Ladies and gentlemen, A and Deviance. Welcome back to Quest for Confidence,
you junior adventurers. As you may or may not realize, John Hartness has
suffered a tragic accident. It's okay, he's hanging in there. He was
adjusting his bookshelf and as we all know, that's a dangerous thing to do
without supervision because those heavy books on the top. Well, apparently he put
a Drew Hayes book up at the very top of his shelf, the hard
back Superpowered Year four and as we all, I mean that thing has been
proven to go to kill a charging rhinoceros. It fell off and hit John
dead in the face. Now now, now he's a bubba, My boy's
a hoss and he is hanging in there. But he is currently in the
battling the Grim Reaper himself, playing magic to gather because as we all know,
if you can defeat the Grim Reaper in a game of your choosing,
you can come back to life. It's going well for now. John's hanging
in there. He's but this is a game to end all games. So
in the meantime, I am Kay Gibson will be filling in as your DM
until John Uh decides to join the Land of the living. If you happen
to see him posting on Facebook or or any other message boards, it's not
him. That's a John ole ganger. It is just a fake one setup
to run his accounts. So who do we have with us today? I
believe we have Miss Ari Carr. Wait a minute, Am I allowed to
start a protariat revolution against our new game master? Or is that next week?
Sure, let's see what happens in the game. Okay, Well,
when I'm not planning my next who I am the one, the only,
the R. Carr, author of the Rules Undying series and the False Icon
series with none other than moog Face Heater himself. We're wal Terry. In
this game, I play Helldestington, the kind gentle druid who may or may
not be a reformed Cannibal. And my latest release, the Latest Shingles No
Less the Final Girl is out. Now. Oh wait, it's part one.
This is where someone else jumps in anytime? All right, Well,
like you, well, I ain't gonna say shit against our new game master
because that hokey ass excuse he gave tells me that there is almost certainly a
chained off Hartness in Gibee's basement, probably alongside like you know, you know
several girl scouts, and like you know, all sorts of others like you
know, missing you know people who are on milk cartons. So I'll just
say I am all for our new our new dmit In other news, you
know, my name is Rick Qualterion. When I'm not busy sucking up to
the DM, I play oo Fish Easier, who doesn't suck up to anybody
unless there are teeth involved. In real life, I'm right several things,
but keep an eye out for a royal road because in a couple of weeks,
probably about a week after this goes live, hopefully if things don't go
wrong, which they probably will, but let's hope they won't, my very
first lit RPG, Time Chaser, will debut there, And if you like
it and want to read ahead, you can go to my Patreon where you
can give me money and I'll give you extra chapters, which is a goddamn
good deal. It's so good. Just don't miss it. So I'm miss
ty Massey. I write the Mad Kestral series of pirate fantasy adventures. I
am perfectly happy with the change in leadership. I would never ever deign to
look sideways at my brand new scary overlord. Although, Rachel, if you
do start a revolution, give me a few days notice ahead of time,
because I don't know what colors we're wearing, and I really sort of need
time to get in my closet and make that all red red. It's always
so I'm good because I'm getting my hair done Friday, so I will be
read no matter what, yay I. In this game, I play and
we're Crow, the slick sly thief who is constantly looking around going how the
hell did I end up the wholesome one again? All right? And I
am Judy Black, and yeah, there's going to be a revolution, definitely
let me know, because the French are very good at that. And I'm
sure I can find a guillotine or two, so la la uh. In
this chaotic field, I play Gigid nichol Mansea and in my other life is
Judy Black. I write mainly Dungeons and Dragons modules, and I have two
new ones out. First one is The Real Woe and What of Fortune Telling,
which is for fortune telling for any sort of tabletop game. It's completely
system neutral, so you can find five different weirdos to tell fortune to torment
and tittlize your players. And then you know, for poor Jordan Hartness,
if you would like to help support him in his recovery. He and I
have put out Voodoo Children, which is a module based on Bubba the Monster
Hunter and one of the first short stories with Bubba. Voodoo Children so you
can hunt down the strange happenings of zombies in Chattanooga, Tennessee. So you
can get both of those on drive through RPG or Voodoo Children is available on
the False Staff Bookstore and us. Thank you. As I said at the
author MK Gibson, I'll be taking over this for a while. I'm a
author of such books as the Shadow Master series, the Techno Manswer series,
and a few others. My latest release, Villain's Return, just dropped on
audiobook and it cracked the top fifty. It was very nice and it was
like I could, like, right at the back of the end of the
line on the audible's top fifty, I could look and see, look,
there's get him it way up there, way up there. All right.
Good for you, Matt exactly, And like everybody else, I'm chasing that
Dragon too. I'm currently fifty thousand words into my own Gamelitz Progression fantasy book.
Level one sucks, but this is going to be one of my longer
books. So being fifty thousand words in, I'm a third at most,
so it'll be a while. Hey, hey, mkay, I just have
to I have a lit RBG too, because you know, let's hop on
it. Come on, come on, Judy, you got to join in
too. Give me them progressive bucks, you know, Oh yeah, give
us? Can I get? That's awesome? Did you did you see his
new Kickstarter? God damn yeah, I think could fund it? What in
twenty minutes? Well, like I was talking, that's a last con.
I was talking to him because I did a I did. Me and my
my friend, my my Dutch author and artist friend, Sandy Butcher's we did
a hardback for one of my books. She did the art, We did
a whole new layout, a whole new covers, uh illustration per chapter,
and we did a kickstarter or excuse me, nidy go go forward and we
did well. It was pretty cool. Weven did a front of the page
where's everybody who donated got their name in the book Forever as long as Brinda
Doll have it. You can you could get it then, and it's available
still on Amazon. And I was telling Mad about it and like and I
see it. I'm like, you motherfucker. You know, like as of
this morning, it was like one hundred and thirty seven thousands. That's a
little over. It's more than that. It's over one hundred and fifty k.
Now. Yeah, he was like, hey, Gibby, thanks for
the idea, and now I'm gonna take it and make it good. Oh
yeah, yes, exactly. He's got fans, he's got he's got dinner
fans. So I got like our new thing, like the quantum. It's
just gonna be we put dinner in front of anything on the Dinnerverse. Yeah,
exactly, welcome to the dinner Verse. It's Dinna sucks. But no,
we actually he's a friend of ours and we actually wish him well and
it's like, you know, hopefully rising tides at all that bullshit. But
all jokes aside, congratulations Matt, you're awesome. So but as we said
at the top of the show, uh yeah, there's gonna be a little
bit of change in uh how this is run for the quest of confidence,
for the remainder of this adventure. John h had to back out for a
while, and we wish him all the best and all the health and running
his business and everything he's got to do. So uh, since I played
the greatest NPC to ever play, once I figured well, I have no
real stake in what these characters have created, so why not show show up
and fuck it up instead. So that's why we're doing this state of the
game. So, so thank you all for your for your revolutionary talks.
I do appreciate that those who went against me went below the bridge obviously on
the screen. And uh, just so you know, I'm colorblind, red
green deficient, so it won't be hard to hide from me. So and
as my wife attests, as long as you don't move like anything in the
fridge, I can't see it anyway, So just come at me very slowly
in reds and greens. You'll kill me just fine. So don't worry about
a fridge tannosaurus. I was thank you the same thing. That's why we
all wear red because I'm blue, green, color blind. So yeah,
so let's stick to red. I'm not color blind. I have just have
a hell of an astigmatism. So I'm just thinking I'm gonna lick wear like
like a red and blue striped shirt next there for like you know, I
didn't given time, Rachel, and give me only see half of me.
He does this though, he does and ever designs and he's like, hey,
which one looks better? And it's like one is blue and one is
green, and I look at him and go, they are the same picture.
