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face sunny summern on ihdurasione n Hey, welcome to f COO. It's me.
It's step Wilder Tailor. Lynette is just off in Cabo enjoying herself.
But for her, I have a special treat for you. Jullie Kay's away.
Thanks for having me again. Stephanie's like you want to do the podcast?
I was like, yes always. Now is this just Lynette and Natalia
or is it like with some other moms or no, I think it's just
Lynette and maybe that hmm, knowing to tell you think that she'd have like
some entrage, but I but Lynette did not say that she was having to
deal with another mom. So okay, so maybe if end's the two of
them, it's so sweet. That's what I did in April with my girls,
and I honestly loved it, So that would be super sweet if it's
just the two of them. Yeah, I know. It's just a pretty
quick trip. So today we're recording on Monday. I believe she left her
day. Oh we're recording on Tuesday, and she's back tonight because we were
going to possibly record with her tomorrow morning. So she I think she literally
like go like Saday weekend or something. Again. Trip, I mean,
Cabbo's so close you could do that. It's literally to our flight and then
oh really, Oh it's so it's yes, a little even less. On
the way down there was like an hour and fifty whatever minutes, and then
our particular hotel was like twenty minutes from the airport. It's like so great,
it's such a great quick getaway. Do you have to have passports?
You do? I have to get my kids, the twins passports for sure.
It doesn't even have a passport. Yeah, just make an appointment.
What am I doing? Yeah? What are you doing? Well? I
think it's because when I got a passport a couple of years ago, it
was kind of a kashaw. It's a total kushaw. And I think we
had an appointment, but we still had to wait in all these lines.
It was still a couple hour processes. Well, I'll tell you where to
go. We're not in lines, and you just walk in. You have
your appointment, of course, and you just walk in and it's so easy.
That's where we go. It's up in Santa Clarita. Oh totally worth
the drive whatever thirty minutes. But you're not in lines, you're not in
anything. You walk in. It's like a mom almost feels like a mom
and pop place. It's so quick, it's oh really yeah, yeah,
yeah, oh yeah, totally worth that way. They have it for whatever,
ten years and you don't have to think about it. That's a really
good idea. Okay, don't the kids though, if they're if they're under
eighteen, you got to go John, right, that's not a problem.
But I mean also if you take them when they're under eighteen. Don't they
have to go again when they're does it not? I don't think it lasts
if they're under ten years. Does it still last if they're under eighteen,
it's still last ten years. It last a good chunk of time. It's
not like, oh, two years later, you have to do it again,
right right, it's worth it. I should do that over the summer
and they take your picture there, like it's all just so easy. Yeah,
yeah, we did it at the Van Eyespost dot com. Well,
girl, that's like the busiest place. Everybody and their mother's going there.
Okay. Yeah, that's why that was. That was like a day.
No. No, you got to find the outlying places that are just like
small and easy and nobody's there and it's so easy, like it's so quick.
Okay. And because remember Kaylin, hi, Kylin, remember when all
the Nett stories about trying to deal with Sunny's passport and going down to the
downtown, not the downtown, but the one by veterans, the one in
the FED the Federal building, and most that you're desperate, like last minute
passport. Okay, I think that's easy. You just need a couple items.
You just make sure you have all the paperwork, it's all filled out,
you get your I forgot exactly what they need, they need, a
birth certificate whatever. As long as you have it all, it's it's it's
as long as you're like, just read through everything, make sure you have
everything you need. It's not. It's not that crazy. It seems like
it's a big cashaw and it can be, but if you're prepared, it's
not. Yeah, no, I remember, and you've been through this too.
Now getting the permit, the driving permit for Sadie, it is like
you have to dig through your paperwork. You have to find something. It
has to have the kid's name and their birthdate on it. So I think
ours was like something from our health insurance. Well it should be like a
birth certificate, well birth certificate, and you know, because you can't use
a you can't use like an electric bill because it doesn't have their name on
it. It has to be something else that has their names, like school,
a transcript, their transcripts, something that proves their age and where they
live. Yeah, yeah, and their names. So I just remember just
going through all the like, all right, what do we have that meets
this criteria? Because the last thing you want is to go in there and
they're like, no, we don't accept this. Yes, and you know,
first you have to upload all this stuff, but then sometimes it doesn't
go through or they're like, oh well this we never received the you know
whatever. I will say, though, the DMV has upped their game because
you can do everything from your phone now, like uploading. They're like,
okay, now take a picture of your you know, car insurance. Click
you take it, it downloads. Now take a picture birth certificate. Click
on your phone. Like it's it's much easier than it used to be.
I was impressed. My problem is I'm old, so when I'm trying to
do it on my phone, everything's so small. So I like to do
it on my computer. But then you can't like take the then you can't
take Then you have to take the picture. It adds like eighteen steps.
You're they're like, okay, show us the picture, and I'm like okay,
So now I got to take the picture on my phone. Then I
have to email the picture from my phone and my computer. Then I have
to download it. Then I have to figure out which download is what is
it? Nineteen eighty girl, I know, have your kids do it like
with you there, do you know what I mean? Like that so they
can read, they can see the phone. Oh my god, it's like
a game changer. Yeah yeah, here, I see your party. I
see your point. This is I gotta get with the times. Yeah,
just try it next. I don't know if there is a next time really,
because they're like, when are they getting their drives in my space,
Julie. So it's really napster. So Sadie, listen, Sadie's had her
permit since last July. She got her permit last July, so she has
to go and she has to test before julywise otherwise you have to take you
have to try to get your permit again. God, but the worst.
Yeah, but she hasn't been ready. The girl has not been ready.
Like when she drives, we're like, and she's had her lessons and all
that. She's had all her lessons plus and then some because we bought her
an extra lesson and then when she went on the extra lesson we did,
we paid extra for a d m V preparedness lesson where they go through the
test with them. They take you on the test, well they don't.
