Good morning, Mother? Good morning dial bad, Comonic sphere of the Board
Good morning, Welcome one more day to our Good morning podcast Mother. He
hopes that we are entering and you will have already noticed it by periodicity and
because it is, then, because yes, because summer is coming. We
are already involved in the summer period and also very much related to this program,
because the reality of holidays, with creatures, motherhood, especially in summer,
is complicated. So, well, this may be the last show of
the season, but maybe not, so we' ll leave you there with
the unknown, with the good taste of the mouth, if it happens to
be the last, because often programs we bring it today, please, often
programming. We are going to address a theme that has always been accompanying us.
But in this case the conversation will revolve around a wonderful book that I
highly recommend to you and that we will comment, because, precisely, with
one of the publishers that have published, the editors of the people who have
participated in the edition of this book from the publishing house itself. I am
talking about the book all the anger of Darthe Lockman, who has published in
our country, the editorial Captain Swing, and how we are going to present
it, how we are going to comment, how we are going to approach
you, how we are going to approach this pound, because with one of
its publishers that is fog spray, one of the editors of Captain Swing,
who has been very happy to greet me and who, besides, has children
' s echoes. Over there or hello. How about good morning to all
indeed, I have children' s echoes because the vacation period, as you
said, is complicated. I thought I' d left everything in order,
but I don' t think you' ve dropped it and your head'
s ox year. I have to say that this podcast was going to be
recorded by me inside a car that is without Monica, but in the end
they left this one. There' s a little room here and the kids
on the other side. But you can see I didn' t do the
terrified door thing. They don' t understand. Well, let' s
get to it. We already talk about the book or you want me to
introduce myself or what we do Monica dew you tell us a little bit,
who you are so that people know who this voice is that accompanies us,
that it is mother, that is editor, but who is leisure fog,
well, I was born in Barcelona, in a neighborhood called El Carmelo.
My parents are from a nearby village, calf caves, and emigrated to Barcelona,
Carmelo and my mother, because she took care of me practically alone,
practically alone with the help of a neighbor older than good, which is like
she was my grandmother. That' s why and I, for example,
now have two children and it' s important that I take care of their
grandparents, something I didn' t have and I really appreciate that intergenerational contact.
I' m sorry you' re not gonna see it, but it
' s just that heads are showing up on the screen and it' s
so funny. Well so night is that he can' t be more representative
than he was recording. This is true. I' m telling you,
if the father had a meeting here, there wasn' t a child Boom
coming in. But of course, well, nothing was telling that my mother.
This has a lot to do with what we' re going to talk
about today. Total. Yeah, well, I think he took it.
The father has already been able to handle himself. Again, if he had
a meeting, the boy wouldn' t show up here. But, since
it' s me, it' s all over that I came to Madrid
right now, in Madrid for a guy. I' m Captain Swin'
s editor and I' m nothing fervent. I am the mother of two
children, one very small, one is one year old and the other,
well, the one who has intercepted the father and is here as an entity,
is four years old and no one then, in fact, because I
guess the listeners will be realizing that a lady who works what hours more,
two more creatures, one more house, such as a lot of time for
leisure. I don' t have it right now, but if I had
some leisure, I' d spend it reading novels. And you no longer
know that Captain swing is a rehearsal, well, well, I, in
my leisure time, dedicate it to novels. Oh, novels, who'
s gonna get them? He says summer is the time for novels. I
try to leave fiction for the summer and I will also tell you, compañera
that to all our audience with very small creatures, I always say it in
summer there is hope, they grow, they go loose and summers stop being
so In general, there are exceptions and there are situations of all kinds,
but it is true that they go little by little, they are giving more
and more truce and again being a little bit for cinema. Those summers we
had in our heads. I' m going to rest, but Bonica,
that game is a companion that I' m excited about. I' ll
tell you what I' ll be able to read quietly in the summer when
they know how to bathe and swim. All right, you don' t
have to be controlling them in the pool anymore. You know twelve, thirteen.
That' s where I go, that' s where I' d
tell you, or maybe it depends. It depends a little on the help
you have, too. It' s just that in the end we'
re going to know that there are maternitys that are very complicated because of the
situation Look what you just said. Eh let' s realize the language,
that the political language and in the representation of what really happens in the social
structure. Help you. Yes, child, yes, yes, yes,
yes, the story yes, yes, well, that' s a little
what we' re going to talk about today in the publishing house we published
a few months ago. We' re super proud to take out this book
all the rage of giving Sylockuman' s name is the author and it'
s a little bit dismounting this health upbringing thing. Much progress has been made.
It has nothing to do with what our grandfather did, with what our
parents did, with what our peers now do. But when we talk about
it, look at the verb we use. Helping, helping isn' t
co- responsibility, it' s not co- creation, it' s
not co- education. She is a caregiver, a principal educator, who
is the mother, the maternal figure, and then there is another entity that
helps. You go if you ask him. Now we' ll talk about
the book and a lot of partners when I talk to him. But he
helps you. But he does this to you. But if I ask you
this about if I tell you, if I ask you that, it works
if you leave me a little good, Monica, I don' t know
if you want to talk a little bit about who it is or if you
want to talk about me, your uncle talks about your dew talk about books.
I came here to talk about my book and my life. All the
rage. Good to see all the rage. In fact, it is certain
that the compañeras who are listening to us at some point have had such a
feeling, that is, when we are overburdened, we are talking about compañeros,
with compañeros who are more or less involved or not the old guard of
everything does it and I stay here and call to bring me the command,
not as compañeros who seem to think they have a very equal paternity. But
then, when you land all make you don' t give it then no,
because it' s going to be that you don' t make it
worth it, kiddo don' t stick or kid wake up. Well,
the whole rabis is the feeling that we don' t have some mothers when
we realize that we' re 100%. And there' s one person,
our partner, who' s only 40 to 30 and he' s
fucking. I' m taking care of Blibli' s work and the house
very quickly. Ta ta, ta, ta, ta, and he'
s like it' s not just that it doesn' t, that is,
that it doesn' t correspond. No. No, no, coconut,
that we put him here coed, co- breeding, cos sounds weird,
but co- breeding is that he should be raised the same. But,
well, it' s actually raising in common. Raise in common.
