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to get started. Welcome to teen Girl Talk Jean girl Talk. I'm Czikoda
I'm Franklin Coda, and this week, with much adulation and much expectation,
we are returning to Forts Washington in Twilight Data. I'mlike our original episode,
We're not just going to talk pretentiously about it. We're actually going to talk
about how good Twilight is. I don't remember how long ago did we initially
cover Twilight. That was like the fifth episode. Oh my gosh, so
five over five years ago. Yeah, we were. We were just like
everybody knows the story of Twilight. We're just gonna talk about it as a
cultural zeke yeast ze geist zegeist. What a mistake that was because I um
got to watch this movie with still a person who has not seen this movie
before. My excitement was boundless. I felt like I had to point out
all of the important milestones during the film while we watched it, where I
was like, and see people have a lot of questions about how Bella is
shaking that catchup like that kind of minute show. Well, what's funny is
I do remember this distinctly. You are not enthused on it, like five
years ago. You're like, I could only watch this with the riff tracks
on. Yeah, it's funny how that circled around. I really think it's
like a time thing where I don't know. I mean, I was not
in like an amazing place five years ago, so I think that, I
mean, it's closer to six, right, Yeah, because if it was
our fifth episode and we started this in twenty seventeen, which seems crazy,
it's a long ago. Yeah. I was just like a cranky person,
and now I just love it. I love it for the camp I love
it for the fact that it's so familiar because I have seen this movie so
many times, and when I saw it back in two thousand and eight,
I loved it. I like, I don't know if I talked about this
on our original episode. I doubt what I did, because I kind of
just remembered it recently. When the movie came out, I bought an Edward
pillowcase, like from Hot Topic, and I was living with a boyfriend at
the time. He's like, please don't put that on the bed. I
was like, nope, Edward wins like, you will be sleeping in a
bed that has a pillowcase is a huge picture of Robert Patton's face on it.
Like, I'm not sure why I was so cranky about it. Six
years ago. I was probably cranky about most things. But the other thing
is I saw Mafia Mama last week, I think, which was directed by
the same director as Twilight, and I feel I didn't love that movie.
It was very violent, But I think that Catherine Hardwick is a very good
director, like I think she if she likes her like apparently she was very
into Twilight, And the reason she didn't move on to the next movies is
they the studio wasn't willing to give her the time. She was like,
look, if you want these done right, this is the time I need
to get them done right. And the studio was like, Nope, this
is cash cow. We don't give a fuck about doing it right. And
she left the project. And I think you can really see the difference between
the films that she was involved with and the ones where she wasn't, because
the later films, I think you kind of convey that they not as much
care was given. Like the point where Edward rolls the apple up and is
holding it in his hands. I was like, Jill, that's the cover
of the first book. I was like, that's purposeful. So I did
now in my older age, at the end of my life. I can't
really appreciate Twilight. Um, I don't know how how did this watch feel
for you? It honestly did. I thought about putting on the Riff tracks,
but I was like, no, like, I I'm going to watch
this straight. Um. I mean, the thing is, I've watched the
riff tracks too so much. I like remember the jokes from certain scenes.
Yeah. Um. The big thing for me is just like, you know,
still have a huge crush on Alice Colin. Of course her Wig,
so much Wig work in this movie. I'm still like, why are Emman
and Jacob here? There's just kind of nothing right now. Um, Emmon
is amazing. He is the man who taught me that the best way to
go to school is standing up in the back of a jeef. Why when
you're in a car would you want to sit in a car when you could
stand it and get bugs in your teeth. I'll get a lot of protein
from these bugs, really helping my guns. It's gonna help me get a
pump later. Like thinking about that. I mean, I even now when
I see it, I'm like, that's pretty cool standing in a car,
But it's not what it's like, not a comfortable way to. I have
so many thoughts about this movie, which is so funny because again I've seen
it so many times, but now i'm my whatever watch I'm like, they
need a lot of hair decisions, Like I feel like the hair department was
very busy in this film. Um yeah, that's the like. Okay,
well just one a quick tangent about Timoonan Poomba. Okay, great. I'm
just like I was thinking about Tomoro Poomba the other day. Um, and
I'm just like they should be jacked as hell. All they eat is bugs.
Bugs are pure protein. Yeah, but also they lie around a lot,
because that's fair. But anyway, well, like, um, and
the thing is like with you know, watching this now in retrospect, I'm
just like man Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. I think like everybody derided their
acting, but you know, I feel like now that I know more about
what, I'm like, No, they were just playing these roles like It's
it's not they're acting with bad It's just like Edward and Bella are awkward as
fuck, which I think is better for um, it's better like for these
two teams. Um. Though, I do feel like the one thing I
in retrospect, I do are with this movie, and since we've been doing
this podcast is I do think these movies are kind of the beginning of the
affluence like love like Romantic Story where it's basically like you know, Edwards,
like I'm turribout rich and I can give you this card, and I give
you all these things, and we can do all these things because I'm turribot
rich, because I'm old as hell, because I'm a vampire, yeah,
which is something that continues throughout Like, um, you know a lot of
these teen movies we've watched where it's just like this rich dude, is it
like you know, well the After series where it's just yeah, which was
Twilight fan fiction, yeah, which is crazy when you think about it,
that like everybody has Twilight jokes and whatever. But this like it's even as
I say it, I'm like, it sounds ridiculous. I sound ridiculous.
Twilight was a cultural shift, and I mean, I think that's the other
part that's hard to see, like because I'm trying to think of the timeline
of even the fifty Shades movie. So I think the last fifty Shades movie
came out in like twenty eighteen, So last time we watched Twilight, we
were still like smack dab in the reverberation of Twilight, like all five movies
had come out. Midnight's Sun. I know it got a delayed release because
Stephanie Myers was like pretty pissed that it had gotten leaked, and she was
like, guys, come on, like, you know, it's what even
And she didn't need the money, so she was kind of like, what's
the point of me even releasing this? You guys read it before it was
ready, which I understand being annoyed about. And then there was that Christian
Gray book about his origin story that was basically like just a one to one
like ripple off of Midnight Sun. Not that Christian was a fire that would
make me like that series like way more. But um, I think it
is very hard to quantify how much changed, you know, like even the
shift to sad boys, right, like Edward Cullen is the saddest boy,
but he in this movie in like just like sort of the general. I
don't know how you would say he he's the ideal, which is so funny
to be just think about every time we do an early Alts movie before Twilight.
You know, okay, bt um, Like, how many of those
love interests are just the most unbelievable douchebags you've ever seen, Like do you
remember total Chads? Well, do you remember? And I know what you
did last summer when you know, hot to Trot Ryan Philippe stands on his
balcony and his dumb sunglasses and his tank top. It goes you guys look
like hammered shit, and I'm like, this is what this is one of
our leading men. This is what people thought was a good thing to do.
I mean, can you imagine what it was like for the Ryan Phelippes
of the world when um, sort of the the taste moved to sad boys.
I don't think the Ryan Phelippes of the world have had ever had that
much to worry about. Even after the Swords the sad Boys, there's still
a certain sect of ladies that was probably into them and dudes, yeah,
and dudes and non buying your people. Yeah. Yeah. The one thing
like, yeah, it's like that affluence love like I love as affluence is
something that's still you know, gives me pause when I watch these movies and
I don't I know that the um Native American tribes. I've had a complicate
that I represent in the book and in most movies, have a complicated relationship
with Twilight. And oh yeah, that's the thing I was telling Jill about
that they don't benefit at all from being featured heavily in the films and books
and having their like history hijack for it. Yeah, so I don't.
