When your old career gives you lemons throwing some ice mix in some vodka colored
a podcast from the Mac of All Trade Studio in Fairport and driven by Victor
Chrysler Dods Jupe Ram It's Billified the Bill Moran Podcast. Well, hello and
welcome. Thank you for getting your pot on, Thanks for telling a friend.
That's how we spread the word about the pirate ship. Man with that
in a funky mood. And then I come here with these happy people and
everybody like Danny's making me laugh and Laura's making me laugh. Kevin, I
don't know what he's doing over there. He's getting a drum. He's like,
we're all, Oh God, every here's the thing. And I gotta
say this. I have a terrible, terrible flaw. And you are.
You were Daniel's life coach. Yeah, I was, you were, And
I happened to actually dig up all I saw a life coach on Instagram that
I should probably try to get on the podcast at some point. But but
here's the things, like I have been frustrated and annoyed about things, and
then once that starts annoying, it's almost like then you ever like injure yourself
and then everything else starts to hurt. Yeah a little bit, right,
Yeah, so every other little thing is starting to annoy me. Yeah,
because like then you tell yourself, oh, I can't work out now,
now my back's getting sick. Now you're blaming everything. I'm that stupid injury
that I got from so and so I was gonna go for I decided to
go for a run to try to burn my anger off, my frustration off.
And even on the run, I got annoyed. You want to know
why I got annoyed? Hit by a car? No? I almost I
almost like said something to somebody and I go, well, that that's pretty
dumb, but it was annoying the shit out of me. I see this
woman, older woman, looks like she could be a grandma. She's pushing
what looks like a giant carriage. But I'm like, that's a really odd
carriage and almost looks like a playpen. Right, it looks like a playpen,
and she's pushing it, and go ahead, what is it? Animal?
Two dogs, two fucking dogs inside the playpen. Out for what the
fucking dogs? They are dogs? I'm like, I'm run by these two
animals are like kings. You're just laying. I go, one's a King
Charles Cavalier, which is a little dog, and one was another little dog,
and I go, yeah, but she's out and she's working up a
sweat because I can tell she's like her arms are glowing from the heat and
sweat, and I go, what the fuck, it's a fucking dog.
I almost I almost snapped hold on King Charles Cavalier. Yes, okay.
In ancient times in China, royalty would always be carried like if the Chinese
like had like a protest, you'd always be carried around. Or these could
be rescue dogs. You know what. People, You have to look at
the other side of things. But on the other side they always go there,
everything's gotten so pussified. We even puss the fire dogs. Am I
wrong? Am I wrong? Yeah? I lately have tried to look at
the other side of things. I don't want to be just that guy who
looks at everything and yells at clouds. I'm trying to understand. I'm punching
at the clouds today. I am like a crazy person. And what is
it? Whenever I'm in a in a shitty state, right and I start
kind of going all of a sudden. Now everything's going to suck, right,
This sucks, that sucks, This sucks, that sucks. And then
I'll find somebody and a phone call, come in and I'll try to drag
that person down with me. Do you understand what I'm saying? Don't want
to. I want them to feel the same. I want them to seal
the feel the same fucking pain I'm feeling. God damn it, and I
want them to feel like maybe a little bit of it on them. Yeah,
And that's terrible. It's a terrible way to be those dogs. I
mean, if those dogs, if one of those dogs to the dogs,
if their back legs don't work automatically, make your front legs usually they're a
quadruple. Yeah, but you get the little wheels. How cute is that
if you still have legs. If you still have legs, you can't use
the wheels. This isn't like a wheelchair. This is not a cuban.
These are show dogs, maybe with papers. So I feel like people walking
dogs and strollers carrying dogs. I have a friend who lives outside of Baltimore.
She's got a Pomeranian. She's not dead yet. She carries it in
a little sack like and she goes for he walks. I one of my
clients used to ask me to help her get her one hundred and ten pounds
chocolate lab in a stroller who did have like a back leg injury. I
can understand, but it's just like the dog doesn't care that much to you.
Should you should have stopped? Should have stopped a wagon them? Do
you need help putting them down? Right? Well, these dogs look happy
and healthy. They're just like they're laid out bout. Yeah, God bless
them. But I'm just telling you, in my mood today, it fucking
annoyed. Merboy. Really, you have that spiritbility that when you walk into
a room and you're in a bad mood, man, it could It's like
it's like COVID. Man, it's spread. But yeah, there's no vaccine
for that. There's no cure for that. The laser beams, well there
is. It's alcohol. It makes things. I get told, Laura,
I have been told by women that I get a very cold. Look,
oh yeah, I've gotten very very cold, Like all of a sudden,
I just go cold, and that it's it's scary. That's the words that
have been said to me. Oh, yeah, you're a highly sensitive feeling
person like you hsp highly sensitive personality, like if you are really upset,
like you can't hide it, like it exuberates off of you. Either gay
or a bitch one of the time, I think so, I think I'm
a gay bitch. I don't know again, Okay, all right, I
get that. Or if you're happy like yeah, other people feel like yeah,
but that's it. Oh, here's the thing, Danny that I saw
from the UH from the Life Coach. This the Life coach name is Chris
Cavalini. Chris Cavalini, and he's on Instagram. You can look him up.
Having Now, this is interesting, and I would like to ask since
we're kind of down this road of self help, so to speak. I
thought this was a very insightful thing. That's why I tried to screen capture
it, and that wasn't working. So that was frustrating me. And I
had just seen the Dogs go ahead. It said having the right person as
a significant other could help move you ahead in life. That's why I tell
Beth every day the wrong person you choose in life could set your life back
ten years or destroy your life. Now, I could say a lot to
that speaking by the way, Thank you, thank you, thank you.
That was Dan. That was Dan. Thank you. Well, I'm not
I'm not I'm not a I don't really have an I'm still married. Technically,
you have a strange word. Yes, is that what it's called with
features? Yeah? But do you agree with that? I would say so,
yeah, because I could see where like yeah, oh yeah, it's
like drafted a quarterback in the first round and if they bust out, man,
you're set back. No. But but here, here's the thing,
like and I and this is something I've always believed. You can't let somebody
else. And it's hard, it's easier said, it's great words, wonderful
words. But your happiness can never depend on another person. They're going to
let you down. Yeah every time, right too, only only in the
fact that they're human too, and they've got their own things. And you
can't always be somebody's life raft, so to speak. One's perfect, right.
But on the other hand, if you have somebody that kind of makes
you feel good. And this is the thing, like right now, my
son, who is twenty three years old, was diagnosed being askedper which isn't
even part of the DMS five anymore. And it's but on the spectrum they
chose a name. No, they just say that it's not there. Everybody's
got it. I don't know. I don't know what it is. I
don't know. But Jackson's had some, you know, more social things.
He's decided to move to New York City. He got a room in an
airbnb for poule months in Staten Island. He's looking for a job. He's
doing his whole thing. He's like, this has been his dream. He
wants to live in New York City. He's determined and that right to push
himself. So all my life, when I would have these individual education plan
meetings for him as a child, his mother would do a ton of prep
and she would come into the meeting with all this stuff, and then they
would come to me and go, Dad, what do you think? And
I would go, I just want to see him get a win, I
said, because once the kid gets a win, anybody gets a win,
you can push them further. And that's where real self esteem comes from.
Right, So I can push you further because you know when and I learned
that early on, when I had a great football coach who, after for
a win, would fucking scream at you, how did you miss that pass?
Like he'd be all over your ship. Yeah, they would tear you
down after a win, right, but then when you lost, He's like,
listen, guys, it wasn't as bad as you think. There's some
things that we need to prove on. We're gonna work on it this week.
But hold your heads up. You did a great job out Mike.
Maybe I don't. I don't know. I just remember this from playing football,
and I thought so when I'm in these meetings and all the people it
was all mostly women, teachers and stuff, they will go, yes,
that's exactly right and all this, and my wife wouldets so mad. She
goes, yeah, I do all this work and I read the entire thing.
