WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.920 --> 00:00:05.200 Welcome back to the Black Girl Experience. I'm your host, Jasmine Dan Yale. 2 00:00:17.199 --> 00:00:21.519 Your Girl's back, Your girl is back. So much on my mind 3 00:00:21.640 --> 00:00:28.120 right now, so much on my motherfucking mind. You know, it's so 4 00:00:28.199 --> 00:00:35.439 much on my mind. It's so much on my plate. It's so much 5 00:00:35.479 --> 00:00:43.280 to say, it's so much to do, It's so fucking much, and 6 00:00:43.359 --> 00:00:49.159 I'm just trying to trying to figure it all out. I'm trying to figure 7 00:00:49.159 --> 00:00:52.799 out what moves to make. I'm trying to figure out how I want to 8 00:00:52.880 --> 00:00:58.359 move. I'm trying to figure out what to share and what to withhold. 9 00:01:00.600 --> 00:01:03.439 It's a lot. It's a fucking lot. It's a fucking lot. Where 10 00:01:03.480 --> 00:01:11.760 do I start? Where the fuck do I start? I have been working 11 00:01:11.799 --> 00:01:18.319 a lot. I've been working, like I think for the past two maybe 12 00:01:18.359 --> 00:01:23.760 three weeks, I have been working seven days straight like just it's teaching at 13 00:01:23.840 --> 00:01:30.079 least one class to day now, mind you. And this is why they 14 00:01:30.120 --> 00:01:34.239 say that you have to learn how to come off the mat, because so 15 00:01:34.400 --> 00:01:40.400 coming off the mat it's something that I'm still kind of struggling with. Something 16 00:01:40.439 --> 00:01:44.000 I'm working on, is something that I'm trying to improve. One so as 17 00:01:44.000 --> 00:01:47.599 a yoga teacher. It is my job. Well, I can't say it 18 00:01:47.640 --> 00:01:52.159 is my job because some yoga teachers just be on the mat and they are 19 00:01:52.200 --> 00:01:53.920 like a model and they show you everyone, they do the whole flow with 20 00:01:53.959 --> 00:01:57.000 you, and you know what I'm saying, you just following along with them. 21 00:01:57.079 --> 00:02:00.640 But the way that I was taught my yoga teacher training was to come 22 00:02:00.680 --> 00:02:06.439 off the mat and to really walk around and speak to people and speak to 23 00:02:06.480 --> 00:02:08.719 the body and you know what I'm saying, and making adjustments and making sure 24 00:02:08.759 --> 00:02:14.680 that people are doing it the proper way, versus standing at the top of 25 00:02:14.680 --> 00:02:19.120 the room on your mat doing every move. Now, mind you, if 26 00:02:19.159 --> 00:02:23.680 you do that, you're gonna be tired as fuck. Imagine teacher. Imagine 27 00:02:23.719 --> 00:02:27.840 teaching five classes a day and you doing the full out yoga every class. 28 00:02:27.840 --> 00:02:30.680 You're gonna be tired as hill. Nigga. I don't even teach five classes 29 00:02:30.719 --> 00:02:35.439 a day, and I'll be tired as hell. But again, I'm teaching, 30 00:02:35.879 --> 00:02:39.560 and you know, I'll also be doing the yoga too, But I'm 31 00:02:39.560 --> 00:02:44.400 working on coming off of the mat. But just period, I just think, 32 00:02:44.479 --> 00:02:47.280 just period, like just all of the stuff that I've been doing, 33 00:02:47.560 --> 00:02:57.080 teaching, doing the yoga, just really planning and preparing and setting goals and 34 00:02:57.240 --> 00:03:01.719 just nigga, my mind being work nigga twenty four hours a fucking day. 35 00:03:01.800 --> 00:03:07.039 So it's like it's just a lot, you know what I'm saying. It's 36 00:03:07.120 --> 00:03:12.960 it's a lot of stimulation. It's a lot of shit going on behind the 37 00:03:13.000 --> 00:03:15.759 scenes with me, and it's not a bad thing. It's a very good 38 00:03:15.759 --> 00:03:19.680 thing. I'm very grateful for where I am right now. I express gratitude 39 00:03:19.719 --> 00:03:22.919 every like, I'm so grateful to be a yoga teacher right now and to 40 00:03:23.000 --> 00:03:24.560 be doing what I love. And you know what I'm saying, Had I 41 00:03:24.639 --> 00:03:30.199 still been working at Linz Crafters or wherever the fuck I any other place that 42 00:03:30.280 --> 00:03:31.560 I ever worry if I was still doing that shit right now, I would 43 00:03:31.599 --> 00:03:38.719 be stressed, depressed and nigga need and rest, Okay, But no, 44 00:03:38.840 --> 00:03:43.400 I'm happy with where I am. Like I feel fulfeeled, like I love 45 00:03:43.479 --> 00:03:46.280 going to teach classes every day. I feel like I live a very careful 46 00:03:46.400 --> 00:03:50.199 your life, like for real, Like it don't feel like work to me. 47 00:03:50.719 --> 00:03:55.000 But at the end of the day, I do be tired, you 48 00:03:55.039 --> 00:03:58.639 know what I'm saying. I do be feeling like I need rest. I 49 00:03:58.719 --> 00:04:01.360 do kind of feel drained on certain days, but it's just because I'm doing 50 00:04:01.960 --> 00:04:06.080 so much. But I'm also so proud of myself for really pouring into myself 51 00:04:06.159 --> 00:04:13.240 and like, um, just working on my craft and really setting my intentions 52 00:04:13.240 --> 00:04:16.240 and my goals and my plans for myself with yoga. It was something else 53 00:04:16.279 --> 00:04:19.920 that I was just about to say. Um damn, I lost it that 54 00:04:20.040 --> 00:04:26.480 fucking quick. I was about to say something. Um fuck, it was 55 00:04:26.560 --> 00:04:29.839 something so good it was literally in my mind and I lost it that fucking 56 00:04:29.879 --> 00:04:31.959 quick. Oh well, I guess maybe I'll come back to it. But 57 00:04:32.319 --> 00:04:39.199 um yeah, man, it's just been so fucking much. Um, but 58 00:04:39.279 --> 00:04:46.120 I absolutely love where the fuck I am right now. Um, I'm so 59 00:04:46.160 --> 00:04:47.759 mad. I just thought about forgot about what I was about to say. 60 00:04:47.839 --> 00:04:56.439 It was really something really good, Um damn. But anyway, okay, 61 00:04:56.480 --> 00:05:00.199 moving along, moving the funk along. So all of that has been going 62 00:05:00.360 --> 00:05:09.120 on. What else, So one thing that I have made it a point 63 00:05:09.199 --> 00:05:15.959 to do daily is to write out what the fuck I got going on daily 64 00:05:16.000 --> 00:05:20.600 and weekly, and it has really been helping me for sure, Like it's 65 00:05:20.720 --> 00:05:28.839 definitely helping me just be more organized and be more productive by actually writing out 66 00:05:28.879 --> 00:05:30.399 the things that I need to do or right now, my schedule and shit 67 00:05:30.519 --> 00:05:35.560 like that. So definitely, on like Sunday, I sit down and I 68 00:05:35.639 --> 00:05:42.480 write down Monday through Sunday. You know what I'm saying. If I'm going 69 00:05:42.519 --> 00:05:46.680 to six thirty meditation, if I'm going to the seven am class right now 70 00:05:46.759 --> 00:05:49.800 that I teach at nine forty five, right out that I got dropped my 71 00:05:49.839 --> 00:05:56.120 son off at school, right just all that little stuff or whatever, writing 72 00:05:56.160 --> 00:06:00.480 down the times that I teach, what I got going on that day. 73 00:06:02.439 --> 00:06:06.680 Also just making the time for meditation if we're doing yoga and my own time, 74 00:06:06.759 --> 00:06:10.839 it's super important. Like I said in the last episode, I really 75 00:06:11.360 --> 00:06:18.199 can see a difference in myself in just my days and my weeks when I 76 00:06:18.279 --> 00:06:21.360 do go to that early morning meditation when I'm able to get it in. 77 00:06:24.360 --> 00:06:28.439 Y'all know, I'm gonna do yoga everyday, period. But