Welcome to another motherfucking episode of Convo behind the Pod. I got it right
this time. I'm in here talking today with my brother Jones. Jones has
been a part of every podcast endeavor other than well, he's been a part
of every Black Widow season. Were your part of season two? We're just
three? Man, I think so. I think you was too. I
think it was a part of two season two, season three, and then
some diaries, a lot of diaries and the true crime. Yeah. I
appreciate you, bro, but I never said it. I really do appreciate
Youah Man, I like it. Man, I appreciate it. Um it's
been Oh man, it's a learning experience. And to the people listening,
Man, you don't understand how And I'm not saying this, Bro, you're
thinking me, but uh it's challenging. And uh you're a dope ass coach.
Bro. You making you making fun? Man? People be thinking,
Yeah, niggas are real actors. Damn. I'm not saying that. I'm
not saying I'm not okay. I don't want abody to feel like I'm dissing
Na. No, no, man, you do a good job with the
coaching part of it. Bro, appreciate it. Bro. Yeah, Man,
I come in this joint. Initially I came in very insecure, man.
But now when I record, man, I know you know what you're
doing. You're coaching. You're coaching is Phil Jackson, and uh, I'm
confident when I come in now you know what I mean. That's good,
man, because I don't be knowing honestly, I just been trying to get
niggas to feel the road so I can get this shit done. Man.
But man, it's coming around. It's making it. It's making um,
it's making life easy for me, all of the all of the work I
put in. So say like with uh, you know season one. Season
one was the only season where it was weekly for ten weeks. So that
means that I only had the first three done when I first started, and
then I had to um either write and or record like the whole Key series
of those three episodes, I had to write them, record them, mix
them, and put them out weekly. So with that being said, a
lot of the companies, a lot of the companies that I'm applying for and
all that they only they only want me to do one of those jobs in
a week. So I turned something in to a place. Excuse me,
I turned something in um to a place and they were like, wow,
that was fast, and I was I wanted to be like yeah, nigga,
but you know, like the journey. I was typing an email like
yeah, I used to have I do this with blah blah blah blah.
But then I was just like, my journey ain'tn't necessarily important to them,
So I never I don't even feel the need to even explain myself or how
I get things, how I'm as good as I am, or how I
get things done as fast as I do, because I've heard that before.
Is it one of those things to where like YO, say less like for
example, like you know what they're looking for, and do you over explain
like Yo, I did this, I did this, I did that,
almost making your resume three pages to where it's like, nah, I just
need you to this is what I'm this is the job we need you to
do. Then here you are you know what I mean? Is it that
like that or no, I just think I'm exhausted. I think I think
I'm exhausted of finding out. I don't think I'm exhausted at finding out how
overworked I worked myself, I think, you know, him saying that was
kind of like, you know, damn, like you got this done way
quicker than what we imagine. But it's also telling myself, damn, you
was doing this way. You was going way harder than what you was supposed
to be putting yourself through. And my body and my you know, my
my body is has suffered from it, you know what I'm saying. My
relationship has suffered from it from what I thought was just part of the grind,
you know what I'm saying it. And although it is part of the
grind, I'm starting to realize that maybe I was. I might have been
grinding a little bit too hard, because they're there that that is a thing,
and I know that niggas don't away. Just like to admit that grinding.
You can't over grind some shit and burn yourself out. And um,
I'm just happy that my wife didn't leave me while I was trying. While
I was grinding it out, because when when a man is when a man
is determined, Bro, you could tell you you can attest to it.
I know you can when the man is head down and just like grinding it
out, Sorry about that, But when a man finally makes up his mind
that enough is enough, because every man has that threshold to where it's like,
uh, well everybody. Every man hits that point to where they like,
what have I been doing with my life? And then some go down
a dark rabbit hole where it's a lot of self blaming and feeling bad for
themselves, which is where a lot of rap music come from. Oh I
didn't have this. I didn't have to have my mama woodn't ner, my
daddy woodn' ner. So I had to sell drugs or I had to kill
this person. I know, you could have just went to school. Yeah,
you could have just went to school. You could have went to school.
Nobody was picking on you like that, like nobody was nobody. The
teacher didn't tell you none of that. Anyway, the movie, the movie
Knocked Up, where he had to get his act together because the girl was
out of his league and she kept the baby and she was like, nigga,
you ain't gotta be here. You're a bum, and he had to
leave his childlike behavior behind. And I think that I think that with Black
Widow or podcasting in general, not just with Black Widow Man. When I
was before I was podcasting, I was making music, and I had already
had that thought in my head, like I was wasting my time, Like
fuck, I look up and I'm not I don't have any profession. I
can I can get a job. But then my job closed down because I
was I was doing all the av stuff, I was doing all the audio
visual stuff. And then my job closed down and MO tonight, So that
that fucked with me. And then um, I kept getting I kept meeting
with these podcasts people, and back then podcasting was still freshen for black people.
It was still fresh when I started, So a lot of people didn't
understand what they could do with Black widow m because it wasn't that many scripted
shows out like that, especially not scripted shows. So I just started feeling
like what the fuck? So my head went down. I just had to
get really really good at what I do in regards to writing, script sound
design, um shit, and being a man still trying to figure it out,
and I was stressing myself to fuck out a lot, like a lot
a lot, And now here it is twenty twenty three. My body,
we're just my hip, my left hip, it's just super tight. That's
where I hold all my stress at but here it is twenty twenty three.
We don't went through a pandemic. We don't went through nigga economy crisis,
niggas. We don't went out I had three kids, and I'm trying my
best to not allow it to kill me at this point. Yeah, we
just push ourselves through the fire. Yeah, man, I think I think
every I can relate to everything he's saying, man, because I think like
anyone who's listening probably can relate to this, because we come up in a
time to where I don't get tired. We like I have to grind harder
than the next person. I have to be better, you know what I
mean, And we don't. We don't realize balance, and of course when
without balance, you're gonna tip over. And I can relate to the podcast
part, you know, like it was like I gotta do this, I
gotta stay ahead of the game. I gotta do this, I gotta get
and then other things start slacking and then next thing, you know, bro,
you losing relationships, you your job suffering. And I think that's the
thing about like when most people have to do like I said, anybody listening
or whatever, it may be you gotta find balance and everything, bro,
because if not, you know it. I will say, I will say,
I will say about I will say that a lot of the relationships that
I did lose or didn't fly or didn't water properly, I won't say lose
relationships that I didn't water properly. I am not upset that I lost.
Yeah, I mean because everybody to come in your life, they're not meant
to stay forever. Yeah, but you know, it's a season or it's
a purpose or whatever it is. Yeah, you're right. But the thing
about the thing about social media is that it allows you to stay attached to
these people visually at least, you know what I'm saying. So it kind
of you know, my son is Yeah, that stage where you want to
be with daddy bro. No, Yeah, but it's also at that stage
where I'm gonna have to start knocking you out like it ain't no more.
Stop that as now It's okay, you're trying me. Now I feel the
heat. Yeah, you definite gotta you definite gotta understand how strong I am.
But yeah, burning yourself out, especially as an entrepreneur. You know,
I don't want to be an entrepreneur anymore. I don't want to.