I hate you. I was doing that with Sandy when we talk almost
every day and we'll work on a piece of art together. She'll show me
something, I'll show her stuff and she's like, which one do you think
of this? I'm like, I can't tell the difference because like even my
own car I bought. I bought a hybrid of several months ago, but
it's that weird pastel like somewhere between green and gray, and depending on which
day I look at it, it's either mint green or it's gray, and
it's I'm like, it's ugly as sin and I love it. I named
your ugly Betty, and I love my car. So how do you know
your car is not actually red? Because I can see here's my brand of
color blindness is kind of like I see the Crayola eight pack, that's it
like anything above and but like like there's ice, I see red light red,
dark red. But if once you start getting the cinnamons at Curry Eagles
and and Sharktrus's and people sea foam, it's like if it's blue, and
it's like I can tell you a green leaf and a blue ocean. But
if the like friggin Seahawks are playing the Philadelphia Eagles, I'm looking at him
going, that is the same color, like I can when I'm looking at
this screen. I know these are shades of green, but you could also
say it's blue, and I'd be like, well, it's shades of something.
So you guys are nice and happy in the days twenty six hundred.
Then suddenly the Nintendo sixty four came out and you're like, fuck, oh
dude, I missed the old monochrome computers. I used to work with the
military back in the day. There was all green on green on green,
with the clack andy bol words. Oh god. I still get the mechanical
keyboards because I need the like if I'm writing, I need the clickety clack
all that ASMR. It tells you you're doing a good job, or you're
just typing very fast and making gibberish. Either way, I'm happy to clack.
I mean knowing us. It's my clickety clack caused too many problems during
zoom meetings during the pandemic. So uh so they're like, we can hear
you typing emails and I'm like, well, stop listening. I have right.
You know what I did. I got a secondary wireless logitech that's off
of my main keyboard is clickety clack, but I have my clack is super
gay. As you type a key it lights up in the rainbow. So
I'm just like, if I keep going fast, it's aaf gay you know,
guys, just an idea, but you could actually pay attention to the
meetings you're on. The meetings are never important, ever, they're always they
cannot be a decently worded email. I'm sorry, I believe this super I
hope none of my powers are listening. But I totally went to I had
to go into the office for what could have been an email. I've been
to funerals that could have been an email, So I mean, yeah,
that's fair. There are many people I'm like, he wasn't that great,
you know, just he's dead right back, Like I got thoughts and prayers
and I'm good. Yeah, it's like when somebody dies, it's like,
there's the thing, do I really is this person really worth dressing up for?
Can I just show up in my shorts and be like later, dude?
Is it a social events? Kid? Is it one of those like?
Oh, man, I haven't seen so and so from uh like twenty
years ago. Now that's worth showing up for. So maybe is it?
Is it really been in twenty years? That probably means I probably didn't want
to us here for twenty years. Yeah, I was, like, says
the woman who has never been to a high school class reunion ever and probably
never will wear my twentieth I've never when I was in school. I've never
even been invited to one. I live in a street from my old high
school, and I have yet to be invited to. Looking looking out the
window seeing them all party, and yeah, like I saw picture that's fair
looking out the window. That settles it. Next time you're your high school
has a reunion, Judy, you call all of us and we all fly
down to your house and have a wild ass party in your front yard and
show them how they're not having fun. That would require me to know in
advance. I don't ever know. We're all going this is my harem.
You guys might be having a fun reunion, but Robert Bevans jacking off and
are your balls in the punch bowl? Like you know, just ginger suit,
baby, just making ginger suit. So yeah, my high school,
they tried to have rent free in my brain. Thanks Gibby, that you
very well. I hope I find out about my next high school reunion because
that would just be. That would be because she sure as hell isn't inviting
us over now. So for the people that actually tune in for Dungeon Dragons,
do you all have any questions for me as how I for the game?
Or is it just no? We don't give a ship. I love
how we're still falling. Oh yeah, because you still want to do a
revolution. I could turn into a bird. I don't care. Now wait
a minute, I'm a d M. I got lightning from the sky.
A god, oh I've got I've got a backup for them. Don't worry.
It's a it's a demon s called a fefeated bumboon, and she's totally
different as a you know character, and she will show up and do all
the all the things. What's that French or quite not quite true? Oh
yeah, I see where this is going. I have an evening. I
will take care of these scenes. Oh your horn, little honey, French
seatan now and here I was, well, I guess French Satan does kind
of it kind of feats as they say sheets. So get back in the
lake of fire and standing your heads and get ready for their indol probing.
We see pitchfork. Did we suddenly go into alien size with that whole like
of fire thing. It's been like forty degrees every morning. Oh my god,
my god, no God. Just step outside and it's on Nipple Town
and it's from the south. One single reaction, Oh my god, I
hate it hurt. That's why I'm snuggling my anteater because my hands are cold.
I'm like, oh I got a oh, I got a fleecy and
I'm warm, and like it's got a brisk outside and it feels like you
know, a Herpe's commercial. Everybody standing outside the cup of coffee and the
leaves are blown. Everybody to go for a hike. You know, I'm
gonna, you know, I don't hike either. They don't hike in the
commercial every so every Herpes commercial, it's like that. It's like a flannel,
it's a cup of cost it's some middle age perfectly white as white or
even if they're not white, but they're couple in the suburbs doing something completely
banal. We're kayaking, yeah, try luck. We fall in that tabosta,
the new drug that has twenty different side effects from anal leakage to depression,
probably caused by the anal leakage. And that same white guy that appears
in like you know, probably it's like one of the licoln new commercials explaining
it's like, well, it's like and then and then I take like and
then I take a La kuda and I don't disappoint my wife anymore. I
don't know what kind of commercial, kid man, I've never seen that.
How do you not even know about this this drug that makes you not disappoint
your wife, because that means you're taking the trash shot when I ask,
I want this, let's take this to my I had this thought the other
day. It's one of those like, you know, like when when you're
a young man, you're in the in the you're like in your horny stages
and a girl could ask you anything if you happen to be hetero, and
she could ask me anything, I'll say yes because I'm in the mood.
But now that I'm middle aged, she's like, just ask me when I'm
sleepy, and I'll say yes. Just let me go to sleep, that's
all I You can ask me to do anything while I'm sleeping. I will
agree to anything. Just let me go the fuck to sleep. Jesus Christ.
Oh yeah, yeah, it wakes up. It's like listen, so
let me show you the link through that's only fans page whatever, I agree
to it. I just I got my power while you are mad mind you
know, dude, heartbeat. If some if someone wants to pay me to
look at my feet and pay my mortgage, where do I sign You're gonna
see some hopitoes. I'll give you some hopitoes. No no, no,
no no, because because believe me, no one's seen hobbitote. There's a
reason I never wear open toad shoes. Okay, I am clearly a halfling
in the feat. So if you're into that sort of thing, let me
know. Maybe I will start that only fans page US, starting in A
and D only fans page. Just don't tell me what you do with the
pictures. You look at you know, look at them, do whatever you
like. Just don't tell me. That's the problem with it's been on the
internet. You just know that some stranger, no matter what you look like,
has masturbated to you. So if you're watching this episode right now and
you are like heavily masturbating, Missy's email address is, I'm sorry, did
we have D and D related questions? We're not going to get the book?
Do we actually want D and D related questions? Because I pulled up
the ones on Facebook? Okay, because I masturbating, I'm okay with either
one. We haven't even gotten to the whole different everything looks like because I'm
forty six, apparently at that a age, all you get is like,
clearly something is wrong with your blood, sugar, your bowels. You need
a pneumonia vaccine or shingles or something. Sometimes sometimes I'll be on a podcast
and I'll have a herpes flare and then and then on those wait my hemorrhoids.