I can't speak on it with any amount of expertise, so I'm not going
to, but I do want, you know, I do want to put
out there that we acknowledge it and like we're not one hundred percent like it's
what I can do it. Oh well, that's something they did wrong.
And most sure and most movies, and let's throw it out there, sports
teams have also done a rock well. I think the sports team question is
a little different, and I would say, like lessen the exploitive side,
more just on like the straight up racist side. Yeah, because like I
you know, obviously we're not anywhere near as well and armed as I like
speaking about like how accurately um they've the tribe was portrayed in the film,
Like, but I mean it seems like and I don't I don't remember the
later movies that while so this might change, but it seems like they're being
as respectful as possible while also being exploitive, Whereas like when you talk about
a football team like the Redskins, that's just straight up growth. Like no
one's trying to like pay homage or like, you know, include indigenous people
on sports. They're just being gross. It's like there's no defense to just
being a gross out asshole in that case. Um, if you want to
support like um shows with actual Indigenous people on them, Letterkenny and Reservation Dogs
are two of the best. I wanted to watch Reservation Dogs for a while.
I heard it so funny it it is, um, but like it's
a bit heavy here and there, so maybe not maybe not right now,
but um, I do Also the Daily Show where they talk, one of
the correspondence talks to a bunch of like Redskins fans and like then brings in
the Indigenous people into the like the room with them, and you can just
see the visible shift of uncomfortableness from the white people. It's amazing, you
know, Um, it's just phenomenal. But okay, shall we now that
we've gotten kind of heavy stuff out of the way. Shall we get into
the meat of this movie. Yes, the wonder that is Twilight. Yeah.
So, um, I was standing in the kitchen when the movie started,
and I at this point I know the opening monologue. I can like
see the footage of the deer like in my mind's eyes. Cullin's favorite part
of the movie. Robert pattins, Okay, rig is it like candid that
the fictitious character Edward Cullen loves this part of the movie. He was like
in the Biography of Our Lives, I love when they show the deer getting
absolutely eviscerated by a victicker. Yeah. Um, so we're getting a voiceover
from Bella about how if she had to choose to die, she would willingly
die for someone she loves in her life, and um, this is a
voice over over us like footage of a deer. Um in Everything's in kind
of blue tone. The deer is being chased through the forest and is seemingly
taken down hard cut to Bella and Arizona talking about her hair brained mother and
how her mom her parents divorced when she was younger. Her mom is traveling
with her stepdad. He's like a pro baseball player. We will never see
this man. I sort of love the decision that this man is so unimportant.
They did not cast him, they did not show him. He never
shows up in the film. Bella is injured by the end, like pretty
grievously or grievously injured by the end of the film. And this man,
I guess just deigned to stay in Florida. You see him for two seconds
when he's standing by the Carbrioler comal, ladies, we have to catch a.
We have to catch a. We have a plane to catch im.
Just like you left Charlie for that. I mean, we don't know who
left tomb. Did she leave Charlie, yeah, Bella says. She says
later in the movie, she says like I can't stay staying here with you
or something very hurtful to Charlie, and then edwards, just like your fallow
could give you. And she's like, no, I said these last same
thing Mom said when she left him. I think I feel like that was
more about Forks, though it's still just like no, it's terrible, and
Bella is doing it in service of saving her father from murderous vampires. So
you know, I guess it can be keep forgiven. There's no point where
Charlie comes to know that the town is overrun by murderous vampires, right,
I think towards the end he does, which, honestly, how good of
the How much better were these movies? Like the Thing is like The Twilight?
I always felt this room for improvement, just like how much better were
these movies? A bit if they just revealed to Charlie, like, yeah,
we're vampires. It's not a whole lot you can do to stop us,
but we're here for good, like like to help people. And Charlie's
like okay, and just like Charlie and Carlisle loving crimes together. But then
what if Charlie became a blade level vampire hunter? If you right as hell?
Okay, yeah, I mean I agree. Charlie and his mustache and
like a leather duster and he's doing the blade like land Post and then he's
like, oh, I'm back, I'm getting too old for this. Yeah,
bell like um, So they Bella gets to Forks. It's immediately uncomfortable
because Charlie's a dad and doesn't know what to talk to his teenage daughter about.
He has bought her a ramshackle truck that is dropped off by Jacob and
Jacob's dad. Um, oh gosh, what is Jacob's dad's name? I
don't you look that up? And because I want to point out a few
things, Um, I really love the Charlie, Like I love Charlie in
general, but I do like the relationship between Charlie and Bella because like,
um, you know, like he's like he's a very quiet man. He's
very you know in he's constantly in his own feelings, but he's constantly trying,
and he he does understand that like time has passed, you know,
Like this guy's like, oh do you remember I was Santa? And he's
like and he's like, you know so, and so it's she was last
year when she was four. I don't think she's gonna remember that. Ye,
Billy Black is the um is Jacob's dad? Yeah, And like but
then Bella is like turbo pump on her truck, Like yeah, she's like
she could be way shittier, Like yeah, definitely, But I was like,
are we just gonna presume that Bella definitely knows how to drive stick?
Oh? Charlie definitely taught her when she was nine yeah, you need this
someday. Yeah. I was like, wow, this is a full choice
for a team that probably is not driven that much. Like I don't think
I could drive. Uh it's like, I guess I could learn stick shift.
I have no desire to, though it seems very stressful. The funny
thing about the funny thing about Charlie is Charlie's living his own indie film yes
by Itself, where they're like, oh, Charlie comes after Thursday too and
has the same thing like since you left Bella, I'm just like poor Charlie.
Bill's bragging in the kitchen about how he loves driving stick shift. You
would love to learn, Okay, I misunderstood. It probably makes less sense
now why I shoot him away because I thought it was bragging. It was
like, get out of here. I think your car can drive in stick
I think mine. I know mine can't. I just never try because I
don't know how. Yeah, I mean you can ruin the car that way.
So yeah, um, so where are the five minutes of the movie.
Oh, but about your Charlie indie film thing? Um, I was
wondering, do you think there's like a will they won't they? With the
waitress. I think there's a will they won't they? With a lot of
women in Charlie's life, thought Charlie's Charlie is just too amicable and polite to
ever think that women are attracted with him when it's every woman in town.
But he's actually in love with Billy Black. I mean, I'd be into
it. I'm sure there's a lot of fan fiction rights the way into it.
Okay, So Bella meets Jacob have great chemistry. They really do.
Um. Bella meets Jacob and uh, he explains that he goes to school
in the reservation, so they won't be at school together. Bella is nervous
about her first day. Uh. Her first day at school is like,
oh, first, we see a man and murdered. We do not know
who this man is or context for where he is. We just see him
being chased and hunted down. And then Bella's first day at school, literally
everyone is obsessed with her immediately and so nice to her. And Bella is
shy and is not into this, but like everyone's like, oh my god,
you're amazing. I love you, Please be my friend. And Bella's
like, So, when I was younger, I thought that was holly unrealistic.
