1 00:00:07,919 --> 00:00:13,519 Good morning, Mother? Good morning dial bad, Comonic sphere of the Board 2 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:20,480 Good morning, Welcome one more day to our Good morning podcast Mother. He 3 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:26,559 hopes that we are entering and you will have already noticed it by periodicity and 4 00:00:26,719 --> 00:00:29,800 because it is, then, because yes, because summer is coming. We 5 00:00:29,839 --> 00:00:35,520 are already involved in the summer period and also very much related to this program, 6 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:44,679 because the reality of holidays, with creatures, motherhood, especially in summer, 7 00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:51,960 is complicated. So, well, this may be the last show of 8 00:00:52,039 --> 00:00:56,079 the season, but maybe not, so we' ll leave you there with 9 00:00:56,200 --> 00:01:00,719 the unknown, with the good taste of the mouth, if it happens to 10 00:01:00,759 --> 00:01:04,519 be the last, because often programs we bring it today, please, often 11 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:14,599 programming. We are going to address a theme that has always been accompanying us. 12 00:01:15,359 --> 00:01:21,000 But in this case the conversation will revolve around a wonderful book that I 13 00:01:21,079 --> 00:01:26,439 highly recommend to you and that we will comment, because, precisely, with 14 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:33,439 one of the publishers that have published, the editors of the people who have 15 00:01:33,439 --> 00:01:37,959 participated in the edition of this book from the publishing house itself. I am 16 00:01:38,319 --> 00:01:42,560 talking about the book all the anger of Darthe Lockman, who has published in 17 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:48,760 our country, the editorial Captain Swing, and how we are going to present 18 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:52,159 it, how we are going to comment, how we are going to approach 19 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:57,280 you, how we are going to approach this pound, because with one of 20 00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:00,560 its publishers that is fog spray, one of the editors of Captain Swing, 21 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:04,920 who has been very happy to greet me and who, besides, has children 22 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:09,879 ' s echoes. Over there or hello. How about good morning to all 23 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:16,680 indeed, I have children' s echoes because the vacation period, as you 24 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:23,759 said, is complicated. I thought I' d left everything in order, 25 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,960 but I don' t think you' ve dropped it and your head' 26 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:29,120 s ox year. I have to say that this podcast was going to be 27 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:34,639 recorded by me inside a car that is without Monica, but in the end 28 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:37,840 they left this one. There' s a little room here and the kids 29 00:02:37,879 --> 00:02:40,080 on the other side. But you can see I didn' t do the 30 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:44,719 terrified door thing. They don' t understand. Well, let' s 31 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:50,599 get to it. We already talk about the book or you want me to 32 00:02:50,759 --> 00:02:53,879 introduce myself or what we do Monica dew you tell us a little bit, 33 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:59,400 who you are so that people know who this voice is that accompanies us, 34 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:02,319 that it is mother, that is editor, but who is leisure fog, 35 00:03:02,759 --> 00:03:05,599 well, I was born in Barcelona, in a neighborhood called El Carmelo. 36 00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:12,120 My parents are from a nearby village, calf caves, and emigrated to Barcelona, 37 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:16,639 Carmelo and my mother, because she took care of me practically alone, 38 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:23,680 practically alone with the help of a neighbor older than good, which is like 39 00:03:23,759 --> 00:03:30,240 she was my grandmother. That' s why and I, for example, 40 00:03:30,599 --> 00:03:36,840 now have two children and it' s important that I take care of their 41 00:03:36,919 --> 00:03:44,960 grandparents, something I didn' t have and I really appreciate that intergenerational contact. 42 00:03:47,639 --> 00:03:52,080 I' m sorry you' re not gonna see it, but it 43 00:03:52,159 --> 00:03:53,000 ' s just that heads are showing up on the screen and it' s 44 00:03:53,000 --> 00:04:01,000 so funny. Well so night is that he can' t be more representative 45 00:04:01,039 --> 00:04:05,919 than he was recording. This is true. I' m telling you, 46 00:04:06,159 --> 00:04:12,159 if the father had a meeting here, there wasn' t a child Boom 47 00:04:12,159 --> 00:04:19,120 coming in. But of course, well, nothing was telling that my mother. 48 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,639 This has a lot to do with what we' re going to talk 49 00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:26,639 about today. Total. Yeah, well, I think he took it. 50 00:04:27,079 --> 00:04:30,120 The father has already been able to handle himself. Again, if he had 51 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:31,680 a meeting, the boy wouldn' t show up here. But, since 52 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:36,160 it' s me, it' s all over that I came to Madrid 53 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:44,000 right now, in Madrid for a guy. I' m Captain Swin' 54 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,879 s editor and I' m nothing fervent. I am the mother of two 55 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,839 children, one very small, one is one year old and the other, 56 00:04:49,399 --> 00:04:53,600 well, the one who has intercepted the father and is here as an entity, 57 00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:58,560 is four years old and no one then, in fact, because I 58 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:01,839 guess the listeners will be realizing that a lady who works what hours more, 59 00:05:02,079 --> 00:05:04,720 two more creatures, one more house, such as a lot of time for 60 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:08,879 leisure. I don' t have it right now, but if I had 61 00:05:09,319 --> 00:05:12,079 some leisure, I' d spend it reading novels. And you no longer 62 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,720 know that Captain swing is a rehearsal, well, well, I, in 63 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:23,079 my leisure time, dedicate it to novels. Oh, novels, who' 64 00:05:23,079 --> 00:05:28,439 s gonna get them? He says summer is the time for novels. I 65 00:05:28,519 --> 00:05:36,439 try to leave fiction for the summer and I will also tell you, compañera 66 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:42,920 that to all our audience with very small creatures, I always say it in 67 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:49,160 summer there is hope, they grow, they go loose and summers stop being 68 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:53,959 so In general, there are exceptions and there are situations of all kinds, 69 00:05:54,319 --> 00:05:58,680 but it is true that they go little by little, they are giving more 70 00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:00,319 and more truce and again being a little bit for cinema. Those summers we 71 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:06,399 had in our heads. I' m going to rest, but Bonica, 72 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:11,759 that game is a companion that I' m excited about. I' ll 73 00:06:12,399 --> 00:06:15,920 tell you what I' ll be able to read quietly in the summer when 74 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:17,879 they know how to bathe and swim. All right, you don' t 75 00:06:17,879 --> 00:06:21,879 have to be controlling them in the pool anymore. You know twelve, thirteen. 76 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:29,040 That' s where I go, that' s where I' d 77 00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:30,439 tell you, or maybe it depends. It depends a little on the help 78 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:36,000 you have, too. It' s just that in the end we' 79 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:42,920 re going to know that there are maternitys that are very complicated because of the 80 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:45,519 situation Look what you just said. Eh let' s realize the language, 81 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:49,240 that the political language and in the representation of what really happens in the social 82 00:06:49,319 --> 00:06:54,040 structure. Help you. Yes, child, yes, yes, yes, 83 00:06:54,079 --> 00:06:56,560 yes, the story yes, yes, well, that' s a little 84 00:06:56,560 --> 00:07:01,040 what we' re going to talk about today in the publishing house we published 85 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:08,399 a few months ago. We' re super proud to take out this book 86 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:15,879 all the rage of giving Sylockuman' s name is the author and it' 87 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,600 s a little bit dismounting this health upbringing thing. Much progress has been made. 88 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:20,959 It has nothing to do with what our grandfather did, with what our 89 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:26,160 parents did, with what our peers now do. But when we talk about 90 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:32,079 it, look at the verb we use. Helping, helping isn' t 91 00:07:32,079 --> 00:07:35,360 co- responsibility, it' s not co- creation, it' s 92 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:42,319 not co- education. She is a caregiver, a principal educator, who 93 00:07:42,439 --> 00:07:51,000 is the mother, the maternal figure, and then there is another entity that 94 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:58,600 helps. You go if you ask him. Now we' ll talk about 95 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:01,079 the book and a lot of partners when I talk to him. But he 96 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:05,759 helps you. But he does this to you. But if I ask you 97 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:09,839 this about if I tell you, if I ask you that, it works 98 00:08:09,879 --> 00:08:13,839 if you leave me a little good, Monica, I don' t know 99 00:08:13,959 --> 00:08:18,639 if you want to talk a little bit about who it is or if you 100 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:20,000 want to talk about me, your uncle talks about your dew talk about books. 101 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:24,560 I came here to talk about my book and my life. All the 102 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:28,360 rage. Good to see all the rage. In fact, it is certain 103 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:33,360 that the compañeras who are listening to us at some point have had such a 104 00:08:33,399 --> 00:08:41,000 feeling, that is, when we are overburdened, we are talking about compañeros, 105 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:46,559 with compañeros who are more or less involved or not the old guard of 106 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,399 everything does it and I stay here and call to bring me the command, 107 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:56,320 not as compañeros who seem to think they have a very equal paternity. But 108 00:08:56,399 --> 00:09:01,639 then, when you land all make you don' t give it then no, 109 00:09:01,919 --> 00:09:07,440 because it' s going to be that you don' t make it 110 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:09,320 worth it, kiddo don' t stick or kid wake up. Well, 111 00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:16,960 the whole rabis is the feeling that we don' t have some mothers when 112 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:22,840 we realize that we' re 100%. And there' s one person, 113 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:26,840 our partner, who' s only 40 to 30 and he' s 114 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:31,480 fucking. I' m taking care of Blibli' s work and the house 115 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:33,399 very quickly. Ta ta, ta, ta, ta, and he' 116 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:37,159 s like it' s not just that it doesn' t, that is, 117 00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:39,120 that it doesn' t correspond. No. No, no, coconut, 118 00:09:41,399 --> 00:09:45,960 that we put him here coed, co- breeding, cos sounds weird, 119 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:50,320 but co- breeding is that he should be raised the same. But, 120 00:09:50,639 --> 00:09:54,399 well, it' s actually raising in common. Raise in common. 