WEBVTT

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In a few weeks. In a
few weeks, I'll be turning fifty five.

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Hi, this is fifty plus.
I'm James Lodgenior. These next couple

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of weeks is a time when I
become reflective on my life in the past

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year, since my last birthday,
and life in general. I think a

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lot of people do it, and
I know I do it every year.

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I just can't help it. I
think, what stuff. The last year

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is a very rough year, as
you guys know from me and my family,

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so coming so looking back, it's
not fun, but we're coming out

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of it. On some level,
I enjoy it. It has been this

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wonderful also awakening of parts of me
that I never really had to deal with.

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I've realized how strong I can be
in very highly stressful situations. I

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have learned about parts of my stamina. This last year. I got a

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good doctor this last year, after
the last few years on how he won,

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I had a good doctor. I
had a good clean about health,

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my weight, and my looks.
That's what I'll focus on right now in

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this episode. I think I want
to talk about my weight and my looks.

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I am. I've never relied on
my looks in my life. I've

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taken them for granted, tell you
the truth, I've never I just always

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it was always why my personality,
my work ethics, my smarts. I

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always try to rely on that.
I never was like I gotta do this.

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I have decided. I decided to
grow my hair out three years ago,

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and so my hair has past my
shoulders. I am fatter than I've

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ever been, and I admit that
fully and freely. I weigh I might

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gonna tell you my weight. I
weigh a weight that I'm not happy with,

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so going strictly, I still look
pretty good. I don't have a

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lot of wrinkles, like I'm pretty
good, but I have some I have

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some issues. I have a hurt
arm, but I don't know what that

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and I don't know where that came
from, and it's it hurts, and

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I got to get that checked out. I'm having a hard time walking longer

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distances now like I used to.
Don't trying to work like that. I'm

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trying to work that back up,
and I know it's because of my weight.

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And I have a lot of stress. I have a lot of stress.

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You guys have no idea actually what
you guys have it actually does a

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lie. So you guys, you
have an idea being fifty plus. They

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say, we're part of the Sandwich
generation where we have people older and younger

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than us kind of grabbing out us
for stuff, and they do. I

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have people who are older and younger
and sideways, and I have staff and

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people, and it's it's a lot, and I produce a lot of content

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on a regular basis and people are
counting on me, and while trying to

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find a way Mays to make money
and also working on this this house,

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my mom's house, I'm care going
for her, I'm looking out for my

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brother, I'm looking out for It's
it's just a lot, a lot,

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and that plays a lot to it. And I'm telling you, I mean,

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I'm part of Planet Fitness. I'd
enjoyed that. And I been doing

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the train bill and it's been fine. I'm telling you, I be very

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honest because I sit down and so
I'm on camera molost every day recording something

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and it's mostly from the chest up
or the face up, where I'm like,

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who cares, it's been these recents
come out into the world and go

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to an event, and I'll be
very honest. I just feel so fat

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and not good looking, and just
like, oh, then my clothes fit

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the way I like them to fits. I don't think I look good at

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anything. I really don't. And
I just it's really tough because I know

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I'm alone, I love I know
a lot of folks feel the same way

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I do. And I know it's
all to me. And I'm working.

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I'm working on it. I'm working
on it. I'm working on all I'm

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working on my looks and my weight
and all that stuff. But the fact

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remains, I got myself here because
of the pandemic. I fully agree with.

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I fully believe that's what it is. I didn't do enough to keep

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it off, gear it down,
and I know I can do what I've

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done before I was before, but
this time it's the motivation. It's like,

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well, I'm not dating anybody and
have no prospects to dating anybody,

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and so there's none of that kind
of I should I should look good for

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somebody, attract somebody. I don't
even do that. I don't go to

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a lot of events. I just
I don't know. It's just like I

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can't find a motivation to wanna,
well, I do my hair that much

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anymore, and I love my hair. I do have good hair. I

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love it. But I even do
my hair that much anymore. So I

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put it in a point tail.
I'm done. But I'm done, and

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I'm just like just not engage with
that part of myself. I don't know.

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I just you know, you know, uh, in the last year

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or whatever, I went with my
friend Flobo to get some new clothes.

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I feel better. It works for
a little bit, and then now I'm

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writing one of close server times.
So now I'm done, Like, Okay,

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well I dress kind of cute for
that, but I'm like, it

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is I don't know, just itto
the desire effect. I just like to

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put on some sweats or some shorts, T shirts and and sweats and stuff.

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I just I didn't even care anymore. I was like, and I'm

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so tired, and I just don't
have I don't have any outside motivation until

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I mean that I need to.
So I'm trying just for my health,

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of course, and because my sides
are pretty good. It literally is the

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physical self. I don't want to
do the gastric sleeve because that's I've been

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hearing horror stories. I don't want
to do a castic bypaths. I've been

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hearing horror stories. I don't want
to sell zipic shit is I don't even

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know what it is, but I
mean I've heard of it, but I

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don't really fully know what anybo it
does. Whatever. It's just so I

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know the ingredients to what you know. Here's here's so funny. I know

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I'm not finishing ating sentences. I
know that these are my thoughts. I

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watch on TikTok and stuff, a
lot of influencers who are into fitness,

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and I watch them and all at
all ages. Some are my age too,

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and they're hot and everything all that
stuff, men and women. But

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I don't find myself and I get
motivated for a minute, like yeah,

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I should do this. It just
is so much work. There are people

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out there who they literally work out
and just see what they work out all

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day long, every day, all
the time. And I've them and I

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like watching their progresses, you know
what they're doing. But for me,

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like that doesn't excite me at all
in those things. I mean, either

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saw my thoughts, folks, I
don't know. I just I'm just kind

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of, like I said, I'm
being reflective right now. I'm in the

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middle of that, so keep that
in mind. I like, I'm rambling

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on, but it's like I don't
even. I don't even. It's like

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I don't even get depressed anymore.
I just get depressed. I don't think

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I get depressed anymore. Like it's
beyond that. It's just I just feel

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invisible sometimes, and I feel like, yeah, it's invisible, and there's

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just nobody motivating me enough where you
want to go, Oh, can we

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change? I don'ts just betray to
me, betray me and me and I

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guess well, you'll you'll see the
journey or on as I continue. But

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it's just one of my thoughts that
I have as I'm hitting towards fifty five,

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a number which I don't mind,
but just weird cause that's the number

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that everyone considers you are a senior
and all that stuff. But you know,

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it's it's it's interesting. Yes,
at least, my birthday's May tenth.

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If you guys are wondering, of
course I'm gonna do. I'm gonna

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do like a birthday many telethon on
the third. I believe in May.

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I'll be releasing that soon. I
believe you guys know that. Now I'm

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here and now but this journey fifty
plus, these last five years which have

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mostly been pandemic. I turned fifty
in twenty nineteen. I had sold my

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house in Pittsbury, my first house
of chew, and I came back.

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I started buying stuff for my business, which came in handy the following year.

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Then three years of that, two
years of the family craft that I

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was going through, and here I
am. Now. I want to be

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a mid century and a half of
mid century plus five old. And I

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don't I don't know, I don't
know you guys anyway, I'm James lut

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Junior and I'm on to all social
media platforms. Talk to me there. Bye,