Now that I'm older, I'm just like, no, this makes sense
for a small town. Yeah. I think at some point, Anna Kendrick's
character calls her the shiny new toy. Yes, but yeah, I would
say, like, you know, like for a bunch of people who probably
growing up together, and like nobody comes to Forks like like, oh my
god, somebody new, and think about it. The only other people who
have come to Forks have been new are the Cullens, who have almost been
elevated to like a deity level where they're like the gods don't deign to talk
to us, and then Bella comes in. It's just like they're like,
oh cool, you'll talk to us. Like the thing is, though I
did find like I found everybody who wasn't Anna Kendrick convnnoy. Well, I
think I definitely think they're written that way because we're supposed to see that the
genuine love is between Bella and Edward because they are deep souls, while everyone
else is like a little bit vapid because Bella doesn't care about prom, she
doesn't care about the yearbook, and you know, she's sort of elevated above
these like very regular like high school concerns, because you know, she's immediately
embroiled in a vampire battle. So one of my favorite things is apparently Anna
kendrickcuse forgetting that she wasn't Twilight, which is so weird to me. How
do you forget that you're in like one of the most culturally important movies that's
ever made. Well, I was like, I was listening to the Dutchess
and Daddies talking Dad's podcast. They're like, yeah, eventually just projects start
kind of blending together after a while if you do enough of them, like
you know, and then like, oh, right, I did do that
thing. That does make sense because I'm not a big movie star, and
that happens with stuff in my life where people are like this thing and I'm
like, sure, okay, yeah, I believe you. I don't know,
I don't remember her. So I guess if you're Anna Kendrick and you're
flying all over the place and doing movies like what was the one where her
and oh gosh, I cannot remember the name of that woman everyone's obsessed with
from Parks and Ray Oh very funny. Uh, I'm like yeah, yeah,
so glad I grinded the podcast to a hole for that. But like
they did that movie in Hawaii with um Zac Efron and Adam Divine and you
know, like that to me probably would eclips something like I showed up for
four days on a set in Canada or whatever and filmed you know, Twilight
twenty years ago. She just made a very difficult to watch just because the
subject matter, but very good movie called Alice Darling about a psychologically abusive relationship.
Oh wow, yeah, it's it's intense, but it's a very good
movie. Um oh and um the woman who plays Tennis from Leta Kennies in
it. Yeah, okay, And I'm just like it's hard. She's one
of those actors as where you once you know them from a certain role,
it's hard to like see them be something else, like you know, defenseless
or whatnot. Because I'm like, that's Tannis. Tannis would just like baying
this guy as soon as he stepped through the door. I feel that way
about Um, who's the one who plays Annie on Community Alison By Yeah,
so I to me, Alison Bury is always Judy Campbell from Madman. So
when I saw her in um Glow, I was like, OK, And
I didn't even get her name right, Trudy Campbell. Trudy Cambell would never
put up in this bullshit like she you know, is a strong independent woman.
Yeah, um so yeah, Chells Pete Campbell, if you so much
as unzip your fly within fifty miles of this house, I will destroy you.
That that in the fifties to your shitty husband. That's amazing. Yeah,
oh my god. She's still good and happiest season that movie. Well,
christ And starts in that movie as well. She's also very good at
and albrey Plaza. Do you think they all have a group chat? I
hope so. Yeah, they're just like, isn't it Gray being like some
of the best female actresses in Hollywood. When we were watching She's the Man
last night, I was like, Okay, the Chanting Canum was in the
first Step Up movie, and he shows up briefly in the Second Step Up
Movie, and then Amanda Byne's shitty ex boyfriend in this he's in the Second
Step Up movie. It's I mean, I know that's sort of how like
you know, Hollywood works, where like people there are like seasons where people
are getting a lot of work and people who sort of actors who look like
them are also getting a lot of work. It just seems weird, like
that seems like such a sort of uncanny Valley situation to walk into a room
and there's a bunch of other people who look like you. I don't think
I'm like that at all. Yeah. Um, so I'd be like,
well, the real eminem please stand up. I'd be like, can you
leave? I'd be like, please stand up. So, speaking of um,
the eminem of the Twilight series, call um, what, Frank,
that is the most controversial thing you've ever said in your life? Dare you
trying to get back to them? Okay, Colin is the eminem of Twilight.
It doesn't even make sense and it's offensive. I was just trying to
get back after but wanted to talk about the biology scene, which is so
gondamn funny even now. Oh my god, I was cackling when the fan
blows. Bella said towards somebody's like WHOA, Like, what was the stage
direction there? Look appalled? That's not I thought the stage direction was like,
you just got the most intense sudden boon. Okay? Is that because
that the face he makes looks like the face? Okay, this is such
a specific thing. But when you're in New York City in the summer and
the garbage is out and it's just like baking, like absolutely baking in the
heat, and the car drives by and just WAPs it into your face,
That's the face I would make. Not a face that I am so suddenly
aroused. It's a face like oh it's so gross, Like I could taste
the smell, it's so bad. It's not so much the faces the body
movement of him just like suddenly like like the whole body shutter. Yeah,
that makes sense. And then we perceived like she sits next to him,
and I'm like, of course, so a big animate tree is that the
main character is the one sitting in the desk closest to the window. Okay,
um, so they can happen. I love that as a weird trope,
like it's so bizarre that that's designated one of my favorite one of my
favorite things the game Spot the main character, where like you'll see a bunch
of people of like normal ass blonde or like brown or black hair and other
be like one person with pink hair, and you're like spot the main characters.
I think it's the one with the pink hair. M that's great,
but yeah, so I doubt that that's what Stephanie was going for. That.
But we also forget he has the angel wings behind him. Um,
but there's just like a bird or something that's the taxi dirty. Yeah,
there's a stuffed out so like I love it so much. So they you
know, these are their pairings for the rest of the year, their lab
partners, Um and Edward storm Set of class. Bella I guess, followed
him after class. It makes no sense why she ends up at the school
office like while he's there, being like, you need to move me into
some other science and at this very small school, the administrative assistant is like
no, sorry, full up, can't move you anywhere. It's the middle
of the school here. I mean, that's the weirdest part. It's just
like, well, you're in biology. You're demanding to be moved to physics
for a reason you will not disclose. Like so, Bella takes an immediate
dislike to this whole situation, but is already obsessed with Edward, which I
mean, it's Robert Pattinson and goth makeup running around being a total weirdo.
I would also be very into him. So her mom calls from a mechanic
shop. There's this like runner about how her mom um loses her phone charger
because remember she's hair brained, and um. Her mom's like, how's the
school? How is everyone treating you? And fell was like it's fun,
and her mom's like, who's being me to one man? One man?
Adam an entire school? But I mean he was. There's like a little
comedic beat where like Fella sniffs under her arm, Like I think I as
a person who fixates, I definitely would also be upset if a man had
like just such a bodily reaction to my presence, just like oh An,
I'd be like, what the fuck? Wait? Like high school age,
Frank. That would devastate me, Like because I'm already like going around like
somebody be like, hey, Frank, how's it going, I'd be like
they probably hate me? And then somebody to do that if you're like,
well, I've got to leave the school. Nobody likes me here. You
go to the school office and be like I need to be put in any
other science and they administrated to be like what is happening in this biology class?
I'm like, I'm sorry, a lot of times the school has come
to an end, I'm going to need to go to one of the other
high schools around here. They're on other high schools around here. I'm like,
okay, I guess I'll just go back to class. But yeah,
um, so oh have we've gone to high tech high But so then the
which we call it the day's pass and Edward has not been in school,
and Bella is even more pissed about this, which uh seems strange, and
he's like, what is what it's going to happen with his education? He's
like, I'm very concerned about the truancy issue with this man, this man
who seemingly hates me. So um. The first day Edward is back,
we get a cafeteria introduction scene. Unlike most high school movies, this is
not like an introduction of the clicks. Is just the introduction of this one
family. Well that happened beforehand. Oh okay before biology. Yeah no,
when he comes back, this is where we get the apple kick scene.
