1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:03,399 I wrote back and I go, wait, what is happening? Call me 2 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:07,160 what? I don't know what's happening. And then I was like, oh 3 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:09,400 my god, I shouldn't tell her. Yeah, she was like, oh 4 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:13,439 my god, she doesn't know this weird feeling of betrayal. Like I was 5 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:17,839 sad. I was like all the emotions, every emotion you can think of. 6 00:00:23,879 --> 00:00:27,359 Welcome to another deep dive edition of the Chicks on the Right Podcast. 7 00:00:28,079 --> 00:00:33,240 We have been in this outfit our pjs for like three straight days. Yea, 8 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:37,679 Like, seah, we're starting to wreak, you guys, it's really 9 00:00:37,719 --> 00:00:40,359 getting ugly. It's fine, it's getting to be but you know what, 10 00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:45,359 we could have showered between our live stream of this morning and the recording of 11 00:00:45,399 --> 00:00:49,719 this episode. But then we thought, why, why why would we do 12 00:00:49,799 --> 00:00:53,119 that. We're not We're gonna be real in this episode. I might as 13 00:00:53,119 --> 00:00:57,799 well just not shower. Yeah. So last week my father passed away and 14 00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:00,759 I told you guys at the end end of last week that that had happened 15 00:01:00,799 --> 00:01:06,400 after a full week of just not I just wasn't myself the whole week, 16 00:01:06,719 --> 00:01:08,760 and people were like, what's going on with you? Are you? You 17 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:11,719 know what? You just are not yourself. And so I think it was 18 00:01:11,799 --> 00:01:15,760 Friday that I told everybody. I was like, it was a yeah, 19 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:19,000 week ago tomorrow. I told, well, now we're recording this, it 20 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:23,439 would be a week ago yesterday that I told everybody you know that my dad 21 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:29,239 passed away. And I was like, I should probably, you know, 22 00:01:29,359 --> 00:01:33,040 do something a little deeper about this and tell people, give people a little 23 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:36,719 bit more information about what's going on. My husband prompted me to do that 24 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:38,879 first of all, because he was like, you just don't share enough, 25 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:45,079 and you you're like, you keep things you know. And then it's funny 26 00:01:45,079 --> 00:01:47,680 because Pastor Shelley wrote me something the other day. She's like, you're like 27 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:51,920 Melissa Manchester. He's like that whole remember that song Don't Cry Out Loud? 28 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:56,040 Yeah aside and I'm like, oh my god, that's song. Yeah. 29 00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:59,719 So anyway, so my husband encouraged me to do it, and then I 30 00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:02,280 talked you and Valin are producer Valin, and I was like, I don't 31 00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:07,120 know if I'm comfortable of doing that, but I but you guys encouraged me 32 00:02:07,159 --> 00:02:07,919 to do it, and so I thought, you know, we'll just talk 33 00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:12,080 a little bit about that because I figured I'm like the only person that has 34 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:16,400 family issues or a dysfunctional family. And you were like, I assure you 35 00:02:17,199 --> 00:02:21,879 that you're not the only person. And when you said that out loud, 36 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:24,840 you would not believe. I mean, already I started getting a lot of 37 00:02:25,039 --> 00:02:30,120 people writing and saying, Daisy, like, I have a really dysfunctional family, 38 00:02:30,199 --> 00:02:32,240 let me tell you about it. And just the support that I've already 39 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:37,080 gotten with people not even knowing what's going on so or what had happened in 40 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:40,360 my family at all. So it just the support, the love, the 41 00:02:40,479 --> 00:02:46,159 encouragement, the sweet words, so appreciative of people in our community. We 42 00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:50,199 have the best community. Oh my god, it's amazing. Okay, I 43 00:02:50,199 --> 00:02:53,120 need to tell you about the spot that I had right here. I remember 44 00:02:53,159 --> 00:02:54,199 it. You remember it? Do you remember it? Well? I never 45 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:59,599 saw It's like, hello, look at me, I never saw the spot 46 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:05,439 away Okay, and now listen and now rich, our guy Rich, he's 47 00:03:05,479 --> 00:03:08,199 asking about it. He must have liver spots. I'm not trying to out 48 00:03:08,319 --> 00:03:10,560 Rich, but he's like, oh my god, so dudes can use this 49 00:03:10,639 --> 00:03:14,560 too, Yes, Okay, this is not just a woman thing. Okay, 50 00:03:14,599 --> 00:03:15,960 if you're a dude out there and you don't want to talk about it, 51 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:19,479 and you're like, hey, I got the spot on my face, 52 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,520 you may want to look into this. Okay. There's a three step system 53 00:03:23,639 --> 00:03:25,120 that you can use. You can just use the dark spot Corrector, but 54 00:03:25,199 --> 00:03:29,800 it also goes hand in hand with the Microderum Evrason scrub. The dark spot 55 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,680 Corrector is like the in between little step and then the XV cream And this 56 00:03:32,759 --> 00:03:37,639 is all part of genu Cell's skincare line. Those three products that she just 57 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:40,080 mentioned are all part of the most popular package, which you can get for 58 00:03:40,159 --> 00:03:46,520 seventy percent off right now. If you go to genu sell dot com slash 59 00:03:46,599 --> 00:03:51,039 chicks use code chicks and you're gonna get amazing discounts. You're also going to 60 00:03:51,159 --> 00:03:55,439 get some sort of a mystery luxury item included. So now it's a great 61 00:03:55,439 --> 00:03:59,520 time to get in on that action. And if you do have dark spots, 62 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,560 liver spot's, age spots, sun spots, whatever kind of spots you 63 00:04:01,599 --> 00:04:06,479 may have, this will help those fade. Genu cell dot com slash Chicks. 