WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:11.759 This is pod Populi podcast for the People, The Great Love Debate. It's 2 00:00:11.800 --> 00:00:18.199 the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate. 3 00:00:18.559 --> 00:00:23.039 Hi again everyone, It's Brian Howie. Welcome to the Great Love Debate, 4 00:00:23.079 --> 00:00:27.399 the world's number one dating and relationship podcast since two thousand and fifteen. 5 00:00:27.480 --> 00:00:32.200 I am here in the very fine studios of pod Populi Podcasts for the People. 6 00:00:32.359 --> 00:00:35.880 I am at the one in Alpharetta, Georgia. I have not recorded 7 00:00:36.000 --> 00:00:39.840 in this one yet. Uh. There's another pod popular in Atlanta at Ponce 8 00:00:39.960 --> 00:00:43.359 City Market. It's very nice. Got Tim over there on the controls. 9 00:00:43.359 --> 00:00:49.240 Shout it out, Tim, alright, So I Atlanta is one of the 10 00:00:49.399 --> 00:00:56.640 very rare cities. They made our Worst Cities in America to Find Love back 11 00:00:56.640 --> 00:01:00.439 in like twenty fifteen, twenty sixteen, and then through a lot of hard 12 00:01:00.439 --> 00:01:03.479 work and a lot of changes in the city and a lot of press that 13 00:01:03.520 --> 00:01:06.000 we did about it, they did a big article about us and it changed 14 00:01:06.040 --> 00:01:08.480 things. It made our ten Best list like two years after that. It's 15 00:01:08.480 --> 00:01:11.640 not on any list now. It's sort of in the middle somewhere, but 16 00:01:11.680 --> 00:01:15.680 it's one of the only ones that's gone from sort of worst to first, 17 00:01:15.719 --> 00:01:21.239 so props to Atlanta. Atlanta looks good anyway. The last episode of this 18 00:01:21.319 --> 00:01:26.239 show last week in your listening calendar, it was called The Joy of Being 19 00:01:26.760 --> 00:01:30.760 Wrong, And not only did that turn out to be the most listened to 20 00:01:32.680 --> 00:01:37.239 episode of the Great Love Debate this year, is the most listened to episode 21 00:01:37.280 --> 00:01:41.159 this year, it was also the biggest show that we have had since two 22 00:01:41.799 --> 00:01:44.840 nineteen. I have no idea why. It was just me talking about that 23 00:01:45.599 --> 00:01:48.959 sort of a catchy title, but it really got sent around. Every once 24 00:01:48.959 --> 00:01:52.519 in a while, we'll do one of these episodes and somebody picks it up 25 00:01:52.560 --> 00:01:55.680 and shares it and it goes viral, and well, there you go. 26 00:01:55.959 --> 00:02:02.719 So I'm grateful for that. But from the emails that we received in last 27 00:02:02.719 --> 00:02:07.519 week since that episode dropped, I think a whole lot of you guys took 28 00:02:07.560 --> 00:02:14.280 great joy in the idea of us, meaning me, being wrong and particularly 29 00:02:14.319 --> 00:02:17.280 wrong about a few things I love dating relationships. Over the last eight or 30 00:02:17.319 --> 00:02:22.719 nine years that we've done this show, because we got so many things, 31 00:02:22.840 --> 00:02:27.479 all sorts of things sent to us with some variation of what about that time 32 00:02:27.520 --> 00:02:30.400 you said this, do you still think that? Or here's what else you're 33 00:02:30.439 --> 00:02:32.759 wrong about I got so many of those, so I don't like to do 34 00:02:34.000 --> 00:02:38.319 consecutive episodes of this show where it's just me. But I never really feel 35 00:02:38.319 --> 00:02:42.400 like it's just me because there's tens of thousands of you guys. So here 36 00:02:42.400 --> 00:02:45.479 we are. But you're gonna get just me again because I'm going to read 37 00:02:45.520 --> 00:02:50.759 and respond to some of these emails, most of them because they're entertaining, 38 00:02:50.840 --> 00:02:54.080 but some of them so I can point out how wrong you are. I'm 39 00:02:54.120 --> 00:02:59.039 not wrong on some of these. Believe me. It will give you such 40 00:02:59.159 --> 00:03:02.199 great joy if you own your wrongness and embrace it, as