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Welcome to you, Softcore History.
Welcome back to softcore History. I'm your

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host for the week, dam Rochester
and I am joined as always by Rob

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Fox and Jay Goldman. What's up
boys? What is going on? It's

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been so long since I've seen you. We did our Barbenheimer, Well we

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didn't. We only had a half
of Barbenheimer last night. We did the

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important half. That's right. Yeah, historically significant when I watch a movie

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about history, when you can watch
a movie that makes history. I think

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they both did pretty well in box
office. Yeah, yeah, it was

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dope movie. No spoilers. Oppenheimer's
great. We're gonna give our review a

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little bit on the Patreon this week, um to go along with the topic

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of that episode. Patreon dot com
slash softcore history. Yet that and every

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week he get two additional episodes,
one kind of a normal episode like this

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and then a kind of more interactive
listener episode, voice episodes, etc.

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Huge catalog. It's all evergreen,
so check it out. Five bucks a

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month doesn't just get you, you
know, two episodes a week or whatever.

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It gets you to just say months
worth of months and months worth of

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content like mos content. Yes,
and of course we have an entire catalog

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on the main feed Spotify, Apple. Where have you listened to the podcast?

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Go back and listen to some some
episodes of like the Openhammer episode.

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Yeah, yeah, you actually spoiled
a lot of the movie for me with

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that episode. To be honest,
You're welcome. It's a good companion.

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I would a good companion. But
also a lot of things that weren't in

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the movie. Yeah, no,
there were. There were a couple of

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moments that Rob got really excited about
we thought would be in the movie and

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it weren't. He was on a
train. It was like they flirted with

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it. They knew what they were
doing. Yeah, because when that fact

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guy walked in, I was like, Oh, he's gonna be the one.

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Yeah, it's gonna be him.
Nope, Nope. So go ahead,

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listen to Oppenheimer episode. Listen to
all of our episodes. Maybe not

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the early ones, I don't know
days, listen to all of them.

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Today. We are Gonna Do It
episode that I wrote, Well, I

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was on mushrooms. I was gonna
ask, did you stay up all night

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to do this? I did.
I was up till five and then the

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British Open came on, Like I
might as well stay up good lord.

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So we saw the movie at ten
thirty. It's a three hour movie.

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I got home at like two fifteen
in the morning. Yeah, I got

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home at about two thirty because I
dropped Dan off. Yeah yeah, so

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I actually have no idea what this
episode is about. Perfect, Yes,

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surprise, do you too. It's
a surprise to me as well. It's

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the best way to do it.
No one knows what the episode is on.

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It could be nonsense. You are
four one here for it's it's whatever

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history. Yeah, I was on
eighth of mushrooms last night. It could

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also be the best episode ever do
so, I might have to only write

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episodes on mushrooms. I couldn't even
tell you on mushrooms. Last I tell

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you what man driving him home I
completely forgot. I completely forgot. I

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handle it well. His amount of
mushrooms that he took is also insane.

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For how no idea that he was
on them. Yeah, I think everything

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I've been like touching my car and
like, you know, playing with lights

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and stuff, because that's what I
would do. The only thing I noticed

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about you really was that you were
more generous with your laughter than you are

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sober. I don't care for that. Yeah, god, the compassion drug

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you took. Yeah, because there
is a part during Abenheimer where we were

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like crying laughing. I don't usually
see you laugh that hard. It's a

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Remi Maloch part, yeah, rem
Mello part. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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But apparently I wrote an episode about
Hannibal Nice. I love that guy.

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Yeah, so you wrote an episode
about who you wish you were.

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So you just essentially started you just
were you just like on hallucinogenic drugs,

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and you wanted to like do so
much research on him that maybe you kind

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of warped into him. He definitely
spoke to him through the time. Yeah,

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you're slid across time through a worm. Yes, Yes, I became

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Hannibal Burrs. Well, you have
to become a Hannibal to then interact with

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the past Hannibal. Well, I
mean you are already like Hannibal Burs in

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some ways. You both have a
sports gambling problem. Well, he quit

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and I'm about to as well.
I've heard that now he's made. I

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had a last who were out with
the British oupen So cann't go Well,

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I mean but college football a couple
of months. I don't need this,

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there's no reason, it's pointless.
It's gonna be the biggest temptation if you

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quit this week and then you go
a month essentially just a month, and

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I just want to see if I
can do it. That's yeah, I

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hope you do. I might have
a problem. I want to see if

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I can do it with sports scambling
is like, that's that's like saying I

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want to see if I can stop
doing cocaine, right, Like, yeah,

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like, you know what, man, I really want to just see

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if I can go a month without
just banging filthy hors every night, just

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paying twenty dollars, going downtown,
going to Perkins and do an alley behind

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a fucking wah wah and just banging
the dirtiest hor Yeah, I can do

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it. If only there was a
wah wall here. Right, I don't

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care about the horse. I wish
there was a wahball here. But no,

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we're talking about Hannibal Marca. Where
this guy here? About this guy?

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You know about this marka flocka flame
dude? Exactly? Yeah, So

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Hannibal was born in two forty seven
BC. This might be the oldest episode.

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I do too date. I know
now, if I were you.

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I would be like, well,
you know, shoot Industree because you bitch

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at me every time I do anything
near China. You come, you come

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at China, You're coming with me. Danna's just lockdown China apparently, China,

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North Korea, and Rob's lockdown.
I guess anything before one a D.

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So that's most before like most fifteen, you know, not false.

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So that's most of time, right, it's the large majority of time?

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Is that? So He's born in
two forty seven BC in Carthage which is

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now Tunisia, as the Punic War
was coming to an end, the First

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Punic War, which was two sixty
four to two forty one BC. I'll

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tell you this, The BC going
backwards just kind of messages with me,

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right, like I understand the higher
number is earlier, Yes, yeah,

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how goes? They didn't count that
way though, Like to them, it

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wasn't that they weren't calling it BC
because they didn't know what C was there,

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Like they had two hundred and forty
years until this Jesus guy gets here.

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Somebody calls their shot. Yeah,
you know, I think the Messiah

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comes in like two hundred and fifty
years, let's start calling it that.

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Yeah, He was the son of
General Hamilcar Barca, who waged a gorilla

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campaign in Sicily and conducted successful raids
against the Italian coast before ultimately the Carthaginians

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were defeated in the war. A
bit of a power struggling SUS with some

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internal rebellions, and ultimately Hamilcar took
power after squashing those revolts. It was

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a very destabilizing situation for the Carthaginians. They were it was almost like,

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um, like they were equal,
if not actually, I mean they were

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kind of the Romans were kind of
the under dog in the first Punic War.

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UM. Romans basically didn't have a
navy, and yeah, the Carthaginians

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were definitely this was before the Roman
Republic was like that guy, Yeah,

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this was so think of the Roman
Republican in this era as like pre Civil

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War United States. Totally. It's
a great, great comparison. I think,

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Um, Carthur just kind of they're
like they're barometer there. Yeah,

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Mark, I think there's a lot
of similarities to um the Punic Wars and

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and maybe like the Mexican War with
the US had the US was a dog

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in that too. Totally Civil War
comparison, because I'd like to compare Hannibal

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to Robert E. Lee, the
most famous general never won anything. Yeah,

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all right, spoiler, does your
mount rushmore of generals who lost their

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only war like the MVPs, of
the guys that lost in the final It's

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like Lee, Rommel, Hannibal,
Jerry West. Yeah, Kyle Trusk not

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there. Nobody's putting Kyle Trusk there. I am for what you didn't even

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He wouldn't even plan for anything.
Yeah, you guys lost like Oklahoma in

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the Sugar Bowl or some shit.
So good because he sat out. It's

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so gey. So ultimately, Hamilcar
took power after squashing those revolts in fortune

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kind of a new empire in the
Iberian Peninsula which is now modern Spain.

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See. Nothing is known about Hannibal's
mother other than she was most likely a

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foreigner, as the folks in Carthage
routinely, especially the nobles, routinely married

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and fucked around with women of all
their cultures. Yeah, I mean,

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Carthage was like a huge trading empire. It started out as a Phoenician colony.

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The Phoenicians were like dope sailors,
so essentially people there's like like that

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conspiracy theories, but like you know, Graham Hancock, what if someone got

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to America before? Yeah, and
people think the Phoenicians are a good candidate

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to have sailed to the New World
in ancient times in terms of just sailing

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prow it's probably not. But if
there was someone who could do it,

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it was a Phoenicians. And yeah, so they had like a whole I

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mean, they were a multicultural trading
empire, more economically powerful than I think

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militarily powerful. But their their entire
culture was a pretty big schmortgae spoord too.

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Like their architecture and stuff is really
wild. Actually, if you go

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back and like if you can find
any because you know, Rome did a

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pretty good job of making trut you
couldn't. Yeah, but uh yeah from

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description, it was very like all
over the place. Phoenicians are sweet man,

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by the way, if they if
that sounds familiar to say, like

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hooked on phonics, Yeah, because
they invented the alphabet. That's all right,

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phonics. Do you do hooked on
phonics? Phonics? Monkey? Yeah,

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there it is. That's hard one. No, I didn't do hooked

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on phonics. I was a trailer
kid, Rob, that's why it's so

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hard for me to read? I
know. That's why I asked if you

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did hooked on phonics? They separated
me from my classmates and shamed you into

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reading better. Didn't work. Um, well, clearly you didn't pray hard

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enough. It wasn't my Catholic school. Yes, yeah with me. I

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I was bad at reading in first
grade two and I just prayed, close

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my eyes away. Yeah, I
couldn't do that and just just said rosaries

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until one day. JESU are just
smart. Yeah, no problems, no

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special trailer. He had two brothers
that he knew of, has Drew Bull

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and Mago, both of whom served
as Hannibal's lieutenants in the Second Punic War.

