Comedy Central podcast s s. Thank you, thank you. I don'
t care how you guys are. I' m not okay. Okay,
I' m not okay. I realized the other day that I wasn'
t right when they called me from a phone company to tell me their publicity
and instead of telling him I' m on the Robinson list, I don
' t know if you know what the Robinson list is. It' s
a list you sign up for and then they can' t call you to
advertise anymore. And then what they called me. I got really nervous and
I told him, instead of telling him I' m on the Robinson list,
I told him he' s studying on Schindler' s list. Auntie
hung up on me. He hung up on me. He realized, I
mean, the message that I' m protected and I can' t do
anything about it. He got it, but I fucking got hung up by
an agent of these callers to tell you about the publicity, eh, Host.
I don' t want to go, but I know what you'
re thinking. I know what your question is right now, in your head
this chick, what the fuck she wants, what a monologue is doing here,
because I love trying to make people laugh for money, of course,
that is, me money. It' s what I like the most,
money, but also attention. I mean, I need attention, a lot
of attention, because no one' s ever listened to me. I have
a lot of affective deficiencies. So I, right now, am like when
a man breaks a nail. Okay it' s like I' m here
right now for me all the attention right now, for me okay this happens
to me since I was little, because when I was always little, always,
always decorated in children' s functions, always, always was tree and
then I threw a lot of extra hours at home. So I' ve
never been listened to, I' ve never been heard less than by Infanta
Sofia. I swear to you, I' ve been listened to less than
Infanta Sofia, who calls herself the Queen. For one thing, I'
m Madrid. I don' t know if I can tell I' m
madrileña. It' s going to be clear to you right now that I
' m Madrid. Okay, I' m gonna tell you what happened to
me the other day at Peñiscola. I didn' t know where Peñíscola was.
I don' t know. It' s not good today, but
I was in Peñíscola. I' m Madrid. For me it is all
Madrid, that is, for me there is no life beyond parla and it
is and then in parla there is no life, which is as it is
a bit contradictory in parla you have no life. There' s someone out
here, yeah, and what are you doing here to suck her up to
the man, or not going, because she was in Peñiscola and she was
in a bar. I wanted to order a glass of water and of course
I am used to the water of Madrid, which is the best water in
the world. She' s Christian Ronaldo of the Waters, only much better,
because she' s never going to have an accusation of sexual harassment.
That' s how you can trust the water of Madrid and the applause of
demagoguery. Of course, I already knew the magician that was going to work
and then I asked for a glass of water. And at that very moment
when I was asking for a glass of water, I realized that I was
not in Madrid and that it was a coastal area. Then I said Hostia.
I thought super fast. It' s a coastal area. Maybe you
don' t drink tap water here. Maybe I should have ordered a bottle.
But all this with my mouth already saying a glass of water. Please,
then my brain collapses and I said why I don' t know if
you drink in a glass here. Auntie realized she was madrileña. Idiot sorry
for the redundancy. I like to make Madrid jokes. I like it a
lot because no one ever gets angry. No one from Madrid has been angry
or over a joke, but with your own dick in your mouth you don
' t hear anything do around. Why do you think we say that we
have semen here and it' s hard for us to speak clearly, because
we have the ghost limb syndrome, which is like when we speak the mouth
is empty, it' s like where it is. Anyway, I'
ve been advised to tell you about banal topics to start with, and so,
then, I can tell you anything to see banal themes. How about
the income statement this year my bad, mine bad,' cause I was
going out to get back and I' m saying fucking weird if I was
already cured of bullying. What' s going on? I don' t
know if this banal thing. I don' t know if well, maybe
it' s a little soon another or better, another, better, another.
You have realized how bad it is on the holidays this year, on
the calendar to which it is, from January to April we had not a
single holiday or one. I was just talking to a friend the other day
and she said good. But it' s three months. It' s
okay. I' ll be right back. It' s Christmas that you
see how time goes by and I' m fucking sayin' that months is
a lot of time. It' s three months before it' s been
three months. These people who live in the future remind me of my kind
who in the first race already said they were journalists. It' s like
uncle, wait, don' t wait, you still lack a lot of
dicks to eat to be journalists. Don' t worry, you' re
going to eat them. That' s for sure. There' s some
more reporters here. Yeah, how' s it going on the CP page
now? It' s working fine now. Okay, I just don'
t know if it happens to you, because it happened to me when I
finished the race, which is like uncle, I' ve missed something in
this race. Like he' s known me a little bit, it'
s clear to get pointed in the inem already it' s like college doesn
' t make anything easier for you. Uncle is but good. Anyway,
I was talking to this friend about this holiday thing, because we were just
talking about the eight. I swear to you, the eight is in the
block of banal subjects I swear it' s complete chance It' s okay.
I' m not taking care of this. We were talking about it
because I had called a strike in some communities and not in others, but
she said equally good. I, even if there was a strike here with
a bite in Madrid, I couldn' t have done it because I'
m a cop and the cops, because we don' t have a strike
and how you can' t strike the cops instead of hitting sticks every three
minutes, you hit every fifteen, that is, services, minimum services,
no and with more bad shit, because you' re on strike on top.
