Hi everyone, and welcome back to our podcast episode. My name is Alicia
Gogin, the host of the Globe Secrets podcast, where I help you expand
your mind and become more self aware so that you can glow up into the
best version of yourself. You guys really love the intro, so I just
want to say this one more time. We're keeping the intro because I'm still
getting comments being like you should keep the intro. I say it with you,
guys, or sorry, you guys, say it with me. Don't
worry, We've got it. Maybe I was just having a little bit of
a hyperfixation that week and I was like, oh my god, I need
to rebrand my life. But we're fine. It's fine. Anyways, how
are we doing. You guys really enjoyed last week's episode where we talked about
toxic habits that we are dropping and we're gonna change up the vibe a little
bit when it comes to being annoyed at ourselves. I was talking about in
that episode how I feel like I haven't really been making myself that proud and
really living out to my full potential, which you know, we ebben it's
fine, but today I kind of want to actually talk about the opposite,
which is, you know, on the other hand, I do actually and
have actually made myself very proud over the years, and I feel like I
have really flourished in a lot of ways and really just became the woman of
my dreams or just the woman in my eyes that is just an amazing person
and has really matured, and I want to talk about it today. I
want to talk about how to really mature and flourish into the woman of your
dreams. But listen, I'm just going to disclaim this. Everyone has a
different version of what their dream version of themselves are going to be. This
is just my kind of definition and what I think is really great in terms
of how I look at someone who is mature. So and this is also
not every single thing. These are just a few things that I think that
I get a lot of questions about, so I kind of want to talk
about them, and I think, you know, maybe a side note,
but a personal take is I'm twenty eight. I turned twenty eight November fifth.
I am a Scorpio and the year twenty eight has it been a year
for me? Every year I realize things as Kylie Jenner. Again, like
I said, last week would say, but I really have been just it's
not even coming into my own because I think some of you guys know my
backstory. I had to grow up at a very young age, and I've
always been independent. I've always been in many ways been making myself proud,
like I have a really good self concept. I'm confident. I've literally had
to be like life literally was like sinker swim, bitch, and we are
not sinking, so we got to swim. So I have learned how to
do that. But regardless, I am not a perfect human being. There
are so many lessons and things that I have to continuously learn and relearn things
I have not even learned yet. And twenty eight some of the things that
I have really learned and came into in this year have really made me look
at myself in the mirror and be like, you know what you really you
have flourish, like you have matured, Like you are a woman. And
there's obviously a lot of things that you can use to define when a woman
is. Everyone's gonna have their own thing. This is not about me,
like deciding who is a woman whatever, And even if you're a man,
you can listen to this if you don't identify as one, that's fine,
We're not even gonna be talking like these. What I'm going to talk about
in this episode is very like everyone can take these tips, But I just
think that you know, there are things that you need to kind of live
by that I do think in life will make you feel like you are really
that bitch, like you really just matured, like you really are standing in
your own And I want to talk about those things. I want to talk
about healthy boundaries. I want to talk about not putting people on pedestals and
shiny object sorry syndrome and what was the other one in that little tip?
Hold on, let me see, Oh, understanding that your timeline is different
than others, and really just like owning who you are as a person,
and also self love and self acceptance. I think some of those things are
the reason why I can look in the mirror and say I have flourished,
I have matured. So let's first talk about healthy boundaries. I think someone
who has really matured and flourished, they understand the importance of healthy boundaries,
and they have healthy boundaries. Now, I'm not saying that you're an immature
person if you don't know how to have boundaries, because I think that that's
something that a lot of people really struggle with. But you know, somebody
who is come into their own and there is really just owning who they are.
Yes, they have healthy boundaries, and I think that but having healthy
boundaries is going to look different from person to person. But having healthy boundaries
is so important for you to continue to focus and refine in your life because
that allows you to then be able to stay on track and really hit goals
and have a vision for yourself in your life. And I think that you
know when you think when you look up to someone in your life, whether
that's older or even younger, they usually have some sort of healthy boundaries,
even if you maybe don't know, because that allows them to hit those goals
that you are probably like really admiring them about or on. Like for me,
I am somebody who has hit a lot of goals and like accomplish a
lot of things in my life because I have had to say no to things
that do not serve me. I have had to choose myself over other people
and I've had to be apologetic about that sometimes. And I think, especially
when you're young, you kind of for many reasons. Maybe people have taught
you it's it's bad to not put yourself first, or you you know whatever.
We usually just feel bad for that, but a mature person understands that
you're not a bad person because you have boundaries. You're not a bad person
because you've chosen yourself and you've said no to things that do not serve you.
And the more you say no to things that do not serve you,
you will feel more confident in yourself. Maybe when you first do it,
it might feel weird and awkward, but over time like you will have confidence
in yourself. You will look at yourself in the mirror and be like,
I am that bitch. Why because you decided to choose yourself today. You
decided to say no to the things that are just going to down the line
stress you out or not contribute to an overall like great health, vibrancy,
energy, life force I guess not life force. I don't know where that
word came from anyways. Healthy boundaries has been something that I have really felt
that has helped me not only hit goals in my life, but really just
look at myself like, yes, I am that bitch. I have matured,
I know myself, and I think what helps when it comes to having
healthy boundaries is to genuinely just sit down in your season of life and think
about the goals and the vision that you hold for your future and what you
want to accomplish and who you want to become and who you and how you
want to live your life and where you want to spend your time and your
energy. When you have a plan and a vision for yourself, it will
allow you to more easily say no to things that don't serve you. I
think there's a lot of struggle out there, and I've for sure struggled with
this with even saying no to people, places and things that do not serve
you. And I have found and what I do see for sure when my
friends come to me for advice and things like that too, is there's just
no vision. There's just no goals. There's just no structure in your days,
in your weeks, in your months, where it's like it's no wonder
you say yes to everything, or you're you're saying yes to this person over
here and then you're entertaining this person, this guy, this girl, this
whatever. Because you don't have any sort of vision, you're not holding yourself
and anchoring yourself down to anything. So yeah, it's no wonder sometimes where
you wake up one day and you're like, holy shit, like I'm doing
all these random things. My time is stretched everywhere. I feel like I'm
never taking care of myself. Well, have you sat down and thought about
where you want the next five to ten years of your life to be to
go to look like? And obviously things absolutely change. Okay, it will
always change. You don't need to be tied down to something forever, and
I don't really think you should. But to how I have some sort of
structure in your day, I really do find allows you to say no.
