WEBVTT 1 00:00:02.120 --> 00:00:22.199 Comedy Central Podcast. How we are. I' m Danico and Rivera, 2 00:00:22.559 --> 00:00:25.000 I' m Galician. It' s no weather luck. You have here 3 00:00:26.000 --> 00:00:29.800 impressive uncle. In Galicia we do not conceive temperatures above thirty- five degrees, 4 00:00:30.239 --> 00:00:31.760 that is, the other day a colleague from Cordoba calls me. They 5 00:00:31.800 --> 00:00:33.119 call me no other. You' re gonna believe it. Dani, we 6 00:00:33.119 --> 00:00:36.000 ' re at 45 degrees. I didn' t even think I could be 7 00:00:36.039 --> 00:00:41.200 talking about temperature degrees. I thought they' d be very inclined Hostia. 8 00:00:41.560 --> 00:00:45.320 Yes, that' s how this art is to ask me why Galicia has 9 00:00:45.399 --> 00:00:47.560 so much drug trafficking. It' s the last time I say it, 10 00:00:47.719 --> 00:00:52.280 because there' s nothing like Galician character to survive an interrogation by the Civil 11 00:00:52.280 --> 00:00:56.560 Guard. Take your information out to a man who takes a different one out 12 00:00:56.640 --> 00:01:04.959 of every question. You know what I mean. You know this man, 13 00:01:06.359 --> 00:01:11.400 you know, you know what you mean by knowing and you don' t 14 00:01:11.400 --> 00:01:15.439 get any more uncle. That' s how we Galicians are. Forbidding drugs 15 00:01:15.519 --> 00:01:23.879 is forbidding the poor to go on vacation. It doesn' t say drugs 16 00:01:23.879 --> 00:01:26.359 are bad. It' s also bad smoke when your cars go from Madrid 17 00:01:26.359 --> 00:01:29.159 to Valencia, uh, it' s all a fucking caravan. It' 18 00:01:29.159 --> 00:01:30.640 s bad, it' s smoke, because there are people who want to 19 00:01:30.719 --> 00:01:37.079 go on vacation, they don' t have a car and they make a 20 00:01:37.200 --> 00:01:41.319 different smoke, because less harmful, more fun and I can assure you that 21 00:01:41.319 --> 00:01:42.519 more people die traveling by car than traveling in their living room. This fact 22 00:01:42.599 --> 00:01:48.159 is true. There' s no documented case of someone dying of marijuana overdose. 23 00:01:49.799 --> 00:01:53.680 I guess because you' re fucking asleep first. You know, you 24 00:01:53.760 --> 00:02:01.719 ' d have to smoke a lot of joints and put a lot of alarms 25 00:02:01.719 --> 00:02:06.200 on the alarm clock. Yeah, man, the other day I was reading 26 00:02:06.239 --> 00:02:07.879 about a girl, an English girl, man, Jemman Mos, keep this 27 00:02:07.879 --> 00:02:13.840 name. Jemmams thirty- one years, the first candidate to die of marijuana 28 00:02:13.919 --> 00:02:20.039 overdose. Jemman Mos' acquaintances said she smoked half a joint a day. 29 00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:23.520 I didn' t understand anything ur until I saw the images. You have 30 00:02:23.560 --> 00:02:29.639 to see that half porroti there were whole eggs and just crapped inside that half 31 00:02:29.639 --> 00:02:31.719 joint. You know so it' s not worth it I feel isolated case. 32 00:02:31.879 --> 00:02:38.520 Marijuana remains the safest means of transportation in the world. It' s 33 00:02:38.520 --> 00:02:39.719 worth ironically. They don' t let you smoke, they don' t 34 00:02:39.719 --> 00:02:42.280 let you drive. I don' t know if I knew this fact. 35 00:02:42.560 --> 00:02:46.520 You go to a drug control and you can give positive marijuana 24 hours after 36 00:02:46.560 --> 00:02:50.919 you' ve smoked. I mean, marijuana THC stays longer in the body 37 00:02:50.960 --> 00:02:58.800 than heroin. That means you could give this case. Hey, Juan Juan 38 00:02:58.840 --> 00:03:01.080 Wake up, man that the one who just remembered that I smoked half a 39 00:03:01.120 --> 00:03:06.319 joint in the morning that you' re going to have to drive, don 40 00:03:06.360 --> 00:03:08.080 ' t worry about this one not a coconut. I pricked myself three hours 41 00:03:08.199 --> 00:03:13.479 ago bad was balls how you smoke half a hairy joint you' re crazy. 