WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:03.439 The topics and opinions expressed on the following show are solely those of the hosts 2 00:00:03.439 --> 00:00:06.679 and their guests, and not those of W four WN Radio It's employees or 3 00:00:06.719 --> 00:00:10.960 affiliates. We make no recommendations or endorsements for radio show programs, services, 4 00:00:11.039 --> 00:00:14.880 or products mentioned on air or on our web. No liability, explicit or 5 00:00:14.919 --> 00:00:19.160 implied shall be extended to W four WN Radio It's employees or affiliates. Any 6 00:00:19.239 --> 00:00:22.440 questions or common should be directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing 7 00:00:22.559 --> 00:00:45.840 W four WN Radio. Hello and welcome to Fearless Fabulous. To you, 8 00:00:46.039 --> 00:00:49.479 I am your host, Melanie Young, and thank you for joining me on 9 00:00:49.520 --> 00:00:56.399 this beautiful post Memorial Day in twenty twenty four. My mission is to empower 10 00:00:56.439 --> 00:01:00.000 women fifty and older to live life on their terms and live their best life 11 00:01:00.119 --> 00:01:04.519 on their terms, being mindful of their health, their wellbeing, their person 12 00:01:04.799 --> 00:01:11.959 and personality, and owning their worth. That's right, owning your worth, 13 00:01:12.439 --> 00:01:18.200 and today's show will be It's a common thread. When I host the show 14 00:01:18.319 --> 00:01:23.959 solo. Usually something has happened in the past week that triggers triggers in a 15 00:01:23.000 --> 00:01:29.040 positive way, generates, let's say, inspires that's a better term inspires me 16 00:01:29.280 --> 00:01:33.519 to come up with some words of wisdom that I speak to myself, and 17 00:01:33.560 --> 00:01:38.640 then I decide to share with you that brings to light something that may be 18 00:01:38.760 --> 00:01:42.120 on your mind. It's certainly on my mind. Maybe you're experiencing it, 19 00:01:42.200 --> 00:01:46.599 maybe you're not. But I like to bring it to light because I like 20 00:01:46.640 --> 00:01:52.640 to shine a light and enlighten on what it's like to be a woman over 21 00:01:52.680 --> 00:01:56.920 fifty in the United States. I can't say in the world because I haven't 22 00:01:56.959 --> 00:02:00.439 experienced the world enough, but I do believe it's different everywhere and it's similar 23 00:02:00.480 --> 00:02:10.199 everywhere. I'm going to start. The theme of this show is being invincible 24 00:02:10.280 --> 00:02:19.360 versus invincible, invincible, invincible invulnerable. We as women have all at some 25 00:02:19.719 --> 00:02:24.199 stage probably felt all of these and therefore I'm going to read this poem, 26 00:02:24.280 --> 00:02:27.919 of course, written by a man, and I'll comment in a minute. 27 00:02:28.000 --> 00:02:35.960 It's called invisible. My body is a bottle of white glass. Why has 28 00:02:36.080 --> 00:02:43.199 not somebody poured red wine into me? That I should become beautiful? My 29 00:02:43.319 --> 00:02:49.039 body is a green leaf? Why have I not dried? That I should 30 00:02:49.039 --> 00:02:54.759 blow away to infinity with many winds? Written by jose Garcia Villa Well Jose 31 00:02:54.960 --> 00:03:00.439 I have this to say. First of all, I love beautiful glass. 32 00:03:00.479 --> 00:03:07.840 Glass is not empty. Wine, glass shimmers, a vase shimmers in many 33 00:03:07.919 --> 00:03:15.800 colors and dimensions. That's the beauty of crystal and glass. So it's not 34 00:03:15.240 --> 00:03:22.319 plain, it's not really white. There are many beautiful arcs of colors and 35 00:03:22.400 --> 00:03:27.280 rainbows that, like a woman, shows beautiful complexity. As for why has 36 00:03:27.319 --> 00:03:30.039 not somebody poured red wine into me? Well, first of all, as 37 00:03:30.080 --> 00:03:34.120 we all know, I'm a certified specialist to wine, and I drink wine, 38 00:03:34.159 --> 00:03:36.960 and I educate wine, and I love wine. No one needs to 39 00:03:37.000 --> 00:03:40.680 pour red wine into me. I'll pour my own glass, thank you very 40 00:03:40.759 --> 00:03:47.719 much. That's right. I don't need someone to pour something into me to 41 00:03:47.840 --> 00:03:53.719 illuminate my beauty so that I should become beautiful, because I already am, 42 00:03:53.840 --> 00:03:58.000 and I can choose to do it on my own. It certainly helps to 43 00:03:58.039 --> 00:04:00.680 have wonderful people around you that support that, but if you don't, you 44 00:04:00.719 --> 00:04:05.639 should choose to fill your own glass with whatever you want to drink up the 45 00:04:05.680 --> 00:04:10.960 beauty of life and yourself. As for why my body is a green leaf 46 00:04:11.000 --> 00:04:14.800 and why have not dried that I should blow away to infinity with many winds, 47 00:04:14.800 --> 00:04:19.480 Well, First of all, we are all beautiful leaves that will eventually 48 00:04:19.560 --> 00:04:25.319 shrivel up and fall. It's the circle of nature and life, and we 49 00:04:25.360 --> 00:04:28.160 will blow away. But in the meantime, I want to be blowing in 50 00:04:28.199 --> 00:04:31.279 the wind and float and enjoy what a leaf is, which is a beautiful 51 00:04:31.279 --> 00:04:36.160 excentsion of a solid tree, part of a blossom, part of a growth, 52 00:04:36.279 --> 00:04:41.399 part of a shoot, part of something that creates the fruit of the 53 00:04:41.480 --> 00:04:46.199 vine grapes. Leaves are beautiful. They come in different shapes, like women. 54 00:04:46.240 --> 00:04:54.439 They coup a different different different shapes and a different veins, different patterns 55 00:04:54.519 --> 00:05:00.240 like women. So well, I found a poem called Invisible. Interesting, 56 00:05:01.240 --> 00:05:05.720 I would rewrite the entire thing and call it invincible. I'll pour my own 57 00:05:05.759 --> 00:05:11.160 glass, I'll appreciate my own beauty, my crystalline beauty, and I will 58 00:05:11.160 --> 00:05:16.120 be a leaf that weather green and moist, are dried and crunchy, will 59 00:05:16.120 --> 00:05:24.560 be beautifully the way. Okay, So this is why we're going to talk 60 00:05:24.560 --> 00:05:32.240 about invisible, invincible, and vulnerable, because I find that when you age, 61 00:05:33.160 --> 00:05:35.920 you do, whether you like it or not, start feeling invisible or 62 00:05:35.920 --> 00:05:41.879 people make you feel invisible. And it's okay, when did my life go 63 00:05:42.079 --> 00:05:48.079 from being number one, two plus one. I'll give you some examples. 64 00:05:48.399 --> 00:05:53.439 So all my life was single, I ran a company, was number one 65 00:05:53.480 --> 00:05:57.600 in the business. I was the one to go to for everything, the 66 00:05:57.639 --> 00:06:01.120 one who knew it all, the go to person. I was the one. 67 00:06:01.639 --> 00:06:05.319 I was one of a kind. I created wonderful things. I was 68 00:06:05.600 --> 00:06:11.920 the one. Then I got married, and I was thrilled to be married 69 00:06:12.319 --> 00:06:15.759 forty eight to a wonderful guy. But then over the years, I feel 70 00:06:15.800 --> 00:06:20.720 like I've become a plus one. I who was always on the top of 71 00:06:20.839 --> 00:06:24.839 invitation lists. Now I'm at the bottom of the list. And David, 72 00:06:24.839 --> 00:06:30.319 my husband, gets invited to things, and I'm simply a plus one now. 73 00:06:30.360 --> 00:06:31.600 I've never looked at him as a plus one. I look at him 74 00:06:31.639 --> 00:06:35.560 as an equal to me person. We have different last names for that reason. 75 00:06:36.120 --> 00:06:40.120 But I've never in my life felt so plus one as I have, 76 00:06:41.439 --> 00:06:46.000 particularly traveling in Europe or being treated in business. I'm a plus one now, 77 00:06:46.040 --> 00:06:48.720 and I don't really like being a plus one. I like being the 78 00:06:48.879 --> 00:06:58.120 one not to diminish my husband or friends. We're on equal ground. I 79 00:06:58.240 --> 00:07:03.519 wasn't created from his rib I was already here on earth. But it's amazing 80 00:07:03.600 --> 00:07:13.279 how old norms, even in New Times still treat women is plus one even 81 00:07:13.319 --> 00:07:18.240 further illustrate, there's an article out this week by Brett Anderson, terrific food 82 00:07:18.279 --> 00:07:23.399 correspondent for the New York Times. He wrote about Broma Casa is the new 83 00:07:23.439 --> 00:07:28.519 steakhouse. We're actually doing this show on the Connected Table on my other podcast, 84 00:07:28.920 --> 00:07:30.639 and I encourage you to look at it. Brett Anderson is a very 85 00:07:31.360 --> 00:07:36.199 noted food correspondent. But the article is on how men love to go out 86 00:07:36.279 --> 00:07:43.079 now and do and going. Instead of going and eating macho carnivor nights steakhouses, 87 00:07:43.120 --> 00:07:48.000 they go to Japanese house restaurants or Asian usually it's Japanese and they do 88 00:07:48.079 --> 00:07:53.720 the oma kassa, which omakasa is a Japanese dining experience