Made a decision face sunny sad on I had a vision. What's up,
everybody, Welcome to our Thursday special guest episode for crying out loud. We
have a special guest in studio. Well she's not in studio, she's on
our zoom. It's the first time we're doing a zoom guest, and it's
the great Lisa Lampanelli. Yeah, you wish this wasn't the best thing in
your life, but we've been so genuinely excited to have you. I did
a deep dive into like what's going on with you? And I watched a
clip I was telling Lynette of you announcing your retirement on Howard Stern and it
was so you were so funny about it and so heartfelt, and then you
made sure to say that you would still call people cunts, which, oh,
yeah, we're big cunt callers. I honestly credit myself. I used
to feel like, oh, what if I actually contributed to the world,
And then I was like, I made the word count possible for millions of
cunts and twats and labi is everywhere, because it really isn't a bad word
if you mean it with good intentions. If I said to you, guys,
Hey, a couple of counts. You laugh because and I just think
intention is important, so that it might be the only thing I've ever done
for the world. So we used to we used to call each other cunts,
you know, for a long time, and some people would get offended
and we had to you, guys, you have to stick with it until
people get through the being offended and to the other side where they feel confidently
embraced it. It's a journey, but I think people get it. And
you know, also, you can't if you're saying it to each other in
friendship like that. You know, when I was doing comedy and it was
insult comedy and I'd include every race, creed, color, sexual orientation,
those people themselves knew and we're in on the joke. So if you're joking
around with your friends and saying, oh, this dirty twat, they know
you're not serious. Although Lynnette has a very dirty tat. I think we
know this. Let's talk about that air, Yes, help yourself, Okay,
thank you all. So I think a big thing that people know about
you is that you did retire from comedy. Everybody knows you as the queen
of mean like an original roast person Rose master Rose participant. I mean,
and you are the best at it, and I mean, I feel like
we should just skip too, just because it's such an interesting story about how
you. I know, you lost a lot of weight and you had kind
of a transformation physically but also mentally, and I want to know what brought
you to decide like people are misunderstanding my comedy. Well I don't think that's
That's not why I retire everything as a as a as a you know,
something to talk about after a time. And I was like, well,
I'm glad that a byproduct is I'll never be misunderstood again, you know,
because really things did change, and the way the reason I actually got out
was honestly, I started to become a noticer of my own life. Like
I would literally be on such an autopilot, like so many people achievement oriented,
or you're on this treadmill and you can't get off. And I was
like, wait, I started noticing every time I went to pack for the
weekend away, I'd be like, oh, I don't want to go.
So the Thursday was always miserable because you're packing and you're like, oh my
god, I'm only my dogs and my family and my parents at the time,
and you just your house and your life, and I'm like, hmmm,
I don't have to keep going. I just started noticing I wasn't lit
up by it anymore. So I'm like, well, before I hate it,
before the audience is like she's phoning it in, let me just talk
to my business manager, see how much I have to save, and then
get out and live like a small life. So it's been great, crazy,
a weird adjustment, But I mean, I think people don't. We
don't notice our lives enough to get out before it's make guess miserable. Wow,
so there's nothing to you feeling like I don't want to be seen as
mean. I'm no. I mean, I that's a good byproduct of it,
of like, wow, I never again have to like get an email
going. I didn't appreciate those jokes or whatever. It's just a byproduct of
it. But also I just kind of, I mean, I could go
back tomorrow and do stand up the exact same way, just because I'm the
only gift I ever had was being likable. Honestly, rickles me to a
certain extent. Jeffrey Ross Howard Stern. I think the only things we really
got going for us is somehow people let us say shit, you know,
because there's an underlying thing of like we know she's kidding. What a good
byproduct is those people who can't see that. I don't have to defend myself
ever again, because I really never wanted to explain a joke or defend myself.
So it's nice to be kind of in a quieter place with that.
Wow. I mean, think about it. It's like you've done so many
roasts and you've we were talking about it before the show, like you've paved
the way. Do you feel like you've paved the way for some of these
other young women comedians, Well, I will say they say that instead of
me, like, for instance, Nicky Glazer all the time, I was
just gonna think. It's such a sweetheart. She remembers when she opened for
me. She was like doing comedy like one year and she opened for me
in Kansas City because she's from Saint Louis. And I said, oh my
god, I'm sorry if I was a count when I met you, because
you know, I don't know how I acted. I might have been tired.
I usually was pretty nice everybody's like, oh, she's so nice,
but she goes, no, no, you were great. You'd give me
great advice. And I was like, oh good, but like girls like
that, and even Amy Schumer had said nice compliments and this one and that
one. And I always crack up when I see somebody's performance and I DM
them and they go, oh my god, coming from you, that means
a lot, and I'm like, oh cute. So I think the real
paving the way people were like the Joan Rivers is and you know, people
like that. But it was nice to be able to show I'm a badass
and I can get away with being one of one of the guys and doing
it like a man. Absolutely. I mean, John Rivers can't pave the
way for everybody. At some point, at some point, Alisa Lambinelli gets
to start paving the way. You know what I mean? We can't.