42 00:03:20.000 --> 00:03:25.000 You haven' t seen what happened to the English girl. Impressive. 43 00:03:25.080 --> 00:03:28.360 Man, no one cares about the poor, not those who care about them 44 00:03:28.439 --> 00:03:32.840 worry badly. An example Antonio Abad, creator of the technology platform Mega Fun 45 00:03:34.000 --> 00:03:39.960 Net aimed at people at risk of social exclusion sharing video image files. That 46 00:03:40.759 --> 00:03:44.039 ' s a very good idea, Antonio. If it wasn' t for 47 00:03:44.039 --> 00:03:47.520 people who are at risk of social exclusion don' t have the Internet, 48 00:03:47.960 --> 00:03:53.039 what' s your next project, Antonio, you' re going to organize 49 00:03:53.080 --> 00:03:58.080 a coup tournament in Damascus for Syrian refugees to improve their swings. Those are 50 00:03:58.120 --> 00:04:03.360 your plans. Juan doesn' t like sports, but now I have a 51 00:04:03.439 --> 00:04:09.240 kid. When you have a kid, you have a new superpower to pretend 52 00:04:09.280 --> 00:04:11.319 interest suy a dro. For example, another day I was in my room 53 00:04:11.360 --> 00:04:17.000 jerking off suddenly calls me the kid Dad, Dad Frené, Frené who can 54 00:04:18.639 --> 00:04:24.319 give you a stroke Salgo running with the blue eggs I enter in the living 55 00:04:24.439 --> 00:04:27.720 room and see my son playing the UI look Dad I am champion of the 56 00:04:27.759 --> 00:04:32.800 Cup Caparazon with great trupa cup. Diego, I' m going to my 57 00:04:32.879 --> 00:04:40.360 room to get the champions' flag. It' s been 15 minutes and 58 00:04:40.439 --> 00:04:44.399 he doesn' t want another child anymore. Carloca uncle not another. Now 59 00:04:44.399 --> 00:04:46.000 it' s no longer worth it. They' re for life, man, 60 00:04:47.120 --> 00:04:50.519 it' s not independence anymore. I' ve seen cradles in Ika 61 00:04:50.519 --> 00:04:55.360 that set zero forty years. They' re fucking making you a marriage crib. 62 00:04:56.600 --> 00:05:00.120 There' s no bun oven. Not the bird is the fastest train 63 00:05:00.199 --> 00:05:05.600 in the world and point, there' s no magnet train in China that 64 00:05:05.680 --> 00:05:09.199 ' s faster, but it doesn' t touch the ground. If you 65 00:05:09.319 --> 00:05:11.839 don' t touch the ground, it' s not a fucking train. 66 00:05:11.959 --> 00:05:15.399 It' s a semantic issue. It is as if now we build a 67 00:05:15.439 --> 00:05:18.319 highway from here Barcelona to Madrid, we put a plane flying low and say 68 00:05:18.319 --> 00:05:21.399 that we have the fastest bus in the world, but that it does not 69 00:05:23.240 --> 00:05:27.240 touch the ground, not the alsan magneto missile not that lame. The truth 70 00:05:27.279 --> 00:05:30.879 is, I' m an atheist, not because I chose him. My 71 00:05:30.879 --> 00:05:35.519 parents washed my head when I was little. I' d like to be 72 00:05:35.519 --> 00:05:42.240 a believer, dude I miss having faith Dude Any religion would have been worth 73 00:05:42.240 --> 00:05:43.000 less Jewish Don' t get me wrong. It' s nothing racial, 74 00:05:44.439 --> 00:05:48.319 but I don' t trust people who have very bad luck. Both Russians 75 00:05:48.439 --> 00:05:55.920 have very bad luck. Not always surrounded by tragedies. They didn' t 76 00:05:55.920 --> 00:05:58.959 do anything. They don' t remind me a little bit like Mariana Rajoy 77 00:05:59.000 --> 00:06:01.759 and Esperanza Guirde, not always surrounded by corrupt people. The good people they 78 00:06:01.839 --> 00:06:05.800 are. Not me, because they saved themselves from the helicopter, not, 79 00:06:05.959 --> 00:06:10.720 but I' d say they' re Jews Look at the bad luck of 80 00:06:10.839 --> 00:06:18.879 those people. I found a website where they recount all the corruption cases that 81 00:06:18.920 --> 00:06:23.720 have occurred in the history of democracy. Evidently, since I don' t 82 00:06:23.720 --> 00:06:27.319 have DSL, I couldn' t see it and went to another website where 83 00:06:27.360 --> 00:06:30.560 they put a recount of corruption cases that have occurred in this legislature. There 84 00:06:30.639 --> 00:06:35.560 goes the data PP one hundred and seventy- seven cases of corruption, weighed 85 00:06:35.600 --> 00:06:43.759 the one hundred and twenty- eight converged Junion, fourteen PNV, thirteen United 86 00:06:43.879 --> 00:06:46.120 Left, eight fuck, if it is the seats that are giving them the 87 00:06:46.120 --> 00:06:47.879 polls of the FIS. You know what I mean. It' s the 88 00:06:47.879 --> 00:06:56.480 demonstration that people like to vote for those who steal is not how that' 89 00:06:56.560 --> 00:07:00.600 s why the United Left is getting their hands on Auntie Hostia with eight cases 90 00:07:00.639 --> 00:07:03.360 of corruption. We' re not gonna rule in our fucking life. It 91 00:07:03.480 --> 00:07:09.920 makes the ego of the human being respect and rome. It' s like 92 00:07:09.920 --> 00:07:14.319 every time we make a movie, think about this about aliens, whenever they 93 00:07:14.399 --> 00:07:18.800 come down they talk to us, that' s to say they really believe 94 00:07:18.800 --> 00:07:20.279 a being who' s able to cross the whole universe. It' s 95 00:07:20.279 --> 00:07:25.240 good to come here what an intellectual quotient has nine thousand ninety zero. You 96 00:07:25.279 --> 00:07:28.279 think you' re going to see a difference between the intelligence of a human 97 00:07:28.279 --> 00:07:30.519 and any other animal. I' ll put it on another phone. Imagine 98 00:07:30.519 --> 00:07:32.040 what it' s worth to you. Imagine that it takes you a planet 99 00:07:32.079 --> 00:07:38.439 where there are only ilubin salmon who you' d talk to first and fucking 100 00:07:38.439 --> 00:07:40.879 idea truth you still talk to a salmon and you' re disrespecting the bass, 101 00:07:41.000 --> 00:07:43.120 but you have the fucking idea, because why it blows you. And 102 00:07:43.199 --> 00:07:45.439 that' s what I think would happen if they come and blow it to 103 00:07:46.120 --> 00:07:49.279 us, the trees blow it to us, they' re not living beings 104 00:07:49.360 --> 00:07:54.399 like us and we rip them off to make Christmas ornaments, what they' 105 00:07:54.399 --> 00:07:55.120 re going to suffer, they' re not trees. That' s what 106 00:07:55.160 --> 00:07:59.160 we deserve, that aliens come with a single mission, use us as Christmas 107 00:07:59.240 --> 00:08:01.240 ornaments, and that' s the end of the human being. In balls, 108 00:08:01.240 --> 00:08:05.480 in the corner of the living room, of a Vulcanian with two colored 109 00:08:05.480 --> 00:08:07.360 balls, hanging from the eggs and in front a guy saying what they will 110 00:08:07.360 --> 00:08:11.480 suffer. Fuck, they' re just human,' cause I got a 111 00:08:11.480 --> 00:08:22.519 plastic one. Pacma' s Martian plays balls. Even the word alien is 112 00:08:22.519 --> 00:08:26.439 already offensive. Perse extra uncle to you. I' d like you guys 113 