64 00:04:06,879 --> 00:04:13,280 So backing up to last Monday, two mondays ago, I got a 65 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,720 text from Miriam. I was in the car with my family. It was 66 00:04:15,759 --> 00:04:19,319 the Monday before my daughter went back to school, and so we were all 67 00:04:19,319 --> 00:04:23,879 getting back from eating at Cracker Barrel and I get a text from Miriam and 68 00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:28,680 she was like, I just saw your sister's Facebook. She still she was 69 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:30,319 still friends with my sister on Facebook. She's like, am I reading right? 70 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:32,319 Oh my god? It's stupid to ask if you're okay? But are 71 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:35,160 you okay? What can I do? And I should? I? Like 72 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:41,079 tell why I should? I tell? Like my perspective of this that's happening 73 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:46,480 totally, I should? Yeah, okay. So the reason I texted her 74 00:04:46,519 --> 00:04:50,800 that is because I'm not on Facebook super often where I would see her sister's 75 00:04:50,879 --> 00:04:56,720 posts. But for some reason I was on it and I saw her sister 76 00:04:56,839 --> 00:05:05,120 post photographs of her, her their dad, and her sisters now deceased husband 77 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:12,360 together with a caption that said together again, I miss you both so much, 78 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:17,560 And I'm like, what the hell? So I'm thinking that surely that 79 00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:23,199 can't mean that her father passed away. That can't mean that, right. 80 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:27,759 I immediately go to text her, and when I said that that text, 81 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:31,879 I got one of those auto things that says, Amy Joe has notifications silenced. 82 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:34,040 And I thought to myself. Well, of course she does, because 83 00:05:34,079 --> 00:05:39,199 she just found out her father passed away, and so of course she's not 84 00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:42,720 taking text messages right now. And I just sort of sat back and waited. 85 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:48,079 But then I scrolled down on her sister's Facebook and saw the official announcement, 86 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:51,439 and so then I knew one hundred percent that her father had passed away. 87 00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:55,680 Go yeah, So I was like, I wrote back, and I 88 00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:59,639 go, wait, what is happening? Call me? God what? I 89 00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:01,439 don't know what's happening. And then I was like, oh my god, 90 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,720 I sheold tell her. Yeah, she was like, oh my god, 91 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:09,959 she doesn't know. So Miriam called me and so I'm on the phone in 92 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:13,519 the car with my husband and my daughter, and Miriam is having to tell 93 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:17,439 me that my father has passed away and reading me what is going on? 94 00:06:17,879 --> 00:06:21,040 And then, you know, come to find out after Yeah, I'm in 95 00:06:21,079 --> 00:06:26,800 shock. And she's bawling hysterically on the phone because she's having to be the 96 00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:30,160 one to do this. And you know, listen, it's not that I'm 97 00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:31,519 having to console her, but she's like, you shouldn't be consoling me. 98 00:06:31,639 --> 00:06:33,759 I'm just like, I don't. I can't believe I'm having to tell you 99 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:36,639 this, Oh my god, and she feels terrible and she's saying, I'm 100 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:41,480 glad it was her that you know that she's the one that told me. 101 00:06:41,639 --> 00:06:44,720 I mean, I can't think of a better person to tell me in that 102 00:06:44,759 --> 00:06:48,680 moment, right, but she told me. And then I'm like what, 103 00:06:48,879 --> 00:06:51,079 like, what is even going on? And then come to find out he 104 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:55,839 had had he had had lung cancer for four months and I didn't know about 105 00:06:55,879 --> 00:06:59,000 that. And then after, you know, you you kind of have to 106 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:01,399 backtrack, you have to go backwards after that. So, you know, 107 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:04,920 during that day, I sort of things were unraveling, like the onion was 108 00:07:04,959 --> 00:07:09,279 peeling back, and I started learning things about like there are other people in 109 00:07:09,319 --> 00:07:14,000 my family that knew that not immediate family obviously, but there are other people 110 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:17,399 in my extended family that knew that he was sick and I didn't know. 111 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:20,839 And I guess some of the people were sworn to secrecy and they weren't supposed 112 00:07:20,839 --> 00:07:26,079 to tell tell me that he was sick. And so it was just like 113 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:30,000 this weird feeling of betrayal, Like I was sad. I was like all 114 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:34,279 the emotions, every emotion you can think of, a big roller poster of 115 00:07:34,319 --> 00:07:38,800 emotions. So I had not spoken to my father for the last time I 116 00:07:38,839 --> 00:07:43,639 spoke to my father was three years ago this February. The past thirty years 117 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:48,480 of my dad have been kind of a like a ship storm. The first 118 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:53,319 eighteen years of my life with my dad were great. I had a great 119 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:58,920 childhood. I grew up in a really loving household, two great parents. 