Jerking to mind the rows and on to the part with those need to complain
it? What are looking all holly served? The sea is uns because don't
need no cus amusing drug ryose and drags, hold those and drug beat hearties
and creep fantasy offers. Take on a sadistic games master William Tippers. Hey
everybody, I'm John Hartness and I'll be playing the role of Alphonse light Bringer,
pugilistic, pint sized punching buddy. In real life, I play the
very confused author of multiple series including Quincy Harker, Demon Hunter, The Black
Night Chronicles, and Bubba the Monster Hunter, the most recent of which swing
Low is available in print and ebook now. I'm also the publisher of Falstaff
Books, where I publish many of our other idiots. On these podcasts Great
Eggs, Fleshlings, I am Through Hayes, and tonight I shall be playing
Metalla Kazam, the mechanical Master of the Magical Arts. In real life,
I write books such as superpowereds Fred the Vampire Accountant, the NPC's Slash spell
Sword and Stealth series, the latest book of which Noble Roots, is coming
out on audiobook next month. Hello friends, Ropert Bevan Here I play the
role of Joser of the Sorcerer. In real life, I write the Caverns
and Creature series of comedy fantasy novels and short stories, starting with the first
book, Critical Failures, and very very very nearly half of the books in
our Shingles series, the latest of which was Jack and the Beanstock. Go
get it now, Stan Dandyliver here about to answer a world of shit again,
I suppose. In real life I'm Steve Weball and I write books such
as The Doomsay, Journeys with Foul Staff Books, and more recently, Everyone
You Love Will Be Eaten by Wolves. Check it out on Amazon. Hey
everyone, my name is Rick Walteririan. I am the Kangaroo. Meet atop
this fast food taco. In real life, I write several things, but
my most recent release is The Lynching Hour in audiobook format. As soon as
you're done, you know hearing me pontificate, you should go get it.
But before you do, you should make a pitstop over at Authors and Dragons
dot com. Click on the convention tab because we are one month out from
Authors and Dragons Gone, And why the fuck don't you have your ticket yet?
I mean seriously. I just had a meeting with the hotel today and
confirmed that we will have open gaming all weekend. Oh yeah, so you
can bring your board games, you can bring your card games, and anytime
we're not doing cool stuff on the main stage, you can just grab a
few new or old friends and go play a game. I mean, you
could play like like seventy two hours straight, like up until the point that
you die. Although if if you are going to do that, be sure
to crawl into the lobby and die. Therefore, there's no you know,
there's no liability for Authors and Dragons that come. We would appreciate it and
write me into your will. Maybe just crawl out the back door into the
lake because there are leeches in the lake. By the way, don't swim
in the lake. There are leeches, um and they need food too.
So if you're gonna play until you die Sunday afternoon, after we're all gone,
drag your desiccated body into the lake and feed the leeches. Oh the
dragons, g I'm not sure we really so with our audience that might have
or come to Authors and Dragons' con and live, which is even better because
then you can join us next year wonderful. All right, Well, now
that we'd be either depressed or horrified, you know, one on both.
Exactly when lest we left our team of intrepid adventurers, they had they had
learned from their their savior crap Hole, that he had discovered, says spies
that discovered that Pink Slip's body was being held in the home of Diamond Osan,
one of the one of the ruling council members of Brian Moss. And
after some bickering back and forth in which George Rurr offered a dresses JACKIEO for
some bizarre ass reason that a month later I'm still trying to figure out,
the group decided to follow his advice. He was going to lead them to
us to a sewer entrance that would take them under the house where they could
sneak in, hopefully unseen, and retrieve Pink Slip's body and bring it back
to the Bullywogs. One of these days, we're gonna go a whole campaign
where we don't end up in the sewers, will we though, will we?
Yeah? Well, it was not Bespaign, I'm sorry to say.
You'll just have to keep listening to find out Billy Woke sounds like a drinking
club for British politicians. I thought it was one of your political parties.
Yeah, drinking club for British politicians. Anyway, as uh as Craphole begins
to lead you away from the village, as like like you know, the
frogmen all stand there cheering, you know, mostly ribbeting gribbet Their leader call
calls out, are you not forgetting something, to which Craphole turns around and
he says, there's Oh, you're right, you're right, as he sauces
on his hood and resumes the ability or the identity of the hooded mask.
Aha, there now no one will Uh well, I go to find me.
Uh, I want to double check. Sorry, it's been a month.
We rested since the fight in the pit, right, Yes, you
rested since the fight in the Picks. You were you were back to full
and you are a fifth level. Just in case anybody forgot that, you
know from from last time. Nobody forgot it. Also, I mean forgot
it. Nah, not a chance ever really ever knew it, ever really
absorbed it as a fact in the first place. Also, no, also
didn't happen. I double checked before the game. Unfortunately, as the hooded
mask and his and his rather well throught thought out numb to plume leads you
lead you out of the village, you realize something is a little off with
Cal. He's got a vacant stare in his eyes. He's drooling at the
corner of his mouth. He doesn't acknowledge you when you speak to him.
You think, maybe, just maybe all of those bad herbs he's been trying
random places and maybe caught up to him. Ah, this again, it
sounds like Cal being cal again. Oh yes, I didn't think he could
jest that many random substances and not eventually come into a semicomato's state, did
you? He seemed to think evil eyes? I mean, I could hope
right to all things, there is a cost, as you have fun at
your friend's expense. He continues to stare unblinkingly ahead, his pupils dilated.