Oh yeah, like you're right there are on a highway. There's many layers
of pavement, so I would say I'm probably layer three and then hey,
I'm paved over. The greatest thing, though, is knowing it doesn't mean
shit, It doesn't matter like it literally our legacy, and that's the one
thing. I mean, Hamilton I loved so much. But the thing that
resonated me with me most about Hamilton's was when he says legacy. You cannot
plan your legacy. You can't plan for who lives, who dies, who
tells your story. You literally just have to do your ship and however it
works out. If I'm remembered more for oh my god, she was nice
to me in the green room when I was starting. I fucking rather that,
you know. And I'm not even joking, like, I've worked on
myself so much that it doesn't matter if I'm remembered. Who cares? I
want to get into like that, that path to working on yourself. But
can you just tell us how you got into stand up? I mean,
who was your inspiration? I know you were doing journalism and you yeah,
and you were. I read a bunch of stuff about your start, But
what sparked you and just trying stand up? Well, I think it always
was gnawing at me like, oh, that looks cool. But I'd never
watched stand up. We watched when we were kids, the Dean Martin Ross,
I think it was NBC with my parents. Never seen stand up,
didn't know what it was like, didn't know how you went about it.
And I was working as a researcher at Rolling Stone after college and was in
my late twenties, and I said to this guy, Steve Butterman, he
was a researcher. I go to him. I don't know. I always
wanted to try stand up, Like I don't know how to get started.
Goes uh, you to do that. Everybody who does it is self absorbed
and needs all the attention. I'm like, sounds perfectlogically for whatever. Being
a middle child or whatever, I had to be special and you don't realize
later that no one needs to be special. You'd just be you. But
that's when you're sixty years old and figure it out. But I was like,
oh, then I'm just gonna take a little class and figure out how
to write five minutes and get on stage or whatever. So thank goodness,
I heard an ad for like some stand up class in Connecticut where I was
brought up, and I'm like, I'm gonna just do that class, and
if I suck at the open mic we have to do, that's fine.
I'll just I don't have to continue, Like why do I have to make
myself miserable? But thank god. It did go well the first time.
It was like one of those magical things, and it inspired you to just
keep going. So, I mean, I just loved doing it. I
loved that every time in the old days you'd had a a cassette deck in
the car and you'd listen to your sets that I always was laughing out loud
at the ad libs and the insult It was never at the bits. So
I noticed that and I was like, Oh, I want to talk to
the audience more. I want to insult them because they don't seem to get
mad. And it helped that I was older too, I was thirty thirty
already, so people kind of got my personality. I think, right,
what was your first success, like stand up success? What was the first
show you got on or the first time that you were like, oh,
this is really something I could do well. I was the first time on
stage I was like, this is it. I'm a comic, like I
literally knew. But the first outward show of oh you're gonna be okay,
or you might have a chance at making this a living. I remember I
was talking about it last night. It was like getting the call I was
doing stand up like seven years and I had read that, like Seinfeldt said,
it took seven years to write a good special or something like that,
or did you have your first success at seven year or something like that.
And I got a call because I was hanging out at the Friars Club in
the city a lot, and they said, Comedy Centrals doing the roast to
Chevy Chase in two weeks and we are a producer on that, and we
told them they have to have you. And because you do insall comedy,
I was like, oh my god, and they go they didn't want you
because you're they don't never heard you because I was a nobody, and they're
like, but this is your shot. And I swear to God, I'll
never forget where I was sitting. I was sitting in my apartment studio apartment
in the city at the IKEA desk, and I was like, this is
my chance. And I canceled everything I had. For two weeks, me
and this writing partner got together. We banged out all these jokes, and
as I'm leaving that little six hundred square foot apartment, I look back at
its corny as fuck, but it's true. I was like, when I
come back into this room, my life will have changed, either for the
worst or the better. And thank god, that night was very good and
it was for the better. So once that happened, then Howard Stern had
me on and then it's I got a manager and then it sort of started
snowballing from there. Wow. Wow, let's see, it was insane that
they believed in me and we're like pushing me like that. It was sick.
Well, you're absolutely very talented. I want to I want to talk
more about the Chevy Chase Ross. Let's take a quick break and we'll be
right back. And we're back. Yeah, So can you tell us more
about the Chevy Chase Rose, because like, were you scared? I know
if like for myself, of course I have to interject myself in here,
but Lynne knows this about me. I get so nervous and anxious about any
kind of big breaks or or things. I talk about it for weeks.
I'm so scared because everything feels so big, Like when you have that thing
where you're like, this could really change my career. Did you get like,
oh god, what if I don't what if it doesn't go well?
Or do you just have do you just find that confidence. Well, I'm
nuts because I think there's two types of people in the world. There's overthinkers
and I, unfortunately or fortunately aren't. I don't. I can't even imagine
being an overthinker. I think it probably feels like, hell, I'm an
underthinker, which backfire's less but still does backfire, meaning you'll mary the wrong
person. You'll just go with your what you think is your gut, but
it's not really your gut. It's just have it. So with the gross
I was, I'm all business. I'm like a guy in a way,
We're all fucking big. I got that call. That's why I can still
remember where I was within like a fucking hour. So my writing partner's book,
The hair appoint was was book, The makeup point was book. The
fucking nail appointment, the fucking it was like gonna go to Bloomingdale's this day
because in the old days, like it was my first thing, I didn't
have anybody given me or offering me close. So no, I'm also know
how to set myself up. So I know already that the Friars Club really
loves me, and I'm like they're kind of darling. I know Paul Shaffer,
who's the MC loves me from the priors. So I wrote my intro
and I knew the audience was ninety percent Friars and it's fifteen hundred people,
so I had him say Frior, Lisa, lamp and llat and make a
joke. He made whatever joke he made, so if he puts the word
Friar first, you'll watch the tape. Now they applaud at my name already,
so I already have them. I'm on their side there on my side
because I'm one of them. Okay. So then also there had been nine
guys before me that either did very mediocre or bad and I'm a fucking we
know, I don't have much going for me, but I am a killer
when I wanted to me, so I was like, oh, it's on.
