1 00:00:02,279 --> 00:00:06,280 We decided to book a trip to Mexico as I was getting better, and 2 00:00:06,320 --> 00:00:11,119 I was better enough to be able to enjoy walking along a beach and swimming 3 00:00:11,119 --> 00:00:13,560 and all of that. I didn't think about it. It was going to 4 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:16,559 rain a little bit on the trip, but when we got there, it 5 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:22,160 became clear that this was a really big storm coming. And to make a 6 00:00:22,199 --> 00:00:26,120 long story, which ends up being two chapters in the book short, we 7 00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:32,079 basically walked right into a Category four hurricane. It was a direct hit and 8 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:38,560 we ultimately had to be airlifted out of Mexico by the Mexican military because the 9 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:45,039 airport had been temporarily rendered useless. And it was a harrowing experience. And 10 00:00:45,119 --> 00:00:50,439 it was shortly after my recovery, so I got the chance to use some 11 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:54,119 of the techniques that I had perfected on how to keep myself calm and not 12 00:00:54,399 --> 00:00:59,679 a flip out in the midst of trauma. This is Fred's younger son, 13 00:01:00,119 --> 00:01:03,599 the one who's a middling fourteen handicap cut down to an eleven. But you 14 00:01:03,599 --> 00:01:07,200 know, we're still working on it. It's for everything. I play whenever 15 00:01:07,239 --> 00:01:12,480 I can in southern California. My name is Lisa, and then that's Green 16 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:19,599 at it. This is number nine kind. This is Golf Smarter, number 17 00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:26,879 nine hundred by accident, a memoir of Letting Go by Joanne Green. That's 18 00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:34,480 my wife. This is Golf Smarter. I'm Danny, the older son. 19 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:40,640 And here are two of my favorite podcast hosts, my parents, Joanne and 20 00:01:40,799 --> 00:01:48,239 Fred Green. Is so sweet. Thank you for doing that, of course. 21 00:01:48,799 --> 00:01:53,120 And you know, every time I've met a Golf Smarter listener, the 22 00:01:53,159 --> 00:02:00,640 first question is always is that your wife's voice on the introduction? So what 23 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:02,599 I need Why did they think that? I don't know, But what I 24 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:06,959 need you to say right now is here's your host, Fred Green. Just 25 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:12,680 to confirm that that is you. Here's your host, Fred Green. Yeah, 26 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:14,879 that's not the way you say it, but that's perfect. Now do 27 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:19,960 I say it? Here's your host. It was a lot of years ago, 28 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:23,879 Fred, Like, it was like nine hundred weeks ago. Here's your 29 00:02:23,879 --> 00:02:27,719 host, Fred Green. Well, we've done it a couple of times since 30 00:02:27,759 --> 00:02:30,840 then, but this one's been running for at least a decade. No, 31 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:34,520 wait, do I do I need to call you? Because now that you're 32 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:37,000 a published author, Do I need to call you Joanne? Or can I 33 00:02:37,039 --> 00:02:40,360 call you Joe, call me anything you want, all right, well, 34 00:02:40,479 --> 00:02:46,360 within reason on this one, we'll just call you Joe, you Joe. 35 00:02:46,919 --> 00:02:53,280 Okay, this is a really big week for us, the sense that today, 36 00:02:53,800 --> 00:03:00,400 the day that we're publishing this podcast is episode nine hundred for me and 37 00:03:00,719 --> 00:03:08,199 your thank you and your book comes out yeay, and tomorrow is our forty 38 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:13,960 third wedding anniversary. This is getting a little too sappy. Yeah, I 39 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:20,360 know, but that's pretty awesome and I was thinking about it and over the 40 00:03:20,479 --> 00:03:28,240 years. Well, first of all, we're rarely on microphones together. I 41 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:31,159 can only think of a couple of times that we've always we've been it's either 42 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:36,159 you're on the microphone or I'm on the microphone, but never together. I 43 00:03:36,199 --> 00:03:38,319 can only think of a couple of times that we've done this. Can you 44 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:44,199 think of any because I'll tell you what I got only when we're making things 45 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:49,719 for people like cute little happy birthday video or something right that yet? Right? 46 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:52,240 Okay, that's one on my list. Yeah, go ahead, what 47 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:55,319 else? Ye now, that's it, I'm coming up. Okay, the 48 00:03:55,479 --> 00:04:00,240 Newlywed game when we were on a cruise to a Las scott Oh no, 49 00:04:00,439 --> 00:04:05,439 what else are you going to reveal here and now. The only other time 50 00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:14,919 I can think of is when we were dating and I was doing the morning 51 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:17,120 show. I was filling in for the morning disc jockey. I was on 52 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:24,639 the radio and you were doing the news, and you completed the newscast and 53 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:28,240 I went into the song my Girl, and nobody knew we were dating. 54 00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:35,279 I'm sure that gave everything away to the three people who cared. No, 55 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:40,199 nobody cared. But anyway, all good, all good, So Fred, 56 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:46,600 congratulations, nine hundred episodes. Now everybody knows that you are loyal, that 57 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:51,959 you have staying power, that you become obsessed and keep doing the same thing 58 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:59,040 over because I'm afraid that if I stop, I'll never come back. Okay, 59 00:04:59,439 --> 00:05:01,720 Okay, No, it's because you love it. I do love it, 60 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:04,360 and you should do what you love. We should all do it what 61 00:05:04,439 --> 00:05:09,439 we love. Absolutely. And that's a lot about what we're going to talk 62 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:13,120 about why you wrote this book and what this book is about. But there's 63 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:18,000 other things we need to talk about first. Okay, I need to get 64 00:05:18,079 --> 00:05:23,399 your feedback and input because I've talked about things like this on the show for 65 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:28,160 years and years. You are a what it's like to be a golf wife, 66 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:31,560 that is not play that is not a golfer. Well, first of 67 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,720 all, I'm going to say thank you for not using Yeah, thanks for 68 00:05:34,759 --> 00:05:39,040 not saying golf widow, because that's all I raise that people. Yes, 69 00:05:39,199 --> 00:05:46,319 thank you. I think it's fantastic that you have something that's yours, that 70 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:49,879 you love, that puts you outside in nature or as you put it, 71 00:05:50,079 --> 00:05:56,399 nature on a leash, which is a golf course. And I have plenty 72 00:05:56,399 --> 00:05:59,600 of things that I do and places I want to go and people I want 73 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:03,360 to be with during that time, and we are together so much, and 74 00:06:03,439 --> 00:06:08,600 I love that. But I love that you have this interest that doesn't include 75 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:14,360 me. I have taken a few golf lessons here and there. I can 76 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:20,360 sort of play golf, but it's just I don't really care that much whether 77 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:24,160 the ball goes in the hole. I think you have to really care. 78 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:29,600 And I would prefer to take a hike in the woods for that same length 79 00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:34,040 of time and just talk and not to have to worry about all the equipment 80 00:06:34,079 --> 00:06:39,000 and carrying all the stuff and where the ball goes and what I'm wearing. 81 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:44,040 Yeah, I just it's not me. I think. Yeah. I always 82 00:06:44,079 --> 00:06:46,920 say, you know, maybe I'll take up maybe next year. I don't 83 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:53,079 know next year on the golf course maybe yeah, maybe. But you know 84 00:06:53,319 --> 00:06:56,399 we've always talked about yeah, like you love to go for hikes, and 85 00:06:56,439 --> 00:06:58,720 I say I love to go for hikes too. I just want to hit 86 00:06:58,759 --> 00:07:01,399 something every so often brings my focus back to what we're what I'm doing. 