Welcome back to the Black Girl Experience. I'm your host, Jasmine Dan Yale.
Your Girl's back, Your girl is back. So much on my mind
right now, so much on my motherfucking mind. You know, it's so
much on my mind. It's so much on my plate. It's so much
to say, it's so much to do, It's so fucking much, and
I'm just trying to trying to figure it all out. I'm trying to figure
out what moves to make. I'm trying to figure out how I want to
move. I'm trying to figure out what to share and what to withhold.
It's a lot. It's a fucking lot. It's a fucking lot. Where
do I start? Where the fuck do I start? I have been working
a lot. I've been working, like I think for the past two maybe
three weeks, I have been working seven days straight like just it's teaching at
least one class to day now, mind you. And this is why they
say that you have to learn how to come off the mat, because so
coming off the mat it's something that I'm still kind of struggling with. Something
I'm working on, is something that I'm trying to improve. One so as
a yoga teacher. It is my job. Well, I can't say it
is my job because some yoga teachers just be on the mat and they are
like a model and they show you everyone, they do the whole flow with
you, and you know what I'm saying, you just following along with them.
But the way that I was taught my yoga teacher training was to come
off the mat and to really walk around and speak to people and speak to
the body and you know what I'm saying, and making adjustments and making sure
that people are doing it the proper way, versus standing at the top of
the room on your mat doing every move. Now, mind you, if
you do that, you're gonna be tired as fuck. Imagine teacher. Imagine
teaching five classes a day and you doing the full out yoga every class.
You're gonna be tired as hill. Nigga. I don't even teach five classes
a day, and I'll be tired as hell. But again, I'm teaching,
and you know, I'll also be doing the yoga too, But I'm
working on coming off of the mat. But just period, I just think,
just period, like just all of the stuff that I've been doing,
teaching, doing the yoga, just really planning and preparing and setting goals and
just nigga, my mind being work nigga twenty four hours a fucking day.
So it's like it's just a lot, you know what I'm saying. It's
it's a lot of stimulation. It's a lot of shit going on behind the
scenes with me, and it's not a bad thing. It's a very good
thing. I'm very grateful for where I am right now. I express gratitude
every like, I'm so grateful to be a yoga teacher right now and to
be doing what I love. And you know what I'm saying, Had I
still been working at Linz Crafters or wherever the fuck I any other place that
I ever worry if I was still doing that shit right now, I would
be stressed, depressed and nigga need and rest, Okay, But no,
I'm happy with where I am. Like I feel fulfeeled, like I love
going to teach classes every day. I feel like I live a very careful
your life, like for real, Like it don't feel like work to me.
But at the end of the day, I do be tired, you
know what I'm saying. I do be feeling like I need rest. I
do kind of feel drained on certain days, but it's just because I'm doing
so much. But I'm also so proud of myself for really pouring into myself
and like, um, just working on my craft and really setting my intentions
and my goals and my plans for myself with yoga. It was something else
that I was just about to say. Um damn, I lost it that
fucking quick. I was about to say something. Um fuck, it was
something so good it was literally in my mind and I lost it that fucking
quick. Oh well, I guess maybe I'll come back to it. But
um yeah, man, it's just been so fucking much. Um, but
I absolutely love where the fuck I am right now. Um, I'm so
mad. I just thought about forgot about what I was about to say.
It was really something really good, Um damn. But anyway, okay,
moving along, moving the funk along. So all of that has been going
on. What else, So one thing that I have made it a point
to do daily is to write out what the fuck I got going on daily
and weekly, and it has really been helping me for sure, Like it's
definitely helping me just be more organized and be more productive by actually writing out
the things that I need to do or right now, my schedule and shit
like that. So definitely, on like Sunday, I sit down and I
write down Monday through Sunday. You know what I'm saying. If I'm going
to six thirty meditation, if I'm going to the seven am class right now
that I teach at nine forty five, right out that I got dropped my
son off at school, right just all that little stuff or whatever, writing
down the times that I teach, what I got going on that day.
Also just making the time for meditation if we're doing yoga and my own time,
it's super important. Like I said in the last episode, I really
can see a difference in myself in just my days and my weeks when I
do go to that early morning meditation when I'm able to get it in.