120 00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:03,079 I feel like I was you well adjusted up to that point, like my 121 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,800 seven houses away from my husband. Yeah, I grew up in a good 122 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:11,600 neighborhood. You know, everything was wonderful and then and I can backtrack to 123 00:08:11,639 --> 00:08:13,120 that, but there's just lots of stuff leading up to that. But the 124 00:08:13,199 --> 00:08:20,759 last time I talked to my dad was three years ago, and so what 125 00:08:20,879 --> 00:08:24,639 happened that made that relationship go bad? Well, let me yeah, I 126 00:08:24,839 --> 00:08:28,560 should probably back up to what made it go bad? Right, So thirtyush 127 00:08:28,639 --> 00:08:35,519 years ago, thirty three ash years ago, I was what nineteen? When 128 00:08:35,559 --> 00:08:39,480 I was nineteen, I came home from college and I just remember, like, 129 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:41,879 I didn't come home from college much when I was around a junior in 130 00:08:41,919 --> 00:08:46,159 college because by that time, you're pretty established in college and you don't like 131 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:48,480 coming home. You like being at college more than you like being at home. 132 00:08:48,799 --> 00:08:52,840 And so I came home and I remember my mother wasn't she just wasn't 133 00:08:52,879 --> 00:08:56,519 well, Like she was real thin. You could tell she was just like 134 00:08:56,759 --> 00:09:00,679 something was going on. She was frazzled. Things were not good in the 135 00:09:00,679 --> 00:09:03,559 house. And I don't know if I can't remember if that was the reason 136 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:07,279 I came home, but I just remember coming home that weekend and I found 137 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:13,000 out that my dad was he had been cheating on my mother. And so 138 00:09:13,159 --> 00:09:16,240 up to that point, everything and the everything was great, like my parents 139 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:20,960 marriage was, at least to me, I thought it was a wonderful marriage. 140 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:24,320 Everything was great, the house was great, our family was perfect. 141 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:28,759 Everything was wonderful. So I'd found out that he had been cheating on my 142 00:09:28,799 --> 00:09:33,799 mom, and I know we all just sort of, I guess, recognized 143 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:39,600 the fact that he had probably been doing this for several years. And so 144 00:09:39,039 --> 00:09:45,639 in that moment, like I just I figured, Okay, well the guy 145 00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:50,639 that I knew was no longer that, you know, the guy that I 146 00:09:50,759 --> 00:09:58,120 knew, Right, So everything flipped from me that weekend and I called a 147 00:09:58,159 --> 00:10:01,120 family meeting because I think he he was just going to assume that he was 148 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:03,480 going to go on living his life, like he was going to keep cheating 149 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:07,279 on my mom and then being married to my mom. And so I said 150 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,519 family meeting. And so I called a family meeting, and I was like, 151 00:10:09,799 --> 00:10:13,440 all right, here's a deal. So you can't stay married to mom 152 00:10:13,519 --> 00:10:20,960 and keep doing this. You need to GTF up. And so he left, 153 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:22,879 He packed a step and he left. And so in that moment I 154 00:10:22,919 --> 00:10:28,919 became I went from being a daughter to being like this object of opposition from 155 00:10:28,919 --> 00:10:33,799 my dad. And so it wasn't just him changing for me. I changed 156 00:10:33,919 --> 00:10:37,240 for him. I think that I went from being, you know, like 157 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:43,960 this this person that he liked to somebody that he probably didn't like pretty much 158 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:48,519 anymore. And because you called him on his sh I called him on his 159 00:10:48,559 --> 00:10:52,279 ship. Yeah, And so it wasn't just me that looked at him differently. 160 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:56,559 He looked at me differently, and we just were never the same after 161 00:10:56,639 --> 00:11:00,639 that moment, ever, And so it was both of us, you know, 162 00:11:00,639 --> 00:11:03,840 it was a mutual thing, and we just kind of butted heads from 163 00:11:03,919 --> 00:11:11,000 that point forward. It just it never recovered. My sister always looked at 164 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:16,200 him, even in the times where I think she was sort of like on 165 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,519 my side where she was pissed off, and you know, she was like, 166 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:22,559 you know, I'm mad at Dad for this, and I'm I'm you 167 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:26,600 know, looking at him a little. She just she still really you know, 168 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:31,120 adored him, and that's okay, that's fine. That was like her. 169 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,759 She had every right to do that. It's just that I didn't. 170 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:39,039 And so we just didn't have the same relationship from that point forward. And 171 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:43,799 it never recovered. And thirty three years were just like you know, ups 172 00:11:43,799 --> 00:11:46,639 and downs, ups and downs. There were times where I tried to have 173 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:50,320 a relationship with him, like you always try. I always was the one 174 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,240 who extended the olive branch, and I always was the one who was like, 175 00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:54,840 Okay, well, i'm gonna try to, you know, go visit 176 00:11:54,919 --> 00:11:58,159 him. I'm gonna try to have a relationship with him. I'm gonna try 177 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:01,120 to make this work. I'm gonna, you know, do my best at 178 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:07,080 have some semblance of a father daughter thing here. And it just never stuck. 