I did on 41 00:03:02.240 --> 00:03:07.879 the last episode. So breathe and bathe in your wrongness, and a couple 42 00:03:07.919 --> 00:03:12.599 of them you might even be right on. So the first one I got, 43 00:03:12.960 --> 00:03:15.439 and we got this from a whole bunch of you, and we always 44 00:03:15.439 --> 00:03:17.960 get a ton of feedback every time I touched this subject. It really is 45 00:03:19.000 --> 00:03:23.639 a dating third rail, especially in a place like Atlanta, Georgia. It's 46 00:03:23.639 --> 00:03:28.039 a big deal here. So many are sort of stuck in their ways and 47 00:03:28.120 --> 00:03:32.639 this this bizarre mindset. So I'm gonna use the one from Heather in Charlotte, 48 00:03:32.800 --> 00:03:38.159 just up seventy eighty five just up eighty five from here. Heather from 49 00:03:38.280 --> 00:03:43.280 Charlotte wrote in Brian, I'm glad to hear you say you like being wrong. 50 00:03:43.360 --> 00:03:47.479 Will you finally admit that religion does matter and that there is nothing wrong 51 00:03:47.520 --> 00:03:55.479 with wanting to date someone with the same faith and beliefs as me, Heather, 52 00:03:55.560 --> 00:03:59.800 I'm not saying you're wrong to want that. I'm saying it only really 53 00:04:00.159 --> 00:04:02.319 make you any happier or give you a better relationship. And this is the 54 00:04:03.680 --> 00:04:10.960 great love Hill I will die on and probably go to heaven real. I 55 00:04:11.039 --> 00:04:15.599 just think you can throw a dart at any random characteristic and hope to match 56 00:04:15.639 --> 00:04:19.920 with someone. But if you think that being a Baptist or Orthodox Jewish or 57 00:04:20.000 --> 00:04:24.319 atheist or whatever you believe in, and I lump atheist into there too, 58 00:04:24.360 --> 00:04:28.839 because those people are as evangelical about their atheism as anything else. If you're 59 00:04:29.040 --> 00:04:33.879 very strict about I need this real, narrow path of specific religious beliefs, 60 00:04:34.120 --> 00:04:39.079 and I need somebody who believes the exact same things and celebrates the same way 61 00:04:39.680 --> 00:04:43.439 as the key to anything. I will always think you are wrong. I 62 00:04:43.560 --> 00:04:49.959 just will. It really makes no more difference other than in some lifestyle things. 63 00:04:50.000 --> 00:04:53.399 And in an hour or so a week, or ten minutes a day, 64 00:04:53.879 --> 00:04:57.160 or a handful of holidays a year. Other than that, you kind 65 00:04:57.160 --> 00:04:59.360 of can go your separate ways and do your own thing. It is no 66 00:04:59.439 --> 00:05:03.560 different than if a meat eater and a pescatarian get together, or if a 67 00:05:03.639 --> 00:05:08.240 Yankee fan and a Dodger fan get together. I'm a Mets fan and I've 68 00:05:08.240 --> 00:05:12.199 got a Braves fan about five feet away from me. Are we good? 69 00:05:12.240 --> 00:05:18.560 Tim Are we good? Anyway? You know, somebody's journey with God or 70 00:05:19.279 --> 00:05:26.160 whoever or whatever they believe is probably the most personal and constantly evolving things in 71 00:05:26.279 --> 00:05:30.800 their own lives. So for you to need them to have exactly the same 72 00:05:32.160 --> 00:05:36.399 journey is you. I just think it's nearly an impossible thing to find. 73 00:05:38.040 --> 00:05:43.439 And I'm not sure you can trust that that person that you're falling for predominantly 74 00:05:43.480 --> 00:05:46.720 because of this journey. I don't think you can trust that they'll always going 75 00:05:46.759 --> 00:05:50.279 to be on that path. People's faiths come and go. And if you're 76 00:05:50.279 --> 00:05:53.360 saying, which you a lot of you say to me, but we want 77 00:05:53.360 --> 00:05:56.000 to raise our kids in the same religion. And I'm like, why, 78 00:05:56.600 --> 00:06:00.879 like convenience? You know, because you think one one way is going to 79 00:06:00.920 --> 00:06:02.519 be better than another. Dude, Do I think I'm better off with someone 80 00:06:02.560 --> 