87 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:10,519 Great, knock yourself up. Thank you that you do you. That's what 88 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:15,519 I say. You do you and it's great. I totally support your golf 89 00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:19,720 habit. I appreciate that so much. And you've supported this. You've not 90 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:25,199 only supported this show for me, um for such a long time now, 91 00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:30,120 you've been a tremendous barometer of whether I'm continuing to do it or how I'm 92 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:36,360 feeling about it, but you've also like, thank you for all the support 93 00:07:36,399 --> 00:07:41,319 that you've given me all these years. No one needs. You're welcome and 94 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:45,079 thank you. And all the crazy ideas I've had, crazy ideas, and 95 00:07:45,399 --> 00:07:47,560 you've let me run with them, not all of them, not all of 96 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:53,360 them, definitely, not all of them, um, but and so too. 97 00:07:53,439 --> 00:07:56,800 Thank you for supporting me in the writing of this book, which has 98 00:07:56,839 --> 00:08:01,600 taken an enormous amount of time and money. Does anybody know that it costs 99 00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:05,120 a lot of money to do a book, and certainly to do the marketing 100 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:09,600 and the publicity and everything else. But it was just something I had to 101 00:08:09,639 --> 00:08:13,600 do. And yeah, you for supporting me all the way. Thank you. 102 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:18,680 Why did you need to write a book? I always thought that I 103 00:08:18,759 --> 00:08:22,560 might write a book someday, but I always questioned whether I would have the 104 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:28,240 attention span to follow through with a project of that nature. I've always been 105 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:31,039 a writer, but I've always written what people paid me to write. And 106 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:39,039 at this point in my life, it was not only the right time because 107 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:46,399 I was able to stop working full time and really devote my attention and energy 108 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:50,279 and effort to this one single project. But more importantly, I had a 109 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:58,399 story to tell. And I had a very intense decade in which I lost 110 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:03,759 my mother, my sister, and my brother in a four year period. 111 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:09,360 And then when I thought I'd kind of been to hell and back, I 112 00:09:09,399 --> 00:09:16,879 was leaving work one day and in broad daylight in a crosswalk I was hit 113 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:24,039 by a car as a pedestrian and miraculously survived the accident and the five days 114 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:28,039 in the hospital afterward. And you know, with your help, of course, 115 00:09:30,879 --> 00:09:35,279 was able to fully recover, and then a series of other things happened 116 00:09:35,279 --> 00:09:39,679 that were challenges where I got to use what I had learned in the recovery 117 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:45,279 from the accident to get through a few more life crises, health and otherwise. 118 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:50,720 And for me, it was it took being hit by a car to 119 00:09:50,759 --> 00:09:56,840 slow me down. I was always a person in constant motion who felt safest 120 00:09:56,039 --> 00:10:01,600 when in control. You know, I was the person who wanted to drive, 121 00:10:01,639 --> 00:10:07,879 because if I was behind the wheel, I felt safer. I tried 122 00:10:07,919 --> 00:10:11,879 to control things. I tried to always do my best at whatever it was 123 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:16,240 I was doing, be the best person, the best daughter, or the 124 00:10:16,279 --> 00:10:18,360 best sister, the best wife, the best friend, all of that. 125 00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:24,960 And what I never really developed was a way to relax and slow down. 126 00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:28,879 And this accident brought me to my knees. I couldn't do anything. I 127 00:10:28,919 --> 00:10:33,399 could not get myself to the bathroom. I couldn't feed myself. I could 128 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:39,200 do nothing. I was so badly injured, and instead of folding, which 129 00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:45,360 I was very tempted to do as anyone would be, I drew strength from 130 00:10:45,399 --> 00:10:52,000 somewhere and just said I can do this. And I was very blessed with 131 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:56,639 the resources to get the help that I needed. You were incredible. I 132 00:10:56,679 --> 00:11:01,879 don't want to swell your head or anything. But people have said that letter 133 00:11:01,399 --> 00:11:07,879 you've read the book. I read the book, yeah, and I go 134 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,759 through it and I'm like, did I really say that? Are you just 135 00:11:11,519 --> 00:11:18,679 putting words in my mouth to make a story along? Mostly you said everything 136 00:11:18,919 --> 00:11:22,960 or some reasonable facts simile. So yes, he is a really nice guy, 137 00:11:24,159 --> 00:11:28,320 those of you who have been listening for a while, very very loving. 138 00:11:28,519 --> 00:11:33,200 And but he didn't have Fred did not have like caretaker skills. I 139 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:37,480 mean, he had never taken care of anyone really but himself and certainly our 140 00:11:37,559 --> 00:11:43,799 kids over the years, so this was really quite something. I was never 141 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:48,000 a primary caretaker, no, and most people are not, I mean the 142 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:54,559 first time, usually especially for a parent, right right. I learned so 143 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:56,759 much about how to live a meaningful life. I learned so much about how 144 00:11:56,799 --> 00:12:05,519 to move through crises. I learned things about myself that I had never really 145 00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:11,519 known. So it wasn't just about how to relax. It was and how 146 00:12:11,559 --> 00:12:16,639 to be still, which was quite a feat to learn that, and I 147 00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:20,480 have been able to do that more and more in the years since. But 148 00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:24,919 it was really about understanding that whatever it is you're going through is going to 149 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:28,960 change and morph and pass like this two shall pass. That phrase that we've 150 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:33,679 all heard so many times, it's it's really true. And also in the 151 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:39,080 midst of a crisis, to be able to focus on gratitude is a huge 152 00:12:39,279 --> 00:12:41,360 help. It's very hard to feel sorry for yourself and feel gratitude at the 153 00:12:41,399 --> 00:12:48,159 same time. So I write all about that. But if golf smarter listeners 154 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:54,039 want a real insight into Fred Green, this is probably the strongest insight you're 155 00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:58,039 going to get. Is a book by accident. Might I show you here? 156 00:12:58,039 --> 00:13:07,000 It is? It's really all about him. It's really not We're gonna 157 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:09,120 take a time out. We'll come back after the spot. We'll write back. 158 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:20,440 You know. One of an early memory that I have of us is 159 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:26,960 when our Danny, our older son, was just an infant and we rented 160 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:31,799 a house on the beach. I think of Bedega Bay and on a house 161 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:39,320 with a cliff overlooking the water and a tiny little hot tub and a tiny 162 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:43,480 little hot tub, and you I just remember you saying someday, I would 163 00:13:43,559 --> 00:13:46,399 love to have a house like this that I can look out at the ocean 164 00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:52,000 and just write a book and so that never left me, and I pushed 165 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:56,240 you. I've I've always felt like that's going to happen someday. Well, 166 00:13:56,279 --> 00:14:01,240 the greatest thing of all is that somebody discovered or invented or created Airbnb, 167 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,320 so we didn't have to actually buy such a house. We could just go 168 00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:09,120 at this one now, but we didn't. I basically wrote the book right 169 00:14:09,159 --> 00:14:15,200 here in my little study, which I love calling it a study and not 170 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:18,639 an office because it implies that it's something I want to do rather than have 171 00:14:18,799 --> 00:14:22,200 to do. And I never realized that. And we've been here eleven years. 