Yeah. So sorry, I can't believe that I forgot this iconic scene where
Anna Kendrick is giving us the rundown of the Coulin where she's like they're all
adopted and together, you know, like together together. Like now even further
out from initially seeing this, I'm like that is so weird. Like everyone
in the town must be like, look, I get we're a rural town,
but that doesn't mean there are no rules, like they rules and laws
still exist, just like doctor carlisle Um, Social Services needs to come check
some shit out. Social Services needs to come speak to your forty year old
teenagers, please. So um, we get introduced to Alison Jasper. Jasper
looks in pain all the time. And again I'm sorry, go ahead,
was like, he looks like he's complete, like also hiding awkward boners.
Yeah, like Jasper. Also to me, Jasper just looks like he's trying
not to throw off all the times, like that's what happens. And then
um, there's also uh Rosalie and Emmett. And Emmett is the one who
is standing up in the ge coming to school. So um then like drumroll
please, Edward and strolls in through the cafeteria doors, and Anna Kendrick lets
us know that he doesn't date anyone at the school. He's like looking very
slick um and I couldn't stop thinking about him being angsty Batman this like entire
time, Like because angsty Batman has so much like dark goop on his face.
And they absolutely slathered Robert Pattinson in like the whitest cover up makeup you
ever seen. I saw some tumbling notes when they were talking about the Batman
where they're like Bruce sticks his head into a theme eyeliner then cries in his
way to the scene. He really does, like there's so much goop on
his face all the time. Also, I was just thinking about how funny
would be if Edward became Batman, and it's just like when he has to
fight in the city, it's just like the you know, the part of
his face that's shown just a sparkle, Oh my god, every time the
lights hid it. Um Okay. Yeah. Also, if I was remaking
this movie and like there's gonna be the Twilight series coming out, um,
which honestly I don't really see the need for, Like we were in the
Vampire Diaries, like they're just gonna add a bunch of extremous nonsense to it.
Though, if they gave me a prequel series about Rosalie, I'll be
two road to that or like a limited series. That'd be awesome. Yeah,
Like I don't know how, Like first of all, which channel would
be the one doing the series. I think it's like Showtime or HBO or
something. Okay, I was gonna say, it's gonna have to be one
of those channels because like the vampire birth stuff is so graphic and so upset.
You can't do that on you know, like Basic cable. It just
can't happen. Um check the mic. Oh they did like eight times on
Rivedale what vampire births? Yeah, they did like three times one episode stop
it of course. But I know, I like, I feel like people
have just stopped talking about Riverdale because it got so crazy. It was like,
who would believe me? I guess that this is a show that is
available to people, and they could you know, I could just prove to
them that I'm telling the truth, But why would they believe me? It's
so outlanded, Like when you try and talking about Riverdale, you suddenly become
Cassandra where you're just like shouting what happens in Riverdale that nobody believes you.
Yeah, everyone's like wait what now, I can't be a real show.
Somebody didn't write that, and now with the writers strike like pending, I'm
like, everything's gonna start seeming like Riverdale because it's just gonna be people unfamiliar
with content trying to write shows. And I would have to assume that most
of our listeners are not hold it up to remember the initial writers strike.
I think that what was that, Like she hasn't six? It was like
yes, because like the Office was in this like fifth season or something.
It was a dark time get Ready for some truly terrible TV for some reason,
a lot of stinging episode. It's, um, yeah, it's not
gonna be great. Okay, I'm gonna say this. Let me just quick
take quick trip to the bake sale. But um, somebody was like,
there's no greater shame than Ready into like the YouTube algorithm, like the name
of the song that put in Glee version after at the end of it,
I like, I'm sort of torn because we've never done Glee, and I
feel like so much of it is like wildly problematic, and you know,
there's been so much tragedy in the cast. But also part of me is
like, how do we not do Glee? I don't know, what are
your thoughts on it? Well, Donnie sat down and watched all of Glee,
and he has a lot of like thoughts on it. Yeah, so
maybe I a you know, three person episode with Donnie. We can all
talk about it, okay, because like, and you know, the thing
is, I'm sure it sort of develops over the seasons. But I watched
an Eddie Burback video about the first episode and I was like, what or
the nightmare that is Leah Michelle not even that? Just like the premise of
the first episode is that the teacher is so mister whatever his name is,
is so obsessed with becoming the glee leader. He like blackmail as a child,
and he's lying to his wife and then his wife is pregnant and like
another teacher, the original Glee teacher gets fired because he inappropriately touched a student,
and I was like, this is way heavier. I mean, it's
Ryan Murphy, right, so I shouldn't be surprised. Like I loved the
first season of American Horror Story and it's the same guy. So it's like,
well, does see what do you expect? But at the same time,
I'm like, luckily it was just about song. I thought it was
like pitch perfect Nope. But Okay, we're gonna take a quick trick to
the base l I'm getting kick into the real heart of Twilight high teen girl
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Visit Talo dot com slash teen girl talk to get started. I have another
question about they do music underneath their songs, right, so it's not like
pitch perfect? Yes, okay, okay, that's all. That was my
only question. Um So um Bella and Jacob Bella, Jacob Bella and Edward
have like a lot of back and forth where it's you know, Edward being
wildly rude to her and then being like, oh, but JK, I'm
obsessed with you and I you know, I can't be near you. We
shouldn't be friends, and she's like understandably, like what is happening? Like
what is your deal? And um Bella is standing in the parking lot when
a man drives it to the parking lot at top speed, loses complete control
of his band and almost pancakes Bella. So Edward gets there in like the
blink of an eye and protects Bella from the careening minivan and so Bella's like,
how did that happen? And so then she is at the hospital and
we meet doctor Colin, who's Edward's dad for all intents and purposes, and
she questions Edward after kind of walking up on Edward and Rosalie and doctor Colin
having a debate about how Edward is endangering them all, and he was like,
what was I supposed to do? Let her die? And Rosalie's implicit
answer was yes, and so then Edward like gaslights the shit out of her
and is like, I was standing right next to you the whole time.
I don't know what you're talking about. I don't have superhuman strength and speed.
And Belle's like, wait what and he's like, I don't want to
be runs by? Um. I also, that's all very important, but
I don't want to talk about how huffy Charlie is. Oh my gosh,
yes, about the man that almost ran Bella over. The guy keeps apologizing,
Charlie like like you and I are going to have a discussion them to
this, like you're losing your license, and Bella's like, dad, chill,
and he's like, I'm an achievable believe Um so yeah, I forget
exactly When it happens. About a certain point, Bella wakes up and boom
Edwards in her room. She turns out her light, Boom, Edward's gone
not yet, So first they have to go on the field trip to the
greenhouse. Um Edward continues to be rude and churlish to her and good words,
thank you, and she gets asked out by I'm going to find the
name of this character, one of the annoying sideboy characters by Mike Newton.
Tyler is the one who almost hit her with his car. Mike Newton is
asked her to prom and she's like, wait what now, I'm not going
to be here. I'm going to Florida. And he's like, can't you
go to Florida a different weekend, which I think is pushy, and she's
like, no, I can't. I have to go to Florida that weekend.
And so she tells him that he should ask Anna Kendrick's character to prom
and m Edward is like making googly eyes at her the whole time, and
then he comes up next to her in the greenhouse and is like, um,
actually I saved you due to a drenaline in my system. It's a
very common thing. You can google it. And she's like, what is
your deal? And he's like, I don't want to be friends and so
then and it can't dangerous to be around me. Now, I'm gonna get
on this empty bus and I'm gonna just sting alkolly at the bus driver.
