Hi everyone, Welcome back to another podcast episode. My name is Alicia Gogan,
the host of the Globe Secrets podcast, where I help you expand your
mind and become more self aware so that you can glow up into the best
version of yourself. How are we doing today? And realistically, I want
you to ask yourself this, in whatever moment you're in right now, how
are you feeling? Are you feeling happy? Are you feeling content? Are
you feeling sad? Are you feeling lost? What is it? Whatever it
is. When you come to that conclusion, I want you to try to
just be okay with that feeling. This is something that I've had to really
work on this week. This week, I've been feeling pretty good. I
have been getting back into my routine now that I'm back home, I've been
feeling a lot better. But personally, for me, I am a well.
I used to be a chronic self improver, a perfection anist, and
all or nothing type of girly. And so even now when I try and
get back into routines or if I fall off of something, there's still the
old version of me that wants to just go full forced. And when I
don't, because that's not healthy. When I don't, I still have these
thoughts sometimes about how I'm not doing enough or how right now not feeling super
happy and content with my life. That is technically bad and wrong and we
should try and get rid of this feeling. But over my years of healing,
what I have been trying to do in the moments that I feel not
the best is I just try and be with it. I try to be
with myself. I try and just be okay. But the fact that,
yeah, like I'm probably not doing everything that I need to be doing,
or things still need to get done, or I'm confused, or i feel
like my mind is like going crazy right now, or I'm sad, or
I'm whatever, And I just want you to do the same whatever you are
feeling, and if you're feeling happy and great and amazing and you're super motivated
and amazing, because like we all need that, we all need to keep
that energy. But I just wanted to say that because I feel like naturally
we just want to rid any feeling that is not one hundred percent. And
I think life becomes a lot easier and less stressful and less serious when you
just accept that things are sometimes just chaotic in your life and like, who
gives an f Honestly, you know, like this is life. So I
hope we are doing pretty well though. If you're watching on YouTube, my
hair is out. Ied my hair today for the first time in a very
long time. We love it. It's a lot of freaking hair. If
you don't watch on YouTube, then you'll know what my natural hair looks like
because of my podcast arts. But yes, the hair is out, the
sun is out, but it's a little bit. I did close the blind
guys, I am having honestly, like I might as well. Just at
this point. It's not about me having time to create a beautiful podcast studio.
I just think that I'm having a crisis. I don't know what to
do with this corner of my internet or my podcast, I should say now
again, if you are only listening on Spotify or Apple, you won't really
be able to see. But I feel like most of you guys have probably
checked out the Instagram or sorry not the Instagram, the YouTube channel at one
point, but there's nothing to really even see. But I have a corner
behind me, and I wanted to be cute and esthetic, but I don't
know, like the camera angles, I don't know if they're going to be
working correctly. I kind of want to buy like a chair that's comfy and
more cozy than the one that I'm sitting on now. I was thinking about
getting a neon light that's not really neon, but it's like a light.
But then I'm like, is that too base sick? And then I don't
know what esthetic or style that I want to go for, and I have
this mere here that would probably move like I'm kind of liking like a brown
esthetic, like a boho aesthetic, beach aesthetic. But then I'm like,
do I want to change that? And then I'm like it doesn't really matter
because then I can change it if I want to, and me prolonging getting
something just doesn't make sense at this point. So anyways, I don't know.
I'm having a crisis. So if anyone wants to just decide for me,
please let me know in the comments, like honestly at this point,
but yeah, I don't know. That was a rant that probably didn't need
to happen, but it did, and we're here. So today I want
to talk about how to be a better you every day now, before we
get into some of my things, And I also asked you guys on Instagram,
So I'm going to read out all of your responses, or a lot
of them. I should say, not all of them, because there's a
lot. I love you guys for always answering my questions, But I just
want to talk about one thing. When I say how to be a better
you every single day, I don't really mean any of these things that I'm
going to list out that you would have to do every single day, and
if you miss a day, then you're like not going to be the best
version of you. I think you guys know at this point, I am
very much so a cyclical being. I am very much so accepting the imperfections
and the flows of life, and every single time I try and be linear
and super I don't even want to say consistent, because consistency can be something
that happens once a week. It doesn't have to be every single day.
But doing something so rigid it never works because it's literally impossible to do the
exact same thing. Like we're talking wellness, anything right, something good for
your health, something good for your mental health, whatever, every single day.
And I think that when we hold ourselves to a standard of doing something
every single day, we just set ourselves up for failure. So I think
the things that I'm going to say are things that you can implement in your
life as much as you possibly can. But the things that I did list
out from my personal lists are something that honestly I have been the absolute most
consistent with and honestly probably do this mainly every day. But we'll talk about
it, and then I'm gonna give you my commentary on your guys's things,
because I think some of you guys give us some really good responses, and
we are trying to be our best versions of ourselves, are we not?
I'm waiting for the answer right now. What is the answer. It's fine,
you don't need to answer, because it's obviously yes. Yes, we
are trying to always become the best versions of ourselves. And I'm recording this
on August first. When you guys listen to this episode, it'll be like
August third, I think. By the way, the next day after you
hear this podcast, I'm going to be seeing Central C. So just know
that and just follow me on Instagram so you can see some Central C content
if you like him. A lot of you guys are very surprised that I
listened to Central C or any UK rap or like rap in general, which
I think is so funny. And I think one thing maybe I will talk
about before we get into this is like, I'm very multifaceted. Okay,
I think for many reasons. I think partly it's because I'm mixed as well.
Not to say that you can't like Central See your rap or any sort
of cultured things if you were Caucasian. Okay, that's not what I'm saying.
But I have a black side, I have a white side, and
on top of that, I just don't like living my life in extremes.
And honestly, I think just being a woman and having a cycle also plays
a role in this, and just living seasonal. Like I there's so many
seasons of life that I live through on a sometimes it feels like a week
to week basis, but monthly obviously yearly. And so I don't like to
just like I'm saying this because when I talk about self development or advice or
healing, and then if you go on my Instagram and you see me like
at the gym listening to Central See, you'd be like, WHOA, I
didn't expect her to be listening to that type of music or like whatever.
