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The opinions expressed by Chayo Busquets are
supported by his extensive experience as a family

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therapist and in the previous analysis of
the cases presented here welcome, that is,

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chayo with you in jewel. We
begin very good afternoon to everyone as

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I am Chayo buscatcha these Chayo with
you and we are ready to start today

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' s program. But also,
for the beginning of Holy Week, week

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greater than in Mexico, because it
involves holidays for many people, children,

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students in general, for everyone this
week, at least with absolute certainty and

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for many parents, many workers,
because it also ends up becoming a week

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just to accompany sometimes the children,
because it is the time when you can

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take a few days, given what
meets with Thursday and Friday. Holy in

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the end, everyone knows their situation. But we have and have been warning

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you since last week, that we
have a whole series of programs this week

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prepared especially for you. Today,
tomorrow and the day after, we will

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be running just the programs for the
children and adolescents who are, so,

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given the holidays, being able to
listen to the program and juaves and friday,

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we will have the repetition of two
programs that have been very requested by

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you for your broadcast, one with
our partner therapist Taritrón, and the other

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with Eduardo Calixto, who was with
us in the special programs of March 8.

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So let' s start today.
Today we are going to talk about

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a situation that sometimes the children,
s two teenagers, put them in a

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complicated, not pleasant, unwanted situation. And that' s when separation or

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divorce comes to their families, when
their parents get into a situation of wanting

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to solve their private life, their
personal life. And that no longer involves

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the couple and who up to now
was their dad or their mom. And

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one of the difficult questions to understand, especially when we are as children where,

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unless the level of conflict is truly
impossible and you live with fear that

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there are, there are children who
say already, please, that they separate,

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but the vast majority is not going
to be something you will want.

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And between the complication that parents bring
with their own personal situation and their own

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conflicts in the couple' s relationship. Sometimes they don' t communicate things

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in a good way. To you
as children, the first thing we have

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to understand is that when our family
lived together, my dad, my mom,

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either my parents, because they were
a homo parental family and they were

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both male or both female, we
had had the fortune to form a single

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nucleus. Clearly, separation seems inconceivable
to us. And what' s happening

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there is that, because never since
the possibility of separation was not contemplated,

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because people had never thought about clarifying
to the children how lucky you are that

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the personal life of your mom,
your dad as a couple coincides with the

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fact that we are your parents,
but that' s not necessarily always the

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case. And then, in the
face of that process, when mom and

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dad tell us they' re going
to split up or get divorced, we

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find it inconceivable, because we think
there' s no way to be a

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family with mom and dad if these
aren' t together like that. It

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' s just that the first shock
you' re going to face is how

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what' s going to happen now
with the relationship with my dad and my

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mom. And once we make this
approach to the possibility of separation and subsequent

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divorce of parents, when they were
legally or religiously married in some way,

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this first moment comes. But how
we' re going to do it and

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what' s going to happen,
because if this breaks down, it'

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s probably going to disrupt my relationship
with someone who doesn' t live in

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this house anymore. It is normal
that, within the anger of the pain

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generated by the separation, there are
clumsy parents who are not able to handle

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themselves in the face of the situation
because breaking a couple relationship is not so

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simple. In fact, there is
usually a pre- child relationship, or

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a formal relationship was hurried to be
waiting for the first of the children.

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I' m sorry this here is
that from this moment on it' s

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going to be obvious to you as
a son, as a daughter, that

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everyone is going to have to start
responding to you in relation to your parenthood

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and motherhood and you' re going
to start living a different time where you

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would tell me, but why don' t you stay if the most important

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thing is us, your children,
why don' t you stay living together.

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First, why they no longer feel
the kind of love or the kind

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of commitment in that relationship they have
to feel or have to feel to be

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in a couple relationship. And second, because yourself, yourself, is not

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good for you, because today,
in a momentary desire, you are going

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to wish that yes, that they
sacrifice themselves for you, but once you

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get to adulthood and take into account
the implication that a person has to sacrifice

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his personal life and his personal happiness
for not taking away from YOU the possibility

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of continuing to live in a pseudofamily, because in reality you no longer want

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to be there. It' s
going to be something that, once you

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understand it, you' re going
to feel a terrible feeling of guilt,

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that' s going to make you
feel that you' re constantly indebted to

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your parents, and this is something
that you shouldn' t carry any children

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in your adult life, think that
your dad and/ or your mom sacrificed

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their desire and their personal life for
not taking away their children' s presence

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in that way as they were for
their parents', both parents',

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s simultaneously so it' s well
worth learning how to give the opportunity to

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see how life is going to be
now, when dad and mom don'

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t live together. It hurts,
yes, but it gets over you get

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used to it, you adapt and
you realize that in reality, the only

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thing that changed is the way of
life, but you didn' t lose

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either dad or mom. Well,
we' re back and surely many of

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you who listen to me will think
how easy it is to say but it

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hurts a lot. And it does
hurt a lot. The truth is that

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a separation is going to test the
parents, but it' s going to

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test especially in relation to you as
their son or daughter, their paternity,

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their motherhood, that is, they' re going to take a time when

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they' re going to be desperate, angry, especially if one of them

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decided that they didn' t want
to go on anymore and the other did.