Indeed, it is not only that, but it is a person who sees
that I am wrong and does nothing and then wakes up many women and what
to give Shilogman has studied rage, rage towards what, mainly towards that person,
towards him, and rages a little towards this situation that overflows us and
is an existential burnout. She is already a melon, because in addition,
the author herself speaks of her own experience, that is, she is fantastic,
because she speaks not from an academic place, although she speaks of many
researches, she speaks from her personal rage, that invades the whole book,
hers and that of many testimonies. Virtually all the testimonies go about that rage
and she herself has lived it and separated herself from her husband, that is,
many couples experience, many women experience that phenomenon, that host against the
wall with forgiveness, and that generates a lot of frustration, a lot of
anger and many separations. Indeed, look, I' m going to read
it to her because I' m sure the comrades who hear us have lived
something like this. Well, then, the author' s psychologist' s
husband, because he' s got you, because he' s got a
normal job. She, too, forty hours away, the two of us
not after, although I think she asked for an essence of hours and a
book, who asked her. Chance, chance, good, total, well,
then he goes from work and starts going to the gym and arrives at
his house, at seven and she says to see hello, Guapa, hello,
handsome. If you show up here at seven o' clock at your
house, it' s not like you don' t see the kids,
it' s that you don' t do absolutely at home. You burden
me because b and then you talked to your husband and told him to see
this can' t be and then she says it and literally, when I
talked about it to my husband he didn' t immediately agree with my position.
With my position, I thought I didn' t understand your need to
vent. My consideration of him was wrong. I didn' t go so
far as to cancel my own needs to meet yours. Its concession solved the
material problem, but generated a hundred disgusts. I mean, we spent a
few days of mutual hostility until we managed to agree that I would go to
the gym before work. He felt like he was meditating, that is,
he felt like I was putting limits to his freedom and she wondered, but
what the fuck is my problem, why I had become so demanding with him
with great effort. I took it very seriously. Maybe I should accept my
role as a leading parent naturally and make it clear to George who didn'
t happen. That' s why that' s the big question. Not
sure, what woman, when she comes to that situation, with all the
excitement of that new family that she is creating, does not stick the great
host, of course and being great wonderful ears. Sure, sure, sure,
that' s the point. So what' s going on? Just
don' t imagine this, because the George who goes to the gym is
when you had to say come take care of him. I mean, she
' s going on a trip and she' s asking, you know,
you think I forgot something in the children' s hand and she doesn'
t tell her, because I don' t know, because she thinks you
could forget. And she of course, now comes the position of us,
which is also very lead What she does is and she feels grateful because he
is going to take the children, gets up and just pack it worth and
she explains, God Os, I have never made a suitcase. Well,
that' s, as we say in the Catalans, mica amica a sombre,
it stings not a little bit, another little bit, another little bit
and what ends. Come on in and say, for I became my worst
enemy, always in conflict with my right to ask, hey, but you
' ve done this, hey, but you' re not going to do
it. But you' re gonna sit there while I cook. But hey,
you don' t have to maybe stop eating yourself and feed the kids
first. Not good, inhibited by my growing anger and all too often caught
up in the disjunctive between fighting myself to deal with whatever it was. This
was devastating, clear and above facing the gallery. Since we come from parents
and grandparents, he touches eggs, that is, as they were dedicated to
touching their eggs. And he' s already facing the gallery. This George,
our Georges, do something. Then what happens, because they tell her,
but don' t complain, aunt, don' t complain that at
least it helps. Then it is like a host, anger, on the
one hand, on the other hand, incomprehension of generations and of the father
' s mentalities. What' s it called is in English what brings the
bacon, what brings the money home and to run? No, for that,
for it is, for from there comes all the rage. Of course,
the subtitle of the parenting book and in the myth of parenting well defines
the problem itself. I mean, it' s not like parenting is a
problem. It' s not. Obviously, parenting would always be your thing,
thinking that it actually happens, that is, the problem is that we
have made a lot of progress, but we have been made to believe or
to comment or to say always and in fact, when you get to motherhood
and it is part of the problem. You think that' s the case,
you think there' s already equality, but it' s absolutely a
lie and then there' s an internal, external struggle that continues to cause
a lot of discomfort and that' s not solved. In sight, he
' s with this book. In sight, it is with the conversations that
we can have practically all of us have the situations that we have. It
' s very common to comment on this, and besides, it' s
always like with the good stuff and I can' t complain, because I
' m lucky. That' s the usual conversation. I' m lucky,
I can' t complain. And yet I live in a live in
Vietnam in my head, indeed look at the Gonman Institute, which has been
studying the sociology of families for twenty years or more, has a study that
says that two thirds of couples experience a significant decline in the quality of their
relationship and a drastic moment of conflict and hostility in the three years following the
birth of their first child. As the number of children increases, he also
becomes discontented there are several reactions and this is already said by the author,
the Darsi. So this is so, including the embattled pressure of time,
money, and sleep deprivation. Of course, income may remain the same,
but it is not part of every son, daughter who arrives, because it
is divided into one more, you live in one more person. The time,
the time flies, the time for you is already nonexistent and the privatization
of sleep, well, it is something that is so. The privatization of
sleep, according to many doctors, and what it does is that it intensifies
the experimentation of negative emotions, that we are more sensitive to adverse situations and
much less effective in the resolution of conflicts. So, if you' re
going to get cancer, then all of you. No, it' s
all a pot. There is no pressure, but what is it that this
unequal division of family labour is not a permanent conflict. And what in the
end, what happens to many women to see harmonics, you, what you
say is that I' m broadly related. There is this run, this
tax burden of care and this and this mismatch in the equal division of labour,
of work in the home makes in the end 70 percent of divorces initiated
by women, that is, in the end or there are two paths.
One is the constant negotiation, this pull and relax negotiate, negotiate your bliblili
that, by the way, this is super ultra hyper mega tired. No.