00:06:08.160 and who shared the same miserable Catholic childhood that I did? I don't, 81 00:06:08.720 --> 00:06:11.759 And I'm like, why, why in the world would you think that's going 82 00:06:11.800 --> 00:06:16.279 to make your relationship, your romantic relationship better if you want to share traditions 83 00:06:16.399 --> 00:06:21.800 and superstitions and habits and whatever you want to call it. I don't want 84 00:06:21.800 --> 00:06:26.000 to go full agnostic on you, but I don't think it makes a bit 85 00:06:26.040 --> 00:06:30.720 of difference at all in your relationship. I think someone who drinks a ton 86 00:06:30.920 --> 00:06:35.360 and somebody who's a recovering alcoholic getting together is a challenge, but obviously two 87 00:06:35.480 --> 00:06:40.959 radically different lifestyle choices, it might work, no doubt. And everybody gets 88 00:06:40.959 --> 00:06:45.360 so mad, like, do not compare my relationship with the Lord to drinking. 89 00:06:45.519 --> 00:06:48.040 I'm not. I'm just saying that lots of people have lots of ways 90 00:06:48.079 --> 00:06:51.480 to sort of slice their personal apple, and if you're focusing on this one 91 00:06:51.560 --> 00:06:55.959 thing, I'm not going to think that that makes any difference than one hundred 92 00:06:56.160 --> 00:07:00.199 other things. Should two people who are different give it a shot? Why 93 00:07:00.240 --> 00:07:05.639 not? So all you Mormons looking for love with Presbyterians out there, go 94 00:07:05.680 --> 00:07:10.199 on a date. Maybe you'll have a drink together. Probably the Mormons won't, 95 00:07:10.240 --> 00:07:12.959 but probably the Presbyterians might not either, But it might work out. 96 00:07:13.399 --> 00:07:17.480 So put your faith aside for a second and get to know the person on 97 00:07:18.480 --> 00:07:23.639 all the other levels. So try that. I'm not wrong, but thanks 98 00:07:23.639 --> 00:07:29.399 for playing Heather from Charlotte. The next one. I might be wrong about 99 00:07:29.399 --> 00:07:32.920 this. Here's another thing you are wrong about. This is from Meghan in 100 00:07:33.079 --> 00:07:39.879 Brooklyn. Brian, you always include New York on your worst Cities in Which 101 00:07:39.920 --> 00:07:43.879 to date list, which is so wildly incorrect. There are more opportunities here 102 00:07:43.920 --> 00:07:46.480 than anywhere, and the amount of interesting people in the city blows away some 103 00:07:46.519 --> 00:07:50.000 of the places you think are so great. Come back to the Big Apple 104 00:07:50.040 --> 00:07:55.000 and let us show you around. I don't know. You can go to 105 00:07:55.040 --> 00:07:57.199 waffle House about ten minutes from here, and you can find a lot of 106 00:07:57.199 --> 00:07:59.839 interesting people too. So I don't want to think New York. First of 107 00:08:00.079 --> 00:08:05.000 all, I am and I will probably always be a New Yorker, proud 108 00:08:05.079 --> 00:08:09.079 new Yorker, so I don't I don't need the tour guide about what it's 109 00:08:09.120 --> 00:08:11.759 like in the city, Megan, but I will grant you that I'm a 110 00:08:11.759 --> 00:08:16.360 bit hard on New York. I think New York can handle it. I 111 00:08:16.399 --> 00:08:20.600 think New York can handle it. Am I wrong about it? Though? 112 00:08:20.639 --> 00:08:26.360 I'll say this in twenty twenty three as we record this. New York is 113 00:08:26.439 --> 00:08:33.440 a hard, hard place to live. It just is. Almost nobody moves 114 00:08:33.440 --> 00:08:37.360 out of New York and moves back. They moved to places like Atlanta, 115 00:08:37.399 --> 00:08:39.440 and they moved to Charlotte, and they moved to Florida, and they moved 116 00:08:39.480 --> 00:08:43.799 to a lot. They moved to a lot of places. Almost nobody leaves 117 00:08:43.840 --> 00:08:46.840 New York and moves back, except for Jerry Seinfeld, and he is leading 118 00:08:46.840 --> 00:08:50.480 a different life from you. Okay, It's very rare that people leave New 119 00:08:50.559 --> 00:08:52.519 York or Los Angeles