This is Pod Populi Podcast for the People, The Great Love Debate. It's
the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Toba.
Hi again everyone, it's Brian Howie. Welcome to the Great Love Debate,
the world's number one dating and relationship podcasts. It's twenty and fifteen.
I am here at the studios of pod Populi Podcast for the People. I
am at the one in Scottsdale, Arizona. I think I mentioned last time
I was here. Scottsdale is the number two location destination for bachelorette parties in
America, behind Nashville. And so if you get disturbed by a bunch of
inebriated women riding by going whoa on a trolley, Hey, that's Scottsdale.
I think we need to break down bachelor and bachelorette parties on this show and
the behavior because I have some thoughts, because I usually have some thoughts.
So let me line up some guests who are well versed in such depravity.
So last episode, as I mentioned, it was our four hundredth show.
Honestly, it's probably like there's probably forty or so more. I think a
couple of dozen of the early ones from our Corolla Digital and our podcast one
days got sort of bossed as you transfer feeds all over the place. That
was the early days of podcasting. Things weren't quite as seamless. But say
Levy, and normally, when you hit a big round number, you reflect
and you opine and look back and maybe you commemorate, And I really didn't
want to do that. Others end to say in the podcast scheme of things,
it's an awful lot of shows. Some of you might say there's too
many enough, and we try to slice this apple a lot of different ways
and keep it fresh and moving forward because a lot of things change along the
way. Society changes. I've certainly changed, a lot of my perspective has
changed. But the reason, the main reason we're able to do this podcast
so many times is because doing it so many times, those repetitions bring a
degree of clarity. You're able to formulate thoughts and philosophies and opinions, and
that clarity brings comfort, and that comfort brings confidence and probably to some degree,
competence. We're able to have these conversations on this show because we've had
so many of these conversations, and you know, I'm just as excited and
grateful to have these conversations as I was four hundred or so episodes ago,
maybe more so, because the repetition has deepened the passion, and I'm passionate
about the subject matter and I'm curious about the content. And as if you've
heard me say before, every great conversation is formed at the intersection of passion
and curiosity. So that's what I want to get into, the concept of
repetitions. Been doing this podcast a long time, reasonably competent at it.
But how long did it take me to get that way? I mean,
all I'm doing is talking, right, I don't know, different skill set,
different mindset. I think when I look back, it took me six
months, twenty five or thirty episodes just to kind of understand it all.
I'd done a little bit of radio before. Podcasting is different from radio.
It took me a hundred episodes or so just to do one by myself like
I'm doing now, just to sit here and say something and understand that me
talking and you listening is in fact a conversation and hopefully a conversation worth having.
So a lot of you guys are probably familiar or have heard of Malcolm
Gladwell's book Outliers, one of his books. He writes a lot of books.
He's very prolific. Good job, Malcolm Gladwell. But his book Outliers
where he put forth a scientific analysis and this sort of subsequent theory about the
ten thousand hour rule, which broken down simply, it hypothesizes that mastery comes
after someone practices one skill like juggling or archery or the violin for ten thousand
hours. Thinks the time equals proficiency and I both completely agree with this premise
and I completely disagree with this premise. Yes, you put in the time
in the work and you will get the result. But nope, if you
can't paint like I can't, and you can dip your brush for a million
years, you probably won't get any better than at your art. You know,
you go to one of those painting and wine places. I could sit
there every single night for a decade, probably not going to get as good
as the person sitting next to me. So let's put this in the context
of dating and relationships, which was why you are here, either for the
first time or the four hundred and first time. I do believe that repetitions
equal some degree of ability. If you haven't dated a lot, you probably
aren't going to be very good at the nuance and the ebb and flow and
situations that surround being one on one with other people another person. And there's
lots of very successful people who put their careers first, and they are masters
of the universe and have a ton of trouble dating because they simply have devoted
a lot of time to their career and not a lot of job, a
lot of time to their dating life, which is why we've always said caveat
emptor when you're trying to get hooked up through a matchmaker. If these so
called successful men and sometimes women are hiring somebody to help them find love because
they've been too focused on their big time job to spend their weekends you scrolling
through Tinder or hitting the nightclubs, those guys and gals simply might not have
the skill set to ever get through an awkward first dinner, much less the
challenges of a relationship. Just haven't done it enough times. Same with recently
divorced people. They might have had a lot of repetitions of being with one
partner, but that was only one partner for a long time. Clearly didn't
work, and that's what they're used to. They haven't tried all of the
Basket and Robin's thirty one flavors, if you know what I mean. Sidebar
fun fact, do you know why Baskin and Robbins has thirty one flavors?