What many activists have ever said about oysters is that to fight, it
takes a lot of energy. It is that there are people who come too
tired to fight, as I say, to fight basic civil rights. No,
because this is the same, this one- way take that is constantly
denied, in negotiation with the couple, to make us end up very tired.
And there are people who, as he says, also sometimes is that
it is much easier to make it clear, not man, yes, yes,
yes, people. There are many women who throw in the towel because
it does not compensate them, among other things, because we are still in
economic inequality and when we become mothers they say no, but it remains.
Maternity penalizes women at work. Therefore, we are in an unequal situation and
on many occasions you put in the balance or it will put in the balance
according to the situation, if it compensates you to fight or it is you
choose well the battle that you want to fight and, perhaps, it does
not compensate you to fight dirty dishes, because you prefer to maintain a neutral
peace, a neutral state in another type of domestic situations, because in the
end you have more to lose, that is, the women who can divorce
or start that divorce process, because, in fact, they have an economic
situation that will allow them. Let' s not be foolish and fool ourselves.
Many women would want to divorce as well and can not do them and
less notice now that we are also in this also complicated time, not in
many couples they cannot divorce, even even without children, eh, but already
with children, the woman has a greater burden, precisely because laborly they have
to give up space, because it is so, because they cannot care for
the family or tend their creatures and keep a job situation equal or even ascend,
which men can do and are in a position of advantage. So that,
in the end that inequality, we don' t start from the same
situation. And that too burns. It burns so much and, indeed,
there will be many who can be separated, but many who do not and
who continue to live. Do you know very much that I was impressed by
the book of all the rage of giving up like it gave for a percentage
that I said pussy, just like the sixty- five and the thirty-
five? We' re still doing sixty- five, well, we'
re going on, I mean, we' ve come from doing almost everything.
But today the sixty- five and they the thirty- five. And
this leads us, because it leads us to be angry, but only with
our children, because we are overtaken, otherwise we are talking about all the
time in relation to our partner. We have an incredible disappointment with that relationship,
with a persistent and good angry feeling, the fantasy of running away and
ultra- hyper- dip sexual desire. Then I wanted to read one thing
that made me think a lot. I think it' s a bit punky,
but I want to invite the next few to think about this. Says
the psychotherapist and author esterperel says that in a lengthy work treated with couples,
after a sexual adventure outside the couple' s marriage, of whatever, she
found that the most common reason women argue to deceive their husbands in the des
is the desire to free themselves from their role as carers. Perel says we
' re not really looking for another person, we' re looking for another
self she says in the book that female infiliality has increased by forty percent in
the last three decades. I think this is very related to not being very
exploited in the house and we need to free ourselves to be other people,
not just the mother. I think this too is not good for you that
you think it' s monic and listeners, but I think it can also
come very much related to the monopoly, to the success of what is a
good mother, which I think is the East concept that Sharon Eince coined as
intensive motherhood. Before it was a possibility and now it is a norm,
i e, it is an accepted and valued social norm, which is this
of the intensive battery, since they are very small that they are drinking the
boob, the porting and the long boob time. For everything, the colcho
is to put the needs of the mother, forget them, hide them,
bury them for the good and, most importantly, in the needs of the
children. You think I' m kind of getting closer to intensive motherhood,
or I' m not. For me the term intensive motherhood is somewhat controversial,
because agreeing on many occasions with what is said and that it is no
longer a norm, is that it is a demand that weighs heavily and that
you suddenly find yourself in that you arrive at motherhood and you no longer worth
the previous role and but you don' t enter into the new role.
You don' t know very well what category to enter when in reality many
would be ideal to be able to follow what you are simply born and want
to do and you can also do within your social context. So intensive motherhood
is often used as an attack on concepts and trends that do have all the
logic. From here we have always defended breastfeeding, the collecho, because they
are options that have worked and that works perfectly. And the intensive term actually
attacks the mother herself being often a burden to the mother. Actually, whoever
attacks the mother you know about intensive motherhood is still the mother who feels judged.
So I don' t love being critical of Darthy Lockmann. This concept
of intensive motherhood is not yours, but I do not agree very much in
that sense, although I do think it is a slab that also weighs,
like many others, that is, all the terminology that is used, all
the roles of mothers, that we are supposed to be, even or be
a perfect mother, that you have to be, will find at the end
of the woman herself. But it is the system itself that suddenly no longer
attacks the father. No, I mean, it' s not even the
parenting model. It' s intensive motherhood. You' re the one who
' s taking it so hard and stop taking it so hard You know that
' s what I don' t like where the focus is when in reality,
because this woman is doing it for something, that is, let'
s go back to what' s behind it, and let' s look
at exactly what' s behind it, because there' s a chapter that
has got to look very punk, which made me feel like thinking a lot
because if that' s going back to the myth, let' s call
it that about the father' s fallacy involved. Then we' re going
to go back and I' d also like us to stick yes to my
friend Alfredo Ramos, who is very cool what he says, but there'
s a chapter of me I' m from all the rage, which is
good. You' re good at it. We have already understood that society
has educated us, has pushed us to be the caretaker, the main breeder.
Listen we can put Mary' s audio is thinking about what' s
going on and then we come back here, okay tell us who Mary is
and so we put a little in context to you Mary, because Mary is
a very close friend, mine who also read the book and was very angry.
I get herself, good to myself with her relationship with her boy,
with the upbringing situation of her child, who is four years old, and
I would call her intensive upbringing, because she is a mother twenty- four
hours, that is, I mean we are all a mother of twenty-
four hours, but life has adapted to her and she herself has given herself
few spaces not to be a mother. My friend' s sense with her
four- year- old daughter, she has very little leisure time for her,
or she has or can think very little, very little about her,
in fact, she wants to get in shape and she doesn' t even
have time for good, of course, to do any kind, i e,
taxing herself from outside, taxing herself. She has an intensive upbringing.
And then I want to talk another about intensive parenting, because the author,
because the Lockman, talks about some things that particularly doubled me that I think
you might not agree, but it made me think. And in reality,
what we are dealing with with with books is not if I think like you,
but have a debate, a dialogue about what is taking us here.
