If you didn't listen to the last three episodes, go listen and start the
story from the beginning. We left off last time with me being shamed and
ostracized by my sorority sisters, and now I'm on my way to go move
into the chapter house. Snapped. I move into the sorority house, and
on the first day, I were just partying. I'm excited to see you,
the friends that I do have, and I just binge strengthening to distract
myself and the fact that I'm living with all these people that make me really
uncomfortable. Usually I am a very bubbly person. I sing a lot,
I smile a lot, and I was no longer singing or genuinely smiling.
No one was mean to me, don't get me wrong, But the only
questions I would really be asked would be like, are you going to have
happy hour? Are you going out? What are you wearing? Can I
borrow this? Can you send me the notes from class? I was placed
into a quad. A quad is a room with three other girls, so
foreign total, and two of the girls I wasn't friends with at all before
this. Living in a quad in general was awful for my mental health.
I have ADHD and generalized anxiety disorder. A sensory overload was off the chart.
The anxiety was at an all time high. From the beginning, things
were not looking great. I talked to some fellow sisters about what happened over
the summer, the whole email incident, and they always said it was fucked
up. Some were even passionate about how fucked up they thought it was.
But the most common response that I would get was it wasn't even that bad.
And then they would pull up a picture of an older girl posting a
picture where they show more skin and show it to me. In response,
I would say, yeah, but it doesn't even matter, you know,
like even if I was naked, it's my body. One day, I'm
hanging out with four of my sisters at one of their apartments and we're discussing
the whole incident that happened over the summer, and one of my friends is
like, Lucy, like, I want to tell you something, but we
all have to promise to not bring it up, and so we promise,
and she told me that her g big So, someone who is part of
the older girl group chat, told her that my pledge mom had screenshotted and
sent all her messages with me to the older girl group chat, and apparently
they shamed me further, saying things like why does she want to keep it
up so badly? And apparently they also made a collage of my pledge classes
but picks I, of course in see these text messages. So I don't
know if that's one hundred percent fact. But what I do know is one
hundred percent fact, is that I was told that that happened, and so
of course that increased my anxiety even more. What I was telling myself to
get through this over the summer was like, I'm going to make a presentation.
I'm about slut shaming, and I really want to give it a chapter,
and you know, maybe this is my role in the sorority, maybe
this is why I'm here. Did start making that presentation at the end of
the summer, but when I found that out, I gave up. I
realized that I wasn't comfortable to change things from the inside because I officially felt
like an outsider. And meanwhile, in our sorority Facebook page, they're still
telling us to cover up for tonight's social theme, but this time they clarify
that this is not directed at anyone. In particular, when frat guys continued
to put me and my sisters on a pedestal for being in a top sorority,
I no longer felt validated. I felt annoyed. Everyone looking the same,
dressing the exact same, literally wearing the same sorority merch or whatever gave
me legitimate anxiety and like, where whatever you want, you know, but
it felt like there was no toleration or acceptance for difference. Looking around the
room, the only people of color I would see would be one sorority sister,
the chef, and people on the cleaning crew. One night at chapter,
we're sitting in the chapter room. It's our basement. Everything's pink,
pink, pinks. The older girls are the ones that are allowed to sit
on the couches. The young girls helped to sit on the floor. And
I remember I'm sitting on the floor and there is just so much chatter of
stuff that I felt like I could no longer relate to or care about,
you know, just like sorority chatter. Who's gonna go with? Who to
dated? And did you hear that Kappa mapa pizza is going on? So
much I just remember the room getting really blurry and feeling like I might have
a panic attack. And I left chapter, which is something that you're not
really supposed to do, and I went up to my room and cried.