172 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:26,440 That's pretty That's why I call it my study because office implies, you 173 00:14:26,519 --> 00:14:31,720 know, well for me, always office implied, hemming me in where you 174 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:35,799 know, I never worked in offices, really. I worked in radio stations, 175 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:41,320 television stations, and a community So you had an office for the last 176 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:46,360 over a decade with your last but inside of a community center. So there 177 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:54,240 were people coming to be enriched and three year olds outside my door that I 178 00:14:54,279 --> 00:14:58,519 could go and play with, and it was it was very very special. 179 00:14:58,679 --> 00:15:05,279 But yeah, I think of offices as corporate. Yeah, we're gonna play 180 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:11,120 an excerpt of the book later. They kind of gives an introduction to our 181 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:15,840 meeting and how we met whatnot. But we're gonna We're gonna do that a 182 00:15:15,879 --> 00:15:22,720 little bit later. I'm just curious. Did you have any expectations when you 183 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:26,320 wrote this book? What were you like, why, why, what motivated 184 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:31,720 you, and what were your expectations. Initially I wasn't quite sure what the 185 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:35,240 book was going to be. I thought it might be a braided memoir, 186 00:15:35,279 --> 00:15:41,799 which would include a lot of stories from radio days, because I had the 187 00:15:41,879 --> 00:15:46,320 opportunity to interview so many people over the years, famous people, and in 188 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:50,240 almost a Forrest Gump kind of way, you know, being there at moments 189 00:15:50,279 --> 00:15:56,679 when history was made. But over time it became clear that it was not 190 00:15:56,799 --> 00:16:00,879 going to be that. It was going to be one cohesive story with flashbacks. 191 00:16:02,399 --> 00:16:07,000 And I was writing for a couple of reasons. One because my siblings 192 00:16:07,679 --> 00:16:14,000 passed away at a young age's one at sixty and one at sixty nine, 193 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:19,440 and we have many other descendants in the family of both my sister and my 194 00:16:19,519 --> 00:16:25,320 brother, and I wanted to capture some things about our family and how we 195 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:30,440 grew up for posterity, for a legacy, and to let our children, 196 00:16:30,519 --> 00:16:37,879 their children and grandchildren always have this ability to get some of the stories. 197 00:16:37,159 --> 00:16:44,360 So there was that motivation, but beyond that, it was to help anybody, 198 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:48,039 if one person or a couple of people somewhere can read my story and 199 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:57,919 be inspired or have something to tell themselves a mantra in times of great suffering, 200 00:16:59,279 --> 00:17:04,799 be that loss, grief, or physical pain or emotional trauma. I 201 00:17:04,839 --> 00:17:08,880 mean, we all go through these kinds of things at one time or another. 202 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:15,640 And to have a story of someone who was able to move through that 203 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:23,359 with grace and with optimism and hope, I think could be helpful to someone. 204 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:29,000 And that's my greatest gift. If somebody can read it and be helped, 205 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:33,400 then I feel like I've accomplished what I set out to accomplish. And 206 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:38,160 what did you learn about yourself in the process of writing a book. Well, 207 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:41,960 I learned that I have a longer attention span than I thought I had. 208 00:17:42,519 --> 00:17:47,680 I learned that I really can stick with a project for a very long 209 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:52,200 time, that I don't have to always be in a rush. I'd always 210 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:56,440 been in a rush. I'm not quite sure why I write about that in 211 00:17:56,480 --> 00:18:03,599 the book, but I took my time and I spent lots of money, 212 00:18:03,599 --> 00:18:08,640 which also for me is a hard thing to do and hung in there. 213 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:17,160 So all of that about the writing process and really asking and seeking help from 214 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:23,119 experts to make the end product better rather than just going it alone. You 215 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:29,440 and I both have that need often to just go it alone. And this 216 00:18:29,559 --> 00:18:33,720 was really a case of it isn't just me that wrote this book. It's 217 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:38,920 an editor that I worked with, Heather Martin, who was extraordinary, and 218 00:18:40,759 --> 00:18:45,079 others who advised me. I called them my literary midwives. So that was 219 00:18:45,839 --> 00:18:52,000 that was a lot. And then in terms of just crystallizing the lessons that 220 00:18:52,039 --> 00:19:00,480 I learned through my experiences by organizing it and writing it in such a way 221 00:19:00,559 --> 00:19:06,640 and you know, sort of capturing the learnings cemented them in my mind. 222 00:19:06,839 --> 00:19:15,519 So things like I don't ever regret spending time spreading joy. So if I 223 00:19:15,599 --> 00:19:19,519 want to call someone and make them feel better or reach out or send a 224 00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:23,319 text, do that. That is part of who I am and what makes 225 00:19:23,359 --> 00:19:30,799 me feel good. Other learnings are not. Everybody has my need for intimacy, 226 00:19:30,839 --> 00:19:34,359 and so people can care about me deeply but not show up for me 227 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:38,200 in the way that I might show up for them. Doesn't mean they're bad, 228 00:19:38,319 --> 00:19:42,039 doesn't mean they don't care about me. It means they're different things like 229 00:19:42,079 --> 00:19:48,720 that. And I'd love for you to share some of the blurbs that were 230 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:53,119 written by other people. One of them, you know, one of them 231 00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:56,920 is right there on the cover of the book, because that was what's on 232 00:19:56,960 --> 00:20:00,039 the cover of the book, because yeah, that was the coupe. So 233 00:20:00,599 --> 00:20:07,920 if I had to pick an author whose audience would be my ideal prime audience, 234 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:11,720 for sure, it's Anne Lamot. And An Lamott happens to live in 235 00:20:11,759 --> 00:20:17,319 the same county that we in which we live, and happened to have many 236 00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:21,519 decades ago, had a son who was a high school wrestler when our son 237 00:20:21,599 --> 00:20:26,039 was a high school wrestler. So I got her email address and reached out 238 00:20:26,039 --> 00:20:29,000 to her to see if she would read my book and write a blurb. 239 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:33,039 And she said no, very gently, kindly and respectfully, and I didn't 240 00:20:33,079 --> 00:20:37,240 take no for an answer. Basically, so Ann La Motte said, this 241 00:20:37,319 --> 00:20:41,200 is an amazing book, harrowing, deeply human and charming. I absolutely could 242 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:48,079 not put it down. And that just makes me so happy because I have 243 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:52,839 so much respect and admiration for her and to even, you know, have 244 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:56,440 her have read my book as an extraordinary thing. And then you know, 245 00:20:56,680 --> 00:21:03,279 having been on the planet, think you, thank you. But having been 246 00:21:03,279 --> 00:21:07,160 around for a long time, having been in radio and and and all the 247 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:12,359 different kinds of work I've done over the years, I have had the absolute 248 00:21:12,519 --> 00:21:19,880 joy and privilege of crossing paths with some pretty extraordinary people, and I very 249 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:26,680 I don't know what's the right word. I'm thinking hutzbah or like with great 250 00:21:26,759 --> 00:21:32,559 nerve. I reached out and asked them to read my book and write blurbs. 