I think it' s disconnected from our host. Looks like it' s
ours. Thank you, hello, hello, we' re here. There
' s a frightful technical flaw, but good here. Welcome. I present
to you all the people who are seeing us. These four personalities were already
in what good question, they were with me in an interview and today they
are here because the idea is to talk with you about this topic. I
invite you to see, please, the interviews of each of them, because
believe me they will be greatly surprised from Uruguay. There' s Tamara pro
Son' s eleven o' clock in Uruguay and she' s here at
the bottom of the canyon. She' s a woman who has a lot
of work, but here she' s making the effort. Tamara welcome.
Thank you, Luis, a pleasure with you and the rite of the Parelitas.
Welcome accompany us and to him Cardoso, which for me is a privilege.
She is an exceptional woman, has an impressive way of sharing and commenting
and helping so many people through many techniques and for me it is a pleasure
in privilege. Now he how you are, not man, a dear pleasure
as always to be with you. Thank you for the invitation once again and
also a pleasure to meet these amazing people that we have on the bread today
is amazing. Thank you, welcome. She accompanies me to the disbet resen
dis Lisbeth is a businesswoman who truth has done things wonderfully. You don'
t know how I admire you You know they' re not onions, but
I really admire you I love you for everything you' ve done. We
' ll talk about your company too, but well, the important thing is
that you' re here to talk about this. Welcome, Liz, yes,
thank you very much, Luis, my allies. The truth is this
is a pleasure today, to be here with all of you, with Tamar,
with Yael, with Pepe shoulder the adolescence of all of you. And
so it' s a rather interesting topic, no, and thank you very
much for considering me. And so, here we are to share with all
of you. Thank you very much, thank you very much to You and
the gentleman of good knowledge, Pepe pres It is not a taste. We
bring the same look. No, the truth is that we agreed today we
said we' re going to go out with the same look. It'
s a privilege for me, my dear Pepe, thank you for joining us
how you are, my friend. All right, all right, but kitty,
there' s something missing right there We' re pretty much there.
Yeah, I' ve got, like, three more slaps than you,
but, well, it doesn' t look like that, but don'
t hear abel. Nice to share with you too. Thank you for the
invitation and this one because I start this welcome we will give you. I
want to ask you this. They' ve ever run into some toxic person.
I would first like to define what a toxic person is, because today
is very fashionable the toxic, the toxic, and it seems that we call
everyone toxic because they think differently. However, the first question was thus raised
in an economic vote. I want to ask you about the four of you,
who' s run into some toxic person. It' s like that
or not. That' s right, okay, one two, okay to
him also size one. Not with any toxic people. No, but I
think it has a little more to do with the definition. Okay, where
are we putting the focus? Please, then, tell us what would be
the difference of a toxic person. Please welcome, I think it would be
very difficult to give you a definition of a toxic person, because the question
is there are toxic people or it is our dynamics that are toxic. Okay.
Okay. So, to open your mouth, you' re gone,
too. That excuses what it does and totally unexpected. But what I want
to ask you, I' ll go with you and him, then with
LS and then with Pepe to see. This is very important. There are
toxic people, or it' s the dynamics of people or our dynamics that
make us perceive toxic people what your friend says, I think it' s
all about perception. I also believe that there are more people with life stories
that make us react in different ways to what we are living and what we
are facing on a day- to- day basis. But it has a
lot to do with how I perceive your attitude to some particular situation. Okay,
ready. Yes, I totally agree with Jael, because much of what
we are or how we look at the world is through our own history.
No, and sometimes people are just, you know, not good or bad.
It' s just and in that sense. We might be able to
overjudge someone there. But we always do it from our own history. So
that' s where this part also comes in, so what' s good
or what' s bad. No. Sometimes things are and we are the
ones that give a connotation to each one, because of the events that happens
ok pepe you what you tell us good puts a little spicy and have two
interesting points of view. I' m leaving from a free will decision.
My first big will book decision is I want to be human and I want
to be here on this planet. So, when you come to certain rules,
there is the rule of good and evil and many situations and he and
the free cold tells me well, because in the end it has to do
with Here is something. Here is a path I have always imagined as a
maze and we, five, can take the same path and each of us
if we have a different place, turn left or right, decide to stay
there because we are afraid or move on. And not here. It'
s not here, it' s not going on. And each of those
situations for others is going to generate those perceptions. But you can believe it.