He is able to follow you and do like basic tasks like walk and breathe,
But that seems to be about the extent of you know of his capabilities
at the moment. Can he walk on his hands? Do? He's not
doing that at the moment. I want to try to walk on my hands
and get Cal to try to walk on his Okay, let's see her.
I think that would be a dexterity check. That's a sixteen on a decks
check. I probably should have said acrobatics. You know, after I thought
about the acrobatics, that's quite quite all right, You're sixteen is more than
enough. This little halfling like you know, rolls over onto his hands and
his feet are in the air. Cal doesn't seem to notice you. Damn
Okay, well that doesn't Mark, let's keep calling. The hooded mesk bravely
leads you out of the village. You walk for a while. Um,
the dense swamp is h is very well moist and humid, inundated with like
mosquitos. It's rather it's rather unpleasant. If you're not a swamped dweller metallic
zam you probably you realize that you will probably need to be well oiled after
this is done. Oil callen oi. Okay, I'm kidding. Wait,
like that is the flash legs. I find it delightful. And soon enough
you uh you like you know, the trees start to thin, and you
realize that that he is leading you onto what appears to be a you know,
a path through the through the forest and the brush. As it grows
ever more, ever thinner, you begin to notice that that you can hear
the hear the sound, and see the sights of the city or not the
city, of the town in the in the distance. And he tells you
it's it won't be long now, friends, I'll lead you to I'll lead
you to the great, and then I must go ahead to prepare great.
If you lead me to the great, it might very well be long.
I will pretend that made sense. I'll pretend it didn't. Soon enough,
you see him pointing. He's like hidden great that leads to the sewers.
It's not far, it's not far now, men and not men, I'm
sorry, where are you going? And how do I get on your option?
Well? Alas in order to in order to successfully It's known that Diamond
Osen is not the is not the brightest of of the council, but his
and servant tink Weave Chaser is known to be quite paranoid. With an aim
like that, you would be yes, So I'm going to I'm going to
go ahead and create a distraction, so hopefully the house is relatively empty,
allowing you to get in and get out without incident. Now, look,
I don't want to I don't want to tell you how to do your bit.
Yeah, yeah, I really did. There aren't very many things more
distracting than being set on fire. I don't know many more efficient fire starting
individuals than metallic kasam. Maybe we should all go not in the sewer,
have metallic kasam, light everything on fire, and then you lead us on
the front door. Ah, that would be a great idea. And you
notice that, oddly enough, Craphole's IQ seems to go up about fifty points
when he has the mask on. He's like, that would be a great
idea, except for the fact that you're all wanted men, not men.
And the second you get close to the close to the town dressed as Jackie
oh or not, you're gonna be descended on by the entire town guard and
probably more. Yeah, the bunny wim will cunning and put a bag on
our head or something. Let's see, I have the advantage in that with
the hooded mask on, I am a notorious cutthroat. But with the mask
off, idiot, I'm just as I'm just I'm just as simple to tend
like any of you as you are bickering. Give me a perception check.
Everyone always a good sign. Stan Dandy Liver rolls a twenty one. Metallicas
Am rolls a twelve. Al rolls a five. Oh, what's a tangled?
Whereby we I rule eleven to perceive rhyming? Now, oh boy,
I thought like a game over. We're done. I'll see it anyway.
Al, you're too busy. You're too busy fuming because you're just always angry.
But the rest of you, you notice that that you hear hoofbit not
only hoofbeats heading your way, but also the sound of voices. These horses
are speaking, And soon you see a horse and carriage round the bend,
a horse and wagon with what appears to be a family aboard. You know,
a woman, a man, and three children. As the hooded masks
is like, they shouldn't they shouldn't see us. We should kill them.
I don't like the idea of killing kids. Come on, man, I'll
kill the parents. You kill the kids. I don't like the idea of
not being seen. Behold my wonder. Put that away. Oh, they
are rapidly approaching. I guess Metallicazam will walk into the bush and roll stealth.
Well, I'm amazed these people aren't on five yet. Uh thirteen,
stell, now, come on, give him a talliccasm, a little bit
of credit. Sometimes you get bonuses if they don't know you're attacking. I
mean, thirteen is not bad, all right? He told me not to
be seen. How now the robot does what is tell I'm just a kind
of a contrarian and don't care what he said. So all right? The
hooded mask likewise heads off into the bushes. Mhm, you barely He barely
makes a sound as he as he vanishes, and like kneels and weight.
What did the rest of you do? All right? Well, uh,
I'm not going into the bushes with Josser orso. The Sorcerer is impressed with
mask guys hiding abilities. I think that looks like a great place to hide.
I'll follow him. Are you doing it so stealthily or not stealthily?
As a jorcer the Sorcerer is able to all right, did not help me
roll me some stealth? Oh dear, I'm coming to hide with you still
this total fourteen that's actually a decent stealth. You managed to keep your You're
coming to him relatively quiet, all right? All right, Stan, Now
we know which set of bushes jorcerer is hiding, and let's go hide in
the other bushes. Come on, Cal, I'll grab Cal by the knee
and kind of pulling in over here next to Metallica. Zam, since you
are dragging cow roll me a stealth at disadvantage and I'll count for both of
you. Oh that's gonna be a fourteen with disadvantage. All right, you
dragged the comatose man into the bushes, and that leaves you Stan, Well,
I guess being an individual bias sue a great by himself is not a
fantastic place to to be deceptive from. It's an inherently suspicious position. So
yeah, I'll move into the bushes too. For eight, I'm just trying
to catch rats to eat. I could be yeah, well we'll see,
let's see it even care that was? That was unfortunately not a great role
of you know, the man. The man grabs the reins, He's like
whoa there? And a woman's like what what what is it? Dear?
