Welcome to the Great Detectives of Old Time Radio from Boise, Idaho. This
is your host, Adam Graham. If you have a comment, send it
to me Box thirteen at Great Detectives dot net, follow us on Twitter and
Radio Detectives, and become one of your friends on Facebook, Facebook, dot
com, Slash Radio Detectives. Well, before we do get started, I
do want to let you know this program is brought to you by the financial
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support the show regularly at Patreon dot Great Detectives dot net. You can also
donate to the show one time at support dot Great Detectives dot net, and
there's also a Malien address there. And now it's time for today's episode of
The Saint. The original air date is March the twenty fifth of nineteen fifty
one and the title is Formula for Death. The Adventures of the Saint,
starring Instant Price. The Saint based on characters created by Leslie Charteris and known
to millions from books, magazines, and motion pictures. The robin Hood of
modern crime now comes transcribed to radio, starring Hollywood's brilliant and talented actor Vincent
Price as the saint. Ah, good afternoon, mister templar, Oh,
good afternoon. Well come in, sir, come in. You're very kind
eh. And it isn't everyone who'd invite a mere stranger in like this,
And the fact that it's my own apartment into which I'm being invited is Oh
did you find what you were looking for? Oh? Dear, then you
can tell I've been searching through your things, but it took such pains to
be neat. I abhorred this. That's exactly the way I feel about fat
intruders who practice burglary in my apartment. Burglary. Oh really, sir,
do I look like a burglar? You look like a fastidious rhinastris with a
taste for Bond street tailoring. You see how appearances can be deceiving, I
assure you, sir. Another thing I am not is a rhinoceros. And
that makes two things. You aren't suppose we trade him for one thing?
You are very well for one thing. I am an unhappy man. Your
wife doesn't understand you. No, the reason for my own happiness is I
no longer understand myself. I've changed it worries me. Now take last night
for example. Yeah, it was such a commonplace activity, the sort of
thing a man in my profession soon gets used to. And yet all during
it and afterwards I found myself actually feeling sorry for the poor chap Oh.
And what was happening to the poor chap oh? The usual thing, placing
lighted matches under the fellow's fingernails, pressing burning cigars under the souls of his
feet, sticking pins into the calf of his leg yurs exactly prosaic on original,
but still highly effective if they want effective. It's hardly likely that I
would be here, wouldn't you say? The point is why are you here?
Fatty? The name is Archibald, Archibald, Roland p Archibald. Obviously
I have come to regain possession of my property, worth property. What does
it look like? An envelope, mister Templer, a small Manila envelope.
And the man you tortured said he gave it to me. Yes, Fernanda
said your name very clearly, even though we were doing a magnificent job of
twisting his arm at the time, and he was doing a pretty good job
of pulling your leg. What do you mean, look, Rowland p Archibald.
My tailor is due here at any moment with a newly made suit that
I am very eager to try on. I'd be obliged to you if you
picked up your marbles and nice. That depends on whom it's being pointed at.
It's a Wolfer, one of the finest automatics the Germans ever made.
I suppose you'd suspect an ulterior motive if I asked you for a closer look
the envelope. Please, I've gone to considerable trouble, mister templom My patience
is exhausted, thoroughly exhausted. I'm not as thin as I used to be.
So we break some rye, crisp together the envelope for the last time.
Very well. I suppose next you'll be pestering me for a step.
Don't come and they close us Saints. I have to get the envelope.
I just don't happen to have it on me. I've searched this apartment thoroughly.
It has to be on your person. Out with it. Curse you.
I'll take it. Please hand it over all right? Wouldn't it be
amusing if when I reached into my pocket, instead of finding an envelope,
I found a gun. You will have a gun, mister templom A gun,
of course, not I was just keep your hands where they are,
saint. But the envelope. I'll raise your hands, please, hire,
thank you. I'll remove the envelope from your pocket myself, playing it cagey
hmm, Shelby. In my profession, caution is the difference between living and
dying. A witch pocket this one. Yes, it is a nice gun.
You've shown it to me. When I asked, I wouldn't have had
a kick in your bay window. That chick is going to cost you your
life. Well, everything's expensive these days. Do you know the way out?
Yes, mister Templar. What's more important, I know the way back.