They take you to something similar they're actually not allowed. You can as a
parent take them. They're not allowed, but they take them to they do.
They go through it dry run, and then her instructor was like,
I give it fifty to fifteen. She's not ready. Are you guys driving
like just daily with her? No? No, because I got freaked out.
I don't know. I had one bad practice run with her and I
was like, okay, I'm out, Like so John, And I think
John swears that he's fine practicing with her, but I don't think he is.
I think he's he's anxious about it too rarely. So we've committed that
we're going to drive with her like every day for two weeks and then just
just take the test and see what happens. It's worth at least trying to
take the test because you have to deal with the permit stuff again and taking
that permit test. It's not easy the permit test. No, So what
happened with Sophie. Okay, So Sophie's fifteen. She took the permit test
and didn't pass the first time. Oh she didn't know. You didn't put
her through like we I was like, oh, hell no, I'm not
doing this twice so yeah, oh yeah, I made Sadie. I tested
her over. We went over it and over it and over it with sample
tests. Stephanie, did you do that too? We did everything, she
did all the sample tests, this, that, that, like everything,
and she just went in there and I think got so nervous or something and
just didn't do well. And then she took it again like two weeks later
and was fine. I passed. So I don't know if she got psyched
herself out. I don't really know, because we did all the things because
Bella did. So you know, everybody's done it. Everybody tells you,
okay, take these practice test sics. When we would drive to school in
the morning, I would, you know, she would be like, Okay,
here's the question, next question, next question, and then she'd I'd
be like, okay, so how do you reason your way through the answers?
And she was getting all of them. I was like, oh,
dude, you're so prepared, honey, don't even worry. And she went
in there and just worried and didn't pass. But then she did pass.
So now she will get her license in October. Oh okay, yeah,
yeah, so that's very exciting and yeah, so and we're driving a lot
with her. Oh you are okay, so I know that. Uh when
I asked you to do the podcast, you said, So she has a
driving lesson today with the company. Yes, the dri driver said direct.
Yeah. So was this her first one? Oh? No, second one?
Okay? So in Los Angeles and California you can't you have to get
your permit, but then you can't drive with your parents until you do one
driving lesson first with the company. Oh really, yes, I feel like
I don't remember having to do that with Bella, But I don't even feel
like I had to do that with Sadie. I don't remember them saying she
has to have a life. When they handed her her permit at the DMB,
they said, you cannot drive until you do a like a professional driving
lesson. And I was like, oh no, you don't. Like in
my mind, you know, so she and I would drive right around the
neighborhood. Yeah. I don't know how they would know, but because then
when she did her first lesson, he signed off on the actual permit.
You know how you get a paper permit. He had There was a spot
for him to sign on the paper permit. So if she got pulled over,
they would see that signature, so I guess that's how they would technically
know. I don't know whatever. So she did that, and now this
is less than number two. I think she's doing. She's a good driver.
Except she's a good driver. I'm fine driving with her. But dude,
we were just driving down like Louise to Lasten and Lassen can be a
busy street. So we're let's say we're driving north and we needed to turn
right. So you know, it's a red light for us, so you
stop before the line and then you inch inch inch to see if any cars
are coming, and you turn right. Dude, she just went straight through
the red light and started turning. I was like, it took me screaming
stop three times for her to slam on the brake, and I was like,
do you know what just happened? She's like, oh my god.
I just like I didn't even like, oh my god, it's didn't even
register. I'm like, dude, that's scary that that didn't register, because
if there was a car coming, we would have gotten slammed into, do
you know what I mean? Because we had she had inched out, yeah,
just enough. She hadn't made the right but very close to turn about
to turn right. Our adrenaline was going, and then we got to where
we needed to go. She's like, can you drive home? I'm like,
yeah, we're good. You don't. I'm not gonna stress, like
you don't need to be driving well stressed. So that was scary, but
other than that, it's been really good. So Sadie has just had a
couple of those things too, where like one time John was driving with her
and told her we're going to take a left hand turn and he said that
she just started veering right, like she almost changed lank. Oh jeez.
He's like, I don't know, something happened in her brain seat dyslexic,
like yeah, and she just started going to the right and he was like,
what are you doing? Like without blinker without she just like w and
he was like, what is happening right now? And then she of course
same thing, was like oh oh wait what I don't know. I yeah,
I don't like that. I don't like that. That scared me because
she's never been that way. Like she's very you know, when you're a
new driver, you're like everything is on high alert, right and this she
just like kept going and I'm like, it's a red light. It's she's
not really going. Oh my god, stop, like she just went right.
And the problem is we don't have those specialized cars right where we can
put on the brakes. I'm on the brake. Imagine me driving with John
though if I had a set of fast breaks, I would be divorced or
John would be wearing a neck brace because you know so much with flash.
Oh yeah, I'm the worst. I'm the worst. I I can't it's
getting worse. It's not getting better. Control issues, Like it's a control
issue of like needing to feel in control. I mean, I think that's
very normal to want, like and so when you're in the back seat or
on the drive, everything seems like it's wrong, like oh my god,
you're about to hit the cars on the right that are parked, yes,
But when you're driving you're like, no, I'm not. I'm very far
from them. Like just all those little things you're goin so fun. Why
are you still getting that car? Yeah? Oh I got like just all
of it. It is so so you have a passenger. I mean in
my mind, I have it, but I don't say it like I'm just
like no, he knows what he's doing. This is my anxiety. I
need to chill, Okay, but you do have because we sure it's well
documented that you have issues with anxiety. Yes, it is well documented.