Yeah, I' d think there' s a good thing and I
say good and bad decisions or better decisions. Possibly that would be the first
part I would see. But here forgive me for interrupting you, my dear
Pepe. I want to ask you something and I go with you, tamara
lis and he and Pepe again to see is very romantic. What did you
just say? I mean? It is our perception that is life in how
we live. Life is very romantic. Yeah, but it hasn' t
happened to them that there' s always Aunt Lupita at Christmas. We all
have a lupita aunt who always is. And my little boy you haven'
t married. And my little boy and what happened to the kids. And
my little boy, you didn' t change your truck. We' ve
always run into someone at work who' s insidious, gossipy, who sees
everything as negative, who sees everything as bad, which is no longer your
job development. It' s how you dress, it' s how you
comb. It' s like you smell, that' s all, and
they' re people who leave for life who, instead of giving thanks,
are giving themselves their complaints wherever they go. Those people can' t say
you' re ay is maybe I' m getting it wrong. The person
himself brings a very, very, very, very sick scroll. It won
' t be good. I think I agree with Yael' s position because
we are a historical cut and assessment of toxicity. To me, the word
toxicity doesn' t get me too much. I think that rather we act
dysfunctionally and not so much good or bad can work or not work and the
behavior of people, not toxic people, but toxic behaviors have to do with
a historical cut and a situational cut. Because I' ve probably been all
those things that you' ve said, too, Louis, at some point,
maybe because of different circumstances. I' ve been the one who asked
and the guys by when, the kids, when I asked about someone'
s life or I' ve gotten very angry and I' ve been the
negative person in a meeting, or I' ve been the gossip all of
a sudden in a group of friends. But it also has to do with
evaluating the dynamics that led me to that place. Yes, it is true
that there are people who act consciously for but not everyone we call toxic is
toxic, and not all the behaviors we consider toxic are so toxic, but
they account for a situation, for an act. Tamara says she' s
sometimes aunt lupita. You have to be careful with the timbre I' m
coming with you. Yeah, it has to, like Tamara, I agree,
it' s not as toxic, because if we go to something toxic
and it doesn' t even exist, that is, it doesn' t,
or it' s toxic it can be a substance, for example,
no, but I understand your point that you' re right there verdulero and
you want to throw us out to fight. Okay perfect, let' s
take it as a perfect toxic. I' m going to lend myself just
for this exercise. It' s going to be clear, and I'
d call it unhappy people, people who aren' t being happy, who
aren' t creating any more with their lives, and then, as you
see them moving, they want to stop you in some way or another.
There' s a very fatherly book and I remembered that I had it.
In fact, it' s called toxic people. I don' t know
if you know anyone. Okay Teas is really lame, because even he makes
a classification of the types of toxic people using this term that I' m
also hit by tamara. I agree, but he' s a pain in
the ass because he tells you there' s the gas- smelling face,
not what you tell him. Good morning and I' m like this all
the time, not and I know that ja of everything and if it'
s hot and it' s gone cold, tomos everything' s wrong And
like Pepe said, yes, sometimes we have a lot of this connotation of
good and bad, but I would call it more how convenient this is for
me, that is, not so good or bad, but really being great
this choice that I' m making right now. And watch why I run
into toxic people. Why? Why? Why? If there' s a
lot of people in my life, why do I end up hooking up with
that kind of people and of course they exist, but they' re people
who aren' t creating, they' re not moving and, like water,
when we don' t flow, we stagnate and we can. Not
then, it' s like everything smells bad, because I see that the
others follow their course and I' m still here in my poop lodge,
not then, but then they do exist ready here. What' s interesting
is that discovering xiste or not, or if it' s just pressure from
us. It doesn' t exist, but it' s me who gives
it the toxic label because then I could say you' re fucked, güey,
I mean, I don' t call it toxic, we call it
your fucking and you want me to be just as fucked up, that you
' re already really mad. If I go into your poop pool and go
swimming with you, or they do, then the truth is that there is
a fact that there are these kinds of people not all a little bit,
who sometimes seem to be angry with reality or angry with life, and then
they go around trying to make you less trying. Tamara said something very important
about what we do for those people to finally get to us. There is
no very important thing, too, that we can reflect on what we are
doing, not also to attract these kinds of people who, instead of contributing
to us, are cutting off part of what we too are, to be
able to choose, to be able to say with what kind of person,
because I want to live together, I want to share, to be able
to reflect. That part also leads us to know which people do and which
people add us up in our lives, because at the end of the day,
as I tell you, people are. Yes, there are people who
have this tendency to complain, to be displeased with people. But in that
sense I choose how close I am to someone. So no, how can
I put healthy limits for those people, because if they don' t share
like this story with me, well, they say out there that they add
that they subtract us. And that way, because we too put this barrier.
Not because by the end of the day those people are gonna be,
they' re gonna be, and they' re not gonna be. No.
But it is up to us, too, to what we want and
what we are willing to tolerate in the people around us. We just go
Pepe we run into them on the way, they come out to meet us,
we attract them or what happens, because sometimes it seems like it'
s a joke. It' s a big front. It' s a
lot like that, the joints are a lot and all of a sudden,
if they fill your foot bag with pebbles, I wouldn' t think of
two other important things. One, I think it all depends on perspectives.
