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Hey, what's up? And welcome
back to another episode of the Straight Shooter

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Recruiter Podcast. I'm your host,
Emily Durham aka Emily the Recruiter, and

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if it's your first time listening,
my goal is to help you thrive in

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your nine to five and beyond.
And how do I do that? Well,

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Baby, I've worked in talent acquisition
for over seven years. I'm a

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writer for Canadian Business. I've been
featured in Forbes, BBC, The Globe

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and Mail Like careers is what I
do and today I actually got a request.

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This is a requested episode and it's
all about how do I take someone

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from a connection to a referral?
How do I get you to work for

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me? Well, I'm not even
working at that company. And that's what

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we're going to talk about today is
how to use and leverage your pre existing

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or new relationships to help you get
the gig. So if that sounds like

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your jam, make sure you leave
a rating and a review for the show.

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And if you're listening, I want
to see a baby, I want

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to see you ten me or the
podcast accounts. All of that is in

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the description because it genuinely brings me
joy. So let's get into it.

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Also, fair warning, you might
hear Binky pity pattering around the apartment because

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I let him out of his playpen. If you guys follow me on install,

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you know, he actually had a
pretty major knee surgery a couple of

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weeks ago, so he's now able
to roam around the apartment supervised for a

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little bit. So he's just he's
doing that and he's loving life. So

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if you hear pitter patters, I'm
not even sorry. It just means my

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special boy is doing well. Okay. So the real secret, God,

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I love that I always end up
tangenting about Binkie. It's always Binkie's fault.

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But that's okay. He's so cute
it doesn't even matter anyways. The

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real best way to think about how
to have a pipeline from connection to referral

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is all about relationships. The worst
thing that you can do is reach out

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to somebody you don't know and a
request for them to refer you to a

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position. Now, we all know
that almost eighty percent of positions are actually

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filled via referral, and the reason
for that is Number one, people feel

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more comfortable interviewing someone that's been vetted
someone who has already said they're a good

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person or they're good at their job. The second thing is that you know

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why referrals are so beneficial is it
really helps your resume stand out because the

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recruiter probably gets a direct message about
you as a candidate and they have no

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choice but to review your resume like
they're being held accountable. And the other

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thing is sometimes jobs aren't even posted
before they're filled because they already have somebody

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in mind. So there's no question
that referrals are important, and the best

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way to get a referral is by
building genuine relationships. I do have a

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caveat to this. I've talked about
this before on basically every platform. But

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if you're in a pinch and you
see a job that you love and you're

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like, I need to get a
referral, like I need to be referred

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I need this position, and you
don't have time to maybe network with people,

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go on a website like Fishbowl or
like glass Door, actually more so

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Fishbowl really, but people are willing
to refer you for jobs even if they

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don't know you because they get paid
a referral bonus. I personally think it's

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risky because they're putting their brand on
the line for you. But hey,

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Adola is a dual. That's a
great way to do it. But if

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you want to do it the more
long term, sustainable way, and honestly

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the way that's going to reap the
most benefit, it's all about building relationships.

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So at this point, I'm assuming
you already have a connection in mind

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working at a certain company, and
obviously that's a company you want to work

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at. But if you don't have
somebody in mind, I actually have a

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full episode dedicated to how to identify
and connect with mentors. That's probably a

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really good place to start because I
walk you through literally how to reach out

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to people on the internet that you
don't know and how to start building a

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relationship. So I would go check
that one out. I'll link it in

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the description as well. But essentially, at this stage, you have someone

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in mind and you're like, Okay, I want to work where you work.

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How are you going to help me
do that? The first thing you

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need to do is build a real
relationship with this person. So the best

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way I personally do this, or
like the easiest way is start off with

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a simple message on LinkedIn perhaps it's
with an article or something relevant to their

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industry that you think is interesting.
That's the one I typically do. So

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if I'm reaching out to someone in
recruiting, I'll send an article about how

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AI is changing the future of recruiting
and I was like, hey, hope

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you're doing well. I saw this
article and knew it'd be something you'd be

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interested in, so I thought i'd
send it over let me know if you're

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ever up for reconnecting over a coffee
or a quick phone call. Nine times

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out of ten they're going to respond
and say yes, especially if you're taking

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the time to personalize the message and
add value so they're not under the impression

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you're asking for anything. They're under
the impression you're building a relationship. And

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that's the secret. The secret to
having someone refer you is to build a

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real relationship and not just ask for
things. Imagine you met someone and you

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were like, can you do this
for me? Can you fill up my

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water bottle? Can you rub my
feet? Can you go walk my dog?

