This is Science Friction on Hudson River Radio dot Com, Episode sixteen, Gruesome
Grasshovels from Galaxy X. Good morning, doctor Talbot. The excavation has discovered
something highly unusual. We need you to take a look at it right away.
Is that a new blouse? Tammy? What? Oh? Yes,
very becoming. The color sets off the green in your eyes. Thank you
doctor, now this discovery. You really need to see it before my morning
coffee. Yes, doctor, now, my my, you give a girl
a little of far party, Doctor Talbot, thank heven't you're finally here,
You won't believe your eyes. Hurry. It was a warm spring morning in
nineteen fifty four in Stony Point, New York, as the team of archaeologists
from Hudson River University was excavating Buckberg Mountain for possible Revolutionary War artifacts. So
far, they had found a few buttons and musket balls, but nothing worthy
of the publication Talbot was hoping for the project would produce. Until now,
doctor Swanson, what's all the hysteria? Did you find George Washington's false teeth?
Bigger and better than that? Treasure? You found treasure, and we're
all rich and I could retire to Miami. Sorry, doctor, sorry to
disappoint you, but it may be the greatest discovery in the history of the
mankind. Swanson, really a great discovery here in Stony Point. You can't
be serious. I mean, what the what is that? Talbot actually staggered
backward when he looked into the deep trench the archaeologist had dug and saw a
gleaming three foot section of curved metal on the edge of what must have been
a large disc. But there's no sign of corrosion. It's completely untarnished,
and it's depth. It must be from the seventeen seventies. Earlier than that.
We are at least fifty years below the Revolutionary War strata, and by
the curvature, we estimate the disc to be about thirty five feet in diameter.
Do you know what you're saying? Do you know what this means?
That's a flying saucer from another planet. It crossed in Stony Point around seventeen
twenty. Yes, we're all aware that this is an earth shattering discovery.
We were just about to call Washington so they can properly. Oh no,
you don't not a word to Washington or anyone else, you understand, But
the flying saucer. This is too important too. And what if this is
some sort of prank and we go off half cocked about aliens? I'd be
ruined. I have enemies jealous of my position, you know, they would
just love to see me humiliated. But who would perpetrate such a hoax?
The soil has clearly been undisturbed for santuaries. Nevertheless, we say nothing until
this object is fully excavated. That will take months with just a few of
us. I'll call the university immediately and get every archaeology student here asap.
Let's get some tent set up too. No one goes in or out,
no communication with the outside world until we're finished. I'll also arrange for private
security to set up a perimeter. But you can't keep every vund here for
vieks. Oh yes I can, if the students want passing grades, and
if my staff cares to keep their jobs. For all of doctor Talbot's obvious
faults, he knew how to get things done. By the end of the
day, an armed encampment had been established and dozens of stunned and excited students
or carefully excavating the saucer with drowels. And tiny brushes. By nine pm,
Mark Elder, head of security, was giving doctor Talbot a full briefing.
The fencing and razor wire extend along the entire perimeter. No one is
getting in or out except at the front gate, and only then with your
written permission. Excellent work, But this one concern, and that is what
happens when you uncovered the saucer and get it open. I will be the
most famous man in history. What I meant was, what if something is
still alive in there? Or my men authorized to shoot to kill? Good
heavens, No, a live alien is worth one hundred times more than a
dead one. But we needn't worry about that. The saucer has been buried
for over two hundred years. Nothing could survive that long. Nothing from this
planet. Will be right back with more of Science Friction Theatime on Hudson Radio
dot com. We now return to Science Friction Theater on Hudson dot com.
Meanwhile, some of the students had gathered in the mess tent for ice cream
sodas. Apparently Talbot had thought of everything. I don't mind telling everyone.
I'm kind of scared, Oh, Johnny, Doctor Talbot says, there's nothing
to worry about, and think of what this will mean to our careers uncovering
the first flying saucer. But Betty Joe, you won't have any careers if
there's something in there that can kill us. Johnny's right, Betty Joe.
There could be deadly radiation, toxic chemicals, alion, germs, or aliens.
We should be so lucky, Johnny, you and Freddy sound like a
couple of old buddy duddies worrying about nothing, when he should be looking at
this as the best thing that could have happened to us. Johnny, you
need to talk some sense into your girlfriend. Girlfriend is oh you're telling people
no, I swear, shut up about that, Freddie. You know I
offered Betty Joe my class ring and she refused. And you know I can't
wear a big clunky ring when I'm excavating. Now, rather than talk about
who is dating who, maybe we should get some sleep. The excavating resumes
at dawn. The first rays of dawn revealed a swarm of activity, as
nothing of interest was being found in the carefully scraped and sifted dirt surrounding the
saucer. By noon, Talbot had given the order to switch to shovels and
just start digging and tossing the dirt. Around one pm, Hey, doctor
Swanson, Doctor Talbot, I think I found something. What is It looks
like some sort of scene. Could it be the door? Everyone come over
here and concentrate on this area. Just twenty minutes later, a doorway had
indeed been uncovered, A doorway about twelve feet high and five feet wide.