And there are things that can' t seem right to us, but Ostia
makes us think then if you want to prick Mary to see what happened when
her daughter gets bad and we go back to intensive parenting. Come on,
I give you when my daughter gets bad, the first one you call from
school or surprise is your mother. Me. First of all, I think
because I have the phone saved and then watch the calls. This seems like
a minor thing, but it really does. Secondly, because I fear that
it is still engraved with fire in the imagination of the whole world and teachers,
teachers and educators in general are no exception. The fact that women,
mothers, are still the primary caregivers of our creatures. That' s clear.
Perhaps it has to do with the fact that we are still the ones
who mostly take leave of absence for the care of our daughters and sons,
and we are mostly asking for reductions in working hours for this very thing.
In short, there are many reasons to choose from, but the conclusion is
that mothers still have 100% of the mental burden, of course, and
a very high percentage of the care of our creatures, as well. And
co- responsibility is a good unicorn, because Mary, like the rest of
us, of many of us, almost all, is what would be called
the parent. By default, there is a term. I don' t
know if our fellow listeners will be very busy or the literature on care and
feminism, parenting and care and so on called parental consciousness. Parental abundance is
the awareness that our sons have daughters, they have needs, but that,
in addition to needs, this is accompanied by a process that we have to
think about the needs of them, of them, of them, this continuous
parenting we have mainly women, and here we could talk about how we got
here and why this actually remains so. So and we have another Alba audio.
Alba and her Siriel partner. The others work in a multinational Alba have
a good job, but I think she has a better position than her.
I mean it. I explain all this about labor issues because I think it
' s important. She has a lot of burden, a lot of responsibility
in the work and she has a son named Adria, and the Hadri can
now be two years old and then let' s see what happens to her
Hi Robo how I answer you for audio, as you said, well,
because they are the main blocks. I think we' re dragging a historical
theme. Not that our grandmothers many didn' t work and their work in
the house. Our mothers dragged that one and started to work. My mother
worked and then, because she was working and while we were at school,
we were with my grandmother and then, when she stopped working, she would
fall in at three. He took care of us then that my father made
certain concessions to help that. No, because my father took care of us
for the mornings, because my mother was coming to work soon and then she
was having dinner. No, I mean, they were sort of dividing it
clearly by an infuriated percentage. But since we' re taking little steps,
I mean, my grandfather didn' t do anything. My father was doing
something. Yeah, it does a lot. Mad What my father does then
I think evolution is positive, but based on complaint and struggle, i e,
it' s not that they take it for themselves, because they don
' t know much how to do it either. They have no references.
A chiril does not have the reference that his father for fifty to fifty then
does not do very well how to do it. Then there' s also,
I think, a part of the trial. This did not say if
and with the fatherly discharge that his fellow men many did not understand that he
had to take anything. Well the ombs companions already make women that they understood,
that he took a paternal discharge, just like the maternal one. So
it' s like it' s not socially distributed yet. I mean,
and in fact, if you see in the delivery, then or mind the
guy will be fooled that he faces too much to see if he lacks humbria
because he helps at home. It is a historical subject, I think,
and a lack of references as in everything, because I certainly adria. I
will try to educate him so that the fifty that his father is not doing
comes, but that is much more, very close to the fifty that then
his grandfather and his father did before as you have had to not negotiate and
distribute the care, for it is a bit to remember constantly that we both
work, that you used in the demanding jobs and that it cannot be all.
Me. The boob theme is difficult, because it' s something with
the boob theme. You eat a lot of things, you, because she
' s gonna be booby then don' t look, for example, put
her to sleep. Until a month ago I put him to sleep. It
' s always true that if it didn' t work with me and I
asked too much, I called you overwhelmed with the boob and if he caught
him, I took him for a walk with the backpack percent you gave us,
you and I had him sleeping in everyone, I brought him to sleep,
I put him in bed and yaquette and I stayed with him all night
and without the maker in another room. Now, with the sleep adviser,
how we have passed to have him sleeped by the syntheta and is in charge
of awakenings, for I, from 7: 30 am and I already despond
to commission everything chivil. Seven and a half seven in the morning are twelve
hours what is civilian and total and I have taken that away from me to
continue to take care of it, for what was taken care of before.
Then that' s where we won the deal. But it' s constant
and then also try it with humor so as not to reprove it. Not
because I don' t know. I' m more of a positive picture
of I wish, you' re making it so good for father to go
fucking, but from time to time I don' t know jokes like good,
but the next one I start playing father and then mother. Thing is
like always to keep in mind that what we do more, because I had
a little anger, not doing more, but not realizing it, not recognizing
it anymore, is even for them to know it internally. If they,
like he knows it, but he doesn' t tell me, I would
bother to trust I think the fact is that it seems that it doesn'
t even do it. Then, if you do that, don' t
see no, because I don' t know the subject of clothes. I
know the one who carries my clothes. Change all those things, me things,
these things and saying it and you say look is that I' m
doing it. All this is a little heavy, but you have to say
it, because if you don' t eat all that invisible burden we always
say and it becomes more and more invisible to them. So, then,
assume that we do still a little more, but do three hundred to them
so that they invented you, take more and then you say also ask,
for hey can no more. I' m singing to take care of you.
And if you have one that is disputed, bus and reincorporate to its
dynamics, for example, it is very much to incorporate things and it is
already so, already incorporated that it does something to it, but already it
does it always which that also helps. No, and it' s just
that there' s no magic solution, which is to talk about everything,
a lot, make you see everything we do so that it' s not
visible. And if they don' t know how to help, you can
tell them how to think of us. Ideal would be for them to know
alone. Well, yeah, also a lot of things an ideal helps me
but do what you can with what you say, so nothing. This is
it. I don' t know if you have a very long assumption to
not tell you anything really, if you need a more remarkable game to be
able to say on the podcast and I try to be a little more pun
my comments. But that, I know, then look for me. The
punch is the one if I ask him, no, but he does nothing
here if I ask him as a plan as if they do not realize that
there are needs, that not only the conscience in such respect to their children.
