1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:06,599 I used to work with an independent towing company in a Saint Cloud, Minnesota. 2 00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:11,759 We mostly operated near Wilmot, South Center, Tomscog and glen Wood. 3 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:18,559 I usually did roadside assistance and recovery. Out in these parts you get a 4 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:23,440 surprisingly large share of vehicles that had just abandoned in the middle of nowhere. 5 00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:27,399 I know it's a common side to see rusted out wrex by the side of 6 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:31,480 the road, but if it wasn't for guys like me, you'd see three 7 00:00:31,559 --> 00:00:36,759 times as many. So I got this call about a ross bucket that had 8 00:00:36,759 --> 00:00:41,240 smashed into a stop sign and been left by the roadside. I was called 9 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:46,200 in for the pickup. It's not fun heading out in the dark as the 10 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:50,280 rain clouds roll in, but that's even more reason to get it done. 11 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:57,600 Accidents happen in the dark, someone could get hurt. It took me a 12 00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:02,079 while to get out, there a lot of cars on the road. I 13 00:01:02,159 --> 00:01:06,400 turned on my warning lights and stepped out, keeping my earbut in while listening 14 00:01:06,439 --> 00:01:11,920 to my work playlist. I was sort of conditionally training myself to only listen 15 00:01:11,959 --> 00:01:15,159 to country on the job and rock on my spare time, thinking I could 16 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:21,439 power of off my way into some kind of work life recognition thing. Once 17 00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:25,439 I got out of my truck, I could immediately tell something was off. 18 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:30,519 I'd gone down that road before, and I'd never seen a stop sign anywhere 19 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:36,280 near it. It was a straight road. Why would there be a stop 20 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:42,519 sign? The current question was this old beetle. The paint had peeled off 21 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:47,519 years ago, and half the interior was either rotten or torn out. There 22 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:51,319 was algae halfway up the wheels, with tufts of grass sticking out of the 23 00:01:51,359 --> 00:01:57,519 suspension. This thing wouldn't run in a hundred years. Hell, you could 24 00:01:57,519 --> 00:02:05,159 barely get it to roll at all. I was perplexed. There was no 25 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:09,560 way someone was driving this or crashing into anything. Someone had dragged it up 26 00:02:09,599 --> 00:02:15,280 there for one reason or another. Turning my attention back to my truck, 27 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:22,319 I almost choked on spit. I counted no less than five people by the 28 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:28,199 roadside, staring up at the flashing warning lights. Five people, all different 29 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:35,159 ages, there this strange look of absolute adoration on their faces, slack jawed 30 00:02:35,199 --> 00:02:39,080 and unblinking. They didn't seem to mind my presence. They were just there 31 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:44,919 for the lights. I looked at them for a moment. These were the 32 00:02:44,919 --> 00:02:49,159 people that had dragged the car up, no question about it. Hell, 33 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:53,960 some of them had muddy hands and boots. Still, I thought about saying 34 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:58,319 something, but figured i'd just get my phone out in case someone wanted to 35 00:02:58,319 --> 00:03:02,199 cause trouble. I locked my truck, not taking my eyes off these people, 36 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:08,360 and tried to get on with my job. They didn't seem to mind. 37 00:03:09,159 --> 00:03:14,599 They just stood there, their eyes wide and black, staring at the 38 00:03:14,639 --> 00:03:22,360 flashing morning lights. It was so eerie. I walked around that car, 39 00:03:22,759 --> 00:03:27,240 constantly checking over my shoulder. I was waiting for one of them to burst 40 00:03:27,319 --> 00:03:32,960 into a sprint or scream, but nothing happened. They just stood there, 41 00:03:34,919 --> 00:03:40,360 not a sound or a word, heavy breathing in unison. I thought about 42 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:46,960 filming it, but honestly, I had to get out of there. I 43 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:51,639 scooched the fallen sign off the road and prepped the wreck. Through all of 44 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:55,039 it, I got this worried chill creeping up my spine. Whenever there was 45 00:03:55,080 --> 00:04:00,919 a sharp noise a rattling chain might set them off, creak of metal. 