And I also grow very sharp stuff. I also had a lot of
bomb lines just in case, like to make fun of other guys if oh
you know, oh go ahead, moan, I'll bring so and so back
again and name like someone who bombed or whatever. So I know I'm loaded
for bear. And then I was like, what's up to the universe now?
Yea, And Chevy has said it was the absolute worst night of his
life. He realized that he didn't have any friends because no one showed up
for him, and he misbehaved horribly at the Rows. But he did say
Paul Shaffer told me later goes Chevy said, You're the only one he liked
because you didn't mention his drug addiction or whatever, because I just didn't find
it that funny. And Chevy has since apologized for his shitty behavior. He
basically wore sunglasses the whole time, and I was like, I'm not even
looking at him. I'm not engaging this fuck because this is about me.
I made that whole night about me, and then I never really got nervous
for them because I'm like, I'm I'm nervous for other things, like if
you put me on a movie set, I want to shoot myself in the
fucking head. I stink. I can't memorize. I always think I sucked,
But I had one gift. I have two gifts. Actually one is
comedy. One is driving. I'm the best driver in the world, so
oh, the best and the best parker in the world. Like people die
when they see me parallel park, right. I don't do that anymore.
And I think I just knew I had it, and then other things have
gone badly, but those roasts, Thank god, I kind of knew what
I was doing right, Well, what's that? What went badly? Well?
Like things like I literally did a movie once. David Chase, the
creator of Sopranos, was making a movie about his life when he was a
teenager, and it didn't come off badly. In the movie, he cast
me as his aunt growing up. If you watch the movie, it's not
bad or my scenes aren't bad. I don't suck. What's the name of
the movie, h not fade away? Oh yeah, it's really really good.
And I just felt like garbage because I'm like, I'm not a trained
actor. I don't know how to fucking memorize. I felt insecure. I
would cry every time I did an acting job. I'd like, sob all
the way home and cry and go I'm never acting again. Why do they
make me do this? Like what? Am I an idiot? And like
so I just those kind of things, I'm like, oh, well,
that wasn't my path. I wasn't supposed to be doing that. If I
wanted to be an actor, I would have been an acting class. You
know, what's about the whole thing. I'm an acting class now for fun,
with no goal of ever acting in anything. You know. It's so
interesting because I was like, I need a hobby because when you were tired,
you need some accountability and showing up to certain places or whatever. So
I cobbled together this little string of activity every week. And I was watching
Barry you know that show, and I was so jealous of the character because
he was in an acting class as a beginner. So I took beginner acting
and like, I'm just learning how to act, but I have no intention
of ever doing it again. Wow, that's funny. I took improv classes.
No, you know, I wasn't going to be a comte comedy or
you know, I just I wasn't going to take going on auditions or it.
Just doing it just to do it. It's fun. It's fun to
challenge yourself. I think, I don't even think it's the challenge for me.
It's the what can I do as a hobby that just makes me happy.
So and every time I'm driving into the city from Conneticut, I'm like,
oh, man, why am I in this such a good mood?
Oh? Because I'm with this community of people I'm if I'm bad, who
gives you shit? So I think it has to be with me. No
big goals anymore, No, maybe not even any small goals other than to
live day to day and have a good time and just be present, which
is hard. It's hard. So with like with the acting, do you
feel like taking the class take some of the sting out of that feeling.
I mean, I know the feeling too of I'm a terrible actor. And
I got a show. I was hosting a little talk show for moms a
while back, and we had to do these little acting things in it,
and I the same as you, I was like you, guys, I
don't, I'm not, I can't act. I don't. You can't expect
this of me that I can host and I can. I can do the
monologue. I know how to do that. I've been doing it for years.
But when you ask me to I sound. And one of the girls,
who was the head writer on the show and one of the producers,
told me I had to do a scene where I was sitting up from I
was getting my like nails done and I had to sit up really suddenly,
and she told me that I seemed like I was rising out of a coffin
and I was like, I can't. I think, yeah, it's like,
that's not bad, you know, And I think, no, it
doesn't take the sting out of past failures because the only thing that does that
is trauma therapy. I really believe that adding a goal on top of something
does nothing. It just buries it deeper. So you know, if I
was, I mean, obviously I'm not ashamed of that performance, and I'm
not sitting here going, oh my god, David Chase was hate me.
David Chase, and it's been said by who work with him, and it's
not an insult. He has resting bitch face. He will never indicate you're
good or you're bad. He just and that sucks for someone who at the
time was so fucking insecure, because I was like, he just hates me.
It turns out he didn't hate me. He just doesn't emote. So
I think the only thing really that helps to when I look back on things
I'm ashamed of, whether it's snapping on an audience member, whether it's I
don't know, getting in a fight with a friend, you know, telling
someone this or that that I shouldn't have said. I think it's just all
therapy. It's not. I don't think adding shit on top of shit is
a good idea. Right well, I'm going to ask you about your transformation
that you went through, like, you know, quite lovely and beautiful.
