Creativity and a learning mindset are essential to succeed. Learn how these innovators put
these skills to use to become the best in their fields. Welcome to Innovators
to Know. Brought to you by Idemics. In the first phase of her
professional life, doctor Cindy Say served as a primary care physician and medical director.
In this more recent phase, she's a writer and a coach, helping
impact individuals by enabling them to take control of their own health and wellness.
Her book So Much Better offers a practical toolkit for reflection and change. Her
own healing journey informs her own empathy and advice to her clients, as well
as her knowledge of a wide range of therapeutic modalities to further holistic wellness.
Cindy, I'm delighted to welcome you to the show. Thank you so much
for having me. I'm really excited for the conversation. So, Cindy,
I covered a few topic areas what did I not tell our audience that you'd
like to share with them? So? I like to see myself as a
healer and someone who is here to bring love and light and to help others
see that in themselves. I love that that's wonderful. We're definitely going to
come back to that concept. I want to take a quick look at this
short video where you talked about it being a good thing to feel uncomfortable,
and I definitely agree. Discomfort makes us push ourselves and learn new skills in
my view, So let's take a quick look. I just coach a client
today about how the comfort zone can be very misleading because we may end up
doing things or putting up with things to be comfortable, but it may not
be for our highest good or for our growth. And as an example,
this client has been dealing with challenging relationships in her life and it's been causing
a lot of stress and anxiety and worry, and it's been really weighing on
her and it's taking up a lot of energy and also time in her day.
And through coaching, I taught her a lot of tools, techniques,
and perspectives so that she can move past it and advocate for herself. And
if you are a modern superwoman who's been feeling unsettled or stressed and overwhelmed even
though things look good on the surface because you've checked all the boxes, I
want you to book a free breakthrough call with me, because we're going to
talk about what's really going on, and you're going to gain insights you've never
realized. And if it feels aligned, I can share my thoughts and resources
to support you to get to the other side with ease, because you deserve
to enjoy the life you worked so hard for and to feel so much better
city. So, what do you think are a couple of great ways for
people to actively push themselves outside of their comfort zone? We all fall into
these patterns of our daily lives, and how do we make a sustained effort
to actually push ourselves out of that zone? So I think it takes intention
and it's also a practice. And I think you're totally right that we as
humans default to the comfort zone right from a physiological perspective where our brains are
wired for survival, and so we're always looking for things experiences that keeps us
safe, and what that means is things that are familiar, right because we
know, we know what to expect, and so oftentimes we get essentially almost
complacent in a sense right when we're in that place of comfort. So it
does take active intention and effort to continually evolve, to grow and expand and
also I think recognizing that it is uncomfortable. Right, change and growth is
uncomfortable, but it's also on the other side, it can also bring you
so much more and really enrich your life in so many more ways. That
that's why you do the work right, so that you can experience the whole
spectrum of life. Yeah, totally agree. I think it's fascinating because we
in our coaching business encounter so many people who agree with the need to change,
to push themselves outside of their comfort zone, and then struggle with the
how One of the pieces of advice that we always have for people is pushing
yourself outside of your comfort zone. Doesn't have to be in your workplace or
in your role as a wife or parent or sister. It could be something
as simple as push yourself to take up a new hobby or try something different.
Right, that's not kind of so fundamentally threatening and challenging, but is
almost a sort of enjoyable environment to try something new And tell us a little
bit about that in terms of how you help your clients put this into practice.
Yeah, I think that's a really good point of that. I always
say that everyone is different, so that things you need are different and a
lot of times I think we have a tendency to look external, to look
at what's going on in the world. You know, there's so much comparison,
and we think it has to look a certain way or be a certain
way in order for us to be successful or whatever it is, right,
And I think when you are talking about growth and change, whether it's professional
or personal, it's a process and everyone can do it at their own pace.
Yeah, And it's really about giving yourself permission to do it your way,
right, Like what are the shoulds that you have to let go of?
You know, I think there are people who are like, oh,
I can't do that. I've never done that before. And it's like,
okay, well, but the question is do you want to do it right?
Right? And really tapping into that and also breaking it to smaller digestible
pieces. Right. It's like if you want to run a marathon, you
don't just go out and run a marathon. You know about a train,
right, you don't. You don't go for like never running to like running
twenty six smiles, but you don't. It's it's not really ideal. Right.