46 00:04:00,879 --> 00:04:05,560 I didn't know what these people's deal was, so I didn't know how unpredictable 47 00:04:05,599 --> 00:04:12,800 they were. As I finished and got ready to move out, I threw 48 00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:18,600 a final glance back at them. My heart skipped a beat when one of 49 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:27,759 their eyes, yes, a singular eye, turned to me. She was 50 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:31,800 probably in her forties, with the kind of face that just screamed exhaustion. 51 00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:38,800 As a second eye slowly settled on me, there was this bubbling unease in 52 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:45,959 my stomach. Something about her was just inhumane. It didn't feel like meeting 53 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:49,879 the eyes of a fellow Minnesotan, or even a Homo sapien. This woman 54 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:56,600 was something else, something other. I was about to get back into my 55 00:04:56,720 --> 00:05:03,720 truck when she opened her mouth and spoke. Look at me, she said, 56 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:09,920 I did. I could not do it if I like staring down a 57 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:16,000 predator, keeping it obey, I had to look at her. Of course, 58 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:20,800 there was a plan to it. I didn't notice the two men sneaking 59 00:05:20,879 --> 00:05:27,040 up on me from the other side of the road. I have a hard 60 00:05:27,079 --> 00:05:31,399 time retelling this part. It's burned into my thoughts, but it's not like 61 00:05:32,319 --> 00:05:38,560 a good burn. It's like a scab, and I just hate poking at 62 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:43,240 it. The only word that I can use for it is that it frightens 63 00:05:43,279 --> 00:05:47,759 me, not just because of the violent implications, but because I now know 64 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:57,800 firsthand just how frail I am as a person and living being. Hands grabbed 65 00:05:57,839 --> 00:06:00,680 me and I was pushed up against the side of my truck. Some guy 66 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:04,560 in his fifties and what looked like a girl in her late teens, both 67 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:10,879 insanely strong, with the kind of grip you might expect in a wild animal. 68 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:15,439 They were clinging to me like their life depended on it. And yet 69 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:21,879 none of them said anything, no noise, no words, just huffs and 70 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:28,319 unblinking eyes. Even then, as my hands were pushed up against the cold 71 00:06:28,399 --> 00:06:33,000 metal, they weren't even looking at me. They were still looking up at 72 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:39,759 the warning lights. The one who had spoken came around. She faced me 73 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:44,399 and held something up. It looked like one of those odd box cameras with 74 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:47,639 a crank on the side. She turned it on with a metallic clunk, 75 00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:54,040 blinding me with a powerful and warm light. She slowly turned the crank on 76 00:06:54,079 --> 00:06:59,160 the side, like a nightmare's jack in a box. With every click, 77 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:05,759 some thing would block the light for a split second, effectively making it flash. 78 00:07:06,079 --> 00:07:12,120 She turned it faster and faster, blinking turned into a strobe light. 79 00:07:13,839 --> 00:07:17,120 I can't explain what I felt. It was like something filling my stomach, 80 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:24,480 like my body was contracting into itself, trying to make me shrink. I 81 00:07:24,519 --> 00:07:29,319 became so hyper focused on this one blinking light coming out of that awful black 82 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:33,600 box. I didn't even notice how they let go of my hands, or 83 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:39,040 how they all gathered around me, how they watched as I had this mental 84 00:07:39,079 --> 00:07:44,759 seizure. I couldn't move, I couldn't look away. My mind was just 85 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:48,720 filled with this clicking noise, resetting every impulse that came across my mind. 86 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:55,879 I should run, Click, who are these people? Click? I'm in 87 00:07:55,959 --> 00:08:01,959 danger. Click. I couldn't finish as seeing good train of thought. I 88 00:08:01,079 --> 00:08:05,120 just stood there, as transfixed to that box as they'd been to my warning 89 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:11,079 lights. I don't know when I passed out. Could have been seconds, 90 00:08:11,319 --> 00:08:16,120 could have been minutes. All I know is that I woke up by the 91 00:08:16,199 --> 00:08:22,040 roadside hours later as a passerby tacked me on the shoulder. You're right there, 92 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:28,199 they asked, you hurt? I shook my head, trying to adjust 93 00:08:28,199 --> 00:08:33,960 my eyes, they still burned from the light. I don't know, I 94 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:41,200 said, I honestly don't know. I called my boss, telling them what 95 00:08:41,279 --> 00:08:46,320 had happened, explaining why I hadn't answered any calls. I also gave a 96 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:52,279 statement to the police, explaining what little I could to a very understanding man. 97 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:58,120 It didn't make sense to them, or me for that matter. Nothing 98 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:03,559 was stolen, nothing was vandal just people attacking people for seemingly no reason. 