I mean, I' m remembering. It was recently in Mexico a concert
with my son and then you say good every person I see today like this,
but the place that everyone can be. Oh, good thing I got
my little chaperone' cause it lets me see. Or how bad it'
s for me to be the one who doesn' t let me see and
it' s going to have to do with my position and the position of
the others. So, from where I see it. That' s one
and the second that I put here on the table and that will have to
do with my how you know today at this moment is eight of a day,
because there' s evidence. If YOU have evidence, it' s
dark that the sun isn' t there. Then you learned that when there
are no suns at night and when there are suns at day, right yes,
then you recognize the night and the day, because you have something for
which I want to go that if I place something toxic in YOU, it
is because I already lived it, I already know it and surely I am
also a little and I am simply recognizing something that I have to have a
point of reference. So what, such that those people are also on my
way to learning something and beyond something negative, is becoming like a teacher,
a mirror or a learning situation. I tell you, it' s hard
for me to get in the way of the fact that he' s a
teacher. I don' t put you back, and now I' m
coming with you. First, pepe then lis ya to him and then tamara.
I' m going with you on this subject. How we can otherwise
not only identify, but actually how we can or what factors contribute to whether
a person is toxic or not. I' m going for every example.
Pepe will give it back to you. I' m going to the concert.
In front of me is a person who is complaining. There' s
a lot of people going to start raining, but they' re going to
be late for the band and you' re listening to it. You'
re formed with your son at the concert the happiest and this person doesn'
t, but surely this one won' t play. They' re going
to cancel the concert, they' re starting to come in. It'
s just that he fights with the ticket guy, so you say he hears
what a bad vibe brother this is, I come in super good vibes with
my son and this one comes from toxic. What factors contribute to saying that
a person is toxic or not. I' m going with you, Pepe
Ellis, and him and Tamara, and before I go over with Tamara,
I' m going to ask you another question, because I was with double
intent. Tamara there, you go, right now, I say come on,
Pepe I think it has to do with what influences or removes or affects
the environment, in this case me and my son, for example. That
' s what I' d say. If it' s if I'
m going to give you that term of toxic, non- toxic. It
will have to do with what it contributes, what it does not contribute to,
and what you care about, you can say that it contributes to being
a toxic person or not. Let' s just say josa, conflictive complaining,
of course, and in the end, I think something interesting is that
she' s going to shoot a decision from me, that is, the
first thing I would do would be to try and slink it further away from
the place where that person is. Not, for example, that is said
easy in the line of a concert, because you let it pass for the
person. So my dad' s when she' s the aunt and I
aim at that or not, and that' s the idea more or less.
We go around because I' m going to ask you just for the
next round is and what happens when they' re our family, when they
' re my boss, when they' re my son. Not that I
come super healthy and my son is the one who' s ready to go
with you how it is that we have, well, I think something very
important or good when some situation happens. That' s how you manage your
emotions, too. Not since maybe something' s going on, there'
s something external. What do I do, No, what do I do,
what fate to be me, because at the end of the day it
is a decision that yes, maybe we make it based on our history.
But it' s a decision to be as they say at the concert and
have a good attitude or a bad attitude. In the end this part,
maybe the tone thing might be the environment. It can all be a few
situations, but at the end of the day you decide, you don'
t decide. And maybe I feel like people who tend to be more toxic
or have a more negative side, because maybe they don' t make our
best choices in attitude, in behavior But, well, maybe it depends a
lot on each other' s perception, but I think we all decide in
the end what emotion to take and what attitudes to take to things. What
certain healthy limits would be no longer to him, that is, you walk
away, as Pepe says no, this change of channel, change of conversation.
But there are times I tell you, there are many. Yeah,
look, I' ve learned a lot, because in my family we see
a lot and I' ve been a big cannon too. And the truth
is that I have realized that toxic people as you are calling them today,
are people who have to jitis, acute, who are envious, give constructive
criticism, but have not built anything. Those who seek this problem for every
solution, those you want to teach them. I was listening out there to
a rill that people say there are bee people and fly people, that tell
you the bee, but it' s that honey is very rich. And
the fly says no. It' s just that, well, the stern
looks good. No, then the bee says no, but look. I
' m telling you honey and honey and not my ecosystem. It' s
full of this, because again we come from a story and if I don
' t know it, it' s not going to be normal, so
to speak. For me it' s going to be even awkward to have
these people who say that vibrating high and all this stuff and itchy, explains
why they say ay your world of rainbows and colors and toxic positivism. It
has touched me a lot that it is very different to be an optimistic person,
to be positive toxic. But, well, that' s another song.
They' re people who don' t have empathy for others that when
they tell you something, they tell you that for harm and they don'
t do it for being, that is, for really having a constructive criticism,
but for hurting you like the one in the ear. You fattened a
jet hears for when the children, because if you are already old, not
then suddenly you say who asked you something, that was so necessary that comment
of my body or of my life. You don' t know, but
that' s so much, there' s so much lack of love in
themselves and so much lack of acceptance that they can' t actually see anything
great nice in someone else. So that' s where it comes from and
Lisbetti and I tell you that I' m on this side and that I
can watch you if I hook up with you, I' m right about
something and Pepe said something very important. The person you most dislike is the
one who looks the most like you in the dark. Ah and that brings
me out a lot of Commission. The truth is, I don' t
think so. I don' t think so because there are critical distances.
