WEBVTT 1 00:00:03.120 --> 00:00:12.359 We're ready. I'm ready. It's a different look, a different vibe. 2 00:00:12.400 --> 00:00:19.399 Welcome back to the Black Girl Experience. I am your host, Jasmine Danielle. 3 00:00:19.719 --> 00:00:23.559 Guys, I'm not even supposed to be here today, I wa I 4 00:00:23.679 --> 00:00:30.399 plan to record next Friday, but I'm here early, and I'm here for 5 00:00:30.440 --> 00:00:35.799 a reason, here to tell a story and talk some shit as always, 6 00:00:35.920 --> 00:00:48.439 so here we are. It's so funny because I spoke it into existence, 7 00:00:48.479 --> 00:00:52.000 and I knew it was gonna happen, but I didn't know when it was 8 00:00:52.039 --> 00:00:56.600 gonna happen, and I didn't know how it was gonna happen. But yesterday 9 00:00:56.640 --> 00:01:03.119 I had posted a clip from my last video. I posted it on TikTok 10 00:01:03.600 --> 00:01:07.040 and I put two weeks ago at the top when I was talking my shit 11 00:01:07.239 --> 00:01:11.799 like I can't wait till I walk in here. It could be like fuck 12 00:01:11.920 --> 00:01:17.680 y'all and just walk out the job. Baby. Yesterday was the day. 13 00:01:18.319 --> 00:01:23.680 Yesterday was the motherfucking day. And I was cracking up so hard after it 14 00:01:23.719 --> 00:01:30.239 happened, because I was like the universe and God like that I just should 15 00:01:30.319 --> 00:01:34.040 be happening how it's supposed to happen. I'm like, only I would quit 16 00:01:34.079 --> 00:01:41.439 my job on my daddy's birthday. Like that's a very symbolic time for me, 17 00:01:41.680 --> 00:01:45.799 and I just it's gonna be a memorable moment because it was my dad's 18 00:01:45.840 --> 00:01:51.760 birthday, because I went out with a bang boom bitch, but also just 19 00:01:51.840 --> 00:01:55.319 because I knew I was gonna talk to my dad on his birthday, you 20 00:01:55.359 --> 00:01:57.239 know what I'm saying. And when I call him, I'm like, well, 21 00:01:57.280 --> 00:02:00.519 no, he was calling me, which was weird. He was called 22 00:02:00.560 --> 00:02:02.400 I don't know why he was calling me either, and I'm like, look, 23 00:02:02.519 --> 00:02:06.359 I'm not trying to make this about me. It's show day. You 24 00:02:06.359 --> 00:02:08.080 don't have birthday, having birthday. And I ended up telling him the story. 25 00:02:08.280 --> 00:02:15.080 But anyway, let's let's rewind. Let's run that shit back turbo. 26 00:02:15.120 --> 00:02:27.080 So where should I start with this? I mean, y'all already know the 27 00:02:27.120 --> 00:02:30.639 basics with the job, like don't give a fuck about the employees, treat 28 00:02:30.800 --> 00:02:35.800 us like shit, no breaks, no lunch, no nothing, or like 29 00:02:35.879 --> 00:02:39.840 y'all know, y'all know, y'all know. But let's take it back to 30 00:02:43.879 --> 00:02:46.680 We'll just go back to Thursday. So on Thursday, I was at work 31 00:02:49.719 --> 00:02:57.879 doing my job, slaving all of that, and I called my manager the 32 00:02:57.960 --> 00:03:00.479 day was almost over. But I call manager and I'm like, Yo, 33 00:03:02.879 --> 00:03:07.199 I need to go to the emergency room right now. So I need you 34 00:03:07.240 --> 00:03:10.120 to come up here and cover the desk or find somebody to cover the desk. 35 00:03:13.639 --> 00:03:20.080 I'm about to go to a meeting with the general manager. What the 36 00:03:20.080 --> 00:03:22.680 fuck that gotta do with me? I just told you I need to go 37 00:03:22.719 --> 00:03:25.879 to the emergency room right now. Okay, give me five minutes. I'm 38 00:03:25.919 --> 00:03:32.280 gonna try to figure something out. Again. The lack of compassion, the 39 00:03:32.400 --> 00:03:38.199 lack of just general concern for your employee, y'all want me to slave in 40 00:03:38.280 --> 00:03:44.960 this bitch. You want me to be behind this desk at all times and 41 00:03:45.080 --> 00:03:47.280 show up and do my job and perform great. And you know what I'm 42 00:03:47.280 --> 00:03:52.000 saying, and have a smile on my face. But I'm telling you that 43 00:03:52.080 --> 00:03:55.680 I need to go to the emergency room right now. You didn't even say, 44 00:03:55.680 --> 00:04:00.000 are you okay? What's going I'm going to a meeting with the general 45 00:04:00.159 --> 00:04:03.400 manager. I don't give a fuck, So that's what I'm saying. So 46 00:04:04.319 --> 00:04:10.879 motherfuckers can't make me feel bad for how I move, period, period. 47 00:04:11.639 --> 00:04:16.319 So he found somebody to cover the front. I go to the emergency room, 48 00:04:16.560 --> 00:04:20.480 I'm okay, everybody, everything was fine. But still the point is 49 00:04:20.519 --> 00:04:27.680 that I needed to go to the hospital and that just was not even an 50 00:04:27.680 --> 00:04:30.480 issue for anybody, only for me, only for the motherfucker that's dying, 51 00:04:30.560 --> 00:04:32.639 you know what I'm saying. And that's the thing, like do I gotta 52 00:04:32.639 --> 00:04:36.800 be laying on the ground with a gunshot wound to the head for somebody to 53 00:04:36.800 --> 00:04:39.879 be like okay, And even still they gonna be like, hey, can 54 00:04:39.920 --> 00:04:42.959 you take the bullet out and just check them me in real quick? They 55 00:04:43.000 --> 00:04:48.000 don't care. They don't care. So I had to come back with a 56 00:04:48.040 --> 00:04:53.480 doctor's note because you know, motherfuckers don't believe you, I guess. But 57 00:04:53.519 --> 00:05:00.399 also another thing is so previously when I had a meeting with both managers, 58 00:05:01.439 --> 00:05:05.720 I cut into them and I told them in the meeting with in the meeting, 59 00:05:05.759 --> 00:05:10.000 I'm like, y'all don't care about y'all employees. And I brought up 60 00:05:10.000 --> 00:05:12.319 with one of the managers says to me, when I was sick the one 61 00:05:12.399 --> 00:05:14.560 day and was telling them, hey, I'm not gonna be able to come 62 00:05:14.560 --> 00:05:16.240 in on Christmas, he told me to hurry up and recover because we need 63 00:05:16.240 --> 00:05:20.560 somebody to work the front desk. I said that, Yes, you said 64 00:05:20.600 --> 00:05:25.680 that, motherfucker, Like I remember you saying that because I had to come 65 00:05:25.720 --> 00:05:29.680 in so again. And then you know the other person was talking about, 66 00:05:29.720 --> 00:05:32.399 well I got my kids and blah blah blah. And my thing is they 67 00:05:32.439 --> 00:05:38.720 act like they want you to schedule your emergencies. You don't know when the 68 00:05:38.759 --> 00:05:42.240 fuck is gonna be an emergency. You don't know. That's what an emergency 69 00:05:42.439 --> 00:05:46.279 is. You don't know when you're gonna be sick. You don't know when 70 00:05:46.319 --> 00:05:47.600 you're gonna have to call. That's the you know what I'm saying. So 71 00:05:49.199 --> 00:05:58.879 whatever, So anyway on, you know, I just be having to look 72 00:05:58.879 --> 00:06:00.519 at my phone and pull my little so whatever I wrote for today. But 73 00:06:00.759 --> 00:06:06.720 so, so Friday comes along and I go back to work, y'all know 74 00:06:06.839 --> 00:06:11.160 me, I start my morning's off of my morning meditation. Oh so this 75 00:06:11.240 --> 00:06:14.319 is really what it was. This is really what it was. Uh, 76 00:06:15.439 --> 00:06:21.519 that night, I had listened to a self love meditation and it was probably 77 00:06:21.519 --> 00:06:28.199 like the first five minutes he was talking on it, and then the whole 78 00:06:28.240 --> 00:06:33.319 meditation was just I love myself, I love myself, I love myself. 79 00:06:33.360 --> 00:06:38.279 I'm like, this is all he's saying. Is I love myself, And 80 00:06:38.360 --> 00:06:40.920 so I didn't even listen to it to the for the whole night. I 81 00:06:41.000 --> 00:06:44.680 ended up cutting it off and I went to sleep, and when I woke 82 00:06:44.759 --> 00:06:47.519 up the next morning, I felt like a brand new Jasmine. And for 83 00:06:47.560 --> 00:06:53.160 whatever reason, I was like, I'm not putting shit above me. I 84 00:06:53.279 --> 00:06:59.399 come first in everything. And so I went to work with a positive attitude, 85 00:06:59.439 --> 00:07:00.920 feeling good. You know what I'm saying. Listen to my little morning 86 00:07:01.800 --> 00:07:08.639 meditation affirmations, all that shit. I gets work. I gets work at 87 00:07:08.639 --> 00:07:12.160 seven am. You know what I'm saying. It was a good day for 88 00:07:12.240 --> 00:07:14.160 me. I was feeling good. I'm like, hey, I'm here to 89 00:07:14.199 --> 00:07:18.319 do my job. I'm printing off the reports, and shit, it's cool. 90 00:07:18.639 --> 00:07:25.040 It's cool. Now there's a cheerleading competition that's going on this weekend, 91 00:07:25.879 --> 00:07:34.439 and those people are staying at the hotel. Again, I'm printing off my 92 00:07:34.519 --> 00:07:45.920 reports, getting my day started. So these two women, these two white 93 00:07:45.920 --> 00:07:47.639 women, I have. I mean, I'm just i gotta lay the story 94 00:07:47.639 --> 00:07:51.600 off for you. Two white women are they They're not even walking up to 95 00:07:51.639 --> 00:07:57.079 the front desk, but they're like whatever. They halfway at the desk, 96 00:07:57.079 --> 00:08:01.279 they look like they're so confused. They are so fun confused on what to 97 00:08:01.360 --> 00:08:03.639 do, where to go, whatever. But they're not even giving me no 98 00:08:03.680 --> 00:08:07.800 eye contact. But they're lost as fuck. So I'm like, hey, 99 00:08:07.920 --> 00:08:11.639 how can I help you? So one of them is just like, I'm 100 00:08:11.680 --> 00:08:20.600 looking for my daughter. Okay, is she's staying at the hotel with somebody? 101 00:08:20.720 --> 00:08:22.639 Is she with a family? Is she with a group? Is she 102 00:08:22.680 --> 00:08:26.639 you know what I'm saying, so confused. They don't know what the fuck 103 00:08:26.720 --> 00:08:30.040 is going on. She's giving me a couple of last names. I typed 104 00:08:30.040 --> 00:08:35.440 them in. It's not coming up again. This is really like three hotels 105 00:08:35.440 --> 00:08:37.440 in one. So she's staying at this hotel? Are they at that hotel? 106 00:08:37.480 --> 00:08:41.559 Are they? I don't know. I don't know, Okay, I 107 00:08:41.639 --> 00:08:46.000 mean I'm just here to see her. And again, if you're here to 108 00:08:46.039 --> 00:08:50.399 see your daughter, she's in a high school a cheerleading competition. The room's 109 00:08:50.440 --> 00:08:52.960 probably not going to be in her name, right, So again, but 110 00:08:54.200 --> 00:08:56.799 just trying to help these ladies. So I'm like, well, how about 111 00:08:56.840 --> 00:09:01.480 you just call whoever she's with her? Call her. I'm sure she has 112 00:09:01.480 --> 00:09:03.440 a cell phone. You know what I'm saying. She's in high school. 113 00:09:03.440 --> 00:09:07.960 So I'm like just call and then figure out whatever. So they're having a 114 00:09:07.960 --> 00:09:11.679 conversation. She trying to talk to me, She trying to figure it out 115 00:09:11.720 --> 00:09:16.480 whatever. The other lady, mind you, I look at her face. 116 00:09:16.559 --> 00:09:20.120 Her face is just already scrunched up, got an attitude, came, couldn't 117 00:09:20.279 --> 00:09:24.519 wait to start some shit. I just to look on her face. I'm 118 00:09:24.559 --> 00:09:28.639 like, okay, okay, but you know whatever, I'm just playing the 119 00:09:28.639 --> 00:09:33.080 cool. She jumps in and says, oh, so you can't have two 120 00:09:33.159 --> 00:09:37.279 conversations at one time. First of all, bitch, I wasn't even talking 121 00:09:37.279 --> 00:09:41.320 to you. That's number one. Number two, No, you cannot have 122 00:09:41.360 --> 00:09:45.279 two conversations at one time. I don't know why, why you would want 123 00:09:45.320 --> 00:09:48.840 to, or why you would try to. It escalated so fast, like 124 00:09:48.879 --> 00:09:52.320 I don't even remember the conversation and everything that was said. The next thing 125 00:09:52.360 --> 00:09:56.960 that I remember was like, and mind you, she hopped on tip with 126 00:09:58.080 --> 00:10:01.440 me. I didn't like I was trying to help them. All I remember 127 00:10:01.679 --> 00:10:05.360 was, oh, yeah, well I I First of all, a bitch 128 00:10:05.399 --> 00:10:09.559 gets some motherfucking braids, and I guess it's just I don't know. I 129 00:10:09.559 --> 00:10:15.000 could get ghetto and black and ignorant, and I'm like why are we bringing 130 00:10:15.120 --> 00:10:18.360 racing to this? I got black kids, bitch, what black kids? 131 00:10:18.480 --> 00:10:22.120 Like? What? Why is this relevant? Where is this going? So 132 00:10:22.200 --> 00:10:26.919 she's on tip and I'm just like, what the fuck? So I'm saying 133 00:10:26.960 --> 00:10:31.240 this to myself now, I'm like, today is the motherfucking day. I'm 134 00:10:31.240 --> 00:10:35.200 saying this to myself. She's like, yeah, today is today, And 135 00:10:35.279 --> 00:10:37.200 I'm like, no, bitch, you don't understand. Today is the actual 136 00:10:37.279 --> 00:10:39.759 day that you will get your ass beating here. You know what I'm saying, 137 00:10:39.840 --> 00:10:45.399 Like when people say you fuck with the wrong person on the wrong day, 138 00:10:45.759 --> 00:10:48.639 like it was that day for me, It was that day. So 139 00:10:48.759 --> 00:10:54.080 ma y'all, well, all of this shit that has been going on and 140 00:10:54.240 --> 00:10:58.279 just leading up to this moment. So remember when I first got out here, 141 00:10:58.279 --> 00:11:01.240 I was like I knew it was gonna happen, but I didn't know 142 00:11:01.279 --> 00:11:03.960 what day and how it was gonna happen. That's why I was saying to 143 00:11:03.000 --> 00:11:05.879 myself, like today is the motherfucking day, Like this this the last day, 144 00:11:05.960 --> 00:11:09.960 Jasmine, This the last day. So that's why I was saying that. 145 00:11:09.320 --> 00:11:16.440 So at some point I was able to bring myself back like Jasmine, 146 00:11:16.480 --> 00:11:18.879 you gotta you, gotta you gotta pull it together, like you're still at 147 00:11:18.879 --> 00:11:22.759 work, you know what I'm saying. And I really wasn't even cutting into 148 00:11:22.799 --> 00:11:26.000 her the way that I wanted to. I could have really watched you over 149 00:11:26.039 --> 00:11:30.320 here. I could get black and ignorant and all it like. I could 150 00:11:30.320 --> 00:11:31.679 get ignorant too, but I wasn't about to take it there. So I'm 151 00:11:31.679 --> 00:11:35.360 like, let me pull it back. She's like, you're so disrespectful and 152 00:11:35.480 --> 00:11:39.679 rude. I'm like, I was never disrespectful or rude to you. You 153 00:11:39.759 --> 00:11:43.799 hopped on tip with me first for whatever reason. If there's not a problem, 154 00:11:43.080 --> 00:11:46.120 let's bring it back down. Okay, well let's bring it back down 155 00:11:46.159 --> 00:11:50.279 then. I'm not even sure why it got lit like this, because bro, 156 00:11:50.399 --> 00:11:54.279 it's seven in the morning. I wasn't even on that, you know 157 00:11:54.320 --> 00:11:56.919 what I'm saying. And again, I was trying to help y'all. So 158 00:11:58.000 --> 00:12:00.559 I don't even remember what happened and how they walked thought for what, but 159 00:12:00.600 --> 00:12:03.559 she walked up. Now there was a lady that was sitting on the couch 160 00:12:03.679 --> 00:12:07.399 that saw the whole thing. It was people eating breakfast on the side, 161 00:12:07.600 --> 00:12:11.360 just baking, falling off, they mouth all type of shit. So I 162 00:12:11.399 --> 00:12:13.519 walked over to the lady that was on the couch and I'm like, can 163 00:12:13.559 --> 00:12:16.639 you please just tell me like what you saw, cause I just want to 164 00:12:16.639 --> 00:12:20.399 make sure I'm not tripping. She was like, no, that lady was 165 00:12:20.440 --> 00:12:22.720 completely in the wrong. She's like, you didn't do anything wrong. Da 166 00:12:22.799 --> 00:12:26.320 Da Da da, I saw the whole thing whatever. And I'm like, 167 00:12:26.399 --> 00:12:30.240 okay, So it just made me feel a lot better. You had to 168 00:12:30.240 --> 00:12:33.840 reassure myself that I wasn't tripping, like I don't know cause it bro It 169 00:12:33.919 --> 00:12:37.559 happened so fast it felt like a movie. So then I'm just sitting there 170 00:12:37.600 --> 00:12:41.879 talking to her just about the job. I'm like, today is my last 171 00:12:41.919 --> 00:12:43.279 day, and she was I was telling her about the job. I told 172 00:12:43.279 --> 00:12:46.639 her about the previous day when I needed to go to the hospital, how 173 00:12:46.639 --> 00:12:50.679 they don't give a fuck about you, blah blah blah. So then I'm 174 00:12:50.759 --> 00:12:54.360 I'm calling the hotel manager too, So I called him to tell him what 175 00:12:54.399 --> 00:12:58.679 happened. I'm like, hey, you need to get here right now. 176 00:12:58.759 --> 00:13:01.720 He's like, what's wrong, what's going on? Da da da. I'm 177 00:13:01.759 --> 00:13:07.200 like, I just got into a heated argument with a guest and you need 178 00:13:07.240 --> 00:13:09.240 to come here right now because I'm about to go, like I'm about to 179 00:13:09.320 --> 00:13:11.879 leave, and I'm not trying to just walk off the job like that. 180 00:13:11.960 --> 00:13:15.360 So I need you to get here right now. Will walk me through what 181 00:13:15.440 --> 00:13:20.279 happened? Motherfucker runs the cameras back y'all watch them bitches every day all day, 182 00:13:20.360 --> 00:13:24.679 listening to people's conversations, seeing what we're doing at the front desk, 183 00:13:24.720 --> 00:13:28.039 And now you want to hold play by player. First of all, my 184 00:13:28.120 --> 00:13:31.480 adrenaline is through the roof. My anxiety is through the roof. I'm furious, 185 00:13:31.559 --> 00:13:35.639 like I don't feel like sitting here telling you what just happened. So 186 00:13:35.759 --> 00:13:37.600 he's still asking me. So then, okay, I'm gonna try to walk 187 00:13:37.639 --> 00:13:41.039 you through this. Just me talking complete sentences. Dude, bro, I 188 00:13:41.080 --> 00:13:43.600 told you to fucking get here. What else is there to say? You 189 00:13:43.639 --> 00:13:48.120 know what I'm saying? And my thing is if you can hear how upset 190 00:13:48.159 --> 00:13:52.399 I You didn't even ask, like, what if somebody had a gun in 191 00:13:52.480 --> 00:13:54.639 my head? If I was You know what I'm saying. First of all, 192 00:13:54.679 --> 00:13:58.720 it's definitely not safe in a hotel. I've had several instances where I 193 00:13:58.720 --> 00:14:01.559 felt unsafe in the morning, like it don't be no security there. It 194 00:14:01.559 --> 00:14:05.799 don't be no managers there in the morning, and shit be kind of popping 195 00:14:05.840 --> 00:14:07.360 off. So again, you sitting on the phone with me, cause you 196 00:14:07.360 --> 00:14:09.840 don't want to roll off the bed and put on your motherfucking suit and come 197 00:14:09.919 --> 00:14:15.759 up here anyway. So I'm tired of trying to explain the story to him. 198 00:14:15.799 --> 00:14:18.519 So then he says to me, Jasmine, I'm gonna need for you 199 00:14:18.600 --> 00:14:22.080 to have the same respect that I have for you right now, or give 200 00:14:22.120 --> 00:14:24.320 me the same respect that I'm giving you. I said, I am giving 201 00:14:24.360 --> 00:14:33.080 you respect, And then I go into you know, I was telling him, 202 00:14:33.120 --> 00:14:37.879 I'm like, I'm not going to continue to compromise my mental health, 203 00:14:37.960 --> 00:14:41.679 my physical health, none of that for a fucking job. I'm not gonna 204 00:14:41.720 --> 00:14:46.200 continue to be disrespected by guests, by management. What do you management? 