121 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:58,799 Indeed, it is not only that, but it is a person who sees 122 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:05,120 that I am wrong and does nothing and then wakes up many women and what 123 00:10:05,159 --> 00:10:11,480 to give Shilogman has studied rage, rage towards what, mainly towards that person, 124 00:10:11,559 --> 00:10:16,799 towards him, and rages a little towards this situation that overflows us and 125 00:10:16,879 --> 00:10:24,120 is an existential burnout. She is already a melon, because in addition, 126 00:10:24,559 --> 00:10:30,600 the author herself speaks of her own experience, that is, she is fantastic, 127 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:35,679 because she speaks not from an academic place, although she speaks of many 128 00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:39,759 researches, she speaks from her personal rage, that invades the whole book, 129 00:10:41,279 --> 00:10:46,559 hers and that of many testimonies. Virtually all the testimonies go about that rage 130 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:52,080 and she herself has lived it and separated herself from her husband, that is, 131 00:10:52,360 --> 00:11:01,320 many couples experience, many women experience that phenomenon, that host against the 132 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:07,480 wall with forgiveness, and that generates a lot of frustration, a lot of 133 00:11:07,519 --> 00:11:13,480 anger and many separations. Indeed, look, I' m going to read 134 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:20,000 it to her because I' m sure the comrades who hear us have lived 135 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:24,879 something like this. Well, then, the author' s psychologist' s 136 00:11:24,879 --> 00:11:28,759 husband, because he' s got you, because he' s got a 137 00:11:28,759 --> 00:11:31,639 normal job. She, too, forty hours away, the two of us 138 00:11:31,639 --> 00:11:35,919 not after, although I think she asked for an essence of hours and a 139 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:41,879 book, who asked her. Chance, chance, good, total, well, 140 00:11:45,039 --> 00:11:48,679 then he goes from work and starts going to the gym and arrives at 141 00:11:48,759 --> 00:11:52,639 his house, at seven and she says to see hello, Guapa, hello, 142 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:56,360 handsome. If you show up here at seven o' clock at your 143 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,879 house, it' s not like you don' t see the kids, 144 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:01,600 it' s that you don' t do absolutely at home. You burden 145 00:12:01,639 --> 00:12:07,679 me because b and then you talked to your husband and told him to see 146 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:13,519 this can' t be and then she says it and literally, when I 147 00:12:13,559 --> 00:12:18,240 talked about it to my husband he didn' t immediately agree with my position. 148 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:24,440 With my position, I thought I didn' t understand your need to 149 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:28,120 vent. My consideration of him was wrong. I didn' t go so 150 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:35,159 far as to cancel my own needs to meet yours. Its concession solved the 151 00:12:35,279 --> 00:12:41,759 material problem, but generated a hundred disgusts. I mean, we spent a 152 00:12:41,759 --> 00:12:46,759 few days of mutual hostility until we managed to agree that I would go to 153 00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:54,919 the gym before work. He felt like he was meditating, that is, 154 00:12:56,159 --> 00:13:01,519 he felt like I was putting limits to his freedom and she wondered, but 155 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:07,039 what the fuck is my problem, why I had become so demanding with him 156 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:11,440 with great effort. I took it very seriously. Maybe I should accept my 157 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:20,840 role as a leading parent naturally and make it clear to George who didn' 158 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:24,000 t happen. That' s why that' s the big question. Not 159 00:13:26,279 --> 00:13:31,240 sure, what woman, when she comes to that situation, with all the 160 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:37,720 excitement of that new family that she is creating, does not stick the great 161 00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:45,919 host, of course and being great wonderful ears. Sure, sure, sure, 162 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:48,559 that' s the point. So what' s going on? Just 163 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:52,279 don' t imagine this, because the George who goes to the gym is 164 00:13:52,279 --> 00:13:54,879 when you had to say come take care of him. I mean, she 165 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:58,519 ' s going on a trip and she' s asking, you know, 166 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:03,519 you think I forgot something in the children' s hand and she doesn' 167 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,759 t tell her, because I don' t know, because she thinks you 168 00:14:05,759 --> 00:14:07,559 could forget. And she of course, now comes the position of us, 169 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:13,440 which is also very lead What she does is and she feels grateful because he 170 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:16,799 is going to take the children, gets up and just pack it worth and 171 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:22,440 she explains, God Os, I have never made a suitcase. Well, 172 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,919 that' s, as we say in the Catalans, mica amica a sombre, 173 00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:28,759 it stings not a little bit, another little bit, another little bit 174 00:14:28,759 --> 00:14:31,399 and what ends. Come on in and say, for I became my worst 175 00:14:31,399 --> 00:14:35,519 enemy, always in conflict with my right to ask, hey, but you 176 00:14:35,559 --> 00:14:37,480 ' ve done this, hey, but you' re not going to do 177 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:41,799 it. But you' re gonna sit there while I cook. But hey, 178 00:14:41,039 --> 00:14:43,919 you don' t have to maybe stop eating yourself and feed the kids 179 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:50,200 first. Not good, inhibited by my growing anger and all too often caught 180 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:54,960 up in the disjunctive between fighting myself to deal with whatever it was. This 181 00:14:56,039 --> 00:15:05,039 was devastating, clear and above facing the gallery. Since we come from parents 182 00:15:05,039 --> 00:15:09,480 and grandparents, he touches eggs, that is, as they were dedicated to 183 00:15:09,519 --> 00:15:11,720 touching their eggs. And he' s already facing the gallery. This George, 184 00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:16,120 our Georges, do something. Then what happens, because they tell her, 185 00:15:16,279 --> 00:15:18,600 but don' t complain, aunt, don' t complain that at 186 00:15:18,679 --> 00:15:22,919 least it helps. Then it is like a host, anger, on the 187 00:15:22,919 --> 00:15:28,559 one hand, on the other hand, incomprehension of generations and of the father 188 00:15:28,559 --> 00:15:31,960 ' s mentalities. What' s it called is in English what brings the 189 00:15:33,039 --> 00:15:39,840 bacon, what brings the money home and to run? No, for that, 190 00:15:39,399 --> 00:15:43,240 for it is, for from there comes all the rage. Of course, 191 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:50,960 the subtitle of the parenting book and in the myth of parenting well defines 192 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:58,279 the problem itself. I mean, it' s not like parenting is a 193 00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:03,360 problem. It' s not. Obviously, parenting would always be your thing, 194 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:10,919 thinking that it actually happens, that is, the problem is that we 195 00:16:11,879 --> 00:16:17,919 have made a lot of progress, but we have been made to believe or 196 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:21,159 to comment or to say always and in fact, when you get to motherhood 197 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:23,039 and it is part of the problem. You think that' s the case, 198 00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:32,120 you think there' s already equality, but it' s absolutely a 199 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:45,480 lie and then there' s an internal, external struggle that continues to cause 200 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:47,840 a lot of discomfort and that' s not solved. In sight, he 201 00:16:47,919 --> 00:16:52,399 ' s with this book. In sight, it is with the conversations that 202 00:16:52,519 --> 00:16:57,559 we can have practically all of us have the situations that we have. It 203 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:08,160 ' s very common to comment on this, and besides, it' s 204 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:12,400 always like with the good stuff and I can' t complain, because I 205 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:19,359 ' m lucky. That' s the usual conversation. I' m lucky, 206 00:17:19,519 --> 00:17:23,920 I can' t complain. And yet I live in a live in 207 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:34,640 Vietnam in my head, indeed look at the Gonman Institute, which has been 208 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:41,480 studying the sociology of families for twenty years or more, has a study that 209 00:17:41,559 --> 00:17:48,920 says that two thirds of couples experience a significant decline in the quality of their 210 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:53,039 relationship and a drastic moment of conflict and hostility in the three years following the 211 00:17:53,079 --> 00:17:59,079 birth of their first child. As the number of children increases, he also 212 00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:06,839 becomes discontented there are several reactions and this is already said by the author, 213 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:11,119 the Darsi. So this is so, including the embattled pressure of time, 214 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:17,240 money, and sleep deprivation. Of course, income may remain the same, 215 00:18:17,519 --> 00:18:22,000 but it is not part of every son, daughter who arrives, because it 216 00:18:22,039 --> 00:18:26,160 is divided into one more, you live in one more person. The time, 217 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:30,960 the time flies, the time for you is already nonexistent and the privatization 218 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:36,960 of sleep, well, it is something that is so. The privatization of 219 00:18:37,039 --> 00:18:45,119 sleep, according to many doctors, and what it does is that it intensifies 220 00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:52,039 the experimentation of negative emotions, that we are more sensitive to adverse situations and 221 00:18:52,079 --> 00:18:59,559 much less effective in the resolution of conflicts. So, if you' re 222 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:02,960 going to get cancer, then all of you. No, it' s 223 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:07,960 all a pot. There is no pressure, but what is it that this 224 00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:22,480 unequal division of family labour is not a permanent conflict. And what in the 225 00:19:22,519 --> 00:19:26,799 end, what happens to many women to see harmonics, you, what you 226 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:38,160 say is that I' m broadly related. There is this run, this 227 00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:45,000 tax burden of care and this and this mismatch in the equal division of labour, 228 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:53,440 of work in the home makes in the end 70 percent of divorces initiated 229 00:19:53,880 --> 00:20:03,279 by women, that is, in the end or there are two paths. 