Well, I guess with an opening that big, we aren't looking for little
green men. You could say that again. I have a bad feeling about
this. Everyone look for a control panel and an inditation anyway to open this
door. Doctor Talbot, this is too dangerous. We have no idea what's
inside. The very air in there could be poisonous forties fortuna fortune favors the
bold. For several hours, everyone tried in vain to open the alien craft.
Just as they were all giving up hope, a bug landed on a
slightly darker circle of metal in the center of the door, which suddenly lit
up a fluorescent orange. Then the craft started hissing and mist began to escape
around the seams of the door as it slowly started to open. Everyone get
back, stand back, don't breathe in that mist Run, Betty, Joe,
run not me. I wouldn't miss this for anything. Most of the
students and faculty ran as fast as they could. Mark and his men bravely
stood their ground, weapons raised, hearts pounding. Doctor Swinson, hand me
that camera. We need to document this moment. Careful, Timmy, don't
get too close. Talbot, what are you doing? Are you crazy?
Stay back? Despite the possible dangers, Talbot walked right up to the entrance
of the craft, not because his scientific curiosity gave him courage, but because
he realized the prophet's involved with being the first human to step aboard an alien
spacecraft. I hereby declare that on this day, mankind took its first step
into an extraterrestrial vehicle, and I Doctor Lawrence Talbot. Talbot's speech was cut
short as he was knocked to the ground by a dozen giant creatures, suddenly
screaming out the door. Good Heavens, they look like grasshoppers, ten foot
high, gruesome grasshoppers, still gruggy from centuries of suspended animation. The hideous
creatures stumbled and clumsily hopped to an overgrown area of the compound, and with
ravenous appetites began chomping away at every leaf and blade of grass. We must
alert the army. No, I won't let the government steal my discovery.
Get me that bug lady from Hudson River University asap. Perhaps she can help
us communicate with them. Doctor Talbot, you're insane. This is too dangerous.
Tammy's right. We need soldiers and tanks, and you two will need
to find new jobs because both of you are fired if you breathe a word
of this outside of this compound. It was at tense thirty minutes as they
waited for the bug lady, Doctor Piggy Hall to arrive. As the alien
grasshoppers systematically stripped the landscape of vegetation and started regaining their strength, Mark and
his men kept everyone on the opposite side of the compound inside the university buses
for protection, Doctor Hall. Thank you for coming on such short notice,
my pleasure, Doctor Talbot, But why the urgency? Have you unearthed a
rare fossilized arachnid? Not exactly come this way? What is that sound?
Where is everyone? What is No, it can't be It's just some kind
of joke. I assure you. Those creatures are real, but they are
at least tenseeet tall. And they looked the half draft talker, half cricket,
and a half cockroach. I can't believe my eyes. There's nothing like
it on Earth. Exactly. They are from another world. We uncovered a
flying saucer and they emerged. No, you mean this is a chance to
study an alien insect species. Yes, and what I need to know is
how to establish communications with them. As they discussed the possibilities, Mark,
Tammy and Spenson cautiously approached doctor Hall. Please tell doctor Talbot that we must
evacuate to everyone and call the army. I don't know, grasshoppers are usually
harmless creatures. Hearing that, Talbot slowly approached the nearest creature, who was
devouring an entire lilac bush. Friend, we know you must be beings of
great intelligence and wisdom. Let me offer you greetings from planet Earth. I
he bit off doctor Talbot. Head, doctor Hall, you said these were
harmless. Oops. I forgot to mention that sometimes grasshoppers bite humans. Oops.
That's not the oops, doctor Hall. These things are murderers. That's
it. Calling my men over and we're putting an end to these hideous aliens.
Right now, you three evacuate everyone and call the authorities. Will be
right back with more of science Friction Theaton on Hudson River radiodus com. And
now for the exciting conclusion of Science Friction Theaton on Hudson Radio dot com.
A scene of utter chaos erupted as everyone began fleeing the compound, and the
security detail opened fire on the massive grasshoppers, but it was too late.
Energized by everything they had eaten, they simply jumped and flew away from the
compound in all directions. Stony Point appeared to be doomed. General, we
were finally able to shoot two of the grasshoppers about damn time. It's been
over a week. Hundreds have been killed and Stony Point has been stripped of
almost all of its vegetation. Yes, sir, and fighter jets from Stewart
Air Force Base are still patrolling the surrounding area to contain the hopper's ear.