99 00:09:05,799 --> 00:09:09,279 The officers seemed sorry to hear it, as if already apologizing for what they 100 00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:16,559 wouldn't be able to do. I didn't see them until much later, under 101 00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:22,240 very different circumstances. I was put on sickly for a couple of days to 102 00:09:22,279 --> 00:09:26,120 get back on my feet, but at that point I didn't even know what 103 00:09:26,159 --> 00:09:31,399 I was feeling anymore. Coming home, I couldn't concentrate. Everything just felt 104 00:09:31,759 --> 00:09:37,440 off. I could barely keep myself focused on the most minute task. I 105 00:09:37,519 --> 00:09:41,759 forgot my cooked rice on the stove. I put down my phone in the 106 00:09:41,799 --> 00:09:45,480 middle of a phone call. I left the tap running. I kept getting 107 00:09:45,519 --> 00:09:48,360 sidetracked, like there was something vital missing in the back of my mind. 108 00:09:50,039 --> 00:09:54,679 This continued on and off for a couple of days. I vividly remember how 109 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:58,759 I tried to stream some stupid reality show, but I kept forgetting what I 110 00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:05,440 was watching. I didn't dare use my car or go shopping. I walked 111 00:10:05,159 --> 00:10:09,200 and even then I had to look down at my shopping list every few minutes. 112 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:15,480 I remember this one time when I tried to take a shower, I 113 00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:20,320 left the water running forgetting to turn it off, just like with everything else. 114 00:10:20,679 --> 00:10:24,639 As I finished up and stepped out, I flipped the light switch. 115 00:10:24,519 --> 00:10:30,480 But that switch is this really sensitive thing, and I accidentally clicked it twice, 116 00:10:30,799 --> 00:10:35,440 making the lights flash. That sent a wave of warmth through my body, 117 00:10:37,759 --> 00:10:41,200 the kind of relieving warmth you get from stepping out of the blizzard and 118 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:46,799 into a living room. I always familiar and welcome, as if this was 119 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:52,360 what I was supposed to feel like. In a simple way, it fixed 120 00:10:52,399 --> 00:10:58,399 me. For a moment, I felt like myself again. I ended up 121 00:10:58,399 --> 00:11:03,480 standing there for about twenty minutes, just flipping the switch on and off, 122 00:11:03,679 --> 00:11:07,159 on and off. I pressed it until the click of the switch started to 123 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:11,279 sound like the click of the black box, until time started to slow, 124 00:11:11,919 --> 00:11:18,360 making every click seemed further away no matter how fast I went. And when 125 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:22,679 I looked up at myself in the mirror, I could see that my eyes 126 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:28,759 were completely black, as alien as those I'd seen that night. I could 127 00:11:28,799 --> 00:11:37,399 picture myself as her exhausted, unblinking and lost to the world. It scared 128 00:11:37,399 --> 00:11:41,320 the hell out of me. I shut my eyes and tried to keep them 129 00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:46,879 closed, but every moment away from the flashes, the clicking, it just 130 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:52,360 it drained me, like being stuck in the middle of nowhere. As a 131 00:11:52,399 --> 00:11:58,320 blizzard slowly picks up, I could feel myself growing distant, colder, slower, 132 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:03,240 and turned in my bed, trying to focus on something, anything, 133 00:12:05,919 --> 00:12:11,600 Mississippy. I mumbled, spell Mississippi. I got all the way through it 134 00:12:11,639 --> 00:12:16,960 the first time. By the second time, I made it about half way 135 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:22,120 through. By the third, I could start, but didn't really know what 136 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:28,759 I was doing anymore. By the fourth I was upset, and I didn't 137 00:12:28,799 --> 00:12:35,919 even know why. At some point in the night, I heard sirens not 138 00:12:37,039 --> 00:12:41,519 too distant either. Something in me tickled, it wanted me to get up. 139 00:12:43,639 --> 00:12:46,960 The thought crossed my mind that maybe, on some level, I just 140 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:52,440 wanted to see the flashing lights. I walked up to my bedroom window and 141 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:56,559 put my hand on the blinders. I knew I shouldn't engage with it. 142 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:03,279 I kept trying to fight myself. The only thoughts that meant no interruption with 143 00:13:03,399 --> 00:13:07,519 those aimed at the sole purpose of seeing those lights. I kept trying to 144 00:13:07,559 --> 00:13:13,279 convince myself to step away, but it wasn't that easy. Just a peak, 145 00:13:13,639 --> 00:13:20,840 I thought, to see if it works. There were three police cars 146 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:26,200 and a fire truck, all with their lights on. I was mesmerized. 