230 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:14,559 One is the constant negotiation, this pull and relax negotiate, negotiate your bliblili 231 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:18,039 that, by the way, this is super ultra hyper mega tired. No. 232 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:23,359 What many activists have ever said about oysters is that to fight, it 233 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:29,599 takes a lot of energy. It is that there are people who come too 234 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:33,880 tired to fight, as I say, to fight basic civil rights. No, 235 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:38,759 because this is the same, this one- way take that is constantly 236 00:20:38,839 --> 00:20:44,440 denied, in negotiation with the couple, to make us end up very tired. 237 00:20:44,839 --> 00:20:49,200 And there are people who, as he says, also sometimes is that 238 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:55,200 it is much easier to make it clear, not man, yes, yes, 239 00:20:56,960 --> 00:21:00,319 yes, people. There are many women who throw in the towel because 240 00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:07,559 it does not compensate them, among other things, because we are still in 241 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:12,599 economic inequality and when we become mothers they say no, but it remains. 242 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:21,359 Maternity penalizes women at work. Therefore, we are in an unequal situation and 243 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:26,839 on many occasions you put in the balance or it will put in the balance 244 00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:34,680 according to the situation, if it compensates you to fight or it is you 245 00:21:34,759 --> 00:21:40,680 choose well the battle that you want to fight and, perhaps, it does 246 00:21:41,359 --> 00:21:48,680 not compensate you to fight dirty dishes, because you prefer to maintain a neutral 247 00:21:48,799 --> 00:21:55,519 peace, a neutral state in another type of domestic situations, because in the 248 00:21:55,519 --> 00:21:59,359 end you have more to lose, that is, the women who can divorce 249 00:22:00,079 --> 00:22:03,480 or start that divorce process, because, in fact, they have an economic 250 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:07,519 situation that will allow them. Let' s not be foolish and fool ourselves. 251 00:22:07,599 --> 00:22:14,680 Many women would want to divorce as well and can not do them and 252 00:22:14,759 --> 00:22:18,319 less notice now that we are also in this also complicated time, not in 253 00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:22,039 many couples they cannot divorce, even even without children, eh, but already 254 00:22:22,039 --> 00:22:29,799 with children, the woman has a greater burden, precisely because laborly they have 255 00:22:29,799 --> 00:22:33,400 to give up space, because it is so, because they cannot care for 256 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:41,839 the family or tend their creatures and keep a job situation equal or even ascend, 257 00:22:41,279 --> 00:22:45,720 which men can do and are in a position of advantage. So that, 258 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,480 in the end that inequality, we don' t start from the same 259 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:55,279 situation. And that too burns. It burns so much and, indeed, 260 00:22:55,559 --> 00:22:59,079 there will be many who can be separated, but many who do not and 261 00:22:59,079 --> 00:23:04,359 who continue to live. Do you know very much that I was impressed by 262 00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:10,039 the book of all the rage of giving up like it gave for a percentage 263 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:12,319 that I said pussy, just like the sixty- five and the thirty- 264 00:23:12,319 --> 00:23:18,079 five? We' re still doing sixty- five, well, we' 265 00:23:18,079 --> 00:23:19,000 re going on, I mean, we' ve come from doing almost everything. 266 00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:23,279 But today the sixty- five and they the thirty- five. And 267 00:23:23,319 --> 00:23:29,000 this leads us, because it leads us to be angry, but only with 268 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:32,480 our children, because we are overtaken, otherwise we are talking about all the 269 00:23:32,519 --> 00:23:37,559 time in relation to our partner. We have an incredible disappointment with that relationship, 270 00:23:38,759 --> 00:23:44,519 with a persistent and good angry feeling, the fantasy of running away and 271 00:23:44,559 --> 00:23:48,680 ultra- hyper- dip sexual desire. Then I wanted to read one thing 272 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:52,839 that made me think a lot. I think it' s a bit punky, 273 00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:56,440 but I want to invite the next few to think about this. Says 274 00:23:57,319 --> 00:24:04,279 the psychotherapist and author esterperel says that in a lengthy work treated with couples, 275 00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:08,680 after a sexual adventure outside the couple' s marriage, of whatever, she 276 00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:15,640 found that the most common reason women argue to deceive their husbands in the des 277 00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:22,240 is the desire to free themselves from their role as carers. Perel says we 278 00:24:22,279 --> 00:24:30,680 ' re not really looking for another person, we' re looking for another 279 00:24:32,039 --> 00:24:36,880 self she says in the book that female infiliality has increased by forty percent in 280 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:41,000 the last three decades. I think this is very related to not being very 281 00:24:41,079 --> 00:24:48,319 exploited in the house and we need to free ourselves to be other people, 282 00:24:49,759 --> 00:24:53,000 not just the mother. I think this too is not good for you that 283 00:24:53,039 --> 00:24:56,880 you think it' s monic and listeners, but I think it can also 284 00:24:56,200 --> 00:25:03,559 come very much related to the monopoly, to the success of what is a 285 00:25:03,559 --> 00:25:11,000 good mother, which I think is the East concept that Sharon Eince coined as 286 00:25:11,039 --> 00:25:15,680 intensive motherhood. Before it was a possibility and now it is a norm, 287 00:25:15,839 --> 00:25:21,160 i e, it is an accepted and valued social norm, which is this 288 00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:26,319 of the intensive battery, since they are very small that they are drinking the 289 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:33,559 boob, the porting and the long boob time. For everything, the colcho 290 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:41,839 is to put the needs of the mother, forget them, hide them, 291 00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:48,920 bury them for the good and, most importantly, in the needs of the 292 00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:52,400 children. You think I' m kind of getting closer to intensive motherhood, 293 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:57,559 or I' m not. For me the term intensive motherhood is somewhat controversial, 294 00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:04,680 because agreeing on many occasions with what is said and that it is no 295 00:26:06,039 --> 00:26:08,400 longer a norm, is that it is a demand that weighs heavily and that 296 00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:15,920 you suddenly find yourself in that you arrive at motherhood and you no longer worth 297 00:26:17,039 --> 00:26:21,519 the previous role and but you don' t enter into the new role. 298 00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:29,240 You don' t know very well what category to enter when in reality many 299 00:26:29,279 --> 00:26:34,279 would be ideal to be able to follow what you are simply born and want 300 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:37,079 to do and you can also do within your social context. So intensive motherhood 301 00:26:37,119 --> 00:26:47,839 is often used as an attack on concepts and trends that do have all the 302 00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:53,279 logic. From here we have always defended breastfeeding, the collecho, because they 303 00:26:53,279 --> 00:27:03,000 are options that have worked and that works perfectly. And the intensive term actually 304 00:27:03,039 --> 00:27:08,000 attacks the mother herself being often a burden to the mother. Actually, whoever 305 00:27:08,279 --> 00:27:12,839 attacks the mother you know about intensive motherhood is still the mother who feels judged. 306 00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:22,319 So I don' t love being critical of Darthy Lockmann. This concept 307 00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:27,440 of intensive motherhood is not yours, but I do not agree very much in 308 00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:32,559 that sense, although I do think it is a slab that also weighs, 309 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:38,880 like many others, that is, all the terminology that is used, all 310 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,640 the roles of mothers, that we are supposed to be, even or be 311 00:27:42,759 --> 00:27:48,200 a perfect mother, that you have to be, will find at the end 312 00:27:48,279 --> 00:27:51,319 of the woman herself. But it is the system itself that suddenly no longer 313 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:55,559 attacks the father. No, I mean, it' s not even the 314 00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:59,200 parenting model. It' s intensive motherhood. You' re the one who 315 00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:03,839 ' s taking it so hard and stop taking it so hard You know that 316 00:28:03,839 --> 00:28:10,079 ' s what I don' t like where the focus is when in reality, 317 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:14,599 because this woman is doing it for something, that is, let' 318 00:28:14,599 --> 00:28:18,240 s go back to what' s behind it, and let' s look 319 00:28:19,319 --> 00:28:25,400 at exactly what' s behind it, because there' s a chapter that 320 00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:33,440 has got to look very punk, which made me feel like thinking a lot 321 00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:40,319 because if that' s going back to the myth, let' s call 322 00:28:40,319 --> 00:28:41,440 it that about the father' s fallacy involved. Then we' re going 323 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:45,799 to go back and I' d also like us to stick yes to my 324 00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:48,920 friend Alfredo Ramos, who is very cool what he says, but there' 325 00:28:48,079 --> 00:28:52,720 s a chapter of me I' m from all the rage, which is 326 00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:56,200 good. You' re good at it. We have already understood that society 327 00:28:56,400 --> 00:29:03,000 has educated us, has pushed us to be the caretaker, the main breeder. 328 00:29:06,279 --> 00:29:08,880 Listen we can put Mary' s audio is thinking about what' s 329 00:29:10,839 --> 00:29:15,119 going on and then we come back here, okay tell us who Mary is 330 00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:19,200 and so we put a little in context to you Mary, because Mary is 331 00:29:19,319 --> 00:29:22,599 a very close friend, mine who also read the book and was very angry. 