Y'all know, I'm gonna do yoga everyday, period. But one of the
main things that I try to do is to go to other people's classes just
so that I could stay sharp, just so it could be diverse. Like
I don't only just want to go to classes at the Trap because that's just
one style of yoga. You know what I'm saying. I'm so used to
it. That's the nigga yoga, that's the Black people yoga. I do
like to yoga hop and go around at different yoga studios and try other styles
and see other people or whatever. Like it's just a very good way to
stay sharp as a teacher. And again, just because you a teacher don't
mean nothing, nigga. You are always going to be a student of life.
So that's something too. I've really been getting like bag deep. So
one thing that I'm getting deep into is like meditation. For the longest,
I will only listen to guided meditations, but now I'm really focusing on meditating
myself. But I do still go crazy with the guided meditation. So I
listened to Goded meditations every night before I go to sleep. But another thing
that I'm getting back into very heavy, which I can't even say I was
ever really into, is super heavy but prayer. And it's so weird because
I feel like I'm at a weird place in my journey where you know,
I feel like I kind of back to well, no, not even kinda.
I really backed away from the aspect of religion and really turned to spirituality.
I feel like religion was something that was given to us by the oppressors.
You know what I'm saying. Niggas gave us Christianity during slavery and whatever.
We was just made to believe all of this shit. But at the
end of the day, my thing is, it don't even matter like what
religion you believe in or whatever, because there are so many different religions,
right, but they all preaching teach the same thing. They all have a
God or a higher power. They all got some type of some set of
rules or commandments or some shit that you're supposed to follow, you know what
I'm saying. And they all pretty much say the same thing. And they
all got different stories in their Bible or their book or whatever it is.
So it's all the fucking same. It's just you know, just different characters,
just different people. Whatever. But I will say that spirituality is more
of a individual thing for yourself. But and that's the thing. So one
of the things that I started to notice about myself is that when I did
turn to spirituality, I started to I started to use the term universe a
lot. M And my thing is for me, when people be asking me,
like, so do you believe in God? Like what do you believe
in? And for me, it's just like, I absolutely believe in a
higher power. I just don't think that it's a white man in the sky,
you know what I'm saying. I don't think that. I don't believe
it's a blue, white, blonde here man in the sky. I just
I don't. I don't give it any physical attributes. But I absolutely believe
in a higher power. Um. And I do believe that it's a combination
of like energy and intelligence. Um. What else was I about to say?
When I turned Okay, so when I kind of when I started to
turned to spirituality, like I said, I started to use the term universe
over the term God. But I still say God. I use both interchangeably,
like I both I say both universe and sometimes I say God. Whatever.
But I did notice that when I turned to spirituality, I feel like
I stopped praying, or I don't want to say I stopped praying, but
I was praying less than what I usually was. And it wasn't even like
I prayed all the time. And that's the thing too, I didn't.
I didn't. I wasn't a super big prayer warrior. But I did notice
like I felt like I started to pray lest um and then and this is
this is some real g shit. It's some real, honest to God shit.
Like I noticed that in my times of like worry or times of like
where I felt like I needed to call on a higher power, I would
find myself like God please, or God this or whatever. And it's like,
oh, you ain't saying, Universe, why you call a non guy?
You know what I'm saying. It's just it was just a whole little
mind thing with me. But I definitely but again, like I said,
I just don't believe that it's a man in the sky or whatever. But
I absolutely believe in a higher power absolutely. But again, it's just whatever
you choose to believe, whatever you want to name it, call it whatever.
