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You're listening to KFI AM six forty
on demand. Ken, Welcome to the

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Jesus Christ Show. Hello Jesus you
today. I'm good Ken, how are

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you? I'm doing very well.
I had a question for you. I'm

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single and I want to be married, and I don't like dating. I

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don't I would rather The question is, can I pray that God would lead

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a specific girl to me or me
to a specific girl, being that he

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being that you know everything, and
you know what you're around the corner and

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down the road, and it would
be very important to me that it would

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be someone that would be very helpful. Sure, the soul mate, the

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right mate. Well, a few
things to look at. Is one,

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there's nowhere in scripture that says there's
one person for you until you marry them.

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Once you marry them, that should
be the person. So it's not

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about you know, having a soulmate
s o U L mate. It's about

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having a soul mate, just one. So that's the important part. Now,

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sometimes people get caught up in looking
for the perfect person so intensely that

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they miss all the wonderful, imperfect
people just like themselves that are available.

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So you do a little checklist with
yourself and you say, because being single

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and being available are two different things. You can be single and not have

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someone in your life and still not
be emotionally at that place or intellectually at

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that place where you're ready to have
that relationship. If you check all those

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things off and you say, okay, I'm ready to go, then you

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get. Then you move forward in
prayer so that God will help you with

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discernment. Not about you know,
just lead me to this person. You're

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a part, You're a participant in
this. That's like you know, sitting

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in front of your broken down car
and say, God, fix this.

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No, you know, guide my
hand, give me the intellect, the

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ability, the will, the desire
to learn and to make the best decision

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I can and to live with the
consequences should I not. Those are the

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things that you want, is that
you God's given you the tools. When

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you're a child and you're being raised
your parents really is giving you tools.

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A bad parent is the one that
does everything for you that's not helping you

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because sooner or later they're not going
to be around. So God wants to

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give you these tools on how to
decide who's good for you. And it's

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not just outwardly appearance. How to
decide who's going to be a healthy partner

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and what things is it? Does
that mean it's somebody that believes everything you

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do. No, there's going to
be people. You're gonna have differences,

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maybe in politics or different you know, tastes in food or music or what

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have you. All that's okay,
and you're gonna have similarities things that you

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want to to, you know,
share with one another. A good place

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to find somebody should you be looking, is in places that you like to

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go yourself. You know, people
go to bars and things like that to

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meet someone, and it's what are
you gonna meet there? You're gonna meet

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someone in a bar rather than if
you like to read and you're in a

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library or a bookstore or something like
that. You're you're more likely to meet

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somebody of like mind or even church. These types of things are you know,

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if they're a part of who you
are, then they're probably going to

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be a part of who they are. Praying is a wonderful thing when it

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comes to looking for a mate.
Ken just don't get into that pattern of

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kind of waiting for God to bring
them to your doorstep, because it's not

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about a special delivery. It's about, you know, being confident and knowing

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what you want and not settling by
way of you know, I see people

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that they get in the same bad
relationships over and over again just because the

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man or woman is blonde hair and
blue eyed. Well that's what I like,

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that's what I and so they get
lost in that rather than the character

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of the individual. And and and
looking at the outward outward appearance is going

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to be what probably draws you in
first. And these are general tools that

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God's already given you. It's about
using them, not about necessarily God bringing

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them to your door. How long
have you been single? Ken? For

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years? Three years, yes,
sir. And the last relationship how long

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was it the lower fifteen years?
And was it a marriage? Yes?