251 00:21:32,599 --> 00:21:33,960 And I got a lot of great people to do that, people like 252 00:21:34,599 --> 00:21:41,599 Sylvia Borstein, Michael Krasney. Let's that's not you know, run through these 253 00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:47,519 two quickly. Because Sylvia Borstein, we've talked about mindfulness on this show since 254 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:51,839 the very beginning, and people who are into that and the mental part, 255 00:21:52,799 --> 00:21:56,440 I'd love for you to share what Sylvia wrote and say a little bit more 256 00:21:56,440 --> 00:22:00,200 about who she is so they can connect to that. Sure well, Sylvia 257 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:06,559 is many things. She has been a meditation teacher for many, many years. 258 00:22:06,559 --> 00:22:11,400 She's a she's about eighty six years old right now. She's the author 259 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:15,079 of many books, including Happiness as an Inside Job, Practicing for a Joyful 260 00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:21,319 Life. It's easier than you think, the Buddhist Way to happiness. She's 261 00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:23,559 extraordinary, So if you're not familiar with her, definitely look her up. 262 00:22:23,599 --> 00:22:29,400 Sylvia Borstein And did you want me to read what she wrote? Yes? 263 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:34,319 I do. She says by accident is laudable, compelling, gripping, and 264 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:41,559 instructive. In this wonderfully uplifting memoir, Joey Green successfully overcomes life's challenges with 265 00:22:41,599 --> 00:22:48,079 a combination of determination, devotion, skill, with hope and courage. You 266 00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:52,480 will be cheering her on and feeling inspired all the way. I don't know 267 00:22:52,519 --> 00:22:55,000 if I can read any more of these. It feels too No, no, 268 00:22:55,039 --> 00:22:57,559 they're almost gonna ask for one more. Okay, what? And that's 269 00:22:57,599 --> 00:23:03,440 an old radio friend of ours who actually had a documentary, had a filmmate 270 00:23:03,519 --> 00:23:07,279 about him, a documentary, and then he kind of starred in a film. 271 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:12,440 Ben functoris who we both worked with. Somebody played him, an actor 272 00:23:12,519 --> 00:23:18,440 played him, right, But there was also a documentary about him, right, 273 00:23:18,599 --> 00:23:21,079 yes, the Life and Time. It's called like a Rolling Stone, 274 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:25,240 The Life and Times of Ben Functors. And Ben was an editor of Rolling 275 00:23:25,279 --> 00:23:27,200 Stone, but he was also a dis jockey of Case and when we were 276 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:33,000 there, he came on after me and wrote a memoir. And he wrote 277 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:37,200 a memoir called The Rice Room. Right, that's the that's a memoir he 278 00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:41,200 wrote. But please share with us what Ben wrote about your book. Joanne 279 00:23:41,279 --> 00:23:45,599 a seasoned broadcast journalist. As a stunning writer, she invites us into her 280 00:23:45,599 --> 00:23:48,799 head through her most critical moments, peppering her story with wit and humor, 281 00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:55,359 with insightful details, and with unsparing memories of family from the most distant to 282 00:23:55,400 --> 00:24:06,440 the most loving. Awesome, We'll be right back. The book has a 283 00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:10,519 lot more stories than just the time you were hit by the car. There's 284 00:24:10,559 --> 00:24:12,960 other things that happened that you can share a little bit. We're not going 285 00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:18,400 to read from, but we'll read just more in a bit. But talk 286 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:22,000 about the time we were in Mexico. We decided to book a trip to 287 00:24:22,079 --> 00:24:26,720 Mexico as I was getting better and I was better enough to really be able 288 00:24:26,759 --> 00:24:32,359 to enjoy walking along a beach and swimming and all of that. Booked a 289 00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:37,880 trip to Kabas on Lucas and we check the weather. Actually, I should 290 00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:41,599 tell your listeners, Fred always checks the weather. I mean, he is 291 00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:45,079 telling us the weather not only in the place we are, but in the 292 00:24:45,079 --> 00:24:49,599 place that we're going a few weeks. Hence every day, every two days, 293 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:55,000 he's checking that weather. So I didn't think about it. It was 294 00:24:55,039 --> 00:24:57,759 going to rain a little bit on the trip, Okay, so we'll read 295 00:24:57,799 --> 00:25:03,440 our books and you know, maybe sip of margarita and eat some Guacamolian chips. 296 00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:07,839 But when we got there, it became clear that this was a really 297 00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:11,480 big storm coming. And to make a long story, which ends up being 298 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:18,000 two chapters in the book short, we basically walked right into a Category four 299 00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:25,880 hurricane. It was a direct hit. It was treacherous, it was terrifying, 300 00:25:26,599 --> 00:25:32,960 and we ultimately had to be airlifted out of Mexico by the Mexican military 301 00:25:33,039 --> 00:25:41,799 because the airport had been temporarily rendered useless. And it was a harrowing experience. 302 00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:45,960 And it was shortly after my recovery, so I got the chance to 303 00:25:47,079 --> 00:25:49,480 use some of the techniques that I had perfected on how to keep myself calm 304 00:25:49,599 --> 00:25:56,240 and not flip out in the midst of trauma. It was an amazing time. 305 00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:00,200 We have been through a lot, and I'm just so grateful that you 306 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:04,359 were able to write this book. I really am grateful that you did this 307 00:26:06,079 --> 00:26:12,759 and completely impressed that you made it through. Why did you not self publish? 308 00:26:12,799 --> 00:26:18,720 There are advantages to all the different ways that one can publish a book, 309 00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:22,599 and if I had to put it into one word, it's distribution. 310 00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:29,240 When you self publish, you don't have the benefit of a professional distribution channel. 311 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:33,920 And I chose to publish and was accepted by She Writes Press, which 312 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:38,799 is a feminist press that is a hybrid press, so you get the advantages 313 00:26:40,599 --> 00:26:48,359 of traditional publishing houses in terms of the distribution we're published by. We're distributed 314 00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:55,519 by Ingram Publishers Group West, and so it's extensive distribution. But it's a 315 00:26:55,519 --> 00:27:00,400 different model in that I paid some of the costs up front and then I 316 00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:07,920 get a higher percentage of the proceeds of sales. So if my book does 317 00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:11,559 well, I'll be able to recoup a lot of the money that we've invested. 318 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:15,240 And that is the hope, and really more than that, I didn't 319 00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:18,240 I didn't want to go Why I didn't go the traditional route is because I 320 00:27:18,279 --> 00:27:23,839 didn't want to take the time and undergo the risk of trying to get an 321 00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:30,599 agent and then having my books sit on an agent's desk for years. It's 322 00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:34,960 very difficult to get a memoir published these days by a traditional publisher if you're 323 00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:40,319 not a celebrity. I am hardly a celebrity. So you have to be 324 00:27:40,319 --> 00:27:45,039 an influencer. You have to have millions of people following you on Instagram. 