WEBVTT

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This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're
listening to KFI AM six forty, the

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Doctor Wendy wallsh Show on demand on
the iHeartRadio app. Welcome back to the

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Doctor Wendy Walls Show. I k
I AM six forty live everywhere on the

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iHeartRadio App. You know, back
in the day, when I was a

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young woman crying into my pillow,
big mascara stains on my pillow over whatever

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guy broke my heart, I went
to the bookstore and I started reading every

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self help book out there. I
think the very first one was The road

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Less Traveled. If you haven't read
that, you should, it's actually a

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good one, followed up by Further
Along the road Less travel and then you

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had a third one that's like Beyond
the road Less Show. I read all

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those, but I read every kind
of self help book out there. Eventually,

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I did what we all should do
and go to therapy and work it

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out. But there are a few
things that I think can work. I

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want to talk about the biggest one
in the next segment. However, there's

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a lot of gobblygoog out there disguised
as psychobabble telling people that they can change

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just by having a certain thought or
thinking a certain way. And there's a

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lot of stuff that has absolutely no
scientific support. So let's go through some

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of the things that really don't help
if you're not in therapy too. So,

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do you remember years ago, Saturday
Night Live used to have a skit

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about positive affirmations. They had a
guy like looking in the mirror going I'm

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good enough and I'm great and I
can do this, and they made such

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comedy over the trend of having positive
affirmations. Now, the research says just

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doing positive affirmations doesn't really do anything
if it's not backed up with concrete actions

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and behavioral changes. For instance,
when I was healing from my catchment disorder

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as I like to call it,
and I learned, you know that after

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a while, heartbreak after heartbreak after
heartbreak, there was this common denominator in

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every one of my relationships, and
it was me. I was the one

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in every one of my relationships.
And I was picking people who would abandon

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me, people who were emotionally avoidant. So I was always craving intimacy and

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closeness, and they were running away, and so and probly I was pushing

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them away, making them run away. So when I did get into therapy,

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I chalked it up to finally learned
that, oh, having a daddy

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in the Navy who has gone most
of my childhood and in very inconsistent duration,

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different times, gone for a week, gone for a few months,

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whatever, probably created a lot of
that for me. And so one of

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the things I did that's kind of
along the lines of positive affirmations is I

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put little post its on my mirrors
and windows that said all it said is

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I'm so embarrassed telling you this.
All it said is Daddy loves me.

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Daddy loves me. And I would
catch it in my p pro vision all

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the time, but I didn't just
say it out loud, and I didn't

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just read it. I would be
hearing the voicemail from the playboy, the

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player who was like, hey,
how are you am? Missing you?

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You want to come over tonight?
And I would look at that thing and

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say, Daddy loves me. I
don't need this, I'm not calling him

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back. I would back it up
with concrete behavior, not just the words.

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All right, here's another thing that's
often preached as a self help tool

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but doesn't work at all. Suppressing
negative thoughts. Now I want to explain.

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Human beings have a wonderful ability to
compartmentalize, and sometimes compartmentalization can be

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very, very healthy. In other
words, let's say you're having a big

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trauma with a family or relationship,
and then you've got to go to the

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office. You put go into your
office worker compartment of your personality. Right,

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you don't come in and cry on
the desk of a coworker because this

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is going on, right, So
this is called healthy compartmentalization, knowing that

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when you get in the car at
the end of the workday then you can

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have your boohoo and visit it again. But suppressing negative thoughts is completely different

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from compartmentalizing it. Compartmentalizing it is
just putting it in a little box,

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closing it up, and knowing that
you're going to open it at another time.

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Suppressing negative thoughts is trying to just
keep them from showing up, ignoring

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them. But guess what, you
know what negative thoughts do If you ignore

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them, they show up as bad
behavior and then you're like, I don't

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know why I said that. I
don't know why I did that. That

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came out of nowhere. Yeah,
because you didn't attend negative thoughts, emotions,

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negative feelings are messengers. They're saying
you need to change something. Right.

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In the same sense, there is
a notion out there that you can

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change yourself through sheer will power,
that you can literally go You know,

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I am a professor of health psychology
and I teach behavior year of change.

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And you know people that want to
take up an exercise program or a diet

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program, or quit smoking or whatever
it may be, and they think I

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will just do you know, I'll
put my nose to the grind down.

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Willpower, will power, will power. No, willpower does not work.