that involves placing one's 89 00:07:53.759 --> 00:07:58.480 trust in the chef's culinary skills to create a personal menu. The term omakasa 90 00:07:58.560 --> 00:08:01.959 translates to I leave it up to you, which reflects the diner's willingness to 91 00:08:03.000 --> 00:08:07.000 relinquish control over their meals. That is a definition of oma cossa, but 92 00:08:07.079 --> 00:08:15.720 in the context of this article, it's basically men with money to burn and 93 00:08:16.480 --> 00:08:20.360 big appetites for life and good food. Go out together, bros, go 94 00:08:20.399 --> 00:08:24.079 out, drop bucks, drink big wine, spend the money, yuck it 95 00:08:24.199 --> 00:08:31.040 up with the guys, and have Oma Cossa meals instead of steakhouses, and 96 00:08:31.079 --> 00:08:35.279 they drop like hundreds and hundreds of dollars per person. So why did this 97 00:08:37.799 --> 00:08:41.039 resonate with me? Well, first of all, I love Oma Cossa meals. 98 00:08:41.039 --> 00:08:43.159 I think they're just the best. I wish I could afford them, 99 00:08:43.519 --> 00:08:48.440 but I can't these days because they're super expensive and they're getting more so. 100 00:08:48.799 --> 00:08:56.200 And as a result, people who have lots of money to burn can enjoy 101 00:08:56.240 --> 00:08:58.440 them, and people like me just hope that one day we can save for 102 00:08:58.480 --> 00:09:03.440 a special time. But what really killed me of this is the machoism of 103 00:09:03.480 --> 00:09:05.200 this. Again, it's still a man's world, even when you downate, 104 00:09:05.480 --> 00:09:09.559 like how often do you dine out? And the man gets the wine, 105 00:09:09.639 --> 00:09:13.879 list, man gets the menus, the man gets the bill, even though 106 00:09:13.919 --> 00:09:18.879 I tend to be paying for it right exactly. So, one of the 107 00:09:18.919 --> 00:09:22.399 lines in the article, which again is in the New York Times, that 108 00:09:22.519 --> 00:09:26.720 kind of gave me the I'm gonna throw at my OUNI if I was eating 109 00:09:26.759 --> 00:09:31.360 it was the guy and he was a guy who says, where is it. 110 00:09:31.919 --> 00:09:35.399 I'll get to it, but basically he says, I like going out 111 00:09:35.399 --> 00:09:39.399 with the guys. But basically now I'm out with the wife, the wife 112 00:09:39.559 --> 00:09:43.399 or the little lady, like, oh, I have to like sometimes take 113 00:09:43.440 --> 00:09:46.960 her out too, because you know, I can't just always go out with 114 00:09:46.000 --> 00:09:50.240 the guys. So I kind of cringed at that because he just called her 115 00:09:50.399 --> 00:09:54.960 the wife, like she had no name. She was a bluss one in 116 00:09:54.000 --> 00:09:58.919 his life, the other person. And it just kind of underscored again how 117 00:10:00.080 --> 00:10:05.919 even when you're dining out, going to the theater, traveling, that's another 118 00:10:05.960 --> 00:10:11.919 one. You're still traded as the second class person in the two person relationship. 119 00:10:13.399 --> 00:10:18.039 I'll give more examples. How many of you, let's just talk about 120 00:10:18.039 --> 00:10:22.159 that. How many of you travel and have to fight like crazy to demand 121 00:10:22.519 --> 00:10:26.600 not getting the dreaded middle seat because your husband or your male partner or your 122 00:10:26.639 --> 00:10:31.320 significantly larger partner whatever has to have the aisle seat because their lives are so 123 00:10:31.440 --> 00:10:35.600 long, they have to have the window seat so they can sleep, and 124 00:10:35.879 --> 00:10:39.279 they automatically give you what I call the wife's seat, which is the dreaded 125 00:10:39.320 --> 00:10:41.600 middle seat because you're smaller and you can fit in it well. I have 126 00:10:41.679 --> 00:10:46.080 to fight like Craig Cray whenever we travel, particularly when we're going to Europe, 127 00:10:46.120 --> 00:10:48.360 because I'm always seemed to be the plus one, even though I have 128 00:10:48.360 --> 00:10:54.039 my own credentials for going, I have to I have to insist that I 129 00:10:54.080 --> 00:10:58.960 have an aisle seat. It means we're not necessarily sitting together, but you 130 00:10:58.960 --> 00:11:01.799 know, I'm with my husband time, So for sutting on an airplane, 131 00:11:01.840 --> 00:11:05.120 la la la, particularly for finding Europe or sleep anyway. Differences that make 132 00:11:05.320 --> 00:11:09.519 we're not joined at the hip all the time. We're together wherever we are 133 