Hello everyone, and welcome back to the podcast episode. My name is Alicia
Gogain, the host of the Globe Secrets podcast, where I help you expand
your mind and become more self awares that you can glow up into the best
version of yourself. Hello, how are we doing? I'm not gonna say
Happy Monday, because I don't know when this episode is going to come out.
It is probably going to come out before Monday, because if you guys
did not listen to the last episode, the entire thing, then clearly you
just don't love me. I'm joking. The end of that episode, I
said that I will be changing the schedule to post whenever I feel like it,
because I feel like that's just how I create content, really, and
so why not just edit and post the episode as soon as I can.
So you might see some soporadic episodes here and there. Just know that you're
going to get all the episodes that you need, make sure that you're following,
make sure that you're subscribed, all the good stuff. But the ogs,
you guys, will be here exactly when you need it. With that
said, today's actually Monday that I'm record and it is July first, which
I live in Canada, so Happy Canada Day, and I just have to
say before we get into this episode, Okay, guys, I'm feeling so
good about July. Okay, I'm feeling so good about it. I'm feeling
so good about it. In terms of like the collective, I feel like
the first six months of this year, like you know, we were getting
out of the dumps a little bit. Okay, we had really good times.
We had highs, we had some lows. But I feel like moving
into the next six months, I feel like we are really tapped in.
I feel like we have a better footing. We have like two feet on
the ground, like we're ready to go. Not super quickly, but we're
like in a good flow. I don't know, That's just how I'm feeling,
and I would like to assume that's going to be how the six months
will come, even though I'm sure there's going to be highs and lows because
that is life. But we are resilient. Which is kind of bringing me
into today's episode because listen, I've been seeing a lot of your guys' comments.
Okay, you guys are very engaged, and y'all let me know what's
going on and a lot of you guys always are struggling with facing fears.
Afraid of failure, afraid of setting boundaries, afraid of being seen, afraid
of a financial collapse, afraid, afraid, afraid. And I feel like
I have a pretty good process that I sat down and really thought about when
it comes to facing fears. Because I have fears as well, I have
to face them. I have to continuously use this process on myself and the
times that I feel like I'm, you know, getting in my own way,
And I want to bring that to you guys, to give you guys
some advice when it comes to facing your fears, because at the end of
the day, we know our fears are the things that keep us stuck.
That's it. You know. We are so on the pursuit of changing and
up leveling and healing and manifesting in all these things, and what happens in
the process of us wanting to evolve is these things get in the way,
which are our fears. We're afraid, we don't know, we sabotage,
we take the freaking longest road to actually get exactly where we need to go.
And I want to give you guys some mindset shifts and hopefully this can
help you when it comes to facing fears in your life. Now, fears
are very complex, Okay, So I'm gonna give you advice based off of
what I have applied in my own life. But understand that the information that
you get, whether it's from me or anyone online or in a textbook or
at school or anything on paper, whatever, even if it's not on paper,
it's gonna translate a little bit differently in real life, meaning there are
nuances you are gonna have to go into the world. You're gonna have to
try. You're going to find what works for you. You're gonna see that
that maybe piece of advice over there didn't work, this that and the third
or when you're taking an information and you're trying to use this to help you
up level your life, understand that you applying knowledge or advice or whatever,
it's probably not gonna be a seamless, flawless process, and you need to
really discern what works for you and what doesn't. And I'm gonna be reading
out some of your guys's fears to give you a perspective based off of the
process that I usually use when it comes to facing fears hopefully to help you
guys. You guys gave me a lot of fears, and I'm not gonna
be able to read through all of them, but I compiled a lot that
I feel like are pretty common amongst everyone, So we're gonna go through all
of that as well. But I just wanted to disclaim that because I really
want you to understand that the first step of you, honestly even facing fears,
but getting the things you want in your life and transforming really starts with
you taking your personal power back and deciding what works for you in your life
and what advice or what knowledge you want to implement in your life or not.
So let's talk about my two step process and what I mean steps in
real life. The way this translates is not, Okay, I have a
fear, I'm going to think this way and then think this way, and
then all of a sudden, the fear is going to go away. This
is what I mean real life happens. You're an emotional being. You have
deep rooted fears from childhood, which I want to talk about really at the
end of this episode, so that you don't feel like you are set up
to fail in your life when you attain this certain process or knowledge in your
life and you try and implement it and then it doesn't work. To understand
that there are so many nuances to you as a human being. But I
do want to bring your awareness to two things that are so important. When
you find you are stuck in your life due to a fear, you're afraid
of being seen, You're afraid of setting a boundary. You're afraid that the
world is going to collapse. The reason why this fear is making you so
stagnant in life and it's causing such an issue for you to go, you
know, follow your dreams or whatever it is, even if it's in relationships,
whatever it is, is really the fact that you are afraid of of
the outcome if you do fail. You have not learned how to be resilient
in moments where the outcome is not essentially what you wanted. Now, this
is not something that we want to even face. Obviously. Let's say somebody
does disappoint us if we go for love and it turns out to be a
complete failure, or we do put ourselves on social media and we don't see
the results that we want, or we tell somebody how much we really like
them and they reject us, or we do something with business and it just
doesn't work out. Obviously, those are not things that we want to deal
with. But the reason why you are always getting in your own way and
you don't go for the things that you know you need to go for,
is because you have not learned how to be okay with that disappointment, that
rejection, that oh my gosh, what am I actually gonna do if this
thing doesn't work out? And this is what I want you to focus on.
