WEBVTT 1 00:00:08.080 --> 00:00:10.679 I am very honored to be here with you. I want to thank Cardinal 2 00:00:10.759 --> 00:00:15.199 Mueller for inviting me to this colloquium. Thank you. I want to thank 3 00:00:15.279 --> 00:00:18.199 Archbishop to know You for introducing me, and I thank all of you for 4 00:00:18.280 --> 00:00:23.239 caring enough about this topic. You know, there's always a danger in being 5 00:00:23.760 --> 00:00:31.719 the twenty eighth speaker. What's left to say? And after hearing so many 6 00:00:31.760 --> 00:00:37.719 great speakers yesterday, I canceled my dinner engagement last night to go write a 7 00:00:37.719 --> 00:00:41.840 new message because what I had prepared to say had already been said over and 8 00:00:41.920 --> 00:00:46.679 over and over. I had prepared a message called why marriage Matters, but 9 00:00:47.280 --> 00:00:52.880 I didn't want to repeat what you've heard many many times. I actually had 10 00:00:52.880 --> 00:00:59.439 prepared to speak on how God reveals his presence and his character through marriage, 11 00:01:00.320 --> 00:01:08.439 but that was eloquently explained by Cardinal Mueller, Thank you. I then had 12 00:01:08.480 --> 00:01:11.760 prepared to speak on the specific ways that our lives and our culture, and 13 00:01:11.840 --> 00:01:17.480 especially our children are damaged when we reject God's plan for marriage and sex, 14 00:01:18.760 --> 00:01:25.239 but that was eloquently explained by Pastor Arnold, Thank you. I then had 15 00:01:25.239 --> 00:01:30.560 prepared to speak about how gender idol ideologies confuse our identity and destroy our dignity. 16 00:01:32.760 --> 00:01:37.319 But of course, Sister Prudence brilliantly explained that now I'm starting to sweat, 17 00:01:40.040 --> 00:01:45.040 and then I'm not kidding. Part of my message had prepared to speak 18 00:01:45.079 --> 00:01:51.239 about how the covenant of marriage and the act of sex parallel our intimate relationship 19 00:01:51.959 --> 00:01:53.239 with God and the one that He wants to have with us. But then 20 00:01:53.280 --> 00:02:01.599 my former friend Rabbi Sachs powerfully explained that one, so what would you guys 21 00:02:01.640 --> 00:02:08.560 like to talk about? With every single speaker, I kept finding myself crossing 22 00:02:08.599 --> 00:02:19.639 out more and more of my speech. So in conclusion, I now understand 23 00:02:19.680 --> 00:02:23.039 what the Lord Jesus felt when he said in John ten eight, all who 24 00:02:23.120 --> 00:02:34.439 come before me are thieves and robbers. So I had to write a whole 25 00:02:34.479 --> 00:02:38.280 new message, and I'm not kidding I did. Hebrews thirteen song as this 26 00:02:38.319 --> 00:02:53.919 interpretation, if you say so, Hebrews thirteen four says this, We're giving 27 00:02:54.000 --> 00:03:01.479 this very clear command. Marriage is to be honored by every everybody, whether 28 00:03:01.520 --> 00:03:07.439 you're single, married, divorced, annulled, widowed. The Bible says you 29 00:03:07.800 --> 00:03:14.199 are to honor marriage. Now. Sadly, today we all know marriage is 30 00:03:14.240 --> 00:03:19.599 dishonored by a lot of people. It's dismissed as our cake man made tradition. 31 00:03:20.560 --> 00:03:24.919 It's denounced as an enemy of women. It's discouraged as a clear career 32 00:03:24.960 --> 00:03:30.680 limiting choice. It's demeaned in movies and television. It's delayed out of fear 33 00:03:30.319 --> 00:03:35.840 that it will limit one's personal freedom. So today, instead of being honored, 34 00:03:35.840 --> 00:03:39.759 marriage is ridiculed, resented, rejected, and redefined. What are we 35 00:03:39.759 --> 00:03:45.319 going to do about this? Well, the church cannot cower in silence. 36 00:03:45.319 --> 00:03:49.439 As you've already heard from all these great speakers and from these great film clips. 37 00:03:49.879 --> 00:03:55.439 The stakes are too high. We cannot not do something. So after 38 00:03:55.560 --> 00:04:01.400 all of what we've heard, I sat down and detailed a little action plan 39 00:04:01.520 --> 00:04:05.439 for myself and possibly maybe you might want to do some of these things after 40 00:04:05.439 --> 00:04:12.199 the colloquial amends. And so rather than speaking on why marriage matters, I 41 00:04:12.240 --> 00:04:16.800 want to speak on my new title, what must we do? Hey God? 42 00:04:18.240 --> 00:04:23.639 Okay, what are we going to do? And I have a number 43 00:04:23.680 --> 00:04:26.519 of suggestions here, and just for fun, I put them in alphabetical order. 44 00:04:28.639 --> 00:04:32.519 So if you're taking notes, A, is this affirm the authority of 45 00:04:32.600 --> 00:04:38.800 God's word? That's the starting point. We don't base our worldview on fads 46 00:04:39.639 --> 00:04:45.639 or feelings, or opinions or political correctness. We build our lives on the 47 00:04:45.720 --> 00:04:49.920 unchanging truth of God's word. Jesus affirmed, heaven and earth will pass away, 48 00:04:49.920 --> 00:04:56.600 but my word will never pass away. Isaiah affirmed the grass withers and 49 00:04:56.639 --> 00:05:00.839 the flower fades, but the word of God abides forever. And David affirm, 50 00:05:00.920 --> 00:05:04.120 your word, oh Lord, is eternal. It stands firm in the 51 00:05:04.160 --> 00:05:09.759 heavens. You see. Truth is still truth, no matter how many people 52 00:05:09.800 --> 00:05:14.759 doubt it. And I may deny the law gravity, but it doesn't change 53 00:05:14.759 --> 00:05:19.040 gravity. And just because we break God's laws does not invalidate them. We 54 00:05:19.120 --> 00:05:25.000 don't really actually break God's laws. They break us, and everything in this 55 00:05:25.079 --> 00:05:29.879 planet is broken. So we start with affirming the authority of God's words. 56 00:05:29.879 --> 00:05:34.399 Second thing we need to do be believe what Jesus taught about marriage. We 57 00:05:34.519 --> 00:05:39.519 just need to believe it what Jesus taught about marriage. And in Mark chapter 58 00:05:39.560 --> 00:05:45.079 ten, verses six to nine, we have the Owner's Manual for marriage in 59 00:05:45.120 --> 00:05:46.920 America, we have a phrase, when in doubt, check the Owner's Manual. 