Hi, everybody. Welcome to Coming Out Pod. I'm gonna I'm I'm dipping
back into the the archives of queer root shout outs. So today I'm gonna
do shout out to you. If your queer root is Wanona Rider in Beetlejuice.
Uh. For those of us at a certain age, that was many
of us our first introduction to the concept of a goth girl an emo girl.
Uh, perhaps stirred some feelings. Yeah, yeah it Look if you're
younger and you haven't seen Beetle Juice, yeah, I gotta see Beetle Juice.
It's one of those movies you gotta say, check out when on a
Rider. She's an adorable little pixie. Uh, moody girl in that movie,
and uh, perhaps some people's queer awakening. Uh. Today I am
joined by comedian Andy Mayne in Colorado, where there is a blizzard. I
understand hello and oh hi Hello. Blizzards is strong term for Colorado's but I
moved here from Portland and it's over an inch of snow, So by my
emotional standards, it's a blizzard. It's a blizzard and five out it's negative
five out, so I just did an hour out there with my dog,
and the transition from like the Arctic wilderness to my couch is pretty severe,
Like I've got snowblindness, you know, I've got winter madness. Okay,
And speaking of your dog, because we mentioned we we might hear some dog
cameos. So yeah, oh I wish you could see well you at ham
cannot see this adorable dog. But yeah, do you want to introduce your
dog? Yeah, her name is Sadie. She's a a little over two,
and she's a husky chow pit bull, poodle shepherd. Damn, that's
a very very specific were dog. No, no, but I love it
like pitbull. I feel like pitbull is the unofficial like queer lady dog.
Oh definitely, people rescues. Yes, I feel like it's the full poodle
is complete bisexual energy. Oh, I love it. Oh yeah. And
so speaking of so, so Andy is a comedian. We're gonna this is
a big spoiler alert to when I ask Andy how she identifies. But Andy's
comedy album was recently released. It is called Rocky Mountain, by which I
love a pun. Uh. It's a it's a very funny album. I
listened to it over the weekend and you could. Yeah, we'll talk at
the end about where you can purchase and stream it, but suffice to say
it's it's easily accessed, and I hope you will check it out because I
really did. I really did enjoy listening to it. But we're gonna talk
about that, We're going to talk about you. We're gonna potentially talk about
Sadie if she enters into this situation. But Andy, So to kick off,
as I said, your album sort of outs you to the world,
which I love. But how do you identify? There's any further information?
Classic nineties by nineties girl by nineties By that's great. Yeah, yeah,
before Pan, you know, before Pan was a term, it was by.
Yeah. Now if I did, it's Pan, I feel like it
was an affectation. So I still identify as Bye, but I have Pan
tendencies. Classic nineties by is there's no different nineties by. Yeah, it
is very specific. Yeah, it is a very it's like a little a
fair sort of exactly, a little erases. Yeah, a lot of MORI
seta rider, Yeah, yes, that's why I did. I looked at
my list and I was like, let me, let me shout out not
a rider because she's love that era. She love that era? Oh yeah,
yeah, okay, So where does everything start for you? You are
you were born in Portland? Is that crract? Born and raised in Portland?
Yeah, I grew up on Hawthorne Street, which is like, you
know, the artsy district street. It was the it was the heart of
Portland when I was growing up there, at least it felt like so I
just got to watch it turn into like a weird, quirky city all around
me. Or maybe I was going through puberty. Who's to say, But
like when I grew up, I'd say in the nineties, in the early
nineties, Portland felt like a shitty older brother that would come to a birthday
party and give everyone weed, you know what I mean, Like a stoner
dude that was like hanging out with his nephew and it's like, that's not
the license kids, I think, Yeah, he's yeah, he's listening to
Creedon's Clearwater Revival a lot and he's like twenty four. Yeah, that's that's
old Portland. And as Portland, oh I mean Portland I feel like now
is people think of it as queer, like huge, like that sort of
vibe has Was that the case back when you were growing up or not so
much in the nineties, Like what was that there was like people like outwardly
queer or not. Yeah, there was like I remember the first gay couple
I ever met, and it was through my aunt and uncle and it was
in Grant's Pass, Oregon, which is like two or three hours middle of
nowhere drive from Portland, kind of in the desert, and they're just like,
hey, here's these guys. It's two guys. They're guys. And
we were like, okay, you gotta start with a guy. Yeah,
as a kid, like that's just always the order. I yeah, because
they're friendlier than lesbians. It's like it's like a more base. Yeah,
it's like babies. You're climbing the ladder of understanding queerness and you start with
you start with two guys. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if that's
been yeah, but that was the first exposure. And then there was this
ballot measure called Ballot Measure nine, and it hit in like nineteen ninety when
I was in fifth grade, so I was ten years old, and it
was about prohibiting same sex partnerships. But it was before gay marriage was even
like a conversation in any way, shape or form, or maybe it was
like prohibiting gay people from teaching or something like that. But it was the
first time that gayness was ever like a conversation in terms that was reaching me.