I want you to focus when you have a fear in your life to
take its power away. You give this fear so much power. Now,
it is understandable why you would give something such as disappointment or rejection a lot
of power. But the reason why you're really doing that is because the feeling
that it creates within you disappointment and rejection, let's say, is something like
I already said that sometimes you've not actually learned how to be with that emotion.
But you might have felt that before. Usually it's in childhood and it
wasn't a good experience for you. You never learned how to be with that.
You weren't around somebody who made it okay to even be disappointing at some
points in your life, or maybe you didn't have the support that you needed
and the times that you did get rejected, there are these big emotions and
feelings that are really behind these fears that you have that you are running away
from because you've not either learned how to deal with it or you've just given
it so much power. As if if you can't be resilient when it comes
to being rejected, like you can't pick yourself back up after things didn't work
out a certain way, Yes you can, and I need you to have
that energy when it comes to anything that you're afraid of. I want you
to think about, Okay, you know what, Will I be okay if
this person rejects me? Will I be okay if this business doesn't work out?
Now your first thought, your first emotion is probably no because it's so
scary. But the truth is if you bring in that logical part of you,
yes you are going to be okay. So it's really good to see
what emotion are you actually afraid of? What outcomes specifically for your specific fear
that you currently have right now, are you afraid of and how can I
take my personal power back, which is the second part of this process,
which is reframing to a positive outcome aka rational optimism. Now, let me
quickly read a definition so you guys can understand it more. And you guys
are going to see how this process can be applied to a lot of different
examples when I read your guys' fears that you guys submitted. So rational optimism
is the practice of taking realistic assessment of what is going on in the world
and choosing to be positive and joyful regardless. This does not mean we ignore
the obvious, putting our hands in the sand, or seeing everything through rose
colored glasses. So when I find myself overthinking, analyzing, staying small in
my life, I like to see what is the worst possible case of this
thing actually manifesting in not my favor, And will I actually be okay if
this thing does manifest And it might be scary, but the truth is yes,
I will if I have a goal of getting out there in the dating
world, if I really want to find the love of my life. But
I am afraid because I I want to be rejected. I don't want to
get hurt again. I don't want someone to make fun of me for the
way that I look. Whatever it is, The first thing I'm going to
do is think about how can I lessen its power? Right now? How
can I lessen my fear's power? How can I take my power back?
Well, I have to think if I do get rejected by this person,
if they do somehow do me dirty or break my heart? Will it hurt?
Yes, it probably will hurt. Will it be uncomfortable, Yes,
it probably will be uncomfortable. Will I be disappointed? Yes I will.
Am I allowed to be disappointed? Am I allowed to be hurt? Yes?
I am? This is rational, okay, Yes, the truth is
that outcome might not be the best thing, but optimistic This is the second
half of this. Will I be okay? Could I find love again even
after heartbreak? The answer is yes. And when I am in the midst
of an actual fear or I'm overthinking something, I really go back back and
forth within this process of thinking, okay, Well, will I be okay
if this thing manifests? The answer is yes. And this is why this
is what would happen if this thing does manifest, And persisting in the belief
that things will work out even if it doesn't go exactly the way that I
want to. So there's not a point on me stalling. There's not a
point in me overthinking. There's not a point on me living out this stagnant
energy in my life just because I'm afraid of the outcome. I am strong,
I can deal with the outcome, and I think this is something that
you guys just need to remind yourself more of. This is something I needed
to do with many things in my life. Even when it comes to leaving
my job my quote unquote like a corporate regular job for social media. Everyone
says, oh, I don't know, this is who knows? Da da
da, Well, guess what I would rather go for my dreams than sit
around and have this desire to do something but live my life the entire time
not doing it and be super miss role and a job that I hated.
Could there be a risk involve of me leaving and doing what like pursuing social
media? Yes, but guess what will I be? Okay, let me
think about it for a second. Yes I will. We don't also need
to be delusional about the fact that, Okay, well, if it doesn't
work out, this is how your life will look if it doesn't plan out,
but the end of the day, I always come back to optimism.
Well, I'll pick myself back up, even if there's a downfall. I'm
gonna pick myself back up. What else am I going to do? What
other option? And I adopted this mindset very young in my life. And
I think that you tend to do this when you have no other choice and
nobody is saving your ass. You have no other option but to become rationally
optimistic about your life because you have to be optimistic and you have to believe
that something is possible for you or you're not really gonna save yourself from the
situation at hand. And I needed to save myself in situations a lot in
my life. But of course I had to be rational at the same time.
So I had to play out what would happen, and I had to
think about, Okay, well, this is what I'll do if this doesn't
work out, or this is how I'll move through life if this doesn't work
out. Now, I know a lot of you guys kind of know this.
You know this reframe of okay, Well, if it does pan out,
yeah, I will be okay. But the problem is there's a few
problems. One of it is that it runs really deep, so you have
that deep level of being really afraid of the emotion that's with underneath, which
I would highly suggest you potentially get my book or even look at my journal
guides when it comes to your fears, because this is very deep rooted.
And if you haven't had a lot of practice with actually being in the energy
of disappointment or being afraid because of your childhood, because you never learned how
to deal with it, that's important for you to kind of explore that.
But the other side of this is you move through life not leaning on the
scale of optimism. You are so trained and you are so addicted to being
a pessimist. You're so addicted to being like, oh, okay, yeah,
maybe it could work out, but it probably won't. Yes, I
see the option where it could work out, but that's just one in a
million. Oh it happened for them, but it's not gonna happen for me.
You're so on the side of being a pessimist, and I want you
to ask yourself the question, how is that serving you? How is being
a pessimist serving you? As much as you cry and you say that you
don't want to have these fears, and you don't want to be stuck in
your life. You being stuck in your life and you not going for the
things that you want in your life. It is serving you in some way,
It is keeping you comfortable in some way, and a lot of the
times it's survival from actually facing the real fear of actual disappointment or actual rejection
because you felt it once in childhood, or you felt it around somebody where
it hurt so bad you didn't know how to deal with it. Nobody was
around you to support you. No one was there to coddle you, no
one was there to help you understand that you are going to be okay even
if you feel that disappointment or rejection. That is what you're running away from.
And that is what you need to run directly too, because what you
will do if you do not do that, if you do not know how
to learn how to be with your emotions and be with yourself and carry yourself
through the times where yes, things can be hard, you will stay stuck
for the rest of your life and you will be running away from yourself all
of your life. And that is what everyone is doing. By the way,
in their lives. This is the human condition. This is what we
do. We run away from the things that we fear the most because we
have not learned how to actually be with that thing. So the thing that
you're actually running away from is always the thing you want to run right head
too. Now, this is no easy task. This is no easy task
when you have a part of you that's like, excuse me, this is
not comfortable. I'd rather go do a million other things than to go run
right into that emotion. But this is what I talk about all the time.
I've written about it in my book. This is what I'm always doing
within my own life. When I feel something, when I feel afraid,
when I feel sad, when I feel nervous, when I feel like I
don't know what is going on, I sit in that, I allow myself
to feel. I write it out in my journal. What am I feeling
today? What does my inner child need me to hear? What does my
inner child need me to hold her in? Right now? And this is
not something that we're usually taught. We are taught to suppress, not important,
put your feelings to a side, forget about it, and go,
well, guess what that does not work, and I have learned in my
life, especially from my father, do not cry, Do not be afraid.
You're not allowed to be afraid. But guess where that got me.
It got me in this rat race of running around and not doing the things
that I really wanted to do in my life because I was so afraid of
the emotion that would come from the fear of it actually manifesting. But once
I got so good at facing that reality of you know what, if it
does manifest, if I do get rejected from this person, if this person
does not like me, if this opportunity doesn't work out, if this money
doesn't come through, I'm gonna be okay. You know why, because I
got me the way that nobody got me when I was younger. I'm going
to be there for myself the way nobody was when I first got rejected in
my life, when I first got disappointed by my parents not showing up for
me, when I first felt that heartbreak, and I didn't know what to
do, when I was running to the wrong people, or I was,
you know, suppressing my emotions. Now in my life, I got me.
But once you learn how to face your emotions head on, that is
when the game changes. That is when you can stop yourself in the moment
when you're overthinking something or you're about to stop yourself because you have that fear
and you say, you know what I could be with myself and that emotion.
If it happens, it is not going to be easy. I am
not saying that this is a nice ride when it happens, but I can
do that. And how you get good at feeling the confidence to be able
to face that emotion or that fear is your everyday life. You stop ignoring
your feelings, you stop ignoring what is truly happening within yourself. You don't
feel good today, let it out. You need to express something, Express
it to yourself, express it in your journal, express it to the people
that you need to express it too. And this takes practice. This takes
every day up for yourself. And what I'm really saying is I want to
be there for my inner child that's feeling that emotion, and I am no
longer going to run away from her when she feels those emotions when real things
happen in her life, because that is exactly why I'm so afraid in the
first place. Is that young part of me experience that hurt and that pain
once in her life, and she did not have somebody stand up for her.
She did not have somebody be there for her. She did not have
somebody hold her and tell her she was going to be okay even through the
hardest moments of her life. But no more. And you need to understand
that young version of yourself is still in you today when you are about to
face a fear, when you are wanting something so desperately in your life,
but you're so afraid to go for it. So let me read out some
of your guys' fear. I'm going to help you take its power away as
much as I can and help you reframe it, and any other advice or
things that I come up with, I will give you. And again this
is just my own advice, and I think what I'm going to do is
actually read it as if I was experiencing the fear, And honestly, I've
been through a lot of these fears, so I'm just speaking out of personal
experience. Like I just said, Okay, so someone said they have a
fear of not getting into graduate school. The first thing that I always like
to do, which I've basically been saying, and I really want you to
think about this when it comes to any fear that you have and any of
the questions that I'm answering, is what are you actually afraid of? Because
you're not afraid of not getting into grad school. You're afraid of probably disappointing
people. You're afraid of not being successful in your life, which means what
what does that mean? If you're not successful in your life? It means
that you don't have a roof over your head. It means that you're going
to be a disappointment to your parent, It means that you're not going to
find the love of your life. It means that whatever it is, I
want you to really get down to what you are actually afraid of and what
I like to do when I get to the root of what it is I'm
actually afraid of. This is a great time to have a journal practice with
that young part of you that is actually feeling that. And you could read
my book and learn a little bit about parts work, because I do talk
about parts work in my book, or you can get the book No Bad
Parts by Richard Schwartz. This really dives into those parts of you that are
very young. Maybe they're even older, but they tend to be pretty young
that maybe they're holding onto an experience once where you actually felt real rejection or
you felt disappointment or something, and you can kind of bring your consciousness to
that specific area of your life and you can kind of a journal from that
place, allow your inner child to speak and whatever it needs to say,
like I'm afraid of this happening again, or you know, what were some
affirmations that you actually needed in that moment, like what was really going on
there? Really getting to that root of it and allowing that emotion to be
expressed, like yes, there's probably one point in your life that you maybe
disappointed your parent and they reacted in a bad way and you felt so ashamed
or you felt embarrassed, and now you are protecting yourself from ever feeling that
again. And maybe that situation your parent didn't even know that, or your
parent actually didn't mean harm, but your young part of you does not know
that until you get into the root of that feeling. There are just certain
things that your part is going to need to hear from you uniquely that I
can't even fully give you because I don't exactly know what that pinpoint emotion really
is. But spending some time with that part of you is very, very
huge because if not, most likely you're just going to keep going through life
with the same fear unless you kind of go a little bit deeper. And
then the second part of this is reframing this right just being very rationally optimistic,
so you are afraid of not getting into graduate school. And this is
now my real subjective advice or perspective of what I would tell myself and honestly
things that I kind of did when it came to my college experience. I
didn't ever get rejected from a place, but there are times where I needed
to take some time off to figure out what I wanted to do. So
when things would not work out, I would do a few things. I
would want to assess why I didn't get in. Is there something that I
need to work on, whether it's like my grades, or maybe is it
this actual school that I want? Like, I would really assess the situation
as to what needs to be changed so that I can reapply and actually make
it. If I was fully rejected from let's say, all my schools and
there wasn't really a chance of me going this year. I would take this
as an opportunity to work on any academics that I need to be working on.
During the summer, I would be getting a job to make sure that
I'm saving money. I would really capitalize on this time that I have before
I have to go back into school for how many years. I would really
look at the positives of this situation. And I know the first thing you
want is to get in. But you have to be that rational optimist in
these times where things are not working out, because the truth is if you
want to and this is more so like manifesting. So if you don't believe
in this, this is fine. But I think that even if you're religious,
you can kind of think about it in the sense of things are working
out for you even if you do not see it right now. There is
a reason why this is happening. So stay positive, stay in this energy
of working on yourself and preparing yourself for the time that it comes that you
are going to go to graduate school. Having that mindset is going to get
you way farther than you being like, my life is over, my life
is over, My life is over. My life is over. Because what
are you going to do? Your habits are going to follow that mindset,
which are probably not going to prepare you the best you possibly could for when
it comes time for you to reapply or for some reason something changes in your
life. And like I said about manifestation, you tend to manifest things based
off of what you're thinking and how you're moving through life. So you want
to be thinking good thoughts, you want to be expecting good outcomes, and
you want to be aligned, meaning you want to pour back into yourself.
Things will change, and this is the mindset that you want to have when
it comes to taking your fears power away. Right, So if you are
afraid of getting into graduate school, have this type of mindset. When you
have this type of mindset, you're going to find that your fear lessons because
you know, well, okay, if I don't get in, this is
my second option, and it seems like a great option over here too.
So I'm going to be good and you will find your fears lesson. And
in my personal opinion, you manifest a lot of your fears when you continuously
think about it. So it's so good that you reframe the things that you
are afraid of so that you don't keep inviting it more into your life.
Someone said they have a fear of being rude. When I'm really just implementing
my boundaries with my family, I would say, can you hold space for
them thinking that you are rude? Because I think that that's what you're pushing
against right now when you're wanting to hold up boundaries when it comes to family
or even friends, what you're really afraid of, Again, this is very
blanket, but especially in this example, you're afraid of them looking at you
as rude. Okay, so what if they do? Can you be okay
with that? Can you be okay with the fact that not everyone's going to
like you? No, you can't. That's why you have this fear.
So it's about being comfortable with the fact that not everyone's going to like you.
And then what follows is will you be okay if not everyone likes you?
And your first visceral response will probably be no, oh my god,
oh my god, oh my god. But really that is rooted probably back
somewhere in childhood, but also is that the actual reality of your life right
now? Will you not be okay if that person down the street judges you
or your family member? No, longer likes you, rejects you, feels
disappointed from you. The rational truth of that is you will be okay,
but you just won't be okay or comfortable with the feeling of discomfort and the
rejection that comes from a parent not liking you. And it is real,
it is real, and you have to honor that, be okay with that.
Allow the duality of yes, oh my gosh, imagine a life where
my parents don't like me. That is a hard life to live. It
is not comfortable, It is not what any of us wants. But what
is important in the situation is you live out your truth. You know that,
you know you need to be setting those boundaries. So how are you
going to show up for your inner child who is deathly afraid of being rejected
from a parent? How can you be your own best friend? How can
you be your own parent? Because the truth is, in this life,
there are gonna be hard things that you have to come to terms with and
it's not going to be easy, but you can get through it. It's
either that or you continue to live a life of being completely inauthentic and you
hold in these feelings and you no longer live your life for yourself and you
live it for other people who most likely if they're not allowing you to hold
boundary, they don't have their own boundaries put in place and they do not
know how to set their own in their own lives. And a reframe can
also be thinking about the best case scenario. Maybe the best case scenario is
you set boundaries with your family. It is uncomfortable, it is not the
best. Maybe some people don't miss that whatever, they don't like you or
they have an opinion on this, But maybe that's the best thing for you.
We already know that's the best thing for you, but the best thing
for your entire family unit that down the line, that actually creates a stronger
bond with you. Guys, Why do we always have to go to the
negative again? Right? Like I said, we're so addicted to worst case,
worst case, worst case. This is gonna be the worst thing and
it's not gonna turn out well, and they're gonna hate me. What if
they don't, and listen, if they do, the best case for you
is you don't internalize it. You don't internalize the fact that somebody doesn't like
you because you set a boundary. That's the best case, someone said they
have a fear of being alone, which is everyone's fear at some point.
The best way to stop being afraid of being alone is to learn how to
be alone. Now, will this fix the entirety of needing human connection and
longing for that partner or longing for that family. Absolutely not. That is
not what we are trying to do here. But if you are definitely afraid
of being alone, it's impacting your day to day habits. You don't know
how to be alone, and you're creating these codependent relationships or unhealthy relationships.
It is important that you learn how to actually face the reality of being alone.
And there might be a valid reason as to why you're afraid of being
alone. You might be afraid of being alone because when you once experienced being
alone, it was the worst possible thing you could ever feel within yourself,
and you've been running away all your life, not trying to feel that deep
emptiness, which is so understandable. But what I've found that's very helpful in
my life is to be with that part of me that has never fully experienced
what it actually means to be alone. Being alone does not need to feel
like a jail cell the way that it once felt in childhood. When I
felt alone in childhood, that's what it felt like. It felt like somebody
locked me up and put me away and they forgot about me, and I
was never gonna get out, and I was so afraid and so confused as
to why I was even alone. That's not how you have to experience being
alone with yourself now in your adult life. But you have to be the
one to differentiate between whether it is your inner child that's running away from that
fear or your adult self. And usually it's that young child that does not
know how to experience being alone, so of course you're going to be running
away from it. And so the best thing that I did for myself is
to be there with that young part of me that needed somebody or something,
or to look at it in a different way and know that it's not about
being in a jail cell. And becoming my own best friend has really helped
me in these times where I feel like it is that jail cell feeling of
being alone, but also on the flip side, understanding that I need to
meet my inner child's needs of not wanting to be alone with real connection,
because at the end of the day. Yes, we're not meant to be
alone. Yes we need to go out in the world and we need to
have those connections, whether it's friendships or romantic or whatever it is. You
are not meant to be alone. Also, coming back to that reframe,
there's eight billion people in this world and there's no chance on earth that I
will end up alone. And the last thing to take this pressure off of
the fear of being alone is let's stop putting time on this. Let's stop
having time urgency on these things. I have to be with somebody by this
age, or I have to be in a marriage by this age, or
I need to have a family started at this time. Take it away.
I promise you it will lessen your fears. Okay, let's run through these
a little bit quicker, because I know my camera is gonna die or overheat.
And I feel like I've explained a lot about the process of thinking through
your fears, which I just want you guys to sit down and really think
about these fears instead of just the c them declaring them as if yep,
this is my fear and that's that, not really saying that that's what you
guys do. But I feel like I used to do that a lot of
just being like, well, I'm just afraid of being seen or I'm afraid
that I'm not going to have enough money, and it's like, okay,
well why am I afraid? And what will happen if I that does happen?
And will I be okay? And what's the alternative? And okay,
you know what, I'm gonna go to that mindset anytime that I actually have
this fear pop up, and I'm gonna redirect my mind, redirect my mind,
redirect your mind when it comes to these things, which is the most
important thing. So someone said constantly in fear of financial collapse, I love
paycheck to paycheck. So yeah, what will you do if you collap?
Will you be okay? I want you to think that out. And I'm
not saying this like oh you will or you won't, but genuinely think it
out. Will you be okay if you collapse? What will happen? What
is your plan if that will happen? What would you realistically do? Because
I know what I would do if if my YouTube doesn't work out or my
podcast or whatever, I go get a job. You know why, because
I have skills I'm a hard worker. I will figure it out like I
always do. But you have to wire your brain to be more focused on
the positive outcome than the negative. And that is what you do when you
have constant fears about something. You're so in the well, this is gonna
happen, It's gonna be the worst thing. I'm gonna collapse. I'm gonna
collapse. Why not reprogram your mind every single time you think about going for
something that you're afraid of. Why don't you program your mind to win?
What if it works out? What if I make more money than I ever
even thought? What if I build a business that changes the world. What
if they approve me. What if it works out exactly the way that I
need to But you're too afraid to do that. You're too afraid to what
be disappointed if you actually thought positively about that fear and it turns out that
it didn't work out. So then what you want to be resilient and being
okay with the fact that, yes, that might not work out, you
will be okay. I will be okay. Hey, if I think positively
about something and it doesn't work out, I would rather do that in my
life than to think negatively because I'm too afraid of the disappointment that will come
if that thing doesn't work out. I'm good it doesn't get you anywhere,
I promise you that. Also, when it comes to the fear of finances
and you know, being broken, that which is such a fear like everyone's
always like in fear of these main things of finding love or living or you
know, making money. This, that, and the third, I think
that it's really important that you saturate your mind with people who have made it,
people who are successful, people who are telling you it's possible. Stop
igniting your brain with things that are negative. You are probably somebody who is
watching and maybe you're not so like I don't want to like be negative also,
but as just coming from personal experience, and this is what I see.
You're probably somebody who is consuming some sort of content, or you having
some sort of conversation, or you are dialed into the most negative conversations when
it comes to life, when it comes to money, right, So I
want you to go find those people. And this is what to be Magnetic,
which is a great manifestation podcast if you're really interested in manifestation, the
science behind it, human behavior things of that sort, things that are not
just up in the air. Sometimes people don't believe in manifesting and stuff,
But I would suggest you go listen to our podcast. But they talk about
having expanders, which is important when it comes to manifesting. Because you've never
seen it happen, it's gonna be hard for you to convince your mind that
it's able to happen for you. And so finding people who are similar to
you, that maybe even have an upbringing similar to you or have gone through
similar experiences, even if they haven't, that's fine. You always want to
look up to people who have what you want. Stop listening to people who
are feeding you either lies or scarcity or it's not gonna happen, or it's
gonna be hard enough with it. It never listen. Take it from somebody
who's been successful in a few areas of her life. At least it didn't
get me anywhere watching people who would complain about the fact that it takes forever
to grow on YouTube, or oh, it's not a setup for a lot
of people. This that. No, it's bullshit. It's all fear.
Everyone is living in fear, and people are constantly spewing out limiting beliefs and
just constant limiting things. Okay, you have to be careful even when it
comes to me. Everyone has a bias and everyone has a limiting belief But
I do my best to try and be as optimistic as I can, and
you know, give that to other people, because that's what's helped me and
that's what I'll continue to do. Someone said fear of marrying the wrong person,
getting divorced, someone cheating, someone dying, which is again another big
fear, and I think that that is the probably the biggest fear that I've
been facing this year in my life. My twenty eighth year on this earth
is death. I feel like that the times really hit me this year,
which is crazy because I have looked death in the face multiple times in my
loved ones, and I've experienced actually having a parent pass away, and I've
also had a lot of ailments that I really genuinely thought was going to end
me. And sometimes I look at those things which I'm not even trying to
laugh, but I'm like, I would have thought that I would be more
afraid than and it doesn't mean that I was not afraid when I have gone
through such traumatic things but it's crazy to experience the feeling that I feel when
it comes to losing a loved one and or you know, the fact coming
to the realization that one day I'm not going to be here. It's scary.
It is like the most like real thing that's just made me think a
lot this past year and created a lot of anxiety within my life. And
so what I'll say to that is, you know, you got to let
yourself feel the emotion that is the loss and the grief and the sadness that
will come if that happens, you know, you losing a loved one or
you you know, being cheated on, or the divorce happened. Like,
it is real shit and it is gonna hurt. It is gonna hurt,
and it does hurt. And I've been through it, and that shit hurts.
Okay, even if I can't understand why certain things are happening, they
are happening for whatever reason, even if I can't figure out that reason,
And that is something that every single person on this earth faces and has to
face at one point. And I try and remind myself that what I'm here
to do right now is not continuously waste the time that I have being in
such fear of the reality of what is, which is death, which is
loss, which is heartbreak, which is whatever. I would not want to
strip myself from the present moment. What is the point on creating more suffering?
That is what suffering is is taking a real pain and continuing to drag
it on or to create the actual feeling of when it's not even happened yet,
it's not manifested, it might not even ever manifest And even when it
comes to things like relationship stuff or fear of divorce at this that coming back
to that's a real possibility. Will you be okay? Will you get up
from the dumps of what that will feel like if it happens. Yes,
you will as long as you believe that you will. It's not to say
that it's gonna be easy. But another thing is is, like I said,
we kind of manifest our biggest fears, so doing your best to not
try to invite that into your life. And usually we're afraid of these things
because it's happened in the past, you know, or maybe you saw your
parents that happened as well. And understanding and differentiating whether this is your actual
fear that you want to continue to take on in your life, or is
this something that you want to leave in your past? And it's going to
be an act of you redirecting your mind to the positive. It's going to
be you thinking, oh, well, what if this happens, or what
if I get cheated on, or what if this is happens, or what
if it turns out exactly the way that I actually want deep down, or
what if it doesn't actually turn into divorce and it turns into this most beautiful
marriage that no one's ever seen before. Let's try and do our best to
focus on that. That's what I do in my life. You don't think
that I've seen the shittiest relationships in my life. You don't think that I've
seen the brokest times ever. I've lived the brokest times ever. Just know
that I have. I have seen, Like I said, I have seen
death in front of me multiple times. And if you don't understand what I
mean, I mean I've seen people overdose in front of me. And I
still do the best that I possibly can in my life to hope for the
best for others but even myself, to hope for life that things will work
out. That people will live a long life, that people can change,
that people will grow, that people will be healthy, and that they will
sustain and they will live life and they will go on. I can move
through the mere reality of losing a parent and being like, well, I'm
going to lose everyone that's important to me, or one day this is going
to end. And the truth is, yes, one day that's going to
end. But you know what, I choose to believe it the way that's
going to end is not going to be as hurtful as it was when it
ended that way. Or I choose to believe that just because this happened in
my past does not mean that it's going to dictate my future. But it's
an active redirecting your thoughts. And the last thing I'll say about this is
when things don't work out in my life, some of the hardest things that
I've ever witnessed, the biggest losses I've ever lost in my life, or
the hardest pain that I've ever felt, those things make me who I am
today, even though I would never want that to ever happen to me,
or it experienced the way that I experienced it, or to have other people
experience it But the truth is that's my story and that's what I went through.
And when I look at the hardest times that I've been through through that
lens that propels me forward in life, and that creates resilience, that creates
a story, that creates a path for me. And I would rather use
the things that I've gone through in my life to propel me forward then the
things that I have gone through my life as somewhere that's going to continue to
keep me stuck, because I am not here to be stuck in my life
just because and I say this at the end of my book, just because
you got this deck of cards right here, Okay, full deck of cards.
Your parents, genetics, your environment that you were in, the bullies
that were around you, the brain that you have that doesn't process information as
quick as the other kids in school, whatever it is, that's your deck
of cards. But who said that you can't up level it and change it
when you want. Well, society is not taught you that you could do
that, which is understandable. There are people around you that have their own
limiting beliefs and tell you that you can't have what you want in your life.
But what I learned at a very young age. Is that's not going
to be my story. I don't like this story. I don't like this
deck of cards, to be honest, and can I escape every single part
of this realc No. But I can do my damn near best to focus
on what I can control and the cards that I can change, and I
will continue to do that until this entire deck is completely different. And guess
what, in my life it is completely different than the deck that was handed
to me. And why because I decided to look at the positive instead of
look at the negative all the time. And this is not saying this is
gonna be a hop, skip and a jump to your best life, right,
This is real shit. This is you going through your actual emotions and
showing up and being there for yourself and things not working out and things being
confusing and things hurting and you losing time. And I was sick for like
so many years of my life. Okay, I felt like I lost a
lot of my life. I lost a lot of time with parents. I
didn't have a lot of time with a parent. There's many things. But
I still choose to look at my life as you know what, that is
my life and I'm not gonna go through life and be like, Oh I
lost all this time, or oh regrets or I can't let go. I'm
not doing that. I'm not doing that to myself. And when I say
I'm not doing that to myself, I say that I'm not doing it to
my younger self because she doesn't deserve that, and your younger self does not
deserve that as well. If you can't even do it for yourself, then
do it for your inner child. Do it for your younger self that never
got the things that they deserved in their life. Okay, another thing,
somebody said they have a fear of gaining weight. This definitely runs deep.