You don't read a fucking thing. And you walk into the meeting and
you're the hero. And I would be like, well, I'm not the
hero, but I think the thing was. But if you push the kid,
what you can build on feeling wins, stack our wins, feel good
about wins. Well, right now, this guy is flying fucking high.
He signed his first lease. He's a static. He's going to go to
Staten Island and it's only two months because it's an Airbnb. Maybe it can
go longer. Maybe we'll find I have no idea, but I'll go I'll
take that win right now. Yeah, and push yourself further, and push
yourself further, and push yourself further. And that's kind of the way I
see it. Somebody show and I think, if you have the right spouse,
you feel good, and so you do a little bit more and all
of a sudden everything When you could have four things going terrible in your life
and one thing going great, you focus on that thing going great, all
the other four will go great. You could have four things going great,
one going shitty, you focus on the shitty and everything everything. Yeah,
I did that today. I dogs dogs, fucking dog dog. I'd annoyed
the ship. It was octapolegic dogs. I mean she must have spent like
it had to be two hundred and fifty three hundred dollars for this thing contraption
that you don't know it. I bought kids fighting. I believe you.
I believe you. I believe you. Other sorry, I believe I'll just
say what you're saying is full circle. It's how you always say the go
for the better feeling. Yeah, like yeah, but yeah, like it
is ten pounds. It's so hard when something like drinking it back bothers you
and you can't get it off your mind. Twenty of you had a pun
of those dogs spit almost spit k loses five pounds and he's over here giving
you tips, coaching, billy bitch, drinking your fucking bags whole. Yeah,
we were Top George, Rest in peace. Top George was a smoker.
At one point when he quit smoking all of a sudden, he had
the ward everybody who ever smoked, how bad it was. You know,
he'd done it for fifty years. The day he quits, you guys are
all gonna die. You know who would be the worst pictures of people diet.
You know who would be the worst spokesman for not smoking. Keith Richard's
eighty years old, still playing like they're gonna be playing Chicago. Don't Willy
or well Willy smoking weed for sure, because I've I've always said, joints
burns so much hotter. Bringing that heat into your lungs is pretty bad.
He can scar your lungs just from the heat. I was listening to you
talking about the expensive whinos, so I listened to the expensive whinos and it
sounds like Keith's. It sounds like Keith is singing with a cigarette in his
mouth. He might be, he might be. Did anybody cigarette? Anybody
see the Chinese guy that ran a marathon in three minutes and twenty eight seconds,
three minutes, No, three, three hours, twenty eight minutes,
three hours and twenty eight minutes. I'm looking at I'm seeing it in my
how my frame work, pushing dogs three colon twenty eight and I'm going through.
It's three hours and twenty eight minutes, which is a really good time
for a marathon, twenty six point two miles. He Chinese change smunked the
whole way. Did you see it? Yeah? He changed smoke. He
would like the whole way and he says it helped them maybe nervous. That's
so. There's why hair is fifty and he looks like he smokes. There's
what. There's wine marathons in Nepa. And yeah, if you drink,
you drink like a solo, small little shooter. Glas. When don't we
all doing that? I want to do it? Yeah, I asked Rene.
I was like, well, because you can do a half marathon.
Yeah, I'm in for that fly out west. To do that, I
was, we'll all go, we'll just dropt there and then we'll go off
the coast. We'll tape some other radio guys because I want to do the
radio days. We'll make that. I want to do it. They must
do it in the fall, when it's like a little cooler. September I
think the hottest month, at least in my experience in southern California, it
is so fucking hot. Oh god, it's nearly how hot is it?
It's so hot? But people are going to Mexico there you go. That's
but that would be a dog It would be so much fun. But I
seriously would do it. If you're gonna If I'm going to run a race,
it's got to have like a fun thing you're doing, like a dixie
cup worth of wine. You probably burn it all. It's like a small
dixie cup, one of those like bathroom like you know, yes where my
grandmother used to have of wine every mile, every mile, every mile,
So you're drinking twenty six of those those are three ounce cups. Yeah usually
okay, so twenty six the bathroom was more like I got one out half
mile or twenty six thirteen. Yeah, okay, yeah, I don't know
that I could do a marathon anymore. I did a marathon. I don't
think I could do it again. That's a it's a lot of pounded.
But like, yeah, well we were trying to figure out the other day
how much weight, Like when you lose weight, every pound that you lose
is four pounds of pressure off your knees. I can feel it, can
you? Yeah, you're down how much fifteen fifteen pounds? You're gonna turn
into a sexy motherfucker, I hope, so that lady's going to be fighting
you off. Don't but stick to that state. I kept it for two
years, clearly, not after that. But you know the avocados, eggs
that you know, all that's the That coconut oil is great, yea coconut
oil oil. Oh yeah, huh. It's called the Restoration Wellness Plan.
Expensive but it's great, you know. I mean, I feel better,
I sleep better, I'm lighter. It was designed for diabetics. It was
designed for diabetics to try to help them get off insulin in different things.
And I don't know if it was like sells it. Yes, sometimes they
do, yes, doctor Matt was a chiropractice. Okay, yeah so sometimes
uh, I don't know if it was type one or more type two.
Like even my dad was a type two diabetic. Once you lost a lot
of weight and started working out, didn't need anything. But it's fantastic,
like completely changes. You lose the visceral fat, which we're hearing more and
more about dark fat. A somebody else. Get that guy that pops up
constantly. Sometimes it's hymns. Sometimes it's doctor Drew in your feed with the
big old with the big old I think it's v shred. I don't think
it's v shred. I think it's test boost Max. But he's got the
big old foam piece of fat that he drops on the floor. Yeah,
this guy is like and then he's got doctor Drew and Doctor Drew's got to
be nearly seventy and he's ripped. The guy likes I, Holy shit,
Doctor Drew's a big V shred guy. But what I've read about V shred
is that it's what they call here we go, Here we go. You
know, it's what they call proprietary blend. And a proprietary blend means they
don't have to tell you legally what is exactly how much of everything is in
there? So anytime, like at real weightlifters will tell you if if you
find anything that says proprietary Blend, put it back on the shelf. Like
those those v shred guys have been like ripped for all kinds of stuff.
They could get away with it because they put the label proprietary blend. Yeah,
they had the same guy, like, uh, I mean, he's
a good looking kid, but he's like the spokesperson he's been and they had
to like rebrand and everything because of all the stuff that came out. I
didn't know that. Yeah. Well, and doctor Drew will like shill for
pretty much. See. I hate that because I really like doctor Drew.
I really really do. He's like changed his mind like about the pandemic too.
Well, I think that that's okay. I'm okay with that people have
Yeah, well I did too. He's the doctor though, no, I'm
a layman. Yeah, but here's the thing that I like about that.
In all seriousness. I used to like when doctors would say, I don't
know. I'm going to try to figure this out, but I don't know.
I don't have all the answers. I almost feel like that's this may
sound really ridiculous, but I feel like that's a more educated answer. Then
I'm gonna give you something that's absolute fact in and then it turns out to
be completely wrong, which can happen as well. But I do wonder in
a way if that I like that, I like the or Hey, I've
been looking at this, studying this, and I've changed my mind on this,
and here's why. As long as I give you the why, I
don't know, it seems like it would be pretty good. But you're right.
And I only like Doctor Drew because I knew Howard Lapetis and Howard was
his manager for a while when he was live, and I just always thought
these stuff. I even thought the I always was torn on the Rehab anybody
watched the Rehab show? He did oh yeah with the different celebrities, because
I always felt like, are you sort of exploiting these people or could you
potentially be helping somebody go, Hey, man, I'm really fucked up.
I should go for help. Yeah, because a few times I thought I
was close. I had the phone in my hand, could go any minute.