If there are ways of different this madra, what about the parents, what
about the children, with the brothers, with the boss. I mean,
it' s not like you have a bad interpretation of your boss, that
everyone sees him, but your job, I mean, there are things you
say. I' m probably wrong, but there are things in the sayings
don' t smudge. This one' s crazy, not good. I
think it' s important that point of inflection and awareness that if I have
a toxic partner, if I have a toxic child, if I have a
toxic boss, there' s a factor that' s repeating that I'
m a show and not that the other is always the toxic one, but
that I' m being part of that dynamic and in what has to do
with relational psychology, there' s talk of someone who sustains the other'
s behavior. So how important it is to be able to recognize within all
these nuances of toxicity where I' m being involved and I' m sustaining
each other' s behavior. And how good it would be to be able
to run out of those spaces and why not even down the curtain of some
relationships, be it work and even family, simply because, as Pepe said,
I' m going to paraphrase it there. It doesn' t make
me feel good, it doesn' t bring me well- being. You
should also be very aware that the body reacts to these types of people and
the body changes the central nervous system. He' s the first to make
a reading of what' s happening to us. And it' s these
people who say ay I don' t feel comfortable with or set limits,
which is a huge task, It' s very difficult, but it'
s a learning to be able to get rid of those happen to get this
kind of behavior that nothing is benefiting us. It says tamada pepe that set
limits, lower curtains, not take distance. Definitely. In certain people it
' s easier, no, but in family, in a couple it'
s suddenly very complicated and I think that' s also a lot of self
- love. What do you think, but you want to say I don
' t want before I tell you this, this thing that itches you I
want to share something. I think there is a perception of linear time that
is true on our planet, in our human perception, but in the same
way something that is on it. They' re talking about cold and heat.
We' re talking about temperatures. True, moreover, as in our
human perception they are as far away, so far is the heat and so
far is the cold. Right, yeah, yeah, nothing but what they
say is that it' s circular. What we see and understand is that
the universe is circular. So you heard what this one says if you get
hit by your chat, no, no, no, it' s too
close. I mean, if you see it circularly, the cold and the
heat are like this. Just one turned to the other. So we'
re used to saying here I' m zero horrified and it' s even
warm enough to a hundred hundred and fifty. It is, but truly in
this cycle. I turn and back here and you are, because that'
s why they say that from the love of hate there' s a glass,
because instead of looking at the frent and turning it all around, I
just have to turn around and it' s here in my side behind me.
What happens is that we' re so used to it that we lose
sight of it, that it' s behind me and that' s where
I jal I think I was commenting on this topic because it' s that
we' re, it' s not like, a little distance away.
That' s why we don' t seem to see it, but at
the same time it' s so attached to me and it' s part
of me. What they mean is that then we all have some toxic or
all in another way. Yeah, what does that say that we all have
something toxic by vote. So cheap. Okay, wow. I also want
to ask you guys what you' re seeing us and you' re listening
to us. You think you' ve run into some toxic. You'
re toxic, you' re toxic. No, and also here interesting this,
how we can recognize that we are falling into a manipulation of a person
like this or how it is that we are now going to turn it,
We settle to blame the other person by calling it toxic conflict, when we
are the ones who generate that. There are many people who literally over there
are up to a sentence, I go with you, pick up later and
he lis and take this one. There' s a phrase out there that
literally says no. That there are people who react to what we did and
blame themselves not, I mean, you say hey, don' t hang
on. He' s not going that way. Don' t think what
you think. I would think it has to do with the issue of manipulating
and influencing or giving an opinion or a point of view. I think it
has to do with the person' s intention. If it' s my
intention to just see me, which is a no longer selfish one, in
a selfish way, no, then I' m manipulating. If what I
have to do has to do with a common good, where today there is
something here to vary look, it is not well armed. Let' s
do something different, change our positions, do whatever it is and then,
even if my opinion is different from yours, my intention is to consummate for
the common good, then I would not necessarily be toxic. For me,
the toxicity would have to do with just seeing me You do have to watch
you kick your ass, pepe and he lie to live together is what he
wants to tell us. Pepe, I mean, take it milder. No,
not me when I was before. Pepe, no, no, Dale,
Dale, Dale, don' t mean I think he' s looking.
We are so used to this part of the farce as well, not
even on social media. All of a sudden I' m a lot of
myself in therapy with people who say it' s scary for me to come
to my party and see that I don' t look as cool as in
the pictures. Not then, I mean. We' re always in a
mask. You know, at work. We' re a person with the
family, we' re another person because, that is, why it'
s so necessary and that' s where the toxicity falls. For me,
why do I have to disguise myself as other people or other identities according to
where I am. Because when you' re an authentic person, you can
show yourself just as you are, because you really have this ability to be
vulnerable. And we all have buttons, buttons that if they push them,
they hurt us and that if we push them with the people that we say
we love, we hurt and we know where and we know where to do
it and how to do it. But because sometimes I gain my ego and
get angry, I do that by reaction, because since you pressed a button
on me, it' s not like Jesus Christ I turn the other cheek.
