Welcome to you, softcore history. What is up? Welcome back to softcore
History. I am your host for the week, Rob Fox, and as
always I am joined by Dan Jester and Jake Goldman, and we're here to
talk some history. But before we do, I do have a couple of
little house cleaning things at the top. First off, please go to iTunes
and leave it's a five star review, and leave a review. We've got
some good ones. We'll save those for the end. There was one that
I think one that we really liked quite a few, Yeah, there was.
Well. I appreciate you actually introducing this though, rather than just going
right into the house cleaning. Yes, because you've done it quite a few
times. House cleaning is more important. But I was being played. It's
almost as if you have never hosted a podcast before. I'm here too.
I'm more interested in getting likes and reviews than telling people your names, because
you're a slut for validation. Rob, Yeah, tell them how much you
like me, and then say what's his name? And who's it's what's fun?
And Jeff? Yeah, reginal Older. I thought your guys names were
Don and Jeff. To be quite honest, like, I thought that was
accurate ron I assume was a typo NB there. Literally, I have a
ten year I have to know you for ten years before I actually know your
name. Okay, that's a fair Yeah, that's a fair rule, because
I mean, what are you gonna do, like just try to remember their
name before you and I've only known you guys for nine so you've known who
I am for ten? Oh? What a dumb Internet? It's what did
I say? A lie? I didn't know who you were? You?
Did? You were? You did? I didn't read TFF? Did you
did? Didn't you? Did you knew? Anyway? Uh? Please leave
a review like U and five stars on Spotify, but write a review for
Apple with a five star. And also, if you're new to this show
just checking it out. We do have a Patreon as well. Patreon dot
com. Slash softcore history will get you for five dollars a month. We
do two extra shows a week, including a listener of voicemail episode. If
you want to call in and leave a voicemail for that Jake you know the
number off It's five one two nine eight one five one four three. Again
that number, it's five one two nine eight one five one four three suck
my dick. He learned it. I learned it. Proud of you.
I did it. I remembered ten numbers in a row. Extremely proud of
you. Aren't know my dad's cell phone number. I was at a water
Burger yesterday and the code get in the bathroom was eight digits long. That's
good. Seems a little people have been doing. People were probably doing it
on speaking one on Barton Springs. Oh my god. Yeah, that one.
That water Burger is just like homeless orgies in that bathroom. My whole
point is eight digits is too long. Make it four, or it's just
right for the people you don't want in there. Yeah. Also, a
code's not going to keep any homeless people out. They'll just smash the fucking
lock lock off if they really want to get a door down. He'll keep
the drunk barfers out. It will keep them out. Yeah. On the
patreon, we have I don't know why you jumped in with a water Burger
story. On the Patreon, we also have a full back catalog because it
was eight digits long, and he you know, I'm proud of him.
Okay, yeah, there was a three line I forgot about that. We're
cutting into the history time guys. Yeah, really cutting into the full back
catalog all evergreen shit, so that five dollars a month isn't just getting you
those months episodes, it's getting you everything we've ever made there, all of
which is evergreen all history content, fun shit like that. We also do
game shows and stuff like trivia contests for history and stuff like that. Check
it out. It's a lot of fun. Anyway, Now onto the show.
No, No, We're gonna do no History today. What's the deal?
Anybody that's stumbled upon this podcast without knowing who we are? Fucky this
episode. I doubt that's gonna happen this episode because it's not very seo friendly,
Like it's not topical. Oh, it's just like a random thing from
history I found. So every episode we do no like this is even this
is pretty like pretty sure the only time the thing we've done so far as
Oppenheimer. You're welcome, Oppenheimer. Well, we do like Christmas and uh
and and fourth of julyzed that, but yeah, the only like hyper topic.
I mean, we've we've exhausted those holidays and Halloween obviously we've just no.
But this is more like my I cannot wait for October. I know
spooky month is, Spooky Month is come and tell your friends get ready for
Spooky Month. We're coming hard, We're coming bloody. But this is more
akin to like my traveling m It could be it could be an episode on
the road, but I think we need to get at least one episode from
another location. On location catacombs. Yeah, we're going to the Romans French
catacombs so that guy can comment and be like, man, I can't tell
these guys nothing now, just to shove it in his face. Really,
I will add him. We'll go back to that video find I'd be like,
hey, bitch, check out watch this episode. Here's a link.
Suck it. Yeah, I can't wait. Tell me get real petty with
our negative comments. What do you think is the greatest lengths somebody has gone
to to prove an Internet troll wrong. Well, guy one time on counter
Strike lost a knife fight in Counterstrike and he found that dude like, yeah,
I was gonna say I had to be murder, like, there's no
way it's not. The Internet was probably only around for a year before the
first troll related murder happened. Yeah, the guy went and found him and
stabbed him in real life because he lost the counter That man was Al Gore.
Well, he invented the internet just to do that. That's like the
meat. That's like the shittiest, most bad faith reading of that Al Gore
quote. It is everybody's just like talking shit on it. I didn't even
realize it. I thought he did say something stupid. I just took everyone's
word for it. He met like the Royal We like the America, like
America, Yeah, we created this. It's like imagine like someone's like,
we built the railroads across the nation. It's like and then everyone's like,
this guy thinks he built the trans called to the moon, and it's like
if he went to the bo bitch. He even talking about the guy who
went with like yeah, okay, fucking it was just so shitty. It's
a pretty good example of like before sound biting someone to death was a thing.
They get it to him pretty hard because there was something about like he
compared his life to the romantic comedy Love Story during that campaign, and they
were like, he thinks that movie is about him. It's like no,
no one thinks that, Like, yeah, for all the things you give
out Gore ship for Yeah, there's so many more things. Yeah, but
yeah, anyway, a little bit of a niche subject today. Today's episode
is about something that about the type of thing that whenever I get like,
I don't know, a little anxious, a little stressed out about life or
a situation in the world, it's a sort of thing I think about and
it relaxes me. Oh God, where is it? Where's the left turn?
Today we're talking about the African slave trade. I know which one you're
talking You're talking about the Eastern one, aren't. Kind of to an extent,
it's not the slave trade that relaxes me, though, for what it's
worth, it's my own personal theme for this show, for this episode,
but I feel like it's my other history theme. Like obviously we say shit
don't change uh all the time because shit don't try blah blah blah. But
it's like what we broadly subscribe to. I guess. But another theme,
Dan, I think this one will resonate with you in particular, another theme
that I constantly have like remind myself up to feel feel good. You remember
that meme when like you know, black lives matter, and then it's blue
lives matter, and there's just a picture zoomed out of the milky Way and
there's like no lives matter. Yeah, that is kind of how I It's
like a calming thing I get about history, and the theme of this history
theme in particular is no one's gonna remember you m a spec of dust on
a spec of dust, on a spec of dust, your life Sawsymandius,
King of Kings. Yeah, yeah, no one's gonna I mean, if
you ask someone like the average person to write down every historical figure they are
aware of prior to nineteen hundred, what do you think the what's the over
under on the number they get, the number number of historical figures they can
write down, give them thirty minutes. You have to invade in another country
typically, Yeah, do something horrific, yeah, or invent something incredible,
or just sue somebody like I bet even like Caesar would only be on like
one out of every five lists. You think, So you think Hitler's on
everyone pretty much? I mean people there's that was born before nineteen hundred.
Oh no, I'm sorry, Yeah, Hitler doesn't count because it's it's that
no twentieth century historical figures. Yeah, like you're you're not a hard time.
Actually, I bet it's I put the number like thirty five. You
think the average person could write thirty five down? No, I think more
fictional characters like a thour which doesn't count, Like Medusa. Yeah, still
get like Lincoln and Washington. There's so many. The way I'm putting set
in the over under it nine and a half. I think the average person
can't do ten if you get him thirty minutes to sit down, right,
thirty minutes is such a long you know what. But I'm I think of
the people I hang out with, and I'm like, oh, then they
could probably do it, but not everyone. You have to be assassinated.