If you want to pick that funne we'll give you the kick in the
ass if you want. Thanks, that's exactly what I need. All right,
we will take a moment. I want to talk about the sex toy
party. Yes, yes, I have lots of questions about the sex work.
Okay, I have some ask Laura things that have come in that I've
saved from the next time you were in different things for you. Well,
what do you mean, no, no, no, no, no,
no, it's perfect. I stopped doing ship was great. Come on,
I need it. Oh yeah, that's right. We need to hear about
that as well. And I think at some point during this episode, we're
going to talk to Michelle Mariny. She's the woman that put the GPS on
our friend Ryan Murphy's car, or had someone put it on Ryan Murphy's car.
We talked to Ryan on the last episode, but we may actually be
able to talk to her hair. So yeah, all right, I'm going
to try to exclusive. I heard a lot of people talking about her,
yes, yes, but the ones actually talked to the hair. No,
we're going to talk to the hair because I said last night someone should put
out talking to the hand. Yeah, it might be so we will get
to all that right after this Copplestone on Main and one on nine West Main
Street in the village of Webster. I want you to picture this. It's
a nice, crisp summer day temperatures in the evening around seventy five. You've
got a perfectly poored craft cocktail. You're sitting out on the patio of Copplestone
on Maine with your perfect person having the perfectly crisp Southwest chicken nachos loaded with
flavorful chicken, roasted corn, salsa, hallapanios, queso and scallions. Can
you taste it in your mind? That is, if you want to taste
it in person, get to one on nine West Main Street in the village
of Webster. It's cobblestone on me. The Wings are home this weekend for
our Marvel Superhero Weekend. Friday is our Marvel Defenders of the Diamond Knife with
fireworks. Saturday features a Captain of America bubblehead giveaway and fireworks Sunday celebrate Spikes
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with Circu Law. There's you and love and lack of never No, I'm
breathing deeper than I've ever done and sure feels good to violent way I do
our love song about it songbo like cut Maybe not you, but what if
like bade songs and things really honest, that's a good song, great classic.
Yeah, yeah, I remember the words because, uh, this is
early two thousands and it was like country was starting to get but countries had
all like a stronghold for the last twenty five years, right, yeah,
because every song is about four things. Well I will, I know,
women, whiskey, and reckless, but there's but it's but this isn't the
old country, like the old like it used to be twenty like yeah,
lap Steel. I think Garth Brooks was the guy who kind of flipped it
on. There's like four generations, like there's super old like Johnny Cash.
Then there was like the Allen Jackson Garth Brooks, like Rioba mcintur. Then
it went to more Keith, Urban Testney. It's newer, the Caane Brown,
the jelly Roll. You left out the Whale and Jennings generation and I
but yeah, I have true. I have been guilty of saying that jelly
Roll is a dog whistle for dumb people, and yet I fucking love every
time I hear it. I go, I like his voice. I like
his voice, and I love his story and I love his attitude story,
I love his attitude. Am I a hypocrite? But he is a dog
Whistle for Yeah, Bailey's mmerment was pretty new. He was at the festival
and he was great. I mean, what was it. This is the
Bear Barefoot country music fast okay, and that was in Wildwood, New Jersey.
Didn play no because he's yeah, so he's touring right now. It
was The four main headliners were Old Dominion, Keith Urban, Kane Brown,
and then Luke Bryan. This is in wild Wood, New Jersey, right
on the beach. Right, it was on the beach, one hundred thousand
people. Wow, it was amazing. Wow. That does sound like a
lot of fun. Yeah, and no issues, no problems, no nothing.
So there's like three different sections. There's general admission, VIP, and
then super VIP. We did VIP. The what I heard in general admission
was a lot of underage drinking like no country show. Incredible lines for the
bathroom. But like our VIP, it was amazing. We were so close.
Ask some questions that are personal. Yeah, how much were VIP?
That's the person. It was five thirty for the for how many shows?
I mean it was four days, four days, five thirty for four days
and it was live music from one thirty pm to midnight every night more did
you stay? Then he had hotel on top of them. Then we stayed
in a crappy New Jersey motel. Oh really like one of those old school
hotels. I want to drink the water. I want to drink the coffee.
Is a shower? I mean I had to. I was awesome.
I was like in Wildwood, I'm in charge of booking. Yeah from now
on? Yeah? Yeah? What was it like? Ninety bucks a night?
I have? The gates was similar. I was like, Joe,
do you got a black light? Like? Oh, well, I want
to camp heard shaped tub like camping would have been. There was camping around
wild what there's I know there is stuff around there, but I don't know
if it was close to that. That doesn't sound terrible. Oh no,
not at all. And like, I mean, there was so many activities
during the day too. There was just amazing performances, even the non headliners.
But by six o'clock every night, it was people that you know.
It was Rodney Atkins, beach Boy, Rodney Atkins, like old school?
Did he do did he do any didn't he do parody songs? I thought
Rodney Atkins did some funny parodies that somebody else Rodney. I'm thinking of a
Rodney was a comic and it was no I Brett Michaels, jakeoing like,
so Brett Michaels has done some country Yeah, yeah, I mean Scotty McCreary
that Ye when I was how wasn't sound? Could you hear it from like
the boardwalk? If you were just walking by you could like, yeah,
there were definitely people that you know, we're just hanging out. I mean
the boardwalk because it got it ended at midnight every night with fireworks and when
you go So, how many shows did you see a day? I I'm
sorry saying we actually paid attention to about four bands a day, four day,
but they're talking about one hundred and thirty five dollars a day. It
was amazing. Yeah, it was amazing, Like, which is what you'd
pay for decency. I was just yeah, those guys right, we I
sort of And that's the VIP, so you're away from the riff raft so
yeah, and then if you do the the super VIP, it jumps up
to thirteen hundred dollars, but you get unlimited food and drinks, unlimited unlimited.
Hello you had me at un but I mean we would commit to a
spot pretty early, so I was no more than like six rows back for
any of the concerts. That's but then you see like throughout the day you
would see like new artists and like small solo things. There was dueling pianos
that were absolutely amazing. At one point, there's karaoke like it was a
freaking blast for five days. I finally am tanned, Like I'm never tanned.
But yeah, that's how awesome. Well, good for you. That
sounds that sounds great. And then whose idea was this yours? No,
Joe's gone the last three years, really, so next year it will be
their fifth year he's gone. He didn't go the first year, but then
he went the past two years. He went by himself the first year.
Did he really? Yeah? I thought that's super impressive. Probably somebody you
know that black Light? You want to how terrible is that? That is
awful? That is awful, terrible, terrible terrible. All right, So
tomorrow we're gonna be the next episode, UH is going to be live from
Laura's house? Are you all right with this? By the way, I
feel like we're sort of intruding. I you can ask Kevin. I'll have
all these attacks of consciousness. At some point I start to feel a little
bit. All right, you even got a writer yet, So wait till
you get the right No. No, but I mean there's a lot of
things we need. Do you need a dressing room with you know, protein
powder? I don't need any of that. We just need internet in order
because everything is off the cloud. Do you mind if we bring the cameras?
Okay, well, because it'll be the inside of your house that I
mean. Here's the funny thing, someone bringing the black light. No no,
I'm not saying that. But somebody sent me a picture today mocking something,
and in the background was a friend of mine. So I call a
friend and I go, hey, man, there's a picture and you're in
it. And the person's like, oh, I know, it's an awful,
awful picture of me. I look like it, and I'm like yeah,
But so people look in the background, yeah, or maybe it's just
me. But I always look at the background a picture. It's I always
look at that. I sometimes I'll tell you what else I do. I'd
love to you screen it in too, don't you you blow it up?