332 00:29:23,519 --> 00:29:30,440 I get herself, good to myself with her relationship with her boy, 333 00:29:30,839 --> 00:29:36,119 with the upbringing situation of her child, who is four years old, and 334 00:29:36,559 --> 00:29:42,319 I would call her intensive upbringing, because she is a mother twenty- four 335 00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:47,680 hours, that is, I mean we are all a mother of twenty- 336 00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:53,400 four hours, but life has adapted to her and she herself has given herself 337 00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:57,839 few spaces not to be a mother. My friend' s sense with her 338 00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:03,960 four- year- old daughter, she has very little leisure time for her, 339 00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:07,160 or she has or can think very little, very little about her, 340 00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:11,119 in fact, she wants to get in shape and she doesn' t even 341 00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:18,480 have time for good, of course, to do any kind, i e, 342 00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:25,240 taxing herself from outside, taxing herself. She has an intensive upbringing. 343 00:30:25,559 --> 00:30:32,960 And then I want to talk another about intensive parenting, because the author, 344 00:30:33,319 --> 00:30:37,079 because the Lockman, talks about some things that particularly doubled me that I think 345 00:30:37,119 --> 00:30:41,559 you might not agree, but it made me think. And in reality, 346 00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:45,480 what we are dealing with with with books is not if I think like you, 347 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:49,799 but have a debate, a dialogue about what is taking us here. 348 00:30:52,119 --> 00:30:53,720 And there are things that can' t seem right to us, but Ostia 349 00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:57,599 makes us think then if you want to prick Mary to see what happened when 350 00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:02,839 her daughter gets bad and we go back to intensive parenting. Come on, 351 00:31:06,519 --> 00:31:11,240 I give you when my daughter gets bad, the first one you call from 352 00:31:11,119 --> 00:31:15,839 school or surprise is your mother. Me. First of all, I think 353 00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:22,720 because I have the phone saved and then watch the calls. This seems like 354 00:31:22,799 --> 00:31:27,920 a minor thing, but it really does. Secondly, because I fear that 355 00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:36,079 it is still engraved with fire in the imagination of the whole world and teachers, 356 00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:42,519 teachers and educators in general are no exception. The fact that women, 357 00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:55,200 mothers, are still the primary caregivers of our creatures. That' s clear. 358 00:31:55,839 --> 00:32:02,200 Perhaps it has to do with the fact that we are still the ones 359 00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:13,279 who mostly take leave of absence for the care of our daughters and sons, 360 00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:14,799 and we are mostly asking for reductions in working hours for this very thing. 361 00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:22,880 In short, there are many reasons to choose from, but the conclusion is 362 00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:30,720 that mothers still have 100% of the mental burden, of course, and 363 00:32:30,799 --> 00:32:38,279 a very high percentage of the care of our creatures, as well. And 364 00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:45,880 co- responsibility is a good unicorn, because Mary, like the rest of 365 00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:50,880 us, of many of us, almost all, is what would be called 366 00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:55,000 the parent. By default, there is a term. I don' t 367 00:32:55,039 --> 00:33:06,240 know if our fellow listeners will be very busy or the literature on care and 368 00:33:06,279 --> 00:33:09,799 feminism, parenting and care and so on called parental consciousness. Parental abundance is 369 00:33:12,039 --> 00:33:15,519 the awareness that our sons have daughters, they have needs, but that, 370 00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:24,200 in addition to needs, this is accompanied by a process that we have to 371 00:33:24,319 --> 00:33:30,680 think about the needs of them, of them, of them, this continuous 372 00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:43,039 parenting we have mainly women, and here we could talk about how we got 373 00:33:43,079 --> 00:33:49,720 here and why this actually remains so. So and we have another Alba audio. 374 00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:57,480 Alba and her Siriel partner. The others work in a multinational Alba have 375 00:33:57,559 --> 00:34:01,680 a good job, but I think she has a better position than her. 376 00:34:02,079 --> 00:34:07,800 I mean it. I explain all this about labor issues because I think it 377 00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:15,840 ' s important. She has a lot of burden, a lot of responsibility 378 00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:20,960 in the work and she has a son named Adria, and the Hadri can 379 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,599 now be two years old and then let' s see what happens to her 380 00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:28,639 Hi Robo how I answer you for audio, as you said, well, 381 00:34:29,039 --> 00:34:30,320 because they are the main blocks. I think we' re dragging a historical 382 00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:37,000 theme. Not that our grandmothers many didn' t work and their work in 383 00:34:37,079 --> 00:34:42,039 the house. Our mothers dragged that one and started to work. My mother 384 00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:50,000 worked and then, because she was working and while we were at school, 385 00:34:50,119 --> 00:34:52,119 we were with my grandmother and then, when she stopped working, she would 386 00:34:52,199 --> 00:34:55,760 fall in at three. He took care of us then that my father made 387 00:34:55,840 --> 00:35:00,639 certain concessions to help that. No, because my father took care of us 388 00:35:00,679 --> 00:35:07,079 for the mornings, because my mother was coming to work soon and then she 389 00:35:07,079 --> 00:35:08,400 was having dinner. No, I mean, they were sort of dividing it 390 00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:13,519 clearly by an infuriated percentage. But since we' re taking little steps, 391 00:35:13,559 --> 00:35:15,519 I mean, my grandfather didn' t do anything. My father was doing 392 00:35:15,519 --> 00:35:16,239 something. Yeah, it does a lot. Mad What my father does then 393 00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:21,480 I think evolution is positive, but based on complaint and struggle, i e, 394 00:35:21,679 --> 00:35:24,760 it' s not that they take it for themselves, because they don 395 00:35:25,559 --> 00:35:28,519 ' t know much how to do it either. They have no references. 396 00:35:28,639 --> 00:35:31,760 A chiril does not have the reference that his father for fifty to fifty then 397 00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:36,719 does not do very well how to do it. Then there' s also, 398 00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:40,039 I think, a part of the trial. This did not say if 399 00:35:40,159 --> 00:35:45,519 and with the fatherly discharge that his fellow men many did not understand that he 400 00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:49,239 had to take anything. Well the ombs companions already make women that they understood, 401 00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:52,199 that he took a paternal discharge, just like the maternal one. So 402 00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:57,920 it' s like it' s not socially distributed yet. I mean, 403 00:35:57,960 --> 00:36:00,320 and in fact, if you see in the delivery, then or mind the 404 00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:06,920 guy will be fooled that he faces too much to see if he lacks humbria 405 00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:08,159 because he helps at home. It is a historical subject, I think, 406 00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:13,360 and a lack of references as in everything, because I certainly adria. I 407 00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:16,360 will try to educate him so that the fifty that his father is not doing 408 00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:19,920 comes, but that is much more, very close to the fifty that then 409 00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:24,320 his grandfather and his father did before as you have had to not negotiate and 410 00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:31,119 distribute the care, for it is a bit to remember constantly that we both 411 00:36:31,239 --> 00:36:35,440 work, that you used in the demanding jobs and that it cannot be all. 412 00:36:35,519 --> 00:36:37,440 Me. The boob theme is difficult, because it' s something with 413 00:36:37,519 --> 00:36:43,440 the boob theme. You eat a lot of things, you, because she 414 00:36:43,599 --> 00:36:45,559 ' s gonna be booby then don' t look, for example, put 415 00:36:45,559 --> 00:36:50,400 her to sleep. Until a month ago I put him to sleep. It 416 00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:54,159 ' s always true that if it didn' t work with me and I 417 00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:58,000 asked too much, I called you overwhelmed with the boob and if he caught 418 00:36:58,079 --> 00:37:00,760 him, I took him for a walk with the backpack percent you gave us, 419 00:37:01,719 --> 00:37:04,840 you and I had him sleeping in everyone, I brought him to sleep, 420 00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:07,760 I put him in bed and yaquette and I stayed with him all night 421 00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:09,920 and without the maker in another room. Now, with the sleep adviser, 422 00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:15,400 how we have passed to have him sleeped by the syntheta and is in charge 423 00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:17,800 of awakenings, for I, from 7: 30 am and I already despond 424 00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:23,599 to commission everything chivil. Seven and a half seven in the morning are twelve 425 00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:29,000 hours what is civilian and total and I have taken that away from me to 426 00:37:29,039 --> 00:37:30,440 continue to take care of it, for what was taken care of before. 