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In fact, behavioral change is about
figuring out what the trigger is, changing

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the trigger, making a new routine, and creating a reward for yourself for

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the new routine. But just mind
over matter does not work. All right.

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Maybe you're one of those people who
were told go to your room,

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come back when you've changed your attitude, young lady. Don't know where I

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heard that from, must have been
my mother. If you are told that

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you're not welcome, that you're not
attractive, if you have negative feelings,

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you may have learned that you need
to be alone when you're under stress,

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when you're feeling sad when you're feeling
angry, and that isolation is the best

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coping mechanism for you. Well,
I'm here to tell you that there is

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absolutely not an ounce of research that
supports that. In fact, isolation is

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probably the biggest punishment we ever give
to a human being. Solitary confinement.

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It makes things worse, It exacerbates
feelings of loneliness, and it can contribute

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to a greater decline in your mental
health. Obviously, you need to reach

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out to a licensed therapist, but
also reach out to friends and family.

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Social support is the better way to
deal with negative feelings. Here's another thing

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that doesn't work. Excessive self help
book dependency. I can tell you this

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from personal experience. I read so
many self help books. I was pounding

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through two a week. I did
learn a lot, and then I went

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to therapy. And you know what's
interesting to my therapist, she had a

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wall of textbooks behind her. So
I switched from my self help book addiction

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to Every time I would have a
session with her on a Friday, I

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would ask her to borrow a book
from one of her shelves. Now I

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know now that was my attachment anxiety. Right, If I take a piece

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of her home with me. Then
I'll have to come back to return the

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book, I know. So I
would pound through it every week. So

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I'd reading a book a week.
And then a few years into therapy,

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I was expounding on something and I
said to her, Hey, so yeah,

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I mean, I don't have a
degree in psychology of anything or anything,

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but my opinion is and she goes, actually you do, And I

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said what she said, You have
read that entire wall of textbooks. That's

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a full ba in psychology right now. Why don't you go back to school?

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And I was like, no,
how can I afford to do that?

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How can I make it work?
But thank goodness she planted that little

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thought, because I did go back
to school. Finally, I just want

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to say, the biggest thing that
you should not be doing in your life

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for your mental health is ignoring the
importance of sleep. Okay, sometimes all

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we need is a good night's sleep. Don't eat too much the night before,

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don't drink any alcohol, just have
a good night's sleep, and that

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can be the biggest self help gift
you can give to yourself. But there's

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one thing that you can do besides
getting a good night's sleep, that is

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really really good for your mental health, and it's totally supported by science.

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We'll talk about it when we come
back. You are listening to the Doctor

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Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six
forty were Love Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.

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You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on
demand from KFI AM six forty.

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Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Wall
Show on KFI AM six forty, Live

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everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You
know, I always say that because they

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tell me to say that, but
I want to remind everybody that if you

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download the iHeartRadio app, you can
listen to Doctor Wendy on demand anytime you

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want. This whole show gets put
up. Producer Kayleb puts it up right

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after the show. Right, it's
not what it's also streams live. Right.

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They can listen to it now.
Yeah, they listen to it now,

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and then if they miss it,
they can go to the app and

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listen to it there. Yeah,
it's so much easier. I actually have

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one of those cars that doesn't have
AM radio, so I listen to everything

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on the app. Yes, if
he was effective, yeah, well no,

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Some manufacturers like Tesla decided to do
it early. It's not law,

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but some manufacturers are deciding not to
do it, which is a bad thing.

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It's really bad. Well, especially
when there's like a big breaking news

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thing, where do you think the
first place everybody turns, no matter how

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old they are, when there's breaking
news, they go to AM radio.

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Yeah, that's the first thing.
Like if the rain is coming down and

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you're wondering if a street is flooded
out, you go into Twitter for that.