I don't like to just be this like healing girl or just listen to guide
and meditations all day or a journal all day. Like, yes, I
do the journaling. Yes I take care of my body, Yes I eat
well, Yes I move my body. But like also I go out and
I have a great time. I go out and drink with my friends,
not often, like honestly, I really have the worst hangovers ever. So
I just honestly I just can't. But I listen to rap music. I
swear a lot. That is actually a fun fact about me. I do
swear a lot. It is not something that I'm proud of. But I
also just like that's just me. I grew up in a very like suburban,
small town type of vibe where I just feel like everyone was just real
and there's a lot of banter, and so in my personal life for the
majority of my relationships, I'm very like chilled and laid back and very accepting
of others and just like normal, And I hope that I come across like
that on obviously my content. I think for most part, you guys like
do feel like I'm like very accepting and like not perfect, but I'm very
much so like that outside of even my content. So I don't know,
another rant that was not really needed, But maybe this will just be an
inspiration or a reminder to you that you do not have to be one way.
Because last thing I'll say here maybe not the last thing. But when
I first got really influenced by the wellness girlies on Instagram back in the day,
I was trying to live up to the standard of like whatever I saw
on social media. So like I would see them drink their green juices every
day, going on the hawk Row walks when they weren't called Hawkgrow walks back
then, all of their white, clean aesthetic, and I would just I
would literally spend so much money getting all these supplements, and I would try
and live their life and I would fail, literally fail miserably because I couldn't
up keep it. I didn't have enough money. And on top of that,
I just like, maybe I could have my life kind of look the
way that their life's look, but then that would only be like thirty seconds
of my day and then the rest of the day is like real and normal.
And on top of that, back in the day when I was dealing
with my mom's addictions, when I was literally like unhealthy, depressed everything like
I was going through it, and then I just realized like this is not
I cannot live up to the standard. And then when I really actually became
that technically, I don't even want to say a wellness really because I'm not
really but you know, an influence or content creator, like truly even now,
of course, my life looks amazing and pretty picture perfect, but I'm
not even trying to do this. This is just my life. But honestly,
it's still not perfect, and there are things that I just won't create
or show if I feel like it is inauthentic to me. But I just
want to say that because you might be trying to live up to a standard,
and if you are really struggling with that, just know that it's okay,
and honestly, eventually you just get there. Anyways, Like if you
can only have one green juice a week or a month and not every single
day like the way that you see your other girlies online doing it, just
know that that is okay. And eventually, if you want to drink green
juice every single day and you want your apartment to be super aesthetic and you
want whatever it is that you want, just know that you can get that
and you can have that, and that is totally fine. Girl. I'm
not even trying to strip that dream away from you because we all like nice
things. But like, you don't have to break the bank, and like
it'll come, okay, So just do what you can. You don't have
to do everything full force, all right now, I am truly done with
the ranting. Okay. So I wrote a list of some things that helped
me become a better me every single day. And the first thing, and
I think I kind of really already touched on this a lot, but that
is to stop being so hard on yourself. And this is something that I
constantly battle with. Although it's a lot less and the voice is much smaller
and less loud, I guess than previous years, but you know, I
still struggle with it now when I'm trying to achieve goals in my life or
try to get things done, or when it comes to relationship issues or like
whatever. It's like, I expect myself to know the answer to everything and
to do it perfectly and to do it right, and even when it comes
to relationships. Right. I was thinking about this the other day, Like
I was literally looking out the window and I was like, nobody has it
figured out this standard of a relationship of what you are trying to achieve,
or these expectations that you're holding. Not to say that we shouldn't have expectations
to relationships, yes we should, but like we have this like picture of
what it's supposed to look like, and if we don't get it in that
moment, it's like we've failed and or drop everything restart. And of course
you have to know when to kind of let things go, especially when we're
talking about relationships, but anything in general right in your life. But you
have to understand that things take time, Things take you trying and then trying
again and readjusting and microadjusting, and so for you to be so hard on
yourself when things aren't absolutely perfect, it's such flawed thinking and it really keeps
you stuck. It keeps you stuck in the sense of like when it comes
to dieting and fitness, if you mess up one thing in your mind,
like oh my god, I had this piece of cake when I'm supposed to
be on this diet, Well it's Friday, so I guess I'll just start
over a Monday. That's not a good way to be treating your body and
living life, right. You should be picking yourself back up whenever you can,
instead of being like, oh, okay, well, I'll just start
whenever I feel like it just makes sense on like Monday or like whatever,
or next season, or even when it comes to relationship, when you know
you're struggling to work through something in a relationship, you go online and social
media and these girls are being like, oh, if you wanted to,
he would, and like, you know, get your get you a man
who's gonna buy you this, that in the third because an ugly man will
do just the same and he'll also leave you and this that, So you
might as well find a guy who has money, this that, whatever.
I'm just like pulling shit on my ass right now, but whatever it is
right And then it makes you be like, you know what, screw whatever
I have here, I'm just going to walk away from it. But it's
like, okay, again, we have certain standards or things, and we
have to see when things really aren't working. But a lot of the time
it's like we give up so fast and we're so hard on ourselves, and
we just need to remember to relax. Okay. The way that you are
going to relax and just live in the present moment is to be okay with
the imperfections of life, the imperfections of you, the imperfections of your relationships
and your friendships and your opportunities and your career path and your whatever the hell
you're going through right now. It doesn't need to be perfect. It's you
that are putting rules and regulations and things placed on whatever it is you're trying
to have, and you're the one that's creating more of the suffering, more
of this unhappiness. It's unfortunate too, because we've never really learned how to
be okay with the unknown, or be okay with not having everything handed to
us at every second. I think it doesn't help when we are the era
of children that grew up on social media and so naturally we kind of did
get everything at a push of a button or a dopamine kick right away,
right, and we're so used to and addicted to the instant gratification. But
that is so freaking fleeting. It is so fleeting, And you know that
because we all really deep down hate TikTok and like short form content and just
like you know, we know it, but we still don't live it sometimes.