for that matter and move back. So say what you 120 00:08:52.559 --> 00:08:56.039 want about that. But this isn't about living in New York. There's about 121 00:08:56.120 --> 00:08:58.919 dating in New York. It's just hard. I don't think New York. 122 00:09:00.039 --> 00:09:03.120 And you can throw Paris into this loop too, and I'm a big fan 123 00:09:03.159 --> 00:09:05.799 of Paris. I talked about this on the London Podcast a few weeks ago. 124 00:09:07.000 --> 00:09:11.399 New York and Paris, They've never been dirtier, they've never been angrier, 125 00:09:11.519 --> 00:09:16.279 they've never been more broken down, less hopeful at least not since you 126 00:09:16.320 --> 00:09:20.320 know, the old summer of Sam mid seventies or probably the early eighties when 127 00:09:20.399 --> 00:09:24.759 when I actually did live there. Not the seventies. I'm not that old. 128 00:09:24.759 --> 00:09:28.159 The nineties. So everyone always wants to cling when we live in New 129 00:09:28.200 --> 00:09:31.080 York, and I was part of this. We want to cling to this 130 00:09:31.440 --> 00:09:37.399 romcom sex in the city version of New York, And ninety nine percent of 131 00:09:37.399 --> 00:09:43.320 the time it's just not like that. So do I agree that on any 132 00:09:43.360 --> 00:09:46.039 corner in the big city you can you can find love? And because New 133 00:09:46.080 --> 00:09:50.600 York has has the most corners, does that mean the most opportunities? I 134 00:09:50.639 --> 00:09:54.840 think I would agree with that. I would, But does Lady Liberty stand 135 00:09:54.879 --> 00:10:00.799 in the harbor and with that resting bitch face and so have cast a paul 136 00:10:00.879 --> 00:10:05.879 over the whole mood she does. Sorry, that's my opinion, but I 137 00:10:05.879 --> 00:10:09.399 haven't dated there in a long time. So we have done more live shows 138 00:10:09.519 --> 00:10:13.240 in New York City than anywhere in America, and I gotta say they are 139 00:10:13.279 --> 00:10:16.080 always the most fun. Not quite as fun as Atlanta, but they are 140 00:10:16.159 --> 00:10:22.080 super fun. And the New Yorkers always do bring the energy and the passion 141 00:10:22.720 --> 00:10:26.679 to the proceedings. So does that bring some positivity and some second thoughts to 142 00:10:26.879 --> 00:10:30.919 my thoughts on New York? Maybe I'll give you maybe, I'll give you 143 00:10:31.000 --> 00:10:33.399 a could I could be wrong. I'll consider it. New York. You've 144 00:10:33.399 --> 00:10:37.799 got a few more months to get off the twenty twenty four Worst Cities list, 145 00:10:37.879 --> 00:10:39.919 so get after it. But I am taking that one under advisement. 146 00:10:39.919 --> 00:10:46.039 I could be wrong about it. So we're gonna get to after. We're 147 00:10:46.039 --> 00:10:48.360 gonna get it after all of this, a bit more what you think we 148 00:10:48.399 --> 00:10:50.919 were wrong about. But I gotta take a quick break so as not to 149 00:10:50.960 --> 00:10:56.759 do wrong by our sponsors. And we will be back right after this. 150 00:11:01.720 --> 00:11:05.200 And we are back, we're talking about what I may or may not be 151 00:11:05.240 --> 00:11:09.120 wrong about. Continuing of the thread from last week, the joy of being 152 00:11:09.159 --> 00:11:13.360 wrong. So this is from Greg with three g's. Three g Greg. 153 00:11:15.080 --> 00:11:18.080 I'm not going to comment right or wrong on that, but Greg with three 154 00:11:18.120 --> 00:11:24.759 G's says, I know you have said many times the guy should always pay, 155 00:11:24.840 --> 00:11:28.279 but you are wrong. This isn't nineteen fifty five. Whoever asks out 156 00:11:28.320 --> 00:11:35.840 should pay. If she asks me out, she should pay. So three 157 00:11:35.879 --> 00:11:39.120 gigg three G Greg, I don't think anybody's asking you out so who are 158 00:11:39.120 --> 00:11:43.480 you kidding? But anyway, the man pays. I'm not wrong about that. 159 00:11:43.559 --> 00:11:46.480 I don't care who asks who out fucking pay. Step