And I'll give you a quick example of just like, Okay, if somebody
comes to you and says, hey, there's like a party tonight, do
you want to come? If you don't have a routine or a goal or
a job or something where you have to show up to, maybe, let's
say the next day, you might say yes. I mean, maybe you're
really good with your like boundaries and just saying no and being like ah,
that doesn't serve me. But for a lot of people it's like, well,
if you don't have anything that you have to do the next day,
like maybe you'll go out, and is it the worst thing to go out?
No, it's not. But we find ourselves doing those behaviors and going
out and doing things over time where we're like, oh, was that really
the best way to spend my time? Or I'm spending a lot more money
than I should or I'm drinking more, I'm doing these things, or I'm
surrounding myself with people who maybe I shouldn't be. We do those things sometimes
because it's like, well, we don't have anything else to do. We
don't have any sort of structure or any sort of person to be, you
know, holding us accountable, or thing or hobby or anything to be holding
ourselves accountable, or even a goal. So really sitting down and taking the
time. And I think that I've always had this, like from age sixteen,
genuinely, even probably earlier than that, but I think back to when
my dad passed away is when I was sixteen, So I always kind of
go back to that timeline because I think that that's when life really hit me.
I started having a vision for my life and goals and vision boards and
always just coming back to what are my monthly goals? Like what do I
want to see my life? Da? Da da, And so that naturally
allowed me to stop falling into people, places and things that did not serve
me, and naturally allowed me to have these healthy boundaries because it was very
clear that like I had something to do over here. So yeah, I'm
gonna like obviously have to say no to this thing. Okay. Another thing
that I think that somebody who is really mature and has flourished in to their
own lives by and moves by I guess that's not the right word, but
whatever, And something that I think that I have really really learned, like
this is what I mean. Twenty eight has been the year of realizing things.
It has really been deconstructing and no longer living life like this, which
is and I have like three things all into one. No longer putting people
on pedestals. The size of goddamn Mount Everest is so crucial, which I
have always been somebody and you might not even be able to really even tell
with how I speak or what I do in my life, but that for
sure has been something that I've always struggled with, Always putting other people's opinions
above mine, always putting what they do as like they're right and I'm wrong
just because let's say somebody is doing something that is successful or different than me.
Like, just because somebody is doing something that is great doesn't mean that
they're right and you're wrong or that you should be doing it like them,
just because they're being successful with doing something. And also shiny object syndrome comes
into play with this, and what I mean by shiny objects syndrome, it's
kind of what I just said, like when you see someone doing something great
over there and you just like automatically like drop everything that you're doing and you're
like, oh, I have to be like them, or I have to
do it just like them, just because it's like shiny and cool and like
what they're doing over here is like or over there, sorry, is really
cool and or like or you just see somebody who has a new bag,
or they do their makeup a certain way, or they got this surgery done,
or they're taking this career path, or they're dating these type of guys
who have this type of money over here, and then automatically you're like,
oh my god, it's so cool over here, and you just abandon your
values, your morals, what is true to you what you actually want to
live your life like just because these people are doing it over here. And
I think that social media place a huge role in that. So really dropping
that shiny object syndrome and you know, sticking to something and staying in your
own lane. And of course there's always room for influence and there's always room
for you know, getting inspired by somebody. But God was at a lesson
that I really really had to learn, and it definitely, it definitely just
deterred me a lot from being consistent with things and getting results in my life
because I constantly was jumping from thing to thing to thing. And I think
that's a normal process when especially when you're in your twenties, because you're learning
who you are, what you like, what you don't, but understanding again
coming back to the pedestal thing, like just because somebody has something over here
doesn't mean that you need to abandon yourself to have or be that person over
there, you know what I mean. And then the last thing is understanding
that your timeline is different than others as kind of another thing. I just
think that I have definitely learned this lesson over my life that just because your
friends let's say I'll give you an example. Your friends are doing like part
over here, or let's say they're taking trips and they're traveling, or they
make more money than you, or they have a boyfriend and you don't.