You know I love the woods that were all the lawyer commercials. Well,
has your pelvic mesh fallen out. Hell, what did you get that?
I get the bestos ones. I'm like, I've never even been near
as bestos. I don't have melioma. I like, I like the creepy
guy who usould be like, do you need cash? If so, call
my company, We'll give you cash. And it was like, dude,
like does every dollar just like slide through your asshole or something? And when
I when I lived in a I was stationed up there for three years and
there's this one commercial that was going on all the time. It's like a
quick trip to the mall and I ran out of money for I couldn't pay
my rent or my whatever bills. Thanks Cash Alaska, you helped me out
in a bad situation. There are these cash shops where you just take them
the title of your car and they'll give you a couple of hundred bucks and
there. But the commercials are like just like, oh man, I was
really a quick trip to the mall, and now I can't pay for this.
All I gotta do is sign over the title to my car. I'm
like, holy God, there's so many like Anchorage. At the time,
it was like just man, so many for gold stores, so many like
cash for your title stores and all that stuff. God, I love in
that city. That was my favorite place I've ever lived. And you should
just go to Memphis, Tennessee, where it's like, oh cash hawn,
payday, loan cash PA's every street right off the side of a military base
across the country, Every every street off the military base. It's like tattoo
parlor, gun store, liquor store, and cash for gold and every pawn
shop where ever the military get that much gold is what I I don't know.
I not to think it's left over Nazi gold that they smuggled back,
but stick it to the Nazis. Pawn it. Yeah, I really yeah,
like I never oh no, no, imagine and give you there.
He's just like, well, I've got to launch a new audio book,
reached in his chair for some more Nazi gold. Isn't that? The plot
of the movie Three Kings is that three American soldiers in a rock got hold
of the of looted KUWAITI goal, yeah, get home. So I think
you said movie. I think you mean the Masterpiece starring George Clooney, Ice
Tea and Marky Mark. So my internet transform, Oh my god, I'm
like, I'm like a Transformer scientist. Did you see this? This is
was prime? Did I tell you a scientist? Oh my god? Like,
I hate that guy? Have we not endured enough pain as Transformers fans
for the baying of it all? There's that I can say that I enjoyed
very few, very few. I mean seriously, the giant looking you hated
tell me more? Yeah, Rick, every time I'm masturbating that scene,
I hate myself a little more. That's just masturbating in general. Every time
I'm like, I hate me Transformers more than Please, please say you've never
coming back to that topic. Please. He name is Penis, Rick,
The name is Penis Grimcock. So it's hey, now, that's actually awesome.
I'm sorry. But if you have the balls to name your penis Grimcock,
it's certainly the Dino bought you would use it. It's it's cannon now,
I mean all you A and Dvis make sure you talked to Rick,
say he's up Grimcock, and that is all the twant waffles out there need
to like Grimcock. Let's be real. Oh no, but you just talk.
They don't care. They can talk about it, ask for it on
their like only fans ari e Carr's hobbit feet and grimcock combined for the Ultimate
wond Ring Unimtrix and this you can expect when I DM for you guys will
start the revolution. I'm so upset. I have a blog that it's across
the room in my dining room and I can't get to it easily. So
we'll just use theater as the flag of the revolution. Here the people say,
Judy, what do you think of all this? And do you have
a name for a random body part for only? No? No, just
no, It's like this is my optim as prime. I'm sorry, I
was too busy stroking my pussy. Sunai's on the desk. Just for those
who need to know. I was going to say which one, just to
lead you into another wacky adventure, but but you got to Yeah. Do
we have questions? Question? Mister please? Oh look there's words. Our
dearest darling, fuck you Mark, and everybody wants to fuck you Mark.
You asks if you could choose a monster type from the Monster Manual to have
as a player character, what would it be and why? Ooz you would
like to be a user? Yes, they can fit, you can change
shape if you'd like, go with an Oblex. I think it said Oblex.
I prefer Ublex, but it would need two o's to really like anyways,
because they can consume the memories of people and then become those people,
and they can become multiple people. They can be one hundred and twenty feet
away from the ooze itself, they can fit through like one inch small spaces
to get places. They're fabulous, They're wonderful. I would love to have
an Ublex playable character that would just be delightful, just taking little snacks of
the people around you. Great thief that but yeah, like it would be
so good. I did a game forever ago that was an Ublex that kept
getting victims by running a talk show or a game show with a dating show
show and they would play the contestant and then they would pick whichever con person
seemed the most interesting to go on their date to consume their memories. Oh,
I love it. It was very fun. Yes, that's Ublex by
far Ood's character Ublex specifically. Wow, Yeah, I have been thought about
this. Yeah, I've been a swan May, I've been a Rakshasa.
I've been I've been a wherebat. So I'm not sure what right off hand
what I would want to be next? But that used to Oh oh,
and I've been uh the little characters from from the Dark Crystal, the Little
the I've been a gelfling, yeah, because I wanted wings and I didn't
want to be anything in the Monster Manual, so so Jeffrey our DM at
the time, let me be a gelfling. So oh, I'm dying to
know, Rick, what would you want to be? Honestly, I usually
don't. I usually don't care too much like about the race I am.
I'm usually more interested in, like, you know, how I can fuck
with the character class, says the reincarnated half work in a uh, in
an elf, you didn't think about that at all. Okay, I might
have given you that a little bit of thought. But still it's I mean,
it's still just an orc and an elf. You know, it's not
like it's not like I was like, uh, you know, it's like
it's my previous life. I was Orcut and now I'm a fucking elf.
But come on, what monster would you want to be? I mean,
if you want to be, if you want, if you want to have
fun with shit, just be like you know, it's like, like,
do do something like like Undercover Boss thing where it's like, you know,
it's like I'm really the Tarasque, but I'm like masquerading as an event,
as an adventure, just to see how this goes. Oh my god,
undergo a tresque under recover to ask next time the TV show. Oh god,
if that actually happens in a game, we are blaming you. Rick.
I would like to just be a gelatinous cube that's been enchanted to be
a big titty lady. Yeah, yeplatin bob, because I just like just
to get rid of all my good pacifist tendencies and just be like, Hi,
I just want to give you hugs. Oh my god, that that
would be like that would be an awesome, like kind of like like D
and D horror thing where it's like, okay, you're a plastic surgeon,
but to hate women so they all come in from boob jobs and you implant
like you implant oozes in instead. Wow, went straight to the misogyny.
We are all at our PG writers, Rick, check, you're a Facebook
messenger, Please get off of my game. No. I want to be
able, squishable, lovable, gelatinous cube because Jello was fun and that's a
good one. Are you holding the boobs? Judy, she juggling. I'm
just juggling boobs. I mean juggle, you know. So yeah, we
have been boob juggling since we were all twelve years old, so come here.
I've been air juggling since I was so yeah, give me not have
wished we were juggling since there kitties. Sorry, Sounami keeps demanding pets and
I cannot do as will. Yeah, if one does not pet the tiny
Impress of the house, one will not survive the po cast. I would
say, this is bedtime for my dogs. I had to pick a let
me see a creature from the DM thing, probably some kind of triant or
tree folk or something like that, because there's not enough because like I like,
you know, demons, you get t flings, you know, celestials
get amr. You know, there's something even even the elementals you get the
gin you know, or the Genasi. So, but I haven't seen a
lot of tree people that you can play in the game, you know,
like like like a good tree folk or treant or a grandfather Oak type character.
I would like that, and like like a dendriphile, you know,
some kind of like plant based monster. I know, some war force can
be nature based, like with you, they can be like full of like
you know, petrified wood instead of metal and all that kind of stuff.