Who is it? It's phinny, mister Templar. I've brought your soup.
Oh, come in, finley, if you'd been here ten minutes ago,
you'd have found me having my measure taken by someone else. Indeed,
you're displeased with my work, mister Templar, Not someone else. Wasn't a
custom Taylor Finley. He was taking my measure with a gun. Well,
now that's the how of this latest masterpiece of yours workout? If I may
say so, sir, I do believe I've exceeded myself. Then you've exceeded
the best here in town. If you'll remove your coat, mister Templar,
I'll just take the suit out of the box. Yeah, now, if
you'll just slip the coat on, all right, it's a good bit.
Step over to the mirror, sir. Yeah, it's a well tailored piece
of Hey, what's this? Pardon this little well, I'll be something wrong,
sir. Yeah. Is it the latest fashion to wear a bullet hole
beside the breast pocket? Wat's that a bullet hole? Look see for yourself,
small and round and still smelling of cordite. It isn't possible. How
could a thing like that have happened? Did this suit have any known enemy?
Say a bargain basement blue serge with a jealousy neurosis? Mister Templar,
I'm dumbfounded. I don't know what to say. What's this another bullet all?
Huh? Something in the inside pocket? It feels like it's an envelope.
What ye're a small Manila envelope that has a familiar ring. So has
this name penciled across the flat name? Do you have a customer name for
Nandy's Nande's wife? No, sir, I know no one by that name.
Who is he? Sir? A man who tells tall tales when his
arm is twisted, A man who right now is probably very dead. Ah,
my beloved, he'll the cup the clears to day of last regret and
future fears. To morrow? Why to morrow? I may be exactly where
you are right now, coding omark, I am to a disinterested highball,
drust and empty. Simon this cup fix fears empty in an entirely temporary condition.
Bartender double for mister Murphy, and I will have the same. Yes,
a George generasity is matched only by your indulgence and wits. What brings
the mighty man catcher to Third Avenue? Whiskey women, the encyclopedia that walks
like a man and drinks like a fish. I'm at your service, my
saintly well, I'm glad Einstein just wasn't available. An amateur. Thank you,
thank you, thank you. Ah ask me anything, Simon, my
brain is in your hands. I will start with names. Two names.
Name them Roland t Archibald in a neat, natty and fat with an extra
bulge under the arm. That probably means a gutten. That's Roland and that's
all. Now, don't tell me that filing system you ca brain is slipped
up on Roland p I'm afraid so, Simon, he has ah, no
friends, no acquaintances, no non occupation, non anything, A very mysterious
cookie. I'd put him more in the plum pudding clad. Next name Fernandez,
Brnandez. No, Simon, I know some money. I was afraid
you would. Three bartenders. A manufacturer of hearing aids. A truck drive
all best and safest driver, I evenue. All truck drivers are the best,
in the safest anymore e safecracker or professor of Oriental languages. Three more
bartenders. What's the use? I wouldn't know the right one if I heard
it. Look, take a look at this four seats of fools. Cat.
You want to know what it is. I know what it is.
It's a formula, complicated formula and nuclear physics. Oh now I'm learning.
Where did you get this? Hot potato, Simon. It came in a
small manilla envelope that I found in the pocket of a brand new suit.
You want me to tell you what the formula means? Too bad Einstein wasn't
available, and I'm more concerned with whom this belongs to rather than what it
means. These initials printed in the upper left hand corner. Yeah, the
R L, which means are well, Simon on a formula in nuclear physics.
The L probably stands for laboratory, M mean bartender, a triple for
mister Murphy. Drop in any times, Simon, At any time, I
shall always be glad to receive you. Hi. Hi, I been waiting
a long time for you to come out of that saloon. Oh why I
wanted to see you. That's why you're a saint, aren't you. I'm
a saint and you're seeing what are you seeing? Me? About the envelope?
You know, the one with a formula? I want it now?
Don't tell me it's your homework. You know who I am, junior?
Who are you? It don't make no difference who I am. But if
it'll make you happy, it'll make me happy. My name's Jus. Come
on, give why I got a gun in my pocket, that's why.
And I'm told to bring back that envelope no matter what. If I refuse
to give it to you, you shoot me and take it from me.