No, no, I tapachurro stronger yours, because what' s hurting
me. And that' s where Lisbert was telling us, it' s
not clear what my decision is about. I mean, you already hurt me
and I know you' re toxic again in quotes. I know you have
a subject, I know you have a story, but because then I go
back, just like you are where I go with you and I go back
to my sentence. The one you most like Gordo is the one you most
like, because it detonates in You that discomfort. For me, that'
s toxicity. Why I' m feeling so bad when this person acts in
a certain way. OK. I don' t know if you, some
of you, are playing some sport or some sport, but I remember when
I was playing football many years ago, not this one. When I played
with a very good team, I even went up to your level, but
when you play with a very bad team, you become very clumsy like you
kind of lower the very ugly level I want to move him into this when
you run into a toxic person or when a person conflicts with a person you
suddenly become half clumsy already is doing the same thing. There are people who
say this read. That' s who I am. So, it'
s me, I' m very honest, I' m very, very,
very open. I say things the way I think about them and that
justifies being aggressive, hurting, hurting. That' s part of a toxicity.
Or not, so I say, let' s go again to this
part as the term. But then, I say, at the end of
the day people show themselves as they are. You don' t say,
there are even cynical people who could fall into their zero form or their way
of acting. But, well, that' s where this part depends a
lot. As I was saying, not what falls into you, what it
is in you to do for the best of these kinds of people, because
keeping them at bay and it may be that they are quite, quite strong
behaviors, as you said well. Maybe this other part of us, too,
not if you get a little check on things, it' s because
there' s something else in you. No, and I do agree with
this part that maybe life teachers are these kinds of people who even show up.
Such because sometimes we need to learn in the other, also not see
ourselves through the other. Many times it makes sense to us in ourselves.
Not seeing the best of others has happened to me. Some things happen also
makes sense, because in this sense for me or for other people. Then,
yes, there will always be people showing up with this flag. So
I am if you like me well, but also, but then, well,
there comes this part of us that yes, sum, that adds us
up. And so, with permission not the people who are like that,
if they do not go with our way of being, with our values,
with our beliefs, then good to give them now yes that turn to the
leaf, as they say. Out there, you said, a little while
ago, thank you, lis said bad, a little while ago to lower
curtains, to set limits. You can change a person. Yes, you
can change a person with a constant negativity with one you can one like that
person who has that relationship with a toxic person, change the other person,
influence his decisions, try to motivate her to make a little different. You
' re the worst person in the world to help that other one, because
you' re just as toxic. Well, I don' t want to
discourage you, Luis, but I think we have to give up all hope
of wanting to change each other or. Changes are always personal. And now
there he said I don' t remember. He' s not Lisbet anymore.
Take a good look at interpersonal relationships to make us more aware of who
we are. Yeah, there' s a learning. Yeah, there'
s a learning, learning how I come by selecting relationships, how I come
by selecting the people around me. Obviously there are situations that are a little
more inevitable, such as family issues, the subject of work, but we
come to learn and be more aware of ourselves. Only we ourselves can change
and make a review of what my toxic behaviors are, what are my where
I am engaging in toxic behaviors from another and how I can run. But
you have to give up all hopes of being superheroes and wanting to save the
other sounds so fatherly and so beautiful. Pepe is what he says, but
it' s very romantic and it' s romantic and I think it'
s functional. So it' s easier to say the problem, because it
' s not in you, but it' s in me. Okay what
I see, what I perceive, what I understand, and then I'
ll have to change certain things to stop seeing the toxic as toxic, because
there are toxic. Pepe, you know they were thinking of something right now
I' m sorry I' m going to what you' re talking about.
I can take this subject from the person who says I am like that.
You know what, right now I declare that I am suddenly someone I
say because I am, I am like this, says Pepe there have been
times when I touch the certain button on me and I say forgive me and
let me go. Don' t mean it' s me and don'
t ask me to change, and from that point on, I' ll
get on from the other one I was talking about. Tamara this one.
I think I' m like this, not forever, not for every case,
but I think it' s going to depend on a degree of maturity
that I have regarding what I' m living with that person. I mean,
I' m going to go to couples, I mean, hey,
there' s something one couple after another after another. The other one happens
to me something similar and then what is the constant in that, because I
do not treat them. So yes, it has to do with something that
I see that either I haven' t decided to see or I haven'
t wanted to work or it just keeps hurting me. I haven' t
found what the reason is, whatever it is, and then I' m
the one who has to change and for me it' s come to evolve
and that shoots me. It shows me a degree in my life or a
specific subject that I have not yet achieved by calling it a master' s
degree or a neutral way to handle it. At least then that' s
where he shoots the second part of what we talked about, which is what
he' s going to take In the end, it doesn' t have
to do with what I get to do and what changes others. It has
to do with what I see of myself. Yeah, but here' s
a hot topic, and here' s an interesting topic. Perhaps the term
toxic is not well applied for a person who is conflictive, for a person
who is negative, for a person we are talking about two different things.
One thing is the toxic, because I see it this way, and another
thing is that person who is negative, who is conflictive, who I don
' t know you have relatives, so everything looks bad, everyone sees it
dangerous, everyone sees it and says hey it' s not possible. Life
' s not that, it' s not that now. It doesn'
t mean they' re toxic, but they think different, they have another
perception that doesn' t suit me that for me it' s not healthy,
and then I keep a critical distance enough to take care of myself.
