WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.480 --> 00:00:08.519 Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to this week, the second of the twenty fourteen 2 00:00:09.560 --> 00:00:37.119 Masscrypti conten Oh. Each of these elegant ladies of indetermined gender a vying for 3 00:00:37.240 --> 00:00:43.560 your love, your attention, and your blood and your blood and maybe your 4 00:00:43.600 --> 00:00:48.759 skin. Maybe some of them only eat bone marrow, some of them feed 5 00:00:48.799 --> 00:00:54.000 on thoughts. I don't. I don't know. It's confusing, but welcome 6 00:00:54.759 --> 00:01:00.000 and avoid eye contact and smiling is a sign of aggression, so he's avoid. 7 00:01:00.359 --> 00:01:03.519 Don't show teeth. No enamel, no enamel. That's right. These 8 00:01:03.640 --> 00:01:15.959 beautiful creatures are to sduce both your eye enjoy. If I rhyme it again, 9 00:01:17.280 --> 00:01:26.359 I have to choose, so will ignore that pot. Hey everybody, 10 00:01:26.359 --> 00:01:30.319 I'm David Flora, I'm David Stecco. Welcome to week two of the Miscripted 11 00:01:30.359 --> 00:01:37.159 Contest twenty I hope everybody's doing well, and hope you're ready for another rocking 12 00:01:37.280 --> 00:01:48.400 round of raging rush strokes. I hope you guys are ready for a lot 13 00:01:48.439 --> 00:01:52.840 of weird stuff. There you go, Yes, there will be weird stuff. 14 00:01:52.879 --> 00:01:55.439 I feel like we've got kind of a fendo in this week. Oh 15 00:01:55.560 --> 00:02:00.239 yeah, have you noticed now? I didn't. It's all right, we've 16 00:02:00.239 --> 00:02:06.000 got it like a like a midsized to small beast beast. Okay, carry 17 00:02:06.000 --> 00:02:07.439 on that, I mean not don carry on. They fit in the oversized, 18 00:02:07.639 --> 00:02:13.199 over hit department. Yeah, these be like the welter weights. I 19 00:02:13.240 --> 00:02:16.000 don't know where the welter weight fits in. It's not a lightweight, it's 20 00:02:16.039 --> 00:02:21.439 not featherweight. It's not a heavyweight man, welterweight these are These are welterweight 21 00:02:21.479 --> 00:02:23.759 cryptis. I'll take that. Yeah, a good glup. They have to 22 00:02:23.759 --> 00:02:30.719 box sugar a Leonard Floyd money Mayweather. Is he featherweight? Weh he's awful 23 00:02:30.759 --> 00:02:36.879 tiny. You don't tell him that kick your ass. If it pays enough, 24 00:02:36.919 --> 00:02:39.960 I'll let him. Yeah, yeah, we got we got a fine 25 00:02:40.000 --> 00:02:45.159 assortment this week. Flora Hyle Dot's you break it down. I'll break it 26 00:02:45.199 --> 00:02:53.879 down. Here's who we're all goling this week from Mexico. Ya ya yazdle 27 00:02:53.479 --> 00:02:59.120 Okay, all right, um, stay, this is another thing for this 28 00:02:59.120 --> 00:03:05.000 week. Staying in the America's nice interesting Los Americanos norte. Sure, just 29 00:03:05.120 --> 00:03:12.960 the North America's USA in contiguous countries USA and autonomous international countries with by shared 30 00:03:13.039 --> 00:03:19.080 direct border with the outside. Moving it up to northern Pennsylvania. Oh my 31 00:03:19.159 --> 00:03:25.719 god, the Mexico of the East coast. Everyone knows that Pennsylvania is the 32 00:03:25.759 --> 00:03:32.240 Mexico of America because it's a ton of fun and they're always sneaking into other 33 00:03:32.280 --> 00:03:38.360 states. No rules there, and that wall walls not doing anything. That 34 00:03:38.360 --> 00:03:42.280 wall we put her up. We're gonna be talking about the Squawk, y'all 35 00:03:42.280 --> 00:03:49.039 talking about Squawk, and then moving down the East coast to North Carolina. 36 00:03:49.240 --> 00:03:53.919 We'll look out the vampire Beast of Bladenborough. That's right, that's your lineup 37 00:03:53.919 --> 00:04:00.000 for this week. M let's dive in and let's get your passports out. 38 00:04:01.159 --> 00:04:05.520 Everybody got those? Everybody? Yeah, and get your fanny pats as that 39 00:04:06.039 --> 00:04:11.599 and you're all your money in that that chest thing we're going to talk about. 40 00:04:11.800 --> 00:04:17.279 A creature of Aztec mythology. Yeah, the Ahwitzaddle is a fearsome water 41 00:04:17.360 --> 00:04:25.079 dwelling beast, infamous for its appearance and habit of dragging people to their deaths 42 00:04:25.120 --> 00:04:30.040 beneath the water. That's right, But but I'm not. I don't want 43 00:04:30.040 --> 00:04:33.079 to jump to the end. Okay, but if you were dragged to your 44 00:04:33.120 --> 00:04:39.480 death in the water, something of a silver lining. Oh oh, wait 45 00:04:39.519 --> 00:04:43.160 for it. I know, I know, I know, I'm just tantalizing. 