So so it's and especially as we talk about how we have to learn
to be uncomfortable. Everyone has a different threshold, yeah, And so it's
recognizing who you are, right, recognizing what works for you, and building
up to that. And I think a common misconception is people think that,
Okay, if I break it down, if it's really simple, it's not
going to work, or you know, it's going to be too slow,
or like right, we work with all the high achievers who wanted things done
like yesterday, so um, it's but it's actually on the contrary, right.
I think we see this all the time, where it's like sometimes you
have to slow down to speed up. Yeah, And it's about being in
full alignment with who you are right, knowing what you need, and having
that clarity so that you know exactly where you want to go and then you
can be very intentional about the steps, the how and all of that,
as opposed to you know, getting stuck in the first part of like you
know, just wanting it all done and then it's too overwhelming for your system
and then you don't get anywhere. Now, that's very well said, and
I think it's a perfect segue into this idea of connecting to our intuition as
you said, everyone is different, and we each of us knows ourselves best.
No one else can tell us that. Even in coaching in the end,
as a coach, you play an interpretive role as sort of a guide
and a shirt buy in a way to help individuals map themselves better and understand
themselves better. I want to take a quick look at this video where you
talked about how hard it is to trust our gut. Let's take a quick
look, and I spoke on the topic of giving yourself permission to trust your
gut. And it's really important to know that you have all the answers within
you really do. But a lot of times when we're really stressed out,
when we're overwhelmed, we can't access We're in a state of survival and fight
or flight, so we can't access our inner wisdom and our true knowing.
So I led the group in an exercise to connect to your intuition, and
it was super well received. People were asking for the recording, and so
I was able to create a short recording that I wanted to offer to you
as a free gift in case you are feeling stuck on something. If you
notice yourself saying I don't know I'm not sure. I'm confused. Please try
this exercise out. Okay, It's less than five minutes, and I provide
a simple practice and technique for you to connect your intuition, using your body's
intelligence and wisdom and using that to guide you so that you can make the
best decision for you. All right, So try it out, let me
know how it goes, and if you're really feeling stuck, please come talk
to me. You don't have to be stuck if you don't want to,
Okay, Cindia, As you said, it is hard to trust our gut
and stop second guessing ourselves in a decision making process. What are the steps
that you recommend to your clients so they can start to listen to themselves,
start to learn to listen to themselves more. Yeah, I think it starts
with very simple things, right. So, I think intuition is a really
great skill and tool that helps us in our every day whether it's professional business
decisions are also personal life you know, whatever, to decisions you're trying to
make, and when you haven't necessarily honed or developed the skill, Yeah,
it feels very confusing to to like, it's like, what do you mean
intuition like I don't know, you know, I don't know what answer is.
I don't even know what that means right exactly, And so it's it
comes from I always like to break things down and make it very simple,
and it starts with the little things, you know, start with things like
the decisions that are very low stakes. For example, instead of maybe you
have to make a decision about okay, do I let this team member go?
I mean that can be really really stressful and this this decision that could
impact a lot of people, your team and all the things. And so
instead of going there right, let's start with something like Okay, what do
I want to eat today? What do I want to be for lunch?
And just like in tune into your body to be like, okay, well,
take a few breaths and see ask yourself, like what do I feel
like eating today? And then you know, it could be the salad,
it could be whatever, you know, whatever it is, and then go
with the answer that you feel most connected to and then actually do it right,
follow through and then see how you feel after right, Because there are
certain things, I mean, I'm sure you know for me, I know
that there are certain foods that just don't agree with me, right, I
can't eat really having you like whatever oily creamy things and and so I know,
but then sometimes you're like, well you really want to eat it?
Yeah, so's it's just about really tuning in and as you continue to build
that practice of listening to yourself, Yeah, that's how you build trust in
yourself, and that's what strengthens your intuition. Because think about it like a
it's almost like a friend who's always been there, Yeah, but you haven't
been in conversation, so you haven't been nurturing and building that friendship. And
then it's almost like all of a sudden you're like calling them up and be
like, hey, tell me this. I mean they're like confused, right,
They're like what do you want? Like you never talk to me and
now you want me to help you. Right. So it's about really rebuilding
that relationship and connection. So I really hope people can see it like that
and know that you know this intuition, this skill and ability, your gut,
like the answers are there, it's within, right, but it's learning
to cultivate that relationship again and rebuilding that trust. Totally agree. I think
so much of this ties into this idea, and I think it is especially
as women, we struggle with this. I know I have in at phases
how to prioritize ourselves right when there's so many different demands on our time,
it's often a struggle to make an active decision to I am going to carve
out some time to think about myself, to go exercise for myself, whatever
it is you decide to do in terms of how you interpret that, but
you had this to say in terms of how people can start prioritizing themselves.