I thought I thought, I thought, I thought I saw something. I'd
never be too sure in these uh, these woods. What a vigilant prick.
I'm I'm gonna cast mae armor. Okay, I will let you do
that. Before that hooded mask jumps from the bushes, he screams, halt
your money and your life attack all right, orsercast web well rolandished it first,
right, good idea. That's why I followed this guy. Metallic Kazan
gets a twenty two. Finally, Stand Dandelisa gets a sixteen, Al gets
an eight. All right, Metallic Kazan, you are up. The hooded
mass screams out his his thing. However, since since the group had noticed
had just about noticed Stand disappear into the bushes, they are not caught by
surprise, but you still go first. I'm not quite sure how this is
gonna shake yet. So Metallic Kazam is going to do something that's going to
be useful. Ideally, no matter what, I'm gonna throw a bless onto
myself. Alphons and Stan Dandy Liver. Remember, gentlemen, you get a
D four tier attacks and saves. That's great, buddy, I didn't even
hear. I didn't even sneeze. Thanks. All right, So who's who's
blessed? That would be myself? Uh? Alphons and uh are you enlightening.
Okay, uh alphons and uh Stan Dandy Liver. All right, all
right, you're all blessed hashtag blessed. I don't feel very blessed. The
children gifted with the uh, the alertness of youth, they notice, they
notice the brigand approaching them, and and two of them look scared. But
then one of them is one of them is like, don't don't be frightened.
Just think of what what would uncle old leg do? Oh? Is
that leg someone we killed before old leg Master mack Wilson cut down in his
prime? Um? Which the kids, all the children are like, yeah,
uncle a leg. And they start picking up rocks and throwing them at
the hooded mask. But we'll just do this as ranged. Uh, they
don't really have a bonus. Most of them mis horribly, but one of
them pegs them in the forehead for one point of damage. Put it as
like like OI, I mean oi, little sons of bitches? All right,
Stan, he just watched a rather vicious, vicious counter attack. Are
these kids, ah, well vicious and well deserved counter attack? Um?
Why not? Child madder? Is awi? I assume not? I don't.
For all the con this is what we're gonna find at least the ghost
of get intentions. Yeah, that's a line we have yet to cross.
Well, this even murder children or sacrifice mask face here, I don't know
what I'm voting. Yeah, I'm going to say to the other guys,
it's like, well, he did say it'd prove a distraction, and I
suppose this is pretty distracting. But we probably have to make sure he doesn't
murder as children. Going to move over to Jucer and cast sleep on our
on our idiot friend. Okay, Oh, I don't know why, but
I feel like Jucer probably has sleep as a spell. Oh, let's hope.
No. Yeah, but Jorcerer's version has row hipnol is one of his
components. All right, so what's up? What does us? What does
sleep doing? What do I need to roll? Okay? Spell sends creatures
into a magical slumber? Roll five D eight. The total is how many
hit points of creature this of the creatures this spell can effect within twenty feet,
starting with a creature that has the lowest current hit points on money target
one person. Yeah, how many hip points do you do? You have?
Yours? For thirty? Roll your five D eight. It's a twenty
foot area, but it's got a range on it as well, with ninety
feet, so I can just target our friend from the bushes here. I'm
not sure you can target him without getting either the kids. Well, I
mean, okay, if you can do a target we're a sleeping child.
It's better than a dead child. Okay. I have many principles, but
I think I could stand on that one. Well, it's well, here's
the thing. You could also target it where you're in the area of effect,
because I assume it doesn't affect you. No, I think I think
it might, but I don't know at this point. A nap wouldn't be
How many hit points do you have? I have thirty one hit points?
All right, roll up, roll up your five D eight and see how
many hit points you can knock out. Okay, so it's either you're gonna
get your self for you're gonna get one of the kids in it. Yeah,
your choice, one of the kids. It will be fine. Okay.
I'm against killing children, putting them, putting them to sleep. That
doesn't sound great. So Steeve, are you you're trying to find a place
where you could deploy the attack where it would only strike the guy. Ideally,
do it up, do it up, take three dimensionally, it's a
sphere or target the whole fucking family. Who cares. No, you don't
want to do that because sleep works in the lowest hit die first, So
it would knock out the kids and it would waste the spell. Yeah,
yeah, I specifically want to make it look like nat Stone has taken this
guy down. All right, well, roll up, roll up your hip
points there, I'm rolling five D eight fifteen all right, Well, fifteen
is not enough to knock him out. Oh wow, concat, I didn't
try to avoid the route. He lets out a big yawn. He's like,
oh, I guess I didn't sleep very well last night. That is
my action. Bolstered by the brave river children. She hops out grabs a
stick, hunting action to hide. I'm definitely gonna take that, all right,
didn't kindly do some twenty four so you are well hidden? As the
woman jumps off grabs a stick, I got the children the safety as she
tries beating the hell out of the hooded mask and well kind of missing jorcerer.
Oh god, little jorcerer saved the day. Behold my wonder, I
unleash a bunch of sticky white fluid upon the masked figure, and I suppose
woman as well. Wrong plays, wrong time, lady web all right,
put when you when you can't see spells, don't forget the plum in the
thing. All right, So let's see here the thickis God damn, they
really didn't didn't even a massive thick sticky webbing. Alright, cube, Yeah,
I'm just gonna center it on mister maskie, all right, and so
it'll come to like within two and a half feet of me and uh,
all right, so so basically it's just going to get him and the woman.