179 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,120 You know, we never got to the point where we could get back 180 00:12:09,159 --> 00:12:15,399 to the place that we were. It just never got that stable footing, 181 00:12:15,559 --> 00:12:18,120 if you will. So we just never got there. Like I remember, 182 00:12:20,159 --> 00:12:24,919 you know, my husband and I I was married once before and that we 183 00:12:24,919 --> 00:12:28,639 were never close during that marriage. And then when I got divorced and I 184 00:12:28,679 --> 00:12:33,080 got married to my husband, my now husband, we were getting ready to 185 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,679 get married and my dad was like, hey, you know, we'll pay 186 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:39,799 for the whole wedding. And I remember going through that whole process and it 187 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:43,000 was like this, he wanted this over the top thing, and I just 188 00:12:43,159 --> 00:12:46,399 I went to him and I said, you know what, it's not really 189 00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:50,480 our style. We're more casual. We don't want all this like you know, 190 00:12:50,559 --> 00:12:54,159 steak and lobster stuff. We don't want anything fancy. And so we 191 00:12:54,279 --> 00:12:56,879 butted heads about that, and I said, you know what, we're just 192 00:12:56,879 --> 00:12:58,639 gonna go ahead and pay for it on our own. We're gonna have something 193 00:12:58,639 --> 00:13:01,360 really casual. We ended up having like a six hundred dollar wedding, you 194 00:13:01,399 --> 00:13:03,639 know, and it was like the reception was at our house and that was 195 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:07,080 barefoot, and it was you know, it was the way that it was 196 00:13:07,159 --> 00:13:09,600 the way that we wanted it right, and he hated that. He just 197 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:11,679 hated it. So we butted heads about that. I mean, just little 198 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:16,440 things along the way that we're like that. And so that was it was 199 00:13:16,679 --> 00:13:20,080 stuff like that all during this like trying to have a relationship with them. 200 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:24,919 Okay, we traveled recently and you know what it makes me really appreciate is 201 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:30,879 my pillow pillows. Yes, and even though we were in an airbnb with 202 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:35,240 very lovely Betting, very lovely Bettice is fine, it's just not the same. 203 00:13:35,559 --> 00:13:39,240 Every Airbnb should have my pillow pillows, like, yeah, it should 204 00:13:39,279 --> 00:13:43,559 be mandatory, like Airbnb should make a deal with my brids. Yeah that 205 00:13:43,759 --> 00:13:48,960 every my pillow accommodation ever should be equipped with my pillow pillows because then they 206 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:54,600 would get great reviews all the time, slam done. Every Airbnb review would 207 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:58,279 be like the pillows were amazing, and all the sheets everything should be from 208 00:13:58,279 --> 00:14:03,759 my pillow and the towels. Ye. So literally everything Mike Lindale touches turns 209 00:14:03,799 --> 00:14:07,320 to gold when it comes to products. He knows his stuff. And the 210 00:14:07,399 --> 00:14:13,320 limited edition now original my pillow is on extra special sale right now when you 211 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:18,919 go to my pillow dot com slash chicks because they're in party mode twentieth anniversary 212 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:24,559 celebrations twenty I know, so take advantage. Also when you go to my 213 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:28,440 pillow dot com slash chicks, look for the banner that says eighty percent off 214 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:33,000 clearance. There are so many great products in there for huge discounts. My 215 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:37,799 pillow dot com slash ships. But then, you know, like when my 216 00:14:37,879 --> 00:14:43,279 daughter was born, I tried again to to you know, have this relationship 217 00:14:43,279 --> 00:14:46,039 with him because I knew that since there was this this baby girl there, 218 00:14:46,279 --> 00:14:50,279 that she may want to have a relationship with him, and so I tried 219 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:54,000 very hard to extend it. Olive branch. I would invite him to every 220 00:14:54,039 --> 00:14:58,159 single birthday party that she had for the first five years of her life, 221 00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:01,120 you know, because those birthday parties are like people standing around and watching this 222 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:05,320 sweet little baby, you know, shovecake all over the place. And so 223 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:09,960 I invited him to all those birthdays. He never came. He never There 224 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:13,120 was always an excuse for him not to come, whether it was some weird 225 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:18,679 logistical thing or if it was you know weather, I remember there was. 226 00:15:18,879 --> 00:15:22,320 But then he would always bitch to you about bringing Gwen to see him in 227 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:28,039 Florida when he's retired. She's working her ass off basically in two jobs because 228 00:15:28,039 --> 00:15:33,159 that was corporate, sometimes three, sometimes three because I was also a professor 229 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,720 at the time, so I had there were times where I had three jobs 230 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:37,240 and it was really hard for me to get away, and I was like, 231 00:15:37,279 --> 00:15:39,879 you know, you can come here and see her. And there were 232 00:15:39,879 --> 00:15:43,720 times where he would fly into town, into Indianapolis and bypass us and just 233 00:15:43,759 --> 00:15:48,039 go see his brothers in South Bend and we would be like, you can 234 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:52,080 stop here and come see your granddaughter. And so it was it was always 235 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:56,480 that I had to make arrangements to do the things, and I felt like 236 00:15:56,519 --> 00:16:00,600 there was just again, it was like, it's just this reject this feeling 237 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:04,200 of rejection and abandonment that was just lingering all the time in our relationship. 