And something that I've really learned as I've been growing up, girl,
I'm twenty seven, I'm turning twenty eight in November. I really understand this
whole slow living and just like being in the present moment and not always being
on that pursuit for the next thing, the next project, more money,
more business, more everything. It is great that we do these things and
we have goals in our lives, but something that I'm starting to really come
to in my life is like I don't want to just conquer it all and
be perfect and get everything. I want to be in the present moment.
I want to be okay with shit, not being absolutely perfect and being happy
anyways. I want to be able to look forward to all of the great
things that are going to happen because I don't have them yet, all of
the answers that I still don't have about things but I will find them eventually.
The relationship that I'm longing to have, the family, the home.
Guys. Girls, you guys know, I'm trying to be a suburban housewife,
but I will be working and that's just because I love what I do.
But listen, I want that so damn bad. But I'm also like
so okay with not having that right now, because I'm like, first of
all, I know it's coming, and like there's so much to be done
and lived right now. I don't need to rush. I don't need to
be perfect. So yeah, I guess not rushing and like not being hard
on yourself kind of like went interchangeably there. But that is something that I
really really live by and something that I try and remind myself of all the
time. I think something that really helps me not be perfect and also slow
down is really connecting more to myself and what I want and having almost like
a tunnel vision of how I want my life to look and feel. And
I only listen and I only consume stuff that really nurtures what it is that
I want in my life. Because this is the thing, like there are
going to be so many people telling you how to live your life and what
you should do and what you should be interested in, and all these different
podcasts and all these different courses and like you go on TikTok I literally and
I feel like such a hypocrite because I do post on TikTok, and I
hope that I just post so that I can help people, which I do.
I know that I do, But like when I go on TikTok,
I literally do not scroll on that app. I do not scroll it.
It hasn't been a thing for such a long time. I'd really just post,
but sometimes if I'm trying to look for sounds like, I'll do it
for a second and then I just can't even and I just like scroll and
I hear somebody telling me about how my relationship should be, or like how
to get this guide to commit to you, or like what to do when
this happens, or like somebody's relationship not working out, or like somebody crying
because they lost a loved one, or like a beautiful home in the suburbs
that maybe I really want. And then on top of that, somebody's talking
about freaking inflation and how everyone's broken this that I literally scream, Like I
literally scream when I go on that app because I'm like, I'm so done
with listening to shit that I don't want to and listen. It sounds a
little bit, It sounds a little ignorant in this way when you say,
like I don't want to listen to the news anymore, or like I don't
want to hear what's going on in the world. And I am very aware
of what's going on in the world right now, and the pain and the
suffering and things are always there's always a tragedy. But in my reality,
I would really love to be able to protect my peace in my mind and
I have gone through enough shit and most likely you guys too that I really
do think it's just time that we protect our minds and our lives and we
just tunnel vision and we focus in on what it is that we want in
our lives and so only consuming things that make you feel good. If that's
what makes you feel good, just do it. Stop consuming things that don't
make you feel good. Stop listening to people and their beliefs and their advice
on telling you how you should act and move and be in whatever, when
it's not aligned with what it is that you really want in your life.
And I hold a vision so goddamn strong within my mind of how I want
my life to look and what I want. And there are definitely times and
I know you guys might even be surprised. But there's definitely still times that
I doubt that and I have those debts because of outside sources of you know,
well, you should be building this business and you should contin and you
to do more and you continue to produce, and um, you should have
like the man that you should be with should do this that in the third
for you, and if not, you can't be with him, or like
you should do this or that, or you should travel here before you settle
down, and you shouldn't have kids until this age. I don't give a
flying f anymore. And this is something that's taken me twenty seven years to
get to, so hopefully you get to it sooner rather than later. But
seriously, what I've come to realize is just decide to do what you want
to do and do it shamelessly. And that is something that I'm on right
now. And it takes practice, though, right It takes you stop second
guessing yourself, stop doubting yourself, you know, to tell yourself like,
oh, I'm not doing enough, that's the thing, right, Like personally,
one of my goals, like I've already kind of said, is I
want a suburb at home. I want a beautiful home in a neighborhood where
it's very walkable and there's nature and there's peace, and I'm with my husband
and I'm with my children, and I'm doing social media and I'm doing the
things that I love, and I have my friends, and that's what I
want, Okay. I don't want to be flown out to freaking Italy and
to go live my best like single girl summer or like a like a rich
auntie life. Listen, and that's what you want to do, amazing,
but that's not what I want to do. But if you go on social
media, you scroll, somebody's telling you that's what you should do, and
then the opposite, somebody's telling you should have your kids. What do you
want? Literally, what do you want? And go for it shamelessly.
Okay, that's all I'm going to say about that. The next thing on
my list of how to be a better you every day is to have a
journal practice to redirect your thoughts. So I'm gonna talk about general practices a
little bit more, but honestly, that is, like I would say,
ninety percent of the time, I am journaling every single morning, and I'm
writing out who I want to be what I'm excited for, any feelings,
anything that I'm going through, I'm writing it out. I think it's one
of the most empowering things that I've been able to do for myself because I've
been able to train myself to get myself out of a rut, of a
low point, out of negative thoughts by simply pouring in positive thoughts into my
mind. And now I definitely get help through certain people online that I watch
on YouTube to get my mind right. But cultivating a practice where you're able
to tell yourself a new story, a better story when you are feeling like
crap will literally change your life. I have a video called The Ultimate Guide
to journal Practicing on my YouTube channel, so definitely go check that out if
you're interested. The next thing to help you be a better person every day
is to do something that makes you feel alive. And this really just means
romanticizing your damn life, girl, Like, can we stop having a boring
life? Like I go, I'm inflow through these things, okay, and
like I'm sure you do too, but you know, like discipline, I
get it to be consistent and to show up for yourself, and it's important
and masculin energies, porn, but sometimes it's a little bit boring, okay,
and sometimes we have to do the boring things. Okay. I'm not
saying everything, every moment of your life is going to be super fun,
but let's try to do more things that make us happy in our lives.