I haven't made fun of a lot for my anxiety, but I can't help
it. But my anxiety is different than yours because I don't have like day
to day anxieties about little things. I try to have the attitude of don't
sweat the small stuff. Everything's cool, We're gonna be fine. Until it's
not fine. And then I'm like calling you crying because I can't drive my
car and I've become agoraphobic, and so I get like the big Oh my
god, you're having a melt down. The world is caving in panic attacks.
Yeah, I can't eat, I can't sleep that, so I have
like, oh, I can always eat. I have that a problem,
But I haven't had that so twenty nineteen, as I mentioned on the podcast,
way back then, I had like a complete nervous breakdown, which now
I know was well through lots of therapy and EMDR and acupuncture and medication and
journaling and meditation. Was all stemming from the lawsuit with against my stepmom for
elder abuse, and then my sister deciding she's never going to talk to me
and my brother again because of all of that. So everything came crashing down
in twenty nineteen, and I thought in my mind I was handling this all
so well, you know. I was like, you know what it is,
what it is, it's a lawsuit. It sucks, but we're going
to get through it, blah blah blah. And then it just it wasn't
okay. You know how you think everything's fine, and meanwhile your body's keeping
the score all that stuff, so it sure. And then in October of
twenty nineteen, I literally lost my shit. Like I told my husband,
I'm like, I need to go to hospital. I'm I don't know what's
wrong with me. And he's like, you don't need to go to hospital.
We're gonna get you help. And that's when I went psychiatrist, therapists
and just took six months to heal myself with medication, with therapy, with
EMDR, like I said, meditation, journaling, all those things so that
I feel like is more my anxiety. It's it's the panic attacks called the
ambulance. Something's wrong with me. Kind of thing, whereas yours is a
little more like. I remember calling I had to call paramedics for you.
Yep. Yeah, early in our friendship, very early in our friendship.
The kids were little. Yeah. Yeah, man, I remember calling you.
I'm like, can you come over? I'm I'm not well, like
but I thought I thought it was physically ill. Yeah, yeah, yeah
yeah. And then I remember being like, Okay, what's going on and
You're like, well, I had diarrhea this morning and my stomach hurts.
And I was like okay, and you're like and I have little blood pressure
and I feel really weak. And I was like, okay, what do
you want me to do? And you're like just just hang with me,
like cause I think I think he did you have both kids. I think
maybe just Bella, probably just or or Sophe was tiny or something. I
don't remember. I might have been just Bella because I think he just had
Bella. And then I remember you were like, call call Jamil. Yeah.
I called him and he was like uh huh, and I was like
dude, like she well, I probably didn't say dude till later, but
I was like, well, oh, I think I said, Julie wants
me to call like the parent call nine one one, but I'm calling you
first. And he was like, okay, yeah, you can call nine
one one and I said, okay, well, I mean like you don't
sound I don't know if I said, like you sound fine with that,
and he's like, yeah, it's this has happened before. She's okay,
she's okay, but go ahead and call nine one one. Like if she
wants you to call nine one one, call nine one one. He wasn't,
like, I don't give a shit. Yeah, I was like,
I'll meet her at the hot Yeah, I'll meet her at the hospital.
And so I called nine one one and then they came over and then they
checked all your vitals and totally fine. I don't remember realizing that this was
maybe anxiety. I didn't either well when the paramedics came, I remember I
was on the couch and I'm like, you, guys, I have panic
attacks, but this is not a panic attack, Like I know what that
is, and this is something is wrong. And then after that I bought
a blood glucose monitoring machine because I'm like, no, you know what it
is. I might be diabetic, I might have a little blood glucose so
I was checking my blood sugars like after dude, it was all a fucking
panic attack. Like, yeah, but that was before any craziness happened.
Yeah, your dad was still alive at that yes, yes, so so
that was just your net. That's how I started having panic attacks in my
early twenties out of nowhere, Like I still to this day can't attribute my
panic attacks to like things so specific. Like I think for a lot of
people out there who have panic attacks, you're just going along with your life
and then you feel like you're gonna die and the world is closing in and
it's doom and gloom. It's fight or flight, and you're like, what
the fuck I'm watching a TV show or I'm going for a jog, or
I'm you know, at work, why or I'm driving? Why am I
having a fucking panic attack? Nothing's wrong, that's how bad it is,
Like it just comes on like that. So I've had them since my twenties.
Yeah, you remember when Elbe first had a panic attack? Yes,
very well at that and I usually have any idea what was going on.
Yep. Let's let's take a quick break and then we will whoa, we'll
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you were with me when LB, and you didn't even say, oh,
I know what this is because it always looks different with every person. That's
right, totally and honestly, sometimes what you're feeling inside is not what's being
projected to people that you're with. So LB inside was probably having the worst
panic attack of our life. But to me it looked like, oh,
LB scared of a riptide. It didn't seem like an overwhelming fear, doom,
gloom. This riptide's gonna kill me and my family right now. But
that's how she was feeling. You know, we did have to leave the
beach because of it. I did remember that. I tried to, you
know, calm her down. I was like, I didn't understand, was
it a well what happened is what happened was the riptide. Uh. The
lifeguard told all the kids to get out of the water because there was a
riptide. Albie didn't know what a riptide was, but apparently she'd already been
so she was like nine at this time, eight or nine, and she
had seen something about tsunamis okay, fine, yeah, riptide just in her
brain scrambled her brain like, I don't know what that is. That sounds
really scary. We're at the beach, she's actually, she says, so
that everybody got out of the water. But then when the lifeguard said okay,
you can all get back in the water, Albi was like, oh,
hell no. You got back in the water with my kids, I
think, and your kids and your kids. I was having a great time
and Elbie was like, okay, can we go home? Can we go?