It was the first exposure I ever had to gayness as a controversy because
it was the first time I ever knew about it, and so I don't
know, I got a mixed message from it, Like my mom's a catholic
Mega Maggie as I refer to her on my album. Yes, yeah,
she features heavily. Yeah, she's the co star one. Yeah, she's
a supporting character for sure. This whole album basically is her fault when you
think about it. But yeah, she she was like a lot more liberal
when I was a kid, and then Fox News corrupted her later, So
she wasn't giving me like a lot of anti gay messages growing up. It
just never came up. But I figured out I was bisexual like pretty early
on. Like I was gonna say, as far as my gay root goes,
yeah, it was definitely April O'Neil from the Ninja Turtles Wait movie or
cartoon cartoon cartoon cartoon, Yeah, yeah, the first cartoon Yellow that haircut,
my goodness. Yeah no, and and just her moxie, you know,
and her like her assertiveness and yeah, she's she's true here female and
a male dominated field, Like definitely she had to perform amongst turtles to even
get half the respective of me. Yeah, and it still wasn't wasn't going
that well. She had the biggest scoops in her career. She was still
struggling, So yeah, I really yeah, okay, yeah, okay,
and then then Rogue from the X Men, Ah also cartoon? Were you
more cartoon based? I just drew a lot as a little kid, and
that's like when I was there was a period where did you ever see the
movie super Bad? That Okay, there's a scene in that movie where they
talk about Jonah Hill as a kid and he's just drawn dicks over and over
and over again. I was drawn boobs a lot. There was like like
I was a horse girl and then I was a boob girl and I was
like, well, yeah, I didn't you No, okay, No,
I wasn't a pervert. I was just exploring power. Were they like disembodied?
They were the rest period? Okay, that's great, okay, And
did your mom ever like see that in a notebook and like ask about it
or were you keeping it secret? Might have seen it, never asked.
Wow, okay, did you know enough to be like I'm gonna make sure
nobody sees these boobs? Or are you like sitting in class like drawing boots.
Oh, it was home alone. It was like latch cute ship.
Yeah. Mom had like a day job and she was also going to college
and raising three daughters, and so it was fairal child time, you know,
like we were all just yeah and winter the hell we wanted. And
I chose to draw boobs after my Okay, look we all you know,
everyone hasn't their own path. Yeah, I love that. I love that.
It was very diy you know, yeah, yeah we didn't. There
was no the internet wasn't you know. It was very naice and you couldn't
just look at but if you want to see boobs, you had to draw
boobs, like yeah that's dress. Yeah. I didn't go down to a
river to go find porn like a creepy man wood. I just drew my
own boobs and I was like, I love them. And I read a
lot of comic books. I should say, like that's why That's another reason
I was drawn boobs all the time was because like X Men from the nineties
was all was drawn by like Jim Lee, and these guys started their own
comic book company called Image Comics, and they all drew the most bizarre,
disproportionate bodies. There's this one artist named Rob Leifield. Do you know about
this? And I just don't know. I'm just like, so they really
that's depressing. Yeah, powerful superhero women are just teetering on oh my goodness,
like you should. It's just there should be chapters about it in modern
feminism. But Rob Leifield is one of the funniest artists of all time.
Like the dimensions he was using, it's a really super nerdy rabbit hole.
I'm going down here. But that was the other reason I was drawn boobs
all the time, because I was mimicking these comic books that I was a
fan of, and Rogue was a huge part of that. And yeah,
I gotch yeah, yeah, yea, yeah, that's sorry. No,
that's like classy because I when I hear X Men, I have never been
cool enough. Comic books have always intimidated me because there's just like so many
of that. But I was a huge fan of the X Men cartoon and
then totally yeah, yeah, and my crush was on Jean Gray because and
then it's like, why do I date these like really destructive women. It's
like, well, there were early inklings that you that you're drawn to that,
like, yeah, she seems really nice. Oh no, she's destroying
the world like that. There's definitely a bit of that in my days.
