This is pod Populi podcast for the People, The Great Love Debate. It's
the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate.
Hi again everyone, It's Brian Howie. Welcome to the Great Love Debate,
the world's number one dating and relationship podcast since two thousand and fifteen.
I am here in the very fine studios of pod Populi Podcasts for the People.
I am at the one in Alpharetta, Georgia. I have not recorded
in this one yet. Uh. There's another pod popular in Atlanta at Ponce
City Market. It's very nice. Got Tim over there on the controls.
Shout it out, Tim, alright, So I Atlanta is one of the
very rare cities. They made our Worst Cities in America to Find Love back
in like twenty fifteen, twenty sixteen, and then through a lot of hard
work and a lot of changes in the city and a lot of press that
we did about it, they did a big article about us and it changed
things. It made our ten Best list like two years after that. It's
not on any list now. It's sort of in the middle somewhere, but
it's one of the only ones that's gone from sort of worst to first,
so props to Atlanta. Atlanta looks good anyway. The last episode of this
show last week in your listening calendar, it was called The Joy of Being
Wrong, And not only did that turn out to be the most listened to
episode of the Great Love Debate this year, is the most listened to episode
this year, it was also the biggest show that we have had since two
nineteen. I have no idea why. It was just me talking about that
sort of a catchy title, but it really got sent around. Every once
in a while, we'll do one of these episodes and somebody picks it up
and shares it and it goes viral, and well, there you go.
So I'm grateful for that. But from the emails that we received in last
week since that episode dropped, I think a whole lot of you guys took
great joy in the idea of us, meaning me, being wrong and particularly
wrong about a few things I love dating relationships. Over the last eight or
nine years that we've done this show, because we got so many things,
all sorts of things sent to us with some variation of what about that time
you said this, do you still think that? Or here's what else you're
wrong about I got so many of those, so I don't like to do
consecutive episodes of this show where it's just me. But I never really feel
like it's just me because there's tens of thousands of you guys. So here
we are. But you're gonna get just me again because I'm going to read
and respond to some of these emails, most of them because they're entertaining,
but some of them so I can point out how wrong you are. I'm
not wrong on some of these. Believe me. It will give you such
great joy if you own your wrongness and embrace it, as I did on
the last episode. So breathe and bathe in your wrongness, and a couple
of them you might even be right on. So the first one I got,
and we got this from a whole bunch of you, and we always
get a ton of feedback every time I touched this subject. It really is
a dating third rail, especially in a place like Atlanta, Georgia. It's
a big deal here. So many are sort of stuck in their ways and
this this bizarre mindset. So I'm gonna use the one from Heather in Charlotte,
just up seventy eighty five just up eighty five from here. Heather from
Charlotte wrote in Brian, I'm glad to hear you say you like being wrong.
Will you finally admit that religion does matter and that there is nothing wrong
with wanting to date someone with the same faith and beliefs as me, Heather,
I'm not saying you're wrong to want that. I'm saying it only really
make you any happier or give you a better relationship. And this is the
great love Hill I will die on and probably go to heaven real. I
just think you can throw a dart at any random characteristic and hope to match
with someone. But if you think that being a Baptist or Orthodox Jewish or
atheist or whatever you believe in, and I lump atheist into there too,
because those people are as evangelical about their atheism as anything else. If you're
very strict about I need this real, narrow path of specific religious beliefs,
and I need somebody who believes the exact same things and celebrates the same way
as the key to anything. I will always think you are wrong. I
just will. It really makes no more difference other than in some lifestyle things.
And in an hour or so a week, or ten minutes a day,
or a handful of holidays a year. Other than that, you kind
of can go your separate ways and do your own thing. It is no
different than if a meat eater and a pescatarian get together, or if a
Yankee fan and a Dodger fan get together. I'm a Mets fan and I've
got a Braves fan about five feet away from me. Are we good?
Tim Are we good? Anyway? You know, somebody's journey with God or
whoever or whatever they believe is probably the most personal and constantly evolving things in
their own lives. So for you to need them to have exactly the same
journey is you. I just think it's nearly an impossible thing to find.