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Okay, so three years out of
a fifteen year marriage. Why do you

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think now is the time that I
certainly do not imply being single? Okay,

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it's not I don't want to be
married to be married, but I

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want someone special in my life.
And you know, unfortunately the marriage didn't

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work out. Why didn't Why didn't
work out? She fell in love with

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someone else and she left you?
Yes, And that's a rough one,

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isn't it. Yeah, that was
tough, and uh, you a little

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gun shy this time around. I
guess it would be a good way to

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describe it. Just remember people are
individuals, Ken, and not you know,

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every woman's the same and not every
man's the same. And and don't

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put the sins of yor's wife on
someone new, because that's a hard You

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know a lot of times guys will
come out of a relationship like that and

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learning to trust becomes difficult. And
uh, and you can't put that on

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the new people in your life.
You kind of have to trust them and

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let them fall or stand as they
may. But you you know what you

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what you're looking for. What was
it about your ex wife that attracted you

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to her? She she wasn't necessarily
Actually, my ex father in law also

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wanted to introduce us Vietnam me for
about eight years before I ever met her,

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and so we introduced us and we
started dating and she seemed like a

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wonderful person. She is a wonderful
person. But yeah, she she was

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attractive and well educated. And what
do you think went wrong then? Ken?

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I guess maybe over a course of
time we grew apart. Yeah,

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I don't really accept that. So
that's not how people work. People grow.

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Life is constantly going back and forth
and you're growing. People say growing

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apart, but really that's that's laziness, that's just people not wanting to participate

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in the marriage anymore. So what
is it that did you lose focus and

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start putting your attention somewhere else?
Or obviously she did, but what was

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it? If she's a good person, you're a good person. There's no

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reason why the two of you can't
be together. And something along the lines

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there somebody stopped paying attention to someone
else, or stopped paying attention to themselves.

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There's nothing worse than watching a loved
one let themselves go, whether it's

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physically, emotionally or intellectually. They
don't read, they don't experience things,

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they don't care that really can you
know, lead to problems in the marriage

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too. But it's something happened along
the line, ken, And I ask

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you because I don't want you to
bring it into the next relationship because you

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play a part in it. You
you understand that, right, yes?

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Okay? In the in the works
of my sister in law who called me

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afterwards and talked to me. She
said that, you know, I want

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you to know that this is not
the first time that you know, what

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she described was nine years previous.
You know, she had been seeing someone

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else saying as well, and she
said that, you know when she talked

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to my wife, that she had
told her years back that you know,

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I'm just not in love with him, and yeah, I wish I had

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not gotten married to him, and
so, yeah, love is a strange

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thing. People expect to stay in
that feeling of love and no one does.

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I mean, it's a process.
It's something you you work into and

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if you don't work at it,
it's like anything else, it will atrophy.

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But I think people use that as
an excuse to kind of do what

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they want. Most importantly, can
be introspective, look at where you played

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a part in that breakup, and
don't bring that into the next relationship.

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But if you really are seeking somebody
and seek the will of God, and

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you know, when you're going just
after your own lust or after what you

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want, let things grow naturally and
healthily and they become more stable. And

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make sure that the soil is good, and that means that you yourself are

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healthy and in a good place,
and you enjoy your own company, and

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that you are well versed in who
you are before you go bringing someone else

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into that equation. Dave, Welcome
to Jesus Christia. Well, thank you

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for taking my call. I appreciate
it, my pleasure. My question is

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is that was invited to attend a
church by a friend, a coworker,

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and I did some inquiry on the
church, and their policy is that if

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you are a divorced person, which
I am, and it doesn't matter why

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you're divorced, whether you know your
spouse had cheated or whether it was for

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some of them, you may attend
services and church functions, but you are

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not able or allowed by their policy
to hold membership and to hold a position

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in leadership. Your phone broke up. Yeah, you're not allowed to hold

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Actually you're not allowed to hold any
type of church membership at all, leadership

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or not. You're just allowed to
attend. Oh oh that's different. Okay,

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So I wanted to know your thoughts
on that. Well, there's you

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know, that's that's at the discretion
of that particular church. If they perceive

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things that way. I will say
this, it makes for kind of a

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strange situation. What if you were
to have been divorced and remarried that same

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person. You know what, I
didn't ask that, but I did ask

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about what if you were divorced prior
to being saved? And what was their

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response? His response was, it
doesn't matter why you're divorced. And in

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addition to that, it was,
even if you're a church member and for

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some reason or another you do get
divorced, you still may attend the church,

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but you are no longer a member. Yeah, it sounds a little

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harsh to me personally looking at the
fact that Jeremiah three talks about God divorcing

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Israel. So now you have God
committing a sin in their eyes, and

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that would be a problem because divorce
is one of those things that God hates.