Whatever it is, it doesn't mean that you need to push yourself and get
mad at yourself and your life because you don't have what they have at that
same timeline. Your timeline is completely different. Those three things just really reminding
myself that I don't need to put these people on pedestals just because they're doing
different things than me, or you know somebody who's living on a different timeline
than me, Like I don't need to look at myself like I'm bad or
wrong. Has really really helped me feel like I am mature and I'm and
honestly just happy with my life. Like that's really it. Like you continuously
move through life, constantly looking at your life and just comparing, comparing,
comparing, you will be so unhappy. And not only will you be unhappy,
you might go into these lengths of abandoning yourself and what you're working on
in your own lane and then jumping into someone else's. Realizing that doesn't work
for you and then having to start back over on something that is like actually
true to you and it's just not needed. It really isn't. And I
understand the struggle, right because especially when you're in your twenties, like you're
trying to figure out what's for you and what honestly it's actually not like what's
for you and what's for what's not, But it's more you don't know how
to back yourself and have confidence within yourself that what you are doing is good,
because I think society does a great job at trying to make you second
guess what you're doing and that you should always do more and there's always better
and it's just really not the case. But it's going to be up to
you in your life to decide that who you are as a person, what
you're interested in, where you're going in your life, is what you should
be doing. And I think sometimes we're waiting for permission, We're waiting for
other people to tell us that, but nobody tells us that. If anything,
when we look outside of ourselves, we're we're hoping to have someone validate
ourselves and be like this is your line, Like you're doing everything great,
but unfortunately we usually just see people doing things different than us, and because
we don't have that validation of what we're doing in our own lives, we're
like, fuck nobody, Like, I'm not on the same timeline. I
should be doing it like them. So this is maybe this is just like
your PSA. This is something that I wish that I heard more. Is
what you were doing is good enough. Continue to do what you want to
do in your life, and stay in your lane and really learn to validate
yourself because if you don't, you will be following the trends. You will
be doing what everyone else is doing constantly, be thrown into this, that
and the third fucking whatever it is that you're trying to do, and you'll
probably just come back to yourself, which is fine. It's a learning lesson
things of that nature. But that's what I have learned is like, Okay,
I don't know, maybe this is a sign note, but at the
age of twenty eight, I have realized, especially when it comes to people
who are older than me, nobody knows what the fuck they're doing, Okay,
Like nobody, Like just because people who might seem to have it all
together like on the outside, they still don't know what they're doing, okay.
And there's a lot of people who are older than you that you think
that should be wiser than you, that you think that are doing the right
thing just because they're older than you, and they're not. Okay. I
have met so many people in my life who are way older than me and
like, no shade, okay, because we're gonna talk about a self love
peace at the end of this, but no shade. Everyone's trying to figure
it out. But just because people are older than you, or on paper
they might be a little bit more successful in some areas does not mean that
they know it all and that you should be putting them again on a pedestal
the size of Mount Everest, Like people honestly are struggling, is all I'm
gonna say, Like, I don't know and I have found and this is
I'm not trying to be this like oh I know it all and like I'm
the best. But I do actually think that you need to have that energy
towards yourself, because why do we have none of that energy towards ourselves but
we look at everyone else like they know it all. It's like, no,
you know it as well. Okay, so always remind yourself of that.
But I have met many people who are on paper, supposed to be
wiser than me and supposed to know more than me, and they do not.
It is very clear that I am wiser than a lot of people who
I would have thought are kind of like should be more wiser than me because
maybe they're older. I have met a lot of people in my life who
are older than me, who are still operating out of a lot of trauma.
And I am again saying this as like coming back to my own advice.
It's everyone's on their own timeline. Okay, But the reason why I'm
saying that is because you need to remind yourself of that and like not always
compare yourself to even people who on paper might be more successful or older than
you. But like, I have met people in my life who are still
holding grudges towards their parents, who are still hating themselves, who still cannot
accept themselves, who still completely struggle in their careers, who completely second guests,
and who are miserable. Okay, And I am so happy that I've
realized that because I was on a journey in my life where I was putting
a lot of these people above me like they knew it all and that I
should be living life the way that they are, I should be thinking the
way that they do. But I came to a very big realization that it
wasn't that I was wrong, but like, these people are not sometimes people
that you want to be looking up to. And again, no judgment to
anyone who is wherever they are in their lives, but I just I don't
know. I guess maybe that's all I'll say with that, but it's just
for me personally, and I am not perfect, okay, But I have
learned how to forgive my mother for the things that she just indirectly put me
through, and I know that it wasn't intentional. I have grieved the loss
of my father, but I've also grieved the loss of that relationship that was
not the healthiest. I've had to grieve the relationship of the mother daughter relationship
that I didn't really get in my twenties because of the things that my mom
was going through. Like, I have come a very long way and I
don't live every single day in a lot of hate and anger and resentment.
And I can pick up the phone with my mom and you know, obviously
there's different evolutions of our relationship depending on what she's going through and this that,
But at the end of the day, it's like I have decided that.
Well, first, it's not even that I've decided. I have understood
why life happened the way that it did for my mom, for my dad
in my life story, and I've healed a lot from that, and I've
really been able to understand There's been something in me from a very young age
that just understands that people are flawed human beings and everyone is operating of different
traumas and things like that, and that's what it is. And I have
chosen to accept that, and it has made me a happier person. And
I can speak to my mother on the phone, and I can go to
sleep thinking of my dad that is no longer here in a way of like
still having so much gratitude and love for them both and just being happy and
not like carrying around this just anger. And I understand why people carry around
anger and frustration for their parents and stuff like that, Like I totally get
it. But I have come to a point in my life, being twenty
eight years old, where I can just get on the phone my mom and
like I'm not sitting here like miserable and complaining and getting off the phone and
being like why isn't she doing better? Or why doesn't she have this or
like she's like, oh, she doesn't communicate the way that I need her
too, or whatever. The reason why I'm saying that is because there's a
lot of people who are much much, much much much older than me who
still really really struggle with that. And again no shade, but really can't
get over it, is what I'm saying. They do not want to even
get over it, like they don't want to let it go. And I
at one point looked up to these people and really thought that they knew it
all and they don't, and their flow lot of people as well. And
so I just say all that to be just reminding you guys of the fact
that you really can decide a lot for yourself in how things go in your
life, and you do not always need to be looking outside of yourself for
validation confirmation that you're doing the right thing, and quite frankly, if you
do that, you might be really disappointed. And I'm happy that I've came
to this realization because I think about this sometimes. I think about this a
lot, actually, like recently in my life, I've really been thinking about
this a lot, Like if I kept following in the footsteps of certain people
in my life and putting them on these pedestals, like I feel like I'd
be really really disappointed in the next like five years, coming to the realization
not a lot of people don't know what the fuck's going on. Like a
lot of people don't know what the fuck's going on. A lot of people
are still stuck in the past. And yeah, so I don't know if
that was good advice at all, but I just think, like it's really
hard, I understand, especially when you are young, to instill confidence within
yourself. But sometimes it comes to a point where you just have to decide
that what you think is good enough, what you're doing is good enough.