And I'm not sure you can trust that that person that you're falling for predominantly
because of this journey. I don't think you can trust that they'll always going
to be on that path. People's faiths come and go. And if you're
saying, which you a lot of you say to me, but we want
to raise our kids in the same religion. And I'm like, why,
like convenience? You know, because you think one one way is going to
be better than another. Dude, Do I think I'm better off with someone
and who shared the same miserable Catholic childhood that I did? I don't,
And I'm like, why, why in the world would you think that's going
to make your relationship, your romantic relationship better if you want to share traditions
and superstitions and habits and whatever you want to call it. I don't want
to go full agnostic on you, but I don't think it makes a bit
of difference at all in your relationship. I think someone who drinks a ton
and somebody who's a recovering alcoholic getting together is a challenge, but obviously two
radically different lifestyle choices, it might work, no doubt. And everybody gets
so mad, like, do not compare my relationship with the Lord to drinking.
I'm not. I'm just saying that lots of people have lots of ways
to sort of slice their personal apple, and if you're focusing on this one
thing, I'm not going to think that that makes any difference than one hundred
other things. Should two people who are different give it a shot? Why
not? So all you Mormons looking for love with Presbyterians out there, go
on a date. Maybe you'll have a drink together. Probably the Mormons won't,
but probably the Presbyterians might not either, But it might work out.
So put your faith aside for a second and get to know the person on
all the other levels. So try that. I'm not wrong, but thanks
for playing Heather from Charlotte. The next one. I might be wrong about
this. Here's another thing you are wrong about. This is from Meghan in
Brooklyn. Brian, you always include New York on your worst Cities in Which
to date list, which is so wildly incorrect. There are more opportunities here
than anywhere, and the amount of interesting people in the city blows away some
of the places you think are so great. Come back to the Big Apple
and let us show you around. I don't know. You can go to
waffle House about ten minutes from here, and you can find a lot of
interesting people too. So I don't want to think New York. First of
all, I am and I will probably always be a New Yorker, proud
new Yorker, so I don't I don't need the tour guide about what it's
like in the city, Megan, but I will grant you that I'm a
bit hard on New York. I think New York can handle it. I
think New York can handle it. Am I wrong about it? Though?
I'll say this in twenty twenty three as we record this. New York is
a hard, hard place to live. It just is. Almost nobody moves
out of New York and moves back. They moved to places like Atlanta,
and they moved to Charlotte, and they moved to Florida, and they moved
to a lot. They moved to a lot of places. Almost nobody leaves
New York and moves back, except for Jerry Seinfeld, and he is leading
a different life from you. Okay, It's very rare that people leave New
York or Los Angeles for that matter and move back. So say what you
want about that. But this isn't about living in New York. There's about
dating in New York. It's just hard. I don't think New York.
And you can throw Paris into this loop too, and I'm a big fan
of Paris. I talked about this on the London Podcast a few weeks ago.
New York and Paris, They've never been dirtier, they've never been angrier,
they've never been more broken down, less hopeful at least not since you
know, the old summer of Sam mid seventies or probably the early eighties when
when I actually did live there. Not the seventies. I'm not that old.
The nineties. So everyone always wants to cling when we live in New
York, and I was part of this. We want to cling to this
romcom sex in the city version of New York, And ninety nine percent of
the time it's just not like that. So do I agree that on any
corner in the big city you can you can find love? And because New
York has has the most corners, does that mean the most opportunities? I
think I would agree with that. I would, But does Lady Liberty stand
in the harbor and with that resting bitch face and so have cast a paul
over the whole mood she does. Sorry, that's my opinion, but I
haven't dated there in a long time. So we have done more live shows
in New York City than anywhere in America, and I gotta say they are
always the most fun. Not quite as fun as Atlanta, but they are
super fun. And the New Yorkers always do bring the energy and the passion
to the proceedings. So does that bring some positivity and some second thoughts to
my thoughts on New York? Maybe I'll give you maybe, I'll give you
a could I could be wrong. I'll consider it. New York. You've
got a few more months to get off the twenty twenty four Worst Cities list,
so get after it. But I am taking that one under advisement.
I could be wrong about it. So we're gonna get to after. We're
gonna get it after all of this, a bit more what you think we
were wrong about. But I gotta take a quick break so as not to
do wrong by our sponsors. And we will be back right after this.
And we are back, we're talking about what I may or may not be
wrong about. Continuing of the thread from last week, the joy of being
wrong. So this is from Greg with three g's. Three g Greg.
I'm not going to comment right or wrong on that, but Greg with three
G's says, I know you have said many times the guy should always pay,
but you are wrong. This isn't nineteen fifty five. Whoever asks out
should pay. If she asks me out, she should pay. So three
gigg three G Greg, I don't think anybody's asking you out so who are
you kidding? But anyway, the man pays. I'm not wrong about that.
