WEBVTT 1 00:00:02.120 --> 00:00:18.280 Comedy Central Podcast. Thank you very much. Thank you, thank you, 2 00:00:18.559 --> 00:00:20.640 but I know you' re thinking the same thing as my cat when he 3 00:00:20.640 --> 00:00:24.079 got home. There' s an aunt in cones, that' s all 4 00:00:24.079 --> 00:00:27.879 right. I tell you, Paula calls me and before the pandemic, the 5 00:00:27.879 --> 00:00:31.079 apocalypse, my life was already sad. I puked in a tsar once, 6 00:00:31.879 --> 00:00:36.920 and I was ashamed. Go see a tsara. They see a total inequality 7 00:00:36.920 --> 00:00:47.039 until they find it. It' s okay. I mean, it' 8 00:00:47.079 --> 00:00:49.439 s okay. But it was a tsara and it was a first date. 9 00:00:50.039 --> 00:00:53.159 Eyes on the tip for a period. We were all reed day. I 10 00:00:53.240 --> 00:00:58.399 felt bad and caught what the tsar is being. And of course it was 11 00:00:58.439 --> 00:01:00.240 a bitch because on the first dates you go to what you go. I 12 00:01:00.240 --> 00:01:04.920 was throwing up. I mean, he freaked out, he freaked out, 13 00:01:06.040 --> 00:01:08.120 he had to freak out, I' d think I' d fuck if 14 00:01:08.200 --> 00:01:11.599 on the first date he vomits, on the second he shits my chest. 15 00:01:11.640 --> 00:01:23.799 It is not true that I understand that flipaparouclea, because there are things that 16 00:01:23.799 --> 00:01:26.799 need to be trusted with someone else. It is also true that there I 17 00:01:26.879 --> 00:01:30.480 am ashamed of very silly things. There, for example, I' m 18 00:01:30.560 --> 00:01:34.400 ashamed to go to a public bathroom and let the others hear what' s 19 00:01:34.400 --> 00:01:38.319 going to fall. So of course so don' t mean this isn' 20 00:01:38.719 --> 00:01:42.359 t serious. So what I do is I' ve done a lot of 21 00:01:42.439 --> 00:01:48.319 paper to the cup before to dampen the sound. You make her also that 22 00:01:48.319 --> 00:01:51.560 you' re out there taking half a roll, don' t listen to 23 00:01:51.640 --> 00:01:55.000 me, don' t hear me being human, don' t think I 24 00:01:55.000 --> 00:01:57.040 ' ve come to the bathroom to piss. I haven' t actually been 25 00:01:57.159 --> 00:02:00.560 there before and I' ve given a lot of time and I' ve 26 00:02:00.560 --> 00:02:02.879 been knocking on the door and I' m so nervous that I didn' 27 00:02:02.879 --> 00:02:04.359 t know what to do at the end of screaming at me. I' 28 00:02:04.400 --> 00:02:16.840 m getting cocaine in. It' s cocaine. It' s cocaine, 29 00:02:16.960 --> 00:02:22.360 and they didn' t go in there. Quick status. It' s 30 00:02:22.400 --> 00:02:25.319 but it' s true that this system of mine, this trick of mine, 31 00:02:25.719 --> 00:02:30.479 has a problem and it' s worth it when you' re done, 32 00:02:30.759 --> 00:02:35.840 it' s created like a mass of pee paper, as well as 33 00:02:35.840 --> 00:02:35.840 the mache paper that doesn' t swallow, it doesn' t swallow the 34 00:02:35.840 --> 00:02:37.680 chain. It' s worth it. They haven' t heard you do 35 00:02:37.719 --> 00:02:39.800 anything, but whoever comes in later is going to say that you' ve 36 00:02:40.400 --> 00:02:45.319 fucked up a manuality of enough atac already this and I what happens manic art 37 00:02:45.319 --> 00:02:49.319 has happened. Shit, shit, by the way, shit at somebody' 38 00:02:49.319 --> 00:02:51.639 s house. It' s important to me too, I mean, it 39 00:02:51.639 --> 00:02:53.960 ' s embarrassing. I need confidence. For me, shitting at someone' 40 00:02:53.960 --> 00:02:58.240 s house is wedding and if I have to look out for more paper it 41 00:02:58.319 --> 00:03:01.120 ' s church wedding. I mean, this is it, this is law. 42 00:03:02.479 --> 00:03:06.319 Then they say that on the first dates they say one thing, that 43 00:03:06.319 --> 00:03:07.719 ' s that we don' t have to talk about politics. Never. 