147 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,799 I saw it in such great detail. It was as if time took a 148 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:37,039 step back just to allow me to bask in the excitement. I could see 149 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:43,159 every color shift, the intensity of moving back and forth between lights. It 150 00:13:43,279 --> 00:13:48,679 was like an exploding mini cosmos, filling my head with warmth and excitement. 151 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:58,360 I stared blankly at it from my bedroom window. It was absolutely gorgeous. 152 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:03,679 Only there for a moment, but that was all I needed. I was 153 00:14:03,799 --> 00:14:09,799 left breathless, my face burning hot and my eyes watery. It felt like 154 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:16,559 I'd run a marathon. Hell, even my knees were weak. I had 155 00:14:16,559 --> 00:14:20,519 a short moment of clarity as the cloud to my mind parted. I had 156 00:14:20,519 --> 00:14:26,519 to keep the momentum up. I had to stay sane. Running to the 157 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:30,240 kitchen, I got my flashlight and all the spare batteries I could find, 158 00:14:30,799 --> 00:14:35,639 spilling an entire drawer of miscellaneous bits and bobs onto the floor. I had 159 00:14:35,639 --> 00:14:39,759 to stop a few times. The flick lights, which a boost By the 160 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:43,159 end of the night, I found myself standing in the middle of a dark 161 00:14:43,279 --> 00:14:50,159 kitchen with my flashlight followingly planted under my face, clicking it on and off, 162 00:14:50,799 --> 00:14:58,000 on and off. I had to I stopped sleeping after that. Sleep 163 00:14:58,159 --> 00:15:03,879 gave me nothing, but that constant flash kept me going. It allowed me 164 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:09,519 to keep my head clear enough to make some sort of plan to fight it. 165 00:15:09,639 --> 00:15:13,519 Not that I really wanted to, but because I knew in my heart 166 00:15:13,559 --> 00:15:18,879 of hearts that it wasn't normal. They'd done something terrible to me. But 167 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,759 for the moment, I had to find a way to live with it. 168 00:15:22,879 --> 00:15:28,440 I dug out my Christmas lights and set them to blink intermittently. I taped 169 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:31,000 it all up along the walls of my bedroom, right next to my computer. 170 00:15:33,039 --> 00:15:37,159 Staying reasonably lucid, I managed to search the web for whatever this could 171 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:43,159 be, but I couldn't find a thing. I kept trying to spell Mississippi 172 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:46,799 in my head, the sort of test whether I was thinking straight or not. 173 00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:50,840 More often than not I could make it through, but even a short 174 00:15:50,879 --> 00:15:56,799 lapse of flashes would make me drop a few letters. But yeah, I 175 00:15:56,879 --> 00:16:02,039 didn't get very far in my searches. I've never heard of something like this 176 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:07,600 happening to anyone, and neither did anyone else. Seemingly soon, I was 177 00:16:07,679 --> 00:16:11,919 just al typing between my dark desktop and a full screen white page, on 178 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:18,720 and off, on and off. I could tell I was getting weaker. 179 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:23,399 The lack of sleep betrayed me. My hands were shaking from a lack of 180 00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:29,559 food. After a while, I realized I couldn't just have lights around me. 181 00:16:30,279 --> 00:16:36,399 I needed to indulge to stare drowning them. I was getting desperate. 182 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:41,159 I wondered the streets, hoping to see or hear something they could give me 183 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:45,320 that rush back. I even thought about starting a fire, just to get 184 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:51,879 a fire truck to come by. That's when it hit me, that's probably 185 00:16:51,919 --> 00:16:56,720 what those people had been doing all along. They set that rusted car up 186 00:16:56,840 --> 00:17:03,440 and lured me there, maybe solely for the flash light. It's hard to 187 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:07,240 admit my low point. I was standing with my phone in my hand, 188 00:17:07,559 --> 00:17:11,319 about to call nine one one to claim I was being attacked, anything to 189 00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:17,680 get the flashing lights and sirens. There was that screaming voice inside of me 190 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:23,319 demanding that I do it, and a whisper telling me I was destroying myself. 