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Now I believe it's magoo, mister
McGoo. It's McGoo. Yes,

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that's the A lot of people don't
know this. That's an ancient, powerful

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name that has been bastardized by Hollywood. I don't know if it was bastardized,

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if anything was elevated. Yeah,
mister McGoo didn't ever take an ell

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everything around him, did it?
Always? It always came up. Magoo

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always comes up McGoo. Hamilcar famously
declared that his sons were a brood of

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line cubs raised for Rome's destruction.
Yeah, sure, whatever, my fuck

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so hard, dude, there's some
fuff. Oh he makes fun of that.

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Now give him like six years when
that first one starts playing sports,

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well kill me. Yeah, he's
like, God, what good? Fucking

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crushed it, suckers. I actually
think you should make your son do what

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his dad did. He from the
jump. He taught his sons to hate

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the Romans with every fiber of their
being. At nine Hannibals, Pops made

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him dip his hand in blood and
held it over a roast in fire to

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swear an oath to never be a
friend of Rome and one day get revenge

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and take down the enemy that defeated
his people. So you have to do

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this with Kansas Kansans. Yeah no, I'll just do it with with the

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city of Rome. Oh actually,
yeah, you know you gotta find some

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Roman blood, right? Why not? All the pope lives there. I

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can't do that. Uh, well, it's not Rome, it's a Vatican

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city. Yeah, that's true.
I want him to. My Rory will

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restore the Papal states to their former
power. If there was every kid to

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do it, I guess it's rory
as long as he dresses like a Swiss

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guard. Oh yeah, Oh,
you gotta give m a little Swiss Guard

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outfit. Let me google to see
if you can just buy a baby a

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toddler Swiss Guard outfit. Insane costume. But if that's his Halloween, there's

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ever a religion to do. It's
a Catholic charity. You know. There's

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at least one in one spirit Halloween
somewhere. Sarah sank the Halloween. Oh

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what a sanct halloween. Oh man, I'm definitely finding children's Swiss Guard.

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Oh man, I think I found
toddler Swiss Guard. Oh nice, that's

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awesome. Swiss scouts. Somebody's just
like psychotic antsy store. It's like,

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here's a little German trench coat.
Hamilcard died in two twenty nine BC,

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drowning in battle, and was succeeded
by his son in law as Drubal,

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also named as Drouble, who made
the young Hannibal an officer in the In

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the army, Hannibal could withstand extreme
physical hardships and was moderate in his consumption

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of food and drink. The harsh
reality was he spent almost the entirety of

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his life at war or in exile. Yeah, that happens when you're at

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war a lot, and when your
dad makes you swear a blood oath to

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fucking hate. I've never heard of
a blood oath either, where you dip

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your hand in blood and then boil
it off. That's pretty sick. That's

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I've never heard of, like a
blood oath with someone else's blood. Yeah,

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who's blood? It was the Romans. Roman boy, just some Roman

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prisoners, some poor bastard, likely
merchant who just a messenger. Everybody being

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a wheat report and they're like,
hold on, I'm pretty drunk, and

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I think my eight year old needs
to, you know, swear fealty.

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Little anti Roman bar mitzvah. Hannibal
adapted accordingly to this war obsessed culture,

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as Carthage had a habit of crucifying
defeated generals. So I was like,

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hey, you can win, or
we'll kill you. Yeah, I mean,

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I guess that might be effective.
Is it lose a battler, lose

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the war? Which one is it? If it's lose a battle, they're

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fucked unplaced immediately. Yeah, I
don't think. I don't think it could

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possibly be battle. Well, his
dad was a general in the First Penick

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War. Yeah, it wasn't losing
much. He was actually winning his battles,

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but as a whole, his team
loss. Okay, so he wasn't

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crucified, right. You know it's
like the battle, the offense is putting

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up points, but the defense just
can't get a stop type of situation.

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Now the offensive coordinator's fault. Um. It's funny that they're a war obsess

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culture because their units sucking. Rome
Total War suck even with the elephants.

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Yeah, it's just their infantry is
terrible. It's just it's just not a

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good not a good kid, not
a good tool kid bear. Perhaps the

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00:14:43,919 --> 00:14:48,720
people that made that game were pro
Roman. Probably it is Rome Total War.

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Yeah, maybe biased, maybe biased. Do you ever think about that?

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You know that he was notorious for
his savage behavior and fearless nature.

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Story of Hannibal walking through trenches filled
with blood and declaring what a beautiful sight

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are numerous? What classic? Who
filled the trenches with blood? He did?

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Soldier blood, there's soldier blood.
Okay, who dug the trench?

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00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,759
Soldier blood? Tell him, well, that's it was fighting trenches. Then't

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you spill the blood in him?
I think there's a lot of trench warfare

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in two forty or whatever. It
was probably like a mild mess. Yeah,

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on a sidewalk, he's just like, ah, basically he's like,

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I love the smell and a palm
in the morning. Yeah, it's that

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fucking turd. By the way,
did you just hear about the I think

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00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:37,600
like that. The fact that Alexander
and Troy both bombed essentially killed the It

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was like in development forever. But
the Vin Diesel Hannibal movie, there was

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00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:43,279
gonna be a Vin Diesel Hannibal movie, and we were robbed of that,

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is Hannibal. Yeah, we were
robbed of that because those two happened.

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No, damn it, those two
and Kingdom of Heaven didn't do very well,

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even though Kingdom of Heaven's a dope
movie, and uh yeah, so

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that they kind of scrapped up.
Who would you cast for Hannibal? Now,

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I mean they would probably they throw
the rock in there. No,

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he's too old. Look, am
I answer to any question like that?

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00:16:03,039 --> 00:16:07,759
As Timothy Shawbe. That makes sense. He plays all the parts because he

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looks like a Roman noble. Yeah, yeah, but he's not putting on

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muscle, doesn't need to shave his
head. He inspired breathtaking loyalty and extraordinary

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obedience among his troops, which included
his people as well as mercenaries recruited from

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throughout the ancient Mediterranean. Sources recount
how he slept on a military cloak,

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eating the food of the common soldier
and sharing their hardships. As a tactician.

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He's regarded as a genius um of
the first rank military leaders to the

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to this day study Hannibals victories at
the battles of Trebia, Trasimine, and

242
00:16:51,159 --> 00:16:56,600
Canny See Kane is is like like
big one. That's the one day,

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00:16:56,679 --> 00:17:00,399
Yeah, where he just absolutely obliterated
the Roman arm didn't matter. The Romans

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were just like, all right,
well, let's get another fifty thousand.

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Man usually works. Yeah, that's
fine. I'm one throw abouties. It's

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00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:12,319
like the Germans just like obliterating the
Soviets in World War Two. They're like,

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00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:17,119
all right, well, get another
five hundred thousand up here, let's

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go. In two twenty one BC, his brother in law was assassinated and

249
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the army chose the twenty six year
old Hannibal to command Carthage's empire in Spain.

250
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:33,359
A pivotal point in Hannibal's development came
in two nineteen BC, when he

251
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led an attack on uh sag on
Um, an independent city in the middle

252
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of eastern Spanish coast. I forget
how to say that city. It's in

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Rome. Total war. I've conquered
it many times. I feel like,

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yeah, being an independent city state
is probably not a good move. If

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not long it's the time of entire
Yeah, it's not sustainable long term.

256
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No, it's like someone's going to
come in and just it's yeah, sagentum.

257
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Yeah, I think that's it.
Uh sign Siguntum, that's actually it.

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I think that sounds I'm just saying
different ways. This broke the Treaty

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00:18:06,799 --> 00:18:11,480
of the First Punic War, as
this city was allied with Rome and they

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00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:18,400
saw Hannibal's attack as an act of
war. He besieged Seguntum for eight months

261
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:22,160
before the city fell. Damn.
Eight months is a long siege. Yeah,

262
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:26,079
but I mean he just didn't want
an attack. Yeah, I mean

263
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I get it, like I get
not a Yeah, a siege. It's

264
00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:32,559
better if you're the one sieging,
yeah for sure. Yeah, but it's

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still long, like you got weighted
out. Yeah. But you have supply

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lines at least, I guess it's
long for the city. That's a long

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time to just hold out. I
think that that's probably why they were an

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independent city state, because nobody wanted
to fucking do it for eight months.

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Yeah, the Romans delivered an ultimatum
to Hannibal, either he surrendered his forces

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to them or there would be war. Hannibal refused to yield, and the

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Romans carried out their threat. This
saw the outbreak of the Second Punic War,

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leaving his brother also named has Drouble
to protect Carthage's I'm trist in Spain

273
00:19:04,559 --> 00:19:07,359
in North Africa. I'm gonna stop
you real quick. Yeah. You know

274
00:19:07,359 --> 00:19:11,880
when people bitch about Game of Thrones
and all the names sound and the same,

275
00:19:11,599 --> 00:19:15,279
oh, because that's how history was. They didn't have like a bunch

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00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:19,079
of names. Everyone was fucking George
Foreman. Yeah. It was like everyone

277
00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:25,000
in France was named Louis or Philip
almost everyone. Like, yeah, the

278
00:19:25,079 --> 00:19:27,960
kings, they really do cut like
they really are like three different king names

279
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:32,839
in French history. It's not it's
not a lot. Yeah, no,

280
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:36,759
it's absurd. So anytime someone's like, oh, hey, like why is

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00:19:36,799 --> 00:19:40,240
everyone named uh, Tyrian or Marian
No, no, no, it's like

282
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:41,799
that's literally how they did names back. I feel like they complain about the

283
00:19:42,079 --> 00:19:45,960
uh, what's Calisi's family and the
targe Arians. Oh, the Targarians.