60 00:05:48.000 --> 00:05:51.199 And in Mark chapter ten, verses six to nine, Jesus quotes the 61 00:05:51.199 --> 00:05:56.000 Old Testament and gives us, as I said, the Owner's Manual and marriage. 62 00:05:56.000 --> 00:05:58.800 A lot of speakers have referred to this. Let me read it to 63 00:05:58.839 --> 00:06:06.279 you from the New Living Translation. God's plan has been seen from the very 64 00:06:06.360 --> 00:06:15.360 beginning of creation, when He made us male and female. This explains why 65 00:06:15.399 --> 00:06:19.879 a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and 66 00:06:19.920 --> 00:06:26.279 the two are united as one body. Now since they are no longer two 67 00:06:26.319 --> 00:06:32.240 but one, no one should separate them, for God has joined them together. 68 00:06:33.399 --> 00:06:38.560 Now. In this one passage, just one single passage, Jesus gives 69 00:06:38.639 --> 00:06:44.199 us the five convictions about marriage that are unchangeable, incontrovertible, and unmovable. 70 00:06:44.879 --> 00:06:48.680 Five convictions we must believe. First, and this has been referred to many 71 00:06:48.680 --> 00:06:54.920 times, gender as God's idea. God chose to make us either male or 72 00:06:54.959 --> 00:06:59.360 female. Our identity is either a man or a woman. It's far deeper 73 00:06:59.360 --> 00:07:03.319 than a sociological construct, a psychological condition, a personal preference. God made 74 00:07:03.399 --> 00:07:08.639 us male and female. Second, this passage teaches that marriage is God's idea. 75 00:07:09.360 --> 00:07:14.959 He defines it. He defines it, not us. It's not a 76 00:07:15.000 --> 00:07:18.879 man made idea that we can just toss away. God created marriage. Number 77 00:07:18.879 --> 00:07:24.480 three. Sex was created for marriage. God created the male and female body 78 00:07:24.480 --> 00:07:28.240 parts to fit naturally together. That's obvious. But they don't just fit together. 79 00:07:28.279 --> 00:07:31.720 They fit together for a purpose, and that is the creation of life. 80 00:07:32.040 --> 00:07:41.560 And even if you disbelieve the Bible, every human body and every living 81 00:07:41.600 --> 00:07:46.120 person is a witness and a testimony to God's intended purpose for sex. Sex 82 00:07:46.240 --> 00:07:51.920 was not created for recreation, but it was created for connection of a husband 83 00:07:51.920 --> 00:07:59.120 and wife and a procreation of life. By the way, when a husband 84 00:07:59.160 --> 00:08:07.560 and wife make love, it releases oxytocin into their bodies. Oxytocin is the 85 00:08:07.680 --> 00:08:13.560 chemical, the bonding chemical that creates emotional closeness oxytocin. If you're high on 86 00:08:13.639 --> 00:08:18.279 oxytocin, you have easy ability to relate to people. If you're low in 87 00:08:18.360 --> 00:08:22.600 oxytocin, you have a hard time making connections with people. When a husband 88 00:08:22.600 --> 00:08:26.720 and wife make love, it releases oxytocin in both the husband and the wife, 89 00:08:26.800 --> 00:08:30.600 and it bonds them together. It as an emotional cement. By the 90 00:08:30.639 --> 00:08:35.240 way, when a woman nurses a baby, it releases oxytocin in both the 91 00:08:35.279 --> 00:08:41.960 woman and the mother and the baby. Studies have shown that if you own 92 00:08:41.000 --> 00:08:43.360 a pet, and you have a dog, and you pet a dog for 93 00:08:43.399 --> 00:08:50.840 thirty minutes, it releases oxytocin in both the dog and the owner. They've 94 00:08:50.840 --> 00:08:54.720 done studies about oxytocin. There's an animal in the Midwest in America called the 95 00:08:54.720 --> 00:08:56.720 prairie rols like a little hamster, and prairie voles is one of the few 96 00:08:56.919 --> 00:09:01.879 animals in the animal kingdom that actually make for life. And when they studied 97 00:09:03.399 --> 00:09:07.159 the prairie roles, they found that they were off the chart in oxytocin, 98 00:09:07.480 --> 00:09:11.919 and that's why they connect with a mate and bond for life. And they 99 00:09:11.960 --> 00:09:18.720 discovered that when they took the oxytocin out of the prairie les, they were 100 00:09:18.759 --> 00:09:26.200 as promiscus as rabbits. Now, God created sex for not just the procreation 101 00:09:26.919 --> 00:09:31.120 of new life, but for the connection of a husband and a woman. 102 00:09:31.960 --> 00:09:39.279 And if sex was only physical, then unfaithfulness would not hurt anybody. But 103 00:09:39.399 --> 00:09:43.639 it does because it's far more than just physical. And when I was a 104 00:09:43.639 --> 00:09:46.600 youth pastor, I used to tell kids there's no such thing as safe sex, 105 00:09:46.679 --> 00:09:52.480 because they don't make a condom that can prevent a broken heart. It's 106 00:09:52.519 --> 00:09:56.000 far more than physical. Now, the fourth thing Jesus said in that passage 107 00:09:56.039 --> 00:10:00.440 was that marriage is the union of a man and a woman. Now there 108 00:10:00.440 --> 00:10:03.879 are many other kinds of relationships, but those aren't marriage, and definitions matter. 