Even then, like Garfield, nobody really knows him, right, or fucking
McKinley, forget that, right, No one knows these people. So so
that's what that's what I like to think about when I when I think,
like the world's big and right in my face, I'm like, no one
cares. Well, no one's gonna remember anything I do, even if it's
incredible, probably will be remembered. We're gonna be doing a double header on
Africa this week. Then oh wow, get us? Yeah? Really growing?
Look at us? I think me and Jake still off time to be
remembered. Yeah, I think it's it's past you Roby seven thirty two.
We're still we're still young. And yeah, it's we really should be at
the point of the apex though, and not at the floor. You have
kids, so you kind of pass on. That's all your hopes and dreams
ont of that the only legacy any of us are ever gonna have as children.
I'm good. Yeah, well yeah, if you have any at all,
that's right. My legacy is gonna be something cool, like I don't
know, some invention, all right, Stu pickles that start inventing. I
guess, all right, here you go, plush toys that are animals but
bananas, call them bananimals. Get get on it. It's been done,
pattent Penny. No, it's over in Korea. I'm sure it's probably probably
that sounds very Korean. That's something something you would see in like a Korean
gas sting. What what if that's my calling? Like Korean plush toys?
Get on it? Yeah? Go what are you knowing stopping? You get
up and do it? All right? See you? Yeah, enjoy the
episode. I'll so my own my own specific example I like to think of
when I think of this, sure mind myself when i'm you know, whatever,
is the Battle of Manza Kurt. You guys ever heard of this?
No hear about this? Yeah, I'm a big Manza Kurt guy. I
ran no okay close. It was in Turkey, okay. Uh. It
was basically the loss uh the Eastern Roman Empire lost battle of the Turks,
and like the ten hundreds, Uh, it essentially made it like that was
it. They were done in Anatolia. After that the Turks took over colonized
it. They weren't from there, people forget that Turkey not the land of
Turks. No, they were from east of there, weren't they Uh,
like south and east? Yeah, like from more from inner step. They
were more like around I think, from around like Egypt or North America.
Oh really, I thought they were more like I thought like they came up
from eat through Egypt. I think. Oh man, So I always thought
Turks were like more of a step kind of like Kazakh area group of people.
You know, maybe they are actually Yeah, that's just my understanding that
the thing. No, I don't remember because no one, no one talks
about the Turks not being from Turkey, that's something that's not really covered,
right, yeah, right, Okay, they were from more Central Asia than
anything, but one of the last places. You're only proving your point exactly.
Yeah. No one remembers anything, and I'm good at remembering this stuff,
and you don't remember anything, So why don't you pronounce Bhutan? Right?
Listen to our patriot scooting buggy straight up booting. So that was it.
This is the battle that they lost, and essentially that was it was
not the immediate final nail in the Eastern Roman Empires COFFM. But they were
never going to recover from that. They were never going to be a powerful
nation again. After that. It was even worse. It was set them
on the path that then you know, the Crusades fucked up even worries and
blah blah blah blah. Anyway, there's a massively important historical event. People
died there. It was the pinnacle of many people's lives, some more than
some battle. No one remembers some battle, no one. I mean,
like, can you imagine that you're like dying bleeding out on this field and
you're like, I did it for the emperor. This will be remembered and
sung about for the ages. Nah, and this is Western civilisation. Yeah,
yeah, No, this isn't even like a random battle in China where
eight million people die. Still beats getting stabbed at like a Black Friday sale
leading out in the Walmart check it out. My family will remember. My
family will remember me getting the Scarman GPS system. Songs will be song of
me every Thanksgiving. No, no, just get fifty bucks off a big
screen TV. Right, it's gonna burn out in two years. So again,
TV's are cheap as hell. Now. Hey, yeah, I know
I shouldn't be killing anybody over TV. It's the only thing that's getting cheaper.
So again, no one's gonna remember. No one's gonna remember you.
And that's our show. Guys, thanks so much for listening. No one
will remember you. That's the message we really want you to take. No
one's gonna remember. Do you make art? Do you? What do you
do? It doesn't matter. No one's even even artists, that's what I'm
saying, even the artists. No, it's four, there's four. Yeah,
it's four total artists. And one of them's not a real artist.
It's just Sandy Warhol. He just slaps his name on stuff. Yeah,
hate that guy. Everyone knows. Everyone does the best. The best explanation
of Andy Warhol's and Men in Black three if you've seen it, it's just
one of the aliens. No, no, I'm not gonna spoil it.
Just you don't even have to watch the movie, just YouTube. Andy Warhol
seemed black. The movie's like a decade old at this point, but this
story reminded me of that general theme as I was reading. It is the
story of the Zane Rebellion. Okay, let's hear it. I'm glad we
don't clash topics this week. Yeah, I figured that wasn't going to be
a problem. Oh damn it. Actually, as soon as you said,
oh, we're both doing Africa, I was like a funk. I gotta
grab my backup. I only have one Africa U per week. Yeah,
no, we can have too. Yeah, I'm probably fine. Mind's more
of a biopic. It's a big continent. Yeah, so, because it's
such a huge event event and more importantly, a desperate, monumental, just
all encompassing event for the people involved. Like it, it's like the most
important monstrous thing that happened. These people lives and it had rammic ocations throughout
the world. You don't know what you never heard of it have to imagine
because these countries are so insignificant. Now, I mean, no, Turkey
doesn't matter. This isn't Turkey. This happened in Iraq, oh I know.
Yeah, yeah, uh so, but he brought up Turkey, and
like even Turkey does not matter now, not really, it can be it
can be a yeah, they're I mean, they're not in the game,
they're in NATO, they're not really game adjacent. All I know is he
to Turkulse in there like government. Yeah that's because you're a sports guy.
But that's all that you can really take away from Turkey. Yeah, at
this point pretty much. So Yeah, I mean this event, I mean,
this is like a traumatic, catastrophic thing that happened to so many people
and no one knows about it, not because we're ignorant or anything. There's
just too much to know. Even so, it's just funny though that these
people in the moment dying, this is the biggest event ever that could ever
happen to them, and we're like, oh, this was fun trivia for
the day. Yeah, it's it's just fun. I mean, that's just
history. It's funny to me, but let's talk about it now. So
imagine, right in your thesis on this in college, like you spend all
your time studying this specific incident. Probably have There are probably people with their
thesis that seems like a total waste. No, it's better to do something
like this that the professor's not gonna shit about. Yep, real granular.
Do you want to do one about Napoleon? Good luck, asshole? Yeah,
say something that hasn't been said about this already, because that's your thesis,
right, Yeah, your thesis needs to bring a new You need to
find the most random shit you can think of. Yeah, the whole point
of the thesis is to bring some a new All I'm saying is you think
this moment here in history does not matter in the grand scheme of things.
That man's paper with that woman's paper, yeah, even less so what they're
paper about it. Yeah? Oh yeah, yeah, it's all just I
mean, and honestly, it's like a colt it's like a robot learning about
it, you know what I mean. It's like, oh hmm, those
people got their heads cut off. Interesting, m the person gets his head
office. It's very interesting to him. Yeah, totally. So what years
are these so? Uh, it happens from eight sixty nine to eight eighty
three a d. Sick takes place in the opposite caliphate, of course,
which is the third caliphate to succeed Mohammed himself. Uh. It was founded
by a dynasty that traced back to Mohammed's uncle, probably allegedly but who knows.
At the height of its power in eight sixty a d. The borders
of the Abbasid Caliphate stretched from Sicily to India. It was a good caliphate.
Yeah, big, big, old caliphate. Not as big as the
Umiad Caliphate before it. Yeah, that was like Spain in India, it
was like yeah, almost I think to Anesia at that point, right,
I don't know that they've gotten Uh. The heart of the empire was in
Iraq. The capital, I think the capital, either capital or it's you
know, New York City was Baghdad, which was arguably at the time the
greatest city on Earth. Cool. This was what was known as the Golden
Age of Islam that you hear so much about. Oh pre Mongol, oh
by about four years yeah yeah, yeah, before they knuke the city.
