In a few weeks. In a few weeks, I'll be turning fifty five.
Hi, this is fifty plus. I'm James Lodgenior. These next couple
of weeks is a time when I become reflective on my life in the past
year, since my last birthday, and life in general. I think a
lot of people do it, and I know I do it every year.
I just can't help it. I think, what stuff. The last year
is a very rough year, as you guys know from me and my family,
so coming so looking back, it's not fun, but we're coming out
of it. On some level, I enjoy it. It has been this
wonderful also awakening of parts of me that I never really had to deal with.
I've realized how strong I can be in very highly stressful situations. I
have learned about parts of my stamina. This last year. I got a
good doctor this last year, after the last few years on how he won,
I had a good doctor. I had a good clean about health,
my weight, and my looks. That's what I'll focus on right now in
this episode. I think I want to talk about my weight and my looks.
I am. I've never relied on my looks in my life. I've
taken them for granted, tell you the truth, I've never I just always
it was always why my personality, my work ethics, my smarts. I
always try to rely on that. I never was like I gotta do this.
I have decided. I decided to grow my hair out three years ago,
and so my hair has past my shoulders. I am fatter than I've
ever been, and I admit that fully and freely. I weigh I might
gonna tell you my weight. I weigh a weight that I'm not happy with,
so going strictly, I still look pretty good. I don't have a
lot of wrinkles, like I'm pretty good, but I have some I have
some issues. I have a hurt arm, but I don't know what that
and I don't know where that came from, and it's it hurts, and
I got to get that checked out. I'm having a hard time walking longer
distances now like I used to. Don't trying to work like that. I'm
trying to work that back up, and I know it's because of my weight.
And I have a lot of stress. I have a lot of stress.
You guys have no idea actually what you guys have it actually does a
lie. So you guys, you have an idea being fifty plus. They
say, we're part of the Sandwich generation where we have people older and younger
than us kind of grabbing out us for stuff, and they do. I
have people who are older and younger and sideways, and I have staff and
people, and it's it's a lot, and I produce a lot of content
on a regular basis and people are counting on me, and while trying to
find a way Mays to make money and also working on this this house,
my mom's house, I'm care going for her, I'm looking out for my
brother, I'm looking out for It's it's just a lot, a lot,
and that plays a lot to it. And I'm telling you, I mean,
I'm part of Planet Fitness. I'd enjoyed that. And I been doing
the train bill and it's been fine. I'm telling you, I be very
honest because I sit down and so I'm on camera molost every day recording something
and it's mostly from the chest up or the face up, where I'm like,
who cares, it's been these recents come out into the world and go
to an event, and I'll be very honest. I just feel so fat
and not good looking, and just like, oh, then my clothes fit
the way I like them to fits. I don't think I look good at
anything. I really don't. And I just it's really tough because I know
I'm alone, I love I know a lot of folks feel the same way
I do. And I know it's all to me. And I'm working.
I'm working on it. I'm working on it. I'm working on all I'm
working on my looks and my weight and all that stuff. But the fact
remains, I got myself here because of the pandemic. I fully agree with.
I fully believe that's what it is. I didn't do enough to keep
it off, gear it down, and I know I can do what I've
done before I was before, but this time it's the motivation. It's like,
well, I'm not dating anybody and have no prospects to dating anybody,
and so there's none of that kind of I should I should look good for
somebody, attract somebody. I don't even do that. I don't go to
a lot of events. I just I don't know. It's just like I
can't find a motivation to wanna, well, I do my hair that much
anymore, and I love my hair. I do have good hair. I
love it. But I even do my hair that much anymore. So I
put it in a point tail. I'm done. But I'm done, and
I'm just like just not engage with that part of myself. I don't know.
I just you know, you know, uh, in the last year
or whatever, I went with my friend Flobo to get some new clothes.
I feel better. It works for a little bit, and then now I'm
writing one of close server times. So now I'm done, Like, Okay,
well I dress kind of cute for that, but I'm like, it
is I don't know, just itto the desire effect. I just like to
put on some sweats or some shorts, T shirts and and sweats and stuff.
I just I didn't even care anymore. I was like, and I'm
so tired, and I just don't have I don't have any outside motivation until
I mean that I need to. So I'm trying just for my health,
of course, and because my sides are pretty good. It literally is the
physical self. I don't want to do the gastric sleeve because that's I've been
hearing horror stories. I don't want to do a castic bypaths. I've been
hearing horror stories. I don't want to sell zipic shit is I don't even
know what it is, but I mean I've heard of it, but I
don't really fully know what anybo it does. Whatever. It's just so I
know the ingredients to what you know. Here's here's so funny. I know
I'm not finishing ating sentences. I know that these are my thoughts. I
watch on TikTok and stuff, a lot of influencers who are into fitness,
and I watch them and all at all ages. Some are my age too,
and they're hot and everything all that stuff, men and women. But
I don't find myself and I get motivated for a minute, like yeah,
I should do this. It just is so much work. There are people
out there who they literally work out and just see what they work out all
day long, every day, all the time. And I've them and I
like watching their progresses, you know what they're doing. But for me,
like that doesn't excite me at all in those things. I mean, either
saw my thoughts, folks, I don't know. I just I'm just kind
of, like I said, I'm being reflective right now. I'm in the
middle of that, so keep that in mind. I like, I'm rambling
on, but it's like I don't even. I don't even. It's like
I don't even get depressed anymore. I just get depressed. I don't think
I get depressed anymore. Like it's beyond that. It's just I just feel
invisible sometimes, and I feel like, yeah, it's invisible, and there's
just nobody motivating me enough where you want to go, Oh, can we
change? I don'ts just betray to me, betray me and me and I
guess well, you'll you'll see the journey or on as I continue. But
it's just one of my thoughts that I have as I'm hitting towards fifty five,
a number which I don't mind, but just weird cause that's the number
that everyone considers you are a senior and all that stuff. But you know,
it's it's it's interesting. Yes, at least, my birthday's May tenth.
If you guys are wondering, of course I'm gonna do. I'm gonna
do like a birthday many telethon on the third. I believe in May.
I'll be releasing that soon. I believe you guys know that. Now I'm
here and now but this journey fifty plus, these last five years which have
mostly been pandemic. I turned fifty in twenty nineteen. I had sold my
house in Pittsbury, my first house of chew, and I came back.
I started buying stuff for my business, which came in handy the following year.
Then three years of that, two years of the family craft that I
was going through, and here I am. Now. I want to be
a mid century and a half of mid century plus five old. And I
don't I don't know, I don't know you guys anyway, I'm James lut
Junior and I'm on to all social media platforms. Talk to me there. Bye,