, even though I'm also
terrible to you. At school, it was a very weird, dynamic bad
but basically that job with Chris started helping me put together, like re making
real money for the first time. Like we were tutoring international students in high
school and yeah, so I was making the most money I've ever made,
Like all right at that time, you know, I was like, I'm
making like one hundreds dollars every week, Oh my god, almost a thousand
dollars, like and like two weeks. Oh my god. It was crazy
for me. So I was putting on a way for school, and then
I got a lucky break because of my academic success at the time, so
I wound up nailing myself a full ride to college in the Midwest. Wow.
So yeah, I got to college and I was like, Okay,
this is it. I get to My whole plan was like basically cut off
my entire family except for my brother and my dad, who at that point
I had told I was not straight, and they wow, yes, oh
my god. And were they accepting. Oh yeah, my dad is like,
oh he my parents are divorced. My dad is like, what was
spent many years. It's like a black panther and a counselor for like veterans
and people and like gangs in New York and whatnot. So he's very much
like, as long as they're not like killing people, I could not care
less than actually, I'm happy for you. You look happy and you've been
in like years. My brother was sort of like, He's like, yeah,
I like we would read like Mango with like girls with their tips out
when we were like nine and tel because I know, yeah. I was
like I figured you knew, but I just wanted to really put it out
there for you. He's like, don't worry, it's been out there.
I was like, Okay, calm down, like it's fine. So my
mom was the last person I told, and I ended up telling her my
first year of college when I came home for spring break, because I was
like, oh, that's side okay. I I had I think my first
year. Yeah, it was my first year, because I was like it
was weighing on me, and I was like, I want to tell her
so that when I cut her off for good, there is nothing left undone.
At that time, we had a terrible relationship too, So I after
my first year too, was like baby gay one oh one. It was
like wow, wow, Rainbow everything going to fucking conferences for free with my
college. I'm like for all the gay kids together. I was doing all
of that. I was like, awesome, I got nothing but time teach
me about women. And I was like, wow, I was on one
one uh doing the goddamn most and somehow the least. Like I was like
very much like getting involved with the GSA and all the things on campus,
but also very much like well like dwell women like I don't know, like
me and I have not even really had like an official, like consensual first
kiss until for sure you're shucking doing the signs since you were like twelve,
Like how are you gonna have time? Yeah? Yeah, I was like
I was like the energy of like both like my heart was like or the
ambition and like emotional grindstead of like a sixty year old man who's worked in
a factory for seventy it's flocking in trying to clock in, but also the
external exuberance of like Spongebober. I was just like, wow, like a
new world. I can like be happy here and like be myself. I'm
like quickly realize there are other issues in like college campuses in the adult world,
and like it's not all you know, rainbow shit and ponies. It
was other stuff. But like that was the first time of being like I
get to choose what my life looks like, and I get to choose who
I'm around and they get to choose me back. It's not like beholden by
blood, family or religious ties or isolation. So I did a lot of
learning that first year and felt secure enough at the end of that first year
when I came home for a spring break to like tell my mom because I
was like, I didn't wait said the last week of spring break. So
I was like, if I had to leave like early. I can go.
If it's fine, it's fine, but if it's not, Like I
had literally packed my bags and everything and I just put them by the door,
just ready to go, or like and had another bag that was kind
of like I don't have time to get my suitcase because the case it like
goes violent. I have a bag of like the necessities. I can just
go, right, And so it ended up I ended up like sitting my
mom down and kind of telling her like, hey, mom, like,
I don't know if you've put this together yet, but like I'm not straight.
And I think at the time I might have had my first like girlfriend.
I can't remember, but I think it was around then. But I
was like, I'm not straight and I like am dating someone, and it
was like not as bad as it could have been, but it was definitely
disappointing. Like my mom did the the delayed version of what we talked about
of like the old girl girlfriends or old like high school friends who thought you
were talking to She's kind of like, do I mean you want to sit
with me? And I'm like I said I was gay, not like into
incests, like that's you that Oh my god, that's reaction. Yeah.
Her first response was is, yeah, I've not that's a first on this,
pope, I've never heard. Okay, that to me feels like I'm
going to blame this fully on a very isolated religion because that reaction is so
wild. Did you equate I'm queer to you want to have sex with me?