44 00:03:07.240 --> 00:03:12.800 It' s not a lie. Always remain poetic the first date to avoid 45 00:03:12.800 --> 00:03:15.919 that in the second ones it presents with nautical ones. True, it' 46 00:03:15.919 --> 00:03:23.680 s true, of course, uncle, and that the nautical have lowered points 47 00:03:23.719 --> 00:03:27.039 on the faxometer, that is, they are, but they' re about 48 00:03:27.039 --> 00:03:30.280 to see sorcery with the braided belt, that is. Anyway, nothing good 49 00:03:30.560 --> 00:03:35.120 happens, like we' re talking about me and you don' t know 50 00:03:35.120 --> 00:03:38.319 me because nobody knows me. I' m gonna tell you my hobbies. 51 00:03:38.599 --> 00:03:44.120 My favorite hobby is you see research team. You like research team. If 52 00:03:44.280 --> 00:03:46.560 it' s not cool, not the cool narcos, it' s cool 53 00:03:46.560 --> 00:03:51.159 with an egg. It is true that I do not understand why everything related 54 00:03:51.159 --> 00:03:53.520 to the world of drug trafficking has to bear the word. Narco in front 55 00:03:54.120 --> 00:03:59.719 of you, not like, narco- story, narco- boat, what 56 00:03:59.719 --> 00:04:02.439 a narco- chicken thing to do there, no, narpe tunnel, okay, 57 00:04:02.759 --> 00:04:15.719 man, you' re a drug dealer, you' re not Batman, 58 00:04:15.719 --> 00:04:15.719 and when you' re narco- chicking, I don' t know. 59 00:04:15.120 --> 00:04:18.120 It' s okay, because I think everything Gloria Serra Mola does not 60 00:04:18.439 --> 00:04:25.199 tell me the narcos peda just like the narcos waw tell me more about this 61 00:04:25.279 --> 00:04:29.879 issue. I believe that everything Gloria narrates will improve it. That' s 62 00:04:29.920 --> 00:04:31.600 why I want Gloria to be able to tell my sentimental life. Man, 63 00:04:31.839 --> 00:04:39.399 you know something like that. We try to contact him on Instagram, but 64 00:04:39.519 --> 00:04:44.399 he doesn' t want to talk to us. He' s online, 65 00:04:44.839 --> 00:04:47.879 but he' s not answering us. We repeatedly give him like shit. 66 00:04:58.800 --> 00:05:00.560 I want you to see this and say so I' m going to do 67 00:05:00.560 --> 00:05:04.560 it. I' ve got to make my mom some kind of research team. 68 00:05:04.639 --> 00:05:06.600 He likes it a lot, too. We see it together. It 69 00:05:06.639 --> 00:05:10.800 ' s true that spoiled lately. She' s getting a lot on Twitter, 70 00:05:11.000 --> 00:05:15.040 she' s missing a lot on Twitter, and now she' s 71 00:05:15.120 --> 00:05:17.040 trying to be politically correct, she' s cool not to take into account 72 00:05:17.079 --> 00:05:21.120 others and so on, but if you know how to do it, one 73 00:05:21.240 --> 00:05:25.199 thing happens to her, and she doesn' t come out and she does 74 00:05:25.279 --> 00:05:28.839 one thing that I think is very mother- like, that' s when 75 00:05:28.879 --> 00:05:31.720 she suffers what she thinks she can be controversial and she releases it equally, 76 00:05:31.720 --> 00:05:32.000 but whispering it then, example, example, make it practical. I' 77 00:05:32.000 --> 00:05:36.040 m going to see her and she' s telling me to talk like that. 78 00:05:36.079 --> 00:05:44.079 My mother is a Dehelio balloon. My mother, I' ve seen 79 00:05:44.079 --> 00:05:51.160 the neighbors before. The first one the blacks are black, yes, they 80 00:05:51.160 --> 00:05:54.600 ' re black, but it' s okay, you don' t have 81 00:05:54.600 --> 00:05:56.959 to srrar that they' re black. Then we watch the teleno and he 82 00:05:57.800 --> 00:06:05.600 tells me ay, I really like this actor is Catalan. It' s 83 00:06:05.720 --> 00:06:08.240 Catalan, yes, it' s Catalan. Not an x man no, 84 00:06:08.439 --> 00:06:10.920 he doesn' t hear you from wherever he is. I mean with a 85 00:06:10.959 --> 00:06:14.759 black catalan. My mother who freaks him out, doesn' t short- 86 00:06:14.879 --> 00:06:18.560 circuit at some point in his head. Another one tells me yesterday I met 87 00:06:18.680 --> 00:06:24.279 your uncle, the divorced one. And the thing is, it' s 88 00:06:24.279 --> 00:06:26.160 not just my mother, it' s my mother and my aunt, my 89 00:06:26.160 --> 00:06:30.000 grandmother. Man, you know what my birthdays are like as a family. 