109 00:10:03.919 --> 00:10:07.480 And then fifth, in that passage, it says marriage is to be 110 00:10:07.519 --> 00:10:11.720 permanent. Jesus repeats Genesis, saying what God has joined together, no human 111 00:10:11.759 --> 00:10:16.039 beings should separate. So it's meant to last a lifetime. Now we know 112 00:10:16.440 --> 00:10:20.000 that all five of those truths that I just gave you are disputed, debated, 113 00:10:20.120 --> 00:10:26.919 and denied today, every one of them. But a lie doesn't become 114 00:10:26.919 --> 00:10:31.799 a truth, and wrong doesn't become right, and evil doesn't become good just 115 00:10:31.799 --> 00:10:37.639 because it becomes popular. Truth is truth. So we affirm the authority of 116 00:10:37.679 --> 00:10:43.320 Scripture, and we believe what Jesus said about marriage and sex. Number three 117 00:10:43.399 --> 00:10:50.559 see Celebrate healthy Marriages. It's not enough to defend marriage. We have to 118 00:10:50.600 --> 00:10:56.039 celebrate it. We have to celebrate it. We have to be a proponent 119 00:10:56.080 --> 00:11:01.519 of what's right, not simply an opponent of what's wrong. We have to 120 00:11:01.720 --> 00:11:07.519 offer an appealing alternative to the empty promises of the world. And celebrating and 121 00:11:07.879 --> 00:11:15.879 highlighting and honoring marriage, I believe is the best defense when you show people 122 00:11:16.039 --> 00:11:18.759 what's real. Now, how do you do that. I'm a pastor, 123 00:11:20.200 --> 00:11:22.320 so let me give you if you are a pastor, a parish priest, 124 00:11:22.440 --> 00:11:26.519 or if you're over some priest, let me give you some suggestions for a 125 00:11:26.519 --> 00:11:33.000 local church to celebrating healthy marriage. Number one, use testimonies of happy marriages 126 00:11:33.039 --> 00:11:39.960 in your church services. We need more testimonies. People need less hear a 127 00:11:39.039 --> 00:11:43.559 sermon, They need more see a sermon, and both single adults and married 128 00:11:43.600 --> 00:11:50.399 couples are actually inspired more by example than they are by exhortation. So we 129 00:11:50.480 --> 00:11:54.039 have these testimonies in our church, but people never hear them, and if 130 00:11:54.080 --> 00:11:58.519 you could, can incorporate them into your services. A marriage doesn't have to 131 00:11:58.519 --> 00:12:03.240 be perfect to be healthy. Last month, Kay and I sat on stage 132 00:12:03.799 --> 00:12:09.919 at our church for six services in a row and talked about how our nearly 133 00:12:09.120 --> 00:12:13.879 forty years of marriage has been worth all the effort. Now, our marriage 134 00:12:13.879 --> 00:12:16.759 was not perfect. In fact, the two years is pretty much hell on 135 00:12:16.799 --> 00:12:20.639 earth. We said, we're going to make this marriage last if it kills 136 00:12:20.679 --> 00:12:26.039 us. It nearly did. Kay thought she was going crazy and I ended 137 00:12:26.120 --> 00:12:31.679 up in the hospital. We went and got fifteen weeks of marriage counseling. 138 00:12:31.679 --> 00:12:33.600 In the early years of our marriage, it cost me one hundred dollars a 139 00:12:33.639 --> 00:12:39.559 week, and I was making four hundred dollars a month. It's easy to 140 00:12:39.600 --> 00:12:41.879 figure out that I put it on my credit card. I've often said I 141 00:12:41.879 --> 00:12:54.919 should do a commercial MasterCard. Saved my marriage, saved marriage priceless. And 142 00:12:54.000 --> 00:12:56.240 when people say, well, I can't afford counseling, I say, how 143 00:12:56.320 --> 00:13:01.600 much is your happiness worth? Really? To me, what I've got today 144 00:13:01.639 --> 00:13:05.399 is worth a million dollars. My wife is my best friend. There would 145 00:13:05.399 --> 00:13:09.039 be no saddle Back Church. There would be no purpose driven life, no 146 00:13:09.120 --> 00:13:13.200 movement, no training of over four hundred thousand pastors in one hundred and sixty 147 00:13:13.240 --> 00:13:18.399 four countries. None of that would have ever happened if our marriage had fallen 148 00:13:18.440 --> 00:13:22.879 apart. And so whatever it takes, but have testimonies of happy marriages. 149 00:13:24.159 --> 00:13:31.000 Second, I would encourage you to do an annual wedding renewal of vows service. 150 00:13:31.000 --> 00:13:35.120 We do one every year at Saddleback. I take an entire weekend, 151 00:13:35.600 --> 00:13:39.240 We dress up, We invite people to wear their original wedding gowns if they 152 00:13:39.279 --> 00:13:43.919 can still get on them. We have a professional and we do a renewal 153 00:13:43.960 --> 00:13:48.679 of the vows every year at saddleback church. It's very tender service. People 154 00:13:48.720 --> 00:13:52.799 weep and it's a great model. And by the way, we found couples 155 00:13:52.840 --> 00:13:56.600 who were living together who said we would like to get married. We always 156 00:13:56.600 --> 00:14:00.759 announced it several months in advance, so they can take our eight weeks of 157 00:14:00.799 --> 00:14:05.960 premarital counseling, repent and get married. And we do that. Number Three, 158 00:14:05.200 --> 00:14:11.480 Publicly recognize and reward long term marriages in your parishes. Whatever gets rewarded 159 00:14:11.559 --> 00:14:18.759 gets repeated. So whatever you want repeated that kind of behavior, you need 160 00:14:18.799 --> 00:14:22.639 to figure out a way to reward it. And you need to reward anniversaries, 161 00:14:22.799 --> 00:14:26.600 and you need to honor them and celebrate the sweetness and the beauty of 162 00:14:26.600 --> 00:14:31.000 a love that lasts a lifetime, because we're wired to crave this and then 163 00:14:31.039 --> 00:14:35.519 another thing. Continually point out the benefits of marriage is a good way to 164 00:14:35.519 --> 00:14:39.559 celebrate healthy marriages. For instance, when a culture claims, and in Western 165 00:14:39.600 --> 00:14:43.200 culture, we claim this to care about children, we must point out the 166 00:14:43.279 --> 00:14:48.399 children who grow up with both mom and a father grow up healthier, happier, 167 00:14:48.399 --> 00:14:50.759 and stronger. They're less likely to fail in school, less likely to 168 00:14:50.759 --> 00:14:54.480 abuse drugs and alcohol, less likely to do jail time, less likely to 169 00:14:54.519 --> 00:14:58.639 experience distress, depression, thoughts of suicide. They're also less likely to perpetuate 170 00:14:58.679 --> 00:15:03.120 the problem in the next generation. So do you really care about kids, 171 00:15:03.679 --> 00:15:11.120 then promote marriage lasting marriage. When a culture claims to champion women, we 172 00:15:11.240 --> 00:15:13.120 must point out that those who marry. Women who marry and stay married have 173 