205 00:14:46.240 --> 00:14:50.559 What do you mean? Why you keep saying management? Who's motherfucker? We 206 00:14:50.600 --> 00:14:56.320 don't have this conversation several times management, y'all are disrespectful. I said, 207 00:14:56.440 --> 00:15:01.279 y'all don't even give me respect as a fucking human being. I told him 208 00:15:01.320 --> 00:15:07.600 that, what do you meet do I yesterday? You know, like, 209 00:15:07.879 --> 00:15:11.039 why do I gotta keep bringing up all these instances? I'm like, bro, 210 00:15:11.519 --> 00:15:13.360 y'all. Don't respect y'all, don't respect no employee. But I'm talking 211 00:15:13.399 --> 00:15:18.279 about me. No, am I disrespecting you right now? Okay, now 212 00:15:18.320 --> 00:15:20.200 you want to try to gaslight me, motherfucker. No, you're not disrespecting 213 00:15:20.240 --> 00:15:24.679 me right now. But and actually you are, actually you are. But 214 00:15:24.720 --> 00:15:26.639 you know what I'm saying in this moment. No, but you have yes, 215 00:15:26.799 --> 00:15:33.399 y'all do so whatever. We end up getting off the phone and I'm 216 00:15:33.440 --> 00:15:35.799 still talking to the girl that was sitting on the couch and stuff, and 217 00:15:35.840 --> 00:15:39.399 I'm just like me, me being the good person that I am. I'm 218 00:15:39.519 --> 00:15:43.600 still trying to hold it out here. Mad as fuck. You know what 219 00:15:43.639 --> 00:15:48.519 I'm saying. I don't want to walk off the job and just leave the 220 00:15:48.559 --> 00:15:52.360 fucking desk. It's a cheerleading competition going on. It's seven am. You 221 00:15:52.360 --> 00:15:54.679 know what I'm saying. People are gonna be down here. I don't want 222 00:15:54.679 --> 00:15:58.039 to leave y'all hanging like that, even though it's always been fucked me. 223 00:15:58.039 --> 00:16:00.240 So I'm sitting here having a kind with the girl shit and you know, 224 00:16:00.279 --> 00:16:03.240 we're talking about or whatever. She's like, yeah, man, they don't 225 00:16:03.279 --> 00:16:07.039 care about you. She was like, honestly, I would just leave I 226 00:16:07.039 --> 00:16:11.399 will walk off. I was like, you know what, you're right, 227 00:16:11.600 --> 00:16:15.639 cause what what am I being loyals? What am I being committed to? 228 00:16:15.759 --> 00:16:22.600 Right now? Y'all, y'all don't give a fuck. Put on my purse, 229 00:16:22.919 --> 00:16:25.360 got the fuck on. So as I'm walking down the hall to the 230 00:16:25.399 --> 00:16:29.320 elevator, the other manager is coming in, so he must have got win 231 00:16:29.559 --> 00:16:33.159 real quick. He's walking in. Justine, what's going on? Today is 232 00:16:33.240 --> 00:16:37.559 my last day? I'm quitting. You need to go cover the front desk. 233 00:16:37.840 --> 00:16:45.320 Well, what happened? Stop asking me what happened? Go run the 234 00:16:45.480 --> 00:16:51.679 fucking cameras. It's inn HD high quality. The sound is impeccable, like 235 00:16:52.480 --> 00:16:56.840 y'all can get it. What I just don't understand? Again, I gotta 236 00:16:56.919 --> 00:17:00.320 run this through again. I'm not going to comper my mental health, my 237 00:17:00.320 --> 00:17:07.119 physical health. I'm tired of being disrespected. Who's disrespected? That's when I 238 00:17:07.160 --> 00:17:11.039 really got mad. And it's so funny because it takes so much for me 239 00:17:11.119 --> 00:17:15.880 to get It takes a lot for me to really get mad. And I 240 00:17:15.880 --> 00:17:19.200 really don't like when people play in my face. What are you talking about? 241 00:17:19.240 --> 00:17:23.079 Who's disrespecting you? Stop fucking playing with me, bro, I'm trying 242 00:17:23.119 --> 00:17:26.200 to walk. First of all, it's not good to just quit a job, 243 00:17:26.319 --> 00:17:30.000 you know what I'm saying like that, But I'm already trying to make 244 00:17:30.079 --> 00:17:33.200 this process as easy as possible, Like, hey, today's my last day. 245 00:17:33.200 --> 00:17:36.599 I'm sorry, I'm leaving like this whatever, But y'all keep fucking pushing 246 00:17:36.640 --> 00:17:38.960 the button with me, and I really want to cutsh y'all out. I 247 00:17:40.000 --> 00:17:41.079 want to call y'all every name in the book. But you know what I'm 248 00:17:41.079 --> 00:17:45.880 saying, just stop playing with me. I'm like, hey, you know 249 00:17:45.960 --> 00:17:48.559 what, thank you for the opportunity. This job was good for what it 250 00:17:48.599 --> 00:17:52.440 was good for for me moving here at whatever deuces and walk the fuck off. 251 00:17:52.599 --> 00:17:57.480 And when I walked out, I blocked everybody in that bitch managers, 252 00:17:57.599 --> 00:18:03.119 everybody from house keeping and the other coworkers, y'all fake motherfucker's better than I 253 00:18:03.160 --> 00:18:06.440 text my phone period, Like you know what I'm saying, I blocked everybody 254 00:18:07.519 --> 00:18:14.319 and that was it. That was fucking it. And like I said, 255 00:18:14.519 --> 00:18:18.039 I wouldn't be I wouldn't be me if I didn't quit my fucking job on 256 00:18:18.119 --> 00:18:26.839 my dad's birthday. So after that, like I felt a whirlwind of emotions. 257 00:18:26.920 --> 00:18:33.200 Yesterday I felt so many different things. For the most part, I 258 00:18:33.240 --> 00:18:38.200 felt free. I felt good. I felt like the monkey was off my 259 00:18:38.319 --> 00:18:44.839 back. I felt like a weight had been lifted because I finally removed myself 260 00:18:45.319 --> 00:18:49.200 from a toxic situation. I removed myself from a situation where I was not 261 00:18:49.319 --> 00:18:53.319 happy. I was not thriving. You know what I'm saying. I was 262 00:18:53.359 --> 00:19:00.119 going to work every day like not wanting to be there. So oh, 263 00:19:00.240 --> 00:19:07.559 I was happy about that. And then you also have the immediate jump back 264 00:19:07.599 --> 00:19:11.839 into fight or flight mode and anxiety mode, like damn, I just quit 265 00:19:11.880 --> 00:19:17.720 my job. What am I gonna do immediately? I'm like, we don't 266 00:19:17.759 --> 00:19:21.119 know where our next paycheck is coming from now, you know what I'm saying, 267 00:19:21.240 --> 00:19:25.920 all of that stuff, But I'm like, but you know, you're 268 00:19:25.920 --> 00:19:27.119 gonna think about all those things. You know, you're gonna go through all 269 00:19:27.119 --> 00:19:32.319 those emotions and all of that, and then just the how you left what 270 00:19:32.480 --> 00:19:36.400 I don't really give a fuck about. I'm never gonna try to go back 271 00:19:36.400 --> 00:19:37.799 and get a job. I'm done, you know what I'm saying. But 272 00:19:37.839 --> 00:19:42.279 even still, you got that shit on your resume. You know that in 273 00:19:42.359 --> 00:19:47.119 blackballed the bitch. So it's like, but I mean I'm just gonna tell 274 00:19:47.160 --> 00:19:52.160 my story or what happened moving forward, so all of that. But when 275 00:19:52.200 --> 00:19:56.680 I got back, and it's so funny, because my shit started at seven 276 00:19:56.680 --> 00:19:59.359 o'clock, I was back at home and been at eight o'clock. I was 277 00:19:59.400 --> 00:20:03.599 like, goddamn, that was quick. But when I got home, I 278 00:20:03.799 --> 00:20:11.079 made a point to just really decompress, relax, clear my mind. I 279 00:20:11.240 --> 00:20:17.519 wasn't trying to worry about letting or get in my feelings or go down a 280 00:20:17.599 --> 00:20:22.079 rabbit hole. I'm like, Jazmine, just take this day to really process 281 00:20:22.160 --> 00:20:23.799 what happened, you know what I'm saying. So of course I called a 282 00:20:23.799 --> 00:20:29.960 couple of people, told them what happened, all of that, but yesterday 283 00:20:30.079 --> 00:20:33.759 was just the day to just process it all and be like, man, 284 00:20:33.920 --> 00:20:38.079 we ain't gonna think about no other jobs. We ain't gonna think about what 285 00:20:38.119 --> 00:20:41.799 we're gonna do. Like you know what I'm saying, don't even stress us. 286 00:20:41.079 --> 00:20:45.960 Just be cool with what just happened in this moment. And just you 287 00:20:47.000 --> 00:20:51.359 know what I'm saying, let today just be day one, you know what 288 00:20:51.400 --> 00:20:52.319 I'm saying. Think about how you ain't got to get up and go to 289 00:20:52.319 --> 00:21:00.240 work tomorrow. So that's That's what that was for me also. So and 290 00:21:00.279 --> 00:21:03.599 then again, like I said, I wasn't really scheduled to record until next 291 00:21:03.599 --> 00:21:06.319 Friday, and I'm like, oh, hell no, I'm about to go 292 00:21:06.319 --> 00:21:08.720 talk my shit. I immediately got online, like, let me book my 293 00:21:08.720 --> 00:21:12.440 little session real quick, cause you know, I'm gonna have to tell my 294 00:21:12.559 --> 00:21:18.799 story. But let me see. There were some things that I have wrote 295 00:21:18.839 --> 00:21:30.519 down about about this. So number one, and this is actually for two 296 00:21:30.599 --> 00:21:36.880 situations that I wrote down I have wrote down and remove yourself from the situation 297 00:21:37.039 --> 00:21:40.839 and the real problem will reveal it self every time. But that was actually 298 00:21:40.839 --> 00:21:44.400 about something else when I originally wrote it. But we'll talk about it. 299 00:21:44.480 --> 00:21:52.559 So in life, you know, you're gonna deal with crazy shit, You're 300 00:21:52.559 --> 00:21:59.640 gonna deal with drama, all of that whatever. But and I'm not gonna 301 00:21:59.640 --> 00:22:02.960 say that, and I'm that I'm never part of the problem, because I 302 00:22:03.079 --> 00:22:07.440 absolutely am I and I feel like I always acknowledged that or state that. 303 00:22:08.640 --> 00:22:18.839 So in the situation that I originally wrote that about, I kind of had 304 00:22:18.839 --> 00:22:23.079 a falling out with somebody, and you know, I let them get all 305 00:22:23.119 --> 00:22:26.880 the shit that they needed to get off they chest you know, they said 306 00:22:26.920 --> 00:22:33.920 what they needed to say. And my response to them was like, first, 307 00:22:33.799 --> 00:22:37.759 I apologized for X, Y and Z. You know what I'm saying. 308 00:22:37.759 --> 00:22:45.000 I apologize for my role in this. I acknowledged where I was wrong 309 00:22:45.079 --> 00:22:48.720 in the situation, and you know, and also pointed out some other things 310 00:22:48.720 --> 00:22:53.160 of the situation because I didn't feel that I was one hundred percent to blame, 311 00:22:53.640 --> 00:22:57.240 but I took accountability for my part. And again, the first thing 312 00:22:57.279 --> 00:23:00.720 that I said, I didn't deny it. The first thing that I said 313 00:23:00.839 --> 00:23:04.880 was I apologize to you for you know what I'm saying, for whatever drama 314 00:23:04.920 --> 00:23:08.480 or whatever you felt that I brought to you. I apologized, and you 315 00:23:08.519 --> 00:23:15.039 know, and again I stated, I was like, what did I say? 316 00:23:18.880 --> 00:23:22.720 I said what I should have done in this situation and all of that, 317 00:23:22.759 --> 00:23:25.960 and I'm like, you know what, we could just chalk it up 318 00:23:26.079 --> 00:23:32.839 as like a lesson, learned whatever, and just move forward and told them 319 00:23:32.839 --> 00:23:37.759 Happy New Year. I thought that was a very great response. I'm not 320 00:23:37.799 --> 00:23:44.960 gonna lie like I admitted fault. I apologized. I didn't. You know 321 00:23:45.039 --> 00:23:48.799 what I'm saying, I didn't. It was I don't know. I thought 322 00:23:48.799 --> 00:23:52.400 it was an awesome response, and it was. It was the honest to 323 00:23:52.440 --> 00:23:55.200 god truth. It was heartfelt, you know what I'm saying, Like it 324 00:23:55.319 --> 00:24:00.279 was real. They came back with a whole nother thing about well so x 325 00:24:00.400 --> 00:24:03.920 y Z two and I'm like, bro, I was like, I acknowledged 326 00:24:04.119 --> 00:24:07.799 my part in this. I apologized, and I said that we could all 327 00:24:07.799 --> 00:24:10.960 move forward, you know what I'm saying, like, and we don't have 328 00:24:11.039 --> 00:24:15.640 to speak there's nothing else to say. So after that, I had sat 329 00:24:15.720 --> 00:24:19.599 back and I had just thought about everything that they said, and I really 330 00:24:19.599 --> 00:24:22.640 thought that they like went overboard with the shit that they were saying to me 331 00:24:22.799 --> 00:24:26.559 and just cutting into me. But again, you entitled to feel how you 332 00:24:26.599 --> 00:24:30.200 feel. I can't change that. I can't change your perception of the situation 333 00:24:30.400 --> 00:24:34.039 or what type of person you think I am. I can't change any of 334 00:24:34.079 --> 00:24:38.559 that. However, as I began to just sit there and really just process 335 00:24:38.680 --> 00:24:44.960 and read everything that they said, I was like, it's given projection, 336 00:24:45.200 --> 00:24:49.279 bro, It's given projection, especially after my response, and I feel like 337 00:24:51.200 --> 00:24:55.160 they just wanted somebody else to be mad at. They just wanted somebody else 338 00:24:55.200 --> 00:25:00.400 to the place to blame on. And so again, like I said, 339 00:25:02.160 --> 00:25:03.240 like I said, when I apologize stuff, I was like, you know 340 00:25:03.279 --> 00:25:07.319 what, I'm just gonna remove myself from the situation. I won't talk to 341 00:25:07.359 --> 00:25:11.039 you or x Y, you know whatever. I'm like, I remove myself 342 00:25:11.039 --> 00:25:15.000 from the situation because at the end of the day, there was so much 343 00:25:15.079 --> 00:25:18.160 more that I could have said. But I'm not that person. You know 344 00:25:18.160 --> 00:25:22.240 what I'm saying. I'm not gonna throw little blows. I'm not I'm not 345 00:25:22.240 --> 00:25:26.880 gonna do none of that. I'm like, cool, I'll remove myself from 346 00:25:26.880 --> 00:25:33.880 the situation, and guess what the problem is still gonna remain. Not to 347 00:25:33.920 --> 00:25:38.839 say that I wasn't a part of it, but we all know what the 348 00:25:38.920 --> 00:25:41.920 real problem is. So again, I just remove myself from the situation. 349 00:25:42.359 --> 00:25:48.039 So the same thing with the job. Again. I had meetings with them 350 00:25:48.079 --> 00:25:52.559 about certain things. And I don't know if I said this on here, 351 00:25:52.680 --> 00:25:56.759 but one thing is I think I did say this. One thing with the 352 00:25:56.880 --> 00:26:02.960 job was from the time that I got hired and to the day that I 353 00:26:03.039 --> 00:26:08.000 walked the fuck out, nothing changed. Okay, nothing fucking changed. When 354 00:26:08.079 --> 00:26:12.799 I first got hired there, we was getting emails on top of emails every 355 00:26:12.839 --> 00:26:17.319 fucking day. The scores are so fucking low. We're in the red. 356 00:26:17.480 --> 00:26:22.400 The reviews are so bad blah blah blah. I'm talking about from day because 357 00:26:22.400 --> 00:26:25.119 I remember and then like when I first got hired, I remember reading the 358 00:26:25.160 --> 00:26:30.880 emails like geez, like, what am I walking into? You know what 359 00:26:30.880 --> 00:26:33.759 I'm saying, I'm like, and I was feeling bad, like dang it 360 00:26:33.960 --> 00:26:37.119 came you know, y'all sending this. So this was going on before I 361 00:26:37.160 --> 00:26:41.440 even got here, but it was just never really addressed. We were supposed 362 00:26:41.440 --> 00:26:44.799 to have some mandatory meeting that we never had, but like mind, y'all, 363 00:26:44.880 --> 00:26:48.200 that shit was going on from the jump. So all of that is 364 00:26:48.240 --> 00:26:52.160 going on again. And not to say that I'm not part of the problem, 365 00:26:52.200 --> 00:26:56.039 because it was some bad reviews about me, And again I had that 366 00:26:56.519 --> 00:27:00.119 conversation with the managers about why my attitude was the way it was, why 367 00:27:00.200 --> 00:27:06.079 my energy was the way it Again, toxic workplace. The vibes are bad 368 00:27:06.119 --> 00:27:08.960 in that bitch. The moraleites fucking low. Y'all don't care about your employees. 