Please go home? And I was like, wait, why, Yeah,
I want to go home, and my stomach hurts. I don't I
don't want to. I don't want to go in the water. And I
was like, well, okay, but just then you don't have to go
in the water, but go sit on the towel, which is the right
thing as a parent to say, because if you every time your kid is
freaked out, you leave a scene, they'll never learn coping skills, resilience,
all those things. So I think that was the at the time it
felt like the right thing to say. I hadn't even seen that before.
Like I knew that my kid was quirky. I knew that there were things
that she worried about, like doorries. Yes, like big headed Dora.
Oh, big headed Dora coming at her trying to say hello. That was
but you can always there were I could always go like, well, some
kids think that a big headed Dora is like not friendly. Yes, that's
for sure. That's normal. When you're a kid, you can have a
lot of weird, anxiet and scary things that you don't think are permanent.
They're like, oh, well they're little, so they don't know any better,
right. But I remember, at like three years old and for preschool
age, she had a lot of like what I thought were weird concerns.
Remember like are we going to be late to school or to anywhere? Yes,
anywhere? And also her biggest one was not wanting to go to somebody's
house to go swimming unless they like explicitly said we're going swimming. She wouldn't
wear a bathing suit. She was very very self conscious, and I remember
looking it up and understanding that kids shouldn't be really self conscious until they're like
eight or nine. That's when actual self conscious, like where if she would
have fun, like let's say experimenting with like temporary tattoos, but then if
we were going to someone's house, she would get freaked out and go like
I have to wash these off. I have to wash these off. Where
it's like hi, in my I did not understand it at all. I
was just like what why? And then her obsession with being late didn't get
it from me, like, it's not like anything bad had happened, like
we'd been gone somewhere late and been shamed. It didn't seem to come from
anywhere but her head. And then I think, I remember, I've talked
about this on the podcast, but I had called up a therapist. Basically,
well, I had a phone call with one, and she said,
it sounds like social anxiety and here's some things you can do. But I
don't think that she should have therapy. I think it would be too much.
It's too young. So I was like okay, and then she said,
see how it goes when she starts school. So she was probably like
four and a half five, and then she was starting kindergarten at like five
years and ten months, and a lot of it kind of went away when
she was in school. I just didn't notice it as much, and she
was a real well adjusted kid and did not seem anxious at school. And
then all of a sudden, like three years later, at the beach,
so it kind of came out of nowhere. Yeah, that's and then we
went to your mom's house to go swimming, so we left the beach.
We were like, we're not going to talk her into staying at the beach.
She was crying and crying, saying her stomach her We needed to leave.
So we were like, we should just go to your mom's pool.
Yeah, yeah, got there. Then she was obsessed with how close we
were to the beach. Then it turned into a thing about tsunamis. It
like morphed into how far are we from the beach? How many miles is
could a tsunami get us? Could a tsunami go over the Santa Monica Mountains
from Malibu to Enzino? Yeah? I remember that. We're like, no,
we are so far from there. And then the anxiety just lasted and
lasted, and then it just kept changing. So we went to go see
remember those friends I had that were lived they they moved to Holland. Remember
these people that moved to Holland and unschooled their kids. Yes, I totally.
This is when I first heard about unschooling. Yes, didn't they move
to the East Coast or something? I thought, Yes, she was from
Holland. Yeah, she was Dutch, but she Yes, they moved to
the East Coast and started going to a school. That's that's unschooling in Sudbury,
Massachusetts. Yeah, I remember that. And one of the reasons they
moved there was to go to this school. Yes, is not school,
which is not school. No, it's not school. It's nothing close to
school. It's it's it's non school. It's it's not even childcare. Because
there was like they could just do whatever they want on their phone. Them
they want to sit in a tree. They're fine. Their daughter, I
mean, their older daughter is like was living van life for a while,
Jesus from school, from unschooling to van life. Yeah, and then the
younger daughter. I'm not really sure, but like they're fine. Uh but
yeah, are they? I mean they seem they seem like they're fine.
Yeah. So that family though, would come into town. Oh my god.
Remember this is going way back we're going way back, but to remember
when. And Lynette and I used to laugh about this because she had a
family that would go somewhere far away and then would come into town. They
would come once a year, and she would start emailing me like months ahead
of time and be like, I want to reserve our time with you,
like in July, and it would always entail me having to drive to Pallas
Vera days like, god, yes, two hours away to hang out at
the their pool pool. Yes, oh my god. Well, so we
had made plans and she would be very adamant about like that has to happen
on this day. So we had to drive down there. And Elbe had
just had her PA attack like days like, not long before, and she
was not a killas Verdes is. On the water basically it's yes, except
that this wasn't even like you could see the beach. We weren't. You're
up on the cliffs. You're up on the cliffs. Yeah, And it
was just basically a swimming pool. But it just so happened there was a
freaking storm. It was hot out but there was a storm, so we
were swimming, but then we had to go inside because there was like lightning.
Oh right, oh god. Elbe was like having none of it.
She was just like, oh, hell to the no, we need to
go home immediately. And I was like, bitch, please, we just
drove two hours in traffic. We are not turning around and going home.
Plus my friend's been haranguing me for a month, this has been on the
calendar, and you know, I was starting to be like oh, but
Elbe was like I'm gonna throw up. I'm gonna have diarrhea, like she
was being a total Julie Yeah, like I'd seen this before. Yes,
but she was like, mom, mom, I feel weak, have diarrhea.