Huh, that's the truth. You knew it this, aren't you? I
know my way around what happens when you shoot me here on the sidewalk.
You'll fall down, of course eventually, But first a woman's screams. There's
always a woman who screams, and people start running towardoise and the cop comes
tearing up, and uh, what do you do during all of this?
Guys? Me? I run the envelope. I take it out of your
pocket before I run. Oh, you'll have time. Huh. When a
man is shot, he doesn't just go PLoP like they do in the Funny
Baby. First he clutches the spot with bullet hit him, and then he
taggers around for a while. Then he lurches, swerves, sinks to one
knee, gets up again. Nothing brings out the ham and a man like
being shot, So you'll have to wait until I'm through with my dying act
before you can reach into my pocket. Guy. By that time, yeah,
maybe you're right. There will be no charge for the lesson. Maybe
I can teach you something what his rifle fire? Get down over here behind
this car, Gus. Yes, you're wrong. I didn't lurch a stagger.
No woman screams like me, Gus. I didn't stay Gus. I
guess mine was the last lie you'll ever hear, mister Templar, mister Templer,
Oh it's you, Faddy Templer. I wish you wouldn't persist in calling
me by that absurd name. Well, a rose by any other name.
I suppose the same sort of reasoning applies to a rat. Well, is
this the big moment Roland and Archibald's revenge? The payoff I was promised for
the kick in the stomach I delivered. I would hardly hank my horn after
you shot your name at the top of my voice on a busy thoroughfare if
it were my intention to kill you, mister Templar. M No, I
suppose you wouldn't. You'd park your car somewhere and stalk me from it with
a high powered rifle. Well, you know that sounds rather effective. I
must bear it in mind for the future. I'm still bearing it in mind.
From the path, kidnamed Gus caught the bullets form eh, I don't
quite understand. It's simple, Fatty, you missed me, you would think
today. Oh really, sir, this is must amusing. You won't hear
gas laughing, My dear Templar, I am an expert rifleman. If I
had aimed at you, I shouldn't have missed you. But come, sir,
the temper of the conversation is not at all what I had in mind
when I sought you out. Now I should like to suggest an omistice,
a peace plan, as it were, with a loser paying a generous amount
as reparations to the winner, meaning that you wind up with a formula and
I with the customary thirty pieces of silk. No, come com com,
Templer. You make it sound as if treason were involved. I assure you
the formula has nothing to do with any government project. Then what is it,
Chubby? A recipe for sweet potato pie, A method of manufacturing quick
frozen bourbon? What is it? The only person who can answer that is
doctor Vargas Barker. Thanks, where are you going, mister Templer? You
can telephone book. You've just given me the answer to another one of three
puzzling initials. Chubby. I think I know now what the middle one stands
for. Good morning, good morning? May I help you? So this
is VRL, HM, good old vr L. I beg your pardon.
I'd like to see doctor Vargus. Doctor Vargas, you seem surprised. This
is the Vargas Research Laboratories vr L, of course, but doctor Vargus never
sees visiting. I'm not a visitor, but I've got in a small manilla
envelope practically makes me a member of the firm. I beg your pardon again.
And on such short acquaintance, what I merely tell the doctor. It's
probably a matter of life or death. But I've strict instructions never to interrupt
the doctors. Whom shall I say? Is Colin Simon templar saint with a
question mark where my halo ought to be. Do we know each other?
No? Something tells me that we will. But until that happy moment,
I got temper send him right in. Did you hear something? Something that
sounded like artillery fire with the ability to make words through that door, mister
Temple, thank you, well, come in, come in, don't take
all day about it. You close the door, now, sit down,
templar, I believe we have something to discuss. I have something to discuss
with doctor Vargas. And who am I supposed to be snow white? I'd
rather not answer that. Let's get right to the heart of a temper.
I'm a busy woman and I'm a puzzled man, doctor, And one of
the things that puzzles me is how you knew I was coming here. A
friend told me to expect you. M a friend who carries about seventy five
extra pounds and it dislikes being called fatty. Not so sure. I like
your friends, and I'm not so sure. I give a hang. Just
for the record, I've been checked and double checked by almost every government agency
in this and several other countries. Oh, then you are doing government work.