238 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:07,919 It was just there, it was like right there on the surface, and 239 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:11,279 so I felt like I was always the one having to do that. And 240 00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:15,720 then he would complain that I was trying to somehow keep my daughter from him, 241 00:16:15,159 --> 00:16:21,000 which was absurd. It was completely absurd, and so that was that. 242 00:16:21,159 --> 00:16:26,120 So anyway, so that kind of hung out during our entire I guess 243 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:30,200 relationship if you want to call a relationship. And then there were times we 244 00:16:30,279 --> 00:16:34,159 just didn't talk, you know, because we would argue and we would fight 245 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:37,639 a lot, and there was that. So anyways, the past three years 246 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:45,279 we have not spoken. And what happened three years ago was my sister was 247 00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:51,879 getting ready to get married. Her husband is now deceased. He passed away 248 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:56,759 unfortunately, gosh after a year married a year they were married a year and 249 00:16:56,799 --> 00:17:02,559 he passed away during a surgery. Was awful. But she was getting ready 250 00:17:02,559 --> 00:17:07,519 to get married, and she told me that she was going to have a 251 00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:11,279 very very small wedding and no one was going to be invited and that so 252 00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:15,720 nobody was nobody's going to be there, So my mother and I were not 253 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:18,400 going to be invited, and nobody's going to be there, And come to 254 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:22,119 find out, she was inviting people. However, my mother and I were 255 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:27,400 not invited, and so this was going to be broadcast on Facebook and it 256 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:30,960 was going to be on social media. And I was devastated for my mother. 257 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:33,960 I mean, I could handle it because I thought, Okay, no 258 00:17:34,039 --> 00:17:41,400 big deal, because you know, like whatever I'll see, We've seen some 259 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:42,960 stuff, We've been through some stuff, so whatever, I can handle that. 260 00:17:44,279 --> 00:17:47,200 But my mother was going to be devastated by the fact that, like 261 00:17:47,279 --> 00:17:48,720 my dad was going to be there, my stepmom was going to be there, 262 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:52,480 his whole family was going to be there, and my mom was going 263 00:17:52,519 --> 00:17:53,400 to be left out of this. And she was going to be watching this 264 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:57,079 in social media, devastated because she was not invited to her daughter, her 265 00:17:57,079 --> 00:18:02,480 oldest daughter's wedding, right. So I was pissed, and so I called 266 00:18:02,519 --> 00:18:07,240 my dad and I said, I cannot believe she lied about this. She 267 00:18:07,359 --> 00:18:11,400 is a liar. And he hung up the phone on me, and that 268 00:18:11,519 --> 00:18:15,640 was that, and that was that. He never he never reached out, 269 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:18,559 He never called me again. He just hung up on me because he didn't 270 00:18:18,599 --> 00:18:21,640 want to hear that. And so they went through with the wedding and they 271 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:26,799 were all there and my mother and I were excluded, and they they just 272 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:30,000 left us out of everything. And when did when did the whole like facebook 273 00:18:30,079 --> 00:18:34,880 like social media block happen? Within a couple of weeks after then, everybody 274 00:18:36,039 --> 00:18:38,880 like we were blocked, everybody was blocked from every like we were just completely 275 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,440 like shunned. We were done. So that was it. So that was 276 00:18:42,519 --> 00:18:47,480 the That was it. That was And there was never a time where he, 277 00:18:47,839 --> 00:18:52,079 you know, reached out and and wanted to say, gush, I'm 278 00:18:52,119 --> 00:18:56,519 really sorry about that, or we should get together, or he wanted to 279 00:18:56,519 --> 00:19:02,599 even have some semblance of a relationship with my daughter or my husband for that 280 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,680 matter, I mean, there's just nothing, absolutely nothing over the past three 281 00:19:04,759 --> 00:19:08,640 years. So I didn't pursue it. I didn't. I just kind of 282 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:12,400 thought, well, this is what he wants, and so I'm I'm done 283 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:17,240 with that, and I have I've extended a lot of olive branches at this 284 00:19:17,279 --> 00:19:21,839 point in my life. I just figured, Okay, I'm done with that. 285 00:19:22,279 --> 00:19:29,160 And so the weird thing about it is that there's a weird narrative in 286 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:33,039 my family that I am somehow the reason for it. Like I'm somehow the 287 00:19:33,079 --> 00:19:36,599 reason for the space, like the reason for the distance and the reason for 288 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:41,759 the rejection and the abandonment. And it's it's so weird how that's somehow put 289 00:19:41,839 --> 00:19:45,759 off on me and I just sort of own it, like I kind of 290 00:19:45,759 --> 00:19:48,680 go, okay, well, I guess if that's the narrative, then I 291 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:52,799 just kind of go with it. And but it's weird how you after years 292 00:19:52,839 --> 00:19:56,440 of it and you just if you don't push back, you end up with 293 00:19:56,480 --> 00:20:00,519 that label on you. It's just bizarre. It's bizarre how narratives get formed 294 00:20:00,559 --> 00:20:04,720 in families and you just if you don't push back, that's you end up 295 00:20:04,759 --> 00:20:10,119 owning those narratives. It's it's just really strange to me. It's gaslighting. 