And I was like, okay, I'm not really sure what to do
because meanwhile, my friend will just call her a. My friend was like,
what you're gonna lead? I was like I don't know. I don't
know how long I can get Elbe to stay. And she a was like
what are you talking about? Like I've made a charcoterie board. You're not
going anywhere, like I've been planning this for a year. And I was
like, I know, but do you see do you see what I'm dealing
with? I don't know what right, I don't know what's wrong with her
because honestly, I was like, this is not my child, because I
have very different anxieties. I do not have the panic thing, right,
So I was just like, I don't know, she's broken. I don't
I can't reason with her. Then then there was like it was like a
tsunami and it was like what if we get hit by lightning? And it
was just like one thing after another, and I'm like, elbe, like,
we're not We're out of the pool, Like we're fine, we don't
have to go swimming. Why don't you just lay in A's bedroom and watch
a movie? And she was like no, because then it was like,
but no, we're too close to the ocean. So while I'm watching a
movie, we're gonna get hit by a title wave. Like you know,
I'm not going to fall for that. Oh I can't even see the wave
coming. You want me to be stuck in some room where I don't even
have good visuals, you know? And I was like okay, okay,
we'll go, you know, so we go home. It was like a
like a week long panic attack. I remember, didn't you have to stay
in her room until she fell asleep? Then it came. Then it became
so oh my gosh, you'll remember this because we had plans to go to
the Voice uh, to the Voice of the touring. The taping of it
was a voice summer tour. Okay, is that what it was? Yes?
So they were like the top with Laura hen No, it was just
you and me and our kids, so just the older kids, I think.
Yeah, So Elbe it was like gonna be like the next day or
something, and Elbe would not go to sleep, like she kept saying,
I can't, I'm having bad thoughts. Maybe this started a couple of days
before and she was like, I need you to come in my room.
I I can't. I can't be in my room by myself. This is
never She'd never been a kid like that. Yeah, so I'm like,
what, like, I I got two other smaller ones like I don't,
I can't, Like I can't you need sleep yourself. It's so then,
I mean, we tried everything and she just wouldn't. So then it was
I threatened her with if you won't go in your room and go to sleep,
you're not gonna You're And I didn't make it like a punishment. I
was like, then you're gonna be too tired to go to the sea the
voice, yeah tomorrow, and she was I could see the like computing happening
in her brain and she was just like okay, all right. So she
went back in her room and then she came back out and she was like,
I know I won't be able to go see the voice, but I
just can't. I'm scared and I'm having bad thoughts. So I had to
go in her room, lay in her bed with her and like rub her
back and stay with her. And then it was that thing where if I
tried, just like if I thought she was asleep, and I would try
to even move an in, she'd be like, I'm not asleep. So
I did bring her to the voice, and then I was like, then
I bought a book that was like when your dread, when your kid dreads
the bed or something. And then and then I got her therapy, which
but I had her life. I had to lay in bed with her every
single night, and remember weeks until we got in with the therapist. Yep,
I remember that. And then the therapist went over all the old like
we I told her the history and then she was like, okay, well
there you go. She has an anxiety disorder, and I was like,
oh shit, Yeah, but at that time, I don't remember feeling like
I had. I my anxiety has gotten worse as I've gotten older. I
don't remember being super anxious back then. I can't. Oh you mean as
a mom, Well, I had an I had postpartum anxiety, for sure,
but by then it was that was gone like I had. I was
medicated for that. I seem mellow as a mom, like, I don't
remember you you'd never seemed like high strung or worried about this, worried about
that you were We're all as mothers, of course, we're all worried,
but it wasn't out of them. It was normal. It was crazy,
not at all at that time. Yeah, that's only got that's like the
driving stuff that's gotten worse as for sure older. But I'm just saying I
didn't know where it came from. I was like, I don't know.
John's doesn't have that, and I don't. But I think it was a
combination of our genes. It's amazing how well therapy worked for her. I
know she did, like, is it like immersion therapy or what's it called
exposure? They yeah, which they I mean it was incredible. I mean
nine months is a long time, but it worked. I mean, this
girl's like going to raves in San Bernardino like and getting some random Airbnb Like
Wow. An anxious person would look at that and be like that sounds horrible.
I don't even like this is a Stephanie. What do you mean in
Airbnb? Yea, I don't even know what that is. How do we
do it? What do I sign up? I gotta get a pass for
Airbnb? You're like Jerry Seinfeld. Who are are these people that just log
onto a website and go somewhere exactly there's no key? What do you mean
there's no key go into someone's house that you don't know. Why would I
do that? Okay, before we move on, let's talk about nutrifall.
The thing that I love about neutrofol is it works for whatever your reason is
of why your hair is thinning. Yeah, but I would say the number
one cause for a lot of women is menopause, hormonal changes. You know,
whatever the reason and is, neutrifol can actually help you. You take
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it you're gonna be like, what is happening? My hair is not shedding
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like filling in. It's kind of magical, awesome. Yeah. I don't
know what it is. I don't know if it's voodoo, I don't know,
but this works amazing. Lynette's been taking it for like a couple of
years now. She got her sister in law taking it. I take it.
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promo code fcol Also, oh my gosh, Tropical Smoothie Cafe. Yep,
they are everywhere. They are delicious. It's refreshing. Everybody loves a smoothie,
right It is so refreshing, especially with summer coming up. Absolutely so
yummy. Oh yeah and right now, which is pleasing to people like me
who don't drink. They have mocktails with really great mocktails like Island Punch Smoothie,
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And they have a watermelon Mohito smoothie. This is my favorite one.
It's watermelon, which I love, mint, strawberries and lime. Nothing says
summer like a tropical mocktail smoothie. Just sip in that pool side right feels
like you're getting a getaway. They also have a sayuhbles and they have wraps.