46 00:04:44.480 --> 00:04:48.360 It's described as being a small, modeled black creature resembling a dog with 47 00:04:48.879 --> 00:04:57.519 an elongated snout, sharp teeth, pointy ears, short fur that gets spiky 48 00:04:57.600 --> 00:05:01.279 when it's out of the water, and a long scale at the end of 49 00:05:01.319 --> 00:05:04.279 which is nothing. Is just a normal tail, because a lot of animals 50 00:05:04.279 --> 00:05:08.480 have tails that it's really not interesting. And I don't know why you would 51 00:05:08.480 --> 00:05:11.879 classify this as encrypted. It was probably just a wet dog. Is a 52 00:05:12.040 --> 00:05:16.839 human like hand boom. The whole thing is less than a meter long, 53 00:05:17.439 --> 00:05:21.560 though it's not a huge hubb's hand at the end of its tail, which 54 00:05:21.600 --> 00:05:30.279 is extraordinarily helpful. It inhabits fast moving rivers and lives in lakes around what 55 00:05:30.480 --> 00:05:35.000 used to be to No State Law in Mexico, which is located now in 56 00:05:35.079 --> 00:05:41.079 present day Mexico City. That's in the southern region of Mexico. The name 57 00:05:41.399 --> 00:05:46.199 breaks down into meaning thorny one of the water. Yeah, so the fur 58 00:05:46.560 --> 00:05:50.879 forms the spikes when it's out of water, that's the thorny part. Yeah. 59 00:05:50.920 --> 00:05:57.680 And nothing ever directly says that they're spikes that are used either for defense 60 00:05:57.759 --> 00:06:00.279 or combat or anything like that. So it's just an appearance thing. Okay, 61 00:06:00.399 --> 00:06:03.439 okay, so that's not like a defensive structure, don't think so. 62 00:06:03.720 --> 00:06:06.560 I mean, the more we'll get into this, I think. I mean 63 00:06:06.600 --> 00:06:10.560 it's got that that that tail that can like punch you in the face, 64 00:06:10.759 --> 00:06:13.560 or it can do that that thing that the three stages do where it's all 65 00:06:13.560 --> 00:06:21.319 like whoo, both your eyes bong. It would be it'd be great if 66 00:06:21.319 --> 00:06:27.279 it did that. It wasn't dangerous. It was just a sort of a 67 00:06:27.360 --> 00:06:35.600 dick. Yeah. Um, it's it's mating cries wise guy, wise guy. 68 00:06:35.720 --> 00:06:44.519 I don't know, guys, maybe we should. I'll show you why 69 00:06:45.639 --> 00:06:50.120 another three stage sounds. Yeah. So we know about it mostly through the 70 00:06:50.279 --> 00:06:58.639 Florentine Codex, which was compiled by Franciscan Friar in the sixteenth century. The 71 00:06:58.920 --> 00:07:04.519 how itzaddle could use its tail to grab unsuspecting victims near the water and drag 72 00:07:04.600 --> 00:07:11.839 them down to drown, where it would then feast on their teeth, nails, 73 00:07:11.839 --> 00:07:14.959 and eyes. Now see, I gotta tell you right now, that 74 00:07:15.160 --> 00:07:20.319 is magnificent. Huge points in the twenty fourteen Misscrypted contest because what I like 75 00:07:20.560 --> 00:07:26.600 is the specificity of feeding. Yeah. Yeah, another thing that I would 76 00:07:26.600 --> 00:07:31.680 read from different sources on this was that it craved flesh. But in the 77 00:07:31.800 --> 00:07:35.720 in the Florentine Codex, which is I think where this all the derives from, 78 00:07:36.279 --> 00:07:41.839 it mentions nothing about it eating people's flesh. Yeah. In fact, 79 00:07:42.160 --> 00:07:45.639 it said that it leaves the body completely whole. What if it has just 80 00:07:45.839 --> 00:07:48.480 terrible self image and it's like, I just want that flesh so bad. 81 00:07:49.279 --> 00:07:54.399 Yeah I really should not. Just I'll just take the teeth and ass just 82 00:07:54.439 --> 00:07:57.680 maybe some of these nails. I'll treat myself. I'll tell you what I 83 00:07:57.720 --> 00:08:01.800 mean. I just I'm doing a clam so I just want the teeth and 84 00:08:01.839 --> 00:08:05.920 the eyes and hals stuff. That's not fair, look y'all, I left 85 00:08:05.920 --> 00:08:11.839 the rest of the body intact. I just ate that the worst crunchiest parts 86 00:08:11.360 --> 00:08:16.959 and the eyes because I deserve it. I was on that StairMaster for forty 87 00:08:16.040 --> 00:08:22.560 six minutes today. I want to pay so many water cows thinnings. I 88 00:08:22.639 --> 00:08:26.639 can't even swim anymore. Wait, wait, wait, sitting befits almost on 89 00:08:26.519 --> 00:08:31.399 sitting. Did you ever see that show? No, but it sounds amazing. 90 00:08:31.560 --> 00:08:35.080 It's a real show in Colorado. It's a woman in a chair doing 91 00:08:35.120 --> 00:08:37.960 hand exercises and like candy ass leg raises. And it was a show. 92 00:08:39.039 --> 00:08:41.320 It was a TV show called Sitting be Fit and yes, if you were 93 00:08:41.360 --> 00:08:45.679 really drunk, it was the funniest show on Earth. I was never much 94 00:08:45.720 --> 00:08:48.879 of a weedsman, but I'll bet you being high and watching that show is 95 00:08:48.919 --> 00:08:56.120 like seeing the face of God. It really worked. Yeah, shut up, 96 00:08:56.120 --> 00:08:58.399 guys, I'm working out. It was also said to cry like a 97 00:08:58.519 --> 00:09:03.720 baby to lure its victims. If it couldn't get somebody near the water, 98 00:09:05.159 --> 00:09:09.679 it would sound like an abandoned baby would and you know, someone stout of 99 00:09:09.720 --> 00:09:13.799 heart would come over to you know, save a baby. Nope, death. 