That's cool. But I want tree folk. I want let's just get my
stop running, you know, that kind of guy who like you know,
like who you know, maybe has it's just cool abilities that that'd be fun
to do, you know, like that kind of like just you know,
maybe one that's like not a druid, maybe one that's like a thief,
you know, who just like sneaks into like wings like yeah, like or
you know, basically like groot. You know, I just like a group
thief. That'd be so much fun. You know, Evan play that characters
like every time every fight is like couldn't you stop sapping in people's faces.
We've managed to go from boobs to wood, so I'm going to bring us
back around just hardwood, hard wood and warm sap everywhere. So yeah,
so yeah, I would want to be a group creature of some kind,
some some equivalent. I think that'd be fun. And you know, maybe
make them like someone who hates trees. Maybe they're industrialist, maybe they left
the woods and now they're pro fireball and like just making a real ass.
If they can't walk their fault and wow, the fittest that the grass survive
well basically like like there's got to be like like if there's gonna be like
a there has to be like an evil version of everything out there. So
you're like, he's just got a long mut just counting his money, you
know, like and I just like this entire exactly. I can dig it.
I like it. Please say we have more questions? Tant oh god,
like you know sellingivings? Oh boy, horrible. I'll show you some
wood. Baby. There is one more question on the Facebook. But after
that, I'm gonna have to throw it to Rick from the discord if we
if we still have time. But Stephanie Taylor, sorry, Stephanie Taylor says,
talk like a pirate Day was September nineteenth, indeed last and dude,
know that if your character celebrates it an odd specific holiday, what would it
be? Sorry, my inner pirate was coming out. Moo says happy to
Kill all fucking Elves day? Oh wait, that's every day. Wherever we
celebrate it better be plant based or you will hear from Hilda. Yeah,
yeah, oh god, I'm now imagining the evil trant and like Arbor Day
being their big holiday, but instead of planting trees, they slaughter them.
Ooh, that's not good. Nega Arbor Day, nega. But no,
Hilda would be like a lovely harvest festival. We're not harvesting human children or
anything. No, no, never, only the bad ones who eat meat,
I think, and where would probably like anything having to do with free
love and you know, uh sex basically to a big old beltane. Yeah,
big old beltane would work. Yeah. Yeah, Valentine's any of those
days, you know, combine them, you know, if we can start
one and then just keep celebrating until the other. I don't know how much
we call it. Judy's High School were good. Yeah, we we do
that, and they all gonna be jealous. Oh well, I mean every
every funeral is a holiday for so celebration of online. Every every especially the
open casket ones does does prefer the the standard Protestant Southern funeral where it takes
three days and everybody's really sad and quiet and and there's entire too much potato
salad and macaroni and cheese in the kitchen, or does she prefer the complete
total party of a New Orleans funeral. She mainly prefers the dead and the
ditch that nobody claims, but probably more of a party one because socializing for
that long sadly amongst people in potato salad just very much. I can see
that, really. I mean, it's potato salad, which is still one
of the saddest foods on the planet. Yeah, the most recent funeral I
was at, they had potato salad with raisins. Of course they did,
of course they did. Oh no, go back to the masturbation talk.
That's just less disgusting. That's one of those things where it's like you take
that and you're like the it's like you deserve death. Puts raisins, potato
salad. A whole lot of white people. It was very funeral. Oh
my, the very white sun white people's funeral. What other horrors, Like
I've seen blueberry mac and cheese and that was pretty horrific, But raisins and
potatoes aun Like, what is people's obsession with putting random fruit and ship Oh
my? My. My sister and I have often been told that we are
going to be completely disowned because they we don't We do not agree with my
mother that anything belongs suspended in jello. Lisia, and I think any putting
anything in jello is an abomination and horrific. My mother is like fruit,
yes, all the fruit. You know, let's put meat. Why not
put meat in the jello and any vegetables in the jello. No, it's
when the meat goes in the Jellal is going back to me being the the
living, gelatinous cute. I'm gonna be served. It would have missed his
family funerals, raisins and salmon in the god like seriously, that is the
most disgusting thing I've earl day. We discussed irritable bowels syndrome a while,
like you, but that sounds like a miniature trying to pick up a cube.
You know, I want to put my steak in your jello. You
know, there's probably in some five y world there's gotta be some goliath or
or minotaur that looked at that and said, I gotta try, right,
you know, I like, dude, it's looking like you know, it's
like I got acid resistance. Hang on, hang on, hang on.
I think I think I can pull this off, you know, like,
yeah, it's like a it's like a walking flashlight. I gotta try.
So, you know, back in the past of our like sordid species,
there was that one cave man like you, where everybody else is like you
know, looking for like k not holes or like you know, or with
their neighbor's sheep who looked at who looked at that bee hive with the honey
and said this could work. And thus the first cure for a rectile dysfunction
was found. Because it definitely lasted longer than four hours, so it's full
of venom. So the James Kirk of caveman like the strange new things to
fuck it. So yeah, but they didn't put raisins in their motherfucking potato
salad, so they were no better. Yeah, you know something, I
wouldn't have blamed anybody for just saying, you know something, I'm sorry,
but I gotta fuck this potato salad. It would probably be a better use
if it had raisins in it. I don't have an active character to play
along with this game. Haven't had an active character for like a year and
a half. I've been ever the DM, never the player. So uh,
maybe Georgina likes June fourteenth, which is National Bourbon Day. So we'll
go with that. That's the best I could come up with. I mean,
that's a pretty solid holiday. I think we all it's a solid choice.
Yea. And things like I remember here on like on the side on
my my off screen, like just scrolling random holidays like like fine one,
Okay that there we go. Bourbon works done, because there's like Puppy Day
and like I did have a half half work at eight Puppies as often as
possible. But you know, we don't need to bring back exactly that exactly
that reaction. That's why I did. I play a cannibal and I'm judging
you for that. Yeah, but people, you never had real dog?
Have you ever had real dog? In the Korea is called kogi? Yeah?
No, I'll leave it that. It's not bad. It's okay,
I lost half the audience. Okay, I can't even say anything because we
used to have guinea pigs here and if somebody has showed up, showed up
to any with like you know, with with like a thing of roast coooie,
I would have been like, yeah, I'm gonna try this and I'm
gonna eat it in front of these fucking things. I eat fish dinners in
front of my aquariums all the time. I feel slightly bad. Picture look
you monster, No one am I kidding? Half of them are icknivores.
So now they're looking at it like, can I have some? Yeah,
if you ever want to be savage, be an aquarium keeper. I am
a pacifist, but I remember, Rick, what did you just do?
I'm sorry. I had to go club a fish to death. It was
just so you know it was dying. It had to be euthanized, and
the fastest way to do it on a small fish because you can't really chop
the head off is you meat mallet in a bag boom. But I had
to go off and do that, like in the middle of a conversation with
Rick, and He's just like, excuse me for a seconds, this fish
in particular, I'll teach you to stare at me. I'll teach you to
suck that analogy, motherfucker. I'm just like, Okay, it was not
quite like that. I did feel horrible, but I'm like, the rule
is if I'm going to keep a pet and I know that something has to
be one and it's suffering, I will do Rachel's rule is if she's going
to keep a pet, eventually it's gonna get hit with a meat mellet.
That is not true. It's only happened in in my fish keeping. I've
only had to euthanize about five fish every time. Every time her cats like
hack up a hair ball, they kind of look at her like, no,
no, I'm okay, I'm really the cats have taken out as many
fish as I have. Let's put it that way, bastard. With Rachel,
every day is a game of whack them wall. It's horrible, but
you have to you have to be able to euthanize them. I do give
the I did give them like a sedative first, but you gotta be quick.