Yeah, with swords these kind it kind of is actually a lot worse.
Like, hey, get you want to get nuked, but slow, slow
nukes. Slow nuking is really not ideal. Now around this time, they're
bucking, there's living their lives. What the Mongols, No, No,
the Muslims. Yeah, the Caliphate, they're crushing it. This is probably,
I imagine this is the most powerful nation on Earth. I mean,
eight sixty he's still the Eastern Roman Empire is still a big fucking deal.
But like Western Europe is kind of whatever, I guess maybe the Holy Roman
Empire and then I'm still kind of re establishing itself. Yeah post fall of
Western Roman Empire, right, yeah, yeah, so they're still realigning.
This is what would this is during what people would still I think consider the
Dark Ages for Europe. Yeah, even though the Dark Age is kind of
a misnomer, but that's neither here nor they're not important. So one area
of the Empire that was somewhat underdeveloped, despite this being probably the richest nation
or whatever you want to call it, empire on Earth at the time and
most advanced, was uh in its backyard actually southern Iraq. After the Arabs
conquered Mesopotamia. The port city of Bazra sprung up shortly afterwards, Boss in
southern Iraq, near the Persian Gulf. If you remember the second invasion of
Iraq, that's the one we gave the Brits to take. Whoa Brits took
Basra. Let the Brits have it. You guys like ships? Yeah,
oh you know, Bob got ya? God not? You can got today
show, Bob say d. That's how I imagine it went down. Yeah,
yeah, President Bush, this is a pretty serious topic. I don't
think now so the song to be doing an impression of Oh yeah, I
would love Behind the scenes, Tony Blair and George W. Bush. You're
just talking about what to do. George, it isn't it just fucking sing
song? And it Tony Blair and Tony you fucked pig didn't yet It's like,
oh, god damn it. Everyone forgets about that. I really hate
that. I need to bring these petrol prices down, God damn it.
So yeah, bas Boss are sprung up shortly after, and it became arguably
the Islamic world's primary trading link with East Asia, India, Indonesia, blah
blah blah. This was their ports city. You know the episode I did.
I think it was on the Patreon about the African slaves in China.
I really got to do something about Africa and slaves. That's not ideal,
but yeah, joined the clothes waters. Actually listen to our Punt episode from
a million years ago. Punts was good where Egypt got all their treasure from.
Now not they bought it, they bought it. Just be clear.
Punt was a trading trading empire that we knew a little bit about. And
also it was sexy land. It was sex. They talked about the always
taught the eas Egyptians wrote poetry about how sexy it was. They were serving
punt all day long. Man. But sou yeah, this because the city
became fabulously wealthy. It was, you know, I mean it was like
the most one of the most important ports in the world at the time.
Uh. Still, the areas around Basra were largely abandoned. Uh marshland.
And this Basra, by the way, is the area where the Sumerian Empire
started. Oh, because they're all where all the first cities sprung up.
Fertile land blah blah blah, swampy fertile Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
it can be. It can get swampy if you don't tend to it,
and that's what fucking happened. The areas around Basra were largely abandoned marshes
that used to be farmland, certainly when the Marians were around, but even
after that. The tigers and euphrates, though, are kind of like,
so the Nile, like it floods slowly, it's peaceful, it rises up,
and the Egyptians are like, it's time to harvest. The tigers and
euphrates just like murder you and your sleep. It's like a flash flood.
Yeah, not as fun of a river to live on. So when they
flood, you're kind of fucked. Yeah, especially in the valley between the
two. Yeah, I would imagine, yeah, because like there's that,
I mean, that's where Mary's essentially based. I think intersection, yeah,
or sumer uh sumers may actually don't. They hadn't intersected yet at that point.
Okay, they hadn't pushed all the silt up, so all this was
abandoned, but the Caliphate knew that this land could be useful again for architecture
if the marshes were converted back to farmland. So the Caliphate just gave all
this marshland to wealthy residence of Basra, and they're like, you can have
this on the condition that you can own this land on the condition that you
make it useful, all right. So the wealthy residents were like, sure,
we'll take freeland. But then they went to check on their new real
estate and the job at hand that would come with it, and they were
like, man, this is gonna be horrible work. I mean, it's
hot as shit because we're in a rack clearing all this water and vegetation and
top soil. Sounds a lot like some people's issues with the southern southeastern United
States. Yeah, they're like, this is just gonna be deathly work.
I don't think we could pay anyone to do this if we wanted to,
so they didn't. So it's like they're Mississippi. It's there, it's just
off the punch of train, the delta. Yeah. I would say Louisiana
would probably be the state i'd want to be a slave in the least.
Yeah, just based on climate, climate and conditions, like just wet Mississippi
is the exact same Mississippi if you're on the delta, but much worse.
Yeah, well so it was East Texas. Like, if you get past
east of Houston, that's all fucking gross too, dude. Honestly, if
you're on the Delta, you're fucked. If you're in the Bio, you're
fucked. At least Louisiana you have some like name recognition. Nobody gives a
fuck about Mississippi. No, Mississippi. Yeah, it's bad. It's the
worst state in America. It's it's by far the worst. There's not even
a good city where they're named after a river that doesn't start or end there.
Yeah, it's just they're pretty stupid. Yeah, it's a dumb state.
Yeah, I mean, but quite literally, if you're from Mississippi,
apologies but you're but now your school system now trash. I don't. I
was singing today about how old miss what's your cuisine? Okay, mud pie?
Actually know they have they have a great they have a great ticket at
your dish. The Mississippi pop roast. Yeah, the mud the mud roast,
Mississippi mud Roast, That's what I'm talking. I was thinking today how
old miss has got to be like it's just like it's just like really well
dressed to literates. I don't even know what the that's hilarious, but like
I don't even like really like lipstick on it. What do you think the
largest city in Mississippi is? Do you think you know it's got jack Jackson's
easily Jackson speaking of Southern foods that are dogshit though, Alabama sauce is stupid
and it's not a barbecue sauce. And I don't want that ship anywhere near
anything I eat. Fucking ever, seems like they're catching a stray for no
reason. No, it's deserved. Largest city in Mississippi's Jackson, with a
population of one hundred and fifty thousand. Yeah, nobody should live in that
state. That is insanely small for the largest city of Like, have you
been to Oxford. I've never stopped anywhere other than a rest stop, dude,
Oxford's tiny. Yeah crazy. I'll be in Jackson next week or in
two weeks. What thinking a pit stop? Yep, making a pits You
need to go to a dive? No, you don't. I don't need
to go out. I think I just need to check into the hotel and
sleep, just hang out with the hotel bar. There's no way your hotel
at a bar. No, it's about to say that people watch fucking stopping
go next day the hotel, any hotel bar and Jackson. It's just like
eight people drinking out in the back of their truck in a parking lot at
the hotel and they can't be wor than roswell. Ah, that makes sense.
New Mexico doesn't. There's certain states that don't get as much shit for
being garbage because I've thought it was four Like the Mexico has skiing though,
and they have some geographical Yeah, how beautiful. Well, they have beautiful
mountains, They've got the cool desert, you know what I mean. So,
but like landmarks that you would actually want to see. Yeah, the
geography and topography of it like help it help prevent it from getting all the
ship that it should get. Where's Mississippi even though Missippi's like kind of beautiful
too if you just take the pieces, not it's not. It's missipping Oklahoma
too. Oklahoma's of the worst and ugliest states in the country. I would
say Misissippi is several degrees Mississippi. The only thing this is to be ups
going for it is its coastline. Gambling, gambling in Bulock sy like and
that's on the coast Stark Vegas certainly not Star. You gamble there know where
they call it Star. I'm sure you can't just called it Stark Vegas out
of like a cute whatever name. Anyway, I want to know about this
place, Okay. So, uh, instead of you know, paying someone
to do the work, which I don't know if they thought they could do
it or not, they really didn't care. Uh, they just paid people
to go to the southeastern coast of Africa and by a ton of slaves.