I don't want to. I don't want to be with the soul response.
I don't want my passion to be the way I pay my bills. I
want my skill that I'm passionate about to pay my bills. But I don't
want to have to because it was hard, bro, it was hard.
It's hard, um, you know, putting it, putting it, putting
in as much work into this show or into this podcast, and then there
is to peep the fans. What's crazy is the fans can't possibly pay you
as much as a corporation could pay you. No, you know what I'm
saying. And maybe maybe with Patreon, maybe if I had a thousand of
them on there, maybe three thousand. But that's a lot of people.
Yeah, that's a lot. That's a lot of patrons paying money. And
I'm thankful for the ones that I have, so I can't really even be
begging too much because I don't want to make it seem like I'm unappreciative of
the ones that I do have. But it was a time where again I
always having to grind, grind it out, and I'm happy that I didn't
lose I might have lost my sanity. I might I might have I might
have lost my sanity. They lost something, dog, they lose something within
regardless if it's just like it could be a person, it can be the
passion, it could be something that you lose because and you said something that
was key. And I think that's where we all we social media is a
cause of it, like looking at someone else do, it's a cause of
it because you feel like like I always hear this, bro, I always
hear people once they overworked themselves, they say, and I didn't even have
to do all that shit, and they realize, like they find the balance
again, or they find the beauty of what makes important, the importance of
it, and then they don't got to do that shit no more, or
they lose they lose the passion completely, you know what I mean. And
I think that's where we get caught up in losing a lot of the things
that we love because we think we got to do some unrealistic shit, bro,
and you don't have to, you know what I mean. And I
think that's where, like I said, the podcasting, I mean, I
got to that stage, dog, like yeah, bro, and I love
doing it. That shit was a sense of therapy. But I got to
a point to where I was like, you know what, I don't care.
Yeah, this is becoming more of a this is what the hell,
bro, this is becoming more of a headache than anything. That's what it
was with swear to guy. And because you overworked yourself so hard in the
beginning. And then when I look now like we're doing Engler philosophy of what
we have until I had to start recording Black what, Bro, I'm like,
I used to have to I used to do two episodes a week video
for all I used to do. I used to do the video. I
used to do all the audio editing, and I used to do all the
chopping it up and it all. I'm thinking, like, man, if
I did that, now, how can you be a good father? How
can you be a good you know what I mean? You can't. It's
impossible. You can't. And I want to be a but I want to
be a good father more than I want to be anything else. There you
go, you know what I'm saying. So, man, I wonder if
somebody listening right now I can relate to that ship, bro, because right
now somebody is overworking themselves to try to be successful as something that does not
need that much day in night losing sleep. Yeah, but it's I guess
it's one of those things where the algorithms will tell you that you gotta you
gotta do that. Yeah, the algorithm that fake, bro, Yeah,
that's should fake bro, that's sho fake. Because now that I'm now that
I'm now that I'm in, now that I'm in it, because I will
say that ABE mixing Adobe has put me in a different category. So I
have been afforded a lot of opportunities that I wouldn't have gotten, um if
I had not been in Adobe. But I will say that there are certain
circles and communities that you won't be able to get in no matter how hard
you work. It's like it's like it's like it's like a frat. It's
like it's some of these circles are frats. And if you didn't go to
a certain school, or go to a certain or a certain conference or a
certain this and this and see people in person and not ro on LinkedIn,
they inbox is flooded with gonna fucker sending a message. It's just like you
inbox full of motherfuckers sending the messages. Uh, just like you and and
and it's and unless you unless you plan on going viral and becoming a virus
sensation off the stuff that you create, and and shit, even if you
go viral, you might only go viral one time. There you go,
you know what I'm saying. So it's like, I don't know. I'm
not trying to make anybody lose hope or faith, but it's just one of
those things like what do you want out of it? Like what whatever you're
doing it for, what do you want out of it? And Dan shoot
for that? There you go? You know what I mean, because we
see it with podcasts and like they'll give a nigga the White Howard Apoda White
Howard a podcast podcast man. I said this to h I said this to
Byron. He spoke to about Brian Byron earlier, and I told b like
a long time ago, a few years ago, Bro, I was like,
man, this podcasting shit is oversaturated. And you always hear people say,
well, the last person that made wheat bread there was some other company
making wheat bread. And I wasn't saying, like stop doing it. You
just have to to find a different purpose of what this ship means to you,
because if your mindset is I'm about to blow up, I'm about to
get rich. Bro, I don't think that should be anybody's. But that's
a lot of people that's what they think. Bro. Yeah, I don't
think. I don't think you should have the mentality with anything that you that
you were about to blow, you know what I mean, because ain't nobody
about to blow. So I had to find a different purpose and what podcasting
was to me, and that ship was like therapy, you know what I
mean? And I had to like, this is why I like it because
I'm used. I used to think that, bro, until I was recording
with Cat from Fake As book Club and midway through the pot I was just
like, I want to do this no more. Yeah, I was like,
why why are we even? I don't give a fuck about none of
this stuff. I don't really want to talk about none of this stuff,
and I don't want to talk about any of this with you, you know
what I'm saying. I kept doing it, but I just my the way
I used to feel about it, like just ready to record. Oh no,
that's over with, that's over and and I got to that point That's
why I haven't recorded for a while. Honestly, I'm just like, man,
yeah, man, because now I'm thinking like, I'll see I'll see
I'll see pods. I'll see pods now and the misogynistic pods. And I'd
be like, I think they're just saying that shit on purpose. Definitely,
there's no way you can think like this. Definitely, bro, they're saying
shit on purpose, just as much as people making fake videos to make you
think it's real so they can go viral. Yeah, Keena be seeing to
me shit like that. I'll be looking like, man, that ship is
so fake. I'll be looking at the pat I look at all the production
was like, how you tell I'm getting out of here? Yeah, the
person looked in the camera seventeen times. Man, that person to try to
kill that damn self to go viral, bro. And and I think that's
dangerous though, that's dangerous. And I don't even think we I don't think
we've seen. We might have. I don't we might be seeing. We
might be seeing it now, but like, like, um, how far
people will go to go viral? Man? And I was thinking like mass
shootings, like those people will be remembered for you know, longer than longer
than blue Face. Yeah you know what I'm saying, or maybe not,
but shit, but blue Flace. They continue to have to create bullshit to
continue to go viral. Bro. Man that video with Blue Face and she
was like you still you still eat my butt? Later? I don't let
you eat my butt earlier because I had to take a shit. I was
like, Bro, or when she was when she was giving him head and
the cameras is in there. I'm like, they're doing anything they can do
now to try to continue to stay viral. Bro. And that's and that's
dangerous. I understand. Excuse me. Reality TV. I understand it because
it's such a low cost. It's such a low overhead. You get two
people that you don't have to pay nothing but like five thousand dollars an episode,
and you get them to bring in the audience. But do you remember,
like reality TV was a space that was for reality TV. Now anybody
with a camera is creating their own reality. Oh well, because everybody got
a camera, That's what I'm saying that. And that's what it's like,
because you remember you could watch reality TV and you had that moment of hour
or whatever it was those couple came on in the road the real World.