325 00:27:45,079 --> 00:27:51,960 I don't so for me, going with a hybrid press, and specifically this 326 00:27:52,279 --> 00:27:56,440 hybrid press she Writes Press, was absolutely the right way to go. And 327 00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:02,720 I cannot say enough about the people that she Writes Press, and what a 328 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:07,160 great process it's been working with them. It's a sense that everyone is invested 329 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:14,640 in your success and everyone is there to help. And they publish fifty books 330 00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,480 in the spring and fifty books in the fall, and you are part of 331 00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:21,680 a cohort. And I've gotten to know many of the other she Writes Press 332 00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:25,359 authors, and we are all helping each other. I'm going to be on 333 00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:27,920 a panel next Saturday with a couple of others she Writes Press authors, and 334 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:36,279 a number of our fellow authors will be coming to hear us. It's it's 335 00:28:37,839 --> 00:28:44,279 it's what I always hoped women would do, for women to bring one another 336 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:49,240 up and to share what we know to help others, because all boats rise 337 00:28:49,319 --> 00:28:52,839 with the tide. And if women are going to have a greater voice in 338 00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:57,839 our society, it's because women are going to help other women. You know, 339 00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:03,000 we've made this a complete family affair with our sons and our grandchildren on 340 00:29:03,039 --> 00:29:06,160 this episode. And I even just heard Moxie, our dog, in the 341 00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:11,160 background, So now it is a complete family affair. We've done this. 342 00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:18,759 You've also done something quite I think it's unique. I'm assuming it's unique in 343 00:29:18,799 --> 00:29:22,119 the publishing world, and that is you've taken on the publicity element of this 344 00:29:22,279 --> 00:29:27,240 on your own, and lots of people do that because publicists are very expensive 345 00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:33,680 to hire, right right, you're nailing it, thank you. I did 346 00:29:33,759 --> 00:29:38,640 hire a publicist early on. Wasn't really pleased with what was happening, so 347 00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:47,559 we discontinued our relationship, and I just decided because I had the time. 348 00:29:47,799 --> 00:29:52,000 And it's not brain surgery. You know. You can watch a lot of 349 00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:57,960 things online and learn how to launch a book successfully, and I basically took 350 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:03,200 notes and have been doing what the experts have told me to do, and 351 00:30:03,279 --> 00:30:07,960 so so far, so good. We'll see what happens in terms of book 352 00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:11,039 sales. Yeah, well, let's yeah, and of course, let's get 353 00:30:11,039 --> 00:30:14,160 a rundown of can you give some dates and places of where you're going to 354 00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:18,200 be appearing and what you're going to be doing. Well, the easiest thing 355 00:30:18,279 --> 00:30:22,599 is to send people to my website, which is Joe Anne jo A N 356 00:30:22,759 --> 00:30:29,920 N E Green g R e e ne dot com and all of the places 357 00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:33,799 are being listed. I have a number of events in the San Francisco Bay 358 00:30:33,799 --> 00:30:37,599 area, a few in Marin County, one in San Francisco, one in 359 00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:41,799 Berkeley, one in Wilma Creek. I have an event in La two events 360 00:30:41,839 --> 00:30:47,519 in Oregon, waiting to hear on possible events in Washington, d C. 361 00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:52,079 And who knows it could go on from there. Also on a lot of 362 00:30:52,119 --> 00:30:57,640 podcasts, and that's a lot of fun. Yeah, how many? Like 363 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:03,000 this is not the podcast you're being a guest? You've been doing this a 364 00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:07,839 lot lately. Yeah, I haven't counted, but it feels like maybe around 365 00:31:07,839 --> 00:31:11,519 ten wow, something like that. Well, yeah, it's a lot of 366 00:31:11,519 --> 00:31:18,680 fun. But because people do podcasts on how to move through adversity, podcasts 367 00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:23,599 about resilience, podcasts about big changes in midlife, so there are so many 368 00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:29,880 topic areas that my story fits into. Yeah, it's a lot of fun, 369 00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:33,559 and I'm meeting some wonderful people. Yeah, being a golf boy. 370 00:31:33,599 --> 00:31:38,039 All right, we're gonna yeah, We're gonna take one more time about We'll 371 00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:41,759 right back. This week on golf Smarter, Mulligan's is part two of our 372 00:31:41,799 --> 00:31:48,880 conversation with clubmaker Jesse Ortiz. In this episode, we discuss the value of 373 00:31:48,039 --> 00:31:52,759 changing your grips and shafts to increase your distance instead of buying new clubs. 374 00:31:53,119 --> 00:31:59,240 We also talk about the importance of having fairway medals in your bag. Fairway 375 00:31:59,319 --> 00:32:02,119 woods, I'm so forgotten in this industry because it's like, oh, it 376 00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:07,640 was everything's driver, that everything's hybrids and wedges, But the fairway woods are 377 00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:13,319 probably the most important clubs in your bag because they set up the rest of 378 00:32:13,359 --> 00:32:17,359 your bag configuration, the rest of your set configuration. And a lot of 379 00:32:17,359 --> 00:32:22,480 golfers can't hit three woods, they can't get them airborne because they're only fifteen 380 00:32:22,519 --> 00:32:27,599 degrees loft to thirteen degrees loft and the old days fret of fairwaywood. A 381 00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:30,480 three wood used to be seventeen degrees and the old woodwood days. And I 382 00:32:30,519 --> 00:32:37,720 think a lot of golfers are hurting themselves by using three woods that don't have 383 00:32:37,279 --> 00:32:45,000 enough loft that's Golf Smarter Mulligan's episode two hundred and sixteen, featuring legendary clubmaker 384 00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:50,839 Jesse Ortiz in an episode that was originally members only, so this hour long 385 00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:55,079 conversation has never been shared before. Please subscribe for free to both of our 386 00:32:55,119 --> 00:33:00,200 golf podcasts, Golf Smarter, published every Tuesday, and our sister podcast that 387 00:33:00,279 --> 00:33:06,759 revisits the best of Golf Smarter, called Golf Smarter Mulligans, being released every 388 00:33:06,799 --> 00:33:12,559 Friday from Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google, Amazon, Audible or wherever you're 389 00:33:12,599 --> 00:33:22,799 listening right now. Part of being in this cohort with these women that you've 390 00:33:22,799 --> 00:33:28,039 been on a regular basis, it's kind of led you to create another podcast 391 00:33:28,079 --> 00:33:31,359 of your own tell us about in this story what it is, and we 392 00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:37,200 find that all throughout the pandemic. I've been part of a global women's writing 393 00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:45,720 group on Zoom where we write short essays in response to prompts, and we've 394 00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:50,039 been we started out doing this every week, now we do it twice a 395 00:33:50,079 --> 00:33:54,039 month, but I have been for the last three years churning out micro essays. 396 00:33:54,680 --> 00:34:00,319 And so because you were kind enough to offer to produce them as a 397 00:34:00,359 --> 00:34:06,279 podcast and to create custom music for each episode. I now have a podcast 398 00:34:06,359 --> 00:34:12,519 called in this Story, which are my memoir style micro essays set to music. 399 00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:16,639 Awesome, Awesome, And the other thing that was really fun with this 400 00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:22,360 is that we recorded your audio, and the audiobook has been available for a 401 00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:25,039 while now. It's definitely availed one audible dot com. If you're a podcast 402 00:34:25,079 --> 00:34:30,920 listener and you like audiobooks as well that's how you consume books, then please 403 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:36,039 check out By Accident, a Memoir of Letting Go the audiobook on audible dot 404 00:34:36,039 --> 00:34:38,960 com. So I think what we should do to wrap this up is I 405 00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:46,239 would love to pull chapter seven of the audiobook, and it really talks about 406 00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:52,880 how we met and your impressions and me early early early days in the late 407 00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:58,519 seventies when my favorite, all time favorite line about us is we met working 408 00:34:58,519 --> 00:35:01,519 in rock and roll radio and Sa Francisco in the seventies. So this is 409 00:35:01,559 --> 00:35:08,039 going to be chapter seven from chapter seven of the audiobook of By Accident by 410 00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:15,079 Joey an Green. We both worked at KSA n FM in San Francisco in 411 00:35:15,199 --> 00:35:19,760 nineteen seventy eight. I was a news anchor and Fred was producing the morning 412 00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:23,480 show and had a part time airshift. His energy was boundless and infectious, 413 00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:30,119 like a geyser, continually erupting with enthusiasm and joy. His smile could meltipolar 414 00:35:30,159 --> 00:35:34,960 ice cap. The image that is stuck with me most all these years is 415 00:35:35,039 --> 00:35:38,559 him in those sexy white drawstring pants. The first time I noticed his adorable 416 00:35:38,639 --> 00:35:43,559 butt, he was walking down the hall outside of the main case and studio. 