I don't care who asks who out fucking pay. Step up, man
up. She wants you to pay. If you don't want to pay,
she's probably gonna think you don't deserve her anyway. So I think the philosophy
we've had out around here since we started the show is for the first three
day, it's you pay for everything period. She could pay for little things
like a drink or a cab, or an ice cream or movie tickets to
see cab. I say that as the old New Yorker in me, but
trust me, the whole relationship will get somewhere a whole lot faster if you're
the one plopping down your amex, regardless of who asked who out. Once
you start getting into an actual relationship where you guys are dating, then you
can work out your incomes and cash flows and all that kind of stuff.
But you pay first, my friend Greg, and if she offers to pay,
if she does the reach, you handle it the way we always tell
you to handle it, which means we told you what her offer means,
her offer to pay or to split it or to get something it usually means
four things, none of them good, and I'm going to repeat them,
because we are definitely not wrong about this. First, most likely, she's
offering to pay as a test to see if you will let her. Don't
fall for that. It's not a test. It's a test. It's not
a kind gesture, so don't fail the test. But the other three reasons
she might offer, none of them are good. Either she's either saying this
isn't a date, or she's saying I don't want to owe you anything,
or she's saying we're not doing this again, so I don't care. She
asked you out, or she begs you to let her pay, or you
want to try and fast forward into some era of financial equality. For some
reason, it will never be equal. She spent a ton of money on
herself to get ready for the date, and in the days and the years
leading up to the date, then you ever will, Greggy boy, she
already she's already paid, so it's not equal. She already spent her money.
The date is your chance to catch up, so you pay. Not
wrong on that one. The next one, which also came from a lot
of you or some version of this, did we will use Lindsay, and
Lindsay spells it with two eyes and an e, so she is l I
N D s I E and she sent it v our Facebook page, and
Lindsay, your parents might have gotten that spelling wrong. For talking about wrong
l I N D s I E. I always find it amusing in a
little nutty when somebody spells their name like a completely non traditional way, and
then they get mad when somebody spells it wrong in an email or something.
You know. Sorry, if you're the non traditional speller, I think the
burden is on you and you give them a few passes until they get it
right. So be interesting and different all you want. It might take everyone
else a little longer to catch up to your cute spelling ways, so if
give a break, if they only used four b's instead of six b's in
Barbara anyway, Lindsay l I N D Sie says Brian, you have always
been wrong about you saying we don't give clear enough signals to men that we
are interested in them. Most of the time, the guys simply aren't listening
or paying attention. That's why they miss out on what we are saying,
and that's why they miss out on us. M possibly. I've said many
times that the signals that the ladies are giving out most of the time are
at a level only dogs can hear, and that they could and need to
be clear and more obvious. I could be wrong about that. I have
gotten a little pushback on that, and people think that's lazy thinking, an
excuse on my part. I could be wrong, because maybe it does take
more of a focus by us guys to what you are communicating and when and
how, and I will I think I will concede that point. So will
this be a great feeling to be like, wait, you like me all
along and I just didn't notice. I mean, for sure, that's that's
one of the joys of being wrong. Guys who could be like, oh
my god, she did like me. I was wrong, say libertating that
is. But seriously, Lindsay, I do think that's a valid point.
I mean, the excuse I could give is most of the time, we
were just distracted by your beauty and what we want to do with the beauty,
and maybe we aren't getting all the info that you're trying to get through.
It's a totally fair point and a totally good argument for us to give,
but I think I'll put that in the wrong column for me. You
all really loved me all along. I just wasn't listening, didn't pick up
in your singles, noted. See I feel better, all right, this
is a valuable exercise doing this, all right. The next one, Brian
stops saying the guy needs to ask the girl out. The men are such
pussies. Let us take the initiative and just get the ball rolling. It
definitely doesn't hurt things, and it often helps if we just go for it.
And that is from Abbey, also via the Facebook page. First of
all, it's a general philosophy, it's not an absolute. I've definitely had
some relationships where I was asked to get a drink and talk about some project
checks, or talk about work, or some cleverly couched phrasing that made it
seem like a casual meeting and less of a date. I have done that.