284
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,359
Yeah, especially in the new show. Yeah, yeah, but that's what.

285
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Yeah, that's what they did.
They know, they just it's they

286
00:19:52,319 --> 00:19:59,240
would like they would fuck they're relatives. Why is it surprising that they would

287
00:19:59,279 --> 00:20:02,279
keep the same name games, They're
keeping their genitals in the family, why

288
00:20:02,319 --> 00:20:07,599
would they change names? Yeah,
Hannibals. Nuity assembled a massive army with

289
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:14,279
ninety thousand infantry, twelve thousand cavalry
and nearly forty elephants. The more that

290
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:21,359
followed, which covered some one thousand
miles through the Pyrenees, across the Roan

291
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:25,079
River and snow capped Alps. So
he went over two major mountain ranges,

292
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:29,160
the Pyrenees or what's between France and
Spain and a river? Yeah. Did

293
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:33,480
you stick to the coast? Did
you stick to the Cote de Zoo France?

294
00:20:33,519 --> 00:20:36,920
The Alps were the problem, right, well right, elephants not great,

295
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:42,000
typically not rolling around in southern Europe. The passes he used were narrow

296
00:20:42,079 --> 00:20:48,599
and awkward, presented considerable dangers to
Hannibal's men and their elephants. The weather

297
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:56,279
was often against them, with frequent
blizzards as well as sudden landslides. Why

298
00:20:56,319 --> 00:21:00,920
do you go in winter? Who
knows? Maybe just camp yea on the

299
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:03,599
beach, though I can tell you
why they just didn't camp. Once you

300
00:21:03,599 --> 00:21:07,519
get the elephants out, you gotta
feed the elephants. You can't wait around

301
00:21:07,559 --> 00:21:10,440
with the elephants. You can go
loot the landscape. I mean, so

302
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:14,119
at this point Rome was not I
don't know what the Roman Empire or what

303
00:21:14,319 --> 00:21:18,279
Roman republic Land was at that point. But also the Alps are always going

304
00:21:18,319 --> 00:21:19,519
to be snow capped. I don't
even snowcap. But if they're getting hit

305
00:21:19,559 --> 00:21:25,039
with blizzards when they went west to
east, they're going with elephants. Yeah,

306
00:21:26,039 --> 00:21:30,680
how do you get the elephants there? Or like Tunisia up through Africa?

307
00:21:30,799 --> 00:21:36,039
Whatever? Yeah? Okay, So
they took him bottom up then left

308
00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:38,400
or right? Okay, because Cartha
Jargy control is part of Spain. Okay.

309
00:21:38,799 --> 00:21:42,160
I was just curious because like I
guess, yeah, elephants are Africa.

310
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:45,200
I always consider like elephants though too, and like, well he got

311
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:48,000
his elephants from India and Africa.
Yeah, well I was like wondering how

312
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:52,599
the Indian elephants got there. Oh, just trade, I assume, Yeah,

313
00:21:52,759 --> 00:21:56,279
that makes sense. On top of
this, the tribes who inhabited the

314
00:21:56,400 --> 00:22:02,039
mountain passes were generally hostile and sometimes
watch attacks on hannibals men, probably because

315
00:22:02,039 --> 00:22:04,640
they rolled a bunch of elephants through
town. Demons. Yeah, actually just

316
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:10,119
tanks. You've never seen anything like
that. Like, think about we talked

317
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:14,319
about all the time with the stupid
which I forget which museum it is in

318
00:22:14,359 --> 00:22:17,680
New York. Maybe just be the
Natural History Museum where they have all those

319
00:22:17,759 --> 00:22:22,279
stupid stuffed animals, like literally and
it's like, but that used to be

320
00:22:22,279 --> 00:22:25,440
incredible to people, right because that's
all they could see, And that was

321
00:22:25,839 --> 00:22:29,039
like a hundred years ago, one
hundred and twenty years ago. So now

322
00:22:29,079 --> 00:22:33,160
imagine a living one thousands of years
right, two thousand plus years ago.

323
00:22:33,279 --> 00:22:37,880
Yeah, that's mine. You don't
even know that animal exists, yeah,

324
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:41,599
right, Like you don't even understand
what you're looking like, imagine the biggest

325
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:45,400
animal you're probably dealing with in the
Alps is like some sort of cat or

326
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:48,400
goat, maybe like a ram imagine
we just walk outside, go into our

327
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:55,880
cars and there's some sort of like
octopus with feet, like just walking by.

328
00:22:56,680 --> 00:23:00,319
It's over. That's that's what those
people were seeing. It's essentially a

329
00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:04,440
dragon like actually, but no,
it's even less conceivable than that. Octopus

330
00:23:04,519 --> 00:23:08,720
with feet is a great example,
like like what what fuck? What is

331
00:23:08,799 --> 00:23:15,200
that? Kill it? There is
no god that this has shattered my universe.

332
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:18,680
I mean a lot of people when
they saw the elephants did kill themselves.

333
00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:22,839
Fuck. Yeah, it's insane.
It's so funny that you just like,

334
00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:25,960
that's all it takes is context,
Like st at some point in history

335
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:30,079
someone just saw an elephant was like, Nope, don't care. This is

336
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:34,000
beyond my comprehension. I don't want
to find out anything more. Fucking God,

337
00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:37,599
the world is filled with horrors unimaginable
to me. So but again,

338
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:41,559
right now, if like a bunch
of if if a Chinese army showed up

339
00:23:41,559 --> 00:23:45,640
but they're riding octopuses with feet,
I might just be like I gotta go.

340
00:23:45,799 --> 00:23:48,960
Yeah, I'm gonna get beaked to
death by that thing. With his

341
00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:55,200
forces depleted by the harsh Alpine crossing, Hannibal KNT the Powerful Army of the

342
00:23:55,359 --> 00:24:02,400
Roman general uh Pubilist Cornelius Scipio,
Scipio just called Scipio on the plains west

343
00:24:02,559 --> 00:24:08,680
of the Sequino River. Hannibal's calvary
still prevailed and Sikibo was seriously wounded in

344
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:14,319
the battle. He was rescued by
his son, also Scipio. I believe

345
00:24:14,319 --> 00:24:18,279
so probably. Yeah. Late in
two eighteen BC, they again defeated the

346
00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:25,359
Romans on the left bank of Trebbia, a victory that earned Hannibal of the

347
00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:30,240
support of allies, including the Gauls
and Lugarians. And the Guls are just

348
00:24:30,319 --> 00:24:34,240
the French trade basically. Yeah,
yeah, they're they're they're just like the

349
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:37,880
it's like the ethnicity of that part
of France. Yeah, they're just like

350
00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:41,599
the gross barbarian French. Yeah.
By the spring of two seventeen BC,

351
00:24:41,839 --> 00:24:47,000
he had advanced to the Arno River, where, despite a victory at Lake

352
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:52,440
Trasimine, he declined to lead his
exhaustive forces against Rome itself. So he's

353
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:57,119
picking off battles kind of outside of
Rome, but he never actually attacks Rome

354
00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:03,599
because they put all their money resources
into protecting Rome. Makes sense defense,

355
00:25:03,799 --> 00:25:07,039
Yeah, And also like this is
not you're thinking like Gladiate you guys are

356
00:25:07,039 --> 00:25:11,599
thinking of like Gladiator Rome probably,
like that's not what this is. Gladiator

357
00:25:11,559 --> 00:25:17,079
or even Rome from the show we
watch Rome that's for two hundred years after

358
00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:21,559
this and Gladiators three hundred and fifty
years after this. Room doesn't start becoming

359
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:23,440
room until after this war. Yes, this is this is again. I

360
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:27,039
think that the Pano Corps are basically
the Mexican War for the United States,

361
00:25:27,039 --> 00:25:33,559
Like this is the war that puts
them on the superpower path or the wars?

362
00:25:33,759 --> 00:25:37,519
Is this the is this when I'm
gonna mess up my timeline here,

363
00:25:37,559 --> 00:25:41,519
But like Caesar crossing the Rubicon?
Is that post this war? Yes,

364
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:45,240
that's that's a couple hundred years.
Yeah, it's closer to zero, right,

365
00:25:45,519 --> 00:25:48,319
that's like one hundred and fifty years. Yeah, I think it's like

366
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:52,920
forty fifty BC something like. Okay, yeah, my timeline it's really bad

367
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:56,400
on that. But no, I
mean it's the thing before the thing.

368
00:25:56,440 --> 00:26:03,799
Then the second January ten forty nine
DC. Okay crosses Rubicon the diets cast

369
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:07,880
Yes. In the summer of two
sixteen DC, sixteen Roman legions close to

370
00:26:08,039 --> 00:26:14,079
eighty thousand soldiers, an army said
to be twice the size of Hannibals confronted

371
00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:18,319
his men near the town of Kanne. Yeah, its most famous battle.

372
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:23,680
This was his just like masterpiece.
I mean, just he can just say

373
00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:29,799
what happens, it's it's he just
fucked them up. While the Roman general

374
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:33,799
Verro massed his infantry in the center
with the cavalry on each wing, a

375
00:26:33,839 --> 00:26:41,559
classic military formation, Hannibal maintained a
relatively weak center but strong infantry and cavalry

376
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:48,039
forces on the flanks. When the
Romans advanced, his men were able to

377
00:26:48,039 --> 00:26:52,640
hold their center and win the struggle
at the sides, enveloping the enemy and

378
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:57,039
cutting off the possibility of retreat by
sending a cavalry charge across the rear.