Yeah, now, bro, it's on twenty four to seven log on Instagram
and it's twenty four seven reality TV. It's crazy and dangerous. Yeah,
it's definitely dangerous, and it's definitely Um, it's toxic. It's toxic because
a lot of the relationship stuff that I see on there doesn't apply to me
because I don't make I don't make more than my wife. She's always made
more than me, but it's never been an issue to her, at least
she hasn't made a one. Yeah. Um, And I think it's because
of the back of the upbringing that she's had. She has, she has
really great parents. But a lot of the times I see on there stereotypical
advice given to black men and black women. And I don't know if I
don't know if it's white people are doing it too, because that all cross
my timeline. But I just I just see a bunch of shit that validates
anybody's reason and for being a shitty person. Yeah, Like, did she
come from a very religious background. No, but her dad is her dad
is very He's Israel, Like, okay, so he he They grew up
at a church, but he instilled some values in them that you know,
I didn't really understand it first. I didn't really because I didn't. I
don't come from that. So that unconditional love, Yeah, I don't think
people really understand how difficult it is to accept unconditional love. Like somebody telling
you I love you through whatever, and then they love you through whatever.
You also have to forgive yourself for doing the whatever. So a lot of
the times, it's not the person that your partner who accepted you unconditionally,
it's you who don't love you unconditionally, that has not accepted the fact that
you are not where you want to be and you are lashing out onto a
person who doesn't give a fuck about where you are. Yeah, yeah,
that makes sense. Yeah no, Because my next question was when you said
accepting, you know, unconditional love. Can you accept unconditional love if you
don't truly love yourself? Because do you even know what it is? You
don't know what it is? Yeah, you don't know what it is.
It can unconditional love, in my opinion, from from my experience, can
look like laziness. Some somebody that loves you and conditionally doesn't necessarily push you
to do anything. They love you enough that they trust you. Or you
said you want to do this, well I believe you, um or you
didn't didn't be like, why are you doing motivated it? Well, I
thought you had it. I didn't know that you needed me to do that.
I'm sorry, And it's very It comes off very like like they don't
like they don't care. That's that's that's the trick for me. It comes
off like you don't care, when in actuality you care the most. You're
just giving me the space that I think I need that I'm asking you for,
And then I end up getting angry because you're giving me space and I
don't really want space. I want you to be a cheerleader for me,
but you don't know how to cheer lead because it's never been your bag.
Do you think that also? Okay, so I hear where you're coming from,
But do you think there's a part of it too, like sometimes when
a person has unconditional love for you, sometimes they love you more than what
you may love yourself in situations, Yeah, because you never learned how to
love yourself truly. Some people are like when like they see shit in you
that you can't see in yourself, or they just see you. They see
you, and who whatever they see it is good enough for them. Rather
they see more in you or less than in you. They might see they
might just see Jones. They don't see where you're gonna be in the future,
and they don't care about your past. They just see you for today.
And did you lift the toilet seat up or put it back down?
Did you get your draws out of the bathroom? Did you do the dishes
like present? Presently? Today? They love you today, and they are
going to love you tomorrow regardless of whatever you do, because they love you
unconditionally. But they ain't but tomorrow ain't got here yet. And if you
love yourself and if you love this person, you won't put them through that.
Yeah, man, because I see it as and I agree with you,
But I think there's to me. I think a lot of times,
manum those people who love you unconditionally, like you said, they they've accepted
you for who you are, good, bad, ugly or whatever it may
be. And what I mean by the like they seeing that they see things
in you that you can't see, so therefore they make you accountable for some
of the things that you may not never seeing yourself right, almost kind of
like you do with your your kid. That's unconditional love, bro. Like
you may not see it now, however I know, Like example, I
tell my son, like, um, I tell my son, Hey,
man, I'm not going to ask you to do anything that I don't believe
you can do. Even when you don't think you can do it, I
trust that you can do it. You know what I'm saying different from unconditional
love to just being somebody's motivator. Well, no, no, no,
But what I'm saying is like I think like someone, especially when you when
you're talking about relationship with man and woman and adulthood like kid, is like
I gotta get you to understand this and believe this because you can do it.
But I think a lot of times man with me, you know,
even even with my wife, I think a lot of times man like holding
that pressure to me, not pressure in a sense of like staying on my
head. You can do it. You can do it. Sometimes being there
for when I failed and still being there, it's like, look, I
told you, I know you can do this. It's like, damn man,
nobody else stuck by me through this shit and knowing that there's another side
of me that can complete it and that can do it. You know what
I mean, Most people just bail. Like most people. Well, I'm
just saying like fake friends or like people then people. In the beginning of
this conversation, you were saying, like the people you lost maybe because you
didn't water enough or well, the reason why, the reason why, the
reason why I lose people and the reason why you lose people might be different,
but let's talk about that because that's a great topic. The reason why
I lose people, bro is because my wife tells me all the time,
people are closer to you. People are people think your relationship with them is
deeper than what it actually really is. So people be thinking that they're way
more closer to me than I am to them. So because of that,
a lot of my actions don't reflect the relationship that they think we have.
My actions reflect the relationship that I think we have. So I might not
go to people's house, I might not call him like that, I might
not do it, but I might not do a bunch of shit because I
don't feel like our relationship warns that for me and for instance, my cousin
got out of prison recently. He was in prison for five years. But
before then I was I was in Atlanta in college, and then I lived
in Atlanta, and then he was still here. So we had gone through
a phase to where I was not going to his house like that. I
wasn't calling him like that because he was either in jail or we was a
long distance. But this, this is my ace. He gets out of
jail and now he has his he working, he's doing really good well for
himself. But he's out of jail. He has his own place, but
it's on the south Side. I don't ever go over there. Okay,
ever drive over there. But it's not because I don't love him. It's
because I've just gotten so used to not having you a part of my life.
Does that make sense, Like like if my dad was here, if
my dad moved here from Texas, I don't know how often I would see
him still because I've gotten so used to not talking to you that I would
just be okay with not talking to you or going so outside of my cousin.
I'm saying that because he might listen to this outside of him, and
my mom too, because she lived in Georgia, so I gotten so used
to not being around her like that. Now that she's here, I don't
really make her a part of my schedule because I've just gotten so used to
not doing that. And that's toxic on my part. But everybody else we
are not close like that. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. But
and and and it's not a bad thing. I just I'm just there for
people because I'm a good listener and a talker or whatever the case may be.