You just have to be quick and decisive. It's got to be instantaneous.
Visiting Rachel be like, you know, it's my cute little hamster has
like a head cold. She's like, give me that. Oh boy,
this is this is an episode, man, Rachel. Rachel is a hammer
and every pet looks like a nail. I just have this mental image of
like daycare, not in my house. No nobody comes into my house with
the sniffles. I got him, you know, competent my spirtss like you
want to no no, no no, just like I don't. I actually
am. I've only only ever used violence as a means to end suffering.
Rachel puts the fist in the pacifist I'm gonna be a vegan by an actual
vegan by the end of It's just dealing with Rick makes me know that I
have to stop consuming any flesh for fear I turned violent. All right,
mister Rick, do we have any discord questions wrong answers our friend uh Kyle,
the Kapi bara asks, which are also tasty apparently wrong answers Only what
does A and D stand for? As Yeah, a dildo's obvious obvious answers
actual disn that's every that's every other podcast and exist an dipia who said that?
And for raisins and motherfucking potato salad that well, that is that is
code for a raises a potato salad. Dear God, That's what killed the
people in the org In Trail, not dysentery that ship. It was salid
potato salad. That's it was like padme Suddenly they lost the will to live
after having it lost lost. I've never accepted that. I never believed that
handled the potato. I believe, yes, had potato salad. I'm just
gonna say I'm a dinosaur fan, so as far as I'm concerned, alosaurs
and yes, so cool. But a Patosaurus and the metro don could be
a Patosaurus and diplodocus. Al oh, you did alosaurs? Anklosaurus? And
uh where he said dimetro don. I can think of this stereo which is
not a dinosaur. I'm trying to remember. Hey, speak of dinosaurs.
Remember dinosaurs, you were dorks. Did you ever watch dinos saucers as a
kids? Okay, I mean Rachel, I did not. I don't think
I saw dinosaucers. It was not a good art speak, but it had
dinosaurs. They take that back and take it back now. I watched it
a dinosa. Dinosaursers was these aliens that landed on Earth and met the kids
like they always do, like like transformed Michael Bay transformer style. But they
were all dinosaurs. They all left Earth millions of years ago and now they're
coming back. And but they're all like talking, walking dinosaurs with space technology
and they could de evolve back into the dinosaurs. But they were all named
after something like the Aloe was the leader, you know, and uh Genghis
Rex was the villain of the other guy Ankles sword. I mean they were.
It was all your favorite dinosaurs and stupid form with a great theme song
if you could find it on YouTube. It's it's dumb as ship, but
damn it, it's I love my y. One of them will be a
member of the Tricerah Copps. Yes, yeah, the Tricera Cops. I
do remember Tricerah Copps. So it might have been something I've seen, but
just I was I'm a little bit younger than you guys, so it may
not have not by much enough. But that's because you jump. You jumped
out of the car because you can't take if you're now gonna be our d
m my favorite dinosaur. Well, I grew up a Stegosaurus fan as a
kid. That was always my favorite. Just like, hey, I just
want to eat my food back to fuck off, you know, And that's
just how I felt in life, you know, just let me, let
me, let me gnosh over here and deal with my spiky plates, you
know. Uh, you know that's always been my my jemis. It's like
so snarl from the from the Dino Bots. I never felt I got enough
love, you know, because he was just was cool and he had like
the cool plates and his sword. You know. The episode where they made
the Dinah Bus is one of my favorite. And then the next one they
decided to make the next episode, they decided to make a Stegasaurus and I
was even better, and who disappeared and Transformers the movie Snarl Like they kept
swoop around because you could fly because Michael Bell would do the voice. But
damn it, they Snarl was just where to be seen. So they kept
sludge the dumbest and the worst of the bunch. I'm a slag girl because
I am a trust back dan here. But uh yeah, when I was
seven years old, I thought I was gonna marry and tri Sarah taps that
that was very awkward to try to explain. But but I love Holy Only
fans. Okay, just put it all right out there, Okay, okay,
a nice. I'm gonna have to just come and steal. If Rick
Slag goes missing, nobody we know nothing. You didn't see me. Well,
if you're not there stealing from his house, grab his jet fire for
me. So it's right it's right, it's right next to slide, so
it won't be hard to find. Yeah, it'll be easy to steal that,
Rachel, I mean not Rachel, of course not. But you you
all know the story though that I do not have any Transformers, and it
is a source of my childhood draw And to this day, I'm still waiting
for one day at Christmas or my birthday to get an Optimist Prime. And
instead I have gotten more barbies sent to me. I got a Cutie Surprise
barbie sent to me. I got a Phoenix barbie like the Limited Like.
These are not bad barbies, I'm not, but I've just always wanted to
try a friggin now now now, any indie listeners, Rachel, yes,
would I would cry? I would try therapy potato yes, no, we
Hey, Judy and Misty. What's your favorite dinosaur? Yep? And some
raisins and some raisins, thank you, cow person. Yeah, a Patosaurus
because it's like it's like a really really huge that's the that majestic creature.
I'm gonna yeah, cow post, that sounds good. Yeah, that would
be that wraptor tail is up in the air. Better over eating. Just
look at taunt just taunts like a giant chicken. I just have always called
it the big mouth, oh, because that's what my parents introduced it to
me as para. Yeah, it was what Ducky from the Land Before Time
was, and she was my favorite. So that's always been my favorite dinosaur
and her yep yep, like it's just yeah, oh, oh my god,
we didn't ask you. I'm sorry. Yeah, I was just plotting
to giving Stegosaurus was always was always my favorite. Did you know the fun
fact that Stegosaurus, despite what Fantasia may have told you, Stegosaurus and t
Rex were never alive at the same time and never had the same period.
Yet duh, I came, I came this Okay, let me just explain.
I came disclosed close to go into college to become a palaeontologist, you
know. So so yeah, you're you're not gonna stump me with with facts
like that. I believe it was with It was Alisaurus and Stegosaurus a few
others, But yeah, I am. I am with you and being an
uber dineowner, but at least thumbs right, I thought alisair is just like
a more scaled down, more aerodynamic I remember there was it was it was.
It was a t rex. It was it was like the the you
think it yeah, but hey, it had thumbs like like I always call
Tsunami my little iguanadon because she's got those big thumbs. My son wanted to
be a paleontologist when he was a kid, but then he found out that
he'd have to work out doors most of the time, and he has a
really serious bug phobia, and the idea of being out where bugs were was
enough to chase him off of his stream event away too. Dad stories on
digs. He wasn't a palaeontologist. He was an anthropologist, but of mud
and bugs and camping. Yet no, no, just and and then I
wanted to be a marine biologist until I learned that I cannot stand I know,
get Gerty to laugh at this one. I cannot stand to be touched
by fish. And yes, I keep aquarium, so just keep in mind
up that is, unless she has a mallet in her hands. I don't
touch them. Oh my god, that would be great, like you know,
like on this shift, catching these like rare fish from the bottom of
the seeing Rachel's just there with a mallet, like fuck. Ship cut the
very last celicaf look dinosaurs. I get you wanted to be the paletologist.
I wanted to being the marine biologist. I can talk about a Ceila camp
for longer than all of you can stand. Okay. I made a Cela
Camp mermaid in a book and you could just see John like dear god woman.
Okay, okay, like you can stop talking about the fish like no.
I like the idea of a Merla canth. It is a Merla Camp
because like she has the big like she was like she's a big, husky
like strong woman who has a Welsh accent for some reason and speaks very slowly
because she's a Sela cant and has the spots. And and just if you've
never I watched a video and I watch it over and over again of this
diver who meets a Sela Camp and these nature people like the pure joy.