Your mother? Like? That is such like I have been in a
bubble for so many years and taught so many lies about queernesses. I'm so
sorry you had to hear that. I cannot imagine how disturbing that is.
Yeah, it was. It was so like I'd literally like I was like,
my patience was traumatic. Minimum. I was like, I was like,
I was like, mom, two things. One, I said,
I'm gay, not into incests. Two, I like women, but I
do have standards so you don't meet them. Actually yeah, it's also still
terrible. But yeah, I was just like okay, Yeah, I was
like, lady, Yeah, And I think she's like she had a whole
du a whole thing, and she's like, you know, ran away and
then she came back like a day later and was sort of like I like
sat with it, and like I was hopeful, hoping for the whole like
i've like I still love you situation, which like she did, she did
mostly do. She's kind of I still care about you, but she's kind
of like, are you sure? Are you really surely? You know everyone
has those feelings of like, yeah, thinking women are attracted on my I
was like, I have sex with women. She's kind of like, I
don't want to hear that, and I was like, okay, great,
I probably want to make it really clear with you. It's not like a
I saw a girl for the first time somehow that you'd like and I'm like,
oh my god, like, what's happened to my little my new decent
body at nineteen years old? And I was like, no, mom,
it's really much. It's very really that. I uh, I'm I'm I
like girls like I like men too, but I like girls. And she
was like, I love you. Never speak about this again to me,
but okay, And I was kind of like, that's not really love,
but okay sure. So that was like, yeah, we got is better
than it could have been, considering the amount that I feel like she had
been poisoned by the community she was in terms of what that means, So
yes, yeah, yeah, it was a weird situation, and like now
our relationship is like much better, and she's still like for a couple of
years she kind of was moving towards the whole like not like tall, not
like accepting, but like tolerant, sort of like would politely half lessen when
I talked about like people I was dating, how happy I was, and
then like would be like, but happ you met this man. I'm kind
of like, okay, stop talking, but like so very much still kind
of is iffy with me about it, but like was making out of progress.
And then when she retired at the beginning of the pandemic in twenty twenty,
it went downhill because now her only social outlet was her religion, and
it went from being like seeing normal people in the world that work for like
eight hours a day to just that crew. And she's kind of like done
a not a one eighty, but it's kind of done like a sixty degree
like reverb, like yeah, it's kind of like back up, you know,
back into the old ways, and kind of just like yeah, but
I it's okay. I've put boundaries up with her where I'm like you because
she tried to tell me like you can't talk to me about gay things,
like okay, then you can't talk to me about like religion. You see
how we have nothing to talk about. Yeah, so so she was like,
Okay, you can talk to me about gay thing. Let's like okay,
cool, great, as long as you agree. Like it's crazy to
try to put dictates on a friendship or a relationship, right, I'm kind
of like it has to go two ways or it doesn't go at all.
Okay, So so let's gracelessly segue into let's let's talk about long COVID.
Yeah, it's a hard pivot, but I know this is tough. This
is really tough to talk about. So like, to whatever degree you're comfortable,
oh yeah, I can talk about all of it. So I you
know, I got a my only like quote unquote really known COVID infection early
on. Like it's so early that I don't even have like there's obviously,
of course it's potential that I had other ones because none of us had at
least I did not have an up to date yeah, like PPE for the
longest, but I got so okay, so it makes me mad just thinking
out of it. Essentially in twenty twenty twenty nineteen. Whenever everything started,
I had a mild infection. So I had two weeks of like fatigue and
like just feeling kind of like empty headed for like two weeks. And then
I resolved with my mom, who I was in my people in my house,
who I was in contact with at home. Like my mom was like
really sick for a hot minute for like several days, like for four or
five days, was really sick. Event she began to recover. But like
so we had a very mild infection. But within six months my long COVID
started because you know, try to get back to like exercising, because you
were like back to normal, and it's like no, and I didn't know
shit back then, Like yes, did not know anything. Yes, So
and my for me, it was like a very like tumultuous on ramp to
illness. It was like I started with like uh like like ibs like stomach
pain and I was like eating food and then I was it was coming out
undigested, Like I was like my my my stomach acid is changing, like
I'm light headed. I it just kind of escalated to I end up getting
like vertigo. So now I'm getting the stipular migraines, which like triggered while
I was like on a family like vacation in ile idle wild in high Outo,
which I now know like my life does not does not handle it because
of long COVID affecting my blood flow. So I'm like, of course,
you know, they're all having a fun time. I'm like, wake up
on the second day, like sick as a dog, like can't Like I'm
in beautiful and I want to go do things, but I'm like, for
whatever, my brain isn't working, I can't like do anything. And I
was I was like ended up staying home, like watching my little niece who
was like a kind of a newborn ish for like a year old at that
point. So I was babysitting her and late all day in the cabin,
like falling asleep and like feverish and not well and didn't know what was going
on. And then that night I was like I felt like shit all day,
I don't know what's going on. And while everyone was like my mom,
everyone had left to their own cabins and just my mom and I like
someone else in the other cabin, and I walked outside and it's pitch black
out there, and I just felt like my whole head was like vibrating.