up, man 160 00:11:46.559 --> 00:11:52.320 up. She wants you to pay. If you don't want to pay, 161 00:11:52.960 --> 00:11:56.679 she's probably gonna think you don't deserve her anyway. So I think the philosophy 162 00:11:56.720 --> 00:11:58.519 we've had out around here since we started the show is for the first three 163 00:11:58.759 --> 00:12:03.440 day, it's you pay for everything period. She could pay for little things 164 00:12:03.480 --> 00:12:07.600 like a drink or a cab, or an ice cream or movie tickets to 165 00:12:07.639 --> 00:12:09.519 see cab. I say that as the old New Yorker in me, but 166 00:12:09.600 --> 00:12:13.759 trust me, the whole relationship will get somewhere a whole lot faster if you're 167 00:12:13.759 --> 00:12:18.559 the one plopping down your amex, regardless of who asked who out. Once 168 00:12:18.600 --> 00:12:22.200 you start getting into an actual relationship where you guys are dating, then you 169 00:12:22.240 --> 00:12:26.720 can work out your incomes and cash flows and all that kind of stuff. 170 00:12:26.759 --> 00:12:33.240 But you pay first, my friend Greg, and if she offers to pay, 171 00:12:33.519 --> 00:12:37.039 if she does the reach, you handle it the way we always tell 172 00:12:37.039 --> 00:12:41.000 you to handle it, which means we told you what her offer means, 173 00:12:41.279 --> 00:12:46.080 her offer to pay or to split it or to get something it usually means 174 00:12:46.120 --> 00:12:48.919 four things, none of them good, and I'm going to repeat them, 175 00:12:48.919 --> 00:12:54.080 because we are definitely not wrong about this. First, most likely, she's 176 00:12:54.120 --> 00:12:58.919 offering to pay as a test to see if you will let her. Don't 177 00:12:58.000 --> 00:13:01.799 fall for that. It's not a test. It's a test. It's not 178 00:13:01.840 --> 00:13:05.679 a kind gesture, so don't fail the test. But the other three reasons 179 00:13:05.679 --> 00:13:11.080 she might offer, none of them are good. Either she's either saying this 180 00:13:11.120 --> 00:13:16.159 isn't a date, or she's saying I don't want to owe you anything, 181 00:13:18.480 --> 00:13:22.720 or she's saying we're not doing this again, so I don't care. She 182 00:13:22.799 --> 00:13:26.759 asked you out, or she begs you to let her pay, or you 183 00:13:26.759 --> 00:13:31.840 want to try and fast forward into some era of financial equality. For some 184 00:13:31.919 --> 00:13:35.919 reason, it will never be equal. She spent a ton of money on 185 00:13:35.960 --> 00:13:39.120 herself to get ready for the date, and in the days and the years 186 00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:43.120 leading up to the date, then you ever will, Greggy boy, she 187 00:13:43.240 --> 00:13:48.039 already she's already paid, so it's not equal. She already spent her money. 188 00:13:48.080 --> 00:13:50.080 The date is your chance to catch up, so you pay. Not 189 00:13:50.159 --> 00:13:56.360 wrong on that one. The next one, which also came from a lot 190 00:13:56.440 --> 00:14:01.360 of you or some version of this, did we will use Lindsay, and 191 00:14:01.440 --> 00:14:05.759 Lindsay spells it with two eyes and an e, so she is l I 192 00:14:07.080 --> 00:14:11.679 N D s I E and she sent it v our Facebook page, and 193 00:14:11.759 --> 00:14:15.200 Lindsay, your parents might have gotten that spelling wrong. For talking about wrong 194 00:14:15.360 --> 00:14:18.039 l I N D s I E. I always find it amusing in a 195 00:14:18.039 --> 00:14:22.039 little nutty when somebody spells their name like a completely non traditional way, and 196 00:14:22.039 --> 00:14:26.159 then they get mad when somebody spells it wrong in an email or something. 