379
00:26:57,200 --> 00:27:00,680
Yeah, completely encircled the Romans.
Yeah. So was this in a narrow

380
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:03,839
passer like an open field? I
believe it was an open field for that

381
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:07,799
much maneuvering. And now if you
want to cut backward, yeah, you

382
00:27:07,839 --> 00:27:10,839
have to be as relative. So
this is a battle of the bastards,

383
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:15,519
I guess, I mean. But
also the trailer for Napoleon as well.

384
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:19,920
Yeah, so Napoleon kind of does
a similar thing, not well, not

385
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:25,559
really similar at Australitz, but he
definitely, He definitely. Australitz is his

386
00:27:25,599 --> 00:27:30,799
masterpiece, and it involves him kind
of deaking out the Austrians and Russians,

387
00:27:30,839 --> 00:27:33,240
but in a not quite same way. But yeah, yeah, that's and

388
00:27:33,319 --> 00:27:37,519
he fucks them up. But the
but Hannibal fucks the Romans not even worse

389
00:27:37,559 --> 00:27:41,920
here. The Roman defeat at Cane
has done much of southern Italy, and

390
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:47,119
many of Rome's allies and colonies defected
to Hannibal's side. I mean they lost

391
00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:51,000
the whole army. It was like
wiped out, Like there weren't he killed.

392
00:27:51,039 --> 00:27:55,079
Like how big was the army?
He's an eighty thousand, I mean

393
00:27:55,079 --> 00:28:00,359
he killed almost all of them.
Damn he's outmatched that much. Yeah,

394
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:03,440
that's wild. Everything is though,
like with these battles, any battle like

395
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:07,759
this, it's I really don't The
numbers don't. I mean, the numbers

396
00:28:07,839 --> 00:28:14,039
matter, but like once something breaks
in the line, the numbers don't matter

397
00:28:14,079 --> 00:28:17,319
anymore. Yeah, because you're just
It's like because then it's like you're there,

398
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:19,920
You're totally vulnerable, and everybody's panicking
and a lot of the Romans soldier

399
00:28:21,039 --> 00:28:26,079
died like basically trampling each other just
trying to move. Yeah, yikes.

400
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:30,759
Yeah, a fucking nightmare under the
leadership of CBO son in law also named

401
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:36,519
Cbo. You know, they get
nine months to name these fucking kids,

402
00:28:37,319 --> 00:28:40,920
and they just keep popping up from
the start. Yeah, it's Scipio from

403
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:45,000
day one. Yeah, look,
I name my kid, Robert Edward Fox

404
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:47,920
the Fourth. That's true, that's
true. It's like, man, there's

405
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:52,400
a lot of just Seppi's around here, a lot of Scipios and fellow general

406
00:28:52,640 --> 00:29:00,960
Quintus Fabius Maximus. The Romans soon
rallied in southern Italy. Fabius used cautious

407
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:04,680
tactics to gradually push back against Hannibal's
forces. This is called the Fabian strategy

408
00:29:07,319 --> 00:29:11,279
and had regained a considerable amount of
ground by two o nine BC, which

409
00:29:11,359 --> 00:29:18,720
is immortalized in the thirty Rock episode. The Fabian strategy essentially, keep withdrawing,

410
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:23,640
keep withdrawing, keep withdrawing until you
find ground you want to fight on,

411
00:29:25,359 --> 00:29:29,359
and then engage the enemy. What
was the context of the thirty Rock

412
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:33,480
episode, though, Jack kept like
essentially delaying making a decision with his then

413
00:29:33,519 --> 00:29:37,119
wife. Yes, she would make
a mistake, right, so he could

414
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:41,400
have Yeah, yeah, the war
or something like the paint color you wanted.

415
00:29:41,519 --> 00:29:45,359
Yeah, and they started a strategize
to go against Hannibal's forces that weren't

416
00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:48,559
led by Hannibal, right, good, pick off the others, keep him

417
00:29:48,599 --> 00:29:52,880
busy and pick off the other armies. Yeah, slowly, meticulous, let

418
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:56,039
him chase you and then pick off
everybody else. Yep. Yeah, So

419
00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:02,480
Roman forces defeated an army of rein
Horseman's led by Hannibal's brother Um, who

420
00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:06,359
had crossed the opps in an attempt
to come to Hannibal's aid. Meanwhile,

421
00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:11,319
the younger CPO drew on Rome's seemingly
inexcusable supply of manpower. Too exhaustible.

422
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:19,480
Yeah, no, it was inexcusable. It's excusable. Too many goddamn men

423
00:30:19,599 --> 00:30:22,799
round, too many dudes here,
guy, I wrote this when I was

424
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:27,559
high. So yeah, honestly,
so far, so far, so good.

425
00:30:27,599 --> 00:30:32,880
Impressed. Yeah, mine would be
like I would go on the biggest

426
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:36,839
tangent on one thing and that would
be an hour. Yeah. Yeah,

427
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:38,039
I need to try mushrooms now,
by the way. That's like I don't

428
00:30:38,079 --> 00:30:41,039
there's no drugs I really want to
do anymore. I don't even do well

429
00:30:41,079 --> 00:30:45,279
on weed, to be honest,
um, But like I kind of want

430
00:30:45,279 --> 00:30:49,400
to try some shrimps. I want
to do like just a micro does don't

431
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:53,279
it? Just? You know,
for to nine pieces of chocolate? I

432
00:30:53,279 --> 00:30:59,680
did ten, yeah, forty nine. I don't mind range. You don't

433
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:00,920
want to you want to go.
You want to get like a full mushroom

434
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:03,000
experience, So like, no,
I want to start with the micro.

435
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:06,880
I just really want the energy.
Sounds like one to seven shots of ever

436
00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:08,839
Clear. It is nice, yeah, yeah, and every but everything's kind

437
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:11,880
of elevated. So when we're at
the bar last night, I could hear

438
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:15,079
everyone's conversation. You know, I
wasn't keen into any of the fact that

439
00:31:15,119 --> 00:31:18,799
you did mushrooms. You're like,
yeah, I can hear everyone's individual conversations,

440
00:31:18,839 --> 00:31:23,799
like I certainly cannot. It's just
loud bands on fucking like bionic man.

441
00:31:23,799 --> 00:31:27,680
Shit. I felt like a phone
operator in the twenties. All right,

442
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:33,359
oh hold please, I kept forgetting
you were high, to be honest,

443
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:37,359
Yeah, no, because you weren't
being weird. Yeah I'm usually not.

444
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:45,519
Yeah. Great. Meanwhile, the
younger CPO drew on rome seemingly inexhaustible

445
00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:48,599
supply of manpower to launch an attack
on New Carthage. I don't know where

446
00:31:48,599 --> 00:31:52,880
they got these people from. To
be quite honest, where all these dudes

447
00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:56,240
come from? They won't Row wasn't
that big. I mean it was formed

448
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:59,000
aformable power, like it was.
They weren't nothing, but they, like

449
00:31:59,039 --> 00:32:00,920
I said, they were dogs even
though they won the first Well maybe they

450
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:05,960
weren't dogs after the first because they
won the first one. But like quick,

451
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:07,839
the quickly the lie betting went,
they were dogs in the lie bet

452
00:32:07,839 --> 00:32:09,839
pretty quick, you know what I
mean? Dan, Did you just google

453
00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:15,519
where all the dudes come from?
In Rome? Apparently? Rome? Well,

454
00:32:15,559 --> 00:32:17,839
bro, it's a big city.
Yeah, big city, fair enough.

455
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:21,119
Yeah, I don't know if it
was like, you know, a

456
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:23,440
million people yet, like it was
tight, but there was a baby boom

457
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:29,680
after the first pedich War. Yeah, everyone fucked was real excited. Yeah.

458
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:35,319
The following year, Hannibal met CBO's
forces on the battlefield near Zama in

459
00:32:35,359 --> 00:32:40,160
Africa, some one hundred and twenty
kilometers from Carthage. The Roman cavalry won

460
00:32:40,279 --> 00:32:46,160
an early victory and because standard Roman
tactics for limiting the effectiveness of the war

461
00:32:46,279 --> 00:32:52,960
elephants were successful, which was playing
trumpets to frighten the elephants into running into

462
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:55,400
their own lines. Yeah. So
here's the thing about animals, right,

463
00:32:57,119 --> 00:32:59,799
no matter what, you can scare
them, can scare them a little.

464
00:33:00,079 --> 00:33:01,839
Yeah, whether it's lighting a pig
on fire and send it at him,

465
00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:05,759
or you wonder who was the first
one to play a trumpet and be like,

466
00:33:05,759 --> 00:33:07,279
oh it works, dude, what
a heat check that was? Like

467
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:10,960
yo, yo, check it out, drummer boy bugle man. I was

468
00:33:12,079 --> 00:33:15,319
useless, Yeah you want. I
wonder if there's ever just like a Marty

469
00:33:15,359 --> 00:33:19,160
grad in New Orleans where they had
a trump fucking elephant in the parade and

470
00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:22,920
then some blues guys puts a bucket
down on the corner, you know,

471
00:33:22,119 --> 00:33:27,119
he takes a trumpet out, just
comes out and all of sudden like he

472
00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:30,400
just was like you know, like
blows it real quick, and someone's like,

473
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:36,640
yeah, Rob, it's just like
and then you know, cut two.

474
00:33:37,039 --> 00:33:39,880
It was Marti Gral Massacre of nineteen
twenty nine. Everyone knows that one.