And I looked up at the sky and the moon was there, and I
just it was like, you know that like animal feeling that you're like a
predator is staring at me at my neck like that, like full body,
like like the hair on the back of your neck goes up, like you
just feel like something bad about to happen, like that happened. And as
I'm looking at it, the literal moon begins to spin, like turning into
the little like whoo whoo, whooah whooh, like whirly gig of life.
And I'm like and I'm like, oh, this is it. This is
a mental breakdown. This is a hying break Like I'm like, oh,
yep, twenty five, twenty four years in the making, this sounds about
right. And I was like, okay, like here it comes. And
I literally have like had a mental breakdown. I had to like walk into
that my cabin. I was kind of like, hey, so the moon
is moving. Can you just I know it's probably not actively moly. Can
you just go outside and verify that for me real fast? Okay, I'm
crazy, all right? And like that began like the mental like long COVID
of like the brain fog, the like I now had vestibular migraines, like
I probably stood up too fast. I would like pass out with a post
orthesthetic to cardio syndrome. And yeah, it was like a rampant like dan
like like downslide to just like I had every symptom. And I think by
the by now year four or five, since I started kind of like twenty
nineteen, twenty twenty ish, I've had I think of the two hundred current
cataloged long COVID symptoms, I've had one hundred and seventy two over four years,
four or five years. So it was a really bad time. There
was a time where my sixty two year old mother had to literally like hold
me up so I could walk around because I was just I was too weak.
I'm just like I had like rampant inflammation. My eyes were going.
I was like was losing eyesight in one eye for a while. I was
like in and out of like conscious, out of like sense of self.
I was like I was like everything that made me who I was, my
like a lot of my unfortunately my identity was you know tied up in what
I now know to be like more like ablest rhetoric, but my a lot
of my identity and sense of security and my self esteem was wrapped up and
being like, well, at least I'm the smart one in the family.
At least I have that. And I felt like COVID long COVID was like
like a little grine, like like taking that last ornament off of the for
the Chrismas Chrismas Traine, you walked right out of my life. And I
was like, oh, I have nothing now. I'm like stuck at home
my worst fear. I can't go anywhere, I can't work, and I
just also I had just gotten my dream job. I had just got my
first job in animation, and I and that's when the long COVID start,
like when the mental long COVID started, and I was like, I I
have to hold on to this. And so I basically was like working thankfully
remotely, but I would work remotely and you know, be quote unquote on
the entire time like like hi, guys, like it's time to work,
I'm so excited to be here, and then that camera would turn off and
I would just collapse into a puddle, and I was just like, why
people think That's why so many people go, well, I don't know anyone
with long COVID, you don't. I'm gonna I was gonna swear, and
I'm trying to not be angry. I don't want to be in my feelings.
People do not know and do not understand that they do know people with
long COVID. People are are hiding it for all of the reasons that you're
saying, because you know, they have their dream job or whatever, or
they have any job, and they need to support their family, and some
people with long COVID have these some people do not have the ability to hide
it, like you're saying, at the time when your mom was literally having
to walk you around the house, okay, during those periods, could not
have hidden that. But people don't. Oh God, I'm sorry. As
someone who also deals uh with with chronic illness, people don't understand that it's
a roller coaster of up and down. It's always variable. You have these
upmoments, and so people are really able to hide it more than you think.
And that goes for not just long COVID, any sir, I hid
my shit for like so fucking long with like chronic pain, stuff that is
invisible. You can hide that shit when you have to. So when people
are like if the numbers on long COVID were as bad as like you guys
are saying when you like do your posts about it, I would know people.