00:15:13.159 --> 00:15:16.679 lower rates of depression, have a lower risk of being a victim of crime 174 00:15:16.799 --> 00:15:20.879 or violence, and have a higher net worth than women living with an unmarried 175 00:15:20.919 --> 00:15:28.440 men. When a culture claims to care about the poor, we must point 176 00:15:28.440 --> 00:15:33.840 out that the dissolution of marriage disproportionately hurts the poor. A single mother with 177 00:15:33.960 --> 00:15:39.639 the child has never been a viable economic unit. That's why God created fathers, 178 00:15:41.279 --> 00:15:46.120 and poor children get hurt the most by the economic consequences. Divorced children 179 00:15:46.159 --> 00:15:50.399 who grow without both mother and father more likely to live their entire lives in 180 00:15:50.440 --> 00:15:54.639 poverty. It's just a fact. What about men, Men who married and 181 00:15:54.639 --> 00:15:58.200 stay married have fewer illnesses, have fewer injuries, and live longer than single 182 00:15:58.240 --> 00:16:02.320 men. They earn more money, a mass more net worth, and single 183 00:16:02.399 --> 00:16:07.000 men with similar education and job histories, including the men who live with unmarried 184 00:16:07.039 --> 00:16:15.840 women d Here's a fourth thing. Develop small groups, small group courses to 185 00:16:15.919 --> 00:16:21.919 support marriages. I believe the small group unit in the church is the healthiest 186 00:16:21.960 --> 00:16:26.120 expression to support marriages. Twice in scripture, the Book of Acts, it 187 00:16:26.159 --> 00:16:29.120 tells us that in the New Testament Church they met in the temple courts and 188 00:16:29.159 --> 00:16:34.440 from house to house twice large group worship and small group fellowship. And we 189 00:16:34.519 --> 00:16:38.799 have done this and developed that at Saddleback. We have small groups that study 190 00:16:38.840 --> 00:16:41.919 marriage all the time. It's one of the keys to our growth. Last 191 00:16:41.919 --> 00:16:47.759 Saturday, I was in Berlin at Saddleback Berlin and teaching pastors and priests there 192 00:16:48.120 --> 00:16:53.600 how to start small groups for the new evangelization. I started Saddleback Church thirty 193 00:16:53.600 --> 00:16:59.679 five years ago with a one member, my wife. I preached the first 194 00:16:59.720 --> 00:17:03.640 sermon. She said it was too long. It's been downhill ever since. 195 00:17:04.480 --> 00:17:10.640 She still says they're too long. Today, Saddleback is the only church in 196 00:17:10.680 --> 00:17:15.880 America with more people in small groups than come on Sunday. Last Sunday we 197 00:17:15.920 --> 00:17:19.039 had I don't know, maybe twenty five thousand people in attendance, but we 198 00:17:19.079 --> 00:17:26.480 have about forty thousand involved in small groups in eight four hundred small groups, 199 00:17:26.599 --> 00:17:32.839 and they go from Santa Monica to San Diego in California, And one of 200 00:17:32.880 --> 00:17:36.920 the things we teach in small groups that as a couple, you should never 201 00:17:37.000 --> 00:17:41.279 have as your best friends couples who are not as committed to their marriage as 202 00:17:41.279 --> 00:17:45.359 you are. If you want your marriage to last, you should choose as 203 00:17:45.400 --> 00:17:49.319 your best friends couples who are as committed to their marriage as you are, 204 00:17:49.839 --> 00:17:53.400 because if not, when the heat is on, you're going to go the 205 00:17:53.400 --> 00:17:57.440 wrong way. They're going to give you bad advice, they're not going to 206 00:17:57.480 --> 00:18:02.920 support you, they're not going to fight for your marriage. So develop small 207 00:18:02.960 --> 00:18:08.200 groups. He is engage every media to promote marriage. This is something we 208 00:18:08.240 --> 00:18:14.559 really need to do. We need to engage every single media to promote marriage. 209 00:18:14.640 --> 00:18:18.160 Right now, friends, the church is being outmarketed by the opponents of 210 00:18:18.200 --> 00:18:26.359 marriage. Everybody agree with that, and the minority view is getting the majority 211 00:18:26.440 --> 00:18:32.880 of the press, and they're they're the minority. There is so far the 212 00:18:32.920 --> 00:18:38.960 minority, and yet you would think that they were the majority. And right 213 00:18:40.000 --> 00:18:42.519 now, Christians, we are more known for what we're against than what we're 214 00:18:42.519 --> 00:18:47.880 for. I think we need to change that. I intend to change it. 215 00:18:48.119 --> 00:18:53.319 And whichever side tells the best stories wins. So we have to tell 216 00:18:53.559 --> 00:19:00.599 better stories about marriage and about sex. So excited, and I was telling 217 00:19:00.599 --> 00:19:04.359 them on Senior Steven, how much I appreciate these videos we've been watching. 218 00:19:04.960 --> 00:19:15.200 We need more of these, and every every church should show these and use 219 00:19:15.279 --> 00:19:18.720 them in your services so that we're not just the ones that are seeing them, 220 00:19:19.000 --> 00:19:23.799 but that everybody is seeing them. And we need more TV shows. 221 00:19:23.839 --> 00:19:29.880 We need more movies that portray joyful, committed marriages. When was the last 222 00:19:29.880 --> 00:19:34.119 time you saw a happy marriage on television? The father is usually a joke 223 00:19:36.440 --> 00:19:41.680 on in most Disney movies. The mom and dad are absent. I don't 224 00:19:41.680 --> 00:19:45.799 know if you've noticed this, but almost every Disney character is an orphan. 