Yeah, all right, each creature starts turning the webs, must make
a disterity save on a failed save, are restrained, alright, let's sticksterity
save a fourteen. The two have sprayed sticky white fluid. Weigh at least
like twenty minutes before you can do that again. Probably probably a gatorade too,
all right, alphonse, I require a short rest um well as hooded
dipshit webbed. Yes, so he's stuck. Well, he hasn't made his
save yet. It's not his turn, so he might be stuck. She's
still serving as a distraction. Yeah, I like this whole him being distracting
things. So I'm gonna use all my movement to go seventy feet toward the
sewer. All right, Okay, let's just see what his restrain. All
right, so zero speed becomes zero attack rolls against it have advantage attack rolls.
His attack rolls have disadvantage. All right, So you're moving alphons and
thus it is the hooded mess turn deck save. He is not restrained.
Oh great, an idiot, but magic proof of barrenly. As he decides
to land to the woman, it's for ten points of damage, which caves
her head in. Like we're winning, friends, I do not feel like
I'm on the winning team. I am winning by all right. Well,
he's a you know, trying to steer the horses away quick. Friends,
don't let them escape. Virtually, the horses are not are not exactly super
fast. They're not used to speed, more so carrying things, so they
don't get too far metallicas am a son of a bitch. Okay, um,
question for I guess for NPCs do it doesn't really come up because we
don't ever try. But do their deaths function like our deaths? With death
saving throws and an opportunity to heal them. I mean, the concept of
the concept of death usually at monsters is a little bit different than players.
I mean, usually if you're an NPC, when you're dead, you're dead.
It is a valid point um that said, I mean I might be
willing. I think i'd probably be willing to say that. You know,
as Season Adventures, you guys court death, so you're like a little more
a little tougher or as like, you know, common folk die easily,
and I just kind of want to die. That's that's reasonable. I was
sort of figuring out if Metallic Zam had an ethical imperative to attempt to save
this woman, which if she's if she can be saved, and I know
that, then you know, got a different action than oh, oh she
dead. As far as you can you your your ocular orbs can tell her
what passes as as her brains are spilling out on the ground. All right,
then I don't think I have a spell for that. Care wounds is
pretty limited in terms of all that. All right, I guess it looks
like the family is escaping the she's dead, so there's nothing to be done
there. Metallica zam will do a dash to uh get as close to the
you know, I'm moving toward that great all right, you want to drag
hell with you? Yeah? Can we? Can we just assume I'm yelling
at cow or dragon cow with me. I'll I'll assume maybe he'll find a
swamp bucket bucket style, all right. The kids are horrified at at the
death of the woman, but they're still screaming for unco leg as. They're
throwing rocks at at the hooded mask and two of them hit or a bit
more damage you see, like small pebbles bouncing off them, not just for
their uncle. Oh Like at this point, it's definitely fulled a dead mother
too. This is this is a depressing start to the adventure. I mean,
this is the origin story of a hero who comes back and kills us
in twenty years. The most depressing part was their mother just got burned in
front of them. But they're shouting, well, I mean maybe she was
a bitch. I mean this was a simpler time, you know. I
mean you have your hero uncle and then your your mom was probably just like
beating you with a towel like every five minutes. Uncle Olug never asked us
to do the dishes. I never smashed our knuckles with a rolling tin.
Oh okay, maybe maybe the mask guy did an accidental good Yeah, we
can probably keep telling ourselves stuff like that. That's what we're gonna Hey,
I mean, the kids don't seem broken up over. Let's take our comfort,
all right, Stan, How will you justify your actions this round?
Ah? Well, I didn't attack an instant family. I was to have
a mission to do, on which our lives depends. I guess I'm gonna
put set up with mask face in the ledger. Doesn't appear to be any
sort of good guys around. Just us, man, just us. Yeah,
yeah, okay, Well, the family are probably going to escape and
warn whoever it is worth warning that we're about. I'm fine with that.
If we're going to die, I'd rather it was in a heroic way rather
than just see, I'm murdering a peasant woman. So I don't know.
I'm torn between killing his name again hit swamp, Craphole, craphole, and
gang on. But a mission, I suppose Craphole can wait. Yeah,
I'm over, Say, lads, we have not covered ourselves in glory.
Let's go cover ourselves in shit, speaking of covered in shit Jewshary. All
right, a few things I think. All right, logically, somebody's you
know, this family has escaped. They're gonna say the deeds that have been
done this day worth pointing out. They didn't get a good look at us.
Yes, however, well whatever, they might get a good look at
the at the burnt figure of the man who killed this woman and say,
well, we didn't do that. Certainly some heroes did. Also. I
feel like, you know, when I cast that web, when I opened
my robes to cast that web, she got a glimpse of my wonder and
she gave me a look, and I feel like she died happy. Now.
I feel like I could have had love, but but mask faith took
it from me. Give me your knuckles, and there was a third oh
yeah, third point. Yeah, I already cast web. I don't waste
that. I'm going a firebolt masking mask. Oh no, he's if he
is. It's just like the tattoo on Borg's arm. It's a compass that
does nothing but spin. I think I have laid out very good reasons why
that is not the case. Yeah, no, judge me as you will.
This might be the last explosively setting fire to something strategy I actually agree
with since we started this game. All right, So he this is a
ranged attack and he is restrained. Correct, he is not restrained. He
might well, he's still in web and that's flammable. So they gets some
something. All right, let me make the attack first. Twenty two.