Thirty one flavors when they started that back in the day, like seventy years
ago, each one represented a different ice cream flavor of the month. So
every day of the month, you're supposed to have a flavor, thirty one
days, thirty one flavors, and they have uniquely and sort of stubbornly stuck
to that in a world of very varied and very specific taste. So props
to Baskin and Robbins, and props to you guys for sticking with me for
all these episodes. That takes reps. We're gonna have a whole bunch more
on this subject, maybe even try some ice cream. Well, we have
to pay for the ice cream around here, so I'm gonna take a quick
break. We're gonna dive deeply into all of it right after this, and
we are back and we're talking about the concept of and the value in repetitions
when it comes to dating. And I've had people say to me, you've
had so many girlfriends, why would you be someone who would be good at
a relationship? And my answer is, because I've had so many girlfriends.
That's a good thing. The repetition. It brings some level of proficiency.
I mean, it absolutely does. I've learned from my mistakes, most of
them. I have seen their mistakes and understand most of them. I've ridden
the relationship highs and the lows, and the waves and the moods. And
it has value because I'm not mad or bitter or jaded by any of it.
I'm seasoned by it. I did it and did it again, and
did it again, and you keep going and you should be too. You
should be doing something like that too. You've got to stop looking at Oh
I've had two hundred dates and none of them worked out. That's a good
thing. Those two hundred dates are going to increase the odds of the next
one working out, as long as you aren't getting bogged down in the past.
And the fact that those two hundred dates are negative, they're positive.
You did it two hundred times. So every every breakup, every conversation,
every plate of Muzzo realistics that you shared, every miscommunication. At some point
those reps add up and give you some degree of expertise that you at least
know what to expect and how to handle a certain situation or a new scenario.
But obviously it's it's not just a matter of going on dates or spending
time with someone that will make all the difference. Just like simply sitting there
and plucking guitar strings ten thousand times will turn you into slash, it probably
won't. You have to understand what you're doing or what you have done,
why you're doing it, what you want to get out of it, what
works, what doesn't, It sounds right, what feels right, what is
right and what isn't. Simply sitting in a classroom won't make you smarter.
You have to absorb and engage and put forth some effort and understand what you're
listening to and learning. So what takes reps when it comes to dating,
Well, let's start with the dates themselves. Some people have really never had
that many first dates. You know who one of those people is, Brian
Christopher Howe Me I'm one of those people. I've had way, way more
girlfriends than I have had first dates, And you're like, how is that
possible? How's your numerator higher than your denominator? Because I think most of
the people I have dated I knew in some other capacity first, and then
before you knew it, we were hanging out, and then we would get
food or you want to get a drink, and then evolve from there,
and here we are almost none of the traditional hey can I get your phone
number? Or hey can I take you to dinner sometime? It was very
very rare, at least for me. Never had a job interview interview a
job interview either, so I'm not the person ask about these things. That
being said, don't be me. Have first dates, lots and lots of
them. It's easier to go out with somebody when you worked with them for
eighteen months. It's harder to do it cold turkey, just like, Hey,
you're cute, you want to go out sometime? Hard to do,
but if you do it many, many times, Statistically, all of those
first dates will lead to second dates and third dates simply because your behavior and
expectations will become more routine. You will relax, you will be a better
dater, and I think the more you do it, I think eventually you'll
better choices in who and how you date. And I don't think it's about
who you might like. It's about what you believe you can handle, or
what will make you relax and be yourself, or what kind of activities turn
you on mentally, physically, familiarity. You're on a date and you're like,
oh, this feels normal because I have done this before, and that
normalness will break down some walls that allow excitement to flourish. I really do
believe that I brought up the job interview thing. It's the same with actors
and actresses who audition. Auditioning is a completely different skill set than actually acting,
and a lot of actors and actors they go to Hollywood do they go
to New York and they have not learned the art of the audition and it
hurts their career. Auditioning takes practice and repetitions and rejection. If your audition,
once you get the part, you're on a CSI for ten years,
probably haven't a lot of auditions. But if you're, you know, going
the normal route and you're learning how to audition, your acting talent might not
improve until you actually get the part on CSI. But until then, the
more you audition, the better you should get at it, and that will
lead to the work. A plus B equals C and that's the most crucial
activity on a first date besides the sex. Of course, the conversation.