And you know, even if somebody over here is older or has more than
you, does not mean that you are lower than them. And a lot
of the times, honestly, that's just like not even the case. Obviously,
you can look up to people for sure, but understand like you are
the most important thing. Your thoughts matter, your opinions matter, your life
journey in your lane, it actually matters, and pave that put energy and
time into that. And when it comes to like the comparison thing and timeline,
I'll give you a quick example. I still have to kind of work
on this as well in my life. If you, let's say you're twenty
four years old and you see your friends who have like really high paying jobs
or they have relationships, and you're sitting here like, oh my god,
like I'm still trying to figure out what i want to do with my career
or this that it doesn't mean anything other than you're just a different person than
them, which is what everyone is. Every single person is different. Okay.
And even the other day, I was thinking about this because this happens
all the time in my life and I still have to refine this and I
still have to like remind myself of this. But one of my friends,
she was like, do you want to come to Bahamas on like for my
birthday? Her birthday's in September, And she had asked me basically on a
whim, and I was actually working and I couldn't really come to decision,
and I was kind of stressed out about it because the way she had asked
me was very like yes or no, like can you answer? And she
wasn't doing it like I'm not even like paiding her in a bad light or
anything like that. She's like my best friend. So it was very much
so best friend energy of like can you come. And also there's another girl
who had decided that moment that she wanted to go as well. The reason
why they're asking me kind of last minute too is because there was like I
don't know, there was a deal going on anyways, I couldn't come to
a decision because I was actually working. And then the next day I still
felt very rushed, and the old version of me would have felt like I
would have rushed myself into making a decision whether it was yes or no,
which you don't need to do, Like you can give yourself time to think,
and if that means that's going to disappoint people, so fucking be it.
Like again, coming back to this energy of like you matter the most,
the most in the least narcissistic way, You matter the most. At
the end of the day, Okay, you have to go to sleep with
that decision that you've made. So if you need time to think, give
yourself time to think and do not feel bad about that. But she was
asking me about that, and then because I know myself and I couldn't come
to a decision, I told her, I'm like, honestly, like,
right now, I have a bunch of other things that I need to pay
for that are like more like I'm prioritizing more, I'm getting in viciline and
like all these things. I have certain financial goals. And although I technically
could come up with the money and I could find it, I know myself.
Coming back to knowing yourself as well is very important. I know myself
and I know it will what will stress me out and what will not,
and certain ways I spend my money and like a certain timeline will stress me
out. And I knew if I made that decision, it would just stress
me out, even though I could kind of make it work. So I
was like, I don't want to put myself in that situation, so I'm
not doing it. So I was kind of like communicated and said, you
know what, I don't think it's gonna make sense for me right now,
and my friend totally was like, yeah, no problem. And then I
was even thinking, like down the line, we'll go to a trip like
in the winter time, and it works better for me on my timeline,
on my freaking timeline. And but the reason why I bring this up is
because I still felt kind of bad and I was kind of for a second
think like comparing myself in a way. I was thinking, like, you
should be in a position right now in your life to be saying yes to
this as soon as she asks, Like that's kind of what I thought,
Like that limiting thought, that doubt, that whatever kind of creeped up being
like, oh well, just like basically I was thinking, was my friend
is in a position to be able to say yes off the whim, just
like that, why am I not? And I was like, hold up,
absolutely not. You have a different timeline than her, like every single
other person. So if you can't make it happen, you can't make it
happen. And that's okay. You don't have to feel bad about it.
You don't have to be like apologetic about it. You don't have to feel
even like you are behind, because that's another thing. Sometimes when you feel
like you can't live up or you can't like match somebody's you know, energy,
or match somebody's whatever, they're doing on their timeline. You kind of
feel like, oh, you're behind or whatever, and I'm sitting here like
you're not behind at all. You're just simply on a different timeline, you
know. And what actually works better for you is to think about when it
comes time. Let's say this example, for a trip, it works better
for you to go in the winter time anyways, because realistically, like I'm
not really trying to travel, I don't really listen another thing, like a
side note. Honestly, another side note is I'm not that big of a
traveler to begin with. And if I'm going to travel, if I want
to go somewhere warm, I would rather go in the wintertime. I live
in Canada. I'd rather go in the winter time if I'm going to travel
to like somewhere hot, than the summertime, because I don't mind the summer
here, Like I'm good to just kind of be here, like I'll travel
like within Canada. But whatever. And this is not to say that I
wouldn't travel, but it just works for me better to do it that way.
So why am I even feeling like I'm behind or feeling crap about myself
or that I should be wanting to travel when somebody else wants to, when
that's literally just not my timeline, and then that's not even what I want.
I also have never really been somebody who's this big traveler, and I've
always kind of felt bad about that because everyone says when you're in your twenties,
especially oh, like you know, people will take time off of school
or you know, when they're done school and they save a lot of money
and they want to travel the world whatever. I've never been like that.