God damn it you are. And I'm trying. I'm always looking for people
to inspire me to get out of my rut because I'm you know, I'm
still going through a divorce and I have this routine where I'm with the kids
a few days a week and then I'm not with the kids. When I'm
not with the kids, I just like I tend to shut down and not
want to. I don't have any motivation to do much, you know,
as far as like exercise, take care of myself. It's like, you
know, I just want to like order fast food and watch you know,
bad TV. But like so, I'm always looking for people to inspire me,
Like how do they how do you pull yourself out? The only thing
I'm going to inspire you to do is stopping so hard on yourself. I
would argue you are at capacity right now emotionally. I've been through divorces that
were actually really easy because it just wasn't meant to be. Me and Jimmy
when I got married in twenty ten, after like a year and a half,
we're like, well we're not happy, so let's just fucking wrap this
thing up, right. So your problem is I love saying that to people.
That's really inspiring, But you don't think you're going through trauma, and
you are. You're going through probably something between a SMALLT and a capital T.
Trauma. Capitalty, they usually say, is like assault or rape or
whatever. Death. You're probably somewhere in between. Let yourself fucking rest.
God damn it. You're doing everything you can. You're doing the best you
can the way we and not just women, but a lot of times women
and sometimes men. I know a lot of straight guys who are very sensitive
and came into we think we have to do it all. There is no
triumph in being skinny. There's no triumph in being healthy, there's no triumph
in being fit. Who gives a fuck. You get your blood work every
six months, make sure you're not dying. You're fine. If I had
the trauma of only seeing my kids part time, going through a divorce,
trying to start up a career, whatever it is, moving if if if
you said. If I said to you all in it, I'm so bad
because I just moved into a new house and it's not set up and I've
been here a week, you'd be like, are you fucking kidding me?
Calm down, Like you're going through a big change. I want you to
get off this thing today and go. I don't have to add one more
thing, I would argue. Subtracts things. Okay. The pressure to be
anything other than where you are right now, well, okay, it's hard.
It is hard, well, very tough on yourself. Yeah, I
mean it's good to hear you know. I just it's you know, it's
you're you do. When you're alone. A lot too, you start to
think like, oh, you know, I should be exercising, I should
be doing should I should should goofy expression, stop shooting all over yourself.
I do only what I want to do. I was seeing an intuitive movement
coach for a minute, because I hate movement, I hate exercise. I
won't I won't do anything I dislike she said to me, You're never gonna
die from not moving like you literally are fine. Like my mother lived till
ninety one, never walked a fucking mile in her life. She didn't walk
a foot, she didn't give a shit. And the thing is, nobody's
dying, right. I just think it's all so overblown and there's so much
pressure to be a certain way. It doesn't matter. It's like, and
that's why I say, you know, just get blood work if you want.
That's what I do. I don't move. I don't give a shit.
I fucking go all right, My iron's good. My this is good.
My that's good. Right? Cool? Now has you has your attitude
changed since? Because you did? You did lose like a hundred pounds,
right, you had the yeah, and it was probably and I've never said
this publicly, but I will that surgery might be the worst decision I ever
made. Really literally, I've learned so much. I'm one of the lucky
ones who kept some weight off. Most people gain it back. I have
had since two other operations to fix shit that happened because of it. I'm
not angry anymore about it. Because I made I was beating myself up.
I was like, this was mutilation and it should honestly not exist. So
I'm very anti the surgery. If anyone asked my advice, I say,
you have to make your decision. But here's my experience. It leads to
weight gain and further operations. I mean, I just had an operation a
month ago today who called the hiatal hernia where your stomach makes its way into
your chest. And I couldn't eat for two years, so I want to
know the great irony of it all. Couldn't eat for two years, but
ironically the body thinks you're starving. So I put on twenty fucking pounds.
Oh my god. But instead of beating myself up for having initial surgery,
I said, I'm getting this thing fixed. And of course the twenty dropped
in a month because it was all water. I was literally very sick.
I didn't know I was holding on to everything I drank. I mean it
was my body was swollen. So I don't have a shame about it,
thinking, oh my god, here I am this person who is known for
this and they gained twenty. So I just admitted it in public and he
was like, fuck it. So my attitude changed a lot. I'm very
into working on anti fatness, really into working on fatphobia, internalized self hate.
I think all bodies are good, all food is good. I don't
use the word junk food, bad food, good food. So it's been
a huge, great shift, but boy it came at a big price.
Man. For two years, I mean it was my friends were like,
what's happening to you? You are just you can't get food down? Was
this was this well after the original surgery? Yeah? Yeah, so you
had like a complication like way afterward. Yeah, well what happened a very
common thing that happens to people who have weight loss surgery. But I'm not
going to say I wasn't warned about it. I don't remember being warned about
it, and probably because I was on autopilot to get out of a fat
body because you are so ashamed and put down constantly that I would have done
any That's why people are on diet will do anything to escape from being made
fun of. And I was made fun of so publicly, and yeah,
ROSSI give it back and everything, but you feel like a failure. So
it hurts so much that I was like, how do I get out of
this? Because diets don't work because for every diet, there for every restriction,
there's a binge. That's why no one keeps weight off after weight watchers,
and that's why it's a business and they have recurring customers. I've been
there five times, so kept the weight off for ten years, but still
with some trouble, like it was hard to keep off. The initial thing
was a gallbladder surgery two years after and that sucked. And then this surgery
and I'm like, okay, I gotta just work on anti fat bias.