And simply if like waking up in the morning and your morning routine is fueling
your body and making a coffee and going on Pinterest, but making sure that
you actually take action after you go on Pinterest. Okay, I'm not saying
go on pinches and scroll for hours. We're not doing that. We're not
escaping, okay. But like having a little vibe going, or like going
on your balcony and like reading a little bit of your book or talking to
a friend, or just journaling and thinking about the life that you're creating.
Anything, I don't care. Or throughout the day you go on a little
midday hot girl walk and you're listening to a podcast, or even if it's
not every single day, if it's a weekly date with yourself and you're going
to the beach or you're going to read your book or whatever it is,
I don't care. Can you start doing more of it, thank you,
because sometimes I get into these ruts, not even ruts, but I'm just
like uninspired and not happy in life. And I'm like, but I'm the
one choosing to do this, Like I'm the one not doing things that make
me feel good. So I need to start making myself feel good by doing
certain things like romanticizing my life and right now for me, reading, going
on Pinterests, posting, doing my content. I literally feel like it's Christmas
Day when I post my content. I swear it's just so fun and I
love seeing your guys's comment and everyone just like in such good energy. Recently,
I have been testing out doing more vlogs. Not vlogs, when am
I talking about? I am doing vlogs on my YouTube channel, but reels
just like taking clips with my life because it's cute. Why not a quick
pause because we need to talk about something. Do you ever get in your
head when you are intimate with somebody else, Because that is something that I
have struggled with literally all of my adult life until I decided that I need
to not only identify the root of distracting thoughts, but also to find practical
techniques to tune back into my body during my intimate relationships with others. And
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for sponsoring today's episode. The next thing to help you become a better person
is to stop choosing hardship. Stop telling yourself things are going to be so
hard. I just recorded a video before this podcast episode that I'll be on
my YouTube channel. It'll actually be after this goes live, because it's going
to go up on Friday, So definitely go check that out. But I'm
talking about the idea of being ready. But in that video, I do
talk about the stories that you're telling yourself and how you are the only person
that is getting in the way of what it is that you want in your
life. So all of the happiness and the joy and the relationship and the
money and that everything that you're like looking towards and like, oh my god,
it's going to make me feel so happy. You are the one in
the way of that thing. And this is what I mean by that,
You tell yourself a story as to why you can't have that thing right now,
Oh I'm not Ready's say for content creation, because a lot of you
guys want to be content creators, and I talked about this in the videos.
Would definitely go watch, especially if you're content creator. I want to
be a content creator. I want to be a YouTuber. Oh, like
one day you're like this that, why not right now? You are the
only one getting in your way. You know how happy you would be if
you were like Alicia being able to wake up and do whatever the hell she
wants to do and decide whatever day she wants to film a podcast episode,
and to connect with like minded people and heal and inspire and help other people
become the best versions of themselves in any sort of capacity. Whatever it is
that you want or you I'm sure would love to be that content creator that
you watch every single week that's doing their vlogs and their self care and there
whatever it is they're doing. I know you wish that you could be that
person. Well, guess what. The only difference between me and you or
that creator in you is that we started that. We told ourselves that,
you know what, I'm ready right now. Because I say that I'm ready,
I don't know all the answers. I'm not going to be perfect when
I first start, but guess what, considering this is what I want anyways,
I might as well start. That's an energy that you need to have
on yourself. Stop choosing hardship. Stop telling yourself that things are going to
be difficult, especially when it comes to the gym, eating right, going
out on a date, or like whatever it is relationships. Stop telling yourself
the story of how hard it's going to be. This is actually very true
even in relationships, like oh my god, it's going to be so hard
to find a guy who's gonna give me what I want, and like I
want this home or I want this marriage and oh my god, it's just
nothing. Okay, well then it's going to be hard. Yeah. So
that's it for that. The last thing on my list, which is a
little bit different, but I figured it was really important because this is again
something that I think that I really do prioritize, and that is setting yourself
up the night before for your morning routine, like so you can have a
better day in the next day because like, honestly, I don't know.
I think maybe just like a hack in life is to stop putting so much
focus and attention on your morning routine. Although a morning routine is great,
but for me, I don't talk too much about morning routines I have.
Actually I have a video on that because they differ a lot, but I
can definitely talk more about them if you want, and I can also show
you guys different ones that I have because I actually have eighteen hundred million,
thousand morning routines because I'm a cyclical being and I move based off of my
energy and my emotions, and I do what I want. But I think
a very good hack to set you up no matter what it is that you're
trying to do the next day is to start the night before, because realistically,
if you feel like crap, if you have really shitty thoughts, if
you are just like low on energy, it's gonna be really really hard not
to say that you can't do this right, because not every day is gonna
be perfect, but it's gonna be hard for you to get up and do
the things that you need to do the next day. So I really make
sure to set myself up at night to go to sleep in a very peaceful
way. I guess that was a weird sentence. I don't know why I
came out like that, But like me, I have a little routine around
Like nine ish is when I really try to dial things down. So I
mean, like I don't need to be scrolling anymore. Maybe I'm watching a
show or maybe I'm editing something, but like I'm putting things away, I'm
lowering my light so that I'm getting the vibe going. I always do my
dishes. I would say ninety I want to say ninety seven percent of the
time. Last night I actually did leave them, but that was it made
sense to leave them that night. But I'm always making sure that I do
my dishes. That's like my signal to my body that I'm going to go
to sleep. So I do my dishes. I make sure I do my
whole dental hygiene. I make sure my skincare is done. I'm making sure
that my room is very cool. I'm making sure that I'm grabbing my book
now now I'm reading off of a kindle, which I freaking love. Right
now I'm reading, Oh my god, I don't remember when I'm reading.
I'm gonna have to say that another time. But I just make sure that
my environment is very clean because I find when I wake up in the next
day, whatever it is that I'm doing or not doing, I feel way
more inspired and motivated and ready to take on life when my environment is clean.