225 00:19:48.079 --> 00:19:51.799 Dad is never around, our mom's never around, or that killed off early 226 00:19:51.799 --> 00:19:57.240 in the scene. We have to use media to question what I call the 227 00:19:57.319 --> 00:20:03.079 cultural lies, and the lies that are being perpetuated in our culture are told 228 00:20:03.119 --> 00:20:07.400 over and over and over, and people simply believe them because they're not being 229 00:20:07.480 --> 00:20:10.640 questioned. For instance, one of the lies we have in our culture is 230 00:20:11.640 --> 00:20:18.359 that the only great sex is sex outside of marriage. We hear this all 231 00:20:18.400 --> 00:20:25.119 the time. You never see a loving couple that our husband wife on TV. 232 00:20:25.200 --> 00:20:30.559 Sex is always between single people. Or adultery. Yeah, and I 233 00:20:30.559 --> 00:20:37.720 think we need tasteful movies and TV that celebrate sex and marriage. They could 234 00:20:37.720 --> 00:20:44.519 be done tastefully. Sex is not dirty, it is holy. It is 235 00:20:44.559 --> 00:20:48.839 holy, and it is a gift to married couples. I'm so glad the 236 00:20:48.920 --> 00:20:53.359 Rivers are here today. All I just want to say is they're my kind 237 00:20:53.359 --> 00:20:59.319 of people. You know, you have honorary membership at Saddleback, God bless 238 00:20:59.359 --> 00:21:06.359 him. We need movies and we need films, and we need stories that 239 00:21:06.519 --> 00:21:11.519 teach the difference between love and lust. Most love songs today are not really 240 00:21:11.599 --> 00:21:15.839 love songs. They're lost songs. Give it to me, give it to 241 00:21:15.839 --> 00:21:19.079 me, or I'm going to take it. That's not love. That's not 242 00:21:19.200 --> 00:21:25.160 love. Love can always wait to give, lust can never wait to get. 243 00:21:26.359 --> 00:21:30.799 Now, as Christians and we represent a lot of different tribes here, 244 00:21:30.839 --> 00:21:36.680 we need a cooperative media strategy for producing television shows, films, and YouTube 245 00:21:36.759 --> 00:21:41.279 videos that portray the joys and benefits of healthy marriage and the hard work it 246 00:21:41.319 --> 00:21:45.839 takes to maintain a great marriage. And by the way, on a personal 247 00:21:45.880 --> 00:21:48.880 level, I want to encourage every one of you, no matter who you 248 00:21:48.920 --> 00:21:56.440 are, to use the social media to mentor the next generation. If you 249 00:21:56.599 --> 00:22:02.319 want to mentor the next generation, you have to be on social media because 250 00:22:02.319 --> 00:22:07.519 that's where they are. They're on Facebook and MySpace and YouTube, and they're 251 00:22:07.559 --> 00:22:15.960 on Twitter and Instagram and Google Plus and LinkedIn and I'm on nine different accounts. 252 00:22:15.960 --> 00:22:18.240 And by the way, if you're not following me on Twitter, you're 253 00:22:18.279 --> 00:22:30.119 going to hell. Just kidding, f We must face attackers with joy and 254 00:22:30.160 --> 00:22:37.920 winsomeness. We must face attackers the critics with joinment. Yes, there's a 255 00:22:37.039 --> 00:22:42.079 raging cultural battle, but the Bible says we don't use the weapons of this 256 00:22:42.200 --> 00:22:48.279 world. We don't use the weapons of this world. And the Bible says 257 00:22:48.519 --> 00:22:53.559 you overcome evil with what yeah, good, good, And the Bible tells 258 00:22:53.640 --> 00:22:59.880 us to bless those who curse you. These attackers are not the enemy. 259 00:23:00.519 --> 00:23:04.400 They are the mission field. There are people that Jesus shed his precious blood 260 00:23:04.440 --> 00:23:10.680 for. He wants them in heaven. And sometimes you have to decide, 261 00:23:10.799 --> 00:23:15.559 are are you more interested in making a point or making a friend. My 262 00:23:15.720 --> 00:23:18.880 definition of evangelism is you build a bridge of love between your heart and theirs, 263 00:23:18.880 --> 00:23:26.079 and Jesus walks across. Before people will trust Christ, they've got to 264 00:23:26.079 --> 00:23:30.279 trust you. And before they want to know is he real? They want 265 00:23:30.279 --> 00:23:33.960 to know are you real? Can you be trusted? And so we face 266 00:23:34.039 --> 00:23:41.039 attackers with joy and winsomeness. I have done hundreds, maybe thousands, of 267 00:23:41.240 --> 00:23:49.160 interviews with antagonistic reporters, and I will have to say I've learned you never 268 00:23:49.160 --> 00:23:56.960 get your point across by being cross, and you are never persuasive when you're 269 00:23:56.000 --> 00:24:04.519 abrasive. That it is in winsomeness that we win the battle. And our 270 00:24:04.599 --> 00:24:08.640 culture has accepted two lives today. One of them is that if you disagree 271 00:24:08.640 --> 00:24:11.599 with somebody's lifestyle, then you either hate them or you're afraid of them. 272 00:24:12.559 --> 00:24:15.720 I don't hate them, and I'm not afraid of them. I'm not phobic 273 00:24:17.240 --> 00:24:22.200 and I'm not hateful. I just disagree, and that's a myth. And 274 00:24:22.240 --> 00:24:25.519 the other is that if you love somebody, you must agree with everything they 275 00:24:25.519 --> 00:24:30.640 believe or do. Well, that's nonsense, because nobody agrees with everything you 276 00:24:30.720 --> 00:24:36.279 do, including your wife or your husband or whatever. Both of those are 277 00:24:36.359 --> 00:24:41.319 nonsense, I said earlier. Over past thirty five years, I've had the 278 00:24:41.359 --> 00:24:45.400 privilege of training over four hundred thousand pastors in one hundred and sixty four countries, 279 00:24:45.880 --> 00:24:48.799 and one of the things I've learned in talking to that many pastors is 280 00:24:48.839 --> 00:24:53.200 that every leader needs learn how to represent Christ when attacked. And if you 281 00:24:53.279 --> 00:25:00.000 stand courageously for the truth, you're going to be attacked. You can count 282 00:25:00.119 --> 00:25:04.759 on it. So how do you stay winsome under attack? How do you 283 00:25:04.799 --> 00:25:08.119 do that? Well, let me give you a couple ways. Number one 284 00:25:08.359 --> 00:25:14.880 is, remember the reward you're gonna get. Remember the reward. Jesus said 285 00:25:14.880 --> 00:25:18.960 it like this in the Beatitudes, Blessed are you. And men shall revile 286 00:25:18.039 --> 00:25:23.200 you and persecute you, and say all manner of evil against you falsely. 