This is bullshit. So and again, thank god I'm healthy no matter what
weight I am. So I feel like it was a good psychological turning point
for me, and it opened me up to this world of like everybody's fine
and whatever body they're in, let's stop this ship. You look, I
mean you have to. I have to say, you'd really look radiant,
and I guarantee you I'll tell you why because of that fucking hernie and getting
out of me because it was a size of an orange. He told me
this weeks later, the surgeon because he didn't want me to panic in the
hospital and it collapsed one of my lungs. So I'm so fucking happy right
now because I who goes down easy. I mean, it's like a gift,
like it literally used to get stuck in the middle of my throat for
ten minutes, Like it was hard. So thank god I got it done
fixed. As he told me about it, we scheduled it the next day.
Like I'm not protective. I'm an underthinker. I look around, so
I was, I have the best recovery ever. I think it's my skins
better. I just skilled energy. Yeah. I just would say it's everybody's
journey what they decide to do. But boy, my experience is that it's
it should go the way of the lebotomy eventually, because it's literally cutting out
a part of yourself that you need. I think they're still doing it,
and it's again, it's totally common practice. That's fine. I don't and
that's why it's interesting because I respect to anybody who does that. If that's
what you need to get out of being in an airplane and have people making
fun of you because you can't fit in the seat, you know what I
mean, Like, do anything to escape the world of hate that comes at
fat people, black people, gay people. I had a friend who was
fat. I have a good friend who was fat, black and gay,
and he's like, at least I can fucking take care of the fat part.
And he got the surgery and I said, you know what, God
bless you. You know, just just be careful, right right? Have
you had issues with food since you were a kid eating? I was eighteen.
It was really funny because I wrote a whole show called Stuffed, and
it was off Broadway for two runs, and it was about me and four
other women, three other women, and are like body and food image,
excusing body image and food journeys and so the only I remember starting to use
food emotionally, which is not a bad thing anyway, but I started to
use food for something other than hunger when I went away to college and was
miserable, and that's when it be up and down started and everything. So,
yeah, it's been. It was eighteen to fifty two. Than the
surgery, and then the issues don't go away. You still hate yourself and
how you look and all that stuff. The only reason I joke around and
when you say you look good and I'm like, I'm nailing it, it's
because like I'm fine, Like I'm never going to put in a beauty contest.
I'm fucking never going to get a botox or a facial thing. I
don't give a fuck more. There are looks, you know, but yeah,
I had food and body and stuff from probably eighteen on. I know,
I know I'm focusing on the wrong thing, but what can you tell
me more and more about? So you went to college and you didn't like
it. We have I have a college age kid right now who didn't get
in to college, and I literally was kind of trying to make her feel
better by saying, you know what, not all of your friends that are
going to college are going to freaking love it. Like there are many people
who have never been away from home are going to go to college and be
like, what the fuck did I get myself into? And maybe quit?
So I'd love to hear about your experience. Well, first of all,
just in general, college is a scam. We all don't well it is,
we don't meet Bill Maher said it really well, not everyone needs to
go to college. It's like we don't have enough plumbers and enough people doing
trades, and we don't we don't have enough. Not everyone's journey. You
could be a musician, you could be a comic, you could be an
actor. Like it's this weird default everyone gets into. Exact I didn't go
to college, by the way, so I'm there. I'm so fucking proud
of you that you did not waste for college. College, no college,
God bless you smart at your time. Oh, it's miserable. And I
wasn't miserable because I went to a bad college or I was not smart.
You srac right. I went first to Boston College. The first year was
so miserable. I transferred to Syracuse because my boyfriend at the time was going
to Cornell. It was an hour away. I was like, well,
at least I won't be as lonely. But it was just a whole series
of awful events and nothing traumatic as far as a capital T trauma, but
help some date rate b possibility moments. There was a you know, housing,
real housing problem. There was money problems because I spent all my money
because I had no freedom as a teenager at home because we're like kind of
just my mother's Italian and you're home by eleven kind of think when you have
no buddy, the answer two you go insane. I did. So.
I was miserable for college. I don't know how I even got through it
and graduated, but I somehow did. And I was like, Wow,
it's not for everybody, you know, and I just don't anyone to me.
The fact that she didn't get into college. I am viewing that as
the best win of all time because it sounds fokey, but rejection is God's
protection. There's something she's meant to do that's different than that than any thing
I didn't get, like meaning a party auditioned for or a comedy experience or
whatever, anything that didn't work out. Thank god, it didn't, Like
they're right, wasn't for me. It's hard though, too. I agree
with you, and I'm scrappy. I think we're there's three of us scrappy
women and yeah, but uh, and I just moved to LA at eighteen
and then started I took improv and then I tried stand up at like twenty
two or twenty three. So I'm in the position of telling my daughter,
like it's fun, like something else is going to work out. I mean,
she's in she's going to community right now, and she was going to
transfer next year, but she just went through a breakup and all her friends
are leaving her for college. So she's in a in a place right now,
young and going through a lot of disappointment. And when they are it's
just so hard to tell them like, you're gonna look back on this and
be like, I'm glad that happened. Yeah, but I would argue you're
wrong because you just need to let her feel it, like the whole thing
moms. Thank god I wasn't a mom, because I would have been a
total fucking helicopter. I might have a great niece who was born two years
ago. She's about to turn two. I worry about her as much as
I would probably were about kids. So I would have been the worst mother.
But the problem. Listen to the Renee Brown chapter on disappointment. You've
got to let people feel disappointment because then they learn to handle it. So
you saying all those platitudes to your daughter are well intentioned, and I've done
it. I do it to friends because I have a lot of younger friends.
That's for after they feel it was disappoint Brine Brown talks about sitting.