90 00:06:30.120 --> 00:06:32.600 It' s not parties, either, it' s death row meetings. 91 00:06:32.680 --> 00:06:39.800 Man, talking parcel the divorced Catalans divorced black Catalans. It' s my 92 00:06:39.920 --> 00:06:45.000 mother with a cape, the Harpotts You know what you' re doing. 93 00:06:45.120 --> 00:06:46.680 I want to make it clear that my mother is a very cool aunt, 94 00:06:46.920 --> 00:06:48.800 I mean, she' s very Cooki. My mother knows these people that 95 00:06:48.839 --> 00:06:53.959 when you are Syrian talking and you finish talking, she screams thanks and leaves 96 00:06:54.000 --> 00:06:57.800 her cell phone as with an offering, just as you are already in there 97 00:06:57.839 --> 00:07:00.680 that I don' t know how to keep it quiet, that it doesn 98 00:07:00.720 --> 00:07:01.079 ' t hurt, because my mother is yes that kind of people like Cooki 99 00:07:01.079 --> 00:07:03.800 very much. When the machines are revealed. Not anymore, but right now 100 00:07:03.800 --> 00:07:09.480 it' s how very Cooki, i e my mother uncle in the machine 101 00:07:09.519 --> 00:07:15.360 rebellion opens him to terminator oh, come on in, paula opened boy to 102 00:07:18.480 --> 00:07:21.759 see you a robot come meet my daughter. She' s single. Not 103 00:07:23.279 --> 00:07:26.319 that it is the issue of rebellion of the machines, that no longer sounds 104 00:07:26.399 --> 00:07:30.360 or crazy, not like they attacked us machines another Tuesday uncle I don' 105 00:07:30.639 --> 00:07:32.360 t know, calm down I don' t know, nothing happens, but 106 00:07:32.360 --> 00:07:34.079 I don' t. I think it' s going to be like the 107 00:07:34.120 --> 00:07:38.120 felis, the machine rebellion. I think it' s gonna happen like the 108 00:07:38.120 --> 00:07:40.279 pandemic, because the pandemic, I mean, it wasn' t like spalis. 109 00:07:40.360 --> 00:07:43.920 Pandemic movies are always like a hero who helps everyone, who hunts with 110 00:07:43.920 --> 00:07:47.079 his own hands. Joh In March she starts an old woman for a Roy 111 00:07:47.079 --> 00:07:49.319 scotex is. I don' t think it' s gonna be. I 112 00:07:49.360 --> 00:07:51.759 think it' s gonna happen anyway. The machines are going to be revealed, 113 00:07:53.439 --> 00:07:56.920 but wrongly, it will be a teenage rebellion. Or you will one 114 00:07:56.920 --> 00:08:01.800 day deliver in the kitchen and the fridge hates you has a subject to ask 115 00:08:01.639 --> 00:08:07.439 to hate even houses. He put a pishon on a bucket on me. 116 00:08:07.439 --> 00:08:11.839 This kind of historical events as you have and because of having created many doubts, 117 00:08:11.879 --> 00:08:15.360 as idiots of this type. For example, the Magi, that is, 118 00:08:15.519 --> 00:08:18.839 the Magi were more kings or more magicians, which does not mean they 119 00:08:20.120 --> 00:08:24.839 came to the Manger with crown, with scepter or like Jesus was up to 120 00:08:24.879 --> 00:08:37.720 your letter, By the way, I found out last year. I didn 121 00:08:37.840 --> 00:08:43.799 ' t know the plant that the myrrh is an abortive plant. I did 122 00:08:43.919 --> 00:08:48.440 not know you alike Mary asked for a delivery one. I don' t 123 00:08:48.559 --> 00:08:50.480 know good, no, no, no, it' s okay, since 124 00:08:50.559 --> 00:08:56.000 you' ve brought up the drug issue and it' s true that I 125 00:08:56.000 --> 00:08:56.240 realize I' m