296 00:20:10,279 --> 00:20:12,880 It is. It's kind of like gaslighting, it really is. And and 297 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:18,480 I wasn't when my sister's husband died, I you know, I didn't really 298 00:20:18,519 --> 00:20:22,039 I wasn't invited to her wedding. I wasn't really invited. I wasn't invited 299 00:20:22,079 --> 00:20:26,599 her in marriage because I wasn't invited her a wedding, And so I wasn't 300 00:20:26,599 --> 00:20:30,319 there. And so when he passed away, she somehow expected me to be 301 00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:33,359 there for the funeral, and I didn't show up for the funeral. I 302 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,759 did call her, and I you know, told her, listen, you 303 00:20:36,799 --> 00:20:40,039 know, I'm very sorry, and and you know, basically I love you 304 00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:41,599 and if you need me, you can call me. But I'm I didn't 305 00:20:41,599 --> 00:20:45,920 show up for the funeral because I wasn't. You had like you had some 306 00:20:45,039 --> 00:20:48,720 serious life going on at the time, because I feel like there was a 307 00:20:48,759 --> 00:20:52,200 part of you that you would have gone had you not had a lot of 308 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:56,079 other obligations personally with Gwen and swimming, and there was just a lot that 309 00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:59,599 a lot of stuff going on. There was. But I mean, I 310 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:02,440 also so it's just a strange. It was very strange for me because I'm 311 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:06,400 like, okay, I'm you know, I wasn't. I wasn't invited to 312 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:11,039 your life with this person. And then now that he's gone, you want 313 00:21:11,039 --> 00:21:15,920 me to be there for you for the funeral. That was just an odd 314 00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:19,000 thing for me, and she is so she hates me for that. I 315 00:21:19,039 --> 00:21:22,359 mean, she just hates me. So it's that was a that was very 316 00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:26,480 strange for me. And the family hates me for that too, because they 317 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:27,720 think that I should have been there, but they didn't think that I was 318 00:21:27,759 --> 00:21:33,799 good enough to come to the wedding and the and be there for the life 319 00:21:33,839 --> 00:21:37,359 they had together. It's just a very bizarre thing. And my family wasn't 320 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:41,599 good enough to be there for the either of those things. I just it's 321 00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:45,240 it's just bizarre. So the whole, you know, the abandonment thing is 322 00:21:45,319 --> 00:21:48,400 real. Now. I look at like my dad and I think, okay, 323 00:21:48,519 --> 00:21:53,359 so for four months he knew he was going to leave this earth. 324 00:21:55,279 --> 00:21:59,799 And you know, I've had discussions over the past week with my with my 325 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:04,720 has been about this, and I think, Okay, you know, I 326 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:10,039 he knew he was gonna go. I mean, it's you think that in 327 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:14,559 your in your last days, you would I just wonder what I would do. 328 00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:18,559 You would not do this. I wonder like with my children, and 329 00:22:18,599 --> 00:22:21,920 I wonder if I if I had some sort of beef with my first of 330 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:26,960 all all three of our children. I mean I would always I just I 331 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:30,160 feel like I would never stop communicating with my children. I just can't imagine 332 00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:33,680 not not communicating with them. That's just me. I mean, everybody to 333 00:22:33,759 --> 00:22:37,480 each their own right, but I just can't imagine taking anything to my grave 334 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:41,599 if I were, if I were angry, or if I can't imagine having 335 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:48,519 that much hate for one of my children where I would not want to say 336 00:22:48,559 --> 00:22:52,599 something to them before if I knew I was going to go. It's one 337 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:55,440 thing to not know, but when you know, for ment an event, 338 00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:57,559 when you know that you're going to go, to not be able to do 339 00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,440 not want to say something to that, or to say something to your only 340 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:04,759 grandchild, or to want to leave the earth with that cloud hanging over your 341 00:23:04,759 --> 00:23:11,880 head and not wanting resolution yourself Like that's just bizarre to me that he wanted 342 00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:15,400 to go to the Great specifically gave instructions to her sister, do not tell. 343 00:23:15,559 --> 00:23:19,599 Don't tell her when I die, right, don't tell what the hell 344 00:23:19,759 --> 00:23:23,079 is that. Don't tell her that I'm that I am dying and don't tell 345 00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:27,000 her, Yeah, I don't. And there's there's been no funeral, there's 346 00:23:27,039 --> 00:23:34,039 been there was no