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Hello, what's up, and welcome
back to another episode of the Straight Shooter

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Recruiter podcast. I'm your host,
Emily Durham aka Emily the Recruiter on all

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social media latforms, and one thing
about me. My goal is to help

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you thrive in your nine to five
and beyond. Today is no exception.

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I'm ready to talk about your boss
and why you think your boss hates you?

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Is it your fault? Is it
your boss's fault? Let's unpack.

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I do want to let you know
if you have additional questions or you're like

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Emily, I wake up in cold
sweats every night because I hate my job,

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I hate my boyfriend, I hate
this, I hate that. How

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do I fix my life? I
actually I do have a solution for this.

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I do have a link in the
description of every single podcast episode where

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you can send in your questions.
So send those bad boys in. They

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do get answered on the show.
Plus, I also if I get a

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lot of questions about the same thing, I will literally do a dedicated episode

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on it, which is why this
episode is happening. Because I had so

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many questions, actually not even questions, more just stories from people sharing how

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much their boss is straight up ruining
their lives, and I want to unpack.

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I want to talk about when it's
a them issue, when it's a

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bit like an US issue, and
how do we find a happy medium so

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that we can stay in the job
maybe that we love with the boss that

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we hate. So that's kind of
our goal today. As always, make

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sure you are leaving a rating and
a review for the show, share that

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you are listening on social media.
It means the freaking world to me when

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I see you enjoying the show,
when I see it leveling up your life,

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it brings me so much joy.
So please, please, please make

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sure you do that, and let's
get into the episode. In my mind,

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there are two cases here. You've
got case number one, where you

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are the problem, and case number
two, or your boss is the problem.

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To be honest with you, most
times it is the boss's issue.

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Like, let's keep it real,
So let's start there, because I feel

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like that is a little bit less
aggressive. There are a lot of ways

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that bosses or our managers can show
us that they are insecure, and whether

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you realize it or not, if
your boss mistreats you or tries to make

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you look stupid or goes out of
their way to bring you down. It

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is typically because they are intimidated by
you. I know you might not agree

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with that, but a person who
is confident, a person who is a

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good manager, they're mature enough to
understand that when you shine, you actually

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make them look good. So why
wouldn't they want that. A good manager

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looks at a strong employee and says, thank god, I hire them.

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They're great. Work makes me look
even better as a manager and makes me

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shine. But people who are insecure, those wires are crossed in their brains

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and they actually see you as competition. In fact, they're probably scared you

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outperform them or that you're more intelligent
than them, and that's informing some of

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the ways that they do this.
Another reason your boss might be crazy banana

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pants is that they are a control
freak. They might be someone who only

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trusts you to do work the way
they see it done. This is the

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person who micromanages you, and that's
because they have trust issues and they don't

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have the capacity to trust that you
are going to do the work how they

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want it to be done, even
if you have a track record of success.

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And then there's also the kind of
boss, which is my personal hell.

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Who is stuck in high school?
This is somebody who just stopped mentally

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maturing at a certain point. You
know, their brain just said, hold

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up, why don't I stay sixteen? And then they stay there till they

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are, you know, much older
than that. And those are people who

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get involved with gossip. Those are
people who are petty. Those are the

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people who make like bitchy side comments
to you. You know exactly what I'm

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talking about, you know, instead
of saying, oh, hey, can

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you send this email, they're like, you haven't sent that email yet?

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Interesting? No, no, no, I'll just remember that for the future.

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Like, I don't know what they
get out of that. But there

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are people who thrive off of the
petty drama. And again, so much

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of that comes from insecurity, because
if you are confident in yourself, there's

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no need for you to act out
in this way like that is not something

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that is ever seen as necessary.
So if you are wondering is my boss

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the problem, here's kind of a
check that you can think of. Number

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One, are you showing up at
your job well? Like, are you

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doing your job well? Are you
kind? Are you understanding? Are you

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generally pleasant. If the answer is
yes, and you know you actively do

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your best, you're not cocky,
you're not arrogrant, and you're good at

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your job, it is probably not
you, my friend. If you feel

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like your boss is nitpicking, it's
probably because they're nitpicking. If you think

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they're making bitchy side comments to you, it's probably because they are. Don't

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gaslight yourself out of having those very
valid feelings. But the first thing you

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got to do check in with yourself. You know, am I underperforming?

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And it's okay if we are.
I've been in jobs where I have not

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been performing, or we go through
waves where we're not feeling like we're our

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best selves. It's human that's human
nature, So take a look at that.

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The next thing you need to do
is look at the relationship your boss

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has with other employees. Is it
similar or are they drastically worse or better

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with different types of people. Sometimes
they're really kind to the people who don't

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perform well at all because they are
not competition. Sometimes they favor people who

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to the same school as them,
or they favor people who are conventionally attractive,

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or who have glasses, or who
do this or who do that.

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Take a real inventory of how your
boss navigates relationships beyond the scope of yours,

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and that will give you a lot
of insight on if this is a

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consistent thing and if they are normal
and well adjusted with everyone except for you.

