Today good afternoon to everyone how you are I am chayo lookats to these chayo
with you welcome and go ready with the program. When it comes to the
topic of communication in couples, one of the myths that are often generated in
such situations is a myth that often complicates the interaction of couples. And it
is if we have good communication that means we think the same and if something
is a vile coincidence of life, it is that people think the same.
What is usually going to happen is that we are going to think differently and
what it would have to generate there is, based on the assumption of this
difference of criterion and thought, what we need to do is to listen to
ourselves from the reverse of the assumption that we are going to think differently and,
therefore, listen to the arguments that each of the parties has and,
from that different argument, what we are going to do to get closer to
why. It is one thing to agree and another to reach an agreement.
A situation that worries parents a lot in recent seasons, in recent seasons,
I would say, even perhaps years, is this idea of the extrovert and
the introvert suddenly it seems that if today I asked the parents what style of
personality, you wanted your son to have, all the parents answer that my
son is extroverted and they don' t know how many advantages an introverted son
has. Today we would like all our children to be popular and notice that
the popularity of the children suddenly has its weak point and is that a popular
boy suddenly is not supportive and you would say ay chayo, but why look.
A popular guy' s always gonna have someone to go to the movies
with, unlike the introverted guy. That introvert kid, if he' s
a friend of a kid and that kid suddenly gets flu sickness or he'
s sick of the stomach, he' s not gonna have any trouble going
to that kid' s house and keeping him company and watching a movie with
him and accompanying him while you' re feeling bad so he' s not
alone. The outgoing child, the popular child. That one doesn' t,
because today he' s sick tells him, because there' s a
logo that you compose, he' s always going to have someone to go
to the movies with. So you have to be very careful because the values
that an introverted child can have are sometimes going to be much deeper than children
than a child than the values that a popular child has not necessarily because he
or she will always have someone to spend the father with. So with both
children you have to pay attention. You thought about it. We' ve
been talking about what happens when there are some combinations of family members or some
elements that happen, some dynamics that happen in your family, suddenly they'
re not right for you and maybe, you already talked about it, you
already asked for it, you said it, and before that it doesn'
t change and it hurts you. Suddenly all you have left is to set
limits. And, no doubt, and as we have said millions of times
here, boundaries are a protection from what is not good for you. The
limits are set with explanations, concise, precise about what you need, about
what you' re going to do. And one thing you have to be
clear about is that it' s not that they' re convincing, that
they' re accepted by others. It' s enough for you to be
clear and understand that they' re not assaults, that they' re not
begging, that you have to do, that it' s not blackmailing,
that they' re a way of reporting, a decision, of executing it
and that many times they' re not going to be understood, but that
sometimes what you need is a healthy distance and that they have to go according
to your interests and you have to make them clear. But for that you
have to be clear also what your values are. But that does not require
an absolute distancing or ending or cutting with the other. You just need to
know how and what you' re going to carry them out. Note that,
in general, the issue of jealousy can be raised in couples. However,
particularly when a couple has a major difference in ages, one of the
questions they ask me is what these couples usually fight with. And one of
those elements with which a couple can battle with a significant age difference is jealousy.
Being in different stages of life, this topic of identification is often going
to appear and in both eh nothing else in relation to the younger person can
come to be attracted by a person of the same stage of life or age.
For the youthful, for the physical attraction. Anyway, it also happens
the other way around. The young person may think that the older person may
come to identify himself by interest with a person of his own stage of development,
by his own stage of life, and in those processes he may come
to see a sense of insecurity, of feeling that I don' t understand
you, you will feel that I don' t care about the same things
as you who are immature or immature in relation to what IT calls your attention
or what IT provokes you or you care about your stage of development. And
then everything that has to do with communication between the two becomes especially important.
How I feel, what my doubts are and how I should inform myself about
what you are living and what may interest you is something that becomes especially significant.
So water, because jealousy takes on a different dimension than in couples who
share similar stages of development. Talking is always going to be an important issue.
Note that when it comes to seeing what parents can do to try to
make their children successful in life. One of the characteristics that has been discovered
is that they are usually parents who, throughout the growth of their children,
encourage in them, that they are boys, that they make friendships that do
not focus on a single friend, that they seek to develop the possibility and
the ability to develop varied friendships, not only that friend or friend that they
like very well, but that they can have a repertoire of broad friends,
that know different types of people, that develop a repertoire of behaviors in different
so that they have friends of all kinds and that generates in them a possibility
of development of different abilities. How you do it with your children, you
are helping them expand their group of peers, their group of friends, or
only stimulate a friend, a single type of friends, from a single type
of families that are just families like yours, or that have a wide variety
of boys and girls of different ages, with different types of families, where
they can develop many different characteristics. Because that really enriches your children' s
world, start looking at you and start seeing how you can expand it.
When a 20- year- old boy arrives in a state of drunkenness or
perhaps in a state of inappropriate substance, he gets very violent to beat his
sister and also disrespects him by hitting his dad But he has done that kind
of thing before without getting to these blows. But now that he came to
have these blows, what would be some consequences that could be put to him
for an impact, that would make his behavior a little better. I know
that parents are the first to act and also modify, but for him,
what would be the best consequence look, given the age he has to think
of various things, some that are of immediate impact and others that are longer
term. First, it' s very important how often this happens and how
behavior has been growing, because you' re talking about things that had already
happened, although they didn' t necessarily come to physical aggression, but these
behaviors had already been happening. It is unclear to me and all the times
that the behaviors have occurred there has been alcohol intake, drugs. The subject
here is front- page. When he comes out, he should take the
keys and tell him that, given the behaviors he has presented, when he
has come with intake of any of the substances, he from now on,
when he comes out, he will have to knock on the door and you
will have to evaluate when he arrives in which state he comes to know if
he will be able to enter the house or not. Then he wouldn'
t have to be allowed access to the house at the outset. If it
is altered, that would be the first and immediate action why you have to
take care of your sister and not allow this kind of reaction. If the
frequency of this type of behavior has been high, clearly you would then have
to talk to him to tell him that, given the age she is,
he could no longer, if he did not receive the necessary help, continue
to live at home. On the other hand, I think we should also
evaluate what is the reaction he has once he is already recovered from this alteration
of this alcohol and or drugs to which you are alluding. What attitude he
adopts he accepts what happened he regrets, he takes the consequences of what happened,
because they are still in time for him to be perceived, that,
as a family, they need to take decisions. I am very happy to
hear you say that you assume that you, as parents, also have to
take the measures that are your responsibility with regard to this, because that leads
me to think that you are already doing something in that sense, but at
the outset you should not allow him access to the house if he comes in
an altered state of conscience. When a child, a teenager commits a behavior,
the first thing we have to do is put the consequence. Once it
' s over. The consequence, then, is when you talk to them.
And that is when reflection is reinforced and moral values are discussed and what
moral value corresponds to the behavior that should have been presented at that time.
That' s when that matters. Then clearly in that context of what is
happening, is where reflection already comes. Well in the conversation and comes everything
we tend to talk to them. To speak without having paid the consequence,
without having made them live the experience alone. Talking doesn' t work if
you don' t forget. Adolescence is a result of a physiological process and
will impact your child' s body, but also his thoughts and emotions.
The body is disadjusted, the thought is going to become radical and your emotions
are going to become very intense. So you' re going to notice a
major change in which suddenly you' re going to know what' s going
on with your creature, the one that you totally dominated, that you knew
perfectly what was going on, how it reacted, what was happening to it,
how things were happening. Well, suddenly you don' t understand anything
anymore. It' s going to be a matter of time before both sides
adapt. Socha yo busquets, this was chayo with you Audio Center