If I think I see something I do, I will look in people's sunglasses
for what they're doing. Yeah, I do that all the time. I
can't help it because I notice. It's like I noticed they've actually like turned
cases murder cases because of the background of pictures. There's a dateline once where
this Yes, there was this woman and her boyfriend was a lawyer and he's
a big time money guy, and her husband was a cop and they had
a kid, and so the woman and this money guy wanted to conspire to
kill the cops, so they hired somebody outside to do it. So he
tells just a Larry David one. No, I don't know if it's no,
but I mean, what happens is the lawyer dude tells this woman his
mistress, go upstairs, give the baby a bath, and just stay up
there take pictures, so we have evidence that you're up there. Well,
she's taking pictures while her husband's downstairs getting whacked, and she's like ah,
and then calls the cops and then she finds him dead. Like but it
was all like orchestra like she waited until the guy was gone for a while
before she called the cops. Well, this guy, this this lawyer,
tried to represent himself the case and everything else, and then the prosecuted goes,
why is there a bottle of water in the tub with the baby like
well, and why every picture is the water decreasing just a little bit.
In other words, she was drinking water, sipping water, waiting for this
whacking to take place, and that's how they got her and the guy wow
and nail them both. They're both the prison for life. So make sure
your house is clean. My house is clean. Okay, good, So
these guys are done with your bathroom, though you might want to hire somebody.
Well, there's three room sewing, but the bushes. There was a
story Danny where they were filming one of the scenes from Kurby Your Enthusiasm,
and it was when Larry wanted to go in the h ov Lane or whatever
where you need a passenger, So he picked up a hooker and he took
her had the Diamond Lane, but he didn't sleep with her, but he
wound up taking her to the Dodgers game. So they're at the Dodgers game
and they're filming this scene at while the game's going on for real, and
some guy who was accused of murderer goes, I was at the game and
they went through the footage from the Dodgers from day from Curby your enthusiasm,
and they could see him in the fucking stands, and I go, yeah,
well, all right to your point that the background I always I love
watching. Look, there's a whole meme I think, or series on Instagram
of women that take sexy photos of themselves it themselves. Yeah, and that
is the debate. But therror, the donger on the counter, you got
it. It's all that stuff. It's all that stuff, all right.
So what are what are the expectations at this party? First of all,
what should we be bringing? Alcohol? Okay? So I told Kevin,
I've got food. Yes, I'll do all the food. All right.
Well what what? How many people are coming? I think, including you
guys, probably about twenty about twenty people, so so most of them women,
majority women. So wine? So should we pick up like a case
of wine? Sure? I don't think a case. A case may be
a lot, but you know, well, I mean to be fair,
we just went through a bottle. I guess if the three of us are
finished two bottles, sure bring a case of wine. A case of wine,
that's wonderful. Okay, So a case of wine and then should we
bring anything out? But to Lisa's liquor, writer's a sixty dollars rebate right
now? I think on one on one? Yeah, but what what is?
What do people drink? Like? What kind of wine would be a
smart one? I think most yellow tail, no cane, you can't go
wrong with, like a Cabernet, and then like a wal Grazio. I
like cabe So what if we did a case half cab half pino perfect Pano
is a high sugar one. Now tell you what cab four pino for rose?
I'm a big I'm a Rose fans. Is there a lot of rose
garls? Why don't we just do half rose perfect half rose? I like
that. Forever Summer. Yes, you've said forever summer. Summer's eve.
It's oil and vinegar and it doubles. Du No, it's very good.
My aunt are going to be Okay, this is where I'm going. Don't
jump ahead of me. I'm so excited about this now, Okay, So
I have a lot of questions, like exes use summers, my mom,
Wow, oh my gosh, I want to talk about it. Think of
train wreck that we used, Like you guys are it was the eighties.
It was the eighties. I mean that's where that stuff then used. It
probably. Did you ever discussed with your mom? Did you take a walk
on the beach and while when New Jersey holding hands with your mother talking about
that not so fresh feeling? Because that was the every guy Yeah, every
guy thought that's what happened. No, orre we go to the sex story
party. I have to tell you, guys, I started a new job
today. I'm clearing out a house for like a seventy eight year old Jewish
woman. Husband passed away. Anyways, do you want to know how many
enemas and douches I found? The three bathrooms? Why wouldn't you throw them
away? I did? No? No her were they used? I have
become serious. She finds another dude. No no, but when she moved,
like she literally took like the minimal amount of stuff and just left her
condo as it is. So I'm in clearing it all out and she she's
a resell in that build needs some money. Oh my god, I don't
know. I had ant No, but I had an antique dealer. Part
of the reasons off, I had an antique dealer meet me today to go
through and start being like, Okay, she's going to sell some of this
stuff for this woman. We found an old sanitary napkin like box and it
said for the woman of the house. It was mailed to her as a
free sample in like nineteen seventy and the woman had never opened it. She
looked it up and that is selling the like this exact thing is selling on
eBay for like twenty five dollars. Well really, that's amazing. Wow,
yeah, I really Yeah, ever bugger ever called it, Yes, exactly,
thank you, thank you, Dan, Yeah, thank you. Damn
I'm the discuss Yes, yes, mofstaffkin right what anyways, Well no,
because they're from that generation. We're talking about Summer's eve. I reme.
When Michael Jordan went on SNL and did a commercial, he goes, uh,
you've read the nuts so fresh feeling. I don't because I'm a guy.
But if I were a girl, I the idea being this that he
was like the king of like hawking stuff like Nike and everything else. So
wheaties. All right, So back to the sex toy party. Let's go
there. Uh is it Clarissa what's her name? Carissa? Chris leave the
l out will Carisa not talking to me? So I don't know, Well,
Carissa play with us, you think like if we blindfolded, let's say
me and I had to feel a toy and describe it. Do you think
she'd play that sort of thing before the part? Okay, all right,
yeah, and cameras and lights are fine, totally fine. I told people
that if they don't want to be on, like pay no attention to behind
the curtain, will we Here's the bad part because I'm thinking, like what
this is the bad part of this. I'm just wondering, like, will
we judge people by what they buy at the party? So the sales are
taken in private? Chrisa told me this. She asked, like what room
can she use to have people come in one by one? I get by
what they're what they order. This is fucking phenomenal because I am telling you
you guys can write it down. We could take guesses like how oh my
god, yeah, hang on, we gotta do it with you because that's
fine because you're open and you don't really care. She don't really care,
but we that's a funny. Over one fifty well, not how much we
how much she spent, but what she bought what she bought, but what
flavor logo Laura BI, Oh my god, I'm gonna throw up? Will
we? Because then I said, I'd love to see some unassuming person who
like, is there, looks like she works at a library or something like,
Yes, your wife like my wife. But here's the thing. What
if your wife then buys a toy that isn't really a dual toy like this
one just sucks and does other things or drinking? Yeah no, but don't
you is great? I understand solo pleasure is great, but three types of
day at home. Yeah, even at my age, sometimes I have jerked
off so much knee cartilage came out once. I couldn't walk for a week.
If the head's bobbed in the videos, that's why you're upset when you're
out running billy and macking dogs in carriages. But I think that the uh
yeah, I love the idea I did. But that's so smart of them,
because you know, a tumblewe party, Yeah, give me a Cassell,
right, But you know Bob's a big fat guy, your husband,
and we all know that you need two of those. Honey, you should
really want to but uh, now, your mom's going to be there,
and your aunt is going to be there, and the same logic of needing
too. At the sex toy party, sometimes women are a little used.
It's a little big and there. You might need to dare you my god
it's very ruby in here or your asshole? One of either? Are No,
I've had nothing. I was nothing nothing. I was about to say
something that I don't need to say. When I told my mom, she
was so excited. Your mother was excited. She was like, oh,
I need a new toy. Can I tell you what to buy? And
I was like, why didn't you just come? Yeah? So your mom
and your aunt are coming and my sister and your and my sister is bringing
her husband. But he doesn't know. He doesn't know it's a sex toy
party. Well this seems like an ambush. Will he get up? Well
he'll be excited about it, he will, Oh yeah, yeah, all
right. So I'm curious as to how this goes. Now if your mom,
will your mom tell you what you bought? Oh? Probably? Really?