I promise you you know someone who is dealing with this right now.
I promise you. Numerically you do, you do yes, And they're and
they're they may not even be aware of it, but they are internalizedableism.
All the things we're talking about. They are working to make sure you don't
know. That's my little soapbox. Yeah, I just know. I love
that you said it because it's it's like I had known about invisible disabilities,
and looking back on it, I like actually had more than I thought beforehand.
Like I also have like ADHD and like other things like like uh on
the emotional learning side of things. But also I've had chronic pain since I
was fifteen. I just had no language for it because I was told I
had growing pains. Even though I'm like, I'm like twenty five, I
hadn't done growing. Like there's the thing I ain't going up no more.
It's just outland it's no up anywhere. So I was like, I didn't
have that language for it. And also I think because of all this rampant
ableism, it's it's yeah, ableism is not just like in like TV.
I think it's like Bria kick it the kid of the wheelchair. It's like
no able women is like the inherent structure of our society, and it is
like disability justice is like the thing that requires that every movement should have it
at center because it touches every group. There's no group of people, yes
under the son, who are not touched by disability. And like we all,
if we are lucky, you will all live long enough to become disabled.
That is such a truth and people are we are terrified of that.
And I've talked about this. I'm sure I've mentioned this on the podcast before,
but the gray area between life and death. People can't handle that,
like they can't handle it. So it's like if COVID or whatever it is
isn't gonna kill them, or they think it's not gonna kill them, then
they just check out of the conversation because to reckon with the fact that you
can exist in a state where yes, you are still living, but it,
but you are disabled or you are dealing with life so much less ability
than like people. That's so that's scary, it's too scary, and so
people just check out. I think it is a complete I completely agree,
and it's a complete I had to I had to contend with that. So
I'm like, you know, fresher in it. But it is a complete
loss of the fallacy of control that we build our entire lives of. Like
if I do everything right, if I'm a good moral person, I follow
the social rules, I will never get hurt, I will never be harmed,
I will nothing battle ever happen to me. And disability and pandemics and
disease and just random acts of violence are the like sort of the joker car
that you pull in the middle of the deck. It's sort of like Uno
reversed you JK. At any moment, this can be you. So instead
of waiting until it's quote unquote relevant to you, know now that it's already
relevant to you. It's already going to you will be this way if you're
lucky one way or another, because you can be this or you could be
dead, and it's better to prepare for the inevitability of disability than it is
to live in the fallacy and the unreality of I'm going to be what like
thirty and like hailing hardy forever, like no one is, no one ever
has been. But like the commodity culture that we're in has us treat our
own lives of commodity as well, that sense of scarcity of like if I
give up, if I make space for the disabled, I'll lose my time
on earth because my time is already so eaten up by like school and obligation.
I can't bear to lose my time. And it's like it's not actually
yours, it's our time, and we could reclaim it together if we've fought
together. But if you choose the self, if you choose your personal short
very very short term and uncertain gain over the collective win, we all lose
faster. And people don't get that. That was so well said, Like
oh thank you. Yeah, I And like I said, I get in
my feelings and tend to get like angry and the less articulate, but you
just really spelled it out. And yeah, I just just and in terms
of just like facts and all that, I just want to want to stress
that because I know, Leo, you were talking about the infection happening obviously
pre vaccines. It was so early. But and y'all, if you heard
the my episode that I mentioned with my friend Diana, you already know this.
But yeah, so vaccines do not prevent well, they don't prevent transmission
first of all, but they they do not prevent long COVID. There is
belief that it can mitigate the possibility of it, but not to be like
glue and doom. I hate when we get accused of quote unquote remongering.