It is one of the most infectious, wonderful things of like, oh my
god, it's a Cela Camp. Like if you ever need a warm heartfelt
of a very very scary, fit looking fish, they're just like, oh
my god, it's there. It's like a fat look it's so big,
and it's just wonderful and wholesome, and that's learn that like muskies like evolved
from But they're so good and they're way bigger than you think they are and
they move faster than you think they can, so yeah, they're really cool.
I wanted to be a cosmologist because I had a huge crush Carl Sagan
when I was in high school. But then I found out that cosmology is
you know, math, It's a lot of math. See. I was
first thinking, I'm sorry, I was just thinking of cosmetologist metology. No,
no, no, no, cosmology like Carl Sagan. But yeah,
because I'm like, yeah, I could look through telescopes and see things and
and that would be completely awesome. And I could be at NASA and cheer
when all the all the things went right, and that would be really really
cool. No, it's freaking math all day, every day, lots of
computer spread it's spreadsheet, yes, spread sheet. Yes, it's discovering the
existence of thing by lack of things in the data. You know, it's
like you can't see the anomaly, but we know it's there because the math
says there's a missing something, so something is there. That honestly broke my
heart. It's like how a lot of paleontology is just putting together little pieces
of bone or being in the mud, or not getting paid. Because I
do know an actual high Tsunami. I I do know an actual palaeontologist,
and she's like, I just don't make any money. Yeah. When when
I was a kid, there's only one thing I wanted to be and this
is dumbest shit to say it now. I want to be a writer.
That's it. That's all I wanted to be as a kid. And I
remember I told my stepdad on that we were driving to I think it was
the church back when they were whenever I acted up, they made me go
back to church. Uh, And it was one of those we were driving.
He asked me what I wanted to be when I was grow up,
and I was like ten years old at that time, like I wanted to
do this. I like, I want to be a writer because I had
read like, you know, Tolkien, I like the first few Dragon Lance
books, Like I want to make stories. And he turned around in the
back of the seat. He's like, that's fucking stupid. He's like,
he's like, you don't just to be a writer. I'm like, but
the people in the back of the Dragon Lance books that they went to school
for writing. People like us don't become writers get a real dream. Like
so he killed it. Yeah I know. So I always wrote all my
life poetry and short stories and little dibble dabbles. But like, it wasn't
until I was about to retire from the Air Force and I sat down and
said, fuck it, I'm gonna do this. So a couple years before
I retired, I like, I'm going to make this happen one way or
the other. And after a wall of rejections, I found my career got
started. But yeah I didn't. I didn't start to damn youar forty So,
yeah you, iways wanted to be a writer, I hear you.
When I was little, I was going to be like as most eighty HD
kids, I had like twenty things I was gonna be. Oh yeah,
so I was gonna be a palaeontologist, Jedi, rock star writer, marine
biologists, and I ended up one of those things. Wow, I can't
I can't dance, I can't play. I used to dance, but then
all it took was like two girls to laugh at me, and I never
danced again. Uh, I we've got to let give Uh, like,
dude, in my heart, my my my heart. I have the heart
of a dancer and the legs of a long shortman. You know, like
it's like, it's not I can't. I can't play instruments. Said give
you in like you know, in a corner crying. We get to Judies
for the reunion. We're going to dance in the trance Gibbie, but but
no, give no Gibson can sing. It's it's a lull. Uh,
you know it's don't Debbie Gibson doesn't count. She's adopted. So that was
the first concert I went to. I guess you're you're adopted, Debbie.
So true story. And I'm not proud of this. The first concert I
ever went to when I was eleven years old. Uh, when my cousin
they took me and it was like it was Tiffany and new kids on the
block. So yeah, I am not proud of that. But I was
like, I always laugh at myself first before someone else can. So nothing
you could, says I. I got that beat because because pretty much pretty
much the only concert I went to when I was younger, because I was
I worked at Great Adventure. They used to have concerts there a time,
and one one day, my friend and I we stayed late and we were
just like, oh, let's go, let's go see the concert is playing.
And it was Samantha Fox. Wow, Marty, girls need love too,
dude. I jerked off to her soul Are you killing me? We've
gotten back coacerbation? Oh my God? Like that awoke and something in me.
Are you kidding? She was the bad she was the bad girl of
rock and roll of her era. It's like like that and the girl from
Roxette. I mean, Jesus Christ, like I saw New Kids opening for
the Tiffany Jesus God. But how old were you? Eleven? I thought,
I know, nineteen eighty six. That was my thing about is Hager'stown,
Maryland. Yeah, so yeah, my first concert, I was nineteen
and I went to see Rod Stewart and we had general admission tickets, which
they don't do anymore, And so my friend said, let's go down to
the front, and so we went down to the front and I spent thre
hours squished against the barrier, hoping I wasn't gonna die. But I think
it was good about you, Judy concert or when I was a kid,
what are we doing here? Okay? What was she going to be when
you were a kid? When I was When I was a child, I
was going to be a jester in King Arthur's court. I taught myself how
to juggle and walk on my things and to do all sorts of fortress.
And then my sister informed me King Arthur was dead and there were no gestures,
and so I stopped. I wrote a book for you that made sure
King Arthur was still alive in a vampire. Okay, that's for you,
Judy, I dedicated now to you. My first consort was bb Mac.
Oh my god, I'm not familiar with the are the Google machine? Yeah?
I did not. My mother decided that I needed to do normal girl
children things, and off we went to this concert. It was like a
teen band. I guess it was somewhat possible. It's a British it's a
British boy band. Like, what year was this? They were active from
ninety six to two thousand and three, so what year was this? Probably
in the ninety six ninety seven range. How old would I have been,
No, it's had to have been I think. I don't ask respective ages.
In ninety six, I joined the Air Force. So I was twenty.
I think it was ninety nine, all right, God, I had
a fear God in ninety I was giving a ship up for COREA two years
old. I had a three year old. I was at a baby I
was at a baby map concert, baby with braces, wearing my braces.
We never Dinosaur and Samantha Fox need love to you. Oh boy, what
a what an episode this. But we've learned so much about how to I
mean about a yeah, yeah, the power of the proletary. What does
not go in potato salad? Dear God, please, raisins do not go
like just I could not agree to this. This isn't absolute bad. I
think if anything can unite us, either for or against ORDM is that raisins
do not go in potatoes. And shoot, I don't put raisins in my
potato salad and they start slight some bananas into it instead. Yeah, dude,
I still I still want to egg houses from Halloween for my youth who
gave me raisins. And when that's just cold the worse, they give you
the green ones, the plump green something. They're always optional. Yeah,
my mom was enough about razor blades. And food that anything like that just
automatically in the trash, which was okay, my mom's still paranoid about razor
blades and like there's a crazy guy out there. Who is this person?
Oka? Like raisins, there are two places trail mix, and we can
make ants on a log with peanut butter and celery. That's where raisins go.
That's it. You go in an oatmeal raisin cookie because they are labeled
explicitly. Excuse me, I never tried. I don't understand these words.
You know something. The only only use of raisins is just by themselves.
Raisins. They don't go with anything else, just a box of rail mix.
They do go and trail mix. They're okay in panatone as long as
there's the little currents. See. I'm back on the other thing. You
mentioned, this weird thing that sounds like sound like you were saying a cookie.
But because there's only chocolate chip and then peanut butter, anything else exists.
