Gather round friends to hear a very special fireside story. It takes place during
the most magical time of the year, when much of the earth is covered
in a peaceful blanket of soft, fluffy winter snow, when love is everywhere
you look, and good will flows like wine at festive family gatherings, when
the eyes of little children sparkle like stars, and we find ourselves caressed by
the velvet glove of night as we prepare for a new dawn, a dawn
of renewal and rebirth and the gift of another year. We are, of
course talking about our favorite holiday, Winter Solstice. So pour yourself a warming
glass of mulled wine, wrap up in your coziest quilt, and allow us
to transport you to a quaint little cabin on the edge of the dark wood
on this the longest night of the year. This is Winter Solstice, with
the three and just a pinch of ginger root and perfect alma. When is
our guest arriving an hour ago? Oh, it needs clothes, clothes will
make it too sharp. Has anyone seen atsidian? Absidian? Absidian? Close
the door, Chloe, it's freezing out there. Adele was due an hour
ago? Were our directions too difficult. Oh we should go out and look
for her. Oh nonsense, She'll arrive exactly when she's supposed to, and
I'm not going out there. It's pitch black and colder than my own bosom.
Now make sure you're stirring clockwise. It's not like Obsidian to be gone
this long, Chloe, Obsidian is a very resourceful and thick third feline.
She'll be fine. We should be worried about Adele. The poor dear has
been through enough without freezing to death in the woods. No one is freezing
to death. Oh you know what mother used to add the dying breath of
a hanged man. That will make it far too spicy. What ritual are
we performing tonight? Is Adele the one who needs the sleeping tink shirt or
her husband? Oh? No, that was for the actress, and she
poisoned her husband last week. I hear it was quite Shakespearean. Adele is
the secretary who requires a silencing hex for the man at work who won't stop
interrupting her. No, no, we cursed him weeks ago. The spell
was very potent. Apparently he no longer speaks at all. Oh my,
wasn't he a radio announcer. Oh, yes he was, and I,
for one have been enjoying that program much more so. Adele must be the
librarian who's about to lose her home. Yes, oh, and that's not
the half of it. She's also in danger of losing her job. And
of course, oh her husband. No, get the poison. Oh no,
no, he's already dead. Oh good for her, Good for her?
No, Alma, they were very much in love. He died a
hero in the war. Well, that's no fun. I'm sure she'll be
here any minute. In the meantime, I'm all this tragedy is dampening my
Solstice spirit. Why don't we start the bonfire? I have many things to
burn. Or we can summon the spirit of the High Priestess to give us
our lessons for the year and set our intentions for the next year's ritual manifestations.
Oh, we could open present. Oh yeah, it would be nice.
I'm so excited. I can't wait. Hi got Almah this year,
and I finally found something that will not disappoint her. We'll see about that,
but I will be going first age, before beauty and all that.
Lucille, I drew your name and I have truly outdone myself, which is
really saying something. I don't doubt it. But the sisterhood of this coven
is the only gift I need. Oh, Satan be praised, Shut up
and open the box. Oh a candle. You can never have too many
candles. I will put it with the others. It's not just a candle.
I know you have candles. Do you really think I would get a
witch a candle? But I love candles. Everyone loves candles. That's why
you give them to people you don't like and don't know. This is a
fully prepared, entirely charged, and extraordinarily potent banishing spell. I've done all
the preliminary spell work and completed the arduous personal sacrifice. So all you have
to do is light her up and watch her cut and clear a certain disruptive
presence directly out of your life. Oh that is so lovely. Oh it
must have been so much work. The craftsmanship of the sigils you carved.
I love it. Who am I banishing? What? You've got to be
kidding me? The man? Oh yes, the man. So men in
the broad sense, no, oh, not all men. If I was
that powerful, my dark lord, it's for the grocery shop man, the
one you can't stop complaining about every week, just constantly. Oh, Alma,
he won't stop fondling my waist and boo hoo, chloe, he won't
take his eyes off my quote ample berthing hips. Oh and last month when
you ordered a pound of sausage and he made that joke. Oh, how
did it go? Oh? Let me, Alma, I recall exactly.