In fact, the two much primary reasons the apposite Empire Caliphate even traded along
the African coast was for gold and slaves. I mean, we can get
into a much larger topic of African slave trade across both top like coasts.
But something that a lot of people don't realize is that other people, like
other empires that traded slaves with Africa. It didn't start out as some going
in and raiding slaves and kidnapping people. They were tapping into an already very
well established intercontinental or not. But like within the continental in truck, no
inter would be within itself, right, no inner would be between contents like
Okay, so InTru continental slave trade that was very established by chieftains and war
lords and you know governments. By the way, the vikings are popping off
at this time, they come across the caliphate and like sicily they do,
yeah they do. But uh and by the way, this is even so
they start to trade back and forth. This is being even too much of
a monoculture or treating Africa like a monoculture. This is East Africa. Yeah,
they don't as far as I know, really have any contact with West
Africa, which is where the United States and Great Britain and the New World
got its slaves. Yeah, right, and in Spanish, like they totally
different parts of a humongous connet. Yeah, and even saying East and West
is kind of reductive into a monoculture kind of trap. I wis there are
so different a long mives coasts. Oh yeah, I will say though the
Abbasid Caliphate was basically going up and down the whole coast. Yeah, East
Africa totally totally, but maybe not all the way down to like South Africa
and ship but like it was quite a bit of stretch of of Africa that
they traded with. Africa continent wise might have the most resources throughout human history,
and we have done nothing but pillage that that place. Not just that
like all of Oh it goes back to basically as soon like probably pre Roman
Empire forward. People have just been going into Africa and taking shit. Yeah,
fucking crazy. They never want to stay, but it's just like,
yeah, we'll just take this. It's it's rough here, guys. I
was just getting not an avy connent to live on I feel like, you
know what I mean, like maybe on the Mediterranean coast a little bit gold
lithium, like either the tippy top or the bottom of me. That's where
that's where we got our uranium for the atomic bombs. Yeah. Everything,
it's all in Africa at all, man. So yeah, they just got
a ship ton of slaves from Eat Africa enter the Zane. These were the
Africans that were you know, conquered and kidnapped and whatever else and sold as
slaves to the wealthy elite of Bozzer among many other places. Uh. And
these people did not give one single funck about the Zange. Now, it
should be noted that this was not really like racial slavery per se. I
mean, they were free black people living, living their best lives in Pazda
and elsewhere from the same areas that these slaves were from. Yeah, it's
just like these poor bastards were caught. I don't maybe they were further in
from the coast, you know what I mean, and they were just like
plucked from whatever. Like that scene in Apocalypto. Yeah, the opening town
scene of Apocalypto where they're just like, all right, I gotta do some
raiding. Yep. Uh, if you survive, you're a slave. M
basically, what village you're gonna go back to there isn't y. Yeah.
So these people, they did not give one single fuck about desage or their
health. They were in extremely replaceable people. Thus, believe it or not,
their living conditions were horrifying and despite being a you know, just a
few days away literally from the world's richest, most medically advanced, most knowledgeable
city, thousands of them died from disease, starvation, exhaustion, torture,
and so on on a regulars. Didn't matter. Money was flown through the
fucking city and the fucking Empire. There were always more slaves to grab from
Africa and elsewhere. Africans weren't the only people work in the marshes. But
the zane I think we're the primary Uh what do you what do you call
it group? I guess the demographic. Yeah, they are the they're bearing
the brunt. Yeah. Now the Zange' been slaves for a while. Actually,
they had previously revolted in six eighty nine and six ninety fours, would
predate the apisite Caliphate that would be against Umi had caliphate, But it wasn't
until eight sixty nine eighty when things got real like Spartacus levels of serious uh
back in eight sixty one. So the revolt starts in sixty nine. Eight
sixty one, the caliphate started dealing with some serious internal strife. The central
government was broke from dealing with other rebellions and wars. Several factions were trying
to take control of the empire. At the same time, they had a
bunch of different caliphs take control in rapid succession. Really, I mean just
typical imperial stuff. Yeah, same shit, the ship that happens in Rome
and China whatever. You have an empire at some point, this type of
shit's gonna happen. You gotta keep the empire, right, you gotta and
people are going to try to take power and blah blah blah blah. What
was one in Rome? The Year of the Four Emperors. It's just shit
like that. It's we don't even need to get into it again. It's
like typical empire shit. Enter Ali ibn Muhammad, the man who would liberate
the Zange slaves because he was a good man. No, this guy was
a piece of shit and he sucks ass uh. It seems that Ali's primary
occupation in life was starting rebellions. It's kind of cool. This is the
ultimate rebel without a cause. Like this guy is literally a rebel without a
cause. He will adopt a cause to justify his rebellion, but it's really
more about the rebellion. Some men just wants to see the world bann.
He's a rabble rizer. This he is a rabble riser. He is.
He's just trying to He's an agent of chaos. He just wants to see
it get fucking twisted. He he's essentially what I wrote is he's like like
his situation with rebellions is like someone trying to become a famous YouTuber, like
just doing shitty pranks everywhere, hoping and filling him and hoping like one goes
viral so he can be famous, and hoping he doesn't get punched in the
face. Yes, that is that's that is this guy's life. And in
fact, the Zons rebellion was not Ali's first rebellion. Uh. In eight
sixty three, he went to the eastern Arabian peninsula where like Qatar and Dubai
and Shiddar, and he pretended to be a Shiite Muslim so he could convince
everyone to rebel. Why not to really like throw it. He didn't think
the caliphate was uh, like you know, some horrible imperial master or anything
like that. His main problem with the caliphate is that like he wasn't in
charge of any of it. Yeah, I feel that, you know what
I mean, I should be making the decisions. If this were my caliphate,
we'd be so much more efficient. Yeah. And I don't even think
I mean, he would have gone as far as he could have gone and
become became caliph if he could have pulled that off. But they would have
been happy just slicing a piece of land off for himself, yeah, and
and being like, yeah, I can tax this place and get money and
be a king amenia. Yeah, and that's where he wanted. He just
wanted clouting money. Okay, what's his background? Is he coming from a
rich family? No self made man? Yeah, I suppose you could say
that kind of had to respect that. Yeah, he's just an entrepreneur.
I don't think he grew up poor because he seems somewhat educated. So maybe
some sort of middle class situation. But I don't think he was any sort
of nobility or anything, not that he didn't claim to be. We'll get
to that. But it sounds like he's a rising grind guy. He is
absolutely a rising grind guy, a rise and grind, and he knows when
to he knows when to check out. Well, yeah, you gotta know
when to cash out. Yeah, you gotta know when to hold him.
Yeah, Well he doesn't really know when to hold him. He has when
to fold him though, no, he never folds him. He knows,
he knows just when to cash out. He knows when to rapidly take all
his chips off the table and run away. That's a good that's a good
thing to know that. They really like that when you go to a poker
table and you just snatch them all up and you win like three hands and
leave. They really love that. Oh they do that. If anyone's never
played poker at a real table, as soon as you get up, leave
just leave. Also, suck my dick. You lost I one? Why
am I supposed to sit here and let you take it back? That's that's
the kind of attitude right there that you need to bring to the poker table.
If someone was like really a jamb a true hour, I'd be like,
fuck fuck you, I'm cashing out. You and this man would have
got along. Yeah, well, there a code at the gambling table.
Yes, there is a code. A thousand fart noises to that. That's
fart noising. Okay, fuck, that's the stupidest shit I've ever heard.
I mean, you're not, like the whole point is that there's no way
you're getting up up in three hands. You're walking away with like you're just
kind of taking away from it. Do you upset the black check table too?
By hitting on numbers you shouldn't do, You split things you shouldn't.
I do think that's a little different because that's a team sport. It is
a team sport. You're going against the dealer. Yeah, so that's that
makes more sense. But you're taking money from the other players, so it's
not there is no like we both get you know, it's the ninth inning
and we both get a turn at bat. Right if I score on the
top of the ninth piece, out, bitch, I'm leaving, like giving
you a chance to get it back now if you get a giant pot,
Yeah, run away, just run. Yeah, I guess if you're up
twenty dollars and leave like, that's not even it's kind of weird. Yeah,
would like the football on your own ten first. Fuck y'all. You
went from like the twenty five to the forty. You have a first down?