I mean, it's that's I never noticed before this watch that he delivers his
line up being like stay away from me, and then just kind of like
Fonzie hits the bus door and then it opens, and I'm like, can
you imagine a teenager doing that? The bus store would be like, knock
it off, I'll let you on the bus when it's time to let you
on the bus vampire. I would have also, who thankus, Susie.
Um, well, here's the thing, Frank, how's he getting the bus?
He wasn't invited. I just saw Renfield. You need to invite a
vampire in. I think I think like we're not falling the closest rules and
um in this thing, Like I don't. I don't think that Twilight is
not cannon in the vampire Well, I mean what other vampires sparkle Susy And
I don't want to harp on that, because yes, it's dumb, but
it's not it's also amazing. Yeah, looks like Tobias covered in the diamond
cream. Yeah, but it also like, okay, well we'll get there.
I also would have loved if the um what we do in the Shadows.
Vampires were in this movie absolutely. I mean sorry, I'm coughing so
much like straight like Dave Barry. It is just like in the movie.
I mean they think, wait, Matt Berry, you mean yes, Dave
Barry. Um, his character was actually in Arizona for a while. That's
so funny. There's a point where he beats up a bunch of bikers because
he thinks they're street toughts, and they're like, what do you want to
ride to raise money for kids? And this guy just came out of nowhere
and keep the crap out of us. That sounds like Matt Berry. And
then and not just not just the absolute pest. What do we do in
the Shadows? It's such a good show. Um, here's the thing at
the point where he delivers the line this is the skin of a killer Bella.
It's just so amazing. It's so good. Okay, as he sparkles
and looks like he's gonna throw up, it's great. Okay. You know
what if I was going to remake Twilet, a scene I would have would
be the Cohens trying to brainstorm, Like he's like, I want to still
talk to Bella because as you know, I'm not obsessed with her, but
what excuse can I use that won't kill us killed? As Like, um
okay, gasline didn't work, adrenaline all right? Cool? Thanks that well?
Yeah, Like, I mean, since Edward doesn't sleep, he just
spent all that time ruminating about like I'm just gonna find us out. Also,
here's the other part. Who in this town has enough sense that they,
like everyone in Forks is so self consumed. They're not. I mean,
they all seem like very nice people, but they all seem very involved
in their own stuff. I don't see them all kind of like getting together
in a gang to kill the Colins. I mean, the thing is like
they're all colors only he's the only doctor. There are no other doctors in
this town. And honestly, if I was doctor Colin, I'd be like,
Hey, hospital, I'm gonna make you a deal. Hospital as an
entity. Hello hospital, you guys kick me a few blood packs each week.
I worked twenty four hours without breaks about having to do anything. We
cool. Good, But now you're just turning him into Morbius. No,
Like, I'm not telling into Morbous because Morbius was not useful in the least
like Yeah, it's amazing how little Morbus did and then got the noble peace
for ze. Like of vampires, I respect, Oh my god, yes
please, I need your vampire hierarchy, your vampire respect hierarchy. It's like
what we do in The Shadows Crew. Okay, um, the Cullens,
Okay, Spike, Angel morbous. I can't believe that Spike is excuse me,
Spike is above Angels. Spike attempted to assault Buffy, Okay, okay,
but they're both in the dregs because I just think Angels so fucking boring.
Angel is a real dud. No shade to David Boreanis. But like,
oh gosh, have you ever watched Bones. I've never really given Bones
a chance. No, that's a procedural. I'm not really into procedurals.
I'm only into it if it's Law and Owner. I've never ever watched any
of the other like procedural shows. Like yeah, like I agree, Like
Law and Order is just like, hey, we're gonna just do this by
the numbers, and our guy is going to crack witticisms. It's not like
we're gonna have two people typing on a computer at the same time. And
I like, we're like superheroes or something. He's like, Nope, We're
just going to do the work. And that's a m I mean, I
don't want to throtiate a NCIS because I know it is beloved. But the
other thing about law on NUDDER is it really depends on which season you're talking
about, because like the Dennis Farina seasons, those did not age well.
We watched a lot of those in the last couple of months and I was
like, boy, guys, if it wasn't a Sam McCoy episode, I'm
not watching it. I mean, Frank Sam McCoy was on that show for
a bazillion seasons. He spans all the seasons. Oh I didn't. I
didn't like the lawyer before that. Didn't like Dennis Farina, and like Dennis
Farina is not a lawyer though he's a detective. Yeah, I didn't like
him. Didn't like him. I had to spend half the show. If
I'm going to spend half the show, it's going to be with um,
well, what's his name, Jerry Orback and Benjamin Bratt. That was peak
for me. Peak was Jeremy Warback, Benjamin Bratt, and Sam McCoy fair
enough. I bet you a dream team, as they say, yeah,
I bet you you knew who was watched a bunch of Law in Order Franks
Frank when he was twelve, because there's like six episodes on a day during
spring summer break. Um, yeah, there's a lot. Law and Order
is on multiple channels multiple times a day. Now. Yeah, I've watched,
like, I've watched six episodes of that and then like four episodes of
The Mash. Um, and that was my that was my summer anyway.
And you're like, I'm not going outside. I refuse to go too hot,
too hot, and also I was scared of people then anyway. Um,
but so you know now, um, at this point there's a cul
de sac of a beach trip where Jacob and his friends from the reservation show
up, and that is exposition dump at the beach that we need to go
to the beach so that we can get some tasty exposition and some CPA tone
flashbacks to the Collins eating a deer, okay, and um, I love
them in their old timy clothes. It was amazing. I love them being
like the columns don't come here, long, pregnant, awkward pause, so
good and then immediately after that, I was like, what the fuck was
that? And Jacob says, oh you caught that, Jacob, Yes,
it was so obvious. Jacob's like, we got a real sloop on our
hands. That was the kind of pause that somebody that comes after somebody says
I'm not cool racial No, racial slurs are cool and not cool racial slur?
Oh please detail to us like cool racial slurs. Okay, say something
highly problematic and everybody just fall silent, be like oh boy. And then
like literally you could feel the air in the room and you're like gosh,
and you're just waiting for somebody be like not cool man, Yeah, well
I feel the pause and then he should be like, you know, pause
not so long. They had to cut the sea. They were like seat
over, you know those cool racial slurs which are like in the half pipe,
you know, rid sky for the hell, Frank get better. It's
just like such an awkward way to put it. I got what you were
saying, like racial slur is bad, but you're like, which are uncool?
But then it really does open you up to thinking are you saying they
are cool ones? No? There are no? Thank you right, thank
you for clarifying there are no cool racial slur all right, Oh my god,
oh so the mess So the dance is coming up and um prom it's
the problem. It's the inexplicably Mine Carlo themed pra. I feel like movie
people who are either writing I don't know how many lines of approval Monte Carlo
theme had to go through, but the writers, the set dresser, the
director were like, yeah, that sounds like a kid theme, right Monte
Carlo. I mean my prom theme was wonderful tonight. So yeah, it's
usually something generic like beautiful memory, winter Wonderland, not like Monte Carlo theme,
which is very specific. Also, when I think of Monte Carlo,
I think it was like a seaside beach town, which I guess Forks is,
but it's not really You're not out there in a bikini being like whoo.
So it's like, yeah, you're in rainy Forks. But now I
don't know where Monte Carlo is. Is that on the Riviera I think?