This was the first time I could cry alone because I was living in the
quad. There were numerous days where I'd come home from class ready to cry
in the comfort of my own room, but my roommates and two other sorority
sisters who don't live in the house are getting ready for happy hour, or
maybe there's already one of my sisters blacked out in my bed. At night,
when I'm tearing up and sniffling in my bed, you know, crying
myself to sleep, I would worry that I was bothering my three roommates,
so I'd go down to the living room and sleep there. The automatic lights
wouldn't turn off, but at least I wasn't bothering my sorority sisters. And
there were many girls in my pledge class who I genuinely enjoyed as people,
and girls who weren't in my pledge class. But I now felt like there
was this barrier somehow between us, like we were in the same world,
but seeing different things. My rose colored glasses just got smashed and there's just
got cleaned. It felt like if I said anything remotely against Greek life,
people would jump to defend it. I remember once at the dinner table,
I said something like, oh, like, I wish we could wear what
we wanted to socials like instead of having a theme. Then this girl was
like, that's what the bars are for. Another time, I was talking
about how I heard that this frat was drugg and girls at front of their
parties, and a girl popped her head out and was like, oh,
no, I know those guys. They would never do anything like that.
Disaffiliating didn't even feel like an option for me. The only time I had
heard of anyone leaving sorority worlds was when they were kicked out, and I
would think to myself, like, I'm out a quitter. I'm usually really
good at making friends, and it felt like me disaffiliating would be like me
quitting. Though at this point I would like to issue a trigger warning,
I will be talking about rape. The night started with the social. It's
with our brother frat, the one that we love so much. We put
them on a pestal. They love us, we love them. We soak
up each other's coolness and work together. And after social comes the post game.
And so this post game came potential pledges for the frat. So this
means that they were not yet in the fraternity, but they were on their
way to be members. They just first had to prove themselves. There was
this one guy, we'll call him Derek. We immediately were just drawn in
together and I think he's cute and we're talking, we're dancing, I'm taking
hits from his jewel and when he finds out that I'm in the sorority I'm
in, He's ecstatic. He loves because I'm top tier and I'm in the
sorority that this frat is so close with start making out. We're both pretty
drunk. Man, I agreed to go back to his place. While we're
walking back to his place, I tell him, hey, like, I
don't want to have sex. Like I'm down to cuddle and like make out
and stuff, but I don't want to have sex. About a week before
this, I was called a slut by a guy that I hooked up with.
The reason why he did this was because he asked my good friend what
I said about the hookup, and she didn't tell him. She was like,
I don't think she'd want me talking about that. And I guess he
thought that that meant I said something bad, and so he goes, oh,
well, she's a slut anyway. And I personally realized that having sex
or having sex the first time that you hook up with someone does not make
you a slut. And that's just the fucking patriarchy whispering in our ears.
But I realized that these guys, they weren't respecting me, and I only
wanted to have sex with people now who I knew respected me as a human,
you know, at least enough to not call me a slut afterwards.
So I tell him this and he was like, yeah, yeah, no
problem. And we go back to his place and it's a good time.
We make out, do a little bit of other stuff, nothing too crazy,
you know, we don't have sex, and we end up falling asleep
naked. The next morning, we wake up and he's like, WHOA,
Like, I blacked out last night. Fill me in what happened. And
so I tell him what happened and he's like, did we have sex?
And I'm like, no, recently, I've decided that I don't want to
have sexist guys until I know that they respect me. And the last time
I did, I felt bad about it. And he's like, oh,
okay, cool. You know, he doesn't question it. And we're just
laying there naked, and we start making out, just chill, and while
we're making out, he gets on top of me and he puts his dick
inside me without a condom, and he starts reaping me and I'm staring at
the ceiling and I'm like, what are you doing? And he keeps going
and I say no, and he's like, just a few more minutes,
and I say no again, and then he stops. He then gets up
and goes to take a shower. We're interacting like nothing just happened. He
was still very excited that I was in the sorority that I was in,
And while he's in the shower, I'm laying on his bed staring at the
stealing. But he ended up driving me home and he just kept talking about
how like it was so cool that I was in the sorority that I was
in, and how much he hoped he was going to get a bid to
that frat and he ended up asking for my number. I put my number
in his phone and I left the car and went back to the sorority house.
My roommates asked if I had sex with him, and I said no
because it didn't feel like I had sex with him. A few days later,
I see Derek at a happy hour. At this point, he's gotten
a bid, saw me talking to guys who were in the frat, and
so I guess he saw that I had lout within that frat, and so
he's all over me, calling me pretty, saying how cool he thinks I
am. He's like, do you want to go back to my place?