369 00:27:10.039 --> 00:27:11.599 So no, I'm not gonna be here chipper as fuck with a smile 370 00:27:12.079 --> 00:27:15.519 every fucking day. I don't get a break, I don't get to eat 371 00:27:15.640 --> 00:27:19.319 lunch. Y'all don't want me to go to the bathroom again. The other 372 00:27:19.400 --> 00:27:22.880 day, I told you that I needed to go to the fucking er and 373 00:27:22.920 --> 00:27:25.759 you told me that you had a meeting with the general manager. So no, 374 00:27:26.920 --> 00:27:30.960 I'm not gonna be performing at tip top, motherfucking you know what I'm 375 00:27:30.960 --> 00:27:37.319 saying. Like no, But again, it's a whole Jasmine hate train now 376 00:27:37.400 --> 00:27:41.119 apparently, And that's cool. But guess what, Like I said, when 377 00:27:41.160 --> 00:27:44.839 you remove yourself from the situation, the real problem is gonna reveal it. 378 00:27:44.880 --> 00:27:47.720 So it could be a Jasmine hate training that bitch. But guess what. 379 00:27:48.240 --> 00:27:51.720 The review is still gonna be bad. The numbers still gonna be low. 380 00:27:52.319 --> 00:27:56.319 You know what I'm saying. There a guess has sent it or this was 381 00:27:56.359 --> 00:28:02.799 on a review to that every fucking department, the bar, the customer service 382 00:28:02.880 --> 00:28:07.359 was terrible, Nobody was enthusiastic about their job. Housekeeping fucking terrible, The 383 00:28:07.400 --> 00:28:10.119 shit is dirty. They didn't have a smile on their face. Nobody likes 384 00:28:10.160 --> 00:28:14.759 their fucking job. Front desk terrible, no smile, nobody. So again, 385 00:28:17.680 --> 00:28:21.400 it could be a Jasmine hate train all you want. But I'm gone 386 00:28:21.440 --> 00:28:25.039 now. The problem still remains. You still don't give a fuck about your 387 00:28:25.079 --> 00:28:29.400 employees. Everybody feels how I feel. And I hope niggas speak up in 388 00:28:29.440 --> 00:28:33.680 that motherfucking mandatory ass meeting that y'all gonna have, because you know, hopefully 389 00:28:33.720 --> 00:28:37.039 I paved the way for niggas to stand up and say something because I was 390 00:28:37.079 --> 00:28:41.759 saying something to the motherfucking managers. And that's what they didn't like. Every 391 00:28:41.759 --> 00:28:44.359 time I said something to them, it was just oh well, no, 392 00:28:44.960 --> 00:28:49.640 like, no, take take accountability as a fucking manager. Terrible leaders, 393 00:28:49.880 --> 00:28:55.720 terrible fucking leaders. And you know, I hate that it had to go 394 00:28:55.839 --> 00:28:59.079 down like that, but it had to go down, and I'm much better 395 00:28:59.119 --> 00:29:07.960 off without so. Another thing that I have said about this whole situation was 396 00:29:08.839 --> 00:29:15.039 taking it back to my yoga that I need to get back to. I 397 00:29:15.079 --> 00:29:17.759 need to get back to my yoga for real. That was another thing. 398 00:29:17.920 --> 00:29:23.480 Like one day I had posted on Instagram I had to do some yoga at 399 00:29:23.480 --> 00:29:26.720 the crib. I'm like, bro, I haven't done yoga in three fucking 400 00:29:26.880 --> 00:29:36.440 weeks. You cannot let a job drain you. That shit will drain all 401 00:29:36.480 --> 00:29:38.799 of your fucking energy. It will drain the soul out of you if you 402 00:29:38.880 --> 00:29:44.920 let it. You have to stay true to yourself. You gotta, you 403 00:29:44.960 --> 00:29:48.839 know, keep up with yourself care routines. You gotta continue to exercise, 404 00:29:49.200 --> 00:29:52.279 eat well, all of you. Know what I'm saying. You cannot let 405 00:29:52.279 --> 00:29:56.200 a fucking job run you into the fucking ground, because it absolutely will. 406 00:29:59.119 --> 00:30:02.480 But one thing that I had wrote down here was that you know, in 407 00:30:02.599 --> 00:30:07.519 yoga, we teach you know your matt your practice. Go at your own 408 00:30:07.599 --> 00:30:11.680 pace. Don't feel like you gotta be in competition with anybody or try to 409 00:30:11.720 --> 00:30:14.759 keep up with anybody. It's your mat, your practice. You have to 410 00:30:14.839 --> 00:30:18.599 know your limits of your body, how far to stretch, how much to 411 00:30:18.680 --> 00:30:22.319 do, when to pull back, when to stop. You know what I'm 412 00:30:22.359 --> 00:30:25.400 saying. You have to know your limits. You have to know your body. 413 00:30:26.599 --> 00:30:33.160 It's important to know that the body holds so much wisdom. Your body 414 00:30:33.240 --> 00:30:38.759 is so fucking smart. We hold a lot of emotional trauma in our bodies, 415 00:30:40.000 --> 00:30:41.160 you know what I'm saying. Women, We hold a lot of emotional 416 00:30:41.240 --> 00:30:45.519 trauma in our hips and our wombs. All of that. You know, 417 00:30:45.000 --> 00:30:48.799 you might do yoga one day and fuck around and be crying on the mat 418 00:30:48.839 --> 00:30:57.880 and not even know why because you're releasing so much emotional trauma from your body. 419 00:30:59.039 --> 00:31:03.680 And I think think an important lesson that I learned, like with the 420 00:31:03.799 --> 00:31:07.519 job, and everything is like and that's the thing. So you know, 421 00:31:07.880 --> 00:31:11.160 I was telling them that I needed to go to the emergency room. Right 422 00:31:11.759 --> 00:31:15.920 again, you want somebody to be here twenty four to seven all day, 423 00:31:15.039 --> 00:31:18.640 standing on their feet whatever. You want me to show up for you, 424 00:31:19.240 --> 00:31:23.880 But you're not even allowing me to show up for myself. You're not even 425 00:31:23.960 --> 00:31:27.440 respecting the fact that I'm like, hey, there's something wrong with me, 426 00:31:29.039 --> 00:31:34.160 you know what I'm saying. And again, if you're a person that is 427 00:31:34.200 --> 00:31:38.119 a people pleaser or whatever, you go over and beyond for other people, 428 00:31:38.640 --> 00:31:45.559 you're going to constantly go against yourself or you know, put yourself in the 429 00:31:45.559 --> 00:31:48.240 backseat and make other people first in your life, or you know what I'm 430 00:31:48.279 --> 00:31:55.480 saying, Just focus on doing whatever for other people, ignoring and neglecting yourself. 431 00:31:56.440 --> 00:31:59.079 You cannot do that. And that's what I'm when I kept saying, 432 00:31:59.359 --> 00:32:06.279 I cannot compromise my mental health, my physical health for a job. Your 433 00:32:06.359 --> 00:32:08.880 body holds so much wisdom. Your body knows when you're hungry, it knows 434 00:32:08.920 --> 00:32:13.599 when you're sleepy, and those when you know what I'm saying, So listen 435 00:32:13.640 --> 00:32:17.559 to your body that's getting in tune with your intuition. That's getting in tune 436 00:32:17.599 --> 00:32:22.880 with your body. If you ain't in tune with that, then you're fucked. 437 00:32:23.519 --> 00:32:25.640 But that's how you know. You have to listen to your body. 438 00:32:27.920 --> 00:32:30.279 And even in other situations, you know what I'm saying, Like, you 439 00:32:30.319 --> 00:32:37.839 gotta listen to your body with people sometimes your spirit or your intuition to let 440 00:32:37.880 --> 00:32:43.279 you know, like you don't need to be around that person. You ain't 441 00:32:43.319 --> 00:32:49.880 never got an intuitive feeling about somebody. Your body gonna let you know every 442 00:32:49.880 --> 00:32:54.599 time. As a woman, if you are intimate with a man, your 443 00:32:54.640 --> 00:33:00.759 body's gonna let you know if it's a problem. Every time. He could 444 00:33:00.799 --> 00:33:05.480 say he ain't cheating, but somebody's telling me something else. So you okay, 445 00:33:05.759 --> 00:33:07.319 you gonna know. So that's what I'm saying. You gotta listen to 446 00:33:07.400 --> 00:33:15.359 your body. Listen to your body for your mental health and your spirit period 447 00:33:17.079 --> 00:33:21.640 because at the end of the day, it's not worth it. Nothing else 448 00:33:21.720 --> 00:33:24.000 is worth it. Then you know what I'm saying that putting yourself first, 449 00:33:25.400 --> 00:33:31.880 you have to live in your body. Your body houses your soul. Your 450 00:33:31.920 --> 00:33:36.519 body is a temple that should be the only thing that matters to you. 451 00:33:38.359 --> 00:33:42.119 And like I said, before I had went to sleep that night, I 452 00:33:42.119 --> 00:33:44.519 had listened to that self love meditation. I told you, I woke up 453 00:33:44.559 --> 00:33:46.240 just feeling like a brand new person, like I'm not putting shit over Like 454 00:33:46.359 --> 00:33:49.720 I didn't give a fuck about that job yesterday. I was like, I 455 00:33:49.759 --> 00:33:52.240 don't give a fuck. I'm out of here. It's not worth it to 456 00:33:52.319 --> 00:33:57.519 me. So look at the things that you're choosing over yourself and ast your 457 00:33:57.559 --> 00:34:00.160 self, is it worth it? Cause that petty a paycheck ain't worth it 458 00:34:00.200 --> 00:34:06.960 to me. I don't need this job. I don't. And that's another 459 00:34:07.000 --> 00:34:08.679 thing, you know what I'm saying with the Jazmine hate train and anybody that 460 00:34:08.719 --> 00:34:12.559 want to talk shit, I really don't give a fuck, y'all niggas need 461 00:34:12.599 --> 00:34:19.239 this job. I don't. I don't. I could get another job, 462 00:34:19.440 --> 00:34:22.320 which you know, first of all, I'm not opposed to getting another job, 463 00:34:22.559 --> 00:34:25.360 but y'all know how I feel about jobs and shit. This right here, 464 00:34:27.000 --> 00:34:30.320 this is me, okay, and this is what's gonna take me to 465 00:34:30.400 --> 00:34:36.000 the top. So while y'all at work looking at YouTube on your phone, 466 00:34:36.440 --> 00:34:40.159 continue to look at this, okay, Like I don't need that fucking job, 467 00:34:44.079 --> 00:34:46.280 and that's why. That's another thing. It was always a target on 468 00:34:46.360 --> 00:34:53.719 my back from day one when I stepped in that bitch. It was from 469 00:34:53.760 --> 00:34:59.119 the other employees and all like you know what I'm saying, Like it was 470 00:34:59.159 --> 00:35:01.119 just so much and it's like, uh, I don't even want to be 471 00:35:01.119 --> 00:35:06.239 in that environment. It was just toxic as fuck, and I'm glad to 472 00:35:06.280 --> 00:35:12.119 be out of that so bye. Fuck. Yeah. And that was another 473 00:35:12.159 --> 00:35:15.920 thing. I think it was yesterday before I walked out, like I was 474 00:35:15.000 --> 00:35:17.760 just looking around in there. I'm like, it's nothing in this bitch that 475 00:35:17.800 --> 00:35:22.480 I would want to hang on to, not a person, not anything in 476 00:35:22.559 --> 00:35:25.320 here, Like I don't I don't care to be I don't want to be 477 00:35:25.480 --> 00:35:30.800 here. The vibes are bad, I don't want to be here. I'm 478 00:35:30.800 --> 00:35:37.559 not gonna miss it at all. So that is that. And that was 479 00:35:37.599 --> 00:35:40.800 another thing I got to tell somebody too, like all that time because for 480 00:35:40.840 --> 00:35:44.599 a while, I ain't gonna lie. I was kind of stressing myself out 481 00:35:44.639 --> 00:35:47.039 for a minute, like cause I felt like my job was in the balance. 482 00:35:47.119 --> 00:35:50.960 I'm like, either I'm gonna get fired or I'm gonna walk the fuck 483 00:35:51.000 --> 00:35:55.079 out, like one or the other. But I was feeling like my job 484 00:35:55.199 --> 00:35:58.679 was in the balance. But little did they know. I'm like, nah, 485 00:35:58.800 --> 00:36:04.519 y'all, days is not with me, and I'm actually just happy with 486 00:36:04.599 --> 00:36:15.519 the way that things turned out. So yeah, that that's that. Oh. 487 00:36:15.559 --> 00:36:20.320 I was telling one of my coworkers had called me today and we were 488 00:36:20.360 --> 00:36:24.480 just talking about the situation or whatever, and I was like, they wanted 489 00:36:24.519 --> 00:36:30.119 me to They wanted me to go out class list in that bitch they did, 490 00:36:30.280 --> 00:36:35.159 you know, And that's why I had to bring myself back when I 491 00:36:35.199 --> 00:36:38.159 had got into it with a lady. I'm like, Jazmin, don't let 492 00:36:38.199 --> 00:36:40.480 nobody get you out of character like this. You know what I'm saying. 493 00:36:40.559 --> 00:36:43.760 I'm like, and I am on camera and it is you know what I 494 00:36:43.840 --> 00:36:45.519 mean. But that's what I'm saying. They would have been so happy to 495 00:36:45.559 --> 00:36:49.039 be like, see, look that you know what I'm saying. They can't 496 00:36:49.079 --> 00:36:52.039 wait to just paint some type of picture of me. And again, everything 497 00:36:52.159 --> 00:36:55.639 is my fault and the cool whatever put put the blame on me. But 498 00:36:55.679 --> 00:37:00.239 guess what, Jasmon's gone. So y'all don't shouldn't even be talking about me 499 00:37:00.280 --> 00:37:04.000 no more, you know what I'm saying. But y'all definitely did y'all wanted 500 00:37:04.039 --> 00:37:07.199 me to go out classless in that bitch and the way that y'all was gassedlight 501 00:37:07.239 --> 00:37:08.960 in me and just kept acting like, well, what are you talking of? 502 00:37:09.119 --> 00:37:14.280 Like, but again, that's when people play in your face, and 503 00:37:14.320 --> 00:37:15.800 that's what makes me mad, Like, bro, stop fucking you know what 504 00:37:15.840 --> 00:37:19.800 I'm saying. That's gonna really get me mad. And the crazy part is 505 00:37:19.840 --> 00:37:29.320 like I've never snapped. Bro, I've never snapped in my thirty three years 506 00:37:29.360 --> 00:37:32.159 of living. And I really don't want to have to snap. I don't 507 00:37:32.280 --> 00:37:38.719 want to. But motherfuckers really be pushing you to your limit, you know 508 00:37:38.760 --> 00:37:50.559 what I'm saying. But it's important to know that keeping your composure is greater 509 00:37:50.679 --> 00:37:52.639 than knocking a bitch's head off, you know what I'm saying, Like, 510 00:37:53.199 --> 00:37:58.599 you gotta understand the importance of being a master of your mood, a master 511 00:37:58.639 --> 00:38:00.719 of your emotions like you know, and I said that on one of these 512 00:38:00.719 --> 00:38:06.880 other episodes, like I don't want to be a hot head. I don't 513 00:38:06.920 --> 00:38:10.320 want to lose or risk my freedom or over no dumb shit. You know 514 00:38:10.320 --> 00:38:22.920 what I'm saying. It takes so much strength to keep your composure. Should 515 00:38:22.960 --> 00:38:30.000 don't even be worth it should don't even be worth it. It takes so 516 00:38:30.119 --> 00:38:37.079 much discipline to keep your composure, and I'm proud of you know. She 517 00:38:37.199 --> 00:38:42.119 almost almost took me there. You almost got me out my element for real, 518 00:38:42.239 --> 00:38:45.480 And that's what people be long too. You know what I'm saying. 519 00:38:45.519 --> 00:38:51.079 You can't be the cool, calm, collective, unproblematic motherfucker they like we 520 00:38:51.199 --> 00:38:53.599 gonna because they you know what I'm saying. Motherfuckers want to have some shit 521 00:38:53.639 --> 00:38:57.519 to say about it. Told you she was crazy, told you look, 522 00:38:57.599 --> 00:38:59.960 I thought you was spiritual. I thought you was this. I thought, 523 00:39:00.159 --> 00:39:02.320 like, bro, it could really go there, you know what I'm saying. 524 00:39:02.400 --> 00:39:06.199 But I don't ever want to have to take it there. It ain't 525 00:39:06.280 --> 00:39:08.960 It's not worth it to me. It's not worth it to me. Motherfuckers 526 00:39:09.000 --> 00:39:13.159 be wanting to trick you out of your spot is what they want to do. 527 00:39:13.559 --> 00:39:16.079 And I'm sorry this see this for me, This is okay. This 528 00:39:16.199 --> 00:39:20.079 is for me, y'all. Y'all. Not on the mic, y'all, 529 00:39:20.119 --> 00:39:28.920 not on the tube, y'all. Use it's not happening for y'all. So, 530 00:39:29.559 --> 00:39:32.880 yeah, you wanted me to go out class list, but I still 531 00:39:32.960 --> 00:39:42.719 left out with a little grace in this bitch okay period hmmm, Now, 532 00:39:42.840 --> 00:39:45.880 okay, I have wrote something down about sugar Daddy that's funny. So you 533 00:39:45.920 --> 00:39:51.440 know that's another thing. At a time like this, you know I'd be 534 00:39:51.519 --> 00:39:53.159 thinking, like, dang, I wish, I wish I could be one 535 00:39:53.199 --> 00:39:57.559 of them girls. That's okay. I got me a little sugar daddy. 536 00:39:57.559 --> 00:40:00.320 I got somebody that's just don't pay the to I got somebody that's give it. 537 00:40:00.360 --> 00:40:04.840 You know what I'm saying. But honestly, I cannot. I cannot 538 00:40:04.880 --> 00:40:08.960 be one of those girls. I don't know how y'all do it. I 539 00:40:09.280 --> 00:40:13.519 can't be stony off, set it off. I'm in a bine nate like 540 00:40:13.559 --> 00:40:15.880 I'm gonna just have to thuk it out by myself and be in a buying 541 00:40:15.920 --> 00:40:19.960 because I can't do it because I don't know. This was a couple of 542 00:40:20.000 --> 00:40:23.719 days ago at the hotel. It was a girl in there with a sugar 543 00:40:23.800 --> 00:40:29.360 daddy. Show was a sugar daddy. She was extending her room one more 544 00:40:29.480 --> 00:40:31.079 night. I'm like, okay, well, I need to see your ID 545 00:40:31.159 --> 00:40:34.760 in your former payment. You know what I'm saying. For the new reservation. 