To me, take care of my thoughts and my feelings, because over time,
that gets contagious, not for a while, you' re already on
the plane will fall when you say hey we' re going on vacation,
not lis what you think. Yeah, I totally agree. I think this
part is very important. Well, they' re already talking to you at
the best of what happened to me, not what we were saying a little
bit. This part of the constant is you. At the end of the
day, the constant is you and in my case, I was able to
return which were like those wounds as a child, at what time you fit
with a person as I said wind sea in which times you also sustain such
behavior and one thing that helped me a lot is to be able to have
approached specialists who could support me in the matter. The power to have developed
a healthy self- esteem, including having. Now they call them support groups,
people who can also support you in this process. And yes, I
mean, I realized that the one who had the problem, because it was
me not, and from there I could change my environment, from there I
could change this reality. From there I was able to change and put these
healthy limits that sometimes I tell you, not sometimes when we are not used
to it, because we fall the blame, it falls to us that he
son is that how I' m going to tell him this, how I
' m going to put a stop to people. And I really liked this
part of not being able, not being able to put a stop. Then,
when I did this, with the fear many times of losing people.
But I realized that no, instead of losing people, the truth was if
they were adding up more people who were going on this road with me as
well. No, and it was, then, a whole process. I
also realized that it was part of that circle that, therefore, brought nothing
good to my life, people who, therefore, with my values and my
way of being smoked us. But it was from work, from the inside
of me that I realized what those wounds were that kept stinging me and I
kept reacting. No, and it' s a never- ending story.
Then he' s already very interesting and thanks to them forgive me for interrupting
you already. I want to ask you why imagine you already ok is saying
it. I worked on myself, no, and then I developed more self
- esteem, etcetera, etcetera. No, and then I don' t,
but then you become seemingly toxic to other people because you can' t
tell them anything anymore, because I' ve already had a limit. Oh,
she' s already feeling the lighted one, and even that' s
where the roll comes from. What you just said a while ago is positive
toxicity where it' s taking you. There are people who say you don
' t, but there are people who say get up applaud, jump energy
like that of this girl of regil no to life you live like that,
uh what joy And at half an hour you cross one and you already left
no, I mean, it doesn' t make you toxic. Also that
roll of falling into the end of now I' m the super healthy,
the super- centered. Of course, I' ve always talked about it
with you. The human being is a construct and just as we build,
we have to rebuild every day from what no longer works for us and keep
in mind that we have this wonderful superpower to choose from. But when I
come up with the toxic or the way you said conflictive, the one who
doesn' t like it and all this stuff, who' s more toxic
than who, he or that person who already is so says I' m
like that, leave me alone or I' ll pass it by judging him
and then I say like you' re not, like I want you to
be then, I don' t love you, then I don' t
accept you, then get out of my life then, and who' s
the manipulator then, and who' s the one who' s toxic,
then, because then I also am like that and how I want you to
be like I say then, if you' re not, you don'
t fit into any world, don' t put yourself in that attitude.
We' re not here sucking quietly, either, so you can get that
way in that attitude. Listen, it' s very easy, man,
it' s very easy to fall into this thing that he makes or does,
because let him do it, because he doesn' t want to change.
Okay, I already know myself, I said to lice, I already
know myself. I already went to therapy. I' m already changing and
I have no negotiables in my life. And if one negotiable in my life
is violence and I' m enduring a violent, then to whom I'
m being unfaithful. First to me, ok, then I need, as
you say, I' ll also take this part of relational psychology that does
tell us why I' m accepting this if I' m not supposed to
want it in my life, because in the potential that I have in my
mind, such a little person should be such, and then my squeaks are
true and I' m the best therapist and with my love and it'
s going to change and never happen. And then I get angry with him,
with her, with the world, and with me, because it didn
' t happen. I' m all fucked up now. And what you
say comes along, you wear out, you kiss, you feel super bad.
And that' s when these thousand terms come in that you' re
a narcissist and you crushed me and made me, yes, but I told
you a thousand times that I' m crazy, I told you a thousand
times that I' m a dog and yet you insisted on changing me.
Then who' s more toxic than who. Wow tamara how we can do
it to change that toxicity of us that is believed to be sorry, what
can be done well, I think they mentioned things that are super important,
which is to do personal review, learn to get to know each other,
learn to take distance and just as we go to the gym, we take
care and decide to eat healthy, also to be able to choose the people
with whom we are something he already mentioned. Now it took me to rethink
a little sometimes. So whoever I consider to be toxic is not so toxic,
but incompatible with me, so I think this word also has such a
great social weight and we stigmatize people very much by saying your behavior is toxic.
You' re a toxic, when suddenly there' s no compatibility,
and it' s just that your behavior doesn' t go with me and
it' s not wrong to tell the other one there' s no place
for you in my life. Not bad. I think we also have a
long way to go to get through that discomfort that comes from the placement of
the limit, from holding, not holding, but from wanting to manage the
emotions of the other, because what I told him on my limit makes him
feel bad or to manage the limits to another the discomfort of my limit.