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No, you go to AM radio
because you know that they're giving the

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news right away. Specifically KFIAM six
forty, which is why, of course

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is like number one in the country, because we keep you updated on the

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latest. We are we number one. We're number one. We're the number

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one new talk news station in the
country and the whole time the most listen

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to radio station on the iHeartRadio app. So wait, wait, I didn't

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even know this. So all like
all the top forty music whatever, news,

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number one news. We're number three
out of everybody, Okafi is a

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big deal. We're number three out
of every radio station in the freaking country,

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number three and number one for talk
talk. That's probably why I always

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get these dms from people all around
the country saying I listen. I've been

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listening forever. Station is a pretty
big deal. That's so cool, all

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right. So besides listening to AM
radio as a good method of self help,

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get that segue there, you know, I teach health psychology, and

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the very first class of each semester, I have my students read an article

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published on the American Psychological Association's website
that is the scientific benefits of wait for

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it, drum roll, here we
go, mindful meditation. And it is

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chock full of evidence that mindful meditation
can help you regulate your own feelings,

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it can help you have more empathy
for other people's feelings, people have better

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interpersonal relationships, better mental health.
In fact, one study was done where

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they had therapists go through an eight
week program of mindful meditation every day,

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and they compared them with a control
group of therapists who did not go through

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the eight week And while the therapists
who did the program, of course,

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had got the benefits, they also
found out that their patients healed faster,

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that their patients got better faster because
it increased those interpersonal skills for the therapist.

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So if I were to try to
pinpoint the number one self help thing

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that you could do for yourself.
It would be to practice mindful meditation.

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Now, some of my students get
a little you know, HEBGB about it

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because they think it's a religious thing, right, because there are some Eastern

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religions that practice a form of meditation. But let me tell you, almost

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every religion in the world practice is
some form of meditation. Whether it's silent

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prayer, whether it's chanting. I
don't care whether you're saying Oh, over

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and over Hail Mary, full of
Grace and doing a Rosary. You're chanting

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because it creates vibrations in your body
that calms your central nervouses. That's why

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every religion has some form of calming. Whether it's hymns, whether it's repetitive

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prayers, whether it's chanting, this
is what calms people down. So mindful

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meditation, though, has no religious
connotation at all, And let me explain

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what it is. Because the other
thing my students will sometimes say to me

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is I try to meditate, but
I can't because I can't stop my thoughts.

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I hope you don't stop your thoughts. The day your thoughts stop is

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the day you get put in your
coffin. Okay, no, no,

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no, we don't want to stop
thoughts. I want you to think about

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what mindful means. Mindful you are
actually focusing on your mind and your thoughts,

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not obsessing and letting them run wild
and ruminating, but instead simply watching

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them, accepting them, respecting them, and sometimes just gently guiding them off

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to the side of your awareness and
bringing your attention back to your breathing,

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if that's what you're choosing. Whether
some people focus on a mantra or they

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count, they'll do a meditation where
they say in their head one, two,

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three, four, five, six, seven, eight nine ten nine

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eight seven six, you know,
back and forth, up and down the

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ten scales. Some people just focus
on the breathing right to It's just sort

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of a device to have your brain
focus on something. And let me explain

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how mindful meditation works in the brain. You know, you go to the

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gym, you work out in your
weights to make your muscles stronger. You

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do some cardio, the bike,
the stair master, whatever. What you're

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doing is you're getting your body ready
for that moment when you're walking down the

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street or crossing the street and a
car Koreem's for you towards you, and

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you have the agility, the strength
and the ability to jump out of the

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way and save your life because of
all that training and practice. That's what

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mindful meditation is for you. Brain. Do you know you ever find you

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say to yourself, Oh, I
wish I'd been quick enough and said to

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that person you know, and they
said this to me right, Or I

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wish I'd been quick enough to bite
my tongue when that I didn't mean to

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say it like that, blurt it
out right. So mindful meditation is no

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different than training your body at a
gym. It's training your mind to slow

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down, to wait, to be
aware of your thoughts, be aware of

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your feelings and think, stop and
think. It creates a little gap as

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you watch your thoughts instead of letting
your thoughts run you around. It creates

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this little moment of huh, what's
that feeling about? What that? Do

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I have to do anything here?
Or just respect it and know it's there

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and it's part of me. Right. That's what mindfulness does, and it

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helps reduce stress. It can proven
by science, help reduce anxiety and depression.

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It can of course improve your emotional
regulation. That's what I've been talking

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about. People who practice mindfulness regularly
report sleeping better too. You have increased

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self awareness, you have a better
mind body connection. Yesterday I did a

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lecture on pain and pain management,
and we did a meditation in the class

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at the end of the class,
and I asked them to look for pain

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points while they were breathing deep and
doing body scans and relaxing their muscles.