These are actual scientific facts. It is unfortunate, but plenty of people who
are up to date on or were up to date on their vaccinations at the
time that they got COVID are dealing with long COVID. So it is very
unfortunately not It's not a fail safe by any means at all. And that's
why people like me and Leo are so sort of trying to put it in
the public awareness because it I don't think these facts are necessarily known, and
it is really scary, and that's why people tend to get angry when we
sort of talk about it. But unfortunately, if you contract COVID, you
are at risk of long COVID period. It doesn't matter how mild quote unquote
A lot of issues with that word, but it doesn't matter how mild infection
is. So yeah, I just do want to put that out there because
I don't think that information has been made widely No and buy our public health
agency, So it's up to people like me and Leo to try to try
to tell you that. Yes. And So, I have so much empathy
for folks not believing this or understanding this or whatever because and I've alluded to
my health stuff on the podcast, I've never been that specific because I'm uncomfortable
talking about it. It's like hard to be vulnerable. But had my life
not irrevocably changed when I was twenty four years old, It's so interesting because
didn't you also say twenty four I was like, oh twinning, but like,
yeah, I had a thing happened to me, and I had a
doctor be like, wow, this happened to one hundred other people. Ninety
nine would have been fine, but like, oh sorry, Oh you're stuck
with it. That's basically what a doctor said to me. I would not
be as clued into the fact that your life can change, like literally on
a dime, but that is what happened to me, And so I have
so much just like empathy for folks who are dealing with this and and want
to get not to happen two more people. Yes, that's like yes,
I just like yeah, yeah, no, I feel what you're saying,
because it's like that painful fervor. I'm like, I'm sure people tried to
tell me in different times in my life this exact lesson. In fact,
I know that line I said earlier of some effort. Oh my god,
something I said earlier. Actually I heard from like my one of my first
girlfriends who was like, disability is part of everything, and like you are
you are only ever temporarily able bodied, and so living life like you will
be this way forever just hurts every people who are disabled now and you later,
and so it's better to handle it now than to wait. And I
like knew that or thought I knew that, and then when I have become
now to say very very much so like more publicly disabled, I was like,
oh I thought I got it, but I did it. I didn't.
I still had an unconscious relationship to ableism. I still felt my validity
was still socially being upheld by being quote unquote able bond or looking a certain
way, moving a certain way, having a certain presence in spaces. And
now that I'm like, I have been stripped of a lot of these things
by force. I'm like, I understand that. And also I think,
Lauren, some of our fervor talking about these things is like you don't understand
what you have right now, and speaking from you, oh God, that
is so goddamn true. Holy shit. I remember in the early days of
dealing with my chronic situation. I remember I remember this. I was on
I had just crossed Cress and Heights on Melboo's like that. I remember so
vividly having the thought like, oh, well, when this passes, I'm
gonna feel like so much. Everything's gonna be so much better when this passes.
And I didn't realize that that I'd be sitting here X number of years
later and still managing it every day. And that's like so scary to think
about it. And I so respect that, Like people don't want to think
about it because it's really scary. But I promise you you are strong enough
to engage with that thought and to try to do something about it. Yeah,
And can I segue into so so when I say do something about it,
here's what you can do. Please please please wear a respirator. And
when we say respirator, that means a k N ninety five mask or a
KF ninety four sometimes it's called or the best one is an N ninety five.
Or you can get really fancy and wear the last Someric one. Yeah,
last Americ big ones. Cool. This one's like fancy schmancy. But
you can you can just wear yeah, respirator and ninety five is great.
Please please please mask when you are in places like the grocery store, the
pharmacy, a doctor's office. That's the big one. Please, for the
love of God, wear a respirator when you go to the doctor's office because
people like Leo need to access medical care in a safer way so that so
that they don't get reinfected. So yeah, that's some very simple stuff that
you can do. Also, I know there's the there's also the financial portion
of it for people too that I want to acknowledge, Like, these are
not masks that you have to arrespirators that you have to like wear once and
throw away. In the average respirator No, no, you can use like
forty hours until they're wet or damaged or dirty. An elastic maerk you can
wear like basically and definitely as long as you replace the filters like they're very
cost efficient. Also if you happen to be you know, shameless plug in
the North Hollywood area, I run a group called COVID Coutious Queers, And
the whole point of it is like providing both like event programming, but also
material goods and protect personal protective equipment to people for free. Like if you
need a COVID test, if you need a respirator, I got you finally
on Instagram dm me. I will get it to you like no charge,
like I'm here to help. Like there's and there's also things called mask blocks
in both in LA and Long Beach and all over this country now that will
send you these things for free. So, like the barrier to entry has
truly never been lower, but I think that there's an emotional barrier that you
also have to cross, and I think you can even I would say,
if you're not quite there yet to acknowledge or look at your own self and
like, you know, a relationship to ableism or your own ability or what
have you. I think that's fair. It took me a long time.