No, I remember now, and yes, of course he was truly the
absolute bane of my existence, except for the uh last time I was there.
His wife was visiting her mother, and I found myself alone with him.
So there I was receiving his usual unsolicited admiration, and at last I
finally shouted, good sir, I do not appreciate the advances of married men.
It is both uncouth and untoward. And then he said, well,
I do not know what that means. And then he thrust his groin at
me with great figure, so much so that when I stepped out of the
way, he cascaded blithely forward toward the cellar stairs, and the momentum carried
him right down. It was very noisy, but it had a certain musicality
which is neither here nor there, because he was dead the moment he hit
the floor. What was I to do lead him to rot? Clearly,
I could not pass on this opportunity that the dark Lord had so lovingly bestowed
upon me. So, Chloe, I feel like now would be an excellent
time for me to give you your gift. Oh wender fuck. Oh and
Alma, I do love the cut and clear spell. I know they require
a heavy sacrifice, and I'm sure we'll find a perfect use for it.
Yes, of course I had such a clear vision to create it. I
do wonder what the fates have planned. I would have to know what happened
to the shopkeeper though. Oh yes, well we'll get to that. So
you know how your recent paramour has been aloof of late, and you felt
your future with him was unclear, and you have insisted on ignoring my advice
and refused to use the poison I prepared. So I have concocted a very
rare, very powerful clear sight spell. Oh I've wanted to try one for
ages, but there was a certain ingredient that I felt a little uncomfortable sourcing.
Oh you didn't, it seemed like such a terrible waste. Oh you
did stop it, Alma, go on open it. Oh my, that's
so potent. Is that wine from the mouth of an unchased priest? Yes?
And how did you ever find the private pet name of a merciless kill
as whispered by his lover? A lady never tells. And I suppose the
eyeballs belonged to the shopkeeper man, the wandering eyes of a married man.
Goodness, these eyes don't just wonder, they are positively nomadic. Ho,
Lucille, it is a masterpiece. I am sure this potion would allow me
to see anything my heart desired, if only my heart still desired. Oh
God, you did use the poison, oh, dark lord? No,
but I did discovery he was wildly unfaithful. I sent a raven to watch
him, and it turns out he was hemming the local seamstress. Oh so
I waited until dark, right when she was about to close shop. Then
I snuck in, hid behind a bolt of felt, and just as she
reached to open the door, I jumped out and befriended her. Oh we
had a lovely visit. Such fun. Did you know she has a triple
virgo just like me? Oh right, Ho? And the best part is
she and that man were engaged to be married. We marched right over to
his room and his mother's cellar and performed a double breakup in perfect harmony.
It was lovely, and his tears were delicious, bitter and salty. But
don't worry, Lucia, I'm already flirting with that young writer at the Salemn
Dispatch. Ah. He seems riddled with all kinds of mental maladies and toxic
world views. Take her. I am sure I will need to spy on
him eventually. No, of course you will, Dear. Oh, it
seems like I was also a bit off with my own gift giving intuition.
Now happens to the best of us. Well, I know that I am
spot on, Alma. It's your turn. Oh, don't mind if I
do. Oh, black lace very nice. I could always use more material
for shrouds and such. Well. My new seamstress friend had the most lovely
funerary lace. And I know how you love to attend funerals, but also
how much you hate offering condolences. So I thought a full body widow's veil
would be perfect. But you didn't sew the veil yourself and risk disappointing you.
Besides, the last time I tried to use your enchanted silver scissors.
They cut off my favorite chin hair. But I am sure they will make
you something most disturbing and highly fashionable. Oh oh my, oh, you
hate it? No? No, I love it as I loved my enchanted
shears. But the true gift is really the sisterhood of this coven. You
really hate it? No, my dear, it's the finest funerary lace I've
ever seen. I am sure it would have made a lovely widow's veil.