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Were they feeling hungry, did they
have a headache? Was there a muscle

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ache somewhere? And talk to that
pain, Where is it coming from,

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how does it need to be attended
to increased mind body connection. It also

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makes you more open minded and adaptable
because once you can learn to accept every

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part of yourself, including the dark
and maybe you might feel ugly uncomfortable parts,

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then it makes it easier to accept
it in others and forgive others.

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Speaking of forgiving others, when we
come back, I want to turn the

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conversation to our workplace and our workplace
relationships. You've probably heard the term quiet

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quitting, and you know, if
you're doing it, more power to you.

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But what if you have a coworker
who you need to depend on who's

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actually practicing quiet quitting behavior? How
do you handle that relationship? Let's talk

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about it when we return. You
are listening to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show

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on KFI AM six forty. We're
live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're

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listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand
from KFI AM six forty. Welcome back

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00:16:29.360 --> 00:16:33.440
to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on
KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere

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on the iHeartRadio App. I just
had a thought, I know I want

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to talk about with being with a
colleague at work who's quiet quitting. If

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you don't know what quiet quitting is, it's a workplace trend right now.

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It's a situation where somebody kind of
disengages from their job responsibilities without fully resigning.

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In other words, it's like they're
waiting to be fired. Right well,

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quiet quitting happens romantic relationships all the
time, and it is most of

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it. I hate to put a
gender on something, but Kayla, who

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do you think does that more often? Women? No? Man? Men?

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Man? You know why men quiet
quit because they want to keep having

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the sex. Oh, I thought
women do it because it takes the while,

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like for their body to leave after
their mind leaves. Their mind leaves

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first, and your window closes.
Yeah, and then your body leaves a

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little after windows that when that window
closes. For a woman, she's out.

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Gentlemen, you just know this,
Yeah, she's out. There's something

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that happens that window closes. By
the way, Julio and I had a

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little argument last night. Uh oh, and it was the worst argument we've

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ever had. Don't even water.
It was about something dumb. It doesn't

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even matter about the content. And
we made up and everything's fine today.

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But there was a moment during that
argument when I was really angry that I

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felt that window just start to creep
a little bit, slide it close,

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like I am not gonna have this
wedding. I am not gonna marry this

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man. I had that thought for
just a second, but then I was

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like, okay, this is angry
when talking dangermann, calm down. Open

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that window up again, be open, And you know how I knew everything

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was going to be okay. It
was a nighttime fight. We got into

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bed, and if you're you know, real, if you don't have good

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repair skills and you don't have a
healthy relationship, by the way, fighting

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is part of a healthy relationship.
By the way, when you go to

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bed, you go to the other
opposite side to the bed. Right.

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So here, we've just been arguing
with each other, we get into bed,

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and what's our first reflex to totally
wrap up in each other's bodies and

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cuddle all night. Right, So
our bodies were making up. We're fine.

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So the window closing is different than
quiet quitting or is that the same

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thing? Men just do it more
often in a different way. What men

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do is they stay in a relationship
to take the free sex, but they

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check out because they don't want to
do the breaking up. They wait till

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a woman breaks up with them.
Yeah, they just get lazy in their

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relationships. They stop doing the stuff
that they used to do at the beginning.

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It's like they're quiet quitting. I
understand kind of that window with the

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women. They're going to dump you. They're not going to wait for you

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to dump them. Eventually, you're
gonna get dumped as the man. Yeah,

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I'm it's going to go after enough
enough, they say, and they're

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just done. So So the advice
I'm going to give you is for if

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you have a colleague in the workplace. But if you have a boyfriend,

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girlfriend, husband, wife who is
quiet quitting, you could also use some

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of this advice. Okay, first
thing you want to do if you notice

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that your coworker is not pulling their
weight or your boyfriend is stop doing all

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the nice things. Start with communicating
something empathetically right. You want to have

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a non confrontational conversation, hopefully private, where all you want to do is

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inquire about their well being, so
to say, is everything okay, Like

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I noticed you, I think you
know you're not doing as much as you

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used to do. I'm wondering.
Just ask these open ended questions. So

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you're trying to like encourage them to
talk about what's going on, because they

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might not even know they're quiet quitting, and then when you notice it that

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they're not doing as much, they
may go, wow, I didn't even

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realize right now. The next thing
you're going to want to do after you

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allow them time to talk things out. You know, you have rights in

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the workplace too, and if you're
working on projects together and you need each

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other, it's not your job to
take over all the work of the quiet

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quitter. That's not going to help
them. Get fired, by the way,

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you're just covering for them, right, So you want to clearly communicate

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your expectations regarding you know, their
job roles or their responsibilities. Right.