one of the 78 00:06:28.439 --> 00:06:32.120 main things that I try to do is to go to other people's classes just 79 00:06:32.199 --> 00:06:36.240 so that I could stay sharp, just so it could be diverse. Like 80 00:06:36.279 --> 00:06:40.720 I don't only just want to go to classes at the Trap because that's just 81 00:06:41.120 --> 00:06:44.680 one style of yoga. You know what I'm saying. I'm so used to 82 00:06:44.759 --> 00:06:46.759 it. That's the nigga yoga, that's the Black people yoga. I do 83 00:06:47.240 --> 00:06:53.079 like to yoga hop and go around at different yoga studios and try other styles 84 00:06:53.120 --> 00:06:56.839 and see other people or whatever. Like it's just a very good way to 85 00:06:56.839 --> 00:07:00.360 stay sharp as a teacher. And again, just because you a teacher don't 86 00:07:00.399 --> 00:07:03.279 mean nothing, nigga. You are always going to be a student of life. 87 00:07:03.360 --> 00:07:10.160 So that's something too. I've really been getting like bag deep. So 88 00:07:10.240 --> 00:07:14.879 one thing that I'm getting deep into is like meditation. For the longest, 89 00:07:14.879 --> 00:07:18.439 I will only listen to guided meditations, but now I'm really focusing on meditating 90 00:07:18.519 --> 00:07:24.160 myself. But I do still go crazy with the guided meditation. So I 91 00:07:24.240 --> 00:07:28.079 listened to Goded meditations every night before I go to sleep. But another thing 92 00:07:28.120 --> 00:07:30.959 that I'm getting back into very heavy, which I can't even say I was 93 00:07:30.959 --> 00:07:35.240 ever really into, is super heavy but prayer. And it's so weird because 94 00:07:35.279 --> 00:07:40.759 I feel like I'm at a weird place in my journey where you know, 95 00:07:40.839 --> 00:07:46.879 I feel like I kind of back to well, no, not even kinda. 96 00:07:46.240 --> 00:07:51.000 I really backed away from the aspect of religion and really turned to spirituality. 97 00:07:51.279 --> 00:07:56.920 I feel like religion was something that was given to us by the oppressors. 98 00:07:57.079 --> 00:08:01.199 You know what I'm saying. Niggas gave us Christianity during slavery and whatever. 99 00:08:01.279 --> 00:08:05.079 We was just made to believe all of this shit. But at the 100 00:08:05.160 --> 00:08:07.639 end of the day, my thing is, it don't even matter like what 101 00:08:07.759 --> 00:08:15.079 religion you believe in or whatever, because there are so many different religions, 102 00:08:15.160 --> 00:08:20.480 right, but they all preaching teach the same thing. They all have a 103 00:08:20.480 --> 00:08:24.839 God or a higher power. They all got some type of some set of 104 00:08:24.920 --> 00:08:28.279 rules or commandments or some shit that you're supposed to follow, you know what 105 00:08:28.279 --> 00:08:30.879 I'm saying. And they all pretty much say the same thing. And they 106 00:08:30.920 --> 00:08:35.440 all got different stories in their Bible or their book or whatever it is. 107 00:08:35.480 --> 00:08:41.200 So it's all the fucking same. It's just you know, just different characters, 108 00:08:41.240 --> 00:08:46.879 just different people. Whatever. But I will say that spirituality is more 109 00:08:46.960 --> 00:08:54.240 of a individual thing for yourself. But and that's the thing. So one 110 00:08:54.279 --> 00:08:56.399 of the things that I started to notice about myself is that when I did 111 00:08:56.480 --> 00:09:03.039 turn to spirituality, I started to I started to use the term universe a 112 00:09:03.039 --> 00:09:07.279 lot. M And my thing is for me, when people be asking me, 113 00:09:07.360 --> 00:09:09.480 like, so do you believe in God? Like what do you believe 114 00:09:09.559 --> 00:09:13.159 in? And for me, it's just like, I absolutely believe in a 115 00:09:13.240 --> 00:09:16.120 higher power. I just don't think that it's a white man in the sky, 116 00:09:16.360 --> 00:09:18.840 you know what I'm saying. I don't think that. I don't believe 117 00:09:18.879 --> 00:09:24.879 it's a blue, white, blonde here man in the sky. I just 118 00:09:26.080 --> 00:09:33.559 I don't. I don't give it any physical attributes. But I absolutely believe 119 00:09:33.600 --> 00:09:43.200 in a higher power. Um. And I do believe that it's a combination 120 00:09:43.320 --> 00:09:54.320 of like energy and intelligence. Um. What else was I about to say? 121 00:09:56.159 --> 00:09:58.399 When I turned Okay, so when I kind of when I started to 122 00:10:01.399 --> 00:10:05.080 turned to spirituality, like I said, I started to use the term universe 123 00:10:05.120 --> 00:10:09.799 over the term God. But I still say God. I use both interchangeably, 124 00:10:09.879 --> 00:10:13.279 like I both I say both universe and sometimes I say God. Whatever. 125 00:10:13.639 --> 00:10:16.720 But I did notice that when I turned to spirituality, I feel like 126 00:10:16.759 --> 00:10:22.080 I stopped praying, or I don't want to say I stopped praying, but 127 00:10:22.879 --> 00:10:26.000 I was praying less than what I usually was. And it wasn't even like 128 00:10:26.039 --> 00:10:26.919 I prayed all the time. And that's the thing too, I didn't. 129 00:10:26.960 --> 00:10:33.399 I didn't. I wasn't a super big prayer warrior. But I did notice 130 00:10:33.480 --> 00:10:39.960 like I felt like I started to pray lest um and then and this is 131 00:10:39.000 --> 00:10:43.120 this is some real g shit. It's some real, honest to God shit. 132 00:10:43.320 --> 00:10:50.519 Like I noticed that in my times of like worry or times of like 133 00:10:50.039 --> 00:10:54.799 where I felt like I needed to call on a higher power, I would 134 00:10:54.840 --> 00:10:58.200 find myself like God please, or God this or whatever. And it's like, 135 00:10:58.240 --> 00:11:01.840 oh, you ain't saying, Universe, why you call a non guy? 136 00:11:01.039 --> 00:11:03.600 You know what I'm saying. It's just it was just a whole little 137 00:11:03.639 --> 00:11:07.919 mind thing with me. But I definitely but again, like I said, 138 00:11:07.919 --> 00:11:11.159 I just don't believe that it's a man in the sky or whatever. But 139 00:11:11.519 --> 00:11:18.080 I absolutely believe in a higher power absolutely. But again, it's just whatever 140 00:11:18.200 --> 00:11:22.360 you choose to believe, whatever you want to name it, call it whatever. 141 00:11:22.399 --> 00:11:26.639 You know what I'm saying. And again like whatever's true for you, 142 00:11:26.519 --> 00:11:31.879 it's all that matters, period. But I have I'm getting deep into my 143 00:11:31.919 --> 00:11:37.159 meditation bag. I'm getting deep into a very prayerful bag. And again not 144 00:11:37.200 --> 00:11:41.600 only just like writing on my schedule and stuff like that. Like I've just 145 00:11:41.639 --> 00:11:46.320 been writing a lot and it's really been helping me as far as like reflecting 146 00:11:46.559 --> 00:11:52.759 and just taking a moment to gather my thoughts and to also you know, 147 00:11:52.879 --> 00:11:56.080 as a way to set intentions from my life and stuff like that, and 148 00:11:56.440 --> 00:12:00.279 again life plans and stuff like. I've been planning a lot of stup for 149 00:12:00.360 --> 00:12:05.039 my life lately, like and just focusing on manifesting that, like really seeing 150 00:12:05.039 --> 00:12:09.840 a vision from my future and really tapping into like what it is that I 151 00:12:09.919 --> 00:12:13.039 want and that I see for myself, because I see a lot of shit 152 00:12:13.240 --> 00:12:16.320 for myself. Bro, I see a lot of shit for