So I know they have one races there. Oh god, okay, I'm
revising this. Keep the Monte Carlo theme, but it's all f one race
thing. It has little like race car helmets on the table. Everybody was
done in reds and gold, the following the theme of um abstinence, everybody
has to wear of the movie out of them. Yeah. No, that
the like we made the principal character very into abstinence and he's like to make
sure there is no kissing at this prom. Everybody must wear race car helmets
with the visors down. People are dead, so you just hear the quiet
dunk as they like either accidentally or personally hit their race car helmets into one
another. That would be so good, But the thing is the lights are
low too, so they can't see through the race car helmet visor. So
many injuries. Yeah, these school nurses like, I hate whoever came off
with this theme. Yeah, so um, we head too. Uh.
So they go they go shopping for prom dresses. Bella is just like,
well, I'm gonna go find a used bookstore. Um. And she finds
a used bookstore. She buys a book about um the Cold Ones, um
or not like about vampires. Oh my god, we forgot about the ghouling
scene that hasn't happened yet. It did because it's how she had the book.
They're multiple googling scenes, so this is her finding the book and basically
finding a reason to go to Port Angeles. So it's like like she slowly
writes the name of the city. Um. So uh. Three dudes show
up and they're like writing Bella. Um. All of a sudden, Edwards
car comes driving in and he like chases them away the Volvo. They're so
much pro placement for Volvos. We see like a car commercial shot of the
Volvo like Tokyo drifting into frame. There's another shot from the front of the
car as he gets out. As he pulls out once he has Bella in
the car, another like front facing shot of the Volvo logo. And I
mean this just further's sort of underlines the wealth like fetishization for lack of better
word, that takes place in this movie. Yeah, and like, um,
I was just thinking about I also had a Volvo station working. It
was like a ninety six Volvo station Mark, and I was like, if
I tried this move, I either turn the car over or like my car
immediately breakdown. I'm like, okay, there's a problem about Bella. I've
no I've saved you by now need to cultural aid to save us. You
would definitely break into axel if you tried to turn that sharply. Yeah.
And he's just like, you need to talk to me or else I'm gonna
go back and beat up those guys. And I'm like why not, they're
assholes, Like yeah, he said, distract me so I don't go back
and rip their heads off. And they was like, calm down, put
your seatbelt on. He's like, oh, you put your seatbelt on.
And she's like you can still turn into a projectile not wearing a seat belt.
He's like that's a good point. Click. Um, because he's invulnerable
doesn't mean he doesn't need to be seat belt safe. Everybody should be seat
belt safe. Um. Oh but fun fact about Volvo. Actually Volvo were
the ones to come up with the three pronged seat belts, um, and
they were like, we're not gonna patent this. Everybody uses it. Oh
that's great, um, because they're like those old ships were way more dangerous
where you just bent at the waist when you got into a car. Accent
anyway, So they go to a cafe and the waitress is like totally into
Edward and Frank's totally into this waitress. Rockabilly hair due yes, And I
feel like we need to I need to point that out. Yes, Edward
is tells Bella that he can read everybody's thoughts, and Bella is not amazing
him for some reason, and he's just like people are, I can hear
what people are thinking, money, sex, sex, money, cat and
like cuts over this pictures like to look at this guy who's you can very
clear is a very doting cat dad. And the thing is Edward's like I
can read everyone's thoughts except for yours. Also is definitely not important for plot
reasons. I also would have loved a scene where Edward is talking to somebody
like how many how many? Maybe the reason he doesn't talk to people is
because he did try talking to people and they're just like, this guy is
so tedious. I do not like talking to him. Well, I mean
I think that they kind of do like a little joke because he can definitely
read Anna Kendrick and the other friend's thoughts. Um when they're like, oh,
Bella, we didn't know where you were, so we ate dinner without
you. We did not alert the police, um. And he has like
kind of a smug face on, so they're definitely like, look at this
man, Candy well just like yeah, like he must talk to like some
girls in his head just kiss me, and like some dudes like like he
says, everything about him is designed to draw you in his face his voice.
Yeah. Um. And so they head back to forks Um. They
make a quick stop because they found out somebody else is dead from a animal
attack. That's why. That's okay, that's kind of why they maken stop.
But it's because both their dads are at the police station. That's what
I'm saying. Carlyle and Charlie the double c are solving crimes. I know.
But you're like, well, they know someone's dead, so they're like
quick, n sure, I can. It's like I can hear your dad's
laws. I can't believe this bullshit. I just want to go home.
Another goddamn murder. But oh in this time it was but Craxanna. Yeah.
Unfortunately, um sos f to pay respects. So Bella m Franks in
a video game thing, please acknowledge. Very good. Bella goes to turn
off the heat and their hands brush and she's like your ice cold. He's
like, oh um, oh my god. This is where the movie goes
into overdrive of dramatics. And I'm so just so into it because Charlie lets
her know. They're saying it's an animal, but it doesn't seem to be
an animal that attacks but Craxanna and um. The next day at school,
Bella and Edward lock eyes, and Bella starts immediately marching into the woods.
No one notices, no one seems to care. She like gets to a
clearing, drops her backpack, and her and Edward have a confrontation and she
says, I know what you are, and he's like, say it and
she says vampire. It's all very dramatic, and then spinning around them,
yes, he says, I need you to see something. Her backpack is
in the clearing. She never retreats her backpack. Her school books are gone.
Charlie's gonna be so pissed. You know, Edward could just run back
and grab it. Yeah, but okay, as a teenager, I okay,
I've now found out the man who's going to be my vampire boyfriend is
like eternal. And then I has to be like, uh, can you
get my backpack? It's still in the clearing. I'd probably just feel like
those books are gone, They're dead to me. I can't do anything about
it. It's been way funnier. She was like, hey, can you
just go quicker get my backpack? You did run me away from it.
Yeah, I wish i'd gone a little bit of morning when you were like,
I need you to see something because my backpack it's a it's a twenty
minute walk for me, it's a two seconds sprint for you, just like
him. Yeah, because like if the funniest part is like everything is supposed
to be in you know, so secretive, nobody can know where vampires.
Edward is running around like a maniac all the time. Yeah, because he's
faster than the others. Anyway, Um so this part where he's running her
up the mountain, like I still laugh at the concept, but Red tracts
throwing the yakete sacks to it, you know, And this is where we
get it. The glorious unmasking of him, like glittering in the sun,
and he's like everything we do is meant to draw you in. I'm like,
oh, I am far less attracted him now that he's glittering in the
sun. Well, like I definitely, Edward, you both like you definitely
can do some sun, don't body. Sheme Edward. He looks sexy.
I've said it, I can say it. Rubber Friends and I were like
the same age, so I know he's supposed to be a teenager in this
film, but he's like one hundred years old. It's fine, Yeah,
I mean it's fine. Like um, so you know, then we start
getting a bunch of treetop wire work as well as well as a bunch of
slow motion jumps, which I love so much every time, like slow motion.
You know, they're like, look at how elegant Edward is, and
I'm like, I can see what you're going for. I do have some
notes. One of my favorite gifts I've ever seen is like it's from them
filming the like last Harry Potter film, and you can see, like I
guess, um, Emma Watson, Rubber Grint and Danner Radcliffe are supposed to
being hoisted up for something, and like rub Grint and Emma Watson are like,
you know, standing straight up, and like Daniel Radcliffe is just like
bent, like he's like horizontal and just this dumb smile on his face as
they bring him up. Like Danner Racliffs is like a chill dude, and
he's also he looks like he'd be so fun to hang out with. And
he's gonna be a dad now, so little Danny Radcliffe. Um, so
he's doing a run on Broadway right now for this play Merrily We Run Along,
Merrily We Roll Along. I hope he's doing the same thing he did
the last time he's on Broadway, where like the Papa Razzi kept hanging outside
his dressing room and so he bought the same gray shirt and black slacks every
day so they couldn't use any of the photos. Yeah, because it just
looked like they were taking it on the same day. Yeah. So now
we're going to get a bunch of like exposition dump about the family and about
vampires and whatnot, and he's gonna be like, you know all the rules
now and then um, he's going to bring Bella to meet his family in
earnest Um and he's not gonna meet Charlie yet. But I do I do
enjoy scenes with the entire Culin family. I think. Oh, and also
just thinking about it, like going back to the mind reading, like if
you if you know from the beginning that he's reading people's minds, that definitely
makes every interaction he has way funnier because like you can like, um well,
like when he does meet Charlie, I think like he does appear a
bit nervous, and I think he's just like, this guy really is gonna
this guy really is gonna shout gun me if I do the wrong thing.