That of knowing that you have to say that there is that it is
not all clear if already regarding you like you you see me overflowing. And
of course it is also a question that is what we always come with and
both have said it, that is, the models with which we have grown
and have grown our predecessors, because they are those who are and then,
effectively, it is progressing, but far less the way it should be.
And they themselves clearly reject it. They stir up when you let them know,
because it doesn' t just come up in a way, instantly,
that impulse doesn' t usually appear I' m going to take care of
this, this, this because it' s the normal thing. No,
not then, when you let him know, this violence arises, that discomfort,
not that rejection, because it has bothered us. They lose, they
lose their dreams, they lose privileges. Indeed, because it is a situation
of privilege. I am one of those who defend that the first years of
motherhood, being a bestiality of tiredness, of exhaustion, of dedication, are
a past, that is, I live in that ambivalence and I have lived
in myself causing havoc also at the mental level, especially because they are years
of great dedication and many sacrifices when you want to raise what you consider to
be well- bred, whether intensive or not, and also, to have
a professional aspirations and do something that satisfies you. It' s gone because
in the end I' ve gone too far, but I do feel that
I defend that those first years of motherhood are to live them, they are
wonderful, that is, with all their horrible burden. But the horrible burden
doesn' t come alone or it doesn' t come directly or for me
personally, it doesn' t come from motherhood itself, I mean, I
don' t blame my children, because I' ve really enjoyed them a
lot and I don' t regret at all having raised like I' ve
raised. What does burden me and anger me and anger me is that I
have not been able to raise as I do, it seems to me that
I should have created to do so in a less sacrificed way, to have
state aid, to have childcare or accessible time or conciliation, not to have
to pretend and negotiate with my partner if I have had to, or that
the whole society is not constantly judging you if you are an intensive mother or
you are a bad mother. You know. I mean, in itself,
for me the problem has not been maternal, but maternal now and under conditions
you know. I totally agree with everyone, with everything that Alba and Maria
have said and, for example, Mary comments it very well to who calls
the school who she calls to be directed clearly to whom the pediatrics are directed
when they speak to them they also get light. They also clearly accommodate that
there is a safety net, which is the mother. Sure, sure,
that' s a pretty good idea to see. Then, I would also
like to talk about two things to see this book. I think it'
s very interesting, because what you look at is how the relationship changes,
which is how it' s the first thing that I think happens to women
when we have a child and the patriarchy comes in through the door in Hello,
now the parenting thing, sixty- five percent won' t take it
away from you and thirty- five will take care of it. I think
it' s like some kind of exception and of and anger towards the other
person. Not then does the book begin as analyzing, for example, the
maternal district does not exist. What is that maternal instinct or, for example,
we have ever heard women are better given care to see, that is,
we are better cared for if we are given better care. That'
s because we' ve been socialized in what the Mudén to Hernando, thinker
Mudela Hernando, who highly recommended reading them books being in dream dealers, says
it' s relational identity. That is, in Mann Hernando draws two types
of identities, the individual identity, which is the one that has socialized man,
that is to say, grow, grow at the level of ego,
money, evolution in the work of questions, competition, individuality and individualism.
That is the individual identity that Hernando' s world says and we are,
are and continue to be socialized in relational identity. I mean, it'
s hard for us to be happy if the rest of the group isn'
t. Men. It is not worth in this sociology of how we have
been educated in the care of the other, in thinking of the other,
very much before, putting our personal care in the other, in the others,
that is, who buys the gifts of the family we, that is,
who is thinking beyond the needs of ourselves? But that' s not
really because we' re good at biological issues. I mean, it'
s not that there' s something biological that makes us, but that by
force of dedicating ourselves, by growing up from little ones with a doll watching
her versus. The child who plays with the super warriors makes us internalize him
and our identity be at the level of relationship. But that' s not
an innate instinct or anything. It' s something attached and then I'
d like to read a demon witness who puts all the rage. What is
it turns around. She' s a woman who' s head of operations
in New York. April, head of Sineyorquin operations raising his two children with
his wife, was initially the secondary caregiver in his family. That made him
feel less capable with his children. It says when you don' t usually
play the lead role and you' re forced to do it for a day
or two, you' re sick. Of course I' ve been in
that situation. I' m horrible. I don' t know where the
kids are supposed to be. They' re tense and everyone' s waiting
for Jill to do it again. Well, better when it' s something
that' s only present in your life sporadically, you' re doomed to
failure in heterosexual couples. It seems to exacerbate the theory that men are not
good for these how many times we have heard. You don' t think
women are better. No, women are better for the only thing or not.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear it from my own mother.
Yeah, name. Sure, we grow up with it. That is,
it is a question that has accompanied us and, moreover, it is part
of the blow that we give ourselves, because when you get to motherhood,
you think it will come to you, you will become, from the moment
you stop into a supermother with all the skills. And it' s not
like that, it' s not like that. I mean, I highly
recommend the book on maternal neuro. If Sana Carmona, which is a wonder,
you have a program here in the podcast with her, precisely talking about
the brain and body processes, because in the end everything is united, that
they are triggered during even now from the wave pregnancy, the birth and the
postpartum, all that world that happens to us and that turns against us because
we are told that since we are mothers, we have lost the capacity of
attention, that we have already that mommy blues that know like that you forget
things, but that yes, that is true, it is what happens,
that it is the body reacts to that creature that is born and put on
alert for their survival. So you' re kind of focused on the survival
of that creature, and that' s your priority, and that' s
what the body asks of you, because if it doesn' t, then
you might die, not like the Geraries when you don' t give them
water, as well as one in a very crude summary. But the point
is, all myths and preconceived ideas about motherhood turn against us. I mean,
it' s not like there' s nothing, well, you know,
nothing that can happen during motherhood comes to us, in our favor,
it always goes against us. It' s because that part of the instinct
so used turns against you when you don' t feel that connection and that
connection to your creature, which may come later, which may not come.