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He' s going to live with
great frustration this situation. And there

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' s something hard to understand,
and it' s that when we human

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beings enter into a couple relationship,
we have to assume when we walk with

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someone that the other is going to
have the right to say no more at

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some point. If that doesn'
t happen, bless you, but if

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it does happen that a person doesn' t want to stay in a couple

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relationship anymore. Enough and this is
hard learning. When we' re kids,

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we' re teenagers and we'
re seeing our family break because it

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takes a lot of work to understand. Well, it' s just that

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if my dad does want to follow
my mom because he asked her to leave,

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or why, the other way around, no. And the truth is

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that it' s going to make
you angry, it' s going to

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make you frustrated, it' s
going to make you want not to see

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that member, especially if your parents
made the mistake of telling you who it

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was that decided it was over.
Because actually, that' s a private

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matter for couples. The only thing
that couples have to communicate to their children

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is that in that relationship they are
already giving us the conditions to continue and

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that they deserve parents who love each
other. Or, otherwise, have your

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parents separate. And it is extremely
difficult to accept and assume, especially if

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the conflict continues to exist for a
while. Why. Why if they fight

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together and fight separately, then they
better live together. And I' m

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happy because I have my parents in
my house if they still fight anyway.

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But that' s usually going to
be a process of adaptation to this situation

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where we get mad at each other
and see that I had reason to separate

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from the other person because I don' t like what it' s like

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anymore, how it behaves, how
it treats me, how it does things.

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It' s part of what'
s initially going to be happening.

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Now you' d tell me what
you already think my parents were never fighting,

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I never saw a conflict and suddenly
they sat us down and told us

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we' re gonna split up.
But what happened if I thought everything was

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okay. Look. What was right
was his ability to resolve conflicts without the

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need for you to be a witness. But not necessarily. He was talking

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about the things that each one considers
important being the same for the other person.

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It' s gonna be a little
more complicated for you to understand that

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separation. Yes, but here the
part we have to understand as children is

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that our parents have the right to
have a happy personal life and that the

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only responsibility they have with us is
to be a good father and a good

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mother individually. When they were together, they saw the need to do it

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together, but in this other way
they only see the need to do it

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personally. And what I can most
wish you is that they succeed in making

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the relevant agreements for everything that has
to do with you. What happens when

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this separation occurs? Normally one of
them is no longer going to live at

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home and they' re going to
have to come to terms with it.

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Sometimes it is the law that establishes
the normivity. Sometimes it is they who

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have a good ability to make those
agreements. And, therefore, what just

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happens is that you' re going
to have contact with your dad a few

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specific days, you' re going
to stay living with mom or the other

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way around, you' re going
to go live with dad and you'

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re going to see mom sometimes planned, programmed and perfectly structured. What'

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s going on with this maybe you
won' t feel like it or you

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' re going to be especially moved
or moved by one of your parents'

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couple' s people. Maybe you' re gonna feel ugly for your mom,

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because the NSs are suffering because you
see her crying. Maybe you'

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re gonna feel more ugly about your
dad because he' s gone and then

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now he lives alone and you only
share a few days with him and suddenly

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this is going to generate feelings that
are going to be hard for you to

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understand. It' s just that
I' m either angry or angry with

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my mom or my dad. I
just don' t want to see the

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other one It' s just that
I feel bad leaving my mom alone when

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it' s our turn to go
with my dad. And particularly things can

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get complicated if mom and dad are
so angry with each other that they don

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' t talk to each other and
they start using you to tell your dad

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you need money for I don'
t know how much tell your mom what

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happened to this, tell me what
they did to your dad when they went.

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Or on the contrary, someone'
s talking to your mom, someone

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' s going to visit her at
the house, they' re talking to

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someone you don' t know and
they' re starting to use you as

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a point of information. It is
very important to understand that that feeling that

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is going to be generated in IT
is a conflict of loyalties. Loyalty is

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what is generated in front of that
person that we want where we want to

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be faithful to him to some extent
with regard to what he likes not to

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betray her, not to lie to
her and suddenly being angry dad and mom,

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you get in the way and you
start to get the feeling that mom

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wants information from dad through you and
that dad wants information from mom through you.

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That conflict of loyalties is very difficult
to resolve, because if I leave

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happy it is more likely. My
dad and mom aren' t even asking

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me for anything. But if when
it comes to seeing Dad jump from the

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excitement, I' m very happy
and I say woe to my mom because

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she' s going to think I
don' t want to be with her.