427 00:37:30,519 --> 00:37:35,800 Then that' s where we won the deal. But it' s constant 428 00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:38,880 and then also try it with humor so as not to reprove it. Not 429 00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:43,960 because I don' t know. I' m more of a positive picture 430 00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:49,800 of I wish, you' re making it so good for father to go 431 00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:52,719 fucking, but from time to time I don' t know jokes like good, 432 00:37:52,039 --> 00:37:54,360 but the next one I start playing father and then mother. Thing is 433 00:37:54,360 --> 00:38:00,280 like always to keep in mind that what we do more, because I had 434 00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:05,199 a little anger, not doing more, but not realizing it, not recognizing 435 00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:10,280 it anymore, is even for them to know it internally. If they, 436 00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:14,639 like he knows it, but he doesn' t tell me, I would 437 00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:19,559 bother to trust I think the fact is that it seems that it doesn' 438 00:38:19,639 --> 00:38:22,000 t even do it. Then, if you do that, don' t 439 00:38:22,039 --> 00:38:23,280 see no, because I don' t know the subject of clothes. I 440 00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:25,679 know the one who carries my clothes. Change all those things, me things, 441 00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:29,800 these things and saying it and you say look is that I' m 442 00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:32,000 doing it. All this is a little heavy, but you have to say 443 00:38:32,039 --> 00:38:37,039 it, because if you don' t eat all that invisible burden we always 444 00:38:37,079 --> 00:38:42,519 say and it becomes more and more invisible to them. So, then, 445 00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:46,760 assume that we do still a little more, but do three hundred to them 446 00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:52,679 so that they invented you, take more and then you say also ask, 447 00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:57,199 for hey can no more. I' m singing to take care of you. 448 00:38:57,880 --> 00:39:04,559 And if you have one that is disputed, bus and reincorporate to its 449 00:39:04,559 --> 00:39:06,920 dynamics, for example, it is very much to incorporate things and it is 450 00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:10,159 already so, already incorporated that it does something to it, but already it 451 00:39:10,199 --> 00:39:14,239 does it always which that also helps. No, and it' s just 452 00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:19,679 that there' s no magic solution, which is to talk about everything, 453 00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:21,480 a lot, make you see everything we do so that it' s not 454 00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:25,719 visible. And if they don' t know how to help, you can 455 00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:28,639 tell them how to think of us. Ideal would be for them to know 456 00:39:28,639 --> 00:39:35,039 alone. Well, yeah, also a lot of things an ideal helps me 457 00:39:35,119 --> 00:39:37,920 but do what you can with what you say, so nothing. This is 458 00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:40,599 it. I don' t know if you have a very long assumption to 459 00:39:40,599 --> 00:39:45,840 not tell you anything really, if you need a more remarkable game to be 460 00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:49,400 able to say on the podcast and I try to be a little more pun 461 00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:54,559 my comments. But that, I know, then look for me. The 462 00:39:54,639 --> 00:39:59,320 punch is the one if I ask him, no, but he does nothing 463 00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:01,840 here if I ask him as a plan as if they do not realize that 464 00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:09,280 there are needs, that not only the conscience in such respect to their children. 465 00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:15,639 That of knowing that you have to say that there is that it is 466 00:40:15,719 --> 00:40:22,039 not all clear if already regarding you like you you see me overflowing. And 467 00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:27,159 of course it is also a question that is what we always come with and 468 00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:34,199 both have said it, that is, the models with which we have grown 469 00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:39,320 and have grown our predecessors, because they are those who are and then, 470 00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:45,440 effectively, it is progressing, but far less the way it should be. 471 00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:54,000 And they themselves clearly reject it. They stir up when you let them know, 472 00:40:54,679 --> 00:41:02,280 because it doesn' t just come up in a way, instantly, 473 00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:07,360 that impulse doesn' t usually appear I' m going to take care of 474 00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:07,760 this, this, this because it' s the normal thing. No, 475 00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:14,519 not then, when you let him know, this violence arises, that discomfort, 476 00:41:15,639 --> 00:41:19,039 not that rejection, because it has bothered us. They lose, they 477 00:41:20,719 --> 00:41:23,800 lose their dreams, they lose privileges. Indeed, because it is a situation 478 00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:31,920 of privilege. I am one of those who defend that the first years of 479 00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:38,280 motherhood, being a bestiality of tiredness, of exhaustion, of dedication, are 480 00:41:39,199 --> 00:41:45,119 a past, that is, I live in that ambivalence and I have lived 481 00:41:45,199 --> 00:41:52,840 in myself causing havoc also at the mental level, especially because they are years 482 00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:58,440 of great dedication and many sacrifices when you want to raise what you consider to 483 00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:02,519 be well- bred, whether intensive or not, and also, to have 484 00:42:02,599 --> 00:42:10,280 a professional aspirations and do something that satisfies you. It' s gone because 485 00:42:10,519 --> 00:42:15,960 in the end I' ve gone too far, but I do feel that 486 00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:22,559 I defend that those first years of motherhood are to live them, they are 487 00:42:22,599 --> 00:42:27,840 wonderful, that is, with all their horrible burden. But the horrible burden 488 00:42:28,039 --> 00:42:31,760 doesn' t come alone or it doesn' t come directly or for me 489 00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:37,239 personally, it doesn' t come from motherhood itself, I mean, I 490 00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:43,079 don' t blame my children, because I' ve really enjoyed them a 491 00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:44,920 lot and I don' t regret at all having raised like I' ve 492 00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:49,599 raised. What does burden me and anger me and anger me is that I 493 00:42:50,199 --> 00:42:53,639 have not been able to raise as I do, it seems to me that 494 00:42:54,639 --> 00:43:02,320 I should have created to do so in a less sacrificed way, to have 495 00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:09,400 state aid, to have childcare or accessible time or conciliation, not to have 496 00:43:09,519 --> 00:43:15,639 to pretend and negotiate with my partner if I have had to, or that 497 00:43:15,679 --> 00:43:19,280 the whole society is not constantly judging you if you are an intensive mother or 498 00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:22,760 you are a bad mother. You know. I mean, in itself, 499 00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:30,199 for me the problem has not been maternal, but maternal now and under conditions 500 00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:34,039 you know. I totally agree with everyone, with everything that Alba and Maria 501 00:43:34,039 --> 00:43:38,559 have said and, for example, Mary comments it very well to who calls 502 00:43:38,639 --> 00:43:46,239 the school who she calls to be directed clearly to whom the pediatrics are directed 503 00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:54,440 when they speak to them they also get light. They also clearly accommodate that 504 00:43:54,599 --> 00:43:58,440 there is a safety net, which is the mother. Sure, sure, 505 00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:01,519 that' s a pretty good idea to see. Then, I would also 506 00:44:01,519 --> 00:44:05,519 like to talk about two things to see this book. I think it' 507 00:44:05,519 --> 00:44:10,440 s very interesting, because what you look at is how the relationship changes, 508 00:44:12,119 --> 00:44:15,920 which is how it' s the first thing that I think happens to women 509 00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:20,880 when we have a child and the patriarchy comes in through the door in Hello, 510 00:44:21,119 --> 00:44:27,039 now the parenting thing, sixty- five percent won' t take it 511 00:44:27,079 --> 00:44:30,840 away from you and thirty- five will take care of it. I think 512 00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:37,320 it' s like some kind of exception and of and anger towards the other 513 00:44:37,400 --> 00:44:44,599 person. Not then does the book begin as analyzing, for example, the 514 00:44:44,639 --> 00:44:52,000 maternal district does not exist. What is that maternal instinct or, for example, 515 00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:55,880 we have ever heard women are better given care to see, that is, 516 00:44:57,039 --> 00:45:01,599 we are better cared for if we are given better care. That' 517 00:45:01,639 --> 00:45:07,719 s because we' ve been socialized in what the Mudén to Hernando, thinker 518 00:45:07,880 --> 00:45:14,280 Mudela Hernando, who highly recommended reading them books being in dream dealers, says 519 00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:20,880 it' s relational identity. That is, in Mann Hernando draws two types 520 00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:22,880 of identities, the individual identity, which is the one that has socialized man, 521 00:45:23,159 --> 00:45:30,840 that is to say, grow, grow at the level of ego, 522 00:45:30,320 --> 00:45:37,159 money, evolution in the work of questions, competition, individuality and individualism. 523 00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:44,119 That is the individual identity that Hernando' s world says and we are, 524 00:45:45,199 --> 00:45:52,360 are and continue to be socialized in relational identity. I mean, it' 525 00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:55,400 s hard for us to be happy if the rest of the group isn' 526 00:45:55,400 --> 00:46:02,880 t. Men. It is not worth in this sociology of how we have 527 00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:10,079 been educated in the care of the other, in thinking of the other, 528 00:46:10,159 --> 00:46:14,880 very much before, putting our personal care in the other, in the others, 529 00:46:15,679 --> 00:46:19,639 that is, who buys the gifts of the family we, that is, 530 00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:22,679 who is thinking beyond the needs of ourselves? But that' s not 531 00:46:23,239 --> 00:46:27,960 really because we' re good at biological issues. I mean, it' 532 00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:34,280 s not that there' s something biological that makes us, but that by 533 00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:40,159 force of dedicating ourselves, by growing up from little ones with a doll watching 534 00:46:40,159 --> 00:46:45,599 her versus. The child who plays with the super warriors makes us internalize him 535 00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:51,280 and our identity be at the level of relationship. But that' s not 536 00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:58,920 an innate instinct or anything. It' s something attached and then I' 537 00:46:59,639 --> 00:47:02,000 d like to read a demon witness who puts all the rage. What is 538 00:47:02,199 --> 00:47:08,920 it turns around. She' s a woman who' s head of operations 539 00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:15,639 in New York. April, head of Sineyorquin operations raising his two children with 540 00:47:15,679 --> 00:47:24,519 his wife, was initially the secondary caregiver in his family. That made him 541 00:47:24,519 --> 00:47:30,960 feel less capable with his children. It says when you don' t usually 542 00:47:31,039 --> 00:47:36,440 play the lead role and you' re forced to do it for a day 543 00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:39,679 or two, you' re sick. Of course I' ve been in 544 00:47:39,679 --> 00:47:45,639 that situation. I' m horrible. I don' t know where the 545 00:47:45,719 --> 00:47:47,599 kids are supposed to be. They' re tense and everyone' s waiting 546 00:47:49,159 --> 00:47:52,480 for Jill to do it again. Well, better when it' s something 547 00:47:52,559 --> 00:47:59,360 that' s only present in your life sporadically, you' re doomed to 548 00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:04,000 failure in heterosexual couples. It seems to exacerbate the theory that men are not 549 00:48:04,079 --> 00:48:07,159 good for these how many times we have heard. You don' t think 550 00:48:07,239 --> 00:48:12,480 women are better. No, women are better for the only thing or not. 551 00:48:12,719 --> 00:48:15,000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear it from my own mother. 