Do you talk like that with your mother? Yeah? Does it?
What is your birthday? Come with your mom? Get you something early for
your birthday? My mom got golf less well playing with is Joe gonna come?
Joe's going to be there? Y? Yeah, that's great. I
like Joe. Yeah, so Joe be there and and we'll do the podcast
from there. It's Carissa, Carissa Jill Holds the morning at the gym.
Like, some people were talking about it, and my one trainer was like,
what are you talking about? It's like, oh, do you want
to come over tomorrow? And then another friend was like, Laura's having a
sex toy party. She's like, yep, what time? I was like
six thirty? Really? Yeah, yeah, are most of these women uh
chicks? Well that but are they in relationships or not? A mix?
A mix? Yeah, definitely that's the toy party tomorrow. Why would they
be in a relationship with what to with the toy? With a toy?
Yeah? Yeah, there's going to be all variations the jackhammer five thousand.
My mom is just widowed, so who knows what she's going to have to
buy. I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah, I know that's uh cany
it's a lot maker with what with me, with me and your her mom?
Howld your mom call him? That is seventy range, you can call
him daddy. That's out of my step, daddy. Dang on, that's
like way out of it. Why would you do that? That's like chef
marks range. I'm not doing it. She has no number, it's just
a number. Have fun. No, it's not a number. It's not
just a number. It's also saggy and and well, there's not stuff I
can connect with. You know, she saw the Beatles. I never saw
the Beatles live. You know what I'm saying? So of them? Yeah,
I mean I'm around for some but I saw yeah. Oh actually you
know who will be there? Who will be there? Oh god, the
phone check? Oh the chick. Yeah, maybe she'll take it here,
not because that sounds mean to say that, but I will just be very
honest. I just thought I got it. I gotta protect I do a
lot of I make a lot of bad decisions in life, very many.
Actually when they were drinking, yeah, yeah I have, and uh,
I just thought, but very lovely person like, oh yeah yeah, but
I just thought that that would be smarter for me. It's probably deleted.
And then I feel like a heel because I don't know how to handle that
sort of stuff, Like all this shit's new to me. I've been alone
by myself for five years. But I kind of like it that way,
and I'm like, if I if, I uh, I'll just get two
or three hours and shoot a shot again. Tomorrow. There's no shooting a
shot. She's not I think. I so wish Stephanie would well, Sephanie
is gonna be in Vegas. I know I'm not helping. I really wish
she would be there tomorrow. Yeah, I know, Sephanie would have had
a lot of I feel like we need to just get her a gift.
Okay, we could do that. You can do that, all right.
We'll take a moment and we'll try to talk to Michelle Morini's hair. Yeah,
Michelle Morini. You probably saw her. We talked about it last night.
You can see it in some of the teases. I put up pictures
of her, and I apparently every hack has been talking about her hair because
the hack just meaning easy. It's right there, it's easy. I did
right away ask if anybody put out a bid to fix the hair. But
it is very nineteen eighty so I'll tell you that. But we'll talk to
her hair, and we have a couple of ask Laura's and we'll get to
all that right after this comedy at the Carlson. I tried to warn you,
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and sure enough, the early shows Friday and Saturday night have sold out.
You got to get tickets to the late shows if you want to see
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one of the funniest toring comedians today, and you're really missing out.
Friday night late night show nine o'clock, Saturday night late night show nine o'clock.
And I'll tell you what. The late show on a Saturday sometimes the
best show. That's when a comic kind of lets it all fly. You
really get a great show comedy at the Carlson where you always get a great
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Dadds Union number one, sign upgett it down, I got it. Only
a cur's gonna sign Just get him my mind six zero get shooter. It's
all about hair, buddy on h I kind of figured that you're asking the
question he answers to. I thought it was Ariana Grande. But it's not.
I thought it was, but it's not, he finished, in my
head. Really, I gets a laugh, No, no, I did,
I said it. That's terrible. She had a deuce to hair.
That's terrible. That is a terrible thing. We're gonna call Michelle Marini's hair.
Michelle Morini is the she was the what was her title, do you
know? Blue? She was the deputy supervisor of the Town of Greece,
number two, Deputy Supervisor of the Town of Greece. And she was the
one who allegedly ordered somebody to put a GPS on Citizen Murphy Ryan Murphy's car,
which was, as we found out yesterday, on the past I think
on the driver's side. We're the rear rear ahead. Try to say that
again, because you're caer reel. Well, yes, you did it,
yes, rear what we're well, so we have exclusive rights to this talking
to Michelle Plini's hair, I mean Marini, Polini is somebody else. I
just have to see if I can find the number. I just got it
a few seconds ago, and we will give Michelle Marini's hair a call.
Her hairstyle seems to be from nineteen eighty. Do you have to rotary fullness?
Or can you call? I'm not sure. I'm not even sure you
think if you pissed her off to slam it down and forward into an automated
voice messaging system. Wait a second, how is that possible? What now?
Wait a second? This is how it's a peek behind the wall.
What's going Hang on the second? Downhill fast, I'm trying your call.
Hold on, yeah, can can you try to help us out here?
It's just the hair? Yeah, now you looked at the hair, did
you not? Okay, so you see that hair? What could you shut
the door when you're yelling? What did he say? I did that for
a fact. Yes, thank you. I wish you hadn't. Yeah,
the hair is bad, I mean that is Oh wait here we go.
Michelle Bernie's hair is called Marini's hair. Is this Michelle Marine's hair? Hello,
I'm not hearing me. Michelle Marini's hair. This is amazing. Hang
on a second. Put your source. That's for Michelle Marini's hair. Hello,
Hey, yes, you're looking for work. Who's looking for work?
Marini? Yeah? Marini? Why don't you get to where you're can get
a slightly better reception is a better reception than this, the tinfoil that's not
give your snow what hair of affordability. It's not fun. No, yeah,
it's like wet dog. Actually, I think Laura had a question about
the about you. I care. We're wondering if you use Are you a
swab or are you a Dandra free SHAMPOOLU parplus I'm more? Can we call
it Greg Connor's hair instead? Yeah? You know, Greg Conor's hair actually
may be more entertaining. Una. Greg Conner's hair makes you want to show
Michelle's hair? Are you still there? Able? He's looking for the hair?
No, but you're you're you keep breaking up badly Michelle Marini's hair.
Do you have any uh birds eggs lying in your hair? It looks like
a bird's nest. Well, I was thinking small bottles of something from nineteen
eighty seven? That's the party? How much did that when I go on
the planet? Really? So, uh, Michelle, if we were able
to contract somebody to do your hairstyle and just update you a little bit,
I know it's not modern, but could we get you the Rachel from nineteen
ninety four? I mean, I just think that would be better. I
think she's more of a Monica though, oh more of a Monica. Monica
was a little bitchy. I think it is more swimmer, all right,
Michelle, Marie william there you go. Oh god, well, Robin Williams
didn't ever I got you. I got you as the hair you get to
see everything Michelle does. Did I mean, were you surprised when Michelle asked
somebody to put a GPS tracking device on Ryan Murphy's car of my attorney,
Steve Shirt. I wish to assert my system been mis privilege. Has anybody
put a GPS tracker in your hair? Clearly you guys got a hold of
me. Yeah, that's true. That is very true. I will say,
like there's been a lot of mocking of you, and that has to
really kind of hurt your feelings or your feelings hurt about being mocked so openly
by every hack in the Greater Monroe County area. Listen, I I made.