When I leave my place a mess, even if it's like a little
bit of a mess, it really does mess me up. So for you,
it might not be cleaning because maybe you don't have a lot to clean,
But like, what is one thing that you can start doing to signal
to yourself that not only is it ready for bedtime, But that will help
you be able to not only go to sleep, but wake up in the
morning feeling refreshed. One thing I want to start doing is supplementing with magnesium.
Magnesium is a very good supplement to help relax the body. I do
have a lot of magnesium and a lot of supplements, honestly, but that's
something I definitely want to incorporate into my night routine. But honestly, just
pick one thing and do it. Okay, thank you. I just had
to take a quick break because I was exhausting myself. Sometimes I do that.
By the way, is I take a quick break like in between the
podcast because talking sometimes can literally exhaust me. And I was on TikTok actually,
which is so funny because I just said that I hate it, but
I had posted a video today, so I was just looking at something and
I also wanted to mention that, like with how everyone's super annoying on there,
like I also used to be annoying too. I think for the most
part, all of my videos have been pretty good. It's not like I
regret talking about what I used to talk about. More on TikTok, I
talked a lot about feminine energy and dating and relationships and stuff. But I
do think that what I said was actually correct for the most part. But
I still just I kind of moved away from talking about like feminine energy dating
tips and like this that even though I really actually do still live by those
principles and I love like living in feminine energy and I look at relationships from
that standpoint and feminine masculine energy even when it comes to work and things like
that. But there is kind of like a bad rep with dating coaches and
feminine energy and even talking about soft life sometimes and luxury I wasn't ever talking
about luxury living. But anyways, some of the very fad type of terms
or talking points sometimes just brings in audiences that, well, at least for
me, I just realized, like probably was not necessarily my audience. Fully,
I know a lot of you guys are still with me from TikTok and
stuff, but yeah, I don't know. I just wanted to say that
because like even me, like if you saw some of my videos, like
maybe that doesn't resonate with you, So just don't listen to me, you
know, even for my podcasts and stuff, like I try to now do
my best when I am talking. No matter what, I'm gonna have a
bias, and I look at life through certain lens. Not everyone has the
same thinking, not everyone should, but I try and do my best to
kind of empower others to like think for themselves in a way and like give
themselves confidence to just decide what they want to do, versus being like,
you only need to do it this way. But obviously I will have thinking
of being like, the way you should do things is you deciding, and
that technically is a belief. Anyways, I don't know. I just thought
I would just come on there and say that. Anyways. Also, I
don't know if I mentioned, but the shirt that I'm wearing is from White
Fox. I think I did. I don't know. All right, let's
read some of the things that you guys said. I had asked you,
guys, what do you do on a daily basis or regularly to help you
become a better you? The first response I got was always be kind and
non judgmental. And I think she meant probably to herself and also to others,
or at least that's how I'm going to take it. And I think
that that is such a good thing to live by, honestly, and I
think that we are way more judgmental than we even think, even myself,
right, I do it a lot less now, but sometimes I will notice
myself when I'm noticing something else about something somebody. It doesn't even have to
be impere in space, just like what they're doing or what they're doing with
their time, or like whatever it is. If I go and see something,
I naturally want to kind of fall into that negative, judgmental like side,
And I always catch myself and I'm like, it's literally like, first
of all, you don't need to be like this. You don't need to
judge somebody. And what I usually try and do now when I go out,
if I see somebody wearing something or doing something that I probably wouldn't do,
I try my best to just like not only give them the benefit of
the doubt, but just like allow people to be who they are and realize
that they're still a great human being, even if they're wearing something that I
wouldn't wear, or like you know they're crazy, or like somebody's on the
street freaking out, or you know, somebody just cut me off. Like
I try my best to not even be mad at that, because I'm like,
you know, what, they're going through something, or people just like
to spend their time doing certain things and those things are not something I would
want to do. We don't need to be so judgmental and critical. And
I honestly think the more that I learned to heal myself and love myself and
nurture myself, the easier it was for me to stop judging everyone else.
Like kind of just how it works. Do you become the change and then
you kind of just like reflect that back out and it gets reflected back to
you as well. So I think that's a really good one practice not judging
other people so frequently, And when you do start to see yourself judging,
try and pick something that's positive about that person that you can say and like
bring yourself back to the positive or to the present, or really to something
that's more optimistic. And this is not something to be mad at yourself at
when you do this as well, because you're like, we're naturally we have
so many crappy beliefs sometimes and so much negativity that it's no wonder that you
kind of fall into that side of being judgmental. But you know, this
is where the work is, and this is where it starts, and eventually
you will come to a point where you're not really that judgmental and you're more
positive and it won't be such a hard thing to do. But when you're
trying to reprogram yourself and your focus, it's going to take some active watching
of yourself and redirecting. Someone said, going to the gym slash movement,
slash stretches. Actually, like multiple people said different things. That's why I
just put slash And somebody said, no matter how tired I am. I
think that's a really good one too. I think then, no matter how
tired I am, for me personally, if I'm really really tired and I'm
drained, I do listen to my body. But I still will move my
body some way. I usually go on a hawker walk, or I'll move
like us or obviously move my body. I will do stretching or something.
And I just think that like, when we start looking at wellness as something
that's good for ourselves and it's not a punishment, it becomes so much easier
for us to just do it, even on the days we don't feel like
it, because it's not about us having to feel super energetic to be able
to get this hard work workout in so we can get this outcome. And
if we don't get the outcome, then we're not going to be valuable or
worthy or like happy. When we drop that attachment to the outcome and we
just realize this is something that we should be doing the same way we brush
our teeth, it's going to be so much easier for you to get up.
And this is not to mean that you're going to go into the gym
every day and have this insane workout, but you're gonna at least decide to
do something that's less strenuous, like pilates today, or let me try yoga
class, or you know what, I'm just gonna go on a hawker walk
and go for like an hour walk, like anything. But when you look
at it as being super attached the outcome and punishment when you don't feel like
going, which you probably won't because you're gonna make super You're gonna make this
circumstances is so freaking harder for you in the first place. You're just not
gonna want to do it, and then you don't do it, and like,
that's not what being a wellness girly is all about like we should be
doing these things because they're important for us to do to move our bodies.