I love this phrase because it's so fucking transformative, sitting in the dark with
them. She's in the dark right now. You just have to sit there
and the most fucking uncomfortable thing because we want to fix Yeah. I literally
have an necklace on that I will hopefully hand off to somebody someday. That's
because I won't need it anymore. It says, no fix or uppers because
all I fucking attract is people who need fixing, and it fox me in
the ass every time because they don't want to be fixed. So you're I
would argue, if she's normal, which she sounds it, he's feeling all
the right feelings, doesn't want you to fix or it. Just gotta let
her be sad. And that's to me, that's got to be the hardest
thing in the world. It's really hard. It's what we're talking about,
because I do I do do that. I am letting her and I'm telling
her that, like, Okay, you're going to feel sad for a while.
It's normal to feel sad. You got really disappointed. But then I
have to do that to myself because then I walk away from that and want
to fix it and want to like have a snack and want to like,
I'm like, how do I deal with feeling? Well, what's greatest?
You're disappointed for her? Yeah, super sad for you, because what about
me? Well, no, I agree too, because death of a dream
is a thing, like you had this dream for your kid that everything would
work out. It's like when I was thinking about being a coach and I
was doing some practice clients, I end up disliking it because I wanted people
to change too fast and it was on my agenda. It was crazy.
But I had this guy who led an autistic kid and he was so angry
at everything in life, and I was like, what do you think it
really is? And we figured it out that he was just sad because he
had dreamt that him and his kid would have, you know, different relationship
that's some non neuro a, non neurodivergent kid and him would have and he
had to be sad and disappointed, and now they have the best fucking relationship.
So it's just us going super fucking sad. I mean, my kid
aren't shopping for school stuff right now. So then that's you to process with
your significant other or your therapist or whatever. It's just fucking sucks all around
to be a mom. Yes, I went out. I'll tell you a
story. Let's take a quick break, we'll be right back. So last
night I went to dinner with my best friend and her daughter is the same
age as Stephanie's daughter, and she just went through this break her boyfriend broke
up, very similar story to your daughters. And my best friend Suzanne,
she's she's a helicopter mom. She wants to fix everything. She actually googled
what do you do when your daughter's teenage daughter gets her heart broken? And
the first day, everything that came up was don't try and fix it,
just sympathize, be there for them. Sounds hard, I understand. I
could, you know, tell, maybe relate, like the same thing happened
to me kind of thing, but don't try. And she was just going
like coming out of her skin, like, but I want to fix it,
and she had there's like a learning experience for her. Yeah, what's
uncomfortable thing in the world to realize we can't help, right, Like,
we don't know shit, we can't help. The only thing we know is
that it didn't help us. When people said there's other fish in the scene,
you'll meet someone else, it's the worst fucking advice in the world because
guess what, we know it, but yet aren't we allowed to feel sad
that this one got away? So I think the whole thing is great.
That discomfort sucks, But I've had the most unfince retirement. The first five
years were the most fucking uncomfortable things, and I just had to sit in
it because I didn't want to do comedy anymore. Did I want to do
this thing? Did I want to do that thing? And then that discomfort
of doing nothing career wise and going well, who am I? And then
realizing oh, I don't need an identity other than just me? And that's
that took five fucking years. That's okay, just to be who I am
as a person and not as an entity. And yeah, I still love
it. Get a kick out of when somebody says you want to come on
the podcast or one of the little a Broadway show and they're like, come
backstage. The guys want to meet you because every gay loves me. So
I'm you know, that's still a little cute, little ego boost, but
it doesn't drive my life with the discomfort sucked. Man. Yeah, I'm
just looking at my backyard. I'm like five years of going like looking out
that window, going what the who the fuck am I? And then gone
on, doesn't it doesn't matter? Wow. I want to understand though,
because when you quit doing stand up, I mean you retired. You made
like I'm not gonna do it anymore. So, going back to what you
were saying early in the show, you said you started to feel like I
don't feel that same spark. I don't. I don't look forward to going
on the road. But couldn't you just cut back to doing a few shows
here and there? Or were you like, no, I have to just
remove it from my life entirely. Yeah, well I wasn't happy doing it
too, So why do something I'm when I'm I'm good at And again the
underthinking comes in great for this, well I'm done, I'm done, so
basically okay, So I sold. For just an example, I had a
beautiful house on the water in Connecticut, and one day I was like,
oh, you know this was cute. When the kids, my niece and
nephews were little, they come sleep over. No one needs a huge house
for one woman and fifteen pounds of dog. That's like, it's just why.
So I'm like sold it. And my sister goes to me all the
time, she goes, oh my god, do you ever drive past that
house? That was such a great house? Why would I drive past it?
Like it's not mine? I don't care, so I know when it's
over. So with Jimmy and me. With divorce, we was just like,
yeah, it's fucking over, like so I don't go back and forth
with things. So with standup was the same. It was like, oh,
I don't enjoy this anymore, okay, And there's no emotion involved,
there's no torture. If there's a pro and con list, it's always a
con because you know in your gut it's a pro. You know what I'm
saying. Yeah, I quit doing stand up too, and a lot of
my friends I was, you know, way more famous than you, So
it was different. Now I'm just kidding. I was not. I'm just
joking. I was not. Ever. I never really made it as a
stand up It led to a lot of other things. But my point is
I never loved the performing because I am an overthinker and I would get so
nervous every time. And at some point I was like a lot of my
friends would be like, you can't be such a perfectionist about it. It
doesn't matter, don't don't worry about bombing. And I did stand up for
over twenty years, and I was like, never one single time did I
look forward to my set or go, this is gonna be fun. I
hated it every time, and you know what, at a certain point,
I was like, why am I doing this to myself? I don't have
to I was. I got a job as a writer. I was writing
on like some TV shows, and I loved that so much more. I
loved writing and letting somebody else do the joke. And I went, that's
what's so much more fulfilling to me. Why am I torturing myself? And
I made the decision. I'm like, I'm never going to do it again,
and I don't care how many times my friends were like, but do
you want to do this one show? I was like, no, I
don't have to do I'm done. And I felt really good about it.