Your fat friend is a terrible liar. Take it up with his clergyman.
We're here to discuss a formula one that somehow found its way out of
this laboratory and your pocket you have it. Yeah, it's burning a hole
in that pocket. Toss it over. H This is what the fusses are
about. That good day, templar. Yes, it is rather nice.
Huh. Then please feel free to go out and enjoy it and take this
mishmash with you. Mish marsh, gibberish, prattle, nonsense, fick your
own word. The word I pick is why? Why? Why? What?
Look at this formula is mishmosh? Why does a fat man named Archibald
want it so badly? Why does a kid named Gus threaten to gun me
down for it wind up getting a rifle slug ride into another world? And
why is a new suit delivered with a bullet hole over the heart? And
why did I'm a scientist not a policeman? Goodbye, mister doctor Bogus,
excuse me, yes, you're one in the laboratory right away. Okay,
mister Templer was just leaving. Will you show him out? Miss Fernandas did
uh? Did she say? Fernandez? That's my name, Jean Fernande,
and I am delighted to hear it. You have a father, a husband
perhaps, or is it a brother who might be mysteriously absent? Oh,
mister Temple, you must help me, you must, Oh, but my
brother louis he? No, we can't talk here later. Here's my address.
And if you see a certain beef truss named Archibald before I do,
don't tell him your name is Fernande, but he knows that. Oh,
mister Temple, I'm afraid, I'm afraid. Who is it? It's Jay,
Suir Finley, Marshy you for a moment, h come in Finley now,
don't tell me you've made me a new coat. That's fast, Oh,
mister Temple, I could hardly do justice to my craft if I.
Mister, I have a problem. Judging from the wreckage. You've come to
the right place to unload it. It's that the object you've found in the
suit I delivered yesterday, sir, the envelope. Yes, sir. A
gentleman called at my shop today inquiring for it. He insists that the envelope
is hears and demands its return er. Fat gentleman, No, sir,
rather thin gentleman. His name is Fernandez. M I doubt it. Pardon.
Did he tell you how the envelope happened to be found in my suit?
Yes, sir, he did it. He was in for a fitting
himself the other day, Bernandez. Yes, sir, Fernandez. He says
he saw your coat hanging on the rack, admired it, and on an
impulse, dried it on the envelope had been in his hands at the time,
and he just slipped it into the park and then forgot about it.
Huh so he informed me, sir. Now he's threatening me with legal action
if I don't tell the gentleman to call here for the envelope. Finley,
if he can identify the contents, he can have it. That sounds reasonable
enough, mister Templar. I'll tell him good day, sir, and thank
you. Oh yes, tell the gentleman. I'll expect an explanation about that
bullet hole in my coat. You know, I'm dying to hear how the
gentleman gets around that one? Who is it this time? Quickly? In
Geene? I expected two hours ago I couldn't get a win, and then
when I did, he followed me. I had to lose him. Who
that meant? Archible? You know, it's remarkable that he stays that fat,
getting around as much as he does. Mister Temple, Please, I
haven't seen or heard from Lewis in three days. Do you know what?
No, but I thought, I thought, this isn't what you thought of
what you think it's going to find your brother, Jean. It's what you
know? What I know? I don't understand Jane what your brother mixed uping?
No, I can't tell you. I came here because I thought you
niw where Lewis is? I'm going? Now? Do you want to see
your brother again alive? What do you mean? The first and last I
heard of your brother was when Fatty told me about putting lighted matches under his
fingernails. Oh no, no, I didn't mean to break it to you
so ungently. But you've got to be made to realize that unless you tell
me what. All right, I'll tell you, but you must help me
find Lewis. You must, and I will at first that formula that seems
to be so important, and yet isn't I did that? You did what?
It's a good place to begin from. When Louis was a very young
man in his teens, it was restless, nervous, neurotic. The doctor
called the type which, with a few lies here in a little propaganda there
is easily convinced that there's nothing more noble than a certain form of politics.