I'm a home body through and through one of my biggest schools in my life
that I want to accomplish, which I don't care if it sounds bad or
not. Is I want to buy my home like I want to have my
suburban life. I want to be grounded. I want to be in my
home like doing the things that I want to be doing. That's different than
a lot of other people, Like right now, there's a few of my
friends who are definitely in the I want to travel, I want to whatever.
But I don't have to feel bad for that, and I don't have
to feel like I'm behind or I'm doing things wrong because I want my home
versus me going to Europe right now, you know what I mean. But
I have always lived my life like that. I have always lived my life
where I've had these real, true desires deep down my goddamn heart of hearts.
I've wanted a certain lifestyle, a certain way of living. I've wanted
to date a certain type of person. I've wanted to live my life a
certain way. And I've always felt like shit about that because other people weren't
doing that, or it wasn't uplifted in society, or whatever the case is.
And in all my years, you know, being twenty eight, now
I've realized, no, I'm not feeling bad for a single thing anymore.
If I want to think this way, if I want to have these certain
beliefs, if I want to have this career, I'm doing it. And
I do not care if somebody does not understand that. And that's another thing,
even when it comes to my career path, I have people in my
life who do not understand it. Quite frankly, I have people in my
life who genuinely think that what I do as a career is not as beneficial
as they even know. And I ask myself this, like, definitely this
year with some of the people in my life. And by the way,
I have a lot of people in my life who totally get what I'm doing,
and it doesn't really even matter even if they do. But you know
what I mean, there's a lot of people who understand what I'm doing,
but there are people in my life who very much so side I what I
am doing when it comes to my career, which again literally doesn't matter.
That will never stop me, never, never, ever, but it will
kind of make me feel like shit obviously. So there's people who will like
sidey what I'm doing, And I'm sitting here, like, why am I
putting these people's opinions above mine when they don't even understand the impact of what
I'm doing? You know why? Because these people don't even understand the benefit
of a podcast, of a YouTube channel of the things that I'm talking about.
They don't even get it. So why am I going to take their
opinion, which their opinion on what I'm doing is not really the best as
something that will actually dictate whether I continue to do this career path or not.
Like, these people just genuinely do not understand what I am doing.
And honestly, the people who do understand what I am doing, Like,
fully understand what I'm doing, They see the benefit, they they completely get
it, they support me, they would ever, So just understanding in your
life, you're gonna just have people who don't understand how you think, what
you do for your career, who you date, what you like, how
you think, and that is okay. Do not let them people who don't
even understand or don't even want the same things as you to get in the
way of where you are going in your life. And I have definitely done
that. Now, I haven't done that in the sense of I've allowed people
to really dictate what I do in terms of, you know, doing YouTube
or doing whatever I want, because I've had to be somebody who from a
very young age has gone for like I've just had to like create my own
life based out of survival. So like, nobody's dictating what I'm doing.
But on the back end of things, were there many years of my life
where I felt behind or I felt like I was doing the wrong thing,
or I was second guessing things that I was doing even though I did them.
But did I not enjoy some of the things that I was doing because
I was always feeling like, oh, I'm not like doing what everyone else
is doing. Yeah, I felt like that, and I didn't need to
feel like that. So if you're feeling in your life right now, you
know, maybe you're gonna obviously go for your dreams, but you're gonna feel
like crap doing it, or you're going to feel like indifferent. Stop,
this is your life. The people who don't get you are just the people
who do not get you. Just because somebody is doing something you know that
you might even think is amazing, doesn't mean it's that's the only way.
Even when it comes to beliefs, there's people who believe a whole host of
things and their way is the right way. That does not mean that it
needs to be your way. There's many different religions, there's many different beliefs,
systems. The people who are moving through life saying my way is the
only way hate to break it to you, but it's not. And the
last thing I'll say about no longer putting people on pedestals and stuff like that
is what has helped me is becoming the observer with people, places and things.
So when I go out in life now and I whether it's I'm talking
about myself or not, or I just hear people, you know, have
their opinions on how people should think and move in their life. I basically
just observe how they're thinking or being, but I don't take what they're thinking
as like my truth, Like just because again somebody got a new bag or
thinks that you should think this way, this type of religion, this belief
system, this career path. You can just become the observer and be like,
oh, that's really cool for them. That's really cool for them,
but not for me. And it's not an argument. It's not even about
like, oh I'm better than these people. Sorry, It's just I'm becoming
the observer. Even when it comes to shiny object syndrome. Let's say you
see people in your career field. I'll take content creation to be precise,
there's always a new app, there's always a new editing style, there's always
a new short form content thing to do, or that this trend to do.
When I see those things, I just observe and I'm like, okay,
like this content creator is doing content this way. I don't need to
do it that way. It's just how they're doing it, you know,
So just become the observer when it comes to like people, you know,
buying the latest thing. Okay, that's cool. Like she got a new
bag, that's amazing. I don't need to get that bag just because that
person has it. I can get maybe influenced by people and stuff, but
you can also just give yourself a second to think about these things instead of
like doing everything off of a whim, but always just coming back to yourself.
Okay. So the last thing that I want to talk about when it
comes to maturing and flourishing into the woman of your dreams is loving yourself.
I seriously don't ever. In my personal opinion, Okay, this is just
my opinion, I don't think somebody who is flourished and mature hates themselves or
doesn't know how to just be imperfect. Like I genuinely think that that really
does make you grown. Okay, A grown person is not hating on themselves
every day and you know, judging themselves, comparing themselves and just being super
harsh. Now are we perfect? No, that is a part of the
self love peace. Okay. So yes, there's gonna be times where you
are mature and you're grown and you're the woman of your dreams and you still
judge yourself and you still get down on yourself and you kind of like struggle
with self love. Okay, like yes, but the the day, like
I just I think that this is such a huge piece as to why I
can look in the mirror and be like, damn, I have matured,
I have grown. I love myself is because I love myself. And I'll
give you a little bit of an example. And I talk about self love
all the time. I think that this is like the This is like the
root of what I'm always talking about when it comes to the glow up journey.