But I thought for you, since you were saying that you actually love doing
stand up and you felt comfortable and you were super successful, I was like,
that's so interesting that you also were like, no, I don't like
it. Well, well, so it's like it's not that I didn't like
it, it's like it doesn't light me up anymore. There's a difference,
Like I like cooking, but it doesn't light me up, So if I
quit tomorrow, it doesn't matter. So you can like something, but to
do stand up on the scale that I was doing. You gotta fucking love
it because you got to bring it with that audience. Money, you can't
be that person. So I think it's just like a wise choice to get
out when you want to get out. What light you up? Now?
Honestly, that weird enough? Just driving? I love fucking driving. I'm
honestly, I can't ride out it enough. I always thought if I got
made off and my guy stole all my money by business manager, I'd be
a driver. I'd be the best. People would be like, oh my
god, she best driver or five stars. I just I get it.
I like it. I love listening to the right podcast. I love god.
I love being a hot tub at midnight. I know it sounds super
pokey, but it's very peaceful to me, especially in the winter, to
just be like I mean. I bought my parents' house where I grew up
in. I asked my mom because they had built the house before she passed
away, like a couple of years before. She wasn't even sick or anything.
Because I wouldn't make you happy if one of us bought the house,
just oh my god, I'd love that. So I bought the house I
grew up in. That lights me up. I'm so basic. I literally
decorate for every fucking season so nicely. I'm that lights me on. I
fucking love it's so like. I literally don't have a time of year in
my house that there's not special stuff up. I create these things. I
love going to dinner now that I can meet, it feels really great.
I love sitting outside with the dogs for only ten minutes because I can't they're
fucking annoying. Just going theater shows. Oh my god, I left my
ass off. I screamed the whole time. I love hanging out with nieces
and nephews, my great niece, a little angel. I've almost also picked
up the ball for things when my mother couldn't do anymore. Like, I
love sending everyone in the family's Father's Day cards and Mother's Day cards, and
hosting game Oh my, got fucking game nights at least once a week.
I'm so such a fan of game nights, and I love hosting. Yeah,
I'm not a good book, but I'm a great host making everybody feel
comfortable. I could see you're Italian, right, You're full blooded Italian.
No, a little bit of polish from my mother's side, but we don't
own that. We kind of shirk that asign. But yeah, I like
to make a house smell good, like with all the little things you do,
and I don't know, I'd like shopping for a little silly things but
now fits together. So it's really normal, normal, normal, normal life.
Right about performing, like not stand up? But what about performing?
I mean, I know you do not stand up, but I mean like
you were doing the Broadway show, the off Broadway show, Like do you
still like writing and performing? Do you want to do another one? Really?
I mean I did two shows after retirement that were just sort of like
one was like a Q and a thing that was a lot of fun in
a theater and I was just like that's fine, like who cares? And
then last year I felt very compelled to write a show about failure called Lisa
Lamp and Ellie Big Fat Failure, and was about all the failures I had
through life to kind of normalize that it's okay, because I don't think a
show by a failed person is impactful because you're like, I'm not going to
learn from you. But if I, as an ostensibly successful person, get
up and say yeah, well I fucked up this, this, this,
and this, and we did songs and funny parodies and stuff, but it
was a lot of serious stuff. I go, that's important. People can
know whatever they failed that at least it wasn't as bad as mine. So
I did that twice and then didn't have to Once it was written, it
went through me and I was like, kind of those failures lifted and I
can laugh about them now. And you wrote a memoir, right, I
did, But that was years ago when everyone was getting a book deal.
Every stand up was getting a book deal in the nineties or early two days.
So we made bank bro and it's thinks that's fascinating, non best selling
book. But it was actually really good. It was deep. But I
also fucking love I love going to therapy. It's hard, but I love
it. I love Oh my god. I have three beginning not beginning stand
up. They've been doing stand up like five years. These three straight guys
that I'm really good friends with. We meet every single Tuesday with this big
dinner and then we work on writing and literally it's the appointment that I love
the most every week. And then the acting class. I'm taking a directing
class. That stuff stuff I'll just do as a hobby and we'll see what
happens. I'll probably never use it. But what's interesting and ironic. I'm
a fucking good actor. I now that I took the goal out of it.
Everyone in class is like, what the fuck, and I'm like,
yeah, that's so. It isn't an interesting. My dad was the same
way. He didn't know he was a great painter until he went to a
beginning class and they were all like, what the fuck, Land, You're
a great painter. It just when we have no goal, we don't want
to sell whatever we're creating it, we're somehow allowing ourselves to be good at
it. It's funny. That is interesting. Yeah, Like before we go,
can you just give us some fun stories about, Like, what's the
worst roast you ever did? Crazy? Something crazy that happened. The David
Hasselhoff roast was like insane, right, I was a blast. See,
no roast was ever that much fun because I don't drink and I'm not sober
or anything. I just never liked the taste of booze and everybody's drinking and
having a good time and I'm sitting up there. If you ever see a
camera and they pan out, you will see me with those papers on my
lap, fucking cross and shit out rewriting because the whole time you're like,
oh, no, I have to edit because this guy said this or whatever.