546 00:40:35.360 --> 00:40:37.039 Oh, hold on, hold on, I gotta get the car. 547 00:40:37.039 --> 00:40:40.880 I'm like, what card she come back with him? He gotta show me 548 00:40:40.920 --> 00:40:44.840 his ID, his car. Baby. This man ain't had no teeth. 549 00:40:44.920 --> 00:40:47.800 He had the tongue like like that, like with no teeth. I was 550 00:40:47.880 --> 00:40:52.199 like, oh no, he had a wedding ring on. I don't. 551 00:40:52.440 --> 00:40:55.119 It ain't tricking If you got it, I don't know, but I was 552 00:40:55.199 --> 00:41:00.159 just like, I couldn't do it. I couldn't. I'm in a buying 553 00:41:00.280 --> 00:41:05.400 Nate. I'm gonna just thug go by myself. Like again, it's not 554 00:41:05.440 --> 00:41:08.159 worth it to me. First of all, I'm not giving up no sugar 555 00:41:08.440 --> 00:41:13.800 to you, sir. No, I'm not having sex with nobody that I 556 00:41:13.840 --> 00:41:16.199 don't want to have sex with period. And I'm not having sex for money. 557 00:41:16.199 --> 00:41:21.599 I'm not a prostitute like that shit. I can't. It's not It's 558 00:41:21.639 --> 00:41:25.679 just not in me. And I feel like I would much rather look how 559 00:41:25.719 --> 00:41:30.079 far out and came on this road by myself thugging it out. I done 560 00:41:30.119 --> 00:41:31.400 came very fucking far, and I'm gonna keep fucking going. You know what 561 00:41:31.440 --> 00:41:36.480 I'm saying, And that's just that's gonna make it so much more rewarding in 562 00:41:36.559 --> 00:41:39.519 the end, is that I got this shit out the mud. I did 563 00:41:39.519 --> 00:41:43.880 it by myself. I did it in a very honorable manner. You know 564 00:41:43.880 --> 00:41:50.079 what I'm saying, Like, I ain't have to compromise my integrity, my 565 00:41:50.280 --> 00:41:52.400 morals, nothing like. You know what I'm saying, Like, I really 566 00:41:52.400 --> 00:41:58.679 did this shit by myself. Period. So yeah, that that life is 567 00:41:58.719 --> 00:42:01.199 not for me, but shout to the girls that it is for city girls. 568 00:42:01.280 --> 00:42:09.039 Up. Let's see what else I wrote down. I don't know why 569 00:42:09.079 --> 00:42:15.239 I wrote this down, but I did. I said loyalty or respect? 570 00:42:15.400 --> 00:42:19.920 And I'm trying to remember what I was thinking about. Oh, I said 571 00:42:21.199 --> 00:42:35.360 respect. I'm gonna choose respect of or loyalty? Why? Because you could 572 00:42:35.400 --> 00:42:37.719 be a loyal dummy. You know what I'm saying. It's a lot of 573 00:42:37.800 --> 00:42:40.440 lay. Hey, I've been there. I've been there. I can't even 574 00:42:40.480 --> 00:42:43.280 say you know what I'm saying. I feel like we all been there. 575 00:42:43.280 --> 00:42:45.599 You could be a loyal dummy, you know what I'm saying. You could 576 00:42:45.599 --> 00:42:51.199 be loyal to somebody. You could be loyal to somebody that don't respect you. 577 00:42:51.199 --> 00:42:59.320 You could be loyal to somebody that don't respect you, man or woman. 578 00:42:59.519 --> 00:43:00.880 You know what i mean. I'm saying, Look, you could be 579 00:43:00.880 --> 00:43:09.480 in a today I just saw on Twitter today and on TikTok for Sean is 580 00:43:09.519 --> 00:43:13.800 back posting blue face and he's in jail. She talked about free my baby 581 00:43:13.880 --> 00:43:17.719 daddy. I'm like, girl, But again, I don't like to judge 582 00:43:17.719 --> 00:43:21.320 people because I feel like we all been there. But it's just like, 583 00:43:22.719 --> 00:43:29.639 girl, stand up, stop like what like. But again, that's that's 584 00:43:29.679 --> 00:43:35.519 loyalty, right, But it can't. It can't be loyalty over respect when 585 00:43:35.559 --> 00:43:39.880 a motherfucker just don't respect, you know what I mean? I need respect 586 00:43:39.880 --> 00:43:58.480 on her loyalty that's what it is for me. Yeah, that's all I 587 00:43:58.519 --> 00:44:06.440 have for that, So fuck that job. But also I also came across 588 00:44:06.440 --> 00:44:13.199 some TikTok videos that was talking about like millennials and us being the generation of 589 00:44:13.320 --> 00:44:15.280 like the Burnout Crew and all of that, and it was just talking about 590 00:44:15.280 --> 00:44:19.719 how, you know, I was born in nineteen nineties, so I was 591 00:44:19.840 --> 00:44:24.320 raised in the nineties two thousands. It was pretty much talking about how like 592 00:44:24.400 --> 00:44:29.760 when we were growing up, we were taught from the generation before us, 593 00:44:29.760 --> 00:44:32.960 like go to school, get good grades, get a degree, get a 594 00:44:34.079 --> 00:44:38.559 job, live the American dream. Somewhere along the way. We were also 595 00:44:38.719 --> 00:44:43.519 raised with the Internet. When the Internet really took off in that went a 596 00:44:43.519 --> 00:44:47.639 whole nother direction. And now fast forward to today, that go to school, 597 00:44:47.760 --> 00:44:51.000 get good grades, get a degree, get a job, like that 598 00:44:51.039 --> 00:44:53.880 don't really apply in this time. In this era, you know what I'm 599 00:44:53.880 --> 00:45:01.000 saying, This is the era of technology entrepreneurs, social media influencers or like 600 00:45:04.519 --> 00:45:07.960 degrees really don't even mean shit no more for real, Like you know what 601 00:45:07.000 --> 00:45:12.400 I'm saying, Like it's a whole different time. So we come from the 602 00:45:12.480 --> 00:45:15.119 generation of hard work and all that, and of course you should be hardworking 603 00:45:15.159 --> 00:45:20.960 and all of that, but it's like it's just a different time. It's 604 00:45:21.079 --> 00:45:30.280 just a different fucking time. But I saw another video that was talking about 605 00:45:30.400 --> 00:45:36.559 just the burnout and all of that. So again with with me quitting my 606 00:45:36.719 --> 00:45:42.320 job and coming home, like as soon as as soon as my motherfucking head 607 00:45:42.400 --> 00:45:49.599 hit the pillow, I can't even just relax and just be at peace or 608 00:45:49.719 --> 00:45:52.639 just have a moment to myself without my mind being in overdrive. Like Okay, 609 00:45:53.360 --> 00:45:57.559 now I gotta feel bad for laying that. Like you always feel like 610 00:45:57.559 --> 00:46:00.920 you gotta be doing something you I gotta be be and productive, I gotta 611 00:46:00.960 --> 00:46:02.800 be, Like even on my when I was working in on my days off, 612 00:46:02.840 --> 00:46:06.440 when I was at home, I would feel bad for being in the 613 00:46:06.440 --> 00:46:09.039 bed. I'm like, Jazzmine, you can rest like you don't all like 614 00:46:09.320 --> 00:46:13.519 just the thought that we always gotta be working, we always got to be 615 00:46:13.599 --> 00:46:16.519 doing something like baby, just staying in fight or flight mode all the time. 616 00:46:16.559 --> 00:46:20.320 And again, quit my job. My anxiety is through the roof. 617 00:46:20.360 --> 00:46:22.000 I'm thinking about everything. I don't have a job, I don't got a 618 00:46:22.079 --> 00:46:24.400 check coming in, you know what I'm saying. I feel like I shouldn't 619 00:46:24.440 --> 00:46:28.159 be laying here. I feel like I can't even, Bro, I just 620 00:46:28.239 --> 00:46:30.800 quit my job today. You can. You can lay down and just gather 621 00:46:30.920 --> 00:46:35.480 your thoughts. It's okay, Like, oh my god, when when does 622 00:46:35.519 --> 00:46:37.719 it in? When does it end? But that's why, I really just 623 00:46:37.880 --> 00:46:45.000 want to follow my purpose and passion in life and live a fulfilled life and 624 00:46:45.039 --> 00:46:49.199 do what I love. Because I'm tired of the matrix. I'm tired of 625 00:46:49.239 --> 00:46:53.480 the rat race. I'm tired, Like Bro, I'm fucking tired. I'm 626 00:46:53.519 --> 00:46:57.960 fucking tired, and I don't want to work a job that I fucking hate. 627 00:46:58.000 --> 00:47:00.000 I don't want to you know what I'm saying. And so many people 628 00:47:00.199 --> 00:47:04.920 live like that. Bro, that's not the life that I want. Or 629 00:47:04.960 --> 00:47:07.559 I don't wanna fuck around and be my parents' age and still be working or 630 00:47:07.599 --> 00:47:10.000 you know what I'm saying, or retire and then have to still be working 631 00:47:10.039 --> 00:47:14.159 after that, Like, bro, what this is not what life is about. 632 00:47:14.239 --> 00:47:16.159 I wanna talk to God myself, like, bro, we are not 633 00:47:16.239 --> 00:47:22.800 supposed to be fucking going to work and just paying bills and die. That's 634 00:47:22.880 --> 00:47:24.960 not what this is. It's not It's so much more to life, and 635 00:47:25.039 --> 00:47:28.519 I'm going to live it. I'm going to do what the fuck I wanna 636 00:47:28.559 --> 00:47:36.880 do. Period. I did have a good conversation with my homegirl today and 637 00:47:36.920 --> 00:47:40.079 I will say this too though I I do. I don't like the motherfuckers 638 00:47:40.119 --> 00:47:43.800 that be on your head after something happens. Okay, so what you gonna 639 00:47:43.840 --> 00:47:45.960 do now? We're you gonna get a job at now? Like broken? 640 00:47:45.199 --> 00:47:47.239 Can I relax? Can? I guess? You know what I'm saying. 641 00:47:47.239 --> 00:47:57.639 But my homegirl, I did like the the angle that she took it though, 642 00:47:57.719 --> 00:48:00.960 Like we just talked about what I really wanna do, what type of 643 00:48:00.039 --> 00:48:02.280 jobs that I will want to apply for, And I was just telling her 644 00:48:02.320 --> 00:48:07.000 so maybe I right now I feel like it's my time to really focus on 645 00:48:08.039 --> 00:48:13.639 my craft, my creativity, my yoga, to the podcast. You know 646 00:48:13.679 --> 00:48:15.840 what I'm saying, Like, I really want to dive deep into that. 647 00:48:16.280 --> 00:48:21.000 And of course I'm not opposed to getting a job. I had two jobs 648 00:48:21.039 --> 00:48:23.199 called me and I'm you know, whatever opportunities are good, because you know, 649 00:48:23.239 --> 00:48:28.239 I still gotta get money, so that's gonna be a thing. But 650 00:48:28.239 --> 00:48:30.840 for the most part, I want to just focus on my creativity and really 651 00:48:30.880 --> 00:48:35.960 diving deep into that and seeing where I can go with this, because I 652 00:48:35.960 --> 00:48:38.440 feel like I've been in this space so many times before in my life. 653 00:48:38.760 --> 00:48:44.400 You know what I'm saying, Like, I'm tired of the job shit, 654 00:48:44.519 --> 00:48:46.199 and every time that I do get a job, I feel like it takes 655 00:48:46.239 --> 00:48:52.239 me further and further away from my purpose. I'm always stressed, I'm all. 656 00:48:52.280 --> 00:48:54.760 You know what I'm saying, I'm not thriving in those environments. It's 657 00:48:54.840 --> 00:49:00.639 not so I'm like, I I need to put myself in better situation that's 658 00:49:00.679 --> 00:49:06.400 gonna propel me forward and the things that I really want to do. You 659 00:49:06.400 --> 00:49:07.719 know what I'm saying, I need to look at the radio jobs. I 660 00:49:07.760 --> 00:49:13.079 need to be looking at shit like that I need whatever, even shit with 661 00:49:13.119 --> 00:49:15.840 the yoga, I need to get back to focusing on that. Like my 662 00:49:16.000 --> 00:49:22.039 focus is just on a job and that's not really taking me nowhere, and 663 00:49:22.599 --> 00:49:27.400 I don't know, just doing a lot more planning and goal setting when I'm 664 00:49:27.400 --> 00:49:30.280 at home and right now I have the time to do that. And so 665 00:49:30.320 --> 00:49:36.159 instead of taking all this time to let my mind overthinking, going overdrive about 666 00:49:36.400 --> 00:49:38.639 the negative shit or how I'm gonna do this, like you need to go 667 00:49:38.719 --> 00:49:44.000 overdrive on your creativity and your goals and what the plans are and what the 668 00:49:44.199 --> 00:49:46.920 what the real moves are, you know what I'm saying. So that's really 669 00:49:47.000 --> 00:49:51.679 just my focus for now. And of course, like I said, I 670 00:49:51.679 --> 00:49:52.920 wouldn't be me if I ain't quit my job. On my dad's birthday, 671 00:49:53.000 --> 00:49:57.280 of course he came with the bullshit like what are you gonna work? Now? 672 00:49:57.320 --> 00:50:00.239 What you gonna do? If you gonna give me some money? Hit 673 00:50:00.280 --> 00:50:01.800 me up to texting me like you sure you? Okay? I just said, 674 00:50:01.880 --> 00:50:05.400 yeah, I really want to be like give me some fucking money. 675 00:50:05.639 --> 00:50:08.679 Why do y'all be asking me that? Just give me some money? Anyways, 676 00:50:09.079 --> 00:50:14.760 I purchased this little I don't even want to call it a game for 677 00:50:14.880 --> 00:50:20.440 realist but conversations with your inner self, because we all need to do some 678 00:50:20.480 --> 00:50:27.159 shadow work. So you have the identified card, which uncovers your hitting psyche, 679 00:50:27.760 --> 00:50:32.039 the Integrate card to accept and grow from uncovered truths. Play best alone. 680 00:50:34.159 --> 00:50:37.239 But here I am giving y'all the insight to my shadow work and my 681 00:50:37.280 --> 00:50:44.199 motherfucking problems. So let's and then we also got the tearot cards too, 682 00:50:45.719 --> 00:50:47.800 But let's get into some shadow work. You know what I'm saying. Motherfuckers 683 00:50:47.840 --> 00:50:51.360 always talking to motherfuckers, always talking about me, Jay. You need to 684 00:50:51.400 --> 00:50:52.719 work on yourself. You need to learn, you need to grow. And 685 00:50:52.800 --> 00:50:55.360 i'd be like, bro, do y'all not be watching this cause I be 686 00:50:55.360 --> 00:50:59.960 feeling like I'll be doing pretty fucking good. But motherfuckers be on my head 687 00:51:00.239 --> 00:51:05.800 like you ain't shit, you ain't like Okay, So let's get into some 688 00:51:05.840 --> 00:51:09.960 shadow work. Let's let's let's get into it. Let's get real deep. 689 00:51:14.119 --> 00:51:22.920 I'm gonna be honest, guys, Let's see what we get here. Hidden 690 00:51:22.039 --> 00:51:29.440 desires? What hidden desires do you have? First of all, when I 691 00:51:29.480 --> 00:51:32.320 think of hidden desires, my mind just goes straight to like sexual, Like 692 00:51:32.400 --> 00:51:46.039 I don't know that's just where my mind went hidden desires. I don't know 693 00:51:46.639 --> 00:51:52.079 hidden desire. What hidden desires do I have? I ain't gonna lie. 694 00:51:52.280 --> 00:51:55.800 Well, okay, so one thing that I've never done. I've never been 695 00:51:55.840 --> 00:52:00.400 on a vacation, never went out of time with my man, and you 696 00:52:00.440 --> 00:52:04.159 know what I'm saying, got fucked over the balcony and all that type of 697 00:52:04.199 --> 00:52:07.519 shit. So I want to like really travel out of the country somewhere and 698 00:52:07.679 --> 00:52:13.639 like just have a very romantic time and have a lot of crazy sex and 699 00:52:14.360 --> 00:52:22.920 yeah, a hidden desire qualities. So the second card is integrating what qualities 700 00:52:22.920 --> 00:52:29.159 do you see in others that also reflect qualities in you. First of all, 701 00:52:29.199 --> 00:52:34.440 one of my favorite quotes is delighten me honors and sees delight in you. 702 00:52:34.760 --> 00:52:38.079 And I feel like I actually feel it said, Oh, I actually 703 00:52:38.079 --> 00:52:45.199 feel like That's one of my best and worst qualities is being able to see 704 00:52:45.079 --> 00:52:49.039 the potential or the best in somebody else, you know what I'm saying, 705 00:52:49.239 --> 00:52:53.920 Like even when motherfuckers be terrible fucking people and dogs you out and all of 706 00:52:53.960 --> 00:53:00.119 that, Like I still am able to see like the light in people, 707 00:53:00.199 --> 00:53:05.519 you know what I'm saying. Like I'm still able to see some sort of 708 00:53:05.599 --> 00:53:08.039 good in people. And I think that's because I see the good in myself. 