I made to the same color, the same texture. Maybe it's the
person I was odd that's changed a little bit, but I ever made the
same. Okay, so youthful, still good looking. One final question for
you. I'm telling you her hair is so bad. At least when Sandra
Dorley got pulled over, her hair was in perfect condition. Everything on Sandra
was in perfect condition. I'll tell you what. That's a sixty one year
old woman that my god, if she ever found herself, she would I
think, I think on that same age, huh, I think she's You
probably should go to Cotella. That would help you. Well, I want
to know, does the curtain match the drapes? Would you like yours about
Heartwood's No, Well, if it's nineteen eighties on your head, I'm assuming
it's nineteen eighties on your crotches, all right, Michelle Marini's hair, Uh,
you should just I don't know if you're gonna wind up in prison or
paying a lot of fines. But I gotta think it's very stressful right now,
and sometimes that's not good. It can damage your hair. Stress can
damage hair. Don't they buzz you when you go to prison too? Or
does that stare? Me only for admc fan, but but I mean,
do you worry about the stress damaging you? Oh? Absolutely, That's why
I use conditioner. Okay, when you get out of jail, your hairstyle
will still be in style, though it may have come back. Yeah,
that's true. You can hide a lot of contraband in that hair, all
right, uh, Michelle Morini's hair. I I appreciate your time. And
uh more, Mark Marini, I appreciate your time, Mark Mariini, and
uh, good luck with with everything that's happened. And you are a great
representation of Greece New York. You are exactly what Greece is. All right,
thank you, there you go, Mark Marini. The hair. That
one is exactly how I expected. I remember what we used to do bits
back in the day, and it took us two three days to put one
together. Yes, and it was definitely better than that. Well, I
used to I loved calling in. I used to love like little bits like
that. I think they're funny. I still think, yeah, when you
used to call it Weise's tumor. Yes, But what I think was what
I what I think is the greatest is I used to get really nervous when
I was doing a show and the bit would start to go south. And
I don't know why I love it now. I love it when the big
kind of starts to go pick the phone was breaking up the Chinese or something.
I was, Yeah, I was trying to I was trying to order
Chinese. I don't know what you guys are talking about. Oh my god,
I heard you guys had an interview. Yes we did with Michelle Marini's
hair, Yes, Mark Mark, Yes, and it was the phone kept
breaking up. I don't know if it had an Android, if it's a
grease phone, if it was a tin can in his string, if it's
a grease phone. Uh. Speaking of the Chinese, I went in and
order Chinese the other day and I saw something that I haven't seen in a
while. Really, you gotta do that. Don't encourage it, Laura.
God damn. So I have a question for Laura. I saw a woman
reach into her bra and pull out the credit card to pay. Was she
running? She did have on like tight biker pants with no pockets or anything.
Does your brock become a pocket book? I don't want to put your
phone in there. Yeah. I went for a run just this past weekend.
But it's got to get all sweaty, you get boom on it.
Yeah, so that I could then stop and buy coffee on the run.
Would you rather get a twenty as a bartender from the toilet or from the
titty from the titty, but I would sniff at first. I just that
is wow. So what else do you put in? Like in your bra
pocket, your phone? Have you put your phone in there? Okay,
but you've seen a phone, I'll put I've put money or keys, keys,
keys that don't they hurt? Like one key? One key? What
happens? If it falls out? Then you're fucked and not in the way
you want to be. You tape it. They're good in there, all
right? Credit cards? Have you done? Credit card? You gotta put
cash in. You gotta put what credit cards get itchy? I mean strip
to credit cards get itchy. It's going to dig into my boobs. Okay,
all right, you gotta put it in the clevlange. So it's like
the credit card machine. All right. Have you ever used beauty supplies in
there, like maybe extra lipstick, lick, lip bomb, eyeliner or something
like that. No, you're joking that I should have put shooters and over
the weekend so that when we were at the festival, we were paying right,
sure dollars for drink. Nineteen dollars for a drink on top of your
VP. How much does joek? How much does Joe love you? You
spent how much money we were taking turns? I'm very much no, whatever
I got it, I know how that shit goes. Uh, what else
do you put in there? I mean not much, but because I've seen
places saying we will not take your sweat money for real. Yeah, because
when I was a kid, I have seen them except boob cash. Well,
I don't know when I have seen boobcash. There's clearly something he wants
to do. You don't want anything with her boom I saw somebody do this
year. And there's a woman on the podcast. I mean, I could
ask you about your titties that or my titties. I got titties these days.
I don't like them. But I'm just saying, it seems like you
want something in there that I'm trying to figure out what else he puts in
there. I'd rather pull a twenty out of my tits than twenty out of
my feet. Okay, So I used to keep it in the sock when
I was a kid. My old man would say, hey, you know,
put the money in your sock, and it would be sweaty, and
then I would get my change. I would throw. I would throw my
sock and my change and I'd bike the three or four miles back home,
and I'd have a quarter that would be digging into my heel or a nickel
or whatever, because I do. That's terrible. But no, I used
to tie when I would go running. I used to used to tie and
make car key to my shoelaceays. But now I have like the clicker thing
and it doesn't have that hoop, so I just put it in my boops.
Just put it in there. Okay, where else would would you put
things? Because that's an advantage that women have that men don't. Right,
got to go fanny pack. A lot of men's shorts have pockets. Yes
they do, right, That's what I'm saying. They do. You have
pockets or you even now they have like sometimes the liner has pockets so inside,
so does it you have better chance of not losing something? Not a
run. It's hard to be a woman, isn't it so hard? Yeah?
It's just I don't know. It's just something that came up in my
mind. I saw this in the Chinese restaurant and I thought, wow,
okay, I mean she dug in deep. This woman whip that a car.
I mean, God, damn baby, that's not like Okay, if
she was out for a walk and she didn't have like a purse or anything,
she was coming to pick up Chinese. She was coming to pick it
up. She pre ordered it, so she knew what she was doing.
Yeah, that's like a premeditated thing. It's trying to show off your chick
wouldn't have been running, then I better question than I. That's a great
question. Uh yeah, oh yeah for a woman in her about my age,
Yeah, I guess. And how was your Chinese mine? Yeah?
It was to delicious, it was very reating, it wasting, it was
very it was very good. It was very good. By the way,
I learned something today that I I I'd love to always try to educate people
on this podcast. Greg Connors has said you always learned something when you listen
to Bilified, And I just learned that that chicks hair could talk. Yes,
I didn't know. It's amazing the talent that you have. When Kodak
has poisoned the water around you for the interview, I know you believe that.
But sunscreen and sunblock are two different things. Did you know that?
No? I thought they were the same thing. How well, okay,
I'm about sunscream absorbs u V rays before they hit your skin, while sun
block prevents them from reaching you. Oh I can that makes sense? Take
on a screen door versus a block, Yes, exactly. Air comes through
the screen door, light comes through the screen. So if you have sensitive
skin, it could tolerate sun block better than sunscreen. And I thought,
I'm I always see these things and it always annoys me. When I go,
I was so many, I was old. I was fifty three years
old. I learned this one today when I was today years old. They
fucking hate years old. I learned that the weekend wasn't just band. I
didn't know that. Okay, I had no idea either. Sunscreen, Yes,
it is, and it and it's important to put on as somebody who
has had multiple skin cancers removed and I plan to live forever those next week
Oh that would be great. That would be fantastic. Can we get better
connection to that? All right? Well take them moment. Do you have
a bible? All right? Closest to the pin, we might have theme
that tune. Yeah, closest to the pen. Name that tune. It's
called theme that tune. Oh, theme that tune. So you're like block
the tunes together. We have to come up with the theme. There's a
theme for the game you played this last week? Do you remember this?
