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Today good afternoon to everyone how you
are I am chayo lookats to these chayo

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with you welcome and go ready with
the program. When it comes to the

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topic of communication in couples, one
of the myths that are often generated in

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such situations is a myth that often
complicates the interaction of couples. And it

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is if we have good communication that
means we think the same and if something

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is a vile coincidence of life,
it is that people think the same.

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What is usually going to happen is
that we are going to think differently and

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what it would have to generate there
is, based on the assumption of this

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difference of criterion and thought, what
we need to do is to listen to

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ourselves from the reverse of the assumption
that we are going to think differently and,

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therefore, listen to the arguments that
each of the parties has and,

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from that different argument, what we
are going to do to get closer to

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why. It is one thing to
agree and another to reach an agreement.

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A situation that worries parents a lot
in recent seasons, in recent seasons,

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I would say, even perhaps years, is this idea of the extrovert and

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the introvert suddenly it seems that if
today I asked the parents what style of

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personality, you wanted your son to
have, all the parents answer that my

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son is extroverted and they don'
t know how many advantages an introverted son

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has. Today we would like all
our children to be popular and notice that

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the popularity of the children suddenly has
its weak point and is that a popular

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boy suddenly is not supportive and you
would say ay chayo, but why look.

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A popular guy' s always gonna
have someone to go to the movies

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with, unlike the introverted guy.
That introvert kid, if he' s

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a friend of a kid and that
kid suddenly gets flu sickness or he'

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s sick of the stomach, he' s not gonna have any trouble going

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to that kid' s house and
keeping him company and watching a movie with

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him and accompanying him while you'
re feeling bad so he' s not

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alone. The outgoing child, the
popular child. That one doesn' t,

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because today he' s sick tells
him, because there' s a

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logo that you compose, he'
s always going to have someone to go

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to the movies with. So you
have to be very careful because the values

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that an introverted child can have are
sometimes going to be much deeper than children

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than a child than the values that
a popular child has not necessarily because he

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or she will always have someone to
spend the father with. So with both

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children you have to pay attention.
You thought about it. We' ve

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been talking about what happens when there
are some combinations of family members or some

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elements that happen, some dynamics that
happen in your family, suddenly they'

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re not right for you and maybe, you already talked about it, you

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already asked for it, you said
it, and before that it doesn'

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t change and it hurts you.
Suddenly all you have left is to set

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limits. And, no doubt,
and as we have said millions of times

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here, boundaries are a protection from
what is not good for you. The

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limits are set with explanations, concise, precise about what you need, about

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what you' re going to do. And one thing you have to be

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clear about is that it' s
not that they' re convincing, that

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they' re accepted by others.
It' s enough for you to be

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clear and understand that they' re
not assaults, that they' re not

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begging, that you have to do, that it' s not blackmailing,

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that they' re a way of
reporting, a decision, of executing it

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and that many times they' re
not going to be understood, but that

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sometimes what you need is a healthy
distance and that they have to go according

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to your interests and you have to
make them clear. But for that you

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have to be clear also what your
values are. But that does not require

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an absolute distancing or ending or cutting
with the other. You just need to

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know how and what you' re
going to carry them out. Note that,

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in general, the issue of jealousy
can be raised in couples. However,

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particularly when a couple has a major
difference in ages, one of the

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questions they ask me is what these
couples usually fight with. And one of

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those elements with which a couple can
battle with a significant age difference is jealousy.

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Being in different stages of life,
this topic of identification is often going

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to appear and in both eh nothing
else in relation to the younger person can

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come to be attracted by a person
of the same stage of life or age.

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For the youthful, for the physical
attraction. Anyway, it also happens

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the other way around. The young
person may think that the older person may

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come to identify himself by interest with
a person of his own stage of development,

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by his own stage of life,
and in those processes he may come

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to see a sense of insecurity,
of feeling that I don' t understand

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you, you will feel that I
don' t care about the same things

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as you who are immature or immature
in relation to what IT calls your attention

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or what IT provokes you or you
care about your stage of development. And

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then everything that has to do with
communication between the two becomes especially important.

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How I feel, what my doubts
are and how I should inform myself about

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what you are living and what may
interest you is something that becomes especially significant.