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But it's it's bigger than just the
word or just the act. It's

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the the attitude of a disposable marriage
is what's what angers God. And I

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think sometimes gets people get so hyper
focused on the word and the concept that

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they that they amplify that to a
point where that becomes the big deal.

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And in this particular case, now
I've heard rightly so that many people,

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many churches don't want anybody in leadership
to have been divorced. Usually that's that's

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under their understanding of Christianity. If
they're not Christians, it's technically not a

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sin in the church because they don't
believe in the church. That's not to

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say that you don't sin as a
non Christian, of course you do,

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but it's it's the Scripture talks about
why would you judge them by the standard

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of Christianity If they're not Christians,
you shouldn't expect the world to act anything

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different than the world because that's who
they are. So I find it strange,

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and they're not really here to explain
themselves. I would say that that

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sounds like a church. By the
description you're giving, that maybe is not

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the right one for you. Oh
well, thank you very much taking my

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call. I really appreciate it.
You're welcome, Dave, and churches do

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have their own insight in their own
ways, and it is their church,

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but it doesn't mean you have to
participate in it. Chris, Welcome to

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Jesus Christ. I've been a follower
and disciple for the last thirty years of

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you, and I have some confusion
and sometimes frustration on how to pray to

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the Holy Spirit. What do I
say, What do I call them disease?

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Well, what what do you mean
specifically praying to the Holy Spirit?

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Sometimes I just feel weird because I
pray to my Papa and I pray to

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you, and then when it comes
to the Holy Spirit, it feels weird

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sometimes to say Holy Spirit or Spirit. It's almost like it's a way out

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there type of prayer. Oh,
I see, because you're not. It's

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it's because I came in the physical
form. You get that. And even

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the concept of Father, although you
don't see him, you get that.

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And then the Spirit seems well,
in scripture, it's a dove and I'm

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going to pray to a dove.
It doesn't make sense. I understand that.

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You the concept, Yeah, it
gets. It's a little ethereal and

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kind of hard to place. But
in scripture you find that Matthew six talks

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about praying to the heavenly Father,
and and John fourteen talks about praying in

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the name of Jesus Christ. And
then there's scriptures that will say pray,

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pray to the Spirit. But keep
in mind that in throughout scripture when it

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talks about the spirit, the spirit
really is who's moving you to begin with

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those moments. It even says that
the Spirit is praying with you, it's

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interceding with you when you're in prayer
to begin with. So that quite frankly,

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a lot of the emotional or that
physical reaction you have to a scripture

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or to being in a church service, hearing worship or doing some of those

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motivations that make you even desire to
pray are coming from the Spirit to begin

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with. So you really are more
intimate and understanding of the Spirit than one

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may think because you're interacting with the
Spirit on a daily basis. If you

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imagine the Spirit is who brings you
to me, to motivates you, motivates

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you to open your heart to me, and I bring you to the Father.

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So in that relationship, when you're
praying to the Spirit, there's no

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difference. If it helps you to
see a physical shape or to understand that

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way, then so be it.
But don't think that it's The term spirit

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just sounds so out there and so
non tangible that it seems like it gets

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in the way, but it really
shouldn't. It's about taking the time to

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pray and to focus yourself on the
things of God and really I'll invite you

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to do this next time you pray
Chris. As Scripture says, there's different

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ways to pray with others by yourself. Sometimes it refers to a prayer closet

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of going away and kind of locking
yourself away. If you remember in Scripture,

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there was even times where I wanted
others to sit and pray with me,

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and then there's times where I just
went and prayed by myself. And

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I want you to take some time
and go in maybe a little more of

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a formal setting. And this doesn't
have to be all the time, but

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just for this moment and go somewhere
where no one else is and get in

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a position that's comfortable for you and
clear your mind and clear yourself of the

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worries of the day, and just
receive and just feel the presence of God

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and start to pray. And in
that time and that opportunity, you'll be