Are you okay with that? You didn't lose brain cells? As long as
the get smart. When he's not losing and he looks fantastic, he looks
fantastic. He's back to the old crumble cookie Stock is going down losing brain
cell will say this, I never know when people are coming on the podcast,
how they're going to be, right, And Kevin said, Kevin's going
to be No, No, I know how Kevin is gonna be. I
knew Kevin, I knew you, but I didn't know Laura. I didn't
know Laura at all. That was the greatest undercut right there, the crumble
cookie Stock. That that makes me go, Laura, you have a seat
whenever you want. Just fucking made it. That was great. I hope
you don't mind, but it would make me laugh. All Right, we
will take a moment and we will get to the theme that tune. Right
after this iron Smoke Distillery in Fairport, New York. I was just talking
to somebody about this place, just saying, Tommy Burnett has one of these
amazing creative souls, like he used to jump trains when he was a kid,
just for adventure. He would hop on train, pass it through Fairport
and ride it to wherever. Like this doesn't sound kind of exciting, don't
do it. I'm not saying do it. I'm just saying that that adventurous
soul has put one of the coolest places on the planet here in Fairport Iron
Smoke Distillery. It is growing by leaps and bounds. It is one of
the most popular whiskeys outside of Kentucky. That's not my words. Forbes magazine
says it one of the ten best bourbons outside of Kentucky. I don't think
you can get higher praise than that. And it's a great place to go
and just hang out and hear some live music. Thursday, June twenty seventh,
Shades of Gray Friday Night, check out the acoustic Sunset sessions beginning at
five with my friend Steve Bartolata and Tim at Steve and Tim. They're back
for a Friday evening at Iron Smoke doing the acoustic stuff, and then Friday
Night the twenty eighth and eight point thirty. It is the biggest eighties party
in town. The breakfast club, all happening at the coolest place in town,
Iron Smoke Distillery in Fairport, New York. Baby and East Rochester.
Jimmy Z's Plates and Shakes has leveled up. We're talking evolution, Baby.
No more regular hours, they've gone full on special ops. I know what
you're saying. Wait, no more regular hours. How do I get my
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Plates and Shakes. The Baby Rehab, I say no, no years some
people where a combat hoggy at the town and then my daddy takes sou son.
Maybe go to rehab at home with the late and very talented Amy Winehouse.
Yeah said, there's just a weird uh existence for the ladies. Like
twenty seven club. I know. Also, I really wish that they could
have done more with this, this revamped genre of music, because it was
awesome and she was the only way there. There were a couple of people
who did and they just kind of quit after she died. A woman named
Duffy was doing it for a while. She she had like one or two
hits. She she did it, and then a couple other people tried it
that they weren't as well known or some other people like I think Alicia Keys
gave it a shot, but it never really like it was like one a
one off type of thing. Yeah. I like Amy Winehouse. I will
every once in a while diging, but it's a little dark some of herself.
I mean it when Apple, it reminds me of Yeah, and Fiona
Apple was another one. I always thought it was a little dark for my
tap. I like, I'm so I think I'm so dark that I need
some light in my life, you know what I mean, Like just internally,
like I always go to the negative and I here's my thing. I
have this new theory. Now ready for this? Okay, the Jesuit said
it. Hitler said it. You give me the five Yeah, I'll show
you the man, there you go, and the Jesuit said till seven.
And I think that when they were Catholic priests, no, I got you,
and they need a little extra time. But but I think they were
onto something in that, just like you hand you your iPad is great when
you download the right stuff. And so I think up until age seven,
you're downloading things, and I think that stuff becomes your beliefs, and you're
subconscious and all that shit, and that later on when you have, as
you progress in life, that sometimes that becomes your default. And then when
you start to see like, oh shit, this isn't the right way to
be. But then I look back and then you know, we've been talking
about going to the root of things, and I've been starting to talk to
somebody, and I can see where the root is. I just don't know
how to root it out. I can see what the root is. I
can see it on my own. I can go, Okay, I got
it. I see what that is man's hair. Oh god, you got
you got to get there. It's like an ingrown, fucking hair. So
I don't think I've ever told you this story, but I was. I've
had anxiety since I was a real, real little kid, no shit,
and yeah, four years old, four years old, my father is a
true story. Somebody wrote me about you how upset they were the other day.
Oh really about they were very upset with your statement about Canada and guns
and sent me the thing that it was that that they aren't coming and taking
the guns. What they're doing is they are they've outlawed certain types of guns
and they're doing a buyback program. They're not they're not coming in coming.
They're not coming into your house. Called the totalian, they're not. It's
called the totalian. Got to go there, You got to do that.
I don't mind him. It's the it's the it's the alcohol, almost a
medicine. It's alcohol talking. But that's they said that the totalitarian tiptoe.
Well maybe you maybe maybe Here's the other thing is like, maybe you're correct,
but I would say that they're not going into people's houses taking out the
guns. Okay, all right, all right, I see you, but
I just need to make that kind of clearer. We didn't really go there.
And then they said something about a fib and they go, but what
what's I gonna do with my head? They brought up a fib they said,
the a fib stuff with Danny. People usually don't don't die because you're
catching so early in this sort of thing, and it would take like twenty
five years or so for something to happen. But it's good that he but
he caught it. But sometimes they feel like you like your maladies, they
said, Actually I hate them, I know, which is why I was
going to tell you this story. Here's what I love about you. Yes,
and I have to spin the wheel of what Dan's gonna have next.
No, I love the fact that Danny did this fucking diet, and I
think it's going to clear a lot of shit out for you. I think
so too. I do. That's just the coconut oil. But I've had
anxiety since I was a kid, and I've had like what they call intrusive
thoughts and OCD and I could go back to whiles four years old, my
father, it was a snowstorm out. I was sick, so my mother
stayed home with me from church. It was a Sunday. My father was
going to go pick up my older sister because she lived with her mom.
I'm part of a second family. And it took him up two or three
hours to get home, and I got nervous, so I called nine one
one. I'm my father, Okay, oh yeah, the nine one one
operators like, can I speak to is there an adult in the house?
Yeah, my mom's here? Am I telephone? She goes, I didn't
hear the phone ring, And she goes and asked, yes, you can
ask my sister. You guess my brother? And I was four, Yeah,
and my mother. I got the nickname nine to eleven before nine to
eleven to my father's work, they called me it does yeah, because I
was so nervous about my father did a couple of years later, he took
a trip to Cleveland to watch a Yankee game and he didn't come home for
like eight hours because that's a long trip. And I'm sitting there like sweating
it out, like he's gonna make it home, okay, which is ridiculous.
But I've had those issues since I was a kid. All right,
Well have you been able to resolve them at all? I have to remind
myself it's your O. C. D. It's not you. All right,
go to God, go ahead and ahead, should yes you are God.
Please come on, dude, I can share my problems. I have
and you will. I can share my insecurities. A time when we'll look
up your ex wife. That is a great lie, though, that is
a that is a great lie. That is a great line. That is
a great lie. Times when Kevin will be like, God, everyone was
ripping on me last night. I think it's all on you tonight. Yes
it is fine. Oh no, but yeah, because he doesn't like to
be called Danny. Do you lord? Do you have memories from being how?
How young can you? I would say like five five sex? Yeah,
so last week, so I have. I can't remember things from when
I was two. Me too, I can remember being so My my uncle
was a pilot for Western Airlines at the time in the seventies. After being
a pilot, nom and my parents were teachers, so they in the summer
off. I was the only kid. I was two years old. We
drove a cross country he lived in southern California. We went. I went
with my mother and I think my dad was helping. And as I found
out I didn't know at the time. I found out later wildfires were coming
down the canyon, so they were trying to moisten everything behind the homes to
try to hope that they would stop the fire or at least retard the fire
right to slow down. So my mother took me to Disney and I got
on this boat and I had to let go my balloon and I cried,
and I can remember not wanting to let go on my balloon. But I
got on this boat and it was like bouncing around and hitting people. And
I think she's like, you got to let that thing go. You got
to get rid of it. And so that was one and then the other
is a horrible memory. I was three and we were moving and my dad
claims he never listens to the podcast. This will be a test. They
back up the truck might so figure my dad was I'm three. My dad
was twenty eight years old at the time. I'm a three year old and
we were living in an apartment. He was building the house I grew up
in later on uh and I was the only child, and I was so
excited we were removing. It was the greatest thing in the world. And
I put my horse. I can see it in my head. It was
a maroon horse that I would ride around on the sidewalks and things with wheels,
and I put I think I had a fake little law mower and something
else up there. I put them all up there. My father comes out
and he's stressed, he's tired, he's dealing with my mother and he sees
all my shit on there, and he I don't know if he was in
the truck. He got up there and he kicked him. He goes,
good, dude, god damn thing. And he fucking kicked them as hard
as he could. So they're flying, yes, and it like yeah and
ah and so you So when people go, why are you acting this way?