myself. So 153 00:12:16.480 --> 00:12:20.320 I've been writing all of that stuff down. I've been going crazy with the 154 00:12:20.399 --> 00:12:22.720 angel numbers and like I always say to y'all, like I'm past the one 155 00:12:22.799 --> 00:12:26.679 one one two, two two three two three four f four, Like I 156 00:12:26.759 --> 00:12:28.759 still see I see those numbers on the clock all the time. But when 157 00:12:28.759 --> 00:12:31.639 I be in the car and i'll be seeing license plate numbers, I'd be 158 00:12:31.679 --> 00:12:35.799 looking them angel numbers up and seeing what they mean. Or if I'm walking 159 00:12:35.159 --> 00:12:37.879 down the street and I see an address and it just stand out to me, 160 00:12:37.960 --> 00:12:41.600 I'm putting that address in like what is this angel number? Me? 161 00:12:41.679 --> 00:12:46.240 And them bitches hit every fucking time. So I've been writing down stuff about 162 00:12:46.279 --> 00:12:50.799 what the angel numbers say, what they mean, the symbolism, and I'm 163 00:12:50.840 --> 00:12:54.039 not gonna lie. I'm very deep into my love bag as well. I'm 164 00:12:54.159 --> 00:13:01.120 very deep into my relationship bag as will. And it's just like I feel 165 00:13:01.120 --> 00:13:03.879 like more and more stuff is just getting revealed to me every day. I'm 166 00:13:03.960 --> 00:13:07.559 learning so much about myself. I'm learning more about love. I'm learning more 167 00:13:07.600 --> 00:13:11.559 about the person that I am and the person that I show up as in 168 00:13:11.600 --> 00:13:15.679 a relationship. And I'm really focusing on how I want to show up in 169 00:13:15.679 --> 00:13:20.039 a relationship and what I expect in return and what I want to be reciprocated, 170 00:13:20.080 --> 00:13:22.919 and really seeing a lot of the things that I need to change and 171 00:13:22.960 --> 00:13:28.120 seeing how I could become better. One thing that I will say is that 172 00:13:28.919 --> 00:13:33.720 I've learned, and I've always known this. I know that relationships require sacrifice, 173 00:13:35.279 --> 00:13:41.600 relationships require compromise. It's very important. Like and I think a lot 174 00:13:41.639 --> 00:13:43.240 of people, I think a lot of people are selfish, And I think 175 00:13:43.240 --> 00:13:48.600 a lot of people go into relationships acting like they want to meet fifty fifty 176 00:13:48.679 --> 00:13:50.480 and they want to you know what I'm saying, meet Nigga's halfway, but 177 00:13:50.519 --> 00:13:54.240 they really be on some nigga my way or the highway. Like no, 178 00:13:54.320 --> 00:13:56.559 I don't like that this is how I want to do it. Eno Like, 179 00:13:56.679 --> 00:14:00.799 no, you gotta understand that shit is really a sac fights is really 180 00:14:00.799 --> 00:14:05.399 a fucking compromise. And I feel like you cannot be in your ego in 181 00:14:05.440 --> 00:14:09.639 a relationship, Absolutely fucking not. You cannot be in your ego. And 182 00:14:09.720 --> 00:14:15.240 I feel like one thing that I've realized about myself is that I ain't gonna 183 00:14:15.240 --> 00:14:18.440 lie. I give up very easily, Like if something don't work out or 184 00:14:18.480 --> 00:14:20.480 whatever, it's like, okay, well fuck it, I ain't gonna do 185 00:14:20.480 --> 00:14:24.159 this then, like whatever, just be ready to fucking throw the towel in 186 00:14:24.799 --> 00:14:28.720 at the drop of a dime. But one thing that I have come to 187 00:14:28.840 --> 00:14:33.519 learn is that in a relationship, somebody has to have a sound mind. 188 00:14:35.360 --> 00:14:41.840 Somebody has to have a sound I you cannot always just jump off the fucking 189 00:14:41.919 --> 00:14:46.720 leg. You can't just be ready to jump ship because you and your feelings. 190 00:14:48.120 --> 00:14:50.720 You can't be ready to jump ship just because it's a problem or it's 191 00:14:50.759 --> 00:14:54.399 an issue or you know what I'm saying. And I've always been that person 192 00:14:54.480 --> 00:15:00.279 kind of like well fuck it then, like man, whatever, or I'm 193 00:15:00.279 --> 00:15:03.440 a person like again, I'm a pisces, I'm a very emotional person. 194 00:15:03.440 --> 00:15:05.879 So when I'm at my emotions, it's like, well, whatever, that's 195 00:15:05.879 --> 00:15:09.120 how I feel in a moment. But I feel like I'm at a place 196 00:15:09.120 --> 00:15:11.840 in my life where i know what i want in a relationship and I'm willing 197 00:15:11.879 --> 00:15:16.360 to fight for that and I'm willing to you know what I'm saying again, 198 00:15:16.399 --> 00:15:20.120 I'm willing to sacrifice and I'm willing to compromise because i know what the end 199 00:15:20.120 --> 00:15:24.559 goal is and I know what I want. So I know at times when 200 00:15:24.720 --> 00:15:30.320 when there's a push or a pool, I'm not just gonna give up and 201 00:15:30.360 --> 00:15:33.200 be like, you know what I'm saying because I'm in my feelings or i 202 00:15:33.240 --> 00:15:37.759 want to walk away or whatever. It's like, okay, but and this 203 00:15:37.840 --> 00:15:39.480 is what I need, and I need to have this conversation that that's what 204 00:15:39.559 --> 00:15:43.919 I need in return, because I can't be the only person with a sound 205 00:15:43.960 --> 00:15:46.039 mind at all times, you know what I'm saying. Sometimes you have to 206 00:15:46.080 --> 00:15:50.480 have a sound mind. Sometimes you have to sacrifice, sometimes you have to 207 00:15:50.519 --> 00:15:54.279 compromise. But I've just noticed and I picked up on certain instances where I 208 00:15:54.399 --> 00:15:58.240 usually will want to walk away or usually will want to give up, and 209 00:15:58.279 --> 00:16:04.279 I'm like, I'm gonna stay. I'm gonna be silent, I'm gonna have 210 00:16:04.279 --> 00:16:08.720 a sound mine, I'm gonna be the bigger person. Because there was one 211 00:16:08.759 --> 00:16:21.519 point where, um, we were having a disagreement and I felt a little 212 00:16:21.559 --> 00:16:26.039 disrespected and I felt a little uh, I felt a little disrespected and I 213 00:16:26.080 --> 00:16:37.320 felt a little disregarded, and um, I was asked, Okay, so 214 00:16:38.120 --> 00:16:42.080 do you want to leave or you know what I'm saying like type I don't 215 00:16:42.080 --> 00:16:45.679 know if that's exactly what was saying, but basically on something like do you 216 00:16:45.720 --> 00:16:47.679 want to leave? Or do you you know what you what do you want 217 00:16:47.679 --> 00:16:52.919 to do? And I could have been like yeah, fuck you, like 218 00:16:52.559 --> 00:16:56.960 like like fuck this whole thing, you know what I'm saying, But I 219 00:16:57.080 --> 00:17:00.879 was like, no, I don't because number one, I really didn't want 220 00:17:00.879 --> 00:17:03.559 to leave. I didn't want to I don't want to walk away from the 221 00:17:03.599 --> 00:17:08.599 situation, you know what I'm saying. And I knew that if I would 222 00:17:08.599 --> 00:17:12.519 have said yeah or in the conversation would have ended or whatever would have happened, 223 00:17:12.759 --> 00:17:17.440 it could have easily just been done. But I know that that's not 224 00:17:17.480 --> 00:17:19.079 what I want because I know what I want for myself. I know what 225 00:17:19.119 --> 00:17:23.119 I want for a relationship. I see the bigger picture. I see the 226 00:17:23.319 --> 00:17:30.640 end goal. So us getting into it or having a disagreement is not you 227 00:17:30.680 --> 00:17:33.759 know, it's not enough for me to make me want to run or just 228 00:17:33.839 --> 00:17:36.680 you know what I'm saying, not be able to deal with it. So 229 00:17:37.279 --> 00:17:41.319 in that moment, I had to compromise. I had to sacrifice, you 230 00:17:41.319 --> 00:17:45.839 know what I was my feelings being in my feelings, you know what I'm 231 00:17:45.880 --> 00:17:48.279 saying, and to me, that's little girl shit. Like I could have 232 00:17:48.359 --> 00:17:49.920 either. Again, I could have easily been like, man, fuck this, 233 00:17:51.079 --> 00:17:53.720 like you know what I'm saying. But again, somebody, at some 234 00:17:53.759 --> 00:18:00.319 point, somebody has to have a sold mine and it just depends on what 235 00:18:00.359 --> 00:18:03.960 you want. So I'm like, nah, because I do want to be 236 00:18:03.039 --> 00:18:06.160 here, you know what I'm saying. It's and that's not even the only 237 00:18:06.200 --> 00:18:10.119 time it's been. It's been. It's been several instances recently where it was 238 00:18:10.200 --> 00:18:15.400 like a disagreement and it could have won another way based on how I was 239 00:18:15.519 --> 00:18:18.440 feeling, and I and that's what I all the time. I block, 240 00:18:18.480 --> 00:18:22.000 I feel like I feel. I am definitely a person that moves off emotion. 241 00:18:22.440 --> 00:18:25.279 Number one, because I'm a woman. Number two because I'm a pisces, 242 00:18:25.720 --> 00:18:30.240 but you can't always move off emotion. You make a lot of you 243 00:18:30.240 --> 00:18:33.880 could make a snap decision off of emotion, and it'd be the wrong choice, 244 00:18:33.920 --> 00:18:36.279 to be the wrong decision to make. You know what I'm saying. 245 00:18:36.319 --> 00:18:41.079 One should become clear minded or clear headed or you you have that moment to 246 00:18:41.160 --> 00:18:42.920 your so where you think with your sound mind and you come back and the 247 00:18:42.960 --> 00:18:48.160 water is calm. You know what I'm saying, You can't make You can't 248 00:18:48.200 --> 00:18:52.799 make a decision when the water is boiling, when it's hot. It's so 249 00:18:52.920 --> 00:18:56.359 beautiful to look at steel calm water. That's when you make a decision. 250 00:18:57.640 --> 00:19:03.839 So, like I said, it's been several instances where it was like something 251 00:19:03.960 --> 00:19:07.640 was said to me and you know what, But again, because it's gonna 252 00:19:07.640 --> 00:19:10.000 be times where I'm gonna be the motherfucker like, oh so you want to 253 00:19:10.079 --> 00:19:11.039 leave, you want to do this? So okay what you know what I'm 254 00:19:11.039 --> 00:19:14.480 saying, it's gonna be I'm pretty sure there's gonna be times when I do 255 00:19:14.519 --> 00:19:18.319 that. But I don't know. I just see a lot of growth in 256 00:19:18.440 --> 00:19:22.759 myself, man, And I just know, I know, I know again, 257 00:19:22.799 --> 00:19:26.680 I just know what I want and I know what I see for myself, 258 00:19:26.160 --> 00:19:30.119 and I know that I have to I know that I have to continuously 259 00:19:30.240 --> 00:19:33.039 change. I know that I have to become a better person. I want 260 00:19:33.039 --> 00:19:37.880 to become the best version of myself, and so I'm just noticing all of 261 00:19:37.960 --> 00:19:45.799 these things. Another thing that I have noticed or recognized in myself is that 262 00:19:45.160 --> 00:19:51.240 in the current situation that I'm mean, one thing that I do regret, 263 00:19:52.200 --> 00:19:53.559 but I also don't give a fuck, but I do still care. But 264 00:19:53.720 --> 00:20:03.759 one thing that I do regret is telling some of my immedia circle about my 265 00:20:03.880 --> 00:20:10.400 situation or my relationship or whatever. I regret doing that because again, and 266 00:20:10.480 --> 00:20:14.880 that was off of a that was off a snap emotional decision. In the 267 00:20:15.000 --> 00:20:18.799 very beginning, I made a snap emotional decision and I told the people around 268 00:20:18.799 --> 00:20:23.640 me, and then I sucked around and I had to change of heart. 269 00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:27.799 And so now I'm in a space where I feel like I don't want to 270 00:20:27.880 --> 00:20:33.759 share about my relationship and what I got going on because I feel like people 271 00:20:33.799 --> 00:20:41.839 are Number one, I feel like people are gonna judge me, and which 272 00:20:41.920 --> 00:20:44.920 is crazy. And that's why I said I also don't give a fuck, 273 00:20:45.000 --> 00:20:49.599 because it's like everybody got their own relationship problems. You know what I'm saying. 274 00:20:49.680 --> 00:20:52.680 I don't know how many times friends have told me shit about their niggas 275 00:20:52.759 --> 00:20:56.119 or their situations and then they'd be right back, you know what I'm saying. 276 00:20:56.599 --> 00:21:02.839 And that's one thing that I've I don't know I've heard, or whether 277 00:21:02.880 --> 00:21:07.240 it be on like podcasts or just from people living relationships or people that's married, 278 00:21:07.359 --> 00:21:11.039 is like, you shouldn't run and tell your friends and your family every 279 00:21:11.039 --> 00:21:14.480 single thing that you go through in your relationship, because again, when y'all 280 00:21:14.559 --> 00:21:17.799 back on good terms, when y'all back in that good space, nigga's gonna 281 00:21:17.799 --> 00:21:18.839 be looking at you like, nigga, you didn't taught us all the bad 282 00:21:18.839 --> 00:21:22.960 shit. It's fuck that nigga, you know what I'm saying. So that's 283 00:21:23.000 --> 00:21:27.519 where I'm at now, like just not really want to share because you know, 284 00:21:27.720 --> 00:21:30.680 just this one bad experience with not bad experience, but you know what 285 00:21:30.720 --> 00:21:34.559 I'm saying, this one little experience where it was like I made a snap 286 00:21:34.599 --> 00:21:37.799 decision off of my emotions and then I later had to change your heart. 287 00:21:37.799 --> 00:21:45.640 And so now I feel like everybody's vision or everybody's opinion of this person is 288 00:21:45.680 --> 00:21:48.599 tainted because of what I said, you know what I'm saying. And then 289 00:21:48.759 --> 00:21:52.240 again on top of that, I think that you just kind of learned that 290 00:21:52.279 --> 00:21:56.039 people are super judgmental, Like people be acting like they're not judgmental, but 291 00:21:56.079 --> 00:22:03.319 they are based on people's circumstances or you know, people's track record or what 292 00:22:04.039 --> 00:22:07.599 a person looked like on paper or whatever, like you know what I'm saying, 293 00:22:07.640 --> 00:22:11.880 Like people really judge people off of that, and that's crazy because people 294 00:22:11.079 --> 00:22:17.359 be having their own fucking situations. You know what I'm saying, ain't let's 295 00:22:17.440 --> 00:22:21.440 not let's not pull your skeletons off the closet, Let's not pull out how 296 00:22:21.480 --> 00:22:23.720 you look on paper, Let's not you know what I'm saying, x y 297 00:22:23.839 --> 00:22:29.039 Z. So it's just it's just really crazy. But also, um, 298 00:22:30.160 --> 00:22:36.680 I don't know, I just I don't know. I feel like that's just 299 00:22:36.720 --> 00:22:40.240 a part of me that I just kind of want to keep to myself and 300 00:22:40.359 --> 00:22:44.640 not on no super private like cain't ship because baby, I'm gonna share it 301 00:22:44.680 --> 00:22:47.240 with the world. I'm gonna share it with the world when the time is 302 00:22:47.319 --> 00:22:52.200 right. But um, just moving different. And it's so funny because one 303 00:22:52.240 --> 00:22:55.279 thing, if you go back, you know, episodes will go on here, 304 00:22:55.799 --> 00:22:57.559 I feel like I used to be back and forth in my mind about 305 00:22:57.599 --> 00:23:00.960 like I wonder if I'm gonna go pub with my next relationship or if I 306 00:23:02.039 --> 00:23:04.359 just kind of want to be a more private person or keep it to myself 307 00:23:04.440 --> 00:23:11.559 or whatever. And again, another very big part of that of or important 308 00:23:11.599 --> 00:23:15.319 part of keeping like your relationship private is because everybody gonna have something to say. 309 00:23:15.359 --> 00:23:19.279 And baby, once you go public, you know, motherfucker's gonna be 310 00:23:19.319 --> 00:23:23.319 hopping out the woolworks like well, X, Y and Z and this person 311 00:23:23.440 --> 00:23:27.119 this, and I really like, don't give a fuck. This is where 312 00:23:27.160 --> 00:23:30.680 I'm married now, this is where this person is. That we don't give 313 00:23:30.720 --> 00:23:34.200 a fuck about none of that old ass shit. And that's also another reason 314 00:23:34.240 --> 00:23:37.960 why you have to really have open communication in your relationships. And that's why 315 00:23:38.000 --> 00:23:41.920 you should be a one hundred percent honest with your partner so that no matter 316 00:23:41.960 --> 00:23:45.200 what a motherfuckers say, nigga, I already know that it ain't none that 317 00:23:45.240 --> 00:23:48.440 you can tell me about my person because I already knew you know what I'm 318 00:23:48.440 --> 00:23:52.039 saying, Like, you never want to let somebody have one up on your 319 00:23:52.079 --> 00:23:55.839 person, and ain't nobody ever gonna be able to say shit to me about 320 00:23:55.880 --> 00:23:57.279 my nigga, and nobody's ever going to be able to say shit to my 321 00:23:57.400 --> 00:24:06.119 nigga about me. That's on period. So yeah, it's just really been 322 00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:08.960 a lot going on with that. Another thing with a lot being on my 323 00:24:10.039 --> 00:24:14.880 plate is just thinking about the moves that I want to make for my life 324 00:24:14.960 --> 00:24:18.960 and the plans that I have. Where do I want to be type shit, 325 00:24:21.319 --> 00:24:26.240 like I'm back in that headspace and niggas no niggas No. I've always 326 00:24:26.279 --> 00:24:32.480 said like Detroit is definitely not the final destination for me at or never was, 327 00:24:32.599 --> 00:24:34.839 never will be. But it's just a lot to consider. It's a 328 00:24:34.880 --> 00:24:41.720 lot to think about. And I had a conversation on my home girl Panta 329 00:24:41.720 --> 00:24:42.720 the other day and she was just saying, like, you know, you 330 00:24:42.799 --> 00:24:48.839 just Detroit is not where I need to be. I don't thrive in Detroit. 331 00:24:48.880 --> 00:24:52.119 I don't flourish here. It's just so it's something about the energy here. 332 00:24:52.200 --> 00:24:55.119 It's just I don't know what it is. On top of the fact 333 00:24:55.119 --> 00:24:59.000 that I just don't want to be here, So like that's another really big 334 00:24:59.039 --> 00:25:04.680 thing for me. And then just thinking about the money that I'm making now, 335 00:25:07.880 --> 00:25:10.519 what I'm trying to do. Where do I see myself going with this 336 00:25:10.680 --> 00:25:17.519 yoga ship. It's just so fucking much. It's just so fucking much. 337 00:25:17.559 --> 00:25:22.680 And then just again thinking about my happiness and what I want, because at 338 00:25:22.720 --> 00:25:26.400 the end of the day, nigga, we don't know how many more days 339 00:25:26.480 --> 00:25:30.200 we got in this bitch, And y'all know, my thing is that I 340 00:25:30.279 --> 00:25:33.200 want to live a fulfilled life. I want to live a happy life. 341 00:25:34.240 --> 00:25:38.680 I want to travel, I want to live my fucking life. So these 342 00:25:38.720 --> 00:25:44.279 are just things that I'm thinking about every day. So again, that's why 343 00:25:44.319 --> 00:25:48.440 it's very important for me to really focus on manifesting the life that I see 344 00:25:48.480 --> 00:25:52.440 for myself and really writing out my goals and being very prayerful and doing my 345 00:25:52.519 --> 00:26:00.000 meditation every day. And another thing is like if I'm not doing those things, 346 00:26:00.240 --> 00:26:03.039 then I'm doing yoga or I'm going to teach a class. Like that's 347 00:26:03.119 --> 00:26:06.279 literally all that I've been doing. I ain't been doing no bullshit, I 348 00:26:06.319 --> 00:26:11.200 ain't been going out or you know what I'm saying, Like it's literally yoga 349 00:26:11.279 --> 00:26:15.039 goals, yoga goals, sleep, yoga goal, sleep, being a mom. 350 00:26:15.079 --> 00:26:17.960 You know what I'm saying, Like, those are the only things that 351 00:26:18.000 --> 00:26:21.079 I focused on, and I will say that I feel like this is the 352 00:26:21.079 --> 00:26:25.559 best that I've ever been doing and the happiest that I've ever been because all 353 00:26:25.559 --> 00:26:32.319 shit, all I'm doing is focusing on my goals and myself. So yeah, 354 00:26:32.480 --> 00:26:34.160 I'm trying to think what else it was? Something else. I feel 355 00:26:34.200 --> 00:26:37.680 like what I was saying earlier was about to come back, and I just 356 00:26:37.759 --> 00:26:47.720 lost it again. But let me see, damn, it was just about 357 00:26:47.759 --> 00:26:51.920 to come back, bro, The thought was about to come back. I 358 00:26:51.960 --> 00:26:53.680 don't know, I lost the thought again, But I will say that I 359 00:26:53.799 --> 00:26:59.920 just keep coming in contact with like minded people, people on the same jour 360 00:27:00.039 --> 00:27:04.839 ernie is me. People that just want to focus on better in themselves, 361 00:27:04.920 --> 00:27:10.319 being in a high vibration, really focused on a mind, body, spirit, 362 00:27:10.359 --> 00:27:14.000 everything that they put into their body, everything that they surround themselves with. 363 00:27:14.160 --> 00:27:18.559 Like just a very great group of people, being around people that support 364 00:27:18.599 --> 00:27:22.920 each other, Like I love this for myself. So that's just the that's 365 00:27:23.000 --> 00:27:33.000 the wavelength of your girl has been on. I'm trying to think what else. 366 00:27:34.839 --> 00:27:40.000 My fucking kid is growing up? Bro? I really love I love 367 00:27:40.079 --> 00:27:45.000 the freedom that he is walking into. I love how he's really coming into 368 00:27:45.079 --> 00:27:49.119 his own this past weekend, he went to sixth grade camp with his school. 369 00:27:49.279 --> 00:27:52.559 I remember when I went to sixth grade camp. What a fucking experience 370 00:27:56.440 --> 00:28:03.200 he did that next week or this weekend, he's going to Chicago with his 371 00:28:03.279 --> 00:28:07.319 school. But again, I like how it's a little bit of freedom. 372 00:28:07.440 --> 00:28:10.839 Like obviously they with chaperons and they in groups, but they kind of give 373 00:28:10.920 --> 00:28:14.720 him the space and the freedom to kind of branch off on their own. 374 00:28:14.839 --> 00:28:18.160 And again, this is I guess I would say, like, you know, 375 00:28:18.240 --> 00:28:22.319 his first time is really being away from home and being away from his 376 00:28:22.400 --> 00:28:26.240 parents and stuff like that, and just kind of really just coming into his 377 00:28:26.319 --> 00:28:29.960 own as a young man. I'm also very proud of him. Y'all know 378 00:28:29.960 --> 00:28:34.640 that he is in orchestra. He plays the violin, he plays the piano. 379 00:28:36.960 --> 00:28:40.240 But y'all know he's not a really big sports person and never has been. 380 00:28:40.319 --> 00:28:41.480 We didn't try to put him in all the sports, and he wasn't 381 00:28:41.480 --> 00:28:44.640 really fucking with it, well, not all the sports. But he played 382 00:28:44.640 --> 00:28:48.359 basketball before, he didn't really like that. He played soccer, that was 383 00:28:48.440 --> 00:28:52.680 cool. He did karate before, but he's just really not a sports person. 384 00:28:52.759 --> 00:28:56.480 But he decided to sign up to be on the track team on his 385 00:28:56.599 --> 00:29:00.640 own and he's really enjoying, ain't it. And I really loved that for 386 00:29:00.720 --> 00:29:07.240 him, and he has a tracked me on Wednesday saw him a go to 387 00:29:07.319 --> 00:29:10.680 that, but like that's something that he decided to do on his own, 388 00:29:10.680 --> 00:29:12.440 and like I said, he's really enjoying it. So I'm just really proud 389 00:29:12.440 --> 00:29:17.960 of him for really just coming into his own and really just watching him grow 390 00:29:18.079 --> 00:29:22.960 up. Like I feel like this shit is just flying the fuck by six 391 00:29:22.079 --> 00:29:26.759 more years of this shit, for six more years of this co parents and 392 00:29:26.839 --> 00:29:30.839 shit, Thank the Lord, Let's get this shit out the fucking door, 393 00:29:30.880 --> 00:29:37.240 out the way. I ain't gonna lie. My co parents in situation has 394 00:29:37.359 --> 00:29:41.279 made me feel like it has always made me feel like I don't want to 395 00:29:41.279 --> 00:29:48.400 have another kid because of how my situation turned out. Like I never saw 396 00:29:48.880 --> 00:29:56.640 my situation being how it is, and that's another thing. That's another motherfucking 397 00:29:56.759 --> 00:30:00.799 thing, So yeah, it had. My situation has always made me feel 398 00:30:00.799 --> 00:30:08.519 like I don't want to have another kid because it's like as promising as like, 399 00:30:08.640 --> 00:30:11.880 and no situation as promised. Nigga, you could be married and that 400 00:30:11.960 --> 00:30:15.960 shit could be you know, that shit could be dead, and trust me, 401 00:30:15.079 --> 00:30:18.240 I know because my daddy in the married been married several times, and 402 00:30:18.319 --> 00:30:23.319 it's like, but that Nigga's the common denominator in his situation. But as 403 00:30:23.400 --> 00:30:32.039 promising as your situation can look, it can go fucking left, you know 404 00:30:32.079 --> 00:30:36.799 what I'm saying. And I think that happened to me. Like I said, 405 00:30:36.839 --> 00:30:42.720 I never saw my life and my situation, especially as a parent. 406 00:30:42.799 --> 00:30:48.880 I never saw it turning out like this. And to me, my situation 407 00:30:48.279 --> 00:30:53.279 wouldn't even have to be or it don't have to be as bad as it 408 00:30:53.359 --> 00:30:57.400 is. But it's just because people don't want to see eye to eye. 409 00:30:57.599 --> 00:31:00.480 People don't want to be on the same page, you know what I'm saying. 410 00:31:00.559 --> 00:31:06.359 Like people want to make a problem out of nothing. You want to 411 00:31:06.400 --> 00:31:10.440 make a problem out of no problem. It's what the situation is, and 412 00:31:10.519 --> 00:31:14.920 it's very weird to me. But I never saw my situation being like And 413 00:31:15.039 --> 00:31:19.960 again, for as complicated as my situation is and as crazy as he is, 414 00:31:21.160 --> 00:31:22.960 it always has made me feel like, dang, I don't want to 415 00:31:22.960 --> 00:31:27.119 have another kid again because I was in a situation where I was in a 416 00:31:27.160 --> 00:31:30.480 relationship with the father of my child, you know what I'm saying, And 417 00:31:30.519 --> 00:31:34.319 it was like it was I didn't have a kid off No One night stand. 418 00:31:34.400 --> 00:31:37.920 It was. It didn't start off like, oh, this a baby 419 00:31:37.960 --> 00:31:41.599 daddy baby like I remember when I used to I always used to just say 420 00:31:41.640 --> 00:31:45.000 my child's father. But the situation got so fucking ghetto, like I call 421 00:31:45.079 --> 00:31:48.759 that nigga my baby daddy now. But yeah, like I never saw that 422 00:31:48.839 --> 00:31:55.480 for myself. And so as stressful as my situation is, as crazy as 423 00:31:55.519 --> 00:31:59.319 it is, like for the longest, I would just be like, I 424 00:31:59.359 --> 00:32:02.440 don't even want to have another kid because it's it's that it's that much stress. 425 00:32:02.640 --> 00:32:07.079 It's that much stress to have to cope and deal with a motherfucker, 426 00:32:07.200 --> 00:32:14.119 like it ain't even worth it. However, I have always when not always, 427 00:32:14.680 --> 00:32:17.240 but after I first had my son, I remember I used to be 428 00:32:17.319 --> 00:32:20.599 like, oh no, I'm one and done. I'm straight, like I 429 00:32:20.599 --> 00:32:24.960 don't even know more kids. But it's time has passed. I realized that 430 00:32:25.000 --> 00:32:30.319 I've had a change of heart again. There's that change of heart, and 431 00:32:30.400 --> 00:32:34.039 that's one thing that you gotta know in life, nigga, you're gonna have 432 00:32:34.079 --> 00:32:38.440 a change of heart. So while you're feeling like, oh I'm setting stone, 433 00:32:38.640 --> 00:32:42.839 this is how I feel. Nigga, tintos down about this, nigga. 434 00:32:43.000 --> 00:32:45.839 You never know where your life is gonna go. You never know the 435 00:32:45.920 --> 00:32:50.240 op that life is gonna throw you. You never know which way you're gonna 436 00:32:50.279 --> 00:32:52.079 have to turn. You never know when you're gonna have a change of heart. 437 00:32:52.720 --> 00:32:59.599 I definitely absolutely want another kid now. I want a daughter so fucking 438 00:32:59.599 --> 00:33:01.559 bad. I want I want to have I want to have her tomorrow. 439 00:33:01.720 --> 00:33:07.279 Okay, I want to have her tomorrow for real. Like, I want 440 00:33:07.279 --> 00:33:13.000 a daughter so fucking bad. I want a yoga baby so bad. I 441 00:33:13.119 --> 00:33:15.799 wanna you know what I'm saying. And then that's another thing too, like, 442 00:33:16.799 --> 00:33:21.119 um, you know, even though my parents got divorced when I was 443 00:33:21.160 --> 00:33:28.519 like in third grade, like I was luckily but also unfortunately, I was 444 00:33:28.599 --> 00:33:31.039 always in a household where it was two parents, like you know, my 445 00:33:31.119 --> 00:33:35.720 dad was always getting remarried or always had a girlfriend with So I always did 446 00:33:35.839 --> 00:33:39.240 have that, like you know, that family unit type thing. However, 447 00:33:39.920 --> 00:33:44.599 it was not a good representation of what love was. There was always a 448 00:33:44.599 --> 00:33:50.000 lot of arguments. It was a lot of you know, like physical violence 449 00:33:50.119 --> 00:33:52.400 and just a lot of it was a lot of shit going on in the 450 00:33:52.440 --> 00:33:55.759 home. So however, just because you got two parents in the house. 451 00:33:55.839 --> 00:34:00.000 Don't mean that it's positive. It doesn't mean that it's a healthy situation. 452 00:34:00.319 --> 00:34:05.279 It doesn't mean that it's a great representation of black love. But that is 453 00:34:05.279 --> 00:34:07.239 something that I want for my children. And I want to be in a 454 00:34:07.239 --> 00:34:09.880 two parent household. You know what I'm saying. I hate that my son 455 00:34:10.440 --> 00:34:15.000 gotta be split up amongst two households. I hate that he gotta split holidays, 456 00:34:15.039 --> 00:34:19.119 he gotta split birthdays. I hate I hate that my son feel like 457 00:34:19.159 --> 00:34:21.920 he don't like to talk on the phone when he with one parent. You 458 00:34:21.960 --> 00:34:23.320 know what I'm saying. If my son in the car with me and his 459 00:34:23.400 --> 00:34:29.280 dad, call, he being weird. If I call and he and he 460 00:34:29.400 --> 00:34:32.519 and he in the car with his dad, he being weird because the energy 461 00:34:32.599 --> 00:34:36.199 is weird all across the board, and he you know what I'm saying. 462 00:34:36.519 --> 00:34:39.760 And the fact that he even got to feel like that, That's what I'm 463 00:34:39.760 --> 00:34:45.599 saying. Like that cod like co parents and bro that ship for the fucking 464 00:34:45.639 --> 00:34:50.199 birds. So I want to I want my kids to be in a two 465 00:34:50.239 --> 00:34:55.320 parent household. I want to want me and my man, my husband to 466 00:34:55.400 --> 00:34:59.559 be together for our kids. You know what I'm saying. Like I want 467 00:34:59.559 --> 00:35:02.559 to wrap. I want to raise a family for real, Like that that's 468 00:35:02.599 --> 00:35:07.119 the goal. Ni y'all be talking about relationship goals, Nigga, that's the 469 00:35:07.199 --> 00:35:08.880 goal. So that's what I want for myself. That's what I want from 470 00:35:08.920 --> 00:35:13.280 my family. And yes, I want a motherfucking daughter. Okay. I'd 471 00:35:13.280 --> 00:35:16.280 have had this ship planning out for so fucking long and it's gonna happen. 472 00:35:16.440 --> 00:35:21.920 Period. And like I said, I've been so deep in my manifestation bag. 473 00:35:22.960 --> 00:35:25.360 I've been so deep in my prayer bag, my meditation bag, and 474 00:35:25.559 --> 00:35:30.239 my writing bag. Like all this ship is set in fucking stone. It's 475 00:35:30.320 --> 00:35:37.400 just you know, lending divine time and be at play with it. So 476 00:35:37.679 --> 00:35:42.519 that I'm trying to see, is there anything else on here? I'm over 477 00:35:42.519 --> 00:35:46.199 here looking on my planner and all of this ship. Okay, I gotta 478 00:35:46.239 --> 00:35:55.159 catch up on some affirmations. Okay, I'm falling behind. There another thing 479 00:35:55.239 --> 00:35:59.199 that I've noticed. This is not where I wanted to go, but this 480 00:35:59.360 --> 00:36:02.199 just popped in my mind. Baby, when you get in your when you're 481 00:36:02.199 --> 00:36:07.639 getting your goddess energy, when you're getting your empress energy, when you get 482 00:36:07.639 --> 00:36:14.800 in your self love bag and your self love energy you start to attract. 483 00:36:15.599 --> 00:36:17.760 Okay, number, when you start to attract all the good things, you 484 00:36:17.800 --> 00:36:22.400 start to attract all the abundancy of life, you also gonna attract some function. 485 00:36:22.480 --> 00:36:25.840 I'm not gonna lie. One thing that I will say is the more 486 00:36:25.920 --> 00:36:34.159 that I pour into myself and focus on myself, the more you know, 487 00:36:34.320 --> 00:36:37.880 just it's just a it's a it's a natural or it's a natural light that 488 00:36:37.960 --> 00:36:40.000 I exude to the world. Right. I feel like I can getting my 489 00:36:40.039 --> 00:36:44.639 flowers. I feel like I get a lot of attention right now. I 490 00:36:44.639 --> 00:36:46.519 feel like I got a lot of eyes on me. I definitely get a 491 00:36:46.519 --> 00:36:51.039 lot of male attention now. The more that I pour into myself and love 492 00:36:51.079 --> 00:36:54.400 on myself, I get a lot of male attention, a lot of it, 493 00:36:57.159 --> 00:37:00.960 you know, just going out whatever, niggas trying to hollow whatever. 494 00:37:01.440 --> 00:37:06.119 And then you got the you got, you got the old militant, you 495 00:37:06.320 --> 00:37:09.119 got all the niggas from the pad. Baby. When I tell y'all, 496 00:37:09.119 --> 00:37:14.599 line never had niggas on my head like this, I'm like, go away 497 00:37:14.639 --> 00:37:21.280 like all of my old niggas, Niggas that was just on bullshit forever, 498 00:37:21.519 --> 00:37:29.239 Niggas that treated me in a way that I did not deserve to be treated 499 00:37:29.280 --> 00:37:36.360 when I tell you they are spinning the block on motherfucking one wheel. Nigga 500 00:37:36.639 --> 00:37:42.519 like them, niggas spending the block like they on a carousel that will not 501 00:37:42.719 --> 00:37:45.880 fucking turn off. Spind the block, spin the block, spind the block. 502 00:37:49.760 --> 00:37:53.000 Nigga spinning the block? How you spin the bottle on? What was 503 00:37:53.000 --> 00:37:58.400 the game? Spinning the bottle? Baby? They're spinning the block, and 504 00:37:58.599 --> 00:38:02.199 I'm like, where is this I'm in from. I'm talking about niggas just 505 00:38:02.239 --> 00:38:07.360 being my DM number one talking today sales. But I'd be real short, 506 00:38:08.000 --> 00:38:12.119 not I don't even want to say short and sweet. I'll be real short 507 00:38:12.159 --> 00:38:16.880 with niggas. Okay, whatever conversation ended, these niggas come back with more 508 00:38:16.960 --> 00:38:21.159 conversation. Like, Bro, the conversation is over. I said, okay, 509 00:38:21.480 --> 00:38:22.320 you know I hit you with the one word, I hit you with 510 00:38:22.400 --> 00:38:27.960 the and niggas would just make a conversation out of nothing. I'm like, 511 00:38:28.039 --> 00:38:30.599 this is crazy. Where was this energy when I wanted it from you? 512 00:38:30.599 --> 00:38:35.199 You know what I'm saying? Where was this energy when I actually liked you? 513 00:38:35.679 --> 00:38:38.280 Where was it? You know what I'm saying, Bro, It's it's 514 00:38:38.360 --> 00:38:42.800 wild to me. The attention I'm receiving. It's wild to me, the 515 00:38:42.920 --> 00:38:46.679 energy I'm receiving. It's wild to me to have all of these eyes on 516 00:38:46.800 --> 00:38:52.719 me, you know what I'm saying. And I think my thing is or 517 00:38:52.800 --> 00:38:55.519 my focus for myself right now, is to not get in my ego, 518 00:38:57.400 --> 00:39:06.320 to not get into my EGOUM. And this is I always talk about this 519 00:39:06.360 --> 00:39:09.760 too, Like it's a real tough situation to you know, be humble but 520 00:39:10.000 --> 00:39:15.199 also be confident, talk your shit, Like, definitely definitely be confident, 521 00:39:15.559 --> 00:39:21.280 but do not hop into your ego. I definitely just always want to remain 522 00:39:21.960 --> 00:39:30.000 being a humble spirit, uh, but still be confident. But for the 523 00:39:30.039 --> 00:39:32.920 most part, like I just wanna I don't want to do too much. 524 00:39:32.960 --> 00:39:37.239 I want to be a regular person and just live a regular fucking life. 525 00:39:37.239 --> 00:39:38.960 You know what I'm saying. I'm not trying to be that flashy person. 526 00:39:39.079 --> 00:39:43.039 I'm not trying to be the bitch. Like, yeah, you know what 527 00:39:43.079 --> 00:39:45.320 I'm saying, Like, I just want my work to speak for itself. 528 00:39:45.760 --> 00:39:52.760 I want my character and my personality and the person that I am. I 529 00:39:52.800 --> 00:39:55.079 just want that to speak for myself. I don't want none of the extras, 530 00:39:55.719 --> 00:39:59.639 none of that um and you know what I'm saying. And again, 531 00:39:59.679 --> 00:40:05.000 I just feel like when you were light nigga, you gonna shine period period. 532 00:40:05.440 --> 00:40:10.400 So I feel like that's what's happening. I feel like, Um, 533 00:40:10.440 --> 00:40:15.719 I've just been focusing on myself and focusing on on my own energy, and 534 00:40:15.840 --> 00:40:19.199 I think like, um, and that's another thing. When you really tap 535 00:40:19.239 --> 00:40:23.079 into your goddess energy and all of that, and tap into like your sacral 536 00:40:23.480 --> 00:40:30.119 chakra energy. So tapping into like your creative energy, your sexual energy, 537 00:40:30.239 --> 00:40:36.920 all of that and not sexual energy as in being sexual or whatever. But 538 00:40:37.239 --> 00:40:39.719 you know, but a girl, okay, your girl be sensual and sexy 539 00:40:39.760 --> 00:40:44.280 on the internet. But when I say tapping into my sexual energy, I'm 540 00:40:44.280 --> 00:40:46.880 just talking about my creative energy because I have not had sex at all. 541 00:40:47.639 --> 00:40:52.239 I have not had I haven't had sex. S's January Nope, Okay, 542 00:40:58.519 --> 00:41:02.599 yeah, I haven't had sex since January and it's almost fucking May so. 543 00:41:04.079 --> 00:41:13.000 But again, your sexual energy can be transmuted into creative energy. You gotta 544 00:41:13.039 --> 00:41:21.360 think when you have sex, that energy conjures up enough to create a baby. 545 00:41:22.039 --> 00:41:25.000 So again, sexual energy is creative energy, but you can channel it 546 00:41:25.000 --> 00:41:29.519 into something else, so you don't have to be having sex, and especially 547 00:41:29.880 --> 00:41:31.920 you don't want to be having no meaningless sex. You don't want to be 548 00:41:32.400 --> 00:41:37.119 just out here fucking just to be fucking or exchanging the energy with somebody that's 549 00:41:37.239 --> 00:41:39.199 draining you of yours or drain you know what I'm saying, draining you or 550 00:41:39.199 --> 00:41:45.800 your creative energy and all of your great juju. But you can transmute that 551 00:41:45.920 --> 00:41:49.960 energy or you could channel it into being creative energy. So I think that's 552 00:41:49.960 --> 00:41:52.679 just what I'm tapping into. Like and again, like I said, I 553 00:41:52.679 --> 00:41:57.039 haven't had sex since January, So I'm using all of that sexual energy, 554 00:41:57.079 --> 00:42:00.599 because baby, the sexual energy is there, It's on fire, is through 555 00:42:00.599 --> 00:42:04.320 the motherfucking roof, and I cannot wait to put it on my nigga. 556 00:42:04.800 --> 00:42:09.960 But I'm using all of that energy and I'm channeling it into my creative energy, 557 00:42:10.000 --> 00:42:15.360 which is how I'm creating this episode, which is how I'm creating when 558 00:42:15.400 --> 00:42:20.000 I'm doing my yoga, when I'm posting my content on Instagram, or you 559 00:42:20.039 --> 00:42:23.960 know what I'm saying, just my creative energy period and again, just being 560 00:42:24.000 --> 00:42:29.039 able to really stand in my power and pour into myself and working on my 561 00:42:29.119 --> 00:42:35.280 self love and really getting in tune with my body and making that that connection 562 00:42:35.320 --> 00:42:38.360 between the mind and the body through yoga like that shit is all very important. 563 00:42:38.360 --> 00:42:43.559 And I think it's just like I think my cup is just overflowing with 564 00:42:43.599 --> 00:42:51.119 the goddess energy and that's why I'm attracting so much to me. And so 565 00:42:51.360 --> 00:42:55.639 that's where I'm at with that, and I'm just glad to have somebody that 566 00:42:57.440 --> 00:43:00.800 I will say this, and this was even before it got to where it 567 00:43:00.880 --> 00:43:07.000 is now. One thing that I said was that I love the reassurance that 568 00:43:07.079 --> 00:43:13.119 I get from this person. I love that they expressed their emotions to me, 569 00:43:13.239 --> 00:43:15.199 or they all or they tell me what they love about me all the 570 00:43:15.239 --> 00:43:17.800 time, or you know what I'm saying, and stuff like that. I 571 00:43:17.880 --> 00:43:23.760 really love that. And I don't think I've ever had a man really experienced. 572 00:43:23.800 --> 00:43:28.079 I just I've never had a man be di expressive to me and just 573 00:43:30.760 --> 00:43:34.519 you know, and just not only spilled the heart out, but like just 574 00:43:36.320 --> 00:43:45.079 I don't know, be vulnerable, but also just I don't even know how 575 00:43:45.079 --> 00:43:52.719 to explain it, Like I don't know, but I like I like that 576 00:43:52.840 --> 00:44:01.559 he's expressive and um just hearing all of the things and all of the plans 577 00:44:02.760 --> 00:44:09.400 that he has for me, for us for my kid, you know what 578 00:44:09.440 --> 00:44:16.360 I'm saying, Like, it's just it's really refreshing to hear because and that's 579 00:44:16.400 --> 00:44:22.119 another thing. Anytime that I've ever talked to a dude before, and most 580 00:44:22.119 --> 00:44:30.559 times when I was talking to dudes, they never really they never really mentioned 581 00:44:30.559 --> 00:44:36.880 anything about my son. But also I was never really seriously talking to niggas. 582 00:44:37.079 --> 00:44:38.840 That's another thing. But even still, I just feel like if a 583 00:44:38.960 --> 00:44:45.239 nigga don't really mention my kid or don't really talk about him or something like 584 00:44:45.280 --> 00:44:49.039 that, like it shows me that you have no interest in me for real, 585 00:44:49.239 --> 00:44:52.599 you know what I'm saying. So for somebody to really talk about my 586 00:44:52.639 --> 00:45:00.480 son and what they want to provide for him or how they want to be 587 00:45:00.559 --> 00:45:04.440 a part of his life for you know, just all of us together and 588 00:45:04.480 --> 00:45:09.480 really have a plan for all of that. Like I love that. I 589 00:45:09.599 --> 00:45:15.880 love that. Um. But yeah, the niggas is coming out of the 590 00:45:15.880 --> 00:45:19.320 wool work. So I don't know if it's because it's mercury retrograde or because 591 00:45:19.400 --> 00:45:22.440 niggas just see that I'm on my shit and they're like, damn, you're 592 00:45:22.440 --> 00:45:25.159 looking good as hell and you're doing it. I've never had so many niggas 593 00:45:25.159 --> 00:45:29.760 in my DMM talking about Yeah, I've been thinking about getting into yoga. 594 00:45:29.880 --> 00:45:35.840 Okay, well buy a ticket and come to my class, come to my 595 00:45:35.920 --> 00:45:38.639 job and take a class. Like I'm so tired of y'all niggas, bro, 596 00:45:38.800 --> 00:45:43.639 I am so fucking tired of y'all niggas. I am so fucking tired 597 00:45:43.679 --> 00:45:49.519 of y'all niggas. Um, But you know that's to be expected for niggas 598 00:45:49.519 --> 00:45:53.159 to be on bullshit and to just be talking that shit, like, get 599 00:45:53.239 --> 00:45:59.000 the fuck out of Here's so many niggas on my head and on that bullshit. 600 00:45:59.239 --> 00:46:05.519 Save it for the next bitch, please. But yeah, man, 601 00:46:05.719 --> 00:46:09.960 I think that's um. I think that's pretty much it. I think that 602 00:46:10.039 --> 00:46:13.960 covers a lot of what I had to share. For real, I'm trying 603 00:46:13.960 --> 00:46:15.239 to think, is there anything else U