Yeah, and then he'll find it I'm a vampire because I won't die when
he shotgun blasting yeah. And then Charlie was like, oh, probably just
didn't take three more um so, and I the Culins were just very cute,
you know, just like I was like, we're gonna be best friends.
And then trying to make like food. I just thought it was really
sweet. And then Rosalie just smashes the like sellable like in her bare hands.
It's great. Like everything. I wish there were more columns in this
movie. Well, every time the Colins aren't on the screen, you ever
asking where are the Colins, which basically they already do. I was gonna
say, everyone does seem super concerned about where the Coulins are. I was
just like way more invested in all the Colons, and not like Bella's friends
except for Anna Kendrick. I mean, even Anna Kendricks character is like a
little bit annoying. Yeah, I just have a crushing Unta Kendrick. So
um so anyway, um so then um we oh so um we can.
Every starts moving pretty quickly after this, because when they decided to play vampire
baseball during the thunderstorm, Um, we're going to meet the bad vampire is
the vampires that ate that one random guy and then Buck Craxanna And as far
as threats go, like I only remember the name of they just keep referring
to the one like the one as that the blonde woman, and I forget
the name of the dude with the dreads who looked for he is the redhead
I don't remember. James is the tracker. I can find the other guy's
name. Yeah, the other guy just looks like he definitely would be on
like the Matrix Laurant Jill remembers because they love twilights so much. James looked
like just such a weenie like I like, also has a bad wig.
I'm not thread by James at all. Um, so well, don't worry
about him. His head's gonna get twisted off in a minute. Yeah,
but like I love vampire baseball and I said this just like I said this
to a few people that, like the X Men in the comics, have
played NonStop games of basketball and baseball with their powers, and nobody calls that
dumb. So you know, maybe just think like, oh, the X
Men also do this, um, and they don't look half as cute as
Als does. Pitching a ball. I mean, yeah, the actress that
plays Alice m really like Ashley Green, really puts like a lot of I
don't I don't know a sports term for like pitching a baseball stank, I
guess on on the ball. Well, she extends her leg all the way
up, but I'm i'ven't looked it up. I'm like she must have some
kind of dance or ballet training. Oh for sure. Um. I was
like, I wonder if I could look that cool throwing a baseball, And
I was like, no, I definitely fall over. Um. So you
know, we get another scene that's very concerned with the wind and Bella's hair,
and the wind picks up and blows you know, the scent into James
Basley. So James looks like he's enjoying the set, versus Edward, who's
like, well, the vella's velball. Yeah, um, and He's like,
you brought a snack, which, well, if you think about it
in terms of today's um, today's like vernacular, Well, it'd be like
if I was if somebody said that would be like, oh, yes,
thank you, I am a snack. Yeah. But you know, Fella
was like, oh no, they're gonna eat me. Yeah. Um.
So the colons have to basically get Bella as far away as possible. They're
going to take her back to Arizona. Um. They're a bunch of them
are going to go protect h Charlie, which everybody should want to protect Charlie.
Um. And you know this really such strong independent woman, he can
protect himself. This is where we get the scene of um what we call
it, where Bella tells Charlie, I'm leaving because I hate Forks, even
though I've been talking about how much I love Forks. Yeah. So,
um, Charlie is left heartbroken. They go down to the hotel in Arizona
and just staying there, Alice has a vision of Bella's old ballet studio.
Bella gets a call from James and Belle's like, there's no reason for me
to go there. And then Bella gets a call from James, which how
did he get her number? Um? And he's like like he hears she
hears her mom's voice, and like he's like you come here or also I'm
gonna kill her. And this is a disturbing scene. It really is,
because when she gets to the dance studio and finds out that somehow James I
get like James really does stuff, and um, kind of like it's so
time efficient, right, So he went to Bella's childhood home, went through
all the VHS tapes, found a tape of her at the ballet studio saying
I don't want to go on stage. Everyone's gonna laugh at me, and
her mom saying Bella Bella, Like, how did James get all of this
done so fast? Is there something where like vampires can just watch videotapes faster
than normal people. He's like fast forward. He's like, yes, I
understand everything. Yeah, so well he then he just starts torturing Bella and
it is awful. He steps on her, Um, what's that bone in
your leg in your calf? Yeah, and breaks it, just snaps it
in half. Yeah, and then fights her. Yeah. It's insults,
injury and poisoner. Yeah, that's when Edwards shows up and they get into
a jump fight, there's no Oh my god, the jump fight so good.
It's like very clearly wirework. I wish that someone was like, yeah,
where is Dracula alive in the canon of Twilight, because I know he's
Cannon and um and Puffy the vampire Slayer. I don't know. I don't
think that Twilight acknowledges the Dracula yeah. Um. And so they eventually,
like the rest of the Columns show up and they tear James apart and they
set a fire like so quickly. They're just they pop his head off like
it's nothing like a grape. They're like, and I'm just like, I
feel bad for the owner of this dance studio because we're gonna show up like
what the hell happened? I literally said that. When we were watching it,
I was like, imagine having a beeg, a small business owner I
gotta get the next day, and thinking like, what the fuck you just
burned a human body in the middle of my child dance studio? Hey,
what did I do? This must have been the was the Murray School Dance?
Da have you Murray School of Dance? Yeah, Like it really makes
you wonder like like did I I pissed someone off? Is this like a
warning like burned a body? How much would you love a movie about competing
like child dance like School Owners? I mean I would, as long as
it like doesn't involve the children like I have like a lot of ikey feelings
about like the Dance Mom show. That's fair okay, Um well it's just
like them like pulling more and more brutal assaults on each other's dance studios.
I mean yes, I would watch that, Okay. Um. So yeah,
if you watch this movie, which I'm sure some a lot of our
listeners already have, um, just like glance in the background because like Jacob,
Alice and Emmett are dancing around this flame. Yes, excuse me,
Jasper, Alice and Emmett are dancing around this flame like it's some kind of
it's like it's like midsummer or something. Yes, they're like throwing boards in
and like really building the fire. It's very wacky kind of and sidestepping in.
Their arms are full extended and like um Bella is being you know,
being poisoned to death. And this is this is something I only realize this
on rewatch where um Edward, Like, you know, Carlile says to Edward,
you have two options. You can either suck the poison out or let
it run its course and she will turn and become like us. Yeah,
and I'm just like it would be in Edward's best interest if she just became
a vampire like him. Yeah, But instead he gives her a choice because
he like, you know, like at this moment, he's like, this
is not a life you want to lead, Like, I mean, he's
filled with self living and hatred. So yeah, so you know, like
Carlyle talks him through sucking the poison out, he nearly like goes and like
drains her completely. Um, I mean Bill pointed out, like Edward really
takes his time trying to decide what he's gonna do. Meanwhile, the whole
time, Bella's like yeah, and Edward's like I don't know, and Carla
Carla is like you gotta do something, and then Belle's like, I'm gonna
fuck cthul in a few years. I don't understand that reference. Christ's that
movie Underwater, Oh yeah, like and a very scary Cthulhu, Like that's
what's going on in that movie. Is at the end like she's looking.