Bloody daddy dah, And I'm like, yeah, I'm down, but only
if it's like a date, like if we can talk, Like I don't
want to just be hooking up. I want to talk and get to know
you. I was in the mindset of just like if I can have a
guy to like be friends with and just like hook up with there, like
maybe I'll be less lonely. And also, my friends were hooking up with
guys in this frat and I wasn't, and I thought maybe this could be
my way to feel normal. So I'm like okay, like yeah, if
we can just if it could just be a date, like if we can
talk at the table and just hang out, and he's like, yeah,
yeah, yeah totally. And we end up going back to his place,
and while we're at his place where sitting on the couch, I keep trying
to make conversation while he keeps pouring me drinks and making out with me.
I wasn't making out back for a while, and I'd like push him away
and start a conversation. Then he would just keep leaning in and making out
with me. And at this point, I felt like it was easier to
make out with him than to keep resisting. Thank god that at some point
during this he had to go get hazed by his frat and I leave with
him. And I'm really glad that he had to leave, because I don't
know what would have happened if he didn't leave. And I don't know I
wasn't leaving. I don't know why I wasn't leaving, but I just wasn't.
I didn't process at all what happened before that was rape. I I
just felt like I didn't have sex with him, and I don't know.
I guess I just felt like he tried but we didn't. I don't know
what I was thinking, but I did not think that it was rape.
And the next time I saw him, it was at a pregame for a
tailgate. I was probably like ten am. We were all dressed up in
our sports attire, repping the school, and we're all drinking and one of
my friends, who also got a bid for the frat, a guy friend,
told me, oh, I heard you had sex with Derek, and
I was like, what, No. I didn't like he put his dick
inside me, but I didn't want to have sex. Immediately after he told
me that, I went all around the room to try and find Derek,
and eventually I found him and I brought him outside of the frat house and
I was like, what the fuck, why are you telling people that we
had sex? Like we didn't have sex. I didn't even want your dick
to go inside of me. And he was like, I'm sorry, I'm
sorry, like I know, and he's like I was probably blacked out,
like I don't remember saying that, like I'm sorry, Please don't tell anyone
in your sorority that this happened. And these words make me break down.
I start crying and I'm like, you should be upset that I didn't want
your dick inside of me, and not that I might tell my sorority.
And I storm inside and I end up telling some of the girls in my
sorority about the conversation that I just had, and they're like, that's so
fucked up, Like that's awful. I'm so sorry. No one says anything
like that's right, You're like, really makes it a huge issue. And
I end up telling these girls that I'm walking back to the house with because
I think one of them had to get something before the tailgate, and they're
like, oh, that sucks, Like something similar happened to me too.
It's like it's shitty because you don't know if it's rape, but like it's
not, but like it seems like it might be, but it's not.
And just so we're clear, because it seems that like a lot of people
are confused, including myself at the time. But the definition of rape is
unlawful sexual intercourse or any other sexual penetration of the vagina, anus, or
mouth or another person with or without force by a sex organ, other body
part, or foreign object, without the consent of the victim. I was
living in an environment where rape rape culture. It was not talked about at
all, not a chapter meetings, not amongst conversation with friends, and in
my head, I didn't feel like I could say it was rape because it
was just Tree did so normally. I ended up just staying at the sorority
house and not going to the tailgate, and I cried in bed for hours.
While I didn't think that it was rape at the time, I did
know that this was another abuse of power. First over the summer, now
whatever this was, and I already tried to fight, so the only thing
left to do is flight the fuck out of year. I think that it
was at this moment that I've realized I had to disaffiliate. I can't be
on the other side of rush where I'm recruiting underclassmen telling them the sorty is
the best thing that's ever happened to me, such a support system, blah
blah blah blah blah. I couldn't lie during to someone's face like that,
and I had to stop lying to myself. Yes, I'm scared that my
friends and the sorority will be disappointed with me, and I know that I'm
letting my big down and I'm scared I won't even have any friends after all
of this, because right now this is my community. But deep down I
knew that staying was harder than leaving, and so without anyone in the sorority's
knowledge and intense search to move out, mid semester began like I wanted to.