Cool? All right? Yeah. So his rebellion, his first rebellion,
it went pretty well at first in the Eastern Arabian Peninsula again around Qatar
to buy all that stuff, and his forces even got successful enough that his
dreams were starting to come true. They were collecting taxes in his name.
Oh that's Cloud Big Big. I already hate this guy collecting taxes. His
first move is taxes. Yeah, this guy sucks. He conquers a little
land and starts taxing the people without representation too sad. Undoubtedly, the whole
representation on taxes thing is very late in the game. It's normally just fuck
you pay me. Because of most of history is that scene from the finale
of Game of Thrones where Sam's like, well, everyone lives his so shouldn't
everyone get to say in that government? And then everyone just fucking laughs at
him. Yeah, idiot, why my wholeso vote? Yeah? Yeah,
that's that is all of history until basically the American Revolution. Typically, a
man that's been in prison for months picks the king m Yeah, normally yeah,
usually a convicted murderer who was a better story. Yeah cool, thanks
than the man who is broken, this kid who's not progressed the plot at
all, not even the best part of his story. No, there's a
better stories than the man who fell out of the window. Everybody psychic,
every fourth dimensional being, that's the He hasn't told anyone that though, So
I guess that's true. I think, whatever, we're not doing this.
Yeah. Uh So. Eventually the rebellion fizzled out. The local inhabitants fought
back because I weren't really down with Ali, and he just pieced fuck out
to Basra. Time to start a new Yeah, it took a ship in
the night or whatever. I don't know. In Basra around which these ons
were are, you know, working in the city's right u and everything.
The city's rival groups were actually feuding. So Ali tried to take advantage of
the chaos and he declared a new rebellion, but this time in Basra.
Okay, okay, I see his plan. Is there ever a time in
history with the rival groups just kind of kick it? I, you know,
there's probably it's like they typically always feud. They do, and I
don't know rival part I don't know why they're not more into like price fixing,
you know what I mean, like, well, what if we what
if we work together? Yeah? Yeah, I mean I don't get why
not. But anyway, that is also late in the game fixing, when
rivals start to price fix. Yeah. Yeah, So he declares a new
revolt, and I think not to just reference the office, but it really
is just like an I declare bankruptcy situation. I was about to say,
like the he just roll into Bozra like, hey, y'all starting to revolt?
What's up? Kicks over a trash can? He's like, it's on
guys, literally, Yeah, yeah, it kicks over a public trash can.
It's like we're revolting. Yeah, everyone's like, who's this fuck it.
It's like all the fairy tale characters going to Shrek schwamp. Yeah.
Yeah, and the problem is literally no one joined. So he's one minute,
I get the fuck out of Basra. So that's it. Well,
he goes and he has to hide in the marshes around the city because people
are hunting down this guy who tried to declare a rebellion but no one joined.
Yeah, normally, get the you get the funding first, you get
the backing. He was in. He was a hype man. Yeah,
he's get ahead of yourself. I've been I've been guilty of that before.
You're just really excited about something. You just you're not thinking straight. You're
just just giddy with excitement for your new idea, and everyone's like Then you
try it and everyone's like you're fucking You're like, you like have an idea
for like a cool like web series and you're already filming before the scripts finished.
I said, I talked about it the whole time and I never followed
through it. Yeah, it's like, no, here's how it's gonna go,
and then it doesn't. Wolf A Duke sketches for the Patreon. Fuck
you. I mean they're all great ideas. We just have zero fucking time
in our lives, so describe to our Patreon so we we could make more
time. He was captured shortly after, and I don't I don't really know
what life was like back then, but look, I just imagine the vibes
to an extent are like modern day Saudi Arabia, and I feel like anyone
who declared a rebellion there would not easily get out of custody. No,
they're supporting an independent golf league. Yeah that took big, big at the
time. Yeah. Uh they Yeah, they didn't conquer Scotland, but they
sort of have their fingerprints there. He was somehow able to secure his release,
just talked his way out of it, I guess, and went to
Baghdad. In Baghdad, he lied and claimed he was a Zaide Muslim,
which was a branch of Shia, and that he was related to Zaid ibn
Ali, who was a famous Muslim who notoriously uh died rebelling against the Umayed
Caliphate, so essentially a famous rebel. Yeah, he was like, that's
my fucking grandpa or whatever. He's just going into town selling mona rails left
and right. Well literally it kind of falls into that classic though. He
definitely is a SHII right because like he is like, oh, I need
this bloodline confirmation to prove my case, and that's very yeah, which is
interesting. He's I mean, he is a Shia Muslim I think, but
he's not really anything. No, you know what I mean. He's he's
an opportunist, Yeah, that's it. But yeah, he's he's he's using
the mechanisms of recognition that are prevalent in the I guess is the Caliphate that
is this thing right now? Shall one? Yeah? Yeah, then he's
using the mechanisms that are required to gain clout, ye, which he will.
Then again he's a grinder, take it. He will take advantage of
those mechanisms soon in the future and I'll get to that. So this gained
Ali some followers once again. In eight sixty nine, Ali heard about the
factions in Basra futing, and he decided to give it another go. Now
that he had some people who were like this guy's tight. He's related to
that one guy. So that's something he went back to Basra, perhaps the
arch manning effect. Yeah, perhaps he was maybe quote unquote inspired, but
not at I have to assume, not in an ultra ultruistic way at all.
By his time spent hiding in the marshes, so he sought out the
zange, the African slaves. Uh. Specifically, he went about asking about
their working conditions and their nutritional standards, and he found out that both roughly
qualified as bad. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, he unionized the slaves.
Uh. No, he's just doing investigative groundwork. You know, he's
just kind of sustening out, doing a little recon seeing what the vibes.
He's vibe checking, you know, he's like vibe checking. Yeah, Hey,
what's what's the vibe in this lawless swamp that you guys do work in
for free? Like, what's it like here? Oh? Is it bad?
Is bad? Bullshit? Guys? Come on, you need some box
fans up in here. Let's go listen. I'm against slavery, but I'm
also against the unions. This is quite a picture. You don't know which
way the scales. What's the greater evil? Right? Right? Yeah?
Who knows? God? I mean collective bargaining. Who what is a union?
But you know, and slave driver by committee. This man's just the
boss tweetie of his time. Who do you want to be owned by one
guy or a group of people? You know seen? You know? Yeah,
so he began a campaign to uh emancipate this and as soon as basically
a couple of them joined and I think a couple might be waited A good
way to describe it, like a handful huh no, just too yeah,
just too literally, too hand full of them, Ali declared himself chief of
the zange. You know, homie, you're selling me on the conditions being
bad and immediately you're my boss, like free you also, I'm your king?
Yeah? Whoa, all right, he's just the weird kid in high
school in the corner with his two pals doing whippets. Ali, I didn't
have any high school kids in the corner doing whippets. I was thinking more
of the kids that like uh Narrudeau run around you know, high school,
or like the two kids that are playing like Power Rangers still and they're sixteen
years old, The kids that juggle in the courtyard, the kids that exclusively
shop at Hot Topic for dragon ball z gear. Okay, so they're not
actually email their like I respect they're nerdy. Maybe there's a little dark added
a little darkness to them, but yeah, a lot of trench coat wearing.
But you can't really be I don't want to say depressed. Probably is
in the right word, but I feel like dragon ball Z it sparks joy
it do you know what I mean? So it's like you can't I don't
know. Man, when you gotta watch nineteen episodes to see Freezer die,
you kind of get sick of the show. You know what I'm saying.
We're not We're not gonna take this. You're gonna feel that one Nona,
you can you can holster that take. Yeah, that's you. You liked
the nineteen episode arc of Freeza. I'm not getting into it. But just
don't disrespect dragon ball Z. That's awesome. I'm just saying it's a long
arc for I don't care. Yeah, I don't respect you or your opinion.