100 00:09:15.639 --> 00:09:20.039 After it dragged the person down, the body would then float to the 101 00:09:20.080 --> 00:09:28.000 surface. But but what But only priests of the Tlaloka, the water deities, 102 00:09:28.440 --> 00:09:31.200 could retrieve them, because it was thought that the victims were claimed by 103 00:09:31.399 --> 00:09:39.000 Tlaloc the water god, and taken to the earthly paradise of Tlalocan, either 104 00:09:39.440 --> 00:09:46.279 because of their good deeds or because they hoarded precious stones, so they were 105 00:09:46.279 --> 00:09:52.600 either extraordinarily good and pure or just extraordinarily greedy. Either way, silver lining, 106 00:09:52.639 --> 00:09:54.559 silver lining. If this tail grabs you by the throat and holds you 107 00:09:54.600 --> 00:10:03.039 under the water. You're going to Mexican Valhalla. It's pronounced va ola nice. 108 00:10:03.639 --> 00:10:09.519 Really well played, doesn't count, but really well played. So it 109 00:10:09.600 --> 00:10:13.240 was it was like heaven on Earth if you if you got killed by way, 110 00:10:13.240 --> 00:10:16.399 and he says, I got it too. It was just so excited 111 00:10:16.480 --> 00:10:18.279 I was. I was by the river with my best gal and we were 112 00:10:18.279 --> 00:10:22.039 just having a good time, singing some songs. I had a picnic water 113 00:10:22.120 --> 00:10:24.559 skiing and all of a sudden, out of the water comes this this one 114 00:10:24.600 --> 00:10:28.440 meter long creature and its hair was spiky. Weird man, really weird. 115 00:10:28.600 --> 00:10:31.759 It hit a long tail with a human hand on the end of it, 116 00:10:31.840 --> 00:10:33.080 and I was like, hey, baby, check that out. You think 117 00:10:33.080 --> 00:10:35.759 that's the weirdest creature in the whole wide world. And then boom, that 118 00:10:35.840 --> 00:10:39.799 hand was around my neck with the force of a hundred anvils, and I 119 00:10:39.879 --> 00:10:43.200 just couldn't I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see anything, and I got I 120 00:10:43.240 --> 00:10:46.440 got got tunnel of vision is it pulled me under the waves and I never 121 00:10:46.480 --> 00:10:48.879 saw my babe again, and I never breathed another breath, but I was 122 00:10:48.960 --> 00:10:54.120 in paradise from there on out. It was just great. Na, Nah, 123 00:10:54.360 --> 00:11:01.440 that's not right. Nah, it was a fresh water incident. Oh 124 00:11:01.480 --> 00:11:05.919 too much of that podcast? Too much an No. Pictures of Andy Daily 125 00:11:05.720 --> 00:11:11.200 Pilot podcast project. If you're of interest, check it out. There's only 126 00:11:11.240 --> 00:11:15.720 eight episodes. Yeah, you're probably like, um, listen to all of 127 00:11:15.720 --> 00:11:18.120 our episodes. So maybe you should try that out for a day, Peyton 128 00:11:18.120 --> 00:11:22.639 Bob. I'm not saying don't come back, but if you get sick of 129 00:11:22.639 --> 00:11:28.399 our voices, which you might, try Andy Daily for a day. It'll 130 00:11:28.879 --> 00:11:33.480 get you through a day much better voices than we do. Pictures of it 131 00:11:33.519 --> 00:11:37.679 show up in the Florentine Codex and some carvings. Usually it has a curled 132 00:11:37.799 --> 00:11:41.919 tail that it's kind of sitting on, or around or behind it. It's 133 00:11:43.000 --> 00:11:48.240 theorized that the hand on the tail was just there to illustrate its prehensile nature, 134 00:11:48.759 --> 00:11:54.879 not that it wasn't actually a hand on the tail. Oh. Here 135 00:11:54.919 --> 00:12:00.080 you see this, You see this Paul monkey Tale, monkey Tale. And 136 00:12:00.399 --> 00:12:05.279 since they didn't have a way to um indicate that it was you know, 137 00:12:05.360 --> 00:12:11.080 prehensile or able to use the tail for stuff in their drawings, they depicted 138 00:12:11.120 --> 00:12:15.080 it with a hand on it. Mm. That's that's one going theory. 139 00:12:15.120 --> 00:12:20.279 That's a simplification. UM makes a little less sexy if in the crypted category. 140 00:12:20.399 --> 00:12:26.000 But if if you're going for a little more rational route, that's that's 141 00:12:26.039 --> 00:12:31.120 one way to do it. If we continue down that route. Scholars think 142 00:12:31.279 --> 00:12:37.279 of Ahwitzotl as some kind of water guardian of mythology, but it does closely 143 00:12:37.440 --> 00:12:41.559 resemble a real creature. Oh really, what would that creature be? Do 144 00:12:41.639 --> 00:12:46.320 you have a guess or did you find anything of what this could maybe be? 145 00:12:46.360 --> 00:12:48.279 I'll tell you what do you think it is? Okay? I think 146 00:12:48.320 --> 00:12:54.320 it's a jager, that's what you think? Really? Yeah, that's small 147 00:12:54.360 --> 00:13:07.879 though, he too jagger jaggar or or aquatic cheaper cabrah. By the way, 148 00:13:07.960 --> 00:13:11.919 try to say chupacabra the Scottish accent right now, chupa cabra, cheap 149 00:13:13.240 --> 00:13:24.080 cabra. Chop cab cabra, cubra. I canna you canna canna? I 150 00:13:24.200 --> 00:13:31.000 didn't there it would be a choo picagua at that point. Nice man, 151 00:13:31.120 --> 00:13:37.559 you're just just burning them. I'm just burning like a spreader. You get 152 00:13:37.600 --> 00:13:43.159 to keep they don't get to keep them going into the smoke smoke ride. 153 00:13:43.159 --> 00:13:46.639 It's all just throwing them in a trash can ride nord. We just fall 154 00:13:46.679 --> 00:13:54.480 into like a candy chat there, no, here's I looked this up. 155 00:13:54.639 --> 00:14:03.320 It resembles really closely a water opossum. Water possum. I didn't know there 156 00:14:03.360 --> 00:14:07.840 was such a thing, as I thought next week Miscrypted twenty fourteen, The 157 00:14:07.960 --> 00:14:11.679 waters. Yeah, you're not allowed. You're not allowed to say no. 158 00:14:11.159 --> 00:14:16.840 Most people don't think it's a Bunyep, it's an aquatic bigfoot. You can't 159 00:14:16.879 --> 00:14:20.320 just you can't just explain one crypted with another. It doesn't, it doesn't. 160 00:14:20.360 --> 00:14:22.720 It doesn't forward us as a society. We gained no ground. Funny 161 00:14:22.720 --> 00:14:26.559 you should mention bunyip though, because it doesn't. This thing sound a lot 162 00:14:26.639 --> 00:14:31.799 like Bunyup. It was. It's dog like, yeah, watery. I 163 00:14:31.919 --> 00:14:35.960 mean the tail obviously is different, but it sounds real bunny like. Yeah, 164 00:14:37.000 --> 00:14:41.360 in a lot of ways. But water possum not encrypted. It's an 165 00:14:41.360 --> 00:14:45.159 actual thing. It looks like a cross between a possum and an otter. 