I go, that should give you one clue. And then I got
a million more stories like that. And I was molested at six? How
the fuck do you think I'm gonna be normal? Making the jesuits? Driving
cross country sounds absolutely horrible to me. Yeah, well, it just seems
like I don't want to do it at all. I hate driving to Fairport,
driving across the country. I feel like it's weird. My younger memories
are all bad memories. Like I remember, the first few memories I have
are me getting in trouble. Yeah, and I think like, it's like,
so you were girls, what you're saying? No? Like my first
memory was, wait, we talked to her mom tomorrow. I definitely found
my diaphragm. Oh my god, jan deuces and diaphragms, the ds.
We didn't know what we didn't know what it was at the time. I
was like my sister was using it as like a dish for her dollies.
She found it. We started dipping it into bubbles and trying to blow us
is a dish for her dolly? Don't you find that? Oh in your
bedroom? That's not that's not free? And diaphragms and diaphra why does and
diaphragms? Why? Why? Why? My first time getting in trouble,
I was in preschool and I remember like walking around with a little toy hammer
and a baby had dropped cheerios on the ground and I thought it would be
fun to like walk around and smash the cheerios. That's a kid thing,
yes, normal first memory. And because I got in trouble for walking around
smashing the cheerios instead of like picking them up and so hard she still feels
it today. How old were you? I mean it was like my preschool
so I had before yeah, like, yeah, that's my first memory,
my getting spanked and stuff or yeah, but I was raised my wasn't in
the picture. Really. My parents divorced when I was one, like he
was around. It was One of my first memories is White Number two yelling
at me because I cut the crust off like my sandwich that she made me,
and I put it under a plate and I tried to show her.
I was like carrying, I'm all done with my food, and she like
pulled it away and she made me eat the crust because she was like,
crust will give you curly hair. Isn't that weird? Yes, my youngest
memories are all me getting yelled at and getting in trouble. Yeah, maybe
that's why I'm a people pleaser. Maybe why you're people pleaser and you may
like you like being yelled at in a certain situation. Yeah, I know,
no shit, but passed away seventeen years ago on Tuesday. He would
yell. Yes, I had a feeling. He's the reason why I don't
wear ties, I don't wear suits, and I'm never gonna grow a mustache
and I never yell at anybody. So I told myself at three years old,
I'm not gonna be like dad. I'm not gonna wear a suit and
tie with a tie clip every every Sunday time. He'd be most angry on
Sunday morning because we had to go to church and he's all dressed up with
a three piece suit because he like to look good. But Mike like,
how come nobody's ready? How come we're not ready? And so I associated
that with him yelling and having a mustache, and so I was never gonna
do those things. We changed it to suit some mustache. All right,
Kevin, what do we got here? My friend? It's a theme,
that tune, theme that tune. Here we go. You have to so
you get one point for artist or one point for one point for artist,
one title, and five points at the end for the ten. If you
get it right, I'll be surprised. Either what are you shirt? Ross?
Get the tea on the famous sex choy party. Here's the thing we
started up friends. It was cool. It was arbited and yeah yeah,
and U been gone? Oh yes, this was my last concert before COVID.
Great hint, I don't even know that's not with COVID more her concerts.
I was thinking about thinking about me, thinking about don't believes travel?
Ah, how are you come to me? Oh? I got my ticket
for along with Roun two boy the whiskey for the way, I'm not sure
the nights aren't sweet company, And I'm leaving tomorrow. What do you say?
But I'm gone, But I'm gone. I hum on the miner l
a with the dream, my card Agan lum to the land of frame access
Am I gonna pick? And jumped in the caberra amber? How many songs?
Okay, very smaller. One of the songs has a preclude. I
will give that. That's it all right, back to the top, back
to the top. Do you know this one right round by Kusha? Oh?
I wrote right round? I got right round. I got right round.
I did not get Kasher. You all get one point for right round
and flow right. I don't believe I get a post point for that.
I think she is. I think that woman is. I think the woman.
You gotta give her to? Yeah, it does flow rid? Can
I get a bonus point for the movie? It was in? No because
it's hangover women. Kelly Clark flow right up with Kusha? All right?
Her Amazon too? Oh ship, I wrote, Taylor Swift. Since you
Kelly Clarkson all right? So I get one point? Have no fucking idea?
I wrote a question mark question mark question, just a dream, only
a dream. It's just a dream, is correct? Just a dream?
Just the dream? But Nelly? Who Nelly? It was Deli? It
was it was my last concert. I thought it was Deli and I'm like,
no, it's too new. Oh oh, he starts every song.
Oh oh Europe, the final countdown? Yes, that's easy. Did you
get that one final condown? Did you get the band? No? I
didn't know the band. Don't you forget about me? Yes? And I
thought it's not a high is it? No? It's not. I forgot
if it's gonna hit me in the face. What he says? Simple mind,
simple, all right? I wrote, Corinne Bailey got it? Who
is it? Cups Bianna Kendrick, son of a bit? I got my
ticket? Nothing there already in the US A. Miley said, yeah,
get sad. It doesn't getting Nelly. I ain't getting Nellie. Gloria Stefan
turned the beat around. I had Paul Abdul, I guess it. I
turned the beating around, but I didn't know who did it. You get
a point for that, okay, Gloria Stefan, Oh, yeah, I
did have turned the beat around? And does everybody have the theme on this
one. Yes, directions, No, you need directions for all of these.
No, they're all covers. I thought it was from sometime with movies
because cups is from Coups is the big clue. Yes, Coups is the
big clue. Cops is the big clue from a movie. These are all
songs from the original pitch Perfect that they did. They covered and pitch Perfect
given the Laura she that's pretty good because I would have never got get the
pi, just get the phonus for the feet, but she gets. I
had thirteen points though I had one two four by I'm gonna put Joe on
Blast. That's his favorite fucking movie and we watched it this week. You
had thirteen. I had eight points. What wait, wait, love what
what's his favorite movie? Pitch Perfect? This is I would I would leave
my wife Franna Kendrick right now. I was color. I love Anna Kendrick.
I mean she's fun and all, but and kind of cute but more
along the line. So I'm gonna bring her to the party. I actually
know some people who are obsessed with her. I think she's awkward with her
Yes, a lot of people love her, not at all, but She
just like she should be in an AT and T commercial. I got a
shower. At one point, Joe was watching this like wow, all right,
well he liked it. He liked the movie very good. All right.
So Laura is our winner and Laura is the host of the Sex Toy
Party tomorrow. That is the next episode of Billified. I'm nervous about it,
but excited about it. Here we go another nerve racked Thursday. Why
a nerve wrack Thursday. I think we'll have a great conversation with Laura's mom
and her aunt and my aunt will be great. Yeah, well, maybe
you were not allowed in that interview. Almost eighty and she lives in Denver,
Colorado. Have never been married, Like honey, here's how you used
this romance. She let people shave her head. I'm college students shave her
head for her sixtieth birthday. Here's her note because she's just she's crazy.
I'm gonna bring my man skip trouble can shave her hands. No, I
don't want to shave any part of anyone. I want to shave any part
of anyone. Liability. I thank you. Is everyone gonna sign waivers?
And I think we need to start setting waivers, Danny, I think get
Greg Cutters. Can we get a lawyer on this? I don't know,
all right. For Laura who crushed us on the game tonight and it's gonna
be hosting the party for uh Michelle Marine's hair. Thank you, Dan,
more for more. For Kevin who always brings it inappropriately but I love it.
I'm go, Moran, We'll see you tomorrow. Stay