287 00:25:23.240 --> 00:25:30.480 For my sake, rejoice and be exceeding glad, for great is your reward 288 00:25:30.519 --> 00:25:36.039 in heaven, for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you. This 289 00:25:36.119 --> 00:25:38.799 is not the end of the story, and we must be willing to be 290 00:25:38.880 --> 00:25:44.519 ridiculed and even suffer for the truth. Courage by its very nature, means 291 00:25:44.519 --> 00:25:48.119 that sometimes you have to take a stand that's unpopular. And I meet a 292 00:25:48.119 --> 00:25:55.400 lot of pastors and priests who are afraid to be unpopular. You cannot please. 293 00:25:55.960 --> 00:25:59.240 You have to do what Peter said, we must obey God rather than 294 00:25:59.240 --> 00:26:04.839 men. When the Sanhedrin took them in you know. In the concluding message 295 00:26:04.839 --> 00:26:08.759 at the end of the Extraordinary Synod, the Holy Father said this, we 296 00:26:08.839 --> 00:26:15.160 must avoid quote, the temptation to come down off the cross to please the 297 00:26:15.200 --> 00:26:18.359 people instead of staying on the cross fulfilling the will of the Father. The 298 00:26:18.400 --> 00:26:23.920 temptation to bow down to a worldly spirit instead of purifying it and bending it 299 00:26:25.119 --> 00:26:30.480 to the spirit of God. Wow. Wow, Jesus said, if they 300 00:26:30.559 --> 00:26:36.519 hated me, they're gonna hate you. So you remember your reward. And 301 00:26:36.559 --> 00:26:41.680 the other thing you do is you live for an audience of one that you 302 00:26:41.759 --> 00:26:47.279 don't care about really what other people think. If you haven't got people's approve 303 00:26:47.319 --> 00:26:51.680 of by now, you're not going to get it. And I'll tell you 304 00:26:51.680 --> 00:26:55.160 this, you don't need it to be happy. You don't need it to 305 00:26:55.200 --> 00:27:00.559 be happy. Remember who is the one that we are answering to you at 306 00:27:00.599 --> 00:27:06.759 the end of the day. It's not Time magazine, it's Jesus Christ. 307 00:27:07.160 --> 00:27:11.640 I remember one time I was interviewed on CNN, and every time I'd go 308 00:27:11.680 --> 00:27:17.200 on there, they asked me the same question about gay marriage. And one 309 00:27:17.279 --> 00:27:21.599 of the well known speakers on CNN asked me, said, Rick, as 310 00:27:21.640 --> 00:27:25.720 a pastor, do you ever think you will ever change your opinion on this, 311 00:27:26.599 --> 00:27:30.279 and I said no, And he said why, and I said, 312 00:27:30.319 --> 00:27:33.880 because I fear the disapproval of God more than I feared your disapproval or the 313 00:27:33.920 --> 00:27:38.480 disapproval society. And I wasn't saying that in a mean way. I was 314 00:27:38.519 --> 00:27:44.960 just trying to be honest. The only way to always be relevant is to 315 00:27:45.000 --> 00:27:52.759 be eternal. Anything that is in style is going out of style by its 316 00:27:52.880 --> 00:27:57.000 very nature, styles go out of style, So you should never try to 317 00:27:57.039 --> 00:28:02.279 be stylish. No, you know, no revolution lasts, including the sexual 318 00:28:02.319 --> 00:28:07.880 revolution, No dictator last. No revolution lasts, and every lie eventually crumbles 319 00:28:07.920 --> 00:28:12.559 under its own deception. Cultures rise and fall, they come and go, 320 00:28:14.119 --> 00:28:18.440 but the Word of God and the Church of God continues. So what I'm 321 00:28:18.480 --> 00:28:22.720 saying is it isn't necessary to be on the side of culture. It's not 322 00:28:22.759 --> 00:28:26.640 even necessary to be on the right side of history. It's just important to 323 00:28:26.640 --> 00:28:37.079 be on the right side. Okay, I guess what I'm saying is that 324 00:28:37.000 --> 00:28:41.680 the debate over the definition of life and of sex and of marriage is in 325 00:28:41.720 --> 00:28:44.960 reality a question of leadership. And the question is who's going to lead. 326 00:28:45.000 --> 00:28:48.240 Will the church follow the crowd, or will the church lead the crowd, 327 00:28:49.039 --> 00:28:52.559 and in Exodus twenty three to two, God says this, do not follow 328 00:28:52.599 --> 00:28:57.640 the crowd in doing wrong. Why because history shows the majority is often wrong. 329 00:28:59.440 --> 00:29:04.799 Remember the dustbinds of history are stuffed with conventional wisdom of cultures that proved 330 00:29:04.920 --> 00:29:12.799 false, and truth is not decided by a popularity contest. G give people 331 00:29:12.920 --> 00:29:18.240 confidence. This is something. We need to give them confidence that their marriage 332 00:29:18.319 --> 00:29:22.359 can make it. Two of the Catholic leaders that I respect the most, 333 00:29:22.359 --> 00:29:26.400 and I've talked about this, Archbishop Kurtz told me. He said, Rick, 334 00:29:26.440 --> 00:29:30.400 we must restore confidence that even in a broken world, the biblical marriage 335 00:29:30.440 --> 00:29:38.799 is attainable. Brilliant and Cardinal Chapy right here has said believers don't have the 336 00:29:38.880 --> 00:29:45.920 luxury of pessimism. That's great. We must give people confidence. We must 337 00:29:45.960 --> 00:29:49.440 preach the good news about marriage with hope and faith, not doom and gloom. 