I talk about it in my book The Ultimate Glow Up Guide. This
is the thing that I have that has really just transformed my life is understanding,
like damn, I don't have to be perfect, understanding why I even
hated myself in the first place. Just really learning how to unconditionally love myself.
That really just changed everything for me because I was able to get out
of my own way when I didn't do something perfect, when I didn't have
the most perfect day, I didn't spiral into that. I stopped story I
should say I should I stopped spiraling into those days and realize it's okay.
I can have flaws. I'm not gonna have the best day. I can
turn this around. I don't have to be perfect. I can still do
it even if I'm feeling like shit. All that kind of stuff has really
really helped me be able to go for my dreams. Like I even think
of this when it comes to content, Like I had to be okay with
being imperfect. I had to be okay with being nervous on camera or not
saying all the proper words. I still don't say the proper words. I
still mess up some of the things that I'm saying. I still sometimes get
in my but like, I don't let that get in the way of me
living my life. You don't need to you don't have to be perfect.
It's literally like it just doesn't even exist anyways. So yesterday I went to
yoga for the first time in like a week and a half, hot yoga
because I was sick, and God did it feel It was hard. It
was really hard to go. Okay, but I went. And I don't
usually have many bad body image days because I have worked really hard on this
self acceptance and love peace that I don't really have bad days when it comes
to my body image Because when I look in the mirror and let's say I'm
not like loving something, I don't hyperfixate on it and I don't spiral about
it because I just accept it for what it is. Like if I look
in the mirror and I'm like, oh, like I don't look like that
toned or whatever, I'm fine, Like it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter
that my body doesn't look super toned that day, or it doesn't matter that
my body like I don't really love the way that my body looks in that
outfit or that. Like I don't really have those standards really, So that's
why I don't really have body bad body image days. I have really just
dropped those the the incessant need to have like this perfect body. So like
obviously don't really struggle with that. But obviously there's like certain ways that you
like the way that your body looks, right, like whether that's in your
gym clothes or a certain outfit, Like we all have a certain way that
we probably prefer our bodies to look. Now, again, I'm not necessarcessarily
like hyper focus on that, but in the or in the class, I
was looking at my body and maybe this was there was a host of reasons.
Probably why my mind was set was like this. First of all,
I was like not in a good mood in general. I hadn't been to
yoga or I hadn't moved my body in a while. And the shorts that
I was wearing it just didn't make my hips like look the way that I
don't even know like they're supposed to look. They're like, how are they
supposed to look? Whatever? It just like the fabric wasn't sitting on my
body the way that I usually like see my body, and so I was
kind of like looking at myself in the mirror just being kind of a little
bit critical on myself, being like, oh, like I don't really like
this, and trying to like move my shorts the way that it was and
this that, and I was like, Okay, this is the time right
now for me to tap into what I know is true about me, which
is I can love myself through this right now and it doesn't matter. Okay,
it does not matter, and it's okay. So it wasn't that I
was trying to ignore the fact that I didn't like the way that my body
looked. I looked in the mirror and I was like, I don't like
the way that that looks. I just don't like the way that that's like.
The math is not mathing with that, and I don't really like that.
But I was like, you know what, I can do yoga right
now, and I can be in this class filled of people who might be
looking at my body, probably not probably don't care because they're looking at themselves.
I can be here right now in this flawed in my mind, in
that moment, this flawed human being of a body right now, and it's
totally fine. Everything is okay. I do not need to feel like my
body is looking perfect right now. It doesn't matter. It literally does not
matter. And I think sometimes like we can't have a good day if we
look in the mirror and we see that our body is not the way that
we want it to be. But what I have learned and how I've matured
is being okay with seeing what's in the mirror and it not being like exactly
the way that I want. And I think sometimes we have learned to only
love ourselves when our bodies look a certain way, like when my body's looking
snatched, or when my skin is clear, or when my hair is popping,
But what about the days where your hair doesn't look the best, or
you have breakouts, or your body for some reason is not looking the way
that you want it to look. Can you be okay with that? That's
what self love really is. That is what unconditional love is. Is understanding
there's gonna be days in times where you make mistakes, where you don't look
perfect. Can you be okay with that? Can you look at yourself in
the mirror and be like, yep, I'm not looking the best today,
And I know like some people will be like, oh, you should always
look in the mirror and just like really love every part of you and stuff.
But that's not real self love. That's not real unconditional love. That's
not what it is. Unconditional love and acceptance for yourself is being real with
yourself and being like, yeah, today do not I don't feel like I
look the best, And that's also okay. Now, of course you can
look in the mirror and be like, I look perfect, even if you
look different than how you usually look like you could do that, but also
you don't have to, like you can just totally be okay with it,
like it's fine that you don't look how you normally look like snatch, or
even when it comes to yeah, making mistakes or having a bad day,
it's fine. It's not the end of the world, like we demonize so
much sometimes when we have these imperfect days, and I think somebody who is
mature understands that it's okay to have those days. You haven't ruined anything.