That' s a very almighty place. I mean, I can barely manage
my emotions and I can' t pretend to manage someone else' s emotions.
I' ve got enough work for mine. What I can do to
take care of myself is set a limit that is not diffuse, that gives
a job. It is a most beautiful job, this being able to place
loving and compassionate limits for me and for the other, but that are not
diffuse, not that they do not bring trap ok and the limit is not
for the other, because the limit is for you, it is for limits.
For me, the limit tells me what I have to do. Tell
me again that I didn' t hear you, that it has to be
a loving, firm, loving, flexible limit. It would also not be
a limit, that would be a negotiable, it would be a negotiable limit.
There are non- negotiable limits and non- negotiable limits. Where maybe
ok we can find a midpoint, where we can reach a space that we
are both comfortable, but there are issues that are non- negotiable, as
he said and to him I will never relate in an interpersonal relationship of any
style where I have to go through some situation of violence. Now and the
other one' s gonna break the limit, what' s it gonna work
for? For me to go the limit is for me, it' s
not for the other. Now tell me something pepe why it sounds so beautiful
and it' s all a titanic job, I mean, it' s
hard. It' s hard. I already understand with this that we are
talking, that we have talked up to this moment, that then the measurement
is made by me. It can' t be that I put a glass
or a tile or a huge one of what I can allow or not,
but the limit then I put it I why sometimes it costs us so much
work and it' s so easy to point out the other and blame the
other and make the other one responsible. How first, I think that the
first thing, that what marks it before is before working any limit, that
are the beliefs that we have, which are learned are blowjobs, not in
other words, those are not mine, they are someone else' s.
Then they tell me you don' t have to be good and you have
to wait. I remember referring to this that speaking of couple relationships, it
will be like this my first wife remembers, as well as I mean,
it passed and did and so it passed over me of me and nothing happened.
And one of the things that I learned and that with one couple and
another and whatever it was suddenly was saying up here don' t wait for
me. I don' t mean this I' m willing to do.
I' m not willing and I think someone around here told me I think
it was tamara, it' s gonna have to do with us being,
I mean, my limits being valid for you and you' re willing and
comfortable. In this case it was a couple with me living together with those
limits and that my situation of me putting a limit up here doesn' t
affect what you' re expecting from a relationship. Then there, all of
a sudden, I can be the poison for putting a no. When someone
wants more, for example, closeness or more what I am willing to live
to, then it will simply have to do with these limits that are saying
tamara because they are mine, I mean, it is the signal that is
my what to take me side, it is my what to decide here I
have to put a stop to it is not me to tell you don'
t make yourself there that already you. I said get over there and I
' ll get you. No, I mean, I' m not going
back any more. I think that' s where you stand on this case.
Evidently, this is learning over the years and with the damage, or
there is an easier way to learn it ready sonjole, for in my case
it was with the damage the truth, that is, I had no other
way but with the damage to learn it and yes, as it says,
the best pepe sometimes we go holding certain things and suddenly we turn and say
ah gee no. It wasn' t that way, I mean, there
' s no reason to go on holding on to the best, this thing
for me today, because it doesn' t make sense anymore. Not we
are changing, our truth is changing. We are beings that are evolving and
maybe, something that five years ago seemed normal to me. Today is no
longer the case. No, and putting these limits helps us to have a
better relationship with ourselves, because it is part of us in order to establish
a better coexistence, because with people and now there are also different types of
limits. There are also the physical limits, also emotional limits that justly help
us, in this sense, to put a barrier as we are considering it.
I am also one of the people who, perhaps my non- negotiable,
could be some situations of violence. And to that extent, because I
have been building, unfortunately, at the best of bad experiences, I have
learned a lot, unfortunately, but fortunately for me, because today I am
a reconstructed person, a person who values very much the closeness of people and,
well, maybe you recognize the best in different areas. Always a portrait
of having this closeness with people and all that experience has given me, well,
maybe not good relationships or maybe others do. But over the years,
I' ve been learning. Okay, he' s already here What I
want to ask you. The boundaries change as time passes. The non-
negotiable and the negotiable change or are firm and fixed from here to eternity.
I think they can change. I think they can change, because in the
end, as list says, I think wisdom is the daughter of experience.