You know what I'm saying. And again like whatever's true for you,
it's all that matters, period. But I have I'm getting deep into my
meditation bag. I'm getting deep into a very prayerful bag. And again not
only just like writing on my schedule and stuff like that. Like I've just
been writing a lot and it's really been helping me as far as like reflecting
and just taking a moment to gather my thoughts and to also you know,
as a way to set intentions from my life and stuff like that, and
again life plans and stuff like. I've been planning a lot of stup for
my life lately, like and just focusing on manifesting that, like really seeing
a vision from my future and really tapping into like what it is that I
want and that I see for myself, because I see a lot of shit
for myself. Bro, I see a lot of shit for myself. So
I've been writing all of that stuff down. I've been going crazy with the
angel numbers and like I always say to y'all, like I'm past the one
one one two, two two three two three four f four, Like I
still see I see those numbers on the clock all the time. But when
I be in the car and i'll be seeing license plate numbers, I'd be
looking them angel numbers up and seeing what they mean. Or if I'm walking
down the street and I see an address and it just stand out to me,
I'm putting that address in like what is this angel number? Me?
And them bitches hit every fucking time. So I've been writing down stuff about
what the angel numbers say, what they mean, the symbolism, and I'm
not gonna lie. I'm very deep into my love bag as well. I'm
very deep into my relationship bag as will. And it's just like I feel
like more and more stuff is just getting revealed to me every day. I'm
learning so much about myself. I'm learning more about love. I'm learning more
about the person that I am and the person that I show up as in
a relationship. And I'm really focusing on how I want to show up in
a relationship and what I expect in return and what I want to be reciprocated,
and really seeing a lot of the things that I need to change and
seeing how I could become better. One thing that I will say is that
I've learned, and I've always known this. I know that relationships require sacrifice,
relationships require compromise. It's very important. Like and I think a lot
of people, I think a lot of people are selfish, And I think
a lot of people go into relationships acting like they want to meet fifty fifty
and they want to you know what I'm saying, meet Nigga's halfway, but
they really be on some nigga my way or the highway. Like no,
I don't like that this is how I want to do it. Eno Like,
no, you gotta understand that shit is really a sac fights is really
a fucking compromise. And I feel like you cannot be in your ego in
a relationship, Absolutely fucking not. You cannot be in your ego. And
I feel like one thing that I've realized about myself is that I ain't gonna
lie. I give up very easily, Like if something don't work out or
whatever, it's like, okay, well fuck it, I ain't gonna do
this then, like whatever, just be ready to fucking throw the towel in
at the drop of a dime. But one thing that I have come to
learn is that in a relationship, somebody has to have a sound mind.
Somebody has to have a sound I you cannot always just jump off the fucking
leg. You can't just be ready to jump ship because you and your feelings.
You can't be ready to jump ship just because it's a problem or it's
an issue or you know what I'm saying. And I've always been that person
kind of like well fuck it then, like man, whatever, or I'm
a person like again, I'm a pisces, I'm a very emotional person.
So when I'm at my emotions, it's like, well, whatever, that's
how I feel in a moment. But I feel like I'm at a place
in my life where i know what i want in a relationship and I'm willing
to fight for that and I'm willing to you know what I'm saying again,
I'm willing to sacrifice and I'm willing to compromise because i know what the end
goal is and I know what I want. So I know at times when
when there's a push or a pool, I'm not just gonna give up and
be like, you know what I'm saying because I'm in my feelings or i
want to walk away or whatever. It's like, okay, but and this
is what I need, and I need to have this conversation that that's what
I need in return, because I can't be the only person with a sound
mind at all times, you know what I'm saying. Sometimes you have to
have a sound mind. Sometimes you have to sacrifice, sometimes you have to
compromise. But I've just noticed and I picked up on certain instances where I
usually will want to walk away or usually will want to give up, and
I'm like, I'm gonna stay. I'm gonna be silent, I'm gonna have
a sound mine, I'm gonna be the bigger person. Because there was one
point where, um, we were having a disagreement and I felt a little
disrespected and I felt a little uh, I felt a little disrespected and I
felt a little disregarded, and um, I was asked, Okay, so
do you want to leave or you know what I'm saying like type I don't
know if that's exactly what was saying, but basically on something like do you
want to leave? Or do you you know what you what do you want
to do? And I could have been like yeah, fuck you, like
like like fuck this whole thing, you know what I'm saying, But I
was like, no, I don't because number one, I really didn't want
to leave. I didn't want to I don't want to walk away from the
situation, you know what I'm saying. And I knew that if I would
have said yeah or in the conversation would have ended or whatever would have happened,
it could have easily just been done. But I know that that's not
what I want because I know what I want for myself. I know what
I want for a relationship. I see the bigger picture. I see the
end goal. So us getting into it or having a disagreement is not you
know, it's not enough for me to make me want to run or just
you know what I'm saying, not be able to deal with it. So
in that moment, I had to compromise. I had to sacrifice, you
know what I was my feelings being in my feelings, you know what I'm
saying, and to me, that's little girl shit. Like I could have
either. Again, I could have easily been like, man, fuck this,
like you know what I'm saying. But again, somebody, at some
point, somebody has to have a sold mine and it just depends on what
you want. So I'm like, nah, because I do want to be
here, you know what I'm saying. It's and that's not even the only
time it's been. It's been. It's been several instances recently where it was
like a disagreement and it could have won another way based on how I was
feeling, and I and that's what I all the time. I block,
I feel like I feel. I am definitely a person that moves off emotion.