709 00:53:08.280 --> 00:53:12.679 And I know that I have flaws and I know that I fall short, 710 00:53:12.760 --> 00:53:15.559 but you know, I don't be as bad as other motherfuckers. But 711 00:53:15.679 --> 00:53:19.679 I know that I'm not just one hundred percent pure, you know. But 712 00:53:21.559 --> 00:53:23.079 I like to see the good in people, and I like to be able 713 00:53:23.119 --> 00:53:29.800 to encourage people to see the good in themselves. So what qualities do you 714 00:53:29.840 --> 00:53:37.599 see on others that also reflect qualities in you? Like with my homegirls, 715 00:53:37.760 --> 00:53:42.920 I like how they always gonna bring out the best in me. They gonna 716 00:53:42.960 --> 00:53:45.199 be my number one cheerleader. They gonna always tell me I'm the shit, 717 00:53:45.440 --> 00:53:51.000 I'm that girl, you know what I'm saying. Like the podcast is lig 718 00:53:51.280 --> 00:53:53.880 you're you're a great mother, all of like you know what I'm saying, 719 00:53:53.880 --> 00:53:59.679 five five five on the clock. So yeah, they always see the best 720 00:53:59.679 --> 00:54:05.760 in me, and I always see the best in this parents. What was 721 00:54:05.760 --> 00:54:15.559 your relationship to your parental guardians, like during your teenage years? So y'all 722 00:54:15.559 --> 00:54:19.519 know that I was mostly raised by my dad the majority of my life. 723 00:54:19.559 --> 00:54:25.519 So my parents were married. I don't know what age I was when they 724 00:54:25.559 --> 00:54:31.079 got married, but they were married for some time. They ended up getting 725 00:54:31.119 --> 00:54:36.760 a divorce when I was like nine years old. My dad was a serial 726 00:54:36.880 --> 00:54:43.360 cheater and after that I ended up living with my dad from fifth grade all 727 00:54:43.360 --> 00:54:45.599 the way up until the time that I graduated high school. Me and my 728 00:54:45.719 --> 00:54:52.320 mom's relationship was very strained during those years, and we didn't really communicate a 729 00:54:52.360 --> 00:54:53.639 lot. I didn't really see her a lot. I mean I did, 730 00:54:53.679 --> 00:54:58.719 but it just wasn't a lot. So the relationship was very strained. I 731 00:54:58.719 --> 00:55:07.119 feel like I lacked a lot in that situation, like not having a relationship 732 00:55:07.119 --> 00:55:10.159 with my mom for real, like and that's something that I kind of always 733 00:55:10.199 --> 00:55:13.760 wanted, Like when you see girls like, oh, I got this super 734 00:55:13.760 --> 00:55:16.360 close relationship with my mom, Like I didn't have that. And I never 735 00:55:16.440 --> 00:55:22.159 really had like well, I did because my dad always had women around. 736 00:55:22.159 --> 00:55:24.880 He was always dating or always married. So I had like a motherly figure 737 00:55:24.920 --> 00:55:28.519 in my life, but it wasn't my mom, you know. And not 738 00:55:28.599 --> 00:55:30.519 to say like I had good relationships with all of those women, but still 739 00:55:30.519 --> 00:55:36.639 it just wasn't my mom, you know. And I did have like I 740 00:55:36.719 --> 00:55:40.920 have siblings, m all of my siblings are brothers though, and then growing 741 00:55:42.000 --> 00:55:44.800 up, I had a stepsister that I was really close to. But again, 742 00:55:44.920 --> 00:55:49.360 like I don't know it just hmmm. So I feel like I really 743 00:55:49.360 --> 00:55:53.360 suffered with that with not having a close relationship with my mom. I also 744 00:55:53.360 --> 00:55:57.840 feel like that made me feel like I didn't I don't really trust women like 745 00:55:57.920 --> 00:55:59.960 that for real. I'm not one of those girls, Like I ain't got 746 00:56:00.079 --> 00:56:02.480 I know, girlfriends or nothing like that, but like I just you know, 747 00:56:05.000 --> 00:56:08.199 you don't know how to bitches be. But and then when my dad. 748 00:56:08.320 --> 00:56:12.400 Growing up, I always felt like I had a super close relationship with 749 00:56:12.480 --> 00:56:14.960 my dad that was like my best friend. I was like my roll dog. 750 00:56:15.760 --> 00:56:21.719 And you know, growing up I did see a lot of bad and 751 00:56:21.840 --> 00:56:30.519 toxic relationships because of him, But I wasn't really able to like understand all 752 00:56:30.519 --> 00:56:32.079 of that stuff at a young age, you know what I'm saying. But 753 00:56:32.320 --> 00:56:36.480 I for show took all the stuff in and I and I knew what I 754 00:56:36.519 --> 00:56:39.599 saw. But it wasn't until I became a young woman, a young woman 755 00:56:39.639 --> 00:56:44.519 myself, until I realized, like, oh, that's not really the type 756 00:56:44.519 --> 00:56:45.960 of man that I want, you know what I'm saying, And like I 757 00:56:45.960 --> 00:56:51.320 really don't agree with the the type of man that my dad was, and 758 00:56:51.360 --> 00:56:59.440 so I feel like my idea of him kind of changed as I became and 759 00:56:59.480 --> 00:57:04.880 I'm talk about within the past few years, like like my idea of him 760 00:57:04.960 --> 00:57:07.480 kind of changed. And I don't know, nah, I feel like we 761 00:57:07.480 --> 00:57:14.719 was closer when I was younger, because you know, I didn't I didn't 762 00:57:14.760 --> 00:57:15.760 know what the fuck was going on for really, you know what I'm saying. 763 00:57:15.800 --> 00:57:20.840 But as an adult, I just look at things differently. I mean, 764 00:57:20.880 --> 00:57:22.760 that's still my man's you know, that's still my dog, But it's 765 00:57:22.880 --> 00:57:30.639 just it's just different now. The relationship is different now. Celebration How can 766 00:57:30.679 --> 00:57:36.639 you celebrate yourself quitting your motherfucking job, putting yourself first, self care days, 767 00:57:37.159 --> 00:57:45.159 taking time for yourself, doing what you love period. Okay, inner 768 00:57:45.280 --> 00:57:50.639 child, what is the relationship between your shadow self and your inner child? 769 00:57:52.480 --> 00:57:57.880 My inner child? I wish I could hear my inner child screaming because she 770 00:57:58.000 --> 00:58:02.440 is probably like ah, like for real, because and I feel like I'm 771 00:58:02.440 --> 00:58:08.199 doing a lot of work on my inner child right now. What's the relationship 772 00:58:08.199 --> 00:58:13.360 between my shadows and I feel like I'm trying to integrate the two and do 773 00:58:13.480 --> 00:58:20.360 the work right now, Like my inner child is probably happy as fuck. 774 00:58:20.480 --> 00:58:22.920 She's probably jumping up and down screaming that I quit my job, Like fuck 775 00:58:23.000 --> 00:58:30.360 y'all. She's putting herself first, you know what I'm saying, leaving toxic 776 00:58:30.440 --> 00:58:32.639 relationships around alone, leaving toxic people, you know what I'm saying, All 777 00:58:32.639 --> 00:58:39.199 of that stuff, like working through that and really just understanding why it's important 778 00:58:39.239 --> 00:58:47.159 to put yourself first or you know what I'm saying, or stop, yeah, 779 00:58:47.159 --> 00:58:52.000 just putting yourself first in situations, or speaking up or being vocal about 780 00:58:52.039 --> 00:58:54.400 stuff, you know what I'm saying, or like not going for certain shit. 781 00:58:54.480 --> 00:58:58.800 It's very important. Every time that you do that and you put yourself 782 00:58:58.800 --> 00:59:08.320 first, your inner child is happy for you. Emotional triggers, Eh, 783 00:59:09.559 --> 00:59:14.639 what are common emotional triggers you experience and how can you regulate them in a 784 00:59:14.679 --> 00:59:29.760 healthy way? Some common emotional triggers for me? What's an emotional trigger? 785 00:59:37.719 --> 00:59:52.559 That's a good question. I don't know. I'm really trying to think what's 786 00:59:52.599 --> 00:59:58.679 an emotional trigger. I'm trying to think of what gets me triggered. I 787 00:59:58.679 --> 01:00:04.639 don't trigger when I hear your name teggerud, when I see uh Fay chegger 788 01:00:05.239 --> 01:00:12.159 uh you need to stay out my way? Trigger uh, an emotional trigger 789 01:00:12.159 --> 01:00:15.079 for me. Niggas are an emotional trigger, you know what I'm saying, 790 01:00:15.239 --> 01:00:23.719 Like when you fucking with somebody, and when you fucking with somebody and I 791 01:00:23.719 --> 01:00:27.920 don't know, they do shit to make you mad, that shit is an 792 01:00:27.920 --> 01:00:37.960 emotional trigger, you know what I'm saying, Or like I'm gonna just leave 793 01:00:37.960 --> 01:00:38.920 it at that, when they do something to make you mad, that's an 794 01:00:38.920 --> 01:00:49.239 emotional trigger. How can you regulate it in a healthy way? Process it, 795 01:00:49.320 --> 01:00:52.920 take your time with it, breathe, don't go the fuck off? 796 01:00:52.199 --> 01:00:55.800 Don't you know what I'm saying. I don't ever feel like I really do 797 01:00:55.840 --> 01:01:04.480 that anyway. I'm pretty pretty cool communication. How does your shadow self influence 798 01:01:04.639 --> 01:01:08.159 your communication style? I'm not gonna lie to you. And I've said this 799 01:01:08.199 --> 01:01:14.159 on here many times before. I'm actually not a good communicator, Like I 800 01:01:14.239 --> 01:01:17.639 come on here and this is like my outlet, though the podcast is my 801 01:01:17.719 --> 01:01:22.559 outlet, but I am not a good communicator, like especially when it comes 802 01:01:22.559 --> 01:01:27.719 to like romantic relationships and stuff like that. Like one thing another thing that 803 01:01:27.760 --> 01:01:31.159 I always tell y'all too, is like when I was younger, and this 804 01:01:31.199 --> 01:01:34.719 is why I wanna go to therapy because I wanna be able to dig deep 805 01:01:34.760 --> 01:01:39.239 and really understand why to some shit, you know what I'm saying. When 806 01:01:39.320 --> 01:01:44.199 I was young, my dad used to always tell me, like jazzmin you 807 01:01:44.360 --> 01:01:46.840 there you go again, you clamming up again? You like I would literally 808 01:01:46.920 --> 01:01:51.000 clam up and not talk, and people would be like, what's wrong with 809 01:01:51.039 --> 01:01:53.440 you? And I would I just wouldn't say nothing. And it's not even 810 01:01:53.480 --> 01:01:59.159 like something traumatic happened to me or anything like I just wouldn't. I just 811 01:01:59.159 --> 01:02:05.079 wouldn't talk, and I shut down a lot. I shut down a lot, 812 01:02:05.119 --> 01:02:08.679 like especially in romantic relationships and stuff like that, or sometimes I just 813 01:02:09.000 --> 01:02:12.199 I do I take the easy way out, like I don't want to talk 814 01:02:12.199 --> 01:02:15.639 about it or what in it? I don't know, which is crazy because 815 01:02:15.760 --> 01:02:20.800 but I guess that's why I do need a lot of throat shopra work. 816 01:02:20.840 --> 01:02:27.320 But I don't know what it is, maybe like I don't. At some 817 01:02:27.440 --> 01:02:30.960 point I must have been silenced or felt like I couldn't speak my truth for 818 01:02:31.119 --> 01:02:36.039 I don't. But again like I don't nothing traumatic happened to me where like 819 01:02:36.119 --> 01:02:38.599 I wasn't able to speak up or what's scared? But I don't know, 820 01:02:38.760 --> 01:02:43.920 And like even now, like as an adult. You know. I know 821 01:02:44.000 --> 01:02:50.840 that I'm working on speaking up for myself in relationships how I feel, you 822 01:02:50.840 --> 01:02:52.199 know what I'm saying. I did an episode on the podcast one time where 823 01:02:52.239 --> 01:02:55.039 I was like, you know, sometimes I be at the nail shop and 824 01:02:55.119 --> 01:02:59.280 hate my fucking nails and I just like whatever, and it's like, nah, 825 01:02:59.480 --> 01:03:02.639 nigga, this is fucking terrible. Redo this shit like no like or 826 01:03:02.840 --> 01:03:07.679 you know, sometime it depends. It just depends. But I also just 827 01:03:07.719 --> 01:03:09.440 don't like to be that person, you know what I'm saying as far as 828 01:03:09.519 --> 01:03:14.239 like when it comes to customer service, But no, if you shit is 829 01:03:14.280 --> 01:03:15.400 not how you don't want it, you know what I'm saying. The other 830 01:03:15.480 --> 01:03:21.800 day, I got some food and got all the way back to the crib, 831 01:03:23.440 --> 01:03:27.400 right to the room. This is what. Oh they let us stay 832 01:03:27.400 --> 01:03:29.800 at the hotel for a couple of days when they had the little artic blast 833 01:03:29.800 --> 01:03:32.320 shit going on. So got all the way back to the fucking room and 834 01:03:32.400 --> 01:03:37.280 my fucking order was wrong. I was mad as hell. I'm like, 835 01:03:37.519 --> 01:03:39.199 bro, they like take it back, and I'm like, I'm not. 836 01:03:39.400 --> 01:03:43.840 I don't feel First of all, I didn't feel like going back out. 837 01:03:45.519 --> 01:03:46.760 You know, it was just it would have been too much to do. 838 01:03:47.760 --> 01:03:53.639 But yeah, I'm not the greatest communicator. But the question was, how 839 01:03:53.639 --> 01:04:08.280 did your shadow self influence your communication style? Mmm, it influences and it 840 01:04:08.320 --> 01:04:14.559 influences me to be like just don't say nothing like But I think that's also 841 01:04:14.639 --> 01:04:18.159 because I'm a very non confrontational person. So, you know what I'm saying. 842 01:04:18.199 --> 01:04:21.880 I don't like to I don't like to argue. I don't like to 843 01:04:21.920 --> 01:04:26.239 make people uncomfortable. I don't like you know what I'm saying. So a 844 01:04:26.239 --> 01:04:30.119 lot of times I just don't want to deal with shit or don't wanna talk 845 01:04:30.159 --> 01:04:33.519 about it. So it's just like fuck it. But that's not good because 846 01:04:33.519 --> 01:04:36.159 then I suffer, you know what I'm saying, and then my needs are 847 01:04:36.199 --> 01:04:45.480 not met And yeah, forgotten self? What aspects of your personality have you 848 01:04:45.559 --> 01:04:56.559 forgotten? Right now? What I think I always get. I always go 849 01:04:56.639 --> 01:04:59.760 through these little phases where I kind of forget little aspects of myself, Like 850 01:04:59.760 --> 01:05:02.119 like I said, with the whole job situation and how that one day I 851 01:05:02.119 --> 01:05:04.480 had to do yoga at home. I was like, I ain't did yoga 852 01:05:04.480 --> 01:05:12.320 in three weeks, Like not tapped into my not tapped into myself not tapped 853 01:05:12.360 --> 01:05:16.079 into my yoga, and again, yoga's very important. Movement of the body 854 01:05:16.119 --> 01:05:19.920 every day is very important. But again, yoga really teaches you to be 855 01:05:19.960 --> 01:05:24.400 in tune with your body and your intuition, you know what I'm saying. 856 01:05:24.480 --> 01:05:29.760 So forgetting that aspect of myself, it's been a lot of times in situations 857 01:05:29.800 --> 01:05:31.360 with niggas. You know what I'm saying, You'll let a nigga dem your 858 01:05:31.480 --> 01:05:33.960 light and then you kind of forget who the fuck you is. Like, 859 01:05:34.039 --> 01:05:40.239 Bro, I'm that bitch showed off like you done, trying to put pipe 860 01:05:40.239 --> 01:05:45.280 me down, and you know you gotta get back up. So yeah, 861 01:05:46.239 --> 01:05:54.320 ooh self esteem. What is the relationship between your shadow self and your self 862 01:05:54.400 --> 01:05:58.519 esteem? First of all, Kat Williams said, self esteem, it's esteem 863 01:05:58.639 --> 01:06:01.000 of your motherfuck itself. How the fuck I fuck up the way you feel 864 01:06:01.000 --> 01:06:04.880 about you, simple bitch? You know for real, that's real, that's 865 01:06:04.960 --> 01:06:10.639 real. That self esteem gotta be through the motherfucking roof. Okay, that 866 01:06:10.639 --> 01:06:18.920 that confidence, that all of that. But honestly, especially with this generation, 867 01:06:19.079 --> 01:06:30.880 it's time. This era self esteem is crazy for everybody, for everybody. 868 01:06:30.280 --> 01:06:38.719 I noticed that the motherfucking work group chat ha wait, not y'all trying 869 01:06:38.719 --> 01:06:44.840 to have it at a restaurant. Not y'all trying to make me feel like 870 01:06:44.840 --> 01:06:49.039 I'm missing out on something. I'm about to put the whole details out on 871 01:06:49.039 --> 01:06:53.079 the podcast. We all gonna pull up to that bitch front desk. Meeting 872 01:06:53.119 --> 01:06:58.599 will be at what's three or eleven? Kitchen and cocktails. I'd have heard 873 01:06:58.599 --> 01:07:00.199 the kitchen and cocktails downtown. I went there. It's a black It was 874 01:07:00.239 --> 01:07:10.239 a black restaurant. Uh oh oh, niggas is trying to be funny. 875 01:07:10.719 --> 01:07:13.440 Niggas is really trying to be funny, because let me tell you this, 876 01:07:15.920 --> 01:07:19.280 coming from the job where they don't care about motherfuckers. Now, when I 877 01:07:19.360 --> 01:07:28.400 first got hired there, we were supposed to have a mandatory meeting when I 878 01:07:28.440 --> 01:07:30.320 got hired there, but we never had. They kept saying, oh, 879 01:07:30.360 --> 01:07:35.679 medatory meeting, but it never happened. Everything that I heard about any previous 880 01:07:35.760 --> 01:07:41.239 meetings were always at the fucking job, three hours long, at the job 881 01:07:41.480 --> 01:07:44.480 whatever. Oh that was another thing when we uh when they had us stay 882 01:07:44.480 --> 01:07:46.159 at the hotel for them two days because of the artic blast. Guess what 883 01:07:46.159 --> 01:07:51.960 they offered to give us to eat? Hot pockets? Bitch for who what? 884 01:07:53.639 --> 01:07:58.960 I made them buy me some pizza. But anyway, so again, 885 01:07:59.519 --> 01:08:02.960 y'all used to have y'all front y'all mandatory meetings at the job for three hours, 886 01:08:03.000 --> 01:08:05.760 I guess in the little work. Now y'all having it at a restaurant 887 01:08:05.760 --> 01:08:10.320 and y'all paying for food. That's another thing. That's another one more thing. 