That hits. Behold, that's wow, sixteen fire damage. Damn. Plus,
let's see what the web does flammable. I would guess it catches fire.
Yes, if the webs are flammable, any five foot cube of web's
exposed to fire burns away in one round, dealing two deforward fire damage to
any creature that starts their turn in the fire. Okay, so does that
not count yet? That does not count yet. Okay, but you did.
You did sixteen points, which is a huge amount. He look looks
like you can tell you is like he is blatantly hurt. And he looked
looks at it. He's like, boy, not me them Hell half no
fiery like a Jewcyrus scorned you, bastard. We could have had something special.
She beheld by wonder all right, Alphonse, I can't see any of
the ship that Jorcer is doing right because there's trees. Give me a perception.
I enough perception. I'll say you can, Oh, there's trees in
the way, but they're tree interested. Oh then no. If you're not
interest then then I don't give a shit. Don't worry about that. I'm
gonna keep heading towards the sewer, all right, I can get most of
the way there. Well, heading that way, you do catch a glimpse
of the fact that that the hooded mask is now on fire. Huh somebody
set the mask on fire? I dig it. Yeah there, that's seventy
feet. Yeah, Steve Monks beats a badass. Get it getting away from
the rest of your pie, that's for sure. So roll two dy four
damage Bob damn pretty high too short of max. He is. He's a
flame. His vision is obscured because his mask is burning. Let us see
what direction he picks to, like, you know, going all right,
he takes a step in this direction, and let's see if he gets caught
up. He is not restrained. Takes another step. Well, it did
start his turn there though. Well yeah, yeah, but he billed his
sixteen, so he's not restrained. He's on fire. Yeah, he uh,
he wanders out of the out of the web, confusedly trying to trying.
God, I was just about to say, trying to beat off his
hood, but he's okay, you can say, oh, desperately removing his
his hood in in the process, as uh as the father's like yeah,
as uh, you know, the horses start to race down the h down
the path away Tallica's am, I was trying to keep an eye on thing.
Uh. Did I see the giant burst of fire and guy running out
smashing his face. Give me a perception check. Not a very hard hard
one to make. Oh, you definitely the tree. The trees were not
nearly thick enough to uh to block that out. Excellent. Well, I
am not going to overtly attack, but I am going to look at him
and cast toll the dead. That sounds pretty overt to me. Yeah,
yeah, sorry, did he take us two D four fire damage? Yes?
You wandered away somewhere. Yeah, I was sorry. Uh so you
pointed a creature you can see within range and the sound of dolorus bells fills
the air for a moment, so it's not like a ray or anything.
I'm literally just pointing at him. For a seconds, so he makes a
wisdom save of fifteen or better one. Okay uh, and he takes twelve
necrotic damage. All right, and I will do a move with my all
right. You hear him scream out, oh what is going on as his
eyeballs crumble inside of his head and his skin turns black and he keels over
weded. Congratulations, you have killed one of your allies. He wanted to
be a distraction. I imagine if the gods come looking, then that horrendous
corpse is going to distract them. All right, Well, the family,
the remains of the family are beating feet. Mother lies dead on the ground,
the hooded mask lies worsely dead on the ground, and the webs burn
out. After a moment. Another few moments and you are out of initiative.
Perhaps we should hurry into the sewer. Yeah, I'll follow the others
after we see if they've got any money or useful weapons for those of you
who require weapons. They had a stick and a mask. Definitely not waiting
for him to do that, popping that lid. As soon as I can
get to all right, well, I'll think you a few minutes, alphonse,
that's fine. Give me, give me a perception check. I'm gonna
rub the peasant lady. You just die trying to defend the children with a
stick. Yeah, yeah, imagine she has all kinds of mighty weaponry.
She just she was weak because she was so heavy with gold. That is
a sixteen perception. All right, this is I'm going to find him left
handed with a stick, all right. On the hooded mask, you find
you find a mace, and you also find a small coin pouch with sixteen
gold. I'll leave the mace. I don't heed a mace. On the
woman. You find three copper pieces stuffed in like you know, in the
pockets of her her her simple dress. And you find around her neck like
what appears to be a small silver locket which you think would probably be worth
maybe about maybe about ten gold. Looks like it looks like a keepsake.
Yeah, I'll leave that. There wasn't anything really interesting. You left them
valuables and the weapons. What the fuck were you doing over there? Taking
sixteen gold? Taking the ship that I don't have to fence, because if
I have to sell it to get money, then I have to talk to
someone, and that's probably going to lead me lead to me punching someone,
which is not usually getting me paid. Somebody be said. Also from not
taking an identifying piece of jewelry from a madesty. Oh yeah, that too.
Also, I don't have a fence in this town. Let's see here,
metallic kazam. You see in the least the most logical and least burdened
by stupidity. Give me an intelligence check. Oh boy, oh boy,
okay, fifteen, that's quite good. The logic circuits of your brain tell
you that you may have succeeded. The masket told you that he was leaving
to create a distraction. The family of escape will almost certainly report this to
the guards, So you might have the destruction that that you wished for if
you hurry. Oh yeah, I was all. I am popping that sewer
grade as soon as physically possible. But I have a strength of ten,
so I assume it's going to be a few minutes. Well, if all
of you work together, you can you can get it off, all right,
assuming all of your working together. Is there anything that oh, let's
never phrase it that way again. I shall help. Just assume we coax
cal into it. I'm not touching anything jorce or touched. All right,
So is anybody else doing anything before entering into the sewer? I shall gets
it off before I enter its hole. I'll listen. That's a no.