They have everything that you could want. So here's what you're gonna want
to do. Visit one of Tropical Smoothie Cafes fourteen hundred plus locations or order
online. Or through their app. So why don't you do it Tropical Smoothie
Cafe. You're on Tropic time now. Okay, So when you were getting
your therapy, yes, what do you think what worked? Like of all
the stuff that you were doing, what do you think really started like the
breakthrough for you? Because that was a process. Yeah, So I think
what initially helped was getting on some medication, like basically a long acting xanax,
which I of course was like, no way, I'm not getting on
any xanax. That's addictive. I don't wanta da da da da. And
my psychiatrist is like, please do what I'm saying. You need to get
to a point where you can function like on a normal basis so that you
can then go to therapy and talk to a therapist. Right now, You're
like, you know, I was just I was just in a state of
panic, like I couldn't function, I couldn't eat, I could literally couldn't
drive. My mom had to pick up the girls from school and bring them
home, she had to make them food. I was just I was like
useless. So anyway, so I already take Paxel twenty milligrams every day since
I was in my twenties for my panic disorder, and then he put me
on a milligram of long acting xanax. And for you guys that are familiar
with that, that's pretty dang For me at least, that's strong. Yeah,
and that's long act os. Yeah. It helped milly, but not
enough. So then I went to two milligrams long acting, which is nuts.
Usually you do a short act you know, if you're having a panic
attack, you do short acting in the last four hours. You're fine,
You're better. When I when I was POSTPARTU with LP and finally got help
for anxiety, I was on a milligram in the morning, at a milligram
at night. Okay, yeah, And honestly, you know, I'm not
out there pushing medication or anything, and I didn't think I needed it.
I needed it. So that helped me get to a place where I could
function and I could drive. I mean, on two milligrams of long egg
dexiantics, I'm driving completely normal. I'm not tired, I'm not anything.
It wasn't nothing. It was just making me smith like. It just made
me back to feeling somewhat normal. Then I could attack the therapy. What
I really felt helped as well, was I think the most. The thing
that helped me the most was the E MDR, which is a trauma therapy,
a type of trauma therapy. You guys can look at it the eye
movement. I think desensitization and reprogramming, something like that. I am sorry
if I'm getting it wrong, but yeah, it's something like that, and
it's just a type of therapy. And you start with your first trauma.
Now, trauma can look different to everybody, right. It can be something
that happens once somebody breaks into your house. You're traumatized. It can be
you know, uh something, it can be, it can be anything.
For me, it was a a a long acting, sustained kind of trauma
that I just endured with my dad's wife basically, and just everything she had
put us through in the psychological manipulation of my father was horrible. Is beyond
horrible, that's anyway. So I went back to when I first felt like
out of control. They want to know, like, name your trauma,
name what you felt, and I said, I felt out of control out
I couldn't. I had no power, I had no without going into so
much. So you start then, so what's your first memory of feeling out
of control. Okay, well I can remember and you know when I was
about five and this happened, this happened. Okay, we're gonna art there.
And then you do this like tapping, and the therapist does a tapping
and you watch her tapping with your eyes as you yourself are just kind of
thinking about it and processing it, and you may be crying, you may
be doing nothing and anyway, okay, now let's rename that emotion. So
you felt out of control, how do you feel now? Well, I
feel. So what you're doing is you're reprogramming every kind of trauma that you
had and how you felt and programming it to feeling like, Okay, now
I feel in control. Now I feel like I have the say, I
have choices I can make that can get me out of a situation or things
like that. So every memory that you have that brings up these feelings,
you then work through them. It could take three four sessions to get through
one memory. It could take one session to get through one memory. At
the end of it, when you feel like you have processed it through this
tapping and eye movement and crying and whatever you need to do, to get
through it. You then give it a positive like emotion, Okay, I
feel in control now whatever it is. And so that's what you do.
And so that took a good six months of that. So this all started
in October of twenty nineteen. By June of twenty twenty, I was off
all the medication. I was off everything, and I was like, oh
my god, oh my god, I like starting. I'm like feel like
I'm okay now. And so I would say between and honestly, I meditated
every single day. I just did a ten minute meditation on the com app.
They have like a daily ten minute meditation. Is it guided? It
was guided. I'm not sitting there in quiet like I can't do all my
my brain goes crazy. I try to meditate with nothing exactly. No,
this was just listening to someone say take some deep breaths, okay now,
you know, and then they'll say, okay, today we're going to talk
about blah blah blah, and then they'll do a little talk while you're just
listening to this music. One hundred percent that helped me because now even though
I don't meditate anymore, I can take a deep breath and feel my entire
body relax, like it programmed. You know, if you do it enough,
you kind of just you know, you get this like have Loovs dog
response or you just boom, You're just back in it. It's crazy.
So so all of that, and no, why don't you meditate anymore?
Because of course I feel like better. So now I'm like, oh,
I don't need it, which I of course I should be doing it,
Like I have no excuse why I'm not doing it. But so since twenty
twenty, knock on wood, I haven't had a panic attack. I haven't
had anything. I'm like, I feel like it, Like I feel like
the em I feel like the medication helped me get to a place where I
could then do the EMDR, which I feel in a really weird way like
I don't even want to say cured me, but I think I finally was
able to work through everything that was gnawing at me, and it's not gnawing
at me anymore. It feels so good. You know. Now, with
people with panic disorder, you can go to years without a panic attack and
then all of a sudden get one. So I'm not like thinking everything's perfect
now, but I do feel completely I'm totally normal, and I have since
June of twenty twenty, so yeah, that's kind of that's so cool,
sort of my journey without going too much into it, but that's base Those
are the basics. Yeah, and I was pretty religious about the EMDR and
then obviously COVID happened. So then we did it on zoom. And when
you do it on zoom, you tap yourself. It's like really cool,
like you put your hands across your chest and then you tap your shoulders and
as you're tapping your shoulders, your eyes are kind of going from one shoulder
to the next, and then you're just processing the memory. It sounds like
voodoo, but it is backed by science and research studies and all the things,
and it's pretty wild, like how can that be scientific? It is.
There's a lot of science to back it up, a lot of research,
a lot of studies. I can't tell you because it almost sounds like
some weird scientology shit, right, but but it's actually backed by science and
it works. But you're on an E meter when you do it, right.