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That is not a relationship. That
is you getting bossed around like that

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is not the vibe, and you
need to adopt that mindset when you're asking

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for referrals as well. So really
invest in the relationship in a way that

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feels authentic to you. If you
have time, I think the best way

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to budget this is by doing one
call a month. So at the end

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of every month, you connect with
this person and you use it as time

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to discuss what they've been doing at
work. Maybe you use this time to

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learn a little bit more about them
and you can actually ask questions that's going

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to help you grow in your career. So maybe you're meeting with someone in

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marketing and you ask them, how
are you like implementing different processes right now

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versus two years ago, now that
the pandemic is cooling down, Like,

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ask questions that are going to benefit
and aid in your development. But it

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also gives them an opportunity to share
their insight and build a relationship. And

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studies show us that people love talking
about themselves. So if you're asking specific

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and targeted questions to this person about
their career, like, that's a big

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win. After you do that a
couple of times, maybe one or two

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times, what I want you to
do is reach out via email and say,

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Hey, it was amazing chatting with
you. I just wanted to reach

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out because I noticed this job posting
at your company, and if you'd be

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comfortable, i'd love to connect with
the manager for this role. Notice how

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you are not explicitly asking for a
referral. Whoop, did you just hear

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foreign ask texting me in the background? Pypern. That's too funny, but

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Barb, that's on silent now,
Sorry about that, but that's fine.

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That's our vibe. It's like two
friends hanging out, but you're not asking

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them for a referral, because even
if you have a relationship with them,

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sometimes they'll take it as oh,
so you only were speaking to me to

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get a referral, which is true. But we're all playing psychological game here

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right. I'm not trying to make
you a sneaky little person, but I

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am helping you play the game,
and sometimes you need to play the game

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to get ahead. Like it is
what it is, so I would highly

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recommend framing it and positioning it that
way, and don't just put all your

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eggs in one basket. I would
really recommend that you are connecting with multiple

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people and doing this thing over and
over again until you get a referral that

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is actually going to help you out. So this episode topic I told you

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actually came through request, but I
did not want to neglect the questions that

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you guys send in and friendly reminder, if you have questions you want me

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to answer, I answer them every
week in the podcast, unless, for

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whatever reason, it's a really long
episode, then I will kind of bake

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it into the episode itself. But
the link for that is in the description,

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so make sure you are checking out. I actually got a question from

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someone that I think is really really
good, and I actually don't know if

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it's something I've talked about, but
this person was asking how do I deal

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with the emotional aspect of job hunting
and the disappointment when I'm rejected. I

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have been going through it, my
friend. First of all, I know

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exactly how you're feeling, like I
was in the exact same position when I

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was first applying for jobs after I
graduated, and then the worst of it,

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honestly was in between leaving them when
I was at the bank and then

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trying to transition into tech because I
literally scented my application everywhere I applied,

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everywhere I was networking, and I
kept being told no, no, no,

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and it was really eating at my
confidence, because you also have to

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remember, as a recruiter, there's
nothing more humbling than failing an interview,

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Like can you imagine I give interview
advice and then I did not pass the

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interview, and I was really letting
it define my worth and I was like,

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what skills am I missing? Like
it was just a whole thing all

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to say, I totally hear where
you are coming from. Job hunting is

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emotional the same way that dating is
emotional, because you are vulnerable, you

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are asking for something you want and
ultimately you might get rejected, and those

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are things that are really difficult to
deal with. The first thing you have

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to remember is data, and data
is what helped me get through the mental

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pain of job hunting, and it's
that statistically, it takes at least six

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months to find a new job,
and that was a statistic before the pandemic.

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I'd imagine that stat has gone up
since then. So if it feels

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like it's taking a long time,
it's because it is, and it's because

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that's just how long it takes.
It doesn't mean that something is wrong with

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you. The other thing you need
to remember is that the job market right

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now is probably one of the worst
I've seen in at least five or six

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years. It's a really, really
ugly job market and that is entirely out

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of your control. And speaking of
control, it's really easy for us to

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think that we didn't get the job
because of us. And sometimes that's true.

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Sometimes we don't answer the question well, sometimes we're just not qualified,

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and a lot of times, I
would argue even more times, it has

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nothing to do with us. It
is a referral that's moving into the position.

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Like we talked about before, it
is an internal promotion. Actually,

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maybe the job got canceled because of
this crappy economy. There are so many

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things that are out of our control, and maybe it's delusional to think that

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it's never our fault. But here's
what I will say. If you are

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practicing your interview skills, if you
record yourself answering interview questions, if you're

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you know, following all of the
other tips and tricks that I provide on

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my podcast. And I'm not even
saying that as like a shameless plug.

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I'm saying that is like legitimately their
good interview tips. If you're doing all

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of those things and you're doing your
best and you're learning after every single interview.

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You need to let go. Like
I had to do this too.