I knew I was going to disaffiliate now, but and I wanted to
do it as soon as possible, but it was heading towards the middle of
the semester. So as of now, I wasn't finding anything for immediate move
in, and I couldn't even consider disaffiliating till I had a space to live.
That would be so awkward being disaffiliated and still living in the house.
And I want to very clearly note that this is privilege. To be able
to move to a new place mid semester and have my parents support me through
it. I mean, to be living in the sorority house in the first
place was privilege. The rent was extremely overpriced, and so were the dues.
With the sorority in general, there was still a high risk that the
sorority would make me pay for everything, or to make my parents pay for
everything, and so to be able to move out anyway was a huge privilege,
and I'm very grateful that I was able to even consider this. And
I also have to now start thinking about how I was going to disaffiliate,
Like, am I going to send my pledge class an awkward message in our
group shot? Everything I'm drafting in my notes just feels weird because I don't
want to offend anyone, and I honestly don't know how to explain it.
I still am not saying out loud that I was raped. I remember I
would stay to my best friends from home. I would say, like,
I'm living in rape culture, but I still didn't feel like I could say
I was raped. Meanwhile, keep in mind that my Instagram still looked perfect
that day of the pregame for the tailgate. I took a great pick that
day and posted it on Instagram. Don't drive byde it. It's deleted,
and all my sorority sisters are still commenting on my picks and I'm still getting
so many likes. So from the outside world, it seems like I'm living
the college experience, and in a dark way, I kind of am.
At least for a woman. My sex drive is very low for a while
now, so was my energy. I barely wanted to go out, and
I didn't have the desire to put makeup on and get out of bed.
And being surrounded by perfect sorority girls who looked perfect all the time with a
full face of makeup and made their bed after a night out and then went
to the gym and we're best friends with all the guys in the top frat
definitely fucked with my self esteem. I was also becoming more and more distant
from my little squad and the sorority, you know, like my little group
of friends within it. As I kind of mentioned before, I felt like
we were on two totally different pages when it came to our views on Greek
life. Like they were constantly saying I'm peeking, I'm peeking, and I
was very clearly not peaking. One time, I was complaining about living in
the house to one of my sorority sisters, and she told me that I
wasn't trying hard enough and that it hurt her when I said negative things about
the sorority because it was something that was so important to her. This was
really hard for me to hear, because for so long I was really trying
to make this work, and I feel like I'm a burden, Like I
feel like I'm the depressed friend that brings the mood down. And this caused
me to isolate myself even more. It felt like the patriarchy was looking at
me wherever I went, Like usually I'll shave my legs sometimes and leave them
hairy other times, but not in this house. I was literally uncomfortable to
have hairy legs. Well, when I say yes to going to the bar
with my sorority sisters because I wanted to feel normal again. I have my
spray tin, my roommate straightens my hair, I put on my low cut
black dress. My boobs are popping out and the best way possible, and
I binge drink my way through the night. I was determined to hook up
with someone. My roommates are consistently hooking up with guys, and I haven't
really been much at all, and so I want to hook up with a
guy, even though I don't have a sex drive. I see Derek at
the bar. He nods and I glared at him a little and look away.
I get another drink and start texting old guys, and I've hooked up
with one of them is free, and I meet him at his house.
At this point, I'm wasted and I go to his house and I keep
saying, I don't want to hook up. I don't want to hook up.