338 00:29:51.799 --> 00:29:55.720 This is important. Instead of merely telling it like it is, pastors 339 00:29:55.799 --> 00:30:00.640 must tell it like it can be. Telling it like it is it changes 340 00:30:00.680 --> 00:30:07.480 nothing. It just labels people. And if somebody says you're a bad husband, 341 00:30:07.559 --> 00:30:10.359 then you tendancy say, yes, I am a bad husband. Look 342 00:30:10.400 --> 00:30:12.759 how bad I can be. But if somebody says, I see in you 343 00:30:12.839 --> 00:30:18.160 the potential to be a great husband, I see in you the potential to 344 00:30:18.240 --> 00:30:21.759 be a man of God, that your wife loves, your kids, honor, 345 00:30:21.920 --> 00:30:25.759 the community respects. This could be you, with God's Holy Spirit in 346 00:30:25.880 --> 00:30:30.720 and through you that changes me. This is preaching for faith. Preaching for 347 00:30:30.759 --> 00:30:37.359 faith. Give people confidence the good news of marriage. With hope and faith, 348 00:30:37.440 --> 00:30:40.640 we can show that they can beat the odds. Jesus said, according 349 00:30:40.680 --> 00:30:45.559 to your faith, it will be done to you. We must help couples 350 00:30:45.640 --> 00:30:49.880 imagine, imagine how good their marriage could be if they'll just make the effort 351 00:30:49.960 --> 00:30:53.759 to improve it. And we must help people. This is important. Help 352 00:30:53.839 --> 00:31:02.720 people see that their primary identity is found in Christ, not their sins or 353 00:31:02.759 --> 00:31:07.720 any other distinction. Help people see that their primary identity is in Christ, 354 00:31:08.240 --> 00:31:12.000 not their sins or any other distinction. Before I left Los Angeles, I 355 00:31:12.000 --> 00:31:18.440 had lunch with Archbishop Gomez and we talked about this issue of identity, which 356 00:31:18.440 --> 00:31:22.039 we both feel very deeply about. Let me just give you an example. 357 00:31:22.640 --> 00:31:27.079 At Saddleback, we have a recovery program based on the Beatitudes. We started 358 00:31:27.119 --> 00:31:32.200 it twenty five years ago. Tens of thousands of people have been through it 359 00:31:32.200 --> 00:31:34.880 through saddleback around the world. It's called Celebrate Recovery and it's based on the 360 00:31:34.920 --> 00:31:40.920 Beatitudes of Jesus as the steps of recovery. And one of the things that 361 00:31:40.960 --> 00:31:47.400 makes Celebrate Recovery different from alcoholics anonymous is if you go to AA meeting, 362 00:31:47.839 --> 00:31:49.319 at every meeting, you stand up and for the rest of your life you 363 00:31:49.359 --> 00:31:55.680 say Hi, I'm John and I'm a alcoholic. Your primary identity is your 364 00:31:55.720 --> 00:32:00.559 sin, your weakness, and Celebrate Recovery said no, no, you don't 365 00:32:00.599 --> 00:32:05.119 do that. You would say Hi, my name Rick is a Rick and 366 00:32:05.200 --> 00:32:09.160 I'm a disciple of Christ who struggles with alcohol. See the difference. My 367 00:32:09.319 --> 00:32:15.599 primary identity is in Christ and I'm just struggling with an area in my life. 368 00:32:15.640 --> 00:32:22.319 That makes a huge difference in theology and practice. Finally, teach the 369 00:32:22.359 --> 00:32:25.279 purposes of marriage. I skipped all the way to Tea because the amount of 370 00:32:25.279 --> 00:32:34.319 time teach the purposes of marriage. You cannot value something you don't understand its 371 00:32:34.359 --> 00:32:40.640 purpose. Now, anytime we forget God's purpose for any of his gifts, 372 00:32:42.279 --> 00:32:46.079 that gift's going to be misused, abused, confused, wasted, perverted, 373 00:32:46.119 --> 00:32:52.279 and even destroyed. It's true of your time, your money, your health, 374 00:32:53.160 --> 00:32:58.359 your gifts, your freedom, your sexuality, even marriage. Now, 375 00:32:58.400 --> 00:33:06.559 the Bible in Genesis gives us the six purposes of marriage, and I'll close 376 00:33:06.599 --> 00:33:08.519 with this, and we've discussed these at the conference, but let me just 377 00:33:08.519 --> 00:33:13.880 summarize them in a list. The Bible says that there are six purposes for 378 00:33:14.000 --> 00:33:20.400 marriage. Number one for the elimination of loneliness. It's the first thing God 379 00:33:20.440 --> 00:33:23.440 said, Genesis one eighteen. God tells Adam, it's not good for the 380 00:33:23.480 --> 00:33:28.200 man to be alone. I will make you a companion. It's the first 381 00:33:28.200 --> 00:33:34.480 thing God said. Elimination of loneliness. Number two for the expression of sex 382 00:33:34.960 --> 00:33:39.279 Genesis two twenty four. For this reason, a man will leave his father 383 00:33:39.359 --> 00:33:45.799 and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 384 00:33:45.400 --> 00:33:50.759 Elimination of loneliness, expression of sex. Number three, the multiplication of 385 00:33:50.799 --> 00:33:58.720 the human race Genesis one twenty God says, be fruitful and multiply and fill 386 00:33:58.759 --> 00:34:00.680 the earth. By the way, this is the only command of God that 387 00:34:00.680 --> 00:34:07.079 the human race has ever been able to keep. We did this one successfully. 388 00:34:07.079 --> 00:34:09.760 There are seven billion of us to prove it. Number four, By 389 00:34:09.800 --> 00:34:14.599 the way, it always amazes me that God chose to bring people into the 390 00:34:14.639 --> 00:34:21.280 world through sex, so that Jesus could bring them into heaven. Think about 391 00:34:21.320 --> 00:34:23.960 this, Jesus told that this there's going to be no sex in heaven, 392 00:34:24.400 --> 00:34:28.280 but without sex on earth, there'd be no people to go to heaven. 393 00:34:30.119 --> 00:34:37.000 Number four for the protection and the education of children Phesians four sixty four. 394 00:34:37.599 --> 00:34:43.239 God says, fathers, bring up your children in the nurture and the instruction. 395 00:34:43.519 --> 00:34:46.800 Protection and education in the nurture instruction of the Lord. And a lot 396 00:34:46.840 --> 00:34:51.480 of people have already pointed out that children are hurt the most in the culture 397 00:34:51.480 --> 00:34:57.880 that devalues marriage. I love the message paraphrase of Malachi to eighteen. Let 398 00:34:57.920 --> 00:35:04.719 me read this to you, God, not you made marriage. His spirit 399 00:35:04.800 --> 00:35:09.239 inhabits even the smallest detail of marriage. What does he want from marriage? 