Number one, because I'm a woman. Number two because I'm a pisces,
but you can't always move off emotion. You make a lot of you
could make a snap decision off of emotion, and it'd be the wrong choice,
to be the wrong decision to make. You know what I'm saying.
One should become clear minded or clear headed or you you have that moment to
your so where you think with your sound mind and you come back and the
water is calm. You know what I'm saying, You can't make You can't
make a decision when the water is boiling, when it's hot. It's so
beautiful to look at steel calm water. That's when you make a decision.
So, like I said, it's been several instances where it was like something
was said to me and you know what, But again, because it's gonna
be times where I'm gonna be the motherfucker like, oh so you want to
leave, you want to do this? So okay what you know what I'm
saying, it's gonna be I'm pretty sure there's gonna be times when I do
that. But I don't know. I just see a lot of growth in
myself, man, And I just know, I know, I know again,
I just know what I want and I know what I see for myself,
and I know that I have to I know that I have to continuously
change. I know that I have to become a better person. I want
to become the best version of myself, and so I'm just noticing all of
these things. Another thing that I have noticed or recognized in myself is that
in the current situation that I'm mean, one thing that I do regret,
but I also don't give a fuck, but I do still care. But
one thing that I do regret is telling some of my immedia circle about my
situation or my relationship or whatever. I regret doing that because again, and
that was off of a that was off a snap emotional decision. In the
very beginning, I made a snap emotional decision and I told the people around
me, and then I sucked around and I had to change of heart.
And so now I'm in a space where I feel like I don't want to
share about my relationship and what I got going on because I feel like people
are Number one, I feel like people are gonna judge me, and which
is crazy. And that's why I said I also don't give a fuck,
because it's like everybody got their own relationship problems. You know what I'm saying.
I don't know how many times friends have told me shit about their niggas
or their situations and then they'd be right back, you know what I'm saying.
And that's one thing that I've I don't know I've heard, or whether
it be on like podcasts or just from people living relationships or people that's married,
is like, you shouldn't run and tell your friends and your family every
single thing that you go through in your relationship, because again, when y'all
back on good terms, when y'all back in that good space, nigga's gonna
be looking at you like, nigga, you didn't taught us all the bad
shit. It's fuck that nigga, you know what I'm saying. So that's
where I'm at now, like just not really want to share because you know,
just this one bad experience with not bad experience, but you know what
I'm saying, this one little experience where it was like I made a snap
decision off of my emotions and then I later had to change your heart.
And so now I feel like everybody's vision or everybody's opinion of this person is
tainted because of what I said, you know what I'm saying. And then
again on top of that, I think that you just kind of learned that
people are super judgmental, Like people be acting like they're not judgmental, but
they are based on people's circumstances or you know, people's track record or what
a person looked like on paper or whatever, like you know what I'm saying,
Like people really judge people off of that, and that's crazy because people
be having their own fucking situations. You know what I'm saying, ain't let's
not let's not pull your skeletons off the closet, Let's not pull out how
you look on paper, Let's not you know what I'm saying, x y
Z. So it's just it's just really crazy. But also, um,
I don't know, I just I don't know. I feel like that's just
a part of me that I just kind of want to keep to myself and
not on no super private like cain't ship because baby, I'm gonna share it
with the world. I'm gonna share it with the world when the time is
right. But um, just moving different. And it's so funny because one
thing, if you go back, you know, episodes will go on here,
I feel like I used to be back and forth in my mind about
like I wonder if I'm gonna go pub with my next relationship or if I
just kind of want to be a more private person or keep it to myself
or whatever. And again, another very big part of that of or important
part of keeping like your relationship private is because everybody gonna have something to say.
And baby, once you go public, you know, motherfucker's gonna be
hopping out the woolworks like well, X, Y and Z and this person
this, and I really like, don't give a fuck. This is where
I'm married now, this is where this person is. That we don't give
a fuck about none of that old ass shit. And that's also another reason
why you have to really have open communication in your relationships. And that's why
you should be a one hundred percent honest with your partner so that no matter
what a motherfuckers say, nigga, I already know that it ain't none that
you can tell me about my person because I already knew you know what I'm
saying, Like, you never want to let somebody have one up on your
person, and ain't nobody ever gonna be able to say shit to me about
my nigga, and nobody's ever going to be able to say shit to my
nigga about me. That's on period. So yeah, it's just really been
a lot going on with that. Another thing with a lot being on my
plate is just thinking about the moves that I want to make for my life
and the plans that I have. Where do I want to be type shit,
like I'm back in that headspace and niggas no niggas No. I've always
said like Detroit is definitely not the final destination for me at or never was,
never will be. But it's just a lot to consider. It's a
lot to think about. And I had a conversation on my home girl Panta
the other day and she was just saying, like, you know, you
just Detroit is not where I need to be. I don't thrive in Detroit.
I don't flourish here. It's just so it's something about the energy here.
It's just I don't know what it is. On top of the fact
that I just don't want to be here, So like that's another really big
thing for me. And then just thinking about the money that I'm making now,
what I'm trying to do. Where do I see myself going with this
yoga ship. It's just so fucking much. It's just so fucking much.
And then just again thinking about my happiness and what I want, because at
the end of the day, nigga, we don't know how many more days
we got in this bitch, And y'all know, my thing is that I
want to live a fulfilled life. I want to live a happy life.
I want to travel, I want to live my fucking life. So these
are just things that I'm thinking about every day. So again, that's why
it's very important for me to really focus on manifesting the life that I see
for myself and really writing out my goals and being very prayerful and doing my
meditation every day. And another thing is like if I'm not doing those things,
then I'm doing yoga or I'm going to teach a class. Like that's
literally all that I've been doing. I ain't been doing no bullshit, I
ain't been going out or you know what I'm saying, Like it's literally yoga
goals, yoga goals, sleep, yoga goal, sleep, being a mom.
You know what I'm saying, Like, those are the only things that
I focused on, and I will say that I feel like this is the
best that I've ever been doing and the happiest that I've ever been because all
shit, all I'm doing is focusing on my goals and myself. So yeah,
I'm trying to think what else it was? Something else. I feel
like what I was saying earlier was about to come back, and I just
lost it again. But let me see, damn, it was just about
to come back, bro, The thought was about to come back. I
don't know, I lost the thought again, But I will say that I
just keep coming in contact with like minded people, people on the same jour
ernie is me. People that just want to focus on better in themselves,
being in a high vibration, really focused on a mind, body, spirit,
everything that they put into their body, everything that they surround themselves with.
Like just a very great group of people, being around people that support
each other, Like I love this for myself. So that's just the that's
the wavelength of your girl has been on. I'm trying to think what else.
My fucking kid is growing up? Bro? I really love I love
the freedom that he is walking into. I love how he's really coming into
his own this past weekend, he went to sixth grade camp with his school.
I remember when I went to sixth grade camp. What a fucking experience
he did that next week or this weekend, he's going to Chicago with his
school. But again, I like how it's a little bit of freedom.
Like obviously they with chaperons and they in groups, but they kind of give
him the space and the freedom to kind of branch off on their own.
And again, this is I guess I would say, like, you know,
his first time is really being away from home and being away from his
parents and stuff like that, and just kind of really just coming into his
own as a young man. I'm also very proud of him. Y'all know
that he is in orchestra. He plays the violin, he plays the piano.
But y'all know he's not a really big sports person and never has been.
We didn't try to put him in all the sports, and he wasn't
really fucking with it, well, not all the sports. But he played
basketball before, he didn't really like that. He played soccer, that was
cool. He did karate before, but he's just really not a sports person.
But he decided to sign up to be on the track team on his
own and he's really enjoying, ain't it. And I really loved that for
him, and he has a tracked me on Wednesday saw him a go to
that, but like that's something that he decided to do on his own,
and like I said, he's really enjoying it. So I'm just really proud
of him for really just coming into his own and really just watching him grow
up. Like I feel like this shit is just flying the fuck by six
more years of this shit, for six more years of this co parents and
shit, Thank the Lord, Let's get this shit out the fucking door,
out the way. I ain't gonna lie. My co parents in situation has
made me feel like it has always made me feel like I don't want to
have another kid because of how my situation turned out. Like I never saw
my situation being how it is, and that's another thing. That's another motherfucking
thing, So yeah, it had. My situation has always made me feel
like I don't want to have another kid because it's like as promising as like,
and no situation as promised. Nigga, you could be married and that
shit could be you know, that shit could be dead, and trust me,
I know because my daddy in the married been married several times, and
it's like, but that Nigga's the common denominator in his situation. But as
promising as your situation can look, it can go fucking left, you know
what I'm saying. And I think that happened to me. Like I said,
I never saw my life and my situation, especially as a parent.
I never saw it turning out like this. And to me, my situation
wouldn't even have to be or it don't have to be as bad as it
is. But it's just because people don't want to see eye to eye.
People don't want to be on the same page, you know what I'm saying.
Like people want to make a problem out of nothing. You want to
make a problem out of no problem. It's what the situation is, and
it's very weird to me. But I never saw my situation being like And
again, for as complicated as my situation is and as crazy as he is,
it always has made me feel like, dang, I don't want to
have another kid again because I was in a situation where I was in a
relationship with the father of my child, you know what I'm saying, And
it was like it was I didn't have a kid off No One night stand.
It was. It didn't start off like, oh, this a baby
daddy baby like I remember when I used to I always used to just say
my child's father. But the situation got so fucking ghetto, like I call
that nigga my baby daddy now. But yeah, like I never saw that
for myself. And so as stressful as my situation is, as crazy as
it is, like for the longest, I would just be like, I
don't even want to have another kid because it's it's that it's that much stress.
It's that much stress to have to cope and deal with a motherfucker,
like it ain't even worth it. However, I have always when not always,
but after I first had my son, I remember I used to be
like, oh no, I'm one and done. I'm straight, like I
don't even know more kids. But it's time has passed. I realized that
I've had a change of heart again. There's that change of heart, and
that's one thing that you gotta know in life, nigga, you're gonna have
a change of heart. So while you're feeling like, oh I'm setting stone,
this is how I feel. Nigga, tintos down about this, nigga.
You never know where your life is gonna go. You never know the
op that life is gonna throw you. You never know which way you're gonna
have to turn. You never know when you're gonna have a change of heart.
I definitely absolutely want another kid now. I want a daughter so fucking
bad. I want I want to have I want to have her tomorrow.
Okay, I want to have her tomorrow for real. Like, I want
a daughter so fucking bad. I want a yoga baby so bad. I
wanna you know what I'm saying. And then that's another thing too, like,
um, you know, even though my parents got divorced when I was
like in third grade, like I was luckily but also unfortunately, I was
always in a household where it was two parents, like you know, my
dad was always getting remarried or always had a girlfriend with So I always did
have that, like you know, that family unit type thing. However,
it was not a good representation of what love was. There was always a
lot of arguments. It was a lot of you know, like physical violence
and just a lot of it was a lot of shit going on in the
home. So however, just because you got two parents in the house.
Don't mean that it's positive. It doesn't mean that it's a healthy situation.
It doesn't mean that it's a great representation of black love. But that is
something that I want for my children. And I want to be in a
two parent household. You know what I'm saying. I hate that my son
gotta be split up amongst two households. I hate that he gotta split holidays,
he gotta split birthdays. I hate I hate that my son feel like
he don't like to talk on the phone when he with one parent. You
know what I'm saying. If my son in the car with me and his
dad, call, he being weird. If I call and he and he
and he in the car with his dad, he being weird because the energy
is weird all across the board, and he you know what I'm saying.
And the fact that he even got to feel like that, That's what I'm
saying. Like that cod like co parents and bro that ship for the fucking
birds. So I want to I want my kids to be in a two
parent household. I want to want me and my man, my husband to
be together for our kids. You know what I'm saying. Like I want
to wrap. I want to raise a family for real, Like that that's
the goal. Ni y'all be talking about relationship goals, Nigga, that's the
goal. So that's what I want for myself. That's what I want from
my family. And yes, I want a motherfucking daughter. Okay. I'd
have had this ship planning out for so fucking long and it's gonna happen.
Period. And like I said, I've been so deep in my manifestation bag.
I've been so deep in my prayer bag, my meditation bag, and
my writing bag. Like all this ship is set in fucking stone. It's
just you know, lending divine time and be at play with it. So
that I'm trying to see, is there anything else on here? I'm over
here looking on my planner and all of this ship. Okay, I gotta
catch up on some affirmations. Okay, I'm falling behind. There another thing
that I've noticed. This is not where I wanted to go, but this
just popped in my mind. Baby, when you get in your when you're
getting your goddess energy, when you're getting your empress energy, when you get
in your self love bag and your self love energy you start to attract.
Okay, number, when you start to attract all the good things, you
start to attract all the abundancy of life, you also gonna attract some function.
I'm not gonna lie. One thing that I will say is the more
that I pour into myself and focus on myself, the more you know,
just it's just a it's a it's a natural or it's a natural light that
I exude to the world. Right. I feel like I can getting my
flowers. I feel like I get a lot of attention right now. I
feel like I got a lot of eyes on me. I definitely get a
lot of male attention now. The more that I pour into myself and love
on myself, I get a lot of male attention, a lot of it,
you know, just going out whatever, niggas trying to hollow whatever.
And then you got the you got, you got the old militant, you
got all the niggas from the pad. Baby. When I tell y'all,
line never had niggas on my head like this, I'm like, go away
like all of my old niggas, Niggas that was just on bullshit forever,
Niggas that treated me in a way that I did not deserve to be treated
when I tell you they are spinning the block on motherfucking one wheel. Nigga
like them, niggas spending the block like they on a carousel that will not
fucking turn off. Spind the block, spin the block, spind the block.
Nigga spinning the block? How you spin the bottle on? What was
the game? Spinning the bottle? Baby? They're spinning the block, and
I'm like, where is this I'm in from. I'm talking about niggas just
being my DM number one talking today sales. But I'd be real short,
not I don't even want to say short and sweet. I'll be real short
with niggas. Okay, whatever conversation ended, these niggas come back with more
conversation. Like, Bro, the conversation is over. I said, okay,
you know I hit you with the one word, I hit you with
the and niggas would just make a conversation out of nothing. I'm like,
this is crazy. Where was this energy when I wanted it from you?
You know what I'm saying? Where was this energy when I actually liked you?
Where was it? You know what I'm saying, Bro, It's it's
wild to me. The attention I'm receiving. It's wild to me, the
energy I'm receiving. It's wild to me to have all of these eyes on
me, you know what I'm saying. And I think my thing is or
my focus for myself right now, is to not get in my ego,
to not get into my EGOUM. And this is I always talk about this
too, Like it's a real tough situation to you know, be humble but
also be confident, talk your shit, Like, definitely definitely be confident,
but do not hop into your ego. I definitely just always want to remain
being a humble spirit, uh, but still be confident. But for the
most part, like I just wanna I don't want to do too much.
I want to be a regular person and just live a regular fucking life.
You know what I'm saying. I'm not trying to be that flashy person.
I'm not trying to be the bitch. Like, yeah, you know what
I'm saying, Like, I just want my work to speak for itself.
I want my character and my personality and the person that I am. I
just want that to speak for myself. I don't want none of the extras,
none of that um and you know what I'm saying. And again,
I just feel like when you were light nigga, you gonna shine period period.
So I feel like that's what's happening. I feel like, Um,
I've just been focusing on myself and focusing on on my own energy, and
I think like, um, and that's another thing. When you really tap
into your goddess energy and all of that, and tap into like your sacral
chakra energy. So tapping into like your creative energy, your sexual energy,
all of that and not sexual energy as in being sexual or whatever. But
you know, but a girl, okay, your girl be sensual and sexy
on the internet. But when I say tapping into my sexual energy, I'm
just talking about my creative energy because I have not had sex at all.
I have not had I haven't had sex. S's January Nope, Okay,
yeah, I haven't had sex since January and it's almost fucking May so.
But again, your sexual energy can be transmuted into creative energy. You gotta
think when you have sex, that energy conjures up enough to create a baby.
So again, sexual energy is creative energy, but you can channel it
into something else, so you don't have to be having sex, and especially
you don't want to be having no meaningless sex. You don't want to be
just out here fucking just to be fucking or exchanging the energy with somebody that's
draining you of yours or drain you know what I'm saying, draining you or
your creative energy and all of your great juju. But you can transmute that
energy or you could channel it into being creative energy. So I think that's
just what I'm tapping into. Like and again, like I said, I
haven't had sex since January, So I'm using all of that sexual energy,
because baby, the sexual energy is there, It's on fire, is through
the motherfucking roof, and I cannot wait to put it on my nigga.
But I'm using all of that energy and I'm channeling it into my creative energy,
which is how I'm creating this episode, which is how I'm creating when
I'm doing my yoga, when I'm posting my content on Instagram, or you
know what I'm saying, just my creative energy period and again, just being
able to really stand in my power and pour into myself and working on my
self love and really getting in tune with my body and making that that connection
between the mind and the body through yoga like that shit is all very important.
And I think it's just like I think my cup is just overflowing with
the goddess energy and that's why I'm attracting so much to me. And so
that's where I'm at with that, and I'm just glad to have somebody that
I will say this, and this was even before it got to where it
is now. One thing that I said was that I love the reassurance that
I get from this person. I love that they expressed their emotions to me,
or they all or they tell me what they love about me all the
time, or you know what I'm saying, and stuff like that. I
really love that. And I don't think I've ever had a man really experienced.
I just I've never had a man be di expressive to me and just
you know, and just not only spilled the heart out, but like just
I don't know, be vulnerable, but also just I don't even know how
to explain it, Like I don't know, but I like I like that
he's expressive and um just hearing all of the things and all of the plans
that he has for me, for us for my kid, you know what
I'm saying, Like, it's just it's really refreshing to hear because and that's
another thing. Anytime that I've ever talked to a dude before, and most
times when I was talking to dudes, they never really they never really mentioned
anything about my son. But also I was never really seriously talking to niggas.
That's another thing. But even still, I just feel like if a
nigga don't really mention my kid or don't really talk about him or something like
that, like it shows me that you have no interest in me for real,
you know what I'm saying. So for somebody to really talk about my
son and what they want to provide for him or how they want to be
a part of his life for you know, just all of us together and
really have a plan for all of that. Like I love that. I
love that. Um. But yeah, the niggas is coming out of the
wool work. So I don't know if it's because it's mercury retrograde or because
niggas just see that I'm on my shit and they're like, damn, you're
looking good as hell and you're doing it. I've never had so many niggas
in my DMM talking about Yeah, I've been thinking about getting into yoga.
Okay, well buy a ticket and come to my class, come to my
job and take a class. Like I'm so tired of y'all niggas, bro,
I am so fucking tired of y'all niggas. I am so fucking tired
of y'all niggas. Um, But you know that's to be expected for niggas
to be on bullshit and to just be talking that shit, like, get
the fuck out of Here's so many niggas on my head and on that bullshit.
Save it for the next bitch, please. But yeah, man,
I think that's um. I think that's pretty much it. I think that
covers a lot of what I had to share. For real, I'm trying
to think, is there anything else U