Oh my god, I need to give you one of my kitchen sink
cookies. It's got corn flakes, marshmallows, and chocolate chip. Is it
chocolate chip or peanut butter? That's or the one that's the the peanut butter
is a little bit of a Hershey kiss on it and corn flake or a
buckeye or some people call we call them and peanut butter. They're not They're
in God's wells and they don't look like waffles or something. God. I
can't stand those because it's like, it's like cookies. It's like black licorice
in a cookie form, which is like why COI yeah, why would you
do that to humanity? But I do. I do like Actually, I
like oatmeal cookies without the raisins. I do like this. One of my
listeners and friends makes a really good oatmeal cookie and it's so good with a
cup of tea. Now, I'm gonna make cookies this weekend because that's what
I do. I have chocolate chip cookies and blueberry lemon cookies in my kitchen
right now as we speak, I have some potato salad and I'll just go
dumb rasens in there and tomorrow and tomorrow you'll read, oh God, okay,
I'm the weirdo. I don't. I don't do. There's no mayo
in potato salad for me. I do like the German style. It's like
vinegary. No, I like the Amish style, extra mayo and like dill
and a little bit of hot a little bit of hot mustard in there,
and I'm gonnat potato salad. Don't gag at me. This is this is
this is a high for lutin the po. The PreO is evil. Anything
that Mayo touches is irreversibly contaminated. Mao, Rachel, you're in the wrong.
You're in the wrong part of the United States from Mayo. If you
were in the South, you could eat dukes Mayo and that is superior to
any other man. Bring out the Helmans and bring out the best. It's
right there in the logo. No, no, thank you, Judy,
I appreciate that. You know. There's some some motherfuckers out there. They
got there like their they're pantryful of fucking miracle whipping and they're just like an
enemy to mankind. Yes, yes, that so, yeah, because that's
not miracle whip. Yeah exactly. This is this is when that starts wars.
And we've literally had so we have close friends of the family. We'll
find out. Go ahead, Hostess or Little Debbie, neither, because I
can't eat them. I don't like. I have to abstain. I have
to abstain, abstain. We had many in our We actually bought a whole
bunch loads, split them up into tiny bits, and had taste tests and
rankings for like two separate families with all the children. Have Little Debbie ice
cream in my freezer at this moment, Little Little Debbie nutty bars and their
Swiss rolls are like, yes, Heaven, heaven face. Actually I've forgotten
about the Swiss rolls causes arounds are my favor, but the nutty bars are
right up there. Like we had we had a battle between uh, Little
Debbie tasty cakes and what's the other one? I I know, Uh,
I know a piece of trivia about Hostess cupcakes. If you want to know,
you know the Hostess cupcakes, the black cupcakes with the little squiggle of
white icing on the top, and they have a glump of white thrusting in
the middle. If you if you leave those long enough, they do actually
go bad. You do not actually have the world's longest shelf life. Just
in case you ever wondered, No, my spaghettios will last that one.
I see. The only thing I missed from hostess is the vanilla pudding pie
or the Ninja turtle pudding pie that was like the green icing on the outside
and the vanilla putting on the inside. Like I do miss those, oh
speaking of speaking of ship from linkedn youth, Yeah that those were really good
and like down that with a glass of fucking echto cooler. Oh my sweet
Yes, the best like semi fruit drink ever created. It's the flavor,
the flavor of that's like green, like that's just what That's all it needed
to be. The flavor is green. Sadly, I learned as a young
age and my family figured out that I couldn't have a lot of artificial colorings.
I couldn't have any sweeteners, and I couldn't have anything we've had shortening
in it. So I didn't get to experience a lot of the wonderful childhood
snacks of everyone else. I had to have the peanut butter that everyone went,
oh my god, why was your peanut butter bleeding? Like because it
would into oil in that. Here's squeeze raisins because it wouldn't hurt them.
I'm so against them now. My stepdad was from a different era, so
every time he didn't believe in buying anything name brand if I got it once
in a while, so we didn't get you know, like I want a
captive piss, but you got the multimeal bag of Crisp crunch for like the
in the bag for two dollars, or you get like the dere know that
are like they're triangular. I'll give them that, and you know you get
the knockoff Twonky or you know it's yeah, yes, I had doctor or
Mountain Lightning. You know the we had we had we used to uh,
when I used to play with my D and D group in person, every
week, we would get like, you know, somebody would be in charge
of sodas, and eventually Alyssa started just buying these weird these weird things just
to see if the reaction. And yeah, I should have won one one
time with like a twelve pack of Mountain Thunder and they're like, fuck is
this? We had a guy show, Have you ever had that? It's
celery soda, yes, and diet celery just because it's even that just to
just hate life even more sweet. It's horrible. It's no okay, just
put celery in fizzy water and drink it and just celery salad. And I
gotta say my mom used to drink a lot of clemato. Yeah, I've
never had it like I did have a weird back in the day. I
love like like you open up clmato and just smells like like something that doesn't
belie. Yeah. Fruit topia, oh, fruit Topia. Yeah, the
tropical punch for topia. Like the ship's floating again and you don't care what
it is. It's like brine of the I used to love Fresca. Oh
said no one ever, Missy, I loved it. You're the reason they
still have it on planes and has a bottle in the fridge called Mala and
it is the most Yeah, it's it's like it's like if soda was made
from the runoff from Satan's asshole. You should try Inca cola, which is
basically just liquid bubble gum. It is the sweetest thing. But every once
in a while, every once in a while, I will get a little
inca cola and I will try it because that's what my dad used torture me
with as a child. What see. I like the guava, like the
Goya guava drink when that goodava, you know at Disney World. They have
the Coca Cola Club and you can go in and try different different cokes from
different countries. There's one, is it the Beverly that's really okay? All
right? Yeah, I work near the Cosum. You drink it and anybody
you have to try the Beverly and then they come back and slap you and
yeah and you deserve it has just actually raised in potato salad. A couple
of years ago, I was working this con up in Pennsylvania. It was
like it was called Villain's Con, and uh, it was right between the
different COVID outbreaks. So after the one was over, they back up before
like the Delta area. Whoever came in great doing a con. There's a
guy giving out free mead samples, like a little a little flight of mead
samples. It was really tasty and the person was good. Next one was
good. This one's a little weird. And he ended it with his pickle
and habit narrow mead, and like, no, why don't we start with
that, because now there's such a taste in my mouth. I am done.
I am done with your thing, and I will buy into your product.
You ruined it. It's like it's like a big ship after sex.
No, don't do this. So while you're both still in bed, name
of Amber, heard are you talking about? No? No, we don't
enough shame, but we still got bit fair enough? All right. It
has been an hour and fifteen minutes, folks, and I think we've we've
beaten this horse to the ground. Are there any other D and D based
questions we want to do before? We should probably sign off and make so
that our good friend mister Weatherall can edit all this shit together. We have
one more question we can end with, and our friend Zach gil Trades asks,
is it possible for a for a DM to not make Zach shut the
fuck on? I just only because when I said it that last time we
were doing something, I got it. He heard that podcast and he sent
me a message like I will not. You can't tell you what to do,
so Zach shut the fuck up. It's yea, it is possible,
said one guy once. Ever, like every DM, you have to have
a level of you need to Okay, I got Is it on rails?
Is it? The illusion of rails? Is the illusion of choice? Do
I have to steer left? I have to steer right? Oh? No,
the time is running out. We got to do a drop moment.
Oh I know that someone so we can fly. Shit, they'll get out
of this trap. Rettle easy. I better put a dome over this pit.
Know, yeah, you have to, because it's like if one person
could just make it easy for everybody, or just to spell magic or something
bullshit like that, Judy, I know the DM back me up on this.