197 00:14:26.600 --> 00:14:30.080 You know. Sorry, if you're the non traditional speller, I think the 198 00:14:30.120 --> 00:14:33.120 burden is on you and you give them a few passes until they get it 199 00:14:33.200 --> 00:14:37.559 right. So be interesting and different all you want. It might take everyone 200 00:14:37.639 --> 00:14:41.039 else a little longer to catch up to your cute spelling ways, so if 201 00:14:43.200 --> 00:14:46.759 give a break, if they only used four b's instead of six b's in 202 00:14:46.279 --> 00:14:52.480 Barbara anyway, Lindsay l I N D Sie says Brian, you have always 203 00:14:52.519 --> 00:14:58.480 been wrong about you saying we don't give clear enough signals to men that we 204 00:14:58.559 --> 00:15:01.279 are interested in them. Most of the time, the guys simply aren't listening 205 00:15:01.519 --> 00:15:05.799 or paying attention. That's why they miss out on what we are saying, 206 00:15:05.919 --> 00:15:13.200 and that's why they miss out on us. M possibly. I've said many 207 00:15:13.240 --> 00:15:16.320 times that the signals that the ladies are giving out most of the time are 208 00:15:16.320 --> 00:15:20.840 at a level only dogs can hear, and that they could and need to 209 00:15:20.879 --> 00:15:24.440 be clear and more obvious. I could be wrong about that. I have 210 00:15:24.519 --> 00:15:26.759 gotten a little pushback on that, and people think that's lazy thinking, an 211 00:15:26.759 --> 00:15:33.080 excuse on my part. I could be wrong, because maybe it does take 212 00:15:33.120 --> 00:15:37.679 more of a focus by us guys to what you are communicating and when and 213 00:15:37.720 --> 00:15:43.919 how, and I will I think I will concede that point. So will 214 00:15:43.960 --> 00:15:46.600 this be a great feeling to be like, wait, you like me all 215 00:15:46.600 --> 00:15:50.399 along and I just didn't notice. I mean, for sure, that's that's 216 00:15:50.399 --> 00:15:52.879 one of the joys of being wrong. Guys who could be like, oh 217 00:15:52.919 --> 00:15:56.919 my god, she did like me. I was wrong, say libertating that 218 00:15:56.120 --> 00:16:00.840 is. But seriously, Lindsay, I do think that's a valid point. 219 00:16:02.480 --> 00:16:03.600 I mean, the excuse I could give is most of the time, we 220 00:16:03.600 --> 00:16:08.039 were just distracted by your beauty and what we want to do with the beauty, 221 00:16:08.039 --> 00:16:11.519 and maybe we aren't getting all the info that you're trying to get through. 222 00:16:11.879 --> 00:16:15.320 It's a totally fair point and a totally good argument for us to give, 223 00:16:17.879 --> 00:16:21.799 but I think I'll put that in the wrong column for me. You 224 00:16:21.879 --> 00:16:25.360 all really loved me all along. I just wasn't listening, didn't pick up 225 00:16:25.360 --> 00:16:27.720 in your singles, noted. See I feel better, all right, this 226 00:16:27.799 --> 00:16:33.440 is a valuable exercise doing this, all right. The next one, Brian 227 00:16:33.600 --> 00:16:37.960 stops saying the guy needs to ask the girl out. The men are such 228 00:16:37.039 --> 00:16:41.480 pussies. Let us take the initiative and just get the ball rolling. It 229 00:16:41.519 --> 00:16:45.200 definitely doesn't hurt things, and it often helps if we just go for it. 230 00:16:45.000 --> 00:16:48.879 And that is from Abbey, also via the Facebook page. First of 231 00:16:48.919 --> 00:16:53.600 all, it's a general philosophy, it's not an absolute. I've definitely had 232 00:16:53.639 --> 00:16:59.960 some relationships where I was asked to get a drink and talk about some project 233 00:17:00.039 --> 00:17:03.319 checks, or talk about work, or some cleverly couched phrasing that made it 234 00:17:03.319 --> 00:17:07.039 seem like a casual meeting and less of a date. I have done that. 235 00:17:08.359 --> 00:17:12.359 I've been on the receiving end of that. But I'm going to defer 236 00:17:12.480 --> 00:17:18.119 to the esteem John Gray. And for those of you who don't know who 237 00:17:18.200 --> 00:17:21.920 John Gray is, he wrote men are from Mars and women are for Venus, 238 00:17:22.200 --> 00:17:23.640 and he was on this podcast, and that's still one of the best 239 00:17:23.680 --> 00:17:30.720 selling books still holds up. So John Gray was on this podcast a few 240 00:17:30.759 --> 00:17:37.559 years ago and he said