Unfortunately, in order to create a potent, cut and clear candle, there
are sacrifices that need to be made. Oh oh ma, did you sacrifice
your enchanted shears over a simple case of mail indiscretion? Well, I had
to do something you certainly weren't. I refuse to poison every man that makes
a comment about my hips, and why not. You're a witch, It's
what we do. Stop it. Stop fighting. You are ruining Solstice.
Maybe I will like this candle and cut the real unwelcome presents from my life.
Oh I dare you? Oh you don't think I'll do it? It's
sol then? Well I wonder who that could be and what other surprises might
the Solstice have in store for our three sisters. I guess we'll find out
after these words from our sponsors. Hope you've had a chance to refresh your
beverage and fetch another even softer, fluffier blanket. As we returned to winter
Solstice with the three adele, Oh you made it. Sorry, I'm so
late. The last riddle in your directions was far more difficult than I anticipated.
See Lucille, I told you she was still alive. Did you see
a black cat out there? Almost as black? Is the soul of the
dark Lord? Very dark, very very dark? Thank goodness, No,
that beast sounds terrifying. Oh she is, and we miss her so well.
Let's get you a warming potion. I think we could all do with
a warming potion. None for me. I know I appear calm, but
I am actually quite frightened of witchcraft and all of you. It's just mulled
wine. Dear. Oh, but please go on. Your fear will make
it more aromatic. I'll stop it. There is no reason to be afraid.
We know you are in distress, and we are here to help.
Here you are, and may I take your purse off? Oh? How
wonderful look sisters. She brought us a purse filled with life, hence cockroaches.
Oh no, that's not a gift. I mean, you're welcome to
it. I must confess it was not intentional. My home is overrun with
vermin. I've tried everything, but to no avail. I am simply outnumbered.
Have you considered burning your home to the ground with cleansing fire? Yes,
but then I would have nowhere to live. Can you say you are
entirely overrun? If only there is a way to make this unwanted presence leave
and never return. Oh, Satan's horns, I have got it, Alma.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? That we should kill every man in
town and offer their souls in exchange for the dark Lord's extermination services? No,
I mean no. Oh you want to give her the candle, don't
you? Yes, it's perfect. You won't mind, will you? Alma?
Oh? I suppose not. It seems the fates have aligned. Perhaps
the true gift I have given Lucille is the opportunity to help a woman in
need. Blah blah blah, whatever idiotic things Chloe would say, I would
say just that, minus a condescending tone and the mean stuff At the end,
all you need to do is light this candle and picture your home free
of these delicious little treatures. I believe I can do that, Thank you.
Is there anything else, dear? I feel terrible asking. You've been
so kind already, But there is another thing. Oh, of course,
and there is no shame in requesting a beauty glamor. After all, those
thick classes are doing nothing for your eyes. Yes, exactly, the doctor
says I'm going blind. I only have a few weeks left. If that,
oh no, well, the library will need to accommodate you. I
will contact my former lover, Louis Monsieur. Brill is long dead, but
we still make love on occasion, thank you. But they've already found my
replacement. That's not there at all. M Then we will need a spell
to restore your sight. Oh my, sisters, are you thinking what I'm
thinking? We kill the replacements. I'll get the poison. No well,
no, Lucille, the clear sight spell. Oh that could work, Oh
very well, I believe here you are. Dear. You'll want to drink
this down as quickly as possibly. Oh my, that scent is very interesting.
Don't think about it or look at it. Go on down the hatch.
Oh and um, why internish some kind of fruit, indeed the fruit
of the face. Oh don't choo, just swallow like an oyster. Oh
no, no, get it all down. Oh they're good. Wow,
Lucile, get the bucket. No, no, she's got it there.
Now open your eyes. Oh, oh my goodness. This cabin is lovely,
and you three are as well. The men in the village told me
you were all hideous hags. Oh we are dear, very much so.