417 00:35:44,199 --> 00:35:47,800 Wow. Don't think i'd ever noticed a guy's but before. Haven't since. 418 00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:52,719 I loved his fluffy mane of dark brown curls and beard. Together they 419 00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:58,199 formed a big halo around his head and face. I was at Casan for 420 00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:02,000 only two years, but it felt eons. First. I joined the esteemed 421 00:36:02,159 --> 00:36:07,039 left leaning news staff of Dave McQueen, the unflappable voice of authority who'd grown 422 00:36:07,119 --> 00:36:12,760 up with Janice Joplin in Port Arthur, Texas. Larry Bensky, the brilliant 423 00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:15,599 former editor of The Paris Review, The New York Times, Sunday Book Review 424 00:36:15,599 --> 00:36:22,480 and Ramparts, and Scoop Nisker, the iconic news commentator who famously closed his 425 00:36:22,599 --> 00:36:24,880 reports with the phrase, if you don't like the news, go out and 426 00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:29,960 make some of your own. In addition to reporting the morning news, I 427 00:36:30,039 --> 00:36:35,000 played comic foil to DJ Stephen Capin. One morning, we pretended to conduct 428 00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:38,639 a Rand Corporation experiment, complete with sound effects, to see what would happen 429 00:36:38,679 --> 00:36:44,199 if we dropped cats off the roof of the building. There were picketers outside 430 00:36:44,239 --> 00:36:46,960 the station within an hour. Mind you, no real cats participated in the 431 00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:52,960 experiment. There was the time that DJ Tom O'Hare, tripping on acid while 432 00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:57,280 live on the afternoon show, asked to see my news copy, rolled it 433 00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:00,199 into the shape of a joint and lit it on fire. I worked with 434 00:37:00,239 --> 00:37:06,719 some of the most creative, passionate, hard living, colorful characters I'd ever 435 00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:10,920 encounter. But Fred was different. He wasn't cutting lines of cocaine at eleven 436 00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:15,079 in the morning or drinking shots next door at the financial corner when his shift 437 00:37:15,199 --> 00:37:22,039 was over. He was innocent and playful and had boundless, childlike enthusiasm. 438 00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:25,800 He was funny, and like me, Jewish with ancestry from the Ukraine. 439 00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:32,440 Our similar roots provided instant recognition a shared language. For a first date, 440 00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:37,679 he asked me to see Journey at the Coliseum. Big rock concerts aren't my 441 00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:40,920 thing, I told him, with a touch of arrogance, I'm more into 442 00:37:42,039 --> 00:37:46,760 jazz. It was true, but really Joanne. A few days later, 443 00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:51,679 he invited me to see his high school friend, Rob played George Harrison in 444 00:37:51,679 --> 00:37:55,760 the new musical Beatlemania, and even offered to record me interviewing Rob. He'd 445 00:37:55,800 --> 00:38:00,480 set up the whole thing. I wonder if he thinks this is a bit 446 00:38:00,519 --> 00:38:05,519 hoky too, I thought, as we watched the four mop top Beetles impersonators 447 00:38:05,519 --> 00:38:09,840 speak with lame British accents. George is the most believable. Don't you think 448 00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:15,400 Fred whispered actually looks like George, I conceded, And he's a really good 449 00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:21,119 guitarist. Our banter was easy, and I felt a little flutter in my 450 00:38:21,199 --> 00:38:24,480 chest, the good kind when he reached out and held my hand. What 451 00:38:24,599 --> 00:38:30,440 a sweet gesture, I thought, so simple and kind of retro That flutter 452 00:38:30,639 --> 00:38:35,599 was just as much a pleasant surprise as his move, reminding me of that 453 00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:39,840 feeling back in early adolescence when a guide touched my hand. There's something so 454 00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:46,360 delicious about the suggestion of romance, the hint of intimacy to follow. After 455 00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:52,039 driving back to Oakland from San Francisco, we stopped at the Edible Complex on 456 00:38:52,159 --> 00:38:57,519 College Avenue, First neck olive a toasted sesame bagel I ordered at the counter, 457 00:38:57,599 --> 00:39:00,239 with cream cheese and a tomato slice. Me too, said Fred, 458 00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:04,639 taking out his wallet as I reached into my purse. I've got this, 459 00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:08,639 he said with a smile. My previous boyfriend had never offered to pick up 460 00:39:08,679 --> 00:39:14,239 a check. I'd always taken pride in being a self supporting feminist, and 461 00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:17,559 I had to admit this move of Fred's felt good, like a signal that 462 00:39:17,599 --> 00:39:22,639 he was generous. It was only a bagel, but I noted the gesture. 463 00:39:22,559 --> 00:39:25,760 We sat in Fred's car for another hour, talking about the show, 464 00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:31,400 the radio station, and the cast of characters in our respective families. Remembering 465 00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:35,360 that my alarm would be going off at four so I could get to the 466 00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:39,519 station and prepare the six o'clock newscast, I reluctantly said, I think I 467 00:39:39,519 --> 00:39:44,480 should head home now. Much as I'm enjoying just sitting here talking, it's 468 00:39:44,519 --> 00:39:49,039 pretty comfortable, Fred said, leaning over and gently putting his hand behind my 469 00:39:49,119 --> 00:39:54,159 neck. He smiled A kiss I thought could work right about now, and 470 00:39:54,400 --> 00:40:00,159 it did. One day led to many, and before we were sneaking around 471 00:40:00,159 --> 00:40:05,719 the station trying to keep the lid on our percolating love affair. Fred was 472 00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:09,119 a romantic and happily impulsive. I would be in the newsroom working on a 473 00:40:09,159 --> 00:40:13,400 story when he'd burst in, closed the door, and flip on the mic 474 00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:17,559 switch, which triggered a big on air sign keeping out intruders. All this 475 00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:21,599 so that he could come up behind me and envelop me in an embrace. 476 00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:25,320 We made out like fourteen year olds right there in the middle of the workday. 477 00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:30,239 I'm not sure what excited me more, the feeling of being mischievous and 478 00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:37,880 getting away with something, or the deeper sense that maybe, just maybe this 479 00:40:37,079 --> 00:40:43,519 was the real deal. Fred had had just one girlfriend before me for seven 480 00:40:43,599 --> 00:40:47,199 years, No matter how challenging he found aspects of the relationship, like how 481 00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:52,639 she bugged him about his pot smoking and her annoyance when he took an airshift 482 00:40:52,679 --> 00:40:54,920 on case, and the night of her sorority dance, he hung in there 483 00:40:55,199 --> 00:40:59,880 and was shattered when she finally broke it off. That told me a lot 484 00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:04,599 about Fred. No matter how shattered I am now, he won't give up 485 00:41:04,599 --> 00:41:12,440 on me. Fred walks into our bedroom holding Lulu. Someone thinks she might 486 00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:15,480 be able to comfort you, he says, his head cocked to the side, 487 00:41:15,719 --> 00:41:20,400 an impish grin on his face. I would love to try that. 488 00:41:21,679 --> 00:41:27,960 Fred gently places Lulu inside my left arm. This is vintage Fred being generous 489 00:41:28,119 --> 00:41:32,840 and cute without being overbearing. Somehow he knows that petting the dog will slow 490 00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:39,079 