475
00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:43,640
That was the real black Teas.
Yeah. I guess it's because a

476
00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:47,880
trumpet sounds like an elephant in distress
more than you know, like that kind

477
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:52,480
of shit. So think about if
there's an instrument someone came out and played

478
00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:54,319
it was just human screams. It's
just like, yeah, like someone puts

479
00:33:54,319 --> 00:33:57,079
it to their lips and all of
a sudden you just hear like what,

480
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:01,920
oh my god. Yeah, that's
what the aliens are gonna come down here.

481
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:06,079
Let's play a two and four you
ages. Yeah, they put like

482
00:34:06,079 --> 00:34:08,280
a flute in their asshole or whatever, like a hole on the back side.

483
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:12,159
It sounds like the pits of hell. Yeah, it would scare me.

484
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,519
And you know what that would be
the the US Army's mistake for riding

485
00:34:15,519 --> 00:34:20,599
me into battle. Yeah, don't
ride me in there, man. What

486
00:34:20,639 --> 00:34:27,880
would be America's elephant, wild boar, giant boars, gators, gators,

487
00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:31,159
maybe riding in on a gator.
That's that's Florida, the Florida Cavalies.

488
00:34:31,519 --> 00:34:36,199
Yeah, yeah, that's that's our
navy. The gator back. Yeah,

489
00:34:36,199 --> 00:34:39,639
it's like the sixty nine Florida Cavalry
Regiment. Yeah, is riding gators.

490
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:45,239
I think overall maybe like a grizzly
Yeah, grizzly grizzly bear. Gators.

491
00:34:45,519 --> 00:34:49,079
Yeah, the gators would have to
have a Salt Life sticker on them though,

492
00:34:49,159 --> 00:34:52,719
yes, yeah, well yeah,
well that's that would be the uh

493
00:34:52,199 --> 00:34:58,000
the unit's nickname, the Salt life
forrigade, salt life frigid. Yeah.

494
00:34:58,199 --> 00:35:05,039
So with the help of Northern African
allies, the Romans enveloped and smothered Hannibal

495
00:35:05,159 --> 00:35:09,079
and his men, killing some twenty
thousand soldiers at a loss of only fifteen

496
00:35:09,159 --> 00:35:13,119
hundred of their own. I'm telling
you what happened. It basical. What

497
00:35:13,159 --> 00:35:15,119
happens is they keep they push up
against each other until one side breaks,

498
00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:20,800
and then aside the breaks, that's
most of the casualties happened after the break,

499
00:35:21,079 --> 00:35:23,320
I would imagine. So like it's
it's recent out. Yeah, it's

500
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:29,360
essentially like, oh, I'm trying
to think of it. Good own elephant.

501
00:35:29,679 --> 00:35:31,239
Yeah, you threw a pick six. Something changes the mo Yep.

502
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:35,519
It's not like you're gonna take your
elephant down. That's charging you. But

503
00:35:35,559 --> 00:35:37,639
it's like, oh man, we
still need it. That's my boy.

504
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:39,679
It's like, well, we gotta
blow up this tank now, I guess

505
00:35:39,679 --> 00:35:42,960
it's our tank. You know you
don't want to do that. That's a

506
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:45,639
resource. Yeah, soone just blows
a trump at your tank, starts freaking

507
00:35:45,639 --> 00:35:49,119
out, whoa shooting the shooting your
own man? And shit, I knew

508
00:35:49,119 --> 00:35:52,719
we shouldn't give it. Shouldn't give
this tank ai Ai tanks are afraid of

509
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:59,639
jazz, God damn it. In
honor of this great victory, Scipio was

510
00:35:59,639 --> 00:36:10,400
given the name Africanus. This is
Scipio Africanus. Okay, that's yeah.

511
00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:15,599
Why why are you surprised? Yeah, well you're doing no man, here's

512
00:36:15,599 --> 00:36:20,599
on mushrooms. Dude, he's not. Now you don't know that. Shut

513
00:36:20,679 --> 00:36:25,360
up yet, out of your dork
the words fucking nerd? Who's Aprican?

514
00:36:25,599 --> 00:36:31,000
I know how to pronounce words.
Congratulate? Oh, I got really I

515
00:36:31,159 --> 00:36:36,519
like the I mean and all the
other contextual historical knowledge. But yeah,

516
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:39,880
I'm just I mean really like if
we're really like being serious, I'm like

517
00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:44,119
the man with one eye in the
Land of the blind here, like I'm

518
00:36:44,159 --> 00:36:46,599
not, oh now we're blind people. I'm sorry. I would think Hannibal

519
00:36:46,599 --> 00:36:50,280
would like me better than you do. You want to do? You want

520
00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:53,639
to bench off right now? The
fact that you that you butcher Roman names

521
00:36:53,639 --> 00:36:57,760
will probably he'd be like, I
like this one. Yeah, he murders

522
00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:00,719
their names like I murder them.
Yeah he was becks them not at all.

523
00:37:02,599 --> 00:37:07,000
Yes, well he pronounces their names
horribly. The disrespect pleases me.

524
00:37:07,199 --> 00:37:14,440
These are a mouthful okay, Sippio
Africanus. Alright, but like in like

525
00:37:14,519 --> 00:37:17,480
back to back, some of these
words are yeah, sorry, my patriots,

526
00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:22,639
this week is on. That's why
the Imperial Japanese don't go past like

527
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:25,480
eighteen fifty. All right, Yeah, the names are just too weird.

528
00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:30,239
Oh fuck with it. He's in
the gym. He needs to be in

529
00:37:30,239 --> 00:37:35,480
the Jimmy and Joe times. Mike
malois yes. In the peace agreement that

530
00:37:35,599 --> 00:37:38,480
ended the Second Punic War, Carthage
was allowed to keep only its territory in

531
00:37:38,599 --> 00:37:44,719
North Africa lost its overseas empire permanently. It was also forced to surrender its

532
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:47,239
fleet and pay your big words over
there, doc. Yeah, yeah,

533
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:53,800
yeah, I hope you fucking die. Yeah. Okay, real quick.

534
00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:58,039
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550
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551
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669
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five dollars when you use the link. It was also forced to surrender its

670
00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:50,760
fleet and pay a large amount of
silver, and had to agree to never

671
00:46:50,800 --> 00:46:55,360
again rearm or declare war without permission
from Rome. Hannibal, who was skipped

672
00:46:55,400 --> 00:47:00,760
with his life from the Russian defeat
as Zama and still hybrid desire to defeat

673
00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:06,559
Roma, retained his military title despite
accusations that he had botched conduct of war.

674
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:10,119
I mean he lost. It seems
like he lost a very winnable fight.

675
00:47:12,559 --> 00:47:15,320
It makes sense to me that he
didn't go after Rome right away.

676
00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:20,239
But like Okay, yeah, you
guys are exhausted. You know, they

677
00:47:20,320 --> 00:47:23,000
just marched across half of France and
over the Alps and a couple and then

678
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:25,880
you want a couple of battles.
Okay, fine, you know, regroup

679
00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:30,639
a little bit. But at some
point again, like it does get dumb

680
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:35,639
that he chases Fabian instead of just
goes after Roman makes Fabian fight him.

681
00:47:35,719 --> 00:47:38,119
They played not to lose, not
and he didn't play to win too conservative.

682
00:47:38,599 --> 00:47:43,239
I mean, it really is like
or even just chasing I don't know,

683
00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:45,119
glory, like you want to keep
winning battles, because that's kind of

684
00:47:45,159 --> 00:47:49,320
the same argument that was going on
around the Battle of Gettysburg. Right,

685
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:52,239
he was the second invasion of the
North, and they're kept like, you

686
00:47:52,360 --> 00:47:57,800
know, Longstreet didn't want to fight
at Gettysburg. He was like, this

687
00:47:57,880 --> 00:48:01,039
isn't we didn't choose this ground.
We came here accidentally. Let's make a

688
00:48:01,119 --> 00:48:07,519
tactical withdrawal, move towards Washington and
make them fight us on ground that we

689
00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:09,039
want to fight on. Right,
because we get to choose because they're gonna

690
00:48:09,039 --> 00:48:13,880
have to hit us if we go
get on between them and Washington. Yeah,

691
00:48:14,559 --> 00:48:16,960
that Hannibal could have done that too. He had total control of the

692
00:48:17,039 --> 00:48:21,760
peninsula. He could have gone after
Rome. Do you think it's a fear

693
00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:24,880
of failure. No, it seems
more like to me that he was chasing

694
00:48:24,960 --> 00:48:28,559
blood, so just like kind of
he wanted to just run up the score

695
00:48:28,599 --> 00:48:31,320
before. Yeah, he drove it
home and Kyle he was Kyle shanahanning right.

696
00:48:31,559 --> 00:48:35,599
He's up twenty eight to three and
he's still fucking passing the ball sack.

697
00:48:35,880 --> 00:48:39,159
Yeah, can't do it. You
can do it. Hannibals unsurprisingly had

698
00:48:39,159 --> 00:48:44,639
a violent temper. There's an antidote
from the aftermath of his defeat in the

699
00:48:44,719 --> 00:48:49,280
Second Punic War that suggests that age
and experience did little to soften his ir

700
00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:52,480
ability. Well, look, when
you're having the worst day of your and

701
00:48:52,639 --> 00:48:58,480
most other people's lives, you're gonna
get mad. Sometimes age won't matter.