Why am I attracted in people who cannot connect with others? Literally? Yeah,
she's X Men is honestly for like child therapist. I feel like it's
like, who's your favorite? X Men? Is like a really good question
to just ask an unsuspecting child, because my reveal, my reveal something as
far as like a comic book, equally any sort of civil rights stuff goes.
I mean, they didn't have a lot of black representation, but they
were started, like stan Lee, the guy that created them, Yep,
they were started as like an answer to the civil rights or a metaphor to
the civil rights movement, you know, for as good as you know that,
Yeah, I mean the mutants people of color. Well, I've I
guess you can kind of draw some parallels if you want to be weird about
it. I'm not saying it. I'm not going to say the words I
think, but they're they're outcasts and they're misfits, and they're on them they're
literally mutants. Like yeah, yeah, yeah, cool m I love that.
So, yeah, those are my queer roots is a fantasy. Yeah,
cartoons are a huge queer root. I was also a little Mermaid,
which is very more. Yeah, but yeah, cartoons are when you're little.
That's a yeah. I mean Robinhood the Fox. Holy shit, right,
I have shouted out Robinhood as a bye icon. Definitely, I have
too. Yeah. Yeah, I ran a by show for a while,
and we did a whole segment, a live comedy show about bisexuality. It's
called the Bay Agenda, and we did a cartoon segment at the most bisexual
cartoon characters. Nice and Robin Hood the Fox was number one. I also
Yeah, also Donald ducks Hitler was up there too. Well, now I'm
gonna have to google that after this and then Edible forever live in my search
history. So that's on Donald Ducks Hitler. Oh, it's definitely Google of
ball. It's it's I didn't know that was a thing. Yeah, I
don't know. It was like he was playing Hitler in like a fantasy that
Mickey was having about wanting to kick his ass. And there's always a reason
why Donald Doug was dressed up as Hitler. There's always an excuse. But
the fact of the matter is he made a choice, and I think that's
true. That's true accountability for it. Okay, Wait, so I don't
want to get ahead into a head So you're so you real when you say,
like you realized you were bisexual early? Was that like an like you
knew you were attracted, but was it an actual realization, like oh,
there's something like different about me versus like my friends, or like, did
you know the word bisexual? Because I know for a lot of folks that
doesn't even enter into their like vocab until later you hear gay as a kid,
but not necessarily bisexual. Yeah, I knew about it between like twelve
and thirteen, I'd say, in ninety ninety three, and it was just
part of like I don't know how I was exposed to the concept. It
was just really natural, you know, Like how do some kids know they're
gay? Growing up? I knew I was half gay. I don't know
they just felt trendy for a second. Like definitely other girls who were in
my social group, and we were all like the all kids at this school
called Mount Tabor Middle School. Like I knew that they were trying it on
as an identity to like, oh, I'm gonna try kissing a girl,
because like, of course, why not. You know, we're all gonna
fucking make out a little bit to a certain extent as kids. But yeah,
I just knew I was. And there wasn't much of a journey,
you know, Like I felt kind of bad thinking about my story in terms
of like something that's mothworthy, because like I never really had a coming out
moment so much as one time I was talking to my friend Leah and this
was landline phones, and my mom picked up the other line and I didn't
know it, so she was dropping in on the conversation. And it wasn't
like she was like I'm going to make a call. Oops, I could
have been. I mean, regardless, who knows who knows what looks in
the heart of Mega Maggie, But regardless, she was lurking on my phone
call. And so I was just talking to Leah and I was like,
yeah, I think I'm by I thought about it. I like guys and
chicks, and I don't think I'm just trying to be cool. I think
that's what I am. And that was a reason a fear of mine is
that people would just think I was trying to be trendy, you know,
just like an insecure thing. But because that's the that's the cross I guess
that bisexual people have to deal with. It's just like we're never taken seriously.
Yeah but uh yeah. So mom listening on the phone call, and
as soon as I got off the phone, she told me that I was
going through a phase, which is another trope that bisexuals have to deal with.
Mom was just like, it's just a phase. And that was a
pitch perfect impression of her, by the way, and that was pretty much
my coming out story was getting gas lit by my Catholic mother. Sold When
she said that to you, was there any part of you that believe,
like, I don't know what your relationship was with your mom as you were
like that age, but like a parent saying something like that, do you
do you did? Was part of you like, oh, maybe she's right,
like maybe this is or were you like, well, I definitely thought
she was a bitch. Okay, cool, cool, Yeah, we did
not have an easy time coaxing as a kid, Like I was like a
teenage runaway, but she would kick me out of the house. She'd kick
me out of the house and then uh uh call the cops on me.