Let's just talk. And he was getting pissed at me because I mean,
he probably, I mean, he definitely assumed that I was coming over
to hook up. And I was assumed too that I was going over to
hook up, but my wasted self was telling me, no, Lucy,
you actually don't want to hook up. I don't really remember all of that
night, to be honest, but we didn't have sex. And in the
morning, I'm laying on his chest and he pushes my head down the suck
is dick, and I do because I I feel bad that I didn't have
sex with him last night. And I went back to the sorority house bawling
my eyes out because I felt so used and pressured. Just don't fucking push
my head down to give your head like I'll give you blowjob if I want
to give you a blowjob. The fuck. I remember my roommates asking me
if I was okay, and I was like no, and I told him
like that I felt used by him. And they were just like, oh,
guys are fucked up, like guys suck. But it was never like
what the fuck, what do these what these guys do is wrong. It
was pretty much saying boys will be boys, and I don't blame them,
I blame society for engraving that into our heads. At this point, I
am looking everywhere for a room in a dorm, like an extra room,
or to move into a house or anything. I would have done anything to
leave. And on a lucky day, I see a post on Facebook saying
that this group of girls is living in a house and they need someone to
move in a step, and so I fucking hop on that post. I
message the girl ask her when I could come see the house. She says
right now. I say, okay, I tell my roommate I'm going just
for a walk, and I sneak off to my house viewing. I see
the house and immediately I'm like, I need to move here. The girls
were so friendly, and none of them weren't sororities, which I really like.
I didn't tell them what happened, but I told them that I was
in a sorority and like I needed to get the fuck out, and like
it would, I would really really appreciate it if I could move in,
like if they would pick me. And that night they told me they would
and I could move in on Wednesday, which was just three days from today.
My chest lost its tightness the second they told me that I was able
to move in. Now I just had three days to tell my roommates,
tell my big tell my friends, and pack up my stuff and leave this
house. The day before moving I had an intake appointment for therapy, and
I went to the appointment and I filled out one of those questionnaire things that
you do at the beginning of therapy so that they get an idea of your
past, and one of the questions was something along the lines of have you
ever been sexually assaulted? Before? I said yes. And then when I
was an intake session, already bawling my eyes out just because I was such
I was a mask, the therapist asked me what happened, like why did
I circle yes? And I told her exactly what happened, and she told
me that's rape, like that's considered rape. I was. I was distraught.
I mean, that was the first time anyone had ever validated me,
and that was the first time it ever clicked in my head, like,
oh shit, you're right, that is rape. And I left that office
and I collapsed on the ground outside of the building and I ugly cried on
the stairs for about fifteen minutes. My roommate from freshman year, he was
really supportive with me through all of this. We were getting lunch after that,
and I was just like, what the fuck is life? You know,
you're just after after a huge cry and then your eyes are all nasty,
ugly, puffy, and you just look heinous. But it's kind of
funny. It's kind of funny, like after you cry so much and then
you're just you just kind of need to laugh a little bit, you know,
Like we're kind of in that mood. We're sitting in the cafeteria place
and we look up and we see Department of Sorority and Fraternity Life, and
we're like, hmm. She's like, do you want to go in and
just see see what we can see what we can do, and our literal
kinesthetic responses walk us into the Department of Fraternity and Sorority Life and I'm very
vague about what happened, but I kind of I end up telling the head
or some person high up about what happened over the summer and about what happened
with Derek, And I didn't give names or anything, but I just vaguely
said what happened. And she referred me to a place on campus where you
talk about being sexually assaulted or being like harmed in any way and you can
go there for resources. And her response was pretty much like, oh,
like that, that's awful. Greek life is so tricky because so many good
people in it, and you just need to wean the bad ones out.
And I'm like, true, true, But in my head, I'm like,
Greek life is what gives the quote bad ones a platform, It's what
enables them, and it's just not possible to wean the bad ones out.
Like what are you going to do every time after they rape ten girls they
like you take them out? Then, like after the harm is done,
Like what is that going to do? The saying is one bad apple spoils
the whole bunch. If the system is giving that one apple power and a
platform, the harm has already been done. And the same thing goes for
the police. To be clear, I wasn't here to report anything. I
didn't want to report anything in fear of getting back to me and getting in
trouble. I kind of just wanted, we just wanted to go in and
see what options are. Rape is hard enough to talk about as it is,
that when you're a rapist is in a fraternity, it as a whole
nother layer because you're not just reporting them, you're reporting like basically their chapter,
like it's their chapter. Will then at a reputation as well, and
you're you don't want to ruin the relationship that your sorority has with that fraternity.