The saucer secure in our secret underground facility in Pine Bush, New York and
being studied as we speak. Excellent. Now, get those alien bodies to
the bug lady for an autopsy, Yes, sir, two days later at
the morgue. Good god, that smell is horrendous. Yes, Between the
decomposing flesh and at the fifty pounds of excrement I removed from its thirty foot
colon, there are some rather fragrant gases being released before this, Before this
all makes me pute, what have you discovered? Well, it's obvious from
those extended ovipositors why they were so ravenous. Oh whatever, speak English?
They were both pregnant. What do you mean, we're as in not any
more? They laid their eggs recently, thunderation. Do you mean we expect
more of these odious creatures? A lot more? Each female can lay hundreds
of eggs. This must have been an evil alien plot to take over our
planet, sending a ship full of pregnant females. It's the only explanation.
We don't know that. Perhaps it was an accident that they landed here.
Perhaps they're really friendly, and those two just happen to be pregnant, And
perhaps you can't help but think like a bug lady. I think like a
general, And we need to find these eggs and eliminate them. That will
be almost impossible. They inject their eggs under the soil. They could be
anywhere in Stony Point. Then we destroy all of Stony Point. Wait what,
but General, you can I can do whatever the President is authorized me
to do. What's happening, General, General, one of the hoppers is
attacking the convoy else side. The General ran out to find the headless bodies
of six of his men and vehicles tossed around like toys. Grabbing a bazooko
from an overturned truck, the General ran toward the rampaging creature as everyone else
fled. Welcome to planet Earth, Now eat blood. Great shooting. General,
looks like I haven't lost my touch since the Battle of the Bulge.
Now get the buck lady out here to take a look at what's left of
these things. Five minutes later, well, does it have one of those
ovie things? Yes, I'm afraid this was also a female who recently laid
eggs. It does seem to be beyond coincidence. Then we have no choice
but to initiate Operation dawn Light. Yes, sir, General, I'll inform
the President and start the evacuations. Later that evening, at the town hall,
all of the archaeology students and staff who had been kept in isolation,
were gathered together VI the Manton know what's going on? Why have we been
held like prisoners? We have rights. We are American citizens, and as
good American citizens, you'll understand that it was for the sake of the country
that we've prevented this story from getting out and panicking the public. So what
then, You're going to keep us prisoners for the rest of our lives.
No, I'm just going to ask you all to raise your right hands and
swear you'll never speak of the alien spacecraft or its occupants. But have all
you explained everything that's happened, Communists, We already have a very convincing cover
story prepared, and about Talbot, we're already spreading the word that he went
on a bender and took off to South America with his secretary. This is
outrageous. People need the truth. People need whatever truth keeps them dumb and
happy. I won't do it. It's an American Wait everyone, I think
I understand what the General is saying. We are all patriots, and patriots
act for the good of the country. What will happen to the average American
when the word spreads of an alien race trying to repopulate the earth with giant
grasshoppers. It will be a sacrifice to keep this all a secret. But
what about the sacrifices Americans made at Valley Forge, Gettysburg, the Psalm,
Guadalcanal, Normandy, and Chassan. Isn't our silence a small price to pay
considering what others have done to keep us safe. You're a very smart girl,
Betty Joe. Your country needs more people like you. I guess she's
right. Okay, I get it, me too. I don't like it,
but I'll stay silent. The next morning, two bright lights were seen
over the Hudson River, the rising sun and the tactical nuclear weapon that detonated
over Stony Point, completely destroying every structure and frying every alien creature and their
underground egg sacs. Stony Point would be an uninhabitable barren wasteland for generations,
but the alien threat had been neutralized. A week later, General the public
has bought the communist saboteur excuse hook Line and Sinker, and Congress is ready
to approve a huge increase to the defense budget. I'd call that a win
win. And even better news, the scientists have discovered that the alien craft
is from a nearby galaxy. How does that help us? They have also
determined there is an autopilot to return the craft to their home planet. Outstanding
initiate Operation Welcome Wagon. These alien grasshoppers will soon realize that paybacks a bitch.
Two days later, in the secret underground bunker in Pine Bush, where
the ying saucer was being studied, men in radiation suits were carefully packing seven
hydrogen bombs into the craft. Then they placed the detonators so the bombs would
go off when the door was opened. Rather than greeting their triumphant conquerors,
the gruesome grasshoppers of Galaxy X would be vaporized by Uncle Sam's Welcome Wagon.
Several months later, General, we just got a report from the Loyal Observatory
and they recorded a very bright flash from the heart of Galaxy X. Let
that be a lesson to all enemies of the United States, foreign, domestic
or alien. This has been Science Friction Theater, a production of Hudson River
Radio dot Com for written by Linda Zimmamon. Don't forget to subscribe to the
podcast so you'll never miss an exciting adventure. See you next time. Conscience Friction Theater