Let's take a quick look. I let a workshop on how to prioritize you
and redefine self care to thrive in work and life, and I shared golden
nuggets from my Signature Connected program and how it all starts with C for clarity,
because we have to know where we want to go in order to get
there. Same thing as when we go into our car putting the address in
the GPS and then the GPS can guide us. Right, It's the same
thing. And I wanted to offer you the questions that I share earlier so
that you can start this process too. So number one, what does taking
care of myself look like? Number two? What is preventing me from prioritizing
myself. And number three, what does it mean to thrive in work and
life? So I want you to pause, save this, take some time
to reflect and think about this and really see what do I really need right
now? And if you're ready, if you want the tools and techniques to
get you where you want to go, come talk to me about coaching.
I'm excited to offer my signature Connected program in a group coaching experience starting in
January. Applications are being reviewed on a rolling basis, and I really want
you to apply, especially if you're ready to move from a place of constant
stress and overwhelm to a place of calm and being unstoppable. So, Cindy,
what are the acts of self care that you recommend? So people start
to do this on a systematic basis, so it's not a question that they're
asking themselves once a month, but it becomes, as you said, almost
part of their daily kind of mindfulness practice of what is the time you carve
out for yourself during a day? Yeah, I think the first thing to
know is that, yes, we have limited time in our days, but
you actually get to choose how you spend your time. Yeah, and knowing
that a lot of self care practices don't take law. You know, there's
all kinds of self care you can do, and I think a lot of
times we have this idea that self care needs to look a certain way.
It's like those pampering moments. You go to the spa, you know,
you go on a retreat, you you know, take this lavish vacation,
and absolutely those are great, but it's also the things you can do in
the little moments throughout your day. Yeah, a lot of the things,
especially with mindfulness, it's about connecting to the present moment. It's connecting to
your body. It's taking that simple cleansing breath, you know, it's ground
and feeling your toes on the ground, and these are the things that help
you reset and recharge. And so I think it's really important to recognize that
you are absolutely worthy and deserving of of taking care of being taken care of,
you know, and that it's only when you are well that you can
really be the best you can be. Right. We think about think about
when I know, for me, when I am so hungry, like if
I haven't been able to eat on time, and it's like hours passing,
I'm hungry and I get angry, right, and it's like I'm not in
a good mood. You and me both, right, and then you know,
so that's an example of when I didn't take care of myself right,
and I let myself go way past empty and I'm not in a good place,
even though I could be like Okay, yeah, you know, let
me do this talk, this presentation, but from you know, at the
core, I'm not necessarily in as good a place as I could be had
I been you know, had I eaten at the time that I could have,
or you know, whatever it is, and that all adds up,
right, And so I really encourage people to recognize that, hey, it
does matter. Right, people can tell when you're not in a good place,
even though you know you might look the same, but like there's just
something there. It's like, because you're not able to be fully you and
bringing that best version of you. And I think that you know, it's
it's doing a disservice to others and also yourself right, because you can and
you do have so much to offer, and it's so important to make sure
you do take care of yourself along the way. Yeah, absolutely critical let's
ship gears a little bit, Cindy. For all of us in our lives,
in the various ways that we've evolved, coaching and mentorship have played a
really key role. Whether that's happened through more informal channels or through more formal
ones. Tell us a little bit about the role it's played in your life.
It's been so transformative. I can't even tell you. I think that
I love coaching work with so many different coaches have in the past continued to
and I think that it's we do have the air within, but a lot
of times there's so much noise right that we can't hear what we're really meant
to do. And I think coaching offers that support that very practical and tangible
way of really moving past and making really moving forward. You know, a
lot of times when we're stuck, it can feel it's like muddy or like
you know this like thickness. It feels unsettling and you know, just not
a good place to be. But I think coaching for me has been really
helpful because I can sort through all of this. I have the support,
the wisdom and guidance right, and also the accountability to canta critical peace,
right, and you know, having the discipline and all that to to continue
to evolve and grow. And I think the something to to also pay attention
to is recognizing that when I always I heard this a long time ago,
and I really liked it that when the student is ready, the teacher will
appear. And I think that is so true in terms of the coaching and
mentors I've had where you know, depending on where I was where I am,
there are different things that are going to be most helpful and supportive to
me, right, And so recognizing that there as different people with different skills
that can support you and guide you, and that we all go through phases,
right, and that there are there's so many tools and resources out there
that can be supportive. And I think a big part is actually being open
to it and giving yourself permission to know that. I actually see it as
a huge investment in yourself, right. It's knowing that you are deserving and
worthy of this level of attention and care, right so that you can continue
to grow and become better and show up better and share that with all the
others in your life as well. You've been to that journey for yourself,
tell us a little bit about what made you want to write so much Better?