I'm still working through a lot of these things, like right now and I'm
like year five almost, And but I would say that, like what you
can do is if you can need to externalize it, like there's cutey patuity
that they're like me and like Lauren and other people and your neighbor, your
best see anyone in your life that you're like, if this person was like
super ill, I would be beside myself. I would be so sad.
I would be so worried for them. And just think about that and be
like, there's one simple trick that the CDC hey that you can do to
not cause that harm. You just put on a respirators. It's super easy,
it's super fast. I know there's that there's a social aspect of it
that can be very scary, but I would just also remind you that,
like if anyone in your circle would truly give you shit about caring about other
people, Like, are they someone who's opinion you you want to live your
life by? They sucking suck dude, I let them go. Let that
shit dangle, like the fucking dingle Berry. They are I let that go,
Like, I know that's hard, and you know, I know there's
a lot more to it. It's very complicated, but I would just say
there's a process to it. And in the same way that I'm hoping people
are becoming more radicalized about things happening politically, the genocide, everything happening like
and it's and I think people think conspiracy has to be like like tinfoil hat
or whatever, but there's no city always Yeah, yes, I think there's
a there's a quote I believe like Ursula cayleb Gwyn and she says, like
real evil is banal the issue. Yes, they've they've sold like you know,
Hollywood, you know my people whatever, we've so they've been sold this
lot that like evil is like one guy in like a hot like leather tracksuit,
who's come, I'm gonna blow up the moon or whatever. And it's
never that evil is what Jeff Bezos. It's like apathy on a satanic level.
It's it's it is I don't care if I don't see it, it's
not my problem, right, it cannot be Those people sleep well at night
because they simply don't care, because they don't have to see any consequences,
and even if they did, I don't think they care anyways, Like that
is evil. Money, the way that movesment this country is evil. A
lot of the politicians that that is evil. What is not, like it's
never going to be like haha, my little mustache, and it's never going
to be that. And I think the minute you stop looking for that and
you begin to see, now who benefits from this, I think you're gonna
see that very plain stakes, low level evil that that harm anywhere. And
it's like the same way that it's mundane for evil to exist, good can
be just as mundane, if not more purposeful. Your good can be in
layers. It can be that respirator. It can be putting your money away
from like a BDS rejected our boycotted company to ones that are good. It
can be reducing usages. It can be amplifying your voice. It can be
these small actors. It can be doing things that are small acts of hope
and faith and love, like having a podcast about calming out and sharing that
store. There are many ways you can be. Of course, you're part
of this hopeful spring revolution. That's all of it is together. They are
all intertangled acts. But you have to be willing to see the threads and
leave them together. It's not enough to just see them blowing in the wind.
You have to purposely reach out, grab them and pull them in.
And except that, you too are a thread to be woven into this like
global tapestry. If you if you refuse that, then you then you feel
alone and driftless. Well, yeah, you're not anchored to reality. You're
not anchored to communal love or care or action. And if you feel alone
in those ways, even in the crowd, I promise you that feeling will
go away when you begin to connect with people who care like this, who
care on a deep level, and who want to love the world, even
or especially when it is hard to do. So that's the work. Wow,
oh my god again, so well said. You are such a writer.
So okay. So part of the reason why I want it toaly on
the podcast is not just because you're incredibly entertaining, and not just so that
we could yell about COVID, but so I it's Pride Month. This.
If there's ever a time to give of yourself to good causes, it is
during this celebratory month. And Leo, do you want it? Can you
plug and talk about how you've been fundraising? And I know that it's so
you were so candid and so funny and your pieces that you wrote about how
hard it is to ask for this kind of help and just referring to yourself
as a sick bitch. I really appreciate it. But yeah, Leo did
reach a point where they had to fundraise because long covid is, among all
the things we've discussed, also a very expensive illness to have. And so
yeah, I'd love for you to talk about your your fundraisers and Folks,
if you're listening and you have any any cash despair, here's how you can
help Leo. And also Leo has some amazing ways that if people don't have
cash, but perhaps have time or skills, that they can help as well.
So I just want to give you the Florida talk about all them.