And I do motivate people and I do push people, and that means
a lot to people. But that's just me being me. Yeah, And
in return, when I had kids, it stopped. When I got married,
it stopped because I had to be there for my wife and for my
son, and then from my family because I lost people. So that energy
that they were, that energy that I was given to these people, I
was no longer given the to him. And now I can feel that there's
a distance between us, and I'm okay with that, but they when I
reach out to him, I feel a bit of distaste, like, yeah,
don't hit me in man, or you know what I mean. Yeah,
I give what you're saying. Um, that's That's what I was just
trying to explain, man for sure, for sure, And I think you
know, and I explained mine. Not that I say this kind of response
to what you're saying, but I think like even with the people that's closest
to you, there may be a point in time to where you may do
maybe not as extreme as what you did to your cousin or someone else,
but there may be a part of you that does that. But a person
who unconditioned he loves you will say, Okay, I'm accepting that who you
are in that space and we can communicate about it. Or like you saying,
I don't think, I don't think that unconditional love is something that I
don't think unconditional love is something that you will experience with more than one or
two people. I think I think love is conditional on with everybody. And
what I believe that my wife loves me unconditionally. So yeah, yeah,
you know. See what I'm saying is people that I lose they didn't love
me unconditionally. It was a condition. No, no, no, no,
I agree, I agree. But what I'm saying is, even if
you did a fraction of what you did to those people you lost to your
wife, it's unconditional. She's going to accept it. It's going to be
that love is going to be there. So but but what I'm saying so,
like with me, for example, I think like my progression as a
person has pushed people away, right, so or whoever whoever it is with
them, right like the person I was last year. There's my talking about
you from last year, because you were the person you were last year.
So you fell out with them or you You're like, yo, that's who
I was back then. I ain't really that person anymore. I didn't like
that person either, you know what I'm saying, or whatever it may be.
And I had to But I had to be that person in order for
you and I to fall out, in order for me to grow to become
the person you're saying exactly what And that's exactly what I mean. So you
lost that You lost that person because of the person you was a year ago.
But you just told someone totally different, so therefore you lost them,
you know what I'm saying. But I think like when someone unconditioned to love
you, you're going through the ups and downs with that person, your wife,
you're going through the ups and downs or who you was a year ago
and who you are today and no matter what, she loved you. You
know what I'm saying, like, and that's what I mean like. I
think a lot of I think a lot of niggas too, a lot of
men, and it's probably where this is probably where we can um go down
to blackwood or rabbit hole. I think that this conversation is going to be
what they really want to hear. I could be wrong, though, all
of this could be good, But I think a lot of men don't know
when to recognize unconditional love. And I think a lot of men don't know
that the woman that is going to love them unconditionally might not look the way
that they think. They might not be the partner that they thought they might
need because they don't We don't really know why we are a trait of the
people. We don't. We just you look cute, there's a vibe,
whatever. But once you get out of that phase and get into the real
world phase, were niggas got to pay bills together and handle responsibilities together.
There's a different level of understanding that needs to happen. And I feel like
the men, especially black men, we grew up who grew up the way
that well, a lot of us grew up in a single parent household,
if if if not a grandparent household. We don't really know how to identify
love correctly because we never really got it from a person that we could fuck.
Did that make sense? So like so like yeah, your mom,
Yeah, your grandma loves you uncadditionally, but you don't know your grandma like
that. You don't know your mama like that, you don't know your daddy
like that. When you fucking when you fucking somebody, I feel like you
just get and you're living with a motherfucker and then you gotta be with that
motherfucker when you don't like that motherfucker. Like when you like, when you
unconditionally the love of person and you're around that person when you don't like them,
you're just so annoyed. Bomb Like when you live in crumbs every fucking
where you ain't fucking clean the tub like you and then one day none of
that shit matters because you out of that you out of that funk. A
lot of people would leave that person in that funk because you don't they don't
really understand that this too, shell pass this. This person that loves you
unconditionally does warrant the They do warrant that grace of a depression stage or two
weeks or a month or a year of trying to get their emotions in line.
You know what I'm saying, Like a lot of the times we don't
give people unconditional love because it's like a time thing. It's like, yeah,
and I'm saying that from experience. My wife did not have to love
me as good as she did while my head was down in this this very
very cloudy brain of mind of uncertainty of what I was supposed to do or
who I was supposed to be, and an actuality I was who I was
supposed to be this whole entire time. I'm I'm I'm going on this journey
and edge of trying to find who the perfect man to be to be a
father and a husband. It was like, Nigga, because it's kind of
you already, you already was the person. But remember what I said earlier,
she saw something in you that you didn't even see in yourself. Yeah,
but it wasn't something that she never Yes, you're right, the emotion
of whatever it was she saw that and I'm not saying she saw you being
a great producer. She saw you, she saw the emotion of who you
were, and she said, I'm gonna stick. Yeah, I'm gonna stick
with that. Um now, man, but you right, man. As
far as love, here's here's here's a thing, bro. And I'm just
being as vulnerable as possible. Bro. One of the things that as a
growing into being a man, and even till this day, bro is Um,
you're right. We've seen love from Grandma, We've seen love from mom
or whoever it may be. And like you said something that was like,
we never the fear of love as someone you can fuck right, Um,
the thing is, bro. And and to a woman who's listening, man,
like I think with most men, and I can't say, oh,
most we are very insecure and we are scared. So when we see that
we bail, we get the fuck out of their dog fear. It's too
serious. It's insecurity. I mean, it's all that's all kind of shit
that goes with it. Right. So um um, it's taken away my
masculinity because honestly, to accept love, bro, you gotta be vulnerable,
and to love you have to be vulnerable. And a lot of men are
not able to do that. Bro, we bail we out. That's why
I gotta have multiple bitches. I gotta have all these different things that make
us feel like a man to where we leave when you see somewhere really loving
your ass, Like damn, I gave this nigga everything. It's the responsibility
of love. I think. I think I think that One day I was
like, I was like, fuck, man, I gotta wash bottles.
Fuck, I gotta l your kids, teach you how to live. I
was like, I got to clean the house. Bro. Listen, let
me go to cut you off. Bro, my son threw up. He's
nine, bro, so his throw up is human food. Just nigga threw
up in the shower, and I just had to be like, I'm daddy,
clean this niggas. I'm like, I love you. Fuck it.
I didn't, but you do. You got It's response, and that that
right, there's the responsibility that I think a lot of motherfuckers is running from.
I don't think that they running because I don't think they running. They
scared. They scared of responsibility and then running from responsibility insecurity because they might
they don't think they might get him. I don't know. I don't know.
Maybe you can tell me how the insecurity plays a part, because I'm
with you. But I feel like one day now, I feel like one
day I was just doing all this ship and run the house and I was
just like man, and once I was finished, I was just like,
I'm thankful that I have a family to be responsible for, because a lot
of niggas do not have this. Bro. The insecurity comes in that I
might fail. M Okay, okay, that's that's the insecurity of it,
right, Like until you do that shit and you're successful when you pound your
chest like I did that shit. I did that shit good, yeah yeah
yeah. And I made a couple of mistakes, but I did it yeah
yeah, yeah yeah. Most people run because of like, I'm afraid to
fail. I may not be good. I may have to lose my masculinity,
I may have to be vulnerable. Fucking I'm out. I think too.
I think too. For me, A lot of the times I hear
niggas complaining about this aspect of relationships is because the woman that they have communicate
like their toxic mothers. And now don't I don't really think that the women
that are communicating that way? Really mean, what what you mean though?
Explain it to me, you stupid motherfucker. Why can't you fucking remember to
take the trash out? God did? Like? Why why did they do
that? They talk like their mom? I guarantee you eighty percent of the
win. I ain't a nigga that's gonna look up this research because I ain't
nobody doing the research on There's no no fucking dada dada analysis. And you
can't give a number. You can say a lot or most when you get
that most most, Most people, Yeah, communicate like their parents. Bro.