more. I mean, I' m young, but 126 00:08:56.240 --> 00:09:00.679 I' m getting older because I used to get high so I could be 127 00:09:00.720 --> 00:09:03.480 partying all night and now I' m groping so I can be toned up, 128 00:09:03.480 --> 00:09:07.159 stealing. I mean, I started meds last year I started taking a 129 00:09:07.399 --> 00:09:11.960 depressive mind that nothing happened. It' s okay, no, it' 130 00:09:11.960 --> 00:09:13.080 s okay. It' s like super normal. But there' s a 131 00:09:13.120 --> 00:09:18.240 detail I didn' t know and nobody told me, which is that antidepressants 132 00:09:18.279 --> 00:09:28.120 make it very difficult, not to say impossible to run. Then okay I 133 00:09:28.159 --> 00:09:33.720 ' m not a psychiatrist, psychiatrist, lose me otherwise. I don' 134 00:09:33.799 --> 00:09:37.600 t mean I have pressure and they take my orgasms away. Let' s 135 00:09:37.679 --> 00:09:41.720 not go to the endocrine that deserves chocolate palms, not one every three hours. 136 00:09:41.840 --> 00:09:43.279 What' s this, man, what' s this about not being 137 00:09:43.360 --> 00:09:48.159 able to cum, it' s something like you don' t see it, 138 00:09:48.360 --> 00:09:52.360 like super specific, super son of a bitch, like to be a 139 00:09:52.360 --> 00:09:52.399 side effect, I mean, it looks more like a curse. Man, 140 00:09:54.120 --> 00:09:54.639 I don' t think I' m getting any medication. It gives me 141 00:09:54.720 --> 00:09:58.320 the potion of the bad little mermaid, because I think it' s the 142 00:09:58.360 --> 00:10:09.360 psychiatrist with a cauldron. He' s got a cauldron in his office. 143 00:10:09.960 --> 00:10:13.840 It' s already with my orgasms. It was a snail. Oh, 144 00:10:18.559 --> 00:10:22.279 gross life. Well, it' s okay, since we' re talking 145 00:10:22.360 --> 00:10:28.480 about taritas and maybe I have a complex, a problem with my tits that 146 00:10:28.559 --> 00:10:31.399 I don' t like. I want them more, I want them to 147 00:10:31.399 --> 00:10:33.960 be bigger, but it is that it is a complex already level that I 148 00:10:35.039 --> 00:10:39.960 like the ones of femen why they envy me that is when I see them 149 00:10:41.039 --> 00:10:43.360 I have an internal conflict, because I think, on the one hand, 150 00:10:43.840 --> 00:10:45.279 I agree with you, on the other hand, you envy me. On 151 00:10:45.360 --> 00:10:48.759 the one hand, eh aunty touch with the cause or bitch lake, because 152 00:10:48.799 --> 00:10:50.879 it is very cool I want tits like I hate them because it gives me 153 00:10:50.960 --> 00:10:54.440 the impression that the bigger your tits are, the more important the cause that 154 00:10:54.440 --> 00:11:13.480 you can claim exactly in Plan Peace of the Middle East and I do not 155 00:11:13.639 --> 00:11:20.399 read trees saved to the raccoons. Well, well, I just think Zuben 156 00:11:20.440 --> 00:11:24.879 ' s tits are really cool, because they can claim several causes at once 157 00:11:24.879 --> 00:11:28.440 not in Plan Box. It' s patriotism, it' s fascism outside 158 00:11:28.519 --> 00:11:30.879 rosaries of ours or several. How cool, man that remains for me in 159 00:11:30.919 --> 00:11:33.840 fem in the exclamation, the truth that closes does more because they no longer 160 00:11:33.919 --> 00:11:37.000 fit people would see me on the street like I, to femen accept guys 161 00:11:37.320 --> 00:11:54.159 now what little, because nothing I have thought, started to operate, many 162 00:11:54.200 --> 00:11:58.840 times I have thought for myself, but pass, that is pass, because 163 00:11:58.919 --> 00:12:05.639 then imagine I will see my mother and see me will be with someone and 164 00:12:05.679 --> 00:12:11.519 will say oh look. Here comes my daughter the surgery. Thank you very 165 00:12:11.519 --> 00:12:26.360 much. It' s all been wonderful.