00:11:09.639 --> 00:11:13.039 in mind, body and spirit, that we don't have to be like glued 134 00:11:13.080 --> 00:11:16.759 to each other so that I'm shmoosed in a middle seat. So you women 135 00:11:16.759 --> 00:11:18.919 who travel and you don't want the middle seat, you stand up for your 136 00:11:20.000 --> 00:11:22.840 rights to have an aisle seat. You stand up for your right to not 137 00:11:22.960 --> 00:11:26.960 have to sit in the corner of a restaurant, whether you're dining alone or 138 00:11:28.000 --> 00:11:30.840 at a two top, and they give you the tiny corner table and you're 139 00:11:30.879 --> 00:11:37.039 shoved in or facing the kitchen or any inferior seat or location. Because you're 140 00:11:37.080 --> 00:11:43.519 the plus one. You also get your own name tag and your own title. 141 00:11:43.679 --> 00:11:48.519 When you go to conferences and events, you're not the plus one. 142 00:11:48.039 --> 00:11:52.039 You're not the plus one on a guest list. You have your own name. 143 00:11:52.559 --> 00:11:56.320 You got to fight for that, otherwise you're going to be invisible. 144 00:11:56.399 --> 00:12:01.279 That is just a sign of being invisible when people look around you and over 145 00:12:01.360 --> 00:12:03.240 you, at the person you're who is with you, but not at you. 146 00:12:05.039 --> 00:12:07.919 And if you have not been one of those people that have had people 147 00:12:07.960 --> 00:12:13.600 come up to you say hello and then move on without even acknowledging your name 148 00:12:13.639 --> 00:12:18.000 to someone more interesting, better or opportunists than you, have been living a 149 00:12:18.080 --> 00:12:22.600 charmed life. I'll never forget being introduced the more with a Stewart and introducing 150 00:12:22.639 --> 00:12:26.919 myself and she barely gave me at the time of day, and she didn't 151 00:12:26.919 --> 00:12:30.000 even say hello, She just kind of looked over at somebody else. So 152 00:12:30.639 --> 00:12:33.399 one I considered it rude. Two I'll never forget it. Three I'm not 153 00:12:33.480 --> 00:12:37.399 a fan. And four I learned a big lesson from that not to do 154 00:12:37.440 --> 00:12:41.559 it myself, because when I worked in public relations, you're always looking over 155 00:12:41.600 --> 00:12:43.879 everybody's shoulders to see who the next a list person is coming in the door, 156 00:12:43.879 --> 00:12:48.759 particularly when you're talking to a B and C liss person because you label 157 00:12:48.799 --> 00:12:54.600 people that way, which is really gross but true, and may a Coulpa. 158 00:12:54.639 --> 00:12:56.039 I'm sure I did it as well, but I have learned over the 159 00:12:56.120 --> 00:13:01.799 years not to do it because I've had friends in the industry, and I've 160 00:13:01.799 --> 00:13:05.799 talked about this on this show before, friends in the industry who had high, 161 00:13:07.519 --> 00:13:13.159 high power jobs at media companies, whether it's book publishing or magazine publishing 162 00:13:13.240 --> 00:13:18.960 or newspapers. They were the editors and chiefs, the managing editors, the 163 00:13:18.080 --> 00:13:24.840 editors at large. They commanded teams of writers and what we read and how 164 00:13:24.879 --> 00:13:26.919 we read it and how we interpret it. That's a pretty powerful position. 165 00:13:28.080 --> 00:13:30.519 I mean, you know, one editor in chief could determine if we were 166 00:13:30.519 --> 00:13:35.080 going to be eating eggplant or watermelon for the summer, or whatever the new 167 00:13:35.120 --> 00:13:39.440 true is or bromagasa maybe we're all going to be eating broma gausa. It's 168 00:13:39.480 --> 00:13:41.879 the power of the pen under the editor. One by one, each of 169 00:13:41.879 --> 00:13:46.519 these was tapped out, now tapped out, let go. They all basically 170 00:13:46.559 --> 00:13:52.320 lost their jobs because they aged out and were no considered no longer irrelevant, 171 00:13:52.600 --> 00:13:56.120 well no longer relevant and probably too expensive. And what happened to them. 172 00:13:56.159 --> 00:14:01.600 One by one, they all became invisible. They slowly became invisible, to 173 00:14:01.639 --> 00:14:05.360 the point where yesterday a very dear friend lover her to death. She cheered 174 00:14:05.360 --> 00:14:07.519 me up. I don't know why I was feeling glom uh, I don't 175 00:14:07.559 --> 00:14:11.399 know, you know, things coming? Oh, because I was feeling like 176 00:14:11.399 --> 00:14:16.720 a plus one in an email situation, She cheered me up. She's in 177 00:14:16.759 --> 00:14:24.360 her late sixties and she had a huge job working for a major network, 178 00:14:24.919 --> 00:14:28.480 really the best of the business, several journalism awards, books, articles, 179 00:14:28.559 --> 00:14:33.000 just the best in her game. And of course, like old jobs, 180 00:14:33.039 --> 00:14:39.200 when you hit certain stride and pace, eventually everything winds down. And she 181 00:14:39.320 --> 00:14:43.279 had to know now say, oh, I was formally with I was formally 182 00:14:43.320 --> 00:14:46.759 Well, first of all, I've learned to say never say the word formally. 