You know, and yet, they' re fucked by nobody telling anything,
anything they do, and it' s okay, because they' re already
starting from scratch. Then we' ll all have dinner, Alvarez. Not
clear says I' m the worst mother in the world, but the best
father in the world. Of course I mean, and that' s how
I feel that many times we get into the figure of the mother as fufff
if you' re a mother such or such, I don' t know
what and we keep on in the or when we get in. It'
s not that feminism is to blame. Feminism is the fault of feminism,
which makes me very funny, the guilt of having fewer births, feminism is
the fault of feminism because since women have gone out to work here, they
have fewer children or children are raised worse. We' re educating them worse
because mothers aren' t home with them, which is when I hear that,
I burn you know because all the debate is about why the mother isn
' t in the house or why she' s not doing what she'
s supposed to do, because when she stays home, the mother' s
doing it wrong too, because then she' s also being judged because she
' s not working and she' s a being. He is judged by
his society because he is not being a profit being. And yet he hears
them do whatever you do and they add up rights, which I think is
very good that they add rights and that they have paternity, that is,
that they have paternity leave, but I throw ours has not gone up in
how many years, because I do not know how to say, but I
have not seen it. It' s extending maternity leave and there it'
s still stuck and it' s not going up and we' ll keep
complaining and going, we' ll keep saying we need more months and they
' ll give them more months when they haven' t asked us. You
practically know and that' s what burns me, for it is true that
certain steps have been taken in involving parents, but it is still a fallacy
that is equitable. Then I' d like us to put on my friend
' s audio. I am very proud Alfredo Ramos, who, by the
way, has pulled out a pound that is called perforating the masculinities, which
goes on how hegemonic masculinity also harms men. He will not cry always behaving
like the branded heteropatriarchy or be free in the sense of getting rid of emotions,
of expressiveness. Aiming at the competition running to the gym I don'
t know what isn' t. That also harms them because they are no
longer free. And then, if we go into gender stereotypes, that is,
or paint your nails like it' s absurd. Not good. This
book is called perfierating mascunities. Alfredo has a beautiful daughter and I would like
us to hear about the pharaacy of the father involved in this incorporation of care
means, which we have been able to consider as a certain gentrification of care.
What happens also is that men incorporate into what come to call easy care,
that is, walking play those areas that have a more relevant reward,
a faster recognition, that has a lot of visibility and that moreover, are
easier to do and these are the parts of care that men are incorporating the
most, which is a phenomenon that makes sense would come to record as this
question of gentrification of the caregiver, an incorporation very based on occupying let'
s say the spaces, the sexiest times of the task of caring. This,
in a sense, suggests that there is a set of elements that have
to do with what would be the positive consequences of men' s incorporation and
care, beyond those that have to do with the use of time and the
equal resolution between men and women of the use of time and of biographical projections.
Let us also say that the opportunity is being built for us to really
see to benefit from the positive elements that have the most involved parenthoods that have
to be. Although sons and daughters are going to socialize in more equitable gender
models, in which it improves the health of our businesses and also improves the
health of men, it is quite proven that greatly improve the care of men
who have paternity have more active and more and more involved fathers. And finally,
to point out that, of course, we are also in a context
in which around the issue of parenthood, another game is also being played that
is very significant, which is the fact of the claim by groups of Hun
right- wing conservatives, right of a certain figure of parenthood as, in
a sense, a large figure of the social order. There are a lot
of groups defending men' s rights that are raising the need to recover this
figure from the father, protector, supplier, so to speak, as social
glue that would have disappeared. And that disappearance that, basically the guilt,
according to our groups has of feminism, would have a set of social repercussions
that would be generating for the most is ironed out to the problems of social
exclusion. Let' s go that basically everything that happens to the state,
to the nation and to society has to do with the fact that this figure
of the father has disappeared too much we are being from this figure of the
father in my view, but it is true that it is a matter of
civinicar this figure as a caregiver more focused on discipline, more focused on authority,
more focused on protection and self autonomy and on the free disposition of his
own father' s time, because he has said it phenomenal and it is
so. And besides, those of us who are in networks a little bit
and we have an eye. In addition, we have creatures already approaching adolescence
or adolescence, and we see the influences in networks, influencers, streamers.
That speech of the bro is that it is taking a lot and has this
message in the background of the man, that traditional man, that is getting
lost, that he dominates, that he has to dominate the woman, the
submissive woman, the mother that he has to raise and the man has to
provide, because that does not go back to what he was missing, because
where are we going? Where are we going? That we are, that
is becoming the world, that we are going to distinguish ourselves by the fault
of feminism and all the barbarities that progressiveism brings. Don' t look,
so you have to be very attentive Look. I would like to read a
piece, which is an excerpt, a translation of observations made by Gill Phillopik
in a book called The Femix per Sweet of Happiness. It says women who
believe, who have the right to pleasure and happiness or to themselves, are
drawn from selfish or moral. Women who pursue the pleasure of the cisito are
too ambitious arrhythmists and, if they are also mothers, they are probably paying
someone else to raise their children. Women who put their own desires ahead,
even temporarily, of others. They' re not good mothers and they'
re bad people. Punctual female sacrifice or often disguised as love have real consequences.
Women get the idea that motherhood is the most important job. Then we
should not be surprised that, against clichés and promises to have children reduce women
' s happiness looks. There is a very cool book that we also edit
in the editorial, which is called Why do women enjoy sex more under socialism?
This is from Christian Gods, beyond the joke, why do women enjoy
sex more under socialism? It seems that it is closely related to this book
of all rage and is that when care and tasks, the work is divided
and we are less charged. Well, Gods, in the book of why
women enjoy more under socialism, it' s protected by the fact that the
welfare state is so strong that it takes away femini tasks. The women we
do have already analyzed because we do them, not because we are given good,
but because we have been imposed and made to do it a lot,
a lot, a lot you At the end, we are better at putting
a flattering one than men. Of course, if all these tasks were covered
by the State, we would be much more rested. We could, for
example, raise our children in other ways we would stop yelling at them,
probably because we would be more rested. And what the title alludes to is
we' d want to fuck. So this also has a little impact on
what capacity we now have to be enjoying with us and returning to all the
anger with our partners, so we go on burdens. We don' t
even want to fuck. Then it would be a little bit of thinking about
how they are changing or how supposedly they are changing the co- responsible way
of breeding and keep pressing to make it as equal as possible, to put
to have even ras of cock. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
come on. I was listening to Alfredo that I took note of the book.
