Hello, members of the public, and welcome Welcome aboard the historic passenger locomotive,
the Advent Nomad. I shall be your humble yet positively exuberant conductor.
On Nah, there we go. Yes, it's a fine time in human
history. Indeed that I may have the pleasure of inviting you on our journey
across the continental United States in the year two thousand and twenty three. Though
it has only been a short two years, eight months and twenty days since
our made in voyage, I have known this beautiful locomotive for years prior to
that, longer even than I have known myself. Just just perk you stupid
whatever, just make my own take recorder. Now on this dangerously hot summer
day, it would be my pleasure to share the majesty of the Advent Nomad
with you. Let us waste no time, shall we? I do not
suffer wasted time. First and foremost, I would like to address our boarding
procedure for members of the public who might not be aware. Given the nature
of my profession, I must ask that every hopeful passenger stand in quiet,
orderly lines at the next station on our route with their ticket in hand if
they wish to board if you fail to follow this simple ticket collecting process,
you will be forcibly deboarded. So I ask you, members of the public,
to never sneak aboard the advent nomad. We will not lose precious minutes
off of our schedule to bring the train to a stop to debord you forcibly.
Now, I do recognize there is some leniency on where the ticket is
collected. Specifically, both of my current passengers boarded prior to the ticket collection
process, which ultimately isn't a problem, as mister Mueller reminds me, given
that tickets were collected, and they were collected at a station. It does
nag at me though the imprecision the variants, Oh, there is no room
for the passenger variants. No, he was left behind with the TVs that
stopped turning on and the wasteful, disgusting roadways of the city. Now then,
with introductions out of the way, the tour at the head of operations
is of course the cab located behind the engine. This is where the magic
happens, where the brain of the train connects to its guts, featuring a
host of essential tools such as barometric pressure, Geiger counter, air quality monitors,
son are auxiliary stabilizers and air conditioning controls. You can be assured that
the chaotic four is spiraling out of nature, are accounted for, measured,
and overcome. You will not enter the cab. I describe it so your
curiosity won't motivate you to enter. Our next stop, connected to the cab
is the passenger seating area, my second favorite car. The cab is,
of course my first favorite, hence their proximity to one another. But the
seating car well, it remains entirely unchanged from its original design dating back to
eighteen eighty two. Oh, the sweeping Victorian design. The wooden trim along
the window sills could practically have been cut as one solid piece. Uh.
The breast studs along the edges of the upholstery, how they gleam. I've
been admiring these studs for something like twelve years, four months and five days
now, and still they stir a fire in my heart. Passengers must seek
express permission to sit in the passenger car. No food or drink, or
shoes or clothing. Please do not sit in the passenger car. Here we
have the kitchen, which I have no strong feelings about. Gas range four
ovens, rash and storage. All that a glass divider wall between the kitchen
hardwood and the dining room carpet in case of any incidents where a pot of
baked beans might be overheated and caused to erupt from the pot. This is
just an example. It seems one of our passengers, Miss Laskins, is
currently partaking in victuals of her own. Perhaps she is unaware dinner will be
served at six o'clock. Nope, I'm good, I'm super good. I
made some for you guys too. Please don't let the chef come out.
I'm begging you. Well, it seems the chef's culinary expertise is unneeded this
evening. I look forward to what will no doubt be a protein rich meal.
Oh thank god. Now the dining room is largely functionless as I eat
my meals in the cab, But I believe the passengers appreciate its wall of
bay windows. I imagine the view is quite something. While we're zipping by
wind ravage, waste lands and abandoned metropolises, and here we have the sleeping
car hallway windows off to our left, rooms to the right. Mister Muller,
excellent timing, mister Muller is the first in our recent batch of passengers.
How have you been utilizing your sleeping space this fine day? I was
taking a nap. What are you talking to Yes, you'll find our linens
are perfectly period, accurate to the advents original design. They are also relatively
comfortable, sir, are you recording something? Oh, and back, here's
the supply closet, where we collect any salvagable resources we could use to fix
the tracks the advent or even the people inside the advent heal people. I
mean, one does not fix a person. People can't be fixed. The
next car behind the supply closet is overflow. I suppose I've been using it
as a workshop lately. Oh, I had some downtime a couple nights ago,
so I've been carving these gravestones I found into Victorian inspired bridge keystones.
Keystones are crazy. Did you know that keystones support very little of the bridge's
weight, and yet without it the bridge couldn't support any weight at all?
Physics? And now, at the end of our little walking tour there is
the empty car, once an additional freight car. Our passengers have taken to
calling it the lookout though to be honest, there isn't much to see.
Apparently, this dank little carre offers the passengers a sense of authority on their
own safety, as they each seem to fear what might follow them. I
envy their position. Truthfully, they witness a world of uncertainty receding from them.
Only the conductor must bear the burden of categorizing that slurry called distance endless
from the sea to the sky, ever encroaching. There are no corners to
this world, no zero point where the X and y axes meet, only
endless points on an endless plane, stretching on without context forever. But we
are the zero point from which these endless points can be understood. The advent
nomad is solid ground in a shifting landscape, fraught on all sides by raging
fires and torrential floods. We pride ourselves on our devotion to order, no
matter the strife. Like the stalwart clock tossed into the seething ocean, our
surroundings are turbulent, powerful beyond our control to tame. And still we tick,
and we tick, and we tick, even as we sink beneath the
waves. I hope this orientation has been informative for my new passengers, and
perhaps even a fraction as enjoyable for you as it has been for me.
If you're on the hunt for reliable public transportation, think the advent Nomad.
We will be happy to assist in fending off the imperfect world that was forced
upon you. Thank you for listening to this special minisote of on Schedule.
This show is created and produced by Kyle Goss and Caroline Byrne, with associate
production by Victoria Pereira. This episode was written by Kyle Goss. We are
so excited to announce that we are now on Patreon. We have some really
awesome rewards available, including downloadable ad free episodes, as well as access to
future bonus minisodes like the one you just heard. We're incredibly grateful for every
single one of you listening, and we're excited to offer you things like extra
content, personalized messages, exclusive art and merchandise, and so much more.
You can find us at on Schedule podcast on Patreon or click the link in
the episode description. In this episode, you heard the Conductor and the Help
voiced by Kyle Goss, Archie Muller voiced by Christopher Medina, and Sadie Laskin's
voiced by Kiera Frost folly In. Sound design was done by Kyle Goss and
Caroline Byrne, and audio editing was done by Caroline Byrne. Our theme music
is Hands composed by Christina Jane George and performed by Christina Jane George and Anthony
Saddik. This episode also features on rocks of black Obsidian, also by Christina
Jane George. You can find all of her original pieces on her SoundCloud page.
The conductor's tape recorder track is Quirky Dog by Kevin mclod. The cover
art was designed by Caroline Burn. Be sure to subscribe to on Schedule so
you don't miss any of the exciting action to come, and if you're enjoying
the story so far, consider leaving us a review. We release new episodes
on the first and fifteenth of every month. You can also follow us on
social media at on Schedule cast on Instagram and Twitter, and on Schedule podcast
on Facebook and YouTube. Passengers, please take your seats. Really, a
train is no place for monkey business. Don't think we've forgotten about Archie,
Sadie and Elliot's hairy situation. Next stop episode four, The Curious Case of
the Imaginary Ape,