702
00:48:58,920 --> 00:49:04,840
When an Eric politicians spoke against the
peace treaty and enraged, Hannibal physically assaulted

703
00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:09,400
the speaker, dragging him from the
podium. You'd kill him, I didn't

704
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:13,519
say, didn't say, Okay,
maybe beat his ass. Yeah. Hannibal

705
00:49:13,639 --> 00:49:19,519
later returned to the Senate and apologize
for his conduct. That didn't sate,

706
00:49:19,599 --> 00:49:23,920
by the way, not sign his
unfamiliar with the customs of politics after a

707
00:49:24,079 --> 00:49:30,239
lifetime spent in military service. It
seems politics adjacent. Yeah, like,

708
00:49:30,360 --> 00:49:34,559
if you were that high ranking in
the military, you might slightly understand how

709
00:49:34,679 --> 00:49:37,880
your country's making decisions. Yeah yeah, but maybe if you have a problem

710
00:49:37,920 --> 00:49:40,599
with somebody, you just kind of
handle it out. That's a that's a

711
00:49:40,719 --> 00:49:44,519
also just a weird flex. Not
a weird flex. It is a flex.

712
00:49:44,559 --> 00:49:46,039
It's like, oh, sorry,
I've been busy doing all this dirty

713
00:49:46,079 --> 00:49:49,639
work. I didn't know I couldn't
just do it in here too. He

714
00:49:49,719 --> 00:49:52,920
was football when he shouldn't have football, essentially exactly, it's like if like,

715
00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:55,119
well, I guess he can't,
but um, it's like if John

716
00:49:55,239 --> 00:50:00,320
Jones runs for president, right,
is he American John Jones? Okay,

717
00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:05,559
if John Jones runs for president and
he's in the debate and he just gets

718
00:50:05,639 --> 00:50:07,559
mad and just choke holds the other
guy to sleep. Yeah, right,

719
00:50:08,559 --> 00:50:13,280
Oh sorry, I didn't know that
was not just like, it was not.

720
00:50:13,599 --> 00:50:15,639
I didn't know. I couldn't do
all of all the examples you could

721
00:50:15,679 --> 00:50:19,960
have went with. John Jones has
done a lot of them, and they

722
00:50:20,079 --> 00:50:24,320
outside of him, and they mostly
but mostly with his car okay, yeah,

723
00:50:24,599 --> 00:50:28,800
yeah, and he's just in a
he's just in a debate one day,

724
00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:35,000
AOC or someone pisses him off,
chokes her out. It's gonna be

725
00:50:36,079 --> 00:50:39,480
yeah yeah, who was Yeah,
either he's running as an independent, for

726
00:50:39,599 --> 00:50:45,639
sure, would I would do that
for an MMA five. I would vote

727
00:50:45,719 --> 00:50:50,440
or contribute money, whatever, you
whatever the threshold is to get on the

728
00:50:50,519 --> 00:50:52,440
debate stage. If he's pulling at
a certain percent, I would get into

729
00:50:52,519 --> 00:50:55,960
whatever polling group I needed to to
get that psychopath on the debate stage.

730
00:50:57,000 --> 00:51:00,519
That and like just all of the
fighting analogies. Yeah, it's like we're

731
00:51:00,519 --> 00:51:05,320
gonna murder inflation, We're gonna fucking
choke it. It like just you would

732
00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:07,039
get so many fights, like because
you know, every time a businessman is

733
00:51:07,079 --> 00:51:09,760
like on the stage of the debate, it's like I would have run this

734
00:51:09,800 --> 00:51:13,159
country like a business right, And
it's like, oh cool, that's all

735
00:51:13,159 --> 00:51:15,480
you talk about. Most profiders are
pretty self controlled, like they know they

736
00:51:15,519 --> 00:51:20,199
can kill you, that's true,
and so they don't do it. Yeah,

737
00:51:20,239 --> 00:51:23,239
they're just like there's also that's just
a weird thing in general too,

738
00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:27,400
the dudes that look for bigger dudes
to fight, Like what what are you

739
00:51:27,440 --> 00:51:30,480
guys doing you just got a small
wiener at that point. Yeah, just

740
00:51:30,559 --> 00:51:31,519
but I don't know, why are
you trying to have a bad time.

741
00:51:31,639 --> 00:51:36,800
There's just a hole in your body, in your soul that you can't fail.

742
00:51:36,960 --> 00:51:38,679
Got fucking fights, man, Like
they were funny in college, but

743
00:51:38,719 --> 00:51:42,079
as soon as they started seeing them, and they were funny in college when

744
00:51:42,159 --> 00:51:45,159
it wasn't you. Yeah, that's
true. They're funny in college because it

745
00:51:45,239 --> 00:51:47,719
was mostly unathletic white brad guys.
It was Yeah, it was a kid

746
00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:50,920
and sigma Kay and a kid,
and I say, and they both had

747
00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:52,519
little forty year old dad bodies already. Yeah, they were just kind of

748
00:51:52,679 --> 00:52:00,480
limply swinging fist and may yeah maybe
somebody yeah yeah, but yeah, when

749
00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:04,480
it's like adults at a bar in
a city, oh my god, the

750
00:52:04,519 --> 00:52:08,360
family post twenty yeah, especially Austin. Everyone here trains, Yeah, I'm

751
00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:14,239
sure. I mean, why would
you between between the training and the guns,

752
00:52:14,599 --> 00:52:16,840
why, I don't know why you
would start a fight with anyone exactly

753
00:52:16,960 --> 00:52:21,760
like one. Also, you take
the wrong fall, you're dead. Yeah,

754
00:52:21,960 --> 00:52:25,599
it's just stupid. So Hannibal enacted
political and financial reforms to enable the

755
00:52:25,679 --> 00:52:31,559
payment of the war immediately imposed by
Rome. However, those reforms were unpopular

756
00:52:31,639 --> 00:52:38,920
with members of the noble class.
In Carthage, he volunteered to exile himself.

757
00:52:39,159 --> 00:52:44,320
Yeah, he was just like final, fuck off, I don't care.

758
00:52:45,079 --> 00:52:47,639
Rome was like Now, Rome though, was like op in the fucking

759
00:52:49,280 --> 00:52:52,920
Mediterranean. They I mean again,
this is literally like the Mexican American War,

760
00:52:52,039 --> 00:52:55,320
like doubled their fucking value. But
if Mexico pay does a lot of

761
00:52:55,320 --> 00:53:00,639
money, they did, let give
us Texas. No, we made them

762
00:53:00,679 --> 00:53:02,920
pay us money too, Yeah,
a lot, a lot of money.

763
00:53:04,519 --> 00:53:06,320
Yeah, I'll look it up.
But yeah, we made them. We

764
00:53:06,400 --> 00:53:08,079
were like, we're taking your land
and you're paying us money. I do

765
00:53:08,239 --> 00:53:14,519
like that payoff. Oh no,
actually I think no, I think it's

766
00:53:14,599 --> 00:53:17,920
I think it's the opposite. I
think we took their land and were like,

767
00:53:20,079 --> 00:53:22,000
well, well, we'll reimburse them
for it. But we gave them

768
00:53:22,079 --> 00:53:29,199
like a laughably small amount. Yeah, I mean we took we took like

769
00:53:29,639 --> 00:53:34,239
what at the time was probably worth
billions of dollars and paid them like thirty

770
00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:37,079
million for it or something. Yeah, I'll look at us pennies on the

771
00:53:37,159 --> 00:53:39,639
dollar that even that, even pennies
on the dollar would be a generous description.

772
00:53:42,519 --> 00:53:45,599
During this time he lived at the
Sealu side court, where he acted

773
00:53:45,639 --> 00:53:53,639
as military advisor to uh Antichus the
third Antiochus, Antiochus Antiochus and obviously the

774
00:53:53,719 --> 00:53:58,239
Cellusid Empire. So that was one
of them. I know all of this

775
00:53:58,320 --> 00:54:00,400
from Rome total war. By the
way, that was one of the the

776
00:54:00,519 --> 00:54:05,599
king the breakoff kingdoms went after Alexander
the Great died. Uh the other obviously

777
00:54:05,639 --> 00:54:10,719
Ptolemaic Egypt was one salist An empire
um and then there's like two. Well,

778
00:54:10,760 --> 00:54:15,559
he loses the realm and Hannibal Fleet
flees again, making a stop at

779
00:54:15,559 --> 00:54:21,320
the Kingdom of Arbenia, suspicious that
they were prepared to surrender him to the

780
00:54:21,480 --> 00:54:25,920
Romans. Hannibal then fled to Crete. We paid Mexico fifteen million dollars for

781
00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:31,239
all of that land. It's like
stealing someone's like steak dinner from them and

782
00:54:31,320 --> 00:54:35,880
being like here's a quarter. Yeah, here's a quarter, fuck you by

783
00:54:35,960 --> 00:54:40,280
yourself. Something nice. He went
back to uh Antolia and sought refuge with

784
00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:50,719
Prussias of Bethenia. Anatolia is Turkey. He was in the h He was

785
00:54:50,760 --> 00:54:58,400
in Turkey, who was engaged in
warfare with Rome's ally of Pargament. Hannibal

786
00:54:58,480 --> 00:55:01,519
went on to serve in this war. Actually, this is kind of one

787
00:55:01,559 --> 00:55:10,519
of his uh notorious kind of tactics
what he feels pots full of venomous snakes

788
00:55:10,920 --> 00:55:14,920
and launches them at boats. Jope, that's good, that's a good tech.