You have not ruined anything. And I think that having that mindset allows you
to get back up, It allows you to have a better body day or
body image day. Like when I accepted that, yeah, okay, you
know what, today is not going to be the day that I love the
way that I look in the mirror. That negative shit, that's not even
like serving me. Those thoughts just passed by the end of class. I
didn't give a fuck. I didn't care. I wasn't like sitting here and
being like, oh my god, like why like why and going into this
spiral of like, oh my god, I need to work out more,
or oh my God, like I let myself go, or oh my god,
this that right when you can look in the mirror and be like,
yep, my body doesn't look the best today, that's okay, or yep,
I made a mistake. That's fine. When you can accept that,
you will you will not tend to spiral even more. Right, because when
we, let's say, think that we've made a bad decision, wrong decision,
our bodies don't look the best whatever, we try to fix it,
right, we're like, oh my god, I need to go to the
gym, I need to start this diet, and we just stress ourselves out
more and then we feel like shit about ourselves until we fix it. We
don't need to do that. You completely can just skip that fucking step completely
by just accepting what you see in the mirror and watch you will change your
mindset about that. The whole entire thing will change and you go back to
being whoever the fuck you are. Like, there was no need for me
to be like, oh I need to start a diet or I need to
like change the way. I didn't need to do any of that. And
what I told myself in the moment was, you know what these days happen,
Okay, not every single day You're gonna look in the mirror and be
completely like so obsessed, And that is totally fine. I told myself too
that there's just you know, there's seasons of life. Sometimes if I'm not
tan, I don't look that toned. So that's fine, Like it's not
that big of a deal, Like I don't need to I don't need to
get so mad at myself because like you know what I mean, like look
at everything that I've done, as like I haven't been doing enough just because
I don't like what I see in the mirror that day. I don't need
to go to these extremes. I don't need to rebrand my entire life.
There's just gonna be days where yeah, maybe like I'm on my period or
I'm going through a certain phase in my cycle where yeah I don't have the
best thoughts, or maybe I didn't get enough sleep okay, or maybe I
haven't been to yoga and a week and a half and I haven't seen my
body, or I just haven't felt like I've been on my shit. So
yeah, no wonder I'm not going to feel like the most glowed up version
of myself. So relax, Like you don't need to go into this energy
of you need to rebrand your life and until then you're just like this piece
of shit person and your body is not good and this that or again when
you make a mistake, a quote unquote mistake, or you didn't have the
most perfect day, it's not a big deal. Like, it's actually not
a big deal. And I always think about, you know, when I
have children, how do I want to treat them? And how do I
want to teach them love for themselves? But how do I also want to
love them. I don't want them to feel on the days where they didn't
have the most perfect sleep or the you know, they didn't get an answer
right on a test, Like I don't want them to feel like a piece
of shit about themselves until they fix it. Like this is not to mean
that we can't work on ourselves, but we can work on ourselves from a
place of self love an acceptance. And I promise you you are going to
have better results in your life and transform in your life if you have this
level of compassion and love for yourself on the journey of you making it right,
on the journey of you hitting those goals in the gym. Okay.
So I just think that that is something that is the most important when it
comes to maturing and growing up, is to accept yourself for all of your
flaws, all of the mistakes, all of the whatever, not even looking
at things as mistakes. But yes, we can look at things and mistakes.
And actually, I found this Pinterest quote that I want to read to
you that really just encompasses something like, not something, but the way that
I think. And it says being hot, cool, et cetera. And
we can add in the word mature. So being mature, hot, cool,
et cetera is about realizing that there are no rules. And when you
realize that there's no rules, you do what you feel like doing and you
don't think about it too much. Also, don't be afraid of looking silly.
Just love and embrace your current self and cherish it and give it a
good time. And this is just like this just to me is like what
a'm mature, flourished person that just is confident and really owns their life and
theirselves and just loves life. Is somebody who realizes there's no fucking rules.
I make the rules. Okay, I make the rules. What I say
goes, my opinion matters. I'm gonna stay in my own line. I'm
gonna choose to do what I want in the most loving, most respectful way
to other people. This is not about being a narcissist, because I feel
like when you talk like this, people are like, oh, you're being
a narcissist, You're being selfish. No, no, no, okay,
you're just owning yourself and who you are. You make the rules, and
you do what you feel like doing, and you stop second guessing yourself,
and you stop putting all of these these like standards and rules and these high
expectations and constantly nitpicking yourself and really like putting limitations on yourself. Allow yourself
to mess up, allow yourself to be that person in the room where yeah,
you maybe said the wrong thing, or not even saying the wrong thing,
Like you you're the only person that thinks that you're saying the wrong thing.
You know, as long as you like if you're telling yourself that,
you know what I mean. Anyways, I just think that being okay with
yourself and allowing yourself to have flaws is honestly, in my personal opinion,
very attractive. I think that people want to be around you more. I
think that you also indirectly give people permission to be themselves, which is what
we are all dying to be. I promise you this. Okay, everyone
is just waiting for permission. Everyone is just waiting to just drop the veil,
to drop the mask of like trying to be someone that they're not.
There's so many people And I even think about this when it comes to like
behind closed doors being a content creator and meeting people in a real life things
of that nature. Like people are a lot different on social media than they
are in real life. Not everyone all the time, but there definitely are.
And obviously, like even myself, I'm a little bit different in real
life because there's just things that I don't share online. But one thing I
did want to be and do and create for my presence online is being the
most authentic version of myself because I know that that's what people want. I
know that that's what people want because I want that, and I want the
same quality of real conversations and realness that I have in my own life to
be reflected on camera and to have people feel a sense of they can be
themselves and they can just own themselves and be whoever they want to be,
because I feel like, genuinely people are craving that people are craving permission to
just be themselves, and I feel like online you're like we're constantly looking for
that, but there's gonna be a lot of people who won't give you that
permission because they're either on their own lane, they're doing their own thing,
but also a lot of people don't even know how to give it to themselves.