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You have to let go, and
you have to stop blaming yourself. And

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the best way to emotionally deal with
this rejection is understanding they're not rejecting you

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as a person. It doesn't mean
that you weren't the best person for the

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job. It means there were probably
other factors. It could be someone who

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has years of experience in the same
title or in the same company. You

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can't compete sometimes and that's okay,
and we need to invest in ourselves,

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but also know when to detach.
It's the same as dating. Like if

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you go on a date and someone
says, oh, I'm not interested in

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you, Yeah, it sucks.
But at the same time, why do

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we want someone who doesn't want us? And that kind of mindset is how

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I personally kind of crawled out of
a dark, scary dungeon when I was

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job hunting. This is another one
where I'm like, have I answered this

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before? But it's another great question. It's how do you go about staying

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fit and healthy, especially when you
work a lot of hours. I'm not

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perfect at this. I'm going to
be so honest with you, I think

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in life there are always going to
be conflicting priorities. Probably three years ago,

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I was in the gym five to
seven days a week, Like I

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would say on average, I was
probably six days a week, and I

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was super committed to eating really clean, doing all of these things, and

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of course was still working a lot, because as you know, I still

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have my full time recruiting job as
well as my social platforms, which,

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to be honest, if you calculate
the hours, I work at least thirty

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five hours a week on the social
media stuff because I also have clients,

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like it's a whole thing. But
I was working a lot and still managing

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my health. But what I realized
was that by focusing so much on my

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physical health, I was actually neglecting
a lot of other things that impacted my

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mental health. I totally dropped every
hobby, Like every hobby I had was

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out the window because it was either
the gym or working, and that was

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it. Like suddenly I was no
longer interested in hiking, I was no

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longer interested in baking with my mom. Like I was just NonStop work mode.

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There was no play, and I
felt really down about that and I

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kind of had to redefine what health
and wellness means for me today and at

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twenty seven, health and wellness for
me is, yes, working, it's

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going to the gym, it's you
know, going on walks, being outside.

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But it's also investing in my family, and it's investing in my friends,

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and it's making time for dating.
It's making time to be open and

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like learn and grow as a person. So I say that to tell you

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it's okay if you're not in the
gym seven days a week. I'm not

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in the gym seven days a week
anymore. I'm probably four to five days.

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And I feel really good about that. Has my body changed? Yeah?

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Am I okay with that most days? Because I think the quality of

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my life has significantly improved the second
I decided that balance sometimes has to look

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different. The tips that have helped
me stay on track and continue to prioritize

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my movement and prioritize help is scheduling. So I have consistent days where I

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do work out. For example,
Sundays I do not exercise, but Mondays

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I absolutely exercise, And it doesn't
matter how long the work day is,

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I get to the gym because I
schedule it in, so I will usually

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work out. It kind of depends. Right now, I'm supporting a couple

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of countries outside of Canada, so
my working hours are a little weird,

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like I'm starting really early and then
like kind of have to work late.

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It's very strange. But on a
normal day where I'm working a standard nine

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to five, I'm the best at
the gym at like eleven, So I

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book a one hour meeting with myself
and I go to the gym from eleven

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to twelve. And that's what I
do with my lunch hour. And on

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days that's not a possibility, I
wake up earlier or I go to the

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gym after work. So just schedule
it in so that it is part of

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your routine, so that it's a
non negotiable. But also be gentle with

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yourself. And for me, one
of the best things I did was on

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days where I'm like, oh my
god, I don't have the energy to

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go to the gym, I let
myself either stay home and rest, or

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I go on a walk, like
just move your body. Sometimes I have

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a dance party. Exercise isn't supposed
to be punishment. It's supposed to be

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rewarding. It's supposed to make you
feel mentally clear. It's supposed to give

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you motivation and energy and peace like
within ourselves. So the second it feels

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like it's work, it's okay to
find something else that feels a little bit

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better. Oh. I didn't even
tell you this, but by the time

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you're listening to this episode, I
think I'm going to be in London,

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like the UK. What day is
this going live? Yeah, you know

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what, I might be in London. I might not. It's either this

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Sunday or the next Sunday, so
we'll see. But either way, Chip

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Chip Cherry are. If y'all have
any recommendations of things I should do while

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I'm in the UK, please let
me know. I'm going for work.

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Actually I'm speaking at a conference,
which I am super excited about. If

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there's one thing I love, it's
public speaking. It is my favorite thing

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to do. It's I just love
it. I love engaging with an audience.

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I love telling a story. I
love building those relationships. To me,

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it is just like I'm the happiest
when I'm on stage. I absolutely

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love it and it makes me think
back to when I was studying theater in

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University. Yeah, if y'all know
the story, you know, I only

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was in that program for two weeks, not even. But it really it

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reminds me that all of the little
hobbies that I thought were silly and that

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weren't going to get me anywhere actually
have fueled the work I do today.

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So I don't know, just a
little aside, but definitely let me know

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because I'm super excited. I hope
that you enjoyed this episode, and don't

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forget submit your questions. I am
always going to answer them. Check me

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out on my other socials if you
haven't already, and I would really appreciate

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if you've shared the show. We
are not gate keeping knowledge here, so

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share it, share it, share
it. I so appreciate you, and

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I will talk to you next Sunday.