I've been on the receiving end of that. But I'm going to defer
to the esteem John Gray. And for those of you who don't know who
John Gray is, he wrote men are from Mars and women are for Venus,
and he was on this podcast, and that's still one of the best
selling books still holds up. So John Gray was on this podcast a few
years ago and he said that there is an actual physiological reaction that occurs when
a woman approaches a man and a little burst of estrogen is released into and
throughout his body, making already passive pussified men even even more so. And
I'm not sure that's a good thing. I'm not sure a lot of the
women would think that's a good thing. But maybe it does call him the
beast a bit at least in him, and so maybe that in itself is
a good thing in the early moments of an encounter. So I might be
wrong about that, ladies, So try it out. Go up to go
up to him in home Depot, which I believe is headquartered in Atlanta,
and ask him where to find some cock that could work. I'm fine with
that. Or let the wood dust aroma of the lows, if lows is
your preference, counterbalance his estrogen release. So I'll give you that one,
Abby, I will that is a slight one into your column. I'm wrong,
have added, ask him out, but let him pay you pay,
boys, I'm not wrong on that all right. Last one, this is
from Ben from marble Head and Mass. This is Ben from marble Head and
Ben says, you always say that dinner is not a good first date because
it's essentially an interview style date. I was at your show in Boston where
you actually said it was a prison visitation style date, and I think that's
wrong. Dinner is always romantic. Dinner can last, and it can linger,
and you can get to know each other when it goes and when it
goes well with a great meal at the right restaurant with a good wine,
it's always the best. Well, that's a lot of qualifiers, Ben from
Marblehead. You're basically saying, if this, this and this happens, it
could go great. So I'll grant you that. So let me let me
say this. In a perfect world, Yes, dinner and drinks is always
good. I would probably do the same thing nine percent of the time,
despite my big talk. You know, the ceilings for those things is always
high. For good dinner, nice bar, good drinks, all the ceiling
is high. But I think the floor is low too. So when I
said it's essentially the dinner is essentially a prison visitation style date, I meant
that you are sitting across from each other. You're probably nervous with this sort
of metaphorical piece of glass between you having a stilted interview style conversation with some
strangers nearby listening in. That's kind of the way It's like, I imagine
for prison visitations, and a lot can go wrong in that scenario where you
put there just to you talking God forbid, unless you are really relaxed and
really good at it, and very few people are either of those things.
So I think activities where there's an actual activity, like the painting with the
wine or top golf or whatever, I just think they're far more likely to
get the walls down and have you relax and hopefully bring out the personality.
So I'm not wrong about that part of it. But sometimes people do take
my advice and overthink it, and then you are taking her to paintball and
somebody takes one in the eye and you're in the emergency room and maybe you
don't get a second date. So totally fair. That scenario is pible and
fair. So if you know the right restaurant and neither of you have any
advanced dietary restrictions, and you go into it with a playful and impish and
curious and optimistic mood. Have at it. Order the nachos and the ata
mommy, and get to work. Yes, dinner's great. So I'm not
really wrong about the general philosophy, but I am wrong that I'm so absolute
about it. Yeah, dinner shouldn't be your your preset, automatic default.
But if you throw some planning and imagination and maybe some some lamb chops and
a and a soufflet into the mix, and something I'm not wrong about,
get the dessert menu. She definitely wants dessert. Don't even ask if she
does or doesn't. She doesn't. At least one bite. If you do
all that, make those reservations done and done. So I think that's enough
of me being wrong for the day. It's such a relief. It's such
a relief to bathe in my own wrongness. There's a great line in that
old movie h Broadcast News. So look that movie up if you haven't seen
it. That's another movie that holds up, he says to Holly Hunter.
He goes, it must always be nice to always believe you know better,
to always think you're the smartest person in the room. And she offers she
answers. No, it's awful and so it is. So there's glory in
being wrong. We're gonna want a more positive We're gonna be right about some
things on the next episode. I really uh, pretty big celebrity coming on.
We have some kids coming on to do our kids version of this that
we do once or twice a year. Shoot us an email Great Love Debate
at gmail dot com. If you have questions, thoughts, or other things
I'm wrong about. I'm not going to read anymore on the air. I've
taken my lumps on this for a while. Uh, go to Great Love
Debate dot com. There could be some live tour dates here. I did
a really awesome show here at a city winery in Atlanta a couple of years
ago, and being back in Atlanta, I'm like, you know what,
maybe I want to do a show there again. It's a really great venue
and there's always a fun crowd here because the dating scene in Atlanta, Georgia
is interesting to say the least. But like, share, follow, Please
review this podcast. Your reviews to this day always mean a lot in the
podcasting ecosystem because, as always at The Great Love Debate, we never stopped
making love, see you next time. The Great Love Debate. It's the
Great Love Debate. The Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate.