WEBVTT 1 00:00:12.039 --> 00:00:16.120 Hello, kleets, it's me John could sear the voice of the crypt Keeper 2 00:00:16.640 --> 00:00:33.679 and you're listening to Chronicles from the Crypt. Hello there, I'm Casualty Chris 3 00:00:33.960 --> 00:00:37.320 and this is Father Malone and we are the hosts of Chronicles from the Crypt 4 00:00:37.320 --> 00:00:40.359 to twice a month look at the horror anthology series Tales from the Crypt, 5 00:00:40.399 --> 00:00:44.479 then aired on HBO from nineteen eighty nine to nineteen ninety six. But let's 6 00:00:44.479 --> 00:00:50.000 not kid ourselves this last year is it hadn't been great? Yeah? On 7 00:00:50.039 --> 00:00:57.719 each of our podcast we do two episodes of the television series and that's all. 8 00:00:57.560 --> 00:01:00.159 We do have bonus episodes. You can go back and check them out, 9 00:01:00.240 --> 00:01:04.280 but not this time. There is there. The end is the end 10 00:01:04.319 --> 00:01:07.519 that we all feared was coming, is Barrett. We're barreling right towards the 11 00:01:07.560 --> 00:01:12.760 brick wall. Yep. So on this episode of Chronicles from the Crypt, 12 00:01:12.760 --> 00:01:17.319 we're gonna be taking a look at season seven, episode five and six, 13 00:01:17.680 --> 00:01:26.799 Horror in the Night and Cold War. Let's see one small stiffer man, 14 00:01:26.319 --> 00:01:33.439 one giant. Oh hello, Scar Gazes, you're just in time. My 15 00:01:33.680 --> 00:01:38.439 skeleton crew and I are about to last off for a little space exploration. 16 00:01:40.280 --> 00:01:45.439 Can't to join us. God, I hope you're made of the rock stuff, 17 00:01:45.840 --> 00:01:51.920 because we'll be heading freight gears from terror FIRMA bodly going when no pool 18 00:01:52.040 --> 00:01:57.319 has gone before. Hey, pal, what the suit or your launch meat? 19 00:01:59.079 --> 00:02:02.519 Which is kind of like the man in Tonight's tale. He's going places 20 00:02:02.599 --> 00:02:08.719 too, except his destination. It's a little more earthbound. It's a nasty 21 00:02:08.759 --> 00:02:15.919 bit of scarrow dynamic cycle in the night. So Horn the Night is directed 22 00:02:15.960 --> 00:02:21.120 by once again Russell mulcahey. It is written by John Harrison. It stars 23 00:02:21.120 --> 00:02:27.599 Elizabeth McGovern and James will Be and it is about a double crossing jewelry thief 24 00:02:27.599 --> 00:02:31.560 who hides out in a hotel and Shenanigan's happen in a Tales from the Crypt 25 00:02:31.639 --> 00:02:38.120 esque way. Father Maloney is this episode is real bad. Oh, it's 26 00:02:38.520 --> 00:02:42.680 It's one of the worst ones. It's it's an affront too, It's an 27 00:02:42.680 --> 00:02:46.639 affront to entertainment. At least we get some gore here and a little bit 28 00:02:46.680 --> 00:02:52.159 of a little bit of demon fun, but other than that it represents like 29 00:02:52.680 --> 00:02:55.400 everything I hate about the writing on this show. Where Okay, So, 30 00:02:55.439 --> 00:03:00.280 it's a jewelry thief who suggests to his partner that they rip off their boss. 31 00:03:00.879 --> 00:03:05.560 Then he doesn't his partner does. They end up shooting each other. 32 00:03:05.639 --> 00:03:10.960 He absconced with the diamonds, ends up in a hotel squazi Barton Fink esque 33 00:03:10.960 --> 00:03:16.000 hotel where this woman is waiting for him and he doesn't know her, and 34 00:03:16.280 --> 00:03:21.400 and and now there's a time loop where things keep happening and he keeps waking 35 00:03:21.479 --> 00:03:23.280 up from dreams, which I hate. You know. It turns out that 36 00:03:23.439 --> 00:03:28.319 five years prior he had shot this woman to death in the hotel, which 37 00:03:28.319 --> 00:03:31.159 we learned in like the last thirty seconds from a secondary character who's just sort 38 00:03:31.159 --> 00:03:36.960 of I guess the narrator like it doesn't make any sense at all. Well, 39 00:03:37.039 --> 00:03:38.680 you mean the woman that he you mean the woman he killed that he 40 00:03:38.719 --> 00:03:43.919 all of a sudden doesn't magically recognize. Yeah, like what I don't get 41 00:03:43.960 --> 00:03:46.599 this man, Like I really, I mean no, no, you just 42 00:03:46.680 --> 00:03:49.000 like you don't you don't get it. The main character is an idiot. 43 00:03:49.800 --> 00:03:52.719 Yeah, I know, he's so stupid. He forgot the woman that he 44 00:03:52.800 --> 00:03:55.840 killed in the hotel, that he killed her in in the room. Yeah, 45 00:03:55.879 --> 00:04:00.919 and like they don't like it was a oh my god. Okay, 46 00:04:01.000 --> 00:04:06.400 So this is based on a vault. Is that a technical term? Yeah, 47 00:04:06.599 --> 00:04:11.719 Vault of Horror number twelve, written by Ivan Clapper and drawn by Mad 48 00:04:11.800 --> 00:04:15.319 Magazine creator Harvey Kurtzman. I'm gonna say this is liberally adapted it. The 49 00:04:15.360 --> 00:04:18.879 original comic did play to take place in a hotel, but it was a 50 00:04:19.040 --> 00:04:23.920 scenario where a woman shows up in the middle of the night needing a room, 51 00:04:24.000 --> 00:04:29.480 and some odd things occur and it turns out that she was a ghost 52 00:04:29.519 --> 00:04:32.519 who checks into the hotel, like on the anniversary of her death, like 53 00:04:32.560 --> 00:04:36.079 she was killed nearby or something. So it was just a nice little ghost 54 00:04:36.160 --> 00:04:41.120 story. And what I've noticed on Tales from the Crypt, the television series 55 00:04:41.120 --> 00:04:45.720 in particular, anytime you take an or a story like that where it's sort 56 00:04:45.759 --> 00:04:48.399 of simple, the answer for the writers of the show always seem to be 57 00:04:48.759 --> 00:04:51.839 and now let's add crime. They do it in this one, and they 58 00:04:51.839 --> 00:04:55.279 do it in the next one that we're going to talk about a Cold War, 59 00:04:55.600 --> 00:05:00.360 which I can't figure out. Does it somehow make in their minds the 60 00:05:00.439 --> 00:05:02.519 episode more exciting that there's going to be a little bit of gun play, 61 00:05:02.920 --> 00:05:05.720 because that's the only thing I can think of other than the fact that this 62 00:05:05.800 --> 00:05:13.399 is mid nineties and the entire world was ruled by cool talking gangsters thanks to 63 00:05:13.480 --> 00:05:16.160 Quentin Tarantino. Because I think you answered your own question, because in the 64 00:05:16.199 --> 00:05:21.879 next episode we get a bullshit Quentin Tarantino esque homage to pulp fiction, and 65 00:05:21.959 --> 00:05:26.759 in this episode it's a little it's a little bit like reservoir dumb dumbs is 66 00:05:26.800 --> 00:05:30.560 what it is. Yeah, man, like exactly like these you know, 67 00:05:30.680 --> 00:05:34.319 tough talking guys and just whatever. But like as I said, freely adapted, 68 00:05:34.639 --> 00:05:40.560 this is so insulting an episode in that we're not privy to any of 69 00:05:40.560 --> 00:05:46.319 this character's life or relationships with anyone. It's just him through a random assortment 70 00:05:46.360 --> 00:05:49.399 of scenes of different horrors. I guess, like, you know, when 71 00:05:49.759 --> 00:05:55.519 I don't know anything about this guy or his situation or whatever, like having 72 00:05:55.519 --> 00:05:59.160 the walls start to bleed, isn't I mean, look, you know if 73 00:05:59.160 --> 00:06:00.399 it was happening in my house, yeah, I'd be freaked out. But 74 00:06:00.439 --> 00:06:03.759 like, watching this show and what about it, the walls of the fifty 75 00:06:03.800 --> 00:06:12.199 third precincts, Oh, we're bleeding. I can't help but say it when 76 00:06:12.240 --> 00:06:15.240 you say it, like that's the only thing it conjures up. It's not 77 00:06:15.240 --> 00:06:20.360 conjuring up. Yeah, the mention of that in that film is scarier than 78 00:06:20.399 --> 00:06:24.879 the presentation of it in this one. And Elizabeth McGovern, who's a good 79 00:06:24.920 --> 00:06:28.279 actress, is just kind of wasted here. I don't know why she's across 80 00:06:28.360 --> 00:06:30.560 the pond doing Maybe she was working in England at the time and they sort 81 00:06:30.560 --> 00:06:35.040 of roped her in. I don't know, Like it's and the other thing 82 00:06:35.120 --> 00:06:39.680 is, it's like ordinarily you would set up in the beginning the come up, 83 00:06:39.759 --> 00:06:43.399 it's in the end. In the beginning, he's just doing his job, 84 00:06:43.920 --> 00:06:46.040 makes a suggestion that they do this other thing, but then doesn't do 85 00:06:46.079 --> 00:06:50.399 it himself, so he gets double crossed and then he has to pay, 86 00:06:50.519 --> 00:06:54.639 but he has to pay for a whole other crime that we're not privy to 87 00:06:54.800 --> 00:06:58.879 until the last moments. I don't I do not get this just on a 88 00:06:59.040 --> 00:07:02.879 storytelling level. It's like such a massive failure. Yes, I one hundred 89 00:07:02.920 --> 00:07:05.800 percent agree with you, it is, you know, for me, I 90 00:07:05.839 --> 00:07:12.720 think the biggest disappointment is again again, it really comes back to this really 91 00:07:13.279 --> 00:07:18.879 disappointing idea that the show just doesn't feel like it cares anymore, and like 92 00:07:19.160 --> 00:07:23.399 I'm inclined to a believe that that's the case. Yeah, I mean, 93 00:07:23.879 --> 00:07:28.040 like, does Chris tell me, do you not feel like these are scripts 94 00:07:28.040 --> 00:07:30.240 that were just left over from previous seasons? Like, oh yeah, one 95 00:07:30.319 --> 00:07:33.120 hundred percent. I mean I'm not good there is. You will get no 96 00:07:33.240 --> 00:07:38.199 argument out of me regarding whether or not these are essentially passed over scripts that 97 00:07:38.279 --> 00:07:41.839 other people didn't want to have anything to do with, because that's totally what's 98 00:07:41.839 --> 00:07:46.959 going on here. At first, having not seen this season in its entirety 99 00:07:46.000 --> 00:07:50.279 before, I thought there might be a chance that they thought they weren't getting 100 00:07:50.279 --> 00:07:56.360 another season and then wrote one anyway or wrote one hastily. But yeah, 101 00:07:56.439 --> 00:08:01.480 I think I think this is the absolute certainty here that these are just scripts 102 00:08:01.519 --> 00:08:09.879 that were two below par to include in previous seasons, and now they're like, 103 00:08:09.959 --> 00:08:13.439 oh jeezs we got to do something. Let's just trot these out and 104 00:08:13.560 --> 00:08:16.439 put a put a gloss of England over it. Well, that and the 105 00:08:16.480 --> 00:08:20.680 other the other issue is it really just feels like they've given up, like 106 00:08:20.800 --> 00:08:28.439 a complete just I don't care anymore, We don't care anymore, nobody cares. 107 00:08:28.879 --> 00:08:33.720 Let's just like we're contractually obligated as producers of the show to get one 108 00:08:33.759 --> 00:08:37.399 more season out. So here it is and at the end of the day, 109 00:08:37.600 --> 00:08:43.679 we're fulfilling our contractual obligation and that's it. Yeah, I mean it 110 00:08:43.799 --> 00:08:48.320 is a It is a massive disappointment because the level that we have fallen from 111 00:08:48.799 --> 00:08:54.320 from you know, the man who was death to this absolute fucking nightmare of 112 00:08:54.360 --> 00:08:58.320 an episode. I mean, there is there is nothing redeeming about this episode. 113 00:08:58.840 --> 00:09:03.080 Period period, period, period, period period. Yeah, I'm not 114 00:09:03.120 --> 00:09:07.600 sure what. I don't know what it was trying to say. I don't 115 00:09:07.679 --> 00:09:11.480 know what it exists for. I don't know who thought this was in any 116 00:09:11.799 --> 00:09:16.279 way, shape or form entertaining it. It just kind of shows up and 117 00:09:16.559 --> 00:09:20.159 then leaves. It's you know, I don't feel one way or another about 118 00:09:20.159 --> 00:09:26.720 myself or about being told a good story. It doesn't address anything, It 119 00:09:26.720 --> 00:09:30.200 doesn't ask us anything, it doesn't do anything of value. It is such 120 00:09:30.200 --> 00:09:31.879 a disappointment. I mean, again, I didn't It's not like I had 121 00:09:31.960 --> 00:09:35.799 high hopes. Again, We're at episode five of the seventh season. At 122 00:09:35.799 --> 00:09:41.799 this point, my expectations are so low they're subterranean. So yeah, I'm 123 00:09:41.840 --> 00:09:46.519 gonna go ahead here and say skip, and that's where this episode could go. 124 00:09:46.399 --> 00:09:50.279 Yeah, I'm gonna agree with you. This episode could go in the 125 00:09:50.320 --> 00:09:52.120 trash because it is that bad. Like, I don't even want to talk 126 00:09:52.120 --> 00:09:58.240 about it anymore. Let's talk about the next episode. Relationships aren't about ooze, 127 00:09:58.320 --> 00:10:03.200 right or wrong? Look, do you remember how you felt about each 128 00:10:03.240 --> 00:10:07.279 other when you were newly bleds? Do you want to feel the same way 129 00:10:07.320 --> 00:10:11.360 you felt at your marriage ceremony? Good? Then let go of what you 130 00:10:11.399 --> 00:10:20.720 find irritating about each other before a gross too far, Which is the kind 131 00:10:20.759 --> 00:10:26.120 of advice the young couple in tonight's tale should take their fiends and lovers whose 132 00:10:26.159 --> 00:10:31.679 relationship is clot between a rock and a horrid place. I call this one 133 00:10:31.600 --> 00:10:37.120 cold War. So Cold War is directed by Andrew Morahan but uncredited Robin Bexter. 134 00:10:37.240 --> 00:10:46.679 It's written by once again Scott namerfro and it stars you and McGregor because 135 00:10:46.759 --> 00:10:50.279 this episode, because you were right. We had talked about this episode a 136 00:10:50.320 --> 00:10:54.639 little bit before we had recorded, and you said, there are a lot 137 00:10:54.639 --> 00:10:58.519 of hard urs, and boy, there are a lot of hard ours, 138 00:10:58.720 --> 00:11:05.720 you and McGregor. It also stars arn't there. It also started Jane Horrocks 139 00:11:05.879 --> 00:11:09.840 and Colin Salmon. Salmon, I bet as how you pronounce it and Uh, 140 00:11:09.919 --> 00:11:16.519 yeah, it's about a crime couple who run into Colin Salmon's character. 141 00:11:16.600 --> 00:11:20.679 Salmon's character and yeah, he's a vampire and there zombies and yeah, once 142 00:11:20.679 --> 00:11:24.080 again it's really stupid. Yeah, and you know, even more so than 143 00:11:24.120 --> 00:11:30.200 the previous episode. This is kind of more insulting because of the talent on 144 00:11:30.279 --> 00:11:33.000 screen, You and McGregor. Everyone knows him, Jane Horrocks, who was 145 00:11:33.080 --> 00:11:37.759 for years on absolutely fabulous as a character Nam Bubble, which he was really 146 00:11:37.799 --> 00:11:41.360 good. Everyone knows Salomon, probably from that first Resident Evil movie thanks to 147 00:11:41.399 --> 00:11:43.879 a laser grid. He's also in the James the Pierce Brosdon James Bond film 148 00:11:43.879 --> 00:11:48.320 Oh yeah, that's true. This is shockingly based on a Tales from the 149 00:11:48.320 --> 00:11:52.840 Crypt story Tales from the Crypt number forty three, written by Carl Wessler and 150 00:11:54.399 --> 00:11:58.279 and drawn by the always incredible Jack Caman. Like I mentioned in the last 151 00:11:58.320 --> 00:12:03.120 one, here we have a story, a simple story. It's about a 152 00:12:03.240 --> 00:12:09.600 husband who notices that his wife has a suitor, and the suitor intends to 153 00:12:09.679 --> 00:12:15.399 kill the husband, and before he lets the guy shoot him, the husband 154 00:12:15.399 --> 00:12:18.440 tells him the story of how he met the wife and how they fell in 155 00:12:18.480 --> 00:12:20.639 love, and it involves him going to this like old dark house where her 156 00:12:20.639 --> 00:12:26.320 family is, and he discovers that there's zombies and that in order for him 157 00:12:26.399 --> 00:12:30.759 to continue to love their daughter, he has to die, which he says 158 00:12:30.799 --> 00:12:33.840 no too, and tries to run, but they've actually poisoned him with strychnine 159 00:12:33.879 --> 00:12:37.679 and the new suitor doesn't believe the story, and he shoots him a bunch 160 00:12:37.679 --> 00:12:39.440 of times, proving that he's a zombie. And now the husband says, 161 00:12:39.440 --> 00:12:41.480 you know what, I've had enough of her. You can have her, 162 00:12:41.519 --> 00:12:46.759 and makes the guy a zombie. So instead, when we've got to updated, 163 00:12:46.120 --> 00:12:52.360 let's make it the lamest Tarantino knockoff possible and have the suitors show up 164 00:12:52.360 --> 00:12:58.639 three quarters of the way through, and now twist he's a vampire like one. 165 00:12:58.559 --> 00:13:01.840 I mean, nobody cares, but there's a fake out because you think 166 00:13:01.879 --> 00:13:07.720 you and Mugregor's character is actually a racist. Yeah right, you don't want 167 00:13:07.759 --> 00:13:13.279 to mess with his kind? Could get it because he's it's because he's vampire, 168 00:13:13.480 --> 00:13:16.759 and he's he's an he's an American living in England, so he doesn't 169 00:13:16.759 --> 00:13:20.879 really understand the terminology. But I notice at the end when he's talking about 170 00:13:22.080 --> 00:13:26.679 when they're clearing up the racism question. He does say there's only two kinds 171 00:13:26.679 --> 00:13:31.559 of people that rate, which is a very English thing to say. It's 172 00:13:31.600 --> 00:13:35.000 like the script itself is wildly inconsistent. But yeah, Ewan McGregor does stick 173 00:13:35.039 --> 00:13:41.519 to his terrible American accent throughout, and bravo for the fortitude. But Jesus, 174 00:13:41.600 --> 00:13:43.759 don't do an American accent anymore. You're really bad at it. Excuse 175 00:13:43.799 --> 00:13:48.879 me, what are you doing? My name is you? And Mugregor It's 176 00:13:48.440 --> 00:13:52.639 it's the least worst part of this episode. There's so many other problems, 177 00:13:52.720 --> 00:13:56.240 namely the fact that, again, what is the point of telling this story? 178 00:13:56.399 --> 00:14:01.840 What is this story's point? I mean, what it is meant to 179 00:14:01.879 --> 00:14:03.360 be entertaining, because it's not. Is it meant to be scary, Well 180 00:14:03.360 --> 00:14:07.519 it's not. Is it meant to be ironic and funny, Well it's not. 181 00:14:07.639 --> 00:14:11.080 It's nothing. Again, It's an episode without purpose. The story that 182 00:14:11.080 --> 00:14:15.360 it's telling is not inherently interesting. There are no stakes. And at the 183 00:14:15.440 --> 00:14:18.559 end of the day, the twist that, oh, Colin Salmon's character is 184 00:14:18.879 --> 00:14:24.639 a vampire and there's zombies, that's not a twist. That's just who cares? 185 00:14:24.799 --> 00:14:30.200 I mean, that's that's incidental to the episodes progression because we don't even 186 00:14:30.240 --> 00:14:33.720 know what happens to his fucking character. By the way, right they all 187 00:14:33.759 --> 00:14:35.759 go out the Winnow I assume that they went out in the daylight, so 188 00:14:35.960 --> 00:14:41.879 they survived and he didn't. But not like they attempted in any way to 189 00:14:41.919 --> 00:14:45.480 make anything clear. And I gotta say, the makeup on you and Greg 190 00:14:45.600 --> 00:14:48.480 McGregor at the end would be really good if like a friend did it and 191 00:14:48.600 --> 00:14:52.799 you saw him at a Halloween party. But for a Tennilsome encrypt episode, 192 00:14:52.799 --> 00:14:58.320 this obvious like latex appliance supposed to be approximating his mouth and then underneath his 193 00:14:58.360 --> 00:15:01.039 nose ye, and then they give him him lines of dialogue to say and 194 00:15:01.080 --> 00:15:05.519 you can see his actual mouth like moving underneath the appliance. It was so 195 00:15:05.559 --> 00:15:09.679 sloppy and dumb. Yeah, there's the there's an angle where you can see 196 00:15:09.759 --> 00:15:13.759 like the actual like appliance like patched onto his nose. Yeah, and it 197 00:15:13.919 --> 00:15:22.559 is awful. Yeah. No again. You know, there is this sentiment 198 00:15:22.639 --> 00:15:26.919 about the seventh season of the show that it is a complete waste of time 199 00:15:26.000 --> 00:15:30.519 and that there is nothing to any of these episodes. I mean, I'm 200 00:15:30.519 --> 00:15:33.480 not the first person to the last person to say this. There is not 201 00:15:33.600 --> 00:15:35.679 some sort of grand you know, love for this season of the show, 202 00:15:37.240 --> 00:15:41.480 and we're seeing why it is a it is you know, it's it's Yesterday's 203 00:15:41.519 --> 00:15:46.480 Leftovers reheated twice. I mean it's it's it's the biggest way. This season 204 00:15:46.519 --> 00:15:50.799 has been the biggest waste of time. I can I can't even imagine how 205 00:15:50.919 --> 00:15:54.840 in God's name anyone worked on this season of the show and said, yeah, 206 00:15:54.879 --> 00:15:56.759 this is good, this is this is quality content. Yeah, and 207 00:15:56.879 --> 00:16:00.799 I don't want to rag on this show. We love this show. We 208 00:16:00.879 --> 00:16:03.720 wouldn't be doing this if we hated this show. We're not how did this 209 00:16:03.840 --> 00:16:07.240 get made. We're not here to shit all over everything and then chortle our 210 00:16:07.279 --> 00:16:11.080 way to the bank. We're genuine fans of this show. And it is 211 00:16:11.120 --> 00:16:15.120 a fucking shame that this show is going down the tubes so quickly. It's 212 00:16:15.120 --> 00:16:19.759 almost like the expedited the process of quality just completely falling apart. Yeah, 213 00:16:19.799 --> 00:16:26.720 it's you're absolutely right. I am in no way reveling in the dreary state 214 00:16:26.840 --> 00:16:33.960 of this television series. Like I'm very disappointed, as a euphemistic term for 215 00:16:33.080 --> 00:16:37.279 it, it's yeah, I'm I'm I'm baffled by how bad it got. 216 00:16:37.679 --> 00:16:42.799 And you know, I've said I didn't watch the season seven at the time 217 00:16:42.840 --> 00:16:45.799 and aired, but that was basically because I didn't have cable television at the 218 00:16:45.840 --> 00:16:48.720 time, because I was an avid fan of the show, so I had 219 00:16:48.799 --> 00:16:53.679 been holding out hope that it was my fault in not watching it and that 220 00:16:53.879 --> 00:16:59.240 that maybe the quality was going to rise up. But good lord, Like 221 00:16:59.799 --> 00:17:02.879 we reviewed the first couple of episodes, they said, well, I don't 222 00:17:02.919 --> 00:17:04.640 think it's the worst. I think it's pretty on par with the previous season. 223 00:17:04.680 --> 00:17:08.960 But that is absolutely not the case. The level of quality has dropped 224 00:17:10.119 --> 00:17:15.920 precipitously, and it feels really sad to think that nobody was giving a shit. 225 00:17:15.039 --> 00:17:18.039 They were all just sort of cashing paychecks at this point. Well that's 226 00:17:18.079 --> 00:17:22.000 what it feels like, and that that outcome shows on screen. Yeah, 227 00:17:22.519 --> 00:17:27.319 I mean, you can't just copy Quentin Tarantino and expect that that's good enough. 228 00:17:29.920 --> 00:17:33.119 So and you know, like whatever anyone has to say about Tarantino, 229 00:17:33.240 --> 00:17:38.319 like the dialogue crackles and this is and this is just aping it. But 230 00:17:38.519 --> 00:17:44.400 like it's so I don't know, it's so juvenile, just like lots of 231 00:17:44.559 --> 00:17:48.920 fux and ass bag your ass bag, like, oh my god, Like 232 00:17:49.119 --> 00:17:55.319 yeah, good's that's on par Well, don't forget that awesome scene where Quentin 233 00:17:55.400 --> 00:17:59.839 Tarantino is purely ripped off just because they can, where you have two characters 234 00:18:00.119 --> 00:18:06.799 dancing very Uma and Uma and Travolta esque. They're almost dancing like Uma Thurman 235 00:18:06.880 --> 00:18:11.880 one might boy and you know, look on a purely technical level storytelling wise. 236 00:18:12.079 --> 00:18:15.880 Okay, so she's a zombie. They have to be cold blooded, 237 00:18:15.000 --> 00:18:18.799 right, they're dead, so anytime she would come in contact with a human, 238 00:18:18.839 --> 00:18:21.240 she would feel the heat off of them. Same with the vampire. 239 00:18:21.519 --> 00:18:26.160 These two characters encounter each other, they even they kind of hint at it 240 00:18:26.240 --> 00:18:29.559 almost where when he kisses her for the first time, he kind of gives 241 00:18:29.599 --> 00:18:33.519 her a look like something's wrong with this one. But like, wouldn't they 242 00:18:33.559 --> 00:18:37.039 both just recognize it, like you're clearly not a human. They would recognize 243 00:18:37.079 --> 00:18:41.039 it if they were in the bathroom together and she didn't see his fucking reflection. 244 00:18:41.240 --> 00:18:45.759 Yeah, how about that, like the like which they were by the 245 00:18:45.839 --> 00:18:48.079 way, so dumb, I don't know. Hey, how about this skip 246 00:18:48.160 --> 00:18:52.240 this one? Skip both of these episodes? Oh yeah, not only skip 247 00:18:53.000 --> 00:18:56.359 pretend that you've never even heard of it. I mean, look, if 248 00:18:56.400 --> 00:18:59.880 you want to see you and McGregor as a young actor, watch, shall 249 00:19:00.559 --> 00:19:03.440 I guarantee you he was cast in this because of Shallow Gray. Oh, 250 00:19:03.519 --> 00:19:06.720 no doubt. I don't even really like that movie. But at least he's 251 00:19:06.720 --> 00:19:08.799 not doing this fucking accent. No, he's putting his best foot forward in 252 00:19:08.880 --> 00:19:12.599 that movie, and in this movie they're everyone's feet are tied together and no 253 00:19:12.680 --> 00:19:15.799 one is able to move an inch forward without them all falling down flat on 254 00:19:15.839 --> 00:19:19.880 their faces. It's a it's a fucking shame because again, it's not because 255 00:19:19.920 --> 00:19:23.759 of the talent of the actors involved. We know that for a fact. 256 00:19:25.279 --> 00:19:30.000 So yeah, what is it? Well, it's a misplaced sense of I 257 00:19:30.079 --> 00:19:33.279 don't know, it's like this misplaced sense of the story that you're telling is 258 00:19:33.319 --> 00:19:36.559 somehow important. I hate to break it to everyone, but the problems with 259 00:19:36.640 --> 00:19:41.160 this episode go straight to the script. That's hard. Stop, that's the 260 00:19:41.279 --> 00:19:47.200 problem. Everything else is perfectly fine or perfectly serviceable. Yeah, exactly. 261 00:19:47.279 --> 00:19:51.319 The direction on both of these episodes is just fine. Like if there had 262 00:19:51.359 --> 00:19:55.160 been an interesting story going on, then you know it could have at least 263 00:19:55.200 --> 00:19:59.039 been passable, but like, yeah, the writing drags down everything else. 264 00:19:59.319 --> 00:20:02.880 And look, you know we've talked a lot about Scott and Nimmerfro, And 265 00:20:03.480 --> 00:20:06.799 you know I didn't ask you to do this podcast because you were friends with 266 00:20:06.799 --> 00:20:08.440 Scott and Nimerfro when he was alive. Yeah, that just happened to be 267 00:20:08.519 --> 00:20:11.720 something that we found out or I found out long after the fact when we 268 00:20:11.920 --> 00:20:15.759 got to our first Scott and Nimerfro episode. But I mean I have to 269 00:20:15.880 --> 00:20:21.240 ask you, like you know it just like what do you think was going 270 00:20:21.359 --> 00:20:23.839 on? It's just it's I mean, you knew him better than you know, 271 00:20:23.960 --> 00:20:26.480 You know him better than I did, and you knew him rather well 272 00:20:26.599 --> 00:20:30.640 from what I can tell. I mean, can you can you even begin 273 00:20:30.720 --> 00:20:33.559 to kind of piece together in your head what may have been going on to 274 00:20:33.720 --> 00:20:38.519 lead to these like really it feels they feel very lazy scripts. Yeah. 275 00:20:38.599 --> 00:20:45.440 Yeah, I think in Scott's situation, he I think he really cared early 276 00:20:45.559 --> 00:20:52.759 on and by the end was looking to get out. I'm sure I told 277 00:20:52.799 --> 00:20:55.759 you in the past, like the reason those X Men movie got movies got 278 00:20:55.839 --> 00:20:59.920 made is because Scott he as far as who he was tight with producing why 279 00:21:00.400 --> 00:21:06.759 it was Richard Donner and his wife Laura Lauren Schuler Donner, and he was 280 00:21:06.839 --> 00:21:10.359 the one who brought Lauren Schuler Donner like the X Men thing, and that 281 00:21:10.839 --> 00:21:12.680 was picking up around I mean started. I know, he didn't get a 282 00:21:12.720 --> 00:21:15.960 movie till two thousand, but you know, scripts were being written as far 283 00:21:17.000 --> 00:21:21.759 back as like ninety three, and I think he thought that was his out, 284 00:21:22.319 --> 00:21:26.400 but was not the case. Well, and he wasn't wrong, yeah, 285 00:21:26.680 --> 00:21:29.279 you know, and I mean he wasn't wrong. X Men was his 286 00:21:29.400 --> 00:21:33.640 out, yeah, eventually, but he you know, he ended up with 287 00:21:33.960 --> 00:21:37.680 you know, look like getting a writing gig as hard in Hollywood, and 288 00:21:37.720 --> 00:21:42.119 this was sort of a steady paycheck. But it seems as everyone stopped caring, 289 00:21:42.160 --> 00:21:45.720 so did he. And I've always said, like, you know, 290 00:21:45.799 --> 00:21:51.400 he did better work later, particularly on the television series Hannibal and Tron Uprising 291 00:21:51.480 --> 00:21:52.319 for that matter. Yeah, like, you know, I think he was 292 00:21:52.359 --> 00:22:00.759 a good writer. It's just that this was not his love horror and horror 293 00:22:00.880 --> 00:22:06.200 comics, and you actually, I think you kind of need somebody who loves 294 00:22:06.279 --> 00:22:11.160 the whole medium in order to make a good show. I mean, you 295 00:22:11.240 --> 00:22:14.160 know, I mean, you know, can you write a love song if 296 00:22:14.160 --> 00:22:17.839 you're not in love, but like probably not well. And again it's like, 297 00:22:17.880 --> 00:22:19.960 I don't want to drink a cocktail mixed by someone who doesn't drink alcohol, 298 00:22:21.079 --> 00:22:23.640 like I don't. Will not take your opinion seriously because how can you 299 00:22:25.359 --> 00:22:30.079 how can you definitely do anything if you refuse to have any interest in the 300 00:22:30.200 --> 00:22:33.079 thing that you're doing or talking about, you're not your heart's not going to 301 00:22:33.160 --> 00:22:37.319 be in it. And that comes across on screen, it really does. 302 00:22:37.720 --> 00:22:41.079 Yep. And so that's that's where we're at now, nobody caring, including 303 00:22:41.160 --> 00:22:45.359 us. And yeah, to your point, Scott Nimmerfro worked on one of 304 00:22:45.400 --> 00:22:48.359 my favorite TV shows of all time, Hannibal, and he wrote amazing episodes 305 00:22:48.400 --> 00:22:52.960 of that show, not ironically, they're actually really good. And that is 306 00:22:53.000 --> 00:22:56.519 a horror based show. I mean again, that's a psychological horror show, 307 00:22:56.759 --> 00:23:02.079 you know, right, But that's more in keeping with what his attitude. 308 00:23:02.240 --> 00:23:07.519 Sure, and you know, it seemed to me that the way he dealt 309 00:23:07.599 --> 00:23:12.799 with the comic book sort of horror was to kind of lean into the comedy 310 00:23:12.920 --> 00:23:18.079 of it, and that was a huge mistake because he was not No I'm 311 00:23:18.079 --> 00:23:22.160 not saying he wasn't a funny guy, but he was not a gifted comedic 312 00:23:22.240 --> 00:23:26.400 writer. So you know, pulling off a show like this is hard anyway, 313 00:23:26.920 --> 00:23:30.000 never mind in the hands of somebody who doesn't quite understand it. No, 314 00:23:30.240 --> 00:23:33.119 for sure. And again, if your heart's not in the right place 315 00:23:33.160 --> 00:23:37.559 and you're looking at this is a stepping stone, not a legitimate career, 316 00:23:37.920 --> 00:23:42.799 you know, pinpoint in your career. Hey, it comes across on screen, 317 00:23:42.839 --> 00:23:47.000 that's what we get. We get season seven, seasons five, six, 318 00:23:47.079 --> 00:23:51.400 and seven, but seven in particular, Jesus age Christ I mean, 319 00:23:51.480 --> 00:23:55.359 look like I think at that point he was clearly doing what he could with 320 00:23:55.599 --> 00:23:59.359 the detritus of the previous seasons. But you know, you can't polish a 321 00:23:59.440 --> 00:24:02.880 turd, as I say, no, you cannot. So speaking of polishing 322 00:24:02.960 --> 00:24:06.000 turds, I think we're both saying skip these last two episodes. On the 323 00:24:06.039 --> 00:24:08.279 next episode of Chronicles from the Crypt, we're gonna be talking about saying, 324 00:24:08.640 --> 00:24:12.319 we're gonna be talking about season seven, episode seven and eight, the Kidnapper 325 00:24:12.400 --> 00:24:15.880 and Report from the Grave. Yeah, they're probably not going to be good 326 00:24:17.000 --> 00:24:19.000 now. But until then, where can people find you fought him along? 327 00:24:19.079 --> 00:24:23.119 You can check over check me out over at father Malone dot com. You 328 00:24:23.160 --> 00:24:29.039 can hear my podcast Dark Destinations. It is a radio drama travelogue where our 329 00:24:29.119 --> 00:24:33.119 characters travel to infamous fictional towns. You can also hear me over on Dreams 330 00:24:33.200 --> 00:24:37.200 for Sale, the Twilight Zone eighty five podcasts that Chris and I also do 331 00:24:37.319 --> 00:24:42.400 together with our friend in Detroit, our man on the street, mister Mike 332 00:24:42.440 --> 00:24:45.240 White. And as for me, you can find me on Twitter at Christmas 333 00:24:45.319 --> 00:24:49.359 clause I have gone and change my Twitter handle because hey, casualty, Chris 334 00:24:49.480 --> 00:24:55.519 shockingly is not a particularly on point idea during the middle of a global pandemic. 335 00:24:55.640 --> 00:24:56.559 Yes, we're in a pandemic and no, don't tell me we're not. 336 00:24:57.519 --> 00:25:02.119 As for this podcast, can find it on Twitter, at Chronicles FTC 337 00:25:02.359 --> 00:25:06.319 and at Chronicles from the crypt dot Com. Big thanks as always to our 338 00:25:06.319 --> 00:25:08.000 good friend mister John Casier, the voice of the crypt Keeper, for the 339 00:25:08.160 --> 00:25:11.599 enter to the podcast. We'll catch you on the next episode, Boils and Goals.