I just had this conversation. I communicate like my mom and my dad.
Bro, I just had this conversation of saying that kids are a reflection
of their parents. Yeah. Yeah, So you you go, you grow
to community, you grow and communicate the way. Yeah, most likely you
grow and communicate the way that your parents communicate, unless you go out of
your way to say I'm not going to do that. I'm not I'm going
to break the chain. But if you just go My cousin and went to
prison, man, I use him because I just saw him yesterday. He's
looking very good and I'm so happy for him. He was dating a girl
that talked to him just like his mama talked to him when he was a
kid. That's what he knew. That's what he knew. And I'm in
my mind, I'm thinking, like, Bro, you ain't gonna hit this
Like I'm not. I'm not, I'm not for this. But the way
that she was talking, Bro, I'm like, oh, you must want
to get punched in your shit. That's but I'm but And then he but
he's not abusive, We're not abusive. So then it took him, it
took him over the edge, which made him go do some shit to go
get go to prison, and then had he lashed out, But it wasn't
to the person that he was supposed to, you know what I'm saying.
So I feel like black women are like the best at holding a nigga down.
I really do feel like that. I really do feel like black because
because no other race, no other race, This is the point right here,
I'm putting this on page, No other race of people outside of Jewish
people, Jewish women have ever had to stand by their man through the worst
shit in history. Nobody, yeah, nobody, you got motherfucker's getting their
feet cut off. You ain't running no more. You got motherfucker's raping your
wife, the fucking beating your husband, killing your husband, taking your kids,
fucking spitting in your face. You gotta run. We gotta be together,
Jim Crow Era, all of this shit they had to stick stick through
that ship. So I do understand where the toxicness come from, because it's
just festered up aggression that's been that's been from slavery. But I do,
and I do, and I and I am the type of nigga now I
will keep rereferencing slavery because I do understand now just how detrimental that is to
the Black community, or how detrimental it was to the black community, and
it still is. But black women are awesome are cheerleading, and black men
are are awesome at cheerleading for their wives. The problem is that niggas never
learned how to communicate what their partner effectively. Bro, let me tell you
something, and I'll tell you this, and I agree with you. But
here's the reason why I say, Like, if you look at the pecking
order of humans, black women come last. They come last, bro,
and they come last in life and insects crazy, Hey, and straight up
bro, And here's the thing, and then they still find a way to
love our dirty draws. Bro. Ain't nobody man and nobody loving like a
black woman? Dog? Y'all crazy, y'all crazy. That's why I can
never have it. That's why I can never go online and say anything shitty
about women ever. And I'm like, man, black woman loved me,
nigga, black woman love me? Man, you go all the way from
from from grandma to all the way to your girl, bro, and no
black woman loving you like but not the person, but the person who can
cause the most hatred hatred is a black woman. Like, don't get it
fucked up. My grandma is the most, the most spiteful bitch I ever
met him my life. She's the most she's the most hateful person. And
it's probably like that because of a man. No, it's probably it's probably
because of that because she's she's in her seventies and they grew up, they
grew up in a very different time. You know, old kids, Like
I always say, man, old people and kids, they're gonna give you
the truth, them too, them too, right there, you're gonna if
you want some truth, talk to a kid and an old person. But
noah, man, I think, uh, I just I'm I'm going to
Gary soon to go to a funeral, but I'm taking my recording equipment and
I'm gonna record my grandparents. Bro, I got an episode with my grandma,
my favorite episode ever. Yeah, I'm gonna record. I'm gonna I'm
gonna just say, hey, can y'all just please record with me? Bro?
That's my I promised that's my best episode because I just sat down and
was like, like our normal conversations that we have if I go over there,
and I just asked her come up with you them and she was like
yeah, and we just I never, I never, I never really have
too many conversations with my grandma by herself is usually my grand part and my
grandma and he'll be and he'll if he can't remember something, he'll ask her.
She's like, yeah, it was finish, it was eight, it
was eighty five, it was eighty five, it was six because blah blah
blah. But even my grandparents them being together for you know, for my
entire life. Um, just seeing them grow and now seeing them old,
you know what I'm saying, Now seeing them old and seeing that Man and
Sierra kind of resemble that, like finishing sentences and the way we joke because
my my grandparents joke like they do not like each other, bro, And
it's the funniest thing in the world. Bro, It's the funniest shit in
the world. Like they they bicker, like they do not like each other.
But I'm thinking in my head like it's either that or it's super lovey
dovey, which is gonna get annoying, you know what I mean. But
love I mean the thing, the thing about the thing about social media,
to think about TV, to think about movies all as being a nigga that
rights and being a person that's trying to write to a demographic. So say
like I got a demographic of I got it my black Wood or demographic is
ninety percent black women from Dallas, Indianapolis, Chicago, Atlanta, and DC.
So basically Houston, Houston, and Dallas is high So all of the
chocolate beautiful women too out there, all of the all of the chocolate cities.
No disrespect to DC because that's the name, that's the name of that
that's a nickname city. Oh no, it's that's North Kasta. No chocolate
cities d okay um, But all of my all of my listeners are black
women from these areas, and I'm trying to this whole journey. Bro has
been trying to create content to to you know, you've been, you've been
in the most We've We've tried to do episodes that I've never put out because
it's like that ain'tnna work. But creating for my audience versus creating what I
want to see not the same thing. So like you can turn on the
TV and you might not see a good representation of black love because but that's
boring. Yeah, man, Tyler Perry, I mean Tyler Perry, he
does not do a good representation the representation of black love. That's my point.
That's kind of what my point is. Like, you know, I'm
sure he has a different perspective, but he's like, Yo, this works,
this works. This works. So it's kind of like, you know,
you want to put out you want to put out good imagery of black
people in black love and stuff like that, but it's like you gotta I
mean stories and stories and they the hero arc is the hero arc for a
reason, and you gotta, you gotta kind of use it to tell stories.
But man, I love I love black women to the top. Like
they fucking look so good. Oh my god. It's kind of like it's
kind of like when you really really hungry and thirsty and you go to a
restaurant and they put the food in the window. Bro, that's what Instagram
is like. You'd be like, oh my gosh, she looks so good.
Oh my god, she's so fine. And then I'll be looking at
my wife and I'd be like, oh my god, she's so fine.
She got stretch marks because of the babies. Oh my god, lovedy stretch
marks. And I'd be looking at my mom differently. Now I'll be looking
at my aunt different I'll just be looking at all the black women in my
life, and I'm not looking at the women on Instagram like the pieces of
meat. But some of them can be pieces of meat. Yeah, But
I'm also respecting the journey that these black women that I've been um, that
i've been close to my entire life. I'm now looking at them and recognizing
their journey. Were talking about yesterday, were talking about, you know what
my mom and my aunt had to endure when they were younger, and how
that and how that shaped us. And I'm like, man, I just
I appreciate y'all, man, because y'all could have dropped the Nina off the
barre fish. Yeah. Man, it's funny you say that, bro,
Like uh, kind of kind of going back to something you was just talking
about with your grandparents. Um, Man, you know, you see me
at the gym, but I'll talk to the old white dudes because I didn't
play racketball with him or whatever. But this one dude came up to me.