that there is an actual physiological reaction that occurs when 241 00:17:37.599 --> 00:17:44.720 a woman approaches a man and a little burst of estrogen is released into and 242 00:17:44.839 --> 00:17:53.839 throughout his body, making already passive pussified men even even more so. And 243 00:17:53.880 --> 00:17:56.839 I'm not sure that's a good thing. I'm not sure a lot of the 244 00:17:56.839 --> 00:18:02.039 women would think that's a good thing. But maybe it does call him the 245 00:18:02.039 --> 00:18:06.799 beast a bit at least in him, and so maybe that in itself is 246 00:18:06.880 --> 00:18:08.839 a good thing in the early moments of an encounter. So I might be 247 00:18:08.880 --> 00:18:15.640 wrong about that, ladies, So try it out. Go up to go 248 00:18:15.759 --> 00:18:19.799 up to him in home Depot, which I believe is headquartered in Atlanta, 249 00:18:19.880 --> 00:18:25.319 and ask him where to find some cock that could work. I'm fine with 250 00:18:25.319 --> 00:18:30.200 that. Or let the wood dust aroma of the lows, if lows is 251 00:18:30.200 --> 00:18:36.000 your preference, counterbalance his estrogen release. So I'll give you that one, 252 00:18:36.079 --> 00:18:38.279 Abby, I will that is a slight one into your column. I'm wrong, 253 00:18:38.480 --> 00:18:44.279 have added, ask him out, but let him pay you pay, 254 00:18:44.319 --> 00:18:47.400 boys, I'm not wrong on that all right. Last one, this is 255 00:18:47.480 --> 00:18:53.240 from Ben from marble Head and Mass. This is Ben from marble Head and 256 00:18:53.319 --> 00:18:57.079 Ben says, you always say that dinner is not a good first date because 257 00:18:57.079 --> 00:19:02.839 it's essentially an interview style date. I was at your show in Boston where 258 00:19:02.839 --> 00:19:07.000 you actually said it was a prison visitation style date, and I think that's 259 00:19:07.039 --> 00:19:10.880 wrong. Dinner is always romantic. Dinner can last, and it can linger, 260 00:19:11.200 --> 00:19:12.519 and you can get to know each other when it goes and when it 261 00:19:12.559 --> 00:19:15.200 goes well with a great meal at the right restaurant with a good wine, 262 00:19:15.440 --> 00:19:21.519 it's always the best. Well, that's a lot of qualifiers, Ben from 263 00:19:21.519 --> 00:19:25.839 Marblehead. You're basically saying, if this, this and this happens, it 264 00:19:25.880 --> 00:19:30.920 could go great. So I'll grant you that. So let me let me 265 00:19:30.960 --> 00:19:34.599 say this. In a perfect world, Yes, dinner and drinks is always 266 00:19:34.640 --> 00:19:37.240 good. I would probably do the same thing nine percent of the time, 267 00:19:37.279 --> 00:19:41.240 despite my big talk. You know, the ceilings for those things is always 268 00:19:41.319 --> 00:19:47.680 high. For good dinner, nice bar, good drinks, all the ceiling 269 00:19:47.720 --> 00:19:49.559 is high. But I think the floor is low too. So when I 270 00:19:49.599 --> 00:19:56.200 said it's essentially the dinner is essentially a prison visitation style date, I meant 271 00:19:56.240 --> 00:20:03.160 that you are sitting across from each other. You're probably nervous with this sort 272 00:20:03.160 --> 00:20:10.599 of metaphorical piece of glass between you having a stilted interview style conversation with some 273 00:20:10.960 --> 00:20:15.119 strangers nearby listening in. That's kind of the way It's like, I imagine 274 00:20:15.160 --> 00:20:19.880 for prison visitations, and a lot can go wrong in that scenario where you 275 00:20:21.000 --> 00:20:25.960 put there just to you talking God forbid, unless you are really relaxed and 276 00:20:26.119 --> 00:20:30.200 really good at it, and very few people are either of those things. 277 00:20:30.559 --> 00:20:36.680 So I think activities where there's an actual activity, like the painting with the 278 00:20:36.759 --> 00:20:40.359 wine or top golf or whatever, I just think they're far more likely to 279 00:20:40.359 --> 00:20:44.599 get the walls down and have you relax and hopefully bring out the personality. 