No, it's a little joke. I'm so protective of EMDR because it
worked so well for me. I tried AMDR I think many years ago.
Oh I just don't I can't remember if it if I felt like it worked
or not. But yeah, I probably didn't give it a really solitary I
really highly recommend. I mean, obviously, I've been in therapy since my
twenties because of my panic attacks and just because of you know, life and
needing to process things, and it's been great. I think therapy is really
important. I think cognitive behavioral therapy can be extremely helpful for me. What
worked the best was EMDR. And again, it doesn't have to be a
trauma you were held at gunpoint, oh my god, it was one.
It can be a sustained low level of quote unquote trauma that you feel that
has really affected you. I think a lot of people have that. I
agree, I agree. I think I don't see how EMDR could hurt anybody,
to be honest, Yeah, it's pretty amazing. Yeah. What do
you think of hypnosis? I don't know anything about it, to be honest,
I mean I did do so you don't believe in it or not?
No, I mean I've heard amazing stories with hypnosis, Like I mean,
that's what I need to do to stop my day coke obsession for real.
But I believe you seem like such a non addict, which is why it
kind of makes me laugh when you're like, I mean, of all the
addictions, needing three, your backup to three a day. Yeah, Stephanie,
your book resonated with me so much because it wasn't just alcohol addiction.
It was just that addictive mindset, that addictive tendency, like how you talked
about your sugar addiction, this and that. I one hundred percent have an
addictive personality, but not to alcohol or drugs or like I don't have no
desire for that, but like, for instance, is addicted to like being
a good person. No, you're just addicted to empathy. You're like,
I can't stop feeling empathy, amazing, I can't stop being amazing, I
can't stop doing good deed. No. But I think people, Okay,
you guys, I'm speaking to our audience here because I think people can relate
so much to being addicted to something I don't know, like whether it's exercise
or like for me, it's diet coke. And I swear to god,
I know this sounds so crazy, but I wish so badly there was an
AA for people that had addictions that weren't drugs, you know, Like there
is what I'm not kidding, like the tost that meeting to get off diet
coke and just to get off my leg having three a day because there's a
lot to brain it in your brain as like I just really like diet coke
and but it's chemicals. It's straight. As for tam going into my body,
it is bad. There is no doubt in my mind. It is
not good for your body. Like the one thing you have to a day,
well, no, I need to have zero. I'm like you with
sugar. It's either all or nothing. See, I'm like this with a
lot of things, like sweets. I will say no to sweets so easily,
but then when I have one, I want five. Like you don't
just give me a chocolate chip cookie, give me like three chocolate chip cookies.
And what's over there? Oh well now I've already eaten crappy, so
let me just eat crappy the rest of the day. Like I'm kind of
an all or nothing And I've tried the nothing with diet coke and it didn't
work. So then I was like, well, I just have one a
day. That's totally fine, you know, you know what I recently,
so I've been off sugar for a long time. Yeah, but recently so
Xander wanted me to buy fruit by the foot and so we bought a couple
of boxes of that, like for lunches. And I don't know how I
did it, and I rationalized, I was like, I mean, it's
just a fruit roll up. You know. I didn't look at the ingredients
because I knew what I was doing, and I was like, I'm just
gonna have a fruit by the foot, but I'm going to tell myself that
it's just a fruit roll up. It's just fruit. Yeah, it's not
like no, so I had. So then there's also these other ones.
There's fruit by the foot, which is the roast one roll yeah, roll
of Scrobby basically, and then there's this just there's another kind that's just like
a looks like a fruit roll up, but it's really not good for you.
It's just it's like Kenny, you know, it's in the little part
of the grocery store where there's gushers and olive fruit snacks, you know.
Okay, So I bought this other kind too that he wanted and I ate
one of those. I ate that, and then I just in my brain,
I was like, this is not sugar. This is fruit snack,
totally different. Do not nothing to see here. We're not going to think
about it. We're not going to deal with this right now. Look at
there's vitamin A and vitamin C. I found myself eating like eight of them
last night and I was like, yeah, oh, here we go.
But see that. I don't know if I'm going to call it a relapse,
because if I call it a relapse, then I'm gonna be like,
well, fuck it, I'm I'm going to relapse. So I'm just going
to go eat while I'm at it. I'm gonna have a bunch of cookies.
So I'm going to think of it more as a slip and I'm just
gonna not do that anymore. But this is what AA taught you. I'm
assuming this is what I know. It sounds so silly, but I really
think there's people out there, well at least me, maybe I'm the only
one that really could use some tools like that and how to like how how
to stop doing whether it's an addictive thing or an obsessive thing, whatever you
want to call my diet coke addiction or the fact that I have to have
coffee bean my tea every single morning and if I don't have it one morning,
I'm like, oh, I can't wait till the next day, Like
you know, like that cod is I haven't lost that. Well. First
of all, I just want to clear clarify something a slip. I wouldn't
say I wouldn't call like if I had a beer, I wouldn't call that
a slip and just hop back on and continue saying that I have the ten
years of sobriety. That's totally different. I'm saying some people might refer to
as slip, they would still start their time over again in a twelve step
meeting because you and the reason for that is not to like shame people or
make them feel like they don't have and not not everybody is in a twelve
step program, so they're they they're welcome to call it whatever they want.
It's more like you obviously need some help if because what if you have a
slip with alcohol and you have a beer or whatever that is going to lead
to You're not going to just probably tomorrow just not have it right, You
wouldn't have alcoholism, right, Yeah, you could, you would be a
moderator. Yeah. But for me with the sugar, it's I don't want
to have that mindset. Like with alcohol, I can say it can be
all or nothing. I have to say, you know, with alcohol it
can lead to bad things. Sugar doesn't necessarily lead to bad things exactly.
So that's in that way I can kind of in my brain go it with
sugar. I get real bad with the sugar, and I don't feel sober.