Is there anything left of the hood? I mean it was, I mean
scraps. I mean it wasn't a very good hood to begin with, right,
and I mean it was on fire. Nothing like wearable. No,
not really. I mean the truth of the matter is, you could probably
make one of your own, like stealing an old cloak or something wrapping irons
to that. Oh, one of the one other thing he had on him,
he did have a pair of a pair of pants that appear to be
made of human skin. Those are probably too long for me anyway. The
more we learn about this guy, the more convinced I am this was the
right move. All right, into the sewer go he Almost immediately you are
assaulted by the by the stench coming from below as you dropped down. Yeah,
we're gonna need some bigger boots. Oh, you guys can see the
map? Yes? No, no, I can't. I see myself in
a sorry, well I see it now. Those of you don't have dark
fission might have a bit of an issue which you can see is there is
there is horrifically rancid water that is that is poor, that is pouring out
of a lick, you know, a pipe, and that is heading away
from you, and there are two walkways on either side of the of the
water. I'd just like to say before we got in any father, the
next time that a plan is suggested to us by somebody who's wearing pants made
of human skin, maybe go with my plan. Next time. I was
all four. Your plan was your planing, the JACKIEO plan. Yes,
I'm probably gonna cast light? All right? What are you gonna cast it
on? I don't know? A coin? All right? Or if there's
an errant turn floating by here. Let's see if this helps you at all?
Twenty feet right? Light? All right? That helps up? I
see everybody. You guys should have had some pretty good, uh, pretty
good vision going on here. Well, well half of you anyway? Is
our half lit by flighting? Ted? No, George rocasted on a coin
I thought I had Ted, okay, I said, Or for the purposes
of not making this more difficult, I will I'll say his light smells a
little more intense down here due to the darkness. I don't know the reflection
from the water. All right, but did you see a tunnel leading a
leading ahead of you? There's a walkway on other side. Um Stan,
I'll assume you're not standing in the water. Yeah, water doesn't look too
deep, but it definitely smells foul um. And everybody give me a perception
check. Metallicasm gets a natural twenty stand and Deliver gets a twenty two.
Alphonse gets up or the Sorcerer gets a tube. All right, well,
Georger and alphons Uh. You you were both staring directly at the coin when
when georgeer Castle light on us, you were momentarily blinded. Oh my god,
damn at Georcer, you got me in the eye, Santa Metallica's am
Um, Well, you can see as far as you can. You can
see you do hear dripping from above, as well as feints the faint squeak
of which you're probably certain our rodents wonderful. I will go ahead and also
throw light onto a crossbow bolt, uh, one of my crossbow bolts.
Okay, just because it seems like I'm already at the edge of Jorcer's uh
field, I would like to advance. There you go, cool dinner.
All right, I guess I will move forward very carefully. Um what I'm
not gr okay, So I'll move forward thirty feet. Are all of you
letting h Metallic Isam walk ahead thirty feet by himself? Are you guys following?
I'm a hundred percent letting him walk ahead by himself track alone. Woman,
Oh, I assume we were an initiative or I'm not going this far.
If no one's following me, I'll follow. I'll eventually follow. We're
in a fucking sewer. You know something? You know something for the purposes
of keeping this non chaotic? Why don't we Why don't we go into initiative
order? All right? Fucking rolling brilliantly again, Juso the Sorcerer rolls a
fourteen. All rolls up thirteen natural one for Stan fucking plus six an initiative.
Jesus Metallic Zam rocks in with a nineteen, and we'll say Stan that
that cal moves on your move dead last. All right, all right,
Metallic Zam, it is your turn. U. Well, let's just say
I burned my action for the light spell as a before, and then I
will advance. I'll go fifteen feet for now, A right, you go
fifteen feet George? All right, Uh, there's no point. And as
long as we've got two lights going, I might as well try and get
on the other walkway so we can uh get a little more light gone.
So I'm going to run ten feet south and then try to jump diagonally.
What's your strength? I don't know. Let me see done. Ten all
right, so you're trying to jump to here? Uh yeah, if I
can make it, or the one below that if I don't think I can,
No, you can make you can make it. This one our bless
Okay, you alright took it out. Let's say our bless is officially up.
Yeah, all right, you still that's one move action, Georgeurer,
I'll just I'll go even with Metallica zam there, all right, and you
spy what appears to be a skeleton ahead of you. I really thought that
was going to be a turd. Oh boy, Alphonse, I believe I
will do exactly what Jorcerer just did and walk along behind him, run tad
feet south and then hop over My strength does a twelve? Assume your strength
not a problem. I thought you were gonna say, get an inappropriate direction.
I'm a monk. All all my directions are inappropriate. I'm actually gonna
just scoot past Jorcerer because let's maybe not put the most squishy member of the
party in the all right, and then that'll end me up right here at
the skeleton. All right, Stan, quite quick and careful. That's like
you're humping a porcupine. As long as I'm towing cow, I will actually
not fucking I's still the rogue. I will creep ahead, and I'll do
a general perception, all right. Four nine? All looks fine to you
as far as sewers go. This seems like one of the safest sewers you
have ever seen. I have to say that I've been in some shiitthowels,
but this one's pretty safe looking. I think the last crap hole we encountered
we killed. I just wanted to point that out their stead Oh follow following
in the fine tradition of your allies, methelicas am, I will continue forward.