Yeah, thank you so much for you know, teeing up. I hope
I knock this out of the park. Yes, way you could hear a
little Laura about what these various things are. I love it. Yeah,
So basically, as Lauren was saying, yeah, so long COVID has knocked
me on my ass. I would say about ten billion, eleven d times,
but recently it's been even harder. So I reached a point this year,
like less than a month ago, where I was like trying to work
four jobs to make ends meet. I was making myself sick as a dog,
sick of than ever like, because part of my long COVID two is
I have systemic inflammation and I have viral persistent viral loads. Basically, I
have COVID still replicating in me. I'm not I'm not infectious, but it's
it's staking around and it's causing problems. I one of my really fun one
seventy two symptoms was organ damage and guess what, your brain it's also an
organ. So not just my gallbladder and my liver got damaged, but like
my brain is getting damaged and we're watching that. It's the worry is that
if we don't do something about it, it's starting to head more towards that,
like true degeneration of like all timer dementia of like things are the brains
starch. If my brain's starting to change and trying to not have that happen.
So there are some some of our slightly experimental. Some are less so.
But there are some things that I'm fundraising for that will help me,
you know, keep my brain, which would love to keep it. I
love being something. I love having a personality. I love having words.
I would like to continue speaking them. I would love to be able to
do my job without being and expreciating pain like even which really sucks for me
personally, but like thinking hurts like I can. The top of my school
right now is like hot hot ho like hot potato, It's like warm,
it's like it's painful, you know. And working in Hollywood, there are
lots of things I have to be able to do that either from the brain
damage, organ damage, a bunch of symptoms I either can't do or cannot
afford to do, and or there are things that would help me do my
job and like speak in public, which is what I've not been able to
work in person because I've not been in a room with like proper ppe in
years. That if I had certain tools, I would be able to do
my job more safely and begin to look for less harmful work and not have
to basically ask myself, I'm gonna risk my life for a paycheck every single
time I work a job. So I have a go fund me up raising
funds for several devices that help with like red light therapy and other things that
kind of help, and like medications like anti viral medications, lots of things
to kind of just make my life easier. Uh, make my life,
uh one that I want to stick around for, make my life one where
my brain functions for it and I get to be me for as long as
possible, as long as anyone can you know, really ask for. That's
sort of what I'm fundraising for. And uh yeah, I've it's been a
lovely response so far. I still have a ways to go. There have
been more recent upsets which if you go to my GoFundMe page you get to
read my very silly updates about things going on, Like I think two a
week ago, a week and half ago, I got what's called the stellate
gangling in block, which is a basically a big ass needle in my neck
that like into a nerve cluster. Yeah, super fun, really fun time
that happened. But like you know, it's things that are this kind of
ongoing battle both with like my wallet and the medical system and my body that
you know, doing it as one person is hard, and I might even
say uh and fucking impossible. But with the help of many people who are
caring and kind and so smart and I you know, oh so sexy,
winky winky, you know who want to give me a dollar or you know
some such you know, that's that's been helpful. That's what I'm also I'm
only asking for is like if people have anything, that's awesome. If you
don't have cash to give, I get it. If you can amplify my
fundraiser, that's helpful. And then also especially during Pride Month because yes are
hopefully feeling more generous and looking to give back during those Pride months. Yeah,
yes, give back to me. I would love it. Also,
there are ways without you can help me, if you like, without money,
I could always use like certain assistance with like you know, I mean
you don't come to my house, but like you know, there's there's things
you can do without money. You can help me, like, yeah,
I'll be moving eventually if I would love to not just like you know,
put my body into like stress to do that. There's little little ways you
can help and or not in person, like digitally amplifying or using using you
know, using a skill can helpful. Teaching a skill is awesome. Yeah,
there's a link on my in my Instagram bio and in my go fundme
page. I believe that can show you all the things that are not paid
options ways for helping me. Yeah. You do such a good job of
detailing all of the all of the cool ways that folks can help even if
money is tight, which I so appreciated what I went to those likes.
So it sounds like the best place to follow you and have access to all
these things is Instagram. I think, yes, yes, yes, yeah,
so let's so what is that Instagram? Yes, I will spell it
too, but it's Bougie Bosquiot b o U g I E b A s
q U I A t F in the artist that that's the full name on
I G. That's where I talk about my fun me links. In there,
I talk about a lot of COVID in my stories and just like my
state of health and public health in general. There. I have a couple
other places you can find me on TikTok because I made this before I knew
the names for republic, It's trams Naruto, t r A nf NA r
ut O did not know people could see it. That's my little boomer moment.