An audition is essentially a conversation. I'm talking people who are listening playing another
person, so be it. Job. Interview should be a conversation, question
answer, conversation. The date surrounds, you know, other than those weird
dates where you sit in the dark you don't say anything, most dates resolve
revolve around the conversation, and I honestly think I'm a better conversation lest since
I've been a podcaster. Everybody should get a podcast because you learn the EBB
and flow and rhythm and hopefully how to listen. I've never been a great
listener, become a slightly better listeners since I've had a podcast, So consider
this podcast my four hundred first date with you guys. I'm a huge introvert,
except when I'm on a microphone or on a date. It's weird,
but I've had the reps. I'm not necessarily first dates, but second third,
fourth, fifth, lot helps, not scared by anything, not thrown
by anything. I can work through the ekey awkwardness. It's going to throw
a lot of people off. Because I've done it, they can get married
at twenty three. Sorry, helps out with the dating and repetitions don't end
when the relationship begins. That's when the conversations hopefully continue, and then the
experiences begin repetition of experience. We traveled together, we hike together, we
shop together, we brunched together, we parent together, we dream together.
The more you do those things in sync and in companionship and in partnership,
the better relation. The relationship should become regular habits, routines, all of
them over and over. That's how the closeness forms and maintains the repetitions of
that, and the routine should never get routine now versus adjective. Do it
together, do it often, do it again, repetitions. You'll improve yourself,
I think, and your relationship. At least you should the good parts
of it, not the oh my god, we have the same conversation over
and over again. It's we had this conversation over and over again and made
the changes to make the conversations have some value positive reps. Almost everything that
has positivity in your life comes from a sense of repetition. Practice makes perfect.
Go to the gym one time and has no value. Go every day
for a month has a lot of value. Go every day for a year,
huge value. Same thing. Go on a date once. All you
probably had at best is a good sushi role and hopefully some dessert and maybe
an awkward to hug at the end. Go again and again with the same
person or with a different person, and I think you'll gain height and awareness,
and you'll improve your social skills, and you will get comfortable and curious
in conversation of the I don't know, four hundred one ish episodes of this
show, we have probably dealt with don't sit home in big blinking letters.
Don't sit home more than any other topic. We've pounded that in the ground.
Unless the UPS guys coming over to your house and you're gonna end up
dating him, the answers are not in your house. We've dealt with that
more than any other topic, I think, And for over one hundred episodes
of this show, that's exactly what most of you were doing. Twenty twenty
one, twenty twenty two that range. That's exactly what you're doing mostly by
choice. I believe sitting home watching the world pass you by, watching life
pass you by, having opportunities pass you by. If you're gonna listen to
this podcast, go outside and listen to this podcast, do something. And
the bottom line and during that one hundred episodes two years or so of inactivity,
that's what you missed out on. You weren't getting any repetitions at anything
positive. You were getting negatively reinforced in your behavior. And the bottom line
is we'll probably touch on this twenty or thirty or fifty more times on the
road to five hundred episodes, which is just a pit to stop on the
way to a thousand. We're gonna get to a thousand is do it and
then do it again. Do it often. I think you'll do it better.
And that's how you get where you want to go. Where do we
want to go back on the road at least for a few at least for
a handful of live shows. You think we've done a lot of podcasts.
At four hundred and one, we have done four hundred and twenty seven live
great love debates and theaters and comedy clubs and music venues all over the place.
We've done one hundred and twenty eight cities and thirteen countries. We are
back at it one of the cities we have never done because it wiped out
got wiped out during those aforementioned two year period. We're sitting home Raleigh,
North Carolina. We will be at good Night's Comedy Club. Go to Great
Love Debate dot com. The tickets should be on sale and should be there
right here, right down the street, Phoenix, Arizona, Actually Tempe,
Arizona. I think I think it's on sale. We're doing a show at
the Tempe Improv first time here in the Valley of the Sun since two thousand
and like sixteen. We have not done a show here in a long long
time. It's due things are heating up here in the desert, and maybe
we'll get to the bottom of why there's so many bacherette parties here. Shoot
us an email, Great Love Debate at gmail dot com. Don't just shoot
one, shoot many repetitions. Send lots of emails over and over and maybe
we'll answer one on one of the upcoming episode. And please like, share,
review, and follow and review this podcast. Your reviews even after four
hundred shows mean a lot to me and mean a lot in the podcasting ecosystem
because, as always at the Great Love Debate, we never stopped making love.
See you next time, the Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love
Debate, the Greast Love Debates. It's the Greast Love Debate.