166 00:14:45.559 --> 00:14:50.480 Hmm. But it has a long, prehensile tail. It has little hands 167 00:14:50.519 --> 00:14:54.360 that are just gribbing and grabbing. They just groping. They're just groping over 168 00:14:54.919 --> 00:14:58.320 different little filthy they just want to just want to. They want to get 169 00:14:58.360 --> 00:15:03.360 in there, they get out of the water. That's enough. Okay. 170 00:15:03.080 --> 00:15:07.879 Yeah, So a water possum if if you look it up and there's you 171 00:15:07.919 --> 00:15:11.200 know, there's there's videos, there's pictures of water possums. It looks an 172 00:15:11.240 --> 00:15:16.799 awful lot and they're small. That's the name of the Larry Photos Intramural water 173 00:15:16.799 --> 00:15:20.840 polo team, the water possums. So there, there's there may be a 174 00:15:20.840 --> 00:15:26.840 good chance. Although water possums don't grab people with their tails and drag them 175 00:15:26.879 --> 00:15:31.000 to drown maybe not anymore, not anymore. Maybe they used to not since 176 00:15:31.480 --> 00:15:35.360 you know, the Aztecs got conquered by the right. They were like, 177 00:15:35.399 --> 00:15:41.120 oh things are changing, guys, guys, no more water drownings. Yeah, 178 00:15:41.240 --> 00:15:52.240 Ideosmia. So anyways, that is the how it's side. Let's let's 179 00:15:52.279 --> 00:15:56.399 flying up to northern Pennsylvania, shall we? Oh? I would love to, 180 00:15:56.600 --> 00:16:00.240 because you know what I know about knowing Pennsylvania. That's squak contrary. 181 00:16:02.879 --> 00:16:11.080 Oh, that's squaw shod Oh squawk. First of all, I'm already in 182 00:16:11.080 --> 00:16:15.559 love with it just by the name alone. Yep. In the hemlock forests 183 00:16:15.600 --> 00:16:19.720 of northern Pennsylvania, lives a melancholy little beast. That's a strange as it 184 00:16:19.879 --> 00:16:30.240 is elusive. It's like an ambulatorious crowdom it is. Yeah, well, 185 00:16:30.360 --> 00:16:33.840 if you want to describe it, boom. If you don't want to describe 186 00:16:33.840 --> 00:16:36.120 it, then I don't know what to do for you, because that's what 187 00:16:36.120 --> 00:16:42.919 we're doing on this Podcastan's better get it nice, it's better get used to 188 00:16:42.960 --> 00:16:48.000 it. Dating back to the early twentieth century, in a book called Fearsome 189 00:16:48.000 --> 00:16:53.519 Creatures of the lumber Woods, with a few desert and mountain beasts and beasts 190 00:16:53.559 --> 00:16:59.919 of the water and jungles and even ice beast. Because this title isn't nearly 191 00:17:00.039 --> 00:17:06.880 long enough, and oh dear, I've contracted dysenterry by William Cox. The 192 00:17:06.880 --> 00:17:11.880 title ended at mountain beasts. By the way, um, Squonks are described 193 00:17:11.920 --> 00:17:22.839 as quaint beasts with misfitting skin covered with warts and moles gross molimolimolimoli because if 194 00:17:22.839 --> 00:17:32.839 it's it is always unhappy and weeps constantly. It likes to travel at twilight 195 00:17:33.079 --> 00:17:37.000 and dusk squawking around. Probably doesn't like to be seen in the daylight. 196 00:17:37.079 --> 00:17:41.319 Obviously, Yeah, I don't like you either. Apparently, squawk skin is 197 00:17:41.559 --> 00:17:48.160 prized and squonks are hunted but are very hard to catch. When cornered or 198 00:17:48.240 --> 00:17:53.079 caught, squawks dissolve into a mess of tears and bubbles. So how do 199 00:17:53.079 --> 00:17:56.920 you get the skin? I don't know. I guess that's why it's prized. 200 00:17:59.039 --> 00:18:02.920 Yeah, it does. It looks like just a little little walnut. 201 00:18:04.240 --> 00:18:08.000 I'm trying to think. It kind of looks like a top heavy pug. 202 00:18:08.759 --> 00:18:12.799 Yeah. Yes, the butt region, I mean from the from the illustration 203 00:18:12.839 --> 00:18:18.240 in this book with the incredibly long title, the butt region is very skinny, 204 00:18:18.279 --> 00:18:25.720 but the top and the head is very fat. The particular region and 205 00:18:26.279 --> 00:18:32.200 the head is is almost part of the shoulders of it walks on all fours. 206 00:18:32.359 --> 00:18:33.799 Yeah, it doesn't even have much neck, if any. Right, 207 00:18:34.279 --> 00:18:41.039 and and it just goes around crying. Jesus sounds like my ex wife. 208 00:18:41.279 --> 00:18:48.240 Oh, leave her out of this, dude. Cheryl was a dream and 209 00:18:48.400 --> 00:18:56.720 your ruined debt um. Hey, I guess my ex wife's name is Cheryl. 