Like we just that's not like if you just think about like how we used
to be when we were in the olden days, why do I use that
word, that's not the right word whatever, When we were like cavemen and
stuff. Okay, we moved a lot, and we got outside and we
got in the sun, and we ate animal products. I know a lot
of people are vegans and stuff, so like we're not even gonna get there,
but okay, let me take out the animal products thing. We ate
food from the earth, Okay, not processed crap junk, staring at screens
all day, ruminating in negative thoughts and thinking and second guessing ourselves and stressing
over a guy who didn't text us back, and like doing these weird behaviors,
Like we didn't do that, So like, let's go back to who
we were before all of this crap. And I don't mean obviously we're gonna
go and like live back in caves. But I don't know something that I've
been really thinking about again now that I'm twenty seven and I'm just like I
want that slow living. I want to I've always been a wellness girly,
though I will say that from a very young age. When I first started,
it wasn't for healthy reasons though, but it's been a part of my
life for a long time. And now, like if you just watched my
vlog of It's not too Late to have a Healthy Grow Summer, I was
talking about how one of my goals of mine is to source really really good
quality food now, and so that's what I've been doing. I've been going
to the markets. I've been getting like organic food and very local and trying
not to shop so much at the big box grocery stores anymore. I'm also
my main goal us to source a butcher that has grass fed meat, grass
fed, grass finished, very local meat. So that's something that I wanted
to do when I'm doing and I just can't wait to continue to do that
even living in Toronto. But I I also just like think about my suburban
home and like my neighborhood and like going to the market every week or wherever
and just buying local food and fresh food, maybe making my own like growing
my own I don't know, that's a little too much though, like that's
a little much. I don't know. I don't know if I'll be doing
all that, but you know, like I just I cannot wait for that.
Someone said being present, practicing being present every day is great. I
think something that really helps is to some point in your day, put down
your freaking phone. And this is how you can start, because if you
have a phone addiction, I swear to God, it's hard, and like
this is my job, so it's very hard for me too. Although I
still think I have a very healthy relationship with social media. Even though I'm
on social media all the time, I really do like I don't scroll on
Instagram. I look at some people's stories, but like not that much,
and I just I really don't scroll. And the only time I spend on
social media is really on YouTube, and I only watch YouTube videos that are
inspiring me and motivating me. Like I don't it's I actually don't have an
intention span to sit and watch things that waste my time, which I guess
is a good thing. But it's kind of interesting because like people usually do
the opposite. They can't like sit through like an educational thing or sit through
something that's like important to them. But for me, like I cannot,
it's really hard for me to waste my time time, so I have a
pretty healthy relationship. But anyways, one thing that you can try and do
is if you really can't like put away your phone for an hour or like
thirty minutes or whatever, it's just like way too much, try to do
something like try to put away your phone and put on a timer and you
can go on YouTube and literally type in like a one hour study with me
or a thirty minute work session, play the music, and then I would
do something that has nothing to do with your phone or something that's usually stimulating
you and probably stressing you out. Like for me, I do that a
lot when I'm trying to write my book, or I'm trying to work on
a course, or I'm trying to do something that doesn't involve like something that
my mind is usually on, or going for a walk and leaving your phone
at home. Actually maybe bring your phone with you. Most likely bring your
phone with you, but like I don't know, put it on airplane mode
it or something just like detaching and being more present. I know, sometimes
like it's not really you being present when you're working on something, but I
don't know. I think that can just be like a bridge habit for you
to start another thing that Kelly actually said a friend of mine. She said
that she journals and she pulls Tarot cards and she uses them as prompts.
That's a very good idea. I don't actually actually, yes I do.
I have. Well they're like goddess cards. But if you have Tarot cards
or something, that would be a cool idea just to use them as prompts,
like look at the card, if you know what that means, the
Tarot card, or even if you don't, journal on that, and see
what comes out of that, See what creative energy can come out of that,
and wisdom and the insights. Like when I'm journaling, I like when
I'm thinking about something in particular and I just can't stop thinking about it,
I will literally, either in my notes app or on my journal, I
will just start writing on that specific thing and I'll be like, holy crap,
I just came to a midlife crisis in a good way. And sometimes
I just think about a certain situation that I'm going through, good, bad,
ugly, whatever it is, and I just ask myself, what is
the lesson right now that the universe has wanted me to learn from this,
simply because there's always a lesson. Someone also said journaling whether or not I'm
having a good or bad day, which I kind of already mentioned as well.
I think it's so important to just up keep your mental diet, your
mental health, and especially when you are somebody who is more susceptible to you
know, having bad days or just getting triggered easily, or you're anxiously attached
like Girlill, you got to do that work. You know. A lot
of you guys said that you listen to my podcast, and I think that
is so sweet and I love you guys, and like, I'm just so
happy that so many of you listen to my voice weekly to get your mind
right, Like I love it. I love you guys. You guys are
amazing. Someone else said, to take really good care of my oral slash
dental hygiene. Yes, okay, I talked about this in I think I
talked about it in my Rich Girl era like how to I don't even know
what the title was, and probably another episode. But I had a very
lengthy journey with my dental health. I had a lot of cavities when I
was younger, I didn't take care of my teeth the best way. We
had no insurance, no anything, and I had to do a lot of
work on my teeth, and especially when I got into the world of wellness,
like, oh my gosh, when I learned so much about oral hygiene.