There' s no more, I mean, you need to have this relationship
with people so you can say good. But then, if I have a
non- negotiable limit and myself. I' m unfaithful to myself and I
break it for still there. Then I' ll go back to the same
thing. My context is showing me what I do to myself all the time,
because it' s all about me, because I love myself through others
and if someone treats me badly and I resent all of me, mauser with
forgiveness of you and I say ay, it' s not that I'
m super good, good, good, good, and then I don'
t answer it, because what the other one will be when I want to
or regret it, he' s going to insult me again, because I
haven' t put one up here and then of course he changed, because
to the other I' m going to say already the express heard exploded and
I won' t put a limit on it anymore. I' m gonna
slap him and tell me what' s wrong with you, why you react
that way. La la la, but she doesn' t start to think
the sixteen times that I provoked because I didn' t tell her how I
felt about how she made me feel about the insult she made me. I
don' t know if I understand. Yes, of course, of course,
experience is the service of the daughter of the tamara experience, that is,
we necessarily need to experience. We cannot learn from others. I mean,
I can' t learn standing up, but I can' t learn
him anymore. I' m going to give you a sentence that moves me
a lot that says and I don' t know who it says. If
the wounds are shown the caresses too. And it seems to me that while
there is a lot of learning in pain, there is also in good relationships,
in people who are not toxic, in people who accept our non-
negotiable limits with Thanks for taking care of you. Okay, I' m
getting it. You can' t handle this, but what else. Yes,
that they have, that they want to stay and that they want to
generate bonds of all classes, that are nice, that are nice to live,
not that they have no difficulties, because that doesn' t exist anymore,
since they no longer exist. There are highs and lows, there are
complexities in all interpersonal relationships. But yes, I think we can learn from
both places and certainly wisdom comes with this time and with the years. We
' re going to do it a little bit better, says a friend always
or in every situation we' re going to do it a little bit better
because because we put into play that previous learning and we improve it and suddenly
we realize that yes, yes, I go this way, because last time
I did this and it didn' t work out so much and we renew
resources. So it' s cumulative learning and that' s extraordinary. I
have to connect the computer, but I would love to as long as I
have this technical problem that, please, Pepe reminds us what you do with
your social media read. He' ll already take how we can find ourselves
in what I fast. I' m going here with this. This goes
forward with my creed. Thanks, because I have dedicated myself to the development
in hand and organizational through different services, conferences, workshops, Team Mildings.
I am writing a book dedicated to integration, particularly here, of the kind
of work I call cho to us find me on any social network. Look
for PP three, just like that Thank you. Pepe forward I make it
clear to you that a server to Resends. I have a brand name called
Somerick. They are shops in which we market mostly cosmetics, accessories accessories for
lady. In the State of Querétaro. We have nine branches today and,
well, it' s part of what I do. We can also be
found on our social networks, such as Sumeric, on Instagram and my personal
networks, such as Resendis. Well, I' m Jael Cardoso, a
psychotherapist gestad, I' m also a master coach in human development and,
well, an apprentice of life. They also find me on Facebook as Jael
Cardoso and on Instagram as Jael Carlos. I' m Tamara. They find
me on Instagram as a licensed pro camera I am a clinical psychologist with a
specialization in families and couples and non monogamous formations and my epic mologist. I
really want to thank you very much for the opportunity to talk to you.
I also want to tell everyone who' s watching us, they' re
listening to us, they' re going to see this repeat. They'
re going to hear this replay. Contact Tamara, Yael, Lisbet, Pepe.
I am convinced that there is a different way of living and thinking and
that is why I have created this concept of what a good question, because
the idea is to positively impact all these questions, many of them with a
stubbornness, maybe and putting myself as a devil' s advocate, but the
idea is just that you listen to the experts who live a normal life like
yours and mine who have problems, what go through difficulties, what go through
sorrows, but who have tools to be able to live differently. So I
' m asking you to come closer. Don' t fight battles alone,
don' t fight alone. Who taught us that. The superheroes, because
they have lied not because of a Mexican superhero, at least chespirito, not
the colored Chapulín was a superhero Torpe stumbled, he was afraid, but he
always went ahead because he always leaned on other people. Then I want to
thank you infinitely for your participation. Lisbeth, thank you really and he tamara
Pepe are a blessing in my life. Thank you for agreeing, thank you
for adding up. I am sure we will do many things together, but
inevitably tell you that it is a pleasure, a privilege for me to coincide
in this life with you. I learn the admirers know it' s not
onion. I hope they make me the appropriate deposit. Some are late with
payments, but thank you for really making me say goodbye with one last sentence.
Now let me start with the gentleman not Pepe. Then Tamara Yael and
finally lis So go ahead my dear Pepe comes to mind a phrase. I
don' t know how to paraphrase that says the world changes without my eyes
changing. Okay, all right. Thank you very much, my Pepe.
Thank you. Please, yes, I' m sorry, I didn'
t hear. I' m going to say goodbye with a phrase that'
s not mine. Randy also said in reference to this whole theme of today,
of not allowing anyone to walk through our mind with partner feet. Oh
wow, that' s great. Lis then, well, there' s
one phrase that I really like, which is this part of the truth.
It' s dynamic. It would not be father to be able to sit
down and reflect on what my truth is today, what my truth was and
to continue to grow and to continue to evolve in this life that is very
sad. Thank you very much, Isl forward. Please, well, I
' d like to close with this sentence that is mine. I always tell
them we all have something to say that someone needs to hear you never shut
up because you don' t know how many lives you can save. Wow.
Thank you very much, thank you, truly blessings for all. I
want to remind you to see the chapters of what good question are we in
the second season? Starting the second season, there are many surprises and all
of you really tell them that in this sense we can do things differently.
Boys, I bless you. Thank you, thank you very much, we
all see each other and listen to each other in a next chapter. See
you soon. Thank you, s u s o n