210 00:19:00.440 --> 00:19:04.880 So there's there's not much on the old squank. Well, it's a 211 00:19:04.920 --> 00:19:08.200 creature of mystery. It is. It is. She's an elegant lady with 212 00:19:08.319 --> 00:19:15.000 lots of mysteries, and I suspect an extraordinary amount of emotional baggage. Yes, 213 00:19:15.119 --> 00:19:18.960 squanks are are hard to spot, hard to catch um, and then 214 00:19:19.400 --> 00:19:23.680 hard to skin. Their defense mechanism just breaking down into a bunch of tears 215 00:19:23.680 --> 00:19:27.039 and can't hold on to it. Isn't that just I mean, like, 216 00:19:27.119 --> 00:19:30.680 do they reform? Is that just suicide? Like? I don't know. 217 00:19:32.319 --> 00:19:36.599 That is something I wanted to find out, and I saw nothing that said 218 00:19:36.640 --> 00:19:40.079 that, Oh there, you know, they'll they'll be fine later, because 219 00:19:40.119 --> 00:19:45.319 it seemed like when when they did that to hunters or people, the people 220 00:19:45.319 --> 00:19:48.519 would be just disappointed and they'd walk away. Dear mister President, I'll be 221 00:19:48.599 --> 00:19:53.720 a happy taxpayer when the Defense Department has to hold a bake sale and Squawk 222 00:19:53.799 --> 00:20:02.440 Research gets all the money it needs. Last bombs more monk Retharch love Cheryl. 223 00:20:03.599 --> 00:20:08.000 I thought we were gonna leave her out of this. Oh, you 224 00:20:08.279 --> 00:20:15.480 son of a bitch, toucheus. Get up there in the himlocks and try 225 00:20:15.480 --> 00:20:17.559 to find them. You have to find yourself the squank. But if you 226 00:20:17.599 --> 00:20:22.920 can't, or you won't, or you'd like to maybe turn the danger up 227 00:20:22.960 --> 00:20:29.160 a few notches, then by all means, please seek out the soft, 228 00:20:29.359 --> 00:20:38.440 cuddly the vampire beast of Bladenboro. That's North Carolina, of course, Carolina, 229 00:20:40.279 --> 00:20:45.119 drive on down there in North Carolina. Now the Vampire Beast of Bladenborough 230 00:20:45.359 --> 00:20:48.240 also known as just the Beast of Bladenborough. If you say, it's so 231 00:20:48.319 --> 00:20:52.880 many times that you don't have time, yeah, or the Bob, the 232 00:20:53.000 --> 00:21:00.000 notorious Biopi was made famous. It cropped up in the mid twentieth century. 233 00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:04.440 Three yeah, yeah, a series of animal attacks between nineteen fifty three nineteen 234 00:21:04.519 --> 00:21:10.559 fifty four, a lot of dogs being attacked. It might seem like a 235 00:21:10.680 --> 00:21:14.200 year year's time, it was actually just a week or so at the end 236 00:21:14.240 --> 00:21:17.480 of yeah, fifty three just kind of just kind of just bridged it over. 237 00:21:17.640 --> 00:21:21.640 Yeah, the animals just one of their heads was torn off. One 238 00:21:21.680 --> 00:21:25.960 of them was just uh like crushed, damp and crushed. They would say 239 00:21:25.960 --> 00:21:27.680 it as though it had been just chewed in a mouth. Yeah. Now, 240 00:21:27.720 --> 00:21:32.759 there are some folk will tell you that it was a wild mountain cat 241 00:21:32.839 --> 00:21:37.359 moving through the area. That's not why we're here. Oh, welcome to 242 00:21:37.480 --> 00:21:41.799 blurry photos where things a bird or a cat? Yeah. Um, did 243 00:21:41.799 --> 00:21:45.480 you know that for a long time, what were thought to be in Europe, 244 00:21:45.480 --> 00:21:48.799 the skulls of cyclops were just elephant skulls. Is that you know that 245 00:21:48.799 --> 00:21:52.799 that's what happened. Did you know that there were at least three primary colors 246 00:21:52.960 --> 00:21:57.880 in England they found a bunch of large reptilian skulls. I thought that surely 247 00:21:57.960 --> 00:22:03.759 knights had ted dragons. Yeah, but that's what happened, But it was 248 00:22:03.799 --> 00:22:10.799 actually dinosaur poons. Yeah, po Larry photos Jesus, that's us what we 249 00:22:10.839 --> 00:22:15.640 could be. That's why we don't travel to alternate universes because we'd have to 250 00:22:15.720 --> 00:22:18.640 kill those sorry sons of bitches. But didn't we gain their power? Oh? 251 00:22:18.759 --> 00:22:22.920 Is that how it works? That's how it works? Gently? Oh 252 00:22:22.039 --> 00:22:26.400 nice, the one, the one, you know, the one particularly famous 253 00:22:26.440 --> 00:22:33.880 because it's the only really good UM as it's got Carlacaccini in it. Okay, 254 00:22:33.039 --> 00:22:37.440 okay, no, uh it's got it's the depiction of paqua Cheng versus 255 00:22:37.640 --> 00:22:45.359 Shingichuan. Those are two um fighting styles. They're internal fighting forms that were 256 00:22:45.000 --> 00:22:52.000 one was made to combat the other. Paquachang you or bagua you. You 257 00:22:52.039 --> 00:22:56.839 walk the circle, everything is circular and uh uh circuitous, whereas shing Chuan 258 00:22:57.000 --> 00:23:03.440 is the direct crushing fist attack UM. And that's why, like they each 259 00:23:03.559 --> 00:23:08.200 they were made to combat each other. Now that was about good jetly versus 260 00:23:08.240 --> 00:23:15.680 bad jetly. It's right, good jetly bak wichange bad jetly shingishwan makes sense. 