191 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:30,240 I had a choice. Go down this path and find myself a slave 192 00:17:30,279 --> 00:17:36,960 to impulses, or to surrender to the cloud in my head. I chose 193 00:17:37,039 --> 00:17:41,119 the latter. I tossed my phone and wandered off slowly, forgetting where I 194 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:47,480 was going or what I was doing. I only vaguely remember the sky turning 195 00:17:47,559 --> 00:17:52,119 dark and rain. There was a car honking as they raced past me, 196 00:17:52,079 --> 00:17:57,759 and a worry driver asking me how I was doing. Without direction or purpose 197 00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:07,440 or solution, I just kept going somewhere. It's a strange feeling, finding 198 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:11,079 yourself lost in your own darkness. It feels like viewing your life through a 199 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:18,599 keyhole, catching only bits and pieces with a barrier in between. And in 200 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:25,640 the end, my efforts were useless. There were others there on my side 201 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:30,680 of the keyhole, other people just as lost, wandering around. Some I 202 00:18:30,759 --> 00:18:37,400 remembered from that awful night. Others weren't even human. It's not like I 203 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:44,200 saw them, more that I sensed them. Then it all came back to 204 00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:51,960 me. I was standing in a clearing in a forest somewhere off in the 205 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:56,519 middle of nowhere. There were others there, but I didn't care to look 206 00:18:56,519 --> 00:19:02,039 at them. All I could focus on was the middle aged woman standing in 207 00:19:02,079 --> 00:19:07,480 front of me with a blinking black box and a crank that clicked. Out 208 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:15,039 Of all the lights I'd seen, this was the most beautiful. It was 209 00:19:15,039 --> 00:19:19,839 like getting sucked into a deeper understanding. The clicks grew further apart, and 210 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:26,960 every moment was stretched in that bliss. Every blink of the light was like 211 00:19:26,079 --> 00:19:32,440 days passing by in the heaven of my own making. There was a benevolence 212 00:19:32,519 --> 00:19:37,480 there, someone caring for me, like a barm on my soul. Then 213 00:19:38,039 --> 00:19:44,720 it stopped back in the darkness. A woman held out a phone as the 214 00:19:44,759 --> 00:19:51,920 box stopped clicking. Ambulance, and that was all she needed to say. 215 00:19:53,079 --> 00:19:56,880 We made it to the parking lot out of the old mall, the old 216 00:19:56,920 --> 00:20:00,480 Dead Eye for those of you who live around here. There were six of 217 00:20:00,559 --> 00:20:04,759 us, but none of us said a word. There was this young woman 218 00:20:04,799 --> 00:20:08,440 who'd got a hold of the phone, and she didn't seem to know what 219 00:20:08,559 --> 00:20:15,599 to do. She looked up as if coming out of a daze. Oh 220 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:22,079 he's doing this, she asked, Are we really doing this? There was 221 00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:27,119 a solemn moment when none of us knew what to do. Finally, there 222 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:32,759 was an older man who stepped forward. He looked the young woman up and 223 00:20:32,839 --> 00:20:37,200 down and turned to the rest of us. No one said anything. What 224 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:44,240 was there to say? He considered it, then leaned back, putting all 225 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:51,640 his weight behind it. He proceeded to strike her across the eye. She 226 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:56,319 dropped to the ground. The phone rolled out of her hands. The others 227 00:20:56,319 --> 00:21:02,480 proceeded to beat her within an inch of a life. It was absolutely relentless. 228 00:21:03,359 --> 00:21:07,519 It's like she stopped being human to them. I called the emergency services 229 00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:11,920 hell. I told them exactly what I was seeing, a group of people 230 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:18,599 brutally beating someone. Meanwhile, the others kept attacking her. None of them 231 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:22,799 looked away or even frowned. I saw blood spatter hit one of their faces, 232 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:30,000 and they didn't even blink. Maybe they wanted to be convincing, or 233 00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:34,200 maybe there was no space for a second guesser. Neither way, we would 234 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:41,720 have fulfilled our duty. She was barely breathing when they stepped away. The 235 00:21:41,759 --> 00:21:47,000 man who initiated the beating held out a hand towards me, demanding the phone 236 00:21:47,039 --> 00:21:52,200 back. I handed it to him. I was too new to be entrusted 237 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:56,000 with something of that value. I wanted to speak, but I didn't. 238 00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:03,920 Looking down at the broken by gasping for air. It did something to me. 239 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:10,400 It put a suggestion in my head that maybe this wasn't okay. It 240 00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:15,920 made me question myself and made me think. I remember standing there watching the 241 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:25,640 blood pooling, when I considered, can I spell Mississippi? I couldn't. 242 00:22:26,839 --> 00:22:32,000 Despite following this path and succumbing to it all, it was still taking something 243 00:22:32,039 --> 00:22:37,960 from me that was more apparent than ever. It was this subtle reminder that 244 00:22:37,279 --> 00:22:42,319 yes, I was going down the wrong path, I was doing something wrong. 