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Go back to point one, like, look inward as if there's opportunities

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for us to grow and for us
to improve as part of this, And

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if your boss is one of those
people that is falling into these categories,

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but you suspect it's because it's them
and not because of you, the best

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thing you can do is have a
sit down conversation. And it's not intended

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to be confrontational. I just want
you to sit down and say, Hey,

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I'm really enjoying learning on this team. My goal is to grow at

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this company, and I just want
to make sure that we're fostering the relationship

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that helps us both get there.
So I just want to sit down to

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see if you have any feedback on
how I can better improve the work I

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do as well as the relationships that
I build. Do you see how that

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is so vague that it's kind of
evil genius because it gives your manager the

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opportunity to provide feedback if there is
any, and if they don't provide it,

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it's just validation they're a shitty manager. And if they're a shitty manager,

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you cannot change them. Do not
make that your problem. Do not

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make that your task. If they
are a shitty manager and you have gone

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through this conversation in good faith,
you have two options. You suck it

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up and you accept this as my
life, you leave, and both are

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totally fine. Now what if you've
done some reflecting and you're like, Emily,

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I'm the problem. It's me.
Insert that really really overplayed Taylor Swift

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song. I mean, it's a
good song, but it's just that audio

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is all over TikTok. If you
realize that, Okay, maybe it's me,

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or maybe it is just me.
My boss has a bad relationship with

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These are the things that I have
seen in my career that sometimes can enable

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a not so great relationship. And
I'm not going to tell you these things

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because you are bad or because you
are wrong or any of that. I'm

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telling you that because we all have
areas to grow on and sometimes it just

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takes different perspectives for us to be
open to that. One of the things

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I have consistently seen from a growth
perspective, that can hold people back is

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accountability. When you deflect taking ownership, when you make mistakes or when you

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drop the ball. That's where really
big relationship riffs come in. Like,

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that's where the yucky stuff starts to
happen. So if you are not great

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at owning up to when you make
mistakes or owning up to having questions,

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that might be something that's causing a
divide. The other thing is do you

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share wins? Like are you the
kind of person when something great happens on

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the team? Are you just celebrating
yourself or are you celebrating all of the

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people around you? Because in a
lot of ways, we teach people how

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to treat us, so when we
bring other people up along with us,

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it encourages them to do the same
right back. So those are a couple

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of things I would think of.
The other thing is kind of obvious,

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but like, are you an office
gossip? Are you someone who takes one

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thing says it to another person makes
it a whole big deal. We really

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need to look at ourselves and how
we conduct ourselves to make sure we're creating

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the space that we want. And
I'm sharing this not because I'm perfect.

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I'm never coming from a place of
I am perfect. Although I do work

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in this space, it doesn't mean
that I'm not still actively learning like that.

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This is all coming from a place
of learning of what I've seen,

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but also things I've had to work
on, like particularly the taking accountability.

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Sometimes it's really hard to admit when
like I just made a mistake, I

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did the wrong thing, or I
updated the sheet wrong. It's okay to

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own those things, and I actually
think it's going to get you further ahead

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the second you own them. Do
you notice that there's something in your space

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or in your wheelhouse that you can
change? Just change a babe. It's

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fine. Make a little list of
the things you want to improve, double

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down on those things. There is
literally nothing wrong with you doing that.

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You might hear binky like jingling in
the background. He just got a haircut

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and I kept his collar on for
it, and you can hear it like

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dingling. So sorry, but I'm
not that sorry because he's so stinking cute.

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I'll post a photo of his new
due on my Instagram if you're curious,

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because he looks for con adorable.
But here's what I will say,

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work is stressful. Work is always
going to be stressful, right, like

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hello, preaching to the choir here, you guys know this, I know

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this. It's not supposed to be
debilitating. Like it is not supposed to

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give you anxiety that starts in your
stomach and lands in your feet and makes

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you feel like you can't leave bed. It's not supposed to make you sick.

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It's not supposed to make you miserable. It is not normal to feel

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that. So if that is the
level of stress your boss or your career

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is giving you, it's okay to
take pause and figure out if this is

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really what you want for your next
step. It's okay for that to change

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a few times over as well.
So you need to just give yourself a

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little bit of grace because yeah,
it might be a bad boss today,

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But is the boss bad or do
you hate the industry? Or maybe you're

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not showing up how you want?
Is that because you're not good or is

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it because you're not in a good
environment for you? And usually it's the

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latter. So these are just things
I want you to think about. This

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was a short and sweet one.
I've been talking a bit longer in some

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of my most recent episodes, which
based on like the data, y'all are

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eating that up? You love a
longer episode, which, to be honest,

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I do too. Like when I
listen to podcasts, I like to

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listen to them like when I'm cleaning
up or when I'm on a walk.

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So my ideal is like a twenty
to thirty minute podcast because then I can

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listen to a couple I feel like
the hour long episodes I can last.

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You know, it's just a little
bit too bold, but it depends if

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there's multiple people on the show.
Yes, but imagine listening to me talk

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for an hour straight. I mean, actually, you know what, I

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can't imagine it. I could do
it, but I just it would not

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bring me joy. But anyways,
don't forget. If you do have questions

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or topics you want covered, just
hit me up in the link in the

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description. It's always there and friendly
reminder if you want additional content for me.

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I also exist at a weird way
to say things. Obviously, I

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exist. I also post on Instagram, on TikTok, and on YouTube really

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really regularly, so make sure you
check that out. Thank you for being

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here. I love you. I
appreciate you. And I will talk to

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you next Sunday,