Okay, cool, Well let us know in the comments. Uh.
He promised the Zange, I'll e did freedom and wealth from their conquest.
But it wasn't just the Zange who joined quite a few people. This essentially
turned into class warfare very quickly. Semi liberated slaves clients of prestigious families and
number of craftsmen and other sort of like maybe less skilled laborers. Uh,
and then just some random peasants. I guess that means probably farmers also Bedouin
people, So just sort of like desert wanders, you know, nice fucking
herders and stuff like that, shepherds that lived around Basra. They all joined
them. Okay, they were like they were probably all in it for their
own reasons to other than his Well, it's like the reason ones they were
bored. They were well also they were poor. They were you going to
do as a desert wander. They were poor, and they were just looking
for things to kind of fill your time. Yeah, they were poor.
They were they didn't want to be poor anymore. If we kill these people
will be rich. And finally someone got to, you know, enough people
together do it. So part of the reason all these other people joined in
the class warfarts like this is so you were talking about it was like,
oh he was a she is So he's using the methods of the way they
organize themselves, which is they talk about bloodlines and inheritance. That's the important
ship mechanism of a cent or of succession. Well, Ali started preaching what
the Karagites, another famous rebel group from Islamic history, preached, which was
essentially, you know, fuck bloodlines. Anyone who's a good Muslim can be
caliph. Oh so he pulled a Suni on him. Basically, yeah.
Uh, they were talking. They were they were all about taking the best
man for the job. Their exact quote on that was, in fact,
this is true. Uh, the most qualified man should reign even if he
is a black slave. Oh that's progressive, it's good for them. Yeah,
as long as he's a good Muslim. Did it turn out that he
would be the leader though? Who? Ali? Yeah? Yeah, yeah,
so the most best man should be king. And I'm the one who
I'm the one who suggested that. That means I'm the best, means that
the rules right. Argue with me about it, some guys like, yeah,
did you come up with the idea I'm the benevolent king here? Okay,
I'm best boy? Uh so yeah, that really appealed to all these
people along with they promised wealth and revenge and whatever else. It appealed to
the working class. And although I will say the majority of his army,
I think as far as we know what, we're still slaves. Uh.
Finally Ali had a winner. He had a rebellion that was gonna stick.
Nice. He sold his monorail. You love to see it. Everything else
just doesn't sound like he really got it started. Look, it's like he's
kind of testing the waters. It's like they say, with anything creative,
you know, just make it because whatever you make first is gonna suck anyway.
So gotta make that first thing. System keep creating, and eventually it'll
be good. Stack wins, Stack wins. Yeah, yeah right, no
for real, I mean I hate this guy. Though. We do have
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Check it out today. Oh he's a piece of shit. Yeah,
I don't understand what he's done wrong so far. Well, I guess we'll
get to that. He has freed the slaves. I mean he's organized them.
See organizing I'm actually kind of confused about this, like doing this guy
like, sir, sir, you're all my property, talking to my property.
Get away from my slaves, all right, I got all right,
I got security. I feel like word would get out about this guy and
you're like hanging out looking at your slaves and you're like, oh, I'm
not this fucker again, like get out, get like, don't don't be
spreading ideas, you know, don't want you here. Yeah, no,
he just see somehow pull I mean, this guy's pulls shot out of his
ass, like over and over again. He's like Bagger Vance, just wandering
out of the marsh, like hey, yeah, if you calm down a
little and realize there's more of you than them. Maybe even back then they
had like fifteen minutes smoked breaks, like oh you know, I know they're
slaves, but they're entitled to their fifteen minutes. Yeah. So, over
the course of the next fourteen years, Ali and his Zanja Army fought a
successful guerrilla war against arguably the most powerful empire on Earth, and not just
that in the heart of its empire, not on the borders or anything like
that, in the fucking middle right in the middle of it. Yeah,
yeah, no, not far from back then. The eye of the hurricane,
though, it's the softest. What the eye of the hurricane is always
the softest, you know. I mean look, if you look, if
you play total war, you know, like all your armies are on the
fringes. Yeah, on the so if a rebellion pops up in the middle,
you know, like fuck, that's gonna take like four turns to get
back. If you're expanding across a bunch of different fronts, it's really hard
to fortify the middle. Yeah. So first they built a city near the
marshes in Basra called Al Mukata or Muktara. They rated towns and villages,
freed slaves. It just means Al's town, Ali's town. Yeah. How
long did they take to just prop up the city? Fourteen years? He
just said, Well, they built it pretty quick, and is our HQ.
Now. They raided towns and villages, took all their ship, freed
their slaves, They built forts to control the territory they conquered. They even
constructed a navy to fight on the rivers. Mostly. Okay, then he's
doing I mean that's solid craftsmanship as far as like how to rebel. Yeah,
he gets fucking wrong, and of course, because this is what he's
in it for. They minted their own coins and collected taxes. Hell yeah,
now that's when. Al right, guys, this is where the fun
really start. Paying yourself in your own coins. You got allie bucks like
David buster Bucks. This is just the plot the always Sunny where they makes
and like what, well, we gave everybody the Patty Bucks and they paid
us, so we made no money. We actually lost money. Show where
was that the chib? And they were talking about implementing some sort of NFT
coin whatever, things like how is this every like, they're just like it's
and then an NFT person will explain it to you and you're like, oh,
so, how is it not Patty Bucks? And you just keep asking
that and then people stop trying to bring it to you. There's nothing.
I mean, we don't even get into it because it is like the most
uh like token white guy podcasting and talk about ever. But NFTs are just
like the funniest way anyone's lost money in the last thirty years. It makes
the mortgages they were handing out in two it's our generations time shares. Yeah,
definitely. You can visit a time share. There is a tangible thing
for a week. It's more than a fucking I'm sorry. You bought a
knockoff board ape whatever thing like you bought the Garo version of that and it
gets I'm sure you buy the week. You don't. Actually you still have
to pay for the hotel and stuff on top of it. I can still
visit it, you can still, I can't. I can't interact. What
what is the kangaroo card? Get me like, pay ten thousand dollars for
enough? I invest in old fashioned trading cards. It's right now. You
do need that physical copy straight up? Oh yeah, which is just pa.
Yeah, my future rides on a Michael Harris rookie card. Oh man,
yeah, you better start rooting for that guy. Yeah, go Braves.
And he needs a World Series MVP this year. Let's do it after
conquering. Oh and so they did all this stuff. Then in September eight
seventy one, they sacked Basra. Oh no, oh yeah, yeah good
they sacked a little tiny support dude. No, it's a major port city.
Yeah, it's like the most were in the mark in the world.
Yeah, how do you think they got the slaves to the march the port.
I get it. Yeah. So after conquering the city, Ali and
the Zang told its inhabitants, Okay, whoever wants amnesty, please get together
in the city palace and the public squares so that we can grant it to
you. So everyone was like, okay, fuck, we're conquered. Let's
just go out do what they say, and you know, we'll grant us
amnesty. Instead, they murdered twenty thousand people right there in the streets as
soon as they were all conveniently congregated there. It was an absolute fucking blood
bath. Then they took every ounce of treasure they could from the city.
And just how they murder him that quick knives, swords, fire blades.
Think about it this way, though, for what it's worth, you're thinking,
I feel like you're picturing like five hundred people killing twenty thousand people.
It's more like twenty thousand people killing twenty thousand people. M okay, you
know what I mean, Or even ten thousand people. You gotta stab two
of them and one was a kid. It just seems like a lot of
congestion in the streets. Yeah, I'm sure there was a lot of trampling
that did some work too, you know what I mean. It's like most
of the Civil War debt. There were more Civil War desks from disease than
combat. That type of situation. True, you can't give a disease your
handshake for the secret organization. Now, you know, you can't flash the
Masonic symbols at the at the polio. Yeah we oh shit, he's a
Mason. Well I'll shoot over his head then, all right. This was
enough to finally shock the Empire, the Caliphate into being like, oh they're
for real. Yeah. Still, somehow it would take the Abbisides eight more
years before they could get their ship together enough to confront Ali and the Zang.