183 00:14:48.559 --> 00:14:52.639 Okay, just drop that word from your list, because that immediately moves 184 00:14:52.679 --> 00:14:58.519 you into invisible world. You're never formally. You always are. You just 185 00:14:58.559 --> 00:15:01.600 may not be working at So if you were in broadcast journalism, or you 186 00:15:01.679 --> 00:15:07.120 were a novelist or a public relations or a doctor and you've retired, you're 187 00:15:07.159 --> 00:15:13.320 still have all the credentials, you just may not be actively doing it. 188 00:15:13.559 --> 00:15:16.360 But don't use the word formally, because that immediately puts you in the world 189 00:15:16.360 --> 00:15:22.279 of invisible them. I find that, you know, invisible. Feeling invisible 190 00:15:22.360 --> 00:15:24.639 is usually when people just don't look at you. And you remember when people 191 00:15:24.720 --> 00:15:26.120 used to look at you in comment hey good looking, and now nobody does. 192 00:15:26.480 --> 00:15:31.360 That makes you feel invisible when people ignore you or you know, it's 193 00:15:31.399 --> 00:15:35.879 just little things. Don't do it to other people, is what I'm going 194 00:15:35.919 --> 00:15:39.240 to say. Don't do it to other people and don't make people feel you 195 00:15:39.279 --> 00:15:43.720 are invisible. Stand your ground and be next word invincible. Remember I am 196 00:15:43.759 --> 00:15:48.720 strong, I am woman, I am invincible. Yeah remember that song. 197 00:15:50.159 --> 00:15:54.679 Well, you got to stand up. You got to stand up for yourself 198 00:15:54.759 --> 00:15:58.440 and for who you are. And if someone's dissing you and treating you any 199 00:15:58.480 --> 00:16:03.840 other way, to say, hey, let's hey, look over here, 200 00:16:03.440 --> 00:16:07.799 let's let's talk. You know, you got to. You gotta stay on 201 00:16:07.799 --> 00:16:14.279 your ground and sometimes you got to reshape who you are in your life because 202 00:16:14.519 --> 00:16:18.000 you're just gonna have to because if you start talking about formally I was I 203 00:16:18.120 --> 00:16:22.639 used to back in the day when I was. If you talk in the 204 00:16:22.679 --> 00:16:26.399 past, people will look at you as in the past. You've got to 205 00:16:26.440 --> 00:16:36.240 stay current and in tune, to stay in time and in step with everybody 206 00:16:36.240 --> 00:16:40.960 else. Otherwise you're going to be put in the back seat or worse, 207 00:16:41.039 --> 00:16:42.919 in storage. I just loved it. When I was on a I was 208 00:16:42.960 --> 00:16:49.240 on a webinar about uh, the Wine Market Council talking about who's drinking wine 209 00:16:49.279 --> 00:16:52.399 and everybody wants younger people to drink more wine, and or gen Z and 210 00:16:52.480 --> 00:16:56.120 gen X drinking more wine. And they said, oh, yeah, you 211 00:16:56.159 --> 00:16:57.879 know who's drinking a lot of wine the boomers. But they're all dropping off. 212 00:16:59.360 --> 00:17:00.519 Literally, somebody said that, yeah, the boomers are, but they're 213 00:17:00.559 --> 00:17:04.599 aging out and dropping off. And I'm like, well, I'm not dead 214 00:17:04.720 --> 00:17:10.400 yet. I'm still drinking wine. I'm still spending the money. I'm still 215 00:17:10.400 --> 00:17:14.079 spending more money than the eleven dollars a bottle people, I'm still spending more. 216 00:17:14.640 --> 00:17:19.119 I'm not dropping off. So drop the topic and instead drop back in 217 00:17:19.200 --> 00:17:23.039 to see who I am and what the potential I have to deliver to you 218 00:17:23.240 --> 00:17:30.119 and your brand are right, So just remember that we're not dropping off. 219 00:17:30.119 --> 00:17:36.599 When we're we're not dropping out, and we're not dropping off. We are 220 00:17:36.680 --> 00:17:44.440 still invincible. Invincible is by definition, the quality of being impossible to defeat. 