245 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:48,079 I wasn't fixing myself this way. There were sirens in the distance. 246 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:53,000 I could see the top of the tree line changing color. They were coming. 247 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,559 The others hid by the side of the road, their eyes going dark 248 00:22:57,599 --> 00:23:03,400 with anticipation. I joined them, incidentally, trying to make up some sort 249 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:08,519 of plan. When the flashing lights came around the bend, it was like 250 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:14,279 drinking a glass of ice water on a hot summer's day. It was a 251 00:23:14,319 --> 00:23:18,400 soothing breeze, nothing like what I'd experienced from that black box, but a 252 00:23:18,559 --> 00:23:26,279 substitute, a damn decent one at that. The colors bathed us and we 253 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:33,079 just soaked it all in. Except now I had this feeling that it just 254 00:23:33,319 --> 00:23:37,559 wasn't right, Like I was being used and manipulated, Like there was something 255 00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:48,640 in those flashing lights looking back at me. Eh. Someone whispered eh. 256 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:53,880 The others joined a choir of hushed voices. At first it was just a 257 00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:59,200 noise, but I could see what they were getting at. It was a 258 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:03,440 fitting name, the thing that drew us in, giving us a peek at 259 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:11,279 something else. Ao the end of the sea u Ao. There was an 260 00:24:11,279 --> 00:24:15,640 ambulance and two patrol cars. By the time they got to the beaten woman. 261 00:24:17,279 --> 00:24:21,640 We were all stepping out of the woods together. Someone was yelling at 262 00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:26,599 us the stop. There were threads, demands, pistols drawn, then a 263 00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:33,640 click. Looking to my left, the woman with the black box had returned. 264 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:37,720 At first, flashing light in their direction was all it took to distract 265 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:42,839 them. I couldn't see it properly from my angle. The others flocked to 266 00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:48,039 it like moths, but I hadn't fallen under its spell yet. Instead, 267 00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:55,720 I looked to the broken woman. She was barely conscious. The paramedics didn't 268 00:24:55,759 --> 00:24:57,960 have the time to take her away. One of them was hiding in the 269 00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:02,839 back of the ambulance, while the other just stood there, staring at the 270 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:08,640 woman with the black box. We all moved forward slowly, a few whispers, 271 00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:17,240 a declaration of faith. No, not faith, just worship. It 272 00:25:17,319 --> 00:25:22,440 isn't faith when you've seen it, when you know it's there. The others 273 00:25:22,519 --> 00:25:26,279 joined into a circle, two police officers as well. All of them stared 274 00:25:26,319 --> 00:25:33,920 blindly into this captivating light, this invitation to behold, to step outside yourself 275 00:25:33,079 --> 00:25:38,799 and see this hidden blessing. I tried to look away. I tried so 276 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:45,160 hard. I tried holding my eyes shut, but I couldn't. I wanted 277 00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:49,440 to look deeper and disappear into that light, to let it burn me hollow 278 00:25:49,720 --> 00:26:00,480 inside and out, to be free home. I heard it calling. I 279 00:26:00,519 --> 00:26:06,200 can't describe it, but I heard it, even with two hands covering my 280 00:26:06,279 --> 00:26:10,839 eyes with a clicking noise from that box bore its way into my head and 281 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:15,920 forced an electrical impulse of light inside my eyelids. No matter, I thought, 282 00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:23,119 maybe it would be wonderful in the end. Looking back at it, 283 00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:30,279 it's so unreal. The thoughts are still there, but it's like they're not 284 00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:33,920 even my own. I tried to recap a movie you saw twenty years ago, 285 00:26:34,799 --> 00:26:40,319 and you know, hadn't it been for one stupid thing. I would 286 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:45,519 never have made it here. One of the officers, the one who drew 287 00:26:45,559 --> 00:26:49,319 a pistol, had dropped it. I slipped on it. When I was 288 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:55,319 drawn in, I fell hard, tore so first, knocking the air out 289 00:26:55,319 --> 00:27:00,680 of my lungs. There lying on the side, I noticed I was lying 290 