When you know one player can just out fuck your entire problem, right,
everyone was one one character pretty much immunity built this. Characters have immunities
against everything but psionics. Knowing that the adventure was said in like you know,
there was no psionics, and I was just like there are now,
motherfucker. I don't know. I'm still trying to like, I'm still my
top, trying to get my thoughts together. Well, there are times where
I think, I know it might not seem that way, but considering all
I did was herd cats, But there are some times where I think,
for the sake of story and the sake of just moving things along, yeah,
you totally have to. And you do have to occasionally meta game to
basically plan for the murder hobo's break something, and you can't get it all
the time, but you you definitely as a d M, your job is
in some ways to metagame and that's okay, it's working as intended. My
players always joke that I'm a cinnamon roll squish d M, and I am.
I. I pull my punches and I try really hard to make them
be the heroes. And so for me that involves meta gaming in what are
my players strengths and how can that be what solves the problem. Because I
run a group that is all magic users. They have not a single strength
stat amongst them that is positive. They barely have a passable decks stat.
I'm not counting hero as positive. You hush, sorry, I would be
like the potato salad with and they couldn't, so they lit it on fire
instead. And so one of my players is literally sitting right there listening to
me talking. But so for me, I have to metagame in a way
to make that something that's still fun for them to play and that plays into
their character strength. So I think as a DM, if you go in
with metagaming is always bad and don't do it, then that's that's not the
attitude to take when you're dming, because your job as the DM is to
make the player make the game fun, and that requires some point knowledge of
what the players can do. Yeah, my particular style has always been I
like what I call the fast and furious style. If you can make it
happen, the dice can make it happen. If you want to get the
if you want to get the carriage on top of the rooftops and chase,
chase the basketlists or the werewolf across the roofs at night, let's fucking do
this's if it can happen. I also like to set up moments of like
I'm your best friend, I'm your worst enemy. I will set you up
and then I'll beat you down really hard. Because I'm an author, That's
what I want to do. But also I also look for key moments to
make each person shine in their own way, not just backstory, because everybody's
got a fucking tragic backstern. I don't care about your sad past. I
truly don't. I truly don't. One. Thank you very much, and
so did Rick, which is great. You know, it's one of those
like I just want them. One character like my family's good, we're alive,
we write, we're very coffin. We type you know, that's the
character I want to play. No, but what I want to do is
set you up for a moment. This is your moment. Like, so
there's one campaign I'm running real fast NERD story my one character. She is
playing a young warrior named Watt, and he is just a simple, simple
guy. She had no real backstory, so she said do with you as
you will. So I started them all at level two, not one,
because they were getting flashbacks to what happened at level one whenever they had certain
nightmares and turned out what killed a lot of people under a compulsion. And
so after feeling extremely bad for that, what reached out to the higher powers,
and none of the god's answered except for the Raven Queen. And the
Raven Queen said, basically, gave a test. If you show sympathy and
remorse for the lives that you took, then she would take the champions.
So during this battle, she gave up the middle of the fight and says
I'm not fighting anymore, and all the metal guards, all the suits of
animated suits of armor, stopped and fell on top of her. When she
stood back up, each one had a piece of armor on her Now she
has a new set of gear, and but she's got fifty five notches on
this new sword, each one for a life she takes. Now, what
she does not realize is every time she saves a life and not, she's
going to disappear. But that's the end of her lifeline. She should have
died a long time ago. So, but that's down the road. But
which started? But so but on the no, they never listened to DM.
So on the next game, the very next game we played, she
says, hey, give before we start. I just want to say thank
you. No one's ever really taken a time to set my character up like
that, to do a special moment for me. I'm like, and no,
we're just like you're fifty seven? How who? Who? Even playing
all your who fucked you? Show me on the doll where the bad man
didn't touch you? Because no one ever set you up like this. I
feel so bad. Oh God, Like every character should have a moment to
shine, and that's where you gotta have to You do have the around the
metagaming because most people are looking at it from a player side. Who's read
a module and you know knows all the monsters and that sort of thing,
but you can't go at it with that same point of view when you're a
DM, it's it's a totally different beast completely. You have to know that
kind of stuff and use it. It's a part of it's a part of
being a DM. Yeah, oh yeah. I tend to alter all my
monsters a little bit anyway, because there are those players who memorize the manual
and I've been playing it long enough, I can I can make changes enough
so it's like I haven't changed the balance too badly. You know, Bump
up the AC, bring down the hit points a little bit, maybe move
one skill over, recharges on a four, five or six now, you
know, something like that. Sometimes you got to make changes. My other
group, I love them, they're all great guys, but there's a couple.
There's more than a couple of power gamers in the bunch. And yeah,
sometimes sometimes you just yeah, yeah them down and well, I hate
the power the power gamers. I'm sorry, I will. If you're going
to use every tool at your disposal to knock at me, I'm going to
raise it up to make it equal. In return. Well, there's certain
players that have to realize that, like yes, I am perfectly aware that
a warlock who can see through all darkness magical and otherwise casting a globe of
darkness on themselves to do their elders blasphema diic and so no one can see
you and you see everything. You're just asking the DM to fireball at the
entire party, and you are now going to get everybody hurt. But they're
like, this is my move, this is my move. That fantastic a
smart villain's going to start casting fireballs and they don't need to see you to
hit you. Close enough is good enough. But you're going to nuke your
party. So this is on you, not on me, the chant of
the DM. It's on you, not me. You made me do this,
as like any other abusive relationship. You made me do this. But
I mean, yeah, at the same time, you know, like like
when I'm when I'm like running a monster, and like, you know,
like I've had too many times where like you know, where a player will
be like, Okay, this is my strategy and somehow the like you know,
the monster magically knows the strategy and steps around it, and I'm like
that that's one thing I hate, so I always try to think of from
the monster's respectively. It's like, Okay, I the DM know this,
but the monster doesn't know this, so what are the chances? And those
those times, usually what I will do is throw it to like a dice
roll and be like like, there's a pretty good chance they would do that,
but like, you know, there's a slight chance they wouldn't. So
let's say seventy percent you get it. Thirty percent it does something else,
and I'm a I'm a big fan of that. There's this one event that
I'm I's one DM. He's one of my best friends. He ran this
campaign. It was years ago. I'm still mad at him. I am
still mad at him. We were fighting some trolls down by a river and
someone hit the troll with their with their shield skill and knocked it down.
So I ran up to him and put my immovable rod on its chest.
It was under water, so perfect took one troll out of the fight.
He went click and did it next through the road away like you told me,
this dumb troll, just you son of a bit. She's like,
is a smart troll? Oh no, no that's not right. You hear
that, Adam, You're a bad person, and everybody agrees. So what
we're saying is, Zach of all trades, you still can't tell us what
to do. We gonna make yeah, absolutely, no Barbie does for you
for life, No Optimus Primes. At least they need to get chocolate chip
cookies that are really raisins and not chocolate chip. Oh no, I don't.
That's joke, dude. I've betten one of those. And look at
the person who gave to me like dead to me? Ye, why I
have food trauma anyway? Ri's right, we got to stop, okay before
before raisins appear in all our potatoes. It's it's yours. It's gonna be
your show. Give it so you want? You want to walk us out
a you good folks, Junior Adventures, Thank you all for hanging off with
us one last time. The next game will pick up as we hopefully planned,
They'll pick up where we left off. I will be stepping as a
d M. You have to bear with me, and we will. We
will all get through this together. Not all the players are gonna make it.
Georgia the Guard has a very good chance of just not being there because
we don't need her anymore. Because with a full compliment A fuck that,
MPC. But we thank you very much for being here. Does anybody have
any final words or just want to say goodbye to goodbye. We'll see you
all next day. You may you never be reincarnated as one of Rachel's fish.
Pretty good, everyone out of here. M