I used to be a girl who was like scraping her tongue before anyone
knew what scraping their tongues even met or what that was. I did oil
pulling in like twenty sixteen. I was really on that game, and so
I hyperfixated a lot, which again definitely wasn't the healthiest. But I also
just committed to having well First of all, I committed to making money and
saving my money and getting all of my cavities filled. Anything that I needed
done for my teeth, like cleaning everything. I did not care. I
didn't care if I was going to be broke. I was getting my teeth
fixed because I was like, absolutely not. I want beautiful teeth, I
want healthy teeth. I need to And what I did, by the way,
as I was going through that, I was grateful for the teeth that
I did have, and how amazing my smile still looked. Even though I
wanted to close my gap. Even though I wanted to do all this work
on my teeth, I had so much. I still remained positive through it
all, by the way, but I got really focused on taking care of
my dental hygiene. And then, of course all the money that I had
to spend, like getting my teeth done, mainly because I just did not
have benefits. Obviously, I take very good care of my teeth now,
but yeah, it's really important that you take care of your teeth, so
making sure that you're flossing, making sure that you're brushing your teeth two times
a day. Sometimes I'll do it multiple times a day if like I for
some reason midday, I had some chocolate or like candy, Instantly I'm brushing
my teeth like I can't, Like I am not letting freaking candies sit on
my teeth. Sometimes I'll do it after coffee. But if I also brush
my teeth and then I had coffee, sometimes I'll just use a mouthwash.
I go for routine cleans on my teeth. And I don't want to hear
about y'all not having money, because y'all have enough money to go to Starbucks
and post on freaking social media damn near every week. Okay, well you
add that up and you save up that money and you can use that to
go get your teeth cleaned, even if you don't have benefits. Okay,
I know this is harsh love right now, I get it, But I
was there, so I'm kind of being harsh because I also like I was
able to do it, and not to say that you can do it,
because obviously our situations are different. But I'll tell you this, girl,
I did not have money back then. I was in debt, I had
the worst spending habits. I was not making a lot of money at all.
I literally came from no money at all. Okay, so if I
could do it, most likely you probably could do it. And this is
something that like you're gonna have to just remind yourself that down the line,
if you do not start taking care of your teeth, saving up the money
that you need to save up to get your teeth whatever it is that you
need to get done, girl, you're gonna lose those teeth. And y'all
want to be like, it's fine, I'll just get veneers later in life.
No, if you don't need them, don't get them. Okay,
do the best you can, and I'm not trying to also, like listen,
I'm really not trying to judge anyone on like where you're at with your
teeth journey. Not us talking about teeth and like whatever it is that you
want to get done, but just save your money and do it then,
Like there's still things that I want to do. I'm still considering getting a
visi ligne and something done with my gums, but the mainly whatever, that's
irrelevant. The main thing that I wanted to focus on was taking care of
my health of my teeth and that doesn't that doesn't matter about how they look,
like the invisiligne and getting things done and reconstructed and cool things done to
your teeth. Great, that's pretty and perfect and amazing. But I just
cared about my health of my teeth. And you can kind of have wonky
teeth and still have very healthy teeth. And that's I focus on that more
than anything else, you know, I will I will talk about the aesthetics
afterwards, But am I healthy? Am I freaking healthy? Ask yourself?
Are you healthy? Do you take care of your damn teeth? Go to
the dentist if you need to. Okay, somebody said, pray for thirty
minutes. That's amazing, and I love that. And I think that's kind
of like the same as like a journal practice or connecting to whatever it is
that you have. I think that connecting to something, if not just yourself,
will really ground you on the days that you know, things feel a
little bit. Someone said, skincare routine daily. Yes, honey, honey,
honey, honey. Okay, this woman gonna say you don't need to
have a million steps to your skincare routine, like you definitely do not.
But I just think that having the habit of taking care of your skin in
some capacity daily, whether that's just in the morning or the nighttime, I
think it's just it's like you're sending out signals to the universe that you are
worthy of being taken care of. You're showing up for yourself. So that's
how other people are going to show up for you. If you don't even
expect yourself to show up for you, or you don't show up for yourself,
how is it that other people are going to do that for you?
How are you going to even recognize or even value that from other people?
You're not so do something for your skin, something anything. I have been
loving. Oh my gosh, I for some reason, brands are just loving
to send me skincare, which I'm here for, and I have really like
I'm like skincare over makeup. For sure. I don't really wear a lot
of makeup, Like I'll put some blush on and some mascara, but for
the most part I catch me not wearing anything. But I do like glowing
skin. Recently, I've been loving the Charlotte Tilbury I cream and the toner
and the serum which is linked on I like to know it. They did
send it to me. This is not sponsored. I tried it for I'm
on my fourth week now. I used it all throughout Calgary, where my
skin was dry as hell as soon as I got there, which I already
knew was going to be, and my skin it just looks so glowing from
those products. Fresh Beauty also sent me a whole new line of their I
don't know what it is. It's the pink, the rose type of one.
I don't know. I went to an event and I forget what it
is. But I have not even I haven't even touched any of it yet
because I still have the Charlotte Tilbury, so I'm just taking my time,
so I'll definitely let you guys know how I like everything. But the soy
cleanser from that line I've been using forever and that's really good. I think
that it's very light and it doesn't strip the oils from your face the way
some do. And I also love the SRV biotic cream, which I think
is hands down insane. I absolutely love it. Someone said talk to myself
as I talk to someone that I love. I kind of that sounded really
weird coming out, but essentially she talks to herself as if she's damn lovable.
Okay, think about this for a second, and I'm just gonna assume
we're all gonna we're all basically like this. Okay. I know not every
single one of us is like this, but majority of us are like this.
You unconditionally love other people so much to a default. It's kind of
like sometimes I'm just like fuck, Like, there's a line, okay,
and I'm saying this to myself, but to you guys as well. There's
definitely a line. But we really unconditionally love people. We accept people.
We just let them be who they are, but we don't do that for
ourselves. Why. This is insane. This is insane behavior, and we
need to stop. And on top of that, you need to start looking
at yourself like you are deserving of other people unconditionaling loving you, as well
of other people choosing you the same way you will constantly choose somebody else.