But we are wearing our glamours, hand our girdles. And might I say,
Lucille, but your figure is particularly lovely, an ample in all the
right places. Oh yes, I thought pat might happen. But coming from
you, it is a bit more palatable if you were to smile a bit
more. All right, darling, are we done here? Any other tragedies
we can assist in abating? Oh? Only one. Now I am afraid
there's nothing you can do. I have lost the love of my life,
and now I'm doomed to live alone and lonely for the rest of my years.
M sisters, I do believe you are thinking what I am thinking.
Oh no, Almah, you can't give her the widow's veil. It's too
cruel. No, that's my present. I was thinking we'd sacrifice every man
in town so that we may perform some necromancy. Oh, get the poison.
Oh I love necromancy. We just need to know where the body is
buried. Oh well, he was blown to bits by a mortar shell while
storming the beach in Normandy. Oh well, damn, very heroic. Indeed,
you may carry the notion of his heroic death with you. Oh,
and that won't do at all. There must be another way. She deserves
loud and companionship, and perhaps, when she's in the mood, someone to
tenderly Caresseru Obsitian, our darling vanniliar has returned, Obsitian. Where have you
been? Close that door? Wait? Look, oh, darling kittens?
Where five? Six, six kittens? Oh? No, seven? Yes,
seven kittens? Now close the door. Oh aren't they adorable? I
love cats? Well, I do believe the fates have revealed a final Solstice
gift for our adele. I'll take them all. Oh my, really,
well, you are welcome to them. But are you sure you can handle
all? Seven? Absolutely? I have so much love to give. I
am sure you do we should let her had them all? Maybe one or
two? Don't be restrictive, Lucille, she said she could handle all seven.
Yes, but she doesn't know. No what, Oh, let's tell
her. I can't wait to see the look on her face. So,
as you know, we are witches, and Obsidian is our familiar who on
those days assumes a feline form. However, she also has a very delightful
demon form, and of course occasionally returns to her original form, that of
a human woman. If you see what we mean, I am not sure
I do kittens. Would you mind? You look lovely evening, ma'am?
Evening? Such a fine litter of the young man your feet? I wanted
to rub her feet? Was your day? Would you like some wood chop?
Let me give you a kiss? Not without her consent first, Yes,
this will do just fine. I will take them all. Could I
do the dishes? Even the ginger? Excellent as you wish? Wonderful?
This has been a lovely solstice after all. I can't thank you enough.
I'll never forget you, of course you will, darling, But take good
care. Do you need some help with that? May I hold your purse?
What do you think your goodbye, my dear, Take care all,
be well, do no harm, and so you do know harm, do
what you will, oh and do enjoy it. Oh. Happy Solstice sisters,
Happy Solstice, Happy Solstice sisters, one and all. And that was
Winter Solstice with the Three. The cast featured in this episode include Casey La
Forest as Lucille, Mary Murphy as Chloe, Alison Gwynn as Adele, a
few of our favorite guys as the Kitten Demon sex Men, and me Ali
Silva as Alma. Winter Solstice with the Three was written by Liz Liser and
Casey La Forest and directed by Liz Liser. Fireside Mystery Theater is brought to
you by Fireside Mystery Productions. The musical theme for the Three was composed by
Ari Cussler. We have even more reason to celebrate this Solstice thanks to Jacqueline
Volpi, the fabulous Lil cum Quat herself, who has joined the ranks of
our esteemed Patreon patrons. Oh, you have warmed our cold heart's little umquat,
and we are ridiculously grateful for your support. It's the encouragement of amazing
folk like you and all of our Patreon patrons that fires us up and fuels
all of our endeavors. Happy Solstice, one, end all and to all,
a long dark night. May the flickering of the fire within your heart
cleanse your soul of the lingering wickedness accumulated during this dying year, so that
you may awaken the light of day, refreshed, fortified, ready to face
the new year and to mind the shadows.