Well, as long as you get the point. Yes, the rumors
are true. I don' t really fuck anything. Don' t fuck
always say people b being super easy aunt, fuck when you want. I
don' t know what the lincel said. But I mean, I have
friends who say fuck. I didn' t miss anything and a month ago
his last fuck that you say good. Me. The last time I fucked
was in December of two thousand nineteen I swear to you. That was the
last White Christmas I had. The last one has caught him now I don
' t jewel any of this. It' s a fact I give you
just to know me. But of course I, thinking about this, say
fuck, because I' m going to put my pussy in Wallap Pop.
If I don' t use it, not or at least I don'
t take another one. But it' s just not that good. He
' s in such a bad state that I' ve had to call him
off three times already. I' d teach it, I swear, I
' d teach it, but, well, we' re not gonna teach
here on TV either. It' s just that you weren' t going
to see anything either. But it' s very dark. It' s
darker than Stevie Wonder' s thoughts. You weren' t gonna see anything.
I think I fuck very little because I don' t know how to
hook up and I don' t know how to hook up because I don
' t know how to relate to men and less to Internet people. That
there are some on the Internet that tell me listen I would do you a
favor, I say what favor you will do me. You' re going
to stay home waiting for the package that comes back to me two and the
others tell me I gave you very good what you' re going to give
me your electronic signature and more, if I can make a transfer like but
the ones that piss me off the most of all are the ones who,
when you answer, tell you what' s wrong with you. You'
re pissed because you' re on the rule that you' re morons.
Women don' t have to be pissed when we' re on the rule.
It' s before the fucking rule that you don' t understand that
if you are, you are normal. Dude, it' s to see
thanks, it' s not that you either. I want to insult you
is that I' m going to get the rule sorry, but well,
I still really like men. I can' t do anything about it.
I haven' t discovered the button of homosexuality. I still like men and
I value educated men very much. There aren' t many of those left.
That' s what they tell you. Excuse me. It would be
very daring to send him a picture of my dick. I don' t
understand this. This is about valuing cocks well that is, putting note to
cocks. What I am to your teacher and what I do if you don
' t get to the average I suppress you or as well it' s
bureaucratic. It' s dick photo come stamp approved suspense. It' s
all super cold, which is like what kind of hook- up this is.
It makes me so weird to have seen someone' s genitals and you
don' t even know what it' s called, that' s where
you' ve put the romanticism in it because I can' t find it.
He' s already completely lost himself. The photo- chickens they send
you are against stings from below. You know no, so that makes everything
look bigger without size reference around, I mean, they don' t even
put you on the pencil and kea that' s like a guy a little
bit know the size something and tell you what. You think, well,
I don' t think I know how. I mean, those guys haven
' t come out, but by the way, let' s not.
I don' t want to cut, either, uh, I don'
t want to force. I' m not a or h no sorry eh.
And besides, the cocks, man, they' re on the order
of the day. Everyone' s sending cocksuckers. That' s right,
everybody sends cocksuckers. My grandfather sent me one once. I swear to you,
my grandfather sent me one. Evidently, it wasn' t for me,
man, you were wrong. It was for my mother. He doesn
' t love me that much. But, well, since you' ve
brought up the subject of people on the Internet, I' m very interested.
I just had to tell you something about this. Internet people. Twitter.
Twitter freaks me out. They once got mad at me on Twitter because
I said ultrasounds in three days of babies are ugly. I don' t
know if you' ve seen the ultrasounds, these that do you when you
' re pregnant. So, I said they' re ugly and they got
a lot angry pro- life, it' s okay that they' re
people who are against abortion. I literally said that I shit shit with more
human form than those ultrasounds are worth, which is true, it' s
no joke. The provida got angry, they called me a murderer, they
called me a lucifer, and like, wow, I' m finally famous
Mom came out of the Bible, they called me a sinner who sounds the
new song of Borne vertins. They' re not cool a little bit,
but it' s true the ultrasounds between days aren' t pretty. Man,
they' re not pretty. I don' t know if you'
ve seen them They' re not pretty. You know what' s not
pretty either? The insults I received for saying this, you know what'
s also not nice, the death threats I received for saying this you know
what' s less beautiful about this whole thing. The ultrasounds in three of
uncles are facens are very ugly, p and they are because you can not
say this. You can' t say this because you' re against life.
Not if I' m totally in favor of the ugly ones, I
mean, if we need fangs and for me as a fucking mother, I
' m going full with them. My favorites are the ones who say that
I wish, the parents of the people who joke about abortion would have aborted,
which is how you don' t see it. You don' t
see that we agree. I fucking hug, give me a pussy hug and
stop bothering at the door of the sports clinic. Hell, I wish people
lived a good abortion, which is the opposite. But this one is proven.
These people who got mad at me, they looked at me on my
twitch because these people are very researching, but especially looking back, back,
back. In the past they are very nostalgic. I like these people a
lot. The past scoured me on my twitch and pulled one off of the
International Suicide Prevention Day. I think, I mean, it' s not
International Suicide Day. I think because it would be ugly not to plan an
International Suicide Day as we' re all going to stay this day for no.
I don' t think so. I think it' s suicide prevention
day it' s wrong that I don' t know this because it'
s because I was interviewed by a radio station in Valencia, because I had
a military brother who killed himself and then they interviewed me that day and provida
them. The provida people. He took my tweet, quoted it and told
me Carmen, you should take an example from your brother. I proliferate them
and say no prior man. I' m not going into the army.
Not really. Thank you so much if you went to the fucking audience.
Thank you so much.