888 01:08:11.960 --> 01:08:15.880 There was a girl there that quit around Thanksgiving. We ain't even gonna 889 01:08:15.880 --> 01:08:19.199 get into the store whatever. Apparently she lied about her whole little story about 890 01:08:19.199 --> 01:08:21.600 why she was leaving. We ain't gonna get into whatever. She quit, 891 01:08:21.880 --> 01:08:27.359 right. I had to tell the manager. I was like, hey, 892 01:08:27.399 --> 01:08:30.600 today's her last day. Was y'all gonna order some food from her, get 893 01:08:30.600 --> 01:08:32.640 her a car, say thank you for you know, your service. They 894 01:08:32.680 --> 01:08:36.359 weren't gonna do anything for her. It was because of me that they ordered 895 01:08:36.399 --> 01:08:40.239 pizza and did all of that and sent her off. And I'm like, 896 01:08:40.359 --> 01:08:43.600 wow, again, don't give a fuck about people. And now she's coming 897 01:08:43.640 --> 01:08:54.119 back. So y'all little process can be streasing, but yeah not. Please 898 01:08:54.199 --> 01:08:58.319 get with them to confirm your entree selection to streamline ordering. We will be 899 01:08:58.880 --> 01:09:01.520 oh, we will meet at the property and headover together. Now I'm gonna 900 01:09:01.560 --> 01:09:03.720 pull up at the restaurant, like, Oh, I didn't know y'all was 901 01:09:03.760 --> 01:09:11.760 here. What's up? Like take me out the group chat? But okay, 902 01:09:11.800 --> 01:09:14.039 so we all gonna meet at the restaurants. Y'all were gonna all pull 903 01:09:14.119 --> 01:09:18.960 up on them, But okay, anyway, Yeah, oh I was talking 904 01:09:18.960 --> 01:09:25.600 about self esteem. Yeah, it's a crazy time. It's a crazy time, 905 01:09:29.439 --> 01:09:40.600 social media, this generation, all of that. I believe that natural 906 01:09:40.720 --> 01:09:45.279 is the best, just natural face, natural body, you know what I'm 907 01:09:45.319 --> 01:09:50.720 saying. That's just my personal opinion. That's just my personal opinion. I 908 01:09:50.760 --> 01:09:56.279 feel like the beauty standards and what people think. I mean, beauty is 909 01:09:56.319 --> 01:10:02.079 in the eye of the beholder, but I feel like social media is so 910 01:10:02.239 --> 01:10:10.760 caught up in the you know, a certain look and all of that. 911 01:10:12.159 --> 01:10:16.800 And I really think that we all need to just learn to love ourselves more 912 01:10:17.319 --> 01:10:19.720 or just be happy with who you are. And if you're not happy with 913 01:10:19.760 --> 01:10:26.000 yourself, do whatever it is that you need to fix it without like going 914 01:10:26.079 --> 01:10:28.359 under the knife or doing something crazy, you know what I'm saying. But 915 01:10:30.520 --> 01:10:34.920 it's a lot easier said than done, I guess. But Okay, my 916 01:10:35.079 --> 01:10:45.840 relationship between my shadow self and self esteem, my self esteem has never been 917 01:10:45.840 --> 01:10:47.319 through the roof. I ain't never just been like, oh, I'm the 918 01:10:47.359 --> 01:10:51.039 baddest been. I mean, I do think that of myself, but I'm 919 01:10:51.079 --> 01:10:55.520 not gonna lie. I definitely have self esteem issues. I think we all 920 01:10:55.600 --> 01:10:59.000 do. I think we all do, even the pretty. And that's the 921 01:10:59.079 --> 01:11:01.399 thing, even the pretty, the prettiest for real, because when you think 922 01:11:01.439 --> 01:11:08.960 about it, when you think about somebody like a Beyonce, a halle Berry, 923 01:11:09.079 --> 01:11:12.720 all that type of stuff, all of them women be Kim Kardashian all 924 01:11:12.720 --> 01:11:15.319 of that shit, Like all of those women still be getting cheated on, 925 01:11:15.600 --> 01:11:19.920 you know what I'm saying. And these are the most beautiful, talented women 926 01:11:20.000 --> 01:11:25.640 with the most money in the world. And so and that's why I hate 927 01:11:25.720 --> 01:11:30.000 niggas because and I think I kind of said this about offset of Cardi b 928 01:11:30.119 --> 01:11:33.159 too, Like that's the thing and that and that's why your self esteem cannot 929 01:11:33.279 --> 01:11:41.640 be You can't base your value or how you feel about yourself and somebody else, 930 01:11:41.720 --> 01:11:45.119 especially in a man. Because and I hate I'm not I'm not trying 931 01:11:45.119 --> 01:11:47.279 to make this a you know, drag niggas episode or nothing like that, 932 01:11:47.359 --> 01:11:51.439 but just an example of that. So going back to the situation, okay, 933 01:11:51.560 --> 01:11:56.680 the situation with Cardi b or a person like a Chloe Kardashian right with 934 01:11:58.039 --> 01:12:02.920 Tristan fucking Terrible Thompson. So a person like that that's constantly cheating on you 935 01:12:03.079 --> 01:12:06.840 or whatever it is, like you start to feel a certain way about yourself, 936 01:12:06.880 --> 01:12:10.039 like, Damn, am I not good enough? Am I not pretty 937 01:12:10.159 --> 01:12:14.199 enough? Do I not bench? Just don't win under the knife seventy two 938 01:12:14.279 --> 01:12:16.319 thousand times? Is my body not good? You still cheating on me with 939 01:12:16.359 --> 01:12:19.239 miss you know what I'm saying. Like you start to feel some type of 940 01:12:19.239 --> 01:12:25.760 way about yourself, But it's because you're placing your value in the hands of 941 01:12:25.800 --> 01:12:28.840 somebody else who gives a fuck what they think or what they want. First 942 01:12:28.840 --> 01:12:32.359 of all, motherfuckers don't even know what they want. Men men that cheat, 943 01:12:32.520 --> 01:12:36.039 that are serial cheaters and all of that, and just gotta have all 944 01:12:36.079 --> 01:12:40.840 of these women. Those men are not happy with themselves. They are very 945 01:12:40.880 --> 01:12:45.960 depressed. Their heart is a black fucking hole. They need all that energy, 946 01:12:46.000 --> 01:12:50.359 they need all those women to make themselves feel whole, and still at 947 01:12:50.359 --> 01:12:56.520 the end of the day are not. They still never feel fulfilled. So 948 01:12:57.520 --> 01:13:00.680 put the value on you, focus on you, become the best version of 949 01:13:00.720 --> 01:13:05.399 you. Work out every day, meditate every day, eat good every day, 950 01:13:05.760 --> 01:13:10.079 focus on your goals and your plans and all. Okay, and baby, 951 01:13:10.079 --> 01:13:13.760 you're gonna track whatever it is that you want. But also you're gonna 952 01:13:13.760 --> 01:13:15.560 be the best version of yourself, and a motherfucker ain't gonna be able to 953 01:13:15.600 --> 01:13:20.239 tell you shit about you. Be the best version of you. Get your 954 01:13:20.239 --> 01:13:24.720 self esteem through the motherfucking roof. I'm preaching to the choir. I'm preaching 955 01:13:24.720 --> 01:13:29.000 to myself right now. You know what I'm saying, Like, so don't 956 01:13:29.079 --> 01:13:31.800 don't place your self esteem or your value in the hands of somebody else. 957 01:13:31.840 --> 01:13:36.680 Place it in your own hands. Period. But yeah, like I said, 958 01:13:36.680 --> 01:13:40.720 my self esteem ain't never really been through the roof. I think we 959 01:13:40.760 --> 01:13:45.359 all have insecurities. Uh, my biggest insecurity is my motherfucking fufah. Okay, 960 01:13:45.039 --> 01:13:47.560 what I go on in in the night, I don't know. I 961 01:13:47.600 --> 01:13:54.920 feel like if I really put in the time and really became health conscious, 962 01:13:55.239 --> 01:13:59.840 I told you, I'm really right now, I'm thinking about going back vegetarian. 963 01:14:00.079 --> 01:14:02.279 Yeah, but even if I just changed like eating habits and really go 964 01:14:02.479 --> 01:14:05.760 fucking hard in the gym or just get back to doing you see, that's 965 01:14:05.760 --> 01:14:09.840 why I had to bring the braids back for the hot yoga whatever. You 966 01:14:09.880 --> 01:14:13.560 know, I could be where I want to be. But overall, like 967 01:14:15.840 --> 01:14:21.079 but self esteem is not just physical appearance. Self esteem is very much internal 968 01:14:21.119 --> 01:14:28.119 as well, you know what I'm saying. And you know that could come 969 01:14:28.199 --> 01:14:32.960 up with issues in your relationships with the people that you choose to deal with. 970 01:14:34.399 --> 01:14:38.359 How much shit you take off a motherfucker, you know what I'm saying. 971 01:14:38.520 --> 01:14:41.199 What you what you deal with, what you go through. And again 972 01:14:41.239 --> 01:14:44.439 that's why I don't really like to speak on other people and shit like that, 973 01:14:44.600 --> 01:14:49.239 because just like I had brought up Krashan earlier talking about she she waiting 974 01:14:49.279 --> 01:14:54.920 on Blue Face to get out of jail, I saw the whole Zonique thing 975 01:14:55.720 --> 01:14:59.319 with her baby daddy on TikTok, and I was like, oh my god, 976 01:14:59.439 --> 01:15:01.840 what an am embarrassment. But again, we've all been there. But 977 01:15:02.359 --> 01:15:06.000 again it's it's always easier from the outside looking in, you know what I'm 978 01:15:06.039 --> 01:15:10.319 saying. But like I said, I've been there before, and I'm working 979 01:15:10.319 --> 01:15:13.720 on myself. I'll be dealing with some bullshit my goddamn self. So who 980 01:15:13.760 --> 01:15:18.359 the fuck am I to say anything about anybody nurture what ways can you nurture 981 01:15:18.399 --> 01:15:30.399 your inner child or enterteam? What could I do to nurture my inner child? 982 01:15:32.119 --> 01:15:35.840 I think by doing this, doing the fucking podcast. Cause you know, 983 01:15:35.920 --> 01:15:42.119 I always knew that I loved like radio. I always knew that I 984 01:15:42.279 --> 01:15:46.279 like cameras and recording myself. Like my inner child is jumping up and down 985 01:15:46.359 --> 01:15:49.079 doing this, like yes, we doing what we love. We can't like 986 01:15:49.119 --> 01:15:53.279 you know what I'm saying. And that's why this is so important to me. 987 01:15:53.399 --> 01:15:55.960 This is why I want this to be my bread and butter. This 988 01:15:56.079 --> 01:15:59.239 is why like I want this to be my life. I want to wake 989 01:15:59.319 --> 01:16:04.520 up every day they meditate, do yoga, to go report, go record 990 01:16:04.600 --> 01:16:10.680 the podcast, go do live shows. Go Like that's what I wanna fucking 991 01:16:10.760 --> 01:16:14.319 do because I fucking love this. And I could do this and not get 992 01:16:14.319 --> 01:16:15.720 paid, but I am gonna get paid doing you know what I'm saying. 993 01:16:15.760 --> 01:16:19.960 I am gonna get paid doing this. So getting back to the things that 994 01:16:20.039 --> 01:16:25.560 I like to do as a child, this or just whatever what else do 995 01:16:25.640 --> 01:16:30.760 I like? What else did I like? I love music so fucking twerking, 996 01:16:30.920 --> 01:16:35.840 dancing in the mirror, singing, listening to R and b all day 997 01:16:35.960 --> 01:16:42.000 like shit like that. Like that's how I, That's how I. I 998 01:16:42.000 --> 01:16:45.279 do want to kind of shuffle these up for every reason. See if me 999 01:16:46.840 --> 01:16:54.079 pull something good out of the deck, they still texting. Oh the only 1000 01:16:54.119 --> 01:16:59.760 reason why I unblocked them was because they deactivated my direct deposits. Or now 1001 01:16:59.760 --> 01:17:05.279 I'm have to pull up on Friday. Somebody said, well, I wasn't 1002 01:17:05.279 --> 01:17:09.560 expecting the meeting to happen in the restaurant. Now I can't send my identical 1003 01:17:09.600 --> 01:17:16.760 twin to sit in for me. Wow, is y'all gonna have this over 1004 01:17:16.920 --> 01:17:26.560 drinks? Basketball wive style? All right, let's see secret se y'all trying 1005 01:17:26.560 --> 01:17:31.439 to get in my business? What is your biggest secret? Why is this 1006 01:17:31.520 --> 01:17:35.039 a secret? How would you feel if others knew? This is why you're 1007 01:17:35.039 --> 01:17:38.960 supposed to play the game by yourself? Because what the fuck would y'all want 1008 01:17:38.960 --> 01:17:46.279 to know my secrets? I'm not telling this one. I ain't gonna lie. 1009 01:17:46.319 --> 01:17:50.000 I'm not telling that one. What the hell? Negative habits? What 1010 01:17:50.079 --> 01:17:57.039 negative habits do you struggle to break? Eating? Healthy? Trying? You 1011 01:17:57.079 --> 01:18:00.640 know what I'm saying? Uh? I did they go to vegetarian for like 1012 01:18:01.479 --> 01:18:04.920 two years? At one point? I never fully went vegan. It was 1013 01:18:05.039 --> 01:18:13.640 very hard. It was very hard because I tried on different occasions, and 1014 01:18:13.680 --> 01:18:16.359 I remember, like the first time it was just very tough. But then 1015 01:18:16.439 --> 01:18:21.479 I had like fucked around and just went cold turkey. What negative habits do 1016 01:18:21.520 --> 01:18:28.439 I struggle to break? Oh? I say eating healthy? Well, I 1017 01:18:28.439 --> 01:18:31.319 guess I meant to say eating bad, like I just love food. I 1018 01:18:31.359 --> 01:18:35.479 love food. Uh? What other negative habits? Oh? Man, the 1019 01:18:35.560 --> 01:18:40.880 negative self talk, the self sabotage, like that little voice in your head. 1020 01:18:41.119 --> 01:18:45.720 I have to really work hard to control it and try to do better. 1021 01:18:46.680 --> 01:18:51.319 And that's why I'd be so big on like my morning meditations and listening 1022 01:18:51.359 --> 01:18:55.439 to my guided meditations and stuff like that, because you really got to control 1023 01:18:55.479 --> 01:18:58.279 that. Like even yesterday after I quit the job, it's like, oh, 1024 01:18:58.319 --> 01:19:00.079 bitch, win got no money. We about to do? We about 1025 01:19:00.079 --> 01:19:02.680 to Like you don't no, no, no, no, you gotta catch 1026 01:19:02.720 --> 01:19:11.760 yourself immediately, protect protection. In what ways has your shadow self protected you? 1027 01:19:13.239 --> 01:19:19.880 I wanna shuffle these ones up too. I don't know how has my 1028 01:19:20.039 --> 01:19:34.279 shadow self protected me? I don't know. I want to say, I 1029 01:19:34.319 --> 01:19:40.640 really don't feel like my shadow self has how. I don't know. That's 1030 01:19:40.680 --> 01:19:45.840 a good question. I don't have an answer for that. All right, 1031 01:19:46.000 --> 01:19:51.279 Let's see then, I always just talked about this insecurities. What are you? 1032 01:19:51.399 --> 01:20:09.520 I said, my FUPA biggest insecurities that avoidance. What do you try 1033 01:20:09.520 --> 01:20:12.960 your best to avoid in life? Are there certain emotions attach to these things? 1034 01:20:13.119 --> 01:20:23.039 I told you all a confrontation, and I guess maybe, like deep, 1035 01:20:23.119 --> 01:20:27.520 real conversation sometimes I feel like it kind of depends, like I'm not 1036 01:20:27.560 --> 01:20:31.479 gonna lie, I'll be honest. I talked to my homegirl Cat the other 1037 01:20:31.560 --> 01:20:36.720 day on the fly on some random asshit. We ended up being on the 1038 01:20:36.760 --> 01:20:42.560 phone for two fucking hours, and it was an amazing conversation. Like we 1039 01:20:42.640 --> 01:20:45.319 talked about so much. Talked about our yoga shit, talk about being on 1040 01:20:45.319 --> 01:20:49.479 our spiritual journeys, talked about niggas, talked about work, getting money, 1041 01:20:50.279 --> 01:20:54.079 talk we talked about everything. You know what I'm saying. We talked about 1042 01:20:54.159 --> 01:21:00.680 everything, and there was one thing that I wanted to talk to her about 1043 01:21:00.680 --> 01:21:04.359 because we we was actually supposed to have a conversation at one point in the 1044 01:21:04.399 --> 01:21:09.840 past about something where I feel like shit kind of I don't even want to 1045 01:21:10.000 --> 01:21:13.600 really say when left with us, But like you know, something happened and 1046 01:21:13.600 --> 01:21:15.840 we were supposed to have a conversation about it. We never had a conversation 1047 01:21:15.840 --> 01:21:16.880 about it. And that whole time that we was on the phone, we 1048 01:21:16.920 --> 01:21:19.560 was having a great conversation. But in the back of my mind, I 1049 01:21:19.680 --> 01:21:23.119 was like, I should bring it up and like, you know, just 1050 01:21:23.119 --> 01:21:26.439 clear the err on that situation. But I never brought it up. But 1051 01:21:26.640 --> 01:21:28.960 I mean, we could still have a conversation about it. But again that's 1052 01:21:29.000 --> 01:21:31.319 avoidance, Like I didn't want to, you know, have that realized conversation 1053 01:21:31.439 --> 01:21:34.399 like, hey, that time that whatever happened, like you know, but 1054 01:21:34.439 --> 01:21:39.880 it's crazy because it was never no ill intentions in the situation or nothing like 1055 01:21:39.960 --> 01:21:43.520 that. But I mean, you know, I guess niggas felt like we 1056 01:21:43.600 --> 01:21:45.000 passed it. Now, I don't know, but I didn't bring it up. 1057 01:21:45.159 --> 01:21:53.880 Avoidance barriers. What emotional barriers do you use to prevent people from getting 1058 01:21:53.880 --> 01:22:05.039 close to you. I actually feel like I'm really a open fucking book, 1059 01:22:05.079 --> 01:22:13.159 and I feel like, uh, I don't know, I feel like I 1060 01:22:12.880 --> 01:22:16.600 I I let people in just enough. You know what I'm saying. I 1061 01:22:16.640 --> 01:22:20.039 really gotta peep your vibe and your energy though, you know what I'm saying, 1062 01:22:20.079 --> 01:22:27.479 I feel like I'm a very good reader of that most times I am. 1063 01:22:27.520 --> 01:22:34.199 But what barriers? I mean, shit, just a motherfucking block. 1064 01:22:34.279 --> 01:22:36.239 Like, Hey, I don't want you to know that you don't like you 1065 01:22:36.239 --> 01:22:39.800 know what I'm saying, or just don't say too much about certain stuff or 1066 01:22:40.199 --> 01:22:45.199 whatever. I just gotta feel you out to see how much I wanna let 1067 01:22:45.319 --> 01:22:48.479 in nightmare? What is your worst nightmare? Why is this your worst nightmare? 1068 01:22:48.560 --> 01:22:54.880 First of all, since we talking about sleeping shit, I experienced sleep 1069 01:22:54.920 --> 01:23:00.840 paralysis twice in my life and it happened a couple weeks ago. Scariest shit 1070 01:23:00.920 --> 01:23:05.800 ever if you ever experienced it, and like, it is the fucking worst. 1071 01:23:06.319 --> 01:23:11.640 So the first time that it happened to me, I can't remember. 1072 01:23:11.640 --> 01:23:15.079 If I was laying on my stomach or on my side, I can't remember. 