221 00:17:44.599 --> 00:17:49.079 Or prevent from doing what is intended. Today's young people are certain of 222 00:17:49.119 --> 00:17:52.599 their own invincibility. That is a plus for young people. I think it's 223 00:17:52.640 --> 00:17:56.799 great that they believe they're invincible. Then why aren't older people feeling the same 224 00:17:56.839 --> 00:18:00.839 way that. Let's just stop the word older people right now. Why aren't 225 00:18:00.839 --> 00:18:03.920 we of a certain age also not feeling invincible? We are, and we 226 00:18:03.960 --> 00:18:10.920 should and we should not let anybody make us feel any other way. Right, 227 00:18:11.839 --> 00:18:15.200 And if you want to learn more, there's a book. I haven't 228 00:18:15.200 --> 00:18:18.480 read it yet, but there's one called The Invisible Woman. I'm actually very 229 00:18:18.480 --> 00:18:29.799 interested in this book because it basically it's by Caroline Creato Perez who basically does 230 00:18:29.880 --> 00:18:38.279 case studies on how women are continually diminished in a man's world. And it's 231 00:18:38.319 --> 00:18:45.359 everything from phones being too big, a doctor prescribes a drug that's wrong for 232 00:18:45.400 --> 00:18:51.400 your body. Where you know a car accident, you're forty seven percent more 233 00:18:51.480 --> 00:18:53.559 likely to be seriously injured. This is from a book description where every week, 234 00:18:53.599 --> 00:18:56.880 the countless hours of work you do or not recognize your value. If 235 00:18:57.279 --> 00:19:03.160 any of that sounds familiar, chances you are you a woman and an Invisible 236 00:19:03.200 --> 00:19:06.720 Woman shows how in a world largely built for and by men. We are 237 00:19:06.759 --> 00:19:12.960 systematically ignoring half the population. It exposes the gender data gap and the perpetual 238 00:19:14.000 --> 00:19:18.119 systemic discrimination against women. A lot of people don't even know they're doing it, 239 00:19:18.440 --> 00:19:22.640 you know. Like in my house, it's so interesting. I love 240 00:19:22.680 --> 00:19:25.519 my husband. He's over six feet tall. I'm five to three. He 241 00:19:25.559 --> 00:19:29.920 weighs over two hundred pounds. I weigh about half his weight. Let's just 242 00:19:29.960 --> 00:19:33.599 say that. So he has put everything out of reach. There's really nothing 243 00:19:33.720 --> 00:19:38.000 I can reach in our kitchen. I can't reach it, and if I 244 00:19:38.079 --> 00:19:41.240 try, I'll probably like have my head cut because it's going to follow my 245 00:19:41.279 --> 00:19:45.480 head. So everywhere I go now to haul the ladder around just to reach 246 00:19:45.559 --> 00:19:53.119 things. He puts the caps on things so tight with his mighty fist that 247 00:19:53.200 --> 00:19:56.680 I have to ask for help to open it, run it under water, 248 00:19:56.759 --> 00:20:02.200 whatever, it's the littlest thing. It's like, I can't help it that 249 00:20:02.279 --> 00:20:06.119 I have thin wrists and smaller hands, but a lot of things that are 250 00:20:07.000 --> 00:20:11.480 made a lot of products that are currently made or made for big hands and 251 00:20:11.559 --> 00:20:18.119 bigger grips and stronger grips, and that's men. It's interesting how many things 252 00:20:18.119 --> 00:20:22.839 are like that and I've noticed it more and as the older I get, 253 00:20:22.000 --> 00:20:26.000 probably because my grip is not as strong as it used to be for whatever 254 00:20:26.039 --> 00:20:29.920 reasons, I don't know why. I'm doing the best I can to work 255 00:20:29.960 --> 00:20:33.440 on it. But it's this inevitable thing called aging which I do have to 256 00:20:33.440 --> 00:20:37.599 face every day that I need to work on strength, body strength and flexibility 257 00:20:37.680 --> 00:20:42.480 every day of my life. Also in my mind. So the other is 258 00:20:42.519 --> 00:20:52.160 being in vulnerable. Invulnerable means you're not vulnerable two things. Invulnerable means, 259 00:20:52.400 --> 00:20:59.559 like I thought, this is a weird description, but apparently Mother Teresa was 260 00:20:59.599 --> 00:21:03.160 involve vulnerable to things because she was a sainted person. Well, I don't 261 00:21:03.160 --> 00:21:08.640 think anybody's invulnerable and vulnerable reads you're not going to die. Nobody is invulnerable. 