789
00:55:15,000 --> 00:55:16,599
He made it too long to do
this. He should have been doing

790
00:55:16,679 --> 00:55:21,519
that every battle, all the all
the time. If I rolled up,

791
00:55:21,639 --> 00:55:23,800
I'm like, we're gonna smoke these
guys, and then a clay pot full

792
00:55:23,840 --> 00:55:27,159
of snakes just hits the ground,
Like god damn it. I know he

793
00:55:27,280 --> 00:55:30,760
wasted this on essentially a mercenary job. I know. Yeah, well yeah,

794
00:55:31,599 --> 00:55:35,159
well if man, that's such a
bummer. Like imagine you're like a

795
00:55:35,280 --> 00:55:37,880
show. You have your own show, your own TV show, and it

796
00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:42,920
gets canceled after like one season or
something like that, and then but you're

797
00:55:42,960 --> 00:55:45,840
still employable and you go work at
other shows as a staff rider or you

798
00:55:45,920 --> 00:55:49,559
know, just a lower level of
rider than you were on your own show,

799
00:55:50,039 --> 00:55:52,559
and like you come up with like
the best joke ever and it's for

800
00:55:52,800 --> 00:55:58,840
somebody else's fucking right, or like
our job. Yeah yeah, if you

801
00:55:59,039 --> 00:56:02,400
if rob just throughout the best line
you've ever had on drinking bros Like,

802
00:56:02,519 --> 00:56:07,599
oh man, I kind of gave
that, gave that to them many Yeah.

803
00:56:07,840 --> 00:56:12,800
Also, just kudos to the Hannibal. He's like, elephant's too big,

804
00:56:13,039 --> 00:56:15,679
snakes tiny. Yeah, we can
fit a bunch of these gas.

805
00:56:15,280 --> 00:56:17,679
I mean. So the whole thing
is though, like you gotta like on

806
00:56:17,880 --> 00:56:21,800
land, like you want to break
the formation right, so you can just

807
00:56:21,920 --> 00:56:28,920
route them. What's gonna break of
formation better than a fucking big clay pot

808
00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:34,199
of venomous snakes exploding in the middle
of it. This is also again naval

809
00:56:34,400 --> 00:56:37,320
naval battle. I know you're on
a fucking boat and yeah, well the

810
00:56:37,360 --> 00:56:39,880
elephants wouldn't work on boats. That's
the whole reason he didn't use those.

811
00:56:40,119 --> 00:56:45,079
Yeah. Yeah, I can't watch
an elephant at him. Maybe, yeah,

812
00:56:45,960 --> 00:56:50,440
you just maybe you break it down
for parts. Anyway. I remember

813
00:56:50,599 --> 00:56:52,480
the reason why I'm doing this episode
is because I was looking at like we

814
00:56:52,559 --> 00:56:57,159
saw Oppenheimer, and I was trying
to look at like ancient weapons that were

815
00:56:57,280 --> 00:57:00,599
like dope, yeah, and I
came across the pot of snakes. Pot

816
00:57:00,679 --> 00:57:05,920
of snakes is rat as It's very
high up there for me, underutilized.

817
00:57:05,960 --> 00:57:09,079
I would say we should do it
now kind of is it against the Geneva

818
00:57:09,159 --> 00:57:13,480
Convention. I would imagine so,
but it's not. But it's kind of

819
00:57:13,519 --> 00:57:16,559
like a loophole, is the Geneva
Convention, Like if you didn't mention it,

820
00:57:16,760 --> 00:57:20,800
then it's okay. Yeah, because
if it's that, then yeah,

821
00:57:20,880 --> 00:57:22,639
I'm sure it's fine. They probably
weren't writing and like, all right,

822
00:57:22,760 --> 00:57:27,360
let's go back through the animals of
history and see the dumb shit everyone did.

823
00:57:27,480 --> 00:57:31,679
We just start launching snakes a putin. Yeah, uh, there is

824
00:57:31,800 --> 00:57:37,920
a protection of animals during warfare.
Are snakes animals? I don't think so.

825
00:57:38,360 --> 00:57:42,920
I think they're the devil, all
of them. Yeah, they're they're

826
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:45,920
collectively the devil. Yeah, they're
all there. They're all the devil's fingers.

827
00:57:46,320 --> 00:57:51,039
I don't fuck with snakes at no. At Snaks are weird, man.

828
00:57:51,239 --> 00:57:52,880
They don't have legs and they move
around like that. It's unnatural.

829
00:57:53,920 --> 00:58:00,599
His fate ended in the court of
Bethemia. Hannibal discovered that the cast where

830
00:58:00,679 --> 00:58:05,440
he was living was surrounded by Roman
soldiers and he could not escape, so

831
00:58:06,079 --> 00:58:09,719
he took poison. Some time between
one ninety one eighty two BC. They

832
00:58:09,760 --> 00:58:14,840
don't really have an official date on
it. One eighty two. Yeah,

833
00:58:14,880 --> 00:58:17,199
so there's like an eight year gap
Jesus because he dies out of his country,

834
00:58:17,519 --> 00:58:20,559
right right, right, Yeah,
everyone's just kind of like, yeah,

835
00:58:20,679 --> 00:58:22,840
he at some point in this period
he stopped. And again most of

836
00:58:22,880 --> 00:58:28,519
the sources for this are Roman sources, yep, always the case. Yeah,

837
00:58:28,840 --> 00:58:31,360
Um, we know most of what
we know about Carthage because of Rome.

838
00:58:31,519 --> 00:58:37,159
Yeah. Because and it's again an
interesting thing. They wanted to eliminate

839
00:58:37,199 --> 00:58:40,079
Carthage from the map because it was
their like crowning achievement. It's like we've

840
00:58:40,199 --> 00:58:45,719
eviscerated our greatest enemy and it's kind
of that like moment they can never get

841
00:58:45,800 --> 00:58:49,719
back to after that, right,
Like at least they're always chasing that high,

842
00:58:49,960 --> 00:58:52,559
right, like the things that like
people in the Roman Senate would talk

843
00:58:52,559 --> 00:58:54,320
about it was like back when we
won the Second Punic War, like it's

844
00:58:54,320 --> 00:58:59,679
our World War two. Yeah,
so it's like if it were back in

845
00:58:59,760 --> 00:59:02,480
those times, we'd be better off. We're not men today like we were

846
00:59:02,599 --> 00:59:06,960
during the Punic War exactly. And
that was the sentiment, right, But

847
00:59:07,440 --> 00:59:09,440
because of that, like it was
this you can't have your cake and eat

848
00:59:09,480 --> 00:59:14,079
it too, Like they couldn't let
the memory of Carthage die because they wouldn't

849
00:59:14,079 --> 00:59:16,800
have anything to talk about right either. So it's like it was actually kind

850
00:59:16,840 --> 00:59:21,719
of weird, like if it weren't
for like Rome's hubris and like insisting on

851
00:59:21,800 --> 00:59:23,280
how great it was, we've been
known nothing about Carthage. Yeah, I

852
00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:28,639
mean, and they really it's crazy, like that was the last real major

853
00:59:28,719 --> 00:59:32,760
power they kind of ever had to
fuck with, other than like the Persians.

854
00:59:34,280 --> 00:59:37,199
I think the acamended Empires that what
it was. I can't remember.

855
00:59:37,360 --> 00:59:42,119
I mean the Persians, but the
Egyptians too to lesser degree washed. Yeah,

856
00:59:42,159 --> 00:59:45,400
I mean they got fucked pretty hard. Like they were trying to Egypt

857
00:59:45,480 --> 00:59:46,840
was trying to finesse a lot,
and they just blew it. Yeah.

858
00:59:47,400 --> 00:59:51,480
Egypt was a paper tiger at that
point. Yeah, they were. They

859
00:59:51,559 --> 00:59:55,559
had no shot. And to keep
in mind, like Egypt's heyday was fifteen

860
00:59:55,719 --> 01:00:00,559
hundred years before Rome showed up to
take their land. And yeah, I

861
01:00:00,599 --> 01:00:02,719
mean I would say, like,
you know, we're talking to Talamaic Egypt,

862
01:00:02,840 --> 01:00:07,920
right, like yeah, yeah,
like it. But also somewhat Mark

863
01:00:07,960 --> 01:00:12,599
Antony too was involved in that.
Uh yeah, the Ptolemy, the Ptolemy

864
01:00:12,719 --> 01:00:15,519
family still ruled Egypt at that point
when Caesar got there because like, yeah,

865
01:00:15,840 --> 01:00:20,360
I mean that was um it was
Leopatra was, but they were still

866
01:00:20,440 --> 01:00:24,400
by the time I think when Caesar
got there, uh Ptolemaic, Egypt was

867
01:00:24,599 --> 01:00:29,079
like, um, I was on
his way, a client state of Rome.

868
01:00:29,320 --> 01:00:34,519
Yeah it was. It was definitely
vassal but but eventually, at least

869
01:00:34,559 --> 01:00:37,880
maybe under Augustus or whatever, just
became their territory full on, like it

870
01:00:38,000 --> 01:00:40,639
was like this is part of Rome
now, yeah, because they couldn't finesse

871
01:00:40,719 --> 01:00:49,079
like a deal with Caesar same the
same way, um where uh when um

872
01:00:50,199 --> 01:00:53,000
fuck, when Jesus was born,
Uh, Judea was a vassal state,

873
01:00:53,079 --> 01:00:58,280
a client state of Rome. That's
why King Herod was there. But by

874
01:00:58,360 --> 01:01:02,639
the time, yeah, by the
time Jesus was executed, I think it

875
01:01:02,800 --> 01:01:07,039
was just full on Roman territory,
or maybe maybe that was by seventy when

876
01:01:07,079 --> 01:01:09,719
they when they destroyed the temple seventy
eighty, then it became yeah, they

877
01:01:09,800 --> 01:01:14,519
just became part of Rome full on. Well yeah, that's that Egypt becoming

878
01:01:14,719 --> 01:01:20,440
a full on territory as with pretty
much rapidized the full decline of Egypt and

879
01:01:20,519 --> 01:01:22,719
why it wasn't like ever capable of
getting back. Yeah, because like they

880
01:01:22,920 --> 01:01:27,159
basically it's like, oh, hey, Rome needs bread, Now we make

881
01:01:27,199 --> 01:01:30,280
bread. You're a Yeah, you're
a fucking bakery. Yeah. Essentially that's

882
01:01:30,280 --> 01:01:31,320
what they became. Yeah, Like
it wasn't like, oh, we get

883
01:01:31,360 --> 01:01:35,440
to prosper because we're like all the
money business, all the money was in

884
01:01:35,480 --> 01:01:39,000
the East. Yeah. Also,
Rome had this high respect for Hannibal.