So So Much Better is a best selling self help book that's based in
mindfulness, and I share my various tools and techniques. I created the Inspiring
success Story method, which is comprised of three key pillars of calm, confidence,
and curiosity. And I saw this. I wrote this book because I
kept seeing the same things come up again and again through coaching clients, through
my speaking, just talking to different people, and I saw that these things
coming up again and again, and so I wanted to provide a very simple
resource for people to start this process there on their own right, to learn
about some of the science behind stress, you know, getting past you know,
the fear, working through your comfort zone, things like that, and
having tangible tools and techniques to really shift your life so that you can become
that inspiring success st or you're meant to be. Love that and I'm very
much looking forward to eating it. Before we wrap up, Cindy, tell
us, so, what message do you have for so many women out there
who are sort of who feel stuck, you know, whether it's in their
own heads, whether it's by their circumstances. They feel stuck in some way,
how would you advise them to start to focus on taking care of themselves.
Yeah, And I see this a lot because I focus on helping the
these successful women right who are actually hiding their suffering behind the scenes. And
we live in this world where we strive, we're expected to have things all
figured out, this perfect life and everything in order, when in reality everything's
a mess. Yeah, you know, life is messy. Yeah, and
nobody wants to admit it. And I think along the way, we picked
up these messages, these beliefs about how we should act and behave in a
certain way, that there's a right way and a wrong way to do things.
You know, we have to check off the boxes, taking care of
everything and everyone else. And essentially all of these messages that we receive really
I think feed into this this mistaken belief that we're not enough, you know,
that that we're not accepted as we are. Right, And so the
first thing is to stop this nonsense, right, that we have to let
go of what's not working for us. And so it first comes to the
first step is really awareness, Right, we have to recognize where we are
what's not working, because we can't change what we don't know yeah, right,
And so I think a big part of it is taking those those moments,
whether it's two minutes or three hours, but just creating some space in
your life so that you can be with just you, Yeah, you know,
having that space to be in silence, to allow the messages, the
feelings to come up, to be like, hey, well, who am
I really like? What did I come to do? Did I come to
you know, check off all the boxes? But you know all of that?
Or is it because I have some gifts that I really enjoy and I
really am meant to share, you know. I think we talked about this
earlier about how um UM in terms of UM the educational system. A lot
of times, you know, we have UM we're so focused on performance,
on what success looks like that UM it's it's a very narrow definition, and
it can be very limiting and UM. You know, we're we're selling ourselves
short. And a lot of the clients I work with, they're they'll tell
me they're like, oh, I would really like to start my own business
doing you know, arts and crafts or this and that, and I'm like
that's amazing, and you know, and to really cultivate that and they're like,
oh, but I don't think I can do it. You know,
this is a buch safer job. I went to school for this, and
you know, all things right, like all of these beliefs that we've been
fed and held on addition to have exactly And it's about really pausing to question
and to really ask yourself, like things like you know, if you knew
you couldn't fail, what would you do differently? Yeah, Like if you
had special gifts, which we all do, We're all here for a reason.
Like if you had gifts only you could share, what would you do?
And like if there are people out there waiting for you to shine your
light, how would you show up? No, and really connecting to that
essence of people right that's within and knowing that you know it's it's you get
to do it your way and to really enjoy the process as it unfolds.
So that's great advice and I love the way you put it. You know,
if you were guaranteed not to fail, how would you show up?
And how would you share your own unique light? Because that is the thing
each of us has to bring into this world and give it to others,
and that is ultimately the path to feeling fulfilled and happy and well, it
really is. And I think especially working with high achieving women and us having
our own experiences and journeys ourselves and working through so much of it right,
it's it's breaking through, letting go of a lot of conditioning totally. And
also I think for me growing up in Taiwan, having a lot of the
traditional Chinese cultural values and you know that part of my upbringing. And it's
also recognizing that it's not either or it's not like you know, having a
business, not practicing as a physician, that's a failure that you know,
it's it's I actually am honoring my family, me and all the right and
so it's I think really helping people see that they do have choice and options
and that it's never too late. It's positive evolution. Yeah, wonderful.
Well, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you, thanks for
listening. Please subscribe wherever you listen and leave us a review. Find your
Ideal Coach at www dot vidmx dot com. Special thanks to our producer Martin
Maluski and singer songwriter Doug Allen