Really, which is such a long, long fucking time. Like a
lot of times, you think about if you hear the years eighteen or I'm
sorry, eight sixty one and eight sixty nine, or eight eight seventy one
rather and eight seventy nine. If you hear those years, they sound like
Tuesday and Thursday. They're not. It's yea so fucking long. Think about
how long the Obama administration was, Yeah, think about how long he was
president. Think about well, I'm just thinking moved at like a fucking snails
pace. It doesn't matter, though you're giving a rebellion time to people established
experienced time the same way that eight years a long time. Yeah, it's
a lot of time to settle, Like to establish yourself in a spot,
takes a long time to travel, not for them, not that long.
I get there very close. Yeah, I get all of what you're saying.
The thing is, though it's still like and like you said, I
third, like forces are on the outer rim having them come back. Yeah,
I guess there could be a lot, you know, to dance point
there, there could probably be a lot of like the like determining which forces
need to come back in order to deal with it. You gotta get word
to them. We do. We let them ride for a little bit,
let them build some steam because we need to finish this up. Then we
get to that. Like there's probably there's a lot of diploma not diplomatic,
think about how quickly things become normal to you. So like at some point
people were like, oh, yeah, we live in the Zange Kingdom now,
or you know what I mean. Like it's like they don't even that
I'm gonna part of that. Abbasid California allowing for legitimacy procrastinated. They're like,
yeah, we'll get to it. Well, they did have a lot
of a lot of other ship going on. I'll get to that in a
minute. But I mean it's I don't know, it's like if if like
because it's a major port city too, Like imagine someone just like takes over
Los Angeles and like the US government can't even get the military there for eight
years. That's yeah, that would be insane. It's fucking crazy. It
would be like, I think relatively, be like if someone took over Los
Angeles and we weren't there within a day. Yeah, yeah, there wasn't
a ff the division. If it took like six months to get there,
that would probably be the equivalent for response time. Or I guess the Dark
Knight rises. I was always sitting there, like how the funk? Oh
yeah, now the criminals rule the town, own a major the New York
of this of this version of America. Yeah, at least Pittsburgh, right
like that that's where they shot that one. Yeah, but like they own
this place now, and the National Guard can't, like the full military can't
just suss out a couple of crazies, right, It's yeah, that's basically
what's going on here. Finally, in eight seventy nine, it's really just
like I said the apisodes, the whole thing was a total shit show.
They were still going through the imperial ship, right, the potter of struggles,
and obviously they share borders with a bunch of empires who they're fighting and
stuff like that, including the Eastern Roman Empire, who was still real fucking
legit at the time. In eight seventy nine, the caliph and his son
were finally able to mount a campaign against the zone. Over the next two
years, finally facing a real organized force, de Zangs were beaten back until
they were finally hold up in their little fake capital city that they built south
of Basra. Okay, things were getting rough, and then a siege began
of that city during no During the siege, the caliph told anyone who surrendered
that they would be fully pardoned, and they did this. They anyone who
surrender came out and they would pardon them within view of the city and then
they would let them go. They were true, they weren't. They were
like, yeah, you're good, thanks for not fighting, thanks for surrendering.
Go live your life. I'm just looking at where Bazar is right now,
just to understand it better. Okay, right there above kuwait yep,
yeah, where it spills out. Okay, interesting, Wow, Basra looks
beautiful. Yes, it I mean, I don't know, it seems cool.
Never mind, no, no, no, I'm good. So finally
in it's a hotel. Let's see what those rights are. Okay. Just
that's give me enough. You know, you know I'm not going there.
I can get you a ho tell. I just want to see what a
night stay is. Probably a lot like Jackson, Mississippi. I don't think
you're going to the hotel bar. Probably staying in your room, not leave
it very much. Yeah. Finally, in eighty three, the opposites breached
the defenses of the city and it fell. Ali died fighting with his men
in combat. They took his head and displayed it in Baghdad. Rebellion was
crushed, but it had so thoroughly fucked up the opposite caliphate that they historians
think they never really recovered from this dipshit. Yeah, oh no, that's
why you snuff it out quick. Yeah, they never really had the power
they did. Again, that's so terrible. That this man did you freed
slaves? So yeah, okay, Rob, it's kind of you're kind of
showing your hand. This episode just wasn't he did it because he wouldn't have
done it as it was like the best way for him to get power.
Sure, but I think the means justify the ends. He did nothing really
terrible or his ends justify the means. What do you mean he did nothing
terrible? First off, his army slaughtered twenty thousand innocent people. Listen,
you gotta crack a few eggs to make a freedom of letter. He was
only freeing slaves so you could carve out a kingdom and then just make money
off of it. But freedom wrong. Why did Dame Lincoln free the slaves?
He didn't reap any benefits. Turns out he didn't get to that's had
blown off just like our boy Ali. Yeah, I guess so yeah,
I mean, so you're talking about the Abe Lincoln. Yea, the Middle
East, like history doesn't know there was still sleep slaves after that, history
doesn't repeat it rhymes this man in Abe Lincoln, same person Potato Potato,
Tato potato, And this was like his fourth rebellion, Tom bootin Hey you
got one. You got one. Hey, that's more than most people get
in successful rebellions. That was a successful rebellion. If he was able to
one carve out and create a capital and create a currency and tax people.
Yeah, if he had a thing going for eight years, he won did
Okay, he's probably chilling for those eight years. Let me tell you what
life was like under King Ali. Fabulous sy I bet he didn't do much.
That might be true. I bet the reasons the problems happened is because
he was kind of lazy after he got power. Yeah, he rested on
his laurels. Yeah, which makes you bad, But anyway, I'll read
you. This is from a historian at the time as a contemporary writer.
During Ali's rule in southern Iraq, a large number of people this is imposo,
by the way, A large number of people hit among the houses and
in the wells. They appeared only at night and hunted dogs, rats and
cats. Then they ate the corpses of their companions who had died, and
they watched each other waiting for someone to die. The stronger killed their comrades
and devoured them. So essentially it was fisted by mc slave owner. Fucking
yeah, imperial propaganda. Yeah that's Oh, and they have to eat dogs
and you trug and only came out at night. How can we so much
terrible? We'll just say they're savage. It was so much better when they
lived under our wull and did get no pay. I mean, it's a
historical fact basically that the zoand rebellion killed in six six figs. How's he
gonna have trade though? Hundreds of thousands of people? Not his fault he
can't open trade with the guys that are surrounding in Yeah, it's actually literally
his fault. Why won't they just left the home killing them? It's just
a bad locations, you know. It's the first thing you got to think
about when you're establishing a spot. Are all my enemies surrounded me? Damn
it? Yes? Not great? Did I make enemies with all of them
myself? Fuck? All right? The killing? How do I get diplomatic
foreign relations going? Yeah, we can't, damn it. Uh. The
rebellion, like I said, killed hundreds of thousands of people. Uh it
Also, now this isn't really a well I don't care about this. This
this is it doesn't make it. We're talking about the well being of the
slaves, Like, I don't really care about this. No ill of the
empire. They lost, they lost today's they lost ground to all the empires
surrounding them, including the Eastern Roman Empire. They all made gains against the
Caliphate. This was to a lot of people, including like some storians say,
it wasn't even really a slave revolt, it was like a class revolt.
They are. There's other people that argue that there might not have been
that many slaves involved at although I don't think that really hold water U.
One of the reasons is that there are still one and a half to two
million Afro Iraqis who claim ze heritage living today in and around Basra two.
There's like two million black Iraqis. That's pretty cool. Yeah, they're all
They still practice some of their sort of African East African heritage and stuff like
that, but they are all now are like Muslimans speak Arabic. They don't
speak Swahili or anything anymore. An impression seems like his life might have mattered.