But yeah, I had started making videos recently talking about public health and
other issues. I'll be making more content coming up soon now that I recently
let go of two of my jobs because they were making my brain swell,
and so that I got to get out of here. So now I'm just
on my two job diet. But so I have more time to make videos
and talk to all of y'all. So if you have questions about anything I
said here or I don't know anything, you can ask me there. I
can't promise to give you a good answer, but I'll give you a funny
one. So come come follow me, come talk to me. Yes,
yes, yes, say it goes for me. As I've said before,
if you do have questions about anything pertaining to COVID et cetera, you can
you can hit me up, you can hit Leo up because we understand that
that information is not readily accessible, which is by design as we've talked about.
But yeah, so please use us as a resource. And if you
take anything it all away from this episode. Please please please wear a respirator
when you are in public spaces. Like supermarket, pharmacy, especially doctors' offices.
But yeah, any any place that people need to go. I'd say
that's kind of like the bar, that's like the bare minimum. Please please,
please please do that to make please Yeah, that's that's that's our smallest
ask, just to make those places more accessible for folks who have to go
there. Yes, I also wanted to just remind people. I run a
group called COVID Costious Queeris. You can find us by that same name on
Instagram as well. I and my co founder basically run events in the North
Hollywood area and LA at large. You know, we're spreading out but providing
events where people who are COVID cautious can go safely. They're all masks required,
they're fun. We've done like planned id walks. We've done like picnic
picnics in the park. We've done a like skate like a night sort of
situation. We've done clothing swaps. Last weekend we did a fundraiser for Palestine.
We raise like one thousand dollars and donated to a family trying to evacuate.
Like, we do a lot of fun stuff. Find us there.
I also run a discord server with the same people in it, so you
can still meet people virtually even if you can't make it to an event.
So like, if you go to that Instagram page, is all the links
you need to kind of get access either to future events or to the discord
server you go off them either about COVID stuff. And then also Lauren I
and our mutual friend Alyssa piperis okay pod texted me and was like, say
it on air, so we have to do it, And I was like,
I can't be upon. I'm not gonna make force you into doing it,
but you're bringing it out silent force us to do it. Absolutely.
So we are working on a podcast called Your Forgotten Friends, which is I
wish Listen was here to summarize it better than me, because I'm clearly shit
at doing anything shortly. But it's basically going to be about the lives of
COVID cautious people who have been, in one way or another, forced to
disappear from our old social worlds and forge new community bonds, both platonic and
romantic. It's going to be talking about relationships, navigating date dating, and
my personal hobby matchmaking. So if you're someone who's like I'm covid safe and
I've not been able to like find anyone, and I'm like year four of
being alone and I'm sick of this shit. Like we've all been there.
I'm like, say less, call me at the hotline once it's up I
and we're going to begin literally like setting people up. Like we're gonna be
in like, you know, giving people a section at the end of a
peg board to like, you know, if you give us a five star
review, we'll read out your little bio that you give us, and we're
gonna be like this this hot ca Yeah, like calm, get your gay
lovers here, like calm, get wife up, booed up, everything up.
It will be there, So keep an eye on that. If you
follow me on Instagram, you'll be the first to hear about that when it
comes out. But yeah, that's sort of my last bit of shameless plugging.
Oh my god, I follow covid costs Queer as obviously, and I
didn't know that you were. Wow, that's stir struck. Yeah I didn't
know, but that's okay, that's so great. And so as you all
know, I am at Lauren Flans on Twitter. I'm Lauren Underscore Flans on
Instagram. The podcast is at coming Out pod everywhere. If you've never given
five stars or reviewed, hey why not do that? That would be fun.
But you get it. Thank you to my patrons who are still patrons.
But also, as I've said, while I'm on this hiatus, please
feel free to cancel your patronage because if I'm not putting out regular episodes,
you shouldn't have to be given me money every month. I think that's kind
of it. For the wrap up, I am rusty on doing it because
it's been a while, but I feel like we hit all the all the
tent poles. Leo, this was so fucking fun. You are a goddamn
delight. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, and
y'all have a great last few days of Pride Month. Remember every month this
Pride Month. If you have rainbows in your heart, that was just off
the dome. I love it. No, no, We're going to be
putting it on our bodies and tattoos everywhere, and as always, you know,
watch the Instagram and Twitter, et cetera. I will always let you
know when I when I have new episodes come the gap, but for now,
stay clear. Alright, B.