262 00:21:08.799 --> 00:21:15.279 Everybody is vulnerable to something and you have to acknowledge it and work around 263 00:21:15.319 --> 00:21:19.920 it. Perfect example, Pope, the Pope. The Pope is not even 264 00:21:19.960 --> 00:21:30.960 invulnerable. He said something this week derogatory about gays queer's It was a term 265 00:21:30.039 --> 00:21:36.640 in Italian like fagiori or something, whatever it was. He's not invulnerable and 266 00:21:36.680 --> 00:21:38.640 he was taken to task. So if the Pope could be taken to task 267 00:21:40.200 --> 00:21:44.799 for a slip of the tongue. Everybody in the world could be taken to 268 00:21:44.880 --> 00:21:48.920 task for a slip of the tongue. We're not invulnerable invulnerable here. It 269 00:21:48.960 --> 00:21:52.519 is something that's invulnerable is impossible to damage or injured, like the strongest, 270 00:21:52.519 --> 00:21:57.759 most rock solid concrete for reinforced steel bars or Mother Teresa's reputation from the Latin 271 00:21:57.880 --> 00:22:03.680 Invulnerable is not wounding. Invulnerable means invincible or immune to attack. Well, 272 00:22:04.160 --> 00:22:08.759 we've now learned everybody is vulnerable to attack, verbal or physical or other. 273 00:22:11.799 --> 00:22:18.680 But back to not being invisible. So if someone is if someone or an 274 00:22:18.880 --> 00:22:26.119 entity or a group is making you feel invisible, you can't always blame that 275 00:22:26.759 --> 00:22:33.279 entity, group, whatever, because you're allowing them to make you feel invisible. 276 00:22:33.680 --> 00:22:41.519 Just remember that it's a two way street. Feeling unworthy and invisible is 277 00:22:41.519 --> 00:22:45.759 a two way street. Someone is making you feel that way, but you're 278 00:22:45.880 --> 00:22:48.599 allowing them to. You're accepting it. You're maybe you're not accepting it, 279 00:22:48.640 --> 00:22:52.319 but you don't know what to do. So first of all, you've got 280 00:22:52.359 --> 00:22:55.680 to just stand up and fight back and say I don't like the way this 281 00:22:55.759 --> 00:22:59.880 feels. Wait just a minute, can we reword that? Could you please 282 00:23:00.079 --> 00:23:07.799 reframe what you just said, let's take a step back and restate and rethink 283 00:23:07.880 --> 00:23:11.599 this concept. Whatnot? What are you ignoring here? What is it I'm 284 00:23:11.640 --> 00:23:15.240 saying you're not listening to. Okay, these are just examples, but you 285 00:23:15.319 --> 00:23:18.400 got to do that because if you don't, you'll be put in the invisible 286 00:23:18.400 --> 00:23:23.599 women's section of the plane, in the store, and the theater and the 287 00:23:23.640 --> 00:23:29.000 group or the table. Let's just talk about that. How many times have 288 00:23:29.079 --> 00:23:33.680 you been to a dinner party and you're in the invisible end table section by 289 00:23:33.720 --> 00:23:37.640 nobody because you're the plus one. Let's just talk about that. Yes, 290 00:23:37.240 --> 00:23:40.640 let's just talk about that. So the best way to get around that is 291 00:23:40.680 --> 00:23:48.920 to get somewhere first and claim your seat. I'm not being insensitive and I'm 292 00:23:48.960 --> 00:23:55.160 not being overly sensitive. I've experienced it, and I have been told I'm 293 00:23:55.160 --> 00:24:00.400 being too sensitive, usually by my husband. And maybe I am being too 294 00:24:00.519 --> 00:24:04.400 sensitive, but damn if I don't see it and feel it and notice it, 295 00:24:04.880 --> 00:24:11.359 because I'm living it and I am as my girlfriend lover to death. 296 00:24:11.880 --> 00:24:15.119 She said, we're older, white, blonde haired women, so we're still 297 00:24:15.160 --> 00:24:22.079 the lucky ones. I can only I can only slightly empathize and be more 298 00:24:22.160 --> 00:24:30.759 sensitive and sensitive and sympathetic to the black women of this country who were marginalized, 299 00:24:30.839 --> 00:24:34.559 even more black than latinas. I can't even imagine what it's like, 300 00:24:34.599 --> 00:24:41.400 but I actually wish I could spend one day in their skin to understand what 301 00:24:41.559 --> 00:24:51.400 they go through, because I know they're treated worse than me. I'm a 302 00:24:51.480 --> 00:24:56.039 lucky one in comparison. I'm just a sixty five year old white women who's 303 00:24:56.079 --> 00:25:03.160 not in the desirable demographics anymore of marketers. Apparently, they get it worse 304 00:25:03.240 --> 00:25:06.799 and it's not fair and it's not right. And I stand for them. 305 00:25:06.839 --> 00:25:10.920 I stand for all women of every race, color, creed, background, 306 00:25:11.079 --> 00:25:17.240 sexual preference. No one should be marginalized or made to be felt invincible. 