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:06,000 parallel to the beaten woman, looking at one another from across the parking lot. 291 00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:11,119 I was reminded that there was still time. Looking at her, I 292 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:15,440 didn't see Ao. I just saw the pain of what was the com if 293 00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:23,400 I didn't tear myself away. So I did. In one quick swoop, 294 00:27:23,799 --> 00:27:27,160 I picked up the gun at my feet, held it up, pointed forward, 295 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:33,400 and looked. I pulled the trigger. The moment I did, my 296 00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:38,960 eyes fell upon the black box. I could see it before me, every 297 00:27:40,079 --> 00:27:45,640 flash of light from that box, stretching into days weeks. I could see 298 00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:49,240 the bullet travel across the sky in my mind, like a celestial body traveling 299 00:27:49,279 --> 00:27:55,440 across the stars. I could drown my thoughts in this world of ale eternally 300 00:27:55,480 --> 00:28:03,079 seen and loved, wanted needed. I gave up completely, just like the 301 00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:07,160 others. I did. It scares the hell out of me to admit, 302 00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:15,799 but experiencing that thing for the third time was the final snap. Luckily that 303 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:22,680 one bullet found its target. The box shattered into pieces. The inside of 304 00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:29,039 it was nothing but a powerful bulb and a little hand cranked fan. That 305 00:28:29,319 --> 00:28:33,000 was all there was to it. As the pieces spread across the asphalt, 306 00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:38,400 there was a moment of realization, like something was torn out of my head. 307 00:28:40,519 --> 00:28:44,720 The world started to spin, as if passing by a million miles per 308 00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:49,200 hour. I got the worst case of vertigo i'd ever experienced, barely able 309 00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:55,920 to breathe from the nausea. Others collapsed to the ground, exponging their empty 310 00:28:55,960 --> 00:29:00,480 stomachs. I saw someone having a seizure, who'd beaten that girl half to 311 00:29:00,559 --> 00:29:06,279 death, crawled up to me. Took my handgun and fired every single round 312 00:29:06,319 --> 00:29:11,759 into the woman who held that black box. Maybe he too, saw his 313 00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:18,480 chance to be free. It was absolute chaos. I was sick. I 314 00:29:18,559 --> 00:29:23,640 was accused more flashing lights, but all they did was worse in my nausea. 315 00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:27,279 I got my blood pressure checked. I had to spend a night in 316 00:29:27,359 --> 00:29:33,279 jail. I think I could barely think straight. Most of my time was 317 00:29:33,359 --> 00:29:37,759 past leaning over a toilet bowl, emptying my bows over and over. Some 318 00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:42,039 of the stuff that came out just didn't make any sense. When the hell 319 00:29:42,079 --> 00:29:48,880 did I eat a sunflower? And why the hell was it blue? The 320 00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:55,319 beaten woman didn't accuse me. If anything, she cleared me. Maybe she 321 00:29:55,359 --> 00:29:59,519 saw that last ditch effort for what it was. The man who shot down 322 00:29:59,519 --> 00:30:06,000 a capt was charged, but I don't know for what. After many considerations, 323 00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:11,240 I was eventually cleared. One of the officers on site was actually the 324 00:30:11,279 --> 00:30:15,640 one I'd initially talked to when I was first assaulted. So maybe you felt 325 00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:21,599 bad about not listening the first time. Maybe you've seen the articles. They 326 00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:26,319 called it a prank gone wrong. I think it reached like page eight of 327 00:30:26,359 --> 00:30:32,160 a national paper. This was a couple of years ago. I wanted to 328 00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:37,039 put this the paper to remind myself that it actually happened, and that my 329 00:30:37,119 --> 00:30:44,920 feelings and fears are still valid, because to this day I get this sort 330 00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:52,519 of Halovian response whenever something flashes. It's like my body goes into shock immediately 331 00:30:52,519 --> 00:30:56,559 trying to get something out of me. Hell, it made me throw up 332 00:30:56,599 --> 00:31:00,680 once when I was photographed for work. I think the box was something called 333 00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:07,200 a raskin. I've seen a few of them circling online, some sort of 334 00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:12,839 replica of an art piece by some old turn of the century author. I 335 00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:18,519 just wanted to put this out there. When I found myself looking for answers 336 00:31:18,799 --> 00:31:25,160 and there was none to be found, I felt so goddamn alone. At 337 00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:30,839 least now there is one of us talking about it.