So even when you're raped, you're not just representing yourself, You're representing
the entire chapter. After this, I meet up with one of my sorority
sisters who I was very close with, and she picked me up in her
car and we drove around and I told her what I had realized today in
my intake session. She was immediately very very concerned and told me we need
to go and speak to the president of that fraternity and make sure that this
pledge does not get initiated. The frat was already on SOMO, I believe,
which means that they weren't allowed to have social events because I guess they
were already in trouble for something I don't know what they were in trouble for.
So with one more strike, if the school found out that, I
don't know, there was a rapist in the fraternity, which there definitely are
other rapists in that fraternity, but you know, if the school found this
out, then they could be kicked off campus. I don't know if that's
actually how it works, but that was my friend's logic at the time.
My friend was saying, like, they the frat needs to know this,
and I mean, I agree that the frat needed to know it. I
wasn't comfortable with this guy to, you know, keep being in that position
of power. So we drove to the fraternity house and the president came outside.
My friend had already texted him telling him that we want to talk to
him. She was pretty close with the fraternity. And just in case it's
not clear, I want to make it clear that we were going to now
put this in the hands of twenty year old frat boy who's probably hungover.
And he comes in the car in the backseat and I turn around and I
tell him one of your pledges and I say his name raped me, and
just in general, like your fraternity really needs to know more about consent,
Like these guys are not using condoms, like they're making me feel bad for
using condoms, Like they're just I don't know. I just kind of went
off a bit about my frustration. He immediately started texting, and I told
him, put your phone down. I don't want this one. I don't
want my name to be with this, like, please keep this anonymous and
too, like I want this to go about in a respectful way, you
know, like your fraternity needs to have a serious conversation about consent and sexual
assault. And he's like totally, totally blah blah blah, and then he
goes inside and that's the end of the conversation. I'm very anxious because you
know, it's it's in his hands to figure out what to do. And
of course I want this guy to be kicked out, but I also don't
want this to be more drama for me, Like I'm already so unwell and
I can't handle it. So now I go back to the sorority house and
I have to tell my roommates that I am moving out and disaffiliating. So
I ask my roommates if we could like sit on the floor and talk.
Once we sit, I immediately start crying. I tell them I can't,
you know, be in the sorority anymore. I pretty much blame it on
my mental health. And they were nice and empathetic, and they also seemed
a bit excited for their now extra bed and closet space. The biggest response
that I got from anyone who I told that I was disappel was Greek life
isn't for everyone. And this made me feel like it was me, Like
it was my fault, you know, like why couldn't I conform? What
was wrong with me? Even in the comments of this podcast, I had
people saying Greek life isn't for everyone. But my question for you right now
is this, who is Greek life for? After that, I go and
talk with my big you know, the person who you get matched with as
kind of like your big sister. You know. When I told her that
I was moving out and disaffiliating, I almost had a panic attack because it
really feels like you're letting them down. I felt like I was doing something
wrong. I felt like I had to almost apologize to her. I definitely
left that conversation feeling really guilty for my last night in the sorority house.
I didn't sleep in the sorority house. I slept at my freshman year roommate's
house because I couldn't spend one more night in that house. I just couldn't.