00:08:26.439 --> 00:08:31.480 to call you extra- Vulcanians. For example. No one imagines this is 114 00:08:31.560 --> 00:08:35.960 another side. No one imagines believing aliens. True, we assume that they 115 00:08:35.960 --> 00:08:37.399 are atheists, that is, there was never a news in the fourth millennium 116 00:08:37.440 --> 00:08:43.600 of a guy saying that I am abtujero to me they made me the first 117 00:08:43.600 --> 00:08:48.440 Communion. That never happens. No, yeah, they' re always like 118 00:08:48.440 --> 00:08:52.559 scientific experiments that have to do with the ass It' s okay, and 119 00:08:52.559 --> 00:08:54.440 I didn' t do the first Communion. But that' s not the 120 00:08:54.440 --> 00:09:03.200 first Communion. Dude, that' s before in pop parish or. But 121 00:09:03.240 --> 00:09:05.799 we do need to. We don' t need to believe in things. 122 00:09:05.039 --> 00:09:09.519 We don' t always need like a demigod not to tell us more or 123 00:09:09.519 --> 00:09:15.600 less. How to behave, no, how to behave, how to do 124 00:09:15.639 --> 00:09:16.519 Jesus Christ was not even the first, it will not be the last, 125 00:09:18.360 --> 00:09:22.080 that no one will miss if in two thousand years we see a man saying 126 00:09:22.120 --> 00:09:26.600 then I do not like that my wife wear those measures, because Superman would 127 00:09:26.600 --> 00:09:31.919 not see it well, not and hold that at Christmas the gifts bring them 128 00:09:31.919 --> 00:09:33.399 the fantastic four unless you behave badly. Then Magneto comes in and they give 129 00:09:33.480 --> 00:09:37.399 you some bracquets and fuck off. No, because that' s what it 130 00:09:37.519 --> 00:09:39.960 ' s all about, not making up moves. Before I leave here, 131 00:09:39.279 --> 00:09:43.240 I want to send a message to a lot of people here right now who 132 00:09:43.639 --> 00:09:46.639 are having a hard time and don' t have to have a hard time. 133 00:09:48.759 --> 00:09:54.080 I' m talking about all those who have been unfaithful to your partner 134 00:09:54.080 --> 00:09:58.240 and feel like your ass, because you haven' t told each other you 135 00:09:58.240 --> 00:10:05.240 can raise your hand. No, we won' t, like there' 136 00:10:05.279 --> 00:10:09.840 s no one here in that situation and hating me I' m not gonna 137 00:10:09.840 --> 00:10:11.399 tell you the truth. It' s okay for you to stay calm, 138 00:10:11.639 --> 00:10:13.080 so tonight you' ll sleep with each other and say it' s okay. 139 00:10:13.440 --> 00:10:18.440 I' ll tell you the truth. Faithfulness is bullshit. Jesus Christ 140 00:10:18.799 --> 00:10:26.039 said it how you stay put it in the fucking Bible. Uncle killed five 141 00:10:26.600 --> 00:10:33.919 twenty- seven Bar twenty- eight and I say literally you heard what they 142 00:10:33.919 --> 00:10:41.559 said. You will not commit adultery. I, however, love jc however, 143 00:10:43.240 --> 00:10:46.960 I, however, tell you that everyone who looks at a woman greedy 144 00:10:48.039 --> 00:10:58.080 for her has already committed adultery in his heart with her, for look male. 145 00:10:58.240 --> 00:11:01.799 If I' ve already screwed up thinking about it, I' ll 146 00:11:01.799 --> 00:11:11.759 fuck her up. I want to go if you think about it, if 147 00:11:11.879 --> 00:11:13.519 the sins of thought are worth the same as the sins of action? The 148 00:11:13.559 --> 00:11:18.879 sins of action are not going to make a difference in global computation, so 149 00:11:18.879 --> 00:11:22.799 since we' ve screwed up so much throughout our lives. Well, cór 150 00:11:22.879 --> 00:11:24.480 is now having a good time and fucking wo.