261 00:23:15.960 --> 00:23:21.519 Yeah, always even always directed aggressive us. Oh man, hey, 262 00:23:21.640 --> 00:23:27.279 there's your little digression. Now getting back to Bladenborough. When dogs can't keep 263 00:23:27.319 --> 00:23:36.640 their foolheads. This thing is a destroying machine. Now. There have been 264 00:23:36.680 --> 00:23:40.519 a few sightings of it over time. Yeah. Um. One thing that 265 00:23:40.559 --> 00:23:45.160 it has in common with our buddy from Mexico a sound not unlike that of 266 00:23:45.200 --> 00:23:49.680 a crying baby. Weird. So if you're in Blidenborough, forgets about the 267 00:23:49.720 --> 00:23:56.759 baby. Nice, I just David Bowie this s Yeah. They witnesses generally 268 00:23:56.799 --> 00:24:03.559 reported creatures that were They varied in size, generally ran between ninety pounds two 269 00:24:03.680 --> 00:24:10.799 hundred and fifty pounds up to five feet long, some smaller. Some accounts 270 00:24:10.839 --> 00:24:15.079 had had them looking sleek and black. Some of them had bushy fur, 271 00:24:15.880 --> 00:24:21.160 they were brownish in color, They had runty ears. Yep. But like 272 00:24:21.200 --> 00:24:23.880 you said, a lot of people likened it to maybe a small bear or 273 00:24:23.920 --> 00:24:29.680 a big cat yep, like a panther or a cougar, cougar catamount, 274 00:24:30.480 --> 00:24:38.519 mountain lion, cougar sound. I love that. It's one of my favorite 275 00:24:38.559 --> 00:24:47.519 sounds. One man said explicitly though, that it had a face exactly like 276 00:24:47.559 --> 00:24:52.319 a cat. Yeah. See. So now again, these these attacks were 277 00:24:52.319 --> 00:24:57.119 in a very limited timeframe and because it's you know, it's after Christmas, 278 00:24:57.119 --> 00:25:00.599 it's after New Years, there's not so much for people to do, so 279 00:25:00.839 --> 00:25:03.440 everyone got up in arms about it. Oh yeah, they were massive hunts 280 00:25:03.559 --> 00:25:07.759 organized. This was like Jersey Devil style. Yeah, this was a really 281 00:25:07.759 --> 00:25:10.759 big deal. They were closing stuff down. Yeah, this was like when 282 00:25:10.759 --> 00:25:14.759 everyone was hunting for Jaws and they didn't have a big enough boat, or 283 00:25:14.799 --> 00:25:18.799 they did because they never caught them. And finally that the hunt was called 284 00:25:18.799 --> 00:25:22.960 off until there was a fresh kill, more information. And while there still 285 00:25:23.000 --> 00:25:30.440 maintains a sporadic but consistent amount of sightings, there's no more mass slayings. 286 00:25:30.720 --> 00:25:33.400 It's been a long time since there was a slaying, and I think when 287 00:25:33.400 --> 00:25:38.799 you remove the head from something, then that's when you've slayed it. Well, 288 00:25:38.839 --> 00:25:45.480 one of the things that causes it to get the name Vampire Beast is 289 00:25:45.519 --> 00:25:49.200 that some of the bodies of the dogs and other livestock were found drained of 290 00:25:49.240 --> 00:25:53.440 blood. I thought it was because it was shimmery with glitter. That was 291 00:25:53.519 --> 00:25:57.240 the original reasoning. But then someone kicked that person in the nuts for even 292 00:25:57.279 --> 00:26:03.039 thinking that nice. So, yeah, no blood, and that's why it's 293 00:26:03.039 --> 00:26:08.759 a vampire. It was exanguinated. Yeah, that's that's the term that's thrown 294 00:26:08.799 --> 00:26:18.319 around. Yeah by as holes. Oh you just took a dumb ones. 295 00:26:21.720 --> 00:26:25.680 It apparently ran at one woman, but then it turned around and fled when 296 00:26:25.720 --> 00:26:30.519 she screamed, and that was the only real time that it came after a 297 00:26:30.599 --> 00:26:36.000 person. Apparently it had a taste for a doug. Yeah, lots of 298 00:26:36.039 --> 00:26:41.680 dogs, but then there was some I think some cows um a goat at 299 00:26:41.720 --> 00:26:49.000 one point, some hogs were killed in that. In that spree and this 300 00:26:49.079 --> 00:26:55.160 panic that that ensued with this thing, people started carrying guns everywhere, even 301 00:26:55.160 --> 00:27:00.480 the kids apparently, uh a University of North Carolina for NY came down hunting 302 00:27:00.519 --> 00:27:11.880 it to no avail, more like fart heels. Uh. Some folks were 303 00:27:11.920 --> 00:27:18.559 too scared to even use the outhouse after dark? Wompomp Uh you know what 304 00:27:18.599 --> 00:27:26.359 they used instead? What a thunder jug jess, No, it's not I 305 00:27:26.400 --> 00:27:27.640 know, I know, that's not even a pun. That's just what they 306 00:27:27.640 --> 00:27:37.440 called them. I Nope, that's just sometimes that happens. Thunder jug Apparently 307 00:27:37.480 --> 00:27:41.359 before it was over, the mayor took a huge bobcat that had been trapped. 308 00:27:41.400 --> 00:27:47.559 I thought, you're gonna say, dump a huge dumb launched into the 309 00:27:47.599 --> 00:27:55.920 woods, but attack this from the hot of head. I stab at the 310 00:27:57.319 --> 00:28:02.000 No. He took this huge bobcat that had been trapped. He killed it, 311 00:28:02.039 --> 00:28:03.640 and then he hung it on a flagpole in the middle of town to 312 00:28:03.720 --> 00:28:08.559 make people believe that it was the beast that was dead and calm people down. 313 00:28:10.480 --> 00:28:12.200 You gotta do what you gotta do. Well, it stopped soon after 314 00:28:12.200 --> 00:28:17.519 that. Maybe that was maybe. I mean, the thing is it sounds 315 00:28:17.599 --> 00:28:22.160 like a cat. Well, it sounds like a vampire beast. Dude, 316 00:28:23.160 --> 00:28:27.359 sounds like a damn wildcat got loose, scabus. It's not like a dam 317 00:28:29.599 --> 00:28:36.759 likeness monster. You said that. There hasn't been any thinks, any slayings 318 00:28:36.759 --> 00:28:41.559 since then. They tried to drum up some more crap for it. In 319 00:28:41.640 --> 00:28:45.359 two thousand and seven, when we were slaying the prices off these sofas. 