I wake up, and it's moving day, Move bus. I also
have a mid term today. I was supposed to study last night, but
I didn't because I was anxious. So I emailed my teacher and tell her,
Yeah, this is not going to happen, but I will provide you
a note as soon as I get it, because I was going to go
to the place on campus that helps survivors of any type of abuse assault and
I heard that they can give you a note if you miss a class or
a test or something, and so I was gonna do that. I also
have a text from my friend, the one that I had met the president
of the frat with, and she told me that Derek got kicked out of
the fraternity and was no longer a pledge. For about like ten minutes,
I was really really upset and felt bad because he just got kicked out of
his fraternity. And I'm like, shit, that's my fault. And I
say to my freshman year roommate, like I went to his house after he
raped me, you know, like I was I don't know, like I
feel like I was wrong. I was having like mine distortions, like did
he even rape me? Like I went back to his house, and she
reassured me it doesn't matter if he went back to his house. You know,
what happened was rape, And that reassurance snapped me back together and being
like, you know what, You're right, it was rape and he should
not be in this fraternity, especially this top tier fraternity where he has this
power. And later on I was actually told how he got kicked out,
And I want to make clear that I was not here for this. This
is just what I was told, and so this is not one hundred percent
of fact. This is what I was told. I was told that the
frat got every single guy in their frat. I guess they called an emergency
meeting and brought Derek. I don't know if it was to the center of
the room, in the front of the room. I don't know. I
wasn't there, but I was told that they went brother by brother roasting him
saying things like what the fuck are you thinking? Get the fuck out,
like you're never allowed in this fraternity again, You're not allowed to go to
any parties. Blah blah blah. The name of the sorority are our best
friends. That's our closest sorority. Like, how fucking dare you? And
mind you that, statistically other guys in that fraternity have also raped someone and
they're all here pointing fingers and what Just because I'm in a top tier that
your frat is really close with, that's why it should matter. I can
imagine that this would have gone down a lot differently if I was in a
lower tier. And even how it did go down was awful. I mean,
it was not at all a dressing or helping the situation at hand.
And obviously what I thought he did was wrong. But did I feel like
those guys yelling barbarically at him would help him or me? No? And
in fact, they made it worse. I was also told that my identity
was not kept very private. I don't know exactly how many guys in the
fraternity knew it was me. I wouldn't be surprised though, if they all
did, But again I was not there. This is not a fact.
So I go back to the sorority house to pack up my stuff. I'm
very, very shaky and unstable during this time, but I'm scurrying packing my
stuff, throwing shit in boxes, not folding my clothes, like I am
trying to get out of there as slick as possible. There was one girl
in the sorority who was part of exec that was very supportive of me,
and on this moving day I told her what happened. She was one of
the only people in the sorority that I felt comfortable to tell what happened too,
because she was very passionate about how wrong she thought the slut shamming was
over the summer, and so I felt like I could trust her like that
we have the same views and stuff. You know, I didn't just have
to blame it on my mental health. But the overall sorority didn't even know
that I was moving out or disaffiliating. I remember while I was packing up
my stuff, the room was of course a mess, and this one girl
in the sorority comes in. It is like, oh, like what's going
on? What are you doing? And it was so awkward, like we
were like, oh, going on a trip. I did feel the need
to tell the president of the sorority that I was moving out, So I
went upstairs and I told her not details because I wasn't comfortable, and she
gives me the generic Greek life is and for everyone, and she wishes me
the best. And I remember, before I walked out at the door,
I tell her, please make sure that what happened to me over the summer
doesn't happen to anyone ever again, and she nods, and I walk out.
My three friends that I have who are not in the sorority comes and
helps me move all the boxes from the house into one of their cars to
help me move into my new house. As I'm putting stuff in the car,
I'm literally literally tip toeing through the hallway and this stairs so no one
sees me moving out, Like I'm not trying to have any confrontations, any
conversations. I'm just trying to get the fuck out of here. I plot
myself in my friend's car. Everything is packed, I said too loude to
my roommates, and I officially know that I never had to go into that
house that was never a home ever again. A weight was lifted from my
heart. We were blasting freedom by George Michael in the car. I was
the best seven minute car ride of my life. The only thing they would
have made it better if I was naked, just with my hands up.
It was like a convertible and just like giving my middle finger to the house.
But I did still have anxiety about the fact that I still had to
officially disaffiliate, well everyone I was disaffiliating, figure out what I want to
do about Derek, and just overall deal with the aftermath of this, because,
let me tell you, there is an Askermath Snapped. Thank you so
much for listening to this episode. It was a tough one for sure,
but a very important one. To show your support for Snapped, please rate,
review, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Snapped as an independent
podcast. So to spread the word, I need all of you to be
sending this in group chats, posting it out on your Instagram story, and
bringing it up in conversation because let's talk about it. Yeah, let's fucking
talk about it. Thank you so much again, And I know that this
episode might hit home for a lot of people, and so I encourage you
to take care of yourself and we'll talk next episode. As the story continues