552 00:48:15,559 --> 00:48:17,239 Yeah, name. Sure, we grow up with it. That is, 553 00:48:17,559 --> 00:48:24,639 it is a question that has accompanied us and, moreover, it is part 554 00:48:24,679 --> 00:48:30,039 of the blow that we give ourselves, because when you get to motherhood, 555 00:48:30,199 --> 00:48:36,639 you think it will come to you, you will become, from the moment 556 00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:40,079 you stop into a supermother with all the skills. And it' s not 557 00:48:40,519 --> 00:48:43,719 like that, it' s not like that. I mean, I highly 558 00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:47,239 recommend the book on maternal neuro. If Sana Carmona, which is a wonder, 559 00:48:47,320 --> 00:48:52,719 you have a program here in the podcast with her, precisely talking about 560 00:48:52,800 --> 00:48:59,039 the brain and body processes, because in the end everything is united, that 561 00:48:59,119 --> 00:49:02,639 they are triggered during even now from the wave pregnancy, the birth and the 562 00:49:02,760 --> 00:49:06,800 postpartum, all that world that happens to us and that turns against us because 563 00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:12,079 we are told that since we are mothers, we have lost the capacity of 564 00:49:12,280 --> 00:49:16,840 attention, that we have already that mommy blues that know like that you forget 565 00:49:16,880 --> 00:49:19,719 things, but that yes, that is true, it is what happens, 566 00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:25,559 that it is the body reacts to that creature that is born and put on 567 00:49:25,639 --> 00:49:30,400 alert for their survival. So you' re kind of focused on the survival 568 00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:34,320 of that creature, and that' s your priority, and that' s 569 00:49:34,440 --> 00:49:37,800 what the body asks of you, because if it doesn' t, then 570 00:49:37,920 --> 00:49:43,599 you might die, not like the Geraries when you don' t give them 571 00:49:43,639 --> 00:49:45,239 water, as well as one in a very crude summary. But the point 572 00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:53,800 is, all myths and preconceived ideas about motherhood turn against us. I mean, 573 00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:59,039 it' s not like there' s nothing, well, you know, 574 00:49:59,199 --> 00:50:01,239 nothing that can happen during motherhood comes to us, in our favor, 575 00:50:02,159 --> 00:50:07,360 it always goes against us. It' s because that part of the instinct 576 00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:13,360 so used turns against you when you don' t feel that connection and that 577 00:50:13,480 --> 00:50:17,239 connection to your creature, which may come later, which may not come. 578 00:50:19,360 --> 00:50:22,800 You know, and yet, they' re fucked by nobody telling anything, 579 00:50:23,480 --> 00:50:27,320 anything they do, and it' s okay, because they' re already 580 00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:30,679 starting from scratch. Then we' ll all have dinner, Alvarez. Not 581 00:50:30,920 --> 00:50:35,239 clear says I' m the worst mother in the world, but the best 582 00:50:35,320 --> 00:50:37,760 father in the world. Of course I mean, and that' s how 583 00:50:37,840 --> 00:50:45,360 I feel that many times we get into the figure of the mother as fufff 584 00:50:45,599 --> 00:50:51,679 if you' re a mother such or such, I don' t know 585 00:50:51,880 --> 00:50:52,559 what and we keep on in the or when we get in. It' 586 00:50:52,599 --> 00:50:55,719 s not that feminism is to blame. Feminism is the fault of feminism, 587 00:50:58,079 --> 00:51:01,000 which makes me very funny, the guilt of having fewer births, feminism is 588 00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:06,000 the fault of feminism because since women have gone out to work here, they 589 00:51:06,039 --> 00:51:10,639 have fewer children or children are raised worse. We' re educating them worse 590 00:51:10,639 --> 00:51:17,679 because mothers aren' t home with them, which is when I hear that, 591 00:51:20,519 --> 00:51:23,519 I burn you know because all the debate is about why the mother isn 592 00:51:23,599 --> 00:51:27,960 ' t in the house or why she' s not doing what she' 593 00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:30,280 s supposed to do, because when she stays home, the mother' s 594 00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:35,360 doing it wrong too, because then she' s also being judged because she 595 00:51:35,440 --> 00:51:37,840 ' s not working and she' s a being. He is judged by 596 00:51:37,920 --> 00:51:42,679 his society because he is not being a profit being. And yet he hears 597 00:51:42,679 --> 00:51:47,599 them do whatever you do and they add up rights, which I think is 598 00:51:47,679 --> 00:51:52,840 very good that they add rights and that they have paternity, that is, 599 00:51:52,960 --> 00:51:54,960 that they have paternity leave, but I throw ours has not gone up in 600 00:51:55,079 --> 00:52:00,800 how many years, because I do not know how to say, but I 601 00:52:00,840 --> 00:52:06,000 have not seen it. It' s extending maternity leave and there it' 602 00:52:06,320 --> 00:52:09,679 s still stuck and it' s not going up and we' ll keep 603 00:52:09,760 --> 00:52:14,400 complaining and going, we' ll keep saying we need more months and they 604 00:52:14,400 --> 00:52:15,440 ' ll give them more months when they haven' t asked us. You 605 00:52:15,719 --> 00:52:21,880 practically know and that' s what burns me, for it is true that 606 00:52:21,880 --> 00:52:29,800 certain steps have been taken in involving parents, but it is still a fallacy 607 00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:38,119 that is equitable. Then I' d like us to put on my friend 608 00:52:38,119 --> 00:52:40,280 ' s audio. I am very proud Alfredo Ramos, who, by the 609 00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:45,559 way, has pulled out a pound that is called perforating the masculinities, which 610 00:52:45,599 --> 00:52:59,119 goes on how hegemonic masculinity also harms men. He will not cry always behaving 611 00:52:59,199 --> 00:53:07,400 like the branded heteropatriarchy or be free in the sense of getting rid of emotions, 612 00:53:07,480 --> 00:53:12,400 of expressiveness. Aiming at the competition running to the gym I don' 613 00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:15,119 t know what isn' t. That also harms them because they are no 614 00:53:15,119 --> 00:53:20,000 longer free. And then, if we go into gender stereotypes, that is, 615 00:53:20,400 --> 00:53:23,800 or paint your nails like it' s absurd. Not good. This 616 00:53:23,840 --> 00:53:30,920 book is called perfierating mascunities. Alfredo has a beautiful daughter and I would like 617 00:53:31,000 --> 00:53:39,360 us to hear about the pharaacy of the father involved in this incorporation of care 618 00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:43,320 means, which we have been able to consider as a certain gentrification of care. 619 00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:49,119 What happens also is that men incorporate into what come to call easy care, 620 00:53:49,639 --> 00:53:55,599 that is, walking play those areas that have a more relevant reward, 621 00:53:58,360 --> 00:54:06,320 a faster recognition, that has a lot of visibility and that moreover, are 622 00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:12,519 easier to do and these are the parts of care that men are incorporating the 623 00:54:13,840 --> 00:54:16,159 most, which is a phenomenon that makes sense would come to record as this 624 00:54:16,199 --> 00:54:24,639 question of gentrification of the caregiver, an incorporation very based on occupying let' 625 00:54:24,719 --> 00:54:39,840 s say the spaces, the sexiest times of the task of caring. This, 626 00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:45,320 in a sense, suggests that there is a set of elements that have 627 00:54:45,400 --> 00:54:49,880 to do with what would be the positive consequences of men' s incorporation and 628 00:54:49,960 --> 00:54:52,760 care, beyond those that have to do with the use of time and the 629 00:54:52,840 --> 00:54:59,559 equal resolution between men and women of the use of time and of biographical projections. 630 00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:08,280 Let us also say that the opportunity is being built for us to really 631 00:55:12,119 --> 00:55:16,679 see to benefit from the positive elements that have the most involved parenthoods that have 632 00:55:16,679 --> 00:55:21,239 to be. Although sons and daughters are going to socialize in more equitable gender 633 00:55:21,280 --> 00:55:25,440 models, in which it improves the health of our businesses and also improves the 634 00:55:25,559 --> 00:55:34,960 health of men, it is quite proven that greatly improve the care of men 635 00:55:35,039 --> 00:55:42,960 who have paternity have more active and more and more involved fathers. And finally, 636 00:55:43,159 --> 00:55:45,920 to point out that, of course, we are also in a context 637 00:55:45,960 --> 00:55:50,800 in which around the issue of parenthood, another game is also being played that 638 00:55:50,800 --> 00:55:55,239 is very significant, which is the fact of the claim by groups of Hun 639 00:55:55,320 --> 00:56:01,840 right- wing conservatives, right of a certain figure of parenthood as, in 640 00:56:01,840 --> 00:56:06,760 a sense, a large figure of the social order. There are a lot 641 00:56:06,800 --> 00:56:10,599 of groups defending men' s rights that are raising the need to recover this 642 00:56:10,679 --> 00:56:16,480 figure from the father, protector, supplier, so to speak, as social 643 00:56:16,519 --> 00:56:23,320 glue that would have disappeared. And that disappearance that, basically the guilt, 644 00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:30,159 according to our groups has of feminism, would have a set of social repercussions 645 00:56:30,199 --> 00:56:32,599 that would be generating for the most is ironed out to the problems of social 646 00:56:32,599 --> 00:56:36,960 exclusion. Let' s go that basically everything that happens to the state, 647 00:56:37,119 --> 00:56:39,920 to the nation and to society has to do with the fact that this figure 648 00:56:39,960 --> 00:56:46,360 of the father has disappeared too much we are being from this figure of the 649 00:56:46,360 --> 00:56:50,760 father in my view, but it is true that it is a matter of 650 00:56:50,840 --> 00:56:58,119 civinicar this figure as a caregiver more focused on discipline, more focused on authority, 651 00:56:58,559 --> 00:57:01,519 more focused on protection and self autonomy and on the free disposition of his 652 00:57:01,639 --> 00:57:14,320 own father' s time, because he has said it phenomenal and it is 653 00:57:14,360 --> 00:57:19,519 so. And besides, those of us who are in networks a little bit 654 00:57:19,599 --> 00:57:22,760 and we have an eye. In addition, we have creatures already approaching adolescence 655 00:57:22,840 --> 00:57:28,159 or adolescence, and we see the influences in networks, influencers, streamers. 656 00:57:31,360 --> 00:57:39,400 That speech of the bro is that it is taking a lot and has this 657 00:57:39,800 --> 00:57:46,639 message in the background of the man, that traditional man, that is getting 658 00:57:46,639 --> 00:57:51,159 lost, that he dominates, that he has to dominate the woman, the 659 00:57:51,239 --> 00:57:54,960 submissive woman, the mother that he has to raise and the man has to 660 00:57:55,320 --> 00:57:58,800 provide, because that does not go back to what he was missing, because 661 00:57:58,800 --> 00:58:00,880 where are we going? Where are we going? That we are, that 662 00:58:00,920 --> 00:58:06,039 is becoming the world, that we are going to distinguish ourselves by the fault 663 00:58:06,599 --> 00:58:13,440 of feminism and all the barbarities that progressiveism brings. Don' t look, 664 00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:20,679 so you have to be very attentive Look. I would like to read a 665 00:58:21,840 --> 00:58:30,239 piece, which is an excerpt, a translation of observations made by Gill Phillopik 666 00:58:30,280 --> 00:58:34,639 in a book called The Femix per Sweet of Happiness. It says women who 667 00:58:34,719 --> 00:58:37,199 believe, who have the right to pleasure and happiness or to themselves, are 668 00:58:37,239 --> 00:58:44,119 drawn from selfish or moral. Women who pursue the pleasure of the cisito are 669 00:58:44,119 --> 00:58:50,159 too ambitious arrhythmists and, if they are also mothers, they are probably paying 670 00:58:50,159 --> 00:58:53,079 someone else to raise their children. Women who put their own desires ahead, 671 00:58:53,239 --> 00:58:59,239 even temporarily, of others. They' re not good mothers and they' 672 00:58:59,239 --> 00:59:04,639 re bad people. Punctual female sacrifice or often disguised as love have real consequences. 