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Or if I leave because it'
s time to leave with my dad

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chin my mom stayed alone in the
house, she' s not going to

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be with us and she' s
going to be sad and then I feel

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bad with mom and then she'
s going to show up for a while

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until you get settled in that you
either get wrong with one or you get

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wrong with the other, that there' s no way to look good with

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both of them anymore. I want
to tell you that the responsibility of this

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dad and this mom is to tell
you don' t worry because I'

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m an adult, and I'
m an adult and I' m gonna

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be fine and you' re not
to blame for what' s going on.

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And if Mom or Dad don'
t tell you this, I'

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ll tell you. The conflicts that
arise in the midst of this situation is

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because your dad and your mom are
temporarily waiting for us to be unable to

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handle the position in a way that
does not harm you. And that'

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s something you have to say.
They' re the adults. I'

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m barely growing up. I want
to tell you that in the midst of

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all these conflicts, sometimes there are
clumsiness on the part of the rest of

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the family. Grandparents, uncles,
who are clearly shocked by the separation,

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because they did not want the separation
in most cases, and then start to

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speak ill of the other person.
If I' m your dad' s

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mom, the best thing I'
m gonna start talking bad about your mom

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is that since it' s possible
that your mom is that this isn'

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t right, you don' t
think that you tell her to let your

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dad come back See how your dad' s having a hard time, or

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it can happen because it also happens
that grandparents are happy because they didn'

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t want your mom, or happy
because they didn' t want your dad.

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Or the other way around because it
doesn' t suit you and we

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' re gonna do everything we can
for you to come and live with,

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be it the dad or the mom. And this because that thing that happens

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at your mom' s or your
dad' s is not right and they

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start giving information that you wouldn'
t have to know. Learn and this

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is very important, to develop something
that is called critical thinking. It'

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s not criticizing people. It'
s something else. Critical thinking is that

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ability that we human beings develop to
learn to question what is logical about what

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they tell us and what is not, because your dad can fall too fat

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as a son- in- law
to your paternal grandparents, because they wanted

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another girlfriend for your dad, but
that doesn' t necessarily make your mom,

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a bad mom. Your dad can
tell you 80 things about your mom,

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because he' s very angry with
her, but he can do it

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in your dad' s eyes.
Bad wife, but not necessarily bad mom.

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And the same backwards. Don'
t believe absolutely everything, because each

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person has the ability to develop our
own opinion about people and if dad and

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mom are very angry with each other, it is very likely that at that

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time they see the other person as
if they could only be seen that way

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and there were no ways that that
other person was a different person. I

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' ll give you an example with
your friends. If a friend of yours

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likes a roommate in the living room
and one of your friends, that fellow

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likes him and you say. Not
that he' s a hypocrite, he

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' s a liar and your friend
says he' s not at all.

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I promise you, he' s
not a liar, he' s not

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a hypocrite. It' s good
people, it' s very much shared

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with their things. No, that' s not true. I don'

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t believe you at all, because
when we have an opinion of someone,

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we close ourselves to any possibility that
the other person will be seen differently.

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Imagine what happens to the level of
anger between your dad and your mom.

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So always ask yourself. My experience
is like the one that uncles, grandparents,

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are telling me because you can have
a different opinion, because in your

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relationship with that person things have been
different. I' d tell you if

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you' re currently going through a
situation of divorce from your parents, separation

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from your parents, prohibition from one
parent to see the other. It must

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always be taken into account that that
can be a stage and that you never

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lose the right to say mom or
dad to whoever you are angry with doesn

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' t make me angry and you' re always going to have the right

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to tell whoever it is. I
don' t like you talking bad about

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my dad with me or talking bad
about my mom fixing it between you guys.

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For me what two are very important
and neither of you should owe yourself

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private when you do, and even
the law can determine that you don'

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t see one of us. When
the behavior of either of them could become

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a crime physical violence abuse, sexual
abuse, beatings, or situations where the

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other person is putting ideas to put
you against the other person. But for

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that reason there are instances that are
neutral and that, beyond the emotions that

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your dad, your mom, your
dad' s family, your mom'

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s family, can analyze things cold
and all the best possible decision. I

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hope that if you' re going
through a situation like this, you can

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tell yourself and repeat yourself constantly.
This is temporary, it has nothing to

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do with me. It' s
a problem of adults who aren' t

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able to solve well, but in
the vast majority, your dad and your

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mom love you and love you,
regardless of whether they can' t even

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see who their partner was anymore.
I hope that everything we talk about today

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will serve and give you a little
bit of comfort and, above all,

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hope if you are living it right
now, so that things will move as

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quickly as possible. You' ve
already got my mail chayo rambing radio center

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com so you can get me any
questions or any comments and I promise to

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stay tuned and give you an answer. Have an extraordinary vacation, if you

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' re starting them today, well, or you started them on Friday that

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you left school, but have the
best time. And I' ll wait

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for you tomorrow, because tomorrow we' ll talk about how to handle conflicts

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at home when Mom and Dad don' t split up, and we'

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ll also talk about what happens when
there' s bullying in your school,

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what role you play and how to
manage. We' ll be here tomorrow

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at 1: 00 p m.
In more date, I with you your audio center