400 00:35:09.880 --> 00:35:15.320 Godly children from your union. So guard the spirit of marriage within you. 401 00:35:16.119 --> 00:35:22.800 That's beautiful. The fifth purpose for the perfection of our character. First Corinthians 402 00:35:22.840 --> 00:35:29.480 seven fourteen tells us very clearly the husband is sanctified through his wife, and 403 00:35:29.519 --> 00:35:34.280 the wife is sanctified through her husband. One of the purposes of the marriage 404 00:35:34.679 --> 00:35:38.639 is to make you holy, not just happy. Now, holiness creates happiness, 405 00:35:39.079 --> 00:35:44.920 but marriage is the laboratory for learning how to love. It is the 406 00:35:44.960 --> 00:35:49.960 school for learning sacrifice. It's the university for learning unselfishness. It's the lifelong 407 00:35:50.039 --> 00:35:52.920 course for becoming like Christ. And if you are married, the number one 408 00:35:52.960 --> 00:36:00.400 tool God uses to shape you is your spouse. And then number six the 409 00:36:00.440 --> 00:36:07.599 sixth purpose of marriage for the reflection of our union with Christ. Ephesians four, 410 00:36:07.760 --> 00:36:12.639 five twenty two to thirty three, very powerful passage. He explains that 411 00:36:12.719 --> 00:36:17.960 marriage is a metaphor. Marriage is a model of the mystery of Christ's love 412 00:36:19.280 --> 00:36:22.199 for his bride and his body. It is a spiritual object lesson. Paul 413 00:36:22.280 --> 00:36:30.920 explained it this way. Let me read this to you, Husbands, love 414 00:36:30.960 --> 00:36:37.199 your wives. Love your wives, just as Christ love the Church and gave 415 00:36:37.280 --> 00:36:44.039 himself up for her, to make her holy and to present her as a 416 00:36:44.079 --> 00:36:50.559 beautiful bride to himself, a radiant church, without staying or wrinkle or blemish, 417 00:36:51.159 --> 00:36:57.239 but holy and pure. In this same way, husbands must love their 418 00:36:57.280 --> 00:37:01.400 wives as their own bodies. And he who loves his wife loves himself. 419 00:37:01.480 --> 00:37:06.199 After all, no one ever hated his own body. But he feeds it 420 00:37:06.719 --> 00:37:10.840 and he cares for it, just as Christ does his church. For we 421 00:37:12.639 --> 00:37:16.559 are members of Christ's body. It is for this reason that a man will 422 00:37:16.599 --> 00:37:20.840 leave his father and mother there it is again, and be united to his 423 00:37:20.880 --> 00:37:27.159 wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery, 424 00:37:28.199 --> 00:37:32.679 but I am talking about Christ and his church. So each of you 425 00:37:32.760 --> 00:37:37.360 must also love your wife as you love yourself and your wife. You wife 426 00:37:37.440 --> 00:37:49.880 must respect your husband. This is the deepest meaning of marriage. This is 427 00:37:49.920 --> 00:37:55.800 the most profound purpose of marriage, and this is the strongest reason why marriage 428 00:37:55.880 --> 00:38:04.119 can only be between a man and a woman. There is no other relationship, 429 00:38:04.840 --> 00:38:12.039 including the parent child relationship, that can picture this intimate union. And 430 00:38:12.119 --> 00:38:16.639 to redefine marriage would destroy the picture that God intends for marriage to portray. 431 00:38:16.800 --> 00:38:22.920 And we cannot gave on this issue. It's a picture of Christ in his 432 00:38:23.079 --> 00:38:30.159 church. Jesus said, there's no marriage in heaven. Why because you're not 433 00:38:30.199 --> 00:38:36.800 gonna need any of these six reasons. In heaven. You're not gonna need 434 00:38:36.840 --> 00:38:40.480 We're not gonna need the protection of children in heaven. We're not gonna need 435 00:38:40.719 --> 00:38:45.960 the connection between men and women. We're not gonna need the perfection of character, 436 00:38:45.159 --> 00:38:49.719 and we're not even gonna need the reflection of our union with Christ. 437 00:38:49.880 --> 00:38:55.559 We don't need the metaphor because now we've got the real thing. So in 438 00:38:55.639 --> 00:39:04.719 closing, I just throughout the other message because I wanted to encourage you to 439 00:39:04.880 --> 00:39:10.880 never give up and to never give in. The Church cannot be salt and 440 00:39:12.039 --> 00:39:16.199 light in a crumbling culture. If we cave into the sexual revolution and if 441 00:39:16.239 --> 00:39:23.880 we failed to provide a counter culture witness. It is a total myth that 442 00:39:23.920 --> 00:39:32.320 we must compromise and give up on biblical truth and marriage in order to evangelize. 443 00:39:32.639 --> 00:39:36.440 People say, well, the reason people aren't coming to church is because 444 00:39:36.440 --> 00:39:40.920 we're two. We're too That's just not true. Twenty years ago I wrote 445 00:39:42.039 --> 00:39:45.559 a book called the Purpose Driven Church, and the subtitle of that book was 446 00:39:45.599 --> 00:39:52.039 called growth without compromising your message and your mission. And I think we proved 447 00:39:52.039 --> 00:40:01.280 it. Last month I baptized the forty thousandth adult convert at Soetdlebeccha forty thousand 448 00:40:01.480 --> 00:40:09.280 adult converts, and we didn't compromise, and we didn't cave in. Now, 449 00:40:09.280 --> 00:40:16.440 in the end, we have to be merciful to the fallen. We 450 00:40:16.519 --> 00:40:22.440 have to show grace to the struggling. We have to be patient to the 451 00:40:22.519 --> 00:40:29.880 doubting. But when God's word is clear, We must not. We cannot 452 00:40:30.599 --> 00:40:36.239 back up, back down, back off, backslide, or just give in. 453 00:40:37.159 --> 00:40:44.320 The Church must never be captivated by culture, manipulated by critics, motivated 454 00:40:44.360 --> 00:40:51.000 by applause, frustrated by problems, debilitated by distractions, or intimidated by evil. 455 00:40:51.679 --> 00:40:54.079 We must keep running the race with our eye on the goal, not 456 00:40:54.239 --> 00:41:00.480 on those shouting from the sideline. We must be spirit led, purpose and 457 00:41:00.599 --> 00:41:05.360 mission focused, so that we cannot be bought. We will not be compromised, 458 00:41:05.440 --> 00:41:09.440 and we shall not quit until we finished race. May God bless you 459 00:41:09.480 --> 00:41:12.599 and all who serve our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.