Man, he was like, uh, he said, how old are
you now? You know? I told him. He was like, man,
one thing you can do is um one thing that I was told when
I was younger is to look at someone who's twenty years older than you that's
still in the gym, and you know, like, okay, I can
be doing that in twenty years. And one of the things, and I
say this to say, like, and one of the things I didn't do
when my grandfather was here in a relationship you was talking about with your grandparents.
When he told me that, I thought about this. I was like,
man, I remember as I got older, I understood my grandfather more
and more. My grandmother was like the strong black woman. She was always
the one talking. She was always the one in every blue moon. I
would hear my grandfather say, even if she's getting on him or whatever,
I'm like, Grandpa, say something, why aren't you saying nothing? Like
I sent him back in my head, that's what I'm saying. Every blue
moon. My grandfather would say, all right, now, Margaret, that's
enough every blue moon. And I thought about that. I'm like, Grandpa
only responded when it was time for the important, like okay, now,
this is enough. This is my voice. And I had to learn that
is as a man, sometimes you don't have to say something every time,
you know what I mean. You don't have to respond to every little thing.
It don't have to be especially when you got to shoot it. That's
talked for you. And I was like I had to look at that and
like, all right, cool, Grandpa. I learned. I'm like,
damn, that's why Grandpa was so much at peace. That was why he
was like, all right, let I let Margaret talk. All right,
okay, Mark, all right, that's enough. Right, you know what
I'm saying that she was hoping. Yeah, he had to be like,
all right, Margaret, that's enough. Yeah, yeah, a lot of
the times, a lot of a lot of men don't have that respect from
their wife. Yeah, man to be like all right, baby, who
the fuck you? Yeah, it's almost like, you know, if you
whoop your kid all the time, he's gonna be looking like all r I
didn't have had this whooping enough, Like I got to bring that out with
my special move. That's what I was called, Like my whooping to my
son is like all right, this is gonna be like, you know,
a WWF back And they had to do the special move at the end.
If I keep doing that special move, they're gonna be like it ain't special.
So I had to do that when it came to discipline, and I
looked at that like, damn, you just start looking at all that stuff,
like, Man, you ain't gotta be loud the whole damn time.
Bro, Sometimes you can just you ain't gotta fight every fight, you know
what I mean. You ain't gotta fight every fight the same way. Yeah,
I'll be trying to come on, I'll be trying to tell them why
I'm that o mind. I can't. I can't. I can't. I
can't discipline my son in the way that you think that I should discipline my
son because I don't want to have the relationship that you and I have.
But with my son Boom, I have to. I have to. I
have to curate this. I have to curate this relationship. Very I'm conscious
about this. I don't think that they were as I don't think that my
my my folks could have been as conscious as as I am, because the
situations were so different. They were so broke man whether like, I don't
think people understand just how how broke the world really is and how much how
that affects people's decision making. Yeah, and their inability to love, because
they if you keep the motherfucker down and impressed and then tell them that they
aren't anything unless they bring something to the table, they're gonna believe that they're
they're not anything. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. You're keeping the
motherfuck keeping you, keeping your foot on somebody's neck, and you're put in
a threshold on how much money they can make. Well, well, one
thing, you tell them they could be anything and that they want to be.
That's a that's a mistake. That's because you can be whatever you want
to be, including a bump you're telling people that could be whatever they want
to be, and then they become whatever they want to be, and then
you don't give them enough money, and then you tell them that they aren't
as valuable to their family unless they bring and money. And it's kind of
hard to love yourself when you believe that you don't bring any value to the
family because now you tied your value to valuables. Yeah, you know what
I'm saying. So it's it's like as a man, especially as a black
man, like that's why I feel like, that's why we have so many
incarcerated. It's because niggas will do anything for that paper. Yeah, for
no reason. If you if you are if your if your value is tied
to money and you feel like a woman will only love you for money,
then that's not unconditional love and you don't want that. Yeah, man,
I think it's just I think what's gonna have to happen, bro you know,
because I think it's going to continue to be that way for your son,
my son until a woman says like look and and and there are some
women out there saying this like, um, don't have the city girl mentality,
like broke niggas don't do that, you know what I mean? Until
that, I always say, man, women they set the tone of what
men do. Everything we've done, most of what we've done, I'm trying
to do it for the one I'm trying to do. The car we drive
away, we dressed the way, and it's like, it's for the women.
Man. Until I always told when I worked in when I worked in
the school, I was like I told the little girls I was working.
Until you say sagging his pants isn't sexy or you don't like that, he
gonna keep doing it. Man. And that's the thing when it comes down
to a man and money means this. That was That was. That was
Nick Cannon's whole thing about that movie about Chicago but Shaw, that was his
whole thing is to get the girls to say that this shit is not cool
nor more. Yeah. Yeah, but he corny, so he can't say
shit. I don't know why Nick Cannon corny, But Nick Cannon corny.
You know who else is corny? DJ Callot, Yeah, he's extreme.
I don't like I think I think DJ Kali is a character. I bet
if we sat down with him, he wouldn't be there. I think when
you say play record, he turns into DJ Kalet because he has respect from
a lot of people that would not respect that corny. I think he hits
play when it's time to hit record. Yeah, he does all that.
I don't think he's like that twenty four seven. I don't give a fuck.
I don't give a fuck about not under that. Whoever you are when
you press play, I do not like. Man. You can't say that,
bro, because you just sat there and said, when it comes to
social media, you have to put out content that's not even that's for the
fans, okay, or you cannot cater to them. Yeah, and then
he wouldn't be called. You don't have to You don't how to record.
He don't have to get on the treadmill. He could lose weight. The
fact that he's been on Weight Watchers, he was a brand ambassador for Weight
Watchers. It's marketing dog. They do everything for that dollar dog. I'm
telling y'all, bet you he not liked that. But fat well, Yeah,
that's different. I think it's shaped like an Ranger team bro. That's
why we know. We know the Weight Watchers is fake. I don't like
niggas with money that still are fat, because as a man, why are
you still fat if you have money? If you got money and you got
a schedule, that means that either you have a health problem, which is
which is okay? And this might be this might make even mad too,
but I feel like the only reason my wife and a lot of the black
women that I know the gain weight. The only reason why they gain weight
is because they don't have the time, the money, or the energy because
the way that they life set up. Women who got money in time,
they ain't fat like that, they don't gain they don't just or they they
got kids. It's it's so many different situations. So I don't want to
make it sound like I'm just putting down people, but I just don't like
the fact that you was on Snapchat on in the gym every morning and you're
still fat. I think it's his marketing dog he was selling ellipticals. No,
I'm saying, I think his marketing is what you'll see with Klid.