my breathing. Somehow Lulu knows to stay relatively still. I want both of 491 00:41:39,119 --> 00:41:44,559 them to stay here forever. Fred sits next to us, and my breathing 492 00:41:44,639 --> 00:41:49,440 continues to slow. We talk about the dogs we've had, and how they've 493 00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:53,119 been almost as great as the children we've made. We decide it's the sweetness, 494 00:41:53,519 --> 00:41:58,679 the openness to new people, and the playfulness of both our boys and 495 00:41:58,719 --> 00:42:02,920 the pups that we leasure so deeply. We talk about Maxim Blair and how 496 00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:07,360 happy we are that they're getting married. Remember that book the kids made for 497 00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:12,559 our thirtieth anniversary, I ask, can you find it? I'd like to 498 00:42:12,559 --> 00:42:17,280 read that again. Fred is back in a flash with the book thirty Amazing 499 00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:22,320 Years. The cover is a photo of the two of us in front of 500 00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:27,880 the John Lennon Tribute wall in Prague, a peace sign and the word imagine 501 00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:32,559 in huge letters over our heads. The book features tributes from friends and family 502 00:42:32,639 --> 00:42:38,480 members which our kids had solicited. Read me what Blair wrote? I say 503 00:42:39,159 --> 00:42:44,079 as he reads, I closed my eyes and drift back to when they presented 504 00:42:44,159 --> 00:42:47,760 us with the book on our thirtieth anniversary weekend in the mountains. I remember 505 00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:52,760 having chills in that moment. The embarrassment of riches, of having so many 506 00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:58,440 people in our lives commenting on our marriage made me almost feel like an impostor. 507 00:42:59,119 --> 00:43:00,760 I was sure they didn't know about all the hard work it took to 508 00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:06,920 keep things going. But in their entries, the kids acknowledge that we've always 509 00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:10,519 been honest about what it takes. I felt more seen than I ever had 510 00:43:10,559 --> 00:43:16,239 before. My eyes pop open when he gets to this part of Blair's entry. 511 00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:21,880 When I was just fifteen, you showed me that couples can actually like 512 00:43:22,079 --> 00:43:25,519 one another. That has not changed, not once in the nine years that 513 00:43:25,599 --> 00:43:30,440 I have been watching you two, And believe me, I have been watching, 514 00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:35,079 observing, taking mental notes of how I want to live my life. 515 00:43:35,639 --> 00:43:38,480 Stability is a gift. I can always count on you two to provide. 516 00:43:39,119 --> 00:43:45,760 Your union is my marriage barometer. Fred pauses and looks directly into my eyes. 517 00:43:46,519 --> 00:43:52,480 I shake my head. I guess we're doing something right, or we've 518 00:43:52,519 --> 00:43:55,519 got her fooled, I say, with a grin. One night, when 519 00:43:55,519 --> 00:44:00,639 Max was fifteen years old and had friends over, Blair casually told me that 520 00:44:00,679 --> 00:44:02,840 she was going to marry Max. One day, I asked if maybe they 521 00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:07,599 should date first, and she said to Dayton High School would ruin everything. 522 00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:12,960 Then I asked why Max. She shared that he was the smartest and funniest 523 00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:15,719 guy, She knew that he was great with kids, that she'd seen him 524 00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:20,760 at his worst and could handle it, and that most of all, he'd 525 00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:24,760 been raised by us, and that our relationship had been his model of how 526 00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:30,360 to be a couple. Check out her last paragraph. Friend says, while 527 00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:35,679 you make it look so easy, you two are very open about the hard 528 00:44:35,719 --> 00:44:39,320 work it takes to create thirty years of marriage. It is refreshing to be 529 00:44:39,360 --> 00:44:44,920 around people who are honest and can admit flaws. With your marriage as a 530 00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:49,760 model, your guidance, and your unconditional love, I have been able to 531 00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:57,199 build a foundation for a happy, healthy and loving relationship. Wow, I 532 00:44:57,400 --> 00:45:01,960 exhale. That's really something. She knew it at fifteen, and now they're 533 00:45:02,039 --> 00:45:07,639 getting married. We've really built something here, haven't we, Fred smiles. 534 00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:15,360 We've always had each other's backs, and the kids took notice. This makes 535 00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:17,639 me feel so cared for honey. The fact that it's been this obvious to 536 00:45:17,679 --> 00:45:22,880 the kids and to everyone else who wrote in the book. Tears fill my 537 00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:27,920 eyes and my mouth starts to quiver. I just have to relax and know 538 00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:31,119 that you'll take care of me through all of this, and not just this, 539 00:45:31,599 --> 00:45:37,079 Fred adds. Through everything he leans into hug me, and I flinch, 540 00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:44,760 so afraid that even the gentless touch might cause pain. Fred hands me 541 00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:49,760 the book and I silently read the message Max wrote two years ago. I'm 542 00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:52,840 stunned as I was the first time I read it that he internalized and so 543 00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:59,320 beautifully expressed what he had taken from our marriage. He wrote about learning to 544 00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:02,800 be flexible and patient, to pick your battles, that, like us, 545 00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:07,599 he hopes to always present a united front to his kids, to encourage his 546 00:46:07,679 --> 00:46:14,239 partner's creativity and professional risk taking, and to recognize when she is the better 547 00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:19,400 person to take the lead. I am so blown away. I say to 548 00:46:19,440 --> 00:46:22,679 Fred that just by being us and doing what we do, we've taught him 549 00:46:22,719 --> 00:46:28,400 how to have a healthy relationship. And you thought he wasn't paying attention, 550 00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:32,239 Fred says as he takes the book back and scans the list Max made. 551 00:46:32,719 --> 00:46:37,599 Here's my favorite, Fred says, reading aloud. Always watched the fashion show 552 00:46:37,639 --> 00:46:42,840 after a trip to the outlets. It was originally eight million dollars, but 553 00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:47,599 I got it for guess sixteen ninety nine. Need I say more? I 554 00:46:47,719 --> 00:46:52,920 shake my head trying to suppress a full blown laugh that I fear would cause 555 00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:57,519 pain. Max is so funny, and yes, I'm his best audience in 556 00:46:57,559 --> 00:47:00,119 this moment. I don't miss the loved ones I've loved, but feel deep 557 00:47:00,199 --> 00:47:06,400 gratitude for the family we've made. I am so lucky. And again that's 558 00:47:06,920 --> 00:47:10,440 part of chapter seven by accident, a memoir of letting go. Joe, 559 00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:16,719 really proud of you. Congratulations, this is an incredible endeavor that you've succeeded 560 00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:22,880 beyond our wildest dreams. I think. And happy anniversary back at your baby. 561 00:47:25,599 --> 00:47:30,840 So it's been at least a four year process of writing, rewriting, 562 00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:36,559 and more rewriting with some pretty amazing coaches and Joe and I would love for 563 00:47:36,599 --> 00:47:39,599 you to check out her book, which is available on paperback from the larger 564 00:47:39,639 --> 00:47:44,880 brick and mortar bookstores. If your local store doesn't carry it, please ask 565 00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:49,840 them to order it for you. It's also available at all the online bookstores 566 00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:53,280 like Apple Books, Barns and Nobles, and Amazon as a paperback and as 567 00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:58,760 an e book. And as you heard, we've also produced an audiobook that's 568 00:47:58,880 --> 00:48:04,280 about five and a half hours long and is available from Audible or Apple Books. 