673 00:59:05,400 --> 00:59:12,480 Women get the idea that motherhood is the most important job. Then we 674 00:59:12,559 --> 00:59:16,960 should not be surprised that, against clichés and promises to have children reduce women 675 00:59:16,960 --> 00:59:24,519 ' s happiness looks. There is a very cool book that we also edit 676 00:59:24,559 --> 00:59:28,559 in the editorial, which is called Why do women enjoy sex more under socialism? 677 00:59:29,679 --> 00:59:34,039 This is from Christian Gods, beyond the joke, why do women enjoy 678 00:59:34,119 --> 00:59:37,880 sex more under socialism? It seems that it is closely related to this book 679 00:59:37,920 --> 00:59:45,280 of all rage and is that when care and tasks, the work is divided 680 00:59:45,320 --> 00:59:50,039 and we are less charged. Well, Gods, in the book of why 681 00:59:50,119 --> 00:59:53,679 women enjoy more under socialism, it' s protected by the fact that the 682 00:59:53,760 --> 01:00:00,679 welfare state is so strong that it takes away femini tasks. The women we 683 01:00:00,679 --> 01:00:04,159 do have already analyzed because we do them, not because we are given good, 684 01:00:04,199 --> 01:00:06,920 but because we have been imposed and made to do it a lot, 685 01:00:07,199 --> 01:00:10,039 a lot, a lot you At the end, we are better at putting 686 01:00:10,039 --> 01:00:15,239 a flattering one than men. Of course, if all these tasks were covered 687 01:00:15,239 --> 01:00:19,320 by the State, we would be much more rested. We could, for 688 01:00:19,320 --> 01:00:23,679 example, raise our children in other ways we would stop yelling at them, 689 01:00:24,199 --> 01:00:29,519 probably because we would be more rested. And what the title alludes to is 690 01:00:29,599 --> 01:00:37,239 we' d want to fuck. So this also has a little impact on 691 01:00:37,320 --> 01:00:43,039 what capacity we now have to be enjoying with us and returning to all the 692 01:00:43,119 --> 01:00:45,440 anger with our partners, so we go on burdens. We don' t 693 01:00:45,480 --> 01:00:53,960 even want to fuck. Then it would be a little bit of thinking about 694 01:00:54,199 --> 01:01:01,840 how they are changing or how supposedly they are changing the co- responsible way 695 01:01:01,880 --> 01:01:07,719 of breeding and keep pressing to make it as equal as possible, to put 696 01:01:07,719 --> 01:01:09,840 to have even ras of cock. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 697 01:01:12,320 --> 01:01:17,199 come on. I was listening to Alfredo that I took note of the book. 698 01:01:17,599 --> 01:01:22,400 I also remembered the book of Earth Forgiveness. I didn' t tell 699 01:01:22,400 --> 01:01:27,039 him. It is edited in Bellaterra, because we take note. I also 700 01:01:27,119 --> 01:01:30,119 want to recommend the book of maximum peña that is called paternity. Here and 701 01:01:30,159 --> 01:01:37,320 now where she speaks also of the one who is puleved in harp. He 702 01:01:37,400 --> 01:01:44,000 also talks about parenthood and how difficult it is, in the sense that it 703 01:01:44,039 --> 01:01:50,400 is difficult to father, because it is just as easy or difficult to mother. 704 01:01:50,519 --> 01:01:58,239 Okay. But they do have, because they have an included burden of 705 01:01:58,840 --> 01:02:02,920 fighting against what they have previously been. And yes, it is true that 706 01:02:04,039 --> 01:02:13,159 right now they have before them forks of paths that are not simple. Okay, 707 01:02:13,360 --> 01:02:22,039 but I, as a woman and as a mother, always try to 708 01:02:22,119 --> 01:02:28,320 see how I explain it without staying. I think it' s a struggle 709 01:02:28,440 --> 01:02:34,119 that they have to mean, that we are obviously here to help, to 710 01:02:34,119 --> 01:02:40,840 push in whatever you can, but friends, please get to work. You 711 01:02:40,920 --> 01:02:45,079 know there are people who are already doing it, but we' re not 712 01:02:45,079 --> 01:02:49,559 gonna do it for you. I mean, there are a lot of men 713 01:02:49,760 --> 01:02:54,760 who are already talking about it, working and I think things are moving forward, 714 01:02:54,880 --> 01:02:59,440 but it' s that many times we keep putting the burden on us 715 01:02:59,480 --> 01:03:04,079 that we' re the ones that good is that if your husband doesn' 716 01:03:04,079 --> 01:03:07,480 t do things, it' s because you' re not asking him or 717 01:03:07,559 --> 01:03:12,320 because you haven' t explained it to him, because you' re not 718 01:03:12,840 --> 01:03:15,000 leaving him okay because or not having chosen wrong that to me when I read 719 01:03:15,000 --> 01:03:16,400 it, I feel terrible too. You' ve chosen very badly. To 720 01:03:16,440 --> 01:03:23,000 have chosen better is not that it does not have to be my duty to 721 01:03:23,039 --> 01:03:30,159 transform that man and teach him, as we have also learned, that the 722 01:03:30,280 --> 01:03:32,119 woman who is going to change him. Or that behind a great man there 723 01:03:32,159 --> 01:03:37,639 ' s always a great woman and that it' s us who have to 724 01:03:37,800 --> 01:03:40,199 make it possible for that man to change. No, I mean, it 725 01:03:40,559 --> 01:03:44,840 ' s your head. I also believe and I believe with this can already, 726 01:03:45,000 --> 01:03:47,159 I think we should go closing, because if not, this is like 727 01:03:47,280 --> 01:03:52,840 the inexhaustible. It' s not you to stop. But listen to me. 728 01:03:53,599 --> 01:03:57,519 It' s not a question of a fellow man, it' s 729 01:03:57,519 --> 01:04:00,119 not your man. It' s not your thing, of course, of 730 01:04:00,159 --> 01:04:03,880 course, all alone, obviously, and that does happen to Mónuca. That 731 01:04:03,960 --> 01:04:06,000 happens to Monica, it happens to Rocío, it happens to Maria, it 732 01:04:06,079 --> 01:04:13,320 happens to Alba, it happens to us all a systematic emotion. So, 733 01:04:13,800 --> 01:04:15,840 how do you change the system by pressing. Then, on the one hand, 734 01:04:16,599 --> 01:04:20,400 they have to release privileges. Baby you have to let go of privileges, 735 01:04:21,199 --> 01:04:25,960 but you' ll probably fuck more because we' ll feel like it 736 01:04:26,039 --> 01:04:27,880 and not see if we have sex synena and that' s how they loosen 737 01:04:27,880 --> 01:04:31,000 up. You have to sell the sexy ones to these people, not men, 738 01:04:31,119 --> 01:04:39,320 get rid of the privileges, that you will work yes, but you 739 01:04:39,400 --> 01:04:44,000 will fuck because we will want, because we will have spaces in the brain, 740 01:04:44,559 --> 01:04:48,760 that it is not only how I do, what food or how much 741 01:04:49,880 --> 01:04:50,480 I have to change your closet, how the system changes by pressing it. 742 01:04:50,559 --> 01:04:54,119 We have to tighten and we have to tighten, we have to tighten and 743 01:04:54,119 --> 01:04:58,480 we have to tighten. I understand it has to be very complicated to release 744 01:04:58,519 --> 01:05:03,360 privileges, because of course, they live in a comfortable position. But our 745 01:05:03,679 --> 01:05:06,960 only thing that we can do, is to fight, not to keep trying, 746 01:05:09,639 --> 01:05:12,679 yes, yes, no, yes, I totally agree and be for 747 01:05:14,360 --> 01:05:18,519 change, no, but that often puts us as you give up space or 748 01:05:19,159 --> 01:05:30,360 give up. I don' t know situations that we kind of have to 749 01:05:30,519 --> 01:05:32,599 leave them and put on our side. And he doesn' t forgive seeing 750 01:05:32,639 --> 01:05:35,639 that I' m already doing more than 100 percent. I' m making 751 01:05:35,719 --> 01:05:40,039 one hundred and fifty percent. I mean, it' s up to you, 752 01:05:40,360 --> 01:05:41,639 it' s your responsibility. And if there is not a time when 753 01:05:41,679 --> 01:05:45,039 women, for they will say, look at how it happens with that seventy 754 01:05:45,079 --> 01:05:48,199 percent of divorces, for they say enough, say enough, and it is 755 01:05:48,199 --> 01:05:53,320 enough, and it is normal, it is natural, then do not miss 756 01:05:53,320 --> 01:05:55,679 it, that they really have many. There are, there are many satisfactions, 757 01:05:56,000 --> 01:05:58,960 but also rested. Of course, he' s anxious, he rests, 758 01:05:59,320 --> 01:06:03,599 he' s very tired. I don' t want to leave earlier 759 01:06:04,360 --> 01:06:10,880 without not being able to put them in during the recording, but we will 760 01:06:11,159 --> 01:06:16,119 also have to have the audios of my friends Diana Oliver, who has also 761 01:06:16,199 --> 01:06:23,079 talked about precarious motherhood, in her case, precarious maternitys, published in ARPA, 762 01:06:23,920 --> 01:06:30,360 where she talks a lot, precisely about that social, socio- economic 763 01:06:30,400 --> 01:06:35,360 environment and that environment, that pressure to maternal in a way and continue to 764 01:06:36,039 --> 01:06:41,199 produce that generates a lot of dissatisfaction and that I insist, although there may 765 01:06:42,000 --> 01:06:45,519 be weight on men in some way, because they are there at that moment 766 01:06:45,519 --> 01:06:46,480 of having where I am going, the burden falls on the mothers. Well, 767 01:06:46,519 --> 01:06:51,960 I think we have the idea that parenting is going to solve all the 768 01:06:53,000 --> 01:06:58,360 problems of families, and in fact, because I think that in order to 769 01:06:58,840 --> 01:07:03,400 be able to raise, this is not the solution that is as false as 770 01:07:03,480 --> 01:07:10,119 conciliation. I think it' s true that at four hands the load is 771 01:07:10,599 --> 01:07:13,920 distributed and it' s not the same, obviously, that there' s 772 01:07:15,039 --> 01:07:19,239 only one person in front or that carries all the responsibility, but I think 773 01:07:19,320 --> 01:07:23,239 it happens that instead of an adult, there are two who don' t 774 01:07:23,239 --> 01:07:26,159 get to anything. In the end, the charge is multiplied by two. 775 01:07:26,320 --> 01:07:31,480 The mental burden is between two, the exhaustion is between two. And what 776 01:07:31,519 --> 01:07:35,800 solves this, because I believe that it is not the famous co- responsibility 777 01:07:36,280 --> 01:07:45,519 alone, but probably other actions much more, much more forceful, because, 778 01:07:45,599 --> 01:07:50,800 as in other European countries, there would be universal support for parenting, that 779 01:07:50,880 --> 01:07:55,880 there would be much longer permits, that there would be nice salaries, that 780 01:07:55,960 --> 01:08:00,920 there would be access to housing. It is something that I raise maternity- 781 01:08:00,119 --> 01:08:04,960 scarious in the book, putting the focus on precariousness, on what is happening 782 01:08:05,320 --> 01:08:11,159 today, on what is making it difficult for families to raise beautifully, because 783 01:08:11,199 --> 01:08:14,719 it is not only co- responsibility, it is not only conciliation, but 784 01:08:15,159 --> 01:08:18,600 there is a huge structural problem that begins with an increasingly individualistic life and by 785 01:08:18,720 --> 01:08:27,039 this loss of network and of the extended family, and ends up in precariousness 786 01:08:27,039 --> 01:08:31,920 at the economic level, at the housing level, at the relational level and 787 01:08:32,079 --> 01:08:36,880 at the labour level, which makes it very difficult to raise in dignity. 