We expect him to be with a shirt off, fat, We expect him
to be loud. We don't think you don't You don't think he could be
marketed as he was skinny? Nah? I think because he's already created the
lane that he's in. It's like Ross Ross is losing weight, but he's
still fat boy Ross. He called itself that fat boy Yeah, yeah,
man, but slim thug on fat Mac. But yeah, in regards to
we can record because I don't need to get this accord to it. I
just I just unconditioned, unconditional love is so hard to identify. Yeah,
I agree, it's so hard to identify because if a person that loves you
unconditionally tries to motivate you to get out of a slump that you are in,
it almost can look like they aren't accepting you for who you are currently,
and it's not the case. That's key. I just want you to
get out of this funk. I love you, I'm gonna love you regardless,
but I just need you to grab my hand please. And the thing
about being in a depressive state is that you don't believe that any hands reaching
down trying to grab you out is a good one to grab. Yeah,
and that's what's really unfortunate. I agree, Bro, that's that's key what
you just said. But then I think that's when it goes to that person
that loves you true unconditional love. They learn your language, they learn you
know, they learn you you know what I'm saying, and then name and
that takes time, and that takes gentle hands and time, and they know
how to they know how to speak your language to get you out of that.
So, yeah, man, I think I think it's tough. Man.
I think unconditional love one is tough because you have to learn how to
love yourself before you're able to give it to someone else or you know,
accept it, accept yourself. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's so hard
as especially as a man, as as as as insecure as I may be
some days, as as scared as I may be some days. It's kind
of hard to look in the mirror and accept where I am because so many
times I feel like I felt like I'm only in a situation because I haven't
been granted the opportunity that I think that I'm grinding, busting my ass for.
Yeah. So it's like I don't want to accept who I am today
because I don't want to be here anymore. Yeah, I don't. And
I think acceptance means I think sometimes acceptance could mean um, accepting less than
and it's not it's not like I just lost my thought. If you accept
yourself as a version, as a lower version of yourself, it does not
mean that you are okay being at that level for forever. Yeah, it
does not mean that just because I'm just because I'm down today and I accept
that I'm down, does not mean that I'm okay with being down. Yeah.
Man, it's tough too, because like if you think about it,
bro, like like you said, looking in the mirror and having to accept
who you are at times, it almost feels like you're giving up, you
know what I'm saying, And we have to sometimes just have to have to
accept the reality of what it is. But then we think like, well,
I'm not motivated. I gotta stay motivated, and then you end up
lying to yourself and then you get it, you know what I mean.
So sometimes, like you said, like I think you almost have to accept
the reality, and your reality may be low at that moment, you know
what I'm saying. And I mean, that's it hard, bro, what
man, I don't lie to myself so many times, dog, and that
line that fake it to you're making shit. It's hard, man. I'm
talking about lying to yourself when no one else knows that you're lying to yourself.
I ain't doing that shit again, and you think in your heart,
I ain't doing that shit again. But you know something deep, something I'm
gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you something I
only told my wife. Now I'm telling it to all the listeners. When
I was twenty something, I wanted I wish I didn't want my dick anymore,
m because I felt like I felt like my hormones was making me make
choices that I didn't really I didn't necessarily want to make. I got you,
and I was just like, I don't need this. I don't I
don't really want to. I don't want to have to deal with this because
and that's usually when we lied to ourself. When one thousand percent, bro
one thousand, I never do. You're wicked, Like man, I did?
What? What? What? Who didn't get so Horny just started doing
them all? You Like, what the fuck? Now? It makes sense
when they say that horny is the devil's work. Man. Now Now,
like like when I really all the things that all the old motherfucker was telling
me when I was younger, and now I make all the sense in the
world because I'm never horny when I sucked my wife. I'm not horny when
I have sex with her. I need to have sex with you because I
want to have sex with you. It's it's like playing basketball. I don't.
I don't. I don't want to go to the gym. I have
to go to the gym. It's something that I have to do. I
have to fuck my wife. I have to please her. I have to
rub on her. I have to let her know that I love her.
It ain't know. Oh, I'm just horny. Back in the day,
nigga, I used to just be horny, like uncontrolla, it'll be horny.
I had to jack off all the time, especially like you know,
like teenage years early early twenty what I'm like, Bro, this is ridiculous,
this is awful. I don't want this, Bro. I used to
say, man like jagging off and just like being on that horny time.
Man. It used to bro on everything. Bro. It used to exert
so much energy, energy, effort and time. Bro, you look up,
you're like, damn looking watching porn for three hours for one scene.
I've never had that, maybe not three hours, that's but but but I'm
just giving that time. I don't I don't want to. I don't want
to throw you under the bus like that, because that was that was why
why I just threw you under the bus. And that's crazy. But okay,
let me make clear. Hold that not three that's what regardless of however
long it is. And that three hours might translate to me for talking to
a new girl, driving to a new girl house. That's horny times,
that's horny times. That's three hours, yeah, or whatever. And Bro,
I put it like this, and I think I've said this on the
nights or talking to be or whatever I said. Bro, you can watch
you can watch porn for almost forty five minutes to an hour to find one
scene to jack off too. That's a lot of time. Dog, you're
just exerting of nothingness is looking for that long? Bro? Why do you
keep saying such long? That's an episode of this is us. Bro.
I've scared You've never got lost in the work point? Are you crazy?
Bro? No, I definitely have got caught in the rabbit hole of porn
if it's going to the next scene, okay, cool, especially not DVD
porn. In that porn, nigga, If you don't go to that search
bar nigga and type in what you're looking for. Bro. But this,
this, this all looks the same now you do not in your horny time,
Bro, Aren't you talking about the horny time that I'm talking about?
No, no, no, I've never I've never. I didn't have I
never had porn. I never did the port when I was at hornytime,
I was. That's that's what. I couldn't jack off the thoughts. I
had to see visual Broh, I can't. I couldn't jack off the thoughts.
I gotta have some visual, man, I can't think about I used
to spank, pank material deck, bro. I got to see a stranger
on the on the screen screen man porn. Man, I don't even want
to go down the rabbit hole of the porn. But that's what what happened
when you and No about a conversation. Yeah, I don't any time,
because horny time to me was the peak, like senior year and then like
freshman sophomore year of college. Bro. Yeah, man like, and I
don't like that. I don't. I don't know, man, And I
feel like and I feel like I feel like, damn, this is an
epiphany moment. Right now, I'm only in hornytime when I'm down and out
never have never have I ever been up ever? No, that should hit
me out of it everywhere wherever, Bro, there's somebody right now that I
am following. I'm following maybe at three to four accounts on Twitter that repost
porn. I love that, Bro, I know I love that. No,
let me tell you why. I don't know. Don't open that app
that's my don't open that fucking and I don't know who it is. I
gotta find them and make sure I unfollow them and the other Twitter because I
got two twitters. One is like porn and then the other one is like
my real life. I gotta go to open that, Doug. I don't
like doing that because out of nowhere it's mid day, I'm finding, like
the hell you got your kid? Yeah, I can't do it, dog,
never, I gotta unfollow them. Dog, I never opened that Twitter
aff. Bro, they're doing the most. Yeah, they're reposting. I'm
like, oh, what they like or what they and to be heat too
some and to be heat somes never seen porn across my time, and that
wasn't heat man. I don't on Twitter? Is imna have to follow.