So that's what I mean when I was a teenage runaway and she just didn't
know how to deal with me because like my older I was the middle kid,
and I have an older and a younger sister, and my older sister
was very just like she was. She enjoyed following rules, and she was
just like easy and was into homework and structure. And then I was like
this weird, oblivious rebel where I was just like I don't get it,
and then I just see whatever I wanted, and then I broke mom,
and then my little sister got to just ride that and not have to deal
with as many Like I just wanted purple hair and nose ring and for my
mom that was like too much and that was the biggest even Importland even important
in the nineties Portland. Yeah, what did she think was gonna happen?
Like, yeah, she was so mad about it, and I can't believe
how angry I sound about it now, you know, like that's so funny,
but yeah, is the whole foundation of the therapy industry. We never
get over. Yeah, but like if she had just let me do that,
we would not have gotten to the point where she was kicking me out
of the house, you know. But I was just like, dude,
it's my hair, my choice, like of course, you know, of
course it comes down in terms of my body, my choice with her.
Yeah. Yeah, So and did on the album you mentioned did you drop
out of high school as well? Yeah, I went to an alternative high
school and that was just like it. First they went to like a magnet
one, and then I went to an the moment I walked into the doors
of high school, I was like, I don't want to do this.
And then I went to this alternative one and that was just like where you
worked through a textbook and got credits. And then I found this program added
a community college where you can get like your ged by taking college classes too,
and I was like, well, I'll just do that. So I
got like two years of free college. That way, I'm not in college
debt, So that's pretty cool. Yeah, were you just like looking to
get out of the house. Were you just like when can I be old
enough for financially stable enough to get out of the house? Was that like,
yeah, that was an immediate goal. That was in immedia goals to
get out as soon as I could and just live by my own terms.
It took a little while for me to get there, but yeah, I'm
independent now, but I definitely went through like a CouchSurfing phase because I left
before I had like real skills. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So in
terms of like it sounds like you had a lot going on like in adolescence.
Were you like dating at all or was that just like I don't have
time for this. I'm trying to like, oh no, deal with my
mom, Like what was going on? Oh god, you just made me
think of my first boyfriend. I'm so sorry, me too. I Oh
god. He was a street kid and uh he played the he played the
guitar, and he had a black trench coat. It was pretty awful.
Yeah, my mom was furious because I was like fifteen and he was nineteen.
So that's an age Telly and the Yeah, yeah, I think so.
Yeah. Yeah, So that was like that was like a two year
that was a two year relationship, which is a huge amount of time when
you're a kid. Yeah, that's long. That's a very long time.
That's honestly impressive to me. That's commitment, yes, I think. But
so if you know you're attracted to women, but like, is that anything
you're like acting on, trying to act on, Like is that too much
to deal with on top of everything else, or like, was anything happening
with that. I was pretty monogamous as a kid, and I didn't really
like want to seek out any other relationships. But once we broke up,
I was seventeen, and I was kind of like involved with a couple of
people who were already dating and we'd all have sex together, so like three
style like poly dating. Yeah, I was doing like a junior version of
that. Yeah, but it was like super casual. But those are like
my first female sexual experiences was in that friend group, and okay, yeah,
and then I never really have had a steady girlfriend. I keep getting
wrapped up in these monogamous, hetero relationships and it sucked all the life out
of me. And now I'm just a divorced, forty three year old bisexual
woman who had dreams of Alanis Morissett as an early child. You know,
Ah, that's great, that's your like elevator pitch as a human. Yeah,
that's that's just where I'm at in life, you know, slightly tired.
No, it is, I feel like I'm I'm gay, So I'm
not speaking directly from experience, but it's just if you're bisexual. I feel
like for every one woman queer woman who you encounter or who expresses interest or
who you're interested in, there's like twenty men. So it's like the odds
are just so stacked that you're mostly gonna end up in those male relationship because
men are just like coming at you like pinballs, Like they're like, hey,
what's I buy your drink? Like it's just like the odds are the
odds are heavily Yeah, that's literally it. Yeah, for two bisexual women
to find each other. That's why we're called unicorns, you know, sure,
because yeah, there's many of us, but it's hard to capture us,
you know, Like and for two buy it's so hard for women to
like hit on each other. I don't even know how to navigate it because
like the default is that a man's going to be attracted to you or not
going to be attracted to you. But then with women, there's so many
other layers of friendship and complexities to explore before that even comes up. So
that's like another deterge is just how complicated it is. Yeah, and women
also a lot of us have the fear of like being perceived as predatory or
like think like what if I come on to somebody and they're horrified because they
just thought we were good for friends and I misread it, And there's like
whereas like men never, I feel like men are never Like what if I
come on to my female friend and she's not, I feel like, bet
are just way more like fuck it, I'll go for it, and then
women are just like I don't want to. Yeah, with so many,
so many orgasms have been lost to women just being respectful. That's a beautiful
and that's a tragic and beautiful Yeah put it. Yeah, And I think
the balance lies somewhere in the middle, because I'm not advocating men just being
like I'm gonna lean in and try to kiss my female friend like that should
go well, like that that's not good either. But the thing that,
yeah, we need a heavy medium of like a respectful way of doing it,
but also like not missing out on countless possibilities. We need a hanky
code for gay women. Shit, we should bring that shit back. Why
don't we gay gay men got a hanky code? I need one that says
look for either opportunity. I think we need to just be as blatant as
like T shirts with actual words on. I think we've become like desensitized to
flagging because it's like stuff used to mean something and now, like I feel
like a nose ring used to be reliable, like that woman's queer, and
now it's like everyone has a noser and you're like, fuck, what about
a septem period? Yeah, is that still queer? As soon as the
Christians do it, it's over, you know, as soon as it gets
into like Christian culture. Yeah. I was just thinking, like, is
maybe astrology is kind of flagging, But I feel like I feel like astrology
is not fair to do because I'm like, I hate astrology so much,
and I feel like it's a form of institutional It's like institutional accepted racism.
Like, oh my god, I encounter a lot of I put back when
I was on dating apps, which I'm not anymore. But when you know
they always have a prompt it's like something you should know about me, or
like I would always put like a funny thing that is basically saying I don't
believe in astrology because it actually like is important for people to know that.
And the number of passive aggressive messages i'd get just about that. It's like,
why don't you just avoid me? I'm trying to let you know,
to avoid me. Not a matge, but god, people get upset people
wildlife choices based off of based on astrology. I've had friends that have been
denied housing because if they're astrological sign like I grew up in Portland like that
probably daily wow. Wow, yeah that is rough. That is rough.
But yeah, I've absolutely seen people who will post the signs that they won't
date and it's like what are we doing here? So yeah, yeah,
astrology. Yeah, And I mean it's kind of fun when it's done positively,
right because like you know, when you get a group of women who
are all being like overly empathic with each other and like relating way too hard
with each other, it's kind of fun because it's spooky witchcraft stuff. But
then you can take it too far. It's kind of like with Taro,
where like with Taro, it's fun because like you're getting a subconscious reading back
yes, and you get questions that you actually, yeah, you can use
it in a guiding way, and then it goes too far. I always
read my horoscope like I'm not like anti like it's fun. But when people
are like really just die hard, like you're saying about that kind of thing,
I'm like, oh, it's such a turn off. It's like,
it's just so when I feel isolated from the community as a as a queer
woman who does not believe in astrology, that's when I really feel like you
need a gatheist community. Yeah that's good. Yeah, I don't know where
my place is. Both in terms of this is what I'm always so curious
with comedians. When did you make the decision to start being like fully out
and telling jokes about your sexuality because that's like such a hugely vulnerable thing to
do. And then now that you've named your album, it's like that's the
ultimate. It's like everybody knows right off the bat, which I think is
really admirable, But like, yeah, at what point in doing comedy where
you like I got to talk about this, and that means adding myself to
a room full of strangers. Every time I do a set, like,
I feel like I'm really clearly queer, you know, Like I feel like
the voice that I have just IDs me is queer, like regardless, and
just like the look on my face is just fucking you know. I'm a
non I'm not a feminine person, and therefore, you know, as a
woman who's not traditionally feminine, I'm immediately in a queer category. So I've
never thought about the pressure of iding myself as by to a crowd. I've
just always gone out there with the assumption that they knew that I was gay
already. That's so interesting. Yeah, I feel like that has anything to
do with growing up somewhere where that was because I like, I grew up
in Connecticut, and I don't feel like regardless of who you look of like
what you look like. I don't feel like a room full of people from
Westport, Connecticut, but I feel like if they see a woman walk on
stage, they're like, woman, probably married, and that's you know what
I mean, Like, no matter what they look like, I mean that
look I never went to like and open mic in Westport, Connecticut. But
I feel like whereas in a place maybe like a Portland or San Francisco or
like Seattle, maybe people are more looking at somebody's how they present and wondering
about them. I feel like they are parts of the country where you walk
on stage you're you're a woman, people will automatically assume hetero woman. Yeah,
looking to be married if not married already. Well, like you just
say, did a blind spot of mine? Is that? Like maybe I
should be wondering if people seem sad about me, but I just always saw
it. Oh, Also, I'm covered in tattoos. You are covered in
tatches. Yeah, yeah, that is yeah. And might I think you're
a skater? You don't know I'm a skater? Yeah a traditionally she rips
up half pis skater, die dude. But yeah, like I just always
thought everyone knew I was gay already, so might never. I never stressed
about coming out about it. It's just there, you know it kind of
it's like yeah, yeah, So they don't have a lot of internalized biphobia
aside from just the regular struggle of people taking you seriously. Yeah, like
it's hard to be taken seriously regardless, and then if you do a silly
thing like walk around and bisexual people are gonna be like, oh, okay,
you're clearly trying to get some attention. Oh you're a comedian who's bisexual.
Wow, you are just really demanding all our eyes are on you at
the moment. You know, do you in terms of if you've I know,
you said you've never had like like a long term relationship or anything with
a woman, But in terms of just like dating or dating might even be
a strong word encountering encounters, do you fight leave that We'll leave it open
ended. Do you gravitate more towards Is it like if there's another bisexual woman,
is there more of that understanding or less they're gonna like, I think
that it's a phase as opposed to when it's a lesbian woman. Do you
feel like you encounter that more with like that kind of negative projection in terms
of you're doing this for attention or something like that. Oh No, I'm
just like when I'm okay, when I'm out there and I'm not in a
dating state of mind right now, but like right now I'm in the middle
of well, I'm getting started on moving to New York. So wow,
yeah, it'll be cool. That's huge. Yeah, so that's might change
the that's a great place to date as a career with Yeah, definitely.
Yeah. I mean, but I'm just not in like a dating zone because
it's like, I'm what's the point right now? But when I am in
a dating zone, I'm trying to figure out if they're queer, and if
they're single, and like just all of the signals that someone's going to throw
out about, like you know, their lifestyle when they're telling an anecdote,
you know, like if they say my partner and me clearly, oh they're
not available, you know, just stuff like that, like just looking for
clues. So you know, half the time when I am in a dating
zone and I'm like hanging out in a group situation and then I zero in
on someone who I might be interested in, I'm just doing detective work,
you know. And then because I've always been more of a like the other
thing is that most of the way that I ever meet anybody is by being
a comedian. So that's a very weird dynamic to have after a show,
because people's opinion of you is going to be based on your material that you
presented, and so like, in some ways it's like kind of a power
move because people can be really impressed by you. But otherwise, if you
had a lousy set, get the fuck out because no one's gonna want to
chat with you. Just disappear. But I don't know, I feel like
I feel like people are intimidated by me after a set because I crushed that
hard. No kidding, because you feel because so hard, people are like,
wow, God is walking amongst us. You know, they're just cowering.
They're just like, dare I make eye contact. That's why they won't
do it is because they're like, wow, I can't even look at her.
I think that's that's why it's But there is also a weird like vulnerable
not vulnerability, but it's like they know all this stuff about you, you
know nothing about them. And that's an automatic imbalance. It's an imbalance,
and it's trauma dumping, and it comes from a desperate place of like needing
to be likable. Like it's there's there's a lot of like and then I
am not me when I'm on stage. I'm a different version. You're you're
a heightened version. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, so
it's just it's fucking weird as fuck. And I don't get laid off comedy,
no, because you're a woman who does comedy, not a man who
does get those rules like much I know it. It is like the imbalance
is I got into comedy for susy and instead I've dried up audiences, right
because you heard that that was what but you didn't realize that you were only
hearing men say that, and you were like, ah, there's the rub
or the lack of rub, the lack of rub. Yeah wow, okay,
okay, So do you are you comfortable talking all about the marriage that
is no more like how that played out? Or do you want to or
is that part of your past that we want to leave in the past.
We can talk a little bit about it. Yeah, I was in like,
did you get good material at least? I hope? Yeah, I
mean I don't. I tried not to write about him because they just don't
want to hurt his feelings, and like, I don't talk about him a
lot in a public way or privately because I don't want to hurt his feelings.
You know, what's not fair to him is that we were together for
like seven years, and then I decided that I wanted to do comedy.
So that's like, oh interesting, Yeah yeah, so like that's wow,
okay. And then in order to like do comedy, you have to go
out every single night for a couple of years before you're like competent enough to
like not have to be in a grind mindset. Yeah. Yes, So
for a minute, I was like and then this blood into the end of
our relationship was that I was just like, hey, I'm gonna go get
completely obsessed with this entirely separate thing from you. But also we just were
segment you know, like we I was abusing drugs and alcohol like just as
much as I could, Like I was just cramming as many intoxicants into my
brain as I could for as long as I could. And uh, then
we extended our relationship because I started doing comedy while we were together, and
he got into like buying and selling rare coins and turning that into a business
on eBay, and so that was like this nerdy field that had absolutely nothing
to do with anything that I was interested in, and he had no interest
in my comedy, and so we just were living completely different lives. And
just grew further and further apart, and I was getting drunker and drunker because
we were growing further apart. So it was just like when you look at
like this is so random a Hubble telescope photo of two universes that are like
sucking at each other, but there's still like in each other's gravity. That's
what it felt like. And we were doomed. So I have no idea
why we lasted fifteen years, to be honest with you, like, because
it felt wow, it felt pretty. That's such a huge amount of time,
especially between the ages of like twenty three to thirty eight, which from
my age Israel, I was with him, Like those are really prime discovering
yourself, figuring like traveling kind of years or like even digging into a career.
But instead all I did, and it's not to say that this is
his fault, but all I did was just get as wasted as I could.
So, you know, like, I'm not really proud of the time
that I spent. And I was clearly just like trying to obliterate myself for
some reason. And once I got out to Colorado, I had to live
through the pandemic, and then once I got to through the pandemic, I
started realizing I should go sober, you know, like it correlated. Right
around the time vaccines happened and had like reopened society was when I kind of
just got enough sunshine to be like, oh, I've ruined my life and
now I gotta quit drinking and like reclaim some time. So that's where I'm
at now, kind of wah. Yeah, yeah no, And you do
mention going sober or Colorado sober, which we call California's sober here. I
love that every state has it's Yeah, but yeah, no, I think
that's good. Congrats. I don't know what you said in terms of that,
but to a powerful life story, I don't know. I guess congrats.
I don't think it was that powerful of a life story that was just
in a nutshell. I think getting sober it deserves deserves a congrats. Oh
definitely, thank you. Yeah, it's still weird to be sober, Like
it's still like it's been two and a half years ish and wow, so
it's relative, it's like relatively new, but also it's every day I remember
it, So it's like the longest amount of time ever because I remember every
moment because I was present for it, you know, yes, yeah,
no, I hear that. It's also I think being queer and sober is
challenging because it's like we like bars are kind of like the place to meet
people aside from dating apps, because it's like our like if in terms of
meeting women, like like, if you're hetero, you can have a meet
cute anywhere like supermarket, whatever. But if you're queer, you're like either
on the apps or you're targeting places where you know other queer people will be,
and those are often places that revolve around alcohol. So I think that
is I think they're not being creative enough, and you should start going to
like Birkenstock stores or super Ruin, go to an outlet, go to a
bowl outlet and meet yourself a girl with a cute librarian glasses, you know,
think outside the box a little bit, go to home depot. I
should do that. This is good, This is good. This is what
I need to hear. This is you know, I need to be so
isolated that you think that bars are the only place for me as a bisexual
woman. I want to meet a nice couple, you know, So I'm
going to go to Whole Foods and I'm going to overreach a couple and touch
a pineapple. There you go. It's a great place to meet a couple
because you know, also financially like they're doing pretty good. Like yeah,
yeah, that just speaks emotional stability in the relationship to be able to take
a third person on and a tasteful palette. You know, that's all qualities
that I'm looking for. I think that's a great I think that's great.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay. Do you feel like that is more
in terms of like getting involved with women? Do you feel like it is
like easier or like more open to you at like couples as opposed to dating
like a woman. I know you talk in your act about but it definitely
feels like when I have been on dating apps, like a lot of reach
outs from couples, like that does seem like the most accessible paths sometimes.
Yeah, and I am. I've tried dating couples a few times, and
yeah, they it's never really quite gotten off the ground each time because the
dynamic within that relationship isn't ready for a third you know, like I'm just
used as a sex toy or a prop and a failing marriage. That's what's
happened twice. And you know, so it's kind of like they beg me
and they decide if they want to stay together and break up whatever it is.
It's like too big of a deal for me to even be a part
of. So I don't know how to harness my superpowers. Much like Jean
Gray and Oh I brought it all back, I can't. Yeah, but
I like the idea of dating a couple in theory. I'm not opposed to
it. It's just that, like you know, finding one person that's attracted
to me is hard enough. Nevertheless, finding two people that are attracted to
me that are also attracted to each other. Frankly, that's exhausting, and
I going that fire. I don't have a better g for it. I
think I say that in my joke. I'd was like, it's exhausting.
I can handle my dog. That's about it. Yeah, I feel I
fully may I feel exactly the sigh way and I'll here I'll end on on
a positive. Uh. Do have you ever had an experience after show where
people come up to you, whether it's in a place where they're maybe not
super comfortable to be out or whether it's like anywhere where people are like,
hey, like I'm also queer, I'm also by like thank you for talking
about that, or like, do people like I don't know, I come
out to you, like what, because when you're being that candid and opening
yourself up, I'm wondering if you ever sort of get that and return from
people who are like grateful that you're talking about all these things. Oh yeah,
not so much with the queerness, but because of Anklestein's spondylitis, which
is the spinal disease that I talk a little bit about yeah on the album.
Because my upper spine is fused together, so as my lower spine.
I don't know if if there's any part of me that isn't anymore. But
it's like a disease. It's like really rare, and there's been a couple
of times. I remember each time very specifically because it's always like really really
special. But like you know, in the hundreds, if not maybe thousands
or shows I've done, I've had like five people come up to me and
be like, I've got a glusten spawn lights and then we like give each
other really gentle hugs. Yeah. Yeah, So that's like, yeah,
that's a really touching thing that happens. Definitely. Yeah, So yeah,
okay, so now let's do all the plugging where people could listen to the
album, where they could purchase an and or venmo you after they've listened to
it. And I know also of a podcast, so if you want to
talk a little about that and yeah, yeah, the best link to go
to, if you know, depending on which form of media you use,
is my record label's website, which is Blonde Medicine Records dot com. And
you can search for my album there or and find like links to download it
on whichever platform you use. But if you're comfortable enough just going to your
platform, and by that I mean like iTunes or Spotify or Amazon, you
just search for my name Andy Main, which is A N D I E
M A I N and you can find my first album and my second album.
That way. I've got a first album, Magpie, and that's like,
okay, that's the album I recorded right when I left Portland to move
to Denver. So this is like a perfect snapshot of like the Denver experienced
before and after Denver. You can see my Colorado progression. But you can
search for all of my work that way on Spotify or iTunes, Amazon,
whatever, Andy Maine. And then first album is called Megpie. Second album
is called Rocky Mountain By. And then I've also got a brand new podcast.
It's called Recovering with Andy Maine. And it's a podcast about the act
of recovery. Talk to people who you know, our addicts or are recovering
from cancer or dealing with issues about leaving their religion, stuff like that.
So it's an uplifting podcast about the active recovery and overcoming. So that's like
my beautiful pet project right now. And yeah, yeah, I'm basically a
saint, so you know, I was gonna say, yeah, how do
we tithe to you? Yeah, oh, Andy dash Maine, my Venmo.
I'm just teasing that. I just think it's so funny to plug a
venmo. I'm like, yeah, I'm fair changing right now. Are you
on social media and do you do Twitter, Instagram, any of those?
Yeah, I'm on Instagram. That's probably the coolest one to find me at
is Instagram. And it's Andy Maine. It's just my first and last name.
And my podcast is there to recovery underscore podcast excellent, and I am
at Lauren Flans on Twitter and Blue Sky Lauren Underscore Flanns on Instagram. The
podcast is at coming Out Pod everywhere. The hashtag is hashtag coming out Pod.
Shout out to my incredible patrons Carmel Caz Simone, Cayenne, Michelle,
l Adri, Tanya Pooh, Tia, Kieren Smiley, Aaron Mitchell, Diego,
Hernandez, and Beyonclexa dot com. And hey, we were just talking
about tithing. You know how you can tithe for free if you want to
leave. If you want to leave the podcast a five star review on either
iTunes, Slash, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. That's an amazing way to
support for free. And on iTunes you can even write a little review if
you are so inclined. Andy, this was so much fun to talk to
you. I really did enjoy your album. I hope that y'all listening.
Go and check it out. And yeah, yeah, thanks for thanks,
Thank you so much fun. I had a blast. Thank you. Sadie
says good night, Oh, goodnight. Look at that donut. Die.
I know she's so stoked. Yep, I'm gonna snuggle with her. See
you later. Nice to meet you, Lauren. You're gonna fall all right.
I'll see you all next week. Bye.