I also remembered the book of Earth Forgiveness. I didn' t tell
him. It is edited in Bellaterra, because we take note. I also
want to recommend the book of maximum peña that is called paternity. Here and
now where she speaks also of the one who is puleved in harp. He
also talks about parenthood and how difficult it is, in the sense that it
is difficult to father, because it is just as easy or difficult to mother.
Okay. But they do have, because they have an included burden of
fighting against what they have previously been. And yes, it is true that
right now they have before them forks of paths that are not simple. Okay,
but I, as a woman and as a mother, always try to
see how I explain it without staying. I think it' s a struggle
that they have to mean, that we are obviously here to help, to
push in whatever you can, but friends, please get to work. You
know there are people who are already doing it, but we' re not
gonna do it for you. I mean, there are a lot of men
who are already talking about it, working and I think things are moving forward,
but it' s that many times we keep putting the burden on us
that we' re the ones that good is that if your husband doesn'
t do things, it' s because you' re not asking him or
because you haven' t explained it to him, because you' re not
leaving him okay because or not having chosen wrong that to me when I read
it, I feel terrible too. You' ve chosen very badly. To
have chosen better is not that it does not have to be my duty to
transform that man and teach him, as we have also learned, that the
woman who is going to change him. Or that behind a great man there
' s always a great woman and that it' s us who have to
make it possible for that man to change. No, I mean, it
' s your head. I also believe and I believe with this can already,
I think we should go closing, because if not, this is like
the inexhaustible. It' s not you to stop. But listen to me.
It' s not a question of a fellow man, it' s
not your man. It' s not your thing, of course, of
course, all alone, obviously, and that does happen to Mónuca. That
happens to Monica, it happens to Rocío, it happens to Maria, it
happens to Alba, it happens to us all a systematic emotion. So,
how do you change the system by pressing. Then, on the one hand,
they have to release privileges. Baby you have to let go of privileges,
but you' ll probably fuck more because we' ll feel like it
and not see if we have sex synena and that' s how they loosen
up. You have to sell the sexy ones to these people, not men,
get rid of the privileges, that you will work yes, but you
will fuck because we will want, because we will have spaces in the brain,
that it is not only how I do, what food or how much
I have to change your closet, how the system changes by pressing it.
We have to tighten and we have to tighten, we have to tighten and
we have to tighten. I understand it has to be very complicated to release
privileges, because of course, they live in a comfortable position. But our
only thing that we can do, is to fight, not to keep trying,
yes, yes, no, yes, I totally agree and be for
change, no, but that often puts us as you give up space or
give up. I don' t know situations that we kind of have to
leave them and put on our side. And he doesn' t forgive seeing
that I' m already doing more than 100 percent. I' m making
one hundred and fifty percent. I mean, it' s up to you,
it' s your responsibility. And if there is not a time when
women, for they will say, look at how it happens with that seventy
percent of divorces, for they say enough, say enough, and it is
enough, and it is normal, it is natural, then do not miss
it, that they really have many. There are, there are many satisfactions,
but also rested. Of course, he' s anxious, he rests,
he' s very tired. I don' t want to leave earlier
without not being able to put them in during the recording, but we will
also have to have the audios of my friends Diana Oliver, who has also
talked about precarious motherhood, in her case, precarious maternitys, published in ARPA,
where she talks a lot, precisely about that social, socio- economic
environment and that environment, that pressure to maternal in a way and continue to
produce that generates a lot of dissatisfaction and that I insist, although there may
be weight on men in some way, because they are there at that moment
of having where I am going, the burden falls on the mothers. Well,
I think we have the idea that parenting is going to solve all the
problems of families, and in fact, because I think that in order to
be able to raise, this is not the solution that is as false as
conciliation. I think it' s true that at four hands the load is
distributed and it' s not the same, obviously, that there' s
only one person in front or that carries all the responsibility, but I think
it happens that instead of an adult, there are two who don' t
get to anything. In the end, the charge is multiplied by two.
The mental burden is between two, the exhaustion is between two. And what
solves this, because I believe that it is not the famous co- responsibility
alone, but probably other actions much more, much more forceful, because,
as in other European countries, there would be universal support for parenting, that
there would be much longer permits, that there would be nice salaries, that
there would be access to housing. It is something that I raise maternity-
scarious in the book, putting the focus on precariousness, on what is happening
today, on what is making it difficult for families to raise beautifully, because
it is not only co- responsibility, it is not only conciliation, but
there is a huge structural problem that begins with an increasingly individualistic life and by
this loss of network and of the extended family, and ends up in precariousness
at the economic level, at the housing level, at the relational level and
at the labour level, which makes it very difficult to raise in dignity.
And then it happens that if we do not stop thinking that the responsibility for
parenting is solely that of the parents, it is only that of the families
because we also have difficulty. What this needs is so much talk that a
tribe is needed because it is real is that neither two hands nor four.