I'm gonna stop here just in case something's up with that skeleton and I
have to pop off, all right. In fact, I will ready in
action to fire on the skeleton if it suddenly comes to life and attacks my
friends. Okay, orserer, I'm gonna inspect the skeleton. Well, a
step into its space and percept its booty. All right, it appears to
be a human human size skeleton. Whatever flesh was on this has long since
been either eaten or rotten away. It appears to be quite dead. To
give me a perception check. What about an investigation share you may investigated fourteen?
All right, you find a u. You find two gemstones hit entwined
with the with the corpse, two semi precious gems. You think they're you
think in total they're worth about twenty gold whereabouts worded gems on the skelet they
were like interspersed with It's like that they were like beneath its rib gage.
That's not why I was envisioning. Oh well, all right, I shall
announce my findings, and is anyone object to be put him in the inventory
or if you want to pop him out, go for it. You stuck
your hand in it. You can have what you brought out. Yeah,
you earned it? All right? Um say, I'm looking over my inventory.
It doesn't appear I have any I'm gonna take a femur in case I
need a weapon. All right, that will effectively work as a club as
you pull pull this poor corpse as a femur off and desecrate it. All
right, either resourceful lad? All right, Alphonse, you're watching Grcer literally
picked the skeleton clean. Knocknah, he seems to have that well in hand.
So I will use I'll use thirty five. I'll use my first move
action to go thirty five feet. Then I will take a look around.
What do I see ahead of me? Oh? Let's see here. Oh,
you have sixty feet of dark vision, so you see that there appears
to be another skeleton, this one floating. It floating in the murky disgusting
order about about about twenty five feet ahead and metallicasm. Do you have maychand
I do not. My focus is more on a Marshall discipline. Yeah.
By Marshall, I mean exploding. Yeah, gavit da dash jorcerer. Do
you have maychand indeed I knew it comes in quite d Yeah, there's a
skeleton in the water up here. Should fit you should magically because well,
because it's in a Polish shit. All right, I'll show away from my
turn for that. Yes, So that's that's me. I'm just gonna hang
out here. I have moved, I have perceived all right, Stan Well,
normally i'd say to the vulture, go to spoils, but should remind
you, fellas, we have a mission to complete. Maybe let's get this
overwave before the gods finders and matters. All so, I'm just gonna move
ahead. And no you're not as you push past Metallica zam, partially due
to your poor perception check earlier, give me a give me a deck save
as a spiked pit opens up beneath you. This is exactly what I was
afraid of, literally not afraid of. You dip shits are gonna walk into
a trap deck save of eleven twenty four. You found that trap as the
floor drops out, but from beneath you. You kick off on You kick
off on the crumbling floor and manage to nimbly land on the other side.
Watch your step. It's a little bit trap be down here so you can
continue your move. Um, that's still one encountered? Is too or three?
Okay, I'll just style that out and carry I'm walking into the next
pitch trap. Probably Oh I see something, Yes, you spy would appear
to be Dare I say it rode in some unusual size. Okay, does
the rodents see me? Oh? Let's see here? Cool, No,
it has not seen you yet. I will jest to my comrades to be
careful and quiet. All right, everybody, give me a perception check to
see if you can understand or seven see that he is gesturing. Metallic exam
gets a natural one. Yep, you are. You are amazed at this
pitch trap that actually works perfectly for what I was planning to do next round.
Anyway, I'll rolls an eight, so George of the Sorcerer rolls a
seven. All right, bennst to you who stand? You think you are
warning your friends, and not a single one of them has either noticed or
given a shit. I should really not bet it by now, I suppose,
all right, Metallica's am all right. I double checked the rules for
jumping h so gonna go back five feet and then jump to clear it with
my shitty strength score which brings me to there. All right, not a
problem with my move. Can I see the rat where I am? Um?
Can you see the rat where you are? I'm not sure. I
don't know where the rat is. Um, Well, if you can't see
it, on the screen. Then you can't see it. Okay, I'm
guessing it past stand then all right, then I will continue. I will
use a dash to just keep following, stand and get to there, all
right, George. For your friends are leaving you behind while you were picking
uh their gems out of the dis corpse. That's fine, I've already been
given an assignment. I shall move up all right behind Alphons, and I
will use madge hand to lift the bones out of the ship's water. How
much you can mage hand lift ten pounds worth of bones? All right?
That's enough for you to get a handful of bones, all right, and
I will hover it over his head to drip shit water on him. Okay,
stands, there's ten pounds of love bones dripping shit water on your heads,
Alphons? Or did you put your stand? Really really want to move
that? What do you ask for it? Well, it's your turn,
Alphons. I'm going to look up at the bones that are drip dripping shit
water on me. Is there anything non al right? Bad idea? Yeah,
it's like, well, you get sh you get ship water in your
eyes that I'm traveling with your serer. That is so not the worst thing
I'm going to need a D ten role please, it's from Authos. Okay,
nine, Okay, I will need a conceave five eyes. I'm killing
it tonight. You're not sure what happened, but suddenly h something. Your
eyes are, like, you know, are burning, as if they're on
fire. I think he's pretty sure what happened to me. It seemed like
he wanted this. Oh dear, there's ship water. Look is there is
there any? Is there anything else counterintuitive to survival? You would like to
do yes, and then completely blinded. I want to move forward into the
sewer. You're not completely blinded. Your eyes are burning at the Yeah,
I'm just gonna stomp angrily forward thirty five feet while cursing um jorcerer and jorcerers
everywhere, and all of the jorcers that have ever What the fucking fucker those
You're welcome whole as you stump. As you stomp loudly cursing jorcerer, a
horde of giant rats turns and sees you. God damn it, jeorcerer.