307 00:25:17.279 --> 00:25:25.720 They all have a voice, they all have beautiful skin that should be thicker 308 00:25:26.680 --> 00:25:33.400 to protect them. And no one is an empty glass waiting to be filled 309 00:25:33.400 --> 00:25:42.799 by someone else. We are all beautiful vessels filled with amazing intelligence, kindness, 310 00:25:42.920 --> 00:25:52.119 compassion, love and warmth, spirit creativity. We are a mosaic. 311 00:25:52.880 --> 00:26:00.759 We are a mosaic of many beautiful prisms that glass. So none of us 312 00:26:00.799 --> 00:26:04.400 are empty glasses waiting to be filled by someone else, to be made to 313 00:26:04.519 --> 00:26:08.400 feel more beautiful. We are already beautiful, whether we fill the glass or 314 00:26:08.680 --> 00:26:15.559 just enjoy it for its beautiful, pristine quality without having anything in it. 315 00:26:18.400 --> 00:26:25.680 So remember that no glass is empty, no vase is empty. It's filled 316 00:26:25.680 --> 00:26:30.079 with light. You can choose to fill it with other things or not, 317 00:26:30.880 --> 00:26:38.200 but not it does not diminish the beauty of that glass, and that is 318 00:26:38.279 --> 00:26:45.240 you. Nothing should diminish the beauty of who you are, whether you choose 319 00:26:45.599 --> 00:26:48.599 to get multiple degrees, whether you choose to have children, whether you choose 320 00:26:48.640 --> 00:26:52.759 to have a career or choose to stay home and take care of your family, 321 00:26:52.799 --> 00:27:00.440 whether you choose to many things, you are a perfect prism of beauty 322 00:27:02.680 --> 00:27:11.119 and capability and amazingness and fabulousness. And you are never invisible because that beauty 323 00:27:11.319 --> 00:27:19.640 is an aura that surrounds you and sheds light, and that makes you invincible. 324 00:27:19.720 --> 00:27:26.279 Because many people have not discovered that in themselves, and once they do 325 00:27:26.400 --> 00:27:34.279 and they act on it and they own it and they project it, they 326 00:27:34.319 --> 00:27:41.119 too will be invincible, and you will as well. So don't be the 327 00:27:41.160 --> 00:27:47.319 empty glass. Be the crystalline beauty that the glass reflects in the light, 328 00:27:48.440 --> 00:27:56.759 the prism of beauty that you choose to fill withever gives you pleasure and brings 329 00:27:56.759 --> 00:28:02.640 you joy. And if it's a great wine, go for it. Don't 330 00:28:02.680 --> 00:28:07.319 let anyone say no. Give yourself the joy and pleasure of filling your cup, 331 00:28:07.519 --> 00:28:11.519 your glass, your vase, your vessel, you with the things that 332 00:28:11.559 --> 00:28:21.839 bring you joy and make you feel invincible. I leave I leave you with 333 00:28:21.960 --> 00:28:32.839 this thought. You are a prism with many colors and lights to share with 334 00:28:33.039 --> 00:28:40.480 others. Never let anyone dull that quality. Always polish it and share it. 335 00:28:41.119 --> 00:28:47.720 Never let anyone dull your polish. Always keep it bright and shiny. 336 00:28:48.440 --> 00:28:52.680 You're never invisible to me or the people who matter in your life, and 337 00:28:52.720 --> 00:28:57.559 you always be invincible. I'm Melanie Young. This is fearless fabulous. You 338 00:29:00.000 --> 00:29:06.000 remember you have the right, the right, and the choice, and I 339 00:29:06.039 --> 00:29:08.319 hope it stays that way. To live life on your terms. And if 340 00:29:08.319 --> 00:29:12.599 anyone tries to diminish that, you just speak out, stand up for that 341 00:29:12.759 --> 00:29:17.960 right. Otherwise you will become invisible, and none of us deserve that. 342 00:29:18.960 --> 00:29:25.119 We all deserve to remain invincible and invulnerable. Thank you for joining me. 343 00:29:25.400 --> 00:29:30.279 Please follow me at Melanie Fabulous on Instagram. Check out my other show with 344 00:29:30.440 --> 00:29:36.039 David Ransom, The Connected Table Live Wednesdays two pm on W four c Y 345 00:29:36.160 --> 00:29:38.920 Radio, and you can hear all my shows, this one and that one 346 00:29:38.960 --> 00:29:45.359 the Connected Table on your preferred podcast channel. We're on more than fifty Please 347 00:29:45.000 --> 00:29:49.880 connect, please comment, please share, let me hear from you, and 348 00:29:51.039 --> 00:30:00.480 always remember, stay fearless and fabulous. Thank you,