What we need is a society involved in care and people who understand the time
it takes, the effort it takes and how it can be shared and how
we could help ourselves with a more community- based thinking, which is very
difficult. How cities are built, how houses are built, how the pace
of life we carry every day I don' t know. I think it
is a super complicated problem, that has many fronts, has many edges and
that goes far beyond the predominant discourses of conciliation and co- responsibility and,
moreover, we will also have Victoria Gabaldón of time of the magazine Mama Magazine,
who was in the presentation Madrid of the book All the rage and that
she is friend is always speaking from motherhood, because it is our world and
it is in which we live and that will give us his opinion about because
that the moment when you suddenly realize. That one realizes, my friend,
no, that one must be fine. This wasn' t what I'
d been sold and this is how I now, how I rule it,
if you have arranged the reading of all the rage of giving Hilockman. I
can' t say I was comforted, but it actually gave me even more
anger because I realize that, even though we are aware and socially advanced in
so many things, there is a structural problem so truly embedded in the way
we raise. I' m not just that we' re in parenting,
that it doesn' t let us move forward as our thinking somehow advances,
like I think society in this case has been left behind. Then I don
' t stop being angry with the truth if I felt a little comfort,
but still the certainty that we have a lot, a lot to do and
that we can' t do everything alone. Perhaps a question that should be
left to the audience. You didn' t spray it the way you see
it. But if there' s an arrangement or there' s no arrangement,
this is what I look at the other day. I don' t
want to say her name, because it' s a very personal matter,
but a psychologist who now has a very very very very, very fashionable podcast
and is phenomenal. But I just don' t want to say her name
because it' s personal and I' ve been telling her about all the
rage, that we' re rabid and I don' t know what it
' s like and I said, but this is settled and she told me,
Baby. I' ve divorced, well, what happened to him a
little bit to give if not, but from the trench, the only thing
you keep pushing us yes, yes no and keep talking about it, listen
to our friends and put on the words. Put the words. We are
exploited and exploited by them too, which is true. I mean, we
have three- day working days. I often tell people, people who write,
whatever, whatever. I mean, come on, I have to work
in the afternoons and they tell me, but you have another job. I
mean, I don' t really have the job. This editorial thing isn
' t real work. The real job is the other one. And to
recommend also that I have said peñafiel victory is gabaldon victory. Then I'
ll fix my head. Recommend also in the book of the double journey,
which you have also published in Captain Swin, that I marveled at because it
is also written a few years ago, that is, it is not even
current, it is not even current, which is that it has, but
what, but what happens Monica explains that it is as if it was written
like this totally because it has not changed the discretion, that is, the
inequality in the sharing of tasks. It hasn' t changed in fifty years
and we' ve been equally effective and it tells us yes and you see
no. Then we live like in a matrix. You know why you'
re not that no. But of course, if you say no, then
people will tell you, because Auntie already, it will be your problem to
have chosen better. No, and then you get all the rage. This
book is by Arly Rus the Hutch List, and it has a name and
comes difficult to pronounce. She' s from where she was from Boston,
or she' s American, yeah, she' s from the forties and
good. And then this book comes from some research that she did in the
decade of the seventies and the eighties. What she wanted, what she wanted
to study was the leisure time gap between women and men. Of course,
and it' s like this book I mean I loved it because it seemed
to me, because it was all the time, to stop reading and to
say because a little bit has happened to me as with all the ones that
you scratch and make cot clear, of course, but it is that it
is so, and it makes you want to put things on the walls glue
them and paint and make burn containers. And another book that I wanted to
recommend is nice, which I think the difference between the Hochi Book and this
is that all the rage is wanting to go out and burn containers. Yeah,
yeah, sure, sure, sure, yeah, this one' s
more rabid. It is more rabid because it is the other too, but
it is written since the consummation of the facts or as the other era,
as more academic. Maybe I mean, it' s a little colder,
more analytical. He talks about a lot of testimonies, but maybe he doesn
' t have that emotional, emotional burden, that this one. I have
noticed more appeal in the sense of age. Look, you realize and you
know in the other one it was how much I had to pose or be
very scientific, not like this is what' s going on and you'
re going to get really angry, but I' ll leave it there.
I' m a scientist. However, all anger is raised from another perspective,
perhaps more angry, more appealing to your emotions. And I want to
recommend something that we have not mentioned, but it is the subject of our
vision centrist Europe from privileges, hegemonic and because in all the anger they also
talk about cultural differences and talk about how it is a cross- cutting problem
that this is lived in different cultures, although each nationality, each culture lives
it in a different way, but we do not normally take into account other
perspectives and I have a book that I always recommend, well, not always,
but in this case I will recommend it because it is not the case
before. It' s called Feminista Parentin Perspectives Front Africa and Billón is a
compendium edited by Ramas a la dienc and Andrea or Raily is to demeter is
like a rather niche publication, but, as I' m very freaky about
these topics, I liked it very much and it is a compendium of essays,
analysis from perspectives, because that African, because in the end we don
' t have notions of really talking a little bit, just as everyone happens.
This is right And yet, from here we get closer to feminist parenthood,
from other visions that are far from ours and that are highly recommended to
also think from a little he hears the best. I' m not talking
from the best place okay and maybe that we have to realize, because there
are other realities and they also live in a situation in which they have to
fight many things. So a very niche recommendation, but you won' t
see it. If I' m showing you on a screen and you won
' t see it, but I' ll leave it. I will leave
all the literary recommendations in the notes of the program and, of course,
of all the rage and also leave my twitter, yes, clearly mónica.
It also leaves Witcher in case any compañera wants us to establish a dialogue,
because in reality, we, from Captain Swin, what we like very much
is to be able to share with the readers opinions and generate debates with the
books, to make political and social impact and that the books are not only
unclear I read, I underline and close it and we can not debate,
we can talk, We can for that, we, for that we work
and nothing. It' s been a real pos anyway and nothing and whenever
you do it, because here I am I can talk about others. We
can talk about other books, other subjects that are not, that we are
rabid, because we are rabid. There' s not a Shakira song that
says rabid plain rabid, because that' s, that' s our band.
We can' t do it for mener because they took our podcast for
rights. But you have a roll or a song. I rabid radio grams.
That' s the coin. Yes, yes, yes, of course,
dew I am sure we will repeat, because besides, here, in
this House we have devotion for Captain Swin. It' s not for nothing,
but I' ve always externalized it and it' s one of my
reference editorials is that everything you get is the way everything interests me. So
congratulations, well, I think it' s a job. Yes, yes,
I mean, congratulations on that catalog, because you have many fans and
my bookcase, not so much my wallet, but if my bookcase or thank
you very much and you address issues that are urgent, necessary, essential and
that generate anger. But that' s what it has to be. So
you' ll come back for leisure, but I' ll let you go,
because you have to keep listening to children cry. Truth is true a
hug, an abrad after your listener friends, we' re leaving. Sounds
pretty strong to the mother community. We' re leaving. We may not
be back until after summer, because there are creatures to attend to. But
if we have a hole, maybe we' ll stop by to keep letting
go of anger. We' re leaving, friends, friends bye or s. S