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open to the interaction of God and
what God has and feel the spirit,

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feel the spirit of God come upon
you when you're starting to pray. John,

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welcome to the Jesus Christ Show.
Old Jesus call you today. I

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am well John, and you good
excellent. I have a question for you,

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And just a little background. My
son, my youngest son, is

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in prison and the last time I
visited him, we were talking and one

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of the things he said to me
was that he is lonely every day and

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prison will do that. What to
say? And I'm thinking you, i'd

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have some good suggestions, because I'm
sure the answer lies in your word,

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and I would like to know what
those words are. Well, he says

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that, and may I ask what
he's in for. It's uh, he

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was charged with a sex crime,
but I feel he's in there for extremely

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bad decisions and lack of common sense
because he was given many opportunities to avoid

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confinement. It's bad. Okay.
Well, there's there's a purpose to loneliness

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sometimes, and in prison you can
fight that loneliness. But that seems to

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be part of the problem that he
that got him there in the first place

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was not understanding loneliness or not understanding
proper relationships to begin with. When you

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say that plays a part, yep, Okay, So there's a lot to

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be learned here just on the face
of things that taking this time or having

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that alone time, there's different levels
of loneliness. There's this the most simplistic

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level of loneliness is the absence of
another human being or the absence of that

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kind of communion or companionship, Okay, and that that could be just someone

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not there. You're by yourself,
But being by yourself isn't always being lonely,

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correct, correct? Okay, So
there's different levels of loneliness. In

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this particular case, I think that
that your son's dealing with a lot of

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issues of not knowing how to be
with himself, for one, And in

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the case of his particular situation,
we don't know the details, and no

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need to get into the details.
I ask you those things about you know,

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a little sketch of ways in the
because that often points to other things

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that are going on in his life. Well. Decision making skills are poor,

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it seems, and also execution of
emotions or certain feelings. And so

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now as he sits lonely in a
jail cell, which is not a bad

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thing, by the way, he
needs to start learning those things and understanding

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as to why he doesn't want to
be with himself. So with that being

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said, when it comes to scripture
and faith, religion and sharing those things,

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you can only pass along what you
do yourself and say, you know,

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it hurts me to hear that you
were lonely or that you have that

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deep loneliness when you're here. And
I can only tell you you know that

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that's not going to change. There's
nothing that's going to pull you out of

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this jail cell. You have your
sentence and you will be here for the

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remainder. But I can tell you
what works for me, and when you

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read scripture or when you pray,
or when you spend time with God,

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that the walls don't matter, the
roof doesn't matter, that the room doesn't

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matter, Whether you're with somebody or
not with someone doesn't matter, because you're

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with God and you share those things
and you give him the tools and what

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he does with the tools is up
to him himself. But there are Bibles

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everywhere in prison, and it's a
matter of using them. And he looks,

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from what you've told me, tends
to look for an easy way to

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deal with things rather than the best
way. And in this particular case,

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he's not going anywhere, and he's
confronted. He's forced to look at himself,

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the ugly things he's done, the
mistakes that he's made, and that's

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probably not comfortable. There's no distraction, because that's another form of loneliness.

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John, that people look for distraction. They're not lonely, they're bored.

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They don't they don't want to think
about themselves. They don't want to think

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about ways to change themselves, ways
to grow, they don't want to be

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introspective. So they're looking for distractions. And that comes in the form of

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another person. Can come in the
form of, you know, video games,

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it can come in form of a
book, it could come in form

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of a lot of things. But
really he doesn't want to be confronted with

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himself every single day. It sounds
like I, I thank you so much

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for these words, and I will
try to put them together and send those

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to them and pray with me that
it will help. Oh. Absolutely,

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And I know that the world is
a very cynical place and the rolling of

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eyes when it comes to people in
prison, but they they're not over.