1073 01:23:15.720 --> 01:23:25.399 But sleep paralysis is like when you're sleep and there's this thing called rem 1074 01:23:25.520 --> 01:23:30.640 sleep. I forgot what rerim stands for. But so it's like you either 1075 01:23:31.359 --> 01:23:38.960 it's you either wake up while you're is it you wake up while you're dreaming 1076 01:23:39.439 --> 01:23:42.439 or as soon as you about to fall asleep whatever, but whatever, yo, 1077 01:23:42.680 --> 01:23:45.119 some part of your body wakes up. The brain wake up or whatever 1078 01:23:45.560 --> 01:23:49.640 right when you going to sleep or whatever, but you're dreaming, So you 1079 01:23:49.680 --> 01:23:54.760 wake up and everything else in your body is shut down. You in that 1080 01:23:54.800 --> 01:23:59.880 paralysis state. So then when your when your brain wake up, it going 1081 01:24:00.159 --> 01:24:08.239 to whatever, crazy mode whatever, and you're unable to talk or move because 1082 01:24:08.279 --> 01:24:11.720 your body is in the paralysis state. But now your brain is awake from 1083 01:24:11.720 --> 01:24:15.560 the fucking dream. Oh, so you go into the little paralysis state in 1084 01:24:15.600 --> 01:24:18.760 your sleep to protect yourself or hurt or so you don't hurt yourself when you 1085 01:24:18.760 --> 01:24:21.600 sleep. So anyway, so when you wake up, you can't talk and 1086 01:24:21.640 --> 01:24:25.800 you can't move, and you, for whatever reason, you feel like a 1087 01:24:25.880 --> 01:24:28.960 presence in the room. It feels like your mind. So this is when 1088 01:24:28.960 --> 01:24:31.640 your mind is waking up. Your mind goes into like protection mode, and 1089 01:24:31.720 --> 01:24:34.880 you feel like a presence in the room. And sometimes it feels like it's 1090 01:24:34.880 --> 01:24:39.840 something laying on your chest or sitting on your chest, and again you cannot 1091 01:24:39.960 --> 01:24:43.800 speak or move for like however many minutes. So the first time that it 1092 01:24:43.840 --> 01:24:45.039 ever happened to me, I don't know if I was on my side or 1093 01:24:45.079 --> 01:24:47.840 if I was on my stomach, but that time I remember I felt like 1094 01:24:48.039 --> 01:24:53.239 it was something on top of me, and I couldn't I couldn't fucking breathe, 1095 01:24:53.399 --> 01:24:56.960 like I couldn't talk. It's so fucking scary and you cannot go back 1096 01:24:56.960 --> 01:25:00.359 to sleep after it. So a couple of weeks ago it happened to again, 1097 01:25:00.479 --> 01:25:04.560 and this time I have noticed that I sleep on my back a lot, 1098 01:25:04.800 --> 01:25:09.319 like I don't know, I'll just be laying in bed a lot, 1099 01:25:09.479 --> 01:25:11.439 like on my back, and then I just fall asleep on my back. 1100 01:25:12.279 --> 01:25:18.079 So I was on my back, and when I woke up, I felt 1101 01:25:18.119 --> 01:25:23.399 a craze, like it felt like an evil presence in the fucking room. 1102 01:25:23.800 --> 01:25:26.840 And I was trying to say, I was trying to talk, it's funny 1103 01:25:26.840 --> 01:25:29.159 now, but it wasn't funny. Then I was trying to say, get 1104 01:25:29.159 --> 01:25:30.880 the fuck out of here, like I was trying to say, but I 1105 01:25:30.920 --> 01:25:33.680 couldn't talk and I couldn't move, And then like it only went on for 1106 01:25:33.760 --> 01:25:38.600 maybe like I don't even want to say, two minutes. It probably was 1107 01:25:38.680 --> 01:25:42.239 quicker than that, but it felt like forever. So after that, oh, 1108 01:25:42.279 --> 01:25:45.000 and it felt like the bed was moving. It felt like the bed 1109 01:25:45.119 --> 01:25:46.760 was shaking at first, and that's how I woke up, and I was 1110 01:25:46.840 --> 01:25:51.439 like, what the fuck and yeah, like it's such a scary feeling. 1111 01:25:51.520 --> 01:25:55.359 I could not go back to sleep that night. I got on YouTube and 1112 01:25:55.560 --> 01:25:59.279 was just looking up videos about it and shit and like it happened to a 1113 01:26:00.199 --> 01:26:04.159 to a lot of people. But it's very fucking scary. It's very fucking 1114 01:26:04.199 --> 01:26:13.319 scary. Um, what is my worst nightmare? I hate them. I 1115 01:26:13.319 --> 01:26:16.399 hate them. The nightmares where you getting chased by somebody or somebody trying to 1116 01:26:16.479 --> 01:26:19.720 kill you and they never kill you, just keep on running. They get 1117 01:26:19.760 --> 01:26:24.000 so close but they never catch you. I hate those types of dreams. 1118 01:26:27.560 --> 01:26:29.920 I recently had a dream that I was in the car with somebody and the 1119 01:26:29.960 --> 01:26:33.439 car flipped over. They were driving, I was in the backseat. I 1120 01:26:33.479 --> 01:26:38.880 always wake up and look at the symbolism or what dreams mean and shit like 1121 01:26:38.960 --> 01:26:46.000 that. I want to try to, uh what is it called? I 1122 01:26:46.039 --> 01:26:56.199 forgot? But I'll be trying to like become aware of my dreams. Like 1123 01:26:56.239 --> 01:26:59.960 I never I'm never in my dreaming. I'm like, I know I'm dreaming. 1124 01:27:00.159 --> 01:27:02.000 Let me try to control the dream, let me try to t I 1125 01:27:02.039 --> 01:27:05.720 want to get to that point, but I haven't got there yet. So 1126 01:27:05.880 --> 01:27:12.640 I read something on the internet that said, when you dream, Uh, 1127 01:27:12.760 --> 01:27:15.560 and you realize you dream and ask them in a dream, like what time 1128 01:27:15.680 --> 01:27:18.000 is it? And like they're gonna go crazy on you, like Bitua was 1129 01:27:18.039 --> 01:27:24.199 supposed to notice a dream like, Okay, signs? What signs let you 1130 01:27:24.279 --> 01:27:40.600 know your shadow self is present? Mmm? When I'm fucking around doing some 1131 01:27:40.680 --> 01:27:55.000 toxic shit like low vibrational shit that I shouldn't be doing. And that's why 1132 01:27:55.000 --> 01:27:58.079 I'm working every day, uh, to heal that, to work on that 1133 01:27:59.479 --> 01:28:02.119 and my others. What traits do you see in others that you wish you 1134 01:28:02.279 --> 01:28:10.079 had more of? This is a really good question. I y'all, I'm 1135 01:28:10.079 --> 01:28:15.159 a pissy son. My sister sign is Virgo, and I remember for the 1136 01:28:15.239 --> 01:28:20.600 longest well yeah, for the longest time, like, I never really liked 1137 01:28:21.439 --> 01:28:25.600 Virgo women. Not just on no, like I don't like you, but 1138 01:28:25.680 --> 01:28:29.000 like any girl that I ever was around that was a Virgo. I'm sorry, 1139 01:28:29.039 --> 01:28:30.159 y'all. I love y'all. Don't think I hate the Virgo girlies. 1140 01:28:30.199 --> 01:28:34.199 I love y'all all my Virgos listening. But I just never really got along 1141 01:28:34.239 --> 01:28:42.680 with Virgo energy for whatever reason. And but as I started to learn more 1142 01:28:42.680 --> 01:28:46.479 about astrology and stuff like that, I was like damn. Like Virgos actually 1143 01:28:46.479 --> 01:28:49.920 have a lot of the traits and characteristics that I need to work on. 1144 01:28:50.239 --> 01:28:58.920 You know what I'm saying. Virgos are like very analytical people, They're very 1145 01:28:59.159 --> 01:29:03.119 organized all of that. Like yeah, and it's an Earth sign, very 1146 01:29:03.159 --> 01:29:09.520 grounded, Like I need to tap into my Virgo energy. Another sign that 1147 01:29:11.439 --> 01:29:14.239 I that get a lot of a lot of shit from me is Capricorn. 1148 01:29:14.920 --> 01:29:17.840 And oh we're still in Capricorns, isn't it's tomorrow or ship. It has 1149 01:29:17.880 --> 01:29:21.399 a queryus starting out, but Capricorn. I talk a lot of shit about 1150 01:29:21.399 --> 01:29:27.079 Capricorns, especially to me, and I hate y'all, But like Capricorn is 1151 01:29:27.079 --> 01:29:33.159 another sign that I really need to tap into that that energy because Capricorns be 1152 01:29:33.199 --> 01:29:38.399 about their money. They real grounded, they're they're very hard working. That 1153 01:29:38.640 --> 01:29:44.319 they work ethic is insane, and that's you know, I'm I'm a motherfucking 1154 01:29:44.319 --> 01:29:47.560 Pisces. I'm always in the clouds, super dreamy, super intuitive, always 1155 01:29:47.560 --> 01:29:51.159 in my feelings. Like I need that and I and I've talked about that 1156 01:29:51.199 --> 01:29:55.760 on here a lot. Like I'm just not a very grounded person at all, 1157 01:29:56.680 --> 01:29:59.760 and that's something that I need to work on. So I need to 1158 01:29:59.760 --> 01:30:03.479 tap to my Earth energy and get on that. So yeah, Virgo energy 1159 01:30:03.640 --> 01:30:09.279 and Capricorn energy is energy, uh, that I admire and that I want 1160 01:30:09.279 --> 01:30:14.199 to tap into. Let me see, I'm gonna do a couple moreadies, 1161 01:30:14.640 --> 01:30:21.680 I'm gonna get some good ones, though, I feel like this is a 1162 01:30:21.680 --> 01:30:30.359 good one. Forgiveness, How does your shadow self affect your ability to forgive 1163 01:30:30.640 --> 01:30:34.960 others? I'm holding a fucking grudge for life, fuck years, like na, 1164 01:30:40.520 --> 01:30:51.479 how does my shadow self affect my ability to forgive others? I think 1165 01:30:51.520 --> 01:30:57.560 that I am able to forgive people. I think that it takes time for 1166 01:30:57.680 --> 01:31:00.199 me to forgive others. I think, really what it is is that it 1167 01:31:00.239 --> 01:31:05.039 takes and I don't even maybe it. I know that it takes time for 1168 01:31:05.119 --> 01:31:10.880 me to forgive others, But what it really is is that it takes time 1169 01:31:10.920 --> 01:31:14.920 for me to get over the situation. You know what I'm saying, forgive 1170 01:31:15.000 --> 01:31:23.880 but never fucking forgive or it's just like I don't know, like you know 1171 01:31:23.920 --> 01:31:26.520 it just me certain people in your mind like that, I don't really forget 1172 01:31:26.560 --> 01:31:30.960 that motherfucker like h Again, I don't know. I first of all, 1173 01:31:31.560 --> 01:31:36.119 I don't even never be getting no motherfucking apologies for motherfuckers that beat the crazy 1174 01:31:36.239 --> 01:31:42.159 part. Motherfuckers don't never apologize for the shit that they do. They act 1175 01:31:42.239 --> 01:31:46.840 like I didn't do nothing wrong, get over it, or you know what 1176 01:31:46.920 --> 01:31:53.359 I'm saying, like and at that point, and when you see that people 1177 01:31:53.439 --> 01:31:57.279 are not even remorseful or have any remorse at all, it's like, I 1178 01:31:57.279 --> 01:32:00.319 don't even want to fucking apology from you because it's not gene. You don't 1179 01:32:00.359 --> 01:32:04.319 mean it. You know what I'm saying, and it's you know. But 1180 01:32:04.399 --> 01:32:15.319 it does take a while to get over shit. But I think I'm able 1181 01:32:15.319 --> 01:32:21.359 to forget pretty easily. I just don't forget, and I'm not trying to 1182 01:32:21.359 --> 01:32:25.199 get my lick back. I just want to be successful. That's the best 1183 01:32:25.239 --> 01:32:32.439 revenge period. Let's see if we can find energy drainers. What always drains 1184 01:32:32.479 --> 01:32:44.520 your energy toxicity? A job, a nigga, whatever, anybody that is 1185 01:32:44.560 --> 01:32:51.600 always withdrawing from your bank and never depositing. Do you ever pour into me? 1186 01:32:51.800 --> 01:32:57.640 Do you ever give me anything? Do you bring anything of value to 1187 01:32:57.720 --> 01:33:00.520 the table? Are you uplifting? Are you building with me or you know 1188 01:33:00.600 --> 01:33:05.720 what I'm saying? Or are you constantly take take take, take, take, 1189 01:33:05.840 --> 01:33:11.760 take, take, I only gotta it's only a couple people off the 1190 01:33:11.760 --> 01:33:16.439 top of my head that pour into me and them be my homegirls, or 1191 01:33:16.560 --> 01:33:20.359 just go around somebody and you could tell, like what the energy is. 1192 01:33:20.479 --> 01:33:23.920 How do you feel when you leave? Do you feel drained? Do you 1193 01:33:23.920 --> 01:33:28.720 feel like you gained anything? Do you feel like you have some inspirational, 1194 01:33:28.880 --> 01:33:31.760 motivational conversation? Do you feel like they inspired you? Do you feel like 1195 01:33:31.760 --> 01:33:34.359 that you know what I'm saying? Or do you leave and just feel like, 1196 01:33:34.520 --> 01:33:36.680 dang, I ain't getting nothing. You know what I'm saying? Like, 1197 01:33:38.880 --> 01:33:48.960 you gotta look at the situations like that. Mmmm, let's find some 1198 01:33:49.000 --> 01:33:55.680 good ones. Oh, let's just read this one cause this is a good 1199 01:33:55.720 --> 01:34:03.079 car. It says repeat, I am worthy in deserving of love and acceptance, 1200 01:34:03.520 --> 01:34:12.079 just as I am period. Pooh, social media, How does your 1201 01:34:12.199 --> 01:34:16.399 online persona different, I mean differ from your true self? Could this discrepancy 1202 01:34:16.479 --> 01:34:24.520 reflect parts of your shadow self? How does my online persona differ from my 1203 01:34:24.760 --> 01:34:38.199 true self? I think that I think that my online persona is my truth 1204 01:34:38.239 --> 01:34:41.680 self. But I will one thing I will say though, one thing that 1205 01:34:41.760 --> 01:34:45.680 I will say. Sometimes I feel like I hold back on social media, 1206 01:34:45.800 --> 01:34:48.279 like sometimes I be wanting to post certain stuff or say stuff, and I'd 1207 01:34:48.279 --> 01:34:50.520 be like, oh, people gonna be like, oh that's too rashet or 1208 01:34:50.560 --> 01:34:54.119 ooh that's nasty or you know what I'm saying, you don't want to do 1209 01:34:54.239 --> 01:35:00.079 Like I feel like I'll be trying to appear to be like perfect, but 1210 01:35:00.239 --> 01:35:04.840 right now my shit is just like this is just clips from the videos, 1211 01:35:06.239 --> 01:35:17.479 my fucking yoga, some some little some face car photos, face card never 1212 01:35:17.600 --> 01:35:23.720 decline period. Uh yeah, Like I don't really do too much. Sometimes 1213 01:35:23.720 --> 01:35:27.000 I be posting like funny memes on my story and shit, but like I 1214 01:35:27.039 --> 01:35:31.199 feel like my persona is pretty much me. I don't know, you gotta 1215 01:35:31.199 --> 01:35:35.279 ask somebody to be on my shit. Could this discrepancy reflect parts of your 1216 01:35:35.399 --> 01:35:41.279 shadow self? Cause, like I said, sometimes I will post them and 1217 01:35:41.279 --> 01:35:43.560 then I'll delete it, like nah, I shouldn't post that, I shouldn't 1218 01:35:44.159 --> 01:35:46.760 whatever, And it's like you're fucking human, bro, relax, like, 1219 01:35:46.960 --> 01:35:56.039 don't take social media too fucking serious. Um, this kind of goes hand 1220 01:35:56.079 --> 01:35:59.399 in hand with that hidden self. What parts of yourself do you feel like 1221 01:35:59.439 --> 01:36:03.680 you have to hide at work? For school? Number One, you gotta 1222 01:36:03.720 --> 01:36:06.680 coach, you gotta code switch at work. You know what I'm saying, 1223 01:36:06.680 --> 01:36:10.279 you can't talk how you want to talk for real. You gotta put on 1224 01:36:10.319 --> 01:36:20.239 your little professional voice, you know what I'm saying. And then yeah, 1225 01:36:20.399 --> 01:36:25.479 you know, you can't just be That's that's one thing that I did, 1226 01:36:25.880 --> 01:36:29.239 like when I started, when I became a full time yoga teacher, so 1227 01:36:29.399 --> 01:36:32.439 like at a regular job like working at the hotel or when I used to 1228 01:36:32.479 --> 01:36:36.039 work at law firms and shit like that, I can't just be jazzmin When 1229 01:36:36.039 --> 01:36:39.600 I was at the yoga studio, What up now? What up? Like? 1230 01:36:39.720 --> 01:36:43.520 You know what I'm saying, put your ratchet ass music on whatever, 1231 01:36:44.279 --> 01:36:48.000 dancing just being like, you can't just you know, be yourself at work 1232 01:36:48.039 --> 01:36:54.399 for real, you gotta put on that front unfortunately. But that's why I 1233 01:36:54.479 --> 01:36:57.840 want to be able to work somewhere, be in an environment where I can 1234 01:36:57.960 --> 01:37:00.840 be my true self. Like when I lived in California and I worked at 1235 01:37:01.079 --> 01:37:06.439 h and I worked at Key the Sunglass store. I really really liked that 1236 01:37:06.640 --> 01:37:12.720 job because it wasn't like I worked at Lens Crafters too before. Lens Crafters 1237 01:37:12.800 --> 01:37:18.720 is very you know, it's like very stick up the ass, regular gla. 1238 01:37:18.840 --> 01:37:21.319 I mean they got designer glasses in there. But it's just stick up 1239 01:37:21.319 --> 01:37:30.680 the ass energy, Like, no fucking vibes, no energy, you know 1240 01:37:30.680 --> 01:37:34.000 what I'm saying. Working at Key Key was at more like a millennial type 1241 01:37:34.079 --> 01:37:39.640 store. It was a very creative, artistic environment, a lot of colors, 1242 01:37:39.800 --> 01:37:43.520 a lot of vibes, a lot of like you had to have personality 1243 01:37:43.560 --> 01:37:45.720 to work in there, and it was in the mall. So I loved 1244 01:37:45.720 --> 01:37:50.560 that because I was able to be myself in there. So yeah, you 1245 01:37:50.600 --> 01:37:54.800 gotta. You can't always be your full self at work, Like I couldn't 1246 01:37:54.800 --> 01:37:59.960 imagine working at some of the places that other people work where they gotta okay 1247 01:38:00.039 --> 01:38:03.319 and be theyself. I'm gonna call somebody else, but I'm not. Mmmm. 1248 01:38:10.800 --> 01:38:14.000 Let's see, I'm gonna do a couple more. Let me go back 1249 01:38:14.000 --> 01:38:16.039 to the white one. Let's do a couple more, and then we're gonna 1250 01:38:16.039 --> 01:38:25.680 get into some taro ooh change. What are five ways you have changed in 1251 01:38:25.720 --> 01:38:31.319 the past ten years? Are these mainly negative or positive? First of all, 1252 01:38:33.279 --> 01:38:36.760 let me sit here and really think about this real quick. What are 1253 01:38:36.960 --> 01:38:42.760 five ways that I've changed in the past ten years? What fucking year is 1254 01:38:42.800 --> 01:38:49.319 this? We in twenty twenty four? Why just go. That's over, 1255 01:38:49.399 --> 01:38:58.039 even on y'all. Two thy fourteen, damn a bitch about to be thirty 1256 01:38:58.039 --> 01:39:03.000 four, Okay, two thousand and fourteen. Twenty fourteen, I was twenty 1257 01:39:03.039 --> 01:39:16.800 four. I was still a mom at that time. My son was three. 