And I think the reason why people like me not to make it about
myself. But I do think the reason why a lot of people like being
around me in my personal life is and they say this is that they feel
like they can be themselves around me, and that like, I'm not judging
and I'm not like holding this high expectation of them or anything like that.
And I know that the reason why that translates to other people is because I
have that energy towards myself. I've learned how to love and accept myself and
my flaws. I have learned how to just be real with myself, and
that reflects in conversations that I have with people, and people feel seen and
heard, and people feel like they can be themselves because I'm being real,
I guess, and I'm assuming that's why some people like my content. But
I'm not gonna be everyone's cup of teine. I also know that, and
that's totally fine, and I think that we should just start being more real
with that and just owning who it is that we want to be in our
lives, Like what do you like in your life, how do you want
to think, how do you want to dress, how do you want to
move in your life? Be shameless about it? And I know it's so
hard because there's so many people who pass judgment or they have their own opinions,
but who cares. At the end of the day, you have to
go to sleep with yourself, okay, So you make decisions for yourself.
You own who you are. Not everyone's gonna like it, and that's totally
fine. Nobody not. Everyone needs to understand you. And I think about
this when it comes to being contact or not. Everyone needs to understand what
I am doing, how I am doing it, why I'm even doing it.
People don't even need to believe the same things that I do. There's
some people who don't like my book, and that's okay. At first,
I was like, you know, like that stings a little bit, you
know, it's like, what the heck, But it's fine. Just because
somebody doesn't understand my book or they don't like it, or they don't like
my content or they don't like me for whatever reason. It doesn't it literally
has nothing to do with me. But we make it all about ourselves,
like we make it the most big thing. It's like, oh my god,
I should change this about myself. I'm not a good person or I'm
doing it the wrong way. You're not You're not. You're not, You're
not. And that is the biggest lesson that I have learned out of all
of my years is there's just gonna be people who don't get it. But
that's fine. Okay. So with that said, I hope you guys enjoyed
this episode. It was kind of everywhere because I just wanted to talk about
a few things. I think those are just definitely things that I can look
in the mirror and be like, yeah, I'm mature. Yeah, I
flourish into the person of the woman of my dreams because I feel like I
accept myself. I love myself. I'm okay with imperfect days. I am
not stressing myself out all the time to be this picture perfect version of myself
because it doesn't exist. I think the things that I talk about in my
book have really helped me be able to understand why I even hated myself in
the first place and why I had those standards. So definitely check out my
book The Ultimate Glow Up Guy, which will be linked down below. You
can get them at your bookstores if you're interested and you haven't gotten it.
Also, just understanding that people who are older than me don't know it all,
even people who are younger than me don't know it all. People who
have success just because they have success doesn't mean that what I'm doing is not
right. And making sure to have healthy boundaries by genuinely just having a vision
in goals for myself have really helped me just be very proud of being who
I am at twenty eight years old, even though last week I was dragging
myself. Okay, So I hope you guys enjoyed today's episode. One last
thing about my book. If you guys read my book and you enjoyed it,
I would love it. I would literally be so grateful if you guys
could go onto good Reads, which I'll have the link down below, where
you can leave a review and a star review if you enjoyed it. Even
if you don't want to write anything, just leaving like a star review would
be really really great. I want to get those stars up a little bit
more. Listen good Reads, girlies, some of them will come for your
neck. Okay, some of the what's it called reviews that are not necessarily
the most favorable of my book, which is totally fine, Like everyone's gonna
have their opinion. I think my book is amazing. Definitely, some of
those reviews were outside of the girlies. They were outside of the community.
They definitely did not that book touched people outside of my community, is what
I'm going to say, which obviously reflects bringing down the star reviews a little
bit. So I'm just saying that because I want the girls who do love
my book. If you guys could go leave a review, that'd be amazing,
because I really want this book to get out to more people, because
I think it's a unique story and I think that we are unique and very
niche. But there are so many people who are struggling with glowing up and
self sabotage and understanding this consistent falling into unfavorable patterns in their lives. And
I think that I really shed light on, you know, getting to that
route, and I really want other people to see that as well. So
if you could leave a review, that'd be great. If you obviously read
my book, I really really appreciate all of you guys who are constantly supporting,
leaving comments, leaving reviews on the podcast. If you read my book
like you guys, you like guys, I journal about you guys so much
that you would be a little bit like I don't know if you'd be weirded
out, But I am just very very grateful for the support and the ride
or diet energy that you guys have for me, for the podcast, for
this community that we have built. And I just think that the energy that
you guys give to me, the love that you guys give to me,
the support and the showing up for your guys' selves as well, like obviously
using my advice and everything like that. It just is like a positive feedback
loop. It gives me energy and I can give it out to you guys,
and then that leads to touching other people's lives. So I want you
guys to know that the women and even men who are in this community and
who listen to my podcast, you showing up and like showing up for yourself
and also giving me love directly impacts the person across the world that you will
never even meet in your lifetime. You just need to know that, Okay,
Like you showing up and just being on this journey, this goo up
journey is touching other people's lives, even if you do not ever see it
and know it. And I want you to remind yourself of that. And
I have to remind myself of that as well. Like I see the views,
I see the back end, I see the downloads, I see these
crazy accomplishments that I've had over the years, But obviously I don't see every
single person's face, you know, and I never will. Like there's so
many people that just never will. There's silent listeners, there's everything. So
I have to remind myself of that. And I'm grateful for you guys,
but also be grateful for yourselves and understand that you are touching lies just by
showing up and listening to my podcast and supporting and sending love to me.
You guys are just so amazing and beautiful and I love you guys. Okay,
So with that said, I will talk to you guys next Monday.
I hope you guys enjoyed today's episode, and I'll see you in the next
one. Bye,