320 00:28:45.839 --> 00:28:52.680 Oh no, we won't drain your wallet. There was apparently a bunch of 321 00:28:52.720 --> 00:29:00.519 goats that got slaughtered in different various ways in a swatch of land all through 322 00:29:00.599 --> 00:29:06.319 North Carolina in two thousand and seven, two thousand and eight, Monster Quest 323 00:29:06.400 --> 00:29:11.759 went looking for the thing yawn, right, that is the show? Really, 324 00:29:12.079 --> 00:29:17.559 if there was one sucking episode a Monster Quest where they came up with 325 00:29:17.599 --> 00:29:22.680 a monster, it's not it's gigantic waste of time quest. They need to 326 00:29:22.759 --> 00:29:27.319 let us do Monster Quest. At least we're entertaining. They just dick weeds 327 00:29:27.359 --> 00:29:33.079 in a pontoon boat and some animation. It's hilarious because they'll they'll shoot some 328 00:29:33.160 --> 00:29:38.480 film of somebody, yeah, and then afterwards they'll they'll layer in this like 329 00:29:40.000 --> 00:29:45.000 creeping, hulking mass that's like stalking them as as an animation. There's no 330 00:29:45.000 --> 00:29:51.480 one's happy with Monster Quest at all. Discovery Channel hire us to do Monster 331 00:29:51.559 --> 00:29:55.200 Quest and do it right, dipshit. Please. They know they can't hire 332 00:29:55.240 --> 00:29:57.920 us because we're gonna We're gonna come straight over to History Channel and pick some 333 00:29:59.000 --> 00:30:03.319 sh up with George Clos And they know they can't afford that lawsuit. You 334 00:30:03.359 --> 00:30:04.839 know what, because that's what I'm gonna do. I'll tell you straight up, 335 00:30:04.839 --> 00:30:08.279 We're not gonna find shit, yeah, but you'll be entertained, right. 336 00:30:08.680 --> 00:30:14.319 Motherfuckers who am I talking to Discovery Channel or viewers? I don't even 337 00:30:14.359 --> 00:30:18.279 know anymore. I don't even know anymore. I think here's some conspiracy for 338 00:30:18.359 --> 00:30:22.599 you. I think Discovery Channel went out and killed a bunch of goats to 339 00:30:22.799 --> 00:30:27.200 drum up a bunch of Oh yeah, goats are cheap about ratings, tough 340 00:30:27.279 --> 00:30:33.599 to get. They tried to drum up attention for the Vampire Beast. I 341 00:30:33.599 --> 00:30:37.160 can tell you they got an East Coast producer over that, because those West 342 00:30:37.160 --> 00:30:41.559 Coast candy asses would never kill a bunch of gass for ratings like a land 343 00:30:41.640 --> 00:30:47.519 What was that guy's name, I know who gives a yeah, good asswhite 344 00:30:47.559 --> 00:30:51.279 dips. That was his name. Captain Helmet, that's what I'll call him. 345 00:30:51.400 --> 00:30:56.119 Wow, you're okay? All right? So that's the yep, that's 346 00:30:56.119 --> 00:31:03.240 the Vampire Beast of Bladenburgs. Right, these three elegant ladies, and you 347 00:31:03.240 --> 00:31:06.640 don't want to know what else is elegant? All right, good night? 348 00:31:07.359 --> 00:31:11.160 Oh I was just kidding. Puns are elegant. They're like dainty ladies. 349 00:31:11.319 --> 00:31:14.279 Oh and they're just dropping their their kerchiefs, so who can pick it up? 350 00:31:15.839 --> 00:31:19.799 All right? Uh? Well, yeah, of course I would. 351 00:31:21.759 --> 00:31:26.319 You know, there was a belief that given it's it's it's the messenger of 352 00:31:26.359 --> 00:31:30.440 the God, that the uh, the alexaddle, you know, could also 353 00:31:30.519 --> 00:31:34.400 confer benefits to the living as opposed to just choking them and drowning them, 354 00:31:34.440 --> 00:31:38.640 and that if you could squeek, you know, just get the water off 355 00:31:38.720 --> 00:31:44.680 of one and bottle it, that that would it would give you immeasurable benefits, 356 00:31:45.440 --> 00:31:48.279 which was eventually, you know, they made a brand name and they 357 00:31:48.319 --> 00:31:53.519 made a lot of money in Central America off the Ketsicottle aw saddle Agua bottle. 358 00:31:56.480 --> 00:32:00.759 Yeah, a lot a lot of money to be made there. Yeah, 359 00:32:00.440 --> 00:32:02.680 it sounds like you spent a lot of money on that punt. Oh 360 00:32:02.759 --> 00:32:07.359 yeah, I did. Pretty shiny, pretty shining. Well, I've got 361 00:32:07.599 --> 00:32:15.160 I've got a North Carolina Mexican restaurant speaking of Agua bottles. Uh, it's 362 00:32:15.200 --> 00:32:20.079 a North Carolina Mexican restaurant that there was one. There was about a week 363 00:32:20.960 --> 00:32:24.920 that they that they served dessert and then they just stopped. What Yeah, 364 00:32:24.960 --> 00:32:29.960 they served a bunch of dessert and then they then they just stopped and uh 365 00:32:30.000 --> 00:32:35.319 for that week it was the pan fried feast of braided turos. Nice. 366 00:32:36.279 --> 