obituary, there's been nothing. I'm just it's just it's 347 00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:37,160 so And even if there were, no one would send her anything, it 348 00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:41,880 would be us finding it on the internet. Right, I've not been privy 349 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:45,519 to any information about any of this. It's like, it's like I don't 350 00:23:45,559 --> 00:23:49,759 exist. It's like the family wants me to know. They're so like, 351 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:55,200 you're not you don't exist, You're not even a daughter. It's I've gotten 352 00:23:56,359 --> 00:24:03,079 four messages from people since he's passed in your family, well, no family 353 00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:10,039 and friends combined excluding our community. Who's been amazing. You guys have been 354 00:24:10,079 --> 00:24:15,079 amazing. You guys have been absolutely amazing, like above and beyond. But 355 00:24:15,319 --> 00:24:19,720 I've gotten, let's see, from my family. I've received one person in 356 00:24:19,759 --> 00:24:23,200 my family that has reached out to me. It was a cousin, my 357 00:24:23,279 --> 00:24:26,440 first one of my first cousins has reached out to me to say that they 358 00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:33,119 were sorry. And then I've had three friends, you know, three friends, 359 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:37,599 three childhood friends reached out to me. Who you know, know that 360 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:41,559 this happened, right, and that's that's it, and that's it. That's 361 00:24:41,599 --> 00:24:45,119 it. One person in my family has reached out to me. That stop. 362 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:49,920 One person and that's it. And I'm astounded by that. I mean, 363 00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:55,000 these are people who I've It's like, I've been there when they're loved. 364 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:56,759 Ones have passed away just in the past year. I've been there for 365 00:24:56,799 --> 00:25:02,720 them. It's like and I nothing. Okay, people need to think about 366 00:25:02,799 --> 00:25:07,039 getting Labor Day food, okay, And that means the Grillers Labor Day Feast 367 00:25:07,039 --> 00:25:11,400 from Omaha Steaks, which I'm gonna get. It sounds delicious. You know 368 00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:17,240 what's included tell four butcher cut filet mignons for air chilled boneless chicken breasts, 369 00:25:17,319 --> 00:25:22,279 for bacon wrapped pork chops, not fork chops, for gourmet jumbo francs, 370 00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:26,680 and then the seasoning. And they throw in on top of that, eight 371 00:25:26,799 --> 00:25:32,680 free Omaha Steak burgers and eight free gourmet jumbo francs. That's all starving in 372 00:25:32,799 --> 00:25:38,960 the Grillers Labor Day Feast. And it's fifty percent off site wide. Gee 373 00:25:40,279 --> 00:25:42,799 right, Yeah, Omaha Steaks dot Com. You put the word chicks in 374 00:25:42,839 --> 00:25:45,640 the search bar, it's going to bring you to the page that has the 375 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:49,640 specials on it and the Griller's Feast. The Labor Day Feast is what you're 376 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:52,440 looking for. This will make any Labor Day barbecue that you have. You 377 00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:56,319 will be the star of the neighborhood and your guests will be loving it. 378 00:25:56,599 --> 00:26:02,839 It is the Grillers Labor Day Feast at Omaha Steaks dot Com. It's been 379 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:07,079 an eye opening week or two for me. And and then another thing that's 380 00:26:07,079 --> 00:26:11,680 super eye opening is that I normally would have just not said a thing. 381 00:26:11,759 --> 00:26:15,799 I would have not done this. I would not I would have just talked 382 00:26:15,799 --> 00:26:18,400 about it with her and would have kept it with my family. But I 383 00:26:18,519 --> 00:26:22,440 think that there are a lot of people that deal with this kind of stuff. 384 00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:26,839 I think they're One thing that you know has been very eye opening from 385 00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:32,400 me is the amount of emails and messages I've received from people who I don't 386 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:37,599 know personally, who are writing me their personal stories and saying you are not 387 00:26:37,759 --> 00:26:42,799 alone and this kind of stuff like here's my family story, this is what 388 00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:45,119 happened to me. I was a strange from my father, I was a 389 00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:48,000 strange from my sister and my brother and my mother, and this is what 390 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:55,640 happened, and like similar stories and and that has really touched me because I 391 00:26:56,319 --> 00:26:59,119 you know, I honestly when I last week, when I mentioned this to 392 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:00,920 you guys, I was like, I'm the only person who's dealing with Oh 393 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:06,279 my god, like my family is so messed up. And I honestly thought, 394 00:27:06,519 --> 00:27:10,440 like, it's so hard for me to be able to even share this, 395 00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:15,079 like with people that I send my note, like even people that I 396 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:17,839 work with, because I'm just like, you kind of want to act like 397 00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:19,319 you have everything together, you know what I mean, and you're just like, 398 00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:22,759 it's fine, I've got it's it's totally fine, like my family's it's 399 00:27:22,799 --> 00:27:27,960 fine. But you know, you would be surprised how many people are dealing 400 00:27:29,079 --> 00:27:32,599 with stuff like this and that you know, they go to work, they 401 00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:36,640 have friends, they have you know, their lives, and then they have 402 00:27:36,839 --> 00:27:41,160 this looming in the background and they do feel