This is later with Lee Matthews the Lee Matthews Podcast more what you hear weekday
afternoons on the Drive. It is a truly fascinating story, and it's a
story about about an error that you don't hear about much anymore. You wouldn't
you wouldn't think this still kind of goes on in this modern era. Catherine
Coldstream converted to Catholicism and then became a carmelite nun for twelve years. But
at some point she had to walk away, and she's told all about it
in her news book The Guardian, and it is out now everywhere you get
books. The Guardian and My Years as a Nun, Catherine Coldstream. Good
to have you along today, Hi, highly yes. Just to clarify,
there was a yeah, there was a feature in the Guardian newspaper over here.
The book's title is actually Cloistered Cloistered. I'm sorry, I standing.
Yeah, Okay, if you were in your habit, you would have permission
to slap me on the wrist with a ruler. I would indeed, No,
I don't think I would. I think mother would draw the line at
that. But yeah, so, yeah, it tells the story of my
twelve years in a monastery. So let's start at the beginning. You got
into you converted to Catholicism after your father's death. Am I to gather you
also maybe became a nun because you were kind of running away from something.
Well, good question. I guess I'll never know for sure, but I
think I was very deeply affected by my father's death and other things that had
happened just before that, which meant my family was in a state of disintegration
basically. And I think I, yeah, I probably was finding regular life
pretty overwhelming and was looking for meaning. I felt it just not running away
from, but warning towards something which I was searching for, which was this
meaningful life of dedication and of course God. But you know, it's possible.
I'm not a psychiatrist or a psychologist, but it's possible I was also
running away from things. And I guess you can do both at the same
time. Catherine Coldstreams, he's the author of Cloistered my Ears as a nun,
I too, Catherine, consider myself a pretty deeply religious person, and
I can understand there was a time in my life when I too, thought,
wouldn't it be wonderful to have this life where all you were doing is
serving rather than being served, giving rather than being given too. But something
else clicked. It probably was this demon we know is radio that captured more
of my heart than my religious life did. But there's a certain appeal to
the lifestyle. Yes, it's a very compelling it's quite a seductive way of
life because it's so unusual, and it feels so special when you're very young,
and that idea of complete dedication appeals to useful idealism, I guess.
And in the part of the country where I grew up, there were a
lot of Dominicans, Franciscan and Carmelite nuns. But they were all they were
not They were not cloistered. They were all out teaching or nursing or or
doing something else in the community. You you're you're uh, you're you're completely
shut off from the outside world. Yes, that's so so, I mean,
there are Dominican nuns who who live a cloistered life, But there are
also Dominican nuns who, you know, they're slightly different branches of the same
order. So there are those who live a very contemportative life. But then
there are those who live what's called an Apostolic life, so they go out
teach, nurse, serve the community. Yeah, well when when you were
what what what made you choose one over the other? Well, it was
really what I came in contact with. I think, like a lot of
people who really got into this kind of spirituality of the cloister I'd read the
Story of a Soul by Saint Herrere's of Lizia. That's a story of a
very strong sense of purpose and vocation and idealism from a young woman who is
about my own age, and I really related to it, so that swung
me towards the Karmel. She was a Calmel like nun in northern France.
And then of course I spent time just trying out, you know, looking
at different branches of Catholicism. My first choice actually that I initially that really
captivated me was the Missionaries of Charity, the order set up in Calcutta by
Mother Teresa, and I really was interested in that, and I, you
know, I hope for that. But eventually the kind of silent prayer life
just took over and I was really drawn magnetically, really into a cloistered life.
Catherine Coldstream is with us. Her book is Cloistered My Years as a
nan It's a memoir. And then what made you start to question your choice?
At some point you decide, I've got to get away from this.
Yes, well, a cloitered world is a hot house. You know,
you've got twenty one women thrown together, very different personalities under one roof.
And however, well intentioned people are in a hot house situation where you're really
shut off. You know, there's a shadow side that can really become extremely
difficult to navigate. And you know, I became aware that there were,
you know, discrepancies between what was taught and what was done. That was
the first thing that kind of worried me. Now, of course, much
older and wiser, i'd sort of been more accepting, but I think I
was quite shocked by some of that stuff. And then there were the power
struggles, which and the cliques. Power struggles and cliques and things that seemed
to be very heartful to people. And in the end, you know,
there was a lot of inner pain to deal with in a very solitary way.
Because you lived a very solitary life in your cell. You didn't have
really much sort of emotional support or you were supposed to manage very much on
your own in silence that of course, psychologically it's extremely difficult, so you
know, for better or for worse, I felt I couldn't really carry on
in the end because I just had a lot of questions. And she talks
about those questions in her new book, Cloistered My Life as a Nun.
It's Catherine Coldstream's memoir and it's available everywhere. I could talk to you about
this for a long, a much longer time, but I'm afraid we must
move on. And I thank you for joining us and for not hitting me
on the wrist with the ruler. I promise not to do that, Lee,
and thanks so much for having me on the show. Ami, thanks
for listening to Later with Lee Matthews, the Lee Matthews Podcast, and remember
to listen to The Drive Live weekday afternoons from five to seven and iHeartMedia presentation.