00:32:40.160 That was really, really well done. That was elaborate. Oh man, 367 00:32:40.960 --> 00:32:45.440 oh man, I was going to go with the campfire feast. Oh that's 368 00:32:45.480 --> 00:32:47.880 when I'm in an earlier pun that I was concerned. It's good, yeah, 369 00:32:47.920 --> 00:32:51.680 but couldn't come up with the braided tchuros part No, I could not. 370 00:32:51.960 --> 00:32:54.160 I couldn't come up with the braided churros. It's brilliant. You're the 371 00:32:54.240 --> 00:32:58.440 people's poet. I like campfire feast though. That's good. All right, 372 00:32:58.720 --> 00:33:09.559 yeah, and now und done. For the winner of Week one of the 373 00:33:09.640 --> 00:33:16.559 twenty fourteen Missus Contest is please wait, oh as we did from last year, 374 00:33:17.039 --> 00:33:21.119 or in control of the data. You're the master of this, right. 375 00:33:21.440 --> 00:33:24.359 I am the ignorant guy in the sidecar throwing pies at pigeons. I 376 00:33:24.400 --> 00:33:28.440 don't know the winner, and this is what I remember from last year. 377 00:33:28.480 --> 00:33:30.400 This is a fun game for me and probably no one else, because they 378 00:33:30.400 --> 00:33:34.079 were like, oh oh, they almost said the thing I wanted to hear, 379 00:33:34.119 --> 00:33:37.200 but now they're not gonna I want to guess. Okay, the winner. 380 00:33:37.240 --> 00:33:42.440 So we had the mermaid, Yes, Jeff the talking mongoose, we 381 00:33:42.519 --> 00:33:47.920 did, and that's true. I it's gonna be Jeff the talking Mongoose. 382 00:33:49.079 --> 00:33:52.960 Oh, yeah, I am. I would be willing to pay. I 383 00:33:52.960 --> 00:33:55.319 would be willing to wager a sum of money on that. Why do you 384 00:33:55.319 --> 00:34:00.640 think that is? Well, first of all, it's it's a cryptid with 385 00:34:00.680 --> 00:34:05.799 a name. His name's Jeff. That's true. He's a mongoose in England. 386 00:34:06.079 --> 00:34:08.480 Yeah, on the isle of man. That makes no sense, delicious. 387 00:34:09.039 --> 00:34:13.119 Also, we had a lot of fun filling in a lot of details 388 00:34:13.119 --> 00:34:15.760 about him that that lesser interesting. Cryptids don't get so much. There are 389 00:34:16.039 --> 00:34:24.320 was exactly So for those reasons, I'm gonna go ahead and call it that. 390 00:34:24.440 --> 00:34:28.119 I think it was Jeff interesting. We just got the tape. We 391 00:34:28.199 --> 00:34:36.920 just got the test back. The light detector said, the winner is Jeff 392 00:34:36.960 --> 00:34:44.039 the Everyone who home went I'll take that bet. All of you owe me 393 00:34:44.079 --> 00:34:49.679 money. Yes, congratulations Jeff the Talking Mongoose. You are in the finals 394 00:34:49.800 --> 00:34:52.719 of the twenty fourteen Miss Crypted Contest. Well, I thank you kindly. 395 00:34:52.760 --> 00:34:57.159 I mean, I'll just no, I'm just a mongoose, just living in 396 00:34:57.159 --> 00:35:00.920 the wolves talking to people. John, I just figure out how to hell 397 00:35:00.960 --> 00:35:06.679 I got here in England. Well, I thank you kindly. There was 398 00:35:06.719 --> 00:35:15.239 some mention of a check one step closer to the Golden Goatman. Congratulations, 399 00:35:15.840 --> 00:35:21.840 stay tuned for the winner of this week. That's right next week. It's 400 00:35:21.880 --> 00:35:23.960 that's how it goes. This is how the electrical, the electrical or the 401 00:35:24.000 --> 00:35:30.480 electoral process works. Thanks to everyone who cast a vote. Thank you for 402 00:35:30.800 --> 00:35:36.800 exercising your democrat your democratic rights and your demographic rights right because you are the 403 00:35:36.840 --> 00:35:42.079 demographic We're hitting you hard. Ye, go and vote for this week's cryptid 404 00:35:42.519 --> 00:35:50.280 yes, crypted favorite. Uh. That also gets you another entry into the 405 00:35:50.400 --> 00:35:59.079 blurry Photos prize pack, where you could win your very own Golden Goatman of 406 00:35:59.159 --> 00:36:02.920 other under delights yep, lots of junk to be had. So thank you 407 00:36:02.960 --> 00:36:07.639 for voting, and vote early and vote often. Yeah, and and by 408 00:36:07.679 --> 00:36:12.440 often, we woving once because that's all that counts. M. Don't skew 409 00:36:12.559 --> 00:36:15.840 the statistics, and don't go jerrymandering the districts just home just to get the 410 00:36:15.880 --> 00:36:20.119 vote the way you like it. It's rude and it's not what americans. 411 00:36:20.159 --> 00:36:27.880 I hate Jerry and I hate his Mandarin m political tirade. To do so, 412 00:36:27.960 --> 00:36:30.480 you can go to blurry photos dot org. It's right there on the 413 00:36:30.519 --> 00:36:34.760 home page. Ye, scroll down to the little survey and catch a vote 414 00:36:34.760 --> 00:36:38.320 into your name into your email and boom, your does take. It takes 415 00:36:38.360 --> 00:36:43.239 thirty seconds. It's right, it's all it takes. Anyways, Look for 416 00:36:43.559 --> 00:36:47.280 a new episode soon, yeah, soon, soon, like soon in the 417 00:36:47.320 --> 00:36:53.440 manner of what is soon sooner, But for week two of the twenty fourteen 418 00:36:54.320 --> 00:37:02.079 miscripted contest, I've been the vampire beast of David Floro Nice and I'm David 419 00:37:02.079 --> 00:37:07.519 Squanko. See you next week.