She fires off a flare and there's a big old Cthulu and she's like,
I'm going to blow up the space and stop Cthulu. Okay, I saw
that movie and I don't even remember I didn't remember that that that cthulh is
so like I'm just scared of big ocean things in general that aren't Godzilla.
That like, wait, you're not scared of Godzilla. No gods, a
little gods, a little like would probably just kill me quickly. Cthulhu,
We'll do other shit to me, but all horror, of course. Yeah.
But like I just looked at pictures of that Cthulu and it got me
scared just looking at a picture of it. Okay, well I can tell
you as a person who saw the film in theaters, I have no recollection
about Cthulah. I'm a thirty seventy year old man, and I got scared
of a picture of Cethrulu anyway. Um, So, like she's in the
hospital, like you know, um, they're blaming her broken leg on her
clumsiness, and she's like, no, I want to just insane. It's
just like did you fall into like eight bowling balls and somehow landed on top
of you. Here's the thing. If the doctor was not doctor Culin,
they one thousand percent be like, Bella, we need to speak to you
privately because this is not an injury you get from falling down the stairs.
There's a bootprint in your leg. Okay, that's too dark, I think,
so Frank, it's true. Like if there's any forensics, they're like,
wait, what it snapped in half? Yeah? So she goes back
to Forks. Her mom had already been making a plan for her to move
to Florida, and Belle's like, look, I know I said that I
hate here and I wanted to move to Florida, but that was a lie
and I'm staying And how dare you think I want to move to Florida.
That was yesterday Bella. Today, Bella with broken leg and clarity wants to
stay in Forks. Yeah, and you know, her mom's like, Edward
has been sleeping in your room the whole time if like not for nothing.
If I was Bella's mom, I'd be like, she has a suspiciously broken
leg. This guy will not leave. I'm starting to wonder about Edward.
Obviously I would not know that he's a vampire and a weirdo. I mean,
I know he's a weirdo. That's obvious, but like, I definitely
think I would have my suspicions. He also Well, the thing is like
the vibe from the mom that it's going to be a lot less difficult to
explain to her that he's a vampire. Like she feels you should be very
excepting at the vampire almost immediately. Yeah, Like Bella wouldn't even finish the
sentence and the mom would be like, oh, yeah, he's a vampire.
That's school. So like he's a vatrolling gas lady vampire. Awesome.
She's like, he's a vamp. She's like, oh, like Fromedico solid
too, Frank, vamp sounds like a slurk. That's the name of the
character. Oh is it? Yeah? I was gonna say, do you
consider that a cool slur? No, that he's the character that they have
the first conversation in video games about bisexuality about Oh so he's a bisexual vampire.
Well, yeah, what I think vamp is a slur I'm my apology.
Well no, um, Frank, I mean, if it is,
it's a fictitious slur. We don't need to like really drill down on it.
Um. But yeah, um, but just in case, we do
apologize to all our vampire listeners if it is a slur there. Um.
There's a really funny part in Renfield where um, Nicolas Cage's character is like,
don't try to make it a sex thing. I don't care if it's
a man or a woman. I just want pure like Victims and Renfields like
okay, oh okay, okay, I just um, it was kind of
like a fen fatal thing, like vamp means like a fen fatal. Oh
cool, okay. Yeah, So there's there's actually this part in Milker Saw
where the character ride in like Snake's explaining like, oh, he's called vamp
because like you know, he had to drink blood and he also is dating
like both this this guy and the guy's daughter. That's kind of grass.
I don't like that, and rite in and just like make some like disgusted
noise and Snake calls him Hellen. He's like, would it be better if
it was her mother? It'd be better if they weren't fucking related. Yeah,
make your soul. It's a weird, weird game anyway, um so
they Edward takes Bella to the prom. Bella has a big old boot on
which I've had on multiple times. Not that boot, but various boots.
Hey, frony of you were like, yes, it was Bella's boot.
And then she's like I want to be turned into a vampire and Edward's like
mm nah. Edwards like I'm gonna need you to get to the brink of
death again before I'll turn you into a vampire. Yeah. Uh spoiler,
uh no, no ring, no fangs. Oh my god, solve it
because we forgot about that scene. They're smooching and he jumps away. He
propels his body away from her, and it's like, I'm stronger than I
thought, Like that's not okay. My problem is that I'm just too jact.
The problem is I somehow lived through the sexual revolution, um free love,
the multiple waves of feminism, and I'm still just like nope, noe
ring, like no, no sexy times. He's like, against all odds,
I remained puritanical in America. Yeah, despite what I hear from every
woman and like a bunch of dudes when I will walking down the street,
I know, despite the fact that literally everybody's into me so exhausting. Yeah,
it's so exhausting to be so desired as Edward Cullen. I'm gonna say,
like, I also, you know, like sometimes people can be like
catty towards each other. I wonder if there's ever a point where Edwards just
like Alice, those people aren't your friends, and she's like, and then
she gets the visions like, oh I see what they're planning, like I
do. I can't remember who one tumbler posted it, but it's so true
where um they were talking about Edwards inner monologue and it's like another Harlot desired
me today by um, so that's Twilight upon retrospect, these are this is
not a bad moviema Like Okay, yeah I was complaining about kissing Booth again
last night? Oh god yeah, Like is the is the acting goofy at
times? Yes? But these are you know what, I'm going to give
this movie the same defense I'm going to give fun the fantasy ten Um.
I will send this video to you, Sissy so you understand what I'm talking
about. But those who play fas tend know exactly what scene I'm talking about
where the character Titis has just had some revelations hit him and he's feeling down
and this other character named Una comes up to him and she's like, hey,
I've learned how to practice laughing, so people will stop asking me what's
wrong, and people just think I'm doing okay, and like so she has
Titus lookout over this cliff and he goes ha ha ha and like that.
It is the most ridiculous scene and people are calling up the director and they're
like, what is this scene. He's like, do you remember what it's
like being a teenager? Well, you were not cool all the time.
Yeah, And that's why cheesy stuff works. Period. Sometimes cheesy stuff happens,
you gotta just let it, let it hit you and just try and
find your legs. Like Bill Dultrue said to Boot Howard, I love about
you. Some how managed do we final Fantasy ten and King of the Hill
into this. Yeah, So like the Frank trifecta. So we're going to
watch next week, we're gonna watch Polite Society, which was the whole was
the whole reason for doing as for Aprils for Action Month, but it came
out on the twenty eighth, so it was just like too rough for us
to like watch it and record the episode, so we're gonna push it to
next week. We get to that, we're helping it right back into Twilight
exactly. And I really am looking forward to Polite Society. I hope that
it makes up for all of the terrible spot movies we watched this month,
with the exception of Debs. Yes, and once we watch New Moon,
we will come to the end of any Twilight movies. I see. Because
I only watched Twilight and New Moon, I did not watch the other three.
I know we're ready. We're ready to take an adventure, an adventure
even further into fourth Yes, but okay, So if you'd like to write
us, so, you can write us at real teen Girl Talk at gmail
dot com. Um, we'd love to hear your Twilight hot takes. We
have a Facebook group and page that Frank moderates and until next week, I
am Susie Koda. I'm Frank Koda Tea