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So water, because jealousy takes on
a different dimension than in couples who

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share similar stages of development. Talking
is always going to be an important issue.

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Note that when it comes to seeing
what parents can do to try to

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make their children successful in life.
One of the characteristics that has been discovered

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is that they are usually parents who, throughout the growth of their children,

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encourage in them, that they are
boys, that they make friendships that do

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not focus on a single friend,
that they seek to develop the possibility and

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the ability to develop varied friendships,
not only that friend or friend that they

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like very well, but that they
can have a repertoire of broad friends,

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that know different types of people,
that develop a repertoire of behaviors in different

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so that they have friends of all
kinds and that generates in them a possibility

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of development of different abilities. How
you do it with your children, you

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are helping them expand their group of
peers, their group of friends, or

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only stimulate a friend, a single
type of friends, from a single type

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of families that are just families like
yours, or that have a wide variety

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of boys and girls of different ages, with different types of families, where

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they can develop many different characteristics.
Because that really enriches your children' s

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world, start looking at you and
start seeing how you can expand it.

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When a 20- year- old
boy arrives in a state of drunkenness or

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perhaps in a state of inappropriate substance, he gets very violent to beat his

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sister and also disrespects him by hitting
his dad But he has done that kind

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of thing before without getting to these
blows. But now that he came to

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have these blows, what would be
some consequences that could be put to him

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for an impact, that would make
his behavior a little better. I know

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that parents are the first to act
and also modify, but for him,

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what would be the best consequence look, given the age he has to think

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of various things, some that are
of immediate impact and others that are longer

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term. First, it' s
very important how often this happens and how

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behavior has been growing, because you' re talking about things that had already

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happened, although they didn' t
necessarily come to physical aggression, but these

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behaviors had already been happening. It
is unclear to me and all the times

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that the behaviors have occurred there has
been alcohol intake, drugs. The subject

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here is front- page. When
he comes out, he should take the

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keys and tell him that, given
the behaviors he has presented, when he

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has come with intake of any of
the substances, he from now on,

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when he comes out, he will
have to knock on the door and you

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will have to evaluate when he arrives
in which state he comes to know if

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he will be able to enter the
house or not. Then he wouldn'

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t have to be allowed access to
the house at the outset. If it

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is altered, that would be the
first and immediate action why you have to

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take care of your sister and not
allow this kind of reaction. If the

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frequency of this type of behavior has
been high, clearly you would then have

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to talk to him to tell him
that, given the age she is,

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he could no longer, if he
did not receive the necessary help, continue

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to live at home. On the
other hand, I think we should also

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evaluate what is the reaction he has
once he is already recovered from this alteration

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of this alcohol and or drugs to
which you are alluding. What attitude he

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adopts he accepts what happened he regrets, he takes the consequences of what happened,

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because they are still in time for
him to be perceived, that,

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as a family, they need to
take decisions. I am very happy to

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hear you say that you assume that
you, as parents, also have to

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take the measures that are your responsibility
with regard to this, because that leads

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me to think that you are already
doing something in that sense, but at

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the outset you should not allow him
access to the house if he comes in

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an altered state of conscience. When
a child, a teenager commits a behavior,

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the first thing we have to do
is put the consequence. Once it

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' s over. The consequence,
then, is when you talk to them.

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And that is when reflection is reinforced
and moral values are discussed and what

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moral value corresponds to the behavior that
should have been presented at that time.

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That' s when that matters.
Then clearly in that context of what is

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happening, is where reflection already comes. Well in the conversation and comes everything

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we tend to talk to them.
To speak without having paid the consequence,

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without having made them live the experience
alone. Talking doesn' t work if

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you don' t forget. Adolescence
is a result of a physiological process and

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will impact your child' s body, but also his thoughts and emotions.

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The body is disadjusted, the thought
is going to become radical and your emotions

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are going to become very intense.
So you' re going to notice a

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major change in which suddenly you'
re going to know what' s going

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on with your creature, the one
that you totally dominated, that you knew

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perfectly what was going on, how
it reacted, what was happening to it,

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how things were happening. Well,
suddenly you don' t understand anything

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anymore. It' s going to
be a matter of time before both sides

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adapt. Socha yo busquets, this
was chayo with you Audio Center