abandoned by summoning their family, 403 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:45,359 or they do feel rejected, or they're dealing with just the emotional upheaval of 404 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:51,759 stuff like this and you have no idea. So I appreciate the messages and 405 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:56,720 the love and the support of all y'all, because man, it made such 406 00:27:56,720 --> 00:28:00,640 a huge difference just reading some of that stuff and knowing you're not alone, 407 00:28:00,799 --> 00:28:07,160 right, right, because it's way more abnormal to have a normal, to 408 00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:12,680 be normal. It's true, It's so true. Yeah, because I mean, 409 00:28:12,799 --> 00:28:17,960 that's the thing. It's families are. Families are dynamic. They are 410 00:28:18,759 --> 00:28:26,599 complicated and dynamic and hard. They can be really hard. And you know, 411 00:28:26,759 --> 00:28:30,759 I'm I'm listen. I'm grateful that I've been able to build an immediate 412 00:28:30,839 --> 00:28:36,240 family that is awesome. You know. I'm so grateful for my husband, 413 00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:41,079 who is an amazing father. God, he's so he's such a great father. 414 00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:44,799 I'll get really emotional talking about him. And I and my kids are 415 00:28:44,839 --> 00:28:48,119 amazing. And I have the greatest friend in the whole world, and I 416 00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:52,480 have this great community. I'm so grateful for so many things. So I 417 00:28:52,559 --> 00:28:55,920 mean, like I win you know what I mean, I win the lottery 418 00:28:56,119 --> 00:28:57,799 with that. Like seriously, I've won the lottery with life. It's like, 419 00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:02,960 I cannot, I cannot be more grateful for all that stuff. So 420 00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:06,640 I didn't think I was going to cry. Why did you do that? 421 00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:08,640 Because I'm like, we made it. We're like almost to the end, 422 00:29:08,839 --> 00:29:12,119 and you lose it, and I will sympathy cry. You know, I 423 00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:15,960 will know. I've been so good about that for the past couple of days. 424 00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:18,519 I've been so good about not crying. But I'm just I am, 425 00:29:18,599 --> 00:29:21,799 I'm truly that's it's it's a good cry. It's like a happy cry because 426 00:29:21,839 --> 00:29:23,640 I'm really am grateful for all that stuff. You guys, so, and 427 00:29:23,759 --> 00:29:26,960 that's what you have to do. You have to be grateful for the good 428 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:30,440 stuff, right, totally, right totally, and like I don't mean to 429 00:29:32,359 --> 00:29:34,880 because that's a really beautiful way to end this. Yeah, but I also 430 00:29:36,039 --> 00:29:40,240 have like vengeance in my heart about this whole thing, and so the other 431 00:29:40,759 --> 00:29:45,240 the other good thing, the other thing to be grateful for is she's never 432 00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:48,200 going to be the kind of person who would go to her deathbed with this 433 00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:52,559 kind of vendetta against a member of her own family. That is fucked up. 434 00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:56,880 And the reason that I was sobbing when I called her was rage. 435 00:29:56,680 --> 00:30:00,920 It had nothing to do with being sad about her father. Maybe that sounds 436 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:03,680 like shitty that I wasn't a part of this is I'd already mourned him over 437 00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:07,519 the past right two years. I mean, I've had my moments over the 438 00:30:07,559 --> 00:30:10,680 past week, but when you haven't talk to somebody and they've rejected you, 439 00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:15,519 you you already go through periods of crying and mourning over that person. I 440 00:30:15,559 --> 00:30:18,440 mean, I imagine you guys understand that if you've been through that. I 441 00:30:18,519 --> 00:30:22,200 mean I already did that. Yeah, but he was there was always a 442 00:30:22,359 --> 00:30:26,319 chance, oh you know what I mean, and now there isn't. And 443 00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:30,640 that is one hundred percent on him. So the fact that he went to 444 00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:36,119 his death with that kind of of thing hanging like a cloud hanging over that 445 00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:41,160 he controlled is just that's a sickness. That's that's fucked up, and she 446 00:30:41,319 --> 00:30:45,640 will never be that fucked up. So yeah, I was just in a 447 00:30:45,759 --> 00:30:49,160 rage like that was how you were finding out. I could not believe that 448 00:30:49,279 --> 00:30:52,759 her, entire that side of the family would do that to her. I 449 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:57,160 love my kids and I cannot I cannot wait to have grandkids, and I 450 00:30:57,319 --> 00:31:00,519 just, yeah, I just I don't get it. I just I don't 451 00:31:00,559 --> 00:31:03,079 get that. That's a whole different mint. I don't get it. And 452 00:31:03,119 --> 00:31:06,400 you know what, I'm still glad I don't get that, Yeah, exactly, 453 00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:08,960 I'm just glad I don't get it. And I'm grateful for that too, 454 00:31:10,319 --> 00:31:14,960 So you know, and grateful for all this, So thank you for 455 00:31:15,079 --> 00:31:19,200 giving me the opportunity to do this. It's really weird, so not our 456 00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:23,480 dive, so weird. And I hope we're talking about like midget poorn next 457 00:31:23,519 --> 00:31:29,119 time, because this is really weird. But but you know, I'm grateful 458 00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:33,119 that I have this platform to be able to do this. Right, What 459 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:34,799 a blessing, What a blessing it is, And what a blessing you guys 460 00:31:34,839 --> 00:31:38,440 are. And and no one out there is alone. We're not alone, 461 00:31:38,599 --> 00:31:40,960 right, We're not aloned. So