You need to start looking at yourself like somebody would also choose you. I
was thinking about this the other day, and I think a lot of us
have this issue. Sometimes it's not about okay, let's look at this in
relationships. I'm just going to use relationships as an example. Some of us
girls who are independent, who do the healing work, who show up,
who are into self improvement, which is most of us, we know that
we're kind of most likely better than any other girl that the guy is probably
going to date. And I know that sounds bad and we're not about to
compete with other women and stuff like that, but this is okay. I'll
just I don't know, I'm just gonna give you like kind of my experience
that's kind of usually like I usually know that I'm probably like the best that
that guy's ever gonna get. Now to be fair, I will say this,
I am not for every guy. So there's definitely guys that I dated
in the past where I actually think that another girl is better for him because
like we weren't compatible. So I'm really not like trying to put myself on
a high horse here. But in general, we kind of know that we're
we're really good, like we're really good girlfriends, Like we're we're healed for
the most part, like we do the work, We're committed, we uncondishally
loved dadda. But I think the issue sometimes that we have is looking at
ourselves like we would be picked by someone else consistently. It's like, yes,
in the man's eyes, we can see that they look at us like
we are technically the one, but we don't end up like holding onto that
relationship. And I really do believe it's because some of the times we believe
that we are not worthy of being chosen over and over and over again and
unconditionally loved over and over again, and like a man will stay with us,
Like we have this issue with keeping things. It's like, yes,
I know I'm going to be chosen, but are you going to stay?
And I think that when we have this type of thinking. It's because we
don't look at ourselves like we are worthy of being consistently shown up for.
And why wouldn't somebody want to consistently be with you and marry you and stay
with you. And honestly, this is something that I've reframed in my mind,
Okay, And I don't know, maybe this will help, maybe this
will absolutely not land. But knowing what you know about yourself, and you
can really recognize that you're like probably the best that someone's ever had or in
general, like you're up there, You're a great girl, a great girlfriend,
you'd be an amazing wife, amazing mom like this, that and the
third whatever. Think about it like this, The reason why somebody is going
to continue to come back to you and stay with you and not want to
leave you is because you are like their home. Okay, I want you
to look at yourself like you are somebody's home, because the truth is,
you are loving, you are accepting, you are nurturing, You take care
of your space and your spouse's place, and you're whatever. Right like,
realistically, you are home. Okay, you are home. And when a
man feels and experiences home, if he's obviously a good man, right and
like a decent man even when he leaves, and I mean leaves because he
literally has to go to work, or he has to go live his life,
or he's like not codependent on you, Like we're talking about healthy relationships
right now. When he leaves, trust that he's going to come back,
because you always want to come back to a home that is beautiful, that
is nurturing and warm. Think about your place. This is what I do.
I think about my own home. I never and mad when people cancel
plans because I am so good chilling in my living room and like vibing in
my place, or like staying home and reading a book, and just like
I don't know, watching Netflix, if I watch Netflix, or going on
YouTube whatever. I love my home. I love making food at home.
I love doing my skincare at home. I want to work from home everything.
I love everything about home. Of course, we want to have a
healthy attachment to our homes, so we should be okay with leaving our homes
the same way a man should be okay with leaving the home. But I
always know, and I always, always, always, always crave to come
back home. There's never a time in my life where I'm like, I
never want to go home now. Of course, maybe when you're a teenager
and you're having fun out, you know, you're having fun and you're out
and whatever, and you don't really want to go home, but eventually you
want to come home. Now, of course, you want to be with
a man in a relationship where there's a healthy level of him going and him
coming back. But you want to look at yourself like you are a home,
okay, And so if you're the home, then who gives an f
about anything else? Because this man is going to come right back to you
because you are home and this man needs a damn home. And this is
not to create a picture like to try and make you think that you need
to be somebody's home and like you have to be somebody for somebody. It's
not about that. I don't know. It's just a reframe that I think
about and that helps me sometimes because I have been an anxious attachment type of
person and in relationships, and I've had to heal from that and I've had
to learn how to have secure attachment styles. And when you have a secure
attachment, somebody's not going to always be constantly validating you and constantly keeping your
anxiety at bay, by the way, and it's just not healthy, like
it just that's not what happened. So how do I self soothe myself?
Well, there's many different stages of healing that, and some people might be
like, well, I shouldn't have to tell myself that. We'll guess what
you might have to tell yourself that at some point. And what has helped
me is to tell myself and remind myself of not only my worth and my
value and like, of course I'm fucking amazing, but like I am this
man's home okay, this man is not going anywhere. And on top of
that, I enjoy my home so much. I enjoy myself so much.
I've made it so amazing that who wouldn't want to be here? And on
top of that, I enjoy this time even when he's not here, okay.
And that's an energy that I want you to have for yourself, whether
you're literally in a relationship or not. You are home okay. The last
thing that someone said is let myself rest, even when there's something that I
could be working on that is chef's kiss. There's always going to be something
that you have to work on, especially if you're a girly who loves self
improvement and wants to work on a business and goals and this, that and
the third. There's always gonna be something to work on. But at some
point you do need to allow yourself to rest and relax. And even if
it's not necessarily relaxing and doing nothing, you want to switch your focus onto
doing something that is bringing you into the present moment, like nurturing your relationships,
your friendships, your hobbies, something that has nothing to do with your
work. And I know it can be hard, but it's so true.
And then on top of that, you have to cultivate the voice inside of
you that's going to tell you and the times where you feel like you should
be doing more that it's okay that you're not. But no one's going to
do that for you. You have to do that. You have to become
your own best friend, you have to be your own lover, you have
to be your own home, you have to be your own everything. And
the more times you do this in practice, watch what ends up happening in
your life without you having to try and chase and fix and mold and change
things in your environment. Yes, of course, it's going to require us
to take action to get the things that we want in our lives. But
we take way more unnecessary action than we even need as females, as feminine
beings, and it's kind of flawed. So anyways, that's going to be
it for the episode. I hope you enjoyed. There was a lot of
rants and things that I went on. But yeah, thank you so much
for listening and watching. Also, don't forget on Spotify to let me know
what you liked about this episode. I really liked the feedback. If you
want more episodes. I was also thinking, like I've kind of mentioned before,
maybe to do an extra episode in fall wintertime, just doing more chit
chatty updates. I don't know, we'll see, who knows. Anyways,
Love you guys, talk to you the next one. Bye,