Welcome to Spotlight. I'm Adam Novice and I'm Katie Blake. Spotlight uses a
special English method of broadcasting. It is easier for people to understand no matter
where in the world they live. Parents do many things that children never see.
Parents pay school costs, they buy clothes and food, They pay bills,
They fix things when they break. They make rules that protect the children.
Children do not always understand and all the work it takes to be a
parent. Young children sometimes dream about what they will do differently when they become
parents. They may think they will stay up all night, they will watch
movies and eat candy, and when they become parents, they will let their
children have lots of fun. They will never shout at or punish their children.
But some children must learn very quickly that being a parent is not easy.
In terrible situations, both a mother and father cannot care for their children.
The reason may be death, illness, or even parents that are present
but too stressed. When this happens, the oldest child can become like the
parent to the other children. The older child needs to learn about all the
things a parent must do. A child is rarely prepared to do any of
them. Today's spotlight is on forming a family when siblings, brothers and sisters
must act like parents. Kathy Bolkowski was only nineteen years old when her father.
Her mother had died three years earlier. She had a brother who was
fourteen, a sister who was thirteen, and another brother who was ten.
Kathy was old enough to live by herself, but her siblings were not.
She did have family, but they lived far away. Some of her family
were willing to care for one child, but no one could take them all.
Cathy wanted to keep her siblings together. Her mother had died, then
her father had died. She did not want the best of her family to
be separated, so she decided to become mother to her own siblings. Kathy
had to become more responsible than most nineteen year old people. She could not
go out with her friends at the weekend. She did not have time for
a boyfriend. She had to worry about being a good parent. She did
not even have much time to think about her own parents' death. She told
NPR, probably one of the most difficult parts is that we had to just
keep going. It has taken a long time to understand the death of our
parents. It was difficult for my brothers and sisters. They had this loss
too, and suddenly their big sister was in control and they did not have
any other choice. Kathy lives in the United States, but all around the
world people take care of their siblings. Death, sickness, or even events
like earthquakes or flooding can separate families. For Gloria Afia, war separated her
family. Gloria Afia was seventeen years old. She lived in Juba, the
capital of South Sudan, with her brother, aged twelve, and her sister
aged four. Her parents had died. The children were living with their uncle.
In twenty sixteen, there was a civil war in South Sudan. Soldiers
killed her uncle. Gloria fled with her younger siblings to the country of Uganda.
Gloria and her siblings settled in a refugee camp. There, she began
to understand that now she would have to take care of her siblings. She
explained to the Danish Refugee Council. When we arrived at the camp, a
woman was supposed to take care of us, but she went back to Congo,
where she was from. Now I do not know what will happen next.
There is no one other than me to take care of my brothers and
sisters. It often feels like too much responsibility, but what can I do?
There is no one else. Gloria is doing the best she can in
a difficult situation. She is not able to attend school because she must work.
She is learning how to make clothes, but she is proud that her
hard work means that her siblings are able to attend school. She is trying
to give her siblings a good life, just like a parent would. People
who raise their own siblings have many challenges. They may need legal control of
their siblings to make big decisions, and a sibling in authority is still a
sibling, and siblings often fight. They fight about big things and little things.
But just because one sibling has authority, it does not mean that all
the siblings are going to listen and obey. Siblings who act like parents need
emotional and physical support. They have lost their parents, But older siblings like
Kathy or Gloria do not often have time to stop and cry and be sad.
These older siblings need to find food, money, and a safe place
to sleep. But no one raises children on their own. All parents need
a support system, people and groups who can help. Help can be government
programs, religious communities, families, or friends. Vicky Panascione is a child
psychologist and works at the Better Parenting Institute. She told NPR the support system
is very important for siblings acting like parents, and some people do not have
one. They are alone. They are in this middle place because they are
not with people their own age, but they do not fit in with the
parents either. Parents look at them as a child. It is important for
that sibling to talk with someone who is in a similar position, or to
family members or friends. No one should have to take this work all on
their own. Siblings that act like parents are dealing with tragedy. But a
family formed this way does not have to hold only sadness. They can also
hold love. Kathipolkowski from the beginning of this program raised her siblings to day.
She says they are very close. One of her brothers has his own
three children. Kathy says they are more than just her nieces, they are
more like grandchildren. Families like hers are just one kind of loving family.
Have you ever taken care of your brothers and sisters? Do you know someone
who has? Tell us about it? You can leave a comment on our
website or email us at Radio at Radio English dot net. You can also
comment on Facebook at Facebook dot com slash Spotlight Radio. The writer of this
program was Adam Narvis. The producer was Michio Ozaki. The voices you heard
were from the United Kingdom and the United States. All quotes were adapted for
this program and voiced by Spotlight. You can listen to this program again and
read it on the internet at www dot Radio English dot net. This program
is called Forming a Family Siblings as Parents. Look for our app in the
Google play Store and in iTunes. We hope you can join us again for
the next Spotlight program. Goodbye,