1258 01:39:17.119 --> 01:39:20.479 So twenty fourteen, it said water froreways that I had changed in the 1259 01:39:20.520 --> 01:39:26.520 past ten years. So I'm just walking y'all through the it's where I was. 1260 01:39:26.800 --> 01:39:32.279 So twenty fourteen, I was twenty four. Ian was three. That 1261 01:39:32.479 --> 01:39:41.720 was around the time that that was around the time that me and his dad 1262 01:39:41.760 --> 01:39:49.159 broke up. Uh, that was a time I ain't gonna lie. That 1263 01:39:49.279 --> 01:39:58.319 was a time I really went through, Like mm hmm, I was going 1264 01:39:58.319 --> 01:40:03.479 through it. I ain't gonna lie. To go from being in a relationship 1265 01:40:03.560 --> 01:40:10.600 for like almost four years and feeling like, you know, that was your 1266 01:40:10.640 --> 01:40:15.760 person and stuff, and then being single, being a single mom, I 1267 01:40:15.760 --> 01:40:18.720 ain't gonna lie. I got back. I got back in them streets. 1268 01:40:19.159 --> 01:40:23.720 I got back in the streets for real. I was in the streets. 1269 01:40:24.119 --> 01:40:28.479 Uh. That was a time when I was like really drinking a lot. 1270 01:40:29.199 --> 01:40:32.000 Honestly, that whole situation, it was just a lot to deal with coming 1271 01:40:32.000 --> 01:40:36.720 out of a relationship like that, being a mom and like trying to figure 1272 01:40:36.760 --> 01:40:40.960 out life, what I was gonna do with my life all, you know, 1273 01:40:41.119 --> 01:40:45.520 always dealing with the workshit. At that time, I was working at 1274 01:40:45.960 --> 01:40:54.479 UH I think that's when I had started working at the fuck. I think 1275 01:40:54.479 --> 01:40:58.159 that was a temporary job too. I had worked at a call center and 1276 01:40:58.199 --> 01:41:03.800 we was doing like the we was taking calls for like the what's it called, 1277 01:41:04.039 --> 01:41:08.880 the recalls on vehicles and shit like that. I hated that job. 1278 01:41:09.880 --> 01:41:14.159 I met some cool people there though, but it was just that was a 1279 01:41:14.199 --> 01:41:21.840 crazy time. So five ways that I changed in ten years. I got 1280 01:41:21.880 --> 01:41:31.159 to a place where I really started to focus on myself. I stopped drinking 1281 01:41:31.479 --> 01:41:39.479 after like I stopped drinking for real in the I don't even know, it's 1282 01:41:39.520 --> 01:41:42.199 been a while, it's been some years. I stopped drinking. I would 1283 01:41:42.199 --> 01:41:49.000 say that I really start to focus on myself. Focusing on myself and like 1284 01:41:49.079 --> 01:41:59.920 really that didn't clues like starting a podcast and all of that. Really getting 1285 01:42:00.079 --> 01:42:03.800 on a spiritual path or just trying to like find my own path and my 1286 01:42:03.880 --> 01:42:12.920 own beliefs and what type of life that I wanted to live. I started 1287 01:42:12.920 --> 01:42:17.399 to become more active. I love yoga. That's more so in this time. 1288 01:42:21.880 --> 01:42:30.279 What are some other ways that I changed? I was gonna say, 1289 01:42:30.399 --> 01:42:34.520 just like trying to level up in want better in all aspects, including like 1290 01:42:34.720 --> 01:42:51.560 romantic relationships. But even still I still see I do want change, but 1291 01:42:51.640 --> 01:42:56.600 I also see where I haven't changed, because I like, if I could 1292 01:42:56.640 --> 01:42:59.800 line up all the niggas that I've ever talked to for real, First of 1293 01:42:59.800 --> 01:43:03.640 all, the mental illness is gonna be like bitch, is that like what 1294 01:43:03.880 --> 01:43:11.640 is? Yeah? But also I kind of see like the similarities and the 1295 01:43:11.680 --> 01:43:24.760 men that I choose mm. But there even through the mental illness flow of 1296 01:43:24.800 --> 01:43:28.560 the chart. I also again remember earlier when I was talking about seeing the 1297 01:43:28.560 --> 01:43:31.399 best in people and seeing the potential in people, like even though I'll be 1298 01:43:31.439 --> 01:43:36.479 dealing with some fuck the best niggas, Like you could also see on the 1299 01:43:36.560 --> 01:43:40.520 chart like where it was like, oh, you could see where you got 1300 01:43:40.560 --> 01:43:43.640 on the spiritual path and kind of start talking to niggas. That was kind 1301 01:43:43.680 --> 01:43:47.640 of you know, a little more evolved or elevated on some type of level 1302 01:43:47.720 --> 01:43:50.800 even like but the fuck niggas still being there, but you could see like, 1303 01:43:51.359 --> 01:43:59.479 Okay, whatever are these mainly positive or negative? I feel like all 1304 01:43:59.479 --> 01:44:04.119 of my change been a positive, very positive. I feel like I'm going 1305 01:44:04.159 --> 01:44:06.840 in a good direction. I feel like I'm going in a better direction in 1306 01:44:06.840 --> 01:44:14.399 my life. I definitely see the growth. I never felt like I was 1307 01:44:14.439 --> 01:44:16.880 just a super childish ass bitch though, Like I never like, you know 1308 01:44:16.920 --> 01:44:23.000 what I'm saying, like I you do things at certain ages or whatever. 1309 01:44:23.079 --> 01:44:30.239 But like I don't feel like I was just out here too crazy, all 1310 01:44:30.359 --> 01:44:35.119 right, I just want to do one more of these. I like these. 1311 01:44:36.039 --> 01:44:55.239 Let's see hmm, I didn't see anything good. Let's see anything for 1312 01:44:55.319 --> 01:45:01.800 the white, anything for the white. This is a good one. Let's 1313 01:45:01.840 --> 01:45:10.720 end it off with this child self. If you could speak to your child 1314 01:45:10.920 --> 01:45:17.760 self, what would you tell them? What would I tell little Jazzmine? 1315 01:45:19.840 --> 01:45:23.600 Really? What would I tell little Jasmine? And what would I tell teenage 1316 01:45:23.640 --> 01:45:27.560 Jasmine too? Cause like in my mind, I'm really in my mind, 1317 01:45:27.560 --> 01:45:30.399 I'm really thinking about what would I tell teenage Jasmin? Cause that's that's who 1318 01:45:30.439 --> 01:45:40.840 really needed some talking to. But let's see the child me though, mm, 1319 01:45:40.880 --> 01:45:43.520 to just be you and do what you like to do, you know 1320 01:45:43.520 --> 01:45:45.640 what I'm saying, Don't worry about no other little kids or whatever, Like 1321 01:45:46.640 --> 01:45:49.960 whatever you into whatever you wanna do, do what you like, don't worry 1322 01:45:49.960 --> 01:45:55.119 about nobody else. That's what I would tell my child self, my teenage 1323 01:45:55.159 --> 01:46:06.600 self. I would tell myself to get intune with my intuition and always like, 1324 01:46:08.199 --> 01:46:14.560 go with what I feel, never nothing external, go with what you 1325 01:46:14.800 --> 01:46:23.399 feel real. Yeah, we'll leave it at that. So that's enough conversations 1326 01:46:23.399 --> 01:46:26.640 with my inner self. Maybe y'all wrote some of them questions down or feel 1327 01:46:26.640 --> 01:46:30.960 like y'all should ask yurselves them questions. Let's see what the motherfucking vibes is, 1328 01:46:31.039 --> 01:46:40.840 what the energy is with the terror, and I'll be back again on 1329 01:46:41.000 --> 01:46:45.840 Friday recording again. It's the fuck niggas at the bottom of the deck for 1330 01:46:45.920 --> 01:46:57.479 me, not the Seven of Sores and the Tower. It's giving. It's 1331 01:46:57.520 --> 01:47:02.319 giving that whole ass job is what it's given. That's what it's given. 1332 01:47:03.399 --> 01:47:10.800 Again. The universe is going to when when you the tower card is when 1333 01:47:10.800 --> 01:47:16.840 the Universe gotta step in and and tear the whole motherfucking shebang down Like bitch, 1334 01:47:16.840 --> 01:47:19.239 We told you to leave, We told you the house was gonna be 1335 01:47:19.279 --> 01:47:24.479 on fire. You were still in there, lily gagging, and we had 1336 01:47:24.479 --> 01:47:27.319 to come in and burn that bitch down and not you know what I'm saying. 1337 01:47:29.199 --> 01:47:32.840 And seven of sores is just giving fuck nigga like on that sneaky chick 1338 01:47:33.199 --> 01:47:41.560 on that. It's given the job. That's how I really feel. Glad 1339 01:47:41.560 --> 01:47:44.159 I'm up out of there. I'm glad, I'm up out of there. 1340 01:47:45.479 --> 01:47:55.079 Let's see what are the vibess. Sleep on it, Sleep on it, 1341 01:47:55.920 --> 01:48:04.159 and then get back at you when I wanna four sore words. Any conversations 1342 01:48:04.199 --> 01:48:08.880 you got on your mind, any conversations you need to have with somebody, 1343 01:48:10.600 --> 01:48:18.880 sleep on it. Gather your thoughts before you go in the ring page of 1344 01:48:19.079 --> 01:48:50.800 pentacles. It's given, it's giving, it's giving. Sleep on any new 1345 01:48:50.840 --> 01:48:55.039 opportunities, you know, because again, like I said, I got the 1346 01:48:56.159 --> 01:48:58.800 I got two calls about a job. You know what I'm saying. So 1347 01:48:58.840 --> 01:49:02.720 it's like, you know, have whatever conversations you need to have, fill 1348 01:49:02.760 --> 01:49:05.119 it out, and fill it out. Sleep on it, you know what 1349 01:49:05.199 --> 01:49:12.439 I'm saying. Before you actually make a decision, damn not pop up the 1350 01:49:12.520 --> 01:49:18.079 devil card. Sleep on it. Okay, it's given, it's given. 1351 01:49:19.399 --> 01:49:26.119 It's given that the devil, the negative energy, the t is given, 1352 01:49:26.560 --> 01:49:32.359 is given. Toxicity is trying to come in with an offer. It's given 1353 01:49:32.439 --> 01:49:39.520 that the toxicity is trying to come It's given that the toxicity is trying to 1354 01:49:39.560 --> 01:49:48.079 come in with an offer that's crazy as hell. It's given that the toxicity 1355 01:49:48.199 --> 01:50:00.399 is trying to come in with an offer, and I they gonna be acting 1356 01:50:00.520 --> 01:50:09.399 like it's a it's a uh. They gonna be acting like it's a gift 1357 01:50:09.399 --> 01:50:15.359 of love. Okay, that's too many. That's too many. That's too 1358 01:50:15.399 --> 01:50:18.239 many. Let's see, it's this is too many. This is a lot 1359 01:50:18.239 --> 01:50:28.159 of this is a lot of fun cards. That's too many. So real 1360 01:50:28.199 --> 01:50:34.159 conversations being had, fake offers. I wouldn't really t I wouldn't really trust. 1361 01:50:34.199 --> 01:50:41.720 I wouldn't really trust offers. I don't think they're I don't think they're 1362 01:50:41.800 --> 01:50:45.760 authentic. That's too many cars, too, I don't think they are. 1363 01:50:48.439 --> 01:50:53.159 It's so many cars that's coming out this. Give me one at a time. 1364 01:50:53.239 --> 01:50:58.199 Okay, we'll take these two. Okay, damn. Ten of sores, 1365 01:50:58.199 --> 01:51:13.079 ten of cups. It's it's given that it's not an authentic offer. 1366 01:51:15.199 --> 01:51:23.600 It's given wolves in sheep's clothing like, okay, so again, I said 1367 01:51:23.720 --> 01:51:27.319 to sleep on it. Whatever this co whatever this communication, this conversation, 1368 01:51:27.600 --> 01:51:32.399 is coming in. Somebody's coming in with a offer. It could be Oh 1369 01:51:32.439 --> 01:51:35.880 I wanna invest in you, I wanna give you some money for this, 1370 01:51:36.000 --> 01:51:41.920 or I got a business idea, or we could do this together. Double 1371 01:51:41.960 --> 01:51:46.960 card toxicity, the devil right, fake love offer. Oh yeah, I 1372 01:51:46.960 --> 01:51:50.119 got this. You know I want this ten of Cups with you. But 1373 01:51:50.239 --> 01:51:54.680 bitch, I'm really gonna stab you in your fucking back. It's given that 1374 01:51:54.800 --> 01:52:10.680 the offer is not it's not real. Ten of wins, nine of cups. 1375 01:52:39.960 --> 01:52:51.159 I don't know, man, it's is this person really willing to put 1376 01:52:51.199 --> 01:52:58.720 in the work? You know what I'm saying, Cause whoever this is is 1377 01:52:58.760 --> 01:53:03.920 doing it all bottom selves. You coming in with this offer? You you 1378 01:53:04.239 --> 01:53:06.399 know what I'm saying. I got this idea, I got this plan. 1379 01:53:08.119 --> 01:53:15.760 It's only one person here doing the work. I got the whole thing by 1380 01:53:15.840 --> 01:53:20.000 myself. But that's also why I got the nine of Cups by myself. 1381 01:53:20.039 --> 01:53:24.760 You know what I'm saying. So are we in this together? One of 1382 01:53:24.760 --> 01:53:30.680 my favorite Day twenty six songs? Are we in this to get okay? 1383 01:53:32.239 --> 01:53:43.079 And we'll end it here with the Queen of Wanes and the Starcard. Hm, 1384 01:53:44.479 --> 01:53:49.760 I don't know you you make the decision on the energy that's coming in 1385 01:53:49.880 --> 01:53:55.239 and people giving offerings and saying they want to work with you and do stuff 1386 01:53:55.319 --> 01:54:01.520 or whatever. But understand that don't be the don't be the person in the 1387 01:54:01.560 --> 01:54:04.680 group, in the in the school group that's only doing the work by themselves. 1388 01:54:04.720 --> 01:54:11.399 You know what I'm saying. But even if you are, good things 1389 01:54:11.439 --> 01:54:16.159 are going to happen. Good things are coming for you, okay. Queen 1390 01:54:16.159 --> 01:54:21.880 of Winds in the star, Queen of winds energy giving like that bitch energy 1391 01:54:23.399 --> 01:54:30.319 okay, influencer energy, full of passion, creativity, ideas, all of 1392 01:54:30.359 --> 01:54:39.960 that shit. The star card very healing energy, restore, renewed, restored 1393 01:54:40.000 --> 01:54:46.760 and renewed energy. So I don't know, just just be leary, be 1394 01:54:46.960 --> 01:54:55.039 weary of you know, anybody coming in with any offers. But understand that 1395 01:54:55.159 --> 01:54:59.800 A you gonna get it done. You you are okay, whether or not 1396 01:54:59.840 --> 01:55:02.680 the they in it or gonna help you with it, you know, keep 1397 01:55:02.720 --> 01:55:09.199 your eyes on motherfuckers, but do the work and it's and it's gonna pay 1398 01:55:09.279 --> 01:55:14.199 off. Do the work yourself, regardless of if motherfuckers is there helping you 1399 01:55:14.359 --> 01:55:21.840 or not. But don't don't don't accept no bad investments don't be uh funding 1400 01:55:23.000 --> 01:55:26.960 your ship with no with no bad Boy Diddy money. We don't want that, 1401 01:55:27.159 --> 01:55:28.920 you know what I'm saying. We don't want that type of shit. 1402 01:55:29.760 --> 01:55:35.720 But so those are the vibes. Those are the fucking vibes. I hope 1403 01:55:35.800 --> 01:55:41.560 y'all enjoyed this. My advice to y'all is to keep it pushing, just 1404 01:55:41.600 --> 01:55:45.239 like I am. I ain't gonna lie. I'm very proud of myself just 1405 01:55:45.279 --> 01:55:51.439 because you know, I had to think about this, like I'd have been 1406 01:55:51.439 --> 01:55:57.399 through so much being here in this very short amount of time. And like 1407 01:55:57.520 --> 01:56:01.319 I remember in my first situation, like my first little incident here, I 1408 01:56:01.439 --> 01:56:04.960 was like, damn, I ain't got nowhere to go, but I gotta 1409 01:56:05.159 --> 01:56:09.359 but I got a job. Now I'm like, I got somewhere to go, 1410 01:56:09.600 --> 01:56:11.640 Like I got somewhere to stay, but I ain't got a job, 1411 01:56:11.680 --> 01:56:14.640 you know what I'm saying. So it's just like this shit just fliped. 1412 01:56:14.840 --> 01:56:18.760 But at the end of the day, I just keep fucking going. You 1413 01:56:18.760 --> 01:56:21.960 know what I'm saying. You gotta kill that self sabotage. You gotta kill 1414 01:56:23.000 --> 01:56:28.560 the negative self talk. You know. People then at a couple of people 1415 01:56:28.560 --> 01:56:29.760 to ask me like, oh, so what's you about to do? Not 1416 01:56:29.880 --> 01:56:31.239 go back to Detroit. I'm like, Bro, that's not even in the 1417 01:56:31.319 --> 01:56:36.079 cars, that's not even in my mind. Like, just keep fucking going, 1418 01:56:36.279 --> 01:56:41.479 but get real fucking focused, and really, you know what I'm saying, 1419 01:56:42.239 --> 01:56:45.359 Dive deep into your creativity, into your passion, into your purpose. 1420 01:56:45.960 --> 01:56:50.239 Really, get on your grind, really get your finances in order. Bitch, 1421 01:56:50.279 --> 01:56:53.920 I'm gonna be up there on Friday for my check, So don't fucking 1422 01:56:53.960 --> 01:56:57.720 play with me like I'm gonna be in that bitch talking about I can't come 1423 01:56:57.800 --> 01:57:04.439 back on the property. Bitch, I'm here. So yeah, But I 1424 01:57:04.479 --> 01:57:08.720 hope that y'all enjoyed this. Make sure that y'all follow me on all platforms 1425 01:57:08.720 --> 01:57:12.720 at helling my Homies Black Girl Experience on TikTok, subscribe to the YouTube, 1426 01:57:12.720 --> 01:57:15.439 make sure that you like this video. Make sure that you just keep going 1427 01:57:15.520 --> 01:57:15.920 up, up, up, up, up, up up up up, 1428 01:57:15.960 --> 01:57:20.279 and away. I'm out and I'll see y'all in a couple of days.