So I never had a lot of fun, although I fucking looked like
I was having fun. And also I looked like I was the best sport
ever. Because the trick is because I would always get these you know,
fan letters, going oh, not only do you give it, you could
take it? Well, the trick is, there's a big tele rompter for
all the guys doing the jokes, right, some of us use paper,
some of us use the telegrapter. Well, they used to put up the
teleprompter joke and I'd glanced at the teleprompter or what they were going to say,
and if I saw my name, I'd sit up and I'm not getting
ready for that fucking fake laugh, even if the joke sucks. So every
fucking joke they did, I would just sit up and I'd be flying even
it was dumb. So I was known as this really good sport. Right,
did some jokes hurt only lazy, badly written? Because I'm like I'm
worth more than that. But dude, that's how I fucking tricked the world
into thinking I was the best sport on the planet. Wow, that's interesting.
Gotta do what you gotta do. Gotta do what you gotta do.
Did anybody that you were roasting genuinely get pissed off? Though? Well,
Andy Dick was always acting pissed off and everybody, but he was so inebriated
that I'm never sure if that he was just acting that, but he was
damaged, so like, I didn't worry about it too much. I remember
Hulkogan went up to my husband at the time and he just goes, oh,
man, a woman is brutal, my friend, And I thought that
was a nice compliment. I don't think. What about Trump? How was
the Trump roast? Well, let's I think it was way before any presidential
ship and he put me in Adam on the Apprentice after yeah, so will
correct me. I was like, oh, he really liked that roast,
because I got a call like three days later, do you want to do
the Apprentice? I'm like sure, fine, and I'm like, oh shit,
no. He was fine because honestly, the way Trump was back then,
at least it was just like mother saying my name, I'm getting attention.
It was how I was when I would sit up and laugh at all
the jokes. The more airtime, the better, you know. So yeah,
it was fine. None of the roasts were miserable, but I wouldn't
say they're fun. It's fucking work. Yeah, that's the It's a lot
of work, right, So when you were on the Apprentice, you got
in some like little many altercations with some people, right enormous battles. Was
furious every second of every day because I really the fact that I resented the
fact that the men had a smart team and we had a bunch of fucking
dummies. Say which a will about Adam pendialet All these they're fucking smart.
So you got on that team too, literal geniuses. Then you've got hard
working guys who were smart, like d Snyder was really brainy from I mean,
I didn't know that. And then there's all these other guys who carried
water. You know, we're really bright, Clay Aikins really smart, and
my team was a fucking dumb, real housewife squat fucking and you know what,
Honestly, I was just about to joke and say, Debbie Gibson.
She was actually really smart and a bunch of fucking dopes, and again that's
so egotistical. And some of them, I'm sure we're smart, but I
wouldn't give anybody to chants because I'm always right now, I'm always want with
the big mouths. So I was in epic fucking battles. Dude, if
you ever saw the ones, they didn't er. I mean, there was
some shit I said that. I think I would have been canceled before that
exists. Right, was so bad, but you know, it is what
it is. It was. I was sleep deprived, but I was also
just a raging, unhappy cunt. I think that would be a good title
for your one woman's show, just raging unhappy count. Yes, you know
what, if I ever decide to do another show, that's what the title
is. That's a good note to go out. Yeah yeah, yeah,
you are awesome. Will you come back and do it again? Please talk
about something else. I love you guys. This was so painless, Like
I literally love being a guest on podcast. I I mean, I certainly
don't do any that aren't good, and I wouldn't do anything that's against my
political leanings and things but boy do I love being asked questions. And you
know when I always tell beginning actors and comics ask advice because no one loves
anything more than talking about themselves. I'm like, everyone's going to give you
advice because they get to tell stories about themselves. We're big fucking egomaniacs.
So thank you for letting me start this day totally full of myself. So
thank you, well, you know, and also it's Labor Day. It's
you know, it's a holiday, and it's first thing in the I mean
it's in you know, So thank you for taking the time on a holiday.
No, I love you, Lisa, We really And occasionally, by
the way, I'll be strolling through my camera all just to like the leave
things, and I'm like, oh my god, Lynette's picture with me.
I remember that. I love that picture. Yeah, that was fun.
When I did your podcast, it was I would never get invited on podcasts.
That was amazing, Like, yeah, it was so much fun with
my gun. I was like, oh, I like her, she seems
cool. Yeah. I am leaving friends ever since. So you don't do
that podcast anymore. But we asked you ahead of time in case our audience
what you wanted to promote, and you said, just life, just living
life, Instagram. Are you on social media? I mean I am.
I'm on Instagram, but just for fun, Like I don't have anything I
help. I definitely try to lift up other people because you know, I'm
friends who are comics or things on TV that I love or whatever. I
don't like have anything to promote. I don't care because I'm just like at
that stage of life that life is just fun. But also you know it's
so funny to kind of do shows and then remember that's why people do shows
to promote shit. It's like, I got nothing, but this means you
owe me one that if I ever decided to do a comeback or which I
won't stand up, but if I ever decided to do a show, I'm
calling in a favor and saying, listen to wats get right now? Of
course done? Yes, oh I got You'd be honored. Well, thank
you. So we can't thank you enough. Lisa. You've been the best.
Everybody, go check out Lisa Lampanelli wherever you want to check her where
the fun is. Thank you, Lisa, I love you, take care
right, letting go