I'm gonna have to find out who it is. It's like And it's something
about those videos on Twitter that HD is just crazy girl squirted on the screen
they got I jumped back on it was crystal clear. I think about opening
it up in public. I can't do that though. I'm not opening my
Twitter and I want to. You are a heathen bro, I want to
open That's why I gotta unfollow them. Why are you opening your Twitter in
public? Because I get on Twitter out of boardom and if I'm in a
place and like, let's say I'm in line. That's what Instagram is for.
Yeah, that's not what Twitter for. Twitter is just for opinions.
But like, I like Twitter better than Instagram. What for sure? Nah,
I like Instagram better than Twitter because Twitter got some stuff going on over
there that I really ain't really even giving. The Yeah, the porn,
the squirting. I like that. And you open up in public, that's
the best part about don't Hey, well, not when Vine had porn.
I never was on Vine. Never what six second porn was heat Nigga never
did six second porn was heat bro. It was heat bro. It was
heat. I was so mad when it took poorn off of But porn to
me, porn to me is just I don't compare to women. The women
that I like in real life, I don't watch them in porn, don't.
I don't. My type in real life is not the point that I
want now point that's a fan. That's a different world, that's a different
like you go into a different space when you watch porn. I don't expect
the one out I'm with or anyone to have porn is almost like reality TV
is not real, you know what I mean? But what what what you
like? Yeah? What you expect and yeah, you ain't gonna get that
from no. I saw somebody say, if you want to know who they
like, go today history. I was like, nigga that if you go
through the my history, you'll be like, damn, this nigga is a
creep. And but the I've never now, I don't think about I don't
even think about sex outside of black Widow like that m at all because it
don't bring me no money. Yeah, outside outside of pleasing my wife,
sex does not bring me any money. And sex is a is a chore.
It's something that me and my wife doesn't have don't have time for it
anymore. It is one of those things that if you value, if you
put so, if you put a lot of emphasis on sex in your relationship
and it comes to time where y'all can't have it, you're in trouble.
Man. I never been that person, bro, I never. I never.
I've always been a cerebral person. So sex, of course, what
do you mean by because I don't know. I don't really know what that
means. So I've always been a person. I think you and I both
have been. I think I think I could probably say you a cereal person.
You're like you want to talk to someone and like it's more than just
a physical aspect of it. So I've always been like that with like since
I was younger, bro. Like that's why I've never been able to just
been doing like one night stands and just having like a booty call. I'm
like, yeah, I gotta get to know this person, Like yo,
what oh No, I could do that, nah, man. I've never
been that person. Bro. I've never just been on some booty call that's
just my my Like, I'm just there are certain instances to where it's just
like it's energy man. Yeah, man, but energy I gotta have.
The energy comes from talking to him, like, damn, I can't just
go blast you. Who What do you mean by that? What do you
mean by what do you mean by one? Nice stands? You mean?
You mean you mean a girl to me tonight? You mean going? So?
Are you talking to the club or nine? I mean loud ass?
Are you talking to the club or n Yeah, let's say you're talking how
long? I don't know what I mean? What time you get to the
club. Let's just say a couple say it out. Get there to nine,
you get there to nine? Man, big into the club at nine?
Okay? Nine, okay, let's get you get you get to nine.
Create, create, create the scene. I get there at nine,
you get there nine? Okay? She show ups at ten? Yeah,
talking to ten thirty? Okay? Hookaspike closes at three three thirty. So
you're talking the whole time? Or you talking about and if and if y'all
talking from ten thirty? Okay? I create to create the scene. Let's
say I talked to her from ten thirty to three thirty. That's not enough
time to go fuck her? No, no, no, no no.
If I fucked because we exchange good energy and we've realized we liked each other
more than likely we're probably going to end up again. That's not the one
I'm standing. Are you right? I don't do one understands That's what I'm
saying. Yeah, yeah, we're doing this again. Yeah we couldn't.
We had a good connection, you know. Boom, that's the energy.
But just like just off some oh yeah and I'm out. And I know
that's crazy. Bro. I've never been able to justss crazy. But there's
people who can do that though. That's crazy. That's no way I can't
do gross. I gotta know something about you, you know what I'm saying.
I gotta like I don't know people who know you. I don't even
have to do that. We just gotta have a good connection. No energy
gotta be great. I need to cross reference your references. I definitely need
to know who you know, why you know them, And I need to
know. I need to be able to I need to be able to hit
hit somebody up on my way to your crib and they do you know so
and so they're cool? Yep, all right, bet I need You're not
getting a response at three in the morning. Who not if I text you
at three, if you text me atybody like yo, e I met I
met this girl named Sheila. Now, but at ten thirty you might I
ain't gonna text you then, Oh then you might not. That's what I
might not, might not? You might not. But it also depends on
if I like if you, if you meet somebody and we can stop regarding
out of this, we're going everywhere. If you meet somebody on and in
person and you ask for their socials and you don't have any followers in common,
I'm not working with you. I know a lot of people social media.
I know a lot of people via the city, a lot of people.
If we're the same age, and that means that you went and you
went to school here and I don't know nobody that's following you, that's troubling.
I could see that, bro, I went soever. I went to
three different middle schools, two different grade schools, and two high schools.
Yeah, you should have someone in common, nigga, what um? What
if she's just not a social media person. I don't give a flying fuck.
My wife and a social media person, we have mutual friends in common.
Do you think it's if a person tells you they don't have social media
at all, is that now my wife's I got social media? Is that
red flag? No, she ain't got social media. No, I mean,
I mean, I'm just saying like, no, my wife don't have
it. Yeah, So it's not a red flag. I understand it.
I didn't never be like that's kind of cool. Sweet, sweet, she
didn't stalking me because because because my social media activity is a little bit different,
I've had you probably had to do with this, like we're having a
podcast. I've had to be on my phone constantly, Yeah, constantly looking
at content, constantly thinking about topics, constantly, emails, and just being
social on Instagram because you gotta it's kind of like networking. You kind of
gotta be in comments and liking stuff and this and that. That's why I
hated it. That's why I'm not Yeah, but I liked it. But
I also understand why my wife hated it because I was never present, you
know what I mean. So now I'm gonna be on my phone with that.
Yeah, Man, I hate I hated it, bro I hated having
to stay active on social media. I hate I hated that. Though I
hate it, you just wanted to talk. You just wanted to pot.
Man. Yeah, I don't want to do that. You gotta follow this
pot you gotta brote. That's not it. Man. Well this conversation was
great, Bro, this is the first. This is how many times have
we doing this? Two? Maybe two or three? You did on to
my show a couple of times. I want to have been on your show
once. No, Bro, we did it one time here. Actually one
time we did at the hotel, and then we did it here before it
was just me and you the uh at one time. This is a great
conversation. Man, we're about to get this fake love session. Then he
is going to play the character josh U. Man, you had met somebody
else though I did not. Man, I'm promised I did not. I
ain't been studying the wrong person at bro, just person. I changed it
all right, let's get it. Yeah, I changed it. But we
will see y'all when we see y'all. Thank y'all so much for listening to
Thank y'all so much for supporting out