I feel like all day long am meeting junk and I feel out of
control. Yes, but if I have a if I call it a slip
in my head, that's for me with the sugar to not go well,
then fuck it. I'm gonna just start eating sugar every day because that's that's
not gonna be good. But I still have stuff like my breakfast. I
like to have oatmeal for breakfast every morning, obsessively, every single morning.
And if I if I run out of oatmeal, but I can't go to
the store and get some more, it's a problem. It's like I'm thinking
about it. I'm like, well, oh no, Like Lynette was like,
I like it when you eat your heart boiled eggs in the morning,
and I was like, I mean, I'm gonna try to do that,
but I have it's like a feeling in my body of like, oh,
I didn't have my oatmeal. Something's off. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I don't like this feeling. Yeah, that can be maybe more. As
you get older, you get into these habits that are like harder to break,
I don't know, and how much of it is bad to me?
It becomes an addiction when it's like hurting your life. I mean, are
you unable to function because you need three diet cokes? Like, well,
you go out of your house at midnight to go get diet coke from the
store because you're out. No, but I will. But I guess what
I feel is you're being hard on yourself. Maybe I am, But I
also I feel like I'm being selfish because it could lead to some medical problems
with all this. You know, so many things using a microwave oven could
lead to, Like I mean, I don't know. Sometimes I think you
have to sort of like risk reward. It's like, yeah, is it
really like you get in a car, you drive a car every day that
could lead to a car accident, But if we think of all, like,
I don't know that having your needing to have your coffee bean. Maybe
that's just something the coffee bean fine we can get. That's more of a
habit that I just love and it's great. I agree the diet coke,
it it makes me feel good. And I think it's the aspartame. I
think it's like diet crap. Probably the caffeine. It's a caffeine, but
it's because they are is coked zero that doesn't have aspartame, which is like
a quote unquote maybe a little bit of a healthier option because doesn't have the
aspertain in it. But it doesn't get me the high like that aspartame does,
Oh feel so good? Well? Uses another fake sugar? Yeah,
I don't know. You're all not THEOD for you. All the fake sugars
are not good for you. They just found out that zi xylotol xylatol is
really bad for you. Yeah, same with aspartain. That's what I'm saying
about the die coke. I know I'm putting shit into my Like would you
would you feed your plant diet coke? You know what I mean? Would
you water your plant with die coke? Well? I'm a different kind of
plant mom, Like I'm like a cool plant mom. So yeah, Like
if my plant was like I want diet Coke, I'd be like, okay,
yeah, listen, we have so much to listen we're gonna do.
Why do I keep saying listen, that's listen up, listen. We're gonna
do a Patreon with you. That is oh wait you, Linda, listen,
listen, Linda. Do you remember that viral video with that little boy
talking to his mom and she's like stop right about lis Linda, Linda,
I don't know that one. But you're going to do a Patreon, which
is a story that you told me the other day that my mouth was like
what this is crazy? So that we're going to record that and then you're
gonna be with us on Friday, so we have so much more time to
talk about just the regular stuff that's going on in our lives. I feel
like I talked it was all about me this time so long, about Elbie's
and about anxiety. That was I overtalked. Okay, we haven't done our
shout out, so I'm going to do all of that right now. Like
our friend Stephanie Stinker Rinker who graciously generously because of some stuff that's going on,
gave her name shout out to the Trevor Project, So go check out
the Trevor Project, which supports lgbt Q plus plus plus kids especially it's a
beautiful, beautiful charity. Thank you, Stephanie. Also Christas Droop and Sandra
Green and Jennifer Falls and Aaron Sanchez and Sarah Stefanos and Leslie Wykoff and Alicia
Ascalante and Kelly Branton, Rebecca Lubin and Ishan Vajepe and Missy Schaeffer and Gabby
and Katerina Muller and Valerie Bubba Fenwick and Polly Butterfield and Athena Ginshert and Elizabeth
Williamson and Rita Bassiette and Jacob Crowley and Leslie Acosta, Nikki Collier and Aaron
Landis and Katie Murphy and Lauren Goldberg and Kelly Ladita and Rachel Newcome and Richard
Frolicker. Also Phoenix Plumbing Solutions, that's Mike Gerstein's company. If you have
a problem, they're number one with number two, so if you're having a
plumbing issue, go check them out. Also Adam Lerner with Adams got acar
dot com. You know exactly what he does. Also our friend Christine Black
with Storybook World Travel. Go to her Storybook World Travel. She does all
kinds of you know, travel stuff. Also Fern Candle. You guys,
this is our friend Kelsey. Yes, I love, love, love this
candle company. Awesome. The people at my kid's school went crazy for these
candles. They come in these really cute Mason jars. The smell is subtle,
not overpowering. They're all made with soy, which is a great resource.
So it's Ferncandle dot com or Instagram at Ferncandle. Also our friend the
ones that did the bird shout out for a while, Sergio. They are
giving their shout out to their friend Madeleine Aubrey. She's has a business.
She's out of SoCal, but she will do Zoom consultations. She's a stylist
and she's basically been helping veterans unhoused people, but now she wants to like
make this business. I love it self. So just go to her Instagram
at Madeleine m A d E l i n E. Aubrey Styling and check
her out for them, and I'll just do one more Basic Becky. She's
our girl. She makes T shirts and I'll be calling Basic Becky again because
Belle is doing her cheercamp again. We'll be getting T shirts from her.
Every year we get T shirts from her, like yeah, I love it.
Yeah. Just Basicbecky dot com or find her on Facebook at Basic Becky.
All right, thank you so much, Julian, thank you, Kaylin,
and we love you guys, and we'll see you on Patreon on Wednesday
and then our next show on Friday. You're a parent, No, don't
fuck it up. It's good. Many