All right, let's are initiatives, so we will. I don't think this
is my fault, actually, I tell you do. You guys want to
keep your initiative. Would you prefer to roll fresh for this, I'm gonna
keep it whatever. Yeah, so I will just do two initiatives to the
rats. Well, I'm glad we found someone who can roll worse than me
tonight. Um. Unfortunately it's um rats all right, Stan, You know
you see Alphonse rubbing his eyes as he storms past you, cursing at Jorcer
as he then turns the warner, having ignored your warning, only to realize,
damn, there's a lot of rats here. Well, so much for
the stealthy approach. I'm surprised it worked for as long as it did.
Yell thirty seconds. Okay, I stick my statement, Jackie O plans looking
better and better. Okay, I know enough about I guess how my comrades
fight by now to know that Botanica's amateurs. For I need a little space
distraction. I'm going to keep on the high ground. What good it'll do
me and send an arrow into one of these rats. Which one, oh,
let's just say the ugly one, the one nearest to me on my
five o'clock. All right, I assume they're not going to be deterred by
dipping into the ship. Water, So I guess it doesn't really make that
much difference about who attacks. Alphon's first so okay, short but immaterial anyway,
rolls and eight. That is a pathetic miss. All right, I've
got a conrection. Okay, sorry, go ahead, be less shit probably
not um. Actually, I can move, and I'm going to use the
move to hopefully split the forces a little bit now that I've got their attention.
So I'm just going to move not far away. Is that your turn?
That is my turn? Yeah. The first rat comes after you,
Alphonse, there's a seventeen hits you. It does, It bites you for
six fucking hell full. The next rat comes at you, and this one
seems to have a little more of a chance of hitting you. Does a
sixteen hit you? It appears to have advantage on this attack. It does.
It bites you for four. Motherfucker. A third rat closes in,
hits you for nine, hits a nineteen for six, piercing. As an
addition to your eyes burning, you're now covered in rat bites. Owl.
Fuck all right, your taxes appear to have worked, stan as the first
rat from the other side, seeing that it's friends seem to have this one
covered comes after you? Does an eighteen hit you ain't seen? Does I
am rolling on fire? Here? It bites you for six pese twenty?
This one comes here. I'll assume eleven misses you and eleven does miss me.
Yeah, this one is just barely able to make get it to you.
Does it twelve hit you? Twelve does not? All right? You
are engaged with rats the telicas am. You're seeing your friends swarmed by oddly
enough, you're seeing vile mammals swarmed by other other vile mammals. Okay,
uh, boys and Barry crunch Um, does the tunnel keep going down?
Pat? Oh, I guess I can't see that? Yes, okay,
um, all right, it's against you? Yep. I will first off
move forward a little at a time so that I can actually see this what's
going on? Okay, yep, that's a that's a whole bunch of rats.
Mmmm. Fireball feels like the right and wrong answer. I've literally never
felt a moment in my life when fireball felt like the wrong answer. Oh
boy, it uh feels like it almost comes down to economy of spells,
because this is a chance to just take these sons of bitches out right now,
Oh, I guess telecasam will will call out, um, how con
do you feel in the ability to survive a brief wave of fire followed by
healing? Oh? About as confident as every other action we've taken. All
right, I will drop a fireball. Oh there we go right there,
which will actually not get stand all right, all right, it will get
alphons. It will burn in every water out of my eyes. So I'm
fine, everything's get alphons at a minute. It's fine. It's just a
way things that going. Okay, So DC fifteen dexterity save for half damage.
Well, alphons, why don't you do that? Perfect? Fifteen?
Is? Half damage is not enough to save the rats. So I'm moving
them because the stupid thing goes off the screen. Gotcha? Uh down by
rules? Okay, So I'll take eleven, all right, and you one
fell swoop kill all of the rats. Kaboom baby rat five bay. But
as soon as he casts metallic beause they have also uh moves uses his ten
feet to scooch back because you know he doesn't trust that ship. All right.
Well, we're kind of coming up onto an hour and a half and
we just started our sewer journey. So if you want to take a few
moments to heal, please do so. But I think I think this is
probably a good place to call it. Before before you, uh, you
wandered deeper into this sewer where where well, well things get easier or or
not. I wonder how that works with dungeons. I wonder how it works
with us. I mean, we make most of our own difficulties. You're
not wrong, not in this episode, that's all. Yeah, I know
this is one of your times where we I think acted reasonably. We we
pretty quickly took that guy down, and Jeorcerer led the way, and Jorcer
was the one who made a stand and said enough this should I feel like
we've been reasonable every every time. I don't know what you mean. There
were things that needed punched, so we punched them. Not even Joe stood
up the record show that our paladin was not the moral compass said nothing nothing,
all right, Well, I believe this will be our last game for
indycond So if you would like to see what happens next, well, the
recording will be available to you. But if you would like to see what
happened, I don't tell him that if he would like, if he would
happen the next period, or be left hanging forever. Be down, Be
there in North Carolina at the Charlotte Hilton one month from today, where we
will conclude this adventure, well, maybe conclude that, known to speed,
they go where we will. We will make progress, hopefully in this adventure
of salty bastards. Until then, Bye bye, good boy. Authors and
Dragons is brought to under Creative Commons License, meaning you are free to share
this contium so long as credit is given to those who created it, which
is us, the people you just started to play. The game opening and
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