Huh. He joined the movement and rose rapidly, and he was slated for
big things. So one day he stopped being restless and erotic, looked at
himself and what he'd become with disgust, And oh, he only thought he
quit All these years, he didn't have the slightest connection with him. He
never dreamed that they'd seek him out again and had expect him. They wanted
something from him, huh, something that he could get for them easier than
anyone else could. Well, they found out where I was working. He
knew that doctor Vargus was conducting important experiments, and they made my brother a
proposition. Either he was to make me give him the Vogus formula, or
he was to be the execute Oh can't you see why I'm the work,
especially since the formua you gave your brother to pass along was a phoney.
That's right. I couldn't give him the real one, not even to save
his life. I simply couldn't. So I copied things and papers the doctor
had thrown away at a little bit of each of the score of discarded papers.
Thought it would work that I'd fool them. It doesn't know he took
it from me goodbye, And you haven't seen him since. Did he tell
you where he was bringing the supposed formula, who he was giving it to?
He said, I'd be safer if I didn't know. He merely said
he's going to meet a man who'd been one of the Cleverest agents for years,
one of the most important men in the organization. It must be,
it must be, well, what makes you think so? Why else would
he follow me? Why else would he? Where are you're going to look
out the window? No, Jean, get away from that window. I
just want to see somebody's been playing Fourth of July with a high powered rifle.
This is no time to stand near. Get down, Jean, Jean,
Oh, hello, welcome home again. Come in, mister Templar,
Come in, sir. Someday I'll open the door of my apartment. Walk
in. And this time you went quite so neat about it. Patty,
the name is Utchabald, And this time mister temple Rich was someone else.
Someone will deplorably, missay Habits, who searched your apartment? You've been to
the hospital? Yes, Miss Fernandez's she'll live. How about her brother will?
He's still in the common I suppose we discuss Roland p Archibald, and
what brings in here this time, my dear sir, the formula naturally,
No Rowland, not the formula. I'm certain doctor Vargus must have told you
by now that the former why should she tell me anything? Because of what
you are, Roland, something had been stolen from a laboratory, so you
set out to bring it back. That's your job. We're both on the
same team. But my dear Templar, I'm the villain of the opera and
the fellow who swore that he'd have your life. Remember your cover you were
making like the criminal element as a cover up. You're a counterintelligence agent,
am I? Yeah. I began to get on to you into what part
you were playing in this drama, and I called on Vargas this morning.
Hmm. She was expecting me, and the only one who could possibly have
told her that I'd be dropping in was you. And so the doctor is
doing important work. She's been security checked from here to Sunday. So since
you're playing ball with her, you must be playing for the home team.
Have you anything at all that might help us find out who pressured Fernands to
go after the formula. He's the same man who's been shooting off his rifle.
We could only find out who I know who he is. You'll do
sure Fernandez gets the formula from his sister goes to deliver it, has a
few unpleasant words with Uncle Joe's one man spiring, and they start fighting with
guns. My new suit is a casualty, and so was Fernandez that he
managed to get away and come to us. He's been in a coma ever
since, muttering your name and the words in the pocket, in the pocket
which led you to me? In the pocket I was wearing instead of the
pocket of the new suit that was hanging in the shop with my name on
it, would you mind explain? Fernandez wasn't sure he'd be able to get
away, so he hid the manilla envelope with a formula in the pocket of
my new suit. Get Away. Get Away from where in the tailor's shop
where he went to meet the spy. But why the tailor's shop? Why
because the spy has a cover identity too. He happens to be your hands
I was saying. He happens to be a tailor. A taylor named Finley,
keep those hands up. A taylor named Finley who one day tells me
he's never heard of a man named Fernandez, and the next day tells me
an old customer named Fernande's is called to claim the Manila envelope. You're very
clever, mister Templar. But where did you come from? Just now?
Where were you hiding? I was in the closet, fatty, You very
rudely dropped in here while I was going through mister Temple's things just before,
still looking for that allusive Manila envelopeasiny, Yes, but the search seems to
be about over, mister Templar. Sir, oh, I know what you're
going to say. It's worthless. I've waste your words, your last words.