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Their interaction with humanity will be different
and rightly so, there are people that

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absolutely positively should be locked up.
And in the case of your son,

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we don't have all the information here. So my outline to you was to

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know that it's not necessarily a bad
thing. And as a parent, I

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know it's difficult when a child of
any age calls out, even a child

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who's in prison calls out to you
in need or in pain. But remember

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that you watched this child grow up
and you watch them go through the pain

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of learning how to walk or going
to school, or learning how to read,

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or any of these things, and
the process of understanding your own space

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and understanding how to interact with others
or be alone. Being alone is a

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gift. It really really is a
gift. If you can learn to be

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alone with yourself, you can learn
to enjoy yourself, if you can learn

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to take those moments of alone time
and use them productively to get to know

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yourself better, or to be so
introspective that you're correcting those things that might

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be annoying or problematic, whatever it
is. If you take that time,

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that alone time, and you use
it like that, you will be the

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most attractive human being to other people. Trust me. People look for relationships

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and reach out and desire to not
be lonely in quotes because they want that

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distraction from their own self. And
it doesn't mean that relationships are bad,

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Oh goodness, No, the relationships
are wonderful. The entire the entirety of

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Scripture is about relationships between man and
man, and man and woman and woman

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and woman, and humanity in general, and humanity with God. So relationships

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are wonderful. However, they start
with an understanding of who you are.

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It's not about putting two halves together
to make a whole. It's putting two

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holes together to make something greater,
this tertiary property, this third thing that

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comes together when these two are joined
in any way, shape or foreign,

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as friends, as business partners,
as spouses. And unless you understand how

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to be whole by yourself, you
will never be a good partner. You'll

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be used. Other people will use
you as a distraction in their life.

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Other people will use you in different
ways. You'll even use them. But

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you'll never have that true, that
wonderful relationship, that balance, unless your

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whole and being a whole comes from
spending time alone, not lonely, but

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alone. You know, time goes
by so quickly around here. I wanted

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to finish up just a real quick
thought dealing with loneliness. In the New

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Testament, the word for lonely only
occurs twice, and it's never used to

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describe people. It's used to describe
desolate places. And I thought that that's

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a very important and understanding of that
concept of loneliness because we hear about it

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on the program so often. Lonely
and what does God have planned for me?

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I'm so lonely, and you don't
understand especially during the holidays, my

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goodness, during the holidays, it
gets even more compacted and more intense because

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people feel the pressure, the outside
pressure of the need to be home for

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the holidays or have that connection.
Look, you turn on the TV and

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whatever those channels are that my producer
Neil watches constantly over the holiday season.

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But you see all those those shows
are about the relationships, oh the holiday

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times. You know, we're bringing
these relationships together. But loneliness, the

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experience of loneliness, happens at any
time, not just over the holidays.

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But the power of that thought that
the word lonely never used in the New

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Testament to describe people. You have
Mark one forty five and Luke five sixteen

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that are talking about the they're talking
about the wilderness, like a desolate location.

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And so that that points to the
importance of spending time with yourself and

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knowing and that's not always loneliness.
It doesn't mean that there isn't times of

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loneliness, real genuine loneliness, but
finding yourself and empowering yourself to not be

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caught up in those things, to
to really enjoy who you are and who

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God made you individually. That's just
the best way to move forward into to

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have better relationships in life. And
there are extreme cases where you know,

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people are in prison, that's a
different type of lonely experience, but in

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most situations, it's about not not
being in a good place of comfort with

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your own self, knowing who you
are and understanding who you are and being

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okay with that. The world is
a weird place to begin with, and

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the world wants to make you feel
bad about yourself and good about yourself.

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They want to raise you up and
they want to knock you down. And

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we talked a little bit about that
last week. But there's that kind of

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weird attitude where people want to pick
on you know, people that are bullies,

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or people that pick on you,
or people that are always constantly nitpicking

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about who you are and what you
do. That's a deflection they don't want

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to think about themselves. They don't
want to worry about the things that they

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need to change. And really that's
a type of person that's not comfortable with

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themselves. And what I want you
to be is to be whole, to

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be comfortable, and then that will
get rid of loneliness. Thank you for

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joining me this Sunday. I hope
you join me every Sunday, and remember

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these words above all else. I
am with you always. Kf I A

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M six forty on demand m HM