The people that would have made the impression in this case would have been
the people owning that. Yeah. Yeah, culturally, they probably forced a
lot of that onto them. That wasn't by like oh, Ali freed us,
let's take up his ship, right. Yeah. It was more so
like, hey, you're a property. You have to do this. You
live here now, yeah, and I have things to yell you. We
don't have time for assimilation. Yeah uh but yeah, that is the story
of the Zane Rebellion. A humongous world changing event that how did it change
the world? It's it sent the opposite the strongest empire at the time on
a downward spiral. Okay, what was the result of that? I guess
what is the downstream effect here? Like who takes just another caliphant and the
reach gets limited? Things change hands that this helps the rise of the Turks.
Okay, okay, I could see that. So the Turks are able
to start becoming the pre eminent power within that region of the world. Yeah,
not immediately, but it's the start. It's the it's the it's the
butterfly flap. They see that a god can bleed fair. Yeah that's cool.
I'm just curious because I want to know it has Yeah, I mean
it has like massive ripple effects. But more important, like I said,
no one's going to remember you. This was a huge deal. At the
time. This was I mean, honestly, it got me thinking about how
probably like it's a big deal to us because we're Americans and all this stuff,
but you know, we're only one hundred and sixty years removed from the
US Civil War. People really can to care about that in a thousand years,
all right, I'm being serious, we will print these shirts. No
one will remember you. Yeah, and it's just a it's just a face
shot of no one. No, it's just those are just words. No
one will remember you, softwores or dot com that shure it will be printed
within the next week. It's I mean, yeah, this was fucking like,
this is the big It was such a big deal in hundreds of thousands
of lives, a slaver of old like a civil war that that helped the
quicken the rot of the most powerful empire on earth arguably at the time.
All this other shit you never even heard of it. And not not because
it doesn't get enough lover anything. That's because it's just so much shit happens
and you and mostly it's just you just don't care. You don't care about
the reflection of like the education system, and it's not really a negative reflection.
It's just why waste your time on this? Yeah? In America,
like what why would this has zero impact on our lives? But it kind
of does in a weird way, right, because if you don't have this
happened, then you don't have the Turks take up and then you don't it
doesn't lead to the Ottoman Empire, and you don't have these regional conflicts that
lead to World War One, which you know, it's it's downstream, right.
I'm not claiming that this needs to be taught to American sixth graders in
social studies, actually am, I'm like, you gotta learn about this.
This is how life works. It's like so much shit happens, and it's
and this is like a humongous event and no one you don't know about it
because no one's gonna remember you. Well, I think it's really interesting the
topic itself, not so much even the rebellion aspect of it, but how
prominent the East African slave trade was. We always hear everything from the scope
of the Atlantic slave trade right right, the Indian Ocean sense because where we
are, right, and that's what you learn about. But I think not
trying to make it excusable by any stretch of the imagine. Where so we
were fine, No, it's like everyone was in on this. It wasn't
just Britain, it wasn't just America. Everyone even African kingdoms were in on
the slave trade. In Africa, everyone was slave slave trading. Check it
out. White people didn't invent colonialism, no, no, no, no
they didn't. And also there were a lot of white slaves in Africa.
Like if you wandered off your colony or your little stay place and you got
caught by the slave traders. Within Africa, there were plenty of Europeans that
were sold into slavers span yard pretty much. But it's just funny, be
like I just read this, I'm like, this has just had to just
like I mean, it affected viscerally so many fucking lives. And now you're
just like, you know, yeah, how many rebellions do you learn about
in American history that are slave rebellions that you remember? You don't really learn
about any slave rebellions in American history A history, I mean like in American
history classes for US history, like the classes out but like hils, yeah,
yeah, you learn about like the slave rebellion and hate you learn learn
about Tucson. It's shades rebellion, even a slave rebellion, though who shase
rebellion. I'm just saying, like, why would this be on our radar
when we barely care about our own the answers coming out, I don't think
it's on anyone's radar. And he's saying that's incredible because it did have a
huge effect on global power. I bet they know about this in the Middle
East a little bit. I don't think they do. I really don't.
It's not like I see this and I'm like, oh, no, one
told them stuff up Middle Eastern history. I think this is a footnote,
okay, if at best, and by the way, that might also be
by designing in the Middle East, Like, yeah, I don't even know
what kind of history they teach over there, but by the way, like
even look at look at it from the point of view of they probably not
even if they teach roughly history roughly the same way, which they don't,
let's just say they do. Like think about how little Americans know about American
history, right, So why would a a Muslim in the Middle East have
a knowledge of what is definitely not a top ten event in terms of like
what they consider significant. I know, just play the hits. Did play
the hits, Play the hits. He's the things that got us here the
quickest. Yeah. Yeah, so that's all I got for that. What'd
you guys learn? I learn that you don't like slave rebellions? Yeah,
you just have this grudge against this man. I was just trying to free
the slaves. He wasn't trying to free the slaves. He would have killed
every last one of them if it's reasons or sweet tax money, just because
they weren't pure. Okay, they weren't a pure enough reason for you,
he still tried to do it. Yeah. It's kind of one of those
things though, where it's like what Rob is saying is the means at which
he was getting what he wanted weren't altruistic. They were opportunistic, right,
but they never are man. Yeah, Okay, even keeping that in mind,
like even with the most pess mystic point of view, this dude didn't
give a fuck about freeing slaves. In fact, he had his own slaves.
Well that's a twist, you know what I mean, Like he was
conquering people and enslaving them, but he was he enslaving the masters, then
it's okay. It seems like a blancln. He didn't give a fuck about
freeing the slaves, like he did not really he would have not done it
if it meant keeping the country together because that was his first job. But
he was like, I do want to free these people. This guy was
like, yeah, whatever helps me. Yeah, that's just being human,
bro. I guess who's today's Hyler Rob. Yeah, I know you're saying,
probably the people that brought the slaves there in the first place and treated
them like shit enough to join what's his fucking and started rebellion like me,
you'll take I don't blame the slaves, like, fuck it, you're gonna
free us. Yeah, yeah, we get to kill them. Yeah,
all for it? That makes sense. Yeah, I like the Zane or
the winners here, they're the aunt Taylor. I mean, you know,
they lost and then we're enslave again. No, today's Hitler's Mississippi. It's
Alabama white sauce. M Yeah, gross, it's okay, it's fine,
stupid and dumb chicken. Well that is is all I got for today again.
Please like uh and review on iTunes. We'll read a couple reviews for
you here real quick, let's hear them. Go to software history dot com.
I'm serious, I will. I'll make that shirt. It's an easy
to design. Oh, you'll design the shirt. I'll send it to you.
We'll put it up. Yeah, I missed the white star line.
Sorry, you better put it up. Yeah, sorry, this is it
too late for white Star line and probably yeah, we're not making that.
Uh man, I can't read this whole one, but it says the best
factual history with the most in something I don't know. Uh, it says
what the user is? What the hell did I waste money on the review?
A Guido, a jew and an altar boy walk in a studio.
The rest is history. And then Grafton hutchins, I'm not Italian, that's
a real name or not. Yeah, but you your vibe is you're very
GTL. Yeah, like incredibly Guido. He titled it educational and then,
like a bastard, gave us four stars. Don't give us four stars?
All right, I know it's a funny joker. We're doing it now because
he keeps you keeps doing this, all right, Well, it's gonna drop
our rating, so please don't we have a four point nine out of five.
It's like an uber all right, Yeah, but it's kind of cooler
to have four point nine starts set of five feels real. Yeah, five
seems way fake. It's fake as fuck. Yeah, he says educational.
This is so much more educational than that football coach who also happened to be
a history teacher we all had in high school. And then try jose at
thirteen said that bad catalog though them tricks ain't for kids. A yeah,
they aren't. Try like the one underneath, if we haven't already done it?
What the next one? Great show? I think so great. It's
from Stoner Einstein. Great show. I think there's some history, but who
cares. There's an if witty banter to keep you entertained. Perfect if you
want to learn a little without sitting in a lecture. Boom, goddamn right,
you didn't know about zond rebellion before, right, fucking though probably not
Boom, I sure didn't for Dan Rochester and Jake Goldbin, I'm rob Fox.
You just got sauce served