I talk about this in my book when it comes to self hate and our
inner critics and where they come from. And I actually give you practices joeneral
practices in my book when it comes to uncovering your shadow. Shadow work is
really good for insecurities, but at the end of the day, you have
to face that fear of the reality of you not being liked or picked or
wanted, and most likely you're protecting yourself from not being picked or liked or
wanted in your life. So you are definitely afraid to make a mistake or
definitely afraid to be made fun of this that, and nobody likes to be
made fun of. I don't like to be made fun of. But in
my life I know that if somebody doesn't like me for me, if somebody
doesn't like the way that I looked, the way that I act, the
way that I dress, it's not a meat problem. It's simply they don't
appreciate the thing that I have in this life, and that is that.
And I don't need to live for other people. All right, y'all,
my camera died, so I don't really remember where I was when it comes
to the gaining weight thing. But at the end of the day, you're
allowed to gain weight. And I would also consider the judgment and standards that
you're actually holding for yourself, because that's really what it is is. You're
not allowing yourself to gain weight, You're not allowing yourself to have flaws,
you're not allowing yourself to be a human. Why where is that running deep
from? And ask yourself, do you really want to live life where you're
not allowed to be human? Because I don't think that that's the life that
you really want to live. And a lot of times, we're the ones
that are actually keeping that gel cell locked. You can open that right now,
baby, you can open that right now and say, you know what,
I'm allowed to be human. I don't need to be perfect, and
quite frank, I no longer want to spend time around people who have that
same standard for me. I want to be around people who unconditionally love me,
that understand that I am not perfect. Okay, someone said fear that
I'm wasting my time in my twenties not accomplishing things. And then someone also
said they're thirty three with a lot of things to do, and they feel
like they've wasted their life. And I think that everything that I said in
this episode is really probably already given you the advice that you need. But
you just need to remind yourself that there's no rule book. There's really no
rule book but the one that you have created in your head based off other
people, based off of you comparing yourself, based off of somebody telling you
that you should be more further along than you are. So change the rule
book. If you don't want to feel like you have ran out of time
in your life, then change the rule book. Who even wrote this in
the first place. Also, if you feel like you've wasted a lot of
time in your life and there's just so much to do, like, you
have two options. You either decide to continue to wallow in the fact that
you have wasted time and continue to waste more time, because that's what you
do when you're caught up in the fact that you've wasted time, or you
can just do the thing that you really want to do, because at the
end of the day, you're going to continue to try and do that thing
because you're a human being and you're always programmed to want more and to follow
your desires, and also understand that the time is going to pass anyways.
So there's really not a point in continuing the suffering that you are creating for
yourself by continuing to dwell in the past in things that haven't even happened yet.
Okay, so that's all the fears that I'm going to read out today.
There were so many fears, But I do think that this episode probably
gave you enough advice. I just want to reiterate this thing. When it
comes to facing fears, it runs deep, and I want you to get
to that core wound because there is one it's not actually the fact that you're
going to gain weight, it's what it will mean to other people, or
you're worth to time other people if that thing happens, which is rooted to
something that you once felt somewhere in your life, or you've watched it happen
to other people, and you do not want to feel that within yourself,
in which I would say, face that emotion, face the reality of yes,
maybe people will not like you. Will you be okay? Maybe there
will be disappointment in your life. Will you be okay? Maybe you will
have to feel alone in your life. Will you be okay? Well,
you will be okay if you start to program your mind to think more optimistic,
think about the positive, Think about how you can spin this into your
favor. How could this actually be working out exactly in your favor? How
could you look at this as this is the exact piece of puzzle that I
needed to make this entire picture, and it's going to work out exactly the
way that it's meant to. I would highly suggest you take a look at
your life and you think about it like that, because if not, then
you're just going to be creating more suffering than you need and quite frankly,
you've probably been suffering a lot in your life already and there's no need for
it, So set yourself free. And I think probably the next episode,
I'm not sure, but within the next few episodes, I want to talk
about how to be more emotionally mature. So I'll kind of dive a little
bit more deeper into emotions because I feel like, genuinely, the reason why
we don't do a lot of things in our lives is because we are afraid
of that feeling. And once you get good at actually just being with yourself
through the times where you do feel afraid, or you feel agree or loss
or these these really hard things that are real and that make you not feel
good. But once you can get comfortable with those things, you will be
unstoppable. You genuinely will. It doesn't mean that you will not feel those
things once in your life. It doesn't mean that you will not hate every
second of it, but you will be more resilient and you will be more
confident in your life. And that's just what I do in my life when
I'm not feeling the best, or you know, when I'm feeling anxious about
something or I'm overthinking something or if I'm worried that something's not going to work,
I remind myself that I'm gonna be okay. If that thing don't work
out. It's not going to feel good, it's gonna be uncomfortable. I'm
probably gonna have a good cry, i might have to rebrand my life.
But you know what, something beautiful will come out of that thing, and
that's what I'm going to leave it at. So I hope you guys enjoyed
and I'll see in the next one. Bye.