569 00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:07,199 Also, in just a minute, I'll give you a sneak listen to 570 00:48:07,480 --> 00:48:13,360 her upcoming podcast being released this Friday. The show is called in this story 571 00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:17,599 and this week's short essay is I published a book. As she mentioned, 572 00:48:17,679 --> 00:48:22,360 she's doing bookstore and book club appearances around the country. So when you go 573 00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:29,400 to her website Joanne dash Green j OA N N E g R E E 574 00:48:29,639 --> 00:48:35,320 NE dot com, Joanne Dashgreen dot com, you can request to be on 575 00:48:35,360 --> 00:48:38,239 her newsletter mailing list or find out how you can get her to come speak 576 00:48:38,239 --> 00:48:45,239 in your area. Well, last week was my Bandoned Dunes adventure and it 577 00:48:45,400 --> 00:48:51,039 was fabulous, so much better for me than my trip in twenty thirteen, 578 00:48:51,119 --> 00:48:55,000 because not only did I have a better understanding of what I was getting myself 579 00:48:55,039 --> 00:49:00,000 into, but I also had a much better understanding of my strati goals, 580 00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:06,119 how to play in the wind and the difference between playing links and parkland golf. 581 00:49:06,679 --> 00:49:12,800 My goal it was to break ninety on each round, and I can't 582 00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:19,400 believe that I succeeded beyond my wildest dreams. Of course, every golfer can 583 00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:22,760 complain about what didn't work, and for me it was hitting out of the 584 00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:27,880 bunkers and the pacing of my long lag puts on the fast greens, which 585 00:49:27,960 --> 00:49:31,159 led to more, many, more three puts than I care to admit. 586 00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:37,119 But here are my final totals. Bandon Dunes eighty two, Bandoned Trails, 587 00:49:37,199 --> 00:49:40,599 and this is in the order that we played them. Bandoned Trails eighty six 588 00:49:42,599 --> 00:49:47,320 Old McDonald eighty three, Sheep Ranch eighty four, Pacific Dunes eighty three. 589 00:49:47,880 --> 00:49:52,519 That was thirty six holes on Monday, eighteen on Tuesday, and thirty six 590 00:49:52,599 --> 00:49:57,679 on Wednesday. And when we arrived late Sunday afternoon, we had a great 591 00:49:57,760 --> 00:50:00,320 Links golf clinic with Kevin Phillips, who you met a couple of weeks ago. 592 00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:06,119 Then played the thirteen whole part three course called the Preserve, so all 593 00:50:06,199 --> 00:50:14,119 in I walked more than eighty six thousand steps, which is the equivalent to 594 00:50:14,119 --> 00:50:17,599 about forty three and a half miles, And then I came home on late 595 00:50:17,639 --> 00:50:22,800 Thursday, played on Saturday walk so I walked fifty miles of golf courses this 596 00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:30,199 past week. Every course abandoned was unique, and the weather was cool but 597 00:50:30,360 --> 00:50:35,480 not freezing, and very breezy. I mean I was wearing there were days. 598 00:50:35,599 --> 00:50:39,039 On the final day I wore a long sleeve undershirt, a long sleeve 599 00:50:39,079 --> 00:50:45,079 golf shirt, a golf jacket and had a wool cap over my ears and 600 00:50:45,119 --> 00:50:51,000 I was holding my hands up against my ears to stop the sound. And 601 00:50:51,159 --> 00:50:54,880 that final day was playing a sheep ranch then quickly shuttling over to tea off 602 00:50:54,880 --> 00:51:00,960 at Pacific Dunes was definitely the windiest, with the winds exceed eating twenty miles 603 00:51:00,960 --> 00:51:05,840 an hour in your face and sometimes a year back. Now. I've never 604 00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:09,400 played golf in the UK, but it's been said that this magnificent property is 605 00:51:09,440 --> 00:51:15,480 the closest you'll ever find a Scottish golf in the United States. And one 606 00:51:15,559 --> 00:51:21,119 last thing, I brought a box of odin next one balls and only lost 607 00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:25,679 three balls. But more impressively, I also, as always, I brought 608 00:51:25,719 --> 00:51:30,760 the flight path golf teas that we learned about back in the episode eight hundred 609 00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:35,960 and seventy two in December of twenty twenty two, and I didn't lose a 610 00:51:36,039 --> 00:51:40,159 single tea. So to my playing partners on this trip, Neil, John, 611 00:51:40,360 --> 00:51:45,320 Joel, Andy, Woody, Steve and Jay, thanks for a great 612 00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:50,719 week guys. Can't wait to do it again. And also extra thanks go 613 00:51:50,760 --> 00:51:55,079 out to Michael Chopka, director of communications at Bandoned Dunes, who we also 614 00:51:55,119 --> 00:52:00,960 met a couple of weeks ago, for his warmth and friendly hospitality. Wow. 615 00:52:01,719 --> 00:52:07,920 Nine hundred weekly episodes really blows my mind. As much as I've appreciated 616 00:52:08,039 --> 00:52:14,360 Joanne's support through the process, I really want to thank you for your continued 617 00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:20,920 friendship, curiosity, and ongoing support. I couldn't know. I wouldn't have 618 00:52:21,119 --> 00:52:24,760 done it without you. Thank you. And if you have any questions, 619 00:52:24,840 --> 00:52:29,920 comments, or suggestions for anything in the future, please click on the Hey 620 00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:35,079 Fred button when you visit golfsmarter dot com. And now let's listen to this 621 00:52:35,119 --> 00:52:40,599 week's episode of Joanne's podcast in this story. In this story, I publish 622 00:52:40,639 --> 00:52:49,599 a book. I'm joe Anne Green. Most of us fall into the category 623 00:52:49,639 --> 00:52:55,119 of either farmer types or hunter gatherers. Farmers think long term, they plan, 624 00:52:57,280 --> 00:53:04,360 and then they wait. Yours true not a far with relatively quick reaction 625 00:53:04,440 --> 00:53:07,320 time and a short attention span. I'm better suited to have been a hunter 626 00:53:07,400 --> 00:53:12,559 gatherer, which is why, as an urban animal in the latter part of 627 00:53:12,599 --> 00:53:17,280 the twentieth century, I found myself writing five minute newscasts and sixty second radio 628 00:53:17,320 --> 00:53:22,320 features. It's also why it's hard for me to believe that. Over many 629 00:53:22,480 --> 00:53:25,599 years, with the help of writing coaches and editors, I have written and 630 00:53:25,679 --> 00:53:32,360 published a full length book, Crazy by Accident, a memoir of letting go, 631 00:53:32,800 --> 00:53:37,599 tells the story of how it took getting hit by a car, braving 632 00:53:37,639 --> 00:53:42,719 a major hurricane, and surviving a month long stint with cancer for me to 633 00:53:42,840 --> 00:53:46,719 learn how to slow down and trust that it was okay to relinquish control. 634 00:53:47,599 --> 00:53:52,440 Control I learned is a seductive illusion that people don't like me because of how 635 00:53:52,519 --> 00:53:57,519 much I accomplish, but rather because of who I am, and if they 636 00:53:57,559 --> 00:54:01,079 don't like me, that's okay too. I came to understand that while optimism 637 00:54:01,119 --> 00:54:06,880 has its limits, gratitude does not. You can feel through your grief and 638 00:54:07,039 --> 00:54:10,719 anger and even feel sorry for yourself as long as you keep moving forward, 639 00:54:12,079 --> 00:54:16,199 one foot in front of the other. Everyone's parent or grandparent had sayings that 640 00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:21,880 they'd repeat at nauseum. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger was one 641 00:54:21,880 --> 00:54:28,119 that I particularly hated. It's also fueled my recovery time and again. Count 642 00:54:28,119 --> 00:54:34,440 your Blessings may win the Best Advice award. It's certainly the cheapest, safest, 643 00:54:34,880 --> 00:54:39,639 most accessible antidote to self pity I've ever encountered, and this too shall 644 00:54:39,719 --> 00:54:45,000 pass if you really consider it. It's a reminder that whatever pain you're suffering, 645 00:54:45,360 --> 00:54:50,800 be it physical or emotional, is temporary, unless, of course, 646 00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:55,360 it's not. What enabled me to embark upon an ultimately complete a long term 647 00:54:55,360 --> 00:55:00,360 project, I moved beyond the perceived need to get whatever it was done as 648 00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:05,480 soon as possible. I acknowledge that while I'd been paid to write things for 649 00:55:05,559 --> 00:55:09,599 decades, I knew virtually nothing about writing a memoir. So I found experts 650 00:55:09,599 --> 00:55:15,280 to enlist and invested time and money in my own growth, and then I 651 00:55:15,360 --> 00:55:20,159 stuck with it. When Brooke Warner of She Writes Press told me that she'd 652 00:55:20,159 --> 00:55:23,599 publish my book if I agreed to hire a developmental editor, then a copy 653 00:55:23,760 --> 00:55:29,679 editor, and finally a proofreader, I said absolutely all of that made my 654 00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:34,559 book better, and now years later, I'm proud of the work. How 655 00:55:34,599 --> 00:55:37,639 does it feel to have spilled my guts and shared my most vulnerable moments in 656 00:55:37,760 --> 00:55:44,719 print and an audiobook. It's a question I'm choosing not to ask myself, 657 00:55:45,360 --> 00:55:49,360 at least not yet