280 00:20:44.599 --> 00:20:48.039 So I'm not wrong about that part of it. But sometimes people do take 281 00:20:48.039 --> 00:20:52.640 my advice and overthink it, and then you are taking her to paintball and 282 00:20:52.759 --> 00:20:56.119 somebody takes one in the eye and you're in the emergency room and maybe you 283 00:20:56.119 --> 00:21:00.720 don't get a second date. So totally fair. That scenario is pible and 284 00:21:00.920 --> 00:21:04.720 fair. So if you know the right restaurant and neither of you have any 285 00:21:04.799 --> 00:21:12.000 advanced dietary restrictions, and you go into it with a playful and impish and 286 00:21:12.039 --> 00:21:18.240 curious and optimistic mood. Have at it. Order the nachos and the ata 287 00:21:18.279 --> 00:21:22.599 mommy, and get to work. Yes, dinner's great. So I'm not 288 00:21:22.680 --> 00:21:26.599 really wrong about the general philosophy, but I am wrong that I'm so absolute 289 00:21:26.640 --> 00:21:30.759 about it. Yeah, dinner shouldn't be your your preset, automatic default. 290 00:21:30.799 --> 00:21:37.559 But if you throw some planning and imagination and maybe some some lamb chops and 291 00:21:37.079 --> 00:21:41.039 a and a soufflet into the mix, and something I'm not wrong about, 292 00:21:41.119 --> 00:21:45.720 get the dessert menu. She definitely wants dessert. Don't even ask if she 293 00:21:45.759 --> 00:21:48.559 does or doesn't. She doesn't. At least one bite. If you do 294 00:21:48.640 --> 00:21:57.160 all that, make those reservations done and done. So I think that's enough 295 00:21:57.200 --> 00:22:00.200 of me being wrong for the day. It's such a relief. It's such 296 00:22:00.200 --> 00:22:06.440 a relief to bathe in my own wrongness. There's a great line in that 297 00:22:06.480 --> 00:22:11.759 old movie h Broadcast News. So look that movie up if you haven't seen 298 00:22:11.799 --> 00:22:15.400 it. That's another movie that holds up, he says to Holly Hunter. 299 00:22:15.880 --> 00:22:19.519 He goes, it must always be nice to always believe you know better, 300 00:22:19.720 --> 00:22:23.640 to always think you're the smartest person in the room. And she offers she 301 00:22:23.759 --> 00:22:30.359 answers. No, it's awful and so it is. So there's glory in 302 00:22:30.519 --> 00:22:34.920 being wrong. We're gonna want a more positive We're gonna be right about some 303 00:22:34.960 --> 00:22:41.000 things on the next episode. I really uh, pretty big celebrity coming on. 304 00:22:41.200 --> 00:22:42.759 We have some kids coming on to do our kids version of this that 305 00:22:42.799 --> 00:22:47.240 we do once or twice a year. Shoot us an email Great Love Debate 306 00:22:47.279 --> 00:22:49.000 at gmail dot com. If you have questions, thoughts, or other things 307 00:22:49.039 --> 00:22:52.519 I'm wrong about. I'm not going to read anymore on the air. I've 308 00:22:52.559 --> 00:22:57.720 taken my lumps on this for a while. Uh, go to Great Love 309 00:22:57.759 --> 00:23:03.599 Debate dot com. There could be some live tour dates here. I did 310 00:23:03.599 --> 00:23:07.400 a really awesome show here at a city winery in Atlanta a couple of years 311 00:23:07.400 --> 00:23:08.559 ago, and being back in Atlanta, I'm like, you know what, 312 00:23:08.599 --> 00:23:11.000 maybe I want to do a show there again. It's a really great venue 313 00:23:11.359 --> 00:23:17.000 and there's always a fun crowd here because the dating scene in Atlanta, Georgia 314 00:23:17.160 --> 00:23:22.640 is interesting to say the least. But like, share, follow, Please 315 00:23:22.680 --> 00:23:26.240 review this podcast. Your reviews to this day always mean a lot in the 316 00:23:26.279 --> 00:23:33.279 podcasting ecosystem because, as always at The Great Love Debate, we never stopped 317 00:23:33.319 --> 00:23:40.880 making love, see you next time. The Great Love Debate. It's the 318 00:23:41.000 --> 00:23:47.319 Great Love Debate. The Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate.