Super welcome you guys. So Laura Kane now after Dark, thank you for
joining us all live if you're doing that on a Monday night, because we
do. We live stream the podcast on Monday nights and then we officially dropped
the episode on Tuesday. We do. This is Eric Rimmer, my co
host, who is in currently inhaling Chick fil At. I've never seen anything
like it in my life. And how many sauces do you use? I
see one, two, three, four, and I think you threw away
two other ones. No, I don't get them all out. I just
do a little bit. You put how you mustard on it? Honey mustard
on the sandwich. That's not one of the good ones. Oh, you
don't mess with that sandwich. It's pure the way it is. It's got
the butter, it's got the pickles. Oh no, it needs it needs
sauce, but not how you think. Yeah. I used to work there,
trust me. Oh I know. That's why I know Chick fil A
shakes are better than in and out shakes. I don't like it shakes.
Um, I like all shakes, but I agree with you about the Chick
fil At shakes, which Eric was nice enough to get me one, thank
you very much, and a sandwich. Yet I'm not going to eat while
we're doing the podcast. Well, the talent gets sound great. You know
talent. We need it. We need to take care of the talent.
First thing, we had producer Brian over here. I hope you had a
fun weekend, Brian, because every time I ask you, hey, how
was your weekend, You're like, it was okay, it was all right?
Um, it was especially just all right, oh my god, don't
you do anything like do you go to the beach or do you go like
shopping or do you go to the mall? Um? No, this week
I was all right, it was I was a little I was really busy
last week, so this it was a little slower for me, which was
nice. Did you watch TV and stuff like that kind of chill? Yeah,
anything exciting. No, I've been watching old Liam Neeson movies on uh
hbo Max, So so you've been on Liam Neeson binge. I'm called a
binge. I just see them like I don't really feel like anything anything serious.
I know that's only gonna be like alright, and but entertaining enough so
and stuff you've already seen. Actually no, oh, Okay, I haven't
seen a lot of Liam Nison movies. You watched black Light. I haven't
watched black Light yet. I've watched Memory, the Commuter, Oh yea,
the one, a plane, Oh NonStop? Oh yeah, Taken, Taken
is good. The rest of them I don't care about. Memory wasn't good.
Wo oh great, I was gonna watch that one. Yeah, I
mean, it's all right, all right, he's really old news. It's
just the worst gay because Pride Month is not No, there's many people don't
like rainbows. I don't like crowds. I mean, I mean, I
don't think rainbows. I don't think you're handful of rainbows to be gay.
And now I don't like pickpockets. He's just oh wow, yeah, you
really are the worst game. I am just waited until the host chat because
it's going to be in the eighties and nineties all week until next Wednesday.
In Rome, they are bracing for record heat. They say it is intense,
this heat wave that's hitting Italy, figuring because we just have like record
lows here this year. Gosh, it's getting whacky this whole I don't know
global warming. If the sun moves a little bit, then everything gets haywire,
right, Mexico won the Gold Cup against Panama at Sofi Stadium. Oh
my god, Okay, I'm waving at pile. Okay, okay, wait
real quick, I just want to throw out their global warming doesn't have a
throw the sun moving? Well, you know what, Brian, let's not
get into political. So I don't want to talk about it. Is it
true? Is it not true? I just know, but that's not what
global warming. I just don't want us to throw out scientific misinformation. We'll
get hammered for that, you know what. Okay. The reason I am
the way I am as because of the two of you. What gay?
Yeah? No, honre and acting like a challenge Hi, Lisa anyway?
Stop? Okay? So, also, did you know that they had a
rave? They had a Broadway Rave at Brick by Brick and it was all
for people who love Broadway shows and everybody could dresses their own favorite Broadway character
and go and rave all night. Is that isn't that kind of cool and
yet kind of weird at the same time? That was that week this weekend
too, I was just looking at the latest news. I didn't want to
do it anything that was depressing, So I didn't do anything that was depressing.
Okay, okay, subscribe to Instagram. Now here's here's a reason for
you to subscribe on Instagram, which is four ninety nine a month. We
have a bunch of subscribers nine only four ninety nine a month. And listen.
We're having a big party on the seventeenth of audio at six pm at
Urban Mose and Hillcrest to celebrate four years doing this podcast. Laura Keane after
Dark, Eric and I together, us together, this thing together. We're
gonna end this thing together, hopefully with Brian. Yeah, it won't end
til one of us dies. Yeah, that's probably when. That's probably when
we'll stop doing it, when we're dead, when one of us keels over.
Yeah, it'll be Eric. Actually, no, it'll be Laura.
It'll be be and then you guys will continue the podcast. Yeah, okay,
that's much better. After that. Oh okay, that was unnecessary.
That was uncessary. Anyway, My point with the Instagram subs driver and our
party is that you're gonna get special ticket buying a privileges. You can buy
tickets first, there's only so many that we have. Oh my god,
you're killing me. You're killing me, and you're gonna get access to a
VIP table. We're gonna have a drag show. Two really great professional drag
queens are performing at our party, and then we're going to do our podcast
live after that. It's gonna be a blast. We might have some special
guests. In fact, we're working on a couple right. I mean,
it's been in the works for a couple of months already, so it's gonna
be really fun. So all the ticket information and stuff will go up within
this week hopefully next week, no buy next week we will have all the
information on how you can buy the tickets. They're twenty dollars and the proceeds
go to the lgbtqi A plus Sunburst Youth Housing. That's center which houses youths
who are either HIV positive or homeless or you know, kicked out of their
homes because they weren't accepted and this, uh, this center provides housing for
them and other different resources for them to get a head start. Yea,
so this is a really good cause, great cause. Okay, so before
we start, we have a lot going on. We have I representation anotherwise
great um. By the way, I don't see anything on your wrist that
looks beaded and black. I forgot to wear today. I did wear a
majority of last week, and I just want let you know it didn't work,
because last week is a really rough week. Oh no, it was.
It didn't work at all. See you put it on and then I
think if anything made it worse, did you Did you keep it on or
did you take it off to wash your hands? Well? I kept There
are times I kept it off, but like I'm wear for a couple days
at a time, and I would take it off for something I forget and
I would put back on day later. And sometimes you need to get through
it. Wow, it's always always plenty of reasons why it never wears.
Dad, I wanted you to show up with that dang bracelet. But oh
well I tried. I tried. Oh oh my god, I won the
lottery and I that would have been and you never know. You never know,
You never know, Brian, you never know. So you had a
bad week. So obviously that was a wrong stone for you. I picked
the wrong crystals. That's the issue. Great, whatever, whatever, Okay,
So let's talk about our fabulous sponsors right now. Oh my gosh.
Jay Wartzler yes, from Capital Growth thing. We have a date on August
tenth, you and Jay and Jay to talk about finances. I can't you
tell you how excited I am. I can't tell you how excited I am
because Eric actually has some funds that he has saved and he is taking our
advice that we've been saying to you, you for months and months and months
to go to Jay Wartzler to have him manage your money. And you're actually
gonna do that. M oh my gosh. He's gonna sit with you.
You guys are going to talk about assets. You're going to talk about the
different ways you can branch off your money, where to blood it, where
to invest it, where to take it out of for one K stuff.
I'm so excited. That's what Jay Wartzler does. He's been doing it for
thirty five years. He's only ever worked for Capital Growth. Think. So
this is a solid company. He's a solid person, he knows what he's
talking about. He's made people millions and millions of dollars and hopefully he's gonna
make use of run. That's right. So what's his phone number? Eight
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with any questions you might have maybe about your from one K or jayw at
Capitol crowthink dot com and go ahead www dot capitolcrowthink dot com. J Wartzler,
CFP and c DFA. Those things mean he's really smart and he knows
what he's talking about regarding money. Yeah, okay, thank you Jay so
much for sponsoring this podcast. Now onto Schedattle five K, which I will
be mceing. Yay and listen to this. We want you to mark September
ninth, Saturday on your calendar because we are going to be walking for a
great cause. The seventh annual Schedaddle for Research happens at Crown Point at nine
pm. I will be the mc opening Ceremonies are at eight thirty am.
Register by August eighteenth to guarantee that you get this year's T shirt. SCAD,
or spontaneous coronary artery dissection, is a little known cause of a heart
attack. Most patients are young, healthy and active women who do not have
a typical risk factor of heart disease. SCAT is the number one cause of
heart attacks and women under the age of fifty. This is very important,
so go to our website Loricane after dark dot com to register. Everybody gets
a metal. It's gonna be so much fun. Lauracane after dark dot com.
Look for the link so it's on our website. If you want to
register, just go to lauracane after dark dot com like it said, and
in the little promo code, put Laura five, Laura five and then number
five and you'll get five dollars off your registration. Everybody gets a metal.
It's to be super fun. It's in September, so you have plenty of
time to sign up. Okay, I have a very important host chat you
do, but apparently we have a guest, a special guest appearance because okay,
pickle Guy has decided to show up. To show up now, Pickle
Guy doesn't come on, Pickle Guy, come on up here. Now.
He doesn't speak, but he's got something in his hands. He's got many
things in his hands. Two forks, straw, now, a bottle of
salt. The last time he was on, he did a trick with a
beer and he did something very inappropriate at the end. He is pickle dude.
I am pickle dude. I am pickle dude. Okay, really narrowly
avoiding the copyright. Okay, I have come to apologize. Okay, Okay,
the loud belch was unprofessional. It very much was the last time,
it was the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. I want a second chance.
Oh, pickle dude wants a second chance. Okay, okay, pickle
do do you have very nice writing? I have a special trick for you.
Oh all right, this better be good, pickle dude, because oh,
you know the last time. Well, let's see. Okay, So
he has he has the coast five, a bunch of coasters, some salt,
a toothpick that he's putting in what the salt shaker? Okay, Okay.
Now he has two forks. Ok he is criss crossing the forks together.
He's sticking another toothpick in the criss cross of the forks. Okay,
so starting to sweat. Oh god, Okay, So he's balancing the toothpick.
He's going to balance the forks on the toothpick that's in the Oh my
god, you guys have to see this. Look at this. I don't
know that this is let's see, let's see. Is it gonna work?
Okay he's oh no, Oh, pickle guy pickle guy, I mean,
pickle dude. I'm sorry, picked sweating? What are you wiping your sweat?
Wing lean? Those are mine? Yeah, we gather. Is that
a tampon? I don't know what this is. Oh my god, that
is not that is that's weird. It's just who That's not a tamp on.
That's a pad. Wait. Let's see, let's see. Did he
do it? Did pickle dude do it? Anyway? He did? He
did the drick It is working. It is working, pickle dude, pickle
dude. Okay, thank you very much. Do we have let's see,
Oh, we have more. I'll be back for more pickle fun. Okay,
but there seems to be something else. They're a final Oh okay.
We had to get out the beer. We had to get out the Oh
he just knocked over his creation. This is oh boy, you go to
a party with pickle rick Pickle dude, pickle dude, please, ricky,
Ricky putting the straw the beer again? Yes, okay, hold on,
here we go. Let me let me put it in your sho Oh.
I don't know what's happening. I don't know what's happening either. I don't
get it Okay, here we go one, two, three, chug chug
chug chun chun chun chun chug chug chug chug chug, and it's gone.
Are we gonna? I was just gonna say, are you gonna step away
from the mic? Before that happened? And he didn't. Oh my god,
pickle dude appearance. Pickle dude, you said you were, you were
apologized for the belch, but yet you did it again. All right,
thank you, pickle dude. He can't control him. He cannot control himself
because he needs a beer after each trick. Apparently, Okay, thank you,
pick pickle dude. Exactly sure what just happened? I know? See
when he shows up obviously, is this the second time he's come or the
third time? The second? No, he's been here before, hasn't he?
Yeah, this is the second time. Oh who knows? He may
show up a third time with another trick. What are the odds? Okay,
so I have my host chat. Yes, I want a little bit
of fanfare music. I know you hate this. Oh no, no,
no, sorry, did not set the mood. That did not set the
moo No, not crack, not yet, not until after I can't read
very well, there we go, there we go. Oh, this is
good. Okay, Okay, So Pride Weekend was Saturday and Sunday. What
just happened? Are we losing control of this podcast already? This is not
okay? You never got control? Why is it? Okay, it's D's
fault. Yes, I'm ready. Okay. So it was Pride weekend and
it was really fine. I went to the parade for a little while.
I stopped at Evans Restaurant, which is a long university. It's called Criminal
a Craig and I had some food there with a friend, and then we
walked to the parade and it was really great and I just love it because
anybody can be whoever they want to be, dressed anyway they want to dress,
and it is truly all about love. And I come away after watching
the parade so happy, feeling so good, and then I think about Eric,
Why who is a gay man? What I know? Shockers, shock,
I'm sorry, I am extremely homophobic. I have to go. We
named the last podcast the worst gay in the world, because Eric has he
this is his own You've said this about yourself. He doesn't do rainbows,
he doesn't do the parade. Because it's too crowded. He's a redhead.
He sweats, he doesn't like the I melt like sugar in the rain.
He gets super grumpy, he gets very hungry. He can't deal. He
doesn't like clubs, he doesn't like the dancing. He doesn't take his shirt
off. He's just not He's just not the best gay man in the world.
The world's worst gay. Probably. So I have something for you.
What, Oh my gosh, what is it. Your gifts are always good.
It's a trophy. It's a rainbow trophy for you to put on your
desk. The number one World's worst game, as presented by Laura Kane,
a straight woman. You are a terrible gay. According to Eric, the
straits have decided you are a bad gay. Oh I Eric is the one,
and he agrees with me. So I thought, I, how do
you feel? Do you know what? Speech? Speech? Speech? Speech?
I humbly accept this award. Okay, I love it. I will
just turn it around so that I don't have to see the rainbow, and
then it's a golden profile of a boob. So then it's just a gold
arch. Yeah, well this doesn't have all the rainbow colors in it.
So I will keep it out this you can tolerate, yes, okay,
I try to get the least rainbow or rainbow I could. I'm not good
with pastels. Oh that's another. That's another reason I don't like pastels.
You don't have a colorful You don't like the rainbow colors? No, everything
in my wardrobe is black, green, blue. Well those are some of
the colors. Gray, beige, No, no, baige. Yeah.
No. Honestly, I feel like before, like the Pride movement, like
the rainbow was kind of going out of style. Well now the flag has
like all the different colors and I love it. Okay. Oh no for
you when you get hot. No, okay, because you do get hot
during the podcast. So just for an out right now, because the pickle
guy, I can, I just turn it around. I don't like rainbows.
We should propose why is there all this rainbow stuff? Because I went
to the parade and got a bunch of rainbow stuff, and I thought that
you should. Maybe the straits decided you weren't gay enough. Oh thank god,
that won't fit my water bottle. You know what I heard of Kouzi
is good for keeping your drink the trash can no keeping your ice cream cold
like your little pints. You stick it in here and you keep it cold.
Hey, I have some food hacks coming up on Thursday that we're going
to blow your mind. Okay, So that's my host chat, my presentation
of Eric's I love It. I accepted. I'd like to thank my agent
and all the gay people out there that, um do celebrate that, do
yes in my behalf, embrace crowds, all the all the gay people and
straight people that like crowds. Mazeletop because I jump off. I'm gonna make
Eric a gay pride flag that is not it'll be beige. No, it'll
be black. It would be like a family crest more like. I would
just like my colors in it. Colors gray, dark, blay, black,
kind Okay, Um, I'm not the case sadness flag. Yeah,
the old flag. Thank you. Oh my god, someone just said I'm
hot. I know. Oh, thank you. Somebody on Instagram just said
Eric is hot, and that is Leo. Leo's very nicely. Thank you
fan yourself because you're so so hot. I am. Um. I also
have something to tell you. Okay, is this something we haven't discussed on
the podcast. Oh, no, you've discussed it many times. Okay,
so I feel like I need to address it. Can I just one thing
before you address this thing? Yes, I'm having a problem with your thermo
flask sitting right there? Why can we move it over there? Just because
I feel like it's just right in the middle straight, it's painfully straight's bothering
me? I'm sorry, Award. Yeah, there you go, Award.
Now I'm feeling a lot better, a lot less anxious. Okay, so
what do you have to tell us? Well, the last several episodes,
you've been referring to me as the talent. Eric shows up five minutes before.
Eric's not prepared. Eric's I do all the work me me me a
true true yeah, true statements. I figured, since I am considered the
talent, stop it for me. Uh. I wrote up a writer Eric
Rimmer's writer for being talent on the podcast. Yes, Oh, I put
the wrong writer in the title thing. Oh really? Put w R I
T E R. Oh No, no, okay, well in the we'll
change it up. We'll change it up. But you know you've heard of
writers from like no, I know the writer is okay, yes, you
know if you don't know what this is is what like celebrities or musicians basically
say they want in their dressing room when they get to a certain venue.
The demands exactly, Yes, so you have a list of demands. I
have just a couple. Can you wave to our thank you? Great question?
Just to set the context, when's the last time you prepared for the
podcast on a day that isn't Monday Sunday? What did you do this Sunday?
Yeah? What did you do? I did my Hollywood report, I
wrote my writer a time. M Well that's a first. It is not
a first us in a long time. Oh you did not? Okay,
just all right, you know what. Let's let's not I'll be a dead
horse. Since I wasn't at the Pride parade or festival, I had some
time to kill. All right, let's hear let's hear it out. Let's
hear his demands. The talent has demands. Let's hear the demands. It's
my rider, all right, it's Eric Grimmer's yes, rid So from this
point on, because parking in your hood is a nightmare, yes, very
inconvenient for me to drive around and around and around looking for parking. Okay,
so um, the podcast I would like you to pay for an uber,
as I can't drive anymore. Jesus Christ, the podcast pace or me?
Yes, okay, so podcast so an uber too? And from oh
no, they'll have to come out of Eric's shriff profits. Yeah. Well,
since I hate being in traffic, and since you do the traffic,
um, you'll know ahead of time what the situation is on the freeways,
correct I could? Yeah? Well, if you is this a requirement that
I need to tell you? It should be? Because yes, because I
need this fan, I'm this is going to get worse under no circumstances when
I'm in my uber. Should I be allowed to encounter any delays due to
traffic? So? Um? If there, I would need to know ahead
of time because if I do get stuck in traffic and that would make me
late, I'm going to need a police escort, so that might cost you
more. Okay, okay, yes, police escort could be Okay. From
this and on, I'd like to be referred only to not my name,
but talent, just the talent, just the talent, not Eric, not
mister Rimmer, not sir, nope, just the talent. Okay, Okay,
does that work for you? Fine? Okay, Um, I would
like all the door knobs change because I don't want to touch a doorknob that
I mean, you do have two roommates. I agree with him, and
are people coming in and out? I don't want to touch a dirty door
knob. Change the doorknob every single time. Every week. You can change
it once, but then I would like it disinfected before I show up.
That's good, So disinfect the door knobs. Okay. Oh my god,
I'm going to need a massage table set up somewhere. Um, and I
want Gary, my massage therapist, to be on call because if I'm stressed
out, I'm not going to be able to perform. So like a post
podcast massage, like immediately after since it's so stressful. Yes, okay,
also funded by the podcast Yes otherwise known as me correct. Okay, Yeah,
I'm getting there. Okay, oh you are? Okay, Yeah,
let's not put the cart before the okay, okay, all right, Um,
I'm going I like to wear my Christian Lubaton high tops, okay,
my red souls. So when the uber shows up, he'll text Brian,
and I would like Brian to come out and carry me from the uber to
the studio. Okay, Brian thoughts, Yeah, Brian usually Brian definitely gets
here before you get here. Well that should happen. I you know what,
in response, I'll just have my own writer as someone who contributes the
production of this podcast. I'll just bring my own writer next week. Oh,
Brian's writer next week will be justifying. Oh my god, some of
us putting the hours around here exactly. Okay, I'm going to need all
the furniture and accessories in this room to be moved around. Yeah, that's
fine because the fung shway is really not pleasing. Do you reorganize and redo
my entires? It makes a good point though, for someone who's so into
crystals, you have very poor functuation. Yes, it's very disruptive to my
eyes, my vibes. It makes me very anxious. Harmonic vibrations are getting
thrown out. Um, this is the only white wall I have back here.
Yeah, well this can remain, but all this needs to change.
Well you're describing as a U problem. Yeah, the rest is the awesome
problem. It's just not pleasing to my eyes. Okay, okay, Um,
I'm going to need um eva on water in front of me when I
get here cold with exactly eight handcut ice cubes. Okay, okay, we're
going to need another intern. I know we have door In turn, we
had one and now we don't. I'm going to need approval of all promotional
pictures and videos, and I brought along my head shot because I would prefer
that this be used over my little teeny tiny name. Oh my oh,
if you send that, if you send that to me, that will be
your head show this picture from how many years ago? I was twenty,
so ninety ninety maybe? Yes? Oh my god, So we can only
use this picture, yes, yes, and I would like it to be
under over my little itty bitty name like that picture. Okay, okay,
I will definitely be used for something thank you picture. It needs to be
a little gayer. But you know, oh my god, I'm going to
need a humidifier to protect my voice. And I don't want some jankie thing
from Walmart or Wish Yeah, okay, okay, okay, yes, okay,
had like a two million dollar one. I don't need one that expensive.
One point five though, my god? What else? I would like?
Diamond encrusted headphones and a mic with a premium sound Voca recorder so when
I do my voices, I can manipulate the sound. Don't even know what
vocal I know he had to google that. That was pretty good though.
Okay, all right, sweating like a pig here, So I'm gonna need
the AC set at sixty eight degrees. Oh, that one we can negotiate.
Do you guys need me to put the air on right now? What
do you think that you can just keep keep fanning? Keep okay, I'll
fan you. Oh my god, this is so obnoxious. Um, all
lighting needs to be changed to soft light, not that glaring white light that's
around here, and dimmers are strongly suggested required. What about the frosted lights
so you look like you're, like, you know, ten years younger?
Hi, Erica, what's up girl? Erica? Okay, yes, so
I would like that. Um, Brian needs well, Brian's kind of on
my side about I was gonna say he needs to wear all white and no
more dark hoodies, but that would be me. He's been on my side
for some stuff, so I'm gonna let I'm gonna I'm gonna alter my rider
for that, Erica, I love you. Um the leopard chair and this
hideous egg chair need to go. Why is this affecting your performance? Is?
Yes, I can barely perform. Um. And while I'm at it,
no leopard print anywhere in my eyes? Man, I backed the rest
of them now, um, hello, yeah, that needs to go.
You're not going to continue the podcast until this comes off. It's very hard
for me too. You cannot perform when you look at leopard print. It's
very hard. And that chair, it's making me very anxious. It's giving
me epilepsy. Actually, yeah, whoa, Okay, well I have something
underneath. I would hate to affect his performance. God forbid. Oh my
god. I'm coming with a writer next week and that's much better. And
a sheet? Can you get it out of my I don't want to see
it. Can you put it somewhere where I don't have to look at it?
All right? That's actually for next year's roasts. We should all just
have writers, are updated writers. Yeah. And while I'm at it,
Um, your your makeup is okay tonight? No more dark lipstick like you
had gone on last week. I can't take it. You can't perform with
my No no bright clothes. No, I like where you might have a
natural look. I like wearing red. Well, well, i'll need to
see you in it before. I need to send you a picture of what
I'm wearing before the podcast. Yes, okay, so you see if you
can handle it. And I'd like for you to not look me in the
eye anymore. You can look at my stare at my chest, hair,
or below. No direct eye conduct. Please don't from now on. Yeah,
well it's wiener. Please just talk in my wiener and it's referred to
as his eminence, Yes, his eminence. Um. I would like you
to only speak to the talent during the podcast. Everything else needs to be
either texted or written on a whiteboard. And if you text me, then
allow twenty four plus hours for a reply. Well that's not unusual, No,
that is typical, typical okay. I'd also like your toilet seat to
be changed out because you don't like the color of it. I don't like
the color. I don't like the feel on my bottom when I do a
number two. I have a pink toilet seat. Yeah, so do we
have to change it every time? That you know? Just once? But
nobody else can sit on it? Okay, swart to change it every week
when I show up? Yes, okay, and then I would like a
box of my cinnabon cinnamon Bun sweetems available and Charman soft play three play.
Yes, the ply needs a tissue paper, Yeah, Charon one, because
it never fails. Whenever you come to my house, you do go number
two. I might have to in just a few minutes. I think I'm
telling you about soft music. And maybe a little champagne bucket on the side
of the toilet. Oh that's coming up. Oh yes, more, yes,
performance by me cannot be interrupted by Elvis barking any longer. Oh okay,
it stresses me out. And if he must be present, he must
wear an outfit that I don't get any of his hair on me. Put
him in a trash bag with a whole and a muzzle so that I don't
have to hear him breathe a bark. You can't muzzle his little tiny face.
Oh my god. And since you're always getting on me about staring down,
I would like a teleprompter. Oh that I can um The viewers would
like to see me looking up so they could see my big blue eyes.
More work for Brian exactly, and more money for me. Yeah, you'll
pay Brian extra for that. Oh, okay, all right, okay,
all right, I'm starting this sorry through parts of it, I'd like all
white candles around lit during the podcast. Please, it'll relax me. Okay,
Okay, I'm going to need a vocal coach too from my voice.
Okay, how long is this because it's getting all my nerves. Well,
I'm trying to get you cool here. Thank you, keep it going.
Uh. I'm going to need prior to the show, and then before our
second show, I'm going to need fifteen minute pre show nap on a new
Chase Lounge new, not somewhere from like Ross dress for less or home goods.
Uh. Definitely not Jerome's not leaves, because that'll take eight years to
get here. Um. It must be uncovered fifteen minutes prior to my arrival
and immediately covered after my departure. And I have to keep the Chase lounge
to keep the Chase Lounge chair because I don't want it junking up my house.
Okay, so I'll jump up my house. Okay. I also must
approve the color and comfort of the Chase Lounge. Yes, I don't want
it lumpy. I don't want it too big. I don't want too small.
Does it come with a therapist? Um? Now, I had to
get my own food tonight, I know, and you got me so too.
I wasn't that lovely of me? You? You're welcome. I'd like
meal prep since I don't have time to eat before the podcast. I get
very tired. Yes, it's very tired, very hungry, and which makes
me cranky, okay, which causes me to not be able to perform to
my full potential. So um, prior to the Tuesday podcast, I would
like a menu created that I have to approve before I show up, because
you might make tacos and I might not feel like, wait, I'm making
food for you, or you can order it. I don't care. I
just want to approve the menu prior. How many courses are we looking at?
Just one? I'm very simple, very simple, very really generous here,
very easy going, don't you. I would request it not high maintance
at all. Brian, stop it and once it's not brought in or you're
done making it, I would like Brian to test it to make sure it's
not too hot or too salty or poisoned. So your jobs so far to
carry him from the over here and then test his food so it's not poisonous.
I will have some stimulate stipulations. For example, my testing is actually
gonna be half his plate versus just to buy, so you better make double
them. Carrying is going to be a wheelchair, and he's legally obligated to
post a photo of him in the wheelchairs, stating that he is now disabled
every time that a wheelchair is fine. Just as long as I don't have
to put my feet on the ground, I'm good with that. Okay.
Then I'll carry your shoes. No, yeah, no, I don't want
to walk their foot. We're having some having that's not in my writer.
Walking is not in my rider. Oh boy. Now after the first show,
I'm gonna need a snack, okay, Because we record Gold Shoes shows
every Monday night. One of them is live that we drop on Tuesday.
The second one that we record, we drop on Thursday. But we record
both of them on Monday nights. So after the first show we record,
then what then I'm gonna need a mid show snack provided by you. Okay,
but it's it's super easy. I would like Keebler vanilla wafers and Pillsberry
Creamy Supreme buttercream. Frosting because I liked to like a chip and dip.
I like to the vanilla wafer into the invest in the craft services department,
that would work too, But then mics and everything. Okay, I'm going
to have to add to my writer. Then if we have a craft services
tom, that'll be part of my writers, the equipment, and then any
guests that show up, Like if Erica was to come down and be on
the show. Yeah, well for her, I probably wouldn't require security because
I love her. But anybody else I'm going to require security. So anybody
that's not me or Brian, yes you need security here. I'm gonna need
security standing like a bouncer just in case. Yes, I know, it's
like some good, strong, homeless people that needs the work. See,
that would work. Uh, if the podcast runs over fifty eight point nine
minutes, I'm not going to need an Uber home. Just get me a
hotel room and hotel we got the point is left or downtown? No oh
no, yeah, because you just cannot keep I can't. I'll be so
tired at the end. I don't want the Uber driver taking pictures of me
sleep in the back. I know there's a day's in not far. We
can come up with the prostitutes won't be a problem. They weren't bother well.
I don't know if I'm gonna want that specify, But okay, um,
since you require me to bring she's always harpened, She's always harpened.
Bring a change, Bring a change. It confuses me when you dress exactly
the same. I will now need a trainer and a wardrobe budget. I
need a wardrobe stipulations for your second show. When I just tell you to
bring your a different T shirt, I'm gonna need a wardrobe allowance because that's
a lot of this is such as this is such ps Okay, okay,
um, I will also need I'm gonna need to look like ape, just
like a like a blank slate. So I'm gonna need a lot of botox.
Okay, I'm gonna need a lot of filler. Okay, I'm gonna
need my eyes done. So I would like doctor, my doctor, my
doctor Reedler from La Joia Cosmetics um as my primary physician and on call for
any and all procedures that talent may refute. Yes, okay, I'm sure
it's just gonna love that. Yeah, okay, So and you'll pay for
that too. Oh my god, I'm gonna need my veneers done by the
super dentist. Okay, um I the talent must be allowed to express at
some point how tired they are during the second show via a yawn. That
is not I I rebuke that. No way that goes out of the writer.
I've already said that Brian doesn't have to wear white. I mean,
you're really testing my patience. Very like generous here, I'm being very reasonable.
Yeah. Um only my diva music can play prior to us coming on
the show. I don't want anybody talking. I need to decompress which diva
you You have many songs and my songstress? Yes, only Kelly Clarkson.
I may feel like Carrie Underwood on an occasion, maybe Madonna, but one
of my songs just has to be playing. Yes, absolutely no talking.
If you need to talk to me, just write it on a white board.
That's fine until the podcast. Yes, okay, and then um,
any and all costs associated with anything on this writer or the responsibility of alcad
Akau. So I am responsible. What lad has an equal partner that you
can rely on financially for who you should have a meeting with Jake this one,
saying no, no, don't give her an don't give her any ideas
producing. I'm just saying cost and profits are split equally. Well, he's
the talent. I don't have a writer because I'm I don't know. I
run this thing. Mark, you're the producer. But you should put you
know, you should put together your own writer. Oh, I'm sure.
Well, technically I don't know if Eric really gets the I don't. I
don't think he gets a writer because he's not the talent. He's the mayor.
He as well, because I call him the talent because he shows up
like again, like five minutes for the show starts, and he just like,
I'm prepared, but and so he acts like talent. Now he has
a writer here, you know it. Next week I'll come in, Okay,
I'll bring a rebuttal to his demands and we'll see if we can meet
somewhere in the middle. I would like you to sign here. I'm not
who we have to have negotiation anything. Next Monday, I'll bring our counter
offer and we'll see if you meet in the middle. Listen, I already
said you don't have to wear white. You are going to have are together
in this. No just me. Oh I thought you said we, Well
I will. I will represent both of us. Okay, thank you.
I'm not liking the way this is going. I'm not liking like all those
things you just do. You know how much it demanded. Do you know
how much extra work we'd have to take up if if the talent left?
Because do all of it? I know exactly. My god, you don't
destroy your What are you doing? I'm not. I'm just this is bothering
me that it's just sitting. Oh oh his head shot, he needs his
head shot. I know that photo is a good Okay, where's it?
Okay, there you go. Um, I will have to look over.
I will have to get my attorney in on this as well. Okay,
and I will give you our rebuttal next week the better. Okay, gotcha,
but but heard it has been heard. Our people will contact your people.
Thank you exactly. All right now, since you are the talent,
you know what you also do. I do the Hollywood report you do,
and guess what what it's time for you to perform? Thank god, talent.
Well, you take off that hideous leopard top. So I did do
that for you us. It turns to a strip club or something. Oh
my god, now, can you get rid of that chair? Can't stand
it? I will, I will cover the chair. I'm not getting I'm
an a vomit on it. I'm keeping the chain too. It's it's the
it's the it gives a character. No, I accidentally left a green pen
open. Great, Laura, I love that shirt. You know what what
that is. One of the things that's going out of the writer is the
leopard print. I can't stand to look at it. It makes me dizzy.
Well, we'll see. It makes me feel like I have epilepsy,
and therefore you can't perform barely. We'll negotiate next week. Okay, we'll
find out what's getting struck stricken, what's not? Oh my god, Okay,
keep the leopard print in. Oh, I might expand it. Hey,
okay, is there a leopard print rug around here? And you Oh,
there's that dog bed that needs to go. It's this little blanket.
It's a dog blanke print, the blanket overs I can't. Yeah, there's
only there's three things in here that hurting my Oh no, it's the pillow
right there. God, I can't. Can you cover that pillow with something
else blank. It can't look at it. These do not go to it
into effect until my attorney has looked at them. But thank you. Then
I won't be able to read the Hollywood Report. Everyone, please cover everything
you're killing. I'll read the Hollway Report. Some stuff happened this week,
um so uh, Ariana Grande and Hubby Dalton Gomez after three years, Splitsville,
No way, thank you? Next what wait till wait till Pete Davidson
comes back. Yes, big Dick, Pete Davidson. Oh that's much better,
Kane, thank you. I need the whole thing covered. Yeah,
you can't do half. God, she's doing shoddy work over here. It's
just not fast enough. You can't. You can't have so much better covered
job? Thank you? Oh God, oh god, I feel so much
better. Get rid of this thing. The temperature dropped like three degrees in
here. God. Oh it's making me sweat. Um Sophia Vargara and Joe
Mangel Nello Splitsville, Splitsville, thank you. Next seven years. That is
leopard print, Laura. Oh God, she's not doing anything right, Jesus,
this is a nightmare. Oh my god, there's another one. We're
going. Oh my God, let's just blow the place up. Oh my
god, I'm just not gonna look that way. I just can't look that
way right now. I'm looking for more. I'm looking for more about radar.
For y, continue your report. Lindsay Lohan is now a mom.
She had the baby. Yeah, she had a little boy. His name
is Lui Shamas and it means in Arabic shield or protector. How do you
how do you spell his name? Lu Ai? And then congratulations? Yes,
that seemed like it was the fastest pregnancy ever. Oh. I felt
the exact opposite. I felt like that lasted like, no, at least
two years. I always felt like Jessica Simpson had like a seven year pregnant.
She did, she did. She always seemed like she had the longest
pregnancy ever. Um Jane Burken, actress and singer who inspired the Birken Bag,
died at seventy six yesterday. Oh yes, So my prediction is this
Ermez is gonna make a Birken Bag to dedicate it to her, and that
thing is going to sell out while it's in production, and it's going to
be like how Oh yeah, for sure, who would? But I don't
know why do you remember that hideous Erme's bag that looked like the side of
a brick building with the windows in it noninety five thousand dollars. The Chanelle
milk carton bag that was ten thousand. Oh my god, stupid. Uh.
Tom Cruise wants to make Mission Impossible movies until he's eighty. Hell yeah,
can he? Do you think I saw Mission Impossible? For you?
Saw? You saw the latest Mission Impossible and it was incredible. I just
I just rewatched Fallout and I need to still see the new one is so
good? Oh no, this one blows Fallout out of the water. It
was Why does he look? How is he acting? He was? I
do not I will make this statement. I do not like Tom Cruise,
but I just don't care for his politics or his well what about him as
an actor and an action No, I think of him as your beloved Keanu
Reeves. Um. I think he's very good in action movies. I don't
consider him a great actor. Have you seen Magnolia? Yes, I thought
he was fantastic. I thought he was good in that. Yeah, but
man, mission him a few good men? Oh okay, he is actually
gives a great performance in Tropic I just don't think he's the best actor I've
ever seen. Of course not. I mean my Anthony Hopkins is a movie
star. He of course he is. Yes, he's an action movie star
though as of late that's yes, that's what he's best, and he's very
good in action movies. Yes he is. Okay, you're not waving.
Oh my god, you're killing me. I just want to say, though,
I still think James Bond is a little bit better in the Mission I
Possible series. Oh James, nobody can touch my James Bond. I have
never Yes, only Daniel Craig and my Roger Moore. No, Roger Moore
was the worst. Wait, no, not Roger Moore. Timothy Dalton is
also. Who's the other one? What's his face? In the nineties Golden
Nye Yes, Searssen, he was pretty good. Sean Connery was Sean Connery.
That's who I was thinking of. Craig though, it was Daniel Craig
was amazing. I have never watched a Bond movie from starting you're going to
watch there, I don't care, don't get it. Hit. There's only
one one of them that's like and not that good. The rest of them
are incredible action action cars blowing up things like Jason. But he is so
good. He makes it look so good when they when in that first movie
he did when they had him in the chair with no scene and they were
taking that big rope and whacking him in the balls. My balls ached Casino
Royal is incredible. Skyfall is Skyfall the best acts movies I've ever seen.
Incredible. Yeah, it was so good. Wow. Um, speaking of
babies again, Anthony Michael hall remember him from The Breakfast Club and sixteen sixteen
Candles. Um. He has a dad at fifty five years old. Wow,
he had a little boy. His wife had a little boy. His
wife's adorable. Her name is Lutzia Oskovova. She's thirty two. He's fifty
five. His name is Anthony Michael Hall. Um. He got very,
very creative and named his little boy Michael Anthony Hall. Wait. I think
that might be his real name in real life. Oh it is, Yes,
So he's a second. So the baby's a second or a third or
something. Whatever. Oh my god, I love you know. I need
to know all baby names. I can't wait to hear Rihanna is when she
has her baby girl or I care so much. Well, she waited.
She waited like two years to announce the baby boy's name. She was going
nuts. I was absolutely going crazy. Did your life improve after finding out
the name? I was very much satisfied. She became very organized and focused.
I felt I was more focused. I was a lot more focused,
and I felt a sense of serenity. Yeah she did. Okay, thank
god? Okay, what else? That's it for now. But I did
watch a great documentary last night. Okay, I love documentaries. It's on
Netflix and if you haven't seen it, watch it. It's called The Price
of Glee. What is it about. It's about the TV show, the
Ryan Murphy show Glee. Okay, all the people on that show that died.
There are a lot of few. Well, yeah, there was Nya
Rivera. There was that's right. There was the guy that played Finn,
and then there was the guy that played Puck. And the guy that played
Puck was dating a girl and she happened to go on to his computer and
find all this child porn. So she turned him into the authorities and he
was up for like eight years in prison or something, and then they found
him dead in a park in La So is this like it like it was
cursed or something, you know. Yeah, but then they start talking about
what a nightmare Leah Michelle was and how she treated everybody, and then from
all the all these production people that died too, dang, and they were
they were interviewing. It was such a like vanilla show too, Like it
was controversial. I loved it. I thought it was so lovely at the
beginning, and then it got a little and then yeah, so they said
like around season three, like the viewership was in the tens of I mean,
it was huge numbers. And then after like the third right at the
third season, it took a dip and they went from like I don't know,
fifteen million to like four million or something. Like everybody was like,
but yeah, some of the stuff in there was crazy, Like they were
working them like eighteen hour days. And then when they rode the cash cow,
when the show went into hiatus, they made them go on tour.
So these kids were making millions and millions of dollars and not having a single
day down. Wow. Yeah, So between do any of them Are any
of them part of this documentary? There are a couple of them that are
a lot of them are like the stand ins, and then they interview a
lot of the production people. The price of Glee. Yeah, it was
really good. Okay. It's three episodes each episodes like maybe forty five minutes.
Okay, so it's a real easy get through. Excellent. And then
I watched eighty for Brady. Oh god, that one where the older ladies,
and would I enjoy it? It was very cute? Then I won't
I know it when he says it's very cute. Yeah, no, thank
you. Rida Moreno was the fourth lady. Oh my god, it was.
It was cute though. Anyway, can you can you keep fanning me?
I'm very okay. That's it. That's all your recommendations that we're gonna
do Eric's top sixty three movies of the week. No, there you go.
I'll turn on the air conditioner for the second show, which is our
Thursday show. Hey, I need to take a n where's my chase?
Yes, nothing was signed, nothing has been set in stone yet. We
heard your demands, and now we will have a rebuttal next week. And
I'm gonna go sit in my car for fifteen minutes and put the air on
and recline the seat and then oh, actually, that sounds relaxing. I'm
not joining you, all right, guys, you can do that. I'm
gonna put my songstress is on. Actually I think I will come and get
me when I'll start a union with Eric, because I think he's got producer
Brian and I. Yeah, we're gonna start the PGA, which is not
the golf thing, it's the Podcaster's Guild of America. Oh right, oh
see, there we go, and I can't be in it or just YouTube
community employer and we're about to go, and why what happens? We're standing
in solidarity with Saga. That's right. But you don't write anything I do.
I do. I wrote this whole stupid writer did you write? You
wrote your writers? Did write roasts. I've gotten euro residuals off my writing,
so that's right. Yeah, oh god, yeah, oh you're screwed
trouble and she's in trouble and yes, euro Europire. I did get this
fan from the Pride parade. Isn't that cool because they hand out stuff like
a lot of the people in that are in the parade. Yes, thank
you Montieth. Yeah, anyway, yes, this is from the Pride parade.
Anyway, it was a great Pride weekend. Everything was fun. Love
you guys. Thank you for sponsoring our podcast, Get at All and Capital
Growth, Inc. Jay Wartzler, we'd love you. Okay, now that's
making the microphone sound weird. I'm going to try on the air. You
guys stop, We're gonna do our your fifteen minute nap. If you say
goodbye, if you say goodbye properly, what do you mean when it's time,
I'll tell you when. Okay, Well, Hi, big Ed,
Hi, big Ed. Okay, Hi, joyful. Remember to mark down
August seventeenth, six pm because you're gonna want to be at our party.
Next week. We'll have more details about where you can buy the tickets and
stuff. Right. I didn't want to bother Gigi during Pride week because he's
a bit really busy, but I'll bother him this week. That said,
become a subscriber on Instagram and YouTube. We would love that. Yeah,
really truly, we appreciate every single one of you who listens. Thank you
so much for taking in our show, and we hope we made you smile
and love your podcast. I love you. This is going on my writer,
Yeah. I One of the conditions of his writer being acceptable. We'll
have to be the shortness. This is going to be a big paragraph in
mine. This will include heavy fine if he does not comply the finest.
Yes. Oh, I need to add to my writer that I'm not to
be fined for anything that I say or do that will be extracted. That's
not that will be shut down. Why do you mean no? Just say
it? Okay, look what I'm gonna pickle here. I'm her lawyer in
your I know. I just say it so I can say hi to my
babies. I just want to say hi to my babies. Please just say
they not tell you lock out, come on with your big award. Fix
your award. Let's go get your little fifteen minute now so we can start
episode number two, which is third days. Oh that's right, Well I
need to take my nap. Okay, I apologize on half of my union
and it's I know this is going side. Just lock out, please.
I will consider some of your demands, like ninety eight percent of them,
Like I have to cross Brian wearing white off. Oh only Brian's no.
Well, your dog's barking now, Oh god, can you put a muscle
on him? No, I can't even think you can't muscle that dog.
Okay, I'm a travesty. You're breaking every rule already with the talent is
out of control. I'm really the talent is getting love part. I love
you too, late, Brian Siverse. Brian said averse