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So it could be that they're not
even quiet quitting, they're just unconsciously lazy

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and what all they need is a
new little kick in the pants. Right,

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So you need to say something like, Okay, by the way,

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when you come in, the first
thing I expect you to do because I

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can't get this done until you've done
this piece, right, So you just,

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in a kind way without getting mad, be very clear about your expectations.

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Now. Also, sometimes people quiet
quit because they're overwhelmed, and so

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you might want to actually find out
if they need support. Maybe they're struggling

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with their tasks and maybe you need
to reach out to somebody else in the

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workplace to help them. Right.
I do want to say that people like

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workplaces better, stay at jobs longer, and are far more productive, and

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this is according to research. If
they have social support. There's nothing better

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than a best friend at work.
So if you're listening to this and you

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are a manager or an owner of
a business, it is not a waste

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of time to have employees social times. It is not a waste of time

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to have softball tournaments, getting out
of the office to do stuff together,

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even if it's walking meetings with a
group of people, Because you want to

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encourage these kinds of friendships. Obviously, friends with boundaries. I was gonna

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say friends with benefits. No,
no, no, no, not an

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office of friends with boundaries, right, because they're workplace friendships. But think

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of it this way. There's research
that shows that people are more likely to

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get in shape if they go to
a group exercise class than if they exercise

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alone. They'll they're more likely to
be compliant and stick to it. Why

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Because they know they make these kind
of tertiary like lightweight friendships and they don't

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want to let their friends down.
Oh you know, they'll be there.

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I see them there every Monday and
Wednesday morning. I got to go because

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my friends are going to be there, right, Same with workplace. There's

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much lower absenteeism when people have friends
at work because they're like, God,

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I don't want to let down my
buddies. I don't want to call in

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sick. I want to come and
get things done right. And so one

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of the best things we can do
for workplace is to encourage these relationships.

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When I teach my classes, I
break my students out into discussion groups,

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not because they learn a whole bunch
more by googling some answers to a discussion

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question, but because they're talking to
each other and building rapport and building friendships.

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So talk to your colleague who's quiet
quitting. Pull them into the fold.

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Maybe they're feeling excluded, maybe they're
being isolated. You know, at

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the end of the day, it's
this delicate balance you have to achieve between

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being empathetic, you know, quietly
inquiring about what's going on, communicating your

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needs, and being proactive to create
a better social environment for them. And

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if it gets really bad, I'm
sorry, but you got to go to

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HR because don't let this person pull
you down to That's the problem, is

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that if you're collaborating on stuff and
they're quiet quitting, it's going to look

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really bad on you. So you
might have to go let ar HR kind

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of know, who's ar Ai?
I'm thinking of, maybe don't let Ai

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know. Don't let Ai do your
job. You got to do your job,

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all right. When we come back, sticking on workplace relationships, a

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lot of people have asked me about
this. They are looking for new jobs

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or different jobs, especially post COVID, because they're ready for a change.

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But with technology right, how everything's
visible. You post on LinkedIn, Hey,

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looking for a new job, and
your boss is the first one to

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get it. So how do you
find another job without jeopardizing the one you

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have? I got some tips and
tricks for you. You're listening to The

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Doctor Wendy Walls Show and KFI AM
six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.

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You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on
demand from KFI AM six forty.

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Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Wall
Show and k I Am six forty.

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We are in the home stretch of
the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. And you

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know, when I talk about the
science of love, I'm also talking about

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all of our interpersonal relationships, including
the relationship we have with our workplace.

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We spend like a third of our
life in bed sleeping and a third of

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our life at our workplace. We
have to have good relationships. We have

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to good relationships with our bosses,
with our coworkers, and with our sense

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of self and meaning. Right,
our jobs are so intrinsic to our identity,

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and sometimes changing jobs, changing environments
can really change everything, you know.

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I moved to California when I was
a young woman in my twenties in

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a snowy, dark winter, from
Toronto. And look, I put the

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tea on for you Americans, I
said, Toronto, Toronto. Okay,

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I'm move from Toronto and Toronto baby
too. And I remember coming down to

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the beach in Santa Monica the first
week that I arrived. It was April,

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and it was a warm day and
I had lily white skin, and

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I laid down on the beach and
I you know, when your eyelids are

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closed and you can feel the sun, you can see the sun through your

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eyelids, and I was seeing,
I was feeling the neurotransmitters of my brain

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just exploding. I didn't realize that
I had suffered from a seasonal effective disorder

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for years. I mean, I
even get it when it rains too long

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here in California now, so I
know what it is. But everything changed

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for my life, partly because the
seasonal effective disorder was cured with the sunshine.

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But secondly, I got to reinvent
myself as the person I always wanted

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to be. I didn't have to
drag baggage from my past. I could

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do a fresh start with new friendships
and new relationships. And this move literally

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transformed me. And all I really
did was changed environments. Well, you

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can do that by changing a workplace. Right. Now, here's the problem.

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We live in a time where everything
happens online and everything seems to be

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public online. If you start posting
on LinkedIn, hey guys looking for a

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00:26:26.119 --> 00:26:29.079
new job, anybody have any contexts? The first person who's going to read

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it is your boss. So when
you're searching for a new job while you're

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00:26:33.640 --> 00:26:37.640
still employed, you have to be
very discreet, and you have to use

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some strategic planning skills because you don't
want to jeopardize your current position. Right.

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Unlike love relationships, where it's usually
a good idea to end one before

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you begin the next one, you
are most hirable when you're actually employed somewhere

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00:26:51.039 --> 00:26:55.440
else. So the first thing,
obviously is to maintain some level of confidentiality.

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00:26:56.000 --> 00:27:00.119
Don't be telling everybody in your world. Keep your job search confidential only

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00:27:00.160 --> 00:27:07.119
trusted friends and family members who you
are sure understand the word discretion. Right

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00:27:08.000 --> 00:27:15.720
when you are actually applying for jobs. Do not use company office equipment,

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company email, or company time.
This is really important if you're sitting at

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00:27:22.279 --> 00:27:29.559
your desk on a company computer shooting
out resumes on monster dot com or indeed

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00:27:29.759 --> 00:27:33.920
or LinkedIn jobs, I promise you
there's no privacy on a work computer.

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They know it, they will know
it, and also you know it's probably

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00:27:40.920 --> 00:27:47.160
violating your workplace contracts to do that. So use your personal computer your personal

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email. Now, when it's time
to schedule a job interview, try to

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schedule it outside your regular working hours, so that means you're early in the

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morning, your lunch break, or
after work. If that's not possible,

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00:28:00.720 --> 00:28:03.720
then you've got to take a personal
day or vacation time, because if you

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00:28:03.759 --> 00:28:07.920
get busted sneaking out to go for
a job interview, you can blow everything

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00:28:08.000 --> 00:28:15.519
up before you even get that job. Turn off your LinkedIn or update your

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00:28:15.519 --> 00:28:22.880
LinkedIn really strategically right. Turn off
notifications for a profile updates, and that

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way you don't alert your current colleagues
or superiors. And be a little bit

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00:28:27.559 --> 00:28:33.839
cautious about making sure that your job
searches aren't broadcast. So get to know

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00:28:34.039 --> 00:28:38.680
all those bells and whistles on LinkedIn, so that you keep things as private

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as you possibly can. Now,
here's the thing about references. We all

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want a reference from our current employer, but when you're searching for jobs and

399
00:28:48.319 --> 00:28:51.799
you don't want them to know you're
searching for jobs, you can't go and

400
00:28:51.839 --> 00:28:52.720
say, hey, can I have
a lot of reference because I'm looking for

401
00:28:52.720 --> 00:28:56.799
a better job than this place,
darn it. Right, So what you

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00:28:56.839 --> 00:29:00.599
want to do is course go to
past and lawyers before this current job.

403
00:29:02.039 --> 00:29:06.480
But also think of people who are
at your job workplace, who you work

404
00:29:06.519 --> 00:29:11.359
with, who know how you work, but who will keep it a secret.

405
00:29:11.559 --> 00:29:14.759
Now, make sure you know them
well enough because they're always going to

406
00:29:14.799 --> 00:29:18.920
feel a little bit envious that you're
looking for another job and you're getting out

407
00:29:18.920 --> 00:29:22.799
of here. So even if they're
a trusted colleague, be sure that they

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00:29:22.839 --> 00:29:27.440
really are your supporter, and then
ask them for a letter of reference.

409
00:29:27.680 --> 00:29:33.039
Right. Some people, and I
don't know if this is possible, they

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00:29:33.160 --> 00:29:37.759
update their resume, but they don't
put the name of the company that they're

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00:29:37.759 --> 00:29:41.559
currently at because the resume they have
to upload into all these job search sites,

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00:29:41.880 --> 00:29:45.359
and then that robot of those job
search sites crawls it right. So

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00:29:47.359 --> 00:29:49.960
here's the other funny thing is that
sometimes on these sites, you know there

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00:29:49.960 --> 00:29:52.519
are other people you work with who
are also out there trying to get the

415
00:29:52.519 --> 00:29:56.200
same jobs too. But anyway,
there might be a way that you don't

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00:29:56.200 --> 00:29:57.880
have to actually put the company name. You can put more like what the

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00:29:57.920 --> 00:30:03.519
company does. Also, I want
you to go back to that original employment

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00:30:03.599 --> 00:30:07.519
contract that you might have signed.
You can just ask HR for a copy

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00:30:07.559 --> 00:30:11.920
of it if you don't have it, and it may have non disclosure clauses

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00:30:11.960 --> 00:30:17.400
in it, right, so be
very careful about what you signed and what

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00:30:17.440 --> 00:30:22.960
you're obligated to keep a secret about
your current company. You might want to

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00:30:22.000 --> 00:30:26.559
get some legal advice on that too. They may have things like non compete

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00:30:26.559 --> 00:30:30.400
clauses too, where you can't work
for a similar company for a period of

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00:30:30.440 --> 00:30:34.400
time after you leave, so you
want to check out with that. Also,

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00:30:34.440 --> 00:30:38.960
prepare for the absolute worst plan for
your boss to walk into your office

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00:30:40.000 --> 00:30:41.839
one day and go, sey,
I heard you you apply that so and

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00:30:41.920 --> 00:30:45.640
so someone told me or whatever.
Get ready with your response and just say,

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00:30:45.640 --> 00:30:48.599
well, you know, I'm always
keeping my options open. I do

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00:30:48.720 --> 00:30:53.039
enjoy working here, it's wonderful,
but you know, and also while you

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00:30:53.240 --> 00:30:57.720
are looking for a job, make
sure you do your current job very well.

431
00:30:59.319 --> 00:31:02.720
You never know, maybe you'll move
on and move up. And while

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00:31:02.799 --> 00:31:06.160
your employer or your current manager might
be very sad that you're moving along,

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00:31:06.440 --> 00:31:11.160
they might also write you a kick
ass letter of reference because you kept up

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00:31:11.200 --> 00:31:18.119
with your job duties along the way. Right. Human relationships are very delicate,

435
00:31:18.440 --> 00:31:22.400
right, and you have to think
about the consequences of every situation in

436
00:31:22.440 --> 00:31:26.039
every person, and you have to
think about their personality, will they feel

437
00:31:26.079 --> 00:31:32.880
abandoned or not, And certainly in
your personal relationships as well. So I've

438
00:31:32.880 --> 00:31:36.720
been here on KFI for oh my
gosh, nearly a decade and I'm always

439
00:31:36.720 --> 00:31:40.720
here for you every Sunday from seven
to nine pm. If you miss any

440
00:31:40.720 --> 00:31:42.839
part of the show or want to
re listen to anything, it's always on

441
00:31:42.880 --> 00:31:48.000
the iart radio app. Also,
you can follow me on my social media.

442
00:31:48.119 --> 00:31:52.359
The handle is at doctor Wendy Walsh
at dr Wendy Walsh. We also

443
00:31:52.359 --> 00:31:55.559
have a great Patreon group every Wednesday
night made up of a lot of KFI

444
00:31:55.680 --> 00:31:57.759
listeners. That's at six thirty on
Wednesdays, and to join that you just

445
00:31:57.759 --> 00:32:02.400
go to patreon dot com slash doctor
Wendy Walsh, but I'm always here for

446
00:32:02.519 --> 00:32:07.279
you on k PHI. Thanks for
being with me. You've been listening to

447
00:32:07.319 --> 00:32:10.799
the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on k
FHI A M six forty live everywhere on

448
00:32:10.880 --> 00:32:16.319
the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening
to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always

449
00:32:16.319 --> 00:32:20.559
hear us live on KFI A M
six forty from seven to nine p m.

450
00:32:20.640 --> 00:32:23.480
On Sunday and any time on demand
on the iHeartRadio app