885
01:01:40,159 --> 01:01:45,880
Um. He became such a figure
of terror that whenever disaster threatened, Romans

886
01:01:45,920 --> 01:01:51,559
would claim Hannibal at portous, Hannibal
is at the gates to emphasize the gravity

887
01:01:51,599 --> 01:01:55,400
of the emergency. The Romans even
built statues of Hannibal in the streets of

888
01:01:55,480 --> 01:02:00,599
Rome to advertise their defeat of such
a worthy advisary. Exactly. That's just

889
01:02:00,719 --> 01:02:07,920
pr dude. They have to keep
that image alive. Yet when I yeah,

890
01:02:07,960 --> 01:02:13,000
when I advocate for putting up statues
of Hitler in the middle of every

891
01:02:13,079 --> 01:02:17,480
town square in America, I'm a
psycho, you monster. Yeah. No,

892
01:02:17,639 --> 01:02:21,360
he has to be like crying though, or like about to blow his

893
01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:24,519
head off. It's like we do
like a full fund to head, cyanide

894
01:02:24,559 --> 01:02:28,880
pill going in the mouth. Yeah, Like it's a diorama of a bunker

895
01:02:29,199 --> 01:02:36,000
basically, just like going out in
three different ways. So that is the

896
01:02:36,639 --> 01:02:42,039
story of Hannibal Barkin. I believe
that Romans also used him as a boogieman

897
01:02:42,079 --> 01:02:44,559
for their kids. Yeah, like
he would like they'd be like, oh,

898
01:02:44,639 --> 01:02:46,440
Hannibal will get you if you don't
eat your vegetables. Was he the

899
01:02:46,480 --> 01:02:50,440
Attilla the hun before it's all of
the hun? Yeah? Yeah. Because

900
01:02:50,480 --> 01:02:53,320
like a fun question is like,
who is Hitler before Hitler? I think

901
01:02:53,320 --> 01:03:00,159
it was Attila, Hannibal, then
Attila, then Genghis yeah, then um,

902
01:03:00,400 --> 01:03:05,159
Napoleon, Napoleon. Yeah, oh
the Turks, the Turks just in

903
01:03:05,320 --> 01:03:09,559
general. Um yeah, any Turk, yes, any of them, all

904
01:03:09,679 --> 01:03:15,119
Terks, you're Hitler? Um yeah, and then Napoleon and then took and

905
01:03:15,159 --> 01:03:16,679
then it was and then Hitler and
then Hitler. Yeah. Yeah. What

906
01:03:16,800 --> 01:03:23,840
do you guys learn today? Um? You know, I learned about snakes

907
01:03:23,880 --> 01:03:28,400
and pots. I know that's really
the important thing. I learned that that

908
01:03:28,880 --> 01:03:30,880
hand will Sometimes your best idea has
come to you too late. Yeah,

909
01:03:32,199 --> 01:03:35,519
think about it. You're on your
deathbed and you like, think of the

910
01:03:35,599 --> 01:03:38,840
best idea for a novel. Ever, Yeah, that's probably gonna happen to

911
01:03:38,920 --> 01:03:45,119
one of us. But um yeah, that's like the Tyrant a boy wizard.

912
01:03:45,960 --> 01:03:49,320
Shit, but you have Alzheimers,
so you don't know. Yeah,

913
01:03:50,280 --> 01:03:52,920
that's a good one, Grandpa.
No, I think, um, that's

914
01:03:52,960 --> 01:03:54,920
like the Tyrant equivalent of like when
you think of an argument you had with

915
01:03:55,039 --> 01:03:59,280
someone too late. Yeah, it's
like, oh I should have said that.

916
01:03:59,639 --> 01:04:01,599
Yeah, could have owned him.
It's like the imaginary fight in the

917
01:04:01,639 --> 01:04:09,320
shower. It's the jerk store.
Yeah, from Seinfeld, who is today's

918
01:04:09,360 --> 01:04:14,079
Hitler? Well, I think Hannibal
was Hitler kind of from the perspective of

919
01:04:14,199 --> 01:04:15,800
Rome. I said that already,
But who in the story is Hitler?

920
01:04:16,880 --> 01:04:20,559
Like, really, I don't know
his shitty dad. Yeah, his dad's

921
01:04:20,599 --> 01:04:26,360
pretty Hitler. Dip your head and
tip your hand in blood. It's like

922
01:04:26,440 --> 01:04:29,239
he's like a fucking failed athlete.
That's like trying to make his kid be

923
01:04:30,840 --> 01:04:33,039
like he's like, my child will
go pro. Yeah, he's I'm gonna

924
01:04:33,079 --> 01:04:38,679
say, anyone that played Rome total
War, Yeah, that's a good one.

925
01:04:39,039 --> 01:04:43,159
Anyone that could phonetically pronounce where it's
Do you think there was anyone you

926
01:04:43,199 --> 01:04:47,639
think you're better than me? That
detinly? Do you think there's anyone Like

927
01:04:47,760 --> 01:04:53,239
when they started marching the elephans is
like guys, we can still turn back.

928
01:04:53,880 --> 01:04:58,880
We don't have to do this.
I really feel bad for um all

929
01:04:58,960 --> 01:05:02,000
of Hannibal's supply officers. Yeah you
know what I mean. Yeah, I

930
01:05:02,039 --> 01:05:10,039
say amateur study tactics, professional study
logistics, his logisticians, anyone that was

931
01:05:10,519 --> 01:05:14,519
involved with feeding the army and shit
like that. Those poor bastards. Yeah,

932
01:05:14,719 --> 01:05:16,519
it's like, now we gotta feed
all these dudes and giant devil.

933
01:05:16,920 --> 01:05:20,239
Yeah, they were probably like quietly
in their tent at night. They're like

934
01:05:20,239 --> 01:05:27,559
another elephant fellow of a cliffland.
I thank god, honestly, you have

935
01:05:27,679 --> 01:05:30,960
no food now. Yeah, I
hate to say it was how far down

936
01:05:30,039 --> 01:05:32,039
can we get some meat? Yeah? Like I was about to say,

937
01:05:32,159 --> 01:05:34,639
yeah, if he did drop an
elephant, that's a lot of meat.

938
01:05:34,639 --> 01:05:38,719
I wonder how elephant me tastes.
Its gotta be gamy. People eat elephant

939
01:05:38,880 --> 01:05:42,639
really a lot of fat? Dude? Is it? You can eat elephant?

940
01:05:42,679 --> 01:05:46,360
For sure? I had you might
get shot by people. I don't

941
01:05:46,400 --> 01:05:48,960
think I would go after poachers,
but I don't think I would want to

942
01:05:48,960 --> 01:05:53,679
eat elephant if I had the opportunity. Yeah, and that's why you are

943
01:05:53,760 --> 01:05:56,519
the way that you are. There's
a lot of things I would eat that

944
01:05:56,639 --> 01:06:00,800
are morally questionable. The bird,
the whole bird, with the bunting,

945
01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:04,239
Yes, with the little napkin over
your head, I would do it,

946
01:06:04,320 --> 01:06:08,559
the napkin of shame. Yes,
because at a certain point someone's making that

947
01:06:08,599 --> 01:06:11,760
bird. Either way, I'm not
going to go out and seek the elephant.

948
01:06:12,000 --> 01:06:15,400
The weirdest meat I've eaten is kangaroo. Yeah, kangaroo's weird. I

949
01:06:15,440 --> 01:06:16,719
haven't had that, but I know
they have it at Lonesome Dove. Sometimes

950
01:06:17,480 --> 01:06:20,280
I had it in a sausage so
you couldn't really tell. And honestly,

951
01:06:20,320 --> 01:06:25,320
it's probably just like venison. Kangaroo
are the deer of Australia. They're kind

952
01:06:25,320 --> 01:06:28,360
of like the squirrels. Really,
Yeah, which is weird. But a

953
01:06:28,719 --> 01:06:30,639
deer that it'll square up with you. Yeah, the jack this deer you've

954
01:06:30,679 --> 01:06:34,960
ever seen? Oh yeah? Vany
biceps. That's all I got today.

955
01:06:35,360 --> 01:06:41,880
Thanks for tuning in. Make sure
to again rate and subscribe on Apple or

956
01:06:42,000 --> 01:06:44,960
Spotify. Leave review on Apple if
you can, please and thank you.

957
01:06:45,480 --> 01:06:47,880
Five stars are one star. I'm
tired of this half in bullshit. No

958
01:06:48,000 --> 01:06:51,480
three star reviews. Please. You
can leave your honest opinion, but give

959
01:06:51,559 --> 01:06:55,519
us five stars. Just give us
five or I guess one if you hate

960
01:06:55,599 --> 01:07:00,719
us. But right, but the
three it's just the roof because Dan asked

961
01:07:00,760 --> 01:07:04,320
for no middle. They like,
fine, we're gonna one start you to

962
01:07:04,400 --> 01:07:10,559
hell. Please five stars and then
again. Patreon dot com slash software History

963
01:07:10,719 --> 01:07:15,760
two additional episodes every week software History
dot Com from merch thanks for tuning in

964
01:07:15,159 --> 01:07:19,159
for Rob Fox and j Goldman.
I'm Dann Chester and you just got self served