Just take the envelope out of your pocket and hand it over if you
insist, And I see that you do, careful, very careful. Something
is funny. Yes, I was just thinking, wouldn't it be amusing if
when he reached into his pocket, instead of bringing out an envelope, he
brought out a gun. He wouldn't live long enough to point it. You
will have a gun? A gun? Why of course not? Wait,
stay just as you are, Templar, I'll take the envelope from your pocket
myself, playing it cagy in my profession. Which pocket this one? Oh
that's splendid, mister Templar, splendid, splendid. You must teach me that
kick trick sometimes, and the knockout punch was magnificent. I enjoyed it,
thank you, But I don't think you enjoyed it nearly as much as I
did. In fact, Fatty, I'm a little sorry it's over. Oh,
mister Temple, for the last time, the name is Yes, never
mind, I think you've earned the right to call me fatty. You have
been listening to another transcribed adventure of a Saint the robin Hood of Modern Crime.
Now Here is our star and some Price ladies and gentlemen. In tonight's
cast, you heard Patricia Jeffson as Jane and Bill Conrad as Archibald. Jack
Moyles was Thinley Whitfield, Connor's Murphy. Damn Edwards played Gus and Jody Gilbert
doctor Vargas. This is Vincent Price, inviting you to join us again next
week at the same time for another exciting adventure of the Saint. Good Night,
good Night. Script of the Saint was written by Michael Cramwell. The
Saint, based on characters created by Leslie Chatteris, is a James L.
Sethia production and is directed by Helen Mack. Vincent Price is soon to be
seen co starring with Errol Flynn and Michael Imprell in William Marshall's production of Bloodline.
All you Saint fans will be glad to know that the Saint comic books
are on sale at all new stands. Your anouncer is Don Stanley. Three
chimes mean good Times. On NBC, there's Fun Today and every Sunday with
two of your favorite families. On NBC, there's the Blandings Family with more
perplexing adventures in their famous dream house, starring Kerry Grant and Betsy Drake as
mister and Missus Blanding. And Sunday also means the Harris family with Frankie,
Julia's and all the other favorites of the Phil Harris alas Fatio and Today here
Judy Holliday, Jimmy Durandy, Carmen Miranda On the Big Show on NBC.
This is Andrew J. Graham, author of the web surface series Oh and
a Man and his Wife. You're listening to the great Detectives of Old Time
Radio. Welcome back. Well, what a well written script. I particularly
liked the scene where the gunman who was trying to get the formula was shot
after Simon had given his sort of dramatic description of how my shooting is a
kirk and great guest cast as well. Of course, William Conrad always a
great character actor over radio and really easy to believe he was the villain because
he so often played the heavy and this is probably the closest you have to
William Conrad doing a Sydney Green Street character. So that took a little bit
to grow on me, but I think it worked out well in the end.
Jody Gilbert was an interesting name to hear in the credits. She mostly
did comedy work and her famous part over radio was as Pasqually's daughter Rosa on
Life with Luigi on CBS, and it's interesting to see her in something a
little bit more serious, very interesting role and another Cold War story. Getting
a couple of those in a short period of time is a nice twist.
But with that we'll turn to some listener comments and feedback. Kate comments.
I wish Randy Stone Frank Lovejoy from not Beat was an investigator instead of a
reporter so you could post the episodes. One of my favorites here is the
Saint Well, thanks so much much. I am not quite that strict in
terms of them having to be officially an investigator because Randy Stone deals with crime
and mystery, and yeah, I think he is close enough and we're definitely
going to do that series eventually. But thanks so much for the comment,
Kate. To appreciate you listening out there. One final note, we've kind
of changed some of the donation levels at the Patreon side as we're still experimenting
with it, so we change the radio operator which allows you to record a
bumper in addition to all the benefits of Master Detective from twenty five dollars a
month to twenty, the Chief of Detective level from thirty five dollars to thirty,
and the Commissioner level from one hundred to ninety. And will continue to
evaluate the different levels and the way they're set up as we try and work
to make sure I created the levels actually based on some other websites they've been
doing it, but I want to be flexible and make it work for our
show because each shows or each different productions Patreon will be a little bit different.
But you can check out the full details and the changes over at Patreon
dot Great Detectives dot net. In the meantime, send your comments to Box
thirteen at Great Detectives dot net, follow us on Twitter at Radio Detectives,
and become one of our friends on Facebook, Facebook dot com. Slash Radio
Detectives from Boise, Idaho. This is your host, Adam Ramson and Off