788 01:08:40,239 --> 01:08:44,199 And then it happens that if we do not stop thinking that the responsibility for 789 01:08:44,199 --> 01:08:46,359 parenting is solely that of the parents, it is only that of the families 790 01:08:46,439 --> 01:08:49,920 because we also have difficulty. What this needs is so much talk that a 791 01:08:49,920 --> 01:08:54,920 tribe is needed because it is real is that neither two hands nor four. 792 01:08:55,840 --> 01:09:01,880 What we need is a society involved in care and people who understand the time 793 01:09:02,199 --> 01:09:09,439 it takes, the effort it takes and how it can be shared and how 794 01:09:09,479 --> 01:09:15,600 we could help ourselves with a more community- based thinking, which is very 795 01:09:15,600 --> 01:09:24,159 difficult. How cities are built, how houses are built, how the pace 796 01:09:24,880 --> 01:09:27,560 of life we carry every day I don' t know. I think it 797 01:09:27,600 --> 01:09:32,319 is a super complicated problem, that has many fronts, has many edges and 798 01:09:32,399 --> 01:09:42,359 that goes far beyond the predominant discourses of conciliation and co- responsibility and, 799 01:09:42,399 --> 01:09:46,119 moreover, we will also have Victoria Gabaldón of time of the magazine Mama Magazine, 800 01:09:47,520 --> 01:09:54,000 who was in the presentation Madrid of the book All the rage and that 801 01:09:55,199 --> 01:09:59,319 she is friend is always speaking from motherhood, because it is our world and 802 01:09:59,479 --> 01:10:03,640 it is in which we live and that will give us his opinion about because 803 01:10:03,680 --> 01:10:08,600 that the moment when you suddenly realize. That one realizes, my friend, 804 01:10:08,880 --> 01:10:12,199 no, that one must be fine. This wasn' t what I' 805 01:10:12,199 --> 01:10:15,720 d been sold and this is how I now, how I rule it, 806 01:10:16,039 --> 01:10:21,159 if you have arranged the reading of all the rage of giving Hilockman. I 807 01:10:21,199 --> 01:10:26,479 can' t say I was comforted, but it actually gave me even more 808 01:10:26,640 --> 01:10:31,399 anger because I realize that, even though we are aware and socially advanced in 809 01:10:31,439 --> 01:10:39,760 so many things, there is a structural problem so truly embedded in the way 810 01:10:39,800 --> 01:10:44,000 we raise. I' m not just that we' re in parenting, 811 01:10:44,199 --> 01:10:48,960 that it doesn' t let us move forward as our thinking somehow advances, 812 01:10:49,159 --> 01:10:53,760 like I think society in this case has been left behind. Then I don 813 01:10:53,920 --> 01:10:59,039 ' t stop being angry with the truth if I felt a little comfort, 814 01:11:00,520 --> 01:11:02,760 but still the certainty that we have a lot, a lot to do and 815 01:11:02,840 --> 01:11:05,680 that we can' t do everything alone. Perhaps a question that should be 816 01:11:05,720 --> 01:11:10,159 left to the audience. You didn' t spray it the way you see 817 01:11:10,159 --> 01:11:16,039 it. But if there' s an arrangement or there' s no arrangement, 818 01:11:16,199 --> 01:11:17,439 this is what I look at the other day. I don' t 819 01:11:17,479 --> 01:11:23,720 want to say her name, because it' s a very personal matter, 820 01:11:23,960 --> 01:11:26,920 but a psychologist who now has a very very very very, very fashionable podcast 821 01:11:26,920 --> 01:11:28,399 and is phenomenal. But I just don' t want to say her name 822 01:11:28,439 --> 01:11:31,159 because it' s personal and I' ve been telling her about all the 823 01:11:31,159 --> 01:11:33,880 rage, that we' re rabid and I don' t know what it 824 01:11:33,920 --> 01:11:34,760 ' s like and I said, but this is settled and she told me, 825 01:11:34,760 --> 01:11:41,199 Baby. I' ve divorced, well, what happened to him a 826 01:11:41,239 --> 01:11:45,960 little bit to give if not, but from the trench, the only thing 827 01:11:45,000 --> 01:11:51,520 you keep pushing us yes, yes no and keep talking about it, listen 828 01:11:51,520 --> 01:11:57,520 to our friends and put on the words. Put the words. We are 829 01:11:57,840 --> 01:12:02,880 exploited and exploited by them too, which is true. I mean, we 830 01:12:03,039 --> 01:12:06,720 have three- day working days. I often tell people, people who write, 831 01:12:08,079 --> 01:12:13,560 whatever, whatever. I mean, come on, I have to work 832 01:12:13,560 --> 01:12:15,800 in the afternoons and they tell me, but you have another job. I 833 01:12:15,800 --> 01:12:17,960 mean, I don' t really have the job. This editorial thing isn 834 01:12:18,399 --> 01:12:23,800 ' t real work. The real job is the other one. And to 835 01:12:23,920 --> 01:12:27,600 recommend also that I have said peñafiel victory is gabaldon victory. Then I' 836 01:12:28,439 --> 01:12:32,319 ll fix my head. Recommend also in the book of the double journey, 837 01:12:32,359 --> 01:12:39,319 which you have also published in Captain Swin, that I marveled at because it 838 01:12:39,399 --> 01:12:43,880 is also written a few years ago, that is, it is not even 839 01:12:44,399 --> 01:12:46,840 current, it is not even current, which is that it has, but 840 01:12:46,920 --> 01:12:51,680 what, but what happens Monica explains that it is as if it was written 841 01:12:51,680 --> 01:12:57,039 like this totally because it has not changed the discretion, that is, the 842 01:12:57,039 --> 01:13:00,279 inequality in the sharing of tasks. It hasn' t changed in fifty years 843 01:13:00,319 --> 01:13:02,800 and we' ve been equally effective and it tells us yes and you see 844 01:13:02,800 --> 01:13:08,359 no. Then we live like in a matrix. You know why you' 845 01:13:08,399 --> 01:13:10,359 re not that no. But of course, if you say no, then 846 01:13:10,399 --> 01:13:15,279 people will tell you, because Auntie already, it will be your problem to 847 01:13:15,399 --> 01:13:18,760 have chosen better. No, and then you get all the rage. This 848 01:13:18,840 --> 01:13:24,000 book is by Arly Rus the Hutch List, and it has a name and 849 01:13:24,079 --> 01:13:28,359 comes difficult to pronounce. She' s from where she was from Boston, 850 01:13:28,840 --> 01:13:31,800 or she' s American, yeah, she' s from the forties and 851 01:13:31,800 --> 01:13:36,199 good. And then this book comes from some research that she did in the 852 01:13:36,760 --> 01:13:41,800 decade of the seventies and the eighties. What she wanted, what she wanted 853 01:13:41,800 --> 01:13:48,359 to study was the leisure time gap between women and men. Of course, 854 01:13:48,640 --> 01:13:53,880 and it' s like this book I mean I loved it because it seemed 855 01:13:53,920 --> 01:13:58,479 to me, because it was all the time, to stop reading and to 856 01:13:58,560 --> 01:14:00,880 say because a little bit has happened to me as with all the ones that 857 01:14:00,960 --> 01:14:04,079 you scratch and make cot clear, of course, but it is that it 858 01:14:04,079 --> 01:14:10,439 is so, and it makes you want to put things on the walls glue 859 01:14:10,640 --> 01:14:15,479 them and paint and make burn containers. And another book that I wanted to 860 01:14:15,479 --> 01:14:17,920 recommend is nice, which I think the difference between the Hochi Book and this 861 01:14:18,000 --> 01:14:26,359 is that all the rage is wanting to go out and burn containers. Yeah, 862 01:14:26,439 --> 01:14:28,800 yeah, sure, sure, sure, yeah, this one' s 863 01:14:28,800 --> 01:14:31,760 more rabid. It is more rabid because it is the other too, but 864 01:14:31,840 --> 01:14:36,520 it is written since the consummation of the facts or as the other era, 865 01:14:38,119 --> 01:14:40,079 as more academic. Maybe I mean, it' s a little colder, 866 01:14:40,359 --> 01:14:44,960 more analytical. He talks about a lot of testimonies, but maybe he doesn 867 01:14:45,039 --> 01:14:48,479 ' t have that emotional, emotional burden, that this one. I have 868 01:14:48,479 --> 01:14:55,600 noticed more appeal in the sense of age. Look, you realize and you 869 01:14:55,680 --> 01:14:59,199 know in the other one it was how much I had to pose or be 870 01:14:59,239 --> 01:15:02,039 very scientific, not like this is what' s going on and you' 871 01:15:02,399 --> 01:15:03,520 re going to get really angry, but I' ll leave it there. 872 01:15:03,840 --> 01:15:11,119 I' m a scientist. However, all anger is raised from another perspective, 873 01:15:11,479 --> 01:15:18,439 perhaps more angry, more appealing to your emotions. And I want to 874 01:15:18,520 --> 01:15:27,520 recommend something that we have not mentioned, but it is the subject of our 875 01:15:27,600 --> 01:15:34,359 vision centrist Europe from privileges, hegemonic and because in all the anger they also 876 01:15:34,720 --> 01:15:41,439 talk about cultural differences and talk about how it is a cross- cutting problem 877 01:15:41,439 --> 01:15:45,840 that this is lived in different cultures, although each nationality, each culture lives 878 01:15:46,880 --> 01:15:55,439 it in a different way, but we do not normally take into account other 879 01:15:55,479 --> 01:15:58,039 perspectives and I have a book that I always recommend, well, not always, 880 01:15:58,479 --> 01:15:59,840 but in this case I will recommend it because it is not the case 881 01:15:59,840 --> 01:16:05,399 before. It' s called Feminista Parentin Perspectives Front Africa and Billón is a 882 01:16:05,520 --> 01:16:13,279 compendium edited by Ramas a la dienc and Andrea or Raily is to demeter is 883 01:16:13,319 --> 01:16:18,520 like a rather niche publication, but, as I' m very freaky about 884 01:16:19,119 --> 01:16:27,279 these topics, I liked it very much and it is a compendium of essays, 885 01:16:27,600 --> 01:16:34,159 analysis from perspectives, because that African, because in the end we don 886 01:16:34,319 --> 01:16:36,640 ' t have notions of really talking a little bit, just as everyone happens. 887 01:16:36,840 --> 01:16:43,479 This is right And yet, from here we get closer to feminist parenthood, 888 01:16:44,079 --> 01:16:49,960 from other visions that are far from ours and that are highly recommended to 889 01:16:50,000 --> 01:16:58,439 also think from a little he hears the best. I' m not talking 890 01:16:58,479 --> 01:17:02,560 from the best place okay and maybe that we have to realize, because there 891 01:17:03,000 --> 01:17:10,720 are other realities and they also live in a situation in which they have to 892 01:17:10,720 --> 01:17:14,359 fight many things. So a very niche recommendation, but you won' t 893 01:17:14,399 --> 01:17:15,439 see it. If I' m showing you on a screen and you won 894 01:17:15,479 --> 01:17:17,600 ' t see it, but I' ll leave it. I will leave 895 01:17:17,640 --> 01:17:25,960 all the literary recommendations in the notes of the program and, of course, 896 01:17:26,199 --> 01:17:29,359 of all the rage and also leave my twitter, yes, clearly mónica. 897 01:17:29,520 --> 01:17:32,720 It also leaves Witcher in case any compañera wants us to establish a dialogue, 898 01:17:33,520 --> 01:17:39,000 because in reality, we, from Captain Swin, what we like very much 899 01:17:39,039 --> 01:17:45,680 is to be able to share with the readers opinions and generate debates with the 900 01:17:45,720 --> 01:17:49,800 books, to make political and social impact and that the books are not only 901 01:17:49,800 --> 01:17:55,600 unclear I read, I underline and close it and we can not debate, 902 01:17:55,840 --> 01:17:58,920 we can talk, We can for that, we, for that we work 903 01:17:58,920 --> 01:18:03,199 and nothing. It' s been a real pos anyway and nothing and whenever 904 01:18:03,199 --> 01:18:05,399 you do it, because here I am I can talk about others. We 905 01:18:05,399 --> 01:18:10,319 can talk about other books, other subjects that are not, that we are 906 01:18:10,319 --> 01:18:12,760 rabid, because we are rabid. There' s not a Shakira song that 907 01:18:13,439 --> 01:18:15,960 says rabid plain rabid, because that' s, that' s our band. 908 01:18:16,000 --> 01:18:19,239 We can' t do it for mener because they took our podcast for 909 01:18:19,239 --> 01:18:27,039 rights. But you have a roll or a song. I rabid radio grams. 910 01:18:27,479 --> 01:18:30,159 That' s the coin. Yes, yes, yes, of course, 911 01:18:30,680 --> 01:18:36,199 dew I am sure we will repeat, because besides, here, in 912 01:18:36,399 --> 01:18:42,039 this House we have devotion for Captain Swin. It' s not for nothing, 913 01:18:42,439 --> 01:18:47,000 but I' ve always externalized it and it' s one of my 914 01:18:48,159 --> 01:18:54,479 reference editorials is that everything you get is the way everything interests me. So 915 01:18:54,479 --> 01:18:57,319 congratulations, well, I think it' s a job. Yes, yes, 916 01:18:57,439 --> 01:19:01,359 I mean, congratulations on that catalog, because you have many fans and 917 01:19:01,439 --> 01:19:09,439 my bookcase, not so much my wallet, but if my bookcase or thank 918 01:19:09,439 --> 01:19:15,720 you very much and you address issues that are urgent, necessary, essential and 919 01:19:15,760 --> 01:19:17,840 that generate anger. But that' s what it has to be. So 920 01:19:17,840 --> 01:19:23,800 you' ll come back for leisure, but I' ll let you go, 921 01:19:24,920 --> 01:19:30,039 because you have to keep listening to children cry. Truth is true a 922 01:19:30,039 --> 01:19:32,439 hug, an abrad after your listener friends, we' re leaving. Sounds 923 01:19:32,479 --> 01:19:38,520 pretty strong to the mother community. We' re leaving. We may not 924 01:19:38,640 --> 01:19:43,479 be back until after summer, because there are